Hey babes! Glad we could hop on another call 😉Curating & maintaining friendships takes a lot of work. I’m not sure I have the energy for that right now. Your girl is exhausted! I know y’all are gonna come for me in this video 😂 and that’s okay. Share your friendship experiences in the comments and let me know what other “friendship topics” y’all would like me to dive into ❤
I feel similar to you. I have been in solitude for several years, and I desire true friendship but many women are not willing 5o put in the work. And there are ladies that are in their 30s who still want to do the same things they did years ago. My sister and I are very close and we hold each other accountable and do things as a family to enjoy the fruits of our labor. I desire sisterhood with other women but if it's not going to be from God and true I DON'T want it. This conversation can go on and on.
This gave me a perspective. As someone who has always taken my friendships very seriously since I was a kid, I've struggled with people not pouring as much into friendship as I do. I clicked on this video to better understand why some people I call friends don't seem as interested in maintaining our friendship as I do. This video helped me understand that it's not personal; it's capacity. In this day and age, when we are all more isolated than ever and use hyper-consumerism for fulfillment, having a community is what will see us through. You NEED people to make life more colorful and worth experiencing. I pray we all have a community that enhances our lives because that's where the joy in life is.
idk i don’t have that and i’m feeling fine. i’m just not a social person, i’m autistic and i don’t enjoy social interaction. it’s too stressful and draining for me. i think as long as you’re content with your situation that’s all that matters
Friendship is a rare commodity nowadays. As an introvert it’s hard making friends. Between the gossip, keeping up with the Jones, lending money you never get back, the disloyalty, competitiveness, jealousy, and headache. It’s your maturity level. I’m 34 and at 29 I was over making friends. I realize I was surrounding myself with small minded people and our visions of success always collided. We used to have so much in common but it began to dwindle. I have acquaintances not friends and yes it’s so much peaceful. Ps… ain’t nothing wrong with apartment pools
This is me right now at 29, I just give up. It seems like people do not accept you as you are. Being real and genuine is weird to people. I just feel like I don’t fit in and nobody understands me.
@@Kaneshaa same only have 2 close friends it's rare to find real people everyone nyc especially seems so fake same with my only cousins my age it's four of us only 3 of then are close and I don't talk to them either I've been chasing people my whole life I'm tired of doing that
I feel the exact same way. I don’t have the tolerance for people like I use to. I’m enjoying my peaceful life without friends and family members too cause they be annoying as well 😂
I just don’t have friends because I have a hard time finding the energy to maintain them. I actually love women and hanging out but I am such an introvert I struggle to reciprocate in the friendship. I also have an extremely social job that drains my energy and a large family. People are extremely judgmental when you are honest about these things so I rarely talk about it. Not having friends does not mean you’re a bad person. Different strokes for different folks.
I’m in my mid 40’s. My bestie and I have been friends for the better part of 30 years. Marriages, children, moves to different cities, and everything else that goes on in life, we always find time to talk. Even if it’s 2 in the morning. When something major is happening, we show up. Maintaining a friendship at this age requires acknowledgment of the fact that we’re grown and have LIVES with responsibilities galore, and leaving space for those things. There’s no comparing or competing or trying to outdo one another. I have celebrated all of her achievements and she has celebrated all of mine. We support one another. From near or far. And I trust her with everything. I don’t play about her and she don’t play about me. That’s my girl!! Every woman could do well to have such a friendship. It’s good for the soul. ♥️
I am her especially since moving to the United States of fake people.I am not interested in making friendships.I barely have time for myself.I am also too fussy for people’s bad habits .So I keep connections to business and school that it.I don’t want to be invited anywhere or be in a group chat .My classmates tried and I always politely decline.I love people from far now 😅
I felt this. I recently let go of a 17 year friendship for all of these reasons. I'm going to protect my peace. Let her be messy on her own. I tried to give her advice when she asked for it and she said I was judging her. She wanted a yes person and I'm just not that person.
Haven’t even watched the video but when i tell you I FELT the title to this video 😮💨between being a wife and a mother I CANNOT BE BOTHERED right now sorry not sorry.
I think I have finally reached a point where I’ve accepted that I will never have that friendship that I’ve always wanted. I went out with a few coworkers the other day, and I never felt so alone in my life. I felt like an outsider. As soon as I got home that night I cried my eyes out.
So sorry you experienced that. It may not be forever - just not now or the same exact way you imagined. I'm learning that being an adult means we can create our own reality/normals to meet our needs. ❤
Girl I'm the same way! I hate small talk, I am the "low maintenence friend " like we don't have to talk or text EVERY DAMN DAY🙄 it's not personal but i don't do much different on a daily that's worth updating or needing to talk to friends everyday 🤷🏽♀️🤣 my homegirls get on my about that I'm like we can talk and meet up once or twice a month and that's enough for me like I'm not your man , we not in a relationship there's no need to talk or text "wyd and how is work" every freaking day 🙄 life be lifing for me and I get peace from being alone at home and my phone on DND😂
It’s really a shame how a lot of women aren’t girls girls anymore. The cattiness, the competitive mindsets, the envy, the DELUSION.. it’s quite sad and sometimes scary. I’ve been both an amazing friend and a bad friend before but ever since I’ve truly began to learn myself and protect my peace, a lot of “friends” have had to be sacrificed. I have hope that eventually we all will find our tribe of honest, hardworking, likeminded, vibrant individuals to be able to call our friends. Until then my partner and loved ones will do just fine ❤
Girl I can totally relate. I am a loner and it gets to be too much if there is a lot of chatter and drama. Sometimes you are your best company. Sending you love.
As a woman of a certain age, I've learned friendships are just like relationships (family and romantic). They will get on your nerves and there will be disagreements but you have to decide who's worth keeping around. My circle is small but loyal. We support each other and uplift each other. Although we don't always agree, we never put each other down or make the other feel less than. Quality over quantity. Also, it's okay to grow apart.
I’m just half way thru this video and I felt every word. Trying to be friends with women has been a struggle for me. The low key competition, jealousy, gossiping…etc. is not what I’m looking for.
I'm the same way. Mine stems from ppl making me feel like a burden when I reached out when I was younger. Now I don't even think to reach out. I have siblings and acquaintances and that's enough for me. My dog is social though so it's been difficult. He's procreated with a neighbor dog, so now I have to speak to his in laws whenever I see them🫠
I once felt down about not having many friends, but then I realized the effort it takes to keep friendships alive and the unintentional drama they can add to your life.
😂😂 Listen! My stepdad said he asked my mom, “Can she talk?” because I rarely would say anything 😂 I was probably 7 when I met him and the man probably didn’t hear me talk for a good year or so. It was just me and my books and I’d write notes to folks in the house so I wouldn’t need to talk too much😂
I can relate to this so much. I am super bad with reaching out. I prefer to be in my little bubble where my comfort zone is and it’s nothing against anyone else. My husband pointed out to me that I’m an introvert amongst all extroverts, that includes my friends, family and even my husband so he understands how I get over stimulated sometimes. It’s made so much sense.
I feel this for friendships and romantic relationships. Ugh. The only person who truly makes me happy is my kid. Another couple people I truly loved has passed away. I enjoy random encounters with decent people. Maybe one day I will have capacity to have friendships and relationships. I don't want to be second guessing what people say and questioning their motives. I just want peace. I'm that person who would wake up at 2am and be like, "wait a minute... was they sneak dissing?" Lol. Yeah, I don't miss that. 😂
You are me!! I’m socially slow and I replay events like months later because my intuitions like you not paying attention. I’m 37 and I don’t know if I have the capacity for friends anymore because no one shows up like me. I’m always the friend helping and I’m exhausted! I’m enjoying solo traveling. I keep women at a distance.
❤️❤️ Blessings to you and your loved ones. If the world would focus on their family and loved ones instead of focusing on validating outside individuals and ignoring home. I love that🥰
Had a 17 year friendship breakup at 34. Women are so fickle. People don’t value a good friend anymore. The breakup was a blessing in disguise. I’ve been traveling solo and I have so much time now that I’m not solving someone else’s problem. I’ve gained a lot of independence. I’m also cool on having another co-dependent friendship with a woman again. Maybe next year I’ll ask for better friendships.
Hi Hannah! I am 53, and a lot of women do not support women genuinely like you said without trying to "one up you". I'm like you, I don't care, and I have always blazed my own trail my own way. I have two sisters, and they are my best friends for reasons you have shared! The spirit of comparison and competition are things I can not deal with. I don't like talking on the phone that much at all,I would rather send a text. I hate that everyone wants to face time you these days....lol Blessings 💐🥰 oh yeah the friend was dead wrong!
Having friends are very important for your mental health! Please don’t be that person where their significant have friends and you’re left alone I’ve been thru that and it’s sucked ! Not saying to have many but it’s good to have atleast 2 in your own circle
Friendship requires spiritual discernment. I let God show me whose intentions are genuine toward me. Never trust feelings, vibes or emotions. Trust God only!
@@novatastic1111that is so true and God sends people in our lives but people want to shut everything down after disagreements but these men 🤔 imagine what kids go through when they have no friends to talk to . Adults go through the same thing . People wanna act so strong when God sends us people but we push them away because they’re not what we want or because they done something weird . Not knowing they was heaven sent. When you’re depressed sometimes you don’t see it the way you suppose too . She finds everything wrong in a person and it be the smallest thing . She seems to be agitated a lot and I’m the same way and I pushed so many people away I regret it .
@@novatastic1111 Well beliefs are not facts. Some individuals are natural loners, like myself. Having 'friends' feel very unnatural for me as though I'm forcing something I do not genuinely feel, so I stopped doing it. My mental has never been better. If you need something outside of yourself to have mental stability, do you even have it? What happens when the friendship goes? Does your mental clarity go with it? Sure I have acquaintances because of my career and things that actually matter to the building of my life, but on my casual downtime? I absolutely do not want to communicate with another.
I am so glad I came across this video. between friendships, and romantic relationships my tolerance is nonexistent. I literally lost my best friend because I told her I was tired of hearing the foolishness. I am 28 years old, and between everyday life I would like my relationships to be genuine. All this Pettiness, catty behavior I will drop people so fast, and I do not care. People think it is messed up but if I bring so much love, positivity, and maturity in these relationships I expect the same. The men drama, the drama with other women and the jealousy is to damn much. I have zero friends at this point, and I am content God will open those doors to friendships whenever he sees fit.
I also lost a friend for this reason. I told him that whenever he hit my line, it was bad news (like him fistfighting our mutual friend) or his latest petty adventure. I told him that if our friendship was gonna continue, we had to change the nature of our interactions. The next time I heard from him was 6 months later and it was about some petty BS. If I'm just a place for you to dump your grievances, that sounds more like labor than friendship.
@@elijahishere I completely agree ! go where you are appreciated , he didn’t want a friend he wanted someone to dump his problems on just like a romantic relationship, friendships need to have substance as well . Nobody wants to discuss bs all the time
7:49 girl 😂🤣😂 anyway, meeting women who are not competitive is so rare, I just can’t even bother anymore 🙄 even if you are married, have kids and own a home the girls still want to compare cars, labels and quality of home decor 😂 it never stops!!
I feel you on this. Friendships are work! I’m careful with my friendships and only grow a friendship if it happens organically. The bragging and put downs I can do without.
I made the decision to go into my 30s with a fresh start. I notice that my friendships had more to do with how long I've known someone more than me feeling that the person was a good friend. I want my next decade to include new friendships.
I thrive with low maintenance friendships or acquaintances because i dont want to talk everyday or text everyday. Or go to every event and if i dont go ur going to be mad and argue. I dont want to be stressed at all with my friends.
Wow! This video just set me free because this is the exact thing I experienced with some female friendships. It’s the competition or trying to make me jealous when I don’t care about what you have including your husband/man. My mom was my bestfriend (she transitioned). I wished I had a sister that I was close with because all ain’t close. I struggle with reaching out to others but i think mine come from when I don’t trust someone. I definitely pray on this often because as I get older I recognize fellowship & friendships are important but I have surrendered this to GOD.
Trying to make genuine friendships in your 30s is rough. Most people are married, have kids and own their homes. It’s hard when you don’t have these things. As opposed to your 20s when you’re still broke and trying to make a life for yourself. And yesss, so many people are so materialistic and superficial these days.
Omg!!! I thought I was the only one like this when it comes to friendships and communication. I’m that friend that barely answer any texts or calls unless it’s an emergency lol, and I barely ever reach out. But when we do talk or link up, the love and the energy is pure and one hunnit. I always wondered why I’m like this, I still don’t know. I wonder if being an introvert has anything to do with it. I’m sure I lost a lot of people because of it. Maybe now I’ll start letting ppl know in advance like how you do, cause honestly it’s really not personal at all, it’s just me 🤷🏾♀️. Thank you girl
I stopped caring about friends about 10 years ago. Friends are overrated. I have to have a therapist to deal with having friends and everything else in life. It can be lonely sometimes but peace is my priority right now.
Omg Hannah this was on time! I just had a childhood friend tell me she “moved away” from talking to me because I did not communicate with her as often as I did in the past. With becoming a new wife, getting my health under control, and just having more life responsibilities as we get older, your free time dwindles. She expects me to call every other day and sit on the phone for hours just to talk. I’m sorry, I just don’t have the capacity or time for that now and that doesn’t mean I’m a bad friend for that. My other close friends, we give each other grace, check in periodically, and call when we can but we’re still there to support each other. The older I get, the more I appreciate organic and simply supportive friends that just love you for you.
Yessssss- I completely agree; it is exhausting, and I no longer find it worthwhile to engage. It's unfortunate and unnecessary, especially when it feels like we have to constantly struggle with everyone around us.
I understand how you feel when I do anything it's usually with me myself and I. I had a friendship of 25 years that ended about 2 years ago we didn't talk for about a year for reasons I don't know. But I decided to reach out and when she said girl I thought you were going through some thangs. I knew it was time to let it die so that's what I did. Because as a true friend I would never think that she was going through something and not reach out to her to see if she needed my help. I love my peace and will protect it and I'm glad to see that you will do the same Hannah. Loved the topic.
Friendship can be draining depending on your season in life. I'm known to be distant & anxious when I'm getting my sht in order. My life requires every bit of my attention & those bs convos & small talk ANNOY Me! Maybe you're transitioning which may require moments of solitude. Once this passage is over you'll hv a new outlook, a new aura which welcomes new people.
I LOVED this video so much and your personality. I say/ think this ALL the time and I don’t think people understand. It’s so refreshing to see someone who gets it! 💖💖💖
I lost contact with my best friend of 10 years over the past year & it has been a major learning experience for me. My lack of capacity for friendships at this time comes from a lot of what you mentioned at the end (basic survival taking priority over friends). Furthermore, I have just started a journey to decenter men in my life & I think I just wore my friends out with my own cycle of drama and unavailability to go out and create enjoyable memories. I can only live & learn at this point. The older you get the harder it is to start, maintain, & rebuild friendships but I’d like to think that I’m now making space for more capacity next time a good friendship presents itself in my life. Definitely don’t have close relationships with any of my family & I feel the void, but I’m willing to do the work to be a better friend when the opportunity presents itself.
I’m a whole, secure, well adjusted and healed black woman and a wonderful friend. My Mom & grandma are my besties. Friendships have always fizzled out for me. Jealousy, pettiness, drama and those weird one sided competitions are always the reasons. I feel the same way you do; I want to bond based off character and values. I’m not opportunistic or predatory. I just want healthy companionship. I haven’t been able to find that yet and I won’t settle for anything less.
I’m like out of sight out of mind. I think it’s because of my adhd. I have to intentionally check on the people I care about. It doesn’t come naturally for me.
Saaame. My man gets mad bc I forget to ask him if he wants some food. Like sir, I forget if I even ate sometimes. Long story short, I thought I could be a trad wife but apparently I don't have the capacity to cater to a grown man LOL...my cat is babied for sure though. I somehow never forget, how about that...
Omggg I thought maybe something wrong w. me. I have to remind myself to check on ppl & idk why it doesn’t come natural. I hate small talk & talking on the phone drains me. Ugh, I finally feel seen!!!!.
Hannah, I totally understand where you are coming from...it's hard to find genuine friendships. I've had my fair share of people who always wanted something from me, especially the emotional vultures that liked to unload their problems on me for hours... the transfer of energy was exhausting. So, to protect my peace, I distanced myself. I don't make myself available anymore. Like you, i have someone close to me that I confide in and he is my rock for everything. This doesn't mean I want to stay in my bubble forever, but I'm content for now lol. It sounds like you're in that space right now, but hopefully, you won't stay there too long, because you could miss out on a blessing of a really good friendship/relationship. When you do decide to open up that door again, remember in any relationship or friendship, there's give and take. It takes work and you'll have to put in the effort if they really matter to you. That means, you may have to call a person here or there to make sure they're breathing lol. Ok, I'm done lecturing lol. Take care 🙂
Idk.... If I had a mortgage, I wouldn't want people referring to it as rent. I wouldn't get offended or anything, but I'd definitely want to make the distinction (because it's a big one), lol. But that's just me. Everyone is different. 🤷
If someone has a mortgage, they’re not renting. Anyone who is arguing otherwise is moving like a hater… it’s like you’re trying to find common ground to make yourself feel better. It comes across as jealous tbh.
THIS. I don't have the capacity either. I notice and run into nothing but women who compare and compete. This is not uncommon at all. I don't know why people can't just be happy with their lives and simply wish others well.
I’ve watched your videos for a while and you’ve evolved so much. I’m very happy for you, you seem lighter and brighter and clear on your true identity.
You inspired me to not care about not having no friends. I always had an hard time telling people the truth and also letting people especially men who don't value me go.
I’m literally in this phase of life right now. Both me and my friends fell apart this year after me dealing with a ton of traumatic experiences back to back for the past few years so I was more pouring into myself and they both took it personally instead of understanding where I was with things…. I’m grateful for my family (I have my sisters and cousins also ) but also grateful that I allowed myself this “alone” season with God so when I do have the capacity again I’m going to find my life long friends
I’m truly grateful to God for the peace that He has given me when it comes to friendship. I’ve been through it when it comes to dealing with friends. I truly believe that we meet people different seasons of our lives. It’s okay to let go and make room for the right people to come into our lives. Also, so many people desire friendships but don’t know how to be a friend. I remember calling someone my friend, going to their house when they were sick, cook together and show up for this person as a friend would do only for them to tell me two years down the road that they didn’t consider me a friend because they didn’t know what a friend was until I came into their life. At that moment it just didn’t make sense to me. Carried on with the friendship but then the person started to really change and when I addressed it, the person started disrespecting me. In that moment what I learned was this “Anyone who disrespects their parents will one day disrespect you and expect for you to tolerate it. I’m so grateful that I’m no longer friends with that individual. People show you their colors and we must learn to accept it and move on. Know your worth and what you bring to the table. Friendship is a beautiful thing but don’t let people dim your light. Know when to sit and when to move forward. There is purpose in every season and God will bring the right people into our lives. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏿🤗.
I literally just had this exact conversation with my therapist today chile 😅 friendships require more than I have to give right now and that is perfectly fine! Don't beat yourself up, the right ppl will find you 💓
I talked to my former therapist about this as well. I told her that I felt like I should make more friends because I spend too much time alone, but I also hate that "getting to know you" stage, so I hate trying to make friends. She said "As long as you don't feel like you're missing anything, I don't think there's anything wrong with that " It was incredibly validating.
It feels like friendships have become more involved than what I remember with my mama and her friends. They weren't super involved. They had their own household and business to tend to. I don't like the super involvement. I'm too private for that shit! 😂
I was surprised you asked her for a tour of her place and how much she pays on your first visit. I don’t know that I could’ve or would’ve done that on my first, second or third visit. It’s Like you said in the video. “I wouldn’t care that much”
I'm so glad you ended that friendship! I've never experienced this but I can say that it can be helpful to look into why the wrong friends are attracted to being connected to you. Also, anticipating negative experiences with other women will just perpetuate that.
Totally agree. I went through a friendship breakup 2 years ago that was really devastating and I realized through therapy that I was attracting emotionally broken/dependent people because I was a fixer & thought my value as a friend was helping people with their problems. But all that did was make me connected to people who had deep emotional issues & I eventually became the villain because when you become the therapist friend, you are eventually viewed as superior & them as inferior, which can lead to resentment. I am much more intentional with friendships now and have retired as the therapist friend.
Hey Hannah, I know the feeling. I cut a friend of 13 years loose. She told me to be careful about what I put on my social media platform. I was sharing a scripture that was encouraging others. I was questioned about the content..Secondly, she said when my car bluetooth started acting up while I was on the phone with her ..she said and I quote," If you clean out your motherf%$# ears maybe you could hear. " I didn't call her back. She always venting,and griping about people at her job. There's always drama.. She called and I didn't answer. I am keeping my peace.
I don’t call unless I have a subject to discuss. I suck at communication. I’m over friendships because what people want I can’t give. People are so sad and unhappy and they will swear they are happy yet when you walk away from them you feel like shit! Energy transfers!!! So now….Im staying away from you! Girl…I can’t!!!
I related to everything you said about friendships. And I’m not a communicator either and most of the time I don’t want to talk. I guess that’s why I don’t have friends.
This video not only made me subscribe… but I felt like I was actually watching myself. Girl… I don’t even log in on TH-cam… BUT I DID TODAY! ❤️ I felt this… you deserve people that align with you… that appreciate you and actually value friendship… period!
The key to Adult Friendships is being connected to people you actually enjoy with similar value systems. Sometimes we try to force it with new and old friends. It should be natural.
This title really drew me to your video because it resonates with where I am in life right now. For a while, I’ve been in a space where, if I can’t truly pour into my friendships or other relationships-if I can’t show up for people in a genuine way-then I don’t want to engage. As an introvert, I love people, but I don’t need relationships in the traditional sense, and I don’t particularly desire them. While I can appreciate small talk to a point, it’s not something I enjoy regularly. I’m friendly, but I’m not someone who thrives on constant social interaction. I cherish the peace of being by myself, in my own space. I’ve always been someone who’s comfortable on my own, even as a little girl. Sure, I’ve had friends throughout different phases of life, but especially after high school and moving into adulthood, friendships became less sacred in the traditional sense. And the older you get, it’s not that they lose importance, but when you start having kids or become a spouse, your priorities shift. At this stage in my life, the people who matter most to me are my partner, my child, myself, and God. That’s really it. I do have a best friend, but we’ve been so close for so long that we’re like family now. When we talk, it’s always the same love as it’s always been. But over the past couple of years, I’ve noticed that other friendships have drifted away, and that’s okay. Life happens, and people naturally go their separate ways. There doesn’t always need to be a fallout. I think people sometimes forget that not talking to someone anymore doesn’t necessarily mean something negative happened. It’s just life. I’ve come to realize that if someone can’t show up for me the way I show up for them, it’s probably best not to engage in that relationship. I’m the type of person who will show up at the hospital when a friend has a baby or fly across the country to celebrate a birthday. But as I’ve grown, I recognize that I can’t expect or want that from everyone. It’s not something I desire anymore. Right now, my focus is on my family and my relationship with God. For those without a family of their own, I can’t speak for their experience, but for me, my priorities have changed so much. And if I can’t fully show up for people the way they deserve, I feel it’s only fair to step back. It’s about recognizing the stage I’m in and honoring that, while also being kind to myself and others.
I feel you. I went through friends like that in my 20’s bc they weren’t settled in who they were and couldn’t handle the truth. Some folks develop slower. They were basically adult highschoolers. After 30 I lost interest in contorting to be people’s friends. Especially since I don’t have kids and I’m also not the type that needs to bring my man everywhere w me. Most my friends have kids and/or hand bag men that have to come everywhere w them. I was always the one compromising and planning and hoop jumping and now I noticed I enjoy my peace. I read my books sit on my porch w my music or garden or do art projects w just me and I’m good. When we do get together tho it’s like no time has gone by. Life happens I guess but it’s not something I seek any longer. This is how women end up w their man as their best friend. It’s only by default bc girl! No woman wants a man as a bestie. Lmbo ugh.
I will always have the capacity for friendship. Doesn’t mean I don’t have the discernment to choose wisely or I have a plethora of friends. But life is too short. One day we will all want to be around people and friends but for some of you it’ll be too late cause you’ve followed this mentality.
I wholeheartedly agree! I remember my grandmother and great grandmother passing in the same month. It was beautiful to see ALL of the friends they’ve met over the years come to celebrate with our family. Both services, we couldn’t even fit all of the folks in the churches because it was so many people. I smile every time I think of how many beautiful people were in the building for they homie!
I'm 53. I used to be the friend and connection between our circle...all events were at our house, all the kids wanted to spend the weekend at our house, and hosted the book clubs, etc. After my last child moved out. I fell in love with quiet, peace, and serenity. The more time I spent apart from people the more discernment I was able to have about my relationships. That was the beginning of the end of my 20+ years of friends. I'll still text my sister-friends and maybe we chat on the phone once or twice a year and that's enough for me. When I feel moved to reach out I do and I believe they do too. We don't need to talk often to know that we love each other.
The more I hear your “rants” the more I realize we are high key the same person 😅 , I think it’s all about growing as a person and just being in different seasons in life, the older you get the more you want to protect your peace also (those who are wanting to grow) , I definitely know that the right people will come in due time and when they do, you will be ready 🫶🏾
It sounds like you've been on this journey with the Lord and He's throwing these instances at you to stand firm in Him and you're dooiinnngg ittt! A lonely road but one that makes us stronger. Loved the video!! ❤
I’d love to have more meaningful close relationships but it can be hard to find. I have a lot of acquaintances but try not get too involved with people’s lives so I can protect my own peace.
I don’t have any friends. And, honestly, I don’t want any 😂😂. There’s always some drama, or some stupid gossip, or someone needs money, or someone uses you, or someone gets you in trouble, or you need to accommodate someone, nah, girl. I am not about that life. I am happy spending my time on me and my family, and be at peace. PEACE is the key word here🤣🤣.
I get everything, but you do have to learn to communicate. Communication is important, and learning how to say the truth and things in general must be learned. Trust me, my personality, I will say it how it want to say it, but it's a learning process. The right friendships will come along where it feels natural on both ends.
HOW I say it isn’t the issue… it’s WHAT was said that’s the issue. I’m working on learning to reach out and initiate communication, but I’m a work in progress.
Giiiiirrrrl, I’ll be 31 next month and I’m HERE!!!!! I’m literally close to my sister. I’ve been wanting to make a video like this but don’t want to go too much in detail in case it would ever reach old friends and possibly offend because I don’t want to offend anyone in any way whether we’ve discussed certain things or not in private! But I full on agree! Once I hit 30, the extra efforts to uphold relationships that I no longer needed anymore just vanished on my end. I don’t say it arrogantly but I just CANT prioritize those relationships as im revamping myself, a new mom, navigating this economy. Some friends require soooo much and others characteristics are off and sometimes I’m the problem too but whatever the case, the friend slate is CLEAN for now! Thank you for this transparency and are so pretty
I am exactly in the same situation as you and have been for a while now. In my himble opinion its not about capacity cus you do have it. You relate with your sister and have tried to relate with people. However, you are a genuine person that desires authenticity and genuineness as well and in today's world of consumerism, show off, etc most people are not down for real stuff and makes it difficult to relate with most people. Keep being you till you find your physical tribe. You are lit sis.🤗
Felt this one glad I’m not alone on this. It can be hard when morals and values tend to shift for people. I keep attracting clingy friendships the ones that get mad if you don’t text back right away. Like you said just don’t have the capacity. I like friendships where we can go months without talking and when we link it’s like we never separated.
Guuuurrl you ain't said nothing but a word! I totally feel you. I want to have my person , someone that I can call about any and everything but I don't think I have the capacity either..unless they have the same mindset
You’re a really good friend to have. I don’t have friends. My sisters are my friends. I don’t really desire to have friends. I have had friends in the pass and it was way too much effort to mention them so I stepped out ❤
OMG!!! Hannah I remember the dinner/meetup we had in downtown Decatur ( I was the one needing to leave early cause I parked in the wrong place lol)anyways, I felt so out of place, I am such a introvert I felt like I didn’t fit in. So I never reached out again to go to another event. I felt you were one of the sweetest and down to earth people Ive met. I’m the exact same way I have a hard time with communication and I feel like I’m pushing people away because of it unintentionally. So my sister is truly my best friend…….. I said all that to say when people are meant to be in your community they’ll understand who you are, and absolutely be the right people needed for your community.
Man listen…this is tough. I’m such a friend oriented person that I feel sort of lost without company. It’s so boring and lonely without friends tho. I live in East Texas in a small town and it can suck to not have anyone. However I do understand not wanting to deal with people. But I’m starting to learn that friendships are like any other “ships” in your life. They require work. And sometimes people don’t understand that or do not have the capacity for the effort. I get it but I’d kill for good friendships at this point. 🤷🏿♀️
Whew!! YOU ARE ME ❤ Personally I'm just done with being the adviser, upgrader, the teacher, understanding obviously stupid REPEATED decisions, 0 growth, jealousy and more. Honestly, whatever I have left in my 30''s is for a friendship with myself and a romantic relationship with myself. I take full accountability because I do believe you attract people on the level at which you are at SO, MY BAD 😢 To correct that I am positioning myself so that I can be and attract what I want in every area of my life. I lived and I learned ❤ thank you for the video, girl 🩷
I completely understand with having friendships. It seems like friendships are hard to come by especially with just learning about someone. I love the FaceTime vlog.
I'm in this exact same situation! I have so much I'm working on with myself and my family. I don't have the capacity for friendships. One of my long term friendships just recently ended. I also have a sister who is basically my built in best friend and I'm close with my mom and my adult niece, so I'm good.
![ร้อยพ่อพันแม่ - WanMai [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/XY2pNYASEbg/mqdefault.jpg)
Hey babes! Glad we could hop on another call 😉Curating & maintaining friendships takes a lot of work. I’m not sure I have the energy for that right now. Your girl is exhausted! I know y’all are gonna come for me in this video 😂 and that’s okay. Share your friendship experiences in the comments and let me know what other “friendship topics” y’all would like me to dive into ❤
Me neither😂😂😂
I cannot be on the phone chut chatting all the time😂😂😂i dont pick up 😂😂😂😂😂
Cant talk all day , im busy and tired lol i like my quiet, i cant do long talk
Youre right, thats bad character
I feel similar to you. I have been in solitude for several years, and I desire true friendship but many women are not willing 5o put in the work. And there are ladies that are in their 30s who still want to do the same things they did years ago. My sister and I are very close and we hold each other accountable and do things as a family to enjoy the fruits of our labor. I desire sisterhood with other women but if it's not going to be from God and true I DON'T want it. This conversation can go on and on.
This gave me a perspective. As someone who has always taken my friendships very seriously since I was a kid, I've struggled with people not pouring as much into friendship as I do. I clicked on this video to better understand why some people I call friends don't seem as interested in maintaining our friendship as I do. This video helped me understand that it's not personal; it's capacity. In this day and age, when we are all more isolated than ever and use hyper-consumerism for fulfillment, having a community is what will see us through. You NEED people to make life more colorful and worth experiencing. I pray we all have a community that enhances our lives because that's where the joy in life is.
Well said!
❤❤❤❤ love this comment! 💯
idk i don’t have that and i’m feeling fine. i’m just not a social person, i’m autistic and i don’t enjoy social interaction. it’s too stressful and draining for me. i think as long as you’re content with your situation that’s all that matters
Facts
No it's not capacity, the truth is they just dont like you. It's simple
Friendship is a rare commodity nowadays. As an introvert it’s hard making friends. Between the gossip, keeping up with the Jones, lending money you never get back, the disloyalty, competitiveness, jealousy, and headache. It’s your maturity level. I’m 34 and at 29 I was over making friends. I realize I was surrounding myself with small minded people and our visions of success always collided. We used to have so much in common but it began to dwindle. I have acquaintances not friends and yes it’s so much peaceful. Ps… ain’t nothing wrong with apartment pools
Currently experiencing this
Oh, you ain’t never lied!!
This is me right now at 29, I just give up. It seems like people do not accept you as you are. Being real and genuine is weird to people. I just feel like I don’t fit in and nobody understands me.
@@Kaneshaa same only have 2 close friends it's rare to find real people everyone nyc especially seems so fake same with my only cousins my age it's four of us only 3 of then are close and I don't talk to them either I've been chasing people my whole life I'm tired of doing that
@@jzm2293 same I am done, the energy and effort is never reciprocated.
I feel the exact same way. I don’t have the tolerance for people like I use to. I’m enjoying my peaceful life without friends and family members too cause they be annoying as well 😂
Same!
Same here. It's something in the water. I was miss friendly Bob. Now I run from folks.
Miss friendly bob 💀😂😂😂
🎯🎯🎯
In my 20’s , I was all about friends. Now in my 30’s , I still love my friends . I just don’t care so much. I’m trying to figure out my life
Yeah girl I feel you
This I feel you girl 😪
Whew! Wait until you get to 40! NO CARE
Hello!!!!🙌🏾💯
Amen 👏
I just don’t have friends because I have a hard time finding the energy to maintain them. I actually love women and hanging out but I am such an introvert I struggle to reciprocate in the friendship. I also have an extremely social job that drains my energy and a large family. People are extremely judgmental when you are honest about these things so I rarely talk about it. Not having friends does not mean you’re a bad person. Different strokes for different folks.
Yes jobs can be extremely draining.
I’m in my mid 40’s. My bestie and I have been friends for the better part of 30 years. Marriages, children, moves to different cities, and everything else that goes on in life, we always find time to talk. Even if it’s 2 in the morning. When something major is happening, we show up.
Maintaining a friendship at this age requires acknowledgment of the fact that we’re grown and have LIVES with responsibilities galore, and leaving space for those things.
There’s no comparing or competing or trying to outdo one another. I have celebrated all of her achievements and she has celebrated all of mine. We support one another. From near or far. And I trust her with everything.
I don’t play about her and she don’t play about me. That’s my girl!! Every woman could do well to have such a friendship. It’s good for the soul. ♥️
You're blessed in the friendship area!
I am her especially since moving to the United States of fake people.I am not interested in making friendships.I barely have time for myself.I am also too fussy for people’s bad habits .So I keep connections to business and school that it.I don’t want to be invited anywhere or be in a group chat .My classmates tried and I always politely decline.I love people from far now 😅
That's so beautiful.
Being alone is a blessing
It is!! As I lay on my couch on a Friday night in silence ❤❤ I love it!
I’m over here laughingggggg I’m that friend that NEVER CALLS. BUT ILL PICK UP THE phone. I’m just not a phone person.
Same here, i never callll, everyone call me. I'd even rather text tbh
Same here.
Same!
Same, being on the phone is like being held hostage to me!
Same, I never call or message.
I’m with you on the small talk. I don’t like to talk just to be talking. If you have nothing to say just enjoy being silent.
Period!
‼️
I felt this. I recently let go of a 17 year friendship for all of these reasons. I'm going to protect my peace. Let her be messy on her own. I tried to give her advice when she asked for it and she said I was judging her. She wanted a yes person and I'm just not that person.
Right. It’s sad, but I can’t go a long with your foolishness
I'm in this same boat. She was mad because I told her she deserved better in men than those who use her for money. WTF.
How did you let go? By not answering her texts?
Haven’t even watched the video but when i tell you I FELT the title to this video 😮💨between being a wife and a mother I CANNOT BE BOTHERED right now sorry not sorry.
Girrrl right!!!
Right! Sorry not sorry 🤷🏽♀️
Heavy on the sorry NOT sorry
I don’t know you but I have never agreed more with a comment!!! 💯
Same!!!
I think I have finally reached a point where I’ve accepted that I will never have that friendship that I’ve always wanted. I went out with a few coworkers the other day, and I never felt so alone in my life. I felt like an outsider. As soon as I got home that night I cried my eyes out.
So sorry you experienced that. It may not be forever - just not now or the same exact way you imagined. I'm learning that being an adult means we can create our own reality/normals to meet our needs. ❤
Coworkers are not your friends.
What they say that made you feel that way?
I'm so sorry. It's hard to feel like you live outside the bubble from everyone else. It's sounds like your work might have a click. 😢
Girl I'm the same way! I hate small talk, I am the "low maintenence friend " like we don't have to talk or text EVERY DAMN DAY🙄 it's not personal but i don't do much different on a daily that's worth updating or needing to talk to friends everyday 🤷🏽♀️🤣 my homegirls get on my about that I'm like we can talk and meet up once or twice a month and that's enough for me like I'm not your man , we not in a relationship there's no need to talk or text "wyd and how is work" every freaking day 🙄 life be lifing for me and I get peace from being alone at home and my phone on DND😂
This!!!!
so so real, i have so many married friends and ngl they can be needy sometimes im like talk to your man plsss leave me alone lol
You literally said word for word how I feel😬😩😂
This!!!!
@@Brwniee95 Married friends are the worse. They are too damn needy. Something is definitely lacking.
It’s really a shame how a lot of women aren’t girls girls anymore. The cattiness, the competitive mindsets, the envy, the DELUSION.. it’s quite sad and sometimes scary. I’ve been both an amazing friend and a bad friend before but ever since I’ve truly began to learn myself and protect my peace, a lot of “friends” have had to be sacrificed. I have hope that eventually we all will find our tribe of honest, hardworking, likeminded, vibrant individuals to be able to call our friends. Until then my partner and loved ones will do just fine ❤
I’m 50 yrs young I don’t have no desires for any friendships life is good..!🤷🏽♀️🌸
Girl I can totally relate. I am a loner and it gets to be too much if there is a lot of chatter and drama. Sometimes you are your best company. Sending you love.
You are your own best friend.
do you have sisters or cousins?
As a woman of a certain age, I've learned friendships are just like relationships (family and romantic). They will get on your nerves and there will be disagreements but you have to decide who's worth keeping around. My circle is small but loyal. We support each other and uplift each other. Although we don't always agree, we never put each other down or make the other feel less than. Quality over quantity.
Also, it's okay to grow apart.
I’m just half way thru this video and I felt every word. Trying to be friends with women has been a struggle for me. The low key competition, jealousy, gossiping…etc. is not what I’m looking for.
I'm the same way. Mine stems from ppl making me feel like a burden when I reached out when I was younger. Now I don't even think to reach out. I have siblings and acquaintances and that's enough for me. My dog is social though so it's been difficult. He's procreated with a neighbor dog, so now I have to speak to his in laws whenever I see them🫠
😂😂😂😂
That is hilarious! The doggie in-laws.
😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂
I once felt down about not having many friends, but then I realized the effort it takes to keep friendships alive and the unintentional drama they can add to your life.
Center your life around you. Friendship does not even roll off my lips, that’s how content and happy I am within myself.
Omgggg!! Small talk nope! Even when I was a kid, I didn’t like talking for no reason!! 😂
😂😂right!
😂😂 Listen! My stepdad said he asked my mom, “Can she talk?” because I rarely would say anything 😂 I was probably 7 when I met him and the man probably didn’t hear me talk for a good year or so. It was just me and my books and I’d write notes to folks in the house so I wouldn’t need to talk too much😂
@@kaidesignsboutique lmbo they would ask my sister this about me as a kid. She would get so mad lol “DUH SHE CAN TALK, SHE DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU!”
“ talking for no reason “😂😂😂😂😂😂
Yes or gossiping about other people. I don’t care and it’s not nice. If they talking about someone, best believe they’re talking about you too.
I can relate to this so much. I am super bad with reaching out. I prefer to be in my little bubble where my comfort zone is and it’s nothing against anyone else. My husband pointed out to me that I’m an introvert amongst all extroverts, that includes my friends, family and even my husband so he understands how I get over stimulated sometimes. It’s made so much sense.
Yes girl #introvertstruggles
This!!❤
Me! But lemme tell u this, when i see everyone and we all together it be so fun. I just cant stand seeing or talking everyday tho, i’ll be drained
Same
I feel this for friendships and romantic relationships. Ugh. The only person who truly makes me happy is my kid. Another couple people I truly loved has passed away. I enjoy random encounters with decent people. Maybe one day I will have capacity to have friendships and relationships. I don't want to be second guessing what people say and questioning their motives. I just want peace. I'm that person who would wake up at 2am and be like, "wait a minute... was they sneak dissing?" Lol. Yeah, I don't miss that. 😂
You are me!! I’m socially slow and I replay events like months later because my intuitions like you not paying attention. I’m 37 and I don’t know if I have the capacity for friends anymore because no one shows up like me. I’m always the friend helping and I’m exhausted! I’m enjoying solo traveling. I keep women at a distance.
Facts! My social battery is extremely low. Like zero tolerance. I just want to focus on my spouse and our family.
That's absolutely fine however, IF things go bad with the spouse, what will you do? Will u call friends?
@@come_on_barbie_123 I call them now on the phone 🤣 and things are just fine.
❤️❤️ Blessings to you and your loved ones. If the world would focus on their family and loved ones instead of focusing on validating outside individuals and ignoring home. I love that🥰
@@come_on_barbie_123 I call my friends now but I don’t have to be all up under them.
@@RoyalJewels-xy9il 🤎
Had a 17 year friendship breakup at 34. Women are so fickle. People don’t value a good friend anymore. The breakup was a blessing in disguise. I’ve been traveling solo and I have so much time now that I’m not solving someone else’s problem. I’ve gained a lot of independence. I’m also cool on having another co-dependent friendship with a woman again. Maybe next year I’ll ask for better friendships.
Hi Hannah! I am 53, and a lot of women do not support women genuinely like you said without trying to "one up you". I'm like you, I don't care, and I have always blazed my own trail my own way. I have two sisters, and they are my best friends for reasons you have shared! The spirit of comparison and competition are things I can not deal with. I don't like talking on the phone that much at all,I would rather send a text. I hate that everyone wants to face time you these days....lol
Blessings 💐🥰 oh yeah the friend was dead wrong!
Having friends are very important for your mental health! Please don’t be that person where their significant have friends and you’re left alone I’ve been thru that and it’s sucked !
Not saying to have many but it’s good to have atleast 2 in your own circle
Friendship requires spiritual discernment. I let God show me whose intentions are genuine toward me. Never trust feelings, vibes or emotions. Trust God only!
Some peoples mental health have gotten better without friends. I don't think one size fits all in this regard.
@@valery5900 I don’t believe a person is living ok with not having at least 1 friend.
Again 1-2 is fine not encouraging a whole group
@@novatastic1111that is so true and God sends people in our lives but people want to shut everything down after disagreements but these men 🤔 imagine what kids go through when they have no friends to talk to . Adults go through the same thing . People wanna act so strong when God sends us people but we push them away because they’re not what we want or because they done something weird . Not knowing they was heaven sent. When you’re depressed sometimes you don’t see it the way you suppose too . She finds everything wrong in a person and it be the smallest thing . She seems to be agitated a lot and I’m the same way and I pushed so many people away I regret it .
@@novatastic1111 Well beliefs are not facts. Some individuals are natural loners, like myself. Having 'friends' feel very unnatural for me as though I'm forcing something I do not genuinely feel, so I stopped doing it. My mental has never been better. If you need something outside of yourself to have mental stability, do you even have it? What happens when the friendship goes? Does your mental clarity go with it? Sure I have acquaintances because of my career and things that actually matter to the building of my life, but on my casual downtime? I absolutely do not want to communicate with another.
This is why I don’t have friends either. Lol
Or deal with my in laws
I don’t know why people just can’t be regular lol
Omg you are so right. I'm so over the nice nasty, slick shade and drama of female friendships. I have experienced this so much and it's really sad.
I don’t have friends either but when someone actually wants to hang out I dread it. I am a homebody haha
same! i be stressing 😭
I am so glad I came across this video. between friendships, and romantic relationships my tolerance is nonexistent. I literally lost my best friend because I told her I was tired of hearing the foolishness. I am 28 years old, and between everyday life I would like my relationships to be genuine. All this Pettiness, catty behavior I will drop people so fast, and I do not care. People think it is messed up but if I bring so much love, positivity, and maturity in these relationships I expect the same. The men drama, the drama with other women and the jealousy is to damn much. I have zero friends at this point, and I am content God will open those doors to friendships whenever he sees fit.
I also lost a friend for this reason. I told him that whenever he hit my line, it was bad news (like him fistfighting our mutual friend) or his latest petty adventure. I told him that if our friendship was gonna continue, we had to change the nature of our interactions. The next time I heard from him was 6 months later and it was about some petty BS. If I'm just a place for you to dump your grievances, that sounds more like labor than friendship.
💯
Beautifully stated. You expect quality in your friendship and won't tolerate superficialness. Great standing up for yourself. 😊
@@elijahishereexactly. We aren't a trauma dump receptacle, but deserve equal communication and care.
@@elijahishere I completely agree ! go where you are appreciated , he didn’t want a friend he wanted someone to dump his problems on just like a romantic relationship, friendships need to have substance as well . Nobody wants to discuss bs all the time
7:49 girl 😂🤣😂 anyway, meeting women who are not competitive is so rare, I just can’t even bother anymore 🙄 even if you are married, have kids and own a home the girls still want to compare cars, labels and quality of home decor 😂 it never stops!!
Not the home decor smh! 😂😂 out of control
I’m hollering at this comment!!😂
Wow. Thats sad. I didn’t know that was a thing
I feel you on this. Friendships are work! I’m careful with my friendships and only grow a friendship if it happens organically. The bragging and put downs I can do without.
I made the decision to go into my 30s with a fresh start. I notice that my friendships had more to do with how long I've known someone more than me feeling that the person was a good friend. I want my next decade to include new friendships.
If she was paying a mortgage she don’t own nothing, the bank does. She paying rent to bank vs a leasing company or landlord.
Exxxaaaccccttlllyyy! Same thing I said!
I’m 25 and I totally understand. Especially with the way the economy is right now, I’m so busy at work and when I come home I’m exhausted
I thrive with low maintenance friendships or acquaintances because i dont want to talk everyday or text everyday. Or go to every event and if i dont go ur going to be mad and argue. I dont want to be stressed at all with my friends.
Wow! This video just set me free because this is the exact thing I experienced with some female friendships. It’s the competition or trying to make me jealous when I don’t care about what you have including your husband/man. My mom was my bestfriend (she transitioned). I wished I had a sister that I was close with because all ain’t close. I struggle with reaching out to others but i think mine come from when I don’t trust someone. I definitely pray on this often because as I get older I recognize fellowship & friendships are important but I have surrendered this to GOD.
Trying to make genuine friendships in your 30s is rough. Most people are married, have kids and own their homes. It’s hard when you don’t have these things. As opposed to your 20s when you’re still broke and trying to make a life for yourself. And yesss, so many people are so materialistic and superficial these days.
Omg!!! I thought I was the only one like this when it comes to friendships and communication. I’m that friend that barely answer any texts or calls unless it’s an emergency lol, and I barely ever reach out. But when we do talk or link up, the love and the energy is pure and one hunnit. I always wondered why I’m like this, I still don’t know. I wonder if being an introvert has anything to do with it. I’m sure I lost a lot of people because of it. Maybe now I’ll start letting ppl know in advance like how you do, cause honestly it’s really not personal at all, it’s just me 🤷🏾♀️. Thank you girl
I stopped caring about friends about 10 years ago. Friends are overrated. I have to have a therapist to deal with having friends and everything else in life. It can be lonely sometimes but peace is my priority right now.
Omg Hannah this was on time! I just had a childhood friend tell me she “moved away” from talking to me because I did not communicate with her as often as I did in the past. With becoming a new wife, getting my health under control, and just having more life responsibilities as we get older, your free time dwindles. She expects me to call every other day and sit on the phone for hours just to talk. I’m sorry, I just don’t have the capacity or time for that now and that doesn’t mean I’m a bad friend for that. My other close friends, we give each other grace, check in periodically, and call when we can but we’re still there to support each other. The older I get, the more I appreciate organic and simply supportive friends that just love you for you.
Yessssss- I completely agree; it is exhausting, and I no longer find it worthwhile to engage. It's unfortunate and unnecessary, especially when it feels like we have to constantly struggle with everyone around us.
I understand how you feel when I do anything it's usually with me myself and I. I had a friendship of 25 years that ended about 2 years ago we didn't talk for about a year for reasons I don't know. But I decided to reach out and when she said girl I thought you were going through some thangs. I knew it was time to let it die so that's what I did. Because as a true friend I would never think that she was going through something and not reach out to her to see if she needed my help. I love my peace and will protect it and I'm glad to see that you will do the same Hannah. Loved the topic.
Friendship can be draining depending on your season in life. I'm known to be distant & anxious when I'm getting my sht in order. My life requires every bit of my attention & those bs convos & small talk ANNOY Me! Maybe you're transitioning which may require moments of solitude. Once this passage is over you'll hv a new outlook, a new aura which welcomes new people.
I LOVED this video so much and your personality. I say/ think this ALL the time and I don’t think people understand. It’s so refreshing to see someone who gets it! 💖💖💖
I do not have friends. I would be a terrible friend. I would call once a year to say HI!
I lost contact with my best friend of 10 years over the past year & it has been a major learning experience for me. My lack of capacity for friendships at this time comes from a lot of what you mentioned at the end (basic survival taking priority over friends). Furthermore, I have just started a journey to decenter men in my life & I think I just wore my friends out with my own cycle of drama and unavailability to go out and create enjoyable memories. I can only live & learn at this point. The older you get the harder it is to start, maintain, & rebuild friendships but I’d like to think that I’m now making space for more capacity next time a good friendship presents itself in my life. Definitely don’t have close relationships with any of my family & I feel the void, but I’m willing to do the work to be a better friend when the opportunity presents itself.
Listen, I felt that “can I help youuuahhhh” and the hard eye roll in the depths of my soul! 😂
😂😂😅
I’m a whole, secure, well adjusted and healed black woman and a wonderful friend. My Mom & grandma are my besties. Friendships have always fizzled out for me. Jealousy, pettiness, drama and those weird one sided competitions are always the reasons. I feel the same way you do; I want to bond based off character and values. I’m not opportunistic or predatory. I just want healthy companionship. I haven’t been able to find that yet and I won’t settle for anything less.
I’m like out of sight out of mind. I think it’s because of my adhd. I have to intentionally check on the people I care about. It doesn’t come naturally for me.
Yes same! It takes a lot of energy and effort
I was diagnosed with adha at 30 da Ghetto lol it explains everything I don't miss people like that.
Saaame. My man gets mad bc I forget to ask him if he wants some food. Like sir, I forget if I even ate sometimes. Long story short, I thought I could be a trad wife but apparently I don't have the capacity to cater to a grown man LOL...my cat is babied for sure though. I somehow never forget, how about that...
Omggg I thought maybe something wrong w. me. I have to remind myself to check on ppl & idk why it doesn’t come natural. I hate small talk & talking on the phone drains me. Ugh, I finally feel seen!!!!.
same, i always forget that people exist. i feel so bad but it’s not intentional
Hannah, I totally understand where you are coming from...it's hard to find genuine friendships. I've had my fair share of people who always wanted something from me, especially the emotional vultures that liked to unload their problems on me for hours... the transfer of energy was exhausting. So, to protect my peace, I distanced myself. I don't make myself available anymore. Like you, i have someone close to me that I confide in and he is my rock for everything. This doesn't mean I want to stay in my bubble forever, but I'm content for now lol. It sounds like you're in that space right now, but hopefully, you won't stay there too long, because you could miss out on a blessing of a really good friendship/relationship. When you do decide to open up that door again, remember in any relationship or friendship, there's give and take. It takes work and you'll have to put in the effort if they really matter to you. That means, you may have to call a person here or there to make sure they're breathing lol. Ok, I'm done lecturing lol. Take care 🙂
😂😂”make sure they’re breathing” I know 😫😩😩I have to do better ❤
I relate 100%! I have zero friends and I am A-okay. I have 2 sisters but I am learning them as we just met in 2022. 🤷🏾♀️
Idk.... If I had a mortgage, I wouldn't want people referring to it as rent. I wouldn't get offended or anything, but I'd definitely want to make the distinction (because it's a big one), lol. But that's just me. Everyone is different. 🤷
If someone has a mortgage, they’re not renting. Anyone who is arguing otherwise is moving like a hater… it’s like you’re trying to find common ground to make yourself feel better. It comes across as jealous tbh.
THIS. I don't have the capacity either. I notice and run into nothing but women who compare and compete. This is not uncommon at all. I don't know why people can't just be happy with their lives and simply wish others well.
I’ve watched your videos for a while and you’ve evolved so much. I’m very happy for you, you seem lighter and brighter and clear on your true identity.
❤thank you girl, you’re spot on! That’s exactly how I’m feeling these days
You inspired me to not care about not having no friends. I always had an hard time telling people the truth and also letting people especially men who don't value me go.
I’m glad you let that friendship go.
I’m literally in this phase of life right now. Both me and my friends fell apart this year after me dealing with a ton of traumatic experiences back to back for the past few years so I was more pouring into myself and they both took it personally instead of understanding where I was with things…. I’m grateful for my family (I have my sisters and cousins also ) but also grateful that I allowed myself this “alone” season with God so when I do have the capacity again I’m going to find my life long friends
I’m truly grateful to God for the peace that He has given me when it comes to friendship. I’ve been through it when it comes to dealing with friends. I truly believe that we meet people different seasons of our lives. It’s okay to let go and make room for the right people to come into our lives. Also, so many people desire friendships but don’t know how to be a friend.
I remember calling someone my friend, going to their house when they were sick, cook together and show up for this person as a friend would do only for them to tell me two years down the road that they didn’t consider me a friend because they didn’t know what a friend was until I came into their life. At that moment it just didn’t make sense to me. Carried on with the friendship but then the person started to really change and when I addressed it, the person started disrespecting me. In that moment what I learned was this “Anyone who disrespects their parents will one day disrespect you and expect for you to tolerate it. I’m so grateful that I’m no longer friends with that individual. People show you their colors and we must learn to accept it and move on. Know your worth and what you bring to the table. Friendship is a beautiful thing but don’t let people dim your light. Know when to sit and when to move forward. There is purpose in every season and God will bring the right people into our lives. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏿🤗.
I literally just had this exact conversation with my therapist today chile 😅 friendships require more than I have to give right now and that is perfectly fine! Don't beat yourself up, the right ppl will find you 💓
I talked to my former therapist about this as well. I told her that I felt like I should make more friends because I spend too much time alone, but I also hate that "getting to know you" stage, so I hate trying to make friends. She said "As long as you don't feel like you're missing anything, I don't think there's anything wrong with that " It was incredibly validating.
I am too easily annoyed for friends. Associate is the best I can do.
It feels like friendships have become more involved than what I remember with my mama and her friends. They weren't super involved. They had their own household and business to tend to. I don't like the super involvement. I'm too private for that shit! 😂
I was surprised you asked her for a tour of her place and how much she pays on your first visit. I don’t know that I could’ve or would’ve done that on my first, second or third visit. It’s Like you said in the video. “I wouldn’t care that much”
I felt the “idk because I never followed up” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 this is me!! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out chile
You’re really pretty!!
What does that have to do with anything?
@@missbell1634take it easy sunflower. 😅
I'm so glad you ended that friendship! I've never experienced this but I can say that it can be helpful to look into why the wrong friends are attracted to being connected to you. Also, anticipating negative experiences with other women will just perpetuate that.
Totally agree. I went through a friendship breakup 2 years ago that was really devastating and I realized through therapy that I was attracting emotionally broken/dependent people because I was a fixer & thought my value as a friend was helping people with their problems. But all that did was make me connected to people who had deep emotional issues & I eventually became the villain because when you become the therapist friend, you are eventually viewed as superior & them as inferior, which can lead to resentment. I am much more intentional with friendships now and have retired as the therapist friend.
@@SS-cu8seWow, that makes sense to me 😂I will retire my therapist friend work 😂
Hey Hannah,
I know the feeling.
I cut a friend of 13 years loose. She told me to be careful about what I put on my social media platform.
I was sharing a scripture that was encouraging others. I was questioned about the content..Secondly, she said when my car bluetooth started acting up while I was on the phone with her ..she said and I quote," If you clean out your motherf%$# ears maybe you could hear. "
I didn't call her back.
She always venting,and griping about people at her job. There's always drama..
She called and I didn't answer.
I am keeping my peace.
I don’t call unless I have a subject to discuss. I suck at communication. I’m over friendships because what people want I can’t give. People are so sad and unhappy and they will swear they are happy yet when you walk away from them you feel like shit! Energy transfers!!! So now….Im staying away from you! Girl…I can’t!!!
I related to everything you said about friendships. And I’m not a communicator either and most of the time I don’t want to talk. I guess that’s why I don’t have friends.
I’m so happy I’m not the only one feeling this way. I have never had friendships that last I speak to people but everything is surfaced.
The title is everything
This video not only made me subscribe… but I felt like I was actually watching myself. Girl… I don’t even log in on TH-cam… BUT I DID TODAY! ❤️ I felt this… you deserve people that align with you… that appreciate you and actually value friendship… period!
❤hey hun welcome to the family!
The key to Adult Friendships is being connected to people you actually enjoy with similar value systems. Sometimes we try to force it with new and old friends. It should be natural.
This title really drew me to your video because it resonates with where I am in life right now. For a while, I’ve been in a space where, if I can’t truly pour into my friendships or other relationships-if I can’t show up for people in a genuine way-then I don’t want to engage. As an introvert, I love people, but I don’t need relationships in the traditional sense, and I don’t particularly desire them. While I can appreciate small talk to a point, it’s not something I enjoy regularly. I’m friendly, but I’m not someone who thrives on constant social interaction. I cherish the peace of being by myself, in my own space.
I’ve always been someone who’s comfortable on my own, even as a little girl. Sure, I’ve had friends throughout different phases of life, but especially after high school and moving into adulthood, friendships became less sacred in the traditional sense. And the older you get, it’s not that they lose importance, but when you start having kids or become a spouse, your priorities shift. At this stage in my life, the people who matter most to me are my partner, my child, myself, and God. That’s really it.
I do have a best friend, but we’ve been so close for so long that we’re like family now. When we talk, it’s always the same love as it’s always been. But over the past couple of years, I’ve noticed that other friendships have drifted away, and that’s okay. Life happens, and people naturally go their separate ways. There doesn’t always need to be a fallout. I think people sometimes forget that not talking to someone anymore doesn’t necessarily mean something negative happened. It’s just life.
I’ve come to realize that if someone can’t show up for me the way I show up for them, it’s probably best not to engage in that relationship. I’m the type of person who will show up at the hospital when a friend has a baby or fly across the country to celebrate a birthday. But as I’ve grown, I recognize that I can’t expect or want that from everyone. It’s not something I desire anymore. Right now, my focus is on my family and my relationship with God.
For those without a family of their own, I can’t speak for their experience, but for me, my priorities have changed so much. And if I can’t fully show up for people the way they deserve, I feel it’s only fair to step back. It’s about recognizing the stage I’m in and honoring that, while also being kind to myself and others.
I feel you. I went through friends like that in my 20’s bc they weren’t settled in who they were and couldn’t handle the truth. Some folks develop slower. They were basically adult highschoolers. After 30 I lost interest in contorting to be people’s friends. Especially since I don’t have kids and I’m also not the type that needs to bring my man everywhere w me. Most my friends have kids and/or hand bag men that have to come everywhere w them. I was always the one compromising and planning and hoop jumping and now I noticed I enjoy my peace. I read my books sit on my porch w my music or garden or do art projects w just me and I’m good. When we do get together tho it’s like no time has gone by. Life happens I guess but it’s not something I seek any longer. This is how women end up w their man as their best friend. It’s only by default bc girl! No woman wants a man as a bestie. Lmbo ugh.
Wow!I you literally expressed how I have been feeling in this season of my life. Im crying you humor is great. Thanks for sharing this.
I will always have the capacity for friendship.
Doesn’t mean I don’t have the discernment to choose wisely or I have a plethora of friends.
But life is too short. One day we will all want to be around people and friends but for some of you it’ll be too late cause you’ve followed this mentality.
I agree!
I wholeheartedly agree! I remember my grandmother and great grandmother passing in the same month. It was beautiful to see ALL of the friends they’ve met over the years come to celebrate with our family. Both services, we couldn’t even fit all of the folks in the churches because it was so many people. I smile every time I think of how many beautiful people were in the building for they homie!
Agree wholeheartedly!
I'm 53. I used to be the friend and connection between our circle...all events were at our house, all the kids wanted to spend the weekend at our house, and hosted the book clubs, etc. After my last child moved out. I fell in love with quiet, peace, and serenity. The more time I spent apart from people the more discernment I was able to have about my relationships. That was the beginning of the end of my 20+ years of friends. I'll still text my sister-friends and maybe we chat on the phone once or twice a year and that's enough for me. When I feel moved to reach out I do and I believe they do too. We don't need to talk often to know that we love each other.
The more I hear your “rants” the more I realize we are high key the same person 😅 , I think it’s all about growing as a person and just being in different seasons in life, the older you get the more you want to protect your peace also (those who are wanting to grow) , I definitely know that the right people will come in due time and when they do, you will be ready 🫶🏾
It sounds like you've been on this journey with the Lord and He's throwing these instances at you to stand firm in Him and you're dooiinnngg ittt! A lonely road but one that makes us stronger. Loved the video!! ❤
Girl same! 😂 I get it from my grandpa. He was the king of "I don't care" in a protect your peace and avoid the BS way 😊
I’d love to have more meaningful close relationships but it can be hard to find. I have a lot of acquaintances but try not get too involved with people’s lives so I can protect my own peace.
I don’t have any friends. And, honestly, I don’t want any 😂😂. There’s always some drama, or some stupid gossip, or someone needs money, or someone uses you, or someone gets you in trouble, or you need to accommodate someone, nah, girl. I am not about that life. I am happy spending my time on me and my family, and be at peace. PEACE is the key word here🤣🤣.
I get everything, but you do have to learn to communicate. Communication is important, and learning how to say the truth and things in general must be learned. Trust me, my personality, I will say it how it want to say it, but it's a learning process. The right friendships will come along where it feels natural on both ends.
HOW I say it isn’t the issue… it’s WHAT was said that’s the issue. I’m working on learning to reach out and initiate communication, but I’m a work in progress.
Giiiiirrrrl, I’ll be 31 next month and I’m HERE!!!!! I’m literally close to my sister. I’ve been wanting to make a video like this but don’t want to go too much in detail in case it would ever reach old friends and possibly offend because I don’t want to offend anyone in any way whether we’ve discussed certain things or not in private! But I full on agree! Once I hit 30, the extra efforts to uphold relationships that I no longer needed anymore just vanished on my end. I don’t say it arrogantly but I just CANT prioritize those relationships as im revamping myself, a new mom, navigating this economy. Some friends require soooo much and others characteristics are off and sometimes I’m the problem too but whatever the case, the friend slate is CLEAN for now! Thank you for this transparency and are so pretty
Chile you are an introvert. Get with other introverts or people that understand. Avoid extroverts at all costs lol.
I am exactly in the same situation as you and have been for a while now. In my himble opinion its not about capacity cus you do have it. You relate with your sister and have tried to relate with people. However, you are a genuine person that desires authenticity and genuineness as well and in today's world of consumerism, show off, etc most people are not down for real stuff and makes it difficult to relate with most people. Keep being you till you find your physical tribe. You are lit sis.🤗
i totally agree!! i’m good by myself right now .
Felt this one glad I’m not alone on this. It can be hard when morals and values tend to shift for people. I keep attracting clingy friendships the ones that get mad if you don’t text back right away. Like you said just don’t have the capacity. I like friendships where we can go months without talking and when we link it’s like we never separated.
Guuuurrl you ain't said nothing but a word! I totally feel you. I want to have my person , someone that I can call about any and everything but I don't think I have the capacity either..unless they have the same mindset
You’re a really good friend to have. I don’t have friends. My sisters are my friends. I don’t really desire to have friends. I have had friends in the pass and it was way too much effort to mention them so I stepped out ❤
OMG!!! Hannah I remember the dinner/meetup we had in downtown Decatur ( I was the one needing to leave early cause I parked in the wrong place lol)anyways, I felt so out of place, I am such a introvert I felt like I didn’t fit in. So I never reached out again to go to another event. I felt you were one of the sweetest and down to earth people Ive met. I’m the exact same way I have a hard time with communication and I feel like I’m pushing people away because of it unintentionally. So my sister is truly my best friend…….. I said all that to say when people are meant to be in your community they’ll understand who you are, and absolutely be the right people needed for your community.
Man listen…this is tough. I’m such a friend oriented person that I feel sort of lost without company. It’s so boring and lonely without friends tho. I live in East Texas in a small town and it can suck to not have anyone. However I do understand not wanting to deal with people. But I’m starting to learn that friendships are like any other “ships” in your life. They require work. And sometimes people don’t understand that or do not have the capacity for the effort. I get it but I’d kill for good friendships at this point. 🤷🏿♀️
Whew!! YOU ARE ME ❤ Personally I'm just done with being the adviser, upgrader, the teacher, understanding obviously stupid REPEATED decisions, 0 growth, jealousy and more.
Honestly, whatever I have left in my 30''s is for a friendship with myself and a romantic relationship with myself.
I take full accountability because I do believe you attract people on the level at which you are at SO, MY BAD 😢
To correct that I am positioning myself so that I can be and attract what I want in every area of my life.
I lived and I learned ❤ thank you for the video, girl 🩷
Same boat, focused on me and mines no time for the rest
I completely understand with having friendships. It seems like friendships are hard to come by especially with just learning about someone. I love the FaceTime vlog.
I'm in this exact same situation! I have so much I'm working on with myself and my family. I don't have the capacity for friendships. One of my long term friendships just recently ended. I also have a sister who is basically my built in best friend and I'm close with my mom and my adult niece, so I'm good.
Yeah, I feel you girl!
Love your energy and your vibe 😍