You organize your thoughts so clearly and your speaking points are so comprehensive. You approach a topic very objectively but stand firm in your christian beliefs while doing so. I love hearing your thoughts and research on topics.
I really appreciated this. I never had a very healthy view of sex and I've definitely felt like in order to be a good wife I can never say no. I still feel bad if I feel like I can't at the moment but I know I got him later lol it's nice to hear someone speak so bluntly about it
My sister in law gave me this book and not knowing much scripture I went with it for a chapter or two until my husband told me he didn’t have a good feeling about it and asked me to put it away. praise God! To think at that point in my life I may have been swayed, yikes! So grateful for your series and my husbands intuition
I’m a single mum. I’ve learned so much From you. Things I never knew and everything you have said in your videos I 💯 agreed with. I really appreciate your videos and I love your wisdom thank you x
This reminds me of a post I saw recently on fb. A woman anonymously asked a women's group what they do to "get in the mood" because she didn't always want to have sex when her husband did. There were a couple of women who essentially told her that her husband was coercing her and that she was being abused! I was shocked that they took her question about her husband having a higher sex drive and how she can increase hers and twisted into accusing her husband of sexually abusing her! I had to jump in there and put that fire out. Thankfully the woman responded and defended her husband. Seems that this narrative is spreading! Careful ladies!
First, the devil taught all women that it's abusive if they take care of the household well, next is to tell them to give any love to men is as well. The devil seeks to divide man from women so to reduce love in socoety and reduce the number of babies born.
Yes, very wise perspective, Bindi! because the Bible says a husband and wife’s bodies belong to the other and that we have a heart to love them sacrificially...the only way this works is for me to pray to love my husband even more than myself and think of his needs with sympathy and not resentment. The world labels some things as abuse that is a lie from the pit of hell!
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG even though your heart is in the right place! There is no teaching from Christ where you love your husband MORE than yourself. Your husband is recommended/ advised through Christ to love you, his wife, as Christ Loved the Church that he (your husband JUST LIKE Christ)is willing to die for you. This means, if he is ready to die for you then he can equally sacrifice his pleasure if you are not ready for sex. You, the wife are recommended/ advised through Christ to submit to his leadership --- That doesn't mean SUBSERVIENCY, SLAVERY, and NON-CONSENSUAL SEX. Submitting to the head of the household and being abused or raped by that same leadership is UNGODLY The saddest reality in the last 1,992 years is that most Christian women are the worst enablers of spousal abuse because most lack the true meaning behind that scripture. You are NEVER to love anyone MORE than yourself except GOD. Your husband is NOT for worship, he cannot and must not be worshipped like a god or GOD. Your husband must always lead with LOVE. When you lead with love like Christ, you don't force your wife to have sex with her when she is not ready, not feeling it, or just doesn't want to. That is UN-CHRISTLIKE. Deborah, please don't be telling women to love their husbands more than themselves. Whatever church is teaching you that is a cult. I am a married man. I am the leader of my household. My wife loves me and our sex life is awesome. I have never forced her and we are not having sex every single day, every single hour. When she is ready, she is ready, When she is not, she is not.
This is why I like that my husband and I were friends. So yes we have the husband and wife dynamic. But..in the bedroom we're not so serious as I hear others are. We laugh and play like we did as grade schoolers and that ends in sex usually. It doesn't feel like an obligation mostly. Sometimes I get tired since we've had the kid and all. But once I was healed from birthing I felt like giving him sex. He doesn't demand so it feels easy to give. And he's my friend so I don't feel like hurting him by saying no for long periods of time. I think husbands who constantly hear no aren't very good at making sure she's also having a good time.
Mindi you are quite knowledgeable in your understanding of God's words and interpretation of same. It shows that you truly take time to seek the Lord's leading in the content you deliver. Thank you. I love your clarification about the different requirements God has for husbands and wife to love and submit respectively. I agree though I never saw it that way that its for the individuals to conclude on obedience as true obedience comes from within. God bless you my dear. Keep ministering the word of God.
I think the entire point of Sheila’s writings on obligation sex is that it doesn’t only apply in extreme situations. It’s trying to show that even well intentioned or good people can sometimes have a subconscious entitlement that is sinful, and that pressure or coercion isn’t always as obvious as we might think. She always talks about the distinction between “no obligation” and still being intentional about your sex and intimacy. She does say sex is important in marriage, but she’s trying to show how even small behaviors, like pouting or silent treatment, lead your partner to feeling like they CANT say no, or have to have sex in order to avoid an argument or poor treatment from their spouse. That’s not good for either partner. So it’s not a “lens” it’s just reality, and she proves how subtle the effects of this are with research. I hate when people compare the obligation to have sex when we don’t want to to vegetables or chores…..sex is a deeply intimate act, more intimate than our culture tells us it is, it should ALWAYS be mutually desired. (She does do an entire podcast on the difference between “not wanting to have sex right now, and wanting NOT to have sex right now) sometimes it’s not your first choice of action, but your not opposed to getting it to the mood if you think you can, and sometimes you know, you just aren’t up for it. The bottom line is there always has to be the option to say no….or it’s no longer a gift…..
I actually think the deprivation is more to do with heart posture and intention than it is to do with actual frequency (even though frequency does matter). That's one of the few small disagreements I have with the definition of deprivation. In the example of children you can define the leeway in meal frequency as their parent. When you decide how many dropped sexual encounters should be enough for your husband you start to allow arbitrary unilateral gatekeeping. Men know when their wives seek to be intimate with them and meet their needs. Even if a man wants it 3 times a day, he will prefer a wife has sex with him once but is upset because she wished should could have met him at his need for three times, as opposed to a woman who had sex twice but was negotiating against him away from the 3. Usually asserting that you have the right to say no, bringing up all your other priorities, acting begrudgingly etc does more damage than actually not having the sex. Maybe if we switched it it would become clearer. Lets say you had a need for your husband to take you on a date once a week. Which would you prefer? A husband who was genuinely crushed that he got called into work on date nights and usually sent you a message saying how much he wished he could be with you? Or a husband who took you on more dates and spent the whole time talking about how much of an inconvenience you are and how he should have the right to do something else? I think it's the same as giving generously to God being important, but God specifically saying He loves a cheerful giver. The direction you negotiate in, communicates way more than the number you achieve. "Outdo each other in love"
i love how you put the whole deprivation of sex analogy. it definitely helped me alot. i don't whant to deprive my husband so i feel terribly guilty if i ever say no, like for example painful sex happens from time to time for me, or complete exhaustion, or heavy menstral flow. i do make a habit of skipping his 2 to 3 times a week preference once a month for my period, but we normally do have sex once that week when the flow is just about gone. it is a habit, maybe it's not right, but i don't think he is feeling deprived and he understands. i just consider this to be a part of being married to a woman and i believe he understands it the same. thanks Bindi, you cleared things up for me. this will help with my guilt of the rare no outside of menstration week. 💜
Please realize that it's actually against scripture to have sex during your period and after labor as well. If you have a boy, there is no intercourse for 40 days. If you have a girl, there is no intercourse for the next 80 days, double the time (Lev 12:1-5). Please don't feel like you need to have sex during these times of not only purification but often pain and discomfort. Leviticus 15:24 And if any man lies with her and her menstrual impurity comes upon him, he shall be unclean seven days, and every bed on which he lies shall be unclean. Leviticus 18:19 You shall not approach a woman to uncover her nakedness while she is in her menstrual uncleanness.
About the feminism matter, it's exactly what you said. There's a book called "Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World" wrote by Carolyn McCulley, a former feminist herself. About these I would also recommend "Let me be a woman" by Elizabeth Elliot, they've helped me understanding how Scripture is so fundamental when facing social movements and their promises, with a discerning and sober view upon them
Thank you for breaking everything down. I don't personally need to hear that about my husband, but I can definitely see some women accusing/ condemning their husband's without the husband even knowing.
Also, I saw some comments about sex during your menstrual cycle and it’s an OT law and all that. God put those laws in place for a reason. He created sex for procreation (and pleasure being a secondary part of it). Sex during your cycle goes against his design. Why would God approve this? When Jesus came he said he came not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it. A great majority of Those laws had such great wisdom and instructions in righteousness. Jesus didn’t come to give us license to abolish the law. With that being said, I believe it is biblical and in order to abstain from sex during your cycle. It’s considered unclean for a reason, and I believe that still stands today as apart of God’s righteous law that we are to observe. The thought of sex while a woman is bleeding is quite gross to me…and a man that doesn’t mind that, makes me believe he is motivated by a sexual spirit that doesn’t care if the woman is unclean. I would suggest some hand stimulation during your cycle to give your husband some sort of release.
I love that about not "policing" the other into doing his/her part. Each spouse has to focus on doing his/her OWN part 👍. Also we have to remember that two people aren't always going to be "in the mood" at the exact same time. If we wait for that it may happen even less lol. So.its sacrificial love to give yourself and you can get in the mood even of you don't start that way sisters. 😉
The Holy Scripture in many books let us know that The Almighty wants us to come to HIM and love HIM with all our heart, soul and might. Nothing forced but with complete free will and that's exactly how we wives should love our husbands and the husband's should love their wives. Also remembering to do all things in and with love, even more so the expression of love by being sexualy intimate where the possibility to bring another soul into this life is a real possibility.
My abusive mentally ill husband raped me many times and once during our separation. The police take no action as we were still “married” even though it was not consensual and I fought him for nearly 10 minutes. He would cheat on me the come home and demand I be with him. He gave me an STI while pregnant with one child then blamed me for it.
You are so lovely Bindi. I’m so glad I found you. I am finding god and Jesus right now but also feel shame in doing so from my family. Thank you for making me feel better. Bless.
I follow the author on twitter and I believe a lot what she posts is based in feminism. I believe she is an egalitarian and that is the basis for much of her views.
Hi, I have a question about sex. This is a hypothetical question. What if in the relationship the trust gets compromised because of a certain behavior of the man and the woman doesn't feel safe/comfortable to have sex with him anymore. For example, the man is disrespectful. Watches porn, drinks frequently, doesn't value her in some way, or does repeatedly any other thing that hurts the wife and compromises the trust in the marriage. Can the woman set a boundary for a certain time? Not to control or punish, but simply because the husbands behavior doesn't make it safe for her to be this intimate with him.
What does the word of God says? Do you obey the word when it's easy or suits you or because it's command of God.? The same God who said don't worship idols says do not deprive your husband. Its a command not a request sister.
A woman’s intimacy with her husband is greatly tied up in the way she is treated. If he is watching porn, he is committing adultery. He has lusted after another woman in his heart and the Bible says he has already committed adultery in his heart. Women do not have to allow everything. They do not have to be intimate when they are treated horribly. If your husband is abusive, you might have to consider leaving him. There is more abuse than physical abuse. Only you know what goes on in your marriage. I would advise you to talk to a counselor. Be careful with Christian counselors who will tell you to just live with certain behaviors and the man doesn’t have to change. We’re not talking about a man who doesn’t pick up his socks and so you won’t have sex. We’re talking about a man who disrespects you and emotionally harms you. I would definitely talk to my husband about what he’s doing. Show him the love of God but you do not have to put up with his behaviors and be expected to shut down your emotions and give in to his advances. There needs to be a change in his actions toward you.
Some medical and emotional conditions are not as simple as you say. Especially if women have saved themselves for marriage they won’t know if they have dysfunction in that area.
The issue with these authors is that they are egalitarian and feminist. Please be aware that you are giving them too much credit and too much of the benefit of the doubt. They may claim that they wrote this for abuse victims, but their definition of abuse (trust me) is different from yours and is not necessarily Biblical. They ARE as extreme as you wondering they might be. They DO hold that a woman having sex when she's not in the mood and because her husband asked her to is rape. The issue is that they take the world's views on sex, consent, marriage and gender roles and then try to apply them to the Bible instead of letting the Bible tell them what sex and consent are. The Bible makes it clear that when a husband and wife get married they belong to each other and that each has a right to the other person's body. At the same time, wives are to submit to their husbands and husbands are to love their wives. When held in balance, these two truths equal out to sex being regular but also in line with the needs of both parties. It is both loving and sacrificial, understanding and giving. Sometimes a husband or a wife can misuse their rights. This is not rape, but abuse or unkindness (depending on the situation), which is very different. Rape means that the person taking your body has no right to it. That is not the situation with a husband or a wife. To call a husband (or a wife) mistreating or abusing their spouse rape, is to imply that they do not have a right to that person to begin with. They do, but they are misusing that right and not honoring God or their spouse. It is a sin, but we need to be clear what that sin is. The second issue is that they view sex in the wrong way period. They view it as purely for connection and enjoyment. This is not true. God created sex first and foremost for procreation, and (because he is a good God) made it connecting, bonding, and pleasurable. Sex is first practical and secondarily romantic. This means that it IS NOT a sin to have sex for non-romantic reasons like they teach. For example, it is not wrong to have sex just in order to conceive. It is also equally not wrong to have sex purely because it is needed by one spouse but not as much for the other. Sex is not wrong if one of the spouses is not in the mood. Sex is still Godly and God honoring even if it is not romantic. Remember, many of the marriages in the Bible were arranged. The wedding night was probably not very romantic and probably was more awkward and scary for both parties. Was this somehow evil sex? Sex that was not God honoring? No, it was between a husband and a wife. Not only have they twisted the Biblical view of sex, they have also added rules to the Bible. Both of these things are evil things to do. Please don't give them any slack and call out their evil teaching for what it is, evil!
i must say ive watched this video and been reading through the comments and i realise no one is approaching this biblically . does no one ask what biblical intimacy is supposed to mean?ask yourselves what is sex an expression of .. why does he desire you why do you desire him... smh ... so many people complaining about some situations that would clearly solved with biblical thinking from both parties.why complain about the people you chose to get involved with...
Is an**l sex something I can always say no to? My ex-husband hurt me when I was a newly wed young girl. Without going into details I was physically damaged by it.I always wondered if a**l sex was unnatural or something that's acceptable.
There are tons of OT laws, most of them no longer apply to us. Are you sinning if you have sex during your period? I would argue absolutely not. We could make videos about OT law all day, thank the Lord we don't have to follow all of that -it would literally be impossible for us. I can't imagine not being with my husband for 2 weeks a month, I'm so thankful to God for modern hygiene.
I can’t imagine going half the month without being intimate with my husband. During my period Im surely not bed bound and Im still pretty active doing other life responsibilities. Having a period doesn’t equal life stopping. Orgasms during a menstrual cycle does help with cramping, that goodness our Lord gave us this gift of a natural pain reliever!
Hi Bindi, my husband watches pornography, which hurts me very much. I feel deceived and not attractive enough for him. What do you think: is it normal and allowed to watch pornography or not? Furthermore he has erection problems when we have sex. What is your opinion?
Him watching Porn has nothing to do with you or your attractiveness! He is choosing to do that thing! If it’s something that’s an issue for you then talk to him and tell him for you it’s an issue! He should know that his behavior is hurting you.
When the Bible speaks to followers of Christ it speaks to virtuous people. Husbands that love their wives as themselves. Wives that respect their husbands truly. It’s context. People that put their own selfishness above their spouse are lost.
Bindi, You read from 1 Corinthians chapter 7,I post a question for your last video but didn’t get an answer, The questions was churches always preach not to be unequally yoked together with unbeliever according to 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 and comparing to 1 Corinthians 7:12-16,I would like you to break it down and explain it to me, thank you and God bless you and your family in the mighty name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth!!
Communication and the power of agreement is key according to Eccle 4:12,Amos 3:3,Matthew 18:18-20, acts 1:14,acts 2:1 But if Faith and moral values Doesn’t match, then I have to seek the Lord and pray to make sure I’m in his will according to Matthew 6:33, 1 John 5:14-15, Just got to trust the Lord Proverbs 3:5-7, Zechariah 4:6, Matthew 19:26,Ephesians 2:8-9, Philippians 4:19 in the mighty name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth!! Thank you for responding To my comment.
I'm confused, I'm married and I have a very unusual penis size, 10 1/2 inches with a soda can type girth. And sex is painful to my wife no matter how slow and gentle we make it. So you're saying that we shouldn't attempt to have sex with each other. My wife is the one that push's us to keep trying.
Bluegill u are highly blessed I think it's wise to take it to God in prayer to help both of you..&read good books on the subject until you break into yr wins.learning is winning.. thank God your wife wants it to work..
This is where I completely disagree. It should never be a crime within marriage. Consent is given when you say I do at the alter. It's a human right to have your needs met in marriage. It's better than adultery. Plus this stupid argument of him missing q time is not depriving him in stupid. 1. It's a sin 2. Youre defrauding your husband 3. Your hurting your husband. 4. You're opening the window for adultery. Whoever has the higher drive should ultimately be the one who decided when it's going to happen.
I pray for your wife’s sake you soften your approach. No one likes a leader who has to demand or beg for sex or outline a harsh list like this. It shows a lack of confidence and no one finds that sexy. You should be a strong enough man to not even have to say anything because your wife will naturally want to.
@@Kbenjamin45 I have remained celibate so that God could reward me with a suitable wife. I wont tolerate being curses with a wife who is unwilling to give me what I desire. I will not soften my approach nor will I feel guilty if the world calls me a ****** Any women who refuses to give her husband what he needs is a worthless wife and he has every right to ditch her for someone who can.
@@raheemkhan5665 celibacy is good! It also softens hearts as time goes on. If your vocation is marriage, then you will find out there at times when needs are not met. There are times you won’t be able to meet your wife’s needs (sickness, work obligations) and there are times she won’t be able to meet yours (sickness, childbirth, work obligations). If a spouse commits adultery, that’s their sin! Also, when you die, what will you tell God? “Oh, my wife defrauded me so I had to commit adultery!” Do you think that’s an acceptable response? I’ll just leave this here.
@@elenarewd9299 celibacy is not a blessing, its a curse. If someone isn't sticking to their end of a contract, in the name of justice you have every right to withdraw your end. If I worked and my boss insisted I keep working despite not being paid anything, do I not have the right to quit and work somewhere else? If my wife defrauds me, I'm leaving her and I don't care if she's upset. She brought it on herself at that point and I will have now qualms about replacing her with a new wife. Ladies if you want to keep your husband, NEVER EVER deny him intimacy.
![[v2] DIFFICULT HUSBAND & GOSSIPING WIFE | Christian Woman, Wife, & Homemaker](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/sIkZG5UBFBk/mqdefault.jpg)
You organize your thoughts so clearly and your speaking points are so comprehensive. You approach a topic very objectively but stand firm in your christian beliefs while doing so. I love hearing your thoughts and research on topics.
Great point about not applying the truths about extreme situations to yourself if it doesn't apply to you 👏🏾
Your Husband is very blessed to have you as his wife. God bless you and keep up the good work
Exactly my thoughts too
I really appreciated this. I never had a very healthy view of sex and I've definitely felt like in order to be a good wife I can never say no. I still feel bad if I feel like I can't at the moment but I know I got him later lol it's nice to hear someone speak so bluntly about it
My sister in law gave me this book and not knowing much scripture I went with it for a chapter or two until my husband told me he didn’t have a good feeling about it and asked me to put it away. praise God! To think at that point in my life I may have been swayed, yikes! So grateful for your series and my husbands intuition
And don’t forget your willingness to be obedient to your husband’s leadership
I’m a single mum. I’ve learned so much From you. Things I never knew and everything you have said in your videos I 💯 agreed with. I really appreciate your videos and I love your wisdom thank you x
When you said Adam sinned, knowing he was sinning… Whoah - so true!!! Never thought about it like that…
This reminds me of a post I saw recently on fb. A woman anonymously asked a women's group what they do to "get in the mood" because she didn't always want to have sex when her husband did.
There were a couple of women who essentially told her that her husband was coercing her and that she was being abused!
I was shocked that they took her question about her husband having a higher sex drive and how she can increase hers and twisted into accusing her husband of sexually abusing her! I had to jump in there and put that fire out. Thankfully the woman responded and defended her husband.
Seems that this narrative is spreading! Careful ladies!
First, the devil taught all women that it's abusive if they take care of the household well, next is to tell them to give any love to men is as well. The devil seeks to divide man from women so to reduce love in socoety and reduce the number of babies born.
Yes, very wise perspective, Bindi! because the Bible says a husband and wife’s bodies belong to the other and that we have a heart to love them sacrificially...the only way this works is for me to pray to love my husband even more than myself and think of his needs with sympathy and not resentment. The world labels some things as abuse that is a lie from the pit of hell!
This is SO true and SO good!!!
Some situations are abuse for real for real .
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG even though your heart is in the right place! There is no teaching from Christ where you love your husband MORE than yourself. Your husband is recommended/ advised through Christ to love you, his wife, as Christ Loved the Church that he (your husband JUST LIKE Christ)is willing to die for you. This means, if he is ready to die for you then he can equally sacrifice his pleasure if you are not ready for sex.
You, the wife are recommended/ advised through Christ to submit to his leadership --- That doesn't mean SUBSERVIENCY, SLAVERY, and NON-CONSENSUAL SEX. Submitting to the head of the household and being abused or raped by that same leadership is UNGODLY
The saddest reality in the last 1,992 years is that most Christian women are the worst enablers of spousal abuse because most lack the true meaning behind that scripture. You are NEVER to love anyone MORE than yourself except GOD. Your husband is NOT for worship, he cannot and must not be worshipped like a god or GOD. Your husband must always lead with LOVE. When you lead with love like Christ, you don't force your wife to have sex with her when she is not ready, not feeling it, or just doesn't want to. That is UN-CHRISTLIKE.
Deborah, please don't be telling women to love their husbands more than themselves. Whatever church is teaching you that is a cult.
I am a married man. I am the leader of my household. My wife loves me and our sex life is awesome. I have never forced her and we are not having sex every single day, every single hour. When she is ready, she is ready, When she is not, she is not.
This is why I like that my husband and I were friends. So yes we have the husband and wife dynamic. But..in the bedroom we're not so serious as I hear others are. We laugh and play like we did as grade schoolers and that ends in sex usually. It doesn't feel like an obligation mostly. Sometimes I get tired since we've had the kid and all. But once I was healed from birthing I felt like giving him sex. He doesn't demand so it feels easy to give. And he's my friend so I don't feel like hurting him by saying no for long periods of time. I think husbands who constantly hear no aren't very good at making sure she's also having a good time.
Underrated last sentence!
This is also how my marriage works ❤ best friend since we were 13, having that back story makes intimacy easy, playful and natural
Mindi you are quite knowledgeable in your understanding of God's words and interpretation of same. It shows that you truly take time to seek the Lord's leading in the content you deliver. Thank you. I love your clarification about the different requirements God has for husbands and wife to love and submit respectively. I agree though I never saw it that way that its for the individuals to conclude on obedience as true obedience comes from within. God bless you my dear. Keep ministering the word of God.
Thank you for clarifying that women saying no sometimes does not equal deprivation
I think the entire point of Sheila’s writings on obligation sex is that it doesn’t only apply in extreme situations. It’s trying to show that even well intentioned or good people can sometimes have a subconscious entitlement that is sinful, and that pressure or coercion isn’t always as obvious as we might think. She always talks about the distinction between “no obligation” and still being intentional about your sex and intimacy. She does say sex is important in marriage, but she’s trying to show how even small behaviors, like pouting or silent treatment, lead your partner to feeling like they CANT say no, or have to have sex in order to avoid an argument or poor treatment from their spouse. That’s not good for either partner. So it’s not a “lens” it’s just reality, and she proves how subtle the effects of this are with research. I hate when people compare the obligation to have sex when we don’t want to to vegetables or chores…..sex is a deeply intimate act, more intimate than our culture tells us it is, it should ALWAYS be mutually desired. (She does do an entire podcast on the difference between “not wanting to have sex right now, and wanting NOT to have sex right now) sometimes it’s not your first choice of action, but your not opposed to getting it to the mood if you think you can, and sometimes you know, you just aren’t up for it. The bottom line is there always has to be the option to say no….or it’s no longer a gift…..
I actually think the deprivation is more to do with heart posture and intention than it is to do with actual frequency (even though frequency does matter). That's one of the few small disagreements I have with the definition of deprivation. In the example of children you can define the leeway in meal frequency as their parent. When you decide how many dropped sexual encounters should be enough for your husband you start to allow arbitrary unilateral gatekeeping. Men know when their wives seek to be intimate with them and meet their needs. Even if a man wants it 3 times a day, he will prefer a wife has sex with him once but is upset because she wished should could have met him at his need for three times, as opposed to a woman who had sex twice but was negotiating against him away from the 3. Usually asserting that you have the right to say no, bringing up all your other priorities, acting begrudgingly etc does more damage than actually not having the sex. Maybe if we switched it it would become clearer. Lets say you had a need for your husband to take you on a date once a week. Which would you prefer? A husband who was genuinely crushed that he got called into work on date nights and usually sent you a message saying how much he wished he could be with you? Or a husband who took you on more dates and spent the whole time talking about how much of an inconvenience you are and how he should have the right to do something else? I think it's the same as giving generously to God being important, but God specifically saying He loves a cheerful giver. The direction you negotiate in, communicates way more than the number you achieve. "Outdo each other in love"
Attitude is everything. Some types of women not only want to decide how much is enough for her husband but every other husband too.
This is gold!
@@stacey2804 thank you!
Bindi you are DEFINITELY doing the Lord's work with these topics! I absolutely love your channel and your delivery!
The word that other TH-camrs use is "grape" in order to not get flagged.
I’m glad you posted this video. Thank you for sharing. ❤️
i love how you put the whole deprivation of sex analogy. it definitely helped me alot. i don't whant to deprive my husband so i feel terribly guilty if i ever say no, like for example painful sex happens from time to time for me, or complete exhaustion, or heavy menstral flow. i do make a habit of skipping his 2 to 3 times a week preference once a month for my period, but we normally do have sex once that week when the flow is just about gone. it is a habit, maybe it's not right, but i don't think he is feeling deprived and he understands. i just consider this to be a part of being married to a woman and i believe he understands it the same. thanks Bindi, you cleared things up for me. this will help with my guilt of the rare no outside of menstration week. 💜
Please realize that it's actually against scripture to have sex during your period and after labor as well. If you have a boy, there is no intercourse for 40 days. If you have a girl, there is no intercourse for the next 80 days, double the time (Lev 12:1-5). Please don't feel like you need to have sex during these times of not only purification but often pain and discomfort.
Leviticus 15:24 And if any man lies with her and her menstrual impurity comes upon him, he shall be unclean seven days, and every bed on which he lies shall be unclean.
Leviticus 18:19 You shall not approach a woman to uncover her nakedness while she is in her menstrual uncleanness.
I think you have a great system
About the feminism matter, it's exactly what you said. There's a book called "Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World" wrote by Carolyn McCulley, a former feminist herself. About these I would also recommend "Let me be a woman" by Elizabeth Elliot, they've helped me understanding how Scripture is so fundamental when facing social movements and their promises, with a discerning and sober view upon them
Thank you for breaking everything down. I don't personally need to hear that about my husband, but I can definitely see some women accusing/ condemning their husband's without the husband even knowing.
Thank you for sharing this and this entire series. I appreciate your book reviews and fashion/modesty examples. Praise God!
Also, I saw some comments about sex during your menstrual cycle and it’s an OT law and all that. God put those laws in place for a reason. He created sex for procreation (and pleasure being a secondary part of it). Sex during your cycle goes against his design. Why would God approve this?
When Jesus came he said he came not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it. A great majority of Those laws had such great wisdom and instructions in righteousness. Jesus didn’t come to give us license to abolish the law. With that being said, I believe it is biblical and in order to abstain from sex during your cycle. It’s considered unclean for a reason, and I believe that still stands today as apart of God’s righteous law that we are to observe.
The thought of sex while a woman is bleeding is quite gross to me…and a man that doesn’t mind that, makes me believe he is motivated by a sexual spirit that doesn’t care if the woman is unclean.
I would suggest some hand stimulation during your cycle to give your husband some sort of release.
I love that about not "policing" the other into doing his/her part. Each spouse has to focus on doing his/her OWN part 👍. Also we have to remember that two people aren't always going to be "in the mood" at the exact same time. If we wait for that it may happen even less lol. So.its sacrificial love to give yourself and you can get in the mood even of you don't start that way sisters. 😉
What you said is very true, Women are deceived by what they hear and men are deceived by what they see.
The Holy Scripture in many books let us know that The Almighty wants us to come to HIM and love HIM with all our heart, soul and might. Nothing forced but with complete free will and that's exactly how we wives should love our husbands and the husband's should love their wives. Also remembering to do all things in and with love, even more so the expression of love by being sexualy intimate where the possibility to bring another soul into this life is a real possibility.
You always do a great job at explaining things. 👏🏻
My abusive mentally ill husband raped me many times and once during our separation. The police take no action as we were still “married” even though it was not consensual and I fought him for nearly 10 minutes. He would cheat on me the come home and demand I be with him. He gave me an STI while pregnant with one child then blamed me for it.
Good stuff as always, Joyce! 🌹
You are so lovely Bindi. I’m so glad I found you. I am finding god and Jesus right now but also feel shame in doing so from my family. Thank you for making me feel better. Bless.
I follow the author on twitter and I believe a lot what she posts is based in feminism. I believe she is an egalitarian and that is the basis for much of her views.
Why am I now finding you? Thank God I found you. Subbed
I believe when we allow the fruit's of spirit in our marrage we enjoy the blessing God intended for our pleasure
You have decirtment ! I love your videos and that you are truly teaching healty cristian doctrine
You made it plain sis 👏🏾🙌🏾
Hi, I have a question about sex. This is a hypothetical question. What if in the relationship the trust gets compromised because of a certain behavior of the man and the woman doesn't feel safe/comfortable to have sex with him anymore. For example, the man is disrespectful. Watches porn, drinks frequently, doesn't value her in some way, or does repeatedly any other thing that hurts the wife and compromises the trust in the marriage. Can the woman set a boundary for a certain time? Not to control or punish, but simply because the husbands behavior doesn't make it safe for her to be this intimate with him.
The boundary would be something like: until you stop being disrespectful to me (+example), I don't feel comfortable having sex with you.
What does the word of God says? Do you obey the word when it's easy or suits you or because it's command of God.? The same God who said don't worship idols says do not deprive your husband. Its a command not a request sister.
A woman’s intimacy with her husband is greatly tied up in the way she is treated. If he is watching porn, he is committing adultery. He has lusted after another woman in his heart and the Bible says he has already committed adultery in his heart. Women do not have to allow everything. They do not have to be intimate when they are treated horribly. If your husband is abusive, you might have to consider leaving him. There is more abuse than physical abuse. Only you know what goes on in your marriage. I would advise you to talk to a counselor. Be careful with Christian counselors who will tell you to just live with certain behaviors and the man doesn’t have to change. We’re not talking about a man who doesn’t pick up his socks and so you won’t have sex. We’re talking about a man who disrespects you and emotionally harms you. I would definitely talk to my husband about what he’s doing. Show him the love of God but you do not have to put up with his behaviors and be expected to shut down your emotions and give in to his advances. There needs to be a change in his actions toward you.
Some medical and emotional conditions are not as simple as you say. Especially if women have saved themselves for marriage they won’t know if they have dysfunction in that area.
I love your videos. Your comments section is among the most wild I have seen lol
The issue with these authors is that they are egalitarian and feminist. Please be aware that you are giving them too much credit and too much of the benefit of the doubt. They may claim that they wrote this for abuse victims, but their definition of abuse (trust me) is different from yours and is not necessarily Biblical. They ARE as extreme as you wondering they might be. They DO hold that a woman having sex when she's not in the mood and because her husband asked her to is rape. The issue is that they take the world's views on sex, consent, marriage and gender roles and then try to apply them to the Bible instead of letting the Bible tell them what sex and consent are. The Bible makes it clear that when a husband and wife get married they belong to each other and that each has a right to the other person's body. At the same time, wives are to submit to their husbands and husbands are to love their wives. When held in balance, these two truths equal out to sex being regular but also in line with the needs of both parties. It is both loving and sacrificial, understanding and giving. Sometimes a husband or a wife can misuse their rights. This is not rape, but abuse or unkindness (depending on the situation), which is very different. Rape means that the person taking your body has no right to it. That is not the situation with a husband or a wife. To call a husband (or a wife) mistreating or abusing their spouse rape, is to imply that they do not have a right to that person to begin with. They do, but they are misusing that right and not honoring God or their spouse. It is a sin, but we need to be clear what that sin is.
The second issue is that they view sex in the wrong way period. They view it as purely for connection and enjoyment. This is not true. God created sex first and foremost for procreation, and (because he is a good God) made it connecting, bonding, and pleasurable. Sex is first practical and secondarily romantic. This means that it IS NOT a sin to have sex for non-romantic reasons like they teach. For example, it is not wrong to have sex just in order to conceive. It is also equally not wrong to have sex purely because it is needed by one spouse but not as much for the other. Sex is not wrong if one of the spouses is not in the mood. Sex is still Godly and God honoring even if it is not romantic. Remember, many of the marriages in the Bible were arranged. The wedding night was probably not very romantic and probably was more awkward and scary for both parties. Was this somehow evil sex? Sex that was not God honoring? No, it was between a husband and a wife. Not only have they twisted the Biblical view of sex, they have also added rules to the Bible. Both of these things are evil things to do. Please don't give them any slack and call out their evil teaching for what it is, evil!
Y is your hair so healthy
i must say ive watched this video and been reading through the comments and i realise no one is approaching this biblically . does no one ask what biblical intimacy is supposed to mean?ask yourselves what is sex an expression of .. why does he desire you why do you desire him... smh ... so many people complaining about some situations that would clearly solved with biblical thinking from both parties.why complain about the people you chose to get involved with...
While you are cooking and using your cutting board, please put a wet cloth underneath that way it won't move. 💐
Whats the name of that book please
sex should not be a a obligation it should be agreed with both party's,,, bye the way nice dress
You are so Pretty . Totally goals. Lol
Very good! (the dark side is a part of marriage too..)
Is an**l sex something I can always say no to? My ex-husband hurt me when I was a newly wed young girl. Without going into details I was physically damaged by it.I always wondered if a**l sex was unnatural or something that's acceptable.
I wonder what Bindi has to say about the way the OT law basically commanded women to deprive their husbands for a minimum of 2 weeks per month.
@@sheilamallory279 exactly. I guess I did not communicate my statement very well.
There are tons of OT laws, most of them no longer apply to us. Are you sinning if you have sex during your period? I would argue absolutely not. We could make videos about OT law all day, thank the Lord we don't have to follow all of that -it would literally be impossible for us. I can't imagine not being with my husband for 2 weeks a month, I'm so thankful to God for modern hygiene.
@@stacey2804 just my opinion, but just b/c something is under the Law and no longer considered a sin does not mean it is good for us.
I can’t imagine going half the month without being intimate with my husband. During my period Im surely not bed bound and Im still pretty active doing other life responsibilities. Having a period doesn’t equal life stopping.
Orgasms during a menstrual cycle does help with cramping, that goodness our Lord gave us this gift of a natural pain reliever!
Can you point me to that verse please?
Thank you , God bless you
Hi Bindi, my husband watches pornography, which hurts me very much. I feel deceived and not attractive enough for him. What do you think: is it normal and allowed to watch pornography or not? Furthermore he has erection problems when we have sex. What is your opinion?
Him watching Porn has nothing to do with you or your attractiveness! He is choosing to do that thing! If it’s something that’s an issue for you then talk to him and tell him for you it’s an issue! He should know that his behavior is hurting you.
Sorry your dealing with this. Consuming pornograpbic material is sin.
When the Bible speaks to followers of Christ it speaks to virtuous people. Husbands that love their wives as themselves. Wives that respect their husbands truly. It’s context. People that put their own selfishness above their spouse are lost.
Bindi, You read from 1 Corinthians chapter 7,I post a question for your last video but didn’t get an answer, The questions was churches always preach not to be unequally yoked together with unbeliever according to 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 and comparing to 1 Corinthians 7:12-16,I would like you to break it down and explain it to me, thank you and God bless you and your family in the mighty name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth!!
Different faiths mean different morals and values. What do you do if your morals don’t match?
Communication and the power of agreement is key according to
Eccle 4:12,Amos 3:3,Matthew 18:18-20, acts 1:14,acts 2:1
But if Faith and moral values Doesn’t match, then I have to seek the Lord and pray to make sure I’m in his will according to Matthew 6:33, 1 John 5:14-15,
Just got to trust the Lord
Proverbs 3:5-7, Zechariah 4:6, Matthew 19:26,Ephesians 2:8-9, Philippians 4:19 in the mighty name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth!! Thank you for responding To my comment.
* philippians 4:13
Men have a lot of obligations that they meet every day. Yet the woman has none.
Girl you preaching
I'm confused, I'm married and I have a very unusual penis size, 10 1/2 inches with a soda can type girth. And sex is painful to my wife no matter how slow and gentle we make it. So you're saying that we shouldn't attempt to have sex with each other. My wife is the one that push's us to keep trying.
Bluegill u are highly blessed I think it's wise to take it to God in prayer to help both of you..&read good books on the subject until you break into yr wins.learning is winning.. thank God your wife wants it to work..
👍🏽❤️
Honestly, the book is trash. Very deceptive in my opinion.
This is where I completely disagree. It should never be a crime within marriage. Consent is given when you say I do at the alter. It's a human right to have your needs met in marriage.
It's better than adultery.
Plus this stupid argument of him missing q time is not depriving him in stupid.
1. It's a sin
2. Youre defrauding your husband
3. Your hurting your husband.
4. You're opening the window for adultery.
Whoever has the higher drive should ultimately be the one who decided when it's going to happen.
I pray for your wife’s sake you soften your approach. No one likes a leader who has to demand or beg for sex or outline a harsh list like this. It shows a lack of confidence and no one finds that sexy. You should be a strong enough man to not even have to say anything because your wife will naturally want to.
@@Kbenjamin45 I have remained celibate so that God could reward me with a suitable wife. I wont tolerate being curses with a wife who is unwilling to give me what I desire.
I will not soften my approach nor will I feel guilty if the world calls me a ******
Any women who refuses to give her husband what he needs is a worthless wife and he has every right to ditch her for someone who can.
@@raheemkhan5665 celibacy is good! It also softens hearts as time goes on. If your vocation is marriage, then you will find out there at times when needs are not met. There are times you won’t be able to meet your wife’s needs (sickness, work obligations) and there are times she won’t be able to meet yours (sickness, childbirth, work obligations). If a spouse commits adultery, that’s their sin! Also, when you die, what will you tell God? “Oh, my wife defrauded me so I had to commit adultery!” Do you think that’s an acceptable response? I’ll just leave this here.
@@elenarewd9299 celibacy is not a blessing, its a curse.
If someone isn't sticking to their end of a contract, in the name of justice you have every right to withdraw your end.
If I worked and my boss insisted I keep working despite not being paid anything, do I not have the right to quit and work somewhere else?
If my wife defrauds me, I'm leaving her and I don't care if she's upset. She brought it on herself at that point and I will have now qualms about replacing her with a new wife.
Ladies if you want to keep your husband, NEVER EVER deny him intimacy.
@@raheemkhan5665 God speed with celibacy and that’s also an honorable calling to be called into celibacy.
Your husband is so blessed.
I don’t like veggies, don’t eat veggies yuk.