I am from Kenya and in Japan briefly, I work in Asakusabashi. Today during my lunch break I decided to visit Akihabara to check out cameras. On my way back, I had just gotten off the train and was rushing out when I saw these two ladies each carrying a baby. But one of them had a stroller that she was really struggling to pull along. So I offered to assist her out of the station. She was so excited, and when we got out of the station she asked if she could invite me for lunch. Through Facebook we have set a date. So just like that I made a new friend. Be kind, smile to people and your stay will be smooth.
I agree, Japan can be lonely. Get outside, take walks in the beautiful parks, start conversations in the queue while waiting for the train or the supermarket. There are just so many opportunities to meet new people.
UPDATE: I met her and we had a good time getting to know each other. Apart from that, I explored Ikebukuro and Shinjuku that day, taking very beautiful photos that I shared on my IG: @nyantikaj
I remember when I first went to Japan, I lived in a "Gaijin House" when I first got there. There was a guy there that was pretty depressed and lonely. Partly it was because he didn't have many teaching hours in his week (he was teaching English) and hence didn't have much money. But also because he didn't get outside and meet people. After a while I had found a weekly volleyball club that had a 50/50 mixture of Japanese (who mostly could speak English) and foreigners and we would play for 2 hours on a Saturday afternoon. It was also incredibly cheap (1000 yen for the 2 hours - quite a few years ago). Anyway, one day I invited this guy to join me (and I paid). He had a great time and made a lot of great friends. Over time his teaching hours went up and he had more money, but the center of his social life was this volleyball club. I saw him transform in front of my eyes, he became this new person that I didn't recognise with all these different aspects to his personality.
@@zam023 To be honest, I just did it because he was becoming unbearable. I didn't have any thoughts of altruism. And I was skeptical that it would do any good. It was the fact that it worked so well that I mentioned it here. It was a really long time ago, but still stands out to me as a transformational event.
Hey Guys! thanks for joining today. This was originally going to be an episode of the Tokyo Lens Podcast, but I thought it might be nice in Video form! Leave a comment below with anything from your favorite place to meet people in Japan, to favorite resource! Ill get the ball rolling... I still love Rastaman's Cafe in Asakusa! A great place to meet new people and connect with locals!!
Oh man.....sorry if you felt lonely when you got to Japan. Dont worry in 2 years max im comming to Japan. We will celebrate with SAKE AND ONIGIRIS IN THE KONBINIS. Stay safe by then!😉
Gets dark at 4pm, sounds like Finland. we have like couple hours of light in the winter, it's dark when you go to work and dark when you get out from work. we dont see the sun for a month! 😂 Well in other hand in summer the sun really doesn't go down so that's nice. You can ask a girl to go and see the sunset....but it doesnt set until a month! exactly 😎
@@shizukanahana More north you go on either country + norway, more true it is 😂 Winters get even darker and in summer you have more light. Förlåt, jag kan inte talar svenska
I’ve been living in Japan for just under a year now and, to be honest, the first 6 months were really REALLY hard. I felt like I was missing my family a lot, that this country didn’t like me, that I couldn’t function as an adult, and so on. It took me quite a long time to finally feel at home and comfortable here.... the thing that really helped me was just saying yes to things!! Even if it’s out of your comfort zone, something you don’t usually enjoy, or if you’d rather do something else, just say yes. I’m not a karaoke person but when my coworker invited me a few months ago, I said yes and now we are great friends. I didn’t want to go to the hanami with the friend of a friend.... but I did and I had an amazing time! So I say, just say yes to things! Go for it! Also, if anyone here in Tokyo wants to hang out or has questions about living or teaching here, send me a message! I’d love to get coffee or something!
Really linking this podcast video form! This topic is something that not everyone talks alot about it, and happens to everyone, even those that keep on living in their home towns. When I went traveling alone throught Europe, some of the thing you did said in your old videos and podcasts really help me to socialice a lot more!!
Thank you for this video. Ironically, in this supposedly interconnected world, people in general are more lonely than ever before. Combining that with moving to a different country, culture and language makes the situation even harder. It takes a positive effort to combat this. Your suggestions are so on point and important to know. How ironic is it that loneliness is a problem for the Japanese people as well, given the large population. We're all people. It never hurts to reach out, just as you have in this video. My wish is that people will view this video and take the message to heart.
I sorta feel that the interconnect world made us more lonely because there is little need to meet people face to face anymore as its just online. I feel you need to meet in person to shake off that loneliness.
@@Codelinkz_ I totally agree. The whole business of FaceBook "Friends" for instance. At best, it might be the 21st century equivalent of a penpal. Usually it's just a click and nothing more. A friend should mean more than that.
The interconnectivity made many things convenient, including 'making friends'... which in reality requires effort and some measure of inconvenience that interconnectivity sort of robs you off.
This is such an important topic to take about. Thank you Norm. I would recommend a hobby like dancing. Street dances like salsa, bachata, and west coast swing have events and dancers around the world so it makes it easier to have friends or contacts everywhere.
This really applies to anyone moving abroad a significant distance from home. You're not only changing location but learning to adapt to a new culture with little to no social safety net. The time differences and limited ability to return home make keeping connected to family and friends harder, they can't pop over if you need help, and over time you find yourself experiencing a very different life from what they know and relate to. For those back home life just keeps going and it can be really hard to face the feelings that can come about from that as well. I moved from one English speaking country to another for work and even without the language barrier I spent my first year dealing with some serious bouts of loneliness and depression. Then I started to pull myself together by taking up a couple hobbies. I joined a kick boxing gym to help me get fit and get the endorphins up and I made a little ritual of going into town once a week for ramen and then walking around exploring for an hour or so just to see what was there. I'd pick different streets to walk down, some new and some where I liked passing the murals. I became a bit of a regular some places and having these small routines to get me out of the house improved my general mood which helped me connect more with people at work as well, and eventually I made lasting connections with people around me. I would say to the people who are in Japan long term, give the short termers a chance. They don't have to become your best friends, but you never know who's going to decide to stick around and who might go, or even come back years later. In my field workers are very migratory and contracts can be quite unstable so sometimes people just don't know what will happen next for them. For a long while I didn't know I would become a permanent resident of the country I live in but I'm glad to have made some of the really close friends I have over the years. There are also lots of people I'm happy to have met who have moved on to other places but some of those people come back to visit once in a while and I get to hear interesting stories about where they've been and where their life has gone too.
It’s been more than a month now since I’ve first moved here in Miyagi Prefecture, and honestly I feel lonelier than when I’m in Canada. I’ve managed to use my basic Japanese to communicate, but I still find it difficult to understand Japanese because I don’t know a lot of words in Japanese and the locals speak faster than I expect 😅... I’m also an introvert and so I don’t like going out often. Still I know I have to make an effort to meet people in order to build confidence and improve my Japanese. Thank you for making this video! I feel a lot better 😊!
I also just moved to live in Miyagi less then a month ago and I have having the same problems. My Japanese vocabulary is weak so I am working and beefing it up! Good luck with getting up the courage to talk to locals cause it's hard😣
Another tip for meeting people : volunteer for something. Preferably something that involves a fun event and a big group effort to set it up. Easy to meet people that way. The first friends I made in my current city were all volunteer ski patrollers like myself. I'm sure Japan is no different in that regard than any other country.
I'm lonely already and without friends to meet face to face past years. So I actually often notice I'm thinking about moving to another country more when I feel most alone. Same about life, I just feel I need to move somewhere unfamiliar....to kind of start over, to be forced to try new things, and meet new people. Or if that just still doesn't work, at least I would notice how much better I had it earlier... I don't know. On other hand I don't really need people around me much, so if I had the money I would probably move to somewhere with lots of nature around me to inspire me. I want to be like that girl in Kiki's Delivery Service and just do my art in a small cabin in woods xD
If you have trouble trying new things and meeting new people, moving to another country isn't going to change anything. Wanting to be like a cartoon character and live a fake life is the problem. You need to get out and do things and meet people where you are. Live in reality, not in cartoon world. Running away won't work because wherever you go, there you will be.
This video helps a lot. Recently had a lot of my friends move back to their home countries while I am still here in Japan. Been very hard to meet/connect with other people especially living somewhere in Japan that isn’t Tokyo. Hopefully it will get better soon!
I think this advice can apply for anywhere you live. I understand being in a foreign country can be harder but sometimes people have trouble meeting friends in general. Great advice Norm!
It’s not easy to have friends. I just moved to Japan and I totally agree with you. It takes effort and strong will to put yourself out there. My number 1 problem was the language barrier. But luckily I was able to meet japanese people who are keen to make friends with foreigners like me thru small groups which main purpose is to help japanese practice english and promote camaraderie amongst people coming from different cultures. I was able to make a few friends which helped me deal with my loneliness here in Japan. It’s good just to have someone to talk to and go out with once in a while.
Nothing wrong with going out alone, especially to meet other people! Avoid the cold feet at last minute. Make plans early in the day, and don't stray from them. Force yourself out of your comfort zone
I definitely understand this feeling; when I am sad I sometimes take a few minutes to convince myself that it is still worth going out and sometimes I don't have the courage. The best thing I have found in this situation is just one step at a time, get out the door, get on the train, buy the ticket, etc until I feel too committed to the adventure to stop.
Yes, all the time. You plan something, look forward to it, but then just before you think I don't want to do this I want to stay home. But I'm a big introvert and I recognize that just try and power through it and go anyway and, more often than not, have a good time
I have the same problem but I also have a kind of solution - just plan things/events you really like and want to attend with people who are joy to be around. My last minute thoughts are always 'do I really want to do this' or 'will I regret not going?' and then the answer is YES~ ♡ When it is no don't go - works for me :)
There are times here in Tokyo when I feel desperately lonely. It hits like a ton of bricks from out of nowhere. Sometimes I think if I had just one connection it would make a world of difference. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife but having a friend is a whole different dynamic. But no matter what I keep plugging on and do my best. Thank you for this video. It means a lot.
Seen a lot of jvloggers leave Japan and its kinda sad because their videos were a lot of fun.My family moved around a lot and being an only child made me very independent and something of a loner which is not always fun. Being a fan of Japanese culture has its own stress such as being referred to as an otaku even though I don't watch much anime anymore. Was telling some coworkers about my upcoming trip to Osaka and a Japanese lady seemed "amused" by how much I know about Japan. Almost felt like I was being mocked which certainly doesn't encourage me to open up to others.
Oh man. I just moved to Tokyo about 2 months ago and boy this is so real. I actually have nothing to do other than work. It's quite tough trying to make new friends and finding something to do. I'm actually so glad I'm not the only one feeling this.
Thanks for making this video man. I came to Tokyo in October of 2019, spent a year in language school and moved on to working full time in October last year. Spending my first year in the country during a global pandemic didn't really make the whole "making friends" part all too easy, especially once school ended as a solo TH-camr working from home. Hearing you speak on this topic has been inspiring though! Can't wait for things to open up and get out there a bit more.
This video hit a chord - Just moved to Tokyo 2 months ago and lull in and out of things you've described in this video. I guess at least I know I'm not alone in this. Stay awesome, Norm!
Hey mate Thanks for watching If I’m not mistaken though, you’ve already connected with creators and photographers alike!! I think you’re off to a great start mate!
When I lived in Japan I tended to always say hello and greet people in the area where I lived. I visited cafe's and restaurant often and always made an extra effort to acknowledge the staff and greet them. That way gave me a few friends and I came closer to that community and got news/information/gossip(plenty)/tips from the locals. The pub chain HUB is also a great place to start talking to random people :)
I can relate to this issue and indeed what you’re saying about just going out is so true. I lived a few months in Hong Kong and my first 2 months were between me and myself. Then I decided to join a group of amateur photographers to discover the city. I ended up traveling around Asia with some of them, met more people thanks to them and built real friendships over time. Best decision ever after all I experienced. Thank you for talking about this, that’s an important topic to be aware of
Photography is an amazing way to explore and meet people I think it’s even good for non-photographers just to get out and see the city and meet people!!
Loneliness can hit you everywhere. The older you get the more effort you have to make to connect with other people and make friends but in the end it's worth the effort. Sometimes it was really hard but I met really good friends this way and will be forever glad for that. The important part is not tio give up. When you fall, it's ok to get hurt and cry. It's also alright to take your time but in the end of it stand up again und don't let it rule your life. That's my motto. The song Reach The Moon by Lionel Wendling describe this very good and is one of my all time favourite songs.
Ahhh thanks for this, Norm! This is definitely in the back of my mind anytime I consider moving. Concerning Japan, I decided to get to a conversational level of Japanese before going to help overcome this problem. ✌️ Also, it’s helpful and refreshing to see this side of it. There’s a cultural norm to hide fears, and avoid negativity, but addressing it is realistic and can help so many people put things into a healthy perspective. 🙏
I guess it's a really important video, I actually had this thought when I was thinking of doing my semester abroad in Japan, I am studying Japanese but by myself , it's quite the task haha, but my problem or my thoughts were, that you won't be able to connect with others and the points you made were some I did not really think about
Thank you for this video. I have been living in China actually and have been running into these issues. It has been really hard to find things to do with people outside since I feel like an alien or zoo animal every time I go out (since I'm not in a very international city). As an introvert, people just looking at me is exhausting, not to mention actually socializing and facing the culture barrier. Your video is really motivating to go and renew my efforts on that front. Thanks again!
Something that has been a lifesaver for me (as a not so outgoing person), is attending events for expats in my city, from book clubs to board game nights.
Board Game cafes are so much fun! Especially if you have a local friend who can help you read the instructions, my reading level just isn't there yet, but speaking is good enough for me!
This is such a necessary topic, not just for abroad life, but even if you move states in the US into a new state without knowing anyone in your new home. I always wondered this: how you branch out in Japan as a foreigner, so thanks for this.
Non-Japanese people living in Japan are eternally lonely and isolated because the relationship with local Japanese are eternally superficial and awkward.
When I moved back to the US (almost 2 years ago!) I felt so incredibly lonely, I fell into those bad habits and it got so much worse... When I hit rock bottom after like 9 months.... basically, I realized that I wasn't enjoying myself, and then why did I even bother moving from Spain to the US at all? So I went out and talked to people and joined a Pokémon GO club! It's been wonderful, that gave me confidence to talk more to others, befriend coworkers and join a Zumba club too! My last year in San Diego has been a complete change from my first one, and all because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I'm moving again upstate in two months. I am afraid of leaving so much behind, but I have definitely learned that I have to move and get out if I want to build relationships with others! It's very hard as an introvert, but I also feel like it's also a good way to have some personal growth of my own.
I can't help with meeting people in Japan but moving overseas with the military was so lonely. Norm is correct putting yourself out there is the only way to get to meet people. We would start conversation in the convenience stores, the hairdressers and especially the bar to meet others. It really helped even though we were only there for 4 years at a time. Keep trying even if you get shut down a few times. When you find someone to connect with it is so worth it.
Although this is based on loneliness in Japan, this resonated with me more than I care to admit. Trading social outings for work or just going straight home for lack of energy or drive, I’m guilty af. And after doing that for quite a while, it’s not easy getting back into the swing of it, but the first step is always the hardest one. Great vid/podcast dude ✌🏻
This is such an important (and relevant) topic. I moved to a ski resort in November last year where there were more foreigners than Japanese locals, so it never really felt like I was in Japan. I had a wide network of friends and co-workers to talk to and hang out with. Since moving to Tokyo last month, the only people I've met are those I teach English with, but it's not really a social thing. I went to the Tokyo Creative forum during Golden Week not only only hear Sharla, Chris and Aki speak (and meet you which was an added bonus), but to meet likeminded people. The majority of people I connected with were either visiting Japan or lived in different cities, so although I felt like I had made an effort to meet new people, unfortunately I didn't make any friends who lived here. I'm aiming to join a body building gym so I can get back into what I love and meet more likeminded people who are into the same thing that I am, whilst searching for opportunities to connect with others through different platforms and interests. Thank you for making me, and no doubt many others, feel assured that we all go through this feeling of isolation when we first move to Japan. BRB going to say yes to every interesting opportunity that comes my way.
This video really spoke to me. I am in a weird position of being an American with Japanese decent. It feels like I'm in the middle, where I don't feel fully accepted on either side. My Japanese friends and acquaintances treat me like an American, while the Americans treat me like a Japanese. Thank you for making this video!
Back in college I spent one semester in Europe. One of my biggest regrets is not putting more effort into forming friendships. I knew I was only going to be there a short time so I didn't focus on it.
Absolutely. I did best when backpacking in Japan, and on the move. Hitchhiking everywhere, camping in public and private camp grounds, made for a great bunch of socialising. Working on a farm in Hokkaido for one month was busy, social, and hitch hiking to festivals, of any type, are about it. Whenever I was stationary, socialising came to a screaming stop. Cheap ramen joints in Tokyo were a good alternative as well as cheap bars, as long as you become a "regular". I own I was there in the mid 1980s. I have not hitched there since.
great video! I feel that this applies to anyone who moved to a new place. I just moved to a new city by myself for school and I don't know anyone. its been a struggle trying to meet people outside of work and school. I keep on falling into the same routine, and not going out of my way to meet new people.
I have moved away from family and friends twice now. I relish the adventure of discovering new places, but I have an ace up my sleeve with regard to making friends. I belong to a church that has congregations pretty much everywhere. I automatically have a ton of things in common with this group of strangers and after quick introductions I have new friends. It's wonderful to know that wherever I go I have loving people to turn to when I need help or just need a friend. If a faith community isn't in your life right now, I can't recommend it enough!
Thank you for making this video, all the points you talk about are really important and it made me feel so relieved I'm not the only one worrying about this. I'm moving to Japan in about 2 years and as much as it's my dream to work and live there, I'm already so hesitant about not being able to make friends and be so far from my family. It's so scary to think that I could be giving up so many important things like being with my mother while she's still here, watching my nephew grow or missing my best friend's wedding... But in the end, we have to choose what we think it's best for our own life and do our best!
Even though I am not living abroad, I still really struggle with feeling lonely, I have some health issues so I can't always just go out and do stuff which leaves me feeling very trapped. Watching this made feel a bit more determined to keep trying to find some other ways to connect. So thank you
Amazing info and really some amazing advice with insight. I think this even applies to just moving within your own country to another state or area... so often when moving it feels intimidating to go out there and put yourself into what feels like a vulnerable situation... the unknown is always scary but this is an awesome video to give great advice to have a better start in a new place, no matter what country 🙂
Thank you for this video. Can’t really relate to the topic personally but thank you all the same. My younger sister moved to Japan last year to complete her language course. Last month, she “graduated” & moved out of the dorms to an apartment closer to the company where she now works full-time. I’ve always been worried about her even though I know that she has friends from her classes & workplace - I’m sure every older sibling feels this way 😂😂 After all, being alone & loneliness are 2 different things. I’m going to see her again next month! Texting & video calls help close the distance but I still miss her 😔 P.s. She’s also subscribed to your channel & she might even find this sappy comment - Hi from home 😘👋
Even though obviously I've never met you you're always so charming and you also give your audience home truths. Loneliness is a big problem in the West, in Japan, and even to an increasing extent in Africa where family reigns supreme, as the society starts to mimic the West. So this vid is definitely important. I'm undecided as to how much time I will spend in Japan in the end.
Same thing here in Belgium mate.😊 I actually have only friends in japan and a couple of other countries. One of the main reasons I kept going back to japan each year since my first visit. Looks like it won't be until 2020 that I can come back for my 5th visit so I'm keeping in touch as much as I can with my friends there in the meantime. Anyone in comments who is gonna be in Tokyo this year I recommend meeting up with any other TokyoLens commenters also going at the same time and I would suggest the New York cupcake shop in Shimokitazawa followed by the craft coffee shop directly opposite😊
First of all, Congrats on the 700K Norm! definitely deserved and I'm looking foward to an even bigger rise. Second, like I already mentioned in a comment on another video this exact loneliness that you talk about here scares the hell out of me. The dream of moving to Japan is strong but my group of friends and comfortableness is so big that the thought of losing it all terrifies me and keeps me at bay from going. But honestly hearing these honestly simple tips of just finding the communities with shared interests does make it look less scary.
I travelled to Japan solo a couple of times. Going from hostel to hostel. Great way to meet new people; Japanese and foreigners alike. I had to make an effort to step up to people and was rewarded by the interactions. Met many cool people and some not so cool ones. Happy to hang out with the cool ones and even made some friends that I was able to visit again in my later trips. One time for instance a Japanse couple helped me in a restaurant with my order. My Japanese consist of 50 random words. The couple and I continued chatting and we ended up going to a bar afterwards and having a few drinks. Kept in touch and met up again on another day. So cool! Long term friendships would have worked for me if I had stayed in Japan. That moment at 9:46, seeing hands go up and then suddenly switching to one hand. It's magic :) Had to watch it a couple of times.
When you're lonely you get depressed and when you're depressed you don't want to go out which makes you more lonely, and even if people invite you out you don't feel like going. It's all a circle I'm very familiar with
That was a very interesting video! I’m reaching my second year in Tokyo, and I agree that someday you need to push yourself to go out. It’s very easy to stay inside, even more if your financial situation or professional situation makes you think you cannot go out. Meetup is a great way to meet people in Tokyo! It has tons of events depending on people’s hobbies, and you can meet English, Japanese speakers as well as other languages speakers as well. It’s perfect to meet new faces, I highly recommend it! Thanks again for the video, I’m sure it will be helpful to lots of people out there :)
I really like this video. I don’t think that I would be able to travel to Japan, but a lot of your comments in the video are very applicable for me living in my small Southern Ontario town. I especially appreciate the comment about not putting all my eggs in one basket. Finding a few hobbies to get out of my home is always good advice! Anyways, keep sharing your exploring because it’s really nice to be able to see another country if one can’t get there themselves,
Norm, your videos are eye opening...you put a realistic image on my dreams which really helps me realize, plan and look forward to my future. Thank you for these great informational videos ^^
You've provided great advice for anyone, even if they don't move anywhere. We excuse our way into loneliness and non-engagement all the time, she said looking in the mirror! Thanks for your common sense encouragement and motivation! Sorry, I don't live in Japan, and I interact fairly infrequently. LOL!
Omg I'm from Alaska and people use short days and cold weather as an excuse here too! Making friends is sometimes hard and requires effort.. Sometimes a lot of effort. You always have a great message and great energy! Plus that microphone makes your voice sound so very good. 😊
New country/language or not, hobbies and groups with shared common interests are instrumental in reaching outside your bubble! Recently I was inspired by the Seek Discomfort channel to make an impact in even a small way, so I arranged to host monthly events at my climbing gym for anyone having difficulty meeting people. Right away my ESL background came in handy with a climber from Japan actually, who only spoke a little English and was finding it hard to adjust. This video really rang true for me on a lot of levels! 'Excuses are easy, showing up is hard' - love it! 🌸
A lot of my hobbies involve me staying in my room and being on my computer (recording vocals, animating, digital art, gaming...) it's been pretty tough for me living away from home...and it's difficult to do many things without a car in the location I'm currently in (excuses!!). I think something I need to work on is being more social outside of my room, so videos like this are very motivational - thank you!
Wow, this video is very topical and I embody this issue here in the states. When younger, I'd force myself to go out and do things, fast forward, not so much. Thanks for reminding me, it's up to me to do things of interest. Really appreciate your insight.
Great advice. I will graduate from college in summer and want to move to Japan one day , hopefully I get the chance to move in a long term, but a lot of people talked about the loneliness so I’m glad your video came out in my feed.
Very well said! I think a great way to make friends is to join meetups within a hobby you love! I am a photographer and I love making photographer friends. It’s as easy as going out on a limb, messaging someone or joining a group and actually committing to hanging out with them! Sometimes you might be lucky enough to just strike up a random conversation with someone. I’ve made a good amount of friends in Japan through “HelloTalk” and by drinking with friends then meeting more friends throughout the night! If you’re not a drinker the later might not be your thing but there is English and Japanese meetups! Those are great ways to make new friends who have an interest in you already like you do in them. 👍 I think a lot of people (including myself at times) are introvert and that can make it a lot harder to make new friends but hey, all you need is one or two good people by your side! 😊
Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts so meaningfully, Norm. A good friend actually just spoke with me yesterday about the topic of going out of your comfort zone and meeting people. I'm taking up this challenge and glad to be back to watch your channel again!
Hi Norm! I don’t always comment on videos, but this video was super relevant as I’m actually moving to Tokyo next month! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! And to anyone else moving there soon/recently moved there who is reading this, let’s connect!
Norm, Thank you so much for making this video!! ❤️ I’m probably moving to Japan in the summer and I’ve definitely been worrying about how to make connections and combat loneliness once the honeymoon phase inevitably wears off. Great suggestions and great reminder that we can all struggle with loneliness sometimes but you have to be proactive...Strangers aren’t going to beat down your door to be friends with you! 😂
Thank you for this video! You really gave some solid advice :) The points that stuck with me are „go out“ and „ecxuses“, I will try to remember these, because I know a lot of people in Japan move in their „foreigner bubble“ and only meet other foreigners and make up excuses why they don’t have any Japanese friends and so on. I‘m sure it’s not easy, but you won’t succeed if you don’t try ^^
Hello Norm, I loved this video. As someone who would like to travel and hasn't, I can say that even I feel isolated just living in the same place. I try very hard not to get into a routine of work and home but being a mom that kind of hard sometimes. I do try to push some of my friends not to get stuck in that routine as well. I believe that is just existing, not living when you do that. So, since I've never traveled to Japan, I don't know of a good place to meet up but I do remember you mentioning the bar that I just realized you mentioned below the video. Thank you for such a great video though!
That's not about just Japan. My wife moved from Russia to Latvia when we married. There is very little language barrier there, since half population of Latvia understands or speaks russian. But she would get lonely and depressed as you say - because she missed friends, relatives and important events, while not trying to connect and build new. Now I'm pretty much doing the same - moved from Latvia to UK, and mostly staying at home, going out for short walks, and communication is limited to work and housemates. Though I got at least one friend at work and we can go do stuff - fly on a plane somewhere, play minigolf, hit the beach, etc. But this is UK and people are generally friendly, easy to start conversation with. One hack that I've come up with - british are very polite, and you can start conversation with anyone about anything - very little chance someone will tell you to f off. So you can exploit that, find a common ground, etc. In japan, as far as I understand, things like that don't really work, especially if you're a foreigner. Any advice? Another thing. Since I've been in UK, I've been looking to connect with some like-minded people. I think people who are less open to communicate with others in person would appreciate if you pointed out some resources they could use to meet people - chats, forums, boards, facebook groups, or whatever is popular there. There must be a ton of them now, with all this COVID stuff going on. I was thinking of moving to Japan in 2 year time, so I was also thinking that it might be good to get some penpals or ideally - friends, who could be my intel agents and could explain things I don't understand, and when I moved - it would be cool to hang out and get involved in community with their help.
Hey Norm. This video couldn't have come at a better timing. I moved to Japan last April - enrolled into a Japanese language school from my home country and somehow got a job (working visa ftw). I guess you could say I've lived the life that I've always wanted but somehow, I don't feel too happy about my current situation. Nothing is wrong except when reality hits you in the face - seeing your friends who couldn't get a job and going back to their home countries, friends who are employed but moved to different locations in Japan etc. Missing out on important family events was and is still difficult to deal with. There's just a guilt sitting at the bottom of my thoughts although I know it "can't be helped". That's when the loneliness and the thought of "nothing is permanent" kicks you in the face. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy my job and the relations I have with my coworkers that enable me to speak both English and Japanese cause we're a multicultural/international company. But there's just something that felt amiss at the moment. Then again, I'm an introvert (generally, an awkward hooman) and I find it difficult to connect with people. Not to mention that my shitty Japanese prevents me from having deeper conversations too. So well, if anyone who wants to be friends (online, for now?) - just lemme know AHAHA.
I'm moving to Japan (Tokyo) in a couple of months! I'm kinda introverted too, so while this is all very exciting for me, it's also very terrifying. Let's be friends!
@@iMisaProduction Don't know how to send messages on here LOL but are you on Facebook? There is a group called Tokyo Expat Network that should totally join! I'm assuming you're in Tokyo of course :)
Thanks for covering this topic, close to my heart as I’ve experienced loneliness always great to see people helping each other 😊 I’m always available to chat to anytime seriously.
Thanks for this video! I have to admitted that I've struggled some with feeling lonely while living in Japan. I've been here seven months, but I still struggle with Japanese. I live in Mie Prefecture. Would love to hang out if anybody is nearby. Thanks for the video, it gives me a boost to challenge myself more in reaching out to do more things in Japan.
in six weeks, I come to Japan for at least two years. This video was nice comfort and inspiration. Thanks for making an honest and open video on this subject.
Thank so much for this, norm. You're so down to earth! Your shamisen looks beautiful in your new place (: & the part about real expectations is so important! Oh, and speaking of festivals, I wonder if you'll do anything for golden week... I would love a video or two! As always, much love ♡
Yeah, direct to the bullseye, It's one of the things I'm afraid of moving to Japan! but I think the same, doing hobbies with others is a very good option :)
I think the fear of being lonely is one of the biggest reasons for me being afraid of going to Japan. I've got long-term depression and anxiety and it's hard for me to even go out and about where I am, let alone a new country with a language I don't know well. I finally took the plunge, though, last week and bought my first plane ticket to go visit my sister who is stationed there for the time being. :D
Hi Libby, how are doing these days? How was your trip to Japan to see your sister who is stationed there? I'm curious how it all went for you. Thanks. Bye, now
been here for more than year now and feeling the isolation pretty hard today in particular. maybe more so due to living in Kyoto which is profoundly more closed a community than it's neighbors but anyway it was comforting being reminded that many are struggling with the same ordeal and that we're not suffering alone.
Hi Norm! I figured this video was a “podcast” since it was so different than your regular format... I found it so relatable. I’m actually going to Japan in a few months to study abroad and I am sure I’ll have this problem since I am an introvert. But, the reason I chose to study abroad was to push myself out of my comfort zone and to immerse myself in as much Japanese language and culture possible. Looking forward to this exciting experience! ☺️🤞🏼
If I were much younger I would have a great desire to live in Japan. However, I am at the age that I have been able to find peace in the fact that I would have too much to give up now in order to make such a move, and I am okay with that. To be able to make a move like this while attainable will more often than not prove to be shattered because of misconceived expectations. I love the opportunity to be able to live the best of both worlds. It's great to embrace that which is new and different and the adventures that occasional travel affords. Thanks Norm for providing us with a glimpse of the dreams that many possess in making such a bold transition while at the same time allowing others to dream of that far away place they might be able to visit someday.
My co-worker, who is from Canada has told me the same things and this is true. I've been in Japan for one year now and I didn't think what he said was true before, but it is. A great website, which is used in Japan and America, is meetup.com. You can look for people doing your hobby in your area, or even look for language exchanges.
Norm you truly are a great dude, I was worried about this exact same thing which prevented me from taking that leap to go to Japan. I'm going to be proactive with my language lessons and set a target to get over to Japan (COVID willing)
Thanks for making this video. I was moved to japan from Indonesia when the pandemic hits and it's been 9 months I've been living here. it's been really hard since working from home makes me really hard to connect with my friends at work we even never meet in person and also I really miss the food back at home and also meeting my friends. Now to combat my loneliness i plan to study hard to improve my Japanese skill so that when the pandemic and state of emergency is getting better I can communicate easily with new people and explore new things that maybe can become my new hobby here
I use an app called HelloTalk. It’s a language exchange app it’s not meant for dating or anything like that. I’ve been using it since 2017 and in 2018 I took two vacations to Japan. While there I met a few people who I helped on the app and have developed a good friendship with them. If I do move to Japan I know I will at least have a few friends there already.
This topic hits me hard as I'm really connected with my mother and I can't even do anything without her. I have very high anxiety so it's really hard to even go outside of my house. Although as I've gotten help I've realized that I can do things for myself and I hope to one day do a foreign exchange in China for a year and after school move to Japan. Thanks so much for doing a topic that most people don't. ^^
Yes, hi Kutaku. I too am very reliant on my mother, but I know that if I want to grow up, I eventually must slowly detach from her and do my own things. How are you doing? Did you do that exchange thing in China? Let me know if you want to. Later....
If you're in Aomori-machi than at least you have that. Think of all the poor young ALTs scattered around the countryside with no support network. If you can speak Japanese I recommend trying to go to a board game cafe. Nice way to meet people is by getting thrown into a board game with them. If you can't, try looking around the local expat facebook pages, there's plenty of english events going on in Aomori city throughout any given month.
I used Hellotalk app to do a language exchange. I actually met with some locals in japan. It was really fun!
5 ปีที่แล้ว +1
I, unfortunately, do not have current plans to visit, or better yet relocate to, Japan. However, over the last few years I have made a lot (to me) of friends through Meetup. I am a member of several groups (some in the US and some in Japan), and one I help organize events for. Having a similar interest is a great way to connect with people, people anywhere, and apps like Meetup help get you to that common ground faster. Thanks for the video, Norm. It is something I think a lot more people should think about.
Hey Norm! Thanks for putting up this vid! It's a harder topic to cover, not a lot of people want to admit feeling lonely for various reasons but thank for you talking about it and sharing that it's okay and that it happens. I myself have times where the shyness and fear or rejection gets so bad but one point you brought up is why I keep my head up and go out anyway: excuses. I find a million reasons why to not do a thing, to not go out, to not participate but when I get my wits about me and I go out I realize almost all those excuses are barriers I myself put up and aren't necessary. I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're lonely, there are plenty of places and groups, online as well, where you can take one step at a time and expand your horizon, as cheesy as that sounds.... Ok, rant over - thanks for reading. Hahaha!
![Chris Langan - The Interview THEY Didn't Want You To See - CTMU [Full Version; Timestamps]](/img/n.gif)
I am from Kenya and in Japan briefly, I work in Asakusabashi. Today during my lunch break I decided to visit Akihabara to check out cameras. On my way back, I had just gotten off the train and was rushing out when I saw these two ladies each carrying a baby. But one of them had a stroller that she was really struggling to pull along. So I offered to assist her out of the station. She was so excited, and when we got out of the station she asked if she could invite me for lunch. Through Facebook we have set a date. So just like that I made a new friend. Be kind, smile to people and your stay will be smooth.
I agree, Japan can be lonely. Get outside, take walks in the beautiful parks, start conversations in the queue while waiting for the train or the supermarket. There are just so many opportunities to meet new people.
The whole world needs more of this~
Joshua, thank you for being you.
I love this and it made my day.
I hope it does the same for many more
Thank you so much for doing this blog and video. Am happy to know such a random encounter was a highlight not for me only but for you also. 😀
UPDATE: I met her and we had a good time getting to know each other. Apart from that, I explored Ikebukuro and Shinjuku that day, taking very beautiful photos that I shared on my IG: @nyantikaj
That is so wholesome
I remember when I first went to Japan, I lived in a "Gaijin House" when I first got there. There was a guy there that was pretty depressed and lonely. Partly it was because he didn't have many teaching hours in his week (he was teaching English) and hence didn't have much money. But also because he didn't get outside and meet people.
After a while I had found a weekly volleyball club that had a 50/50 mixture of Japanese (who mostly could speak English) and foreigners and we would play for 2 hours on a Saturday afternoon. It was also incredibly cheap (1000 yen for the 2 hours - quite a few years ago).
Anyway, one day I invited this guy to join me (and I paid). He had a great time and made a lot of great friends. Over time his teaching hours went up and he had more money, but the center of his social life was this volleyball club. I saw him transform in front of my eyes, he became this new person that I didn't recognise with all these different aspects to his personality.
I want to give you a medal!
Good man
@@zam023 To be honest, I just did it because he was becoming unbearable. I didn't have any thoughts of altruism. And I was skeptical that it would do any good. It was the fact that it worked so well that I mentioned it here. It was a really long time ago, but still stands out to me as a transformational event.
@@johnforde7735 Anyways, good job.
I think sometimes most people don't do at least minimum of effort. You did a good thing, but they have to make baby steps to. 😊
Hey Guys! thanks for joining today. This was originally going to be an episode of the Tokyo Lens Podcast, but I thought it might be nice in Video form!
Leave a comment below with anything from your favorite place to meet people in Japan, to favorite resource! Ill get the ball rolling...
I still love Rastaman's Cafe in Asakusa! A great place to meet new people and connect with locals!!
Oh man.....sorry if you felt lonely when you got to Japan.
Dont worry in 2 years max im comming to Japan.
We will celebrate with SAKE AND ONIGIRIS IN THE KONBINIS.
Stay safe by then!😉
Yay for video podcasts~
Gets dark at 4pm, sounds like Finland. we have like couple hours of light in the winter, it's dark when you go to work and dark when you get out from work. we dont see the sun for a month! 😂 Well in other hand in summer the sun really doesn't go down so that's nice. You can ask a girl to go and see the sunset....but it doesnt set until a month! exactly 😎
@@kaltask1 I couldn't help but laugh! This is so true haha 😂 I live in Sweden though
@@shizukanahana More north you go on either country + norway, more true it is 😂 Winters get even darker and in summer you have more light.
Förlåt, jag kan inte talar svenska
I’ve been living in Japan for just under a year now and, to be honest, the first 6 months were really REALLY hard. I felt like I was missing my family a lot, that this country didn’t like me, that I couldn’t function as an adult, and so on. It took me quite a long time to finally feel at home and comfortable here.... the thing that really helped me was just saying yes to things!! Even if it’s out of your comfort zone, something you don’t usually enjoy, or if you’d rather do something else, just say yes. I’m not a karaoke person but when my coworker invited me a few months ago, I said yes and now we are great friends. I didn’t want to go to the hanami with the friend of a friend.... but I did and I had an amazing time! So I say, just say yes to things! Go for it!
Also, if anyone here in Tokyo wants to hang out or has questions about living or teaching here, send me a message! I’d love to get coffee or something!
Really linking this podcast video form! This topic is something that not everyone talks alot about it, and happens to everyone, even those that keep on living in their home towns. When I went traveling alone throught Europe, some of the thing you did said in your old videos and podcasts really help me to socialice a lot more!!
Thank you for this video. Ironically, in this supposedly interconnected world, people in general are more lonely than ever before. Combining that with moving to a different country, culture and language makes the situation even harder. It takes a positive effort to combat this. Your suggestions are so on point and important to know. How ironic is it that loneliness is a problem for the Japanese people as well, given the large population. We're all people. It never hurts to reach out, just as you have in this video. My wish is that people will view this video and take the message to heart.
I sorta feel that the interconnect world made us more lonely because there is little need to meet people face to face anymore as its just online. I feel you need to meet in person to shake off that loneliness.
@@Codelinkz_ I totally agree. The whole business of FaceBook "Friends" for instance. At best, it might be the 21st century equivalent of a penpal. Usually it's just a click and nothing more. A friend should mean more than that.
The interconnectivity made many things convenient, including 'making friends'... which in reality requires effort and some measure of inconvenience that interconnectivity sort of robs you off.
Just hang out with me❤️❤️❤️
Lol sup Kei
- I fully back Kei’s comment lol
Can I 笑
This is such an important topic to take about. Thank you Norm. I would recommend a hobby like dancing. Street dances like salsa, bachata, and west coast swing have events and dancers around the world so it makes it easier to have friends or contacts everywhere.
Niiiice!
Thank you!!!
This really applies to anyone moving abroad a significant distance from home. You're not only changing location but learning to adapt to a new culture with little to no social safety net. The time differences and limited ability to return home make keeping connected to family and friends harder, they can't pop over if you need help, and over time you find yourself experiencing a very different life from what they know and relate to. For those back home life just keeps going and it can be really hard to face the feelings that can come about from that as well.
I moved from one English speaking country to another for work and even without the language barrier I spent my first year dealing with some serious bouts of loneliness and depression. Then I started to pull myself together by taking up a couple hobbies. I joined a kick boxing gym to help me get fit and get the endorphins up and I made a little ritual of going into town once a week for ramen and then walking around exploring for an hour or so just to see what was there. I'd pick different streets to walk down, some new and some where I liked passing the murals. I became a bit of a regular some places and having these small routines to get me out of the house improved my general mood which helped me connect more with people at work as well, and eventually I made lasting connections with people around me.
I would say to the people who are in Japan long term, give the short termers a chance. They don't have to become your best friends, but you never know who's going to decide to stick around and who might go, or even come back years later. In my field workers are very migratory and contracts can be quite unstable so sometimes people just don't know what will happen next for them. For a long while I didn't know I would become a permanent resident of the country I live in but I'm glad to have made some of the really close friends I have over the years. There are also lots of people I'm happy to have met who have moved on to other places but some of those people come back to visit once in a while and I get to hear interesting stories about where they've been and where their life has gone too.
It’s been more than a month now since I’ve first moved here in Miyagi Prefecture, and honestly I feel lonelier than when I’m in Canada. I’ve managed to use my basic Japanese to communicate, but I still find it difficult to understand Japanese because I don’t know a lot of words in Japanese and the locals speak faster than I expect 😅... I’m also an introvert and so I don’t like going out often. Still I know I have to make an effort to meet people in order to build confidence and improve my Japanese. Thank you for making this video! I feel a lot better 😊!
頑張ってください！ できますよ！
Felicia Tio ありがとうございます！😊
I also just moved to live in Miyagi less then a month ago and I have having the same problems. My Japanese vocabulary is weak so I am working and beefing it up! Good luck with getting up the courage to talk to locals cause it's hard😣
Ginger Gachou I’ll do my best! Thank you! Let’s work hard to improve our Japanese! がんばって！
@@MichHiiELF Miyagi isn't too big maybe we can use each other for Japanese motivation and also cure our loneliness
Another tip for meeting people : volunteer for something. Preferably something that involves a fun event and a big group effort to set it up. Easy to meet people that way. The first friends I made in my current city were all volunteer ski patrollers like myself. I'm sure Japan is no different in that regard than any other country.
Volunteering is a great way!!
Good advice to keep in mind, thank you.
I'm lonely already and without friends to meet face to face past years. So I actually often notice I'm thinking about moving to another country more when I feel most alone. Same about life, I just feel I need to move somewhere unfamiliar....to kind of start over, to be forced to try new things, and meet new people. Or if that just still doesn't work, at least I would notice how much better I had it earlier... I don't know.
On other hand I don't really need people around me much, so if I had the money I would probably move to somewhere with lots of nature around me to inspire me. I want to be like that girl in Kiki's Delivery Service and just do my art in a small cabin in woods xD
If it means anything, always super happy to have you here Mei!
@@TokyoLens Always happy to be here~
I hope you get to go on your adventure and learn lots of wonderful things❤️
@@chefevilee9566 , Thank you~ maybe some day :)
If you have trouble trying new things and meeting new people, moving to another country isn't going to change anything. Wanting to be like a cartoon character and live a fake life is the problem. You need to get out and do things and meet people where you are. Live in reality, not in cartoon world. Running away won't work because wherever you go, there you will be.
This video helps a lot. Recently had a lot of my friends move back to their home countries while I am still here in Japan. Been very hard to meet/connect with other people especially living somewhere in Japan that isn’t Tokyo. Hopefully it will get better soon!
Very true, I lived in Japan for two years and it can very lonely at times.
I think this advice can apply for anywhere you live. I understand being in a foreign country can be harder but sometimes people have trouble meeting friends in general. Great advice Norm!
It’s not easy to have friends. I just moved to Japan and I totally agree with you. It takes effort and strong will to put yourself out there. My number 1 problem was the language barrier. But luckily I was able to meet japanese people who are keen to make friends with foreigners like me thru small groups which main purpose is to help japanese practice english and promote camaraderie amongst people coming from different cultures. I was able to make a few friends which helped me deal with my loneliness here in Japan. It’s good just to have someone to talk to and go out with once in a while.
How many of you like to go out with other people? I usually like the idea of going out, but at last minute I don't feel like doing so.
Nothing wrong with going out alone, especially to meet other people! Avoid the cold feet at last minute. Make plans early in the day, and don't stray from them. Force yourself out of your comfort zone
I definitely understand this feeling; when I am sad I sometimes take a few minutes to convince myself that it is still worth going out and sometimes I don't have the courage. The best thing I have found in this situation is just one step at a time, get out the door, get on the train, buy the ticket, etc until I feel too committed to the adventure to stop.
@@TheEyeofMobius thanks for your comment. From time to time is hard to go out or do anything. But you are right, one step at the time.
Yes, all the time. You plan something, look forward to it, but then just before you think I don't want to do this I want to stay home. But I'm a big introvert and I recognize that just try and power through it and go anyway and, more often than not, have a good time
I have the same problem but I also have a kind of solution - just plan things/events you really like and want to attend with people who are joy to be around. My last minute thoughts are always 'do I really want to do this' or 'will I regret not going?' and then the answer is YES~ ♡ When it is no don't go - works for me :)
There are times here in Tokyo when I feel desperately lonely. It hits like a ton of bricks from out of nowhere. Sometimes I think if I had just one connection it would make a world of difference. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife but having a friend is a whole different dynamic. But no matter what I keep plugging on and do my best. Thank you for this video. It means a lot.
Seen a lot of jvloggers leave Japan and its kinda sad because their videos were a lot of fun.My family moved around a lot and being an only child made me very independent and something of a loner which is not always fun. Being a fan of Japanese culture has its own stress such as being referred to as an otaku even though I don't watch much anime anymore. Was telling some coworkers about my upcoming trip to Osaka and a Japanese lady seemed "amused" by how much I know about Japan. Almost felt like I was being mocked which certainly doesn't encourage me to open up to others.
Oh man. I just moved to Tokyo about 2 months ago and boy this is so real. I actually have nothing to do other than work. It's quite tough trying to make new friends and finding something to do. I'm actually so glad I'm not the only one feeling this.
How you doing now?
Thanks for making this video man. I came to Tokyo in October of 2019, spent a year in language school and moved on to working full time in October last year. Spending my first year in the country during a global pandemic didn't really make the whole "making friends" part all too easy, especially once school ended as a solo TH-camr working from home. Hearing you speak on this topic has been inspiring though! Can't wait for things to open up and get out there a bit more.
let's fucking go! grab that oportunity that's in front of you
This video hit a chord - Just moved to Tokyo 2 months ago and lull in and out of things you've described in this video. I guess at least I know I'm not alone in this.
Stay awesome, Norm!
Hey mate
Thanks for watching
If I’m not mistaken though, you’ve already connected with creators and photographers alike!! I think you’re off to a great start mate!
When I lived in Japan I tended to always say hello and greet people in the area where I lived. I visited cafe's and restaurant often and always made an extra effort to acknowledge the staff and greet them. That way gave me a few friends and I came closer to that community and got news/information/gossip(plenty)/tips from the locals.
The pub chain HUB is also a great place to start talking to random people :)
MageThief that’s very nice and depending on a person also. A Open mind person !!!
I can relate to this issue and indeed what you’re saying about just going out is so true. I lived a few months in Hong Kong and my first 2 months were between me and myself. Then I decided to join a group of amateur photographers to discover the city. I ended up traveling around Asia with some of them, met more people thanks to them and built real friendships over time. Best decision ever after all I experienced. Thank you for talking about this, that’s an important topic to be aware of
Photography is an amazing way to explore and meet people
I think it’s even good for non-photographers just to get out and see the city and meet people!!
Tokyo Lens yea there were 2 people in the group without any camera (just phone), they just wanted to meet people and that worked pretty well :)
Loneliness can hit you everywhere. The older you get the more effort you have to make to connect with other people and make friends but in the end it's worth the effort. Sometimes it was really hard but I met really good friends this way and will be forever glad for that. The important part is not tio give up.
When you fall, it's ok to get hurt and cry. It's also alright to take your time but in the end of it stand up again und don't let it rule your life. That's my motto.
The song Reach The Moon by Lionel Wendling describe this very good and is one of my all time favourite songs.
That’s a brilliant motto
Thank you for making this video and making me and others aware that the best medicine for loneliness is expanding your social horizons.
Ahhh thanks for this, Norm! This is definitely in the back of my mind anytime I consider moving. Concerning Japan, I decided to get to a conversational level of Japanese before going to help overcome this problem. ✌️
Also, it’s helpful and refreshing to see this side of it. There’s a cultural norm to hide fears, and avoid negativity, but addressing it is realistic and can help so many people put things into a healthy perspective. 🙏
Always glad to have you here! Thank you so much for the kind words~
I guess it's a really important video, I actually had this thought when I was thinking of doing my semester abroad in Japan, I am studying Japanese but by myself , it's quite the task haha, but my problem or my thoughts were, that you won't be able to connect with others and the points you made were some I did not really think about
Thank you for this video. I have been living in China actually and have been running into these issues. It has been really hard to find things to do with people outside since I feel like an alien or zoo animal every time I go out (since I'm not in a very international city). As an introvert, people just looking at me is exhausting, not to mention actually socializing and facing the culture barrier. Your video is really motivating to go and renew my efforts on that front. Thanks again!
Something that has been a lifesaver for me (as a not so outgoing person), is attending events for expats in my city, from book clubs to board game nights.
Board Game cafes are so much fun! Especially if you have a local friend who can help you read the instructions, my reading level just isn't there yet, but speaking is good enough for me!
I'm so happy you covered such a important and relevant topic that no one else covers. So thankyou very much.
This is such a necessary topic, not just for abroad life, but even if you move states in the US into a new state without knowing anyone in your new home. I always wondered this: how you branch out in Japan as a foreigner, so thanks for this.
Non-Japanese people living in Japan are eternally lonely and isolated because the relationship with local Japanese are eternally superficial and awkward.
When I moved back to the US (almost 2 years ago!) I felt so incredibly lonely, I fell into those bad habits and it got so much worse... When I hit rock bottom after like 9 months.... basically, I realized that I wasn't enjoying myself, and then why did I even bother moving from Spain to the US at all? So I went out and talked to people and joined a Pokémon GO club! It's been wonderful, that gave me confidence to talk more to others, befriend coworkers and join a Zumba club too! My last year in San Diego has been a complete change from my first one, and all because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I'm moving again upstate in two months. I am afraid of leaving so much behind, but I have definitely learned that I have to move and get out if I want to build relationships with others! It's very hard as an introvert, but I also feel like it's also a good way to have some personal growth of my own.
I can't help with meeting people in Japan but moving overseas with the military was so lonely. Norm is correct putting yourself out there is the only way to get to meet people. We would start conversation in the convenience stores, the hairdressers and especially the bar to meet others. It really helped even though we were only there for 4 years at a time. Keep trying even if you get shut down a few times. When you find someone to connect with it is so worth it.
Although this is based on loneliness in Japan, this resonated with me more than I care to admit. Trading social outings for work or just going straight home for lack of energy or drive, I’m guilty af. And after doing that for quite a while, it’s not easy getting back into the swing of it, but the first step is always the hardest one. Great vid/podcast dude ✌🏻
Moving to Japan myself in September for at least a year. Great video! Very helpful :-) Hopefully it will work out for me in this social area.
Martin Kočiský me too! :)
Did it work out?
This is such a wonderful video. Thank you for taking the time to give such good advice.
This is such an important (and relevant) topic. I moved to a ski resort in November last year where there were more foreigners than Japanese locals, so it never really felt like I was in Japan. I had a wide network of friends and co-workers to talk to and hang out with. Since moving to Tokyo last month, the only people I've met are those I teach English with, but it's not really a social thing. I went to the Tokyo Creative forum during Golden Week not only only hear Sharla, Chris and Aki speak (and meet you which was an added bonus), but to meet likeminded people. The majority of people I connected with were either visiting Japan or lived in different cities, so although I felt like I had made an effort to meet new people, unfortunately I didn't make any friends who lived here. I'm aiming to join a body building gym so I can get back into what I love and meet more likeminded people who are into the same thing that I am, whilst searching for opportunities to connect with others through different platforms and interests. Thank you for making me, and no doubt many others, feel assured that we all go through this feeling of isolation when we first move to Japan. BRB going to say yes to every interesting opportunity that comes my way.
This video really spoke to me. I am in a weird position of being an American with Japanese decent. It feels like I'm in the middle, where I don't feel fully accepted on either side. My Japanese friends and acquaintances treat me like an American, while the Americans treat me like a Japanese. Thank you for making this video!
Going to language school in Tokyo at the end of June for at least a year. Let’s see how it goes!
How'd it go?
Such a real video. Thank you for this.
Back in college I spent one semester in Europe. One of my biggest regrets is not putting more effort into forming friendships. I knew I was only going to be there a short time so I didn't focus on it.
Absolutely. I did best when backpacking in Japan, and on the move. Hitchhiking everywhere, camping in public and private camp grounds, made for a great bunch of socialising. Working on a farm in Hokkaido for one month was busy, social, and hitch hiking to festivals, of any type, are about it. Whenever I was stationary, socialising came to a screaming stop. Cheap ramen joints in Tokyo were a good alternative as well as cheap bars, as long as you become a "regular". I own I was there in the mid 1980s. I have not hitched there since.
great video! I feel that this applies to anyone who moved to a new place. I just moved to a new city by myself for school and I don't know anyone. its been a struggle trying to meet people outside of work and school. I keep on falling into the same routine, and not going out of my way to meet new people.
Its an easy thing to do and we’ve all been there
Be kind to yourself
And then go out there and be kind to others!!
@@TokyoLens thanks for the kind words!
I have moved away from family and friends twice now. I relish the adventure of discovering new places, but I have an ace up my sleeve with regard to making friends. I belong to a church that has congregations pretty much everywhere. I automatically have a ton of things in common with this group of strangers and after quick introductions I have new friends. It's wonderful to know that wherever I go I have loving people to turn to when I need help or just need a friend. If a faith community isn't in your life right now, I can't recommend it enough!
Thanks for another video, this really hits me as I used to be more lonely before going to uni, really interesting topic.
Thank you Norm for talking about topics like this. Too many times people don't think of this stuff. The hardest step is always the first one.
Thank you for making this video, all the points you talk about are really important and it made me feel so relieved I'm not the only one worrying about this. I'm moving to Japan in about 2 years and as much as it's my dream to work and live there, I'm already so hesitant about not being able to make friends and be so far from my family. It's so scary to think that I could be giving up so many important things like being with my mother while she's still here, watching my nephew grow or missing my best friend's wedding... But in the end, we have to choose what we think it's best for our own life and do our best!
Even though I am not living abroad, I still really struggle with feeling lonely, I have some health issues so I can't always just go out and do stuff which leaves me feeling very trapped. Watching this made feel a bit more determined to keep trying to find some other ways to connect. So thank you
Amazing info and really some amazing advice with insight. I think this even applies to just moving within your own country to another state or area... so often when moving it feels intimidating to go out there and put yourself into what feels like a vulnerable situation... the unknown is always scary but this is an awesome video to give great advice to have a better start in a new place, no matter what country 🙂
Thank you for this video. Can’t really relate to the topic personally but thank you all the same.
My younger sister moved to Japan last year to complete her language course. Last month, she “graduated” & moved out of the dorms to an apartment closer to the company where she now works full-time. I’ve always been worried about her even though I know that she has friends from her classes & workplace - I’m sure every older sibling feels this way 😂😂 After all, being alone & loneliness are 2 different things. I’m going to see her again next month! Texting & video calls help close the distance but I still miss her 😔
P.s. She’s also subscribed to your channel & she might even find this sappy comment - Hi from home 😘👋
Even though obviously I've never met you you're always so charming and you also give your audience home truths.
Loneliness is a big problem in the West, in Japan, and even to an increasing extent in Africa where family reigns supreme, as the society starts to mimic the West.
So this vid is definitely important. I'm undecided as to how much time I will spend in Japan in the end.
Same thing here in Belgium mate.😊 I actually have only friends in japan and a couple of other countries. One of the main reasons I kept going back to japan each year since my first visit. Looks like it won't be until 2020 that I can come back for my 5th visit so I'm keeping in touch as much as I can with my friends there in the meantime. Anyone in comments who is gonna be in Tokyo this year I recommend meeting up with any other TokyoLens commenters also going at the same time and I would suggest the New York cupcake shop in Shimokitazawa followed by the craft coffee shop directly opposite😊
First of all, Congrats on the 700K Norm! definitely deserved and I'm looking foward to an even bigger rise.
Second, like I already mentioned in a comment on another video this exact loneliness that you talk about here scares the hell out of me. The dream of moving to Japan is strong but my group of friends and comfortableness is so big that the thought of losing it all terrifies me and keeps me at bay from going. But honestly hearing these honestly simple tips of just finding the communities with shared interests does make it look less scary.
I travelled to Japan solo a couple of times. Going from hostel to hostel. Great way to meet new people; Japanese and foreigners alike. I had to make an effort to step up to people and was rewarded by the interactions. Met many cool people and some not so cool ones. Happy to hang out with the cool ones and even made some friends that I was able to visit again in my later trips. One time for instance a Japanse couple helped me in a restaurant with my order. My Japanese consist of 50 random words. The couple and I continued chatting and we ended up going to a bar afterwards and having a few drinks. Kept in touch and met up again on another day. So cool! Long term friendships would have worked for me if I had stayed in Japan.
That moment at 9:46, seeing hands go up and then suddenly switching to one hand. It's magic :) Had to watch it a couple of times.
When you're lonely you get depressed and when you're depressed you don't want to go out which makes you more lonely, and even if people invite you out you don't feel like going.
It's all a circle I'm very familiar with
That was a very interesting video! I’m reaching my second year in Tokyo, and I agree that someday you need to push yourself to go out. It’s very easy to stay inside, even more if your financial situation or professional situation makes you think you cannot go out.
Meetup is a great way to meet people in Tokyo! It has tons of events depending on people’s hobbies, and you can meet English, Japanese speakers as well as other languages speakers as well. It’s perfect to meet new faces, I highly recommend it!
Thanks again for the video, I’m sure it will be helpful to lots of people out there :)
Very good video on a really important topic.
Thanks for the video and advice Norm. Hope you have a good day and enjoyed golden week.
Thanks Mark!!!
I really like this video. I don’t think that I would be able to travel to Japan, but a lot of your comments in the video are very applicable for me living in my small Southern Ontario town. I especially appreciate the comment about not putting all my eggs in one basket. Finding a few hobbies to get out of my home is always good advice!
Anyways, keep sharing your exploring because it’s really nice to be able to see another country if one can’t get there themselves,
Norm, your videos are eye opening...you put a realistic image on my dreams which really helps me realize, plan and look forward to my future. Thank you for these great informational videos ^^
Another great little video. My moving date is approaching super fast, and I'm getting anxious. Good to know a lot of people feel the same way.
You've provided great advice for anyone, even if they don't move anywhere. We excuse our way into loneliness and non-engagement all the time, she said looking in the mirror! Thanks for your common sense encouragement and motivation! Sorry, I don't live in Japan, and I interact fairly infrequently. LOL!
I feel like I could listen to your voice forever (in a non creepy way). Thanks for sharing! Hopefully traveling to Japan soon
Omg I'm from Alaska and people use short days and cold weather as an excuse here too! Making friends is sometimes hard and requires effort.. Sometimes a lot of effort. You always have a great message and great energy! Plus that microphone makes your voice sound so very good. 😊
I legit almost cry watching this. But the plus side is that it really motivates me to keep trying
New country/language or not, hobbies and groups with shared common interests are instrumental in reaching outside your bubble! Recently I was inspired by the Seek Discomfort channel to make an impact in even a small way, so I arranged to host monthly events at my climbing gym for anyone having difficulty meeting people. Right away my ESL background came in handy with a climber from Japan actually, who only spoke a little English and was finding it hard to adjust. This video really rang true for me on a lot of levels! 'Excuses are easy, showing up is hard' - love it! 🌸
A lot of my hobbies involve me staying in my room and being on my computer (recording vocals, animating, digital art, gaming...) it's been pretty tough for me living away from home...and it's difficult to do many things without a car in the location I'm currently in (excuses!!). I think something I need to work on is being more social outside of my room, so videos like this are very motivational - thank you!
Wow, this video is very topical and I embody this issue here in the states. When younger, I'd force myself to go out and do things, fast forward, not so much. Thanks for reminding me, it's up to me to do things of interest. Really appreciate your insight.
Great advice. I will graduate from college in summer and want to move to Japan one day , hopefully I get the chance to move in a long term, but a lot of people talked about the loneliness so I’m glad your video came out in my feed.
Glad you swung by to watch
Great to meet you mate~
Tokyo Pub crawl for sure. I've met some amazing and life long friends on the crawl :)
Very well said! I think a great way to make friends is to join meetups within a hobby you love! I am a photographer and I love making photographer friends. It’s as easy as going out on a limb, messaging someone or joining a group and actually committing to hanging out with them! Sometimes you might be lucky enough to just strike up a random conversation with someone. I’ve made a good amount of friends in Japan through “HelloTalk” and by drinking with friends then meeting more friends throughout the night! If you’re not a drinker the later might not be your thing but there is English and Japanese meetups! Those are great ways to make new friends who have an interest in you already like you do in them. 👍
I think a lot of people (including myself at times) are introvert and that can make it a lot harder to make new friends but hey, all you need is one or two good people by your side! 😊
Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts so meaningfully, Norm. A good friend actually just spoke with me yesterday about the topic of going out of your comfort zone and meeting people. I'm taking up this challenge and glad to be back to watch your channel again!
Great advice for wherever you live Norm. 👍
Hi Norm! I don’t always comment on videos, but this video was super relevant as I’m actually moving to Tokyo next month! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! And to anyone else moving there soon/recently moved there who is reading this, let’s connect!
Norm, Thank you so much for making this video!! ❤️ I’m probably moving to Japan in the summer and I’ve definitely been worrying about how to make connections and combat loneliness once the honeymoon phase inevitably wears off. Great suggestions and great reminder that we can all struggle with loneliness sometimes but you have to be proactive...Strangers aren’t going to beat down your door to be friends with you! 😂
Thank you for this video! You really gave some solid advice :) The points that stuck with me are „go out“ and „ecxuses“, I will try to remember these, because I know a lot of people in Japan move in their „foreigner bubble“ and only meet other foreigners and make up excuses why they don’t have any Japanese friends and so on. I‘m sure it’s not easy, but you won’t succeed if you don’t try ^^
Hello Norm, I loved this video. As someone who would like to travel and hasn't, I can say that even I feel isolated just living in the same place. I try very hard not to get into a routine of work and home but being a mom that kind of hard sometimes. I do try to push some of my friends not to get stuck in that routine as well. I believe that is just existing, not living when you do that. So, since I've never traveled to Japan, I don't know of a good place to meet up but I do remember you mentioning the bar that I just realized you mentioned below the video. Thank you for such a great video though!
Very appropriate topic. Great point to use in any city, even if it's your own hometown.
That's not about just Japan. My wife moved from Russia to Latvia when we married. There is very little language barrier there, since half population of Latvia understands or speaks russian. But she would get lonely and depressed as you say - because she missed friends, relatives and important events, while not trying to connect and build new.
Now I'm pretty much doing the same - moved from Latvia to UK, and mostly staying at home, going out for short walks, and communication is limited to work and housemates. Though I got at least one friend at work and we can go do stuff - fly on a plane somewhere, play minigolf, hit the beach, etc. But this is UK and people are generally friendly, easy to start conversation with. One hack that I've come up with - british are very polite, and you can start conversation with anyone about anything - very little chance someone will tell you to f off. So you can exploit that, find a common ground, etc. In japan, as far as I understand, things like that don't really work, especially if you're a foreigner. Any advice?
Another thing. Since I've been in UK, I've been looking to connect with some like-minded people. I think people who are less open to communicate with others in person would appreciate if you pointed out some resources they could use to meet people - chats, forums, boards, facebook groups, or whatever is popular there. There must be a ton of them now, with all this COVID stuff going on.
I was thinking of moving to Japan in 2 year time, so I was also thinking that it might be good to get some penpals or ideally - friends, who could be my intel agents and could explain things I don't understand, and when I moved - it would be cool to hang out and get involved in community with their help.
Hey Norm. This video couldn't have come at a better timing. I moved to Japan last April - enrolled into a Japanese language school from my home country and somehow got a job (working visa ftw). I guess you could say I've lived the life that I've always wanted but somehow, I don't feel too happy about my current situation. Nothing is wrong except when reality hits you in the face - seeing your friends who couldn't get a job and going back to their home countries, friends who are employed but moved to different locations in Japan etc. Missing out on important family events was and is still difficult to deal with. There's just a guilt sitting at the bottom of my thoughts although I know it "can't be helped".
That's when the loneliness and the thought of "nothing is permanent" kicks you in the face. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy my job and the relations I have with my coworkers that enable me to speak both English and Japanese cause we're a multicultural/international company. But there's just something that felt amiss at the moment. Then again, I'm an introvert (generally, an awkward hooman) and I find it difficult to connect with people. Not to mention that my shitty Japanese prevents me from having deeper conversations too.
So well, if anyone who wants to be friends (online, for now?) - just lemme know AHAHA.
I'm moving to Japan (Tokyo) in a couple of months! I'm kinda introverted too, so while this is all very exciting for me, it's also very terrifying. Let's be friends!
@@gioty9442 Awesome! Although I'm not sure how do I get in contact with you. Do you have Twitter or Line? :D
@@iMisaProduction Don't know how to send messages on here LOL but are you on Facebook? There is a group called Tokyo Expat Network that should totally join! I'm assuming you're in Tokyo of course :)
@@gioty9442 Awesome, thanks for the recommendation. I just submitted the request to join! :D And yes, I am on Facebook.
@@iMisaProduction That's great! I'm in that group too! I should be arriving in Japan in about 5 weeks! :)
Thanks for covering this topic, close to my heart as I’ve experienced loneliness always great to see people helping each other 😊 I’m always available to chat to anytime seriously.
Thanks for this video! I have to admitted that I've struggled some with feeling lonely while living in Japan. I've been here seven months, but I still struggle with Japanese. I live in Mie Prefecture. Would love to hang out if anybody is nearby. Thanks for the video, it gives me a boost to challenge myself more in reaching out to do more things in Japan.
in six weeks, I come to Japan for at least two years. This video was nice comfort and inspiration. Thanks for making an honest and open video on this subject.
Thank so much for this, norm. You're so down to earth! Your shamisen looks beautiful in your new place (: & the part about real expectations is so important! Oh, and speaking of festivals, I wonder if you'll do anything for golden week... I would love a video or two! As always, much love ♡
Yeah, direct to the bullseye, It's one of the things I'm afraid of moving to Japan! but I think the same, doing hobbies with others is a very good option :)
I think the fear of being lonely is one of the biggest reasons for me being afraid of going to Japan. I've got long-term depression and anxiety and it's hard for me to even go out and about where I am, let alone a new country with a language I don't know well. I finally took the plunge, though, last week and bought my first plane ticket to go visit my sister who is stationed there for the time being. :D
Hi Libby, how are doing these days? How was your trip to Japan to see your sister who is stationed there? I'm curious how it all went for you. Thanks. Bye, now
been here for more than year now and feeling the isolation pretty hard today in particular. maybe more so due to living in Kyoto which is profoundly more closed a community than it's neighbors but anyway it was comforting being reminded that many are struggling with the same ordeal and that we're not suffering alone.
Hi Norm! I figured this video was a “podcast” since it was so different than your regular format... I found it so relatable. I’m actually going to Japan in a few months to study abroad and I am sure I’ll have this problem since I am an introvert. But, the reason I chose to study abroad was to push myself out of my comfort zone and to immerse myself in as much Japanese language and culture possible. Looking forward to this exciting experience! ☺️🤞🏼
If I were much younger I would have a great desire to live in Japan. However, I am at the age that I have been able to find peace in the fact that I would have too much to give up now in order to make such a move, and I am okay with that. To be able to make a move like this while attainable will more often than not prove to be shattered because of misconceived expectations. I love the opportunity to be able to live the best of both worlds. It's great to embrace that which is new and different and the adventures that occasional travel affords. Thanks Norm for providing us with a glimpse of the dreams that many possess in making such a bold transition while at the same time allowing others to dream of that far away place they might be able to visit someday.
My co-worker, who is from Canada has told me the same things and this is true. I've been in Japan for one year now and I didn't think what he said was true before, but it is. A great website, which is used in Japan and America, is meetup.com. You can look for people doing your hobby in your area, or even look for language exchanges.
I always wondered if the Meetups in Japan were worthwhile. I will need to keep them in mind for when I move to Japan.
Being anywhere that's not home can be lonely but like you said you have to put in effort to enjoy new surroundings.
Norm you truly are a great dude, I was worried about this exact same thing which prevented me from taking that leap to go to Japan. I'm going to be proactive with my language lessons and set a target to get over to Japan (COVID willing)
I hope you achieve your goals
Thanks for making this video. I was moved to japan from Indonesia when the pandemic hits and it's been 9 months I've been living here. it's been really hard since working from home makes me really hard to connect with my friends at work we even never meet in person and also I really miss the food back at home and also meeting my friends. Now to combat my loneliness i plan to study hard to improve my Japanese skill so that when the pandemic and state of emergency is getting better I can communicate easily with new people and explore new things that maybe can become my new hobby here
I use an app called HelloTalk. It’s a language exchange app it’s not meant for dating or anything like that. I’ve been using it since 2017 and in 2018 I took two vacations to Japan. While there I met a few people who I helped on the app and have developed a good friendship with them. If I do move to Japan I know I will at least have a few friends there already.
This topic hits me hard as I'm really connected with my mother and I can't even do anything without her. I have very high anxiety so it's really hard to even go outside of my house. Although as I've gotten help I've realized that I can do things for myself and I hope to one day do a foreign exchange in China for a year and after school move to Japan. Thanks so much for doing a topic that most people don't. ^^
Yes, hi Kutaku. I too am very reliant on my mother, but I know that if I want to grow up, I eventually must slowly detach from her and do my own things. How are you doing? Did you do that exchange thing in China? Let me know if you want to. Later....
Thanks for the video Norm . This is a thing that’s been on my mind for a while but something I’ve come to expect cause it’s not easy meeting people
If Tokyo is difficult, then I have it rough in Aomori. Sigh. Mahalo Norm for bringing up a topic I'm now realizing.
If you're in Aomori-machi than at least you have that. Think of all the poor young ALTs scattered around the countryside with no support network. If you can speak Japanese I recommend trying to go to a board game cafe. Nice way to meet people is by getting thrown into a board game with them. If you can't, try looking around the local expat facebook pages, there's plenty of english events going on in Aomori city throughout any given month.
Also the HUB is always the foreigner hangout spot in any city. But I'm not a terribly huge fan of that place
I used Hellotalk app to do a language exchange. I actually met with some locals in japan. It was really fun!
I, unfortunately, do not have current plans to visit, or better yet relocate to, Japan.
However, over the last few years I have made a lot (to me) of friends through Meetup. I am a member of several groups (some in the US and some in Japan), and one I help organize events for. Having a similar interest is a great way to connect with people, people anywhere, and apps like Meetup help get you to that common ground faster.
Thanks for the video, Norm. It is something I think a lot more people should think about.
Hey Norm! Thanks for putting up this vid! It's a harder topic to cover, not a lot of people want to admit feeling lonely for various reasons but thank for you talking about it and sharing that it's okay and that it happens. I myself have times where the shyness and fear or rejection gets so bad but one point you brought up is why I keep my head up and go out anyway: excuses. I find a million reasons why to not do a thing, to not go out, to not participate but when I get my wits about me and I go out I realize almost all those excuses are barriers I myself put up and aren't necessary.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're lonely, there are plenty of places and groups, online as well, where you can take one step at a time and expand your horizon, as cheesy as that sounds....
Ok, rant over - thanks for reading. Hahaha!