I can relate to that explosive rage under the surface because you have to keep faking it, pretending you're someone you're not. The older you get, the less you can tolerate it. You just want people to fricking understand that you are NOT like them and it's OK. But you are guilted so much for it. I think this weighs heavily especially for us who are very hypersensitive to people's emotions and social cues, it weighs 10 times more. You end up masking so much you don't even know who you are.. and when you try to be you, insane anxiety sets in and your brain goes "threat, threat, threat!" I hate it.
I can relate to that. Even worse when you have to mask honesty and logic to live amongst falsities and drama...then to called the untrusted one. Ah, memories!
100% can relate, I'm tired of masking so other than at home I don't hold on to that rage anymore, if someone needs to be told or dealt with in a manner that makes me look bad, so be it, I'm not typically violent but am willing to escalate to that level at times, it usually doesn't come to that because the level of rage and anger is so disproportionate that I think people know there's something not quite right
Hi Paul, thanks for your video's. I am Dutch....so my English may not be completely flawless. I am a female of 51 years and got my diagnose 4 weeks ago. I came across your video's and i want to compliment you with the fact that you are very good at giving words to your thoughts. I have the words in my head, but it's difficult to get them out in the right way. You make me laugh many times, but this time i got very emotional. I am one of those "forgotten" one, and that hurts. I never knew.........but everything makes sence now and the puzzle is complete so to speak. Thanks again and keep up the good work.
This is such a valuable point. I was headed on this path in my 20s before I divorced my husband and left the state and I am do glad that happened. I had no idea I was autistic and that my bad spells were autistic burnout but I kept pushing and pushing to meet the standard expectations of everyone else & attempting to live my life as an example to my sisters. A decade later I'm diagnosed and I'm so glad I halted that train when I did.
Yes!! “My version of a relationship….” I laughed out loud because that’s exactly how I feel. If I actually put my needs/wish list out who’s gonna be satisfied with that? When I suggested that myself and my husband would have separate bedrooms it was met with awkwardness and giggles. I’m like “ugh, I’m actually serious”. I thought that was completely reasonable! Why do I have to listen to you snore & feel you move & struggle with room temperature & bedtimes & lights on & waking me up when you leave earlier than me& covers & the list goes on. Sleep is sooo important why are we putting ourselves in a position to not get the best rest because of some wierd societal rule that we have to SLEEP next to someone we have a relationship with? And for Pete’s sake being with someone in my space EVERY day is torturous. I don’t even want a pet lol
Haha! It's all true though! It's BED TIME!! That means I want to sleep. To do that, I need silence, stillness, and...no one else around! I don't want to hear snoring, feel moving, hear someone else's alarm going off, fight for covers, deal with restlessness etc. I want to sleep, not be kept awake by a break dancing faulty temperature gauge.
It’s so true!! I was diagnosed on the spectrum a couple years ago and my whole life I always said I want my own bedroom, my own bathroom, I hate sleeping next to someone and I NEED my alone time. I also said the best living situation would be just to either share a big house and split it into two sections or just live apart. No guys seemed interested. 😂
Hey, I only had one partner who made a bad thing out of it - and he was just generally insecure. Otherwise it helped to put in positive terms, like "hey, I like to change it up. I'm going to sleep here today, in another room." Or "hey, I just need rest today." "gonna curl up, feel really done from the whole day, meet you in the morning :)" I just needed a bit of freedom in that way. And if I didn't otherwise make it seem like I'm pushing them away or there is something wrong - it was mostly fine. I would not put it in negative terms, like "I don't want to hear your snoring! Don't want to feel your body moving around" Rather, that it makes me rest better that way.
It never occurred to me that I could lose the ability to mask, and I think I'm starting to lose the ability which is kind of frightening... I always appreciate your videos, and this is a very important topic thanks Paul.
Well done Paul and I am glad your good labor has been recognized. I am 78 years old and my partner and I have been married 58 years and we choose not to have children. We both exhibit autism traits but at our age an autism diagnosis was possible only until the last few decades. We have learned to trust ourselves and our own decisions. We never felt to have any other reason for being ourselves via an autism diagnosis. I do not think my life would be better if I had been diagnosed with autism as to why I did not speak until age three or it took three years to reach the second grade in middle school. Instead I used the abrasion of being myself like a sharpening stone keeps a knife’s edge sharp. This is one of the best talks on autism I have recently seen and heard. Good Job. 👍
Hi Artemis, thank you for that, I appreciate it. As you have said, it's all about management, and it is good to read that you remained self-aware to direct your life to a point where you keep invested in who you are 👍🏻
Thank you, from my heart. 54 year old non-combat Veteran, diagnosed at 49, and I am 'that person' you describe. I'm not one to prefer solitude though, I'd rather not be alone as it tends to lead to downward spirals and digging myself into unescapable holes - but I truly have no more to give when it comes to masking and faking it all. Broken back, bum hip, recurrent kidney stones, emphysema, and not a stich of help from anyone. Tomorrow's court for my eviction. Who knows what happens from there, but again - thank you for acknowledging that people like me are out here, and doing whatever we can to survive.
I’m a neurodivergent who works in a medical group at a military base. The whole “mouse” thing…. I’m still just shocked that people give those types of “studies” any credit.
Yeah, I remember reading how antidepressants are tested. Drugs were considered "efficient" if they made mice paddle longer in a bucket of water they couldn't escape. That was also when my interest in trying SSRIs died out 😵💫
Just because someone is wearing a white lab coat and calls themselves a medical professional does not mean they are. ’Therapeutic bloodletting has been practiced at least 3000 years as one of the most frequent methods of treatment in general, whose value was not questioned until the 19th century, when it was gradually abandoned in Western medicine’ The way people with autism are treated, it its not surprising that many can develop anxiety and depression. It is usually a secondary reaction and not autism itself.
This video hits home in the worst way. I feel this. It hurts. I was always someone’s second choice. Friendships, family, relationships- I was the consolation prize. I’m not stupid; I knew. I heard what people said about me. I knew what they were thinking; they never even tried to hide it. I was so desperately lonely that I would take anyone who would have me, regardless of how they treated me. I was tired and unhappy. Four years ago, I my my boyfriend. He was patient, kind, and gentle. He held me during meltdowns (long before I even knew what they were) and took care of me during depression and burnout. He loves my creativity and dark sense of humour. He thinks it’s cute when I encourage myself by repeating his words aloud. He treated me like a person. More than that, he treats me like a person he is deeply love with. I will never live with my boyfriend. I don’t want to marry him. I need my own room when I stay at his house. I don’t wear makeup or want kids. My idea of fun is cuddling on the couch while each playing a completely different video game or reading a different book. I don’t know how, but I found the one allistic man in the world who wants those same things. It’s tough, learning to unmask and communicate authentically. I’m scared and insecure. He reassures me; he supports me. He says my authentic smile is beautiful and it fills him with joy that I’m being true to myself. He accepts the fact that if he and my two cats were dangling over an active volcano, I’d reach down with both hands and save my cats. He’s wonderful and I’m very lucky. He helped me realise that he’s lucky, too. Lucky I’m afraid of volcanoes. :)
And that is exactly how it should be. You are not accommodating each other in a way that is against either of your design. You have stepped away from expectations and created your own. You talk of a safe space, trusted company, and understanding. It matters. I am glad you have that.
Another great video Paul, thank you for sharing this. You are 100% correct - it is incredibly difficult to be Autistic and live up to societal norms. I appreciate you creating a healthy dialogue on this very topic. It does make me sad when families break apart when one of the parents simply cannot mask anymore or needs extra help. We need to streamline the screening and diagnosis process immediately.
Thansk Rebecca. There does need to be an outlet for this type of Autistic person. But everything is focused on babies and children, and we are cast aside once we hit a certain age or a certain level of competence. For everything we do to just attempt to be a part of norms, the fall can be disastrous, yet there isn't anything at all available. It's such a shame.
Hi Paul, I found your content 2 weeks ago and it's incredible how much information I get from your videos and from the comment section. My 12 yrs old daughter was diagnosed with autism and dyslexia-dysorthographia a month ago. I have been trying to educate myself about it for over a year and your content is a great addition to it. My daughter is verbal but when I ask her she has difficulty to recognise and/or put into words what she feels and what she needs. Autistc adults sharing their experience give me some clues. I wish I could plug a wire between my brain and my child's brain to know what she lives and what is the best thing to do. But so far it's trial and error.
You're welcome for the content. We were children once too, Autistic Adults are the best resource to assist in understanding children, especially if they struggle to vocalise how they feel, as we've been through that a thousand times over. If you ever want questions asked to the channel, you can email and I will pitch them anonymously to assist in potential answers 👍🏻
EYE am going to tell my kids your jokes in the morning. I enjoy watching your videos. I am late diagnosed. I relate to your perspective in so many ways. I appreciate your content and opinion.
I've mentioned in prior comments on your content that I'm a member of a discord group my psychologist organized where a collective of her clients can socialize independently and share experiences that we can't with neurotypical people. Pretty much everyone in that group is someone who has exactly the experiences you describe regarding being called out for not following the societal norms and in one way or many, punished for it. Some are so overwhelmingly heartbreaking I don't check their channels unless in an unusually strong mood because my empathy is so strong checking up on that person could break me down in moments. It is a sobering reminder of how well off I am comparatively, but juxtaposed with still being very well aware that I'm not in the best of places either. My social circle is limited to less than 20 people out of necessity, and from trimming the weight of people that don't respect my neurodivergence. Thankfully my SO and I are of similar mind on the subject of children so it is not a consideration or pressure, and her family respects us, as does my mother who is also autistic. But we have to bite our tongue every time someone brings up children and why we aren't having them. Or why we aren't married despite being together for going on 9 years now. We know what we are, we don't need society's approval to be happy with that and it is stupid to push yourself for that validation rather than just appreciating what it is.
That's all you need Remy. So long as you and your SO are content with the life you want to live, that is all that should matter to others who take a vested interest. People need to understand that they create these pressures, it isn't manifested out of thin air. The more narrow minded someone is, the narrower their mouth should be too.
Hi Paul, came across you on Spotify. Loving your videos. They're making my northern accent stronger! (Manchester girl living in Ireland) Fantastic video 👏 brought me to tears actually. I was diagnosed last September at the age of 37. This video realy resonated with me. On a separate note, congrats on being put forward for the award at work 😊 have a nice weekend!
No need to soften it, wasn't it voted as the sexiest accent in England? 😂 Not sure that it applies to the Gorton lot. Eere yaaar wot yer lookin at? Oh the memories, constantly being targeted in secondary school for being a bit 'different'..
Haha, the analytics show that most people who watch are from America, and emails tell me that it's a good job they can have subtitles! So, it's a requirement for some it seems! I don't think my Liam Gallagher twang would be picked up south of the airport 😂
Well for me you speak so well and clearly with a fab northern twang 😊Tbh my accent has always been a bit different to those around me. My siblings would have very strong mancunian accents but mine has always been softer. I think its linked to being autistic. I also have a word finding difficulty which I have been embarrassed about for years and since my diagnosis I've realised that it's anxiety related. I've only recently been diagnosed so Im still trying to process it all. I'm back in Manchester for Easter which I'm finding a bit nerve wracking. It's been a few years since I've been 'home'. Trying to prepare myself for it. I'm finding your videos to be very relatable, balancing and comforting so thank you for sharing so much with us😊
No problem at all. I stutter when I get anxious, and struggle to find the word I need or even to stay on track telling a linear story! Say hello to Manchester for me, I'll be calling in at some point next week to see 'me mam' 😂
Your videos are helping me so much man! Before my diagnosis last year I hated myself for years for not being able to hold down a job (every job I had was an autistic nightmare with overstimulation). I was always burnt out and either depressed, angry or riddled with anxiety. Then for the past four years I have been in a relationship with the most beautiful woman who is also like my best friend. She wanted to get married and have kids, but I could not understand why that just never felt right. She would be the only woman I could ever see myself with but living with someone for the rest of my life means that I don't get the time I need to recharge. The idea of kids messing with my already difficult sleep patterns and schedule is just out of the question. I could not imagine having to work, come home, be a husband and a father without anything left in my battery. I'm heartbroken because I am losing the love of my life but I can not ruin both of our lives to live beyond my design.
I really enjoy listening to your podcast Paul. I was diagnosed with autism in my late teens. It’s great to listen to your perspective on your experiences as other people’s perspective is so different to other people’s.
hey paul, very well put together video, i hope you and your dog (george) are doing well , thank you for always speaking up, i dont know if you knew monday 27th is the start of World Autism Acceptance Week
Greetings Paul. Great video. The world is replete with people who marry just because of social convention, religion, sexuality. Etc. it’s sad. I have never thought to add neurodiversity to the list. It makes complete sense.
Hey Bryan, it sure does. Social convention is great if it fits you, but for me it makes as much sense as trying to use chopsticks with my toes to eat soup with.
Presuppositions of the ignorant perpetuate so many problems in this world. Also, when you say nobody can make us feel as bad as we make ourselves feel is absolute truth and i've tried to relate that to people, but, again, presuppositions of the ignorant, lol
When I was young and I would say that everyone else was doing something, I would be told, " if everybody jumped off a bridge would you?" Now days I'm so lost because everything is follow what others are doing, very confusing to understand so many things that I could never say I didn't understand and still can't at 40. My differences created anger in me, understanding autism explained much of it too me and I look around
thank you so much for making this video. I haven't been diagnosed with ASD but I have ADHD (formally diagnosed just earlier this year). but still, this is so relatable. I just pushed and pushed, until I can't anymore, also affecting my mental health. and yeah, while I'm having regular check ups, the support is still not enough, especially in my country (somewhere in South East Asia). our society in general is still not very accepting, and still very ableist. that said, thanks again. this video made me gave me more clarifications on why I still feel stuck even when I'm already diagnosed.
Yup, they sure are. A large portion of negatives for Autism are based off human interaction...I don't see any mice knocking about to have a chat with in day to day life.
You had me at my parents wondering why I don’t want to marry someone from the same city as me, I met my future husband, but he lives in a different state. Those things do happen sometimes. I don’t date anyone from my same city because many of them like pop country but I don’t like it that much. And when I hang out with my friends, their parents are judgmental of me and the exhaustion of masking when I’m around them makes it hard to socialize with them very often.
Again, another video that just raised the roof and looked right in on the truth of your brain. I totally relate to all of this. I don’t think you realize how unique your channel is. I have no complaints. Bravo on another totally open and honest high quality video. 👏 👏 👏 👏
Thank you. I wanted to make the channel I was looking for when I was newly diagnosed and couldn't find, so it means a lot that it can come across as unique.
Oh wow... As I watch your videos I...cry...upon the experiences and thoughts you share. Much of it...i experienced and thought about myself. I laugh upon your jokes...you touched me...quite deeply so. Just by talking the way and about the things you do. I got my Diagnosis today. Was no surprise, was quite sure about it for a year now. Am 33 old, high masking woman. I was a social worker...until i couldnt...anymore...and now...a whole new life unfolds infront of my eyes...as I, finally...follow my true talents. Theres tears and joy along the way...but whats left and always will be...is the question if anyone...truly sees the details, the beauty as well as the melancholy in our world the way I do. Im not lonely. But I feel that...I want "real" connection. For someone to see and feel what I see and feel... Anyways. Thanks for you being you...helps a lot. And..not wanting to offend you but I dozed off a lil and finally slept a lil while listening to your calming voice and...completely focusing on what you have to tell...i floated away for a while...sweet sweet slumber. Take care...i wish you all the best. ...and hey, dont mind any spelling mistakes and stuff. I am not a native speaker. :)
Thank you for the kind words, they're appreciated. I hope your path as newly diagnosed is a path that is of your design and brings you the most contentment.
When your “beauty mark” misses its mark and lands hidden behind your eyelid. Nominated for an award! That’s awesome but, yes, the recognition being bigger would be edgy.
How is it that I make a comment speaking of things on one video only to have those thoughts expressed back at me on the next? The algorithm is wild. I've completely ruined my own life a number of times through this exact thing. I have just got off the phone speaking to my mum because I've stated the path of seeing a specialist to confirm (mentioned in the last comment). She told me that she kind of knew my whole life. She held back on seeking help as she thought it was better that way. It was not the right thing. Not knowing that "something was amiss" has completely screwed me over in so many ways.
I am 14 months into a 2 year wait for my autism test/diagnosis, so I can't be 100% sure until then. But listening to you talk about how you navigate life resonates with me deeply. I see you as a champion for people who have autism and I for one am glad you are out there.
Call Despacito real and so raw and so true you made me cry the guilt is horrible once you’ve gotten so far and over your head and it didn’t work out I need to head to best intentions. Not realizing💔
What I also find a weird social construct is how romantic relationships are always considered as the pinnacle of relationships. Maybe it’s because I’ve not been in a romantic/sexual relationship… but… I don’t see it. I don’t see why it should be inherently worth more than friends or family. Being ‘more than friends’. I get what that means, kind of. I think it seems important that your partner is your friend first and foremost. But my small bunch of platonic friends are super valuable to me. I don’t see why one should be inherently worth more than the other.
Glad I found your channel! I'm currently starting my diagnosis path, so grateful I might ad. Back when I was married, I got a vasectomy at age 26. I'm 42 now and I recognize my reasons slightly different now, from a very likely asd perspective! Love your videos! Keep em coming!
Your perspective is so similar to mine, but you articulate everything in such a way that I find it helps to better organize my own thoughts. This has allowed me to cut myself slack for things I've beat myself up over for my entire life. (I'm 64 and only recently diagnosed). Even though I only discovered your content about ten days ago, you've made a huge difference to me. Like others have said, your voice and presentation are so calming, and you make me feel so validated and understood. Thank you.
Hi Paul It’s funny that you mentioned the barbers as this is one of my many autistic dislikes,once they have you in that barbers chair I feel completely trapped and this can feel like torture to me (depending on who the barber is) I normally end up with the young person that continually talks and think that they are funny by telling me their crap jokes. 28 years ago I made the best decision to solve this problem and bought myself some hair clippers and cut my own hair and save myself £15 a month or whatever it cost’s now.
Hi Jason. I've never been a fan of the barbers either. Luckily i found someone who has no pretense about them and just gets on with it. But then I've also just decided to shave my hair off just to avoid the trip, and instead go every other time to get the beard sorted so it's less time in the chair!
Got some clippers and learned to cut my hair during the covid shutdown. Such a relief not to have to go for a haircut. Sometimes I do a good job, sometimes not. I'll gone to the haircutters when it gets too bad and someone else needs to clean it up. Why? Because I want to look average, not stand out.
@@kdcraft89 I ordered some scissors off Amazon recently as I wanted to have my hair a bit longer on top, so I am now learning a new skill, it's a bit trickier than using the hair clippers but still very doable 👍
Thank you for the reminder of who I am as a person, during the period I am going through now, I am glad I have found your channel. And I do have to say, I hope you are doing well.
Thankyou SO Much for this one Paul: I was not Diagnosed till 51. I Suffered all of my Adult life with personal attacks, recriminations & guilt-trips by Ex-partners and Employers....
I just want to add that I'm absolutely fine now. I live in a small cabin in the mountains (that I 100% own) and I'm self employed & happy now. No more toxic relationships or corporate bosses holding a metaphorical-gun-to-my-head 😅
I'm 32 yrs old now. I do have a relationship with a girl who is on the spectrum too, and it holds up pretty well. But now all my friends getting children I feel rly bad about myself. I can think of a milion valid reasons not to have them but the feeling of missing another "milestone" in life makes me miserable and left out. Another situation where I can't seem to make up my mind in. You video helped me though, so thanks for that man.
I stopped eating chicken when I was six, chose to become vegetarian, this was decades ago before people began copying each other, becoming vegetarian and vegan. I've never been able to follow the social norm, I've been told off once for not following it, I thought it was a term my sister made up about a decade ago.
It is the same with me and having a beard. I had one before Hipsters arrived, then constantly got called a Hipster whilst that was popular, now I am just that guy with a beard again. Funny how others attribute things you pay zero attention to, to try and make you make sense!
Wow! 😳 I can totally relate with you sabotaging the cup washing machine at work to create a task that was better suited to you and you didn't even know why... I did something similar at work when they put me in a situation that was not working for me and I couldn't figure out why, and I wound up acting out... Except I kind of got fired from mine 😅
Just at the beginning on the glasses 3 of the same 15 quid 😄 That's me! Although I opted for the 69 pound ones only because I wanted bigger frames but If I find ones I like then I'm having a batch. I've just got a new prescription and the lady was trying to flog me a different design and I told her to politely not waste her time and I will have exactly the same frames as my old ones LOL I save time and I know they work for me. I am the same with clothes. I dont buy things because they are designer but if I do buy a more pricey item it will be for the quality or feel of it on my skin or something like that. I won't buy it if it is poor quality unless I want poor quality. Just as a gauge, my idea of expensive is Marks and Spencer 😄
Haha, same. M&S is where I get suits from...I'm never smiling when I have to part with that money to wear a restrictive set of clothes! I like to buy clothes for the fit or feel. Never just for the name on it. If there is a fancy name on my clothes, it's because I put it on and went 'oooo that's nice' 😂
I was married. I left 12 years ago. I was a rubbish wife. I lasted 2 years. I have 2 autistic almost grown up sons, one is still at home. I used to call our home Aspie House 😂 (obviously, we've dropped the Aspie title). We are comfortable in our home and the routine we have. Nobody nagging us.
Up to you what title you use. I know it's 'offensive' to some, but I know a fair few Autistic adults with that on their diagnosis report, who prefer using it because...that's what it says on the report 👍🏻
If people were your age they'd be in a museum! Just kidding. I went awol but catching up on your vids now. As always I'm on same page as you man (especially the mouse bit). Great video thank you for your content.
The unequal rule of the West. I hear everywhere on TH-cam videos, forums for autistics, in meetings of autistics, that the autistic person does not want to be socially recognized as different because it would immediately downgrade him (her) "to a second-class citizen." So, if I understand the problem of this autistic person correctly, it is that he (she) cannot tolerate this new status. Therefore, he (she) do not have a problem with the -rule of inequality- as long as he (she) is not relegated to a secondary role. It's an interesting concept.
I want to be recognised as being different in the same way you know the difference of someone with brown or blonde hair. Where its simply a difference with a different way of living and different need and interest set. Unfortunately, it cannot be done without as you mention, a system of 'better' and 'less than' being a part of it. But that isn't the side of the person with Autism. Not from me anyway. I have differences, I'd like them recognised so I don't have to suffer for someone else's benefit. I'd rather hit neutral, with them hitting neutral too.
@@AdultwithAutism "Unfortunately, it cannot be done without as you mention, a system of 'better' and 'less than' being a part of it." It can be done, but by using their unequal system; from a position of strength Just as women achieved their equality Just as black people achieved their equality Just as homosexuals achieved their equality By creating an autistic lobbying group neutrality has never belonged to the world of matter, but to the world of the spirit
I masked for 60 years, I am really tired and have had enough, I am going to be me now I have been validated. I am about to have my first book, everyone is excited but me, all I have done is write books. I am absolutely petrified, to be in the public eye
We have to leave our comfort zone, sometimes it can bring better things. And you are releasing a book, it's good you have let some of your creativity our into the world 👍🏻
Hi Paul, Thank you so much for your video's! I am a female of 43 years old, living in Belgium. For me the pieces of the puzzle are coming together... Thanks to your work, I decided to go for a diagnosis this april. I am a little scared, as I am so certain now to be autistic, to go to a psychologist who maybe not be aware of autism in adults. Is there a way I can prepare?
Best way to 'prepare', is to identify your mask...and remove it as best you can and enter the assessment as true to your authentic self as possible. Don't sugar coat anything, but as honest to how you feel as possible. It is your time, and it is important you give the most accurate version of events based on what your assessment may be based around 👍🏻
I had a baby at 17 … I could never remember to take the damn pill. I was not diagnosed, just labelled ‘very shy’, There was no way for me to understand the damage I was doing by just not being able to be emotionally there or just even socially equipped to properly care for another human being on my own with no real support in place. The guilt I feel at the struggles he faces now as an adult in his 30s breaks me. You are the first person I have come across since I began to seriously consider I am autistic that I can relate to at all. Please keep sharing your thoughts, I have difficulty expressing mine and it is helpful to hear them coming from somebody whom I can connect with.
Well, some autistic people marry, and have kids, and do fine. For life. And some NT people have horrible divorces, kids that hate them, fight over who gets the kids, the whole lot. You're generalizing from personal experience, but it's not some absolute experience of all male autistic people... "The person may divorse, they may not be allowed to see the children, etc" are too many hypotheticals. They might not.
All my videos are based on personal experience, that's the point of my channel. I don't attempt to speak for others, nor do I ever attempt to. I make that very clear across many of my videos.
Whilst I appreciate your content, I'd recommend not making sweeping comments about a group you're not a part of. Gay people for the most part do not have an easy time making the transition between their closeted 'straight' lives (married or otherwise) and lives as their authentic selves. You mentioned in the vid how you wouldn't speak on the topic of women with autism as you can't relate so I'd suggest the same methodology is applied for gay people.
I was referring to two public people who I named in the context of living a design that wasn't their own, and how they transitioned out of that design without detriment to them. I was not referring to an entire community. If I made it sound as such, that's unfortunate it came across that way. The videos are 30 minutes long, unscripted, and unedited. There are always things I say that will upset people, but it's never purposeful. It is unfortunate you were triggered by it.
I would think that autism, sexism, and LGBTQIA have many things in common and being labeled outcasts is one. You need not be a member of each to mention a similarity.
@@AdultwithAutism But they did experience detriment. They were labelled by many as manipulative and having deliberately deceived their partners. I know Philip Schofield was labelled as a paedophile by many after coming out too, which is a homophobic slur gay people have had to endure for years. Appreciate you didn't mean to offend but I just wanted to bring some additional context and clarity to the topic.
That was the point I was making. We get told we're manipulative for doing something against our design to 'fit in too'. Then we are labelled the bad ones when we cannot do it anymore. Instead of people seeing that the reason Autistic people may follow paths that are not of their design is because it is not safe for them to live of their own in some instances.
Very well done, as always. I relate to all of this. Ppl drive me crazy and I know now that the bulk of it is not personal.....even when they make it seem like it is. It's fundamentally rooted in a lack of awareness. But yeah autism is labeled a disability. Maybe in this society, but not in a sane one.
The way I look at it, if I had a disability, I would not be able to do what I can do, regardless. But, put me in my version of what I need, I can do it. So I'm not disabled, I'm inabled by people around me.
"I can't talk about things I know nothing about. That's something I won't do."
I wish more people had this policy.
Me too.
I can relate to that explosive rage under the surface because you have to keep faking it, pretending you're someone you're not. The older you get, the less you can tolerate it. You just want people to fricking understand that you are NOT like them and it's OK. But you are guilted so much for it. I think this weighs heavily especially for us who are very hypersensitive to people's emotions and social cues, it weighs 10 times more. You end up masking so much you don't even know who you are.. and when you try to be you, insane anxiety sets in and your brain goes "threat, threat, threat!" I hate it.
I can relate to that. Even worse when you have to mask honesty and logic to live amongst falsities and drama...then to called the untrusted one. Ah, memories!
100% can relate, I'm tired of masking so other than at home I don't hold on to that rage anymore, if someone needs to be told or dealt with in a manner that makes me look bad, so be it, I'm not typically violent but am willing to escalate to that level at times, it usually doesn't come to that because the level of rage and anger is so disproportionate that I think people know there's something not quite right
Hi Paul, thanks for your video's. I am Dutch....so my English may not be completely flawless. I am a female of 51 years and got my diagnose 4 weeks ago. I came across your video's and i want to compliment you with the fact that you are very good at giving words to your thoughts. I have the words in my head, but it's difficult to get them out in the right way. You make me laugh many times, but this time i got very emotional. I am one of those "forgotten" one, and that hurts. I never knew.........but everything makes sence now and the puzzle is complete so to speak. Thanks again and keep up the good work.
Thank you, and I hope your journey is a good one 👍🏻
This is such a valuable point. I was headed on this path in my 20s before I divorced my husband and left the state and I am do glad that happened. I had no idea I was autistic and that my bad spells were autistic burnout but I kept pushing and pushing to meet the standard expectations of everyone else & attempting to live my life as an example to my sisters. A decade later I'm diagnosed and I'm so glad I halted that train when I did.
I'm glad you did too. So many people don't get to, and my heart goes out to them when they realise too late it wasn't their design.
female just diagnosed at 23, and crying because i feel like you are someone who understands finally.
Sorry you cried! But glad you could relate!
Yes!! “My version of a relationship….” I laughed out loud because that’s exactly how I feel. If I actually put my needs/wish list out who’s gonna be satisfied with that? When I suggested that myself and my husband would have separate bedrooms it was met with awkwardness and giggles. I’m like “ugh, I’m actually serious”. I thought that was completely reasonable! Why do I have to listen to you snore & feel you move & struggle with room temperature & bedtimes & lights on & waking me up when you leave earlier than me& covers & the list goes on. Sleep is sooo important why are we putting ourselves in a position to not get the best rest because of some wierd societal rule that we have to SLEEP next to someone we have a relationship with? And for Pete’s sake being with someone in my space EVERY day is torturous. I don’t even want a pet lol
Haha! It's all true though! It's BED TIME!! That means I want to sleep. To do that, I need silence, stillness, and...no one else around! I don't want to hear snoring, feel moving, hear someone else's alarm going off, fight for covers, deal with restlessness etc. I want to sleep, not be kept awake by a break dancing faulty temperature gauge.
It’s so true!! I was diagnosed on the spectrum a couple years ago and my whole life I always said I want my own bedroom, my own bathroom, I hate sleeping next to someone and I NEED my alone time. I also said the best living situation would be just to either share a big house and split it into two sections or just live apart. No guys seemed interested. 😂
Strange how it has to be all or nothing for most. Comfort is found in compromise 👍🏻
Hey, I only had one partner who made a bad thing out of it - and he was just generally insecure.
Otherwise it helped to put in positive terms, like "hey, I like to change it up. I'm going to sleep here today, in another room." Or "hey, I just need rest today." "gonna curl up, feel really done from the whole day, meet you in the morning :)"
I just needed a bit of freedom in that way. And if I didn't otherwise make it seem like I'm pushing them away or there is something wrong - it was mostly fine.
I would not put it in negative terms, like "I don't want to hear your snoring! Don't want to feel your body moving around"
Rather, that it makes me rest better that way.
It never occurred to me that I could lose the ability to mask, and I think I'm starting to lose the ability which is kind of frightening... I always appreciate your videos, and this is a very important topic thanks Paul.
Thanks Mike, losing the mask is a terrifying thought. Maybe a future video idea 🤔
Do make sure your are being enough rest.
👍🏻
Well done Paul and I am glad your good labor has been recognized.
I am 78 years old and my partner and I have been married 58 years and we choose not to have children. We both exhibit autism traits but at our age an autism diagnosis was possible only until the last few decades. We have learned to trust ourselves and our own decisions. We never felt to have any other reason for being ourselves via an autism diagnosis.
I do not think my life would be better if I had been diagnosed with autism as to why I did not speak until age three or it took three years to reach the second grade in middle school. Instead I used the abrasion of being myself like a sharpening stone keeps a knife’s edge sharp.
This is one of the best talks on autism I have recently seen and heard. Good Job. 👍
Mary Gauthier - ‘Worthy’
th-cam.com/video/jhXeMPzTdjk/w-d-xo.html
Hi Artemis, thank you for that, I appreciate it.
As you have said, it's all about management, and it is good to read that you remained self-aware to direct your life to a point where you keep invested in who you are 👍🏻
Thank you, from my heart. 54 year old non-combat Veteran, diagnosed at 49, and I am 'that person' you describe. I'm not one to prefer solitude though, I'd rather not be alone as it tends to lead to downward spirals and digging myself into unescapable holes - but I truly have no more to give when it comes to masking and faking it all. Broken back, bum hip, recurrent kidney stones, emphysema, and not a stich of help from anyone. Tomorrow's court for my eviction. Who knows what happens from there, but again - thank you for acknowledging that people like me are out here, and doing whatever we can to survive.
So sorry for your troubles.😢
You're more than welcome, and I really hope things can look up for you 👍🏻
I’m a neurodivergent who works in a medical group at a military base.
The whole “mouse” thing…. I’m still just shocked that people give those types of “studies” any credit.
Yeah, I remember reading how antidepressants are tested. Drugs were considered "efficient" if they made mice paddle longer in a bucket of water they couldn't escape. That was also when my interest in trying SSRIs died out 😵💫
How people believe you can diagnose a mouse with Autism is beyond me. Specialists still struggle with diagnosing humans!
Just because someone is wearing a white lab coat and calls themselves a medical professional does not mean they are.
’Therapeutic bloodletting has been practiced at least 3000 years as one of the most frequent methods of treatment in general, whose value was not questioned until the 19th century, when it was gradually abandoned in Western medicine’
The way people with autism are treated, it its not surprising that many can develop anxiety and depression. It is usually a secondary reaction and not autism itself.
@@AdultwithAutism I completely agree
This video hits home in the worst way. I feel this. It hurts.
I was always someone’s second choice. Friendships, family, relationships- I was the consolation prize. I’m not stupid; I knew. I heard what people said about me. I knew what they were thinking; they never even tried to hide it. I was so desperately lonely that I would take anyone who would have me, regardless of how they treated me. I was tired and unhappy.
Four years ago, I my my boyfriend. He was patient, kind, and gentle. He held me during meltdowns (long before I even knew what they were) and took care of me during depression and burnout. He loves my creativity and dark sense of humour. He thinks it’s cute when I encourage myself by repeating his words aloud. He treated me like a person. More than that, he treats me like a person he is deeply love with.
I will never live with my boyfriend. I don’t want to marry him. I need my own room when I stay at his house. I don’t wear makeup or want kids. My idea of fun is cuddling on the couch while each playing a completely different video game or reading a different book. I don’t know how, but I found the one allistic man in the world who wants those same things. It’s tough, learning to unmask and communicate authentically. I’m scared and insecure. He reassures me; he supports me. He says my authentic smile is beautiful and it fills him with joy that I’m being true to myself. He accepts the fact that if he and my two cats were dangling over an active volcano, I’d reach down with both hands and save my cats. He’s wonderful and I’m very lucky. He helped me realise that he’s lucky, too.
Lucky I’m afraid of volcanoes. :)
And that is exactly how it should be. You are not accommodating each other in a way that is against either of your design. You have stepped away from expectations and created your own. You talk of a safe space, trusted company, and understanding. It matters. I am glad you have that.
Another great video Paul, thank you for sharing this. You are 100% correct - it is incredibly difficult to be Autistic and live up to societal norms. I appreciate you creating a healthy dialogue on this very topic. It does make me sad when families break apart when one of the parents simply cannot mask anymore or needs extra help. We need to streamline the screening and diagnosis process immediately.
Thansk Rebecca. There does need to be an outlet for this type of Autistic person. But everything is focused on babies and children, and we are cast aside once we hit a certain age or a certain level of competence.
For everything we do to just attempt to be a part of norms, the fall can be disastrous, yet there isn't anything at all available. It's such a shame.
Hi Paul, I found your content 2 weeks ago and it's incredible how much information I get from your videos and from the comment section. My 12 yrs old daughter was diagnosed with autism and dyslexia-dysorthographia a month ago. I have been trying to educate myself about it for over a year and your content is a great addition to it. My daughter is verbal but when I ask her she has difficulty to recognise and/or put into words what she feels and what she needs. Autistc adults sharing their experience give me some clues. I wish I could plug a wire between my brain and my child's brain to know what she lives and what is the best thing to do. But so far it's trial and error.
You're welcome for the content. We were children once too, Autistic Adults are the best resource to assist in understanding children, especially if they struggle to vocalise how they feel, as we've been through that a thousand times over.
If you ever want questions asked to the channel, you can email and I will pitch them anonymously to assist in potential answers 👍🏻
EYE am going to tell my kids your jokes in the morning. I enjoy watching your videos. I am late diagnosed. I relate to your perspective in so many ways. I appreciate your content and opinion.
Thanks Katie, much appreciated 👍🏻
I've mentioned in prior comments on your content that I'm a member of a discord group my psychologist organized where a collective of her clients can socialize independently and share experiences that we can't with neurotypical people. Pretty much everyone in that group is someone who has exactly the experiences you describe regarding being called out for not following the societal norms and in one way or many, punished for it. Some are so overwhelmingly heartbreaking I don't check their channels unless in an unusually strong mood because my empathy is so strong checking up on that person could break me down in moments. It is a sobering reminder of how well off I am comparatively, but juxtaposed with still being very well aware that I'm not in the best of places either. My social circle is limited to less than 20 people out of necessity, and from trimming the weight of people that don't respect my neurodivergence. Thankfully my SO and I are of similar mind on the subject of children so it is not a consideration or pressure, and her family respects us, as does my mother who is also autistic. But we have to bite our tongue every time someone brings up children and why we aren't having them. Or why we aren't married despite being together for going on 9 years now. We know what we are, we don't need society's approval to be happy with that and it is stupid to push yourself for that validation rather than just appreciating what it is.
That's all you need Remy. So long as you and your SO are content with the life you want to live, that is all that should matter to others who take a vested interest.
People need to understand that they create these pressures, it isn't manifested out of thin air. The more narrow minded someone is, the narrower their mouth should be too.
Hi Paul, came across you on Spotify. Loving your videos. They're making my northern accent stronger! (Manchester girl living in Ireland) Fantastic video 👏 brought me to tears actually. I was diagnosed last September at the age of 37. This video realy resonated with me. On a separate note, congrats on being put forward for the award at work 😊 have a nice weekend!
Hi Lucy, glad you stumbled across them.
Good to see another Manc here too. And I'm sure you're aware I soften my accent a lot to do these videos 😂
No need to soften it, wasn't it voted as the sexiest accent in England? 😂 Not sure that it applies to the Gorton lot. Eere yaaar wot yer lookin at? Oh the memories, constantly being targeted in secondary school for being a bit 'different'..
Haha, the analytics show that most people who watch are from America, and emails tell me that it's a good job they can have subtitles! So, it's a requirement for some it seems! I don't think my Liam Gallagher twang would be picked up south of the airport 😂
Well for me you speak so well and clearly with a fab northern twang 😊Tbh my accent has always been a bit different to those around me. My siblings would have very strong mancunian accents but mine has always been softer. I think its linked to being autistic. I also have a word finding difficulty which I have been embarrassed about for years and since my diagnosis I've realised that it's anxiety related. I've only recently been diagnosed so Im still trying to process it all. I'm back in Manchester for Easter which I'm finding a bit nerve wracking. It's been a few years since I've been 'home'. Trying to prepare myself for it. I'm finding your videos to be very relatable, balancing and comforting so thank you for sharing so much with us😊
No problem at all.
I stutter when I get anxious, and struggle to find the word I need or even to stay on track telling a linear story!
Say hello to Manchester for me, I'll be calling in at some point next week to see 'me mam' 😂
Your videos are helping me so much man! Before my diagnosis last year I hated myself for years for not being able to hold down a job (every job I had was an autistic nightmare with overstimulation). I was always burnt out and either depressed, angry or riddled with anxiety. Then for the past four years I have been in a relationship with the most beautiful woman who is also like my best friend. She wanted to get married and have kids, but I could not understand why that just never felt right. She would be the only woman I could ever see myself with but living with someone for the rest of my life means that I don't get the time I need to recharge. The idea of kids messing with my already difficult sleep patterns and schedule is just out of the question. I could not imagine having to work, come home, be a husband and a father without anything left in my battery. I'm heartbroken because I am losing the love of my life but I can not ruin both of our lives to live beyond my design.
I really enjoy listening to your podcast Paul. I was diagnosed with autism in my late teens. It’s great to listen to your perspective on your experiences as other people’s perspective is so different to other people’s.
Hi Michael, thanks for that. Glad you don't mind my waffling 👍🏻
hey paul, very well put together video, i hope you and your dog (george) are doing well , thank you for always speaking up, i dont know if you knew monday 27th is the start of World Autism Acceptance Week
I am not surprised Paul has a canine; we have had five over the years and a better best friend would be hard to fathom. 👍
Hi Gemma, we're doing good thanks. Hope you are too 👍🏻
Greetings Paul. Great video. The world is replete with people who marry just because of social convention, religion, sexuality. Etc. it’s sad. I have never thought to add neurodiversity to the list. It makes complete sense.
Hey Bryan, it sure does. Social convention is great if it fits you, but for me it makes as much sense as trying to use chopsticks with my toes to eat soup with.
@@AdultwithAutism 😂
Presuppositions of the ignorant perpetuate so many problems in this world. Also, when you say nobody can make us feel as bad as we make ourselves feel is absolute truth and i've tried to relate that to people, but, again, presuppositions of the ignorant, lol
When I was young and I would say that everyone else was doing something, I would be told, " if everybody jumped off a bridge would you?" Now days I'm so lost because everything is follow what others are doing, very confusing to understand so many things that I could never say I didn't understand and still can't at 40. My differences created anger in me, understanding autism explained much of it too me and I look around
I followed to, even though it wasn't what I wanted to do. It helped me stay hidden. If I stood out, I got bullied 👍🏻
I shut it all out for years
Same here 👍🏻
thank you so much for making this video.
I haven't been diagnosed with ASD but I have ADHD (formally diagnosed just earlier this year).
but still, this is so relatable.
I just pushed and pushed, until I can't anymore, also affecting my mental health.
and yeah, while I'm having regular check ups, the support is still not enough, especially in my country (somewhere in South East Asia).
our society in general is still not very accepting, and still very ableist.
that said, thanks again.
this video made me gave me more clarifications on why I still feel stuck even when I'm already diagnosed.
I'm glad it helped, but sorry its tough for you 👍🏻
It is all bull, I am a female, and I think the same way. No-one knows what it is really like but us.
Exactly. 👍🏻
i'm a psychology student and i've always thought mouse studies were so bonkers too!
Yup, they sure are. A large portion of negatives for Autism are based off human interaction...I don't see any mice knocking about to have a chat with in day to day life.
You had me at my parents wondering why I don’t want to marry someone from the same city as me, I met my future husband, but he lives in a different state. Those things do happen sometimes. I don’t date anyone from my same city because many of them like pop country but I don’t like it that much. And when I hang out with my friends, their parents are judgmental of me and the exhaustion of masking when I’m around them makes it hard to socialize with them very often.
Again, another video that just raised the roof and looked right in on the truth of your brain. I totally relate to all of this. I don’t think you realize how unique your channel is. I have no complaints. Bravo on another totally open and honest high quality video. 👏 👏 👏 👏
Thank you. I wanted to make the channel I was looking for when I was newly diagnosed and couldn't find, so it means a lot that it can come across as unique.
Oh wow...
As I watch your videos I...cry...upon the experiences and thoughts you share. Much of it...i experienced and thought about myself. I laugh upon your jokes...you touched me...quite deeply so. Just by talking the way and about the things you do.
I got my Diagnosis today. Was no surprise, was quite sure about it for a year now. Am 33 old, high masking woman. I was a social worker...until i couldnt...anymore...and now...a whole new life unfolds infront of my eyes...as I, finally...follow my true talents.
Theres tears and joy along the way...but whats left and always will be...is the question if anyone...truly sees the details, the beauty as well as the melancholy in our world the way I do. Im not lonely. But I feel that...I want "real" connection. For someone to see and feel what I see and feel...
Anyways. Thanks for you being you...helps a lot. And..not wanting to offend you but I dozed off a lil and finally slept a lil while listening to your calming voice and...completely focusing on what you have to tell...i floated away for a while...sweet sweet slumber.
Take care...i wish you all the best.
...and hey, dont mind any spelling mistakes and stuff. I am not a native speaker. :)
Thank you for the kind words, they're appreciated.
I hope your path as newly diagnosed is a path that is of your design and brings you the most contentment.
When your “beauty mark” misses its mark and lands hidden behind your eyelid.
Nominated for an award! That’s awesome but, yes, the recognition being bigger would be edgy.
Haha, hopefully I won't win, as then nobody will know! And I can remain in the shadows...like Batman
How is it that I make a comment speaking of things on one video only to have those thoughts expressed back at me on the next? The algorithm is wild.
I've completely ruined my own life a number of times through this exact thing. I have just got off the phone speaking to my mum because I've stated the path of seeing a specialist to confirm (mentioned in the last comment). She told me that she kind of knew my whole life. She held back on seeking help as she thought it was better that way. It was not the right thing. Not knowing that "something was amiss" has completely screwed me over in so many ways.
I am 14 months into a 2 year wait for my autism test/diagnosis, so I can't be 100% sure until then. But listening to you talk about how you navigate life resonates with me deeply. I see you as a champion for people who have autism and I for one am glad you are out there.
Thank you 👍🏻
Call Despacito real and so raw and so true you made me cry the guilt is horrible once you’ve gotten so far and over your head and it didn’t work out I need to head to best intentions. Not realizing💔
Hi Karen, that point where you get the realisation you've gone too far...that is a kick in the guts, and that feeling is hard to shake
You make me proud to be an Autistic Paul
Thank you for what you do
You should be proud to be Autistic. When we manage it the way it needs to be managed, there is nothing better 👍🏻
What I also find a weird social construct is how romantic relationships are always considered as the pinnacle of relationships. Maybe it’s because I’ve not been in a romantic/sexual relationship… but… I don’t see it. I don’t see why it should be inherently worth more than friends or family. Being ‘more than friends’. I get what that means, kind of. I think it seems important that your partner is your friend first and foremost. But my small bunch of platonic friends are super valuable to me. I don’t see why one should be inherently worth more than the other.
19:50 "I always knew you were weird,"
said one of my recently rejecting siblings. 🏆💯as though they expect some reward for that. 🤮
Glad I found your channel! I'm currently starting my diagnosis path, so grateful I might ad. Back when I was married, I got a vasectomy at age 26. I'm 42 now and I recognize my reasons slightly different now, from a very likely asd perspective!
Love your videos! Keep em coming!
Many thanks, much appreciated 👍🏻
Your perspective is so similar to mine, but you articulate everything in such a way that I find it helps to better organize my own thoughts. This has allowed me to cut myself slack for things I've beat myself up over for my entire life. (I'm 64 and only recently diagnosed).
Even though I only discovered your content about ten days ago, you've made a huge difference to me. Like others have said, your voice and presentation are so calming, and you make me feel so validated and understood.
Thank you.
Thank you, I am glad you can resonate 👍🏻
Hi Paul
It’s funny that you mentioned the barbers as this is one of my many autistic dislikes,once they have you in that barbers chair I feel completely trapped and this can feel like torture to me (depending on who the barber is) I normally end up with the young person that continually talks and think that they are funny by telling me their crap jokes. 28 years ago I made the best decision to solve this problem and bought myself some hair clippers and cut my own hair and save myself £15 a month or whatever it cost’s now.
Hi Jason.
I've never been a fan of the barbers either. Luckily i found someone who has no pretense about them and just gets on with it.
But then I've also just decided to shave my hair off just to avoid the trip, and instead go every other time to get the beard sorted so it's less time in the chair!
Got some clippers and learned to cut my hair during the covid shutdown. Such a relief not to have to go for a haircut. Sometimes I do a good job, sometimes not. I'll gone to the haircutters when it gets too bad and someone else needs to clean it up. Why? Because I want to look average, not stand out.
@@kdcraft89
I ordered some scissors off Amazon recently as I wanted to have my hair a bit longer on top, so I am now learning a new skill, it's a bit trickier than using the hair clippers but still very doable 👍
Thank you for the reminder of who I am as a person, during the period I am going through now, I am glad I have found your channel. And I do have to say, I hope you are doing well.
Glad you're here too 👍🏻
Thankyou SO Much for this one Paul: I was not Diagnosed till 51. I Suffered all of my Adult life with personal attacks, recriminations & guilt-trips by Ex-partners and Employers....
I just want to add that I'm absolutely fine now. I live in a small cabin in the mountains (that I 100% own) and I'm self employed & happy now. No more toxic relationships or corporate bosses holding a metaphorical-gun-to-my-head 😅
A cabin in the mountains, self employed...happy?! You have won at life! Congrats, very happy for you!! How awesome 👍🏼
Thanks Paul, for taking the time to reply & your supportive words.@@AdultwithAutism
Great video my man 😊😊😊
Many thanks 👍🏻
I'm 32 yrs old now. I do have a relationship with a girl who is on the spectrum too, and it holds up pretty well.
But now all my friends getting children I feel rly bad about myself. I can think of a milion valid reasons not to have them but the feeling of missing another "milestone" in life makes me miserable and left out. Another situation where I can't seem to make up my mind in.
You video helped me though, so thanks for that man.
Glad it helped. Just remember, milestones are only milestones if they're yours to reach. I never wanted children, that's my milestone 👍🏻
I stopped eating chicken when I was six, chose to become vegetarian, this was decades ago before people began copying each other, becoming vegetarian and vegan.
I've never been able to follow the social norm, I've been told off once for not following it, I thought it was a term my sister made up about a decade ago.
It is the same with me and having a beard. I had one before Hipsters arrived, then constantly got called a Hipster whilst that was popular, now I am just that guy with a beard again.
Funny how others attribute things you pay zero attention to, to try and make you make sense!
I have always supported my Sons who are autistic too, be yourself and follow your dreams.
Be yourself is sage advise...and underrated 👍🏻
Keep an eye on it...That is funny! I love playing with words. But so many people do miss things that are so obvious.
The silly jokes are the best 👍🏻
THANKS FOR YOUR VIDEOS!!! we could be twins because I've always been this candid and identifying SOOO MUCH!!
KEEP EM COMIN DUDE!!!
Haha, thanks twin.
Wow! 😳 I can totally relate with you sabotaging the cup washing machine at work to create a task that was better suited to you and you didn't even know why... I did something similar at work when they put me in a situation that was not working for me and I couldn't figure out why, and I wound up acting out... Except I kind of got fired from mine 😅
Oops! I needed the job...just not THAT job. So made one instead 😂
your experience is eerily similar to mine, enjoying your podcast!
Thank you 👍🏻
"Are you eating your chicken this way" ? 😡🤬
I really do not have a smiley to really react, and normally I have.
My brain just left the building..🙄🙄
Common sense isn't as common as it used to be 👍🏻
@@AdultwithAutism
Yeah, tell me about it. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Just at the beginning on the glasses 3 of the same 15 quid 😄 That's me! Although I opted for the 69 pound ones only because I wanted bigger frames but If I find ones I like then I'm having a batch. I've just got a new prescription and the lady was trying to flog me a different design and I told her to politely not waste her time and I will have exactly the same frames as my old ones LOL I save time and I know they work for me. I am the same with clothes. I dont buy things because they are designer but if I do buy a more pricey item it will be for the quality or feel of it on my skin or something like that. I won't buy it if it is poor quality unless I want poor quality. Just as a gauge, my idea of expensive is Marks and Spencer 😄
Haha, same. M&S is where I get suits from...I'm never smiling when I have to part with that money to wear a restrictive set of clothes!
I like to buy clothes for the fit or feel. Never just for the name on it. If there is a fancy name on my clothes, it's because I put it on and went 'oooo that's nice' 😂
I was married. I left 12 years ago. I was a rubbish wife. I lasted 2 years. I have 2 autistic almost grown up sons, one is still at home. I used to call our home Aspie House 😂 (obviously, we've dropped the Aspie title). We are comfortable in our home and the routine we have. Nobody nagging us.
Up to you what title you use. I know it's 'offensive' to some, but I know a fair few Autistic adults with that on their diagnosis report, who prefer using it because...that's what it says on the report 👍🏻
If people were your age they'd be in a museum! Just kidding. I went awol but catching up on your vids now. As always I'm on same page as you man (especially the mouse bit). Great video thank you for your content.
Oh yes, I'm getting on in years these days 😂
@@AdultwithAutism same. I think we're about the same age tbh
I really laughed at the eye joke ha ha ha, Great video! thanks so much
Thank you, and no problem 👍🏻
Great post. Thank you
No problem 👍🏻
That hoodie looks really comfortable.
It was. It's no longer in my possession! 👍🏻
Excellent, thanks!
No problem
I heard a few episodes. One talked about an eye mole... Ahhh😂😂😂😂 I got them.
#eyemolegang
fellow aspie here =)
Wow, a mole on the back of your eye? Can't say I've seen that , must have been s spectacle and sight to behold😂
Haha, it's weird to know it's there
I’ve got a mole in my eye too 😅 they said it’s a CHRPE. Just means we’re extra cool
CHRPE must stand for Cool Humans, Retina Pimple Enthusiasts 👍🏻
I need to be by myself too. I relate so much to that 🤭
Thank you
👍🏻
The unequal rule of the West.
I hear everywhere on TH-cam videos, forums for autistics, in meetings of autistics,
that the autistic person does not want to be socially recognized as different
because it would immediately downgrade him (her) "to a second-class citizen."
So, if I understand the problem of this autistic person correctly,
it is that he (she) cannot tolerate this new status.
Therefore, he (she) do not have a problem with the -rule of inequality-
as long as he (she) is not relegated to a secondary role.
It's an interesting concept.
I want to be recognised as being different in the same way you know the difference of someone with brown or blonde hair. Where its simply a difference with a different way of living and different need and interest set.
Unfortunately, it cannot be done without as you mention, a system of 'better' and 'less than' being a part of it.
But that isn't the side of the person with Autism. Not from me anyway. I have differences, I'd like them recognised so I don't have to suffer for someone else's benefit. I'd rather hit neutral, with them hitting neutral too.
@@AdultwithAutism "Unfortunately, it cannot be done without as you mention, a system of 'better' and 'less than' being a part of it."
It can be done, but by using their unequal system; from a position of strength
Just as women achieved their equality
Just as black people achieved their equality
Just as homosexuals achieved their equality
By creating an autistic lobbying group
neutrality has never belonged to the world of matter, but to the world of the spirit
There does need to be an evident front from Autistic people to drive it forward, to show why being spoken for does not yield good results.
I masked for 60 years, I am really tired and have had enough, I am going to be me now I have been validated. I am about to have my first book, everyone is excited but me, all I have done is write books. I am absolutely petrified, to be in the public eye
I meant book being published
We have to leave our comfort zone, sometimes it can bring better things. And you are releasing a book, it's good you have let some of your creativity our into the world 👍🏻
Hi Paul, Thank you so much for your video's! I am a female of 43 years old, living in Belgium. For me the pieces of the puzzle are coming together... Thanks to your work, I decided to go for a diagnosis this april. I am a little scared, as I am so certain now to be autistic, to go to a psychologist who maybe not be aware of autism in adults. Is there a way I can prepare?
Best way to 'prepare', is to identify your mask...and remove it as best you can and enter the assessment as true to your authentic self as possible. Don't sugar coat anything, but as honest to how you feel as possible. It is your time, and it is important you give the most accurate version of events based on what your assessment may be based around 👍🏻
great expose great windup !
👍🏻
I hope you believe in God.
Because this video came to me when I needed it the most. Thank you
Keep the faith connections
Agnostic. But I am glad you found the video.
I had a baby at 17 … I could never remember to take the damn pill. I was not diagnosed, just labelled ‘very shy’, There was no way for me to understand the damage I was doing by just not being able to be emotionally there or just even socially equipped to properly care for another human being on my own with no real support in place. The guilt I feel at the struggles he faces now as an adult in his 30s breaks me.
You are the first person I have come across since I began to seriously consider I am autistic that I can relate to at all. Please keep sharing your thoughts, I have difficulty expressing mine and it is helpful to hear them coming from somebody whom I can connect with.
Hey Paul.🤙
Hey 🤙🏻
Btw, I like you just the way you are.
Many thanks 👍🏻
Well, some autistic people marry, and have kids, and do fine. For life. And some NT people have horrible divorces, kids that hate them, fight over who gets the kids, the whole lot. You're generalizing from personal experience, but it's not some absolute experience of all male autistic people... "The person may divorse, they may not be allowed to see the children, etc" are too many hypotheticals. They might not.
All my videos are based on personal experience, that's the point of my channel. I don't attempt to speak for others, nor do I ever attempt to. I make that very clear across many of my videos.
Whilst I appreciate your content, I'd recommend not making sweeping comments about a group you're not a part of. Gay people for the most part do not have an easy time making the transition between their closeted 'straight' lives (married or otherwise) and lives as their authentic selves. You mentioned in the vid how you wouldn't speak on the topic of women with autism as you can't relate so I'd suggest the same methodology is applied for gay people.
I was referring to two public people who I named in the context of living a design that wasn't their own, and how they transitioned out of that design without detriment to them.
I was not referring to an entire community. If I made it sound as such, that's unfortunate it came across that way. The videos are 30 minutes long, unscripted, and unedited. There are always things I say that will upset people, but it's never purposeful.
It is unfortunate you were triggered by it.
I would think that autism, sexism, and LGBTQIA have many things in common and being labeled outcasts is one. You need not be a member of each to mention a similarity.
@@AdultwithAutism But they did experience detriment. They were labelled by many as manipulative and having deliberately deceived their partners. I know Philip Schofield was labelled as a paedophile by many after coming out too, which is a homophobic slur gay people have had to endure for years.
Appreciate you didn't mean to offend but I just wanted to bring some additional context and clarity to the topic.
That was the point I was making. We get told we're manipulative for doing something against our design to 'fit in too'. Then we are labelled the bad ones when we cannot do it anymore.
Instead of people seeing that the reason Autistic people may follow paths that are not of their design is because it is not safe for them to live of their own in some instances.
Very well done, as always. I relate to all of this. Ppl drive me crazy and I know now that the bulk of it is not personal.....even when they make it seem like it is. It's fundamentally rooted in a lack of awareness.
But yeah autism is labeled a disability. Maybe in this society, but not in a sane one.
The way I look at it, if I had a disability, I would not be able to do what I can do, regardless.
But, put me in my version of what I need, I can do it.
So I'm not disabled, I'm inabled by people around me.