About 2 years ago, I finished my first full length YA (New Adult) novel. My background is in playwriting and had a number of things professionally produced. I sent it this YA book out to queries and got a lot of great feedback, request for full MS, etc. The bottom line... they loved my writing (yay!); they loved the voice (double yay!) But in all cases, they did not like the story. (Boo.) After receiving this feedback from a number of agents, I decided to just shelve it and let it go. Working on another YA novel right now (with a much better story), have a new play in production, and just gotta keep writing. Keep moving on! Thanks Alexa for another great video. Love you!
That's awesome they liked the writing and the voice (that stinks about they didn't like the story). It always hurts to shelve a story but it's good that it didn't stop you from writing another novel!
@@sassyblondewriter8239 you know, I took it as a "win" and just kept writing. I had 2 shows produced since then, and now finally started working on a new book. It took me a while to decide what had "juice" for me. I kept getting stuck around ideas that were really commercial, but every time I'd start writing it just didn't feel right. Now, I feel really good, it's a good idea, it's commercial to a point, but really it's a story that has meaning to me and hopefully will inspire kids to believe more in themselves and to realize things aren't always what they seem. (Unreliable narrator much? Lol.)
@@onwardtolanguagelearning7076 With writing we have a lot of options... you can write all you want, whenever you want and never show it to anyone and still feel good about creating something out of nothing from your creative mind. Writing doesn't have to be about getting published or sharing it with anyone. I find that writing can be its own reward, which is why I journal a lot and have years and years and shelves of journals filled with notes and all kinds of stuff. As a professional writer myself, though, I do also want to make money from writing, which involves selling or licensing the work in some way to other people. In that sense, yes, I need to get feedback and I need to create things that people will want to read. When I'm writing for myself, for my own sense of enjoyment or catharsis, then great, that's just for me. But if I'm writing on commission or for the purpose of selling the work to a greater audience, then, for sure, I'm writing to entertain and thinking about the product very differently.
I have a goal to publish a historical fiction novel by the time I'm 35 (10 more years). My dad loved history, it was something we bonded over. He was also one of the few people who didn't give me shit about being an English major. He died in an accident before I graduated college, and he'll never read anything I write. It's only been 3 years since he passed, and I'm nowhere near being published, but I can already feel the grief of him not being there, on top of grieving his death in general. Thanks for posting this video, we really need more conversations about grief and negative feelings, especially while working on something you're passionate about.
I wrote a book about a psychopath who kills people and bullet journals thinking I was being original. Then I read Never Saw Me Coming by Vera Kurian. It sucks when you find your perceived unique ideas in other people's writing and they do it better. Took notes, though.
I was pubbed with Harlequin (one of my dream publishers) this year, and I mentally prepped myself for not having my book on shelves but it was still a tough, "small grief" thing to navigate with family and friends who asked "where can I buy a physical copy?" Like somehow I felt that I was LESS of an author because I haven't reached that bookstore milestone yet... Silly, but grief and melancholy is a weird thing. Also, *hugs* to anyone who lost a loved one and is living through that grief 🖤
I am currently still grieving my YA debut and sophomore books that were bombs. There was a very small following for them but they sold like buffalo bagels not hot cakes if ya know what I mean. It was very sad to see sales never pick up when I put so much into them. I decided I would never do YA again. Instead opting for romance
I found out my mom was sick the same day I got my agent, then she passed a couple months after my book came out. The whole publishing experience felt tainted after that. Every time I got an email from my agent, whether good or bad, I would panic. He was so confused when I parted ways with him because we had a great partnership. And even though I knew it was possible I might never get an agent again, I left anyway because of that panic. Book grief is REAL.
Having a book come out this year has definitely been a weird experience. It was unusual and obviously there was a lot more online activity, but I really missed meeting people in bookshops and talking to readers and all of that.
Interesting. I know I get sad after book launches and sometimes it get further than sad, but I never considered that it might be grief. It makes total sense. Thank you for this video.
I can tell if my third MG manuscript never gets picked up I’ll feel a special kind of broken. That’s why I stopped after 20ish queries and am doing a big revision. This one is worth more of my time.
I had a mini dose of this just yesterday. I'm really happy with my publisher and wouldn't change anything about my journey, but because my publisher is a branch of Amazon, most bookstores won't carry my novels. I went to one last night to get Christmas books for my kids, and it's hard to see my friends' novels on display tables and not have a single of my titles on a shelf. I've mostly come to terms with it, but I never got to have that "here's me at a bookstore pointing at my new release" photo everyone posts on their socials on publication day.
I have an agent and been on sub multiple times in two genres. Gotten lots of great feedback that’s encouraging, but after five books (two in SF, three in romance) it’s so hard to think it will ever happen. I’ve also separately self-published and though I didn’t lose my shirt, I didn’t make bonkers money. I don’t have the business savvy (yet) to really pull that off with a living wage (though I’m in the black with all the books I’ve published there). I’m trapped in mediocre land! What helps me keep going is that I still have ideas that I believe in and are fresh takes. Editors love my ideas and writing (majority of my rejections are usually a timing thing. One book was mostly let go because in RomCom at the time they wanted single POV, not duel POV for that ‘type’ of story I’d written. Another because they didn’t think one of the character’s jobs was sexy enough (which sucked because a year and a half later it became all the rage!!) publishing is frustrating, but if I stop trying I won’t have a chance to sell anything :)
First, your lip color is the chef's kiss-it's perfect. Secondly, thank you for this video. During the pandemic I wrote a book. I did the thing (hooray!). A small dream of mine was accomplished. Your videos were the best motivator and teacher-thank you! Edits and several CPs later I had, what I thought, a pretty decent YA horror. I perfected a query letter, gathered a list of agents and sent it out into the world (all by the guidance of your vids and other links). I did get two full requests-and really that was a success in itself-and a few agents sent back some nice words. But after I exhausted my list and the rejections came in I did settle into a slump. It wasn't a failure by any account-I finished a book, I got full requests-but the grief was real. Processing those feelings of frustration and defeat were tough. It's hard. I knew I had to set the project aside. BUT! After not writing for six months I started another project in September and I am so close to finishing the draft. I'm excited again. You were right (you're always right) taking those feelings and funneling the energy into a new project was helpful. Hopefully early next year I can start querying again (any CPs or Sensitivity Readers out there?). Thank you, Alexa! And yeah, I wish social media wasn't a thing. Comparing yourself is the ultimate trap and I fall into it every time.
I had to shelve a book I queried for over a year. It was rough. I had PTSD and couldn’t write for months. I cried. It was truly a loss. But it does help to work on another project and stay positive.
I had a project that I did years ago (not a book, but I feel like it applies), in which I put an enormous amount of efforts and hope, that crumbled and died in basically every possible way. It involved a lot of people, and everyone got over it relatively quickly (we were also very young at the time, and I had to realize my understanding of what I wanted from my life was radically different from what other people wanted). I tried to maintain that project alive for a year, and it felt like I held the bones of something in agony that demanded to die, but I couldn't stand the thought of letting it go because I had invested so much of myself and my future in it. When it finally fell apart, I shattered. It's been a decade, and I still haven't fully recovered, and to be fully honest I haven't ever truly found my mojo back, even though my current career is quite successful. It's like I never found my path back to happiness since. Thank you for speaking about creative grief, because it's been such an enormous weight on my life and I feel like it's completely alienating. I really love the transparency and openness as always.
After reading THE IVIES, I purchased both BRIGHTLY BURNING and THE STARS WE STEAL. They were both great, and I loved how they were set in the same universe. I was actually hoping for a third novel in that world to make a trilogy. Is this something you have on the backburner?
Thank you for addressing the grief of books that don't make it to print or don't sell well. It's disappointing when these things happen for so many writers. I haven't reached that point yet but when it comes it'll be slightly easier because I'll know how it happens to everyone. It'll feel like you're not alone.
I can definitely identify with book grief and grief in general. Grief is a weird thing that ebbs and flows and you really have no control over when it's going to hit you. My book grief kind of came at the beginning of the pandemic. I had finished a book and queried agents but didn't get any bites. Then I started getting rejections after March 2020. I was stuck at home with my kids doing virtual learning and the rejections felt like a slap in the face. I understand more about the publishing industry now (thanks to you) and now it doesn't hit quite as hard (also thank you therapy). Another thing I had to grieve was putting my writing career on hold because of virtual learning. That was probably the hardest thing I had to do. 40% of women had to quit their jobs for that. Now that the kids are back in school I'm experiencing a different kind of grief for the motivation I had pre-pandemic - which just doesn't exist right now. So thank you for this. It's very timely. PS I loved the Ivies. One of the best books I've ever read from a writer and reader perspective. Well done.
THANK YOU. I debuted this past April and although there have been a lot of wonderful moments, there have also been A LOT of tears and worry and doubt and disappointment. It's such a comfort to hear you talk about this so honestly. Seriously, thank you.
Feeling unable to share grief about a situation is traumatic and it occurs everywhere that others might consider you advantaged. You're speaking healthy responses for us all. Thank you.
Can we just be friends? I mean, out of the number of authortubers I follow, your advice is the soundest and most relatable. Aside from that, you seem like a really nice author friend to have.
Hi Alexa! I just wanted to say, I found all of your books in my library's e-book collection and I was so excited! I just finished Brightly Burning (I really enjoyed it) and now I've got a hold on the other two (Yes, there is a waitlist for both The Stars We Steal and The Ivies at my library! 😄 Just a little positivity for you!) On the topic of the video, I think watching books get taken off library shelves would be the saddest thing for me as an Author 😭
Alexa I think your the best Author on youtube! Thank you so much for being so real and making great videos. They help me in so many ways! Keep up the good work!
Thank you for making such an honest video! Book grief is such a thing -- shelving the characters and stories you've poured yourself into is so hard! And, so necessary.
I feel this so hard, and I am just overcoming the other side of it. I worked on a book from 2013 until the beginning of 2020. I got into this huge grief/writing slump due to, you know, the pandemic. It took me over a year to get back to writing, and I found a project I'm absolutely in love with. I know I'm not completely letting that book go because I love those characters too much, but I'm not against changing it up to fit a more marketable genre (was sci-fi, but I can see me making it work for a fantasy with tweaks to the plot).
If it's worth anything, I loved The Stars We Steal. Reading it gave me a great break from the world for a few hours during lockdown. I loved both books so much but that one holds a special place in my heart. Thank you, both for writing it and for pulling back the curtain on this subject.
Some personal grief, I’ve been dealing with the grief that I may not be able to continue my career after my first book. I’ve had 5-6 months of hand injuries this year from overworking / juggling jobs, and I couldn’t work on anything. It’s made me have to reconsider my future plans / dreams, whether I have the physical ability to keep going, or take care of myself and drop it. It would certainly be fine if I could get those big bucks so I didn’t have to overwork myself, but that’s something that’s out of my control. I figure this is a good place to vent, but I hope it all works out and I was worrying for nothing 💕
@@ChelseyFuredi oh that sucks! So cool that you were doing graphic novels, I hope somehow you are able to continue, even if it has to be slowly over time ❤️
It's crazy you decided to talk about grief in general because that's been a theme in my life lately. My therapist told me I'm suffering from disenfranchised grief, which is grief that isnt societally accepted as genuine grief. Its not from writing for me, but I think it's really applicable with what your talking about.
Thank you so much for this video. It hit way closer to home than I expected. I had a similar experience with book grief and actual grief after my mom's sudden passing. I wasn't writing a book, though, but a fanfiction. But one that had been going on for over 5 years at that point, was well loved by other people in the fandom and was overall very dear and near to my heart. Mom promised to read it once i finish it completely. And I guess you can already tell, I didn't make it in time. It was soul crushing, on top of a horrible, crippling sense of loss of a loved one, every time I looked at this text the little voice in my head told me, that mom never read it, and now she never will. And I had to abandon it. Though I still loved the characters, though I still had the end of the story planned and untold, I realized that I am unable to continue. It hurt immensely. And I had to come to terms both with the fact that my mom will never read something so dear to me and that I would never actually finish it.
I'm sorry you've had to handle so much grief on your own Alexa.❤ but I can tell you this. The pieces of your mom that live in your heart still are so proud of everything you have accomplished since her passing. 🥰❤
Thank you! Your words were healing to hear about grieving books. I have not published myself yet but I have had to let go of ideas and putting book ideas away can be sad.
i eventually had to shelve a wip i'd been working on for several years because it wasn't working and Marvel Fricken Studios beat me to the premise (in all fairness, i had started earlier, but they were much faster) and did a much better job. After that, I hadn't written for probably a few months, and I've been slowly building another story up - really giving myself the time for it to get fleshed out so I can fall in love with it the same way I fell in love with the other wip. Thank you so much alexa for emphasising taking time to deal with the grief, because it was devistating having to put it aside, but I didn't realize till watching this video that that's what it was.
Having multiple projects in the works has helped me be better able to move on. If I was querying (and thinking it was finally time to stop querying) without having drafted a few other things already and having them in various stages of revision, I would probably be devastated. But as it is, I’m really excited about another book I hope to query late winter/early spring, and I am so glad I didn’t have all my eggs in one basket. I appreciate your transparency about grief. I think most people imagine it as “being sad” or, at most, can name the “five stages” of grief. But it really is a weird, multifaceted monster that brings up all kinds of unexpected things.
Great video, as usual! :) I was so sad to hear about your mum's passing. I am so sorry for your loss. I had to grieve a book which was picked up by a small publisher which basically folded due to the pandemic. I saw my trad publishing dreams go out the window and I'm not in a place where I could happily self-pub. I did move on and write another novel, but then had to grieve that one too (lol! - but not really! 😭) Because feedback from agents suggest the plot isn't strong enough, and I know in my heart of hearts it's true. HOWEVER, I am in the process of writing what I can only hope will be my best book yet, and I'm still hopeful I will get an agent and get my traditionally published ever after :)
Thanks for baring your soul! This is all so relatable. I hope your grief lessens over time and you find continued joy in your life. You've had a hard couple of years, so I hope brighter things are on the horizon.
In the be careful to you vent to, keep in mind where they are in their publishing journey. It can be really hard to be understanding of someone elses problems when you would love to be there (I don’t have publishing related experience with this, but it must be applicable)
I think even the big names have grieving processes, and we might not realize it. Big authors can lose their privacy, but they also receive extreame amounts of hate if their book is a popcorn read. Good reads reviews are a scam anyway.
I've always felt that it's socially unacceptable to feel or show disappointment when something happy happens, which I think compounds the anguish and grief around a thing that went good but not great. You suddenly become aware of all these unrealistic expectations and ambitions that you've attached to the process, and at least I feel embarrassed over my hubris -- but, without that hubris, how would one ever create? Still, I suspect not quite everyone goes through these feelings as intensely. I contribute mine to some degree of rejection sensitive dysphoria, so I prepare myself mentally through setting an incredibly low bar for reception. Another thing that has helped me is just writing enough to not expect all my writing to ever see the light of day. 1 in 10 acceptable projects being good, 1 in 10 good projects being great.
Oh wow. I was just journaling about this literally this morning. I'm excited to hear what you have to say on the subject. I definitely need this today. Thanks, Alexa, for sharing so much wisdom. I always look forward to your videos and I appreciate all the knowledge you share so freely!
Had some major book greif with my first self published book, even though I reached my goals with it. I'm finally working on a book completely different (ya Nutcracker retelling vs adult Shakespeare retelling) and it's helped soooooo much. I'm starting to not hate that debut story as much anymore.
I'll be honest. I just shelved my YA sci fi. It died in the query trenches. Its not my first query failure. But I think finding a new project is the best distraction. maybe this next one will get an agent? 😂
5:40 ish, I know this may seem obvious, but do contracts have, or can they, that if the book goes OOP you can self-publish it or get the full rights back? I have bought several copies of books before and I notice changes such as covers or the publishing house icon is different.
There are rights reversions clauses but it varies how easy it is to get rights back (b/c many pubs consider ebook in print). But, yes, when it happens your agent should see about getting your rights back.
@@AlexaDonne Thank you for the response. I forgot about e-book being "in print". I am going to assume it is the same for "print on demand" books through B&N or Amazon.
I have a book that failed in queries. I think it was because of the pandemic, but it could have also been my quality of work. I'll never know. 😅 I still love the book but I have to be okay with the fact that I'm the only one who will ever love it.
Personally I feel many books fail not because of quality because it's just not what the industry/publishers is looking for at that particular time so agents see it as too much of a risky project to take on.
@@AMMA83 I definitely agree. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not doing well enough and I think that is normal too. I'm still writing and pushing to get my work out there, but the book fail I have is just for me, I think. I honestly do love it. I think I did an excellent job with it and I was looking forward to improving it further for the market with an editor, but I am not at all hating on my beautiful book lol
Not even there yet but best to prepare one's self. I think the debut classes for 2020 and 2021 will at least get a little slack because like with querying sort of it'll be relatable to the whole group of them and any author who released something in all the turmoil. Something truly awful occurred to me when watching this too there's likely someone out there dealing with that plus the real person dies at some point in the process thing terrible.
This SO makes me think this is in response to a THROWAWAY account post on Reddit. Alexa is obviously a genuinely nice person. This writing business is hard. Very.
I feel like a lot of these issues can be solved by just... like... self-publishing. The more you talk about traditional publishing, the less worthwhile it sounds.
I think there could be different grief experiences. Like not recuperating the money spent on self pubbing, getting bad reviews, bad social media experience in trying to market, jealousy of other self pubbed authors, and personal grief will hit whether trad or self published. There's advantages to self publishing, but there's also challenges.
I haven't finished a book yet, but I grieve after every big win or big disappointment. It's because it means that chapter is done in my life. I bet even happens to blocker buster books authors.
Hahahahah. Paula's Choice + Lancome foundation + good lighting! I have loads of skincare recs if you want them lollll. (it's been huge in giving me a better "canvas" for makeup!)
"Just don't be on social media"= the best advice I've ever heard. Thank you, Alexa!!
About 2 years ago, I finished my first full length YA (New Adult) novel. My background is in playwriting and had a number of things professionally produced. I sent it this YA book out to queries and got a lot of great feedback, request for full MS, etc. The bottom line... they loved my writing (yay!); they loved the voice (double yay!) But in all cases, they did not like the story. (Boo.) After receiving this feedback from a number of agents, I decided to just shelve it and let it go. Working on another YA novel right now (with a much better story), have a new play in production, and just gotta keep writing. Keep moving on! Thanks Alexa for another great video. Love you!
You could always publish it online
That's awesome they liked the writing and the voice (that stinks about they didn't like the story). It always hurts to shelve a story but it's good that it didn't stop you from writing another novel!
@@sassyblondewriter8239 you know, I took it as a "win" and just kept writing. I had 2 shows produced since then, and now finally started working on a new book. It took me a while to decide what had "juice" for me. I kept getting stuck around ideas that were really commercial, but every time I'd start writing it just didn't feel right. Now, I feel really good, it's a good idea, it's commercial to a point, but really it's a story that has meaning to me and hopefully will inspire kids to believe more in themselves and to realize things aren't always what they seem. (Unreliable narrator much? Lol.)
Props to you for sending it in! I'm scared to send mine in, in fear of bad feedback.
@@onwardtolanguagelearning7076 With writing we have a lot of options... you can write all you want, whenever you want and never show it to anyone and still feel good about creating something out of nothing from your creative mind. Writing doesn't have to be about getting published or sharing it with anyone. I find that writing can be its own reward, which is why I journal a lot and have years and years and shelves of journals filled with notes and all kinds of stuff. As a professional writer myself, though, I do also want to make money from writing, which involves selling or licensing the work in some way to other people. In that sense, yes, I need to get feedback and I need to create things that people will want to read. When I'm writing for myself, for my own sense of enjoyment or catharsis, then great, that's just for me. But if I'm writing on commission or for the purpose of selling the work to a greater audience, then, for sure, I'm writing to entertain and thinking about the product very differently.
My grandmother just passed and she'll never read my book. And now I'm in the grief abyss. Wasn't ready.
same. it was about a year ago for me, but I know what that's like.
I have a goal to publish a historical fiction novel by the time I'm 35 (10 more years). My dad loved history, it was something we bonded over. He was also one of the few people who didn't give me shit about being an English major. He died in an accident before I graduated college, and he'll never read anything I write. It's only been 3 years since he passed, and I'm nowhere near being published, but I can already feel the grief of him not being there, on top of grieving his death in general.
Thanks for posting this video, we really need more conversations about grief and negative feelings, especially while working on something you're passionate about.
I wrote a book about a psychopath who kills people and bullet journals thinking I was being original. Then I read Never Saw Me Coming by Vera Kurian. It sucks when you find your perceived unique ideas in other people's writing and they do it better. Took notes, though.
Is that a spoiler for Never Saw Me Coming?
@@NightOwlReader2790 I wouldn't say so. It's multi-pov and it isn't defining of her storyline. Great book, highly recommend.
I was pubbed with Harlequin (one of my dream publishers) this year, and I mentally prepped myself for not having my book on shelves but it was still a tough, "small grief" thing to navigate with family and friends who asked "where can I buy a physical copy?" Like somehow I felt that I was LESS of an author because I haven't reached that bookstore milestone yet... Silly, but grief and melancholy is a weird thing.
Also, *hugs* to anyone who lost a loved one and is living through that grief 🖤
I am currently still grieving my YA debut and sophomore books that were bombs. There was a very small following for them but they sold like buffalo bagels not hot cakes if ya know what I mean. It was very sad to see sales never pick up when I put so much into them. I decided I would never do YA again. Instead opting for romance
As it turned out romance didn't bode well for me either. I didn't find any measure of success until I went back to my first love - mystery.
I’m so sorry to hear that Matt. The industry is rough. You’ll find your success, I know it. All the best
"this is a feelings channel." Love it.
I found out my mom was sick the same day I got my agent, then she passed a couple months after my book came out. The whole publishing experience felt tainted after that. Every time I got an email from my agent, whether good or bad, I would panic. He was so confused when I parted ways with him because we had a great partnership. And even though I knew it was possible I might never get an agent again, I left anyway because of that panic. Book grief is REAL.
I lost a dear friend/long-time creative collaborator to cancer about two months after I published. I really needed this conversation. Thank you.
Having a book come out this year has definitely been a weird experience. It was unusual and obviously there was a lot more online activity, but I really missed meeting people in bookshops and talking to readers and all of that.
Look who's here! I'm totally not stalking or anything.
Interesting. I know I get sad after book launches and sometimes it get further than sad, but I never considered that it might be grief. It makes total sense. Thank you for this video.
I can tell if my third MG manuscript never gets picked up I’ll feel a special kind of broken. That’s why I stopped after 20ish queries and am doing a big revision. This one is worth more of my time.
I had a mini dose of this just yesterday. I'm really happy with my publisher and wouldn't change anything about my journey, but because my publisher is a branch of Amazon, most bookstores won't carry my novels. I went to one last night to get Christmas books for my kids, and it's hard to see my friends' novels on display tables and not have a single of my titles on a shelf. I've mostly come to terms with it, but I never got to have that "here's me at a bookstore pointing at my new release" photo everyone posts on their socials on publication
day.
I have an agent and been on sub multiple times in two genres. Gotten lots of great feedback that’s encouraging, but after five books (two in SF, three in romance) it’s so hard to think it will ever happen. I’ve also separately self-published and though I didn’t lose my shirt, I didn’t make bonkers money. I don’t have the business savvy (yet) to really pull that off with a living wage (though I’m in the black with all the books I’ve published there). I’m trapped in mediocre land! What helps me keep going is that I still have ideas that I believe in and are fresh takes. Editors love my ideas and writing (majority of my rejections are usually a timing thing. One book was mostly let go because in RomCom at the time they wanted single POV, not duel POV for that ‘type’ of story I’d written. Another because they didn’t think one of the character’s jobs was sexy enough (which sucked because a year and a half later it became all the rage!!) publishing is frustrating, but if I stop trying I won’t have a chance to sell anything :)
I honestly loved The Stars We Steal. It is a great book!
First, your lip color is the chef's kiss-it's perfect. Secondly, thank you for this video.
During the pandemic I wrote a book. I did the thing (hooray!). A small dream of mine was accomplished. Your videos were the best motivator and teacher-thank you! Edits and several CPs later I had, what I thought, a pretty decent YA horror. I perfected a query letter, gathered a list of agents and sent it out into the world (all by the guidance of your vids and other links).
I did get two full requests-and really that was a success in itself-and a few agents sent back some nice words. But after I exhausted my list and the rejections came in I did settle into a slump. It wasn't a failure by any account-I finished a book, I got full requests-but the grief was real. Processing those feelings of frustration and defeat were tough. It's hard. I knew I had to set the project aside.
BUT!
After not writing for six months I started another project in September and I am so close to finishing the draft. I'm excited again. You were right (you're always right) taking those feelings and funneling the energy into a new project was helpful. Hopefully early next year I can start querying again (any CPs or Sensitivity Readers out there?).
Thank you, Alexa!
And yeah, I wish social media wasn't a thing. Comparing yourself is the ultimate trap and I fall into it every time.
If you're looking for a CP I'd love to help!
Thank you for sharing this realness. Your strength and honesty are so admirable
I had to shelve a book I queried for over a year. It was rough. I had PTSD and couldn’t write for months. I cried. It was truly a loss. But it does help to work on another project and stay positive.
I had a project that I did years ago (not a book, but I feel like it applies), in which I put an enormous amount of efforts and hope, that crumbled and died in basically every possible way. It involved a lot of people, and everyone got over it relatively quickly (we were also very young at the time, and I had to realize my understanding of what I wanted from my life was radically different from what other people wanted). I tried to maintain that project alive for a year, and it felt like I held the bones of something in agony that demanded to die, but I couldn't stand the thought of letting it go because I had invested so much of myself and my future in it. When it finally fell apart, I shattered. It's been a decade, and I still haven't fully recovered, and to be fully honest I haven't ever truly found my mojo back, even though my current career is quite successful. It's like I never found my path back to happiness since.
Thank you for speaking about creative grief, because it's been such an enormous weight on my life and I feel like it's completely alienating. I really love the transparency and openness as always.
After reading THE IVIES, I purchased both BRIGHTLY BURNING and THE STARS WE STEAL. They were both great, and I loved how they were set in the same universe. I was actually hoping for a third novel in that world to make a trilogy. Is this something you have on the backburner?
Thank you for addressing the grief of books that don't make it to print or don't sell well. It's disappointing when these things happen for so many writers. I haven't reached that point yet but when it comes it'll be slightly easier because I'll know how it happens to everyone. It'll feel like you're not alone.
All of the feels about your mom’s passing. That hits close to home. And shame on others for illegitamising any grief someone feels, no matter what.
Such a good video on an imprtant topic. Thank you for normalizing the scary stuff and making it much less scary. 💕
I can definitely identify with book grief and grief in general. Grief is a weird thing that ebbs and flows and you really have no control over when it's going to hit you. My book grief kind of came at the beginning of the pandemic. I had finished a book and queried agents but didn't get any bites. Then I started getting rejections after March 2020. I was stuck at home with my kids doing virtual learning and the rejections felt like a slap in the face. I understand more about the publishing industry now (thanks to you) and now it doesn't hit quite as hard (also thank you therapy). Another thing I had to grieve was putting my writing career on hold because of virtual learning. That was probably the hardest thing I had to do. 40% of women had to quit their jobs for that. Now that the kids are back in school I'm experiencing a different kind of grief for the motivation I had pre-pandemic - which just doesn't exist right now. So thank you for this. It's very timely. PS I loved the Ivies. One of the best books I've ever read from a writer and reader perspective. Well done.
THANK YOU. I debuted this past April and although there have been a lot of wonderful moments, there have also been A LOT of tears and worry and doubt and disappointment. It's such a comfort to hear you talk about this so honestly. Seriously, thank you.
Feeling unable to share grief about a situation is traumatic and it occurs everywhere that others might consider you advantaged. You're speaking healthy responses for us all. Thank you.
Can we just be friends? I mean, out of the number of authortubers I follow, your advice is the soundest and most relatable. Aside from that, you seem like a really nice author friend to have.
Hi Alexa! I just wanted to say, I found all of your books in my library's e-book collection and I was so excited! I just finished Brightly Burning (I really enjoyed it) and now I've got a hold on the other two (Yes, there is a waitlist for both The Stars We Steal and The Ivies at my library! 😄 Just a little positivity for you!) On the topic of the video, I think watching books get taken off library shelves would be the saddest thing for me as an Author 😭
Thank you for talking about it. Feels like everyone's going through a low point rn...
Alexa I think your the best Author on youtube! Thank you so much for being so real and making great videos. They help me in so many ways! Keep up the good work!
Thank you for making such an honest video! Book grief is such a thing -- shelving the characters and stories you've poured yourself into is so hard! And, so necessary.
I feel this so hard, and I am just overcoming the other side of it. I worked on a book from 2013 until the beginning of 2020. I got into this huge grief/writing slump due to, you know, the pandemic. It took me over a year to get back to writing, and I found a project I'm absolutely in love with. I know I'm not completely letting that book go because I love those characters too much, but I'm not against changing it up to fit a more marketable genre (was sci-fi, but I can see me making it work for a fantasy with tweaks to the plot).
If it's worth anything, I loved The Stars We Steal. Reading it gave me a great break from the world for a few hours during lockdown. I loved both books so much but that one holds a special place in my heart. Thank you, both for writing it and for pulling back the curtain on this subject.
Some personal grief, I’ve been dealing with the grief that I may not be able to continue my career after my first book. I’ve had 5-6 months of hand injuries this year from overworking / juggling jobs, and I couldn’t work on anything. It’s made me have to reconsider my future plans / dreams, whether I have the physical ability to keep going, or take care of myself and drop it. It would certainly be fine if I could get those big bucks so I didn’t have to overwork myself, but that’s something that’s out of my control. I figure this is a good place to vent, but I hope it all works out and I was worrying for nothing 💕
Could you try a speech-to-text software like Dragon?
@@nikkireigns I did do that for scripting for a while! But I work on graphic novels so there’s no alternative for drawing haha 😅
@@ChelseyFuredi oh that sucks! So cool that you were doing graphic novels, I hope somehow you are able to continue, even if it has to be slowly over time ❤️
It's crazy you decided to talk about grief in general because that's been a theme in my life lately. My therapist told me I'm suffering from disenfranchised grief, which is grief that isnt societally accepted as genuine grief. Its not from writing for me, but I think it's really applicable with what your talking about.
Thank you so much for this video.
It hit way closer to home than I expected.
I had a similar experience with book grief and actual grief after my mom's sudden passing. I wasn't writing a book, though, but a fanfiction. But one that had been going on for over 5 years at that point, was well loved by other people in the fandom and was overall very dear and near to my heart. Mom promised to read it once i finish it completely. And I guess you can already tell, I didn't make it in time. It was soul crushing, on top of a horrible, crippling sense of loss of a loved one, every time I looked at this text the little voice in my head told me, that mom never read it, and now she never will. And I had to abandon it. Though I still loved the characters, though I still had the end of the story planned and untold, I realized that I am unable to continue. It hurt immensely. And I had to come to terms both with the fact that my mom will never read something so dear to me and that I would never actually finish it.
This is why I watch you. Thanks!
I'm sorry you've had to handle so much grief on your own Alexa.❤ but I can tell you this. The pieces of your mom that live in your heart still are so proud of everything you have accomplished since her passing. 🥰❤
Thank you! Your words were healing to hear about grieving books. I have not published myself yet but I have had to let go of ideas and putting book ideas away can be sad.
i eventually had to shelve a wip i'd been working on for several years because it wasn't working and Marvel Fricken Studios beat me to the premise (in all fairness, i had started earlier, but they were much faster) and did a much better job. After that, I hadn't written for probably a few months, and I've been slowly building another story up - really giving myself the time for it to get fleshed out so I can fall in love with it the same way I fell in love with the other wip. Thank you so much alexa for emphasising taking time to deal with the grief, because it was devistating having to put it aside, but I didn't realize till watching this video that that's what it was.
Having multiple projects in the works has helped me be better able to move on. If I was querying (and thinking it was finally time to stop querying) without having drafted a few other things already and having them in various stages of revision, I would probably be devastated. But as it is, I’m really excited about another book I hope to query late winter/early spring, and I am so glad I didn’t have all my eggs in one basket. I appreciate your transparency about grief. I think most people imagine it as “being sad” or, at most, can name the “five stages” of grief. But it really is a weird, multifaceted monster that brings up all kinds of unexpected things.
This is important. Thank you.
Great video, as usual! :)
I was so sad to hear about your mum's passing. I am so sorry for your loss.
I had to grieve a book which was picked up by a small publisher which basically folded due to the pandemic. I saw my trad publishing dreams go out the window and I'm not in a place where I could happily self-pub. I did move on and write another novel, but then had to grieve that one too (lol! - but not really! 😭) Because feedback from agents suggest the plot isn't strong enough, and I know in my heart of hearts it's true.
HOWEVER, I am in the process of writing what I can only hope will be my best book yet, and I'm still hopeful I will get an agent and get my traditionally published ever after :)
This video came at the absolute perfect time for me ❤
Thanks for baring your soul! This is all so relatable. I hope your grief lessens over time and you find continued joy in your life. You've had a hard couple of years, so I hope brighter things are on the horizon.
after he finished writing one of his most popular books, Steven King realized he had produced an accurate portrait of his own alcoholism.
this is...such an important video
In the be careful to you vent to, keep in mind where they are in their publishing journey. It can be really hard to be understanding of someone elses problems when you would love to be there (I don’t have publishing related experience with this, but it must be applicable)
I think even the big names have grieving processes, and we might not realize it. Big authors can lose their privacy, but they also receive extreame amounts of hate if their book is a popcorn read. Good reads reviews are a scam anyway.
I've always felt that it's socially unacceptable to feel or show disappointment when something happy happens, which I think compounds the anguish and grief around a thing that went good but not great. You suddenly become aware of all these unrealistic expectations and ambitions that you've attached to the process, and at least I feel embarrassed over my hubris -- but, without that hubris, how would one ever create?
Still, I suspect not quite everyone goes through these feelings as intensely. I contribute mine to some degree of rejection sensitive dysphoria, so I prepare myself mentally through setting an incredibly low bar for reception. Another thing that has helped me is just writing enough to not expect all my writing to ever see the light of day. 1 in 10 acceptable projects being good, 1 in 10 good projects being great.
Always enjoy your content. Great insights, opinions and just all around entertaining
Oh wow. I was just journaling about this literally this morning. I'm excited to hear what you have to say on the subject. I definitely need this today. Thanks, Alexa, for sharing so much wisdom. I always look forward to your videos and I appreciate all the knowledge you share so freely!
Had some major book greif with my first self published book, even though I reached my goals with it. I'm finally working on a book completely different (ya Nutcracker retelling vs adult Shakespeare retelling) and it's helped soooooo much. I'm starting to not hate that debut story as much anymore.
Yeah, the first time I realized the copies had been culled down to one for the library...
I'll be honest. I just shelved my YA sci fi. It died in the query trenches. Its not my first query failure. But I think finding a new project is the best distraction. maybe this next one will get an agent? 😂
This is a good topic
Would you ever revisit your shelved books now? Maybe fix what you felt prevented them from being published before?
5:40 ish, I know this may seem obvious, but do contracts have, or can they, that if the book goes OOP you can self-publish it or get the full rights back?
I have bought several copies of books before and I notice changes such as covers or the publishing house icon is different.
There are rights reversions clauses but it varies how easy it is to get rights back (b/c many pubs consider ebook in print). But, yes, when it happens your agent should see about getting your rights back.
@@AlexaDonne Thank you for the response. I forgot about e-book being "in print". I am going to assume it is the same for "print on demand" books through B&N or Amazon.
I have a book that failed in queries. I think it was because of the pandemic, but it could have also been my quality of work. I'll never know. 😅 I still love the book but I have to be okay with the fact that I'm the only one who will ever love it.
Personally I feel many books fail not because of quality because it's just not what the industry/publishers is looking for at that particular time so agents see it as too much of a risky project to take on.
@@AMMA83 I definitely agree. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm not doing well enough and I think that is normal too.
I'm still writing and pushing to get my work out there, but the book fail I have is just for me, I think. I honestly do love it. I think I did an excellent job with it and I was looking forward to improving it further for the market with an editor, but I am not at all hating on my beautiful book lol
Not even there yet but best to prepare one's self. I think the debut classes for 2020 and 2021 will at least get a little slack because like with querying sort of it'll be relatable to the whole group of them and any author who released something in all the turmoil. Something truly awful occurred to me when watching this too there's likely someone out there dealing with that plus the real person dies at some point in the process thing terrible.
This SO makes me think this is in response to a THROWAWAY account post on Reddit. Alexa is obviously a genuinely nice person. This writing business is hard. Very.
*Hugs
I feel like a lot of these issues can be solved by just... like... self-publishing. The more you talk about traditional publishing, the less worthwhile it sounds.
I think there could be different grief experiences. Like not recuperating the money spent on self pubbing, getting bad reviews, bad social media experience in trying to market, jealousy of other self pubbed authors, and personal grief will hit whether trad or self published. There's advantages to self publishing, but there's also challenges.
Feeling invisible, insignificant and like you're drowning in a sea of books would not be helped by self-publishing...
Then you can add financial damage to the emotional damage! 🙃
I haven't finished a book yet, but I grieve after every big win or big disappointment. It's because it means that chapter is done in my life. I bet even happens to blocker buster books authors.
Howz your skin this much goooddddd ❤️🔪ily and your skin ❤️
Hahahahah. Paula's Choice + Lancome foundation + good lighting! I have loads of skincare recs if you want them lollll. (it's been huge in giving me a better "canvas" for makeup!)
@@AlexaDonne ahh first of all i cant belive u just replllliiiedddd ...ilysm...i only want you..i reallly love your videos ❤️❤️❤️bless up ❤️
🤭🤭🤭🤭