I have pretty bad social anxiety and have been a loner for a long time because of it. As a result, I never really experimented w/ gender or have known how to express my queerness since high-school. Listening to this podcast as well as chosen family has made me start experimenting with the way i present myself, as well as making me feel like i'm a part of something which has allowed me to somehow feel safer in being seen and heard in every day life, even with quick interactions in a store. I feel like i'm finding myself back through you guys and i'm not entirely sure how that's happening but i just wanted to say i am so grateful for you Ashley. and your cohosts. I'm also so grateful to you, Alayna Joy and Makingemi for helping me question myself and learn more and more about who i am. so thank you!
Ashley, you are literally getting me through my divorce/worst break up of my life. Like, for the last year. The majority of my haha’s come from hearing “what’s up bottom nation!?”
@@darxhart1646 I hope the same for you! Healing takes so much longer than we think. My recipe has been exercise, laugher, art & creation, a lot of meditation in the sun, & time. The hardest is to break the cycle of self isolation & realizing that it is a cycle & there are small break through points to slowly and carefully introduce our hearts back into others hands & rebuild our sense of trust. Love to you this year & every year after.
I really look forward to this podcast each week. I’ve listened since the beginning, and Maddie really takes this show to the next level. MADDIE YOU ARE SO HILARIOUS!! You are so sharp-witted and thoughtful and vibrant. This episode especially I could not stop laughing
The gay thought segment at the end always makes my week. Thank you for taking all little moments in your days to hug all of us with your words and beat the shit out of us with laughter. You’re a darling.
I found the part about appearance and gender so interesting. I'm experimenting with being less 'stealth' as a gay male enby (grew a ponytail, invested in a lot of pink clothes) and on days I feel confident enough to wear them I feel great and like I'm 'visible', with minimal effort, and the thought that it might inspire a struggling LGBT+ person passing by in the street to be confident in being themselves also feels great.
Great episode! It so amazing to listen to the episode and also read through comments and realize how many people are struggling with the same things... I think talking about it openly is so helpful, so, thank you Ashley!
Today I was having trouble finding the motivation to get up and walk my dog & after I started listening to this ep it felt like divine intervention lol, thank u guys so much for your dedication putting positive shit out into the world. It makes a difference in so many peoples lives in ways you would never know. We appreciate it ❤
I wanna co-sign the discussion at the end about exercise and body recomposition. I’m truly sad that some folks have now essentially demonized exercise and wanting to shape your body differently as “hating yourself” or fat phobia or an ED etc. I’m not saying those things aren’t real problems - but if you see folks in the gym and eating in a way to support their body goals - please don’t be an asshole. Don’t assume everyone has a full blown problem just because they have aesthetic goals. I exercise to build muscle and feel and look strong and it makes me feel great and actually love my body after years of hating myself. No one gave a shit when I felt horrible but now I have a friend who always has some faux body positive comment when I mention going to the gym or planning a balanced meal 🙄🖕🏾
I should add it’s upsetting because as Maddie said, it gives me good gender feels but then some folks who have read too many wellness memes will make u feel like that’s not valid or just want to diagnose someone to feel better about themselves.
I agree! I’m learning a lot about this as I get older. Different people are empowered & self actualized by different things. It’s funny that we can recognize things in ourselves but not others. For me, I feel more like a woman in a larger curvier body. I feel affirmed in myself & womanhood having boobs, hips, big butt & thighs, things I never had when thin, or as a child or as a traumatized & sick & suffering person. I earned them, & they’re deeply tied to my sexuality which also came with my ED recovery (when your so thin you don’t have a period or any sex drive & don’t feel sexy you cant be a sexual being.) aesthetics aside, i feel empowered as a woman when I lift weights & can do things men can or better lol because I’m strong enough to (even though I don’t lift as much anymore.) I can recognize that certain body types & behaviors are not only not healthy for me but also just make me feel like not me-if I were thin I’d feel like a stranger in the mirror, like a boy, or like a child. I know for others this can be the opposite etc etc. we all have different things that affirm us & make us mentally happy-& even if they don’t-others struggles aren’t our business. I did have anorexia & severe exercise addiction for a decade of my life & almost died from it. But I’m genuinely not interested in what other people do with their bodies & why. It’s really not my business. & even if it’s self harm, it’s hard to know without being invasive sometimes & it’s not my job to save anyone. Lord knows only I could save myself from my own exercise addiction & anorexia & self harm. It’s true that different aesthetics & sizes aren’t always a mental health issue, but can better someone’s mental health & we all have different things that make us dysphoric & things that make us feel at home & healthy for us-these things are all individual! Which is why I believe in the principle of health at every size, as well as just genuinely minding your business & letting people do them. IMO it’s never okay to comment on peoples bodies, what they eat, how much they eat; because we do not know what they currently may be going through, or have in the past, or if they’re even going through anything at all & we’re just projecting our own trauma & struggles with diet culture. Many people would look at me & never guess I almost died of my anorexia because now I’m big & have been mentally & physically healthy for a long long time. There’s nothing anyone could do or say to change that/me or put me in a bad place. However some people are more vulnerable-You just don’t know where people are at or what you can say about someone’s body or food that might end up harming them! Unless the dialogue is clearly welcomed & established, just avoid it. I also would have to agree exercise is something that definitely benefits your energy levels & sex drive generally when not done extremely( it’s something I had to be careful with because I literally got addicted to the high of exercise to the point I ran myself into the ground, injuring myself, killing myself, exercising to the point of having no real life, & definitely no energy or sex drive left & slowly widdeling away). So even things that have benefits can’t truly be reaped if there’s not balance-anything that’s excessive -well pro-longingly excessive, & extreme can in fact be harmful & deadly. But it’s also extreme to not exercise too. Middle ground is where it’s at. But again at the end of the day, that’s just my experience & people live their own lives
The best part of this video was Ashley’s parting message.❤thank you. Still establishing my queer chosen family, but I look forward to having one & am appreciative of who I have now, & the chosen family pod & whgs.
thank you ashley for saying what you said about the holidays being hard for a lot of queer people. i'm a senior in high school, so this is the last time i'll have to do the whole shabang with my family, but it's been pretty difficult and hearing that this isn't a unique experience is a great comfort. i'm starting college in oregon next year (very dykey), where there are ACTUAL LESBIAN BARS! so i am holding out for that :) sending winter blessings to you ashley, and maddie and alex. this podcast has gotten me through so much and this episode has been a welcome holiday gift
‘Maybe that’s cause abortions legal there’... I’m sitting here remembering Clisare’s videos about being in college in Ireland and secretly helping her classmates arrange to go to England for abortions because it wasn’t legal in Ireland yet until 2018. Irish women finally gained bodily autonomy right before American women lost it.
Ash your work is super important to me and so many others. I really hope you understand this and the fact that this goes way beyond comedy. Thank you for all your hard work ❤️🙂
Thank you Conor, for being brave enough to speak your true preferences. Can we also have being a gay woman without being into oral. I'm one of them and I feel as if gay women think you've committed a crime/aren't really gay if you don't like it.
This podcast is a big part of my life is always makes me laugh and smile thank you for all the hard work Ashley appreciated you and everything u do ❤️🏳️🌈 I'm from Dublin I hope one day you will do a show in Dublin Ashley
My hips are probably the biggest source of my dysphoria. A few years ago, I took a medication that made me really sick and I lost a lot of weight. It wasn't a great time, but it was the first time since puberty that I didn't have super round hips. I'm no longer on the med and my weight is back to a normal range, but I still miss the way my body looked. I feel guilty for wanting something that only came about because I got sick. I'm not sure it's possible for me to maintain the weight I was at in a healthy way, so it's made me feel weird about working out and trying to drop the excess weight I currently have. Bodies are hard.
I absolutely love this podcast and look forward to listening every week but wow the interruptions this episode were a bit overwhelming. Have to step away for a little bit.
theres a lesbian dating show called princess charming and its literally like the bachelor i think (ive never watch it lol) although it is in german but its actually really good
Humans actually give birth earlier than they should because of how much we stand up straight. Why our babies are so helpless and soft compared to other animals who's babies can full on walk after being born.
On redesigning bodies: separate holes for separate functions! And I want all the genitals! No more feeling like I’m missing out because I don’t have one set or the other.
what i'll say re: maddie and weight and gender is this-- being fat is feminized bc it's seen as a weak and soft thing. it's seen as being a result of "weak will" (which it's not), and is seen as being physically weak (again, it's not), and "unhealthy" (also zero causation there; fat people tend to live longer and only suffer health issues because of medical neglect and bias, or in deeply severe circumstances--which, so does everyone else at other weights), and therefore is seen as dependent upon or imposing upon other people (which it's not) which is what is considered "feminine" or a "womanly" disposition type of deal. so it is entirely a thing to feel too feminine because of being fat. cis men have this same issue with being fat. the whole "man boobs" bullshit is truly shitty. and fat trans people aren't allowed to medically transition a lot of the time unless they lose a DANGEROUS amount of weight in deeply unsafe ways (including fucked up "weight loss" surgery which just removes entire portions of healthy organs to cause malnourishment and starvation, because that's seen as somehow better than....being fat and having average or good health). i have absolutely felt the kind of dysphoria where--my problem isn't that i'm fat or that i don't like being fat. my problem is that OTHER PEOPLE see my being fat as a signifier of something that it's just not, and it makes it harder express and see my gender the way i want to. and if that dysphoria is specifically tied to body parts/aspects of appearance that *do* like *on their own* trigger dysphoria, that can definitely be worse. like the kinds of clothing i want to wear are made inaccessible to me bc the typical model of that is extremely skinny. over the pandemic, i gained more weight, and i just decided "truly, fuck this" and decided to just buy whatever clothes i liked and wear whatever i want and just get over it. and the only problem now is that i just can't go anywhere to show off my clothes because of the ongoing pandemic. lolol but yeah, the journey is different for everyone. but truly, weight and eating habits and gender can get REALLY muddled and dangerous really fast, so it takes a lot of moderated self-reflection and self-awareness to navigate them safely. it's really fraught, so i totally get why maddie was unsure about talking abt it. it's one thing to say and validate that there is no one body type for a gender or gender expression, and it's another entirely to wrestle with that internally bc of how our culture perceives and treats people based on their body types.
Legit though, Conor you're a side. Like you really don't need to be a top or bottom, there are sides who confidently state that and have great sex. Be a confident side
I have pretty bad social anxiety and have been a loner for a long time because of it. As a result, I never really experimented w/ gender or have known how to express my queerness since high-school. Listening to this podcast as well as chosen family has made me start experimenting with the way i present myself, as well as making me feel like i'm a part of something which has allowed me to somehow feel safer in being seen and heard in every day life, even with quick interactions in a store. I feel like i'm finding myself back through you guys and i'm not entirely sure how that's happening but i just wanted to say i am so grateful for you Ashley. and your cohosts. I'm also so grateful to you, Alayna Joy and Makingemi for helping me question myself and learn more and more about who i am. so thank you!
This internet stranger is really proud of you. 😢
Ashley, you are literally getting me through my divorce/worst break up of my life. Like, for the last year. The majority of my haha’s come from hearing “what’s up bottom nation!?”
I’m there too- but 4 months in. This podcast and Chosen Family are what get me through my hard days. Good luck, I hope 2023 is better for you.
@@darxhart1646 I hope the same for you! Healing takes so much longer than we think. My recipe has been exercise, laugher, art & creation, a lot of meditation in the sun, & time. The hardest is to break the cycle of self isolation & realizing that it is a cycle & there are small break through points to slowly and carefully introduce our hearts back into others hands & rebuild our sense of trust. Love to you this year & every year after.
I really look forward to this podcast each week. I’ve listened since the beginning, and Maddie really takes this show to the next level. MADDIE YOU ARE SO HILARIOUS!! You are so sharp-witted and thoughtful and vibrant. This episode especially I could not stop laughing
I love that the first 20 minutes is just one big existential crisis lmao I love this
“Meditating through the climate apocalypse,” omg Maddie you are an absolute GEM! So bloody true! 💜 Love this show so much
The gay thought segment at the end always makes my week. Thank you for taking all little moments in your days to hug all of us with your words and beat the shit out of us with laughter. You’re a darling.
I found the part about appearance and gender so interesting. I'm experimenting with being less 'stealth' as a gay male enby (grew a ponytail, invested in a lot of pink clothes) and on days I feel confident enough to wear them I feel great and like I'm 'visible', with minimal effort, and the thought that it might inspire a struggling LGBT+ person passing by in the street to be confident in being themselves also feels great.
Great episode! It so amazing to listen to the episode and also read through comments and realize how many people are struggling with the same things... I think talking about it openly is so helpful, so, thank you Ashley!
Today I was having trouble finding the motivation to get up and walk my dog & after I started listening to this ep it felt like divine intervention lol, thank u guys so much for your dedication putting positive shit out into the world. It makes a difference in so many peoples lives in ways you would never know. We appreciate it ❤
Always grateful for EDS content 🦓
As someone who is attracted to people of all gender expressions, I find Maddie to be hot in all of their presentations 🥰
I wanna co-sign the discussion at the end about exercise and body recomposition. I’m truly sad that some folks have now essentially demonized exercise and wanting to shape your body differently as “hating yourself” or fat phobia or an ED etc. I’m not saying those things aren’t real problems - but if you see folks in the gym and eating in a way to support their body goals - please don’t be an asshole. Don’t assume everyone has a full blown problem just because they have aesthetic goals. I exercise to build muscle and feel and look strong and it makes me feel great and actually love my body after years of hating myself. No one gave a shit when I felt horrible but now I have a friend who always has some faux body positive comment when I mention going to the gym or planning a balanced meal 🙄🖕🏾
I should add it’s upsetting because as Maddie said, it gives me good gender feels but then some folks who have read too many wellness memes will make u feel like that’s not valid or just want to diagnose someone to feel better about themselves.
I agree! I’m learning a lot about this as I get older. Different people are empowered & self actualized by different things. It’s funny that we can recognize things in ourselves but not others. For me, I feel more like a woman in a larger curvier body. I feel affirmed in myself & womanhood having boobs, hips, big butt & thighs, things I never had when thin, or as a child or as a traumatized & sick & suffering person. I earned them, & they’re deeply tied to my sexuality which also came with my ED recovery (when your so thin you don’t have a period or any sex drive & don’t feel sexy you cant be a sexual being.) aesthetics aside, i feel empowered as a woman when I lift weights & can do things men can or better lol because I’m strong enough to (even though I don’t lift as much anymore.) I can recognize that certain body types & behaviors are not only not healthy for me but also just make me feel like not me-if I were thin I’d feel like a stranger in the mirror, like a boy, or like a child. I know for others this can be the opposite etc etc. we all have different things that affirm us & make us mentally happy-& even if they don’t-others struggles aren’t our business.
I did have anorexia & severe exercise addiction for a decade of my life & almost died from it. But I’m genuinely not interested in what other people do with their bodies & why. It’s really not my business. & even if it’s self harm, it’s hard to know without being invasive sometimes & it’s not my job to save anyone. Lord knows only I could save myself from my own exercise addiction & anorexia & self harm. It’s true that different aesthetics & sizes aren’t always a mental health issue, but can better someone’s mental health & we all have different things that make us dysphoric & things that make us feel at home & healthy for us-these things are all individual! Which is why I believe in the principle of health at every size, as well as just genuinely minding your business & letting people do them. IMO it’s never okay to comment on peoples bodies, what they eat, how much they eat; because we do not know what they currently may be going through, or have in the past, or if they’re even going through anything at all & we’re just projecting our own trauma & struggles with diet culture. Many people would look at me & never guess I almost died of my anorexia because now I’m big & have been mentally & physically healthy for a long long time. There’s nothing anyone could do or say to change that/me or put me in a bad place. However some people are more vulnerable-You just don’t know where people are at or what you can say about someone’s body or food that might end up harming them! Unless the dialogue is clearly welcomed & established, just avoid it.
I also would have to agree exercise is something that definitely benefits your energy levels & sex drive generally when not done extremely( it’s something I had to be careful with because I literally got addicted to the high of exercise to the point I ran myself into the ground, injuring myself, killing myself, exercising to the point of having no real life, & definitely no energy or sex drive left & slowly widdeling away). So even things that have benefits can’t truly be reaped if there’s not balance-anything that’s excessive -well pro-longingly excessive, & extreme can in fact be harmful & deadly. But it’s also extreme to not exercise too. Middle ground is where it’s at. But again at the end of the day, that’s just my experience & people live their own lives
@Parking_lot182 you’re blessed to not have encountered that. Some folks have really turned around the message.
Wow, I just learned why my nose is constantly dripping. Way to share
Wow, Im nvr first! I've been refreshing my screen all morning waiting for this.. lol
PS- Maddie's lookin so fashionable today, as always!
Maddy looks so good!
Her necklace is 🔥
I love what he says at the beginning.
Just rented Triangle of Sadness on Amazon Prime. The summary got me interested.
The best part of this video was Ashley’s parting message.❤thank you. Still establishing my queer chosen family, but I look forward to having one & am appreciative of who I have now, & the chosen family pod & whgs.
thank you ashley for saying what you said about the holidays being hard for a lot of queer people. i'm a senior in high school, so this is the last time i'll have to do the whole shabang with my family, but it's been pretty difficult and hearing that this isn't a unique experience is a great comfort.
i'm starting college in oregon next year (very dykey), where there are ACTUAL LESBIAN BARS! so i am holding out for that :)
sending winter blessings to you ashley, and maddie and alex. this podcast has gotten me through so much and this episode has been a welcome holiday gift
‘Maybe that’s cause abortions legal there’... I’m sitting here remembering Clisare’s videos about being in college in Ireland and secretly helping her classmates arrange to go to England for abortions because it wasn’t legal in Ireland yet until 2018. Irish women finally gained bodily autonomy right before American women lost it.
Ash your work is super important to me and so many others. I really hope you understand this and the fact that this goes way beyond comedy. Thank you for all your hard work ❤️🙂
in germany there is a tv series with a gay bachelor and one with a lesbian bachelorette called "prince charming" or "princess charming" fyi
Wow great episode today haha
You’re coming to WPB and I’m trying so hard to get two meet and greet tickets oof 😂 so glad I SIGNED IP FOR THE TEXT LISTTTTT
I thought it was "Real Tops Wear Bottoms" and that could work too.
Maddie is smokin and that necklace is 🥵 come to Maine and nobody will ever know 😊
Ayyy a new video from my favourite podcaster best christmas present
I want to see a collab so bad one day- either Stavros Halkias coming on your podcast or you going on Stavvy’s world. Please make dreams come true 😅
Thank you Conor, for being brave enough to speak your true preferences. Can we also have being a gay woman without being into oral. I'm one of them and I feel as if gay women think you've committed a crime/aren't really gay if you don't like it.
This podcast is a big part of my life is always makes me laugh and smile thank you for all the hard work Ashley appreciated you and everything u do ❤️🏳️🌈 I'm from Dublin I hope one day you will do a show in Dublin Ashley
LOVING the religion jokes 😂🤣 dying over here
My hips are probably the biggest source of my dysphoria. A few years ago, I took a medication that made me really sick and I lost a lot of weight. It wasn't a great time, but it was the first time since puberty that I didn't have super round hips. I'm no longer on the med and my weight is back to a normal range, but I still miss the way my body looked. I feel guilty for wanting something that only came about because I got sick. I'm not sure it's possible for me to maintain the weight I was at in a healthy way, so it's made me feel weird about working out and trying to drop the excess weight I currently have. Bodies are hard.
Maddie is on fire 🔥 riff riff
I absolutely love this podcast and look forward to listening every week but wow the interruptions this episode were a bit overwhelming. Have to step away for a little bit.
so here for conor's niche big brother season six and kid nation referneces lmao I see you conor
Is there gonna be any new colors/styles of the bottom nation tshirt
Dildid is a series of college text books.
My family is Irish Catholic and I have a gay aunt Maureen too!
Overeater here. Deep fried christ on a stick this was relatable.
I'd kill for a doctor that knows something about eds.
Ur absolutely awesome I’m signed up
you have EDS too?! I can't tell you how cool it is when I find out a creator I watch has EDS (or HSD) just like me 🥺
@jessicakelgren-fozard is another EDS delight
he reminds me so much of violet chachki out of drag! crazy
theres a lesbian dating show called princess charming and its literally like the bachelor i think (ive never watch it lol) although it is in german but its actually really good
“Asspro” is the name of a spell in the Dragon Prince on netflix 💨😇
it’s “Aspiro” because it’s a wind breath spell 😭😭😭 it’s a kids show
Humans actually give birth earlier than they should because of how much we stand up straight. Why our babies are so helpless and soft compared to other animals who's babies can full on walk after being born.
Waiting for that day I can go to one of your shows... 🥺🏳🌈😔
I really love your podcast and i would love to see sarah keyworth here
Ears are sooooo wild
I used to be an alcoholic turned gay so maybe we do gotta break those generational curses lmao
Hey ashley do you know Steven Hofstetter?
long shot but i look forward to the day i get an email/text that you'll be coming to the philippines
i dont think conors mic was working :/
Algo boost!
Leaving a comment for the algorithm
On redesigning bodies: separate holes for separate functions! And I want all the genitals! No more feeling like I’m missing out because I don’t have one set or the other.
I love you all
I NEED an ass pro shops hat made by whgs
Day 3 of asking you to have Hannah Hart on the pod
what i'll say re: maddie and weight and gender is this--
being fat is feminized bc it's seen as a weak and soft thing. it's seen as being a result of "weak will" (which it's not), and is seen as being physically weak (again, it's not), and "unhealthy" (also zero causation there; fat people tend to live longer and only suffer health issues because of medical neglect and bias, or in deeply severe circumstances--which, so does everyone else at other weights), and therefore is seen as dependent upon or imposing upon other people (which it's not) which is what is considered "feminine" or a "womanly" disposition type of deal.
so it is entirely a thing to feel too feminine because of being fat. cis men have this same issue with being fat. the whole "man boobs" bullshit is truly shitty. and fat trans people aren't allowed to medically transition a lot of the time unless they lose a DANGEROUS amount of weight in deeply unsafe ways (including fucked up "weight loss" surgery which just removes entire portions of healthy organs to cause malnourishment and starvation, because that's seen as somehow better than....being fat and having average or good health).
i have absolutely felt the kind of dysphoria where--my problem isn't that i'm fat or that i don't like being fat. my problem is that OTHER PEOPLE see my being fat as a signifier of something that it's just not, and it makes it harder express and see my gender the way i want to. and if that dysphoria is specifically tied to body parts/aspects of appearance that *do* like *on their own* trigger dysphoria, that can definitely be worse.
like the kinds of clothing i want to wear are made inaccessible to me bc the typical model of that is extremely skinny. over the pandemic, i gained more weight, and i just decided "truly, fuck this" and decided to just buy whatever clothes i liked and wear whatever i want and just get over it. and the only problem now is that i just can't go anywhere to show off my clothes because of the ongoing pandemic. lolol but yeah, the journey is different for everyone. but truly, weight and eating habits and gender can get REALLY muddled and dangerous really fast, so it takes a lot of moderated self-reflection and self-awareness to navigate them safely. it's really fraught, so i totally get why maddie was unsure about talking abt it. it's one thing to say and validate that there is no one body type for a gender or gender expression, and it's another entirely to wrestle with that internally bc of how our culture perceives and treats people based on their body types.
🖤
juust fyi, but i think you would be popular in Germany and i want to see you lol
real tops are bottoms
pleaseee bring on charlie bardey!!!
I swear, americans love being irish more than guns
Comment for thé algorithm
💖
Legit though, Conor you're a side. Like you really don't need to be a top or bottom, there are sides who confidently state that and have great sex. Be a confident side
Hmm. Cunnaligish. I that’s a language class I should take.
Omg I'm always shocked when folks want female Drs. I'm AFAB and CAN'T Stand them. Only ♂️ Drs for me!!
LEZ ISLAND GO FUND ME WHEN
Yay i just turned it on but you’re talking about it 🥹