This was a really fantastic conversation - I so appreciate these videos, especially Men chatting about Men stuff but in a respectful way and not trying to take anything away from women. If neither of you are having it I am having 'embracing uselessness' as a book title :) I will check out Jame's book. Great work chaps
Thanks so much Rich, I’m glad you enjoyed it and very grateful for your feedback. I shall pass it on to James too. Will hopefully be doing more about men specifically in the future 😊
Loved this interview John-Paul. Clearly James has a lot of experience and wisdom on this topic, and so great to see him putting it to good use when it is so sorely needed! I really liked the part about embracing 'Uselessness'. I'm reading Rogers at the moment, and I think it's a really nice way of demonstrating that need to suspend our problem solving nature and desire to always be 'doing something' towards an agenda, desire, mission etc. Similarly I thought 'intimate stranger' was a great term, and helps describe the unique sort of relationship one has with a therapist. I used to share James' opinion on "you can't make me feel anything", but I think my view is a little more nuanced now. I'm obviously 100% in favor of taking ownership of our responses and agency in regards to emotions, but I do think it can be open for abuse. In a similar way that 'banter' can be used as an 'after the event' justification for unpleasant behavior, we could weaponize "I can't make you feel something" to shift the blame to someone who we have just said something to where we knew exactly the sort of emotional response it would likely lead to. Their response might be completely authentic, congruent and conscious, but I think none of us are ever fully capable of putting ourselves above some level of emotional manipulation (that's why the media, politicians and corporations love it so much). So perhaps I'd prescribe more to a "you can make me feel things sometimes, but I'm always going to be aware of what you are trying to do and react accordingly".
Hi Lee, thanks so much for your comments, really appreciate what you say and the feedback generally. I shall pass it on to James too. Yes, embracing uselessness is great isn't it. As men, it's often a common theme of having to 'know' in situations. Very liberating to see that's not always necessary and, in fact, to not know can be the most helpful thing we can do for someone. I agree about the term 'intimate stranger' too. I remember someone saying that therapy is 'intimacy without risks' and, although it's certainly potentially risky in terms of vulnerability and trust, I can see something in that idea too. Yes, I think there certain things which 99% of the population would respond or react to in the same way and to that extent I can see we're made to feel it, just by nature of being human with a nervous system! As you say, our response or reaction can then be more under our control though. Thanks again and really look forward to speaking to you soon : )
This was a really fantastic conversation - I so appreciate these videos, especially Men chatting about Men stuff but in a respectful way and not trying to take anything away from women. If neither of you are having it I am having 'embracing uselessness' as a book title :) I will check out Jame's book. Great work chaps
Thanks so much Rich, I’m glad you enjoyed it and very grateful for your feedback. I shall pass it on to James too. Will hopefully be doing more about men specifically in the future 😊
Loved this interview John-Paul. Clearly James has a lot of experience and wisdom on this topic, and so great to see him putting it to good use when it is so sorely needed!
I really liked the part about embracing 'Uselessness'. I'm reading Rogers at the moment, and I think it's a really nice way of demonstrating that need to suspend our problem solving nature and desire to always be 'doing something' towards an agenda, desire, mission etc. Similarly I thought 'intimate stranger' was a great term, and helps describe the unique sort of relationship one has with a therapist.
I used to share James' opinion on "you can't make me feel anything", but I think my view is a little more nuanced now. I'm obviously 100% in favor of taking ownership of our responses and agency in regards to emotions, but I do think it can be open for abuse. In a similar way that 'banter' can be used as an 'after the event' justification for unpleasant behavior, we could weaponize "I can't make you feel something" to shift the blame to someone who we have just said something to where we knew exactly the sort of emotional response it would likely lead to. Their response might be completely authentic, congruent and conscious, but I think none of us are ever fully capable of putting ourselves above some level of emotional manipulation (that's why the media, politicians and corporations love it so much). So perhaps I'd prescribe more to a "you can make me feel things sometimes, but I'm always going to be aware of what you are trying to do and react accordingly".
Hi Lee, thanks so much for your comments, really appreciate what you say and the feedback generally. I shall pass it on to James too.
Yes, embracing uselessness is great isn't it. As men, it's often a common theme of having to 'know' in situations. Very liberating to see that's not always necessary and, in fact, to not know can be the most helpful thing we can do for someone.
I agree about the term 'intimate stranger' too. I remember someone saying that therapy is 'intimacy without risks' and, although it's certainly potentially risky in terms of vulnerability and trust, I can see something in that idea too.
Yes, I think there certain things which 99% of the population would respond or react to in the same way and to that extent I can see we're made to feel it, just by nature of being human with a nervous system! As you say, our response or reaction can then be more under our control though.
Thanks again and really look forward to speaking to you soon : )