I will forever feel indebted to Sam (in a good, grateful way) because her one video is what kicked off my diagnostic process, and changed my whole life.
13:49 it’s hard for my parents to understand that I’m autistic because I am very resilient (as realised with a therapist) meaning that I kind of put off all the overwhelm until later. This means I can seem to have no response to those stereotypically overwhelming places, when actually inside I absolutely do. Watching videos like this have really helped me understand my self, and also understand how the diagnostic criteria applies to me, so thank you both so much!!
I was under intense, even extreme stress as a child. I coped by by denying physical and emotional pain. I too was (am) very resilient. Its almost a type of "masking", trying so hard to look/ act what we perceive as "normal". It makes understanding my ASD/ ADHD/Dyslexia more difficult since I often don't recognize traits.
Its been almost 6 years since my diagnosis. I now realize there is only so much you can realize after the diagnosis. The things I am not aware of I may never become aware of no matter how much I try. The pain I was talking about ranged from emotional to physical. I had ulcers as a child (age 9 till 20) but never "realized" it... Yes.. I felt the pain but rationalized it in some way that I accepted it as "normal". Constant fatigue - anxiety.. was "normal". The problems with dyslexia were "normal"... I did not know what normal was because so many things were abnormal. It's different for everyone, but the mechanism seems almost the same that we block the recognition of our feelings as a way to cope. It's a survival instinct... @@Truerealism747
Sam and Ella have helped me so much with their videos! I am 72 and new on the trail tracking down who I am, how I am and how I have got through a life. Phew, I am now retired so demands on the real me are less now. DSM 5 and the various online questionnaires for ADHD and ASD were and are are gobbledygook for me but I have so far got the ADHD diagnosed ok and credibly for me. For the ASD assessment still to come I have bought Sam’s workbook and after staring at the pages to write on like a child standing by a cold swimming pool, I have dived into writing and thinking, writing and resting and coming back to it……(ADHD looooong, get on with it!)……. Do consider getting the workbook. It fills the gaps between the DSM 5 criteria and the stories I have followed on the wonderful videos I have seen. Thank you, wonderful people!
I love when Ella talks about having an emotion and thinking “what’s this for?” lol. That’s how I process emotions also. Often emotions just slap me in the face before I understand why they’re happening
It was great to find two of my go-to YTubers...I'm 73 recently diagnosed and still trying to figure out my life time by looking at it with new insight as to what it was all about‼ Just came from Amazon (thanks for the link) and have bought Samantha's book...now I can't wait Thank you both...I just wish that it was much longer😄💟💜
9:37 and you can be both, as well! I am extremely sensitive to certain types of sounds (electricity, sharp or shrill beeping, ultrasound, etc) , and sudden loud sounds, but still love blasting loud music when it's my choice of what to play!
The Bell Curve analogy Sam used makes perfect sense to me. As Autistics, we're good at pattern recognition though, so I suppose it makes sense that we would see the pattern in seemingly disparate Autistic behavior. I wish my brain could filter out some of the sensory details for me rather than send everything through at once and let me consciously sort it all out, sometimes.
I was terrified about getting my diagnosis due to my mum convincing me I didn't have it and that my issues were due to smoking the good stuff! I thought I had got it wrong and was embarrassed but I'm so pleased I trusted my gut and finally got the correct diagnosis at 37.
@buttercxp draws I agree, but my parents are strict! Especially my mum. She is withholding help until I stop. Mainly because she wants me driving the car again (my drivers licence was removed due to morphine meds). I have to be giving clean urine samples for 12 months before I can get my licence back!!
@@deesparklebazinga9374 I don't want to presume that I can know your life or your parents better than you. But I really relate to your description, and think a different perspective might help: is it possible that your mom's strictness is her trying to exercise control because she feels helpless? (Or to point to your smoking to divert from the message that she caused the condition.) Mostly though, I wanted to say congrats on the effort to cut back on smoking. People tend to blow it off as non addictive and suggest that any trouble is just not enough willpower on your end. And maybe awareness is getting better now, but there's a physical dependence in heavy smokers that disturbs REM sleep. Because of the long half life it's not obvious what the cause is two weeks later
You guys: ‘horses are a really common special interest for girls’ Me (a person who holds a BSc and MSc in equine science, having just got home from feeding my four horses, about to write up the first chapter of my PhD about horses): oh 😳😂 I’m about to start my formal ASD assessment in the next few week. I tick so many of the boxes it’s crazy that no one (including myself) thought about this sooner. I was always told off in school for talking about horses, and they told me that I needed to ‘focus on something else and get a real job’. That didn’t happen, but I’m so glad it didn’t - the special interest thing really can be a superpower (and a curse at times). Loved this conversation 🙂 thank you both!
The reason im so good at financial analysis is becauss i build solutions from the bottom up, i see the detail. I had no idea that was part of my autistic self til you mentioned it just now. I waa diagnosed formally at 54 last month so on a discovery journey.
Yay, two of my favourite autistic creators in one video!!! Amazing ☺ 11:44 Wow, I never properly thought about being a "bottom-up" processor before but that makes SO much sense! I take in details rather than the whole picture constantly, and although it's super scary and overwhelming, nobody can tell how overwhelmed I am because I try to mask my pain immediately and instinctively. I'm internally screaming and drowning but nobody can tell. I am currently training in a hospital and the wards are a nightmare for this exact reason; I might explain the problems I'm having through this "bottom up" analogy. Thank you to Sam!
Excellent chat. I identified with much of it. I self-diagnosed as having Asperger's syndrome at age 33 and was formerly diagnosed at 38. It explains much about my childhood, my teens and early twenties. I'm now 53 and a published BBC audiobook writer. Took me a long time to get there---both hindered and helped by the condition. I'll check out Sam's book.
I am a 67yo self-diagnosed person, and both of you have been so helpful and relatable in my revelation journey. Thank you Ella & Sam ❤ Bottom up experience. I recently spent a week tracking several packages on their way through the US Postal Service system to their destinations; and it made me think of my chaotic thought process. No one sees the internal workings of a package moving through 3 or 5 or 7 (no significance to prime numbers) different USPS distribution centers, before reaching its destination. Similarly, a neurotypical won't see the route that all the thoughts must travel in my head (my mind palace) before speech comes out. Well, they might if I'm talking and throw in so many asides, skips and leaps that they get dizzy trying to follow what I'm saying. My RAM (random access memory) stores information, like a computer, in random unrelated places; and it takes awhile to locate all the thoughts.
You're both great. You put a bubbly fun attitude on things that aren't all bubbly and fun for some of us, and for whatever reason I find that frustrating at the moment but I appreciate the conversation and ability to relate to another on the topics even just through an impersonal video
I love your channels, you make so much sense to me, thank you for painting a realistic picture of what its actually like to have autism/adhd for neurotypicals, and us alike
I can totally relate to the playing detective... I have so many feelings and i have to find out id they are actually mine and if yes why i have them.. It can take me weeks to figure it out and quit uncomfortable if i dont know whats happening
The self kindness! I find listening to stories on TH-cam are awesome, I haven't found my autism or neurodivergent twin, but I relate to the experiences thoughts and to see that I can relate to multiple individuals makes me feel less alien. It also helps me find words for my experience. Validating, I'm not delusional I really can experience this. And I can go back to a favourite conversation pause when it's too much or I need to do something. My first real validation of my autistic self was I overheard a person saying something about their autism. It was a place where we would sit side by side for hours and able to chat, I tentatively said I recently found out I might be autistic I heard you say something about being autistic. We chatted back and forth for those 4-5 hours. Don't you feel like... yes, and also this... yes, and then this happens... yes and then it's like this. It felt like I finally found another alien I could relate to amongst the humans. Now I know I found another autistic person to talk autistic experiences instead of trying to relate autism to another neurotypical individual or even sometimes another neurodivergent person or even sometimes another autistic individual.
My parents had me diagnosed when I was 2. I can't understand it but I am glad they did. I guess I am doing pretty well and it's all because of the therapies and support I get 😍
The "special interests" are the best thing. I would get interested in something, and would pursue it without any support or encouragement. I asked to play piano at 4, 5, 6. Finally I learned a piece from a neighbor, dragged my parents to their basement and performed it. So I got piano lessons. I started a chemistry club. I got absolutely obsessed with bromine, with moonflowers, with quartz geodes. I got into DNA and genetics, and pursued it in college.
When you two do something together, it's a bit like the Traveling Wilburys for me. All my favorite superstars in the same place at the same time. I'm at the midpoint of doing an ADHD assessment that is comprehensive enough to look at my autistic traits too, so I've been typing notes all afternoon on that subject and feeling pretty emotional. I have scribbled all over Sam's book, and it has been very helpful. I recommend it.
For me the difference between a “special interest” and “passion” is what happens when you talk about it or do it. I related to Sam saying she had several over the years because of ADHD but only a couple that have persisted for decades and that things like this can make us feel like we don’t fit ADHD or Autism at times, which is something I’ve been struggling with. I feel like I’m not “autistic enough” because my ADHD gets in the way of “typical Autism” at times. I’ve had several things I’ve latched on to (horses for one) and they became an interest/passion at the time but I haven’t revisited them. I also didn’t get the same experience of absolute pure joy when talking about horses or researching them. But in the early 2000’s I became obsessed with the TV show Roswell and I researched all I could about the Roswell incident, talked about it all the time, etc and it’s still something I return to now 20 years later. It’s still something that can regulate me when I watch it and afterwards I will go just as deep replaying scenes in my head, scripting, researching etc and all of these are things that emotionally regulate me and give me pure joy. Which is also why autistic people are always so happy to hear about someone else’s special interest, I think. We know what our interests do for us and how happy they make us so we can understand the same of the other person. 8:19
This is a fantastic show. Thank you. I liked the bottom up processing explination. That description also reminds me of people (eg former military, people who had chronic trauma as kids, etc) who are hyper vigilant. That level of awareness can be exhausting and then the exhaustion makes emotional regulation more difficult. I wonder if relating this type of process (although different, also very similar in the overall feeling and reault) to other groups like these might help more people understand the concept.
Yo Sam! Once again, you hit the nail on the head. Autism, or more to the point, "the definition of Autism", needs to be re-evaluated, minus all of the pshycological and mental health abnormalities which are not necessarily Autistic related, but rather, more general psychological issues which are a product of the human condition, and should not necessarily be listed as "side effects", if you will, of autism in and of itself.
I've loved Sam's channel for a long time so I was quick to buy her book when it came out. Mainly as an act of support. I'm autistic-adhd, late diagnosed. I get it. It's alot. At 49, I've alot of new figuring out to do. Good luck to others & thanks for the video Ella/Sam
What a great video, well done to both of you. I've been watching both your videos for what seems like ages but a few years ago I stumbled across Sam's YT channel and that was my light bulb moment, everything made sense... I remember it clear as day, I was laughing like a mad man, in a British heat wave, clutching an ice cold beer and the reality hit me, to quote Sam "AA-AF", binge watching YT videos, online tests et voilà. Brilliant stuff ladies.... Keep it up, without folks like you(and Indy Andy R.I.P😭) I'd still be struggling through wondering why everything was so hard. Love ya, and thank you 😊
I had a brain scan several years ago that measured all sorts of things. One of the things they noted was that my brain spends a lot of energy on 'something' that they couldn't define even when nothing's going on. When you guys talked about how an autistic person walks into a room and sees details first, I thought well I don't do that. But I do notice when details have changed. So what I think I've learned to do is very quickly take everything in without even noticing that that's what I'm doing, giving myself the impression that I don't focus on details. I think that undefined brain activity is probably me masking
Since being diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, I've noticed Batman most definitely has Autism and his whole Bruce Wayne stick is just him furiously masking. It is quite obvious in the old 90's cartoons.
Fond memories...I saw all or most of those. It was in the days when I was active in the comic book club, and all my close friends worked in the comic industry. It was around the time that the DSM added Asperger's, and I thought, "I think I know some people who are like that...and one of them is me." And ADHD was not kicking my ass so bad in my thirties.
I appreciate this Collab! Really resonated when you spoke about spectrum of traits! My oldest and I are very different, and it can be very hard to communicate. I have to remember I have more experience with self regulation now, so I'm trying to be patient.
I'm from brazil.and i'm a translator. so i was listening and thinking well i might ask sam maybe i'll translate it! good to know it will work out on amazon for brazil soon! congrats
Yes thanks emotionally detective. I feel, why? What went wrong was when I found a why I judged the validity of the emotion on its appropriate strength to the why. Instead of emotions are valid it's not how strongly or how little you feel or if you know what you feel at all that might be "inappropriate for the situation" but how you act and or react. And even this is a well what is appropriate or inappropriate?
Great conversation! I feel like you guys are my mentors and friends hahaha sorry to sound creepy. But honestly without finding your channels I don’t think I would’ve felt so motivated to pursue an evaluation. Sam, I’m probably one of those who have messaged you saying “i’m literally you” 😂 your ASD/adhd presentation is so similar to mine.
I relate to Sam so much in every aspect. "Too ADHD to be autistic, but too autistic to be ADHD"? That's EXACTLY the way I've been feeling, and the reason why doctors haven't believed me
At 12:20-that’s interesting. My viewpoint is definitely that the big picture *is* all the details, whereas my experience is that other people are either big-picture people or detail people. Either way, they’re not very good at synthesizing detail into a picture. My favorite expression of this (with no particular relationship to autism, that I know of) is the tagline for Benjamen Walker’s Theory of Everything: “Personally connecting the dots. All of them.”
When sam said: I have been interested in psychology. I do too! Maybe because I have always felt weird as a ‘girl’ because I don’t get other girls. I gravitated to boys groups in college because with boys, girls will always be weird, I thought. When I saw the big bang theory, I did relate to some of sheldon’s quirkiness. My husband and I would be like, yes, that’s me! Haha. And then sheldon would say, I don’t have that, my mom had me tested. And I was like, okay. No need to be tested then. 😜😜😜😜 And now I wonder…..
I find it’s a blessing and a curse in that we’re detail oriented and incredibly curious, and the more we learn about some thing we are interested in, the the more aware we are about the details and then the more overwhelmed we become by them. As an entrepreneur I have this problem because the more I learn about business marketing and all of the different layers that can go into a successful marketing plan I struggle to compartmentalize and focus on one thing and think I need to do ALL of it and then it become overwhelmed. PS. Is Amazon really terrible? I think Amazon has brought a lot of positive to the world. Nothing is all good or all bad.
I was told by the phycologist who diagnosed me that my nail picking, bitting, self regulate with talking to myself when I'm anxious and being interested all facts about football. I struggle to take in every on an auditory and visual ( though this is also because registered serverly partially sighted) I have dyslraxic I can't organise my myself at all. My executive function are difficult to explain. I'm prone to getting very stressed and overwhelmed by understanding when I have to mask and when I don't need to do this. I think it took so for me to be diagnosed because learn how mimic emotional responses and other behaviour of my peers thought it was in subtle ways. My executive fuctioning issues and organisation difficulties were much more obvious but I was still told I just want to be like other people who teacher knew where autistic, to stop whinging and being a hypercondriac. I was clearly difficult to my friend as I seeker relationships with adults and not peers as I could converse properly with them and knew how to be myself around them. I feel so disconnected from society and even loved ones. I lo e your channel Ella and Sam's as well. I often struggle hold cobmverstsion and forget to remember to let people say there stuff with out bringing it back to me. I easily go autistic inertia
With the comorbidities of ADHD and autism being diagnosed. Do you think the DSM was a bit too quick to get rid of asbergers as a subsection of autism and add. ? I only say that because I worked in the field right before a bunch of things got changed to represent a spectrum. I almost think it would help to bring back or reintroduce a third category which is a new spectrum that takes into consideration autism but more focussed on inatentiveness on one end and hyperactive on the other. And where the middle represents for example someone who is really good at masking. Has a few special long term interests and a few new interests they'll get bored of and only works 3 days a week because that's the capacity. Or you could call it autism type (i) for inatentive autism type (h) for hyperactive Autism type (C) combined . Or maybe if clients display symptoms of any. Don't test for ADHD first . Tests for autism first and then test for the ADHD second . So that we get to understand how a person's attention is working before we even enter it into the spectrum. Idk. I just ranted. But I find the stigma was easier when you would say "this person has asbergers people understood it as . Lil bit autistic. And then when U used the word autism back in the day people thought there was a lot going on but wouldn't necessarily believe that same person had ADHD. U know what I mean ? I think there need to be different names between high and low functioning and comorbid disorders
Lol I have to hold back from mentioning to people about them possibly having ASD and/or ADHD. I wonder if we have a kind of radar for noticing traits in others! I also made friends while growing up that have been diagnosed now as adults! Yes I agree that there is little to no help as I was given my diagnosis letter then was left to get on with life while going through a grieving process! Fun! Not!
I am self identified as autistic because I grew up before women were even thought to have autisim so I was never diagnosed. But I am always uncertain about special interests and how what I do fits in, if at all. You see, I don't have one interest. Instead I aqcuire an interest as a skill, like spinning yarn, become proficient at that skill to a high degree, then find a new skill to learn. So it is more of a rolling, changing, catalogue of new skills rather than one special interest. I have not known anyone else who does this but it does not seem uncommon. But it does fit the special interest thing and, at the same time, does not.
My adult son and I share a house. We are both Autistic but totally different. I live in the upstairs two rooms and he lives in the downstairs two rooms. Upstairs is all nicely decorated and neat and tidy and downstairs is a mess with all his work equipment stacked up. We share kitchen and bathroom and if I don’t do all the cleaning there it wouldn’t get done at all. 😅
@@VivekaAlaya It’s very annoying for sure, but in my experience, some people are just super tidy and some just don’t care, we are just opposites. In the same house. For 28 years.
I've come to realize that I'm unusually good at spotting my friends in a crowd, like I have a sci-fi scanner in my eyes. But it's broader than just visual recognition, it's hard to explain but I just see structures and architectures everywhere
The intensity of my curiosity and/ or desire to learn about a topic tells me a lot about me. I will not accept an opinion as research...I want science backed evidence and I will never stop learning about those topics. It's more than a desire for superficial knowledge..I want to know the inside and out to how it works...it's never enough for me to learn about a gene mutation...I want to know the alleles and what caused those genes to become the genes that cause a mutation and the genetic recipe that caused that. Haha
Can I ask if the book would be suitable for a 10 year old to process thoughts and help us to have something to help us understand her when she says we dont.
Am I the only one who is convinced Gordon Ramsay probably has ADHD? It feels like "This fits the pattern, and yes there is a pattern there which I can recognise by the very specific way it feels to me, but I can't quite explain what it is"? A bit like how when I write/translate, I search for the word I'm looking with the exact[ stabby/slashy/wavy/grabby/gooey/flowy/whatever motion of my right/left/both hand(s) in a specific direction ] the word feels like to me. I can't explain it. When I write, I know the meaning I'm looking for by the motion it feels like to me, and I then I screen for the word by a general idea of how I remember it sounding (a prominent vowel, the first consonant, the last syllable) and by the motion. When I translate, I just look for the word/phrase that gives me the exact same motion in the target language. I don't think I know anyone else in real life who does this -- I thought it was a multi-lingual thing, but looking back, I don't think my other native-level multi-lingual friends do this. I just realised it might be a pattern recognition thing -- just that the pattern is there and I understand it, but the system's too complicated to put into words, or to make a directory out of, if that makes sense?
i think gender may be a largely neurotypical concept. i don't feel like i have any gender. i use they/them and check the nonbinary box on forms, but i'd rather put "none, thanks"
I have recently started to realize that I largely identify as agender myself. I never fit in with the boys at all, even though I was assigned to play and work with them. I was assumed to have similar interests as them. Even as a male nurse, I get comments like, “You’re a guy, you can fix things, right?” I have always got along better with women, but never felt like I fully fit in with them either. The genders never made much sense to me anyway, I don’t want to pick one lol.
i suggest those interested in the concept of gender or pronouns take a loot at the article "A Linguist On the Story of Gendered Pronouns" By Gretchen McCulloch
Are you fascinated by numbers? Me a autistic adult with severe dyskalkulia No terrefied. -.- I have a history of being gaslit by my prnts and mulyiple doctors and therapists i was seeing since i was a child so now digging out all those documents that didctibd me as badly regulated with severe behavioral issues bossy and too sensetive uvm yo potentially show them another doctor to hopefully not be judged but accurately diagnosed now is terrefying. I do fit the criterias not as much but i have sooo many traits and score way too hight idk but its terrifying Im 30 and my madking broke down due to severe depression and burnout and im freaking out. Sorry for the rant
I love that moment when you realise that everyone you properly know is probably neurodivergent
I will forever feel indebted to Sam (in a good, grateful way) because her one video is what kicked off my diagnostic process, and changed my whole life.
Me too!
Same!!
Same! 😊 I understand myself better but still struggling to find AND keep a job.
me too, and shortly latter i found ella, who also helped! cheers from brazil
Samesiessss ❤🎉
13:49 it’s hard for my parents to understand that I’m autistic because I am very resilient (as realised with a therapist) meaning that I kind of put off all the overwhelm until later. This means I can seem to have no response to those stereotypically overwhelming places, when actually inside I absolutely do. Watching videos like this have really helped me understand my self, and also understand how the diagnostic criteria applies to me, so thank you both so much!!
Resilience like that only lasts for so long before you can’t sustain it anymore
I was under intense, even extreme stress as a child. I coped by by denying physical and emotional pain. I too was (am) very resilient. Its almost a type of "masking", trying so hard to look/ act what we perceive as "normal". It makes understanding my ASD/ ADHD/Dyslexia more difficult since I often don't recognize traits.
@@MyASDJourneywhat pain do you have fybromyalgia trying to work out if pain I have is autistic burnout years I have heds to do you
@@poot-pootwhat are your symptoms
Its been almost 6 years since my diagnosis. I now realize there is only so much you can realize after the diagnosis. The things I am not aware of I may never become aware of no matter how much I try. The pain I was talking about ranged from emotional to physical. I had ulcers as a child (age 9 till 20) but never "realized" it... Yes.. I felt the pain but rationalized it in some way that I accepted it as "normal". Constant fatigue - anxiety.. was "normal". The problems with dyslexia were "normal"... I did not know what normal was because so many things were abnormal. It's different for everyone, but the mechanism seems almost the same that we block the recognition of our feelings as a way to cope. It's a survival instinct... @@Truerealism747
Sam and Ella have helped me so much with their videos! I am 72 and new on the trail tracking down who I am, how I am and how I have got through a life. Phew, I am now retired so demands on the real me are less now. DSM 5 and the various online questionnaires for ADHD and ASD were and are are gobbledygook for me but I have so far got the ADHD diagnosed ok and credibly for me. For the ASD assessment still to come I have bought Sam’s workbook and after staring at the pages to write on like a child standing by a cold swimming pool, I have dived into writing and thinking, writing and resting and coming back to it……(ADHD looooong, get on with it!)……. Do consider getting the workbook. It fills the gaps between the DSM 5 criteria and the stories I have followed on the wonderful videos I have seen. Thank you, wonderful people!
I love when Ella talks about having an emotion and thinking “what’s this for?” lol. That’s how I process emotions also. Often emotions just slap me in the face before I understand why they’re happening
It was great to find two of my go-to YTubers...I'm 73 recently diagnosed and still trying to figure out my life time by looking at it with new insight as to what it was all about‼
Just came from Amazon (thanks for the link) and have bought Samantha's book...now I can't wait
Thank you both...I just wish that it was much longer😄💟💜
I love how she gets straight to the point even at the start of the video. That's autism right there!
9:37 and you can be both, as well! I am extremely sensitive to certain types of sounds (electricity, sharp or shrill beeping, ultrasound, etc) , and sudden loud sounds, but still love blasting loud music when it's my choice of what to play!
23:26 the gaslighting yourself part, I relate so incredibly much. I used the same words to describe it myself
The Bell Curve analogy Sam used makes perfect sense to me. As Autistics, we're good at pattern recognition though, so I suppose it makes sense that we would see the pattern in seemingly disparate Autistic behavior. I wish my brain could filter out some of the sensory details for me rather than send everything through at once and let me consciously sort it all out, sometimes.
Autistics have attention to detail, meaning they look at the little things rather than the bigger picture! We are lucky to have a trait like this.
I was terrified about getting my diagnosis due to my mum convincing me I didn't have it and that my issues were due to smoking the good stuff! I thought I had got it wrong and was embarrassed but I'm so pleased I trusted my gut and finally got the correct diagnosis at 37.
I would suggest that cannabis use was actually self-medicating for autism, rather than contributing to it ✌️💕🌻
@buttercxp draws I agree, but my parents are strict! Especially my mum. She is withholding help until I stop. Mainly because she wants me driving the car again (my drivers licence was removed due to morphine meds). I have to be giving clean urine samples for 12 months before I can get my licence back!!
@@deesparklebazinga9374 I don't want to presume that I can know your life or your parents better than you. But I really relate to your description, and think a different perspective might help: is it possible that your mom's strictness is her trying to exercise control because she feels helpless? (Or to point to your smoking to divert from the message that she caused the condition.)
Mostly though, I wanted to say congrats on the effort to cut back on smoking. People tend to blow it off as non addictive and suggest that any trouble is just not enough willpower on your end.
And maybe awareness is getting better now, but there's a physical dependence in heavy smokers that disturbs REM sleep. Because of the long half life it's not obvious what the cause is two weeks later
@@buttercxpdraws8101or the adhd
You guys: ‘horses are a really common special interest for girls’
Me (a person who holds a BSc and MSc in equine science, having just got home from feeding my four horses, about to write up the first chapter of my PhD about horses): oh 😳😂
I’m about to start my formal ASD assessment in the next few week. I tick so many of the boxes it’s crazy that no one (including myself) thought about this sooner.
I was always told off in school for talking about horses, and they told me that I needed to ‘focus on something else and get a real job’. That didn’t happen, but I’m so glad it didn’t - the special interest thing really can be a superpower (and a curse at times).
Loved this conversation 🙂 thank you both!
I mean statistically we had to have a horse lover watching 😅
Omgsh the dynamic duo! Excited to see you both collab!
The reason im so good at financial analysis is becauss i build solutions from the bottom up, i see the detail. I had no idea that was part of my autistic self til you mentioned it just now. I waa diagnosed formally at 54 last month so on a discovery journey.
It really made me smile when you spoke about spotting patterns, particularly in people. I'm forever diagnosing people with ASD too 😅
Attention to detail, Memory, Integrity, Analytical, and Deep Focus are my autistic traits! 🧩💚🧡💛💚🧡💛
Woop, I managed to convince our local library (I'm in Denmark ) to buy Sams workbook and I am first on the list to check it out 😊
Is it translated to danish? And what is the title, if so? 🙂
@@mittens2544 Hej 😊 Not translated no, it is the English version.
@@kalt1976 Ok 🙂 thank you.
Ella, you are such a great interviewer! Supportive and caring. You should have a talk show!
Yay, two of my favourite autistic creators in one video!!! Amazing ☺
11:44 Wow, I never properly thought about being a "bottom-up" processor before but that makes SO much sense! I take in details rather than the whole picture constantly, and although it's super scary and overwhelming, nobody can tell how overwhelmed I am because I try to mask my pain immediately and instinctively. I'm internally screaming and drowning but nobody can tell.
I am currently training in a hospital and the wards are a nightmare for this exact reason; I might explain the problems I'm having through this "bottom up" analogy. Thank you to Sam!
Excellent chat. I identified with much of it. I self-diagnosed as having Asperger's syndrome at age 33 and was formerly diagnosed at 38. It explains much about my childhood, my teens and early twenties. I'm now 53 and a published BBC audiobook writer. Took me a long time to get there---both hindered and helped by the condition. I'll check out Sam's book.
this conversation is an absolutely invaluable resource. thank you.
I am a 67yo self-diagnosed person, and both of you have been so helpful and relatable in my revelation journey. Thank you Ella & Sam ❤
Bottom up experience. I recently spent a week tracking several packages on their way through the US Postal Service system to their destinations; and it made me think of my chaotic thought process. No one sees the internal workings of a package moving through 3 or 5 or 7 (no significance to prime numbers) different USPS distribution centers, before reaching its destination. Similarly, a neurotypical won't see the route that all the thoughts must travel in my head (my mind palace) before speech comes out. Well, they might if I'm talking and throw in so many asides, skips and leaps that they get dizzy trying to follow what I'm saying.
My RAM (random access memory) stores information, like a computer, in random unrelated places; and it takes awhile to locate all the thoughts.
the unseen internal experience!! that's it!
You're both great. You put a bubbly fun attitude on things that aren't all bubbly and fun for some of us, and for whatever reason I find that frustrating at the moment but I appreciate the conversation and ability to relate to another on the topics even just through an impersonal video
Commenting to help the algorithm. As always, great content
I love your channels, you make so much sense to me, thank you for painting a realistic picture of what its actually like to have autism/adhd for neurotypicals, and us alike
I love listening to you both and together! And I've been diagnosed age 43 last fall thanks to you and the other YT autism channels.
I can totally relate to the playing detective... I have so many feelings and i have to find out id they are actually mine and if yes why i have them.. It can take me weeks to figure it out and quit uncomfortable if i dont know whats happening
The self kindness! I find listening to stories on TH-cam are awesome, I haven't found my autism or neurodivergent twin, but I relate to the experiences thoughts and to see that I can relate to multiple individuals makes me feel less alien. It also helps me find words for my experience. Validating, I'm not delusional I really can experience this. And I can go back to a favourite conversation pause when it's too much or I need to do something.
My first real validation of my autistic self was I overheard a person saying something about their autism. It was a place where we would sit side by side for hours and able to chat, I tentatively said I recently found out I might be autistic I heard you say something about being autistic. We chatted back and forth for those 4-5 hours. Don't you feel like... yes, and also this... yes, and then this happens... yes and then it's like this. It felt like I finally found another alien I could relate to amongst the humans. Now I know I found another autistic person to talk autistic experiences instead of trying to relate autism to another neurotypical individual or even sometimes another neurodivergent person or even sometimes another autistic individual.
Two of my fav creators in one video!!
My parents had me diagnosed when I was 2. I can't understand it but I am glad they did. I guess I am doing pretty well and it's all because of the therapies and support I get 😍
Lovely collab. Love both your channels so much! 💞
Nice to hear from you both together.
Had the first part of my assessment last week after waiting 18 months and I found Sam’s book so helpful with getting my thoughts together :)
Thank you! Good luck with the rest of the assesment
About to have the first and positively terrified.
Wish you all the best.
@@kaleidoscopingme good luck with your assessment 💕 I got my diagnosis back in April.
The "special interests" are the best thing. I would get interested in something, and would pursue it without any support or encouragement. I asked to play piano at 4, 5, 6. Finally I learned a piece from a neighbor, dragged my parents to their basement and performed it. So I got piano lessons. I started a chemistry club. I got absolutely obsessed with bromine, with moonflowers, with quartz geodes. I got into DNA and genetics, and pursued it in college.
This is such a vibe. I have had countless special interests like that, and I love it
When you two do something together, it's a bit like the Traveling Wilburys for me. All my favorite superstars in the same place at the same time.
I'm at the midpoint of doing an ADHD assessment that is comprehensive enough to look at my autistic traits too, so I've been typing notes all afternoon on that subject and feeling pretty emotional. I have scribbled all over Sam's book, and it has been very helpful. I recommend it.
I'm so glad it's helped!
For me the difference between a “special interest” and “passion” is what happens when you talk about it or do it. I related to Sam saying she had several over the years because of ADHD but only a couple that have persisted for decades and that things like this can make us feel like we don’t fit ADHD or Autism at times, which is something I’ve been struggling with. I feel like I’m not “autistic enough” because my ADHD gets in the way of “typical Autism” at times.
I’ve had several things I’ve latched on to (horses for one) and they became an interest/passion at the time but I haven’t revisited them. I also didn’t get the same experience of absolute pure joy when talking about horses or researching them. But in the early 2000’s I became obsessed with the TV show Roswell and I researched all I could about the Roswell incident, talked about it all the time, etc and it’s still something I return to now 20 years later. It’s still something that can regulate me when I watch it and afterwards I will go just as deep replaying scenes in my head, scripting, researching etc and all of these are things that emotionally regulate me and give me pure joy.
Which is also why autistic people are always so happy to hear about someone else’s special interest, I think. We know what our interests do for us and how happy they make us so we can understand the same of the other person. 8:19
Great to have a video with both Ella and Sam in it!
I think I need that book.
fantastic interview, so much insight. Thank you 🌸🌸
12:50 👏 thank you for explaining this part so clearly 👏 detail first internally and unseen 👏 14:06 whether 'unemotional' detail or emotions
Wonderful video! Definitely sharing this with some educators I know, along with Sam's book
This is a fantastic show. Thank you. I liked the bottom up processing explination. That description also reminds me of people (eg former military, people who had chronic trauma as kids, etc) who are hyper vigilant. That level of awareness can be exhausting and then the exhaustion makes emotional regulation more difficult. I wonder if relating this type of process (although different, also very similar in the overall feeling and reault) to other groups like these might help more people understand the concept.
Yo Sam! Once again, you hit the nail on the head.
Autism, or more to the point, "the definition of Autism", needs to be re-evaluated, minus all of the pshycological and mental health abnormalities which are not necessarily Autistic related, but rather, more general psychological issues which are a product of the human condition, and should not necessarily be listed as "side effects", if you will, of autism in and of itself.
Thank you both! It means so much to have so many role models on youtube. Women, nonbinary, and late diagnosed people. It helps me so much.
I've always said we have our own unique blueprint with our own unique set of trsits/struggles and level of intensity that we experience them.
I've loved Sam's channel for a long time so I was quick to buy her book when it came out. Mainly as an act of support. I'm autistic-adhd, late diagnosed. I get it. It's alot. At 49, I've alot of new figuring out to do. Good luck to others & thanks for the video Ella/Sam
Thanks so much for the support!
What a great video, well done to both of you. I've been watching both your videos for what seems like ages but a few years ago I stumbled across Sam's YT channel and that was my light bulb moment, everything made sense... I remember it clear as day, I was laughing like a mad man, in a British heat wave, clutching an ice cold beer and the reality hit me, to quote Sam "AA-AF", binge watching YT videos, online tests et voilà. Brilliant stuff ladies.... Keep it up, without folks like you(and Indy Andy R.I.P😭) I'd still be struggling through wondering why everything was so hard. Love ya, and thank you 😊
Ella isn't a lady, they are non binary
love it, thanks.
so many "oh yeah, that's me!" moments. :)
Thankyou both
I had a brain scan several years ago that measured all sorts of things. One of the things they noted was that my brain spends a lot of energy on 'something' that they couldn't define even when nothing's going on. When you guys talked about how an autistic person walks into a room and sees details first, I thought well I don't do that. But I do notice when details have changed. So what I think I've learned to do is very quickly take everything in without even noticing that that's what I'm doing, giving myself the impression that I don't focus on details. I think that undefined brain activity is probably me masking
I kicked it over to 1,000 likes!
Since being diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, I've noticed Batman most definitely has Autism and his whole Bruce Wayne stick is just him furiously masking. It is quite obvious in the old 90's cartoons.
Fond memories...I saw all or most of those. It was in the days when I was active in the comic book club, and all my close friends worked in the comic industry. It was around the time that the DSM added Asperger's, and I thought, "I think I know some people who are like that...and one of them is me." And ADHD was not kicking my ass so bad in my thirties.
Masking, very single mindedly passionate about his topic (fighting crime), etc, etc. I think you are on to something.
@@jimwilliams3816what ADHD symptoms got worse muscle pain?
Its obvious, look at all the members of the Bat Family- troubled young individuals just like he was that he takes in to fight crime
@@victhelam what's bay families
"The language of deficit rather than strength " love that. That's a perfect summary.
Excellent interview. I’m indebted to both of you for revealing yourselves and sharing your stories.
I appreciate this Collab! Really resonated when you spoke about spectrum of traits! My oldest and I are very different, and it can be very hard to communicate. I have to remember I have more experience with self regulation now, so I'm trying to be patient.
I'm from brazil.and i'm a translator. so i was listening and thinking well i might ask sam maybe i'll translate it! good to know it will work out on amazon for brazil soon! congrats
@Dr. Christopher Johnson that is really creepy
I just got put on a 4 year waiting list for an autism assessment. I will be 59 in May.
Are you in the UK? If so look into Right to choose through the NHS
This is utterly brilliant, thankyou both
Yes thanks emotionally detective. I feel, why? What went wrong was when I found a why I judged the validity of the emotion on its appropriate strength to the why. Instead of emotions are valid it's not how strongly or how little you feel or if you know what you feel at all that might be "inappropriate for the situation" but how you act and or react. And even this is a well what is appropriate or inappropriate?
Great conversation! I feel like you guys are my mentors and friends hahaha sorry to sound creepy. But honestly without finding your channels I don’t think I would’ve felt so motivated to pursue an evaluation. Sam, I’m probably one of those who have messaged you saying “i’m literally you” 😂 your ASD/adhd presentation is so similar to mine.
There should be enough of us now to create an army of clones
Certainly enough to do Orphan Black!
I relate to Sam so much in every aspect.
"Too ADHD to be autistic, but too autistic to be ADHD"? That's EXACTLY the way I've been feeling, and the reason why doctors haven't believed me
At 12:20-that’s interesting. My viewpoint is definitely that the big picture *is* all the details, whereas my experience is that other people are either big-picture people or detail people. Either way, they’re not very good at synthesizing detail into a picture.
My favorite expression of this (with no particular relationship to autism, that I know of) is the tagline for Benjamen Walker’s Theory of Everything: “Personally connecting the dots. All of them.”
When sam said: I have been interested in psychology. I do too! Maybe because I have always felt weird as a ‘girl’ because I don’t get other girls. I gravitated to boys groups in college because with boys, girls will always be weird, I thought.
When I saw the big bang theory, I did relate to some of sheldon’s quirkiness. My husband and I would be like, yes, that’s me! Haha.
And then sheldon would say, I don’t have that, my mom had me tested. And I was like, okay. No need to be tested then. 😜😜😜😜
And now I wonder…..
😁 I would love to be diagnosed and analyzed by Samantha!
I love this video 😊
I find it’s a blessing and a curse in that we’re detail oriented and incredibly curious, and the more we learn about some thing we are interested in, the the more aware we are about the details and then the more overwhelmed we become by them. As an entrepreneur I have this problem because the more I learn about business marketing and all of the different layers that can go into a successful marketing plan I struggle to compartmentalize and focus on one thing and think I need to do ALL of it and then it become overwhelmed.
PS. Is Amazon really terrible? I think Amazon has brought a lot of positive to the world. Nothing is all good or all bad.
I am an “everything in its place” autistic person living with four “I don’t care” autistic people. 😅
It’s taught me a lot about letting go and acceptance!
I was told by the phycologist who diagnosed me that my nail picking, bitting, self regulate with talking to myself when I'm anxious and being interested all facts about football. I struggle to take in every on an auditory and visual ( though this is also because registered serverly partially sighted) I have dyslraxic I can't organise my myself at all. My executive function are difficult to explain. I'm prone to getting very stressed and overwhelmed by understanding when I have to mask and when I don't need to do this. I think it took so for me to be diagnosed because learn how mimic emotional responses and other behaviour of my peers thought it was in subtle ways. My executive fuctioning issues and organisation difficulties were much more obvious but I was still told I just want to be like other people who teacher knew where autistic, to stop whinging and being a hypercondriac. I was clearly difficult to my friend as I seeker relationships
with adults and not peers as I could converse properly with them and knew how to be myself around them. I feel so disconnected from society and even loved ones. I lo e your channel Ella and Sam's as well. I often struggle hold cobmverstsion and forget to remember to let people say there stuff with out bringing it back to me. I easily go autistic inertia
Thanks ladies 💞💞👊👊
Ella isn’t a lady
Only downside is that the video came to an end after 25 min.
Twas very enjoyable listening to you both.
Also I love star wars and marvel
With the comorbidities of ADHD and autism being diagnosed.
Do you think the DSM was a bit too quick to get rid of asbergers as a subsection of autism and add. ?
I only say that because I worked in the field right before a bunch of things got changed to represent a spectrum. I almost think it would help to bring back or reintroduce a third category which is a new spectrum that takes into consideration autism but more focussed on inatentiveness on one end and hyperactive on the other. And where the middle represents for example someone who is really good at masking. Has a few special long term interests and a few new interests they'll get bored of and only works 3 days a week because that's the capacity. Or you could call it autism type (i) for inatentive autism type (h) for hyperactive
Autism type (C) combined .
Or maybe if clients display symptoms of any. Don't test for ADHD first . Tests for autism first and then test for the ADHD second . So that we get to understand how a person's attention is working before we even enter it into the spectrum.
Idk. I just ranted.
But I find the stigma was easier when you would say "this person has asbergers people understood it as . Lil bit autistic. And then when U used the word autism back in the day people thought there was a lot going on but wouldn't necessarily believe that same person had ADHD.
U know what I mean ?
I think there need to be different names between high and low functioning and comorbid disorders
Lol I have to hold back from mentioning to people about them possibly having ASD and/or ADHD. I wonder if we have a kind of radar for noticing traits in others! I also made friends while growing up that have been diagnosed now as adults! Yes I agree that there is little to no help as I was given my diagnosis letter then was left to get on with life while going through a grieving process! Fun! Not!
@Dr. Christopher Johnson Hello, I'm in thecUK but not doing well with being a good friend currently as I'm ill. Thank you for asking.
@Dr. Christopher Johnson Hi I've lived in the UK all my life, Newcastle Upon Tyne. It's snowing here currently! Where in the UK did you visit?
@Dr. Christopher Johnson I tried your email but it was rejected so will have to try again with correct spelling
@Dr. Christopher Johnson will try again now
@Dr. Christopher Johnson just sent one
I am self identified as autistic because I grew up before women were even thought to have autisim so I was never diagnosed. But I am always uncertain about special interests and how what I do fits in, if at all. You see, I don't have one interest. Instead I aqcuire an interest as a skill, like spinning yarn, become proficient at that skill to a high degree, then find a new skill to learn. So it is more of a rolling, changing, catalogue of new skills rather than one special interest.
I have not known anyone else who does this but it does not seem uncommon. But it does fit the special interest thing and, at the same time, does not.
I play autism-dar with people on reality TV and makeover shows!!!
Me too! Binge watching Master Chef and totally diagnosing people 😅
Can you get the workbook in ireland Sam thanks
My adult son and I share a house. We are both Autistic but totally different. I live in the upstairs two rooms and he lives in the downstairs two rooms. Upstairs is all nicely decorated and neat and tidy and downstairs is a mess with all his work equipment stacked up. We share kitchen and bathroom and if I don’t do all the cleaning there it wouldn’t get done at all. 😅
maybe he is counting on that. that you do the cleaning anyways..
@@VivekaAlaya It’s very annoying for sure, but in my experience, some people are just super tidy and some just don’t care, we are just opposites. In the same house. For 28 years.
Sounds like he has ADHD to highly likely from his father the rccx gene theory in play
Dumb question, but when you mention "pattern spotting", can you please expand on what you mean?
I've come to realize that I'm unusually good at spotting my friends in a crowd, like I have a sci-fi scanner in my eyes.
But it's broader than just visual recognition, it's hard to explain but I just see structures and architectures everywhere
The intensity of my curiosity and/ or desire to learn about a topic tells me a lot about me. I will not accept an opinion as research...I want science backed evidence and I will never stop learning about those topics. It's more than a desire for superficial knowledge..I want to know the inside and out to how it works...it's never enough for me to learn about a gene mutation...I want to know the alleles and what caused those genes to become the genes that cause a mutation and the genetic recipe that caused that. Haha
I think my daughter has adhd and autism (on spectrum) and definitely harder on girls for sure
Why harder to me I have autism ADHD heds dyscalcula OCD anxiety heds fybromyalgia cfs
@@Truerealism747not harder to deal with but harder to diagnose bc girls tend to b more social until a later age
@@Truerealism747 hugs and good vibes and prayers to you and remember ur awesome
@@theroses1722 ah ok but 43 for me and I've had to push for diagnosis
@@theroses1722 thankyou and you do you have autism etc to
Can I ask if the book would be suitable for a 10 year old to process thoughts and help us to have something to help us understand her when she says we dont.
Am I the only one who is convinced Gordon Ramsay probably has ADHD? It feels like "This fits the pattern, and yes there is a pattern there which I can recognise by the very specific way it feels to me, but I can't quite explain what it is"?
A bit like how when I write/translate, I search for the word I'm looking with the exact[ stabby/slashy/wavy/grabby/gooey/flowy/whatever motion of my right/left/both hand(s) in a specific direction ] the word feels like to me. I can't explain it.
When I write, I know the meaning I'm looking for by the motion it feels like to me, and I then I screen for the word by a general idea of how I remember it sounding (a prominent vowel, the first consonant, the last syllable) and by the motion. When I translate, I just look for the word/phrase that gives me the exact same motion in the target language. I don't think I know anyone else in real life who does this -- I thought it was a multi-lingual thing, but looking back, I don't think my other native-level multi-lingual friends do this. I just realised it might be a pattern recognition thing -- just that the pattern is there and I understand it, but the system's too complicated to put into words, or to make a directory out of, if that makes sense?
My interests are doctor who, and doing my artwork
I'm the messy autistic. And yet, I know where everything is lol.
i think gender may be a largely neurotypical concept. i don't feel like i have any gender. i use they/them and check the nonbinary box on forms, but i'd rather put "none, thanks"
I have recently started to realize that I largely identify as agender myself. I never fit in with the boys at all, even though I was assigned to play and work with them. I was assumed to have similar interests as them. Even as a male nurse, I get comments like, “You’re a guy, you can fix things, right?” I have always got along better with women, but never felt like I fully fit in with them either. The genders never made much sense to me anyway, I don’t want to pick one lol.
I LOVE trains! and many other things, but yeah, trains. I LOVE horses, too. does that render me gender neutral?
i suggest those interested in the concept of gender or pronouns take a loot at the article "A Linguist On the Story of Gendered Pronouns"
By Gretchen McCulloch
Are you fascinated by numbers?
Me a autistic adult with severe dyskalkulia
No terrefied. -.-
I have a history of being gaslit by my prnts and mulyiple doctors and therapists i was seeing since i was a child so now digging out all those documents that didctibd me as badly regulated with severe behavioral issues bossy and too sensetive uvm yo potentially show them another doctor to hopefully not be judged but accurately diagnosed now is terrefying.
I do fit the criterias not as much but i have sooo many traits and score way too hight idk but its terrifying Im 30 and my madking broke down due to severe depression and burnout and im freaking out. Sorry for the rant
What is it called when normies ignore neurotypicals. There's a term for it but I can't find it anywhere...
Ah yes, the old "showed up at the wrong party" trope doesn't work for us
Autistic traits is not visible apart from stimming that’s what us autistic people do when we get over stimulated