@@Health_Is_Wealth_Media Well....yes. lol. This whole thing is like what comes first the chicken or the egg. Lol. Both respect and cherish are kind of the same thing:)
For you to learn your partner it requires HONESTY of who we are from both parties. Don’t hide who you are in an effort to please the other because once in marriage, the real you will always come out.
Truth. My Ex hide who he truly was. He presented me with who he wanted me to see. Slowly as we were planning the wedding he start to show me his true self. I go out of the engagement because he wanted to hold me back from being a progressive person.
Oh hohoho that’s where you’re wrong me friend. You have not been married yet apperantly, because the family court system is the most one-sided mouth destroying curb stomp you will ever suffer in your existence of a man.
Here's my two pence: Since nobody is perfect, perfection is not and should never be the point. Therefore, before getting married (1) be ready in yourself to simply make a commitment, (2) be mature enough in yourself to have impulse-control. THAT'S IT. FOR THE REST, YOU JUST GOTTA DO YOUR BEST.
This woman is such a good interviewer! This video was both informative, engaging, and fun to watch in a way. She covered so many parts of the book also, I loved this.
I think living together takes something away (diminishes) from marriage...To me, its'what makes the beginning of marriage exciting and unfolding. I was 23 and did it before I was christian..By the time we married, I wasn't really excited...think women see it as one step closer to altar. But wouldn't it be better, if the guy proposed beforehand to say, your worth it...Not let me try you out.
I agree w the family part. Family shouldn't be the only reason you do/don't get married, but fitting in with each others' family makes a huge, huge difference. Also look at whether or not your spouse stands up for you in front of their family, or lets them run the show.
I wish I’d NEVER got married. People in the church pushed me to get married to relieve their conscience of me being the pastors son. I was supposed to be married and not single. Had I known what I know now I would had stayed away from church until I was more sure of who I was.
My favorite phrase Gary used was, "I was blown out of the saddle!!!" at around the 6:20 mark. Very insightful and helpful video. Definitely going to read your book. Just had my heart broken recently and I decided I needed to focus on being there bride of Christ before being the bride of a man and this video was exactly what I needed to watch today. ♥️🙏🏼
Romantic love doesn't sustain a relationship. It's temporary and euphoric. Learn to speak each other's love language. What makes one person feel loved doesn't necessarily make the other person feel loved. To a lady, telling her you love her might not mean anything unless you help her out whenever she's in need. Get to know his or her family members, you're likely going to have them in your life for live. Such an insightful video.... It blew me out of the saddle.
I have read this book and it is amazing!! This video doesn't even scratch the surface of the amazing content of this wisdom-filled book. For those of you trying to sum it up in a cutesy little quote, that's nice, but there isn't a magical quote that will help you through your marriage. This book contains practical advice that will help you prevent conflicts and reduce escalation and I highly recommend it to absolutely everyone.
I heard a preacher say to a couple who wanted to get married. He told them they would have to wallpaper his kitchen. He said that if you are both still friends after you finish the job then I will marry you all.
Sunday morning Christians and daily devotional Christians is the difference between Christians and Christ followers. Great advice! Marriage is hard don’t let people lie to you and say it’s not!
People often give up before they get started. The average life span of the obsession is 2 yrs. We have to speak each other's love language. What is she / he into? Golf widow How do u process pain? 20 yr research shows divorce rate HIGHER for those who lived together before getting married: not logical
What I learned. Don’t depend on your spouse for love. They are human and will inevitably fail you. God should be your SOURCE of love that will never fail, deny, or reject you.
Alexandra that is what i realised also! I love my husband but despite reading the 5 Love languages he still doesn’t use that knowledge. I have had to accept that he is an act of service guy and that’s how he loves me.
Wow, I went on my 1st date last weekend and we already discussed all the important questions... it just came naturally to us. Very imformative and a comfortable conversation in the least.
@Valiant Woman Agreed... but... if a man wants to marry and a woman does not... No wedding takes place. Just as if a woman wants to abort a pregnancy, but the man wants the child to be born... The abortion takes place. The woman always decides..
@Valiant Woman The point here is how many times do women benefit from divorce compared to men? Women win all the prizes. No fault divorce and child custody laws are the reason marriage is actively discouraged. There is NO RISK for a woman to get married. Whereas the man risks everything. No thanks...
Most people need to get married and raise a family. Not everybody, but most people do. I love coming home to peace and quiet; I couldn't have that if I'm married. I already have two sides of a family; I don't want two more. I was raised in a family and I'm still taking a break from that. I know how to be miserable all by myself and at a much cheaper rate than two people miserable together. I can deal with the disadvantages of being single better than I can deal with the disadvantages of being married. I like spending time at a library or museum or taking a short road trip and/or getting my news fix or youtube channels dealing with economics or cars. I don't care about living in a house, I'm not that talkative in addition to being a total introvert as well as probably having asperger's. Most normally socially developed people should spend the time and effort to find the right person to marry and work at it for the rest of their lives. I've heard it can be extremely fulfilling.
You missed the following. 1. Legal entrapment - Men need to completely understand the reality of the laws they are entering into. The laws are designed to protect women and the weak. All relationships change over time, 9 times out of 10 to the worse. There will always come a point when you are faced with "I can no longer live with this....". Its at THAT point when reality sets in. Do your homework now! 2. Live together for at least 3 years before marrying - in the end you are two people living together and its not until the second year when you start to see the small things that are difficult to live with. 3. Men, get a Prenup - what, she doesnt like it...? Of course she doesn't. There is a real reason why, the laws are written in her favor. Be smart, protect yourself before entering into legal prison. 4. Always agree on the top points one never speaks of - Sex, money, kids, religion, in-laws, politics. Learn now how to discuss these topics that are impossible for people to discuss in the US. If you are not aligned at its core you need to consider how important it is to you. If its important now and will be critical in the future. 5. Gottman Method - read, understand and build a foundation from a proven and practical marriage theory. Guys, in the end you need to be happy. NEVER give up who you are. Good luck man. You will need it!
"Maybe that is why we are more successful in our vocations than in our marriage" A couple reasons: 1-Your marriage doesn't pay your bills. 2. You can please more than just one person but a whole team! 3- Usually (if you are indeed sucessful) in your workplace, then you are doing something right with your vocation. 4- People have no choice but to cooperate at a business otherwise, no paychecks!
A person should learn as much as they possibly can about marriage before they get married. What the Bible says primarily, and from experts like this man. My wife and I were married in less than eight weeks and hadn't even met before I got on the plane to meet her for the wedding thousands of miles away, different cultures, much different ages and are going strong over three years. I read this man's book a long time ago and loved it and think about it to this day. Like him, I need words of affirmation to feel loved.
Very nice advice from Dr. Gary Chapman.. I just saw this video and it's really helpful and insightful. I learned a lot and such a soft spoken voice with great wisdom about marriage life.🙏😇😊 Thank God for this man.
Exactly, the high of just dating (not to mention marriage) don't last no more than 2 yrs...but if two people learn each other AFTER learning themselves somewhat with the help of God of course...I believe relationships period would go pass the "in love stage"...my view!!! I've learned to love and appreciate me now. I haven't dated for yrs but I'm sharing this to inspire people to self love and just getting to know self first.
I guess it's okay if we don't have enough plan about everything because marriage is not all about the happy moments that you've shared together, but it's all about how you face all the trials and challenges that you've encountered and learned from all the mistakes that you had.
The issue is if you marry in that 1st romantic phase < less than 2 years, it will not matter what the family does and their level of dysfunction because at that point it will only be ignored because of the deep and strong emotions. After the high wears off, then it will become a problem (you know the issue with that person and their family members! Good discussion!
Many modern women too much worry about money ..and pushing husband beyond his capabilities...Women very practical and selfish. That is why I divorced. I didn't want to leave with someone who is always telling me GO GO like a horse..women need to learn how just love the men as he is without expectations..
They lived in another era no social media and smartphones dating apps onlyfans...game has changed it's like using an outdated system for current issues won't work
I’ve thought for a long time that if someone doesn’t argue, it’s because they don’t care enough to argue. You’re very lucky to be so attune to your partner!!!!
@@DarkMagicianMana yeah and you and your husband can keep bullshiting each other about what a perfect little life you created,the last person that gave that bs statement got divorced and the wife filed,mentioning abuse, so please lie to yourself ......the rest of us don't believe what you wrote.
Your book, "the things I wish I'd known before getting married" makes so much sense. I love every single letter of that book. Thank you so much for writing that book sir.
So blessed to have read your book doctor. My wife and I use your insights in our pre marriage counselling sessions with our counselees. God bless you richly to bless many all over the world. We are from Sri Lanka
Hm, I got married with the woman that I have known for 50 years and there's not been a day that I haven't discovered something new in our dynamics that has not deepened our relationship.
One of the elements of my love language for my husband was preparing tasty and nutritious meals I knew he enjoyed..and he did! Imagine my shock when one day he threw it in my face that being a good wife was not just cooking for him..we are in an informal separation for the last four years. Basically means he doesn't give me any support financially and is living a single life again. I am working on a formal separation to change this..wish I had seen the signs that he was the biggest narcisist ever 😭
I wish I had known that my husband is a Calvinist. He finally admitted that he knew I didn't know what he believed but he hoped that through osmosis I would come to see it as gospel truth. That is deceptive. Especially when he now holds it over my head that I said "I do" allow him to lead spiritually. That is so wrong. I don't know what to do.
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Confused on how living together is not a wise and necessary before marriage. You discussed really knowing someone after two years and I think we can all agree you don’t really know anyone before living with them. It doesn’t simulate marriage, it’s allowing for the facade of casual dating and being on our “best behaviors” to fade away, so we can understand the true nature of our partner.
The stats show that those who co habit before marriage have higher divorce rates. Because they are trying each other out which bleeds into the marriage. Then they feel like leaving they take off. Vows are a commitment, I guess not all people are into commitment.
MARRIAGE starts with working on YOURSELF FIRST. This means you have EDUCATE yourself on God's law, the law of LOVE. When Jesus was asked about the most important law in life (Matthew 22:35-40), both laws he stated were focused on LOVE. How can you enter a relationship, a union as wonderful as MARRIAGE, if you cant comprehend the details of this important law? The reason the divorce rate is so high, the reason there's alot of SINGLE MOMS in this world and the reason there's alot of MEN disinterested in MATRIMONY is because this law is not engraved in their heart. They know EVERYTHING about the outside world, the MARKETS, the ECONOMY, POLITICS, SPORTS, MUSIC, MOVIES, CELEBRITIES but they know NOTHING about themselves or the laws that govern their being. They raise their kids away from God's knowledge, leading them to failure. This world needs EDUCATION more than anything. Thats why JESUS's most important JOB was to TEACH. EDUCATION, not finger-pointing.
I see living together and elopement kinda the same way....How you do anything, is how you do everything....You need blessing from family...Running off is a red flag..just sayin
When we got married...move out like the 🐦 from the nest . We are adults...be independent. Built up your own family.( Not include your parents and siblings) From Malaysia 😎
Exactly. And it’s especially important to do so when family of origins are extremely dysfunctional and toxic - unkind, abusive, filled with narcissists.
His just one of the blessed ones. But the reality is that the female has the power. The female can drain you financially in divorce and life time of alimony after 10 years of marriage. Oh, dont forget about parental alienation. To get married in today's times is a huge gamble. Men DO NOT BENEFIT FROM MARRIAGE! Its called 2nd shift work. When and if family courts change, men will be more comfortable with marriage. Even then, it's still a gamble. Sometimes a bad investment.
Married has ruined me financially at 57yrs because I couldn't say no She left me because I ran out of money She admitted it just wanted my money , she had none , I was financially secure. Greedy immature terrible lying cheat.
I don’t understand how living together firsts lowers the chances of the marriage working in the future? Is he saying to live separately, get married, then move in together?
Download the research papers on the subject. Living together in marriage is optional. It was quite common in the 1800s American West for married couples to live apart, rather than divorce.
I was alwaysx about true love , i felt love was about giving i believe excitement , share finacial i thought she was my best friend it ended me with making her dependi g on me i loved her to my soul bt i thnk i need more
superb video. this is helping me, esp the part about becoming a student of your partner and learning their love languages. thank you and shared to show my appreciation
People speak of marriage and sex like God didn't say no sex until marriage. Any believer should be aware of that scripture, even if they didn't come to Jesus Christ as a virgin. My daughter is 18, and I didn't come to Christ as a virgin...People mentally disregard the effort it REALLY takes to wait for Jesus to give you a mate. It's due to them not reading the scriptures to know what's in it to begin with. You would have a mindset of embracing the good, bad, and the ugly, if you were to take your faith seriously enough for Jesus to not let you fall in to sexual sin from your spirit man. I know plenty of believers that have had anywhere from 2-5 more children AFTER they got saved. Anytime outside of the 1 encounter that brings about conception is one of God's issues when it comes to premarital sex as believers. In most cases, the pregnancies don't stem from 1 night of passion and delicious sex. They stem from full blown sexual relationships, shacking up scenarios, etc.. The devil has people's minds on a different level when it comes to shacking up, because you won't marry the person that you see everyday. You want to be engaged for 2 more years while already living together. Are we supposed to believe that the couple could keep their hands to themselves for another 2 years(according to the scriptures) when they already have 3 children with each other?? The Bible already said that people that aren't saved AREN'T going to care in their hearts or actions about what God thinks about fornication. The human body craves sex and it wants sex when it wants it. The Bible says, "The children of the wicked are more than the children of the righteous." Why would it say that if it didn't include the timeline of God's process for us when it comes to sexual purity? It also talks about the fruit of the womb being God's reward, and children being a heritage of the Lord. That plainly shows God's love for children 24/7. God loves all of us, but He HATES our sin. I said all that to say that people should stop making marriage seem like a chore that we'd rather LIVE WITHOUT doing. Also, stop making it seem like the battle for waiting until you're MARRIED to HAVE sex isn't a real and emotionally painful battle. This was said in love, even though it may not sound like it.
The typical divorce occurs about 7 or 8 years after marriage, when the children are between 3 and 6 years old. That’s the age of the children when the wife has the most leverage over the husband. The courts view young children that age as most vulnerable, and therefore most likely to favor the wife over the husband. Women know this from other women. That is the age of the children where the road is the most rocky. The going is most tough. The children misbehave. You don’t want to punish them, but it’s necessary, and this splits the couple. If you don’t punish bad behavior if only promotes more bad behavior, but if you punish too hard the wife views that as abuse and cruelty.
I’m an atheist, and I’ve been with my lovely girlfriend for 3 years. Yet I’m scared to death to ask her hand in marriage. Due to the fact that I don’t want it to be part of the 50% that split up. I would like advice.
Bless him and his marriage. Bottom line , a man wants to feel respected and a woman wants to feel cherished.
We want to feel respected as well ☺️
@@Ascension1004 Yes indeed:)
Bottom line. If a woman feels cherished she is in essence respected.
@@Health_Is_Wealth_Media Well....yes. lol. This whole thing is like what comes first the chicken or the egg. Lol. Both respect and cherish are kind of the same thing:)
ur wife ( or future wife will be ) is blessed.
1. Understand their love language ( what they want)
2. Know their family
3. Intellectual connection
4. Don't break God's laws
Thank you Dr Chapman...
🎯🎯🎯
*plays tiny violin*
Don’t break god’s law? What about free will? 😂😂😂😂
For you to learn your partner it requires HONESTY of who we are from both parties. Don’t hide who you are in an effort to please the other because once in marriage, the real you will always come out.
Truth. My Ex hide who he truly was. He presented me with who he wanted me to see. Slowly as we were planning the wedding he start to show me his true self. I go out of the engagement because he wanted to hold me back from being a progressive person.
So true I went thru that bs
MOST people don't care enough to be honest. It's about validation from everyone around you not love.
I agree.
@M m right?!?! I agree! Whoo!
"Some are Sunday morning Christians, some are daily devotional Christians..." AMEN 🙌🏻
Eye opening.. amen
💣👨🏾🔬
"You cannot simulate marriage; marriage is a commitment, not contract..."
Oh hohoho that’s where you’re wrong me friend. You have not been married yet apperantly, because the family court system is the most one-sided mouth destroying curb stomp you will ever suffer in your existence of a man.
It's actually both!
U crazy bro it is a contract u will find out when u divorce
Olajide O. Amen 🙏
Govt: no its a contract. See you in court
How do u manage anger? How do u process pain? ..... Very important questions u need answers to before marriage. Saves u from being a victim of murder
Lol
emetella exactly!
😂😂
😂😂😂 I’m saying
You should know.. You know how to dish it out... I don’t think that’s very Godly btw..
51 years being married? Damn. He looks young. Bless him and his family.
Continuous Self-Improvement dyes his hair.
@rayjgu3 Was that serious? Who gets married at 9?
Yes true, but divorce is no longer a bad sin. It’s a bib
Yeah..young enough to be my great great grand father
For 50 years of marriage he must said Yes dear at least 100000 *
Here's my two pence:
Since nobody is perfect, perfection is not and should never be the point. Therefore, before getting married (1) be ready in yourself to simply make a commitment, (2) be mature enough in yourself to have impulse-control.
THAT'S IT. FOR THE REST, YOU JUST GOTTA DO YOUR BEST.
This woman is such a good interviewer! This video was both informative, engaging, and fun to watch in a way. She covered so many parts of the book also, I loved this.
LOVE IS STAYING, WHEN YOU DONT HAVE TO.
Love is leaving, when a man can't fix a spouse full of hate.
I think living together takes something away (diminishes) from marriage...To me, its'what makes the beginning of marriage exciting and unfolding. I was 23 and did it before I was christian..By the time we married, I wasn't really excited...think women see it as one step closer to altar. But wouldn't it be better, if the guy proposed beforehand to say, your worth it...Not let me try you out.
Wow
That's how we do it in our culture
💯💯💯
Had a guy I loved to bits and pieces but when he 'proposed' to move in don't know why I wasn't excited. I ended that relationship
I totally agree with you! That's why I refuse to live with my boyfriend until we're married. Thanks for sharing that!
So why do men have make womens live exciting all the time .. Gets old .. Ill never marry again.. To much work to make a modern woman happy
Marriage YOU CAN NOT BE SELFISH ! AND NEED TO BE TRULY READY AND HAVE SELF CONTROL ON EVERYTHING YOU DO
Thank you for this. When I got married, I must confess that I didn’t know how to be married
Correct, but that's stuff is easier said than done
I agree w the family part. Family shouldn't be the only reason you do/don't get married, but fitting in with each others' family makes a huge, huge difference. Also look at whether or not your spouse stands up for you in front of their family, or lets them run the show.
The best thing is to pray for God to send you the right mate of His choosing and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit rather than your own flesh.
Amen
Deborah Reece thank you sis i totally agree with that! 💜
Yes, amen.
Islam The Natural Way...
Amen
I wish I’d NEVER got married. People in the church pushed me to get married to relieve their conscience of me being the pastors son. I was supposed to be married and not single. Had I known what I know now I would had stayed away from church until I was more sure of who I was.
Go get counseling. Get to know the Bible for yourself and work on knowing yourself.
Wow, James 1:5.. 🙏🏾
So sad. Church does that
Who’s still not heard of the many scandals that churches and other places of ‘worship’ are constantly trying to cover up?
How can anyone "push" you to do anything?
Definitely taking heed... I'm 24.. Trusting god for that right person... Only he knows who's perfect for me.
Hello .. cici, I'm interested to know you more... my name is Selorm
Amen
hello Cici... the good lord will meet you at the point of your need...
Amen
Kris Shaw yep. There's no such thing as perfect person for you. U just gotta adjust yourself to them.
My favorite phrase Gary used was, "I was blown out of the saddle!!!" at around the 6:20 mark. Very insightful and helpful video. Definitely going to read your book. Just had my heart broken recently and I decided I needed to focus on being there bride of Christ before being the bride of a man and this video was exactly what I needed to watch today. ♥️🙏🏼
🔥🔥🔥
Dr. Chapman has good energy. I feel good watching and listening to him. Thank you Doctor.
Yeah cause young marriage and pre-matirial marriage minus a pervert
makes a difference🙄
He has been baptized with spirit and fire. The eyes and energy are a dead give away.
@@anthonymccoy7711 Well, I understand that. I think we just differ in terminologies where one is religious and other is kind of scientific...
@@MegaKarume No, I meant both. I know that energy. Like a kid knows his/ her parent car.
Romantic love doesn't sustain a relationship. It's temporary and euphoric.
Learn to speak each other's love language. What makes one person feel loved doesn't necessarily make the other person feel loved. To a lady, telling her you love her might not mean anything unless you help her out whenever she's in need.
Get to know his or her family members, you're likely going to have them in your life for live.
Such an insightful video.... It blew me out of the saddle.
I have read this book and it is amazing!! This video doesn't even scratch the surface of the amazing content of this wisdom-filled book. For those of you trying to sum it up in a cutesy little quote, that's nice, but there isn't a magical quote that will help you through your marriage. This book contains practical advice that will help you prevent conflicts and reduce escalation and I highly recommend it to absolutely everyone.
I read this book before marrying my husband. I love it. It's certainly affective.
What’s the name of the book?
@@fatimafarooq4787 This I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Married by Gary Chapman
💣💣💣
Just be good friends, love God and be real.
I heard a preacher say to a couple who wanted to get married. He told them they would have to wallpaper his kitchen. He said that if you are both still friends after you finish the job then I will marry you all.
Excellant advice
marriage starts with trusting God .
It starts with trusting in eachother, and loving eachother
And it ends with his wrath mightily smiting thee in family court.
The first time I hear my man saying god, you know there'll be no ain't marriage at all. Move along now.
"God created sex. Priests created marriage."
- Voltaire
I AGREE! ..... THE RIGHT POSITIVE "INTENTIONS" ...... IN THE
RELATIONSHIP ...... ARE MAJORLY IMPORTANT ..... TOO!
Wait for the right person, preparing yourself to be the right person also. It’s not always finding the right person, but being the right person.
Love you
That is all common sense to anyone that is even slightly intelligent, however some people might need this. Thankyou for your video.
Sunday morning Christians and daily devotional Christians is the difference between Christians and Christ followers. Great advice! Marriage is hard don’t let people lie to you and say it’s not!
He sounds exactly like his audio book, exactly! He's such a wise man with great insight❣
People often give up before they get started.
The average life span of the obsession is 2 yrs.
We have to speak each other's love language.
What is she / he into? Golf widow
How do u process pain?
20 yr research shows divorce rate HIGHER for those who lived together before getting married: not logical
What I learned.
Don’t depend on your spouse for love. They are human and will inevitably fail you.
God should be your SOURCE of love that will never fail, deny, or reject you.
Alexandra that is what i realised also! I love my husband but despite reading the 5 Love languages he still doesn’t use that knowledge. I have had to accept that he is an act of service guy and that’s how he loves me.
Wow, I went on my 1st date last weekend and we already discussed all the important questions... it just came naturally to us. Very imformative and a comfortable conversation in the least.
After ONE date? Run. Don’t look back, just RUN!!
@@JULYXXIV what? Lol
Apparently he's not heard of divorce court, family court, no fault divorce, and feminism.
@Valiant Woman who picked those husbands?
@Valiant Woman Women are the ones who decide if a wedding takes place...just as women are the ones who decide if a birth takes place.
@Valiant Woman Agreed... but... if a man wants to marry and a woman does not... No wedding takes place. Just as if a woman wants to abort a pregnancy, but the man wants the child to be born... The abortion takes place. The woman always decides..
Men,don't get married,it is a con with a high chance of being trapped in a hamster wheel, supporting an ungrateful and lazy wife.
@Valiant Woman The point here is how many times do women benefit from divorce compared to men? Women win all the prizes. No fault divorce and child custody laws are the reason marriage is actively discouraged. There is NO RISK for a woman to get married. Whereas the man risks everything. No thanks...
You better find out about that family ,listen to that ,people, I mean it!!!!!!
🗣Say it louder for the saints in the back!!!
Very important!!!!!
Meaning= the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree. Repeated patterns & habits of that family
Its so Interesting to hear about his personal experience in his marriage - and what had to change
Good man who passes on his life experience and telling that marriage isn’t a party with only happiness.
Most people need to get married and raise a family. Not everybody, but most people do. I love coming home to peace and quiet; I couldn't have that if I'm married. I already have two sides of a family; I don't want two more. I was raised in a family and I'm still taking a break from that. I know how to be miserable all by myself and at a much cheaper rate than two people miserable together. I can deal with the disadvantages of being single better than I can deal with the disadvantages of being married. I like spending time at a library or museum or taking a short road trip and/or getting my news fix or youtube channels dealing with economics or cars. I don't care about living in a house, I'm not that talkative in addition to being a total introvert as well as probably having asperger's. Most normally socially developed people should spend the time and effort to find the right person to marry and work at it for the rest of their lives. I've heard it can be extremely fulfilling.
Such a great and enthusiastic interviewer.
I recently got married at 20 years old. My husband and I had been dating for 5 years before we decided to get married. We recently bought his book!
You missed the following.
1. Legal entrapment - Men need to completely understand the reality of the laws they are entering into. The laws are designed to protect women and the weak. All relationships change over time, 9 times out of 10 to the worse. There will always come a point when you are faced with "I can no longer live with this....". Its at THAT point when reality sets in. Do your homework now!
2. Live together for at least 3 years before marrying - in the end you are two people living together and its not until the second year when you start to see the small things that are difficult to live with.
3. Men, get a Prenup - what, she doesnt like it...? Of course she doesn't. There is a real reason why, the laws are written in her favor. Be smart, protect yourself before entering into legal prison.
4. Always agree on the top points one never speaks of - Sex, money, kids, religion, in-laws, politics. Learn now how to discuss these topics that are impossible for people to discuss in the US. If you are not aligned at its core you need to consider how important it is to you. If its important now and will be critical in the future.
5. Gottman Method - read, understand and build a foundation from a proven and practical marriage theory.
Guys, in the end you need to be happy. NEVER give up who you are.
Good luck man. You will need it!
"Maybe that is why we are more successful in our vocations than in our marriage"
A couple reasons:
1-Your marriage doesn't pay your bills.
2. You can please more than just one person but a whole team!
3- Usually (if you are indeed sucessful) in your workplace, then you are doing something right with your vocation.
4- People have no choice but to cooperate at a business otherwise, no paychecks!
Mmm.. 💭💭💭
A person should learn as much as they possibly can about marriage before they get married. What the Bible says primarily, and from experts like this man. My wife and I were married in less than eight weeks and hadn't even met before I got on the plane to meet her for the wedding thousands of miles away, different cultures, much different ages and are going strong over three years.
I read this man's book a long time ago and loved it and think about it to this day. Like him, I need words of affirmation to feel loved.
Wow. 3 years.
jab7168 3 happy years. Filipina Fever-catch it!
@@jab7168
LOL
Sometimes perseverance is key and if both parties are willing to let down their egos, anything is possible
Jesus's disciples knew about marriage, and they said hey"let's not get married " lol
Very nice advice from Dr. Gary Chapman.. I just saw this video and it's really helpful and insightful.
I learned a lot and such a soft spoken voice with great wisdom about marriage life.🙏😇😊 Thank God for this man.
I’ve been with my husband 8 years and married almost 3, I still feel a spark excitement and desire and I love that man so much.
You cannot simulate marriage...
you won't. But you can predict it according to your & your partners character & behaviour. Date for 2 or 3 years before getting married.
That touched me real deep..
Exactly, the high of just dating (not to mention marriage) don't last no more than 2 yrs...but if two people learn each other AFTER learning themselves somewhat with the help of God of course...I believe relationships period would go pass the "in love stage"...my view!!!
I've learned to love and appreciate me now. I haven't dated for yrs but I'm sharing this to inspire people to self love and just getting to know self first.
I'm not Christian, but this is amazing
thatswhatnicksaid not to pressure you or anything but you should read the book of John in the Bible
Find Christ for he loves you Nd could wipe away your problems
Was it wrong of me not to get married but just enjoy my life
He’s SO RIGHT about living together first. Even after the vows, the original agreement of just cohabitation seems to linger on.
phloridababe He never said living together first...
@@sandraalmanza2399 She meant about _not_ living together first..
She affirmed him at the end. That was sweet.
I guess it's okay if we don't have enough plan about everything because marriage is not all about the happy moments that you've shared together, but it's all about how you face all the trials and challenges that you've encountered and learned from all the mistakes that you had.
The issue is if you marry in that 1st romantic phase < less than 2 years, it will not matter what the family does and their level of dysfunction because at that point it will only be ignored because of the deep and strong emotions. After the high wears off, then it will become a problem (you know the issue with that person and their family members! Good discussion!
😅😅😅
"you can't simulate marriage" Interesting perspective.
Love the interviewer's style in this one!
not even married or close but this seems like common sense
Many modern women too much worry about money ..and pushing husband beyond his capabilities...Women very practical and selfish. That is why I divorced. I didn't want to leave with someone who is always telling me GO GO like a horse..women need to learn how just love the men as he is without expectations..
Then same with man also. Expectations thaktei pareh.
@@anaayana2632 bla bla bla.. wrong.. Modern women is leaving in fear..not with heart.. Always practical.. I can see faces around.. Hunters..
"You can not simulate marriage". WOW!!!!!! 🤔
Am 23 yet to date and get married. I jotted so many points.thanks for your words of wisdom.
Listen to the old ones. They know
They lived in another era no social media and smartphones dating apps onlyfans...game has changed it's like using an outdated system for current issues won't work
8 years and my hubby and I have never argue. New generation perhaps?
I’ve thought for a long time that if someone doesn’t argue, it’s because they don’t care enough to argue. You’re very lucky to be so attune to your partner!!!!
Lol alot of bull shit in your marriage ....is all I read
Lies lies lies
@@tawanacalamari5712 Sorry you have such a sad life, maybe one day you will find happiness. Have some hope, it won't hurt.
@@DarkMagicianMana yeah and you and your husband can keep bullshiting each other about what a perfect little life you created,the last person that gave that bs statement got divorced and the wife filed,mentioning abuse, so please lie to yourself ......the rest of us don't believe what you wrote.
He’s so right about it all!!!
Your book, "the things I wish I'd known before getting married" makes so much sense. I love every single letter of that book. Thank you so much for writing that book sir.
So blessed to have read your book doctor. My wife and I use your insights in our pre marriage counselling sessions with our counselees. God bless you richly to bless many all over the world. We are from Sri Lanka
Ask yourself these two questions..
Why get married?
Why involve the law in your love?
Hm, I got married with the woman that I have known for 50 years and there's not been a day that I haven't discovered something new in our dynamics that has not deepened our relationship.
Hey, do you wish to get your ex back or restore someone you love ?
if yes then l'd like to recommend you to a love specialist who brought my ex back
iving together before marriage is a definite NO NO! RIGHT ON Doctor Chapman.!
WOW This was awesome been married for 15yrs October
If you love me why won’t you help me and be there for me don’t just tell me .... this
Wife to husband: You are selfish and centric.
Husband to wife: You are selfish and centric.
Compatibility at its best🤓
Lmfaoo 😂
Yeah that is so true . Ppl give up way too easily in the early ages.
One of the elements of my love language for my husband was preparing tasty and nutritious meals I knew he enjoyed..and he did!
Imagine my shock when one day he threw it in my face that being a good wife was not just cooking for him..we are in an informal separation for the last four years.
Basically means he doesn't give me any support financially and is living a single life again.
I am working on a formal separation to change this..wish I had seen the signs that he was the biggest narcisist ever 😭
I wish I had known that my husband is a Calvinist. He finally admitted that he knew I didn't know what he believed but he hoped that through osmosis I would come to see it as gospel truth. That is deceptive. Especially when he now holds it over my head that I said "I do" allow him to lead spiritually. That is so wrong. I don't know what to do.
Smartness is mandatory in a relationship and cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my spouse device and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his devices. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from a cloned device without having to touch his phone. I read all his Whatsapp, Facebook,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text messages and iMessages. You can contact him via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later
Confused on how living together is not a wise and necessary before marriage. You discussed really knowing someone after two years and I think we can all agree you don’t really know anyone before living with them. It doesn’t simulate marriage, it’s allowing for the facade of casual dating and being on our “best behaviors” to fade away, so we can understand the true nature of our partner.
The stats show that those who co habit before marriage have higher divorce rates. Because they are trying each other out which bleeds into the marriage. Then they feel like leaving they take off. Vows are a commitment, I guess not all people are into commitment.
love vs infatuation
I love Dr. Chapman's wisdom.
This man is a genius in marriage counseling
*how the heck did TH-cam take me here I’m not even old enough for dating*
😂
Good for your development
Looool
Like he said, you need to start preparing NOW! Lol
To prepare u early, like he said.. 😂🙏🏾
Truth. Living together is not marriage. You have to take the plunge.
MARRIAGE starts with working on YOURSELF FIRST. This means you have EDUCATE yourself on God's law, the law of LOVE. When Jesus was asked about the most important law in life (Matthew 22:35-40), both laws he stated were focused on LOVE. How can you enter a relationship, a union as wonderful as MARRIAGE, if you cant comprehend the details of this important law?
The reason the divorce rate is so high, the reason there's alot of SINGLE MOMS in this world and the reason there's alot of MEN disinterested in MATRIMONY is because this law is not engraved in their heart. They know EVERYTHING about the outside world, the MARKETS, the ECONOMY, POLITICS, SPORTS, MUSIC, MOVIES, CELEBRITIES but they know NOTHING about themselves or the laws that govern their being. They raise their kids away from God's knowledge, leading them to failure.
This world needs EDUCATION more than anything. Thats why JESUS's most important JOB was to TEACH. EDUCATION, not finger-pointing.
He's full of wisdom
I am going to learn and prepare more for marriage. Great advice😊
it was in this book I saw the *Five love languages* bless you for that
*If you break God's Laws, they will break you*
_You cannot simulate a marriage_
😳🙌🙏❤️
Marriage is vile and disgusting
What really caught me off guard was the bit that marriage cannot be simulated. Wow! I'd never looked at it like that.
I don't get it, can you explain it please? Lol
I already read one of his book the 5 language of love !! One of my favorite book 😄🙂
Understanding that each person love language is different
I see living together and elopement kinda the same way....How you do anything, is how you do everything....You need blessing from family...Running off is a red flag..just sayin
When we got married...move out like the 🐦 from the nest . We are adults...be independent. Built up your own family.( Not include your parents and siblings)
From Malaysia 😎
You still need support from family. Not be COMPLETELY disconnected from your family
Leave and cleave
Exactly.
And it’s especially important to do so when family of origins are extremely dysfunctional and toxic - unkind, abusive, filled with narcissists.
So for him it is just about making woman happy if you want to have a happy life
He talks to women about making their husbands happy too!!
Married my 15yr bride, 45 years and 3 children ago.
What if I'm the one with the bad family? Is it over for me relationally?
Everyone has cob webs in their family! Don't worry. Live your truth!
Rebuild your role-model repertoire. Give the new models time to gain hold in your behavior.
His just one of the blessed ones. But the reality is that the female has the power. The female can drain you financially in divorce and life time of alimony after 10 years of marriage. Oh, dont forget about parental alienation. To get married in today's times is a huge gamble. Men DO NOT BENEFIT FROM MARRIAGE! Its called 2nd shift work. When and if family courts change, men will be more comfortable with marriage. Even then, it's still a gamble. Sometimes a bad investment.
Depends how the woman is.
If there is prenup as well.
@@daniellamoreno3616 nah, all women are like that. 😜
Married has ruined me financially at 57yrs
because I couldn't say no
She left me because I ran out of money
She admitted it just wanted my money , she had none , I was financially secure.
Greedy immature terrible lying cheat.
I don’t understand how living together firsts lowers the chances of the marriage working in the future? Is he saying to live separately, get married, then move in together?
Download the research papers on the subject. Living together in marriage is optional. It was quite common in the 1800s American West for married couples to live apart, rather than divorce.
Practically, thus how it should be!..
He is great role model. Love your books👍👍👍
I was alwaysx about true love , i felt love was about giving i believe excitement , share finacial i thought she was my best friend it ended me with making her dependi g on me i loved her to my soul bt i thnk i need more
superb video. this is helping me, esp the part about becoming a student of your partner and learning their love languages. thank you and shared to show my appreciation
Im too lazy to get married.
Same here😃😃
@@munasiadoris1579
🙏✝️❤✝️⚓✝️🇦🇺
If you break God’s laws they will break you 🙌🏾🙌🏾
People speak of marriage and sex like God didn't say no sex until marriage. Any believer should be aware of that scripture, even if they didn't come to Jesus Christ as a virgin. My daughter is 18, and I didn't come to Christ as a virgin...People mentally disregard the effort it REALLY takes to wait for Jesus to give you a mate. It's due to them not reading the scriptures to know what's in it to begin with. You would have a mindset of embracing the good, bad, and the ugly, if you were to take your faith seriously enough for Jesus to not let you fall in to sexual sin from your spirit man. I know plenty of believers that have had anywhere from 2-5 more children AFTER they got saved. Anytime outside of the 1 encounter that brings about conception is one of God's issues when it comes to premarital sex as believers. In most cases, the pregnancies don't stem from 1 night of passion and delicious sex. They stem from full blown sexual relationships, shacking up scenarios, etc.. The devil has people's minds on a different level when it comes to shacking up, because you won't marry the person that you see everyday. You want to be engaged for 2 more years while already living together. Are we supposed to believe that the couple could keep their hands to themselves for another 2 years(according to the scriptures) when they already have 3 children with each other?? The Bible already said that people that aren't saved AREN'T going to care in their hearts or actions about what God thinks about fornication. The human body craves sex and it wants sex when it wants it. The Bible says, "The children of the wicked are more than the children of the righteous." Why would it say that if it didn't include the timeline of God's process for us when it comes to sexual purity? It also talks about the fruit of the womb being God's reward, and children being a heritage of the Lord. That plainly shows God's love for children 24/7. God loves all of us, but He HATES our sin. I said all that to say that people should stop making marriage seem like a chore that we'd rather LIVE WITHOUT doing. Also, stop making it seem like the battle for waiting until you're MARRIED to HAVE sex isn't a real and emotionally painful battle. This was said in love, even though it may not sound like it.
The typical divorce occurs about 7 or 8 years after marriage, when the children are between 3 and 6 years old. That’s the age of the children when the wife has the most leverage over the husband. The courts view young children that age as most vulnerable, and therefore most likely to favor the wife over the husband. Women know this from other women. That is the age of the children where the road is the most rocky. The going is most tough. The children misbehave. You don’t want to punish them, but it’s necessary, and this splits the couple. If you don’t punish bad behavior if only promotes more bad behavior, but if you punish too hard the wife views that as abuse and cruelty.
Right
I’m an atheist, and I’ve been with my lovely girlfriend for 3 years. Yet I’m scared to death to ask her hand in marriage. Due to the fact that I don’t want it to be part of the 50% that split up. I would like advice.