Nor are Lolitas public property. “Why do you want to wear that? It doesn’t look good with dark skin. Give it to me” 🙄 Thanks I didn’t ask if I’m allowed to be a a Lolita
In my opinion, pastels look gorgeous on darker skin tones. So the idiots who say that can shove it. And even if they were right, what someone vhises to wear is none of their business. Just counter them next time with something similar.
It’s Viola Rose OMG! What is wrong with people! First rule of thumb when I was growing up was “keep your hands to yourself”, and expletives were added for added emphasis. I will never understand those that feel they have the right to touch someone, pet their hair or grab them!
Not lolita but also fits the "not public property" rant. I'm a cosplayer and a few weeks ago I was at a con and a guy approached for a picture, it was all cool until he shoved his finger on my cheek to see if my bodypaint would come off. I'm not good at confrontation so I just said 'please don't' and ran away but it was very embarrassing and humiliating because that could have ruined my entire makeup. The worst part is that it's ALWAYS grown ass people that do this and I don't understand! You don't randomly touch strangers faces on the street, why would you do it in any other situation?
My friends had a similar experience when a guy came up and asked nicely for a photo and then groped her for the photo, people can be so awful honestly.
Holy cow, that is awful! Cosplay is never consent and they should've never touched you. Cons can be fun, but my gosh, they can bring out the worst in people sometimes.
Well then BECOME good at confrontation. I can't go around protecting every other costumed chick including myself. So like....idk take a self defense class or something. Simply saying you're not good at something isn't an excuse, its going to happen to you again at another convention if you keep going so learn how to deal with it, call security and report the dude and have him kicked out of the convention or something. You could slap the &*^%$ out of him OR yell to the room that the man is touching you someone like me will come over and punch the dude. You chose to be embarrassed and humiliated and run away, he was the one who should have been embarrassed and humiliated for the way he acted and touched you. YOU LET HIM WIN WHEN YOU RAN AWAY AND DIDN'T TELL SECURITY. Yes I am a little grumpy about this subject because it feels like I have to spend half my time at cons comforting chicks who let dudes get away with awful stuff and I'm really kinda tired of it.
@@animeaftermidnight2765 have some compassion and chill out. There's absolutely no need for you to have a rant at someone when you don't even know them and what happened, and what's worse is it's like you're blaming the cosplayers that get harrased instead of the people that take advantage of them?? Not every cosplayer is prepared to be taken advantage of and they shouldn't be, they should be allowed to relax and enjoy the event like everyone else without harrasment because people should know manners.. If you're so sick of being a good person and helping someone out then be a bystander to it like most people are at the cons.
I had a guy at a convention ask for a picture (no problem) and when taking the picture pulled me into him by my waist. I was super confused and uncomfortable, especially because I was 16 at the time and cosplaying the Sanderson sisters with my mom and our friend. Now, 4 years later, I tend to be a little more aggressive with my boundaries and will frequently refuse pictures if I'm relaxing, eating or getting into/out of cosplay.
Part of this rant reminded me of Milky Fawn and how upset people got with her because she had so many dresses. Even though she earned them by working hard, people called her “spoiled” and “entitled”. People called her spoiled for discarding packaging during unboxing videos. That was always something that bothered me a lot.
@@psychotophatcat because some people collect brand bags. Some people even sell theirs. Idk if that's still really a thing, but it was a few years ago.
@@psychotophatcat She threw the packages and new brand items on the floor like s spoiled child in a cartoon would do. HOWEVER this was all edited with funny noises, it was supposed to be a joke about the girls who lose their interest as soon as they get their stuff. But some people didn't get the joke and thought this was her real behavior.
THANK YOU on the tattoo part.. im a fully tattooed guy and i cant count on how many times people just come up to me and start touching me. i had a lot of old men just lift up my shirt in public to see my torso and back tattoos.. i really dont understand these peoples logic... i would never go up to a random person and lift their dress or shirt.
I was on a train last year and a felt a hand grab my arm to rotate it to they could see the tattoo on the other side. I screamed in response and they just said 'ohh I just wanted to see!' SEE WITH YOUR EYES, KAREN
@@lolahbell it really is annoying tbh. i had old men and women just grab me in the metro trying to rub my tattoos like its gonna come off or something... i really hate being touched. ESPECIALLY by strangers. the only one who is allowed to touch me is my boyfriend. not even my best friends touch me.
@@LadyDragonbane I was once hanging out with a (!female!) Friend with a tattoo on her collarbones that reached under her chest and another woman walked up to her and pulled her top down (in a public area, a cafè) to check it out and was shocked when she screamed and slapped her hand away. Then she was surprised when we both started shouting profanities at her, and was even more surprised when she got kicked out
when I bought a dress off of lace market, someone had the gall to message me a month later saying "if you decide to sell it, let me know. I'll be ready to buy it off of you" So naturally, I've decided to be buried in it out of spite.
I've had so many people tell me similar things too. They never end up buying it though, even when I try to sell the dress a month later because it doesn't fit the way I'd like lol
I got a message like this too about a purse but I didn't think anything of it at the time. I don't think I'll ever want to sell the purse but Idk, if I did, I'd be happy to know someone who might be interested. It doesn't bother me personally but since people find it rude I guess it's something to phase out of the community.
After I bought my dream dress the girl I was bidding against kept messaging me on LM about if I was going to sell it soon. She really kept bothering me to sell it to her but I ignored it and continue to wear the dress. It’s insane how people don’t understand that if you get the dress they want it’s not theirs and the actual buyer does have the choice to keep it. 🙃
I WILL alter my dresses to fit my Tig Ol' Bitties, yes, also MY brand dresses. My dresses are mine, I want to wear them, and if I can't, I will make it so I can 😤
Not Lolita, but I am goth. I don’t have many occurrences of people touching me, but plenty of people “stealthily” taking pictures of me or getting annoyed when I won’t whip out a PowerPoint of why I look the way I do.
Goth as well here, Don't you wish they would just let you pose for the photo so they can at least get a good photo of you instead of an unflattering one? On the other hand If i ever notice someone taking stealthy pictures of me.......they aren't going to have a camera/phone anymore.
Goth also. Way before dying hair and alt was popular. People would grab my hair way back in the day and ask if it was a wig, the "POLITE" ones would pet it. And don't get me started about how I live in a tiny white christian southern town. Ugh
Yeah I dress victorian style, and people just rudely stare at you or take a pictures of you, or they’ll ask if I’m in a play or something, like, why can’t I just wear this and be treated normally, it’s just clothes man. Basically anyone who doesn’t dress completely normal has to deal with this.
Personally, if someone tries to just take pictures of me without my permission, I'd either give them a middle finger or kick their phones out of their hands and smash them. lol
Yes! I'm getting sick of people saying "they ruined that dress, I could have fit into it, I deserve it more than this fattychan" etc when they see people that don't fit into the one size make the fashion fit for them. I generally plan on keeping this piece forever so strangers shouldn't have to worry about it.
"Just because someone has pink hair does not mean you can touch it" LMAO I LOVE THIS because you've been with me while strangers have come up to me and just started touching my hair without even speaking to me soooooo many times
Same. I've had blue hair for 10 yrs (real blue dreadlocks for the past 5 yrs), & the amount of times people have grabbed my hair from behind would shock people. I also have autism, so being touched sends me into an anxiety attack sometimes. You'd think it'd be common sense that Peoples body's are not public property.
@@ashes2ashley I've had green and blue hair for about 10 years as well and literally no one has touched my hair without my permission. What about you makes people feel like they CAN touch you and what about me makes people feel like they CAN'T touch me? Genuine question and curiosity here.
I have really curly hair and I cannot count the amount of times I’ve been in a classroom and felt someone grab (not touch, grab) my hair to see how it feels. And oh boy, it got worse when I dyed it pink.
Purple hair, same story. I had people pulling my hair (not gentle at all) to see if it's a wig... because it's somehow funny to pull off someone's wig apparently??? I have no damn words for that. Also, accusations of wearing extensions (because I also have very long and thick hair) happened few times xD one dumb b**ch even argued with me over that, because she was convinced my hair is not all real, wtf. My friends with dreadlocks have same stories. People are just awful.
Hey if my big ass buys the brand and alters it then idgaf who approves or doesn't. My coins, my business. And the alterations are done professionally so down the line another busty lady might enjoy immediately wearing something she bought.
Work it! Mad respect to people who can alter clothing. I can take mine in but tell me to put panels and something and I'll go into complete mental shut down
If anyone would say that "if you ever decide to sell this dress i'll buy it" i would get *so insecure* and end up overthinking it to the maximum for next week. What they mean? Are they trying to tell me i look bad in it and i should sell it? Should i actually sell it? I don't even look good in it. It was way too expensive maybe i shouldn't spend this money. I should sell it and get something more needed.
That's an interesting point of view. I'm very insecure too and when I think about the issue I mostly end up with the conclusion that I'd overthink such a comment but mostly come down on the side of "If they want it I must have good taste after all" (because I think everyone else are cooler than me). So not to say you're wrong or anything, I just find it interesting how differently people think about things even with the same starting point.
I can't fathom being pregnant myself, and seeing the entitlement other people have to touching a stranger's stomach, and by extension petting their unborn child, gives me the heebie-jeebies anytime I see it.
Getting into my third trimester. So far I've been lucky but I can and will slap hands that get onto me. I already feel like squeezed ketchup packet so I'm a bit claustrophobic right now. Also dealt with fingers in my hair a lot as a redhead. But it's even worse for black people with natural hair. I see basic bitches all up in someone's fro and I can only imagine the zen it takes to just give dirty looks.
I feel like the whole alteration thing has the potential to be quite ableist. Some people simply can't wear clothing at "normal" standard it is made to, especially when physical disability is in the mix. These people still have every right to feel beautiful and lovely in lolita as everyone else. I can see the potential for a disabled person to be shamed for just having something fit properly so they can take part in the hobby.
Luna Rose This this this! 1000000% I had to get an OP’s sleeves altered because they were too tight and I wear a medical device on my arm (that I need to LIVE) and the sleeves were the only thing that was in the way of me being comfortable in that dress! Just because I alter my clothes to fit my physical needs does not mean I have “ruined” them.
I think that's why I will never get into lolita, there's just no way to wear it with my issues, but if you have a disability and can wear lolita if you alter it then go for it.
I haven't had this happen with Lolita but I also have some vintage clothing that I've had altered because my my disability and I've had people rage at me about it. I am not talking major adjustments either, I just can't have anything too tight around my rib cage so a lot of times I'll have things let out a little bit if I can't buy them a size up. With vintage and Lolita a lot of times getting a bigger size in the chest just isn't doable.
Not only with disabilities, people with extreme proportions also struggle with this. I can’t count the times I wanted to buy something online but couldn’t in fear of it not fitting me (as a newbie seamstress I don’t feel quite comfortable with altering complex garments yet).
Thank you so much for addressing this!! I LOATHE the attitude that every dress is inevitably going to be resold and altering a piece is tantamount to sacrilege! That's the delusion I see most often, cropping up in Lolita communities, and every time I want to scream. We are not all just borrowing out of a communal wardrobe! Altering Lolita is not a crime! People are entitled to do what they want with the things that they own!
Why do people feel so entitled to touching things that are strange to them. I've seen people tugging at the tails and ears of costumes, grabbing at skirts ect. Have the decency to ask, at least.
I made a screw headband to be Stein from Soul Eater years ago, and it actually turned and made the noise. So I walled around casually turning it when it was appropriate, but it was SUPER flimsy. The amount of hands I had to swat away to keep it from breaking was insane. (Finally I settled on saying "only I can screw myself" and cackling when any adults asked, and that seemed to work.)
In the grand scheme of things- we, as humans- no matter our age- are children. We need to be taught and poke around at things to understand. Child or adult- it doesn’t change. We are curious and just want to learn what it is. Do people always know better? No, of course not. If we were, there would be no need for a video like this.
@@coffiecatswe really don't need to. I know it's probably instinct but it's very invasive. If someone is curious they can just talk to someone else or look it up It's a matter of self awareness and control
As a plus size lolita ive had straight size lolitas act incredibly strange to me over alterations. one time i was inquiring about a bodyline piece's measurements that someone was selling because I wanted to know whether or not i would need to alter it. and i told them i was potentially going to alter it and they responded with something along the lines of "i don't feel comfortable selling it to be altered" and i was just.........incredibly dumbfounded lmao
Honestly this comment is really backwards? The person who owns the dress does not have to sell it to you, for any reason, because they own it. You have no right to the dress. That's what this video was all about.
@@penguu2387 but they were going to sell it until they heard it was going to be altered. This community has a weird problem with alterations. Once it is sold to someone else it is theirs to do with as they please. They could have sold it to someone else who would have just altered it anyways. It doesn't make sense to not sell it to someone for that reason.
@@penguu2387 did you ever think that maybe OTHER plus sized lolita may want an altered brand dress because itll FINALLY fit them and they can FINALLY wear a print that brings them so much joy that they would otherwise be completely unable to? just because it doesnt fit you doesnt make it "out of circulation" just makes it so that plus sized lolitas are able to partake as well.
The amount of people who pet me like a dog and yanked my hair when it was my own 24" long, dyed bright magenta hair. I almost broke fingers. Lord I can only imagine how it would be as a lolita.
Instant flashbacks to people in my first year of school touching my hair without my permission. It's curly as sin, but I'm not a poodle! People need boundaries.
People touch my hair all the fucking time. It's my natural colour but it's long (just over 1 metre, I'm only 1.57 metres tall.) Drives me bananas and makes me want to put it in a bun all the time so I can avoid that crap, even though I prefer it loose.
Mine wasn’t even dyed and older ladies at grocery stores were the worst culprits! It was just long (down to my butt) and curly. At least younger adults know to ask and not start touching a person from behind with no warning. It’s like older generations never learned to keep their hands to themselves in kindergarten or something.
I always wear my hair up while in public nowadays. I have near thigh length blonde curly hair ("angel hair" as my friends call it). I have had people just touch it too. Most women will say something quick before just putting their hands in it. But Men are a different story. I even had a stranger guy cross a room (another person told me later he did this), approach me from behind and put his hands in my hair before even talking to me. As a female, it is terrifying for things like that to happen. My hair is my hair, not a display piece. And don't get me started on the judge-y mom-bob's who tell me I should cut it and donate it. 🙄🙄🙄
As a cosplayer, I've had very similar experiences. Cameras shoved in my face by normies, newbies and seasoned cosplayers demanding to buy the cosplays that i worked really hard on. It's kinda insulting. Like lolita, there's a large secondhand market for cosplays, and I have made posts trying to sell certain costumes or pieces. But it's almost always stuff i still wear to cons. People are really selfish when it comes to other people's stuff
@@sometimessnarky1642 But the way they are doing it is offensive, just because they think they're being nice doesn't mean they are, there's two things, Opionions and Harrassment, and Opinions is when you might be saying "I wish I had a dress like that, that's a cool dress!" {OR} "I would wear pink with those black shoe." HARRASMENT is, touching dresses, touching the shoes, feeling wigs or died hair, or acting like lolita is public property. Hope you understand
I legit had a woman yank my skirt up in a crowded mall to see what made it poofy. It was mortifying and only when my friend slapped her hands away did she clue in and go oh that was pretty rude of me huh
I'd have slapped her face and not gotten into trouble for it for obvious reasons. I hope tons of people saw how disgusting she was acting, as that's generally the best way to learn, both her and the witnesses.
I knew this would be about how angry some lolitas get about owners modifying dresses, and I'm here for it 🍵 As a proficient seamstress however, some of the alterations I come across on lacemarket SHOULD actually deplete the resale value completely and are quite a sight to behold 🙃
@Red Rose Whiskey I bought one that had been "professionally altered" and I've never seen such wonkily sewn zipper in my life 😂 The handmade community has disappeared from youtube for most part sadly
No where in the video did Lor say that alterations should not effect the resale value, just that people who own a dress are free to alter it as said dress should not be viewed by others as a potential dress they will buy.
@@rosiejl2798 I wasn't trying to insinuate Lor had said otherwise, but to continue relevant discussion 😅 I was simply pointing out in a resale situation, like lacemarket, some way overprice a poorly altered dresses
Not lolita but I once got messaged very aggressively by someone asking to buy one of my purses and I was just so confused as to why they would even think to do that.
OMG I got a message from someone demanding that I give them my Lost in a World cardigan once I didn't want it anymore. I had JUST gotten it. Tbh they sounded like they were from a low income background from a country that wasn't doing great economically but it still felt weird, especially since this was literally my first ever Lazy Oaf piece, back when I still liked them.
I've once been asked if I was selling my dog and it was the weirdest and most inappropriate question ever. Worst thing about it: it happened on the street. Not even online. Why the heck would I be walking my dog if I wanted to get rid of it? Like, STAY AWAY FROM ME AND MY BABY PLEASE And I think it's the same with Lolita dresses. I'm wearing them. I'm having fun in them. Why would I want to sell it right now?
@@AnniChan2904 I had someone working a drive through window try to buy my dog that was in the car with me! The guy just kept offering more and more money. It was so strange and honestly quite offensive.
As someone who has a couple mermaid tails, I have the same problem when people ask “can i have your tail?” Sure, ill trade you your great grandmother’s wedding ring 🙄
@@wonderlandartwork3579 I get that a lot in my fabric tail too! And the weird thing is, it's never little kids. They actually bother to ASK if they can touch it.
@@Talonistrying I know right! The nerve of some people. I'll be honest, kids aren't really my thing but those little shits have waaaaaaaaaaaay better manners than some adults.
Another thing I’ve seen people do is try to guilt trip me into selling my dress to them. Being like “oh that’s my dream dress, I wish I had that dress, I’ve been trying to get that dress forever!... etc” it always makes me feel awful when people say this because it makes me almost feel obligated to sell the dress.
Seriously, what goes through people’s heads where they feel like guilt tripping someone into giving you their +100$ dress is going to work/ socially acceptable?
I used to modify my vintage, and I modify my lolita now that im back in the fashion. And the fact that this is such a sore point in the vintage and the lolita community really bothers me. Its just clothes guys, I bought it. I paid for it. Its mine. If you dont like it move on. If im selling it...dont buy it if you dont like the mods. End of story. Why people on the internet cant muster a smidge of decency for each other is madding sometimes. Thanks for this
People forget that modifying is historically accurate. Most clothing that survived the centuries?? Modified to something else entirely or modified and brought up to the current fashions and new owners body
This, I collect vintage & antique clothing (and linens, doilies, ect) and I clean, repair and / or alter or upcycle them. They're mine. End of story. I will admit though when I see someone take something rare & pristine, like very old clothing (lets say regency for example) or a very, very old and htf book (like some of the rare herbals), and destroy it for crafts.... I die a little inside, but its their property so... Yeah...
Honestly I've never understood the big issue with altering brand pieces. I mean I get that it lowers the value of the piece, but so what? Typically, if someone is going to go to the length to alter something, they probably aren't planning on selling it anytime soon anyway. At the end of the day, it's their's and they can do whatever they want with it.
If altering makes the dress or skirt someone happy and confident, then they will love it more and take care off it. Who cares if the value drops or not, the value price is fluid and changes constantly anyway. You don't buy clothes you wear to resell in the future, you buy them because you wanna wear it.
I’m literally altering a body line skirt as I’m watching this. 😆 I’ve altered brand, indie, normal clothes, they are mine and I want to wear my clothes, so don’t feel pressure to do what you want with things while you have them. 😊
The curly haired folk get the touching a lot too. No, you can’t touch my hair each of these curls took 10 minutes. I have gigantic curls that are like hell to style.
my hair's curly and unusually long. god forbid I wear it in anything but a bun in public, or I'll get comments/questions at least, and wandering fingers at worst!
@Judging Budgie yeah one of the not-offensive instances of this was my baby cousin (~5? then) whispering to her mother that my hair was pretty at my graduation party
This happens so much with ball-jointed dolls as well. I don’t post mine often but I know people like elfgutz have to fend off folks all the time. It’s like people can’t think about anything other than the item thats directly in front of them. It’s so weird.
Yeah the collectible world is so big on this, like people can't just appreciate a photo of a collector piece without asking "how much?", It's honestly why I don't share mine online.
Especially as well, Elfgutz permanently mods their dolls (putting holes through the nose bridge for piercings for example) and people look down on that. It's their belonging! They can do what they want with it lol
Cheerful Captain I can relate to this as someone who avidly collects Disney stuff. I shared a swap meet haul on Instagram and somebody messaged me asking if I was willing to sell one of the items shown, which was a complete and unused Princess Jasmine stationary set. I never intended on selling anything, I just wanted to share what I’d found lol
I've never had someone message me about my doll since I rarely post about him, but I've had friends who gets harassed about their dolls which is terrible!
I've had people do this with my BJDs and model horses (artist resins, regular runs, AND dramatic customs) in person, online, and direct family. 🙃 I don't mind questions about the hobbies and a discussion on prices, but don't ask to buy my shit dude lmao
THANK YOU SO MUCH!! Normies not understanding the fashion and etiquette is somewhat to be expected, but I was wearing lolita at a convention just this past weekend and I had some other lolitas just walk up and start patting my petticoat and touching my JSK without asking. I expected some of the convention goers to do it, but I never expected people who understood the fashion to do it themselves. I was really irritated. So, I appreciate you taking the time to acknowledge the issue. That said, the alterations bit is what really hit home with me. I’m a plus sized lolita and there are so many brand dresses I know will never fit as is. For the most part, I’ve just given up on those dresses, but there was one dress I couldn’t just let go. Specifically, my #1 dream dress is AP’s Kiss Me Cat Disney collaboration. Marie has always been a favorite of mine, so having such a gorgeous dress in my wardrobe is a blessing. I’ve bought two copies of the dress so I could make a version that actually fits me. But I’ve been feeling really guilty about it because I felt like I was ruining the dresses and taking it away from someone else, just so I could wear it. But you’re 100% correct that I bought them and I can do what I want with them. So, thank you so much for giving me my confidence back. 😊
Kuroangel Clothing has been made or altered to fit since clothing began. Many extant historical garment have alterations, most are even pieced because fabric was so expensive wasting it was not an option. Every dress worn on the run way or red carpet is altered to fit the wearer. Altering a dress you bought to fit you is following in those footsteps. Also altering a dress creates a piece uniquely yours that no one else has, which is way more fun than blending into the crowd.
I've seen this mentality in the art community, too. People will sell character designs... and then want to retain creative control? "You can't change it beyond what I'm comfortable with" or "you can't sell it for more than what I'm comfortable with" like??? if you're not comfortable with someone else owning the thing... maybe don't sell it. Also, to me, alterations are a form of love. I don't bother altering things I don't love- it's a lot of work- but if it's something I really like, I want it to fit me perfectly! If I were to invest a lot of money into a single garment, you can bet I'd like it enough to invest the time and energy into making it fit me exactly right!
@@maxhasproblems4885 I've never bought one, but I've been tempted before. Like, I've got some characters that don't have a visual image assigned to them yet, and it's not my favorite part of character creation. So I could do it myself, for free, or I could pay someone who's already created a design that I like. It gets especially tempting when I find artists who stylize things differently, or think about it in ways I'd never be able to come up with. And some people really enjoy designing characters, but then don't have anything to do with them. So if there's a market for them, and a lot of these artists could use the extra $$, might as well sell them. It's big within rp communities especially, because it can be hard to get a foothold without art.
@@pallasitematrix1614 yeah, personally my favorite part of creating characters, other than making the universe that surrounds them, is the design, So seeing through the lens of people who buy them is hard for me.
This remind me when my friend was pregnant, she had to stop people to touch her belly all the time! And the worst is that some of those complete stranger had the nerve to be OFFENDED by not being allowed to touch her belly!!! Like.... COME ON!!! .... I also have, sometime, problem with strangers that like to touch my fluffy hair.....
I think saying "If you ever decide to sell this, I'll buy it" shoyld be aimed at FRIENDS ONLY, those that know you well enough that they can either take it as a joke or aren't effected negatively by it. Never say something like that to anyone you don't know well, or you know have insecurities in themselves.
If anyone complains about altering clothes, remind them that ready to wear is relatively new. Then remind them that the best and highest end clothing has always been made to order (just look at couture).
great video! One of my favorite skirts is "baby border" by btssb, i had no chance of fitting into it unaltered, until i found an altered version for sale that was Just my measurements!
Great points, as always! I really appreciate what you said about everything, but especially brand alterations. I just purchased Angelic Pretty's Magic Princess altered and it is a dream come true! Thanks so much for being such a positive member of the lolita community ♡
The “if you ever want to sell this dress” kind of comment also puts the onus on the dress owner to keep track of who said that and then might feel bad or cause upset if they do end up selling it and can’t remember who asked them about it. Kind of a weird similarity but I work at a library and we get the “if you ever get rid of this book, can I have it?” Question. Which seems innocuous but when I explain that it would involve like.. creating and cross checking a spreadsheet of who wants what every time a book might get too damaged to circulate anymore, they get a sense of the extra work that would be.
Public libraries exist for the good of an entire community, why try to use that avenue to buy a book for oneself? Especially nowadays when it's relatively easy to buy books.
I was definitely guilty of saying "If you ever want to part with that piece" in the last month (for something outside of lolita) so thanks for the reminder! The whole video I was like "Talk alterations, talk alterations, talk alterations!" I have this weird internalised stigma against it as well but from a more rational mindset I'm all for it! Altering lolita is necessary for so many people who are disabled, plus-size, etc. Someone might also happen to love the print of a dress but dislike the cut or certain features, or maybe they don't want to wear lolita anymore but they still love the print so they cut the dress up to make it into something else. That way they're still treasuring the dress but turning it into something that suits their new lifestyle.
Yeah, I've never bought anything other than socks which were a genuine lolita brand because all the major brands just don't have measurements to fit my proportions. I have a short torso so the length is usually fine, but there is nowhere which sells lolita with the bust and hips being 12" larger than the waist... Altering would mean buying the largest size available, adding to the bust, and then taking double digits off the waist section. Meaning the entire styling needs to get changed up as the fit is just not the same. Obviously there is custom, but that's a bit more pricey and I have to think if I'll wear the dress in regular life enough or not. So just end up sticking to wearing my usual stretchy fabrics. lol Doesn't help that I'm more into EGL and then tend to just go "if I'm spending that much custom, I may as just go full Victorian reproduction and really splurge". ha ha
This video really helped, because I had to jump a lot of hurdles to even get my first dress, so it made me happier to hear that there's no rush to get my whole wardrobe together. This and I really want Tyler to keep doing Frock Talk
I was wearing lolita, and this lady walked up and was being really nice like "i love your dress, you looks so cute, you're so pretty" and then this other lady walked up, and, without a word lifted my skirt up. Not just a little, but like ALL THE WAY UP, and this nice lady and i are just like "WTF NO!"
I know how this feels, because I have had a lot of people who try to touch my stretched ears; I get it mostly from adults. Kids do it too, but it's easy to explain that they can't do that without asking because it's rude(adults don't get that).
I will never understand why children are more respectful when it comes to touching people, whenever I’m wearing Lolita it’s always the little kids that apologize after touching me, for an example, this is how my normal interactions with them go: Kid: *touches my outfit without my permission* Me: Hey, please don’t touch me without my permission, I don’t like being touched And here is how most interactions with adults go when they touch me: Adult: *touches my outfit without my permission* Me: Hey, please don’t touch me without my permission, I don’t like being touched Adult: “You dress like that for attention, so you’re basically asking for it!” “I just wanted to see how you got your dress so poofy!”, etc.
@@CuteLilEldritch1010 Yeah, adults are fucked up! Most adults will stay away when I'm in full punk(sometimes), they seem scared of me lol and kids will look at me like I'm magical. I just think it's funny how adults teach their kids consent but then those same adults don't at all listen to the rules of consent. It's like how you said they always say "But if you dress like that, your asking for attention! Maybe don't dress like that.". I tend to say back "Oh, so if I'm dressing like this, it means you have full rights to try me even though I NEVER consented to it? Sounds like assault to me! Should I call the cops?". They tend to get mad and I just say "Maybe you should go back to school and relearn the word 'consent'."
12:49 clothes are meant to be tailored to the owner after purchase, so altering them shouldn’t be a big deal imo. If you want clothes to fit right and look good, they need to be altered to fit your body. Also if the alteration is something like adding pockets, I’d consider that an improvement.
Oh my god, everything you've said here applies 100% to the kimono collecting community too. I love watching your videos because I appreciate the lolita aesthetic, but man this one hits so close to home because the subject matter is essentially the same as my collection XD
I feel you on this one. I had a lot of similar experiences when I first started buying Liz Lisa dresses and my friends (who are very clumsy and don't really treat clothes very well) would always ask to wear them. They would get sooo offended when I said no. They couldn't understand that because most of my Liz Lisa clothes are limited edition and expensive that I didn't feel comfortable just letting people borrow and wear them when I knew they wouldn't be treated well.
People’s entitlement is honestly wild. They just don’t understand that it’s not the same as borrowing your friends jeans from a store like h&m where if they mess it up then it can be easily replaced.
Woah I've never been this early before As someone who has been into lolita fashion for 4 years I completely agree. I only have 1 dress but I've never tried to jump into anything without knowing about it completely. So I have always felt the same. And this goes for anything really.
THANK YOU FOR THE ALTERING PART theres so many dresses that are 2-3 cms off of my bust that are super easy to alter (seamstress of 5 years) but i always get absolutely terrified when i think of altering brand because of the stigma around it.
maido my bust measurement is also a bit larger than the average brand size. I just alter mine (I’m an experienced seamstress as well) and haven’t had any problems, but I’ve only sold one of those. I did make someone very happy with it though, she got a slightly cheaper dress she didn’t have to get altered
YES LOR SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!!!! i remember a little while ago seeing someone who altered an AP skirt/salopette into ouji shorts and they looked AMAZING and were sewed so skillfully but so many people got insanely mad at them for altering it :( i could never articulate why it bothered me so much until the very simple statement of "they think these pieces could be theirs someday, therefore they deeply believe these Do Not Belong To You" and now i have the words to explain this!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!!!!!!
Oh my god, thank you for addressing the alteration controversy. Its such a long-prevailing stigma perpetuated by people in this community that seem to think they have any say in what you do to your own property. They bring up "devaluation" to validate their argument, which is made under the presumption that you plan on selling your altered piece to begin with. And even if people do decide to sell their altered brand, I notice they don't have much of a hard time selling them, especially to plus-sized lolitas that are more than happy to grab a brand piece that wouldn't have fit them otherwise. As long as its a well-done alteration, there are people that will buy it. I feel like this whole alteration controversy comes not only from a place of entitlement and presumption, but its also used against the plus-sized lolitas in this community to shame them from wearing brand and altering it to make it work on their own body. Like back off, Karen. I wasn't going to sell you my Honey Cake altered or otherwise.
Ok so, I resonated really strongly with this. Especially with the “ hey let me buy it off you deal or when other people ask you to just give them it ” deal. Now, I’ve been in the Lolita community for about 5-6 years, and unfortunately that something that I’ve seen new lolitas so a lot in groups. I feel like it’s important to mention that despite being in the fashion that long, I’ve had two cheap taobao skirts that were gifted to me by my aunt and just used them interchangeably pairing them with different things to make different coordinates since they were all I could afford and all my parents would allow since they weren’t cool with the fashion and I wasn’t old enough to not follow their rules. Since I’m newly 21, in my own appartement, and now more financially stable I’ve just started to collect a few pieces including an order off of devilinspired that I bought during a Black Friday sale and a skirt that I’ve been wanting for a long time that I just so happened to see being sold on a second hand Lolita fb group I’m apart of. From being a long time starter I find that, if your a person who’s really daunted by how expensive Lolita, browse second hand Lolita fb sales and lace market. You can find some really good quality finds and even though they might be more expensive than you may want to shell out at one time most Lolitas will work with you. However, don’t ask them to go lower on the price or just give it to you. If you really want a specific print and it’s in your size and maybe can’t pay it all at once, you can always message the seller and ask about a payment plan. It’s important to remember that if you do that you are asking the seller for a favor and they have the right to refuse you. Also like lor said people sell Lolita for many different reasons and it’s up to the seller to decide how things go. It’s common decency since it’s THIER dress to decide what’s best for them based on their needs. Do not harass other lolitas and/or Lolita sellers it’s not cool.
Thank you so much for making this video, I also appreciate the warning in the beginning as I was able to turn down the volume to avoid being triggered ❤ I have a Bodyline Mozart dress that zips closed and was scared to alter it. I thought it would fit me because I own another Bodyline dress, but didn't realize how much the shirring makes a difference. I ended up adding ribbon loops over the zipper to lace it up just in case I wanted to sell it in the future or trade for a larger size. I am an experienced seamstress but was afraid to do alterations because of the stigma. It's so reassuring to be told it's ok because it's *my* dress.
THANK YOU granted I have tattoos but I'm pregnant and I ABSOLUTELY hate it when people will ask questions but proceeds to touch my stomach like can you not I don't know you
I’m not a Lolita or anything, but I’ve seen in other hobbies the exact same thing with people asking for free stuff. Not even expensive stuff like Lolita- just free stuff from people who have been collecting for a while. I think some people just have no self awareness and scant knowledge of etiquette, and that translates into them just going for what they want, no matter how cringey it makes them look
I actually started laughing when you said people were messaging you to buy your Honey Cake. Asking to buy Lor's Honey Cake is like asking to buy a person's skin off their body. People are silly.
oh god I was waiting for the whole altering issue. I have altered all of my dresses, because they otherwise wouldn't have fit me. And it's my dress - of course I can freaking change it in order to make it more perfect and more joyous to wear! And yes, I have absolutely sold them (with alterations listed) to others, who appreciated my alterations because it meant they too could wear the dress
These are all good points and a very informative video! I’ve been getting messages regularly from people asking me to sell my dresses when I’m just posting a picture of my coordinate. I’ve also gotten a smudge on a dress because of a random person grabbing at the skirt, so I feel sorry hearing those kinds of things happen to other lolitas too.
As a cosplayer/historical dress enthusiast YESSSS!!! SO MUCH YESSS!!! It's kind of insane that we have to explain that, yes I'm a person and I don't like being touched nor do I owe you anything so if you grab me, or pull me to ask me questions or demand that I take pictures with you and I say no, that doesn't make me rude, that makes YOU rude. Specially when I don't have full visibility; see the plague doctor mask on my profile pic? I can only see straight in front of me, so if I get grabbed I will not know if I'm being kidnapped or someone is just asking for a picture.
@@imagineitqll which ones? I have a 45 cm long poofmonster and it's kind of lumpy and too long for a lot of dresses. Then I got a smaller one 40 cm long and I love it!
I feel on the tattoo part, I'm semi tattooed, I don't mind people asking about my tattoos but don't want people touching them, I'm also new to Lolita (Only got two dresses plus having a friend being also in it helps)
I am a henna artist and get the same thing when I wear henna on my hands. People think they have the right to stroke my hands. Added to this is the fact that I have curly hair, usually in rainbow colors and often dress in lolita/cosplay/historical dress. Lost track of the number of times I’ve had to tell people that touching people without permission is illegal. I even had a coworker that I had to threaten with an HR harassment complaint before she stopped. Plus my bosses are great and deliberately stopped scheduling us together!
Thank you so much for that disclaimer at the beginning! I don't like sudden loud noises and that was a totally welcomed warning. Not many people would consider angry voices/loud talking to be ""worth"" of a trigger warning and I appreciate that you thought about people that are sensitive to this.
I relate to this so much . I’m a 14 year old goth shrouded by normies and I’m so fucking tired of people who who don’t understand that you can’t take pictures or film people you don’t know. 🙄😡
Omg it also happens with pregnant people and people with kids, suddenly if you have a baby in your arms, in your uterus, or in a buggie, everyone feels like they can approach you and talk to you, even touch your belly! It's just so weird! edit- Oh and even weirder, for people (especially women) of colour who wear their hair natural, people think they can just come up and ask to touch it, and start asking all sorts of questions about it... it's a bit invasive. If you have any sorts of questions for a random stranger, you could at least start by saying something like "I love your hair! It's beautiful" and then "do you get a lot of questions? does that bother you?" or "do you feel comfortable if i ask some quesitons" and if they say no, you should be grateful and polite
THANK YOU! There is so much entitlement in the lolita community. And can I add something as a lolita admin/event runner. Lolitas need to stop taking decorations at events after they are over. There have been so many instances people have disassembled decorations and taken them for themselves. When they have to be returned to the convention/organizer afterwards. Also admins of communities are aloud to hang out with their friends outside of events in lolita. I've noticed this in me years of being in communities that some people think if an admin goes out with friends while dressed in lolita. That the entire community is entitled to being invited to that personal event.
As a bespoke tailor I can assure people a lot of alterations will not ruin an outfit. Like taking in the side or strap adjustments. Often extra material can be left inside. Hemming it may count on how much and what type of hem. Blind hems can save the extra material. However if it is a lot of extra you may want to cut some of it as it makes it harder to lay flat. Some folded ones can save extra material too. Again, you may want to cut if it is too much extra. As that will bulk it out. Also with a good pressing or wash (dry cleaners can give you a professional press if you need it.) most stitch lines will magically disappear. So that is also not a problem. Side note: Now I want to get into Lolita and make myself Lolita dress that fit my big breasts properly. So that the torso length stays intact and the waist stays in the right spot. It is always easier to make things smaller then larger.
Your post was lovely! Do you by chance have any recommendations for alteration videos or books? I’m studying fashion and have been sewing going a decade now, but would love to learn how to make alterations look professional and long lasting in our throwaway culture.
@@BlairAmiche most alterations I learned on the job as a tailor. I learned how to make patterns and the clothes from them before I learned how to alter them. So the first alterations I learned were how to do them on the pattern before the clothes were even cut out. HOWEVER I went to myblueprint.com to research more advance tailoring and found some gems. Angela Wolf has a good collection of videos on altering ready to wear and tailoring I recommend. These videos are intractable, so you can even ask the creator questions and they will message you back. If money is an issue I would create an account to the site anyways and watch out for sales. I like to add to my collection when they happen. In the meantime watch any free videos creators offer.
An old woman came up to my manager when I worked at ulta, grabbed her arm, rubbed her tattoos, and asked "why would you do this to your beautiful skin?" She took a beat then told her the old woman loved her tattoos and then went into the backroom to unleashed the most amount of c bombs I've heard in a sentence.
Generally speaking, I agree. Though having said this, I do respond to comments like this differently depending on who they come from. It's different when a close friend says it than someone you don't know. I'm also lucky in that no one's ever asked to buy things that were really dear to my heart, mostly just random offbrand builder pieces that can't be found second hand so easily. Although I've never seen any newbie asking to be given things or to have things sold to them cheaply. Hopefully this is just good testament to the lolitas within my local communities, that they wouldn't even think to say that, though it's still worrying that people who are this entitled are out there, plaguing someone else's community.
I'm definitely the just browsing person. I'm really new to lolita and have to save up for more dresses, but boy do I love just looking at them. Often I don't even want the dresses but I love the whole lolita aesthetic. Also, I'm so new and I still had people looking under my skirt on the first time of wearing lolita outside of my home
Thank you for saying what you did about alterations. I literally had a similar realization last night, and then you made a video mentioning/addressing the subject. It's funny how the little things you need to hear the most come from exactly the right person.
While i consider myself to be more into casual lolita (i think now its called soft-girl or e-girl? no clue) and I normally pass as just being frilly, this is a HUGE issue with other aspects of myself. My hands are small, dont grab them to compare without asking me first. My hair is in pigtails or space buns. Dont touch, pull, or pet me. Im wearing a shorter flared skirt, or a frilly dress that isnt common fashion in my area. DONT JUST- TOUCH ME. im short, dont pick me up without asking. I have anime merch on my purses or bags. Dont pull at it. Just- why dont people understand that just because something is "strange" doesnt mean its automatically a mobile petting zoo? Im a senior in college now and this stuff still happens. people, no matter what they look like, are NOT TOYS. WEARE NOT DOLLS. OR PETS. >^> even comments are sometimes over the line. I was arm and arm with my boyfriend at a halloween party and some guy i barely knew came up to me, interrupted my convo with my bf and called me sexy- (i was??? dressed in a more traditional sweet lolita so dont ask me WHY he thought i was "sexy") i have- so many complaints about these issues. blegh.
Never thought there would be a trigger warning at the start of a video that would actually apply to me until this I appreciate it. Still gonna watch tho
I’ve been interested in and learning as much as I can about the fashion on and off for the past 5 years or so and I’m just now reaching a point financially where I can start building a gothic lolita wardrobe! I don’t regret the amount of time it’s taken at all, I’ve gotten to learn a lot about the fashion in advance, talk to people in the community, and I think for me it’s going to make putting together my first coord mean so much more than if I had had immediate access!
0:06 I don’t remember ever watching a rant of yours, so this is going to be interesting. I rather like rants tbh but I also greatly appreciate the trigger warning you put at the beginning. While I’m okay with rant videos, I think it’s really cool you out the TW there cuz some people really need it, so thank you for that 💖
As the daughter of a seamstress and a seamstress myself whose first response to something not fitting is, "I'll take it in"/"I'll alter it" it's ridiculous to think that people would have a problem with it. If someone wants a dress and has paid for that dress, they should be able to wear it no matter what. It's just an extra seam, or ribbon, or a removed piece of fabric, not the end of the world! This is an awesome video Lor💖
Me with colored hair having people touch my hair check, me as a goth having my bag touched due to pins, my chokers because whats that, lacey clothes because ooohhh let me see this pattern so cute...I feel you Lor.
I hate touching or being touched by strangers. I’ve got lots of tattoos and pink hair and people always touch me, it makes me really uncomfortable. I even hate having to take coins from someone’s hand or shake their hand.
I like just learning and learning about lolita fashion, and I'm not even ever gonna collect or wear it, I just love watching Lor talk so passionately about something she loves and appreciates :D
I think it's like this in a lot of collector communities. Or at least niche ones. There's frequent arguments about unboxing dolls or not, and a fair amount of it comes from people outside of the community or new to it assuming you're going to be selling them on because what else are you doing with them(?). But the people who have been there for a long time can be worse because they have more sway.
I so agree w you concerning how rude it is to touch other people just because they intrigue ! I had random people touching my hair and this is so annoying...and thanks for clarifying on if it's okay to make alterations on lolita clothes ! I myself hesitated to change the elastic of the Infanta skirt because someone has been dissuading me saying that one day I'll sell it but actually it annoys me more not being comfortable wearing the skirt in the very present than not being able to sell it!
I feel the part on altering Lolita so hard... I’ve altered two AP dresses and one is honey cake. I’ve honestly been worried about people being upset about it. I altered the OP into a JSK because I loved the switching, but won’t fit in the regular jsk
thank u for the warning in the beginning! it was rlly nice and not like condescending/mocking. sometimes when youtubers do trigger warnings they’re like ‘if you’re sensitive or get offended easily then don’t watch’ n that comes across as kind of? idk just condescending and kinda shaming or blaming. it was nice as someone who gets kind of stressed over loud noises sometimes and i’ve never seen anyone put a warning for that! so thank you a lot :)
In the seasoned lolita section, Im not sure if its about to come up but Id love to touch on how the community ownership/"its not your dress" attituide also extends to shaming lolitas altering their dresses to fit thekr body! I am plus sized and have a tiny friend, we both alter our lolita for it to fit nicely like on the models of these dresses, and often we are met with horror or disgust if we mention altering our brand (I am a professional seamstress so it always feels like a kick in the face when people say I've ruined/permenantly damaged it!!) oH YEP YAY IT JUST STARTED- *Vid is playing while I type*
I watch these videos out of interest and I do love the pieces but the more I hear how welcoming this (and other communities) are, the more the comments of some prove they are not the exception to the 'nice' rule. You have every right to do what you want with your clothes, end of. Another person commenting here says the same. Then goes on to say they won't sell certain of their pieces if someone intends to alter it. It appear it's offensive to them because THEY made X piece so no one else (no matter their experience) is entitled to alter it. Too many rules, too much gatekeeping me thinks.
As a cosplayer with pink hair who goes from goth to pastel clothes I feel this so much . People sneak pictures or randomly grab my hair sometimes 😖 people really got no respect for someone because they're not wearing basic clothes.
I honestly needed to hear this. I haven't started wearing lolita yet because the dresses I own don't fit properly and I need to alter them. But I've been so afraid to do it!! They've been in my closet for 4 to 5 years now because I've been so scared to change them. Thank you so much for this!!!
I have this with the Funko Pop collecting community too. I never post pictures of my collection because I get salty people who hate that I display out of box (ruining their perceived value) or people begging me to sell my rarer ones. It's my collection! I picked and chose the pops! I like them and I want to keep them! It's good to feel like the frustrations are shared across other collecting communities.
I remember getting my first tattoo in high school and the day after I got it someone GRABBED my arm to see it the pain was excruciating my arm was black and blue for days. Just don’t touch people without consent sometimes it’s not just respect and personal space but you could also really hurt someone!
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Nor are Lolitas public property. “Why do you want to wear that? It doesn’t look good with dark skin. Give it to me” 🙄 Thanks I didn’t ask if I’m allowed to be a a Lolita
In my opinion, pastels look gorgeous on darker skin tones. So the idiots who say that can shove it. And even if they were right, what someone vhises to wear is none of their business. Just counter them next time with something similar.
Damn. You have my respects for not fully punching whoever said that.
"Hey I'm gonna say something racist also gimme ur stuff"
Dark? You’re just slightly tan.
It’s Viola Rose OMG! What is wrong with people! First rule of thumb when I was growing up was “keep your hands to yourself”, and expletives were added for added emphasis. I will never understand those that feel they have the right to touch someone, pet their hair or grab them!
Not lolita but also fits the "not public property" rant. I'm a cosplayer and a few weeks ago I was at a con and a guy approached for a picture, it was all cool until he shoved his finger on my cheek to see if my bodypaint would come off. I'm not good at confrontation so I just said 'please don't' and ran away but it was very embarrassing and humiliating because that could have ruined my entire makeup. The worst part is that it's ALWAYS grown ass people that do this and I don't understand! You don't randomly touch strangers faces on the street, why would you do it in any other situation?
My friends had a similar experience when a guy came up and asked nicely for a photo and then groped her for the photo, people can be so awful honestly.
Holy cow, that is awful! Cosplay is never consent and they should've never touched you. Cons can be fun, but my gosh, they can bring out the worst in people sometimes.
Well then BECOME good at confrontation. I can't go around protecting every other costumed chick including myself. So like....idk take a self defense class or something. Simply saying you're not good at something isn't an excuse, its going to happen to you again at another convention if you keep going so learn how to deal with it, call security and report the dude and have him kicked out of the convention or something. You could slap the &*^%$ out of him OR yell to the room that the man is touching you someone like me will come over and punch the dude. You chose to be embarrassed and humiliated and run away, he was the one who should have been embarrassed and humiliated for the way he acted and touched you. YOU LET HIM WIN WHEN YOU RAN AWAY AND DIDN'T TELL SECURITY.
Yes I am a little grumpy about this subject because it feels like I have to spend half my time at cons comforting chicks who let dudes get away with awful stuff and I'm really kinda tired of it.
@@animeaftermidnight2765 have some compassion and chill out. There's absolutely no need for you to have a rant at someone when you don't even know them and what happened, and what's worse is it's like you're blaming the cosplayers that get harrased instead of the people that take advantage of them?? Not every cosplayer is prepared to be taken advantage of and they shouldn't be, they should be allowed to relax and enjoy the event like everyone else without harrasment because people should know manners.. If you're so sick of being a good person and helping someone out then be a bystander to it like most people are at the cons.
I had a guy at a convention ask for a picture (no problem) and when taking the picture pulled me into him by my waist. I was super confused and uncomfortable, especially because I was 16 at the time and cosplaying the Sanderson sisters with my mom and our friend. Now, 4 years later, I tend to be a little more aggressive with my boundaries and will frequently refuse pictures if I'm relaxing, eating or getting into/out of cosplay.
Part of this rant reminded me of Milky Fawn and how upset people got with her because she had so many dresses. Even though she earned them by working hard, people called her “spoiled” and “entitled”. People called her spoiled for discarding packaging during unboxing videos. That was always something that bothered me a lot.
Fuck that's so sad i always admired her for her wardrobe and how hard she worked to get it
And I kept hearing that she left the fashion over it :( If that's true that's awful, she didnt deserve that
Discarding packaging?! Wh-why would anyone care?!
@@psychotophatcat because some people collect brand bags. Some people even sell theirs. Idk if that's still really a thing, but it was a few years ago.
@@psychotophatcat She threw the packages and new brand items on the floor like s spoiled child in a cartoon would do. HOWEVER this was all edited with funny noises, it was supposed to be a joke about the girls who lose their interest as soon as they get their stuff. But some people didn't get the joke and thought this was her real behavior.
THANK YOU on the tattoo part.. im a fully tattooed guy and i cant count on how many times people just come up to me and start touching me. i had a lot of old men just lift up my shirt in public to see my torso and back tattoos.. i really dont understand these peoples logic... i would never go up to a random person and lift their dress or shirt.
I was on a train last year and a felt a hand grab my arm to rotate it to they could see the tattoo on the other side. I screamed in response and they just said 'ohh I just wanted to see!' SEE WITH YOUR EYES, KAREN
@@lolahbell it really is annoying tbh. i had old men and women just grab me in the metro trying to rub my tattoos like its gonna come off or something... i really hate being touched. ESPECIALLY by strangers. the only one who is allowed to touch me is my boyfriend. not even my best friends touch me.
People really go up and touch others like that just for tattoos? What is this world coming to? 🙄
@@LadyDragonbane I was once hanging out with a (!female!) Friend with a tattoo on her collarbones that reached under her chest and another woman walked up to her and pulled her top down (in a public area, a cafè) to check it out and was shocked when she screamed and slapped her hand away. Then she was surprised when we both started shouting profanities at her, and was even more surprised when she got kicked out
@@alteringattitude7445 Oh my goodness! Losing faith in humanity
when I bought a dress off of lace market, someone had the gall to message me a month later saying "if you decide to sell it, let me know. I'll be ready to buy it off of you"
So naturally, I've decided to be buried in it out of spite.
I've had so many people tell me similar things too. They never end up buying it though, even when I try to sell the dress a month later because it doesn't fit the way I'd like lol
I got a message like this too about a purse but I didn't think anything of it at the time. I don't think I'll ever want to sell the purse but Idk, if I did, I'd be happy to know someone who might be interested. It doesn't bother me personally but since people find it rude I guess it's something to phase out of the community.
After I bought my dream dress the girl
I was bidding against kept messaging me on LM about if I was going to sell it soon. She really kept bothering me to sell it to her but I ignored it and continue to wear the dress. It’s insane how people don’t understand that if you get the dress they want it’s not theirs and the actual buyer does have the choice to keep it. 🙃
Mandi P See, now that sounds very weird and definitely annoying.
I've had this happen as well. If I do decide to sell it, it won't be to your greedy butt.
I WILL alter my dresses to fit my Tig Ol' Bitties, yes, also MY brand dresses.
My dresses are mine, I want to wear them, and if I can't, I will make it so I can 😤
same
Yea. Cuz some of us like to breathe when we wear clothes we really like.
Amen to that.
Not Lolita, but I am goth. I don’t have many occurrences of people touching me, but plenty of people “stealthily” taking pictures of me or getting annoyed when I won’t whip out a PowerPoint of why I look the way I do.
Goth as well here, Don't you wish they would just let you pose for the photo so they can at least get a good photo of you instead of an unflattering one? On the other hand If i ever notice someone taking stealthy pictures of me.......they aren't going to have a camera/phone anymore.
Also goth. I get touched quite a bit when I'm wearing velvet. It's like, I know it feels nice, but you touching me does not
Goth also. Way before dying hair and alt was popular. People would grab my hair way back in the day and ask if it was a wig, the "POLITE" ones would pet it. And don't get me started about how I live in a tiny white christian southern town. Ugh
Yeah I dress victorian style, and people just rudely stare at you or take a pictures of you, or they’ll ask if I’m in a play or something, like, why can’t I just wear this and be treated normally, it’s just clothes man. Basically anyone who doesn’t dress completely normal has to deal with this.
Personally, if someone tries to just take pictures of me without my permission, I'd either give them a middle finger or kick their phones out of their hands and smash them. lol
Yes! I'm getting sick of people saying "they ruined that dress, I could have fit into it, I deserve it more than this fattychan" etc when they see people that don't fit into the one size make the fashion fit for them. I generally plan on keeping this piece forever so strangers shouldn't have to worry about it.
What does fattychan mean
"Just because someone has pink hair does not mean you can touch it" LMAO I LOVE THIS because you've been with me while strangers have come up to me and just started touching my hair without even speaking to me soooooo many times
Same. I've had blue hair for 10 yrs (real blue dreadlocks for the past 5 yrs), & the amount of times people have grabbed my hair from behind would shock people. I also have autism, so being touched sends me into an anxiety attack sometimes. You'd think it'd be common sense that Peoples body's are not public property.
@@ashes2ashley I've had green and blue hair for about 10 years as well and literally no one has touched my hair without my permission. What about you makes people feel like they CAN touch you and what about me makes people feel like they CAN'T touch me? Genuine question and curiosity here.
I have really curly hair and I cannot count the amount of times I’ve been in a classroom and felt someone grab (not touch, grab) my hair to see how it feels. And oh boy, it got worse when I dyed it pink.
Purple hair, same story. I had people pulling my hair (not gentle at all) to see if it's a wig... because it's somehow funny to pull off someone's wig apparently??? I have no damn words for that. Also, accusations of wearing extensions (because I also have very long and thick hair) happened few times xD one dumb b**ch even argued with me over that, because she was convinced my hair is not all real, wtf. My friends with dreadlocks have same stories. People are just awful.
Omg when I died my hair pink my mom’s friend touched it and went “It’s so soooft!” Like... did I say you could touch me?
My favorite Lor mood is when she's so baffled or irritated, all she can do is laugh in pain
I'm broken hahahaha
Plz heal soon we love you. Rage your heart out! But heal yourself just as importantly!
Love that you gave yourself space in the shot to angrily stomp back and forth in front of that banging backdrop.
Hey if my big ass buys the brand and alters it then idgaf who approves or doesn't. My coins, my business. And the alterations are done professionally so down the line another busty lady might enjoy immediately wearing something she bought.
👏👏👏 I can only buy custom size and i support the HECK out of alterations.
Work it! Mad respect to people who can alter clothing. I can take mine in but tell me to put panels and something and I'll go into complete mental shut down
If anyone would say that "if you ever decide to sell this dress i'll buy it" i would get *so insecure* and end up overthinking it to the maximum for next week.
What they mean? Are they trying to tell me i look bad in it and i should sell it? Should i actually sell it? I don't even look good in it. It was way too expensive maybe i shouldn't spend this money. I should sell it and get something more needed.
That's an interesting point of view. I'm very insecure too and when I think about the issue I mostly end up with the conclusion that I'd overthink such a comment but mostly come down on the side of "If they want it I must have good taste after all" (because I think everyone else are cooler than me). So not to say you're wrong or anything, I just find it interesting how differently people think about things even with the same starting point.
People do this with pregnant women's stomachs as well. It's the actual worst.
I can't fathom being pregnant myself, and seeing the entitlement other people have to touching a stranger's stomach, and by extension petting their unborn child, gives me the heebie-jeebies anytime I see it.
@@psychotophatcat yeah honestly the whole I am entitled to touch other people just blows my damn mind.
I know right, you have to ask.
Getting into my third trimester. So far I've been lucky but I can and will slap hands that get onto me. I already feel like squeezed ketchup packet so I'm a bit claustrophobic right now.
Also dealt with fingers in my hair a lot as a redhead. But it's even worse for black people with natural hair. I see basic bitches all up in someone's fro and I can only imagine the zen it takes to just give dirty looks.
@@animuauntie same! I have pink hair but yeah I can only imagine what black women deal with : (
I feel like the whole alteration thing has the potential to be quite ableist. Some people simply can't wear clothing at "normal" standard it is made to, especially when physical disability is in the mix. These people still have every right to feel beautiful and lovely in lolita as everyone else. I can see the potential for a disabled person to be shamed for just having something fit properly so they can take part in the hobby.
Luna Rose This this this! 1000000% I had to get an OP’s sleeves altered because they were too tight and I wear a medical device on my arm (that I need to LIVE) and the sleeves were the only thing that was in the way of me being comfortable in that dress! Just because I alter my clothes to fit my physical needs does not mean I have “ruined” them.
T H I S
I think that's why I will never get into lolita, there's just no way to wear it with my issues, but if you have a disability and can wear lolita if you alter it then go for it.
I haven't had this happen with Lolita but I also have some vintage clothing that I've had altered because my my disability and I've had people rage at me about it. I am not talking major adjustments either, I just can't have anything too tight around my rib cage so a lot of times I'll have things let out a little bit if I can't buy them a size up. With vintage and Lolita a lot of times getting a bigger size in the chest just isn't doable.
Not only with disabilities, people with extreme proportions also struggle with this. I can’t count the times I wanted to buy something online but couldn’t in fear of it not fitting me (as a newbie seamstress I don’t feel quite comfortable with altering complex garments yet).
Thank you so much for addressing this!! I LOATHE the attitude that every dress is inevitably going to be resold and altering a piece is tantamount to sacrilege! That's the delusion I see most often, cropping up in Lolita communities, and every time I want to scream. We are not all just borrowing out of a communal wardrobe! Altering Lolita is not a crime! People are entitled to do what they want with the things that they own!
Why do people feel so entitled to touching things that are strange to them. I've seen people tugging at the tails and ears of costumes, grabbing at skirts ect. Have the decency to ask, at least.
I made a screw headband to be Stein from Soul Eater years ago, and it actually turned and made the noise. So I walled around casually turning it when it was appropriate, but it was SUPER flimsy. The amount of hands I had to swat away to keep it from breaking was insane. (Finally I settled on saying "only I can screw myself" and cackling when any adults asked, and that seemed to work.)
In the grand scheme of things- we, as humans- no matter our age- are children. We need to be taught and poke around at things to understand. Child or adult- it doesn’t change. We are curious and just want to learn what it is. Do people always know better? No, of course not. If we were, there would be no need for a video like this.
@@psychotophatcat An adult asking another "Can I screw you?" is certainly something to cackle at. 😂
@@coffiecatswe really don't need to. I know it's probably instinct but it's very invasive.
If someone is curious they can just talk to someone else or look it up
It's a matter of self awareness and control
As a plus size lolita ive had straight size lolitas act incredibly strange to me over alterations. one time i was inquiring about a bodyline piece's measurements that someone was selling because I wanted to know whether or not i would need to alter it. and i told them i was potentially going to alter it and they responded with something along the lines of "i don't feel comfortable selling it to be altered" and i was just.........incredibly dumbfounded lmao
FattyChan the entitlement over what happens to an item after you sell it that some people have is just amazing
... wtf seriously
Honestly this comment is really backwards? The person who owns the dress does not have to sell it to you, for any reason, because they own it. You have no right to the dress. That's what this video was all about.
@@penguu2387 but they were going to sell it until they heard it was going to be altered. This community has a weird problem with alterations. Once it is sold to someone else it is theirs to do with as they please. They could have sold it to someone else who would have just altered it anyways. It doesn't make sense to not sell it to someone for that reason.
@@penguu2387 did you ever think that maybe OTHER plus sized lolita may want an altered brand dress because itll FINALLY fit them and they can FINALLY wear a print that brings them so much joy that they would otherwise be completely unable to? just because it doesnt fit you doesnt make it "out of circulation" just makes it so that plus sized lolitas are able to partake as well.
The amount of people who pet me like a dog and yanked my hair when it was my own 24" long, dyed bright magenta hair. I almost broke fingers. Lord I can only imagine how it would be as a lolita.
Instant flashbacks to people in my first year of school touching my hair without my permission. It's curly as sin, but I'm not a poodle! People need boundaries.
People touch my hair all the fucking time. It's my natural colour but it's long (just over 1 metre, I'm only 1.57 metres tall.) Drives me bananas and makes me want to put it in a bun all the time so I can avoid that crap, even though I prefer it loose.
Mine wasn’t even dyed and older ladies at grocery stores were the worst culprits! It was just long (down to my butt) and curly. At least younger adults know to ask and not start touching a person from behind with no warning. It’s like older generations never learned to keep their hands to themselves in kindergarten or something.
I was at a yarn store and had like deep green hair and this woman started touching my hair and I’m like please don’t
I always wear my hair up while in public nowadays. I have near thigh length blonde curly hair ("angel hair" as my friends call it). I have had people just touch it too. Most women will say something quick before just putting their hands in it. But Men are a different story. I even had a stranger guy cross a room (another person told me later he did this), approach me from behind and put his hands in my hair before even talking to me. As a female, it is terrifying for things like that to happen. My hair is my hair, not a display piece. And don't get me started on the judge-y mom-bob's who tell me I should cut it and donate it. 🙄🙄🙄
As a cosplayer, I've had very similar experiences. Cameras shoved in my face by normies, newbies and seasoned cosplayers demanding to buy the cosplays that i worked really hard on. It's kinda insulting. Like lolita, there's a large secondhand market for cosplays, and I have made posts trying to sell certain costumes or pieces. But it's almost always stuff i still wear to cons. People are really selfish when it comes to other people's stuff
Don't take it as an insult. Take it as a compliment. They are saying that the work you've done was good enough that they would spend money on it.
@@sometimessnarky1642 But the way they are doing it is offensive, just because they think they're being nice doesn't mean they are, there's two things, Opionions and Harrassment, and Opinions is when you might be saying "I wish I had a dress like that, that's a cool dress!" {OR} "I would wear pink with those black shoe."
HARRASMENT is, touching dresses, touching the shoes, feeling wigs or died hair, or acting like lolita is public property.
Hope you understand
I legit had a woman yank my skirt up in a crowded mall to see what made it poofy. It was mortifying and only when my friend slapped her hands away did she clue in and go oh that was pretty rude of me huh
I'd have slapped her face and not gotten into trouble for it for obvious reasons. I hope tons of people saw how disgusting she was acting, as that's generally the best way to learn, both her and the witnesses.
This has nothing to do with Lolita but a few weeks ago my uncle yanked up a skirt I was wearing to see if I had shorts underneath or not 🤡
@@rat5725 why would he even THINK about that?
@@rat5725call police
@@rat5725ERRRRMMM WHAT?!
I knew this would be about how angry some lolitas get about owners modifying dresses, and I'm here for it 🍵
As a proficient seamstress however, some of the alterations I come across on lacemarket SHOULD actually deplete the resale value completely and are quite a sight to behold 🙃
@Red Rose Whiskey me too!
@Red Rose Whiskey I bought one that had been "professionally altered" and I've never seen such wonkily sewn zipper in my life 😂 The handmade community has disappeared from youtube for most part sadly
No where in the video did Lor say that alterations should not effect the resale value, just that people who own a dress are free to alter it as said dress should not be viewed by others as a potential dress they will buy.
@@rosiejl2798 I wasn't trying to insinuate Lor had said otherwise, but to continue relevant discussion 😅 I was simply pointing out in a resale situation, like lacemarket, some way overprice a poorly altered dresses
Not lolita but I once got messaged very aggressively by someone asking to buy one of my purses and I was just so confused as to why they would even think to do that.
OMG I got a message from someone demanding that I give them my Lost in a World cardigan once I didn't want it anymore. I had JUST gotten it. Tbh they sounded like they were from a low income background from a country that wasn't doing great economically but it still felt weird, especially since this was literally my first ever Lazy Oaf piece, back when I still liked them.
I've once been asked if I was selling my dog and it was the weirdest and most inappropriate question ever. Worst thing about it: it happened on the street. Not even online. Why the heck would I be walking my dog if I wanted to get rid of it? Like, STAY AWAY FROM ME AND MY BABY PLEASE
And I think it's the same with Lolita dresses. I'm wearing them. I'm having fun in them. Why would I want to sell it right now?
@@AnniChan2904 I had someone working a drive through window try to buy my dog that was in the car with me! The guy just kept offering more and more money. It was so strange and honestly quite offensive.
Some people think of dogs as toys instead of as family members.
As someone who has a couple mermaid tails, I have the same problem when people ask “can i have your tail?” Sure, ill trade you your great grandmother’s wedding ring 🙄
got a few fabric tails and the amount of people grabbing the fluke (or trying to) WHILE I'M SWIMMING AKA UNDER WATER is just... unbelievable.
@@wonderlandartwork3579 I get that a lot in my fabric tail too! And the weird thing is, it's never little kids. They actually bother to ASK if they can touch it.
@@Talonistrying I know right! The nerve of some people. I'll be honest, kids aren't really my thing but those little shits have waaaaaaaaaaaay better manners than some adults.
Another thing I’ve seen people do is try to guilt trip me into selling my dress to them. Being like “oh that’s my dream dress, I wish I had that dress, I’ve been trying to get that dress forever!... etc” it always makes me feel awful when people say this because it makes me almost feel obligated to sell the dress.
Just agree with them and say "yeah it's my dream dress too.. You'll find one soon!"
@@liz6367 best reply
Seriously, what goes through people’s heads where they feel like guilt tripping someone into giving you their +100$ dress is going to work/ socially acceptable?
I used to modify my vintage, and I modify my lolita now that im back in the fashion. And the fact that this is such a sore point in the vintage and the lolita community really bothers me.
Its just clothes guys, I bought it. I paid for it. Its mine. If you dont like it move on. If im selling it...dont buy it if you dont like the mods. End of story. Why people on the internet cant muster a smidge of decency for each other is madding sometimes.
Thanks for this
People (especially on the internet) too easily think they can tell everyone else how to live.
People forget that modifying is historically accurate.
Most clothing that survived the centuries?? Modified to something else entirely or modified and brought up to the current fashions and new owners body
This, I collect vintage & antique clothing (and linens, doilies, ect) and I clean, repair and / or alter or upcycle them. They're mine. End of story.
I will admit though when I see someone take something rare & pristine, like very old clothing (lets say regency for example) or a very, very old and htf book (like some of the rare herbals), and destroy it for crafts.... I die a little inside, but its their property so... Yeah...
Honestly I've never understood the big issue with altering brand pieces. I mean I get that it lowers the value of the piece, but so what? Typically, if someone is going to go to the length to alter something, they probably aren't planning on selling it anytime soon anyway. At the end of the day, it's their's and they can do whatever they want with it.
If altering makes the dress or skirt someone happy and confident, then they will love it more and take care off it. Who cares if the value drops or not, the value price is fluid and changes constantly anyway. You don't buy clothes you wear to resell in the future, you buy them because you wanna wear it.
I’m literally altering a body line skirt as I’m watching this. 😆 I’ve altered brand, indie, normal clothes, they are mine and I want to wear my clothes, so don’t feel pressure to do what you want with things while you have them. 😊
The curly haired folk get the touching a lot too. No, you can’t touch my hair each of these curls took 10 minutes.
I have gigantic curls that are like hell to style.
my hair's curly and unusually long. god forbid I wear it in anything but a bun in public, or I'll get comments/questions at least, and wandering fingers at worst!
Judging Budgie
Ew, children
Judging Budgie like what?
@Judging Budgie yeah one of the not-offensive instances of this was my baby cousin (~5? then) whispering to her mother that my hair was pretty at my graduation party
@@Sadieinpink Indeed. I wouldn't want children toughing my dress or hair. lol
This happens so much with ball-jointed dolls as well. I don’t post mine often but I know people like elfgutz have to fend off folks all the time. It’s like people can’t think about anything other than the item thats directly in front of them. It’s so weird.
Yeah the collectible world is so big on this, like people can't just appreciate a photo of a collector piece without asking "how much?", It's honestly why I don't share mine online.
Especially as well, Elfgutz permanently mods their dolls (putting holes through the nose bridge for piercings for example) and people look down on that. It's their belonging! They can do what they want with it lol
Cheerful Captain I can relate to this as someone who avidly collects Disney stuff. I shared a swap meet haul on Instagram and somebody messaged me asking if I was willing to sell one of the items shown, which was a complete and unused Princess Jasmine stationary set. I never intended on selling anything, I just wanted to share what I’d found lol
I've never had someone message me about my doll since I rarely post about him, but I've had friends who gets harassed about their dolls which is terrible!
I've had people do this with my BJDs and model horses (artist resins, regular runs, AND dramatic customs) in person, online, and direct family. 🙃 I don't mind questions about the hobbies and a discussion on prices, but don't ask to buy my shit dude lmao
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
Normies not understanding the fashion and etiquette is somewhat to be expected, but I was wearing lolita at a convention just this past weekend and I had some other lolitas just walk up and start patting my petticoat and touching my JSK without asking. I expected some of the convention goers to do it, but I never expected people who understood the fashion to do it themselves. I was really irritated. So, I appreciate you taking the time to acknowledge the issue.
That said, the alterations bit is what really hit home with me. I’m a plus sized lolita and there are so many brand dresses I know will never fit as is. For the most part, I’ve just given up on those dresses, but there was one dress I couldn’t just let go. Specifically, my #1 dream dress is AP’s Kiss Me Cat Disney collaboration. Marie has always been a favorite of mine, so having such a gorgeous dress in my wardrobe is a blessing. I’ve bought two copies of the dress so I could make a version that actually fits me. But I’ve been feeling really guilty about it because I felt like I was ruining the dresses and taking it away from someone else, just so I could wear it. But you’re 100% correct that I bought them and I can do what I want with them. So, thank you so much for giving me my confidence back. 😊
Kuroangel Clothing has been made or altered to fit since clothing began. Many extant historical garment have alterations, most are even pieced because fabric was so expensive wasting it was not an option. Every dress worn on the run way or red carpet is altered to fit the wearer. Altering a dress you bought to fit you is following in those footsteps.
Also altering a dress creates a piece uniquely yours that no one else has, which is way more fun than blending into the crowd.
Kuroangel
Omg I love marie too, I have to look into this dress!
I told a friend today "sometimes you just have to laugh at the insanity or you'll spontaneously combust." This video definitely has that vibe to it.
I've seen this mentality in the art community, too. People will sell character designs... and then want to retain creative control? "You can't change it beyond what I'm comfortable with" or "you can't sell it for more than what I'm comfortable with" like??? if you're not comfortable with someone else owning the thing... maybe don't sell it.
Also, to me, alterations are a form of love. I don't bother altering things I don't love- it's a lot of work- but if it's something I really like, I want it to fit me perfectly! If I were to invest a lot of money into a single garment, you can bet I'd like it enough to invest the time and energy into making it fit me exactly right!
Pallasite Matrix honestly adoptables have always, ALWAYS, confused me. Both the people making them and the people buying them, but ya know.
@@maxhasproblems4885 I've never bought one, but I've been tempted before. Like, I've got some characters that don't have a visual image assigned to them yet, and it's not my favorite part of character creation. So I could do it myself, for free, or I could pay someone who's already created a design that I like. It gets especially tempting when I find artists who stylize things differently, or think about it in ways I'd never be able to come up with.
And some people really enjoy designing characters, but then don't have anything to do with them. So if there's a market for them, and a lot of these artists could use the extra $$, might as well sell them.
It's big within rp communities especially, because it can be hard to get a foothold without art.
@@pallasitematrix1614 yeah, personally my favorite part of creating characters, other than making the universe that surrounds them, is the design, So seeing through the lens of people who buy them is hard for me.
This remind me when my friend was pregnant, she had to stop people to touch her belly all the time! And the worst is that some of those complete stranger had the nerve to be OFFENDED by not being allowed to touch her belly!!! Like.... COME ON!!! .... I also have, sometime, problem with strangers that like to touch my fluffy hair.....
@@lividsunshine8968 Your sister was lucky to have you! ^^
I think saying "If you ever decide to sell this, I'll buy it" shoyld be aimed at FRIENDS ONLY, those that know you well enough that they can either take it as a joke or aren't effected negatively by it. Never say something like that to anyone you don't know well, or you know have insecurities in themselves.
If anyone complains about altering clothes, remind them that ready to wear is relatively new. Then remind them that the best and highest end clothing has always been made to order (just look at couture).
great video! One of my favorite skirts is "baby border" by btssb, i had no chance of fitting into it unaltered, until i found an altered version for sale that was Just my measurements!
Great points, as always! I really appreciate what you said about everything, but especially brand alterations. I just purchased Angelic Pretty's Magic Princess altered and it is a dream come true! Thanks so much for being such a positive member of the lolita community ♡
The “if you ever want to sell this dress” kind of comment also puts the onus on the dress owner to keep track of who said that and then might feel bad or cause upset if they do end up selling it and can’t remember who asked them about it.
Kind of a weird similarity but I work at a library and we get the “if you ever get rid of this book, can I have it?” Question. Which seems innocuous but when I explain that it would involve like.. creating and cross checking a spreadsheet of who wants what every time a book might get too damaged to circulate anymore, they get a sense of the extra work that would be.
It's also like, "So you're only hanging out with me because you're waiting for me to not want my clothes?"
Public libraries exist for the good of an entire community, why try to use that avenue to buy a book for oneself? Especially nowadays when it's relatively easy to buy books.
I was definitely guilty of saying "If you ever want to part with that piece" in the last month (for something outside of lolita) so thanks for the reminder!
The whole video I was like "Talk alterations, talk alterations, talk alterations!" I have this weird internalised stigma against it as well but from a more rational mindset I'm all for it! Altering lolita is necessary for so many people who are disabled, plus-size, etc. Someone might also happen to love the print of a dress but dislike the cut or certain features, or maybe they don't want to wear lolita anymore but they still love the print so they cut the dress up to make it into something else. That way they're still treasuring the dress but turning it into something that suits their new lifestyle.
Yeah, I've never bought anything other than socks which were a genuine lolita brand because all the major brands just don't have measurements to fit my proportions. I have a short torso so the length is usually fine, but there is nowhere which sells lolita with the bust and hips being 12" larger than the waist... Altering would mean buying the largest size available, adding to the bust, and then taking double digits off the waist section. Meaning the entire styling needs to get changed up as the fit is just not the same. Obviously there is custom, but that's a bit more pricey and I have to think if I'll wear the dress in regular life enough or not. So just end up sticking to wearing my usual stretchy fabrics. lol Doesn't help that I'm more into EGL and then tend to just go "if I'm spending that much custom, I may as just go full Victorian reproduction and really splurge". ha ha
This video really helped, because I had to jump a lot of hurdles to even get my first dress, so it made me happier to hear that there's no rush to get my whole wardrobe together.
This and I really want Tyler to keep doing Frock Talk
"had to jump a lot of hurdles to even get my first dress"
Reasons why I will never be lolita.
@@animeaftermidnight2765 that's fair. The second hand site never had anything in stock, my family was judgy, I totally get why you wouldn't want to.
Great news tyler is now making more frock talks!
@@geraniumbonbon Yeah, I've been watching for the past 10-ish months lol, so glad she was able to bring it back
I respect you Chad!
But only chad from beta sig... chad from beta chai broke my heart...
I was wearing lolita, and this lady walked up and was being really nice like "i love your dress, you looks so cute, you're so pretty" and then this other lady walked up, and, without a word lifted my skirt up. Not just a little, but like ALL THE WAY UP, and this nice lady and i are just like "WTF NO!"
Reminds me of how people touch my hair without asking just because it's curly.
I know how this feels, because I have had a lot of people who try to touch my stretched ears; I get it mostly from adults. Kids do it too, but it's easy to explain that they can't do that without asking because it's rude(adults don't get that).
Adults should know better. What is this world coming to?
I will never understand why children are more respectful when it comes to touching people, whenever I’m wearing Lolita it’s always the little kids that apologize after touching me, for an example, this is how my normal interactions with them go:
Kid: *touches my outfit without my permission*
Me: Hey, please don’t touch me without my permission, I don’t like being touched
And here is how most interactions with adults go when they touch me:
Adult: *touches my outfit without my permission*
Me: Hey, please don’t touch me without my permission, I don’t like being touched
Adult: “You dress like that for attention, so you’re basically asking for it!” “I just wanted to see how you got your dress so poofy!”, etc.
@@CuteLilEldritch1010 Yeah, adults are fucked up! Most adults will stay away when I'm in full punk(sometimes), they seem scared of me lol and kids will look at me like I'm magical. I just think it's funny how adults teach their kids consent but then those same adults don't at all listen to the rules of consent. It's like how you said they always say "But if you dress like that, your asking for attention! Maybe don't dress like that.". I tend to say back "Oh, so if I'm dressing like this, it means you have full rights to try me even though I NEVER consented to it? Sounds like assault to me! Should I call the cops?". They tend to get mad and I just say "Maybe you should go back to school and relearn the word 'consent'."
12:49 clothes are meant to be tailored to the owner after purchase, so altering them shouldn’t be a big deal imo. If you want clothes to fit right and look good, they need to be altered to fit your body. Also if the alteration is something like adding pockets, I’d consider that an improvement.
Oh my god, everything you've said here applies 100% to the kimono collecting community too. I love watching your videos because I appreciate the lolita aesthetic, but man this one hits so close to home because the subject matter is essentially the same as my collection XD
I feel you on this one. I had a lot of similar experiences when I first started buying Liz Lisa dresses and my friends (who are very clumsy and don't really treat clothes very well) would always ask to wear them. They would get sooo offended when I said no. They couldn't understand that because most of my Liz Lisa clothes are limited edition and expensive that I didn't feel comfortable just letting people borrow and wear them when I knew they wouldn't be treated well.
People’s entitlement is honestly wild. They just don’t understand that it’s not the same as borrowing your friends jeans from a store like h&m where if they mess it up then it can be easily replaced.
Woah I've never been this early before
As someone who has been into lolita fashion for 4 years I completely agree. I only have 1 dress but I've never tried to jump into anything without knowing about it completely. So I have always felt the same. And this goes for anything really.
THANK YOU FOR THE ALTERING PART theres so many dresses that are 2-3 cms off of my bust that are super easy to alter (seamstress of 5 years) but i always get absolutely terrified when i think of altering brand because of the stigma around it.
maido my bust measurement is also a bit larger than the average brand size. I just alter mine (I’m an experienced seamstress as well) and haven’t had any problems, but I’ve only sold one of those. I did make someone very happy with it though, she got a slightly cheaper dress she didn’t have to get altered
YES LOR SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS!!!!! i remember a little while ago seeing someone who altered an AP skirt/salopette into ouji shorts and they looked AMAZING and were sewed so skillfully but so many people got insanely mad at them for altering it :( i could never articulate why it bothered me so much until the very simple statement of "they think these pieces could be theirs someday, therefore they deeply believe these Do Not Belong To You" and now i have the words to explain this!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO!!!!!!!
Oh my god, thank you for addressing the alteration controversy. Its such a long-prevailing stigma perpetuated by people in this community that seem to think they have any say in what you do to your own property. They bring up "devaluation" to validate their argument, which is made under the presumption that you plan on selling your altered piece to begin with. And even if people do decide to sell their altered brand, I notice they don't have much of a hard time selling them, especially to plus-sized lolitas that are more than happy to grab a brand piece that wouldn't have fit them otherwise. As long as its a well-done alteration, there are people that will buy it.
I feel like this whole alteration controversy comes not only from a place of entitlement and presumption, but its also used against the plus-sized lolitas in this community to shame them from wearing brand and altering it to make it work on their own body.
Like back off, Karen. I wasn't going to sell you my Honey Cake altered or otherwise.
Ok so, I resonated really strongly with this. Especially with the “ hey let me buy it off you deal or when other people ask you to just give them it ” deal. Now, I’ve been in the Lolita community for about 5-6 years, and unfortunately that something that I’ve seen new lolitas so a lot in groups. I feel like it’s important to mention that despite being in the fashion that long, I’ve had two cheap taobao skirts that were gifted to me by my aunt and just used them interchangeably pairing them with different things to make different coordinates since they were all I could afford and all my parents would allow since they weren’t cool with the fashion and I wasn’t old enough to not follow their rules. Since I’m newly 21, in my own appartement, and now more financially stable I’ve just started to collect a few pieces including an order off of devilinspired that I bought during a Black Friday sale and a skirt that I’ve been wanting for a long time that I just so happened to see being sold on a second hand Lolita fb group I’m apart of. From being a long time starter I find that, if your a person who’s really daunted by how expensive Lolita, browse second hand Lolita fb sales and lace market. You can find some really good quality finds and even though they might be more expensive than you may want to shell out at one time most Lolitas will work with you. However, don’t ask them to go lower on the price or just give it to you. If you really want a specific print and it’s in your size and maybe can’t pay it all at once, you can always message the seller and ask about a payment plan. It’s important to remember that if you do that you are asking the seller for a favor and they have the right to refuse you. Also like lor said people sell Lolita for many different reasons and it’s up to the seller to decide how things go. It’s common decency since it’s THIER dress to decide what’s best for them based on their needs. Do not harass other lolitas and/or Lolita sellers it’s not cool.
Thank you so much for making this video, I also appreciate the warning in the beginning as I was able to turn down the volume to avoid being triggered ❤ I have a Bodyline Mozart dress that zips closed and was scared to alter it. I thought it would fit me because I own another Bodyline dress, but didn't realize how much the shirring makes a difference. I ended up adding ribbon loops over the zipper to lace it up just in case I wanted to sell it in the future or trade for a larger size. I am an experienced seamstress but was afraid to do alterations because of the stigma. It's so reassuring to be told it's ok because it's *my* dress.
THANK YOU granted I have tattoos but I'm pregnant and I ABSOLUTELY hate it when people will ask questions but proceeds to touch my stomach like can you not I don't know you
Stranger's reach out to touch your tummy???? Like what the heck, that's an intimate and family thing omy
@@cheerfulcaptain5077 yep it's one of those that I never liked and it's mostly woman and they'd get upset when I tell them not to touch me
I’m not a Lolita or anything, but I’ve seen in other hobbies the exact same thing with people asking for free stuff. Not even expensive stuff like Lolita- just free stuff from people who have been collecting for a while. I think some people just have no self awareness and scant knowledge of etiquette, and that translates into them just going for what they want, no matter how cringey it makes them look
As a cosplayer I relate to everything you’ve said.
Same
I actually started laughing when you said people were messaging you to buy your Honey Cake. Asking to buy Lor's Honey Cake is like asking to buy a person's skin off their body. People are silly.
oh god I was waiting for the whole altering issue. I have altered all of my dresses, because they otherwise wouldn't have fit me. And it's my dress - of course I can freaking change it in order to make it more perfect and more joyous to wear! And yes, I have absolutely sold them (with alterations listed) to others, who appreciated my alterations because it meant they too could wear the dress
These are all good points and a very informative video! I’ve been getting messages regularly from people asking me to sell my dresses when I’m just posting a picture of my coordinate. I’ve also gotten a smudge on a dress because of a random person grabbing at the skirt, so I feel sorry hearing those kinds of things happen to other lolitas too.
As a cosplayer/historical dress enthusiast YESSSS!!! SO MUCH YESSS!!! It's kind of insane that we have to explain that, yes I'm a person and I don't like being touched nor do I owe you anything so if you grab me, or pull me to ask me questions or demand that I take pictures with you and I say no, that doesn't make me rude, that makes YOU rude. Specially when I don't have full visibility; see the plague doctor mask on my profile pic? I can only see straight in front of me, so if I get grabbed I will not know if I'm being kidnapped or someone is just asking for a picture.
I literally just have a blouse rn. Saving up for a petticoat, waiting to see one I really like too.
Kyra Smith MeLikesTea has really good quality petticoats in a variety of sizes, shapes, colors and poofiness :)
in case you are looking for suggestions... I don’t want to seem rude! but I do own two of their pettis and they are lovey
@@imagineitqll which ones? I have a 45 cm long poofmonster and it's kind of lumpy and too long for a lot of dresses. Then I got a smaller one 40 cm long and I love it!
I feel on the tattoo part, I'm semi tattooed, I don't mind people asking about my tattoos but don't want people touching them, I'm also new to Lolita (Only got two dresses plus having a friend being also in it helps)
I am a henna artist and get the same thing when I wear henna on my hands. People think they have the right to stroke my hands. Added to this is the fact that I have curly hair, usually in rainbow colors and often dress in lolita/cosplay/historical dress. Lost track of the number of times I’ve had to tell people that touching people without permission is illegal. I even had a coworker that I had to threaten with an HR harassment complaint before she stopped. Plus my bosses are great and deliberately stopped scheduling us together!
Thank you so much for that disclaimer at the beginning! I don't like sudden loud noises and that was a totally welcomed warning. Not many people would consider angry voices/loud talking to be ""worth"" of a trigger warning and I appreciate that you thought about people that are sensitive to this.
I relate to this so much . I’m a 14 year old goth shrouded by normies and I’m so fucking tired of people who who don’t understand that you can’t take pictures or film people you don’t know. 🙄😡
Omg it also happens with pregnant people and people with kids, suddenly if you have a baby in your arms, in your uterus, or in a buggie, everyone feels like they can approach you and talk to you, even touch your belly! It's just so weird!
edit- Oh and even weirder, for people (especially women) of colour who wear their hair natural, people think they can just come up and ask to touch it, and start asking all sorts of questions about it... it's a bit invasive.
If you have any sorts of questions for a random stranger, you could at least start by saying something like "I love your hair! It's beautiful" and then "do you get a lot of questions? does that bother you?" or "do you feel comfortable if i ask some quesitons" and if they say no, you should be grateful and polite
THANK YOU! There is so much entitlement in the lolita community. And can I add something as a lolita admin/event runner. Lolitas need to stop taking decorations at events after they are over. There have been so many instances people have disassembled decorations and taken them for themselves. When they have to be returned to the convention/organizer afterwards.
Also admins of communities are aloud to hang out with their friends outside of events in lolita. I've noticed this in me years of being in communities that some people think if an admin goes out with friends while dressed in lolita. That the entire community is entitled to being invited to that personal event.
As a bespoke tailor I can assure people a lot of alterations will not ruin an outfit. Like taking in the side or strap adjustments. Often extra material can be left inside. Hemming it may count on how much and what type of hem. Blind hems can save the extra material. However if it is a lot of extra you may want to cut some of it as it makes it harder to lay flat. Some folded ones can save extra material too. Again, you may want to cut if it is too much extra. As that will bulk it out. Also with a good pressing or wash (dry cleaners can give you a professional press if you need it.) most stitch lines will magically disappear. So that is also not a problem. Side note: Now I want to get into Lolita and make myself Lolita dress that fit my big breasts properly. So that the torso length stays intact and the waist stays in the right spot. It is always easier to make things smaller then larger.
Your post was lovely! Do you by chance have any recommendations for alteration videos or books? I’m studying fashion and have been sewing going a decade now, but would love to learn how to make alterations look professional and long lasting in our throwaway culture.
@@BlairAmiche most alterations I learned on the job as a tailor. I learned how to make patterns and the clothes from them before I learned how to alter them. So the first alterations I learned were how to do them on the pattern before the clothes were even cut out. HOWEVER I went to myblueprint.com to research more advance tailoring and found some gems. Angela Wolf has a good collection of videos on altering ready to wear and tailoring I recommend. These videos are intractable, so you can even ask the creator questions and they will message you back. If money is an issue I would create an account to the site anyways and watch out for sales. I like to add to my collection when they happen. In the meantime watch any free videos creators offer.
An old woman came up to my manager when I worked at ulta, grabbed her arm, rubbed her tattoos, and asked "why would you do this to your beautiful skin?" She took a beat then told her the old woman loved her tattoos and then went into the backroom to unleashed the most amount of c bombs I've heard in a sentence.
Generally speaking, I agree. Though having said this, I do respond to comments like this differently depending on who they come from. It's different when a close friend says it than someone you don't know. I'm also lucky in that no one's ever asked to buy things that were really dear to my heart, mostly just random offbrand builder pieces that can't be found second hand so easily.
Although I've never seen any newbie asking to be given things or to have things sold to them cheaply. Hopefully this is just good testament to the lolitas within my local communities, that they wouldn't even think to say that, though it's still worrying that people who are this entitled are out there, plaguing someone else's community.
I'm definitely the just browsing person. I'm really new to lolita and have to save up for more dresses, but boy do I love just looking at them. Often I don't even want the dresses but I love the whole lolita aesthetic. Also, I'm so new and I still had people looking under my skirt on the first time of wearing lolita outside of my home
I am always super thankful for your disclaimers, I really appreciate you looking out for people
Thank you for saying what you did about alterations. I literally had a similar realization last night, and then you made a video mentioning/addressing the subject. It's funny how the little things you need to hear the most come from exactly the right person.
While i consider myself to be more into casual lolita (i think now its called soft-girl or e-girl? no clue) and I normally pass as just being frilly, this is a HUGE issue with other aspects of myself. My hands are small, dont grab them to compare without asking me first. My hair is in pigtails or space buns. Dont touch, pull, or pet me. Im wearing a shorter flared skirt, or a frilly dress that isnt common fashion in my area. DONT JUST- TOUCH ME. im short, dont pick me up without asking. I have anime merch on my purses or bags. Dont pull at it. Just- why dont people understand that just because something is "strange" doesnt mean its automatically a mobile petting zoo? Im a senior in college now and this stuff still happens.
people, no matter what they look like, are NOT TOYS. WEARE NOT DOLLS. OR PETS. >^> even comments are sometimes over the line. I was arm and arm with my boyfriend at a halloween party and some guy i barely knew came up to me, interrupted my convo with my bf and called me sexy- (i was??? dressed in a more traditional sweet lolita so dont ask me WHY he thought i was "sexy") i have- so many complaints about these issues. blegh.
Never thought there would be a trigger warning at the start of a video that would actually apply to me until this I appreciate it. Still gonna watch tho
I’ve been interested in and learning as much as I can about the fashion on and off for the past 5 years or so and I’m just now reaching a point financially where I can start building a gothic lolita wardrobe! I don’t regret the amount of time it’s taken at all, I’ve gotten to learn a lot about the fashion in advance, talk to people in the community, and I think for me it’s going to make putting together my first coord mean so much more than if I had had immediate access!
How many times someone asked me if I sell my stuff IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RAFFLE at the tea party ! Girl I just won it ten seconds ago !
0:06 I don’t remember ever watching a rant of yours, so this is going to be interesting. I rather like rants tbh but I also greatly appreciate the trigger warning you put at the beginning. While I’m okay with rant videos, I think it’s really cool you out the TW there cuz some people really need it, so thank you for that 💖
As the daughter of a seamstress and a seamstress myself whose first response to something not fitting is, "I'll take it in"/"I'll alter it" it's ridiculous to think that people would have a problem with it. If someone wants a dress and has paid for that dress, they should be able to wear it no matter what. It's just an extra seam, or ribbon, or a removed piece of fabric, not the end of the world!
This is an awesome video Lor💖
Me with colored hair having people touch my hair check, me as a goth having my bag touched due to pins, my chokers because whats that, lacey clothes because ooohhh let me see this pattern so cute...I feel you Lor.
I hate touching or being touched by strangers. I’ve got lots of tattoos and pink hair and people always touch me, it makes me really uncomfortable. I even hate having to take coins from someone’s hand or shake their hand.
I like just learning and learning about lolita fashion, and I'm not even ever gonna collect or wear it, I just love watching Lor talk so passionately about something she loves and appreciates :D
I love the warning at the beginning. Thank you for that!
If u ever sell this.. i will buy it
Wants to sell dress and gets HORRIBLY LOW BALLED
I think it's like this in a lot of collector communities. Or at least niche ones.
There's frequent arguments about unboxing dolls or not, and a fair amount of it comes from people outside of the community or new to it assuming you're going to be selling them on because what else are you doing with them(?).
But the people who have been there for a long time can be worse because they have more sway.
Thankyou I've had someone literally come up behind me and yank my wig off cos it was pink and they wanted to see what dyed hair felt like
Thank you! This applies to so many communities. I see the same thing in the furby community.
Are long furbies even safe to like... take them outside? I don't trust them
I so agree w you concerning how rude it is to touch other people just because they intrigue ! I had random people touching my hair and this is so annoying...and thanks for clarifying on if it's okay to make alterations on lolita clothes ! I myself hesitated to change the elastic of the Infanta skirt because someone has been dissuading me saying that one day I'll sell it but actually it annoys me more not being comfortable wearing the skirt in the very present than not being able to sell it!
I feel the part on altering Lolita so hard... I’ve altered two AP dresses and one is honey cake. I’ve honestly been worried about people being upset about it. I altered the OP into a JSK because I loved the switching, but won’t fit in the regular jsk
people shouldn't be touching other people with out their consent it's nasty and probably illigal!
Every time someone told me "if you sold this dress I'd buy it" they didnt. I still have it in my closet
The return of the salty sweet lolita lol
thank u for the warning in the beginning! it was rlly nice and not like condescending/mocking. sometimes when youtubers do trigger warnings they’re like ‘if you’re sensitive or get offended easily then don’t watch’ n that comes across as kind of? idk just condescending and kinda shaming or blaming. it was nice as someone who gets kind of stressed over loud noises sometimes and i’ve never seen anyone put a warning for that! so thank you a lot :)
In the seasoned lolita section, Im not sure if its about to come up but Id love to touch on how the community ownership/"its not your dress" attituide also extends to shaming lolitas altering their dresses to fit thekr body! I am plus sized and have a tiny friend, we both alter our lolita for it to fit nicely like on the models of these dresses, and often we are met with horror or disgust if we mention altering our brand (I am a professional seamstress so it always feels like a kick in the face when people say I've ruined/permenantly damaged it!!) oH YEP YAY IT JUST STARTED- *Vid is playing while I type*
I watch these videos out of interest and I do love the pieces but the more I hear how welcoming this (and other communities) are, the more the comments of some prove they are not the exception to the 'nice' rule. You have every right to do what you want with your clothes, end of. Another person commenting here says the same. Then goes on to say they won't sell certain of their pieces if someone intends to alter it. It appear it's offensive to them because THEY made X piece so no one else (no matter their experience) is entitled to alter it. Too many rules, too much gatekeeping me thinks.
As a cosplayer with pink hair who goes from goth to pastel clothes I feel this so much . People sneak pictures or randomly grab my hair sometimes 😖 people really got no respect for someone because they're not wearing basic clothes.
I honestly needed to hear this. I haven't started wearing lolita yet because the dresses I own don't fit properly and I need to alter them. But I've been so afraid to do it!! They've been in my closet for 4 to 5 years now because I've been so scared to change them. Thank you so much for this!!!
I have this with the Funko Pop collecting community too. I never post pictures of my collection because I get salty people who hate that I display out of box (ruining their perceived value) or people begging me to sell my rarer ones. It's my collection! I picked and chose the pops! I like them and I want to keep them! It's good to feel like the frustrations are shared across other collecting communities.
no need to stalk Lace Market for a dress. You can save a search and then you will get an email notification when someone lists the print.
I remember getting my first tattoo in high school and the day after I got it someone GRABBED my arm to see it the pain was excruciating my arm was black and blue for days. Just don’t touch people without consent sometimes it’s not just respect and personal space but you could also really hurt someone!