HOW TO FIT IN WITH YOUR CASUAL FRIENDS | STYLE MENTORSHIP
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ต.ค. 2024
- In this video your host offer his thoughts on how to fit in with the sartorial style of a viewer's more casual friends, and how he can then become a style mentor and lead them to Chap Nirvana.
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In addition to your points, a great piece of advice I live by is "You don't have to be dressed up to be dressed well." Don't get me wrong, on most days, I'm usually somewhere between borderline casual/business casual and business formal, but sometimes, it's just too damn hot for a jacket. In those instances, I usually go with a well fitted polo shirt or a long sleeve button down with the sleeves rolled up tucked into a pair of cowboy cut Wranglers, with Western boots...to boot. Even though that's 100% a casual outfit, I still get asked sometimes "what are you dressed up for". Just wearing clothing that fits properly and a bit of color coordination is already light years ahead of what most people are doing.
You have no idea how shocking it is for my co-workers (retail) to see me in something simple as a long sleeve polo, chinos, and some leather sneakers which is my low-effort uniform.
The best advice ? Change your friends before you change yourself !
More seriously, I think the pain point in this sad modern world is almost always the combo shirt+ties, not so much the suit actually.
So I've found out that the cheat code is to pair your suit with a turtleneck (or polo in summer) you will appear smart and elegant but still acceptable with casual friends.
Great video by the way, as always !
Ive got life long friends and listening to this, brings one friend to mind in particular. This particular friend is a pistol club fanatic. He has many thousands of $$ of pistols and associated stuff. He and his wife initially were visibly uncomfortable by how we chose to dress on BBQ’s and parties they hosted. We adapted to a slightly more casual look to make them feel more comfortable. However In the end, over a social beer around others, I commented to him that dressing dapper, we are very comfortable with it, and that Dapper is our choice, just as his decisions to purchase multiple pistols and other stuff is his choice. I haven’t heard a word since that off my cuff comment. He had never thought of it that way before. 🥂
Ash, I attended that wedding last weekend and took your advice and didn't do anything silly with dress. I wore a smart, made-to-measure suit and highly polished black shoes. (I lack proper brown shoes so that was why). It was the right choice. The bride was the star and she looked dynamite. The wedding and subsequent party were a smash hit. The post-ceremony dinner and drinks were perfect in execution; outdoors in perfect weather. And our local college football team Vanderbilt University beat Alabama for the first time since 1984 (and the first against a no 1 ranked team ever) - everyone at the party was elated. We went on longer and a bit wilder than would have been expected. It was a smash hit, a good time was had by all, and I looked excellent but not silly. Thanks for the recommendation.
Glad to hear that the event turned out very well indeed. Dressing well is 80% confidence and 20% clothing, just remember that equation and you will be in the right direction in everything that you wear.
Yes Ash. Lead by example. I always get compliments. And always remember the immortal words of ZZ top. "Every girl crazy about a Sharp dressed Man". 😉 Cheers Ron
So true!
I like this advice. Dressing well is largely about dressing appropriately. And that is a social concept. I’d go further and say think what your friends wear and turn the dial up on the style rather than some objective standard.
This is a very well done video. I wrote an article on this exact thing recently. It’s called ”The Sartorial Rebellion: how to wear classic tailoring in an increasingly casual world”.
How can we gain access to this article, it sounds fantastic
Great video, Ash - thanks!
Wore my favourite green leather "outdoor-style" jacket to a BBQ a while back. There was a great deal of smoked salmon.
When it rains now I smell like a fish...🤦🤦
Never dim your light just to make other people feel secure
Great answers to a very well thought out question Ash , another twenty minutes of sound advice 🛐
Glad you enjoyed it!
I am in Ireland on holiday. Wen we disembarked in Dublin on our United flight, my wife heard the stewardesses talking about me. "There's one man who still believes in dressing up to fly." "Yes, he is so stylish." Safari jacket, red turtle neck, black corduroy trousers and black Chelsea boots. Just a notch up, but noticed, as you said. Very comfortable, looking sharp. Most of the men were in sweatpants and hoodies and sneakers. Looked sloppy.
When I fly up to Massachusetts to visit my daughter and her family, I frequently go for jacket and tie with dress boots or shoes. My son-in-law is starting to dress up a bit.
Great to hear that you are leading the charge Lynn. They probably think you are a foreign diplomat or oligarch.
I'm in agreement. And in a sense, if you're dressing well to visit people you love, I see that as honoring them, saying that going to see them is a special occasion, a celebration. I like to look my best when my sweetheart and I go out to dinner. I feel like she is so worth it, because it's always a special occasion to me. It's nice to celebrate by paying her a compliment, as she looks beautiful seemingly without effort.
This was an important topic to cover as it's the sort of situation that comes up often. Ash, thank you as always for your perceptive, ever-reasonable comments!
My pleasure!
Ash, i tuoi consigli sono sempre ottimi.
Un saluto dall' Italia.
When asked why I wear a necktie I say "Chicks dig it"😎
Yep - ties can be great conversation-openers.
Ash, You always offer very thoughtful advice. Well done.
I try
Love your advice! Thank you 🙏
You are so welcome!
Ash, I hope there can be an update to this man. I’d like to tell him , when your friends ask for style advice, you don’t have to just tell them what to wear. Instead, teach them how to dress better so they can make their own decisions. Start with something simple, like the fashion color wheel. Once they understand how colors mix and match-complementary, analogous, all that-they’ll be able to put outfits together that look sharp and feel like them. After that, you can walk them through things like fabric, patterns, and getting the right fit. It’s more about giving them the tools to experiment and find what works, rather than handing them a formula. And, of course this goes without saying, point them to “The Chap’s Guide” on TH-cam.
1st to say. A great LIFE LESSON . Thank you Sah!
I noticed Rishi Sunak would wear a blue suit with a white dress shirt and if he went to something less formal like visiting a school etc he’d ditch the tie and swap the jacket for a navy half zip, still having his dress shirt, dress shoes and suit trousers, still smart and professional but more laid back and casual at the same time.
People think that dressing formally is uncomfortable because they get the wrong fit for their body. All well said Ash..
I dress in a suit and tie often and my friends dress in ultra casual clothes. Of course my occupation lends itself to suits and theres to casual clothes so its a non issue.
New subscriber here. Thanks for your knowledge)
Welcome!
As a member of Gen Z, I've never had an issue making friends despite constantly being overdressed. All it requires is an ability to laugh at and not take oneself too seriously.
There's something very neat about dressing fully for oneself: It filters out people who would look down on you for who you are and attracts people who appreciate you as you are. I give the same advice for dressing for dating: How disappointed will the woman be to find out her leather-jacket-clad new flame is a "Star Trek" geek who's completely out of place in that, and how disappointed will the "Star Trek"-loving real match be in not finding him? Dressing individually attracts the right people!
But yes, I have consistently shown up in things like a three-piece pinstripe suit and an overcoat with a fur collar to a board game group. They don't care, and that's why I consider them friends! And I definitely don't worry about things as asinine as appearing "costume-y." Does it look like it's from Spirit Halloween? No? Then it's period dress or vintage fashion, not costume. (Believe me, I once wore a mobster suit from that store as a little kid, and there's just a wee bit of a difference.)
I definitely don't know about the situation of our friend here-but if I were in his shoes, and I were feeling judged by my friends for not dressing like them, I'd be out of that friendgroup! Life is too short for friends like that; real friends like you as you are.
It sounds like you enjoy dressing to the extremes and well beyond the levels considered to be normality. Which is absolutely fine. I like the thought that you are dressing entirely for yourself and do not care about anyone else's opinions and thoughts about you. But you are also intelligent enough to understand that dressing in such a manner in the modern world, will set you out as an outlier and will cause strangers to judge you in a potentially eccentric or negative way.
In my videos I generally discuss how dressing well (within normal parameters) can be used to leverage an advantage over the mass of the population, who dress poorly and without intentional thought. Unfortunately dressing at the other end of the extreme, will have a similar effect to dressing poorly in the responses it will elicit from people unknown to us.
Your point about your friends accepting you for your dress sense is a mute one, as they are already your friends, they have accepted your idiosyncrasies and have acknowledged your tastes. The issue lies when meeting new people in situations where an initial impression is important. Over-dressing to the level of wearing a top hat and cape to situations where other people will typically dress casually may cause others to judge the ebullient dresser somewhat harshly.
Ash. I love to hear from you on the relevant subjects , and i have benefited. But where have you gleamed your knowledge from??
Generally I think life has taught me many things on my journey through it. I have chosen to learn the lessons that came my way - while many people prefer to keep their heads down and just keep ploughing forwards.
Drake's........... EVERYTHING they do is simply superb!!!! Not cheap, but compared to rivals for the best quality, they're pretty well priced I'd say! As for casual.... look for their work shirts, jeans and chore jackets. They all go together like a dream :)
I would like to know what to look for when choosing a suit, which brands are good, what fit to go for, what service to expect when buying a suit, how to make combinations with parts of that suit to make it more casual and make it suitable for different occasions. For example: a separate blazer + shirt with trousers. And lastly how to recognize quality and what accessories to combine it with.
That is a very big question and one which is very personal to the person asking the question. My advice would be to track down a good local tailor and begin a journey of discovery with that tailor as your guide.
Sorry to say but those Harrington and Chore jackets look anything but stylish - there are much better alternatives. I do agree with the shoe recommendations though. A decent pair of Chelsea boots work for almost any casual occasion.
A gentleman doesn't just dress well, he will dress appropriately. A suit and tie are just not appropriate for a backyard barbecue, as you said. But just because you're not dressed up doesn't mean you can't dress well.
I like your analogy of the volume knob for incremental changes.
I am often at odds with this. I just don’t think polo shirts, chinos & leather sneakers look interesting or appeal to me in any way, so I’m often in an odd jacket & button down without a tie, some monk straps, boots or loafers with a nice pair of trousers. If I wear jeans then a jumper or henley & my boots usually works but most of the time I just don’t dig causal styles 😅
I always remember as a rep going to see a man who owned a large nuts and bolts stockist i was walking past a scruffy man with torn jeans and holes in his old jumper i said hello to him . Going to reception asking for the the owner ,i was told you just walked past him, i got orders because he didn’t to be ignored …. You just don’t know these days.
This was wonderful 🍄
Glad you enjoyed it!
It might make sense to ditch all efforts to adapt to what you do not want to wear. If your friends judge you for it, they are not your friends.
I'd say by the sound of it your friends accept you and your style so no need to change. However you can dress wearing a smart shirt and chinos with a brogue shoe Casual yet smart
Am i into menswear because i have no friends or do i have no friends because i am into menswear?
I had a lonely childhood. It was so bad that I took to inventing imaginary friends. But they didn't want to play with me either.
Can't beat a brown leather pair of chukka boots, dress jeans (Dark blue slim-fit well fitting jeans with minimal distressing and branding - Edit: Or Jean like Chinos), a well made Polo and a Harrington Jacket. Well dressed but not too out of place if you were say meeting up with friends that likes to dress extremely casually.
Islay = Eye-La
Good evening Gentlemen,
I would like to share some personal thoughts with fellow gents in this long comment.
I have recently started at the biggest university in the biggest city in my country in middle Europe as a guy living in a tiny village on top of a hill at the end of the world (almost). I always wear a tie, sports coat and high waisted fishtail trousers with suspenders. I also wear 1920s-50s fedoras and pre 30s flat caps. I also wear plus sixes and 1945-1952 ties with bold patterns and 1920s overcoats. I am also 1.9 meters tall and despite being handsome, I am more aggressive looking some might say. (I am just short sighted, it’s the Bob-Hoskins-effect)… People also say I look way older than I am (21 but some think 25-28). I feel like my physical appearance makes me stand out even more and creates a distance., just for context.
I have been there for a month now and have not seen one person dressed over the formality level of jeans and dress shirt. Despite receiving compliments by some and having a fun time together in group projects, I mostly spend my time alone. I think that the clothing creates a huge distance. I would never ever change my outfit for others though. I think it looks extremely sharp. Before I dressed like this, I was also more alone but felt less disconnected to the others. But I have always needed a bit longer to find some real brothers. I always break contact with untrustworthy people and tell them exactly what I think.
Since one guy has mentioned that people were constantly looking at me, I am honestly a bit surprised because I‘ve never noticed it before. I also don‘t know anyone in person that dresses like a man should.
I feel like that people are extremely sensible to people not dressed like them, despite them being dressed in literal plastic and having the same outfits as 5year olds wear or following like a sheep follows the next sheep in the herd (It reflects the mindset). I feel like especially for men it‘s not accepted in society although everywhere individuality is highlightedI have experienced some have prejudices of whatever kind and some other men even get insecure or intimidated. The classic/vintage „subculture“ has it way more difficult than punks, emos and walking fashion ads etc. I feel like at least from personal experience in my area. You always hear on the internet etc. that people want men back to wearing suits etc. but when it‘s right in front of them, then … yeah. I just wanted to share my experiences and would like to hear opinions etc.
Although I have always planned to dress like this (since I was 5 yo) when I would be fully grown up (I have been dressing vintage/classic for 1.5 years by now, I studied it like a science/art and consider myself a master by now (will I say the same in 5 years?)),
I despise the lack of moral nowadays and the two faced promises of society.
I also consider it as an act of rebellion, a rebellion against fast fashion with slavery/environmental damage and against woke culture (despite being a left winged liberal) and the lack of masculinity and objectively philosophically correct morality these days and against the lack of people who live by purpose and truly act to help this planet and people. I would welcome a video with some of my thoughts.
Why limit yourself and compromise your identity for the sake of pleasing others? One must follow one's own moral compass. If your friends can't accept you for who you are, maybe they are not true friends?
How do I fit in with my more casual friends: I take my tie off, wear a pair of suedes with a "broken" suit.🤣
Absolutely
You wear the clothes - they don’t wear you .
I am a professional chauffeur so suit and tie attire is a must . Often I will finish early and rather than go home to change into jeans and tee , I just loose the tie and undo a shirt button then rock up to my local bar full of bikers , skins and hippies , all grown up family types still into music .. none of them look at me as “ out of place “ cos they understand my confidence and flexibility in both personal and professional life .
One thing I really dont get about you Ash is that you will wear a chorejacket and but not jeans :D In my world they are the same level of dressing. Completely ok in certain situations!
I have not worn denim jeans for well over 10-years now, except when working. I simply see them as heavy duty work clothes that are not part of the style equation. But I am old school and no apologies for that.
@@TheChapsGuide
Well yes, I only wear jeans when working, riding etc. But I believe the chore jacket to be the same level of clothing, and would never wear it when I would not wear jeans. Sorry if I was unclear. Anyway, thanks for the splendid video again!
An old chestnut Ash but what do you do when you go to a friends house, they have white carpet through out and they expect you to take your shoes off. Happens to me a fair bit. i dont want to be rude but taking ones shoes off is not chappish.
Bring your own house shoes with you, perhaps?
I’d say that respecting your friends wishes in this context is the perfect definition of a chap! It demonstrates your kindness. I just make sure I’m wearing something that’s easy to take off put on (eg a Chelsea boot).
@@ianforber Yes you are not wrong and of course i do always oblige. Its not easy to look smart in socks though. Yes i could bring house shoes but its not always as straight forward or planned as that.
Great question - Firstly, who the hell has white carpets these days!
But I do get your point - I would remove my footwear as an act of courtesy, but I would never expect anyone is disrobe if they visited my home, I would see that as an act of poor manners.
I always carry a small flat travel shoe horn with me in my bag so I can kick my shoes off at the door and get them back on easy. I also try to be intentional with coordinating my sock choices with my outfit so I look forward to showing them off a bit 😉
Please please stop using Daniel Craig as a role moodel. He was a terribly dressed Bond, wrapped tightly in skinny suits which were two sizes too small. Frankly he looks ridiculous.
no mate they don t , you mates will continue to dress like kid , no mater what , friend send me a pic of some Nike running shoes , in silver ,, do you like them ,,, tell him are go for running ,wtf dude in silver !!!! , hell no get something els ,, friend still go ahead and buy then and look like idiot ,, if they don t want to change just changer you friends , better alone than with bunch o men childs dragin you down ,