4 things that will PROTECT YOU from the toxic reach of narcissists
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - บันเทิง
When I began to recognize the red flags, I was in my late thirties. Prior to that, I was raising my daughter to be kind and respectful to everyone regardless of the other person’s behavior. However, there was a shift that happened within me the moment a few of her fake friends started gaslighting her. I did a 180 and began teaching her about red flags. It took her a while to see it, but she doesn’t have contact with them anymore. Since then she has gained real friends and has also became a “mini” teacher herself. She has really good strong boundaries and can recognize within others when they’re not healthy to be around.
You're a great parent 😊
Smart parenting! ❤
Thank you for doing this for your daughter. It wasn’t until my mid thirties till I ever experienced one of these personalities I had no idea these people existed.. He almost killed me. I feel like knowledge is power and trusting our gut instead of just being “kind and vunerable”.
@@nickibleigh Wow! I hope you have a good support group to help you recover from this. ((Hugs)) Are you doing well today?
So very good to hear! Good job mom 😊 may she continue to thrive in healthy and loving relationships
Dear Dr. Ramani,
This is a message of gratitude from China. In early 2023, I accidentally stumbled upon your videos, and they changed my life completely. I finally understood why I had been living in so much pain; it was because my mother was a typical covert narcissist.I had an older brother who couldn't endure the suffering of our family anymore and committed suicide. I was also trapped in extreme agony, until your videos helped me find my way out.
Looking back, I can see that my spirit and life were almost annihilated by my parents. The peril I was in was unimaginable to those who have not experienced it, and the magnitude of your aid is equally inconceivable to those who have not walked in my shoes.
I am so much better now.I've been freed from the darkness of trauma, brain fog, and disordered thinking, and now I see glimpses of light and hope that were unimaginable before. This is all thanks to you.
I've been unable to access TH-cam in China, but while I'm traveling abroad, I'm taking this opportunity to reach out and express my sincere gratitude for your invaluable guidance and support.
You just spoke my mind and that of so many people Dr Ramani has saved. I would be rotting in my grave if i did not accidentally stumble on her videos in August 2022. The narc in my life had pushed me to the brink of suicide. I googled" is my relationship toxic?" That's how i met this incredible woman. I love you deeply Dr. Ramani. Receive my gratitude from Kenya 🇰🇪🇰🇪🇰🇪🇰🇪🇰🇪🇰🇪
What a great blessing Dr. Rahmani has brought t o so many of us around the globe with her knowledge and teaching.
The same goes for me. My whole family, ‘friends’, workplace after workplace, romantic interests… this world is scary. Coming across drRamani videos was a pure miracle for me.
@@dorenkinzi1730 I am deeply saddened by your experiences, yet I am also genuinely happy for you. I understand how horrible life can be with a narcissist and how challenging it is to climb out of the prison of their manipulation. The relief must be incredible. Just like in Shawshank Redemption, only those who have escaped the prison themselves can truly appreciate the sweetness of the outside air.
@@margaretgrace5902 Indeed. Watching Dr. Ramani's videos, I was shocked to realize that evil was lurking around me, yet I had no choice but to face the truth. It's like trying to convince someone who's been told that potatoes are apples their entire life that 'this is not an apple, it's a potato.' It's a difficult task. Dr. Ramani's ability to break this barrier is nothing short of amazing
I used to excuse the narc in my life because “ he had a difficult childhood “ but I see now that’s no help to me.
People say your difficult childhood is no excuse to upset the narc. The narc's difficult childhood justifies any and all evil against you. Society thinks that is "love"and sees no hypocrisy whatsoever.🤦♂
My mum used to excuse my father's bad behaviour with his "difficult childhood". I continued to do this throughout my life with the a*holes in my life. She taught me I had to put up with unforgivable shite to be a "good girl"
Did you like many of us also have a difficult childhood? You dont treat people the way the narc does. They're using that to get away with murder. And the worst part is they are getting away with it based on that backstory... as Ramani states hiding in plain sight whilst perpetrating heinous offences
The narcisist not only uses as an excuse their "bad childhood or traumas" but is as they try to compete with you bad childhood saying things like "sorry you had a crappy childhood but you didn't go through what I went through, so stop waining about it".
What should I do when is about my father???? How do I manage?
My dad was a psychologist. While I was growing up, he told me many times that the human being is the most dangerous creature in Earth and you can’t tell by looking.” When I became a court reporter, that statement was supported by what I saw in court and I believe kept me safe my whole life. Thanks, Daddy!
hope you give your dad a big 'Father's Day' hug 🙂❤
I was a scapegoat of family 7 people against me? I have learned however the church or religion started things like Narcissism because they teach people to believe they are Guilty which is fear of life They groom their following to believe in what they say instead of questioning a God that doesn't know you? Money is narcissism because we aren't trusted even education is pre-mold because you can't be trusted to know what YOU feel you need to understand and know about in life ( All of this is found in the book by Eric Fromme 'Man for Himself' ) The class systems we live in are also narcissism it also gets worse the higher up and the rewards for ruling a public you don't trust The covid virus that we all needed to question as well ( Dr Sam Bailey 'The Truth about Viruses' on TH-cam and the book Virus Mania by Dr Bailey and 3 other medical people and connections to the world of Drs who know now what virology has been doing is criminal actually The book and their findings welcomed others to question and discuss this Medical schools and even Fauci did not come and the book has NEVER been contested at all - The PCR test invented by Kary Mullis on youtube he states the PCR tests can't tell YOU your ill If you can't question your life and it's pre-mold you aren't trusted We need to understand that the narcissist is actually an abused person and is not unusual There is living proof now that their behaviors are not the worst if you redefine There are other terms much more frightening but again these people too were horribly abused Suddam Hussein was Isolated from everyone and beaten daily by his father until he was Approx 3 yrs old (Alice Miller human psychology books) There is proof that people treated this way generally do not develop in their brain empathy from MRI studies and after 3 years old it's to late . Just believing what we hear sometimes isn't enough I'm discovering and it takes your feelings to understand something is missing you know?
ABSOLUTE TRUTH ❗
Yep. You can’t judge a book by its cover said my beloved grandma. ❤❤❤
Your dad was aware of what many of us learned too late. People can indeed be destructive and we can't tell how dangerous they are by appearances. It's often difficult for genuinely thoughtful, conscientious persons to comprehend or identify.
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” - J. Krishnamurti
YES!! I feel this sentiment all the time. Nice to see it actually written/spoken.
I had radically accepted my mother's and sister's narcissistic behavior ( even though I didn't know that was what I had been doing) I didn't take action, going no contact, until they started treating my young son in the ways they treated me. My son called out their behavior, and they raged at, gaslit, devalued, and all the sick tricks in the narcissistic tickle trunk. I only saw it happen once, but to my horror and gut punch guilt, my son disclosed they had been doing these manipulations for the last 2 years ( starting when he was 9). I put him in with a pediatric counselor ( I have been in therapy for their abuse for years and was attacked for it). No contact has been the best decision I made, I only wish I had done it sooner. It has not been easy. My narcissistic parent is now dead, but my malignant narcissistic sister continues the emotional hit and runs and continually tries to triangulate with anyone and everyone who will listen. Holding the line was not easy, but when my child was put in the cross hairs, it was the easiest choice I ever made.
…and this is what makes you an awesome parent! You saved your child from so much.
... unfortunately it is no longer just "my" narcissist, but everywhere I meet them, it immediately upsets me and I need days to recover from such people. Trauma really runs deep...
True me too I don't feel like being around anyone anymore
So true. I feel like I've developed an allergy for narcissists in general, and I simply can't be among people with these traits without getting an allergic reaction. Sadly, there are lots of them everywhere.
Boundaries. Support Network. Restraining Order. Move town/city. Change phone number and social media.
Changed phone number, still forced to communicate with fam bruh
It takes courage to set up boundaries. Stay true to yourself. @@goldbrick2563
@@goldbrick2563Doesn't social media make you use you name anyway, how would that help?
Spot on.
I agree 110% and I did all of that including changing my social media and phone number to then be hacked by the narcissist ( female and we were not a couple ) I have did everything to get away from this sick person but the narcissist just wont stop so I have no choice but to press charges for harassment , identity theft , fraud phishing because she also hacked my daughter and sent me an invite to an email that no one knew not even my daughter . She also sits on our accounts monitoring us and recording me in my apartment on my phone and then putting the recordings on my phone to taunt me . I was in charge of my 82 year old mom’s accounts and she hacked that too . She felt no remorse and because she has keylogged me she knew my mother had a heart attack .
My niece’s sister who is from another marriage was in a car accident and sadly died . The narcissist then hacked my niece . These people just do not understand that there are reasons like this that we want nothing to do with them .
I am one like many who at one time let things slide and moved on but I stopped that since the time she put my daughter in danger when she was 3 plus having my daughter made me realize i wouldnt want a person like the narcissist around my daughter . Best decision I ever made . Narcissists think we have to accept their mental abuse and thinks by doing thingsas I mentioned above will bully us into giving in. It doesnt . It only shows me how unstable the narcissist is
Why do narcissists want empathy and love but are not able to give it? They seem very surprised when you pull back your supply and no longer engage.
Child of narcissist here- they want what they can’t naturally have. They lack love and empathy. But believe they are absolutely entitled to love and empathy. For narcissists “Rules are for thee. Not for me.” They despise being treated the way they treat others. They believe you should be around to be picked up and discarded at their desire. So yes they are very shocked when you decide to no longer supply and engage. It invokes shame and anger in them. And less supple for them. Which is generally unfavorable as they know long term, not many people will put up with them.
Narcs are emotionally stunted energy vampires with an arsenal of assholism to believe their own bullshit. Narcs are perpetual sadists and schemers with an attitude problem, whether it be a covert, vulnerable, grandiose, or malignant .... they'll get you on their own terms.
I'm learning to listen to my gut intuition and my feeling of being uncomfortable around someone. It's almost like my body is allergic!!! And now I listen
I think I ignored my own feelings and intuition for the longest time. Now I listen, validate, and take action accordingly.
The reason indifference towards a former narcissostic abuser may be the best one can hope for is because you are living your own life.
I don't hate me narc sister anymore because love and hate are two sides of the same coin. I am indifferent, which is much more freeing.
@CeriSnow-un7jn Hatred is an awful toxic burden that poisons one instead of one's abuser. Giving up that burden is freeing and progress of which you can justifiably feel proud.
I learned from my narc/no contact daughter's podcast that she is having health issues. I was tempted to send her a card or even a call. I love her. Then I remembered how awful and contemptuous she treated me, and I stayed no contact. Thankfully. Always remember how bad they treated you, so you are never tempted to let them back in to abuse you.
Yes,same with my situation.
After becoming indifferent to them, I don't care no matter what good or bad happens to them. 😁
Indifference is when you can live your own life and know you have made the right decision. You let them live their live and wish them well. Like a quote from a movie: “Glad I do not have to put up with your shit anymore.”
EXACTLY
My dad is a mega narcissist. If we didn't do what he wanted or didn't agree with everything he said, he'd convince us we were close minded and negative and not fun to be around etc. I don't speak to him anymore, nor does my sibling. He blames us, calls us names and tells ppl we are angry and bitter and closed minded, yet he relentlessly tries to get us back in his life.
I had to let go of the thought that once we all reached our older more mature years that we would all be able to mend fences and achieve acceptance as grown siblings...
Boy was I ever wrong about that kind of wishful thinking. Mental disorders don't work that way...
Had to give up on that wish for peace and resolution. There are too many dysfunctional dynamics that are ongoing and distort any attempt at establishing peace and a balanced mutual respect. I forget that sickness doesn't work that way no more than you can "wish" cancer away. Some are just too broken on the inside and we are not qualified to heal them...we can only heal ourselves and grieve for what is lost. It's like a 'death' we must accept.
Thank you for sharing your experience. This has also been very true in my experience with my siblings. After both parents passed their abusive behavior escalated. Thankfully I was already in therapy. I’ve had to do so much grief work around the loss of my siblings who I loved and protected growing up.
Wisdom is the application of knowledge.
Proverbs 3:13-16
13 Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding.
14 For the merchandise of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold.
15 She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her.
16 Length of days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and honour.
My husband is very good at faking normal he did it for years . His abuse was all under the radar every one thought he was normal. Still people think he’s normal. His physical abuse didn’t show up for like eight or nine years in our marriage and then after he realized you could go to jail and have a felony for it he stopped doing it. He would still push me or shove me stuff like that, but he didn’t bother with that it was more emotional, psychological abuse
Putting me down so he could feel better about himself calling me stupid I was ignorant that was one of his favorite words, ignorant another one his favorite words was I was always denigrating him if I tried to say that was nasty or why did you do that to me and he always started it and then I was the one that was abusing him because I pointed out to him that was mean it was cruel always always a flipping on you. It took a minute and you’re like what the hell it’s was so fast you didn’t even realize he flipped on you. I was the one attacking him after he did or said something cruel. It’s like living with a bickering child, It was just baiting basically it doesn’t work anymore you know I don’t give him any emotion. I walk away falls flat. He left standing there screaming at no one
Dr. Ramani is tremendously, brilliant indeed!
My prayer is that there be more of her kind 🙂😊.. I also pray that her work makes us ( you, others and I ) more like she is ❤️
Radical acceptance is mourning people who aren’t dead or physically absent. You will deal with lots of sadness on the journey but eventually the pain will lessen.
My solution is to relocate.
That’s great for you. My x narc owns a real estate company and would know anywhere i move. Ive even considered rebuying under a numbered company.
@@michellemasich7464please stay safe. Really worried about you. You could file a restraining order if you need to stay safe. The universe loves you. 😇😇💫💫💝💝
I’ve been divorced for 32 years. I’ve come to discover that our dreams of our X’s were more a sign that similar people in our lives were behaving the same as our X. It’s our brain using stored memories as images to make us aware. Try seeing those dreams differently. Especially if the person is having some anxiety without identifying the reason .
👍 When you start to change yourself and tell yourself that you're enough it's like some giant war within yourself that you can't even believe you've had to fight.
"I was born to share love and not hate!!!"
(Sophocles' Antigone, f. 523)
Back in May, the mother of the narcissist that I had gone gone contact with, passed away. She reached out to me, so I didn't turn my back on her. I supported her for a week after before I gracefully bowed out. It didn't end well, yet it did end and I am narcissist free ❤❤❤
Oh my. God bless you. ❤
I have several neighbors that just raises my hackles. They are never kind. They aren’t very friendly. They are very contemptuous
One main thing to protect ourselves from them is knowledge and figuring out what works at the most desperate times.
Beating their spouse?
On this (painful) Father's Day, I realize that ironically, the only thing I can hold onto (after losing everything and I mean everything to the narcissists in my life) is "Letting Go"...!! 👍❤❤❤ Thank you!
These kind of days can be so tough. Sending good vibes.
By letting go, you will gain so much more
@@Barb15 Thank you, you don't know how much I needed that!!!!!!
@@Barb15 Thank you, You don't know how much I needed that!!!!!
@@patriciaalbertson5183 Thank you so much!!!!
Narcissists come in very different forms. I survived the first one after a friend gave me a book about borderline personality disorder and it described everything I was experiencing with one of my kids. The 2nd experience took 2+ decades to finally label correctly and ended in divorce. Third experience is again different and required yet another label... I am in the beginning of the Radical acceptance stage and working on letting go/disengaging. With each person, the patterns are similar but different enough to be confusing. These different types of narcissists have varying degrees of aberrant behavior. I care deeply about the well being of family, friends and partners and have made the excuses you mentioned earlier for their abusive behavior thinking if "I could only love them more, care about them more then they will be ok and they will be healed". Sadly this is not possible. No amount of love can cure a narcissist. It doesn't matter if they are an overt, covert, antagonistic or malignant narcissist... they can not be loved enough by someone else to make them whole and healthy. They must heal themselves if they are ever to heal.
So true. I feel like everyone should listen to Bowling Ball by Superchick.
I really had no idea, not even what "narcissism" meant. of course, I had experienced it as a child, with my mother. but I had never really been interested in the topic and I knew nothing about anything. Now I'm quite knowledgeable, but I paid dearly for this knowledge
Took me a while to see the managing of perceptions by a fellow church member who set herself up as a superior person, setting up competitions between people she called friends. Engaging enough to appear social, but a continuing element of judgment and competition and being held at arm's length, as if others should try harder for her approval. I told her I didn't compete for friendships. She set up a complicated situation, denied it, and asked if we could still do stuff even if we weren't friends. Gah. Sees power, blind to social contracts. I am so grateful to understand more re narcissistic patterns, to not placate others. Whew.
This is a great video! I am 43 years old and because of having so much trauma bonding with people it took me forever to remove myself around narcissistic cruel arrogant and miserable people because I grew up in such a wicked negative home. Now I will never allow that mess around and or in my life at all!
To me, indifferent is like hearing news about an actor you don't even recognize. You might wish their family well if something bad has happened or remember when your child was born if they've had a baby, but there's no emotional resonance because there's no connection. I think indifference is accepting that there is no real connection - especially when it is a relationship when there should be a connection or you once hoped for a connection.
The bad abusive childhood stories, all his 'crazy exes', it's everyone's fault except his! Now I have to contend with gaslighting, silent treatment (ooh my fave), affairs with both men and women, the most recent one I discovered last sunday! It's soo draining and exhausting. 10 years I have been living like this. I literally have no where to go, I have no family who supports me, not enough money to move out. So I'm just turning a blind eye to his infidelity and I just do my own thing as best I can. I swim alot and that's my form of meditation. Take care all and dr ramani, you are a godsend to me during the darkest time of my life! And I was with a cross dresser before this bullshit!! This is so much worse.
Wow
Letting go of the hope you will get any reciprocated respect, any emotional bond building, letting go of hope is going to be better this time
Dr. Ramani, you are my beloved Sigma warrior queen and I love all your lectures. You continue to give me the wisdom and inner strength to tackle toxic narcissistic vampires, be It some of my obnoxious family members and / or people I come across in life.
I'm so glad that the day I separeted from my husband after 37 years I went to a sicologist. I askead him that I needed help to leave this person. He informed me about narsisim. It was such a relieve to know that I was right that something was really wrong with HIM!
I speak from experience when I say that introverted personalities get the short end of the stick. We make people uncomfortable cause we prefer our alone time. We are professional and courteous but have very strict boundaries that people always question and push. Why can’t people just let us be… we’re not bothering anyone.
Introverts are self-reflective and can change. Narcs find making any change to themselves difficult at best. It can only happen if THEY desire it to, and most of them do not.
Normal people can allow introverts their space, it’s a huge red flag when you meet those who won’t respect your boundaries.
There’s nothing wrong with introverts. I’m one myself. That’s not what’s being discussed. Huge difference between an introvert and an introvert narc.
These werdos can scream and RIP through you over generally nothing big, but when they make huge mistakes then that's OK. So sick of screamers
Some people would not notice an elephant in the room
I know I have been through various stages of radical acceptance only to have the narcissist attack it. Each time I had to step back and regroup. Acclimating explains it all and I can reframe how I have seen my experience and even me. The whole video brought much needed comfort. For now, I an taking time to acclimate again and it is much needed. So, I will see you at the top of the mountain!
I cut contact with a person who was treating me very badly and used to paint themselves as the wholly innocent victim in every of their rotten relationships (they were all narcissists of course because this person is a "narcissist magnet", that's what they called themselves). I was too blind. Now I became the new abuser, the "illdoer", for being off a day or not responding promptly to their messages, for becoming sick when we wanted to meed, even for doing kind things for them etc. ... I felt I could not talk to them any more, my body said NO and I broke contact. Now they say I am cold, unempathetic, not accountable, not taking in account their needs - even though I did for a long time, putting aside my own needs and intuition, which was not very smart for me. I learned I have no boundaries and need to learn them. Now they proceed calling me a narcissist, because they of course are the poor empath victim in the dynamic. Started sending me mean revenge messages, which was very hurtful. What a sensitive empath? TBH I got panic attacks from their attacks, it all felt OFF and invasive. At least I blocked them, no contact. But it's all SO twisted and feels like a heavy burden 😓
I had grief come up today... I'm surprised I was able to cry because I've felt stuck in freeze quite a bit for some time. Been feeling nervous system stuff strong and just not feeling good. The grief that came up today was about loss... kind people too. I have wanted to go to a garden spot... haven't made it there yet. Has been on my mind today to go there. Have felt stuck. Yesterday, a hummingbird came right to my balcony garden... really close to where I was sitting. They almost don't look real. So dainty. That was really nice. I planted the nasturtiums because I looked up plants that hummingbirds and bees like. Don't see bees just yet. I'm not sure if I'll get out to that public garden spot today. Maybe I should be having a lemon balm tea. Trying to let the plant grow more before I pick too much though lol.
Thank you for pointing out that grieving & healing is an ongoing process. I thought I was healed bc I felt safe, content & joyful in my full life. I was surprised when more issues slowly surfaced while helping my friend through her divorce from a narcissist. I was often tired & recognized my grief but when I rested, I remembered forgotten times of my childhood, marriage & conflicting grief of widowhood. I was back in the whole recovery process over the issues I did not have the strength to face before. God has given us a wonderful protective brain that allows to grow at our own pace. Thank you.
and to think that the first thing I said to the friend who insisted that I go out with them under his pressure, who kept talking about me, was "he seems like a psychopath to me". now, five years later, I can define him as a malignant narcissist, without any diagnostic pretensions. I'm pretty sure about it
I was talking about this just today that criminal narcissists behave in social scenes but don’t care about their behavior when they are at home or skulking around in the dark somewhere. In the presence of any narcissist is not safe.
The driving force leading to my indifference towards him from his abuse was based on zero respect for him as a human being. That will never change. Thank you, Dr. Ramani. Brilliant video.
It is so validating, when someone says, the feelings you feel after narcissistic abuse, is normal. During the relationship with the narcissistic they always said that you are crazy, somethings wrong with you, the way you think, is not normal, another one is, you always think negative. People who come out from this kind of life threatening situation, I think it is nothing but a blessing from God. May God bless the holy soul who shows the survivors the true path and give them the validation which they were searching in the darkness of narcissistic abuse. Thank you Dr. Ramani, I am blessed 🙌
I recently told my covert narcissistic mother recently that I won't be spending time with her anymore after one last time of trying to reach her and pour my heart out to her how I feel on everything but it didn't change anything and honestly I'm okay. It hurt at first but I'm relieved that I dont have to deal with that toxic relationship anymore. I will love them from afar and move on.
Beautiful! You're free!
@@victoryamartin9773 Thank you! I appreciate that
I had a friend tell me that I should have stood up for myself against Mr. N (after 13 years and getting discarded 2 years ago) - telling me I'm to blame that I have free will - this set me back after i thought i was healing...
That kind of passivity is part of my being trained like a whooped dog. You walk on eggshells when you live with a scary monster.
People that say that have no idea what Narc abuse does to people. They were gaslighting you to say that since you have free will...like you should choose what they think would be best. Gaslighted. Don't buy it.
My “friend” said the same kind of thing then she perused his shop and may have purchased an animal from him. But she would have left him sooner, not put up with that...I felt guilty I left too soon as we had a son…She said and did a lot of stupid things. She had no clue, an idiot and she was a hoe so. 😏
When they get worse and their behavior is unacceptable, its easy to get rid of them. But the stress from doing this is extreme and i keep beating myself up and cant get through it very easily. Its hard to get it out of my mind. Im done with him.
The narcissists pushed me to the point of, “I want bad things to happen to narcissists!”!!!
When radical acceptance is new it can be devastating. That is an emotional injury. I feel I have healed from the trauma bonds, I feel like I have forgiven myself for allowing gaslighting, and now, radical acceptance is getting easier because I’m healing. And hallelujah I’m letting go.
I still can't make a list of what I experienced. every time I try to recall every situation, event, word in my memory, I get stuck. I feel a lot of anguish and sadness, an infinite sadness. every now and then I have flashes of memories but I send them away, I send them away again
It's human to look at the good and deny the bad, and what I believe about toxic positivity is people who omit the "bad" with positive bull crap.
Boundaries ‼️ Folks don’t have full access to me like before. I have a new attitude 🙏🏾💕😊💯‼️
I wish I had found you while my parents were alive.
My list that I try to follow as closely as possible:
#1 Stay away from them.
#2 Don't share personal info or opinions (they store it in their brains and weaponize it against you).
#3 Don't react to them or show emotions.
#4 Don't personalize their behavior.
I love this list! I wish I would stop forgetting to grey rock my father! I can’t wait to move out soon and be away from him!
Through radical acceptance, you fully accept reality as it is, no matter how unpleasant it might seem. But it’s understanding that life is inherently pointless, and everything you struggle with are nothing but distractions. It’s really more about finding a way to exist in a world devoid of meaning.
I wish I didn't agree with you. Yet the older I get, the less care and love surrounding me, reality confirms that. Which is why I cherish every moment of comfort, peace and joy while I still can. ❤
Totally
Life is only pointless/meaningless without God.
Your comment has meaning for me today. So your life isn't pointless. It spoke to me. My life is very small, very constrained and to hear someone else's views has meaning to me ✌
Knowledge of narcissistic relationships does lead to jumping in the healing process. Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🇯🇲👍❤️🙌👑
Yessss. A Capricorn! 🧡. So awesome to hear.
My granddaughter is a Capricorn sun sign. I’m a Capricorn in my moon sign.
I love the altitude analogy so much. Thank You!
I nearly lost my life being married to a “malignant narcissist”. It took me 11 long and miserable years to come close to understand what in the hell was happening. Another 10 years with stalking, child custody, abuse via courts and more. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD as a result and couldn’t work for a long time. Not kidding. I was approved for SSDI as a result.
I’ve worked my a*s off over many years now (via trauma recovery)
I’ve managed to heal enough to attend school and have been working full time now for 3 years now. (All huge for my families sake).
I did have the unfortunate experience to then be forced into dealing with a narcissist in the workplace. I can now recognize and handle much, much better which I’m so incredibly grateful for but still no walk in the park.
I love you so much! 🧡🧡🧡🧡
I am indifferent to my narcissistic mother. Having an eidetic recall has kept me safe from much of the gaslighting. I wish it's something everyone could learn.
No. The psychopath and narcissists that I've known have been friendly. If you're watching out for the dark triad types, watch out for the "superficially charming."
Yep, superficial charming people at first moment when I meet them is a HUGE red flag. They’ve almost always turned out to be very bad even if they try very hard to mask their bad personality.
9:30 Two groups my mother and his co-worker always saw huge red flags but I was young and dumb and naive I’m just elated; I’m still alive. He dressed nicely, charming, articulate, degrees (4 or5), resourceful, but this small group always seemed to see the red flags but I never believed or understood why they didn’t “like” him. Now almost 20 years later… I see the rose-colored glasses are off… I’m elated; I still alive. So many red eyes, red moments, red psychological mind games, red anxiety, but so much charm, education,”love”, it was a ruse. He never really loved me and how could I have really loved him. “Our” relationship was not realistic.
This is so crazy, scary, terrifying!
Would not be surprised if my ex narc is a serial killer. Dark triad in spades
A place to go,new boundaries,God,
money.
The latest development in the serial killer investigation you mentioned is that he had conditioned his daughter to be his partner in crime 😮
Sometimes those we trust are the worse people for behaviors that are hiddin underneath . Ive been at both ends working with those who act callous. The first rule in medicine is to do no harm
I love you, Mama Ramani! This is exactly where I am and I thought I was doing something wrong or missing something. I’m exactly at the right place and my intuition to just sit still and observe everybody is right on the money. Thank you so much for this video, you have truly saved my sons and my life.
Regarding bad things happening to the narcissist, and their victim feeling bad about it. When it's a parent, yes, that can happen. It happened to me, and led to a world of horrors. I had felt that "enough is enough and too much is too much." I didn't understand that the narcissist was getting what came to them, and that it shouldn't be about what they do or don't deserve as a living, breathing human being. I didn't know how to understand or apply the "narcissist" label, and that I shouldn't have reached out to show any empathy to one of my narcissistic parents when the chips were down. I didn't know that it's not evil to see a narcissistic parent suffer something they didn't do to themselves and be all, "Serves you right anyway!" I didn't rush to their aid or allow them fully back into my life, but I reached out at all, to people who knew them (but not to the narcissistic parent directly), and that was a mistake I'll likely be spending the rest of my life paying for.
That radical acceptance that I got after my last relationship ended wow yes that's exactly what I went through and it did take about a year
Indifference to me is to reach the goal of not being affected by all the bad or cruel actions of others towards me and don’t let them touch me remaining in my higher level and not letting them touch or affect me! Indifference towards them is to affect them by doing things my way and not worrying about their complains and reactions! Just let the dogs bark as they will never understand any other way that it is not theirs!
Understanding radical. acceptance on an intellectual level is not enough ,i keep believing he's really trying to change, then snap we're back at square one
AND, it Only gets WORSE OVER TIME.
@@wildhorses6817 it's so confusing as he is so convincing ! he really truly seems to have learnt to behave then the mask slips
50 yrs with narc...6 yrs free finally. I ❤️ my son from this marriage. He escaped the narc trait. Narc has nothing to do with his son after sucking the life out of him while he worked for him 17 yrs. Narc is a truly evil person. Who else would disown their son? My son is an amazing loving human being. He tried to keep contact with his narc father ... rejected every time. This is the reason I hate narc and will never forgive myself for staying with the devil. Always hoping for change. The only comfort I know is that I was the empathetic loving person and he is the non human evil empty shell of a .
Can’t believe this video prompted when I was crying my eyes out for radical acceptance not working and helping me with feeling trapped . Thank you
It’s frightening to me,,,to see how many there are,,,now that I know what I know and am free,, I see the behavior EVERY WHERE. IN WOMEN IN MEN,,, in many who are “ trying” to be my friends or clients. It’s just exhausting ,,,, filtering and fighting.
Ty for the wisdom analogy. This is very helpful in helping to letting go of what I hoped the relationship to be and to except or let go of expectations..
One of the most difficult things for me to let go of after relationships with narcissists has been a nagging fear and guilt that I feel for the “new” victims of those narcissists. And I wonder whether I’ll ever be able to qualify as *completely* indifferent, simply because I’ll never stop feeling so much vicarious pain for the innocent people these folks have gone on to hurt.
Acclimatizing to the new reality radical acceptance, brilliant
Dr. Romney!
You are TRULY INSPIRING!!!! Gives me hope knowing that I am in Transition. And although still in the mix? I am healing! Thank You for the COMPLETE DEPTH and WISDOM!❤️❤️
I have a toxic mother in law and sister in law who are extremely jealous of me.
I cried lots of sleepless nights, my parents got lots of stress, they tried to put me down many times for 2 years. Finally i understand their game by your help,
And I also understand for me to heal and my husband to be happy is only way that I have to understand that my husband cannot be seperated from his birth mother anx blood relation. So only way is keep it as clear as possible and avoid them as much as possible. Not engage, not explain, not defend, but also forgive them for being such poor health
Thanks for sharing blessings to everyone 🙏
One of major checks is their relationship with my Service Dogs. Even cat people are good with dogs. They immediately admit their cat people. Are they afraid of dogs. Those who have no notice of my dogs are suspect. Where there is no emotion. A dog lover know a dog or pet lover almost immediately. I feel better when they immediately jump in about their own pets.
Happy people are happy the way they are. They are comfortable the way they are! Thanks for the Continuing Education.
How do you start an “ick list” when you grew up with a npd mother and (older) sister? As I start(again the 10th therapy -but now with EMDR) I want to include this in my therapy.
I got indifferent with my npd exes without any problem…
But my mother (she died few years ago) and sister is too difficult…as I can’t forgive what they did to me and my sister stole the whole will. I cannot let go of that. My sister took everything even my kids pics and the hole art collection ($) my parents had.
So true. The grief is enormous as it is life long, parents, spouse and wonderful therapists that both got gaslit and held out hope for his future faking we didn’t understand is what he did. In my sixties I am understanding and faced with wisdom to allow myself to be, mySelf, willing to let go of rumination, deep sadness and all the misunderstandings of what was actually happening. Thank you💓
Love this video. You really summed up my last year of having to live in the new reality. I was not able to do all the things I could do before but slowly getting back to feel like myself again. Only stronger and with new knowledge ❤
I feel indifferent to him as someone I may see in the street, but my body goes tense at the thought of seeing him.
9:30 instead of odd and unfriendly, it can be the opposite (very common in my culture): very friendly, charming, talkative.
People here value and believe in this behavior too much.
Question: I understand acclimatization in high altitude. It seems to me that another example of acclimatization, a much more negative one, is that of the frog in the pot, "acclimatizing" to the water as it heats on the stove, not realizing or maybe not noticing it will soon be boiling and so it dies even though it could have jumped out before it was too late. What if I gaslight myself into believing I am acclimatizing to great heights when I am really the frog in the pot of boiling water? What if I am that frog?
Emma Kenny True Crime UK ❤ covers the horrific death of 5 year Charlie Gary 😢 murdered & tortured by foster demons who were Church members ❤ its a case worth watching ❤ RIP 5 year old Charlie ❤ the Judge showed great empathy for victim ❤
One way to protect myself is have charges pressed against her and stay far away from narcissists
This was really informative, I still get angry, so I was confused as I don't care what happens to them. This really helped me understand the anger, thank you
Well, their lives are none of my business any more, but I think I wish everyone well whoever they are. If they commit crimes and harm others I hope there is justice for their victims. If they have harmed me I just want them to stay away from me - forever. If they are happy with their lives they may be less likely to even want to be in contact with me, since I was 'not enough' and just 'imagined' the harms they caused. They do need to know that I am no longer 'supply.'
Regarding to "LETTING GO" issues..There was a Zen Buddhism short story which said: As one wanted to CROSSED the turbulence river, any boat would be 👍 NECESSITY as the TOOL..However, once one reached to the desired destination on the ground, would this boat be of any used for this particular individual?🤔?..It might be for SURELY TO THOSE who were still stuck on the other's ends of the riverside but definitely no more needed for the one who landed safely on desired destinations..Would ya not agree, Doc?🤔? Furthermore, would this individual be soooooo STUPIDLY to dragging this boat along onto the new landscape journey or carry it as a backpack, or would this individual be WISELY to leave it at the finished line for whoever else's might find it to be helpful tools? What ya think, Doc.?🤔?
That video is very educating and everything is well explained.
Dr. Ramani, sadly it appears too many of us are dealing with these types of people. Can you recommend someone who knows or do a video on tips to keep us safe regarding phones, iCloud, laptops, tech devices? I find many of them will use these things to stalk, harass, destroy evidence or just wreak havoc on their victims. I have and still am dealing with this. It's hard to keep up with the evil they are capable of, but being aware of what to look for would be incredibly helpful. Thanks for ALL you do!
I realized awhile ago my family members are not going to change. I see them every once in awhile at family gatherings. I find myself wanting to give them a second chance bc I guess I’m still hoping they have changed. I think when you don’t see someone a lot you can get confused and forget that they aren’t going to change and hope can creep in.
I know I'm capable of doing what's needed to recover and heal, but what I'm struggling with is his voice and the bad memories in my head. They haunt my every waking moment. I've blocked him, have Mentsl Health Services and a Support Sydtem in place, am considering medication, have stopped drinking and taking Cocaine to cope and am standing my boundaries. I have distanced myself from negative people in my life. I know I can do it but this 'rent free space' he has in my head drains me. 🍒
I just discovered you on a different channel. You have this narcissist thing figured out lol seriously 👍
I feel so bad when I feel indifferent towards people who hurt me in the past. I am working on that but it is hard to change
That’s right school teaches kids nothing it’s all about shaping them for a future box with a big fkn hole in it