Kati, you may never fully understand the depth of our gratitude for the way in which you nourish us through your content. It’s the perfect mix of understanding, validation and outlining steps towards healing that plants a deep seed in us. Thank you so much Kati and Sean for all you pour into your channels. I don’t know where I would be without you both. You’re truly the best!!
*Timestamps:* 01:10 I am a child of emotional neglect and I was wondering if you have any tips on how to stop minimising and downplaying my trauma. Even calling it trauma makes me uncomfortable because it wasn’t overt abuse. I can’t stop feeling like my trauma is... 13:49 Hi Kati! I feel like I spend a lot of my time playing through scenarios in my head about different events. For instance, if there is a conversation I want to have with someone I will play through it in my mind before I actually have it in person. I often find myself disappointed... 18:51 Hi Kati! Can you talk about finding the root of your unhappiness or sadness? You frequently talk about how without resolving the root of the issues you cannot get rid of unhealthy coping skills. How do you know what is THE problem? I’m in my early 20s and after I left the nest I realised how sad I am when am by myself - not because I’m lonely, but... 30:05 Hey Kati What's the difference between a very confident person and a narcissistic person? What's the line between confidence and narcissism? If a person is too confident does that make them narcissistic? 36:32 Hi Kati! Why does my therapist say I suffer from fear of abandonment although I actually haven’t been physically abandoned by anyone before? My parents tried their best in caring for me but they don’t really allow me to express my feelings (crying is unacceptable... 44:04 Hey Kati, how do you get over social anxiety when you keep failing at conversations whenever you try? It doesn't matter how many times I try I keep failing at it, even though I know I have to keep doing it to get better. I don't... 51:24 hey kati! would you be able to talk about orthorexia a little more? how do i know if i have it? currently i struggle with ocd and i am having a hard time figuring out whether my unhealthy obsession with being perfectly healthy is just another form of my ocd... 58:37 Hi Kati. How important are dreams for therapy? I´ve been wondering about my dreams a lot lately and sometimes I mention them in therapy, but do you think dreams can play an important role to get somewhere in therapy or isn´t it important... 1:03:05 Hi Kati! I've been feeling very 'meh' lately. I do college work online, and I seem to roll out of bed and onto my laptop. Sometimes even doing college work in my Pj's. I am not the most organised person in the world, and I have always failed at routines. I love to run and I do exercise, but... 1:08:56 My therapist challenged me when I said I wasn't going to get super personal. He asked when I was going to stop holding him at arms length and allow him to be personal with me. To be honest I don't know why I keep him at arms length. He's the one... 1:13:39 Can you heal attachment without having to do inner child work? Picturing myself as a child and pretending to talk to myself makes me deeply uncomfortable. I am autistic, for...
I struggle to even acknowledge my childhood emotional neglect. I physically can't see it as neglect, but I do logically know that it happened. It's also really hard to acknowledge and heal this neglect when my parents have become more emotionally available, but also defensive when I bring anything up about it. They have made the effort to become more available to me, so it's very difficult to acknowledge what was alot of trauma for me in my childhood. It has left me with so much toxic shame and guilt that I end up minimising all of my feelings.
Rachel, I feel the exact same way. This cute lady asking me how work was is not the mom who used to slap me for "talking back". After therapy, lots of reading and soul searching I had to accept that 2 things can be simultaneously true: 1. my parents did the best they could and way better than their own parents (who pretty much raised them like animals) and 2. I did not get enough love and support as a child and I needed that so bad, which is really really sad. I know it's hard. Just please know that there are a lot of us. And that we can sometimes be at peace, even truly happy. Sending you love.
@@Em91s it just shows how few people escape their childhood unscathed. I truly feel for what you've been through, and I hope your relationship with your parents is healing or improving. My dad was raised incredibly strictly and my mum was raised as a parentified child because my nan was too focused of her love life to really care for them properly. My nan was a great strong woman but most of her husband's treated my mum terribly, abused and neglected her. Both have raised us the way they were raised but better, if that makes sense. I suppose that looking at the way they were raised, it's understandable I turned out the way I did. Thank you for giving me another perspective. I know both my mum and dad love me and care for me, I and they also know that my siblings and I needed more than we received.
Neglect was the biggest form of abuse I experienced with verbal and occasionally physical and for sure the consequences were just as serious as someone with "worse" abuse. You can't measure abuse and how your brain will react. Thanks for affirming that there isn't an "abuse" scale. It all hurts and everyone's pain is valid.
this made me realize i was emotionally abandoned. I feel like i wasn't allowed to be sad when i really was, i was called overly sensitive and i was not supported, or that i was throwing a tantrum when really, i was just emotionally distressed and would become quiet or cry when i get yelled at. I hated being treated that way.
Because I was neglected and punished if I attempted to join in a family conversation, I have a pretty bad case of social anxiety and social ineptitude. I would love to have a friend, but apparently, my social interaction skills are off-putting. I am 62 years old, and I've never had a friend.
I’m guessing you’re afraid of rejection. You’ll need to let go of the need to be accepted, accept others for who they are and become the friend of others.
After 14 years of trying to escape the frozen pain feeling of PTSD inside, i decided to sit with the pain instead of escaping...and i found the more i was able to sit with the pain rather than frantically try to escape it, the more i was able to start sitting with joy.
You’re not alone. I have trouble here too - I can own emotional neglect as a thing, but the second that gets called abuse, I’m immediately defensive and … well angry. I’ve been saying for years that my mother did the very best she could, and it’s even true; but i also 💯 shut down at the idea that it was abusive at all. Really like the bridging concept- could be a start to healing the wound so I can finally move on!
To the person who asked about maladaptive daydreaming: I used to do that too, but I've found a way to turn it into something helpful. If I find that I'm obsessing over a pending task or event I journal or have a conversation about it. This usually reveals the 'real' issue behind why I'm stressing (I feel insecure, I don't feel prepared etc.) Then I can either do some emotional work to address the deeper issue, or make a plan so that I know what to do if things go poorly. Sometimes I physically 'reherse' a conversation if I'm really bothered by it...and somehow making it physical makes it less scary. I guess because it brings things out of the abstract and reminds me that I'm socially competent and capable. Hope this helps!
I can't tell how happy I am to have found your videos, I have been in a really bad place for the past couple of years. After having watched your videos about emotional neglect and trauma I realized that things I didn't think of as traumatic actually were. So many things make sense now. Thank you so much 😂 I totally have dust in my eyes.
38:36 What you’re describing hit so close to home I had to stop what I was doing to think it through more. I have struggled with emotional trauma (neglect, baggage, whatever you want to call it) basically for everything but my earliest of memories. On the outside, my parents were great: put me in sports (and letting me quit when I wanted), paid for music lessons for 3 instruments, helped buy nice clothes, send me to any/all the summer camps I wanted. But that was all after or intermixed with being told that i was a burden (“you ruined my life” has come up quite a bit). That “we don’t have mental issues” when I tried to express that I was feeling symptoms aligned with depression that I read about in classes. I could go on, but I struggle with feeling what’s the use. I feel guilty about being angry that it was such a Jekyll/Hyde situation as far as what things appeared on paper versus the things I haven’t really told anybody about. Feel the need to apologize about commenting on an older video. But anyway, thank you for making these videos. I can’t afford anything, let alone therapy, so your channel has been helpful beyond words.
Kati I love how you said you are not trauma specialist, but you are trauma informed. Obviously what college and all this licensure stuff helps with is humility. Your videos are very helpful, I can connect to many, thank you
A truly confident person can be challenged. They can find it a way to learn and grow. It helps them connect and communicate. A narcissist will react with hostility entirely out of proportion to the challenge.
Heidi B. Hello just wanted to say I agree I always look forward to these podcasts every Thursday I been watching and following for a long time just couldn't cope now without watching each week nice to meet you
@@nikkimckay860 I’m newer, but these help get me from one week to the next. I started therapy and have been to 4 sessions to try and work through my anxiety and depression and PTSD... this week my therapist wasn’t available for a session and it’s be more difficult to cope. Nice to meet you Nikki!
I am terrified of my own emotional reaction to my abuse! I feel that I will become emotionally overwhelmed and too vulnerable! It's a survival instinct!
One of my husband’s relatives had a child who seemed to be very strange. Everyone thought the boy was autistic, because he did show some signs of it. Doctors couldn’t give a diagnosis, and only later I realized that the boy was a victim of emotional neglect. It may seem similar with autism but not exactly the same
16:46 as someone currently diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and a history of struggling with maladaptive daydreaming, I would agree with you. At least for me, those two activities (maladaptive daydreaming and going over conversations in my head again and again) are very separate things. There is an element of compulsion with the latter, so I understand the confusion. But it is nowhere near close to the level of addictiveness that maladaptive daydreaming has
...The light through the curtains behind you is angelic!! 15:02 I totally concur that maladaptive daydreaming is anxiety, OCD and a need for control driven. That totally jives with my mental health journey. Such awesome insight Kati!! 🙌🏻
hina*. Hello completely agree with your comment because I really needed to hear the advice on social anxiety too and kati always dose good and important helpful video s 👍
Dear Kati 🌞 I was brought to tears as you discuss some questions and answers which apply to me. I have suffered from a eating disorder for 4 years which started after a traumatic event that brought out the other symptoms pretty bad. It's been many years with too many traumas to count...I still to heal but I don't struggle to eat...i divorced that issue. I'm so gr8ful for you and all you do 🙏❤🧡💛💚💙💜💟
Hi Katie. What you said about attachment issues and emotional neglect resonates with the negative images/events in my past. Can you say more about how to use bridged statements (eg., possibilities, different perspectives) in therapy or journaling? Thks
I learned about this podcast thanks to Kati's awesome appearance on "I Don't Know About That with Jim Jefferies" I am SO glad to have found it! Thanks so much Kati!
Childhood emotional neglect is basically psychological torture, probably worse then being straight up backhanded because we spent our entire lives gaslighting ourselfs that nothing happened "that bad" it is most deff abuse and trauma.
Hello people here in the comments hows is people doing. and are you getting though each day. kati hello happy Thursday to you hope you are haveing a calm day. All the questions are good and want to add i can completely relate to the question about anxiety everything that was talked about in that question reminded me of myself. And what I struggle with and i can't cope with I want to add my anxiety makes it difficult for me to meet new people or keep conversation s or start conversation s . i get very anxious and get into a panic when I'm outside for to long and have to meny people around me .Just a trigger for me i use to be fine with people and being outside who else go s though this. Lastly as always kati you calm me and always give loads of advice in detail for every question x
Suggestion for covid friendly connecting with friends and family.. My best friend of +10 years and I have been choosing books to read together. We read a set of chapters each week and discuss what happened and our thoughts and feelings about it. Its been a lot of fun and a great way to stay connected over this past year.
I had a great Family. But , my mother a Catholic, had 4 children in a two bedroom house . I lived on the fro room couch most of my life. Never had friends over. Never had any privacy. And Shame ,embarrassment ,and guilt is the story of my life. I was very lucky in life to find a wonderful husband who died far to young. I wasn’t. Neglected. Just never seen
As for social anxiety, I will usually try to help in some way. Maybe chopping veggies or helping with other food prep….something to do when short on small talk. When that doesn’t happen I look for the most interesting person or object in the room and gravitate that way . I am not sure if it is really social anxiety or if I also get a little bored.
Sometimes we have have trauma that happened so early we don’t remember it. Most people don’t have many memories before age 4. So much can happen there. Overwhelmed mother not coping with taking care of baby. Post partum depression after birth is not that rare and if mom is disconnected for weeks or months from baby .... I mean so much can happen.... people feel we just forget everything but that’s not really true. We do remember emotionally and our body remembers too. We just don’t have cognitive memory, this stuff is hard to deal with but I would just trust our emotions doesn’t matter really where they came from. If we feel pain it’s valid in my opinion.
Pami Solester I always felt so much pain emotionally but did not know why. I was so confused .... then I found out I am adopted and I was abused very badly as a baby. I am lucky to know the root now but what if I did not go to hospital and did not have records? Would me just feeling the pain and not knowing WHY less valid? I don’t think so
When my father died I began to see the abuse in that my mom became completely devoted to my dad’s memory and her only attention to me was to point out how unhappy she was with me for whatever reason. A little after a year after he died I decided to go away. From that point on I would come back and I would again experience the abuse.
1:03:52!!! I can’t even watch the news anymore. It’s beyond “meh” and immediately triggers my anxiety. I agree with you and Sean from OTDM in that we need to open back up our economy again with protocols remaining in place until everyone who wants to be vaccinated, is. We should continue the mask mandate for a while longer, social distancing as we’re able and adapt to a different way of working that offers safety and getting people BACK to work. If there is an outbreak or a hotspot, it can be quickly contained. After 9/11 we all accepted and adapted to new safety requirements for traveling. The shoes and belts come off, all devices must be within site in a separate tray, no water or liquids over 3 oz through security, we’re all tested for GSR, bomb material residue and weapons. We’ve done it! We’re doing it! We can do this too!💪🏻✌🏻❤️🙏🏻🦋
Just love that the curtains are so well lit behind Kati at the first half, like an angel on Earth! (Am an atheist.) Sean, good use of backlighting for effect!
Your voice seriously helps me sleep. I’ve been told by therapist I have fear to fall asleep. I want to sleep and I like sleep. But I sike my self out with what if thoughts. I’m Broken!!
Hi Kati, I listen to you from time to time. You seem to be a kind person and very knowledgeable in your profession. As I listened to this video, you stated that you weren't a religious person at all. That made me very sad. However, I'm not sure if you mean that you have decided to just reject religion, or if you reject the belief in a God. I'm a Christian who believes in God. My convictions are as such, because I prayed and asked God to forgive me of my sins and to come into my heart. As a result, I have His Spirit dwelling inside of me. And I also have His peace that passes all understanding. There's nothing like it. And I pray that for you. God fills that vacuum inside of us. And He will also take away that potty mouth that you have. Keep up the good work, and I hope you find God's peace that passes all understanding.
Thoughts on question 2: Definitely the anxiety theory is true. It took a lot of time for me to realise that. Even I thought it was due to maladaptive daydreaming and I was always hard on myself for that. But I slowly realised that I practice only for those situation where in past I have been uncomfortable or where I feel I might be judged or have a certain expectation to live up to. I don't rehearse for situations about which I am already comfortable about, like hanging out with close friends or where I know I am going to have known people around who I know wont judge me instead they will support me. So rehearsing and making up conversations only gives me back up plans and makes me more comfortable for the coming event or situation. Therefore when I am in that situation my anxiety brain is calm and doesn't ruin the moment for me.
Hi Kati I just re-subscribed and am truly hurting now? My Son and only child just died at 47 from stroke and all of my family are truly narcissistic. As an example of this my friend here insisted yesterday I call my Brother who didn't know about my Son's death and was the only in family who didn't know. I told him I didn't want to call him as I knew what Could happen And sure enough my Brother wasn't happy Kati? What I got was ' Yvonne I get very depressed at hearing things like that ' And Why did you call me and isn't this just a little late?' My friend didn't believe this but they are narcissistic classic gold metal yes I am nervous now and have trouble sleeping a bit now as I called yesterday. I have other family and they all know but never almost call or write me. They come first I'm just their target that's all . I used to hurt myself in my teens a bit I was so mixed up I still go into shock at their behavior I am currently feeling sickish guilt I think and sleep at that time. Right now I cannot get into therapy and am going to grief share however this doesn't help except to know others seem to be ok? I'm not ok Kati I'm so unhappy right now? Anything you can say is gold and thanks for reading this
One goal that I made today for my social anxiety and social conversations is to try to use peoples names when Im in groups or when I have a question so that I know who I am addressing and where to focus my attention for a few minutes. Just to use peoples names more often in conversations....its a way to invite myself in to the conversation when I get overwhelmed by others talking and not wanting to interupt their conversations where they have spontaneously chimed in.
How about if often feel like I'm operating from things I've heard or learned like a replayed tape but not able sometimes to let go and experience things for myself like you said only way is to go through it. Often feeling like the grown part of me is always aware and an inner critic to make sure I don't get hurt again in friendships or enacting ideas, plans, and projects.
Can't stop myself. Right off the bat. I haven't heard your thoughts yet Kati, but this person saying they wish something overtly bad to happen so they feel validated is a pebble they should not throw. Trust me. When something bad does happen, reality will impail you. My mother was always so safety conscious, but extremely so. Always a fear that one of us kids was going to hurt ourselves when she wasn't watching, etc. When my 9 year old niece, her grandbaby, committed suicide she was all freaked out she caused it because she was so paranoid. Which is absolutely not true. But, being overly obsessive will make you see things that aren't there and when something does happen, it's harder for you because of it. I hope that made sense. Lol 💜 My mom is doing okay now, but it was hard for her to work through it.
Bipolar 2... Sexually abused at 3 by a man then by woman at 11 ....was good student...but at 14 exam phobia school drop out. ...social anxiety, hyperse xuality since early.. teenage... at 19 panic disorder followed by depression OCD started but not severe ..... no success In career... In 2019,panic attack in park followed by bipolar 2 extreme suicidal, regrets and ocd chronic...flashing of self past images and compelling to regret about decisions... Self diagnosed but no professional help yet.. Taking clonazepam ocd, suicidal thoughts gone but depression still there heaviness there sadness there... Life sux.
I remember not being allowed to buy Cocoa Puffs. It was emotionally and even physically very traumatizing and taught me never to trust my parents or believe in my country or capitalism again. The searing pain of it never really goes away. We live in a very abusive culture. I don't know anyone who wasn't abused.
I have always wondered, (and still don't really know), how to know when ur being friendly (small talk), and what someone might consider nosy. Thx u if u ever c this
Very true, you are not born with resilence or coping skills. It's all mirrored. Learned this in early child development. Anxiety can be related to an unstable environment and day to day uncertainty.
We are absolutely born with resilience because mankind would not be here today. If we feel guilty for something and have a bad day and it feels like the end of the world and the pain with never end the next day we wake up and things are completely different and we don't feel like the crap we felt yesterday. In my opinion that's resilience! I wouldn't even be alive if not for being resilient. My trauma and abuse run deep.
Please do a vid on orthorexia :) My mother has that and compulsive exercising/very restrictive eating and its so bad. I ended up developing an ED and had issues for about 4 years and it was HELL. So many people go through this and we don't talk about it enough! My mother doesn't see she has a problem because she's just "healthy" in her eyes but I am convinced it will kill her someday-- she is 5'7" and 90lbs :(((((((
I. can’t get up in enough time to be one of the first comments on the community page so my question never get answered it’s been a little more then a month what can I do because it’s not a question about myself but other people around me and I want to help them the best I can
Mimi Belta. Hello I like your TH-cam name and also like what you wrote because I often miss my notification s for new video s or podcast s also about when kati asks people for there question s on a Monday I sometimes read though people s questions and I always try to get my question though to the podcast aswell but theres always loads of questions by time I try adding my question and so many people get loads of likes sometimes over 90 I tried a few times to get my question though but I only get 1 like so yes I know how you feel and I understand nice to meet you here
I was the second person to comment this week and my question still didn't get picked so I guess we all have to just keep trying. Hope your question gets answered soon xx
@@nikkimckay860 thank you it’s because mine is about a funeral during the pandemic and CNET the pandemic cause it to be a trauma and complicated grief and I want to help my cousin a that are the sons of the person (my stepsister) who passed away last December and we just had her funeral last month in the first
@@C3cilsqueeze I can understand and relate to not getting my question picked it makes me sad though because I only get 1 like everytime I try to get my question picked i realise now that unless you get alout of likes or someone leaves a comment under your question then feels like your trying for nothing because what you write about in your question just doesn't get the likes its comforting to share this conversation about how we feel about our question s not getting picked nice to meet you thanks for making me feel noticed 🙂
My psychology is trying to make me belive that my father abused me sexualy but i know he didn't. She insists that my brain is still on surviving mode and therfore i can't admit to it. it feels like she could soon convince me to believe it.
Hope for Recovery doesn't accept AHCCCS. Neither do most mental health professionals. Also, no dentists or eye doctors. I order my contacts from the UK and I go to Mexico for my teeth.
As an ISTP, please don't invite me to a party. I'll give you a few cocktail recipes, which I expect you to adhere strictly to the ingredients, but I'd rather be at home with my dog and my INTP boyfriend!
My nephew aged 5 has a new step father. My brother fies two yea sgo. His Ice Queen motjer is Russian. Sge has been with this barcissistic control fresk for a year ..she has saud she doesnt live him. But she has just moved into a half a million pound dream home. Our little boy who I lived with for a year...is now having extreme suthoritarian parenting ..he isntballowed to see ne. Unless a family occasion. Recent family visot ftom a little cousin...who he is aldo isolated from...a 3yo couson..who he afores... He isn't allowed to visit ..we cant collect him snd spend time with him anc take him back. Its btoken me. Im.powerless to save him.
Kati, you may never fully understand the depth of our gratitude for the way in which you nourish us through your content. It’s the perfect mix of understanding, validation and outlining steps towards healing that plants a deep seed in us. Thank you so much Kati and Sean for all you pour into your channels. I don’t know where I would be without you both. You’re truly the best!!
Totally agree. Thank you for everything Kati
Very well said ❤
@Billy Hawkins ~ It's a shame she didn't see this. You said the most wonderful things in a way that is so special! I am giving you a heart!💓
AMEN SISTA❤❤❤
*Timestamps:*
01:10 I am a child of emotional neglect and I was wondering if you have any tips on how to stop minimising and downplaying my trauma. Even calling it trauma makes me uncomfortable because it wasn’t overt abuse. I can’t stop feeling like my trauma is...
13:49 Hi Kati! I feel like I spend a lot of my time playing through scenarios in my head about different events. For instance, if there is a conversation I want to have with someone I will play through it in my mind before I actually have it in person. I often find myself disappointed...
18:51 Hi Kati! Can you talk about finding the root of your unhappiness or sadness? You frequently talk about how without resolving the root of the issues you cannot get rid of unhealthy coping skills. How do you know what is THE problem? I’m in my early 20s and after I left the nest I realised how sad I am when am by myself - not because I’m lonely, but...
30:05 Hey Kati What's the difference between a very confident person and a narcissistic person? What's the line between confidence and narcissism? If a person is too confident does that make them narcissistic?
36:32 Hi Kati! Why does my therapist say I suffer from fear of abandonment although I actually haven’t been physically abandoned by anyone before? My parents tried their best in caring for me but they don’t really allow me to express my feelings (crying is unacceptable...
44:04 Hey Kati, how do you get over social anxiety when you keep failing at conversations whenever you try? It doesn't matter how many times I try I keep failing at it, even though I know I have to keep doing it to get better. I don't...
51:24 hey kati! would you be able to talk about orthorexia a little more? how do i know if i have it? currently i struggle with ocd and i am having a hard time figuring out whether my unhealthy obsession with being perfectly healthy is just another form of my ocd...
58:37 Hi Kati. How important are dreams for therapy? I´ve been wondering about my dreams a lot lately and sometimes I mention them in therapy, but do you think dreams can play an important role to get somewhere in therapy or isn´t it important...
1:03:05 Hi Kati! I've been feeling very 'meh' lately. I do college work online, and I seem to roll out of bed and onto my laptop. Sometimes even doing college work in my Pj's. I am not the most organised person in the world, and I have always failed at routines. I love to run and I do exercise, but...
1:08:56 My therapist challenged me when I said I wasn't going to get super personal. He asked when I was going to stop holding him at arms length and allow him to be personal with me. To be honest I don't know why I keep him at arms length. He's the one...
1:13:39 Can you heal attachment without having to do inner child work? Picturing myself as a child and pretending to talk to myself makes me deeply uncomfortable. I am autistic, for...
I missed you friend
Nisa .hello not sure you remember me but I remember your name thank for the time stamps really helpful 👍🙂
Thank you kind stranger
AznDudeIsOn aww hello!!
Nikki Mckay hi nikki! i do remember you, you're welcome :)
I struggle to even acknowledge my childhood emotional neglect. I physically can't see it as neglect, but I do logically know that it happened. It's also really hard to acknowledge and heal this neglect when my parents have become more emotionally available, but also defensive when I bring anything up about it. They have made the effort to become more available to me, so it's very difficult to acknowledge what was alot of trauma for me in my childhood. It has left me with so much toxic shame and guilt that I end up minimising all of my feelings.
Rachel, I feel the exact same way. This cute lady asking me how work was is not the mom who used to slap me for "talking back". After therapy, lots of reading and soul searching I had to accept that 2 things can be simultaneously true: 1. my parents did the best they could and way better than their own parents (who pretty much raised them like animals) and 2. I did not get enough love and support as a child and I needed that so bad, which is really really sad. I know it's hard. Just please know that there are a lot of us. And that we can sometimes be at peace, even truly happy. Sending you love.
@@Em91s it just shows how few people escape their childhood unscathed. I truly feel for what you've been through, and I hope your relationship with your parents is healing or improving. My dad was raised incredibly strictly and my mum was raised as a parentified child because my nan was too focused of her love life to really care for them properly. My nan was a great strong woman but most of her husband's treated my mum terribly, abused and neglected her. Both have raised us the way they were raised but better, if that makes sense. I suppose that looking at the way they were raised, it's understandable I turned out the way I did. Thank you for giving me another perspective. I know both my mum and dad love me and care for me, I and they also know that my siblings and I needed more than we received.
The acknowledgement of it won’t happen overnight, give it time. Same with healing - it’s a long process.
Neglect was the biggest form of abuse I experienced with verbal and occasionally physical and for sure the consequences were just as serious as someone with "worse" abuse. You can't measure abuse and how your brain will react. Thanks for affirming that there isn't an "abuse" scale. It all hurts and everyone's pain is valid.
this made me realize i was emotionally abandoned. I feel like i wasn't allowed to be sad when i really was, i was called overly sensitive and i was not supported, or that i was throwing a tantrum when really, i was just emotionally distressed and would become quiet or cry when i get yelled at. I hated being treated that way.
Same
Because I was neglected and punished if I attempted to join in a family conversation, I have a pretty bad case of social anxiety and social ineptitude. I would love to have a friend, but apparently, my social interaction skills are off-putting. I am 62 years old, and I've never had a friend.
😭
I’m guessing you’re afraid of rejection. You’ll need to let go of the need to be accepted, accept others for who they are and become the friend of others.
After 14 years of trying to escape the frozen pain feeling of PTSD inside, i decided to sit with the pain instead of escaping...and i found the more i was able to sit with the pain rather than frantically try to escape it, the more i was able to start sitting with joy.
🎉
You are. Very brave continue feeling the pain. Than let it go to god .
Joy and contentment Poet!
38 years fighting against this.. I can’t anymore
I was constantly told that no one cares. And that has been a constant theme in my life.
I was emotionally neglected as a child. Because of it I have so much trouble with exactly what you touched on with that question so thank you! 💜
You’re not alone. I have trouble here too - I can own emotional neglect as a thing, but the second that gets called abuse, I’m immediately defensive and … well angry. I’ve been saying for years that my mother did the very best she could, and it’s even true; but i also 💯 shut down at the idea that it was abusive at all. Really like the bridging concept- could be a start to healing the wound so I can finally move on!
To the person who asked about maladaptive daydreaming: I used to do that too, but I've found a way to turn it into something helpful. If I find that I'm obsessing over a pending task or event I journal or have a conversation about it. This usually reveals the 'real' issue behind why I'm stressing (I feel insecure, I don't feel prepared etc.) Then I can either do some emotional work to address the deeper issue, or make a plan so that I know what to do if things go poorly. Sometimes I physically 'reherse' a conversation if I'm really bothered by it...and somehow making it physical makes it less scary. I guess because it brings things out of the abstract and reminds me that I'm socially competent and capable. Hope this helps!
Wow! I dis the same and didn’t even realized it helped. Thanks for reminding me that 🙏
I can't tell how happy I am to have found your videos, I have been in a really bad place for the past couple of years. After having watched your videos about emotional neglect and trauma I realized that things I didn't think of as traumatic actually were. So many things make sense now. Thank you so much 😂 I totally have dust in my eyes.
always look forward to your new podcasts! yay
Allison Williams. Nice name also agree with your comment I always look forward to listening and watching kati s podcast too 👍
@@nikkimckay860 hehe ty🙂
Kati, You are Such a Blessing to Me!!! ❤️
38:36 What you’re describing hit so close to home I had to stop what I was doing to think it through more. I have struggled with emotional trauma (neglect, baggage, whatever you want to call it) basically for everything but my earliest of memories. On the outside, my parents were great: put me in sports (and letting me quit when I wanted), paid for music lessons for 3 instruments, helped buy nice clothes, send me to any/all the summer camps I wanted. But that was all after or intermixed with being told that i was a burden (“you ruined my life” has come up quite a bit). That “we don’t have mental issues” when I tried to express that I was feeling symptoms aligned with depression that I read about in classes. I could go on, but I struggle with feeling what’s the use. I feel guilty about being angry that it was such a Jekyll/Hyde situation as far as what things appeared on paper versus the things I haven’t really told anybody about. Feel the need to apologize about commenting on an older video. But anyway, thank you for making these videos. I can’t afford anything, let alone therapy, so your channel has been helpful beyond words.
Kati I love how you said you are not trauma specialist, but you are trauma informed. Obviously what college and all this licensure stuff helps with is humility. Your videos are very helpful, I can connect to many, thank you
Thank you for your kind words :)
A truly confident person can be challenged. They can find it a way to learn and grow. It helps them connect and communicate. A narcissist will react with hostility entirely out of proportion to the challenge.
I so look forward to these each Thursday!!
Heidi B. Hello just wanted to say I agree I always look forward to these podcasts every Thursday I been watching and following for a long time just couldn't cope now without watching each week nice to meet you
@@nikkimckay860 I’m newer, but these help get me from one week to the next. I started therapy and have been to 4 sessions to try and work through my anxiety and depression and PTSD... this week my therapist wasn’t available for a session and it’s be more difficult to cope. Nice to meet you Nikki!
I love the way you say "welcome!" Kati! It makes me happy & feel welcome : ) Your videos are great!
Thanks!
I am terrified of my own emotional reaction to my abuse! I feel that I will become emotionally overwhelmed and too vulnerable! It's a survival instinct!
just found you, so grateful 🙏 ❤
One of my husband’s relatives had a child who seemed to be very strange. Everyone thought the boy was autistic, because he did show some signs of it. Doctors couldn’t give a diagnosis, and only later I realized that the boy was a victim of emotional neglect. It may seem similar with autism but not exactly the same
how are you supposed to act normal when your normal is being alone?
Thank you for the time and effort you put there, love you
16:46 as someone currently diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and a history of struggling with maladaptive daydreaming, I would agree with you. At least for me, those two activities (maladaptive daydreaming and going over conversations in my head again and again) are very separate things. There is an element of compulsion with the latter, so I understand the confusion. But it is nowhere near close to the level of addictiveness that maladaptive daydreaming has
...The light through the curtains behind you is angelic!! 15:02 I totally concur that maladaptive daydreaming is anxiety, OCD and a need for control driven. That totally jives with my mental health journey. Such awesome insight Kati!! 🙌🏻
Here we go 🥰
Loved the advice on social anxiety! Thank you for always making awesome videos Kati ✨
hina*. Hello completely agree with your comment because I really needed to hear the advice on social anxiety too and kati always dose good and important helpful video s 👍
Dear Kati 🌞 I was brought to tears as you discuss some questions and answers which apply to me. I have suffered from a eating disorder for 4 years which started after a traumatic event that brought out the other symptoms pretty bad. It's been many years with too many traumas to count...I still to heal but I don't struggle to eat...i divorced that issue. I'm so gr8ful for you and all you do 🙏❤🧡💛💚💙💜💟
Hi Katie. What you said about attachment issues and emotional neglect resonates with the negative images/events in my past. Can you say more about how to use bridged statements (eg., possibilities, different perspectives) in therapy or journaling? Thks
I learned about this podcast thanks to Kati's awesome appearance on "I Don't Know About That with Jim Jefferies" I am SO glad to have found it! Thanks so much Kati!
Childhood emotional neglect is basically psychological torture, probably worse then being straight up backhanded because we spent our entire lives gaslighting ourselfs that nothing happened "that bad" it is most deff abuse and trauma.
Hello people here in the comments hows is people doing. and are you getting though each day. kati hello happy Thursday to you hope you are haveing a calm day. All the questions are good and want to add i can completely relate to the question about anxiety everything that was talked about in that question reminded me of myself. And what I struggle with and i can't cope with I want to add my anxiety makes it difficult for me to meet new people or keep conversation s or start conversation s . i get very anxious and get into a panic when I'm outside for to long and have to meny people around me .Just a trigger for me i use to be fine with people and being outside who else go s though this. Lastly as always kati you calm me and always give loads of advice in detail for every question x
Suggestion for covid friendly connecting with friends and family..
My best friend of +10 years and I have been choosing books to read together. We read a set of chapters each week and discuss what happened and our thoughts and feelings about it. Its been a lot of fun and a great way to stay connected over this past year.
Always something helpful from you right right when I need it❤ I appreciate youuuu
I had a great Family. But , my mother a Catholic, had 4 children in a two bedroom house . I lived on the fro room couch most of my life. Never had friends over. Never had any privacy. And Shame ,embarrassment ,and guilt is the story of my life. I was very lucky in life to find a wonderful husband who died far to young. I wasn’t. Neglected. Just never seen
As for social anxiety, I will usually try to help in some way. Maybe chopping veggies or helping with other food prep….something to do when short on small talk. When that doesn’t happen I look for the most interesting person or object in the room and gravitate that way . I am not sure if it is really social anxiety or if I also get a little bored.
My fave day of the week 🤩 Thanks for all your advice Kati❣
I fully agree with you Ellie :)
Thanks for answering my question this week! I really enjoy your podcasts.
Sometimes we have have trauma that happened so early we don’t remember it. Most people don’t have many memories before age 4. So much can happen there. Overwhelmed mother not coping with taking care of baby. Post partum depression after birth is not that rare and if mom is disconnected for weeks or months from baby .... I mean so much can happen.... people feel we just forget everything but that’s not really true. We do remember emotionally and our body remembers too. We just don’t have cognitive memory, this stuff is hard to deal with but I would just trust our emotions doesn’t matter really where they came from. If we feel pain it’s valid in my opinion.
Pami Solester
I always felt so much pain emotionally but did not know why. I was so confused .... then I found out I am adopted and I was abused very badly as a baby. I am lucky to know the root now but what if I did not go to hospital and did not have records? Would me just feeling the pain and not knowing WHY less valid? I don’t think so
Yay, another episode of AKA = another happy Thursday!
Best part of Thursday :)
When my father died I began to see the abuse in that my mom became completely devoted to my dad’s memory and her only attention to me was to point out how unhappy she was with me for whatever reason. A little after a year after he died I decided to go away. From that point on I would come back and I would again experience the abuse.
Does emotionally neglect effect future relationships?
Absolutely!
Unfortunately, yes.
1:03:52!!! I can’t even watch the news anymore. It’s beyond “meh” and immediately triggers my anxiety. I agree with you and Sean from OTDM in that we need to open back up our economy again with protocols remaining in place until everyone who wants to be vaccinated, is. We should continue the mask mandate for a while longer, social distancing as we’re able and adapt to a different way of working that offers safety and getting people BACK to work. If there is an outbreak or a hotspot, it can be quickly contained.
After 9/11 we all accepted and adapted to new safety requirements for traveling. The shoes and belts come off, all devices must be within site in a separate tray, no water or liquids over 3 oz through security, we’re all tested for GSR, bomb material residue and weapons. We’ve done it! We’re doing it! We can do this too!💪🏻✌🏻❤️🙏🏻🦋
You really made me realize a few things that I do not think I realized happen. Thank you.
Just love that the curtains are so well lit behind Kati at the first half, like an angel on Earth!
(Am an atheist.)
Sean, good use of backlighting for effect!
Your voice seriously helps me sleep. I’ve been told by therapist I have fear to fall asleep. I want to sleep and I like sleep. But I sike my self out with what if thoughts. I’m
Broken!!
Hi Kati,
I listen to you from time to time. You seem to be a kind person and very knowledgeable in your profession.
As I listened to this video, you stated that you weren't a religious person at all. That made me very sad. However, I'm not sure if you mean that you have decided to just reject religion, or if you reject the belief in a God.
I'm a Christian who believes in God. My convictions are as such, because I prayed and asked God to forgive me of my sins and to come into my heart. As a result, I have His Spirit dwelling inside of me. And I also have His peace that passes all understanding.
There's nothing like it. And I pray that for you.
God fills that vacuum inside of us. And He will also take away that potty mouth that you have.
Keep up the good work, and I hope you find God's peace that passes all understanding.
😆💜 Kati, I sincerely love you. Thank the stars you have good parents. We need people like you to give us hope for normalcy and happiness.
Thoughts on question 2: Definitely the anxiety theory is true. It took a lot of time for me to realise that. Even I thought it was due to maladaptive daydreaming and I was always hard on myself for that. But I slowly realised that I practice only for those situation where in past I have been uncomfortable or where I feel I might be judged or have a certain expectation to live up to. I don't rehearse for situations about which I am already comfortable about, like hanging out with close friends or where I know I am going to have known people around who I know wont judge me instead they will support me.
So rehearsing and making up conversations only gives me back up plans and makes me more comfortable for the coming event or situation. Therefore when I am in that situation my anxiety brain is calm and doesn't ruin the moment for me.
Boop boop! Just got the bell notification.
🥳
Hi Kati I just re-subscribed and am truly hurting now? My Son and only child just died at 47 from stroke and all of my family are truly narcissistic. As an example of this my friend here insisted yesterday I call my Brother who didn't know about my Son's death and was the only in family who didn't know. I told him I didn't want to call him as I knew what Could happen And sure enough my Brother wasn't happy Kati? What I got was ' Yvonne I get very depressed at hearing things like that ' And Why did you call me and isn't this just a little late?' My friend didn't believe this but they are narcissistic classic gold metal yes I am nervous now and have trouble sleeping a bit now as I called yesterday. I have other family and they all know but never almost call or write me. They come first I'm just their target that's all . I used to hurt myself in my teens a bit I was so mixed up I still go into shock at their behavior I am currently feeling sickish guilt I think and sleep at that time. Right now I cannot get into therapy and am going to grief share however this doesn't help except to know others seem to be ok? I'm not ok Kati I'm so unhappy right now? Anything you can say is gold and thanks for reading this
sending you lots of love❤️
One goal that I made today for my social anxiety and social conversations is to try to use peoples names when Im in groups or when I have a question so that I know who I am addressing and where to focus my attention for a few minutes. Just to use peoples names more often in conversations....its a way to invite myself in to the conversation when I get overwhelmed by others talking and not wanting to interupt their conversations where they have spontaneously chimed in.
How about if often feel like I'm operating from things I've heard or learned like a replayed tape but not able sometimes to let go and experience things for myself like you said only way is to go through it. Often feeling like the grown part of me is always aware and an inner critic to make sure I don't get hurt again in friendships or enacting ideas, plans, and projects.
I think the doggo cameos need to be a more regular thing 😍😍😍😍 😍
I always love your videos you are amazing and I am learning Psychology from u 🌷🌷🌷
Can't stop myself. Right off the bat. I haven't heard your thoughts yet Kati, but this person saying they wish something overtly bad to happen so they feel validated is a pebble they should not throw. Trust me. When something bad does happen, reality will impail you. My mother was always so safety conscious, but extremely so. Always a fear that one of us kids was going to hurt ourselves when she wasn't watching, etc. When my 9 year old niece, her grandbaby, committed suicide she was all freaked out she caused it because she was so paranoid. Which is absolutely not true. But, being overly obsessive will make you see things that aren't there and when something does happen, it's harder for you because of it. I hope that made sense. Lol 💜 My mom is doing okay now, but it was hard for her to work through it.
Bipolar 2... Sexually abused at 3 by a man then by woman at 11 ....was good student...but at 14 exam phobia school drop out. ...social anxiety, hyperse xuality since early.. teenage... at 19 panic disorder followed by depression OCD started but not severe ..... no success In career... In 2019,panic attack in park followed by bipolar 2 extreme suicidal, regrets and ocd chronic...flashing of self past images and compelling to regret about decisions... Self diagnosed but no professional help yet.. Taking clonazepam ocd, suicidal thoughts gone but depression still there heaviness there sadness there... Life sux.
Hey Kati hope you’re doing well! Happy Thursday❤️
I remember not being allowed to buy Cocoa Puffs. It was emotionally and even physically very traumatizing and taught me never to trust my parents or believe in my country or capitalism again. The searing pain of it never really goes away. We live in a very abusive culture. I don't know anyone who wasn't abused.
Love your videos 💜
Can you also inform about reducing the charge, fear, cycling of ptsd if someone feels it often.
I have always wondered, (and still don't really know), how to know when ur being friendly (small talk), and what someone might consider nosy.
Thx u if u ever c this
Very true, you are not born with resilence or coping skills. It's all mirrored. Learned this in early child development. Anxiety can be related to an unstable environment and day to day uncertainty.
We are absolutely born with resilience because mankind would not be here today. If we feel guilty for something and have a bad day and it feels like the end of the world and the pain with never end the next day we wake up and things are completely different and we don't feel like the crap we felt yesterday. In my opinion that's resilience! I wouldn't even be alive if not for being resilient. My trauma and abuse run deep.
thank you!
Please do a vid on orthorexia :) My mother has that and compulsive exercising/very restrictive eating and its so bad. I ended up developing an ED and had issues for about 4 years and it was HELL. So many people go through this and we don't talk about it enough! My mother doesn't see she has a problem because she's just "healthy" in her eyes but I am convinced it will kill her someday-- she is 5'7" and 90lbs :(((((((
Yay!😊
I. can’t get up in enough time to be one of the first comments on the community page so my question never get answered it’s been a little more then a month what can I do because it’s not a question about myself but other people around me and I want to help them the best I can
Mimi Belta. Hello I like your TH-cam name and also like what you wrote because I often miss my notification s for new video s or podcast s also about when kati asks people for there question s on a Monday I sometimes read though people s questions and I always try to get my question though to the podcast aswell but theres always loads of questions by time I try adding my question and so many people get loads of likes sometimes over 90 I tried a few times to get my question though but I only get 1 like so yes I know how you feel and I understand nice to meet you here
I was the second person to comment this week and my question still didn't get picked so I guess we all have to just keep trying. Hope your question gets answered soon xx
@@nikkimckay860 thank you it’s because mine is about a funeral during the pandemic and CNET the pandemic cause it to be a trauma and complicated grief and I want to help my cousin a that are the sons of the person (my stepsister) who passed away last December and we just had her funeral last month in the first
@@mimibelta259 I'm sorry to hear that I hope next time your question gets picked and answered x
@@C3cilsqueeze I can understand and relate to not getting my question picked it makes me sad though because I only get 1 like everytime I try to get my question picked i realise now that unless you get alout of likes or someone leaves a comment under your question then feels like your trying for nothing because what you write about in your question just doesn't get the likes its comforting to share this conversation about how we feel about our question s not getting picked nice to meet you thanks for making me feel noticed 🙂
My mom loved and loves my brothers and picks apart my sisters and i
My psychology is trying to make me belive that my father abused me sexualy but i know he didn't. She insists that my brain is still on surviving mode and therfore i can't admit to it. it feels like she could soon convince me to believe it.
Kati! Can you please add timestamps to your description? :)
There are time stamps in one of the comments ...
I have many "roots" of trauma, likely some I've supressed.
Who is this Kati girl? Oh yeah she’s my best friend!!
This describes me.
Yes😊
Before I had even heard of narcissism, I had seen conceit and vanity and I wonder how similar that is to narcissism.
Kati 😍
Love u
To be honest I really miss that jingle. Is there a reason why it isn't a part of this podcast anymore?
Hope you're having a great day!
I used to wish they would just beat me up so I'd have something to show people
Neglect is often caused by Dis-association.
I’m surprised you used the words “unfortunately”. I would think FORTUNATELY my brother is resilient..Am I wrong?
narcissists have cognitive empathy
30:50
Hope for Recovery doesn't accept AHCCCS. Neither do most mental health professionals. Also, no dentists or eye doctors. I order my contacts from the UK and I go to Mexico for my teeth.
As an ISTP, please don't invite me to a party. I'll give you a few cocktail recipes, which I expect you to adhere strictly to the ingredients, but I'd rather be at home with my dog and my INTP boyfriend!
My nephew aged 5 has a new step father. My brother fies two yea sgo. His Ice Queen motjer is Russian. Sge has been with this barcissistic control fresk for a year ..she has saud she doesnt live him. But she has just moved into a half a million pound dream home. Our little boy who I lived with for a year...is now having extreme suthoritarian parenting ..he isntballowed to see ne. Unless a family occasion. Recent family visot ftom a little cousin...who he is aldo isolated from...a 3yo couson..who he afores... He isn't allowed to visit ..we cant collect him snd spend time with him anc take him back. Its btoken me. Im.powerless to save him.
Totally unrelated but ..Kate McKinnon?
Where's your intro? 😂
🍭🍦🍦🍭🍦🍦🍭🍦
ARE you vERy NicE 🌷♥️🇵🇰👍
why the gratuitous swearing ?