I LOVE Eddie, but I have to say, Alicia Vikander outdid him in this movie. She mastered Gerda perfectly. You can feel her pain of losing her husband in this scene. It's heartbreaking.
Alicia was amazing, especially in this scene, but I don't think she outdid Eddie. What was required of them was different, and I think Eddie's transformation was truly special and something not many actors could do.
Alicia acting was so damn good that they had to make her caracter more relevant, because in the real life when him decide to be Lili they just divorce and live their own life.
This is the most beautiful scene of Gerda. I can feel her pain and how she miss her husband, how she really need him.... this movie caught my heart, full of arts.
some people think the actress Alicia should win oscar from movie ex machina and not Danish Girl ... this scene is one of the scenes that prove those people were wrong because her acting here is obviously powerful
This made me tear up... People talk so bravely about someone who's married and coming on as trans, but people forget about the spouse. And how hard and emotional it can be to "lose" the one they married. Must be so hard for both of them :(
it really is. on one hand, if the trans partner detransitiotioned it would be a good thing for their spouse, but on the other it would mean that the trans partner would live in pain the rest of their live sticking to a presentation and body they hate and often literally can't live with. it's hard no matter what, but ultimately clearly for the better. of course, this was in the early 1900s...
Not to mention, when someone transitions, that is technically not the person the parent gave birth to, and that is not the person whom the spouse married. So they are grieving for the person they either married or gave birth to, therefore everyone is transitioning. Gerda married Einar, not Lili, just like Gerda is attracted to males, not females. So because Einar no longer exists, Gerda is grieving for him while trying to be supportive of Lili. But she’s doing her best to be considerate, though here, she needs her husband. Not trying to offend anyone, just trying to explain why a transition can be difficult for the family and loved ones as well, not always because of prejudice, but grief.
I love that she says “Can you just get him” when she wants to see Einar to Lili implying how understanding she is of Lili’ssituation rather than calling her Einar and saying “You are Einar” to Lili’s face, also she didn’t force Lili at all and actually just walked away
That’s a really emotionally intelligent woman for you😊 they are a rare breed! If it were someone else, she’ll be throwing punches and kicking her husband out from lily 😅
i think she will lose if she competed in the best actress category. but if she is in the best supporting actress category, she will blow all her co-nominees away.
I actually like the fact that she won in best supporting role. Because it shows her impact on Eddies acting which was amazing due to Alicia as well. She really did support him and his acting.
Lili/Einar is a bit selfish. Yes, she's being who she wants to be but hasn't even considered Gerda's feelings and still didn't attend anything with her - not just as a partner but as someone there with her as she was alone.
SJMJ91 Exactly. I found it so selfish. He or.. she.. didn't have to be her husband anymore but at least consider her feelings. Not just detach completely because he now has the life he's always wanted. It's super sad.
I don’t particularly know. Lily had just found herself, she was finally herself. I myself am trans, and I could ask to get a boys uniform, but for now, I don’t. As it would make some of the girls uncomfortable in P.E. And stuff. And that's good, since there are a lot more of them, and it's benefiting the most. Except each time I’m in the girls changing room, or someone questions why I have a boys name when I wear a blouse... I feel myself crumbling on the inside. It’s not that I’m that person who cries about getting misgendered even without exposing, it’s just that, I know it could be different. But I chose not to for the girls. I think that's what Lili's feeling. She couldn’t face going back to acting as someone she now know's she’s not, when she could be herself. It could be selfish, but I think it’s more of loosing a struggle between her want to help her wife, or gender dysphoria, this crumbling inside feeling liked to gender. It's hard if you don’t know what it's like.
That was my thought too. Gerda was willing to do and sacrifice so much to support Lili/ Einar. And in the moment where Gerda needed him the most and begged for Einar to come forth, Lili refused. I wish he would just hold and comfort her, she deserves that at least.
i can understand doing things together but when she asks for Einar, she’s asking for the impossible. Lilli is trying to be herself, she’s finally free from the chains of masculinity and the fake identity she built for herself and she can’t go back to pretending, it would make her feel so awful. i know if i were in that situation i could never go back.
I believe that this movie was meant for Eddie Redmayne to shine as his character, especially in modern times when being a transgender is becoming more acceptable. And yet this scene happens and Alicia Vikander just stole it completely from him. Her pain was overwhelming and could be seen so easily.
Eiliestl that's like saying the civil Rights movement was being shoved down white people's throats. They just want basic rights, to live, like everyone else.
I haven't been through it personally, but I think it feels like a loss to the family of a transgender person. loving a female and loving a male have different dynamics. and it almost feels like their former loved one died. love is so deep, its hard to transfer it so easily. the family will struggle with this just like the transgender will. its a rough situation but it happens. if there is love however, it will prevail as shown in this movie.
This scene almost made me cry when I first watched it. Gerda is such a lovely person and tries her hardest to support Lili, but at the same time she liteally lost her husband. He can’t be seen in lili, he’s gone.
It was weird watching this, as it happened to me and an ex. Not married, but lived together for six years. He gradually stopped wanting to be physically close to me, but didn't tell me why for years. It absolutely crushed me to have someone push me away, ignore me, keeping secrets and generally acting shady (he would talk to and meet up with other trans women). I am 100% straight, and completely turned off by crossdressing. So he knew I wouldn't want to get involved in that side of him. I never tried to discourage him (I didn't even know about it for a very long time), but at the same time I lost any interest in him sexually when he dressed up or talked about it. He later told me he had been dressing up for a long time and at least partly interested in men. He knew I was entirely straight from the start, so would never enjoy that. So I don't know why he wasted so many years of my life and didn't at least date a woman that was bi and more likely to be ok with sharing his interest. I felt completely used and deceived. He wanted me to just think of him as my partner when he was dressed as a man and his friend when he was dressed as a woman. But I don't compartmentalise people like that. He wanted me to just turn my emotions on and off when it was convenient for him. A decade later and I still have huge esteem issues that I don't think I will ever resolve entirely. I also wasted the best years of my life with him, and haven't managed to find another partner in the decade since as I'm nearing middle age now and had to have therapy before I could even stomach dating and trusting someone again. Everyone I meet now is already taken and I'm too old to have a family. It destroyed me. He went off and found a partner within a year, but it wrecked my life for a long time. Possibly forever.
I am so sorry you endured all this. This goes way beyond the fact that someone may or may not support the LGBTQ+ community.. Really, it's about relationships in general. As much understanding you can be of circumstances, when you are behaving selfishly and you know it, you should step away and have the guts to be honest with your partner, especially when not deserving all of that pain. Hope you're thriving and being alright now. And found love for yourself again ❤️
Even the person transitioning has to be considerate of others’ feelings and express empathy for the pain their loved ones might have. Not saying they should be someone they aren’t, but in your case, your former partner should have considered your feelings, and had NO right to waste your time. They should have ended the relationship rather than waste your time. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
It is deeply sad that while finding the courage of been yourself one can hurt so many people. I know you are hurt, traumatized, dissappointed, sad. But do not think you are worthless, do not think you are not deserving of something great. Love yourself and fall in love with yourself again, once you do that the rest will come along. Maybe not in the way you had.planned it, but beautiful things will happen.
I've seen this clip many times and every time when she says "I need to talk to my husband.. I need to hold my husband", my heart just breaks and I cry every time😢😢
I keep on seeing this scene in my head after watching the movie. I always want to cry, this is heartbreaking, I can't even imagine losing the person you love, which is replaced by the other in the same body. Actress mastered Greda, I can feel her pain.
Judith Furmston If he’s not able to comfort and hold his heartbroken wife who needed him, and who he was never even attracted to but lied that he was for years in their marriage, then yes she did lose the person she loved in a big cruel way. He stole her love and youth and time with a lie. That’s incredibly selfish and mean even when done so you can fit in with society... Actually, _especially_ when done so _you_ can fit in with society and you’re using someone to do that. Don’t involve others in your lie to yourself. A woman can comfort her wife. A woman can speak in her natural voice she wishes were higher just for a moment while hugging her crying wife. A woman can wear a suit while comforting her wife because it’s just clothes. We all do drag, to paraphrase Rue Paul. This was the ultimate in selfishness from Lili after all he’d taken from Gerda.
The synergy between Vikander and Redmayne is uncanny. They’re 100% believable as they transition from husband and wife to tormented roommates and, finally, beloved friends, bringing to life a story they never lived.
I know this feeling, but under a different context. It's that feeling when you've just realised that someone you love is gone, someone you love who you never think will be lost to you, is gone. The heaviness in the chest, the impending heartbreak of knowing no matter how much you ask them to come back, they will not. It's a feeling that makes you wish you can reverse time and try to redo everything again, just so you can avoid this ending. I know this feeling, and it is exquisite in the sense that you will only feel this pain if you truly loved that person.
As the daughter of a trans person, mtf, who transitioned in her forties, this scene just woke some very deeply buried emotions for me. This is so so accurate because I’m just now remembering the whole situation causes my eating disorder. I hid in my room from the kitchen and living room where I knew my dad would be and I hid from the constant fights between my parents because mom just wanted her husband back. The thing that hurts even more is that you can’t help that you’re grieving, and that hurts them. Before my dad transitioned, she asked me if I would still love her as a woman and I said “I don’t know.” Obviously things have changed, but the thing that hurts the absolute most is knowing that you both are hurting and you’re never going to find a solution that makes both of you happy. I’m not struggling with it anymore but this really genuinely made me cry because I could feel my heart breaking for both of these characters. I think we get so caught up in our own happiness we don’t see how our actions affect those around us. It really really hurts. And if anyone is in either side of this situation, I really wish you the best, and it will get better someday. It’s a long, difficult, and bumpy road. But you will get there
I'm the daughter of a trans person too. I remember when she took the decision of transitioning, everything I could say when being asked about my feelings was "I don't want you to be unhappy, but I don't want to lose my father". For me, this movie is a great reflection of what my family went through.
@@irenediaz5432 so sorry you both went through this. I know I wouldn’t be happy if my dad did that. I mean, in the long run there is acceptance but we are losing the father we once had.
sheesh what a selfish family, it's all about you right? Them going on this journey, at this time where trans people are constantly being targeted and their own physical and mental journey is not important? What is important is that you are not going to call her "dad"? She's still your parent no matter what gender is and this not something to be struggled if you are way above the tender age of 10. If you are an adult, you must be capable of understanding that you are not entitled to your parent's gender but their care, affection and love. If you are not losing these, you are not losing a parent. You need to shift your perception. There is nothing to be hurt. If you are hurting it's on you and your subconscious prejudice towards a trans person. I hope the past year has shown you these.
@@Rinniantoinette You are not losing "the father you once had". They are still there if they are giving you the same care and love. What a selfish way to position yourself in this situation.
@@MissZencefili think you're the one who's being selfish and I must add, cruel on two persons who are experiencing this situation. It takes time to understand and accept. And it's legitimate for them to feel confused and hurt because, in a way they lost their dads. How is that difficult to understand for you? And feeling hurt is not a sign of intolerance whatsoever... is a completely human emotion. Speaking of humanity: just try to show more empathy to this situation don't be to harsh judging these girls.
“Not everything is about you!” It’s so true, I know Lilly is going through this transformation but Gerda is truly hurting and she’s misses her husband.
Am I the only one that thinks he's actually crazy? Like I feel bad for him but I think he has multiple personality disorder. He's acting like two completely different people. As a man he loved is wife but as a women he was 100 percent into men and only saw her as his friend. He would deny actions based on which "character" did it. Even though he is one person. I really think he did have a mental disability.
xXxbaxroxXx ı think he just admired her body her strong personality ıf you watch the ankle scene again maybe you can understand me. I also have a friend who is transgender and actually it almost work the same for him too.
I feel the same way. You would think a transgender would not completely transform their identity, just the gender they feel they should have been born in. But this is obviously two different people altogether, so I would say you are right and this is a multiple personality disorder. Then again I'm not an expert on transgenders nor the human psyche.
in real life, she was actually intersex which means she had both male and female parts (it was actually discovered that she had a womb during her autopsy). She was born with male genitalia but her internal organs and hormones were female.
I love this film so much. Everything is just pure art. The acting is extraordinary and the music makes everything even better and more emotional. One of my all time favourite films
First of all; you're using the wrong pronouns. Both of these people are women, therefor you should be using she/her pronouns for both of them. And you obviously have no idea what being transgender is like and the toll it takes on person to act and pretend as the gender they don't identify as. Lilli can't pretend to be someone else to suit someone else, even when it may be difficult.
@Kelly Perillo No, the actor in real life is a cis man, but the person he is portraying in this movie is a transgender woman. So she is in fact a woman.
This is why it is acceptable for a wife to not be supportive for her husband if he wants to change gender. It's heartbreaking to see there are people that insults women who is not supportive of her husband changing gender. It's sad because she is losing someone she loves. And she can choose to be supportive or not. Because not everything is about him. She has her problems and he is dealing with his own.
I agree. That's why it's not selfish when a partner ends up divorcing their trans partner because sometimes it's like a death. Gerda lost Einar, she mourned him and then she had to mourn Lilli too. Sometimes a partner has to protect themselves as well.
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@T. V. A. ??? it was referencing the fact that once lili found herself she couldn't just detransition. she sought gender confirmation surgery & didn't just periodically revert into her gender assigned at birth. they're completely different things
The movie portrays Gerda's pain so well, I was almost unable to watch it and couldn't stop thinking about it for days. Her character is more interesting, emotional and well acted than Lilli's if you ask me.
i could feel the heartbreak, my heart broke for her. I understand how it feels to need your husband like that and he would not come through for you. Exquisite scene and acting.
I've bene in a relationship for about 4 years now. I've had relationships before that, but this is the first one that has last this long. I am happy. We're two straight people, living a conventional life. No norms to fight. Regardless, what I recognize from this scene is that no matter how hard we try, no matter how true we try to be to ourselves and others, sometimes we just hurt each other. It just happens. Love really just hurts sometimes, even when people try to be good to one another.
I couldn’t help but notice the music to start off the video is so similar to the scene in Deathly Hallows Part 2 as Harry, Ron, and Hermione have a moment and the screen fades to black and the music is called “A New Beginning”. I was curious as to who composed this and googled it and it turns out it was Alexandre Desplat, who also composed the final Harry Potter installment as well. I just thought this was very interesting and worth mentioning.
I felt so sad and sorry for Gerda. In my opinion, she is the character that suffered the most. She married a man and loved him as her husband. Of course, when the man she loved the most started to change and act like a woman, she has every right to be disappointed and heartbroken. The man she loved and married no longer exists. She married him as a man not a woman. I can understand very well her anger here in this scene.. she misses her husband deeply
I can SO relate. There are times when my husband be sitting right next to me but emotionally when I need him the most he'll be very far away and I miss him.
What are you talking about this film is definitely about Lili Elbe but you bigots seem to love exaggerate Gerda's pain yeah she has the right to be sad but Lili has the right to be herself they are both right
The fact that she won for best SUPPORTING actress instead of best actress, disgusts me. She was the lead she had just as much screen time as Eddie, her performance was incredible and had me to tears. The academy disrespected her and she deserved better
Brie Larson did an amazing job in “Room” that year, so to guarantee a win Alicia Vikander had to apply for the Best Supporting Actress. But I agree with you, she should have been nominated for Best Leading Actress and won it.
@@sabz1461 I do think Brie should’ve won, but it was the fact of the category she was nominated in. It’s because the academy don’t enjoy nominating actors or actresses of colour or in they’re not from Britain or America. She deserved better
@@ahlamm-6141 I thought the actors and studio themselves apply for which category they want in? To heighten their chances to win one, they often go for “Supporting”. Olivia Colman even said in an interview that Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz went for Supporting Actress because they wanted her to win the “Leading” one or something like that. Either way, Alicia has an Oscar. But she is the leading lady here.
@@ahlamm-6141 apparently the studio or the actor in question can choose which category they will compete in and submit their request. Then the Academy chooses whom to nominate. But that’s what I have read. I might be wrong too. I am no actor, so can’t speak for them.
Lily and Einar are like two completely different people. Lili could clearly see how much pain Garda was feeling, why was she talking to her like that?? I didn’t know transitioning could do something like that to a person.. completely changed personalities
This scene reminds me indirectly of my ex when he left me. It was so wonderful just days before, then he was gone. He would communicate but in a cold distant manner, it was like the person I knew and wanted so badly and had just days before; had suddenly died and I had to go on without him though I was so in love with him. I lived my life engulfed in flames those days, nothing could put the fire out, I just had to burn; for so long. I waited for the person i knew to return and save me, until there was nothing left to hope for and nothing left of my heart.
The exact reason I just will not watch the movie. Her pain and what she has to deal with losing someone. Needing that person who promised in life and in death to her to be there for her. To hold him. Please someone explain how "discovering yourself" and injuring the lives of the people who you supposedly pledged your love to is any better than "discovering" that you love someone else and cheating on your spouse.
Allison Thorson I agree, but I think that was the reason I LOVE THS movie. Most of the story about “coming out” is center the protagonist and his pain, but it was the first time I saw the focus in his close ones. Like, okay his was unhappy with his “condition”, but still have someone who would anything to him. I think went wrong in this movie, is the love Gerda for what Einar is was to much more touching than Lili story.
Gerda isn’t wrong. They are still married and is supporting Lily. Even if just friends, it was kind of sad that Lily wasn’t there to support Gerda. Love should be 50/50 whether romantic or not.
It's not selfish when you stand for your own identity. But it has consequences. Your parents won't be traumatised because you will still remain their children. But when it comes to wife and children, a familt that you built your own.. the child loses a parental figure they have learnt about in their entire life. It's one of those situations that has no right or wrong. There is no way out. The best thing to do is a parent recognizing their child's real identity and gender or sexual orientation so they don't get hurt in their later life. This film is so sad.
I believe Gerda was beginning her thoughts and love for Hans and thought she would make one last effort to hold onto Einer. She leaves and makes a play for Hans.
I LOVE Eddie, but I have to say, Alicia Vikander outdid him in this movie. She mastered Gerda perfectly. You can feel her pain of losing her husband in this scene. It's heartbreaking.
Jenna Denjern by watching the scene, this was the reason why her performance was worthy for an Oscar.
Jenna Denjern I agree
Alicia was amazing, especially in this scene, but I don't think she outdid Eddie. What was required of them was different, and I think Eddie's transformation was truly special and something not many actors could do.
Alicia acting was so damn good that they had to make her caracter more relevant, because in the real life when him decide to be Lili they just divorce and live their own life.
I know to! We in Sweden has really been proud of her
This is the most beautiful scene of Gerda. I can feel her pain and how she miss her husband, how she really need him.... this movie caught my heart, full of arts.
some people think the actress Alicia should win oscar from movie ex machina and not Danish Girl ... this scene is one of the scenes that prove those people were wrong because her acting here is obviously powerful
This made me tear up... People talk so bravely about someone who's married and coming on as trans, but people forget about the spouse. And how hard and emotional it can be to "lose" the one they married.
Must be so hard for both of them :(
it really is. on one hand, if the trans partner detransitiotioned it would be a good thing for their spouse, but on the other it would mean that the trans partner would live in pain the rest of their live sticking to a presentation and body they hate and often literally can't live with. it's hard no matter what, but ultimately clearly for the better. of course, this was in the early 1900s...
It breaks the heart.
Gerda may have been a lesbian in the modern world
@@Rmg321 no🖤
Not to mention, when someone transitions, that is technically not the person the parent gave birth to, and that is not the person whom the spouse married. So they are grieving for the person they either married or gave birth to, therefore everyone is transitioning. Gerda married Einar, not Lili, just like Gerda is attracted to males, not females. So because Einar no longer exists, Gerda is grieving for him while trying to be supportive of Lili. But she’s doing her best to be considerate, though here, she needs her husband. Not trying to offend anyone, just trying to explain why a transition can be difficult for the family and loved ones as well, not always because of prejudice, but grief.
I love that she says “Can you just get him” when she wants to see Einar to Lili implying how understanding she is of Lili’ssituation rather than calling her Einar and saying “You are Einar” to Lili’s face, also she didn’t force Lili at all and actually just walked away
Yeah
That’s a really emotionally intelligent woman for you😊 they are a rare breed! If it were someone else, she’ll be throwing punches and kicking her husband out from lily 😅
@@heart127 well put 🍷
@@heart127 if you think emotionally intelligent women are rare, then it’s a non existent trait in men, surely. 🙄
@@dewilew2137 fr
So much feelings in this scene, this is so unforgettable.
@senjou No.
To bad its just acting 🎭
She should've strolled off with best actress for this role, not best supporting.
i think she will lose if she competed in the best actress category. but if she is in the best supporting actress category, she will blow all her co-nominees away.
I actually like the fact that she won in best supporting role. Because it shows her impact on Eddies acting which was amazing due to Alicia as well. She really did support him and his acting.
She probably would've lost to Brie Larson anyway.
the best supporting actress doesn't mean that she was less great, in the movie her role was supporting that is why she won it
She ended up as Best Supporting Actress so everyone could hype up Brie Larson…
Lili/Einar is a bit selfish. Yes, she's being who she wants to be but hasn't even considered Gerda's feelings and still didn't attend anything with her - not just as a partner but as someone there with her as she was alone.
SJMJ91 Exactly. I found it so selfish. He or.. she.. didn't have to be her husband anymore but at least consider her feelings. Not just detach completely because he now has the life he's always wanted. It's super sad.
I don’t particularly know. Lily had just found herself, she was finally herself. I myself am trans, and I could ask to get a boys uniform, but for now, I don’t. As it would make some of the girls uncomfortable in P.E. And stuff. And that's good, since there are a lot more of them, and it's benefiting the most. Except each time I’m in the girls changing room, or someone questions why I have a boys name when I wear a blouse... I feel myself crumbling on the inside. It’s not that I’m that person who cries about getting misgendered even without exposing, it’s just that, I know it could be different. But I chose not to for the girls. I think that's what Lili's feeling. She couldn’t face going back to acting as someone she now know's she’s not, when she could be herself. It could be selfish, but I think it’s more of loosing a struggle between her want to help her wife, or gender dysphoria, this crumbling inside feeling liked to gender. It's hard if you don’t know what it's like.
That was my thought too. Gerda was willing to do and sacrifice so much to support Lili/ Einar. And in the moment where Gerda needed him the most and begged for Einar to come forth, Lili refused. I wish he would just hold and comfort her, she deserves that at least.
Adline Writes but it would be a lie
i can understand doing things together but when she asks for Einar, she’s asking for the impossible. Lilli is trying to be herself, she’s finally free from the chains of masculinity and the fake identity she built for herself and she can’t go back to pretending, it would make her feel so awful. i know if i were in that situation i could never go back.
The way her voice breaks at 'cant you just get him?', even off screen her acting is so powerful
I believe that this movie was meant for Eddie Redmayne to shine as his character, especially in modern times when being a transgender is becoming more acceptable. And yet this scene happens and Alicia Vikander just stole it completely from him. Her pain was overwhelming and could be seen so easily.
crazyangst12 Agree.
Eiliestl that's like saying the civil Rights movement was being shoved down white people's throats. They just want basic rights, to live, like everyone else.
It's not like that at all . Not even close to it. These are a smal % of people trying to normalize somthing rather amnormal
No need to make it political, the OP was talking about the performances.
I haven't been through it personally, but I think it feels like a loss to the family of a transgender person. loving a female and loving a male have different dynamics. and it almost feels like their former loved one died. love is so deep, its hard to transfer it so easily. the family will struggle with this just like the transgender will. its a rough situation but it happens. if there is love however, it will prevail as shown in this movie.
This scene almost made me cry when I first watched it. Gerda is such a lovely person and tries her hardest to support Lili, but at the same time she liteally lost her husband. He can’t be seen in lili, he’s gone.
Alicia was great! I really felt for Gerda, putting Lili before herself couldn't have been easy.
she did an amazing job in this movie. I loved everything about her character. you could hear the pain in her voice. bravo. that's acting done right
Not everything is about you.... Damn
Diana González it's true though he's so selfish
Yep
@@bxbxb1_554 She*
@@eros-arcana yeah
@@eros-arcana HE.
When you actually feel bad for Kris Jenner after watching this video
Grace Baker. What
IM SCREECHING HOLY SHIT
Honestly though
IM SCREAMING
Grace Baker. damn this hits hard
It was weird watching this, as it happened to me and an ex. Not married, but lived together for six years. He gradually stopped wanting to be physically close to me, but didn't tell me why for years. It absolutely crushed me to have someone push me away, ignore me, keeping secrets and generally acting shady (he would talk to and meet up with other trans women). I am 100% straight, and completely turned off by crossdressing. So he knew I wouldn't want to get involved in that side of him. I never tried to discourage him (I didn't even know about it for a very long time), but at the same time I lost any interest in him sexually when he dressed up or talked about it. He later told me he had been dressing up for a long time and at least partly interested in men. He knew I was entirely straight from the start, so would never enjoy that. So I don't know why he wasted so many years of my life and didn't at least date a woman that was bi and more likely to be ok with sharing his interest. I felt completely used and deceived. He wanted me to just think of him as my partner when he was dressed as a man and his friend when he was dressed as a woman. But I don't compartmentalise people like that. He wanted me to just turn my emotions on and off when it was convenient for him.
A decade later and I still have huge esteem issues that I don't think I will ever resolve entirely. I also wasted the best years of my life with him, and haven't managed to find another partner in the decade since as I'm nearing middle age now and had to have therapy before I could even stomach dating and trusting someone again. Everyone I meet now is already taken and I'm too old to have a family. It destroyed me. He went off and found a partner within a year, but it wrecked my life for a long time. Possibly forever.
I am so sorry you endured all this. This goes way beyond the fact that someone may or may not support the LGBTQ+ community.. Really, it's about relationships in general. As much understanding you can be of circumstances, when you are behaving selfishly and you know it, you should step away and have the guts to be honest with your partner, especially when not deserving all of that pain. Hope you're thriving and being alright now. And found love for yourself again ❤️
i hope you can find a happy live. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Peace be with you and I hope it gets better
Even the person transitioning has to be considerate of others’ feelings and express empathy for the pain their loved ones might have. Not saying they should be someone they aren’t, but in your case, your former partner should have considered your feelings, and had NO right to waste your time. They should have ended the relationship rather than waste your time. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
It is deeply sad that while finding the courage of been yourself one can hurt so many people. I know you are hurt, traumatized, dissappointed, sad. But do not think you are worthless, do not think you are not deserving of something great. Love yourself and fall in love with yourself again, once you do that the rest will come along. Maybe not in the way you had.planned it, but beautiful things will happen.
I've seen this clip many times and every time when she says "I need to talk to my husband.. I need to hold my husband", my heart just breaks and I cry every time😢😢
I keep on seeing this scene in my head after watching the movie. I always want to cry, this is heartbreaking, I can't even imagine losing the person you love, which is replaced by the other in the same body. Actress mastered Greda, I can feel her pain.
EG Elżbieta Golimowska
You don't loose them though. They are who they've always been. If you love them you see that straight away.
EG Elżbieta Golimowska
Judith Furmston
If he’s not able to comfort and hold his heartbroken wife who needed him, and who he was never even attracted to but lied that he was for years in their marriage, then yes she did lose the person she loved in a big cruel way. He stole her love and youth and time with a lie. That’s incredibly selfish and mean even when done so you can fit in with society... Actually, _especially_ when done so _you_ can fit in with society and you’re using someone to do that. Don’t involve others in your lie to yourself. A woman can comfort her wife. A woman can speak in her natural voice she wishes were higher just for a moment while hugging her crying wife. A woman can wear a suit while comforting her wife because it’s just clothes. We all do drag, to paraphrase Rue Paul. This was the ultimate in selfishness from Lili after all he’d taken from Gerda.
@@AddBowIfGirl I'm just confused as to why they couldn't just be lesbians lmao.
@@eros-arcana Maybe because life isn't that simple.
This is not love. He/she was enjoying support she was getting from her wife but she ESSENTIALLY lied to her and used her wife's commitment
The synergy between Vikander and Redmayne is uncanny. They’re 100% believable as they transition from husband and wife to tormented roommates and, finally, beloved friends, bringing to life a story they never lived.
I feel such utter respect for Gerda. Supporting and loving her partner all throughout her transition.
I know this feeling, but under a different context. It's that feeling when you've just realised that someone you love is gone, someone you love who you never think will be lost to you, is gone. The heaviness in the chest, the impending heartbreak of knowing no matter how much you ask them to come back, they will not. It's a feeling that makes you wish you can reverse time and try to redo everything again, just so you can avoid this ending. I know this feeling, and it is exquisite in the sense that you will only feel this pain if you truly loved that person.
This is heartbreaking.
“I need my husband, can you get him?” Damn 💔
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00:06 lol her face like: OMG not this shit again.
lol
As the daughter of a trans person, mtf, who transitioned in her forties, this scene just woke some very deeply buried emotions for me. This is so so accurate because I’m just now remembering the whole situation causes my eating disorder. I hid in my room from the kitchen and living room where I knew my dad would be and I hid from the constant fights between my parents because mom just wanted her husband back. The thing that hurts even more is that you can’t help that you’re grieving, and that hurts them. Before my dad transitioned, she asked me if I would still love her as a woman and I said “I don’t know.” Obviously things have changed, but the thing that hurts the absolute most is knowing that you both are hurting and you’re never going to find a solution that makes both of you happy. I’m not struggling with it anymore but this really genuinely made me cry because I could feel my heart breaking for both of these characters. I think we get so caught up in our own happiness we don’t see how our actions affect those around us. It really really hurts. And if anyone is in either side of this situation, I really wish you the best, and it will get better someday. It’s a long, difficult, and bumpy road. But you will get there
I'm the daughter of a trans person too. I remember when she took the decision of transitioning, everything I could say when being asked about my feelings was "I don't want you to be unhappy, but I don't want to lose my father". For me, this movie is a great reflection of what my family went through.
@@irenediaz5432 so sorry you both went through this. I know I wouldn’t be happy if my dad did that. I mean, in the long run there is acceptance but we are losing the father we once had.
sheesh what a selfish family, it's all about you right? Them going on this journey, at this time where trans people are constantly being targeted and their own physical and mental journey is not important? What is important is that you are not going to call her "dad"? She's still your parent no matter what gender is and this not something to be struggled if you are way above the tender age of 10. If you are an adult, you must be capable of understanding that you are not entitled to your parent's gender but their care, affection and love. If you are not losing these, you are not losing a parent. You need to shift your perception. There is nothing to be hurt. If you are hurting it's on you and your subconscious prejudice towards a trans person. I hope the past year has shown you these.
@@Rinniantoinette You are not losing "the father you once had". They are still there if they are giving you the same care and love. What a selfish way to position yourself in this situation.
@@MissZencefili think you're the one who's being selfish and I must add, cruel on two persons who are experiencing this situation. It takes time to understand and accept. And it's legitimate for them to feel confused and hurt because, in a way they lost their dads. How is that difficult to understand for you? And feeling hurt is not a sign of intolerance whatsoever... is a completely human emotion.
Speaking of humanity: just try to show more empathy to this situation don't be to harsh judging these girls.
“Not everything is about you!”
It’s so true, I know Lilly is going through this transformation but Gerda is truly hurting and she’s misses her husband.
“Can’t you just get him?” God, my heart broke for her.
Am I the only one that thinks he's actually crazy? Like I feel bad for him but I think he has multiple personality disorder. He's acting like two completely different people. As a man he loved is wife but as a women he was 100 percent into men and only saw her as his friend. He would deny actions based on which "character" did it. Even though he is one person. I really think he did have a mental disability.
xXxbaxroxXx ı think he just admired her body her strong personality ıf you watch the ankle scene again maybe you can understand me. I also have a friend who is transgender and actually it almost work the same for him too.
I feel the same way. You would think a transgender would not completely transform their identity, just the gender they feel they should have been born in. But this is obviously two different people altogether, so I would say you are right and this is a multiple personality disorder. Then again I'm not an expert on transgenders nor the human psyche.
in real life, she was actually intersex which means she had both male and female parts (it was actually discovered that she had a womb during her autopsy). She was born with male genitalia but her internal organs and hormones were female.
People with dissociative identity disorder aren't 'crazy'.
what
I love this film so much. Everything is just pure art. The acting is extraordinary and the music makes everything even better and more emotional. One of my all time favourite films
She supported him unconditionally and he couldn't be there for her for just a few hours
This is what more people should be saying
@@megansmallwood3409 agreed!
*She supported her
First of all; you're using the wrong pronouns. Both of these people are women, therefor you should be using she/her pronouns for both of them. And you obviously have no idea what being transgender is like and the toll it takes on person to act and pretend as the gender they don't identify as. Lilli can't pretend to be someone else to suit someone else, even when it may be difficult.
@Kelly Perillo No, the actor in real life is a cis man, but the person he is portraying in this movie is a transgender woman. So she is in fact a woman.
This is why it is acceptable for a wife to not be supportive for her husband if he wants to change gender. It's heartbreaking to see there are people that insults women who is not supportive of her husband changing gender. It's sad because she is losing someone she loves. And she can choose to be supportive or not. Because not everything is about him. She has her problems and he is dealing with his own.
I agree. That's why it's not selfish when a partner ends up divorcing their trans partner because sometimes it's like a death. Gerda lost Einar, she mourned him and then she had to mourn Lilli too. Sometimes a partner has to protect themselves as well.
This movie is so amazing. I love it so much.
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Why do i feel like lili had more of a mutiple personality disorder than a transgender thing
Same, they are like two completely different people!!
@@essie. Oh really? I thought once they got through transitioning the dysphoria would go away 😕
Frog Cape that’s not how that works
@T. V. A. ??? it was referencing the fact that once lili found herself she couldn't just detransition. she sought gender confirmation surgery & didn't just periodically revert into her gender assigned at birth. they're completely different things
Same
i cried watching this movie omg its so sad
And this is why Alicia won the Oscar 👏 she is just prefect!
Me when my husband disappears into the bathroom for two and a half hours
She got the Oscar for this scene alone. Amazing.
The movie portrays Gerda's pain so well, I was almost unable to watch it and couldn't stop thinking about it for days. Her character is more interesting, emotional and well acted than Lilli's if you ask me.
To me, this is probably the most heartbreaking scene of this entire film and it's the reason Alicia won the Oscar.
Alicia rightfully deserved the Oscar for this
I knew, when I watched THIS scene in the theater, that she was gonna win an oscar. Her acting is phenomenal here
Bless the wife for being so accepting but this is still so heartbreakingly gut-wrenching to watch her hurt and pain unravel in this.
I've never seen the movie but this scene is so powerful, the emotion is portrayed so perfectly
That's why alicia got that oscar , except for eddie .
i could feel the heartbreak, my heart broke for her. I understand how it feels to need your husband like that and he would not come through for you. Exquisite scene and acting.
I've bene in a relationship for about 4 years now. I've had relationships before that, but this is the first one that has last this long. I am happy.
We're two straight people, living a conventional life. No norms to fight. Regardless, what I recognize from this scene is that no matter how hard we try, no matter how true we try to be to ourselves and others, sometimes we just hurt each other. It just happens. Love really just hurts sometimes, even when people try to be good to one another.
Well spoken. Loving someone is the most beautiful experience, but being close means being hurt and hurting someone else. It just comes with humanity.
I couldn’t help but notice the music to start off the video is so similar to the scene in Deathly Hallows Part 2 as Harry, Ron, and Hermione have a moment and the screen fades to black and the music is called “A New Beginning”. I was curious as to who composed this and googled it and it turns out it was Alexandre Desplat, who also composed the final Harry Potter installment as well. I just thought this was very interesting and worth mentioning.
She portrayed this character perfectly
I remember watching this scene and felt so much pain in my chest, heartbreaking indeed.
This is my favorite scene from the movie....such powerful performances.
Because of this scene alone I cannot rewatch this movie. I can't survive the sadness the second time around
I felt so sad and sorry for Gerda. In my opinion, she is the character that suffered the most. She married a man and loved him as her husband. Of course, when the man she loved the most started to change and act like a woman, she has every right to be disappointed and heartbroken. The man she loved and married no longer exists. She married him as a man not a woman. I can understand very well her anger here in this scene.. she misses her husband deeply
I can SO relate. There are times when my husband be sitting right next to me but emotionally when I need him the most he'll be very far away and I miss him.
This film was never about Eddie Redmayne. It was about Gerda and her suffering when it comes to her losing her husband.
What are you talking about this film is definitely about Lili Elbe but you bigots seem to love exaggerate Gerda's pain yeah she has the right to be sad but Lili has the right to be herself they are both right
The fact that she won for best SUPPORTING actress instead of best actress, disgusts me. She was the lead she had just as much screen time as Eddie, her performance was incredible and had me to tears. The academy disrespected her and she deserved better
Brie Larson did an amazing job in “Room” that year, so to guarantee a win Alicia Vikander had to apply for the Best Supporting Actress. But I agree with you, she should have been nominated for Best Leading Actress and won it.
@@sabz1461 I do think Brie should’ve won, but it was the fact of the category she was nominated in. It’s because the academy don’t enjoy nominating actors or actresses of colour or in they’re not from Britain or America. She deserved better
@@ahlamm-6141 I thought the actors and studio themselves apply for which category they want in? To heighten their chances to win one, they often go for “Supporting”. Olivia Colman even said in an interview that Emma Stone and Rachel Weisz went for Supporting Actress because they wanted her to win the “Leading” one or something like that. Either way, Alicia has an Oscar. But she is the leading lady here.
@@sabz1461 I don’t think that’s true, maybe it is. But Sam l Jackson said that the academy chooses what to nominate
@@ahlamm-6141 apparently the studio or the actor in question can choose which category they will compete in and submit their request. Then the Academy chooses whom to nominate. But that’s what I have read. I might be wrong too. I am no actor, so can’t speak for them.
Lily and Einar are like two completely different people. Lili could clearly see how much pain Garda was feeling, why was she talking to her like that?? I didn’t know transitioning could do something like that to a person.. completely changed personalities
She most likely had DID it wasn't just because of transitioning
This is called a brilliant performance. A budding actor can learn so much from this scene alone.
Alicia Vikander was incredible in this film.
This scene reminds me indirectly of my ex when he left me. It was so wonderful just days before, then he was gone. He would communicate but in a cold distant manner, it was like the person I knew and wanted so badly and had just days before; had suddenly died and I had to go on without him though I was so in love with him. I lived my life engulfed in flames those days, nothing could put the fire out, I just had to burn; for so long. I waited for the person i knew to return and save me, until there was nothing left to hope for and nothing left of my heart.
Alicia Vikander is so talented, it's crazy when you think of the roles she's getting nowadays. Like, Lara Croft, really?
The exact reason I just will not watch the movie. Her pain and what she has to deal with losing someone. Needing that person who promised in life and in death to her to be there for her. To hold him. Please someone explain how "discovering yourself" and injuring the lives of the people who you supposedly pledged your love to is any better than "discovering" that you love someone else and cheating on your spouse.
Allison Thorson I agree, but I think that was the reason I LOVE THS movie. Most of the story about “coming out” is center the protagonist and his pain, but it was the first time I saw the focus in his close ones. Like, okay his was unhappy with his “condition”, but still have someone who would anything to him. I think went wrong in this movie, is the love Gerda for what Einar is was to much more touching than Lili story.
Gerda isn’t wrong. They are still married and is supporting Lily. Even if just friends, it was kind of sad that Lily wasn’t there to support Gerda. Love should be 50/50 whether romantic or not.
the girl stole this movie
Mafecín which one
matías Alicia 💜
Gerda seems like a sweety.
This is how Kris would've felt when Bruce Jenner turned into Caitlyn Jenner
It's not selfish when you stand for your own identity. But it has consequences. Your parents won't be traumatised because you will still remain their children. But when it comes to wife and children, a familt that you built your own.. the child loses a parental figure they have learnt about in their entire life. It's one of those situations that has no right or wrong. There is no way out. The best thing to do is a parent recognizing their child's real identity and gender or sexual orientation so they don't get hurt in their later life. This film is so sad.
This movie will never stop being heartbreaking to me. 💔
Alicia Vikander is the most underrated actress of our generation
Alicia vikander is a wonderful actress. She was my favorite part of the movie.
This movie is one of a kind, broke me so much.
So the Danish girl is the wife, who overcomes her heartbroken and fully supports her husband on his path of finding himself.
This is such a beautiful and painful love story. They truly loved each other
Eddie is such amazing actor !!!! The fact that he actually looks beautiful as a girl ❤️🥰
Damn what a performance she gave.
This scene makes me cry each time omfg...
Great acting 😍 just brilliant . I loved Lilly
that 0:57 look he gives like "bitch, it is all about me".lol
Was such a sad but beautiful movie. Eddie Redmayne makes such a beautiful woman. I felt so bad for Gerda.
Tbh I felt rly bad for the blonde girl cuz now she doesn’t have a husband and the red head doesn’t wanna be with her like that
yet she still be there for her husband until the end
I believe Gerda was beginning her thoughts and love for Hans and thought she would make one last effort to hold onto Einer. She leaves and makes a play for Hans.
THEY COMPLETE EACH OTHER IN THIS MOVIE
This scene is so painful I can’t even watch this
My heart broke for these two
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This scene won her the Oscar
The most heartbreaker moment
Alicia v. Is outstanding in this role!!!She really will have a long career if she wants or
Ya aren't the saloonist you're the whole saloon
Her expression says it all
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Every1: What a heartfelt movie
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I'm in love with this movie
Eddie Redmayne looks like a cross between Jessica Chastain and Jennifer Garner.
I'm not crying.😥
I clicked on this knowing fully that it was going to hurt me lol
"My dog stepped on a bee"
after that scene she won the Oscar
Ya aren't the soonest you're the whole saloon
Not everything is about you !!! 🔥 💔
now i have to watch it cause of Alicia Vikander (tomb raider) ❤️
Love you Alicia Vikander ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️