The saddest I've ever been (postpartum depression)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ต.ค. 2024
- Detailing my experience with postpartum depression (PPD) for the first several months after having my child.
PPD Resources
www.postpartum....
www.nimh.nih.g...
• What Is Postpartum Dep...
• 5 Myths about Postpart...
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*PPD Resources*
www.postpartum.net/
www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/postpartum-depression-facts/index.shtml
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Unnatural Vegan "crying happy tears" I love that you said this and accept this. Your videos are so informative, resourceful, and factual, and although saying "crying happy tears" can be explained in a scientific way, some things in life are almost just spiritual. Just my humble opinion... Thanks for posting! No doubt this is going to help (future) moms AND dads understand the reality of (post) pregnancy. ❤
do you mean coming down off coke or ecstasy? Very brave vid......much more common than people think....glad your feeling better :)
It is useful because other women in a similar position won't feel alone and maybe open up and seek help earlier when they have seen your video. I'm very glad you feel much better now! And as a mom to be I feel so much more calm and prepared (kind of) to meet all the sh* that will hit the fan 😂😊
I hated being pregnant. The whole thing was really hard on my body. I love my son to pieces, but I've decided that I can't be pregnant ever again. #oneanddone
Nicole although my pregnancy was ok and I loved feeling baby kicks, I wasn't a fan of being pregnant either. It is quite tough on our bodies, yet amazing what our bodies can do. Grow an entire human inside and then give birth. This thought makes pregnancy more enjoyable lol
Not gonna lie I'd listen to your views on everything. Not just veganism
I just wrote the same thing....
Yep!
Yes
Same here.
Adrienna Becker Totally agree!
I went through the exact same thing, I hated being pregnant too. It’s scary and you can’t control anything. I totally get you. I’m so glad you opened up about this. ❤️
Wow cool seeing you here😊 love your channel
As someone who is currently pregnant, this is exactly the video I needed to see right now. Thank you Swayze.
Abort it, otherwise you are not a real vegan.
Eco Mal what the hell?!
@@ecomal5104 what the fuck is wrong with you
@Dark Glow my response was to the person who said "abort it, otherwise you are not a real vegan." I found their comment to be really gross not Shelby.
@Dark Glow I don't know what it's like in your situation, I didn't mean my comment to come off as sounding like I was shaming the girl who was giving pregnant because that would be disgusting of me. My problem was with the person who told her to abort her child. I'm sorry if it seemed like I was being insensitive to op.
I'm very vocal about my PPD since mine was different than what I've heard other people talk about.
I felt an extreme hatred for my husband, to the point that I began thinking of ways to hurt and even kill him. Then I would snap out of it, and feel so guilty for thinking that about him (I adore my husband).
I had a great relationship with my OB, we were joking around at my 6 week checkup and then mentioned how I was feeling. He got very serious asked more questions and proceeded to write out a RX. I was not to go home without picking it up, if they didn't have it, call around till I found a pharmacy that had it... if no one had it I needed to admit myself to the hospital.
If my RX didn't work within 3 days, I needed to admit myself to the hospital.
He told me that in the next week my hormones would make a huge shift, and it could make the PPD worse, to the point that I could hurt my husband.
Once I got on the medication, within days, I felt so much better, and was able to ween off it after about 3 months.
It scares me to think what could have happened if I hadn't mentioned anything to my doctor. It's also why I talk about it, so that if anyone else feels that way...Talk to your OB/GYN.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry that happened. I'm glad you could talk about it
Medication is still safe for the unborn baby?
@@tilasole3252 She said she was suffering from PPD. Post Partum Depression. So she had already had the child and was prescribed the medication at her 6 week appointment after childbirth. But, sometimes a doctor will prescribe antidepressants for pregnant women too. It's all about evaluating the pros and cons.
@@shivangi1307 hmmm... Interesting.
Yess. Society needs to stop guilting mothers into shutting up and being only unconditionally in love with everything about motherhood like angels
I hate the phrase “you’re gonna miss this”
I doubt I will ever say “I’ll miss getting puked on 2 times at 3AM when I have to work the next day.”
I am a single mom of an 18-year-old girl and am in the thick of empty-nest syndrome. It sucks. I miss SO MUCH. But no, I will never miss the nights of being puked on. The horrifying tantrums in Target. The shrieks and screams being hurled at me by this little human I created and the awful looks from other parents thinking they can do it better. You are perfectly legit to feel frustration and everything else you feel. Yes, there is a lot you will miss but no, you won't miss that and that's totally fine.
I know this video is 2 years old but just wanted to chime in anyway!
I’m so lucky my kids are great sleepers. I have a 2 year old and 3.5 year old. With both I had to set my alarm to go off every 2-3 hours to get up and breastfeed at night.
I was just incredibly lucky with my infants. They almost never spit up. I did make sure to burp them really well after each feeding.
I’m also fortunate that I was able to stay home with my babies & didn’t have to work.
I totally miss the sweet infant stage! Had things been different & with difficult babies, I probably wouldn’t feel that way at all.
Jess H okay? “I know you struggled, but I didn’t ✌🏼” thanks, weird flex but ok 🙂
Elizabeth Bryce omg 🙄 it’s not a “flex” at all. People are allowed to have different opinions and even express them!
You don’t miss the infant phase, I do. No biggie. Everyone struggles with different things/phases in parenting. Ours happen to be different. Doesn’t mean one of us is a better mother or has better kids. Just different. I wish women would learn to be more kind to one another. Not every comment is made with a snotty attitude or in malice. Sheesh.
Jess H do you also go to AA meetings and say you love alcohol and have never been drunk? 😂😂 I just didn’t see the point of your post. I’m glad you enjoyed the infant stages. We struggled a little bit. 🤷🏼♀️ didn’t hate it, he slept great and never spit up, but I’m glad he can now dress himself and have discussions with me. ✌🏼
I feel thankful to you for two reasons: 1) I'm a male, and not planning to have children, but you've given me a perspective that helps me understand a dynamic of the female existence I would never be able to otherwise. 2) Sharing your vulnerability (rather than your usual formidable strength) helps me to feel the kinship we all share in the human experience.
Glad you're feeling better, and I hope sharing with us helps you feel even more better, because what you do in presenting research is important to me.
Best.
You mentioned that if you had heard something like this would have helped you-. Maybe you should change the title of the video, or put something in the description that would make it more searchable for women going through the same thing.
I thought the same thing! Please adapt the title, Swayze!
Emily Nelson +
I had the same thought, too.
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I cried watching this because I went through the same things. The sadness, the regret, hating pregnancy, depression, anxiety..... I needed to hear this. Thank you so much.
You are a role model and so many of us enjoy your content. These types of videos - you allow us to see you through a more personal window. Thank you for being an amazingly honest mom, animal activist and helping others to stay compassionately-minded.
I had a super healthy easy pregnancy, childbirth, and breasfeeding aaaaand it was horrible! I had a good support system and that helped a lot. It still took me a couple years to be ok with the change in lifestyle.
I'm not pregnant or even trying to be, but thanks for this anyway. Thanks for being so brave by sharing your story... it's awesome to see you open up about such personal things.
This burden of glorified motherhood hanging over new parents does no one any good. It should be, that sucked -> it's okay that it sucked. Instead of what is really happening.
Brave Kate 👌
I don't normally comment on videos AT ALL, but the moment you said "I don't know if this is even useful" I knew I had to say something. I haven't even been pregnant yet, but I desperately want to have children with my partner some day. This video is super useful just because it lets me know that if my depression comes back during or after pregnancy, that I will get through it and be fine. So thank you.
My wife had such a hard time with her pregnancy, and also had postpartum depression. My heart goes out to you! Love and blessings to you and your family.
I never had children. I never desired to have any. I see what you mean about the glorification. You’re always told how wonderful it is. I never believed them. I feel like I would’ve had the most horrible postpartum depression. Had I longed to have children I guess eventually it makes it all worth it but if right out the get go you don’t even want any, I can’t imagine how severe the postpartum would be.
Its okay to not want to have children dont let anyone make you feel less of a woman or guilty because of it or the classic "you will change your mind." Not every woman is going to have the maternal instinct or interest and thats okay! Plus you are making up for the people having way too many ;).
weoweearth Bravo! I knew young that I wanted children, but I have friends who never had any interest or desire to procreate. I completely backed them! There is NOTHING wrong with knowing yourself or what you want in life! My daughter has always maintained she doesn’t ever want kids. I have had HUGE problems with family members who feel it’s their business to lecture her on the things she will miss out on in life! The nerve! She works full time and has no interest whatsoever in having any kids ever. I completely understand her and her right to choose what path in life she takes. If she ever changes her mind, fine. If she doesn’t: also FINE. Being a mother isn’t for everyone! It’s not a measure of you as a woman, or person! That it’s seen as some kind of femininity fail is BS! She haha nieces and nephews whom she enjoys, then takes them HOME. As long as she is happy, I’m happy!
I felt regret after having my child. Even though I loved them, I felt deep sadness and regret for about one year. I wished I could go back to life before having a child. I wasn't prepared with the huge life change. I wasn't ready for the responsibility and commitment even though I thought I was before I decided to conceive. I didn't love my child in the way a mother should. I loved them in the way an aunt or uncle loves their nice or nephew. But I didn't feel the strong bond a mother feels for her child. I could have easily given my child to my sibling or cousin and felt perfectly okay with them being raised by someone else. I felt really guilty for feeling that way and I still do. But luckily after one year I started feeling more attached to my child the way a mother is supposed to.
Ana M - I hope you are feeling better now. My sister had a similar experience with her daughter and felt very isolated and like the only person who didn’t immediately “fall in love”. It did get better (18 years later now I don’t think it is even something she thinks about) but I remember feeling so bad that she felt like she was a horrible person for feeling the way she did.
Take care. X
Thank you for the kind words, Jaye. It's really hard to go through that. I hated myself for feeling that way. Sometimes I even felt like I wanted to kill myself and thought my child would be better off without me. I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt that way. There needs to be more awareness spread about this topic!
I have 3 children and it always takes me months after birth to really bond with my children. I have a 4 year old who I love to the moon and back and 5 month old twins and I am not nearly as bonded yet with my twins. I know it will come with time.
Oh and after both pregnancies I felt regret after having children, like it is so difficult and such a huge change and I both times felt like I made a mistake to have children.
Ana M Thank you for sharing your story! I’m glad you’re feeling better 🙂 Good luck in the future!
I felt exactly how you felt. I NEVER thought people felt the same and I felt so so alone and until today I still felt alone. I loved that you opened about this because so many of us struggle with this.
You have the coolest grandma 👍
I have to say. Americans are some of the only ones that done live generationally. Many communities live with parents and grandparent u see the same house. I’m a firm believer that THAT makes a huge difference. Mom can shower. Mom can rest. Mom doesn’t have the weight of the world, nursing, cleaning, cooking, all while being alone and isolated. I wish we’d be more open to generational living.
Sara_Smiles You are 100% right on the money! I am an American and traveled as a Nurse for causes such as Dr’s Without Borders and other organizations all over the world. America is one if the ONLY countries without it being the norm to have multi-generations within the same home or some the same “lot” or compound. This support is immeasurable in wisdom and support for men and women as they encounter new roles in life. We are also one if the ONLY countries that have Nursing homes for our elderly family members. The difference is staggering. They also do not have anything remotely the same as daycare for children. It’s usually grandma, aunties, cousins, and siblings of the parents. This ensures many many things. A continuation of family beliefs, culture, and wisdom. We are missing out on a HUGE resource. I was lucky enough here in America to have my grandparents and family in the same house. With aunts, uncles, and cousins rotating thru as needs were met. What a rich source of stability and love we had. But even better yet we had parents who weren’t solely responsible for every single minuet of our day to day lives and the stress that entails. This being the case when rough waters surfaced we had the input and experience of our extended family. But we sadly throw away this resource or are forced by economic circumstances to go outside the family for resources.
Many Asian countries does this as well tho. And I know France has this system on the countryside (according to my sister-in-law who lives there)
woordenhechtster yeah the whole move out the instant you turn eighteen thing is a huge anomaly. Even in America intergenerational households were the norm until the 50s and 60s
to be fair, most of us either have shitty family or really value our privacy and alone time or both. I have both. Most American parents say 'you're 18, it's time you took care of yourself'. you can definitely have your parents come help out when you have a newborn without living with them.
I would do it if I had family like that :(
My mother had severe postpartum depression. Sadly she had an emergency c-section and the anesthesia hadn’t taken full effect before they started cutting. She suffered so much and in our culture, motherhood is so heavily focused on so when she didn’t have that wow moment of being a mother she was judged quite badly. She eventually learned and had that motherhood moment but it took a lot of months. She was so traumatized and no one was there for her. I’m glad you talked about this! We need more awareness and accepting that motherhood doesn’t come all together sometimes
Exmenia Peñaloza Dealing with PTSD and being a new Mum would be so difficult without support. I am shocked she had to go through a C-section like that :(
Oh my reasonable, rational, vegan queen, thanks for sharing. ❤💖❤
Wow. I've never seen you so emotional before, and it made me tear up. I appreciate your vulnerability and honesty. I have depression and anxiety (not post-partum), but I can relate to the feelings you stated. The constant worry, oversleeping, feeling useless and worthless, overwhelming sadness, feeling alone and suffering in silence... I know it will get better for you and there's NEVER shame in asking for help.
I second this :)
🙂
Yes 💜
Thank you so much, Swayze!!! Having suffered with depression for over 15 years (though none of it post-partum) I can relate closely in my own way. It takes SO much strength & courage to be vulnerable in this way, sharing your story, and I appreciate you for it!!! 💗💗💗💗💗
I didn't know you lost your mom. Sending my condolences...hope you are doing better 🖤
Same !! I felt so sorry too
I had no idea about your mom... I am so sorry... and that must have been about the same time you gave birth? What a killer....
I’m so sorry Swayze. I lost my mom a year ago and I’m still grieving hard. I’m glad you have a supportive family and crew. Thank you for making this video, sharing your story and being vulnerable. I know it will help people.
I wasn't aware that she lost her mom either! My mom died 1 1/2 years ago and it changed everything and everyone. I can't imagine having to go through grieving for my mom and dealing with postpartum depression on top of that...I would have been a wreck!
Wow. May I say, Swayze, that you were incredibly courageous to do this video. My wife had a similar experience with her pregnancy, and I can't wait to share this with her. We both were exhausted after her 36-hour birth process (I've never been so tired, and I've never admired a person so much as I did my wife during that long ordeal as she worked INCREDIBLY hard to birth our son--who was a big baby--and after such a difficult pregnancy too.) The pregnancy and birthing process made me respect women so much more, even those women who choose not to have kids, as the physical ordeal alone can be exhausting beyond imagination. She, too, struggled with women (and--worse--men!) who constantly seemed to come up to her exclaiming, "Don't you LOVE being pregnant?" NO! she wanted to shout in their dumb faces, but always managed to keep her composure. To this day I'm flummoxed by the weird behavior that encountering a pregnant woman can bring out in so many people (e.g., strangers touching her belly without permission, invasive personal questions at awkward moments, effusive nutso blathering that makes you want to puke, etc., ad nauseum) ...Please know that you are not alone in your experience.
I'm certain this will be helpful to many of your viewers (as it was for me to hear your experience). If only some of those nutso folks could watch your video and come to understand what NOT to do or say; if only one other young mother who wrestles with postpartum (or just depression in general) gets to hear your story and take to heart your advice; if only soon-to-be (or someday) fathers watch and listen and understand the lessons in your story, and thereby choose to be better partners in their relationships...or ANY man, for that matter, learns how hard it can be to undergo pregnancy and what comes afterwards! So many potential good audiences for this vid. ...Yes, it was a brave, good decision to make this video.
Lastly, may I say why I appreciate you and your channel so much. As a new vegan, it has been your channel above all that had given me the courage to commit fully to being a vegan, and to speak with conviction (and--hopefully--some clarity) to my wife and son and family and friends about my reasons for committing to veganism. (They, too, are on the path, making gradual progress away from a meat and dairy-based diet.) I know that you have helped my best friend and his wife make the commitment as well. (He's the one who shared your channel with me.)
I really appreciate your honesty, humility, integrity and dedication to science and reason in making your videos, and the obvious time and effort you put into them. I appreciate your vulnerability here and in other vids, and I love your wry sense of humor. Please try to disregard all of the schmucks out there who speak Troll in the comments, or who otherwise give you grief. You do excellent research; you make clear, rational, fair arguments; you admit when you're wrong and correct your message; and you share your experience honestly so others can see that you're human too. I wish we were neighbors, since you would be the kind of person anyone should be proud to have as a friend. Keep up the good work.
manderse12 well said!!!!
This video could not have come at a better time. I had a D&C today as I lost my twins at 9 weeks. Everyone keeps saying I will be okay but I’m just not okay.
Nobody talks about how common this is, but it is really common. It happens a hell of a lot before you know you're pregnant and in the first few months especially if you have certain problems. My own mom had three? I think. It's definitely something that still bothers her to this day.
Whether or not you will be okay has no bearing on how it feels now so I find it an unhelpful reassurance as well.
I always appreciate when people share their vulnerable moments. I recently have struggled with depression when I realized that after a surgery I would not be able to return to work until August. It's been an issue my whole adult life and when it resurfaced I felt so ashamed and angry that I still was going to feel this way even though I'd been working so hard in therapy for a really long time.
The idea of PPD weighs very heavily in my heart when I think about potentially having a child. I don't know how I could handle raising a child and continuing with the job I have, plus the very real possibility of struggling with my mental health.
I'm not crying, you're crying!
I watched this video while we were still trying for our baby. I knew about ppd, but now that I'm going through it, it's soooo much worse than I ever expected. Thank you for being vulnerable with us and sharing resources! I could tell that it was hard for you to film, but it has been helpful.
You can't cry if you're smiling!!! Duh!!! My new favorite quote
The work that you do on your channel is INCREDIBLY important. I don't know that you'll see this message but I myself love your channel, but more importantly a friend of mine was suffering from an eating disorder and had becoming very wrapped up in the whole raw food vegan TH-cam world. She became sicker and sicker, cutting more and more foods out and becoming more distressed about what she could or couldn't consume, then she found your videos. Your videos pulled her back from a dark place and when she feels the anxiety of her eating disorder returning, she comes back to your videos to stop herself from restricting. What you do makes has made an incredible impact on her (also I get gassed when you upload too).
So glad you opened up to us about this. I just hate that I met people who say there is no such a thing as post partum depression. No compassion and shameless. I went through the same thing and my baby was born two years ago. My moods are up and down and still dealing with it . But no food aversion. It gets better time and don’t forget to slowdown and breathe !
I am so sorry that you went through that. It is a special kind of stupid that people could try to claim that it doesn't exist. It is really common.
Agat Fi Not sure if joking, serious, or both. 🤔 All are okay of course!
Are there people who say that there’s not such thing as postpartum depression?! That’s... they’re delusional.
I snapped at a family member the other day cause they said PPD wasn't real and it was "just and excuse". I don't think I've never snapped at a family member before but after dealing with it myself and knowing all of that is real and it sucks I refuse to let people say that. It's just nuts to ignore it or dismiss it!
Myrest yes there are people who actually believe it's not real. It's not fun to deal with those people either.....
We love you Swayze!!!! Don't be ashamed for crying! It's just your body's response to your emotions, we all do it. I even teared up with happy tears when you were talking about how much better things are now. Thank you so much for making this video. This took a lot of bravery
you're right. I am crying.
Thank you for publishing this video. I'm much better now, my baby is 2.5 years old but I really struggled from about 3months pp to about 16 months. I finally put up a boundary with very toxic parents and had some major physical healing issues during this time. Postpartum depression/anxiety looks and shows up differently in everyone. 🙏🙏🙏
This must have been really hard to make and upload. You are not bitching!!! It is common and women need help. You are not less of a mom for feeling this way. Thanks for sharing! Its important
I first watched this video when it came out 5 years ago but now I'm 6 months pregnant with my first and starting to feel depressed for the first time in my life. And my anxiety has been deepening. I have also had constant fatigue like you mentioned and it impacts my mood and enjoyment of life. It has been very difficult. I did start counseling a couple weeks ago but I'm sure it will just take some time for it to help.
I remembered this video this morning when I was getting ready for work and rewatched it and honestly it helped so much just hearing someone who went through these same things say that it does get better and it was worth it.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience Swayze, I just wanted to let you know that someone out there is still finding it helpful years later!
Being vulnerable is hard but it really helps. This is a good message for depression and other emotional struggles in general. I'm glad you made it through and found great joy in your child!
The pressure mothers (and pregnant women) put on themselves is immense. To be happy all the time, and grateful and glowing and to handle everything with ease. IT IS HARD. NO BUT. JUST HARD. When my baby was 15 months i finally realised that i cant live like this anymore and started therapy. A year later i see clearly how damaging my behaviour/thought patterns/emotional state was that first year on all of us. I thought i have to do it all by myself. I just have to. The breastfeeding, the pumping, the bottle feeding, all the awake nights, caring for her 24/7 without a break. It is a sure ticket for a mental breakdown. I WISH i would have had therapy in pregnancy already because that was *awful* and i dont even know how i managed the first 3 baby months without therapy. I wish i could tell all new moms including my past self "i know, this really sucks for now. But you dont have to do it all and certainly not on your own! Give the goddam formula if you have to and dont think another second about it. Ask/pay for help in your house and with taking care of baby. Go to a support group/therapy. YES, ALL NEW MOMS SHOULD. because i dont believe there is 1 single first baby month/year where the mom says 'oh breastfeeding was easy, i knew everything my child wanted and i felt 100% capable all the time'. Make time for yourself, for real. Give baby away to family/caretakers and have time to experience just yourself again. It is the best thing ever. And most importantly, stop judging yourself. Yes you will do mistakes, welcome on earth, its the ticket to become a human. Get over it, honestly. And please remember: this is only temporary. Every phase will pass. Oh and of course be F*CKING PROUD OF YOURSELF!! You made A HUMAN! celebrate every challenge that is over, be aware how dedicated and giving you are, appreciate the sacrifices you make. You are doing the best you can and your kid will be fine. Really, they will."
Take care Swayze
jack g Who is Swayze ?
The girl in the video
zahnpastacremetube Oh interesting name
She's a woman!
I didn't know that was your name. So beautiful! I saw PPD when my sister had her son, I'm sure it is so hard! (I'm not a mom yet).
Quick 13 hours?!?!?!?!? Omfg. Im never having kids that sounds like a nightmare. 😱
Yes. I'm not sure about the statistics, but it's not uncommon to be in labor for 2 or 3 days.
I was only in hard labor, I mean pushing, for 5 hours with my first and almost 6 hours with my second. Honestly wasn’t that bad. Being torn in half is not cool! Omg! Especially now because they won’t give you pain killers afterwards. That’s some bullshit. My sister had a few Percocet from an injury that she gave me, thank god! I only needed like 2/day for 3, days. I was so thankful for them for those few days.
Although I'm not a mother (obviously) and not vegan, I have still enjoyed your videos immensly throughout the years I've been watching them. Watching how honest and open you were with this video is truly impressive. I know how hard it is to talk about depression and other mental health issues, so I greatly respect your courage. Anyways, I really enjoy your videos, keep them up! You're awesome, Swayze!
Johannes Dimopoulos What prevents you from going vegan ?
Johannes Dimopoulos same
You are NOT alone. Trust me! I had so many moments of despair too. Raising a child changes EVERYTHING: our minds, our emotions, our bodies, our schedules, our relationships, our time....that's a big deal! So, I appreciate you making this video.
Happy Mother’s Day Swayze, and we’re all so proud of you for talking about your struggles, and for making PPD a more well known issue. I’m so glad that you’re doing better 💞
Oh my god! It's so helpful when someone honestly shares sorrows! I'm not even pregnant or have been (but I know people like that who struggled with exactly that: nobody talks about how hard it is) but I have been through other things, and I know shame and guilt and confusion and mostly self criticism! And it is helpful to share these feelings because it makes makes us feel understood and less alone! Thank you, for being so brave to share this online!
This is such an important video. I had the same food aversion issues during my last pregnancy and it was just awful :( I've had 4 babies and some moments of pregnancy were nice but a lot of it just sucks and I dont think admitting that should make anyone feel guilty or less of a mother xxx
Lord stop breeding.
Wow, you need help.
Thank you for being so honest! It took me 3.5 years to get over the trauma of pregnancy complications, c-section complications, and and having a premie baby in scn. I was so, so lucky to have the scn nurses to talk to! Take all the time your time you need to be ok. You're doing an amazing job every day!
I have 2 boys and can confirm pregnancy sucks. Good thing it "only" lasted 10 months. 10 long fucking months. Yes the first couple months of infancy I felt like I was just a babysitter. I cried a lot post partum for no particular reason. Then eventually they smile at you and forget everything and think it's the most wonderful thing. Still pregnancy sucks.
Also get ready to feel like sometimes you don't like your kids. Because that will happen. When it does, don't feel guilty about it, because sometimes they are little shit. Still love them but don't have to always like them.
Chenni Cheung I felt like a babysitter too for the first few months with both of my sons. Such a horrible feeling.
Haley yep just need to be patient and pull it through.
Haley When my kids got to the age of trying the “I don’t LIKE you!” jab, I would tell them “That’s fine, I am not your friend, I’m your Mom, I love you, but I have enough friends, so you don’t have to like me, bc I’m not so crazy about YOU right now!”
This video validated all of the isolation, fear, anger, regret, remorse, sadness, and anxiety I felt after having my son almost 2 years ago. Maybe "validated" isn't the exact term I'm looking for, but it definitely makes me feel better knowing that someone else out there literally went through everything I experienced. I also had no one that understood or anyone I could go to. I just had to deal and do my best. Now, almost 2 years later, I'm finally happy again. But, of course, now we are hitting the "terrible two's," which sucks...but, I'm totally in a much better place to handle it lol. I almost embrace it...like "bring it, you little turd." Lol. Thank you for being so transparent. Many women need this. They need to know that they are NOT alone.
How deeply authentic. Validation and openness, as expressed here, are key to dis-arming cultural shaming of negativity around these topics
Amazing video! So refreshing to hear someone talk about how terrible pregnancy can be! My wife is 17 weeks pregnant and has had such a hard time and it’s difficult to hear people say how amazing you SHOULD be feeling! THANK YOU!!
thank you for sharing - you’re very brave for being so open about your story, especially when it’s something glossed over in our society. sending love to you, your partner, and baby! 💐
edit: as an adopted child whose adoptive mother never experienced pregnancy, I’ve put a huge emphasis on learning about how women experience pregnancy. thank you (again)
Omg - the tears just flowed. I just want to thank you for being so vulnerable in front of your followers. It's obvious that you still struggle with how you felt back then, so perhaps working through those feeling with a psychologist may be a good strategy to allow you to heal and let go of the guilt that appears to still be bubbling below the surface.
Baby is so lucky to have such a strong mama, you are doing amazing and you always have been.
Lots of love and support to you and your family xox
this is a good video....talking about anything negative against motherhood is real taboo and im glad people like u are talking about it. i always thought it was very rare but judging by comments i guess its pretty common to feel like this? i never been pregnant and now ill think very seriously about having kids, more wary than i am already...i probably wont have kids and this is just another nail in the coffin for me. more women need to know the truth so they can truly make an informed decision of the most life-changing event of your life
My husband experienced post partum depression, I feel like they are forgotten a lot of the time but they experience it too and he described a lot of what you did. Being a parent is so challenging and going through what you did makes it even harder. Thank you for sharing!
YES THIS! oh my gosh finally. I'm 8 weeks post partum and I can't tell you how many times people said "motherhood is amazing isn't it? Don't you LOVE your baby?" And in reality, yes I love my child but it's so hard. I haven't had real sleep since before I gave birth and I spend most of my time trying to soothe my screeching child. It's getting better, but man, those first few weeks were shit.
I kept thinking how much I regretted this and how I didn't want my baby and I wish he'd never been born, etc. It sounds terrible, but when you're so sleep deprived and can't function properly on top of trying to figure out why your baby is crying at 2 in the morning for no reason....you understand why some parents hurt their babies. I couldn't say anything to my husband since he would get really upset with how much I resented our son, but he just didn't understand that I'm the one taking care of him 99% of the time and he gets a break for 8-12 hours a day and doesn't get up with him during the night. It's so so so hard.
I was surprised too at how there's only one post partum check up, I feel very differently now than I did a few weeks ago. But I am getting better and I think I can see a l8ght at the end of the tunnel! Every time I see my baby boy smile, it really does make it all worth it.
Emily Elizabeth I would have cracked at the middle of the night stuff, especially if he was getting 8-12 hours to rest. Like, no. you bitch. It's OUR child, you got me pregnant, I've had no sleep, YOU get up this time.
Al Pal he'd get up when the crying got too loud or if I woke him up. But I felt so guilty about waking him up, like I needed to do it all to prove that I could or something. Which is ridiculous, asking for help isn't weak!
Katie Howse thank you! It's such a relief hearing other moms say how hard it is truly. Everyone I've talked to in person say how magical the first few months are and how to cherish every moment, and I'm thinking "this is the BEST part? Are you fucking kidding me?? What have i done??" The biggest thing that keeps me going is knowing that someday I'll hear my son say mama or see him take his first steps, I'm so excited for those milestones!
I know that it's easy to say outside the family, but is important to share the care time. This idea that I feel that it's now very popular, that the baby has to be all the time with the mother the first 1-2 yearsis ruining a lot maternity experiences. Bond is going to form as strong if you take some hours to you, not hearing the crying, having time to read, sleep, watch Netflix, go to the gym, work or whatever you want. Take turns to get up at night: bottles are the salvation of an exhausted mother; if you can take your own milk, perfect; if no: it's more important your sanity that breastfeeding.
It takes so much strength and courage to talk about this, but you are going to help so many women by sharing. Thank you for using your platform for good!
I feel the exact same and I'm 30 weeks pregnant. I have never felt like I could share with anyone how terrible I've felt this pregnancy especially because it's my first. So I don't know what I'm doing but people saying how wonderful pregnancy is is really hard to hear since I've just not felt good at all. I was so sick in my first two trimesters of pregnancy and I hate being sick so that made me really depressed. And now I'm just getting used to eating and not feeling repulsed by food. I really appreciate you putting this up because I don't think I've met someone who could relate to how I've been feeling. I really needed this!
Absolutely one of the best Swayze.
I could relate to it all. I remember that overwhelming feeling of dread I used to carry with me, never sure what was going to happen. When my first child was born I was so overwhelmed with sadness, fear, depression that I really couldn’t understand why people congratulated me on having a baby. It was alien to me.
Thank You for your honesty. There is a reason you are my favourite you tube channel.
E xx
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way feeling sad is a normal and healthy feeling if you deal with it in a healthy way. Watching your videos always make my day better ❤️
I know you?!?!
Krista Gibson boi I know you too lol
I appreciate that you talk about more personal and difficult topics. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and totally get the aversion to food. Usually I love food, but on really bad days it's difficult to eat anything at all! All the best from Germany!
I hated pregnancy too. I couldn't keep anything down I lost weight even with twins. I hated ultrasounds because I had them all the time because my daughter was diagnosed with a bad heart defect. I refused a baby shower because I was so afraid of losing them. Birth was easy but I was 35 weeks so they were taken away fast and one transferred to another hospital. 5 surgeries, my partner left, 3 months after birth we finally got home. Three months past that I had appointments everyday 4 hours away. I felt like I had to hide it because I didn't have time to address it. I missed so much because I just felt numb and I can never get that time back. You are definitely not alone.
sara read Omg that sounds so terrible- there are no words! You must be an incredibly strong person.
Thank you. I sure don't feel strong my amazing girls showed me what true strength is. I feel super cheesy saying that but I could only watch, I couldn't protect them.
sara read well having a kid was your choice.
It definitely was and I haven't said anything to the contrary.
Dumb bitch. You must not be a real vegan if you decide to have a dumb kid, the worst thing you can do for the animals and the planet they live on.
Thank you for making this! I watched this video with my 6 week old son. His birth did not go to plan and was traumatic for all involved. Having to recover from the birth myself and learn to care for my son was overwhelming. I feel less overwhelmed now, but I did cry last night because I was so tired and he wanted to nurse again. Sometimes you just need your body to just be your body. This is hard, thank you for saying it.
Swayze. Good golly - i wish you shared this sooner! As a mom of 2 (in the thick of it with a 4yo/2yo), i can tell you that there is NOTHING wrong with feeling regrets, anger, sadness. Even though i've loved being pregnant - this whole motherhood thing is just another beast. I didn't feel PPD with my first, but my second - holy S. I started out really great, and then he never slept, we never slept - he has major and lots of food allergies - and now i'm in the "teenager" years with my 4yo, and the hitting phase with him. I think my depression was always there from the time he was born, but it was latent - and didn't really hit hard until summer 2017 (just before he turned 2). I also wish i reached out - but didn't. I love my kids with all my heart - but I, too, have "daymares" and nightmares about awful things happening to them or me - and it's real. It's crazy. You are not alone!
I just wanted to tell you how appreciative I am that you posted this video.
One of my biggest anxieties about having children is that I know I will experience some sort of PPD. It's nice to hear that although it may happen, there's hope on the other side.
Thank you!
Your vulnerability is beautiful, Swayze! ❤️
Your whole attitude to parenting has been a novel, generously shared and fascinating thing to learn more about. Expecting my first in 3 weeks and your vids on pregnancy, birth, vaccination and baby feeding ring on in my mind and now this feels like a real gift. Thanks so much.
Me and my girl watched this together. It was very informative for me personally as her pregnancy has been much anticipated but very uncomfortable. I think this will also encourage her to seek help outside of us and let her see that she’s not alone in sharing similar feelings. Thank you
Being vulnerable is hard. I'm not a mother, but I battle with repressing my feelings and isolating myself when I'm struggling so watching you talk about hating your own feelings and struggling to tell even your partner resonated with me. I'm glad you're feeling better and thank you for sharing all of this, opening up about shared experiences is such a fast track to helping people feel normal and included.
I can't relate to this because I'm a guy and I'm not a parent, but I still appreciate you sharing this and I commend you for opening up about it since since it will definitely help many mothers out there!
So much of this resonated with me; putting off getting help for ages because you think it’s getting better, not thinking it’s depression because you don’t feel sad, regretting having children, getting swept up in negative thoughts. All of it, thank you for sharing.
I think the pressure to feel overwhelmingly happy after birth just adds to the guilt of these emotions, which is why I make an effort to to be honest about how hard it is. It’s okay to say it’s shit, it doesn’t make you a bad mother. This video is awesome.
Having feelings, regardless of their origin or type is NOT just bitching. You're awesome for sharing this, and being vulnerable and honest, I think it helps not only people with post partum or pregnancy-depression, but depression in general. It's a very human thing, thanks for helping normalize it. I think I'm struggling with similar feelings, despite not being pregnant, thank you for making me feel less alone. I'm also recently starting to cry instead of just holding everything inside, happy or sad stuff, and I think it's a healthy thing. 🌈🐈🌠
I know this video is a couple years old now but thank you so much for making this video. I’ve suffered ppd with each of my kids and the last was the worst. I really let myself get to a super bad place before I got help. Any mama out there struggling please ask for help you are worth it!
Thank you for sharing and opening up on such a sensitive subject. I can't relate as a single man, but I hope someday to have children. It's helped me to see a little bit better all the pains and struggles that moms go through. I'm glad you're happier now :)
I was so happy to see this. You did an amazing job normalizing depression and post partum depression and that it's something you can't help but feeling. Thank you so much. I love your vegan videos, but found this to be an amazing addition to your channel. Keep it up!!
I'm so glad you did this. Motherhood and pregnancy can be very tiring and taxing on the body and emotions.
I watched all of your videos about toddler and baby as they were coming out just to be a supportive subscriber, but now, well into the first trimester of my own first pregnancy, I find myself returning to them.
I can’t thank you enough for this video in particular; I’ve already been experiencing some of the hormonal effects on your general life outlook, it’s having an effect on my mental health, and all I can wonder is how common it is to feel so hopeless when you know you have this important little thing to be hoping FOR.
All you hear about is people taking solace in the fact that they have a child, but even if you Want the child more than anything it is still terrifying and a big life change. So, thank you for sharing your little piece of the existential crises that is creating new life, I hope I can be as good of a mother as you when all is said and done 💕
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability on this subject.
Wow, where at 4:00 you said you empathise with those who struggle to get enough calories: thank you. I almost burst into tears. People think it’s a fun problem to have, like it’s endless pleasure. It’s quite the opposite; for me and many others, it’s can be like torture.
For food to be a source of pain is an awful thing. I gave up on forcing it down and decided I’d rather put up with the ignorant comments about my body, rather than to make myself feel like crying or vomiting every time I I eat. I’ll live with being skinny or not a ‘real woman’.
This situation also taught me to never hope for sympathy from others - so when you expressed empathy, it really caught me off guard and moved me. Thank you.
I'm not surprised that you were nervous about sharing. It's hard to be vulnerable. Also our society really judges women hard about motherhood: women who are ambivalent about motherhood, women who decide -- no matter how rational the reason -- not to have children, and mothers who fail to meet the impossible standards of being a "good" mother. Plus the fact that there is still a lot of stigma about depression. (TL,DR: messed-up society is messed-up.) So thank you for speaking up about this.
Thank you so much for sharing this!! I'm not a parent yet but I've had so much anxiety about potentially feeling this. Pregnancy and the first 6 months scare me so bad but talking about it loses the stigma. You're amazing and thank you for validating so many women!!
I loved that you opened up about this and totally understood what you meant. I have 3 kids and all of my pregnancies were horrible, all of my postpartums were very rough. I was very open about feeling horrible during pregnancy and I had sooo many mothers confirm that for them as well being pregnant was terrible. I think what you went through is pretty normal but so many women don't talk about it. And I also think that having a midwife is such a gift! Every time a friend of mine is pregnant and tell her to get a midwife. It was so good having someone to talk to about all of it!!! Thanks for sharing!!!! 💐❤️
I can't watch this right now cuz I'm having a bad mental health day, but sending you my support and understanding! Sharing when we're able is so important, for us and for others. So thank you.
I lost my mom a few years ago. It's hard not having your mom. Hang in there ❤️. It's rough especially around mother's day regardless of how long it has been.
Thank you for opening up and talking about this difficult and very important issue, talking about your experience and your life!
I had PPD too without fully realising it; I just had terrible anxiety after my daughter was born and I think that I just didn't/couldn't connect the dots. Because I didn't feel depressed. Your experience was so like my own that I felt sad for and sad for me, but also almost vilified because I hadn't met for hear of anyone else who understood let alone knew exactly that what I went trough. And you are right, being a mother is worth all of it; the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad and the tender. The joy and the heartache, the fear and the love. ❤
Very powerful video, thanks for sharing your experience. This will help future mothers and fathers: Stay strong!
I know this is a year old video, but this video was something I really needed. I struggle with depression and I’ve really been thinking about having kids, but it literally scares the shit outta me because I don’t know what will happen to me emotionally. This video is pure gold, people need to see women crying about hard fucking shit and not sugar coat anything. Thank you
Thank you! I have been saying this. I’m very open and honest about life in general. When I’m asked questions about being pregnant, child birth, marriage, divorce and remarrying which in turn merged 2 families into one family. I try to be very honest about that stuff sometimes things do suck. They do get better and there are a lot of great moment but no one talks about the bad moments. I feel if we talk more about it, it will be normal and people won’t feel so alone during harm times.
I hated being pregnant too!!!!! I worked all the time and I was so tired. I was so uncomfortable.
I want to make a TH-cam channel just saying real life things. Anyways thank you!
You are amazing for sharing this. I didn’t have postpartum depression, but I did struggle with anxiety after birth. I remember my mother flying back home and my partner going back to work and being terrified that I was left alone with my baby as though I wasn’t a competent mother after two weeks. I can only imagine how helpful this would be to someone who really is struggling with postpartum depression. Thank you ❤️
I am nowhere near getting pregnant, but I identify with so many of the depression and anxiety symptoms you describe, especially the "daymaring". I definitely helps to share the shitty parts of our experiences and no, it is not just bitching. Considering my mental health history, I need to be aware of the possibility of post partum depression. I knew about it, but this video is a good reminder. Thanks!
You're an awesome human being !
As someone who struggled with anxiety and depression for years without a proper diagnosis (never wanted to admit it), I can't even imagine how hard it is to deal with all this while having a baby to care for. Hope things are getting better !
Much love to you !
I'm 15 weeks postpartum and this video is really validating. It sounds like we had similar experiences with our delivery. I was 2 weeks early and had a 3 day labour with little to no sleep and then a medically shaky delivery which fortunately went quickly. I was so tired after my delivery that I felt like I didn't know how to care for myself. My husband also had the nurse take my baby for a few hours that night because he was worried about me. Three months later, after a few really heavy breakdowns I finally talked to my doctor about how I was feeling and with some medication and am feeling so much better. I thought it was baby blues at first, then I thought it must be what every mom goes through and maybe I just wasn't strong enough, even though I have a history of depression/ anxiety/ panic disorders. It's so important to hear other peoples stories about their postpartum difficulties. Thanks for sharing yours! Four years later it's still helping people
This is a super important video. Thank you for sharing.
You inspire so many people with your logical approach to issues in today's society. I have watched your channel going through high school and it has really helped me gain a new view of the world. Keep doing you queen!
Never been pregnant and honestly don’t plan to, which doesn’t mean I don’t think pregnant women need proper support and the society should be more open to the truth about pregnancy. It feels like just another patriarchal demand from women to be all happy about pregnancy and parenting, otherwise it makes you a cruel mother. I could see it in my family- I only remember my mom saying that she couldn’t get herself to nurse me because it was so painful for her and she felt bad because of it. Apart from that, 99% of pregnancy-parenting talk was all in bright colours.
Thank you for sharing this and hope you’ll be fine!
Thank you for being so open. I pray that your story will help others. It is hard to overcome the shame that we put on ourself...even if no one else is shaming us. Hearing others tell their story helps give courage.
Battling depression myself, not postpartum but I can still really relate to this. Mine started a year and a half ago when my 8 year relationship ended in infidelity and my entire life was burned to the ground in the most cruel and disturbing way by the person I loved more than anything. I lost EVERYTHING. It's been the darkest and coldest time in my life and I can't seem to see the light or feel any warmth no matter what. But I've recently reached out and gotten help and I'm doing a bit better, have tried some meds and after a few duds I have found one that seems to be helping a tad. I'm nowhere near better BUT I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's v faint and seems out of reach but I see it. Thanks for opening up and sharing w us. I feel less alone and closer to you in a way.
I agree with you about the fact that we usually see other people picturing pregnancy as “flowers and rainbows”.
And to be honest, I think it’s the first time that I’ve ever heard of postpartum depression.
And to see you cry like that is truly heartbreaking, I was totally going to cry.
I was sick with my first the entire 9 months, ended up with an emergency C-section and suffered from PPD for 6+ months after his birth. After 7 years of infertility, it was the worst feeling ever because he was very much wanted. Going into pregnancy #2 and #3 we went in knowing that I was prone to PPD and made sure that everyone around me knew the signs. Thankfully the next babies were a different story!
Thank you so much for your authenticity, transparency and vulnerability in this video. As a mom to a 2-year is, I can relate to many of the things you talk about, and I applaud you for sharing your experience.