AT about the 46 min mark she is talking about work and the choices we make there. I took a job out of desperation. The first week was sheer torture. My response was deep anger, sense of being trapped, hopelessness....then, it occurred to me I could just view it all differently. I started speaking gratitude for the job. Instead of having lunch in the lunch room where I was ruminating or hearing negativity, I walked the parking lot every day during that time (wide open sky, not trapped!). Every hour that passed I added "money" to my thinking. Then I took that money and starting mentally repairing our financial instability - building the future. Same job - different attitude or perspective AND I fell in love with my job! This experience changed so much in my learning journey about the power that I still had even when the tapes playing in my head said I would always be doomed, always powerless, forever stuck.
I had a supervisor I absolutely couldn't stand...once I stopped talking about how much I couldn't stand him and started telling myself different things about him, everything changed! My days at work with him are cream cheese now haha
“No one is coming to save you from your trauma” ouch! When this woman responds to you, it isn’t just because she wants to grow her channel. I can feel her genuine desire to want to grow healing among all of us ! Well, I haven’t yet been able to participate in the live lectures, which I will be, I’ve been able to share this channel with my other cousins, that I know must have similar experiences and hardships because of our childhood . Add 50+ years of age , it was a shock to learn from a stranger on TH-cam. What was wrong with me most of my adult life. Healing is not pain-free . But I am worth it. You’re worth it. This beautiful soul who we see speaking is SAVING lives, families and children. I’ve been able to unblock a few people in my family and slowly stop self isolating. There’s still people I cannot deal with right now, and I am learning what my triggers are: one big one, angry, black women, like my mother, accusing me of stupid shit. And that’s the truth and I still love her, although because of her behavior from a distance.
So you'd be just fine with an angry 'white' woman telling you stupid shi-t then? It is doubtful the colour of someone's skin is the trigger...mother or not...but the anger and personal attack.
@Amazing Grace Sounds like a few people were blocked (on phone &/or social media) & the person was self-isolating But, now through doing some healing & getting stronger (maybe healthier boundaries?) they were able to "unblock a few people & stop self-isolating" Hope I'm not overstepping by sharing what I understood of that person's comment in answer to your question.
Hang in there. I m 59 and trying to heal from CPTSD and the trauma from early on. I think we all need support and good community to know we aren't alone.
Amazes me how relevant so much of this is..I stay busy all day. No music now since complaining neighbour. Headphones on until no battery. All day long theres Anna in my ear, talking. I like to talk too, and I'm a good listener. I can't remember being so happy to listen all day long, to anyone, and its never annoying !! Well some gf's have been good talkers, but its back and forth and not that educational, and no complaints compared to days, weeks, or months of 'silent treatment'... Anyway, i am busy all day and much more calm. Its like i can feel my mind slowly improving. Some medication involved but its mostly Anna. The voice, the messages, the humour, its really great. ☺️🙋 Thank You again 😁
I quit a job I liked because of a relatively minor schedule change - literally just walked out. Out of nature with my character but somehow I was traumatized by it and couldn't deal. I managed to get rehired a few months later and things worked out OK but it took years to figure out why I initially reacted the way I did.
I understand. When we were little, we were so terrified of my dad that we'd hide in closets, and once, I got stuck between the fridge and cabinet, just from hearing my dad's car coming up the driveway. Later, when I was about 13 maybe, my dad told me "I intend to make you so terrified of me that you won't BREATHE without me telling you too. He succeeded, long before that day. I totally understand your terror. We can get through this. Much love and hugs to you 🤗.
"be comfortable to be with people who are a little more advanced than you", most of my life I did what you talk about in the video: pick friends who had it worse than me. I thought successful people didn't like me and I was afraid of them. After I became mom I started my healing, so much so that I was comfortable enough to raise my hand in front of all the well put together parents and get voted in as parent rep in our kindergarten. It was a big step for me, and it felt good to dare be more social amongst well adjusted people.
I just wanted to say that I have been on my healing journey for six years now and I've done a lot of work and logged 1,000's if not 10's of 1,000's of hours in TH-cam therapy to deal with my Childhood C-PTSD and associated triggers. Of the 1,000's of video's I've watched, this video is up there with the best that I have seen. Really really good video Crappy Fairy. Good Job 🙌
@@CrappyChildhoodFairyhankyou sooo much....this is spot on for me everything that u say...I am 55 & still struggling even with constant therapy, self blame, sabotage....etc..always attracting emotionally unavailable men & now an on/off, push/push thing with a superior in my job....I feel so trapped, attatched, anger, jealousy, reacting, confused ...always putting myself last...putting him first....only to be dismissed/abandoned when he is triggered....shuts down & shuts me out ....omg everything that u say is spot on!! Always me reaching out ....fear!!! Yes!!! Then anger because he doesn't own his part or show up....always me!!!! Control also I admit.. because he says nothing, then shows up, then doesn't follow through ....its seriously excruciating out of control painful!....I just don't know what to do anymore...😢 Best video ever...can u please recommend anything that will actually work...to feel at least in control of my self worth & emotional triggers which gets me into trouble....I feel.at 55 ...never had a healthy, loving, loyal relationship, constantly triggered, I hate the way that I am way to emotional & intuitive...I believe my thoughts & then react....then feel shame & guilt..regarding my behaviours, control, neediness...etc Please I would greatly appreciate your opinion .....its in my face every day & feel i rely on him for my validation & then when it's not given, I'm triggered etc & it's obvious....I see it...I just don't know what to do 😢❤🙏
Haha I’m laughing because of your Crappy Fairy address. I think this is a name you can’t shorten. The crappy has to be next to childhood or she becomes a crappy fairy and we know she’s not. 😂😂😂
“Everything is temporary” I have never heard someone else describe that state but I’ve lived in it my whole life. Thanks for that Anna, you’re definitely not alone.
Yes, I wish I did also. But I didn't know about trauma and triggers. I always pretended I was normal to fit in. Fake it till you make it. Is what someone told me.
Unfortunately years ago I accepted so many commitments and relationships out of being unable to say no. Always terrified of standing for myself. A big unconscious sense of being worthless. I got into these commitments and relationships all the way, always fantasizing about the future and apparently giving it all. Now I understand these where behaviors related to CPTSD and codependency... thank you Anna. I love your channel.
Yes I totally relate. I have moved town many times since age 20 , many intense volatile relationships, leaving jobs because of triggers. Got into bad sexual situations. People concerned about me were frustrated. I thought it was them who were the issue. Now I live with some shame , healing the shame and blame now and moving forward to a better life😊
I had a bad childhood, but I never made poor financial decisions because of it. Just the opposite. I know i need to take care of myself, no one else will.
Same. I have done ok financially. Relationships have been rough however. But surprisingly I didn’t go down the drug and alcohol path. Could have been very very easy to do that to try to cope.
Yes, wise Fairy Anna, I have noticed the pattern of "it's just temporary" and see the implications in many areas of my life. A small voice has been trying to point my attention to it. It gives me this creepy feeling that life has passed me by without fully participating. My life would have been more fulfilling with a different approach. It's still time to be all in, 100%. Mastering the triggers are gold.
I can relate. I lived a nore fulfilling life when I was younger. Always busy in my teens with school and after school all the way up to my late twenties. Then something changed. I never fully surrendered to a life where I trusted someone or could count on them. It kept me from a family life. I have had isolated periods of feeling like I was part of society, mainly with my career or family events. Occasional trips and some dates. Minimal experiences with one person. Never knew how to fully connect, trust and surrender. Spent most nights alone and isolated if not with my family, higher educational studies or later with my dog. Other nights in emotional triggers. Often worked more than one job. Not knowing where to run and find consolation. Often went to church. Sometimes thinking being holy was being more evolved or maybe just safe. Lost interest in dating all together and entertainment. I want to trust and relax with a male partner. I miss being intimate and having someone I can talk to and not run from. would like to run into their arms...This channel has been a God send. I have learned volumes of information. Thank-you, fairy. I am sorry you had a crappy childhood. Mine was different too. Never a dull moment. Always meeting new people and in new situations.
My dad was a narcissist but he gave me alot of wise advice and protected me from my psycho ex. I see it now that im alot older. He hurt me many times but im thankful he shared his wisdom.
It seems like your videos pop out just when I need them, I can relate to so much of what you share! Listening to your videos in that calm and soothing voice of yours often feels like a quiet, warm, comforting hug. It’s like dropping by unannounced with a nice neighbour and sitting on their porch having tea, nibbles and chatting about life... I cannot thank you enough for all the efforts you put into these videos: someone gets me! I’m not alone! And even better than that, she’s holding the mirror with a smile and showing me with her own example that I can heal, and things can get so much better. Thank you ❤🤗
Sophie, You put into words just exactly how Anna makes me feel when I listen too! Thank you for your comment. You really have a gift to bring others into where your at in your writing! If your not a writer yet ?; maybe you should be? I would read a book you wrote! lol Just a thought...God gives us all gifts and an ability to put others into the place your writing about is not easy, so anyways, be encouraged and God bless!
I can’t thank God enough for coming across this video today. I’m struggling so much, and it’s so incredibly frustrating to go through these constant ups and downs. Been through several therapists and yet I’m stuck. However, today, I feel like finally I might be able to fight this. Everything you said resonated with me…absolutely everything. I’m so so hopeful now. Thank you so much.
Oh my goodness! While watching this video - stunning, by the way - I suddenly recalled something you said in an earlier video about "laughing off" serious matters. And then this memory came to me of a family story where my mother accidentally dropped me down a flight of stairs when I was a baby and the story ends with everyone kind of laughing, like it's a funny story somehow. Anyways, I'm sorry. This had nothing to do with this video. I just made that connection until this moment. ...geez. Maybe I shouldn't leave comments when I'm smoking...
Anna, I‘m speechless! Not even 5 minutes in and you have precisely summed up one of my main problems/things to get working on right now. I‘m looking forward to listening to everything you say. Thank you ❤️
It took me 9mins.38sec.. First it made me smile! Then I felt a spotlight on me.. I'm so grateful for your passion. Anna.. otherwise I'd still be wondering why I made that stupid decision.. you'd think I'd get it before I turn 70.. and here you are bringing me back to my childhood.. bless you for all the faery good you do..
Thats what I do, look for someone to take advantage of me, thats from lack of attention. I am beginning to see this now. Thank you for your talk here, we are listening to you, the best help I've found is you
I’m a LMHC and I agree how important it is to be directive at times. To be “kindly” confrontive. To simplify provide unconditional positive regard alone doesn’t work. When people know you care and they trust you, you can Be appropriately confrontive. It is a necessary component of good therapy. Thanks, Anna, for your perspective.
Hi Crappy, I could listen to you for hours. When I recall events from the past it feels like Total Recall, talk about vivid, one would think I would forget something or change it somehow, nope, just like Groundhog Day. Triggers happen and need to be delt with, sometimes it's overwhelming so I don't dwell on things.
'A belief system meltdown'. Wow. What an excellent way to articulate it. Same thing happened to me. It's been about a year since the life changing shift. Life will never be the same, and I am so glad!
Min.33 « you can see love where there is no love » 😅 Yup…rings a bell. Thank you for bringing more awareness to all the trauma driven behaviors I still have in my adult life 🙏🏻
I've listened to tons of these and this is the most relevant to me. I think this behaviour is the most destructive I have. Other than this behaviour it's sometimes hard to believe I've suffered as much trauma as I have. Thank you so much for all these Anna. It's been a great journey. I commit to listening to one of these every day or doing the practice.
This is such a rich video about CPSD that explains this special insecureness in challenging situations for unhealed processes. So I can watch again and again….😅
Finished the second half. Thank you for wearing your very essence on your sleeve. Comfortably putting your former self out there and letting everyone see what is possible. I so believe God led me here. You have set a great example for how its done. Some of these stages I have already worked through and freed myself - setting emotional boundaries - that was a very big one that sets in motion a different mindset. Thank you. ❤
I thank God I found this channel I recently just realized I’m suffering from PTSD age 55. Suppressed childhood trauma I never dealt with. More trauma on top of trauma. I really want to heal and help myself.
You're in the right place. If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
I quietly said to myself, maybe it’s me, while looking back on my life especially the bad ways I have behaved at work and how live treated others professionally and personally. Just recently I was called out on this behavior. The demoralizing video is so on point. I’ve been crying all weekend, feeling shameful, embarrassed, humiliated and in deep pain about what I did and where my last life is now. It is me, I am the common denominator. I am so close to losing my job that I didn’t see any way out except to in give and give up. My mind going back and forth, “but they did this to me” and then hearing on the video “that no one is coming to save me”, and it p******* me off. Anna. Now half way through this video I feel, hopeful. Lucky I apologized to my supervisor for my bad behavior. I kept it short, deleting all the emotional justifications and blame on others that I initially typed. I wanted to say, “why can’t people understand that this job traumatized me more even up to this very day. Then I said, nope, I am not going out like this, and lose the 25 years of retirement benefits that I need. I made so many trauma based decisions that were self fulfilling prophecies. I see it clearly now. I created my own suffering. I’ve been practicing suffering. Now I know what I must do. TAKE ACTION. And I am so afraid. I couldn’t sleep so I did my self care, cut my hair, did my eyebrows, showered got dressed, out of the house by 8:20 am, got breakfast and now shopping for some nice bedding for my bed. Now, I’m at Target sitting in the parking , finishing up listen to your video Anna. Will do some journaling. Once I get home later, I will get ready for work tomorrow. My parts and I decided that we are going to get to work on time for once and walk in with my head held high. I am terrified but I am the only one who can save myself. I made mistakes and I am not gonna grovel. In just going to start where I am, again and again until I feel better. I am crying, but I feel I can do this one thing for myself and show up lol like you said Anna. Thank you so much. Ps. I renewed my membership too. Is there a downloadable calendar for the Daily practice? Also, is the audio version of you doing the Daily practice with the meditation available anyway? I had it many years ago but can’t locate it. ❤
I have been in therapy for years, it helped a little. Everything in your videos resonates with me. It has been a huge relief to get answers…I have cried like I never have before. My feelings were so buried, I wasn’t sure if I had any. They are now bubbling to the surface, due to your videos. It is a painful process but I believe it will help me to heal. Your videos/advice is LIFE CHANGING. Thank you ♥️🙏
Ms. CRAPPY CHILDHOOD FAIRY, I think you are an amazing, very intelligent, very experienced, well-spoken Jedi master. Everything you have said is bullseye, I mean WOW. I wish I found someone like you years ago to learn what I have. I've lost 2 families, my first one of 12 years, because my CPTSD got worse and about to lose my second family because I was completely lost. But you, you are a true real life fairy. I thank you so much for being here on earth while I'm on this earth and going through this journey. I really hope that I can save my second family because I don't want to lose them. I didn't want to lose anyone. I will be spreading your powerful insights on an important topic like this. Once again, THANK YOU. Very Respectfully, Billy
Anna, I really appreciate what you share. You speak from experience and express so eloquently the developmental issues in those of us who grew up without loving guidance and nurturing. Thank you for what you do.
this was great to listen to, i did twice in a row. i related to almost everything here. it all makes sense and were things i didn't know for sure although i had an ideia of them. thanks so much for putting this out there. it can really help untangle things for people that are trying to find the truth and heal. i wish you all the best
Good “cleansing tears” bring relief and JOY! I love this podcast. It touched many sore spots but was spot on. As many of my decisions through life were trauma driven, and therefore the outcomes work less than desirable, including the men that I dated and married for the time being I do not have a romantic relationship and this suits me well, I am better able to identify the narcissists on approach and the red flags in relationships, and determine who I want to keep as friends and who I want to leave alone, it’s a matter of setting better boundaries for me. Which I was never allowed to see it when I was growing up, raised by narcissistic parents that were very controlling, and made all the decisions for me in some respects break the chains that bind.
Good talk. This is one that I have to hear more then once or even twice. Lots of great questions that need to processed. If there is any one of these I personally had to do is not to have that “ trauma reaction “ right or wrong how I may feel in the moment stepping back and thinking about what I am dealing with is understanding what is being said and what am I hearing. The benefit of not responding in the moment keeps me grounded. It’s that time I take that is keeping me from reacting in a negative way. Not everyone knows that they are going to trigger you and will be totally thrown off with a fast sharp reaction. Then there are people out there that want to deregulate you. For some it helps them make the point that you are not stable. I say to myself no. Not today and not now will I be made a fool. And I am finding that I don’t have to allow this person to control my emotions. I am stronger for it. Pick your battles wisely and the battleground is a public matter. Well unless you are a politician lol. I hope y’all are having a beautiful f day and I wish you many more. Humble Opinion
Thank you so much Anna. I am really at the stage that this whole video is about. I am taking therapy and learning so much about my past. But I am so reluctant to continue that narrative to govern my life and choices. It was such a relief at first to get acknowledgement about my suffering and trauma that I experienced. But I also feel so reluctant from inside to stay in the story of my past. I am not the child that was traumatized, I am an adult now. And your video is resonating with me so much, it's probably the universe (and algorithms) showing me this path that I need and want. And you've put it into perfect words. Thank you ❤ so so much
I just finished listening to this amazing video that helps me to see just some of the lies I've carried for way too long! I can't sleep because i am stuck in a horrible relationship that is crumbling, worrying about my job, and feeling so overwhelmed at my inability to manage it! It seems that when I get this way, I get angry with myself for getting me here, for not understanding how the trauma I carried distorted everything Yes, I have realized very recently need to make amends and I am grateful that I am finally able to see how my decisions have affected others. After listening to your video, perhaps i can give myself some grace and allow myself some rest for just a while! Thank you, Anna, for getting me! I can't tell you how much you help me and somehow you inspire me to hold on because there is hope for me yet!
At 30.49 I broke down crying Anna - for 58 years I've lived with so much shame about why I can never control my triggers and I go off so badly - in 2 minutes you explained it clearly - my Mom died before I heard this from Cancer what I would give to have been a better daughter - she knew I was messed up from my Dad's rage over my lifetime but to have her know that I am in recovery mode now what I would give I'm in tears writing this to you - I'm forever grateful for you from the bottom of my heart thank you.
Thank you very very much, this long video is a real masterclass. I took notes and I am so greatful you provide us freely such a great content. I am 54 and still believed until few months ago that somebody will come along to save me. I don't know if others are like me I still have remembrance of me as a little girl and then a teenage longing desesperatly for somebody to come and deliver me from my suffering and the place I was living. I left the house at 18 and since then I never stopped moving from places to places. It is awful to run after something that doesn't exist outside but finally has to be found inside us. All my encouragements to people who are dealing with cptsd and in the meantime ready to give themself a chance.
I left a company that i was about to establish with 3 other people from university. I worked too much .. got into a burnout like situation.. got an emontinal flashback and then left the whole thing while burning almost all the bridges. I was absolutely overwhelmed and could not think clearly.. yet i felt the need to do something "drastic". Terrible terriblel decision. But it makes so much more sense when i am thinking about it in relation to CPTSD. If i learned one thing its to take much more care of myself now so that i am not in danger of a real burnout ever again even if some phases in life do require more work. The sad part is though.. those 3 other guys also were friends. We spend a lot of time together, they invited me to their places a lot. We travelled together for our project. It was so nice. I liked them.We had lots of fun. After the whole thing happend we spoke here and there.. but it was never the same again. Its just a tragic loss. Loss of would have possibly been my own company with 3 friends. As i am writing this i am getting emotional. It still hurts.
@@laurafay2796 Your welcome! it feels good to finally make sense of those bad situations and do something to not have it happen again, or at least not have it happen again in such a desastrous way...
I hear your frustration with being burned out on work. Excelling at work doesn't matter. People like average. It all comes down to nore money and your time. Lesson learned.
I'm assuming (I know; never assume) however, this must also apply to making decisions that are actually good for you too. We don't make the right decision to do something that will be super good for us, but our Trauma, for example, trust issues, make us not take or make that decision that would benefit you tremendously.
@@katiekane5247Oh sweetheart, I know..... I'm so tired of "feeling" like I don't know how to make the simplest decision, let alone a big decision! Thank God 🙏 for Anna and her Videos & Classes she so graciously gives us. I Pray and hope Anna's Content is helping you. I'm cheering for you dear. ❤
Problem for me is every decision I've made in my adult life has been a disaster, so at this point, I can't make any decision because they all have made my life much worse. For me, moving cities or buying expensive items like cars have been my trauma driven decisions that have driven me deep into a hole. My most recent move in 2019 destroyed my life to an extent that I question whether I will ever recover.
@@bchristian85I don't know what to say dear except I really do feel & understand your pain due to my ridiculous Trauma Driven Decisions. I'm Praying 🙏 listening to Anna, doing her free Course and trying my hardest to undo the horrible choices I've made do to the Trauma. Bad people hurt us, but I have finally learned, through Anna, only we/I am responsible for my own recovery and getting past, or at least being present now, to make better decisions, not rushing into the decision, most of all, being seriously aware of the people that "claim" they're my "friends" or they "have my back". I don't know your situation, but the most valuable lesson I've learned lately, is, when you're down & out financially & mentally.... You/we, inevitably end up living around or only meeting people that are the same. I'm not judging other's, I'm not any better than anyone else, my point is, if we're good people, who don't maliciously hurt others, don't steal, aren't self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, have Empathy and give back not expecting anything in return, etc.... and we're surrounded by people that do not have those personality traits, we're living below our Personality Standards, and will most likely be taken advantage of by those people. I'll be Praying you find a way to get back on your feet. The one thing I know for sure, is nothing in this life stays the same forever and although it feels we may never recover from certain decisions we've made, there is always a way to get to where we can change or undo our situation. It may be a slow ride, but it can be done. I hope you stay with Anna's Channel and do what she advises, but more importantly, follow your gut, your intuition. Even if you "feel" like you don't have intuition anymore, you do, I promise you do. Stay well and stay safe. You're in my thoughts and Prayers 🙏 ❤
I'm feeling rejected lately and I try to rationalize just why it is so important that this person love me. I continue train of thought to "well do I want him back?" I know I honestly don't! I realized that I want him to adore me, "why doesn't he adore me?" I feel rejected, I feel less than, how could he want to live without me? No I dont want him I just want him to want me. My goodness I truly thought I had a better grip on my ego. "Reality" sucks. But, too many bad choices. I could've been successful, as I had it all right before me, i took the other path, it still haunts me in my 50's because I am struggling with what feels so pointless anymore. These videos keep me going thank you Anna!!!
So much wisdom in this video. The own your agency tis huge as is recognizing the dysregulation and planning yourway to manage it. Those two are a huge paradigm shift. Thank You so much Anna Fairy.
Haha I’m in a real estate prelicensing course & we just finished our test on mortgage types :-) thanks for the lil quiz! Yes I know what a balloon mortgage is!
Good evening Ana sorry if I misspelled it. I want to thank you for the videos u have posted even before I seek any sort of mental health. My fiancé had a stroke and I am trying to understand his decisions while I explore all this new adventures that have been and lost myself in transition and ipen a past I thought I was over with only to realize half of the things u said are similar and true. I haven’t gone to real help I don’t feel I can trust them, but when I herd u I felt u understand completely
You are an amazing asset for those of us who now know what is wrong with us. I have been diagnosed with PTSD but I know I was emotionally neglected as a child and CPTSD has caused more trauma resulting in PTSD. When is CPTSD going to be an actual diagnosis in the DSM-5?
If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Julie@TeamFairy
Me, why am I here? I don't have C PSD ! Yet my exact past mistakes keep coming up and my personality keeps presenting itself undeniably. Thank Anna and Thanks Barry my therapist who recommended this channel. Yeap I fit in somewhere I never wanted too.
Sucks when everyday life was so traumatizing that "horrible" decisions and the pain that may come with them on average is still better then "normal" when being traumatized. I believe this is learned, or "taught".
I have a friend who at one time we talked about getting married. Now, several years later, I don't really want to marry anyone, not even him. I have been working on myself the past 5 years and I can see my progress. He has improved, only because I learned how to enforce boundaries. He can fly off on a sudden rage, no warning. Now that I understand more about triggers, I can see some of mine. I have NO CLUE when one of his triggers will get tripped . without warning, with no way to avoid what you don't know, he's like living with a landmine, at any moment things can blow up.
Thank you for mentoring me through my drama. I love your videos. I'm more confident than I have ever been. To be honest tho, thc edibles have allowed me to relax and rethink. I didn't know I cam feel good all day long and be selfless. I have done edibles in a month but I still walk around with butterflies in my stomach because I'm in anticipation of something great is about to happen. I look forward to each person I meet with high intensity to determine if that are on the right track and not holding on to the past!
Despite my injuries, I am. Despite my choices in the past, other directions are present, Despite sad memories, have optimism are my future. I have new tools I seek a mentorship.
I definitely gained from your talk immediately 🎉😂 ure,awesome.... please,talk about beyond the coping mechanism... and punching through the gkass,ceiling...Ella
Is it shame when we pick people who have worst problems than we do? I’m not sure about that. Perhaps we think so little of ourselves and our self worth is diminished; and hanging around those that are psychologically worse off actually makes us feel better about ourselves. Almost a superior way of thinking. It is a false persona of course but we don’t recognize this. Not sure if I’m explaining myself so you can understand my meaning. I also believe that it appeals to our ego which is battered; our self esteem is so low. You know what I mean?
@@andreajaouhari6486 I think we collect these lost souls like stray kittens in need of a safe place. We hook them up to ourselves with wires attached to this power house we think we are. But we have little enough resources and we have issues to deal with, but we think we have a little bit left over for others. Essentially what we do have is drained and it leads to total burnout and exhaustion. We have to sever those ties that bind both us snd or there often in a hurtful manner because our expectations weren’t met and we we gave and gave and gave. And who do we blame? Not ourselves; But those lost souls who took so much and gave back so little. How pathetic and demeaning. We learned nothing except getting a lot of practice enabling those can not do it for themselves. I could go on and on about what heroes us givers are.
@@elizabetheliuk9373 What you freely give to someone, time or money is never a waste. We are not better than them just lucky or blessed to have learned more in our life's training at that time. Remember, We all learned from some one.
I know someone (relative) who is an enabler of abuse (raised by parents to be) and picks partners who are constantly problematic whenever they have issues they don’t want to deal with or seem overwhelming. They also pick them as long term partners because it distracts others from their shittier aspects of their decision making and personal issues or they can use them as a scapegoat (their issues distracted me and took priority over my own) when things take an inevitable turn. The partner acts as a buffer between dealing with their problems and is also an excuse not to (he’s having a hard time with his mom/job/friend/etc, so I can’t…). It’s sad and annoying to see, especially since they don’t seem to see the pattern of this behavior until the relationship comes to an end. Long and loud professions of “no more”, moments of resolve and silence follow, then a new trash partner with a slew of unresolved issues is suddenly in the picture and we have another period of waiting for their bs to come out and ruin family functions. It gives them and excuse to continue being an enabler (a comfortable role assigned in childhood) and another worse person around makes them seem pitiable and better by comparison. I’m starting to see it and it makes me have less respect for them which is hard.
Interesting heal stages ...u must have a good therapist person or mentor to realise and (ID) each layer and allow growth and sharing patterns. Love - self lovevand honesty heal
I’ve done that before where I would meet someone once and told them all my traumas they ran away right away I was just lonely and needing to talk to someone lol
I think it’s because you are in survival mode. Survival mode does not allow you to make decisions for tomorrow. Every decision is about what I need right now! It’s all Very feelings oriented because I think a lot of times we are trying not to feel all the hurt, pain, fear, insecurity that characterized our childhoods. We aren’t able/accustomed to thinking of practical things and consequences. It also was likely not modeled for us to make practically good and calculated decisions.
Exactly. I think about this a lot. Having parents who do not manage their emotions well means you had no way of knowing that there might have been a different path for every decision and every thought and every emotion. It's like having a cognitive impairment - after the very early years, you know that other people are different, and they are able to do things you somehow cant. But you can't close the gap because your brain doesn't work that way.
Absolutely adore you and black it takes all the attention to what you were saying in your beautiful face black with your black glasses is absolutely stunning and simple and clear It’s a beautiful feminine statement that is sophisticated and professional it’s a very cohesive look they can be worn time and time again without anyone getting bored Focuses on your professional gifts thank you so much for all you do
I did a terrible thing, and im so ashamed of it. I know i hurt somebody with that and if the person finds out, it will be not just the downfall for me, but also to that person. I knew when i did said thing, it was like i wasnt myself. My brain made excuses for said thing and my principles just crumbled away by the minute. Its now almost 1,5 years later and im still not over it and feel guilty every day. If it would be just that, i hadnt had that much of a problem with it. But the feelings that led me to make that bad decision just creeps in again and again and it is a hard inner fight i have at some days. I remember that when i was younger i had principles and could stay true to them, but suddenly it all crumbled away and at some points i dont even know who i am anymore. It leads me to crazy thoughts and makes my brain go wild. I dont want this any longer. Im searching for professional help at the Moment, i hope im succsessful with it! Thanks for this Video!
I thank God sooo much for these video's. I have gained "hope". I hear Anne state free video's are available in the description. The link is not ever shown. I'm disappointed to hear all the work she has done & she always say I have the link for more information This is not helpful..practical exercises from her special made video's I need sooo much. Not on TH-cam TV or phone.
Thank you Ms. 🧚♀️ Fairy, everything you talk about in your videos sounds like me; my past decisions, my experiences, my life. I’ve been working through your videos and have started doing the daily exercise , Im amazed at how much you have helped me even this far🙏🧚♀️With gratitude, Heidi
What helped me was Ketamine. I had quite a few treatment sessions, after which I would be really ok for a week or more. The inner critic, toxic shame and whatever just didn't have any power during that time. After maybe two dozen sessions like that, I noticed why that stuff was coming back and that I indeed have a trauma problem.
AT about the 46 min mark she is talking about work and the choices we make there. I took a job out of desperation. The first week was sheer torture. My response was deep anger, sense of being trapped, hopelessness....then, it occurred to me I could just view it all differently. I started speaking gratitude for the job. Instead of having lunch in the lunch room where I was ruminating or hearing negativity, I walked the parking lot every day during that time (wide open sky, not trapped!). Every hour that passed I added "money" to my thinking. Then I took that money and starting mentally repairing our financial instability - building the future. Same job - different attitude or perspective AND I fell in love with my job! This experience changed so much in my learning journey about the power that I still had even when the tapes playing in my head said I would always be doomed, always powerless, forever stuck.
Yay, way to go! That is a great way to use "magical thinking" to move things in a healthy direction. Reframing. Powerful!
Excellently done! From victim to victor. Keep it going!
I had a supervisor I absolutely couldn't stand...once I stopped talking about how much I couldn't stand him and started telling myself different things about him, everything changed! My days at work with him are cream cheese now haha
Thank you
Good on you, and thanks for the encouragement. A. Saying I've been told is"keep your eyes on the prize". You're proof that it works.😊
“No one is coming to save you from your trauma” ouch!
When this woman responds to you, it isn’t just because she wants to grow her channel.
I can feel her genuine desire to want to grow healing among all of us !
Well, I haven’t yet been able to participate in the live lectures, which I will be, I’ve been able to share this channel with my other cousins, that I know must have similar experiences and hardships because of our childhood .
Add 50+ years of age , it was a shock to learn from a stranger on TH-cam. What was wrong with me most of my adult life.
Healing is not pain-free . But I am worth it. You’re worth it. This beautiful soul who we see speaking is SAVING lives, families and children.
I’ve been able to unblock a few people in my family and slowly stop self isolating.
There’s still people I cannot deal with right now, and I am learning what my triggers are: one big one, angry, black women, like my mother, accusing me of stupid shit. And that’s the truth and I still love her, although because of her behavior from a distance.
That is so wonderful, congratulations🥰 Curious: what do you mean by "unblock a few people in my family"❓
So you'd be just fine with an angry 'white' woman telling you stupid shi-t then? It is doubtful the colour of someone's skin is the trigger...mother or not...but the anger and personal attack.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm happy for you, for your progress.
@Amazing Grace
Sounds like a few people were blocked (on phone &/or social media)
& the person was self-isolating
But, now through doing some healing & getting stronger (maybe healthier boundaries?) they were able to "unblock a few people & stop self-isolating"
Hope I'm not overstepping by sharing what I understood of that person's comment in answer to your question.
I feel your pain
CPTSD is a nightmare. I’m 67 and still feel trapped in my head. I have lived a life of quiet desperation.
We understand as few others can. I'm so glad you're here, we're all sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you…
So sorry.
I found it helpful when I'm saying to my self/ making sure saying "I'm with you." This makes so much calmer. Wishing you well and getting better..
Hang in there. I m 59 and trying to heal from CPTSD and the trauma from early on. I think we all need support and good community to know we aren't alone.
Amazes me how relevant so much of this is..I stay busy all day. No music now since complaining neighbour.
Headphones on until no battery.
All day long theres Anna in my ear, talking.
I like to talk too, and I'm a good listener.
I can't remember being so happy to listen all day long, to anyone, and its never annoying !!
Well some gf's have been good talkers, but its back and forth and not that educational, and no complaints compared to days, weeks, or months of 'silent treatment'...
Anyway, i am busy all day and much more calm. Its like i can feel my mind slowly improving.
Some medication involved but its mostly Anna. The voice, the messages, the humour, its really great. ☺️🙋
Thank You again 😁
you are better then any therapist I've had and I have been in therapy for my whole life and I am 63 thanks for all you do...
I quit a job I liked because of a relatively minor schedule change - literally just walked out. Out of nature with my character but somehow I was traumatized by it and couldn't deal. I managed to get rehired a few months later and things worked out OK but it took years to figure out why I initially reacted the way I did.
TERROR RULED ME. STILL DOES. WASN'T ALLOWED TO ASK QUESTIONS.
😢
We understand as few others can, you're in the right place. -Calista@TeamFairy
I understand. When we were little, we were so terrified of my dad that we'd hide in closets, and once, I got stuck between the fridge and cabinet, just from hearing my dad's car coming up the driveway. Later, when I was about 13 maybe, my dad told me "I intend to make you so terrified of me that you won't BREATHE without me telling you too. He succeeded, long before that day. I totally understand your terror. We can get through this. Much love and hugs to you 🤗.
@@alext.8456 😊
@@BeRightBack131 and yet these people haven't gone to prison. It's outrageous. I feel your pain.
"be comfortable to be with people who are a little more advanced than you", most of my life I did what you talk about in the video: pick friends who had it worse than me. I thought successful people didn't like me and I was afraid of them. After I became mom I started my healing, so much so that I was comfortable enough to raise my hand in front of all the well put together parents and get voted in as parent rep in our kindergarten. It was a big step for me, and it felt good to dare be more social amongst well adjusted people.
I just wanted to say that I have been on my healing journey for six years now and I've done a lot of work and logged 1,000's if not 10's of 1,000's of hours in TH-cam therapy to deal with my Childhood C-PTSD and associated triggers.
Of the 1,000's of video's I've watched, this video is up there with the best that I have seen.
Really really good video Crappy Fairy. Good Job 🙌
Thank you! I'm glad you're here!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairyhankyou sooo much....this is spot on for me everything that u say...I am 55 & still struggling even with constant therapy, self blame, sabotage....etc..always attracting emotionally unavailable men & now an on/off, push/push thing with a superior in my job....I feel so trapped, attatched, anger, jealousy, reacting, confused ...always putting myself last...putting him first....only to be dismissed/abandoned when he is triggered....shuts down & shuts me out ....omg everything that u say is spot on!! Always me reaching out ....fear!!! Yes!!! Then anger because he doesn't own his part or show up....always me!!!!
Control also I admit.. because he says nothing, then shows up, then doesn't follow through ....its seriously excruciating out of control painful!....I just don't know what to do anymore...😢 Best video ever...can u please recommend anything that will actually work...to feel at least in control of my self worth & emotional triggers which gets me into trouble....I feel.at 55 ...never had a healthy, loving, loyal relationship, constantly triggered, I hate the way that I am way to emotional & intuitive...I believe my thoughts & then react....then feel shame & guilt..regarding my behaviours, control, neediness...etc
Please I would greatly appreciate your opinion .....its in my face every day & feel i rely on him for my validation & then when it's not given, I'm triggered etc & it's obvious....I see it...I just don't know what to do 😢❤🙏
TH-cam therapy is a blessing, especially with great content like this! God bless you 🙏
Haha I’m laughing because of your Crappy Fairy address. I think this is a name you can’t shorten. The crappy has to be next to childhood or she becomes a crappy fairy and we know she’s not. 😂😂😂
Thank you for all the hard work you're doing for people with C-PTSD :)
“Everything is temporary” I have never heard someone else describe that state but I’ve lived in it my whole life.
Thanks for that Anna, you’re definitely not alone.
Thank you for being here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you so much. I wish I had dealt with my trauma decades ago.
Yes, I wish I did also. But I didn't know about trauma and triggers. I always pretended I was normal to fit in. Fake it till you make it. Is what someone told me.
"I am not defined by what happened to me, I am who I am" thank you so much for this reminder Anna
Unfortunately years ago I accepted so many commitments and relationships out of being unable to say no. Always terrified of standing for myself. A big unconscious sense of being worthless. I got into these commitments and relationships all the way, always fantasizing about the future and apparently giving it all. Now I understand these where behaviors related to CPTSD and codependency... thank you Anna. I love your channel.
We're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes I totally relate. I have moved town many times since age 20 , many intense volatile relationships, leaving jobs because of triggers. Got into bad sexual situations. People concerned about me were frustrated. I thought it was them who were the issue. Now I live with some shame , healing the shame and blame now and moving forward to a better life😊
You deserve to heal and we're all rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy
I can relate with the moves. We moved since I was very young. No place feels like home.
I had a bad childhood, but I never made poor financial decisions because of it. Just the opposite. I know i need to take care of myself, no one else will.
Same here. Fear of homelessness helped put me into real estate investing. Money never helped my trauma based issues.
Same. I have done ok financially. Relationships have been rough however. But surprisingly I didn’t go down the drug and alcohol path. Could have been very very easy to do that to try to cope.
Yes . I have again ourbursts of anger recently after/later
I f eel guilty & ashamed .
Yes, wise Fairy Anna, I have noticed the pattern of "it's just temporary" and see the implications in many areas of my life. A small voice has been trying to point my attention to it. It gives me this creepy feeling that life has passed me by without fully participating. My life would have been more fulfilling with a different approach. It's still time to be all in, 100%. Mastering the triggers are gold.
Yes! That’s what healing looks like.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can relate. I lived a nore fulfilling life when I was younger. Always busy in my teens with school and after school all the way up to my late twenties. Then something changed. I never fully surrendered to a life where I trusted someone or could count on them. It kept me from a family life. I have had isolated periods of feeling like I was part of society, mainly with my career or family events. Occasional trips and some dates. Minimal experiences with one person. Never knew how to fully
connect, trust and surrender.
Spent most nights alone and isolated if not with my family, higher educational studies or later with my dog. Other nights in emotional triggers. Often worked more than one job. Not knowing where to run and find consolation. Often went to church. Sometimes thinking being holy was being more evolved or maybe just safe. Lost interest in dating all together and entertainment. I want to trust and relax with a male partner. I miss being intimate and having someone I can talk to and not run from. would like to run into their arms...This channel has been a God send. I have learned volumes of information. Thank-you, fairy. I am sorry you had a crappy childhood. Mine was different too. Never a dull moment. Always meeting new people and in new situations.
yeah i just cant do it consistently....i go good for a couple of days then......trauma drop
Advice, avoid reunions with people from painful past episodes.
Where were you 10 years ago when I needed you even more?! This channel speaks to me!!! Love it and and thank you!!!
So glad you're here now! -Calista@TeamFairy
My dad was a narcissist but he gave me alot of wise advice and protected me from my psycho ex. I see it now that im alot older. He hurt me many times but im thankful he shared his wisdom.
Thank you. 🙏🏽 the videos are changing me on new level.
I'm so happy to hear that :) -Calista@TeamFairy
52 years old and still working on this....
So, this is long and I have to listen in 2 sessions. Reflection from the first 45 minutes - thank you. You are a beautiful sparkle.
What a wonderful way to describe someone 🌌
@@laurafay2796 Well, she is. 🙂❤
It seems like your videos pop out just when I need them, I can relate to so much of what you share!
Listening to your videos in that calm and soothing voice of yours often feels like a quiet, warm, comforting hug. It’s like dropping by unannounced with a nice neighbour and sitting on their porch having tea, nibbles and chatting about life... I cannot thank you enough for all the efforts you put into these videos: someone gets me! I’m not alone! And even better than that, she’s holding the mirror with a smile and showing me with her own example that I can heal, and things can get so much better. Thank you ❤🤗
Sophie, You put into words just exactly how Anna makes me feel when I listen too! Thank you for your comment. You really have a gift to bring others into where your at in your writing! If your not a writer yet ?; maybe you should be? I would read a book you wrote! lol Just a thought...God gives us all gifts and an ability to put others into the place your writing about is not easy, so anyways, be encouraged and God bless!
I can’t thank God enough for coming across this video today. I’m struggling so much, and it’s so incredibly frustrating to go through these constant ups and downs. Been through several therapists and yet I’m stuck. However, today, I feel like finally I might be able to fight this. Everything you said resonated with me…absolutely everything. I’m so so hopeful now. Thank you so much.
You are changing my life with these videos. Your insights are so helpful and I’m extremely grateful for your content. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
Oh my goodness! While watching this video - stunning, by the way - I suddenly recalled something you said in an earlier video about "laughing off" serious matters. And then this memory came to me of a family story where my mother accidentally dropped me down a flight of stairs when I was a baby and the story ends with everyone kind of laughing, like it's a funny story somehow. Anyways, I'm sorry. This had nothing to do with this video. I just made that connection until this moment. ...geez. Maybe I shouldn't leave comments when I'm smoking...
I can totally see how you made the connection from the video to that memory. Thanks for sharing it 🥰
Great post, quit smoking though it’s disregulating
Anna, I‘m speechless! Not even 5 minutes in and you have precisely summed up one of my main problems/things to get working on right now. I‘m looking forward to listening to everything you say. Thank you ❤️
It took me 9mins.38sec..
First it made me smile!
Then I felt a spotlight on me..
I'm so grateful for your passion. Anna.. otherwise I'd still be wondering why I made that stupid decision.. you'd think I'd get it before I turn 70.. and here you are bringing me back to my childhood.. bless you for all the faery good you do..
I am going to watch this 30 times. Needed this today. Thank you!
I've stood by the wrong people again and again because I wasn't advocated for.
We understand!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thats what I do, look for someone to take advantage of me, thats from lack of attention. I am beginning to see this now. Thank you for your talk here, we are listening to you, the best help I've found is you
I’m a LMHC and I agree how important it is to be directive at times. To be “kindly” confrontive. To simplify provide unconditional positive regard alone doesn’t work. When people know you care and they trust you, you can Be appropriately confrontive. It is a necessary component of good therapy.
Thanks, Anna, for your perspective.
Thank you for posting this video
You are so welcome! -Calista@TeamFairy
This stuff is life changing thank you I don’t feel alone anymore
Hi Crappy, I could listen to you for hours. When I recall events from the past it feels like Total Recall, talk about vivid, one would think I would forget something or change it somehow, nope, just like Groundhog Day. Triggers happen and need to be delt with, sometimes it's overwhelming so I don't dwell on things.
'A belief system meltdown'. Wow. What an excellent way to articulate it. Same thing happened to me. It's been about a year since the life changing shift. Life will never be the same, and I am so glad!
One of the best videos on trauma I've ever come across. Thank you so much for your support!
Glad you enjoyed it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Min.33 « you can see love where there is no love » 😅 Yup…rings a bell. Thank you for bringing more awareness to all the trauma driven behaviors I still have in my adult life 🙏🏻
I've listened to tons of these and this is the most relevant to me. I think this behaviour is the most destructive I have. Other than this behaviour it's sometimes hard to believe I've suffered as much trauma as I have. Thank you so much for all these Anna. It's been a great journey. I commit to listening to one of these every day or doing the practice.
This is such a rich video about CPSD that explains this special insecureness in challenging situations for unhealed processes. So I can watch again and again….😅
Finished the second half. Thank you for wearing your very essence on your sleeve. Comfortably putting your former self out there and letting everyone see what is possible. I so believe God led me here. You have set a great example for how its done. Some of these stages I have already worked through and freed myself - setting emotional boundaries - that was a very big one that sets in motion a different mindset. Thank you. ❤
I thank God I found this channel
I recently just realized I’m suffering from
PTSD age 55. Suppressed childhood trauma I never dealt with. More trauma on top of trauma. I really want to heal and help myself.
You're in the right place. If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
I quietly said to myself, maybe it’s me, while looking back on my life especially the bad ways I have behaved at work and how live treated others professionally and personally. Just recently I was called out on this behavior. The demoralizing video is so on point. I’ve been crying all weekend, feeling shameful, embarrassed, humiliated and in deep pain about what I did and where my last life is now.
It is me, I am the common denominator. I am so close to losing my job that I didn’t see any way out except to in give and give up. My mind going back and forth, “but they did this to me” and then hearing on the video “that no one is coming to save me”, and it p******* me off. Anna.
Now half way through this video I feel, hopeful. Lucky I apologized to my supervisor for my bad behavior. I kept it short, deleting all the emotional justifications and blame on others that I initially typed. I wanted to say, “why can’t people understand that this job traumatized me more even up to this very day.
Then I said, nope, I am not going out like this, and lose the 25 years of retirement benefits that I need. I made so many trauma based decisions that were self fulfilling prophecies. I see it clearly now. I created my own suffering. I’ve been practicing suffering.
Now I know what I must do. TAKE ACTION. And I am so afraid. I couldn’t sleep so I did my self care, cut my hair, did my eyebrows, showered got dressed, out of the house by 8:20 am, got breakfast and now shopping for some nice bedding for my bed.
Now, I’m at Target sitting in the parking , finishing up listen to your video Anna. Will do some journaling. Once I get home later, I will get ready for work tomorrow.
My parts and I decided that we are going to get to work on time for once and walk in with my head held high. I am terrified but I am the only one who can save myself. I made mistakes and I am not gonna grovel. In just going to start where I am, again and again until I feel better. I am crying, but I feel I can do this one thing for myself and show up lol like you said Anna. Thank you so much.
Ps. I renewed my membership too.
Is there a downloadable calendar for the Daily practice?
Also, is the audio version of you doing the Daily practice with the meditation available anyway? I had it many years ago but can’t locate it.
❤
Email us at hello@crappychildhoodfariy.com and we'll help you out :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have been in therapy for years, it helped a little. Everything in your videos resonates with me. It has been a huge relief to get answers…I have cried like I never have before. My feelings were so buried, I wasn’t sure if I had any. They are now bubbling to the surface, due to your videos. It is a painful process but I believe it will help me to heal. Your videos/advice is LIFE CHANGING. Thank you ♥️🙏
I am so grateful to have found this channel, thank you!❤
Thank you Anna! You gave me a lot to ponder and to make good decisions for my healing🙏💜
You are most welcome! -Calista@TeamFairy
I just love you Anna. You're helping me so much. I appreciate all that you do. I know that it's hard work but I'm proud of you.
I really like what you have to say, and how you say it. Thank you.
Thank you! Really glad you are here.
Julie@TeamFairy
You are great! Thank you for all the support you are providing to the world! Highly appreciate it.
Ms. CRAPPY CHILDHOOD FAIRY,
I think you are an amazing, very intelligent, very experienced, well-spoken Jedi master. Everything you have said is bullseye, I mean WOW. I wish I found someone like you years ago to learn what I have. I've lost 2 families, my first one of 12 years, because my CPTSD got worse and about to lose my second family because I was completely lost. But you, you are a true real life fairy. I thank you so much for being here on earth while I'm on this earth and going through this journey. I really hope that I can save my second family because I don't want to lose them. I didn't want to lose anyone. I will be spreading your powerful insights on an important topic like this. Once again, THANK YOU.
Very Respectfully,
Billy
Anna, I really appreciate what you share. You speak from experience and express so eloquently the developmental issues in those of us who grew up without loving guidance and nurturing. Thank you for what you do.
this was great to listen to, i did twice in a row. i related to almost everything here. it all makes sense and were things i didn't know for sure although i had an ideia of them.
thanks so much for putting this out there. it can really help untangle things for people that are trying to find the truth and heal.
i wish you all the best
Good “cleansing tears” bring relief and JOY! I love this podcast. It touched many sore spots but was spot on. As many of my decisions through life were trauma driven, and therefore the outcomes work less than desirable, including the men that I dated and married for the time being I do not have a romantic relationship and this suits me well, I am better able to identify the narcissists on approach and the red flags in relationships, and determine who I want to keep as friends and who I want to leave alone, it’s a matter of setting better boundaries for me. Which I was never allowed to see it when I was growing up, raised by narcissistic parents that were very controlling, and made all the decisions for me in some respects break the chains that bind.
"Reality is where you want to be."
I’m living the result of a stupid, “balloon payment” type decision. Oh, I had all sorts of reasons at the time, but it was no good
Good talk. This is one that I have to hear more then once or even twice. Lots of great questions that need to processed. If there is any one of these I personally had to do is not to have that “ trauma reaction “ right or wrong how I may feel in the moment stepping back and thinking about what I am dealing with is understanding what is being said and what am I hearing. The benefit of not responding in the moment keeps me grounded. It’s that time I take that is keeping me from reacting in a negative way.
Not everyone knows that they are going to trigger you and will be totally thrown off with a fast sharp reaction. Then there are people out there that want to deregulate you. For some it helps them make the point that you are not stable. I say to myself no. Not today and not now will I be made a fool.
And I am finding that I don’t have to allow this person to control my emotions. I am stronger for it.
Pick your battles wisely and the battleground is a public matter. Well unless you are a politician lol.
I hope y’all are having a beautiful f day and I wish you many more.
Humble Opinion
Thank you so much Anna. I am really at the stage that this whole video is about. I am taking therapy and learning so much about my past. But I am so reluctant to continue that narrative to govern my life and choices. It was such a relief at first to get acknowledgement about my suffering and trauma that I experienced. But I also feel so reluctant from inside to stay in the story of my past. I am not the child that was traumatized, I am an adult now. And your video is resonating with me so much, it's probably the universe (and algorithms) showing me this path that I need and want. And you've put it into perfect words. Thank you ❤ so so much
I too had to deal with IRS and they surprised me with true empathy and assistance
I just finished listening to this amazing video that helps me to see just some of the lies I've carried for way too long! I can't sleep because i am stuck in a horrible relationship that is crumbling, worrying about my job, and feeling so overwhelmed at my inability to manage it!
It seems that when I get this way, I get angry with myself for getting me here, for not understanding how the trauma I carried distorted everything
Yes, I have realized very recently need to make amends and I am grateful that I am finally able to see how my decisions have affected others. After listening to your video, perhaps i can give myself some grace and allow myself some rest for just a while!
Thank you, Anna, for getting me! I can't tell you how much you help me and somehow you inspire me to hold on because there is hope for me yet!
Yeah, I can start on a healing journey.
At 30.49 I broke down crying Anna - for 58 years I've lived with so much shame about why I can never control my triggers and I go off so badly - in 2 minutes you explained it clearly - my Mom died before I heard this from Cancer what I would give to have been a better daughter - she knew I was messed up from my Dad's rage over my lifetime but to have her know that I am in recovery mode now what I would give I'm in tears writing this to you - I'm forever grateful for you from the bottom of my heart thank you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please remember to be gentle with yourself, we're all sending you our support and encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you very very much, this long video is a real masterclass. I took notes and I am so greatful you provide us freely such a great content. I am 54 and still believed until few months ago that somebody will come along to save me. I don't know if others are like me I still have remembrance of me as a little girl and then a teenage longing desesperatly for somebody to come and deliver me from my suffering and the place I was living. I left the house at 18 and since then I never stopped moving from places to places. It is awful to run after something that doesn't exist outside but finally has to be found inside us. All my encouragements to people who are dealing with cptsd and in the meantime ready to give themself a chance.
Omg all those examples and points I've checked in my life. Such an eye-opening! Thank you!
I left a company that i was about to establish with 3 other people from university. I worked too much .. got into a burnout like situation.. got an emontinal flashback and then left the whole thing while burning almost all the bridges. I was absolutely overwhelmed and could not think clearly.. yet i felt the need to do something "drastic". Terrible terriblel decision. But it makes so much more sense when i am thinking about it in relation to CPTSD. If i learned one thing its to take much more care of myself now so that i am not in danger of a real burnout ever again even if some phases in life do require more work. The sad part is though.. those 3 other guys also were friends. We spend a lot of time together, they invited me to their places a lot. We travelled together for our project. It was so nice. I liked them.We had lots of fun. After the whole thing happend we spoke here and there.. but it was never the same again. Its just a tragic loss. Loss of would have possibly been my own company with 3 friends. As i am writing this i am getting emotional. It still hurts.
The casualties of CPTSD are real. I appreciate you sharing your story It helps to hear I'm not alone in the bad decisions I've made when triggered
@@laurafay2796 Your welcome! it feels good to finally make sense of those bad situations and do something to not have it happen again, or at least not have it happen again in such a desastrous way...
I hear your frustration with being
burned out on work. Excelling at work doesn't matter. People like average. It all comes down to nore money and your time. Lesson learned.
I'm assuming (I know; never assume) however, this must also apply to making decisions that are actually good for you too. We don't make the right decision to do something that will be super good for us, but our Trauma, for example, trust issues, make us not take or make that decision that would benefit you tremendously.
So true! I'm paralyzed by the thought I'll decide wrong.
@@katiekane5247Oh sweetheart, I know.....
I'm so tired of "feeling" like I don't know how to make the simplest decision, let alone a big decision! Thank God 🙏
for Anna and her Videos & Classes she so graciously gives us. I Pray and hope Anna's Content is helping you.
I'm cheering for you dear. ❤
Problem for me is every decision I've made in my adult life has been a disaster, so at this point, I can't make any decision because they all have made my life much worse. For me, moving cities or buying expensive items like cars have been my trauma driven decisions that have driven me deep into a hole. My most recent move in 2019 destroyed my life to an extent that I question whether I will ever recover.
@@bchristian85I don't know what to say dear except I really do feel & understand your pain due to my ridiculous Trauma Driven Decisions.
I'm Praying 🙏 listening to Anna, doing her free Course and trying my hardest to undo the horrible choices I've made do to the Trauma. Bad people hurt us, but I have finally learned, through Anna, only we/I am responsible for my own recovery and getting past, or at least being present now, to make better decisions, not rushing into the decision, most of all, being seriously aware of the people that "claim" they're my "friends" or they "have my back". I don't know your situation, but the most valuable lesson I've learned lately, is, when you're down & out financially & mentally....
You/we, inevitably end up living around or only meeting people that are the same.
I'm not judging other's, I'm not any better than anyone else, my point is, if we're good people, who don't maliciously hurt others, don't steal, aren't self-medicating with drugs or alcohol, have Empathy and give back not expecting anything in return, etc....
and we're surrounded by people that do not have those personality traits, we're living below our Personality Standards, and will most likely be taken advantage of by those people. I'll be Praying you find a way to get back on your feet. The one thing I know for sure, is nothing in this life stays the same forever and although it feels we may never recover from certain decisions we've made, there is always a way to get to where we can change or undo our situation. It may be a slow ride, but it can be done. I hope you stay with Anna's Channel and do what she advises, but more importantly, follow your gut, your intuition. Even if you "feel" like you don't have intuition anymore, you do, I promise you do. Stay well and stay safe. You're in my thoughts and Prayers 🙏 ❤
I'm feeling rejected lately and I try to rationalize just why it is so important that this person love me. I continue train of thought to "well do I want him back?" I know I honestly don't! I realized that I want him to adore me, "why doesn't he adore me?" I feel rejected, I feel less than, how could he want to live without me? No I dont want him I just want him to want me. My goodness I truly thought I had a better grip on my ego.
"Reality" sucks. But, too many bad choices. I could've been successful, as I had it all right before me, i took the other path, it still haunts me in my 50's because I am struggling with what feels so pointless anymore. These videos keep me going thank you Anna!!!
So much wisdom in this video. The own your agency tis huge as is recognizing the dysregulation and planning yourway to manage it. Those two are a huge paradigm shift. Thank You so much Anna Fairy.
Haha I’m in a real estate prelicensing course & we just finished our test on mortgage types :-) thanks for the lil quiz! Yes I know what a balloon mortgage is!
Hi Angie! I love how you talk and I love your content. You are one of my favorite creators on TH-cam. Sending you love always! ❤🤗🌈✨
Good evening Ana sorry if I misspelled it. I want to thank you for the videos u have posted even before I seek any sort of mental health. My fiancé had a stroke and I am trying to understand his decisions while I explore all this new adventures that have been and lost myself in transition and ipen a past I thought I was over with only to realize half of the things u said are similar and true. I haven’t gone to real help I don’t feel I can trust them, but when I herd u I felt u understand completely
You are an amazing asset for those of us who now know what is wrong with us. I have been diagnosed with PTSD but I know I was emotionally neglected as a child and CPTSD has caused more trauma resulting in PTSD.
When is CPTSD going to be an actual diagnosis in the DSM-5?
je vous remerci pour tout ca... thank you
I'm still working on trying to get out of the victim mode through therapy... Also working on the thought that everyone is out to get me...
If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Julie@TeamFairy
I self-sabotaged and now I hoping/praying Canada prevails and looks out for me
Yup in my hopeful thinking I lost a beautiful house during the housing crunch
It’s like Mrs. Anna is reading my life.
Me, why am I here? I don't have C PSD ! Yet my exact past mistakes keep coming up and my personality keeps presenting itself undeniably. Thank Anna and Thanks Barry my therapist who recommended this channel. Yeap I fit in somewhere I never wanted too.
"Guerrilla boundaries"... 😂thats good.❤❤
Sucks when everyday life was so traumatizing that "horrible" decisions and the pain that may come with them on average is still better then "normal" when being traumatized. I believe this is learned, or "taught".
🌱🌏💚 Thank you Anna and Crappy Fams.
Gosh Fairy the masters say this. Talking about our trauma hooks it deeper into system
I have a friend who at one time we talked about getting married. Now, several years later, I don't really want to marry anyone, not even him. I have been working on myself the past 5 years and I can see my progress. He has improved, only because I learned how to enforce boundaries. He can fly off on a sudden rage, no warning. Now that I understand more about triggers, I can see some of mine. I have NO CLUE when one of his triggers will get tripped . without warning, with no way to avoid what you don't know, he's like living with a landmine, at any moment things can blow up.
For me, it's not anger that rises up from the CPTSD. It's more panic. Or defeat and withdrawal.
Thank you for mentoring me through my drama. I love your videos. I'm more confident than I have ever been. To be honest tho, thc edibles have allowed me to relax and rethink. I didn't know I cam feel good all day long and be selfless. I have done edibles in a month but I still walk around with butterflies in my stomach because I'm in anticipation of something great is about to happen. I look forward to each person I meet with high intensity to determine if that are on the right track and not holding on to the past!
Despite my injuries, I am.
Despite my choices
in the past,
other directions are present,
Despite sad memories,
have optimism are my future.
I have new tools
I seek a mentorship.
I definitely gained from your talk immediately 🎉😂 ure,awesome.... please,talk about beyond the coping mechanism... and punching through the gkass,ceiling...Ella
Apologies… I need to re-listen to this, when I’m driving on a trip I’m taking… thank you for your video… this would be my second video from you.🤗👋🏽.
Is it shame when we pick people who have worst problems than we do? I’m not sure about that. Perhaps we think so little of ourselves and our self worth is diminished; and hanging around those that are psychologically worse off actually makes us feel better about ourselves. Almost a superior way of thinking. It is a false persona of course but we don’t recognize this. Not sure if I’m explaining myself so you can understand my meaning. I also believe that it appeals to our ego which is battered; our self esteem is so low. You know what I mean?
My ex always told me I chose friend a that has lots of problems. Maybe there is something to this
@@andreajaouhari6486 I think we collect these lost souls like stray kittens in need of a safe place. We hook them up to ourselves with wires attached to this power house we think we are. But we have little enough resources and we have issues to deal with, but we think we have a little bit left over for others. Essentially what we do have is drained and it leads to total burnout and exhaustion. We have to sever those ties that bind both us snd or there often in a hurtful manner because our expectations weren’t met and we we gave and gave and gave. And who do we blame? Not ourselves; But those lost souls who took so much and gave back so little. How pathetic and demeaning. We learned nothing except getting a lot of practice enabling those can not do it for themselves. I could go on and on about what heroes us givers are.
Yes, it can be toxic shame underneath all the reasons you mention. There are two types of shame. The healthy one can keep us away from danger.
@@elizabetheliuk9373 What you freely give to someone, time or money is never a waste. We are not better than them just lucky or blessed to have learned more in our life's training at that time. Remember, We all learned from some one.
I know someone (relative) who is an enabler of abuse (raised by parents to be) and picks partners who are constantly problematic whenever they have issues they don’t want to deal with or seem overwhelming. They also pick them as long term partners because it distracts others from their shittier aspects of their decision making and personal issues or they can use them as a scapegoat (their issues distracted me and took priority over my own) when things take an inevitable turn. The partner acts as a buffer between dealing with their problems and is also an excuse not to (he’s having a hard time with his mom/job/friend/etc, so I can’t…). It’s sad and annoying to see, especially since they don’t seem to see the pattern of this behavior until the relationship comes to an end. Long and loud professions of “no more”, moments of resolve and silence follow, then a new trash partner with a slew of unresolved issues is suddenly in the picture and we have another period of waiting for their bs to come out and ruin family functions. It gives them and excuse to continue being an enabler (a comfortable role assigned in childhood) and another worse person around makes them seem pitiable and better by comparison. I’m starting to see it and it makes me have less respect for them which is hard.
Interesting heal stages ...u must have a good therapist person or mentor to realise and (ID) each layer and allow growth and sharing patterns. Love - self lovevand honesty heal
I’ve done that before where I would meet someone once and told them all my traumas they ran away right away I was just lonely and needing to talk to someone lol
I think it’s because you are in survival mode. Survival mode does not allow you to make decisions for tomorrow. Every decision is about what I need right now! It’s all Very feelings oriented because I think a lot of times we are trying not to feel all the hurt, pain, fear, insecurity that characterized our childhoods. We aren’t able/accustomed to thinking of practical things and consequences. It also was likely not modeled for us to make practically good and calculated decisions.
Exactly. I think about this a lot. Having parents who do not manage their emotions well means you had no way of knowing that there might have been a different path for every decision and every thought and every emotion. It's like having a cognitive impairment - after the very early years, you know that other people are different, and they are able to do things you somehow cant. But you can't close the gap because your brain doesn't work that way.
Absolutely adore you and black it takes all the attention to what you were saying in your beautiful face black with your black glasses is absolutely stunning and simple and clear
It’s a beautiful feminine statement that is sophisticated and professional it’s a very cohesive look they can be worn time and time again without anyone getting bored
Focuses on your professional gifts thank you so much for all you do
I did a terrible thing, and im so ashamed of it. I know i hurt somebody with that and if the person finds out, it will be not just the downfall for me, but also to that person.
I knew when i did said thing, it was like i wasnt myself. My brain made excuses for said thing and my principles just crumbled away by the minute.
Its now almost 1,5 years later and im still not over it and feel guilty every day. If it would be just that, i hadnt had that much of a problem with it. But the feelings that led me to make that bad decision just creeps in again and again and it is a hard inner fight i have at some days. I remember that when i was younger i had principles and could stay true to them, but suddenly it all crumbled away and at some points i dont even know who i am anymore.
It leads me to crazy thoughts and makes my brain go wild.
I dont want this any longer.
Im searching for professional help at the Moment, i hope im succsessful with it!
Thanks for this Video!
I thank God sooo much for these video's. I have gained "hope". I hear Anne state free video's are available in the description. The link is not ever shown. I'm disappointed to hear all the work she has done & she always say I have the link for more information
This is not helpful..practical exercises from her special made video's I need sooo much. Not on TH-cam TV or phone.
I learn so much here. Thank you so much!
Thank you Ms. 🧚♀️ Fairy, everything you talk about in your videos sounds like me; my past decisions, my experiences, my life. I’ve been working through your videos and have started doing the daily exercise , Im amazed at how much you have helped me even this far🙏🧚♀️With gratitude, Heidi
Your videos are helping me heal🙌🏽💜
So glad to hear that! Thank you for sharing!
Nika@TeamFairy
Therapist cost. I appreciate your videos.
What helped me was Ketamine. I had quite a few treatment sessions, after which I would be really ok for a week or more. The inner critic, toxic shame and whatever just didn't have any power during that time. After maybe two dozen sessions like that, I noticed why that stuff was coming back and that I indeed have a trauma problem.