Ep. 26 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ม.ค. 2025

ความคิดเห็น • 2.1K

  • @Cyxz666
    @Cyxz666 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2637

    Bert is like 5 children in one body trying to speak through one mouth

    • @k.w.c.w2149
      @k.w.c.w2149 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Cyxz 😂😂😂😂

    • @jessop-
      @jessop- 4 ปีที่แล้ว +28

      Haha, that's the perfect analysis of Burt!

    • @rjw4149
      @rjw4149 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      OMG!😂
      It's sad how on point that is.

    • @REAPER3fitty
      @REAPER3fitty 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      That's so true. Well said

    • @marycallahan2334
      @marycallahan2334 4 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      His brain is pickled with Xanax. He’ll be boozing in no time. It’s a shame.

  • @mimigiggles4199
    @mimigiggles4199 4 ปีที่แล้ว +591

    Tom could tell his life story to Bert every episode and Bert would never have heard the story before.

    • @REAPER3fitty
      @REAPER3fitty 4 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      Holy shit dude you have TWO kids?!

    • @421less1
      @421less1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @Jonata when he got* it was *

    • @jamesdickey9427
      @jamesdickey9427 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Burnt is Tom’s best friend, but I have a feeling everyone in this thread knows much more about Tom’s life than Burnt Khrystler does.

    • @UseThisFire
      @UseThisFire 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Except Tom couldn't do that because every time Tom tries to tell his life story, Bert interrupts him and starts to tell his own

    • @Paul_DSZ
      @Paul_DSZ 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      He’s Narcissistic

  • @Tom-fj3vm
    @Tom-fj3vm 4 ปีที่แล้ว +470

    Tom: I had three black friends in High School
    Bert: *Utter Amazement*

    • @newsrapper
      @newsrapper 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Bert would never have been friends with Tom if he knew

    • @dankmheems290
      @dankmheems290 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Tom Segura is very cultured and bilingual.

    • @RomesThe59
      @RomesThe59 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      At first I was like Bert grew up in Tampa, there is a huge Cuban population there and its a pretty multicultural city. But then I read that he went to private school and it all made sense.

  • @marsupial22
    @marsupial22 4 ปีที่แล้ว +380

    Tom: ...My dad still thinks about his fallen brothers everyday...
    Bert: HERE’S SOMETHING RELATED TO ME

    • @GraceJ91
      @GraceJ91 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Blehdi 😂😂😂

    • @wilhelmcox4787
      @wilhelmcox4787 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      DRINK

    • @421less1
      @421less1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @Rational Viking when you decided to sober up, is that when you put the rational in rational viking?
      Good luck brotha! Good on ya

    • @devansnider7793
      @devansnider7793 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      The dude will interrupt with half a dozen stories about himself, then sit there stammering and stuttering for 30 seconds because he cant decide which one to tell. Hes so fucking self centered that the second the topic is NOT about him, he panics internally and starts scrambling for a way to make it so. Bert genuinely cannot handle people talking highly about others.

    • @resmarted
      @resmarted 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@devansnider7793 "Quick bert, make up a story about yourself!"

  • @Lt3652
    @Lt3652 4 ปีที่แล้ว +206

    Bert: “By the way, Drake is like a legit deal.” 🤣😅😂

  • @hunterlittle8793
    @hunterlittle8793 4 ปีที่แล้ว +484

    There are episodes of JRE where Young Jamie gets more mic-time than Tom ever gets here.

  • @MichaelWutsch
    @MichaelWutsch 4 ปีที่แล้ว +127

    Love this Tom focused episode where Bert talks about himself the whole time

  • @dudemaister96
    @dudemaister96 4 ปีที่แล้ว +442

    Bert jokingly says " Let's make this episode about Tom, I'm here to listen! " and INSTANTLY interrupts Tom before he can even finish his sentence

    • @scottharvey2852
      @scottharvey2852 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      And that's why we love him/them

    • @scottharvey2852
      @scottharvey2852 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      The intros r fuckin class 😂😂😂😂

    • @MissyGirl5150
      @MissyGirl5150 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      dudemaister96 totally! I love him but he lets Bill Burr talk, he is pissing me off. Tommy can tell stories too

    • @scottp.548
      @scottp.548 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      And Tom's Dad met his mother while Awol from Vietnam.

    • @dudemaister96
      @dudemaister96 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@scottharvey2852 nah that's a trait I hate in anyone I know and see

  • @chuckn4851
    @chuckn4851 4 ปีที่แล้ว +63

    Bert: "I'm gonna listen today"
    Also Bert: Not five seconds after that statement, interrupts Tom talking about his Vietnam vet father and halfassedly relates to him by talking about how he watched Platoon

  • @ryanbush942
    @ryanbush942 4 ปีที่แล้ว +562

    Just catching up on these...the idea of having Chris D'Elia message Bert's daughters did age well...

    • @jeremybasset9041
      @jeremybasset9041 4 ปีที่แล้ว +33

      I'm in the exact same boat 😂

    • @lippy22
      @lippy22 4 ปีที่แล้ว +47

      That one left a dent

    • @stanklizard7961
      @stanklizard7961 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      What's this in reference to?

    • @michaellapierre1407
      @michaellapierre1407 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Head ass dude I was like uhhhohhhj

    • @robertkennedy1293
      @robertkennedy1293 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I had the same thought. Wonder how that conversation went lmao

  • @thefirebuilds
    @thefirebuilds 4 ปีที่แล้ว +378

    After interrupting FOUR TIMES "man i am the worst friend, I don't listen to ANYthing."
    "yeah."

    • @jimmyluffnin1297
      @jimmyluffnin1297 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Then he continues to interrupt for the rest of the interview, Bert loves Podcasting because people have to be nice and listen if camera was off I bet it's different no1 would put up with it

    • @Kbwintyy
      @Kbwintyy 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      thefirebuilds I love how he knows and still does it every time

  • @SpacersChoice
    @SpacersChoice 4 ปีที่แล้ว +349

    Bert: "I'm here to listen"
    let's see how long that lasts
    4 minutes

    • @dudemaister96
      @dudemaister96 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      not even a minute he cut Tom off right away

    • @futbolplaya07
      @futbolplaya07 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      i know more about tom's life & i've never met him. its fucking nuts. i'm not even trying to remember this shit.

    • @stoicsmile_
      @stoicsmile_ 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      4 minutes? Did you even listen... it’s was less than 5 seconds 😂

  • @mattaholic
    @mattaholic 4 ปีที่แล้ว +382

    Bert paid me to comment that he is not actually as racist as it seems

    • @Cyxz666
      @Cyxz666 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Was this before or after the 5 minute white privilege speech?

    • @philipsutcliffe1610
      @philipsutcliffe1610 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      But he is

    • @jeremiahbachmann3901
      @jeremiahbachmann3901 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Not so fast...everyone knows that if you acknowledge someone's race, you are a racist.

    • @luisocadiz5990
      @luisocadiz5990 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Tom paid me to find you and pay you to say bert paid you to say this

    • @TheBlackMambaa248
      @TheBlackMambaa248 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      I would believe it

  • @nathanyarymowich
    @nathanyarymowich 4 ปีที่แล้ว +178

    That jug is filled with Kool-aid and nobody knew

    • @myyoutube4906
      @myyoutube4906 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Nobody knew

    • @ACIDICcitric
      @ACIDICcitric 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      The wind didn’t stand a chance

  • @Thefoxglovemedia
    @Thefoxglovemedia 4 ปีที่แล้ว +420

    I love that the guy who didn't know that Japenese and Chinese spoke a different language is trying to explain the societal and technological advances of the late 1800s, early 1900s🤦🏾‍♂️

    • @futbolplaya07
      @futbolplaya07 4 ปีที่แล้ว +39

      What's funny is he practically picked the perfect year to be born to see the most change lmao. He might be the dumbest person but I can't stop listening to his idiocy.

    • @Thefoxglovemedia
      @Thefoxglovemedia 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      @@futbolplaya07 100 percent! I'm a fan of Tom, but I guess we gotta put up with Bert's pig laugh.

    • @deviljon
      @deviljon 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Bert is the most lovable version of Florida Man. For better or worse.

    • @madisonyarletts6174
      @madisonyarletts6174 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      He is a comic I can almost guarantee it's all a character

    • @ashina5924
      @ashina5924 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      A lot of my coworkers didn't know that either. Most of them didn't lol even after explaining that korean to chinese is the same as french is to english and nope. Does not click in their heads.

  • @VIDEOdugo
    @VIDEOdugo 4 ปีที่แล้ว +317

    Bert Kreischer and bottlenose dolphins actually have a lot in common, like how they both weigh over 330lbs.

    • @dntgvafuk89
      @dntgvafuk89 4 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      The dolphins are definitely smarter though lol

    • @simonmorgan6934
      @simonmorgan6934 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Dolphins can't see their penis either.

    • @djleblanc1612
      @djleblanc1612 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      They both laugh the same - "EeeeeeEeEeEEe EEEEEEEEE eeeeeeEE"

    • @Doorsofprcptn
      @Doorsofprcptn 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      They also release their fecal matter wherever, whenever.

    • @brianjohnson9802
      @brianjohnson9802 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@djleblanc1612 I can't believe nobody got to the squeaking laugh joke faster than this.
      Nice job though.
      It's accurate.

  • @danielpenrodii2389
    @danielpenrodii2389 4 ปีที่แล้ว +152

    “I like to run, I’m like a dolphin”. Bert really is an animal expert!

    • @Belznis
      @Belznis 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Well, that sounds like anxiety talk, I have had it too. Your brain works so fast, you want to tell all the ideas you have. First you say that you like to run a lot and then the next thought is about how dolphins are really agile and fast, and move a lot. You say out things and they end up sounding wrong or funny, which is good for a comedian.

    • @twistedreefer3669
      @twistedreefer3669 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@Belznis Either his brain is working so fast...or his brain just isnt working xD

  • @mikewizz29
    @mikewizz29 4 ปีที่แล้ว +370

    Bert seems like the type of person who thinks Taiwan and Thailand are the same country

    • @aroff595
      @aroff595 4 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      He probably thinks they're both cities in China.

    • @Ryuzakku
      @Ryuzakku 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @Zah Hall Well Thailand is a country, and Taiwan is real China.

    • @duinthadope420
      @duinthadope420 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@Ryuzakku Don't Tell that to someone from Taiwan.

    • @Ryuzakku
      @Ryuzakku 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@duinthadope420 Taiwan knows they are the real China, and they try to have other countries back them on that. I think it'd be "Don't tell that to someone from mainland China"

    • @JR-rz1br
      @JR-rz1br 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Problem is, he's probably visited both of those countries while with Travel Channel. He's so fucking ignorant.

  • @spacedawg0073
    @spacedawg0073 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    1:13:07 "We gotta have an end-of-quarantine party" Bert: "Ok, when do you wanna do it?" 😂😂😂

  • @bharatrao7954
    @bharatrao7954 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Hearing the background laughter is the best thing lmao
    24:34, "they call me fetus right now" *background laughter*

  • @LewisCooley
    @LewisCooley 4 ปีที่แล้ว +221

    Bert's the kind of guy who thinks hes no longer an at risk individual because he jogged on a treadmill the night before while drinking wine.

    • @firecrow7973
      @firecrow7973 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      walked not jogged

    • @jsil_
      @jsil_ 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      sat not walked

    • @biglicker4473
      @biglicker4473 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      looked at the treadmill and pictured himself jogging on it then felt that was enough

    • @FrankDickerstein
      @FrankDickerstein 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Fell asleep on the toilet and dreamt he thought about getting on the treadmill.

    • @421less1
      @421less1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      His wife ran on the treadmill

  • @patrickbrown2
    @patrickbrown2 4 ปีที่แล้ว +154

    "He died at 41? That's like you dying tomorrow"... "It's my birthday tomorrow, I turn 41"..

    • @highland11091994
      @highland11091994 4 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      How is nobody else freaking out about this?? That is a crazy coincidence

    • @enriquegarcia3396
      @enriquegarcia3396 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      This is literally why I started looking through the comments. Why isn’t anyone making fun of this????

  • @evank7858
    @evank7858 4 ปีที่แล้ว +458

    "I wouldn't mind a snort of the ol' uncut white privilege."

    • @HebdebaV
      @HebdebaV 4 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      to be fair, most people probably wouldn't

    • @AmericanArgonaut
      @AmericanArgonaut 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Evan K lmao!

    • @MrBobbyfresh
      @MrBobbyfresh 4 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      Did you guys see that Adam Sandler movie? Precious white privilege

    • @jasongillum5763
      @jasongillum5763 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      it thought it was cocaine

    • @carlross3033
      @carlross3033 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @Roland Deschain dont forget educated

  • @neverlistentome
    @neverlistentome 4 ปีที่แล้ว +58

    Tom seems confused how Bert could watch UFC in college. He forgets Bert was in college for a decade.

  • @flipndip5122
    @flipndip5122 4 ปีที่แล้ว +84

    It's nice to see Tom give back to the community and make Bert think he's a normal person

  • @prozacjunkie112
    @prozacjunkie112 4 ปีที่แล้ว +75

    Blueband should edit in a little Bear icon in the corner of the screen that keeps track of the Bert drinking game!

    • @danb4811
      @danb4811 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      This.

    • @CrookedCrowe
      @CrookedCrowe 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      And it appears physically drunker throughout the podcast

    • @JRuff9
      @JRuff9 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Nadav do it!

    • @JRuff9
      @JRuff9 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      It would be so much work lol

    • @iamorlandosanchez
      @iamorlandosanchez 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      agreed

  • @marcusprice5497
    @marcusprice5497 4 ปีที่แล้ว +345

    I hope there’s no “free styling” in this one 😂

    • @jairoperez7059
      @jairoperez7059 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      as long as the lyrics are provided, he will always "freestyle"

    • @ethanp9068
      @ethanp9068 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Marcus Price why man? That was really good

    • @SomethingGamecatAdjacent
      @SomethingGamecatAdjacent 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      "Ok, here's some freestyles I wrote." -Bert

    • @Meestaseesta
      @Meestaseesta 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@benwaldsax7659 un-BEAR-able I see what you did there.

    • @lucianna5286
      @lucianna5286 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      aaa jajaja

  • @brody1261
    @brody1261 4 ปีที่แล้ว +41

    I just want a compilation of the first 15 seconds of every two bears one cave podcast

  • @jamisons9971
    @jamisons9971 4 ปีที่แล้ว +49

    23:00 thank god his girls weren’t too obsessed with D’elia

    • @whoyou8319
      @whoyou8319 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      they laughed pretty hard when tom said they should have delia message berts girls.....they at least heard something

  • @hutchklutch2594
    @hutchklutch2594 4 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Bert gets way more excited imaging things than any child I've ever seen

  • @Vance12901
    @Vance12901 4 ปีที่แล้ว +307

    Berts tongue got stuck in his teeth and he couldn't see what he was saying.

  • @ricardodelorenzo3954
    @ricardodelorenzo3954 4 ปีที่แล้ว +163

    "I like to run, I'm like a dolphin"
    -Burnt Crystals

    • @DrankenDune
      @DrankenDune 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      50:56

    • @Zackaria_sMax
      @Zackaria_sMax 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Hahahaha thank you, came to the comments just for that quote.

    • @schlafin
      @schlafin 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      "100 percent"

    • @MetalHeadSippel
      @MetalHeadSippel 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      this quote needs to be on a t shirt with Bert's face on it

  • @MrEricKDeise
    @MrEricKDeise 4 ปีที่แล้ว +274

    Brent is barely recognisable without his pointed hood and robes

    • @aaronlong8199
      @aaronlong8199 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      E K LOL, he also prefers his favorite nickname “the grand dragon”

    • @hawfcut2394
      @hawfcut2394 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      I feel im missing outon ajoke as I keep seeing people say stuff like this.

    • @anthonymiller934
      @anthonymiller934 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@hawfcut2394 Bert is "racist" is the joke

    • @HalimaAbshir
      @HalimaAbshir 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I went to his show a few months ago, he started his set by saying "no coloreds allowed"

    • @crispyclubbers
      @crispyclubbers 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@hawfcut2394 he's the fattest, most racist comic working today

  • @justintrimble
    @justintrimble 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    This tennis story . . . I’m dead. I’ve listened to hours of Bert talking and the number of stories he has is unbelievable.

  • @mr.niceguy777
    @mr.niceguy777 4 ปีที่แล้ว +214

    The Patrice story is on a video called "the greatest story ever told on radio" I suggest you go and listen to it and Bert completely butchered it and basically implied that Patrice was a rapist. He half listened to that story just like everything else in his life. That was low and loose.

    • @Kaunte
      @Kaunte 4 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      To be fair, Bert does say he shouldn't be talking about it :D

    • @ethanschafer4684
      @ethanschafer4684 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      I was about to write this comment, thank you for saving me the trouble

    • @BoDetroit31
      @BoDetroit31 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      yes da fuq it was ...and thanks for callin it ...cuz i was about to do a paragraph... preciate U

    • @johnham14
      @johnham14 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      If you don't like Bert why do you watch this podcast

    • @MetalPhlex
      @MetalPhlex 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I literally cringed and shuddered: thinking if I were actually in the room when he said that garbage.

  • @tyrelking1371
    @tyrelking1371 4 ปีที่แล้ว +53

    “I’m Tom he’s Special Needs” I love it

  • @davidwitt3547
    @davidwitt3547 4 ปีที่แล้ว +195

    Bert is the most sheltered 40+ year old man I've ever seen.

    • @cybertree
      @cybertree 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      He is a dolphin though, a beautiful flipping dolphin in its prime.

    • @jarrettwatson7555
      @jarrettwatson7555 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      So true and he’s done everything

    • @martinberglundeskildsen5306
      @martinberglundeskildsen5306 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@cybertree yo dolphins f*ck people!

    • @gustavacresacres2329
      @gustavacresacres2329 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@cybertree more like a disgusting elephant seal, bert is as entertaining as drying paint

    • @yepyepyep170
      @yepyepyep170 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Gustavacres Acres the first part of that comment was funny the second part was like a disgusting elephant seal

  • @kelsofly77
    @kelsofly77 4 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    25:17 “Btw Drakes like a legit deal” 😂😂😂😂

  • @justmordecai
    @justmordecai 4 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    Bert: I'm amazed by the type of men that are out there.
    Tom: What do you mean?
    Bert: Like... the type of *MEN* that are out there.
    Tom: I-
    Bert: Like, the ty-, like, just the type of *M* *E* *N*

  • @SoonGone
    @SoonGone 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Its so inspiring for me to see a special needs guy not just living like he's a normal person but actually killing it. Congratulations on your success buddy.

  • @jesuzombieapocalypse
    @jesuzombieapocalypse 4 ปีที่แล้ว +53

    “I like to run, I’m like a dolphin. I like to get in front of boats”- Kreischer 2020

  • @michaeladams6847
    @michaeladams6847 4 ปีที่แล้ว +43

    "I am the worst friend."
    "Oh I know.."
    😅

  • @GrandSpiral
    @GrandSpiral 4 ปีที่แล้ว +29

    Happy 4/20 to everyone!! Pull those jeans up high and tight!

    • @johnathonklinedinst5889
      @johnathonklinedinst5889 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Bert is probably celebrating the birthday of his favorite Führer.

    • @yo-yoweizer1578
      @yo-yoweizer1578 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@johnathonklinedinst5889 i lmao'ed

    • @boscoedash6363
      @boscoedash6363 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      I wish mommies would drop a pod today

  • @beekae8664
    @beekae8664 4 ปีที่แล้ว +90

    Watching this podcast 2 months late
    "The girls are into Delia"........😬

    • @JLAShazam
      @JLAShazam 4 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      Fucking same lol
      I was like well this podcast didn’t age well

    • @Civic-mw4jj
      @Civic-mw4jj 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      And they're literally like "we should have delia message the girls" 😬😬

  • @TemakiTom
    @TemakiTom 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I lost it when Tom said "We'll get some little people there...some dwarves...your seven favorites...."

  • @XenionK9
    @XenionK9 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Tom's opening bit kills me every time, much love to the both of you.

  • @platapus112
    @platapus112 4 ปีที่แล้ว +78

    Everytime Bert speakers about history I physically facepalm and feel so bad about his daughters

    • @platapus112
      @platapus112 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @Landon Lee I think he thinks anyone before 1950 just sat around and did nothing

    • @jasongillum5763
      @jasongillum5763 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      they're both smarter than bert

    • @Carebear_311
      @Carebear_311 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      And he calls them stupid 😂😂😂

  • @crawford244
    @crawford244 4 ปีที่แล้ว +33

    38:20 - Bert: "why did you become a comedian?"
    Then he IMMEDIATELY interrupts Tom a millisecond after he starts answering

    • @joseporras7804
      @joseporras7804 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      It really sucks that Tom can't speak

    • @tophan5146
      @tophan5146 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Take a shot

    • @jamesdickey9427
      @jamesdickey9427 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Tom just kicks back and lets Bert go. Co-hosting a podcast with Bert looks easy... you say two words, Bert jumps in and talks for 5 minutes.

    • @TheIconicCollector
      @TheIconicCollector 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Thats what makes the show great.

    • @NateGUYYY
      @NateGUYYY 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Andrew Crawford you have eyes and ears. Cool.

  • @SuperReviews4you
    @SuperReviews4you 4 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Tom "We should have a end of quarantine party."
    Bert "When should we have it?"
    Tom "When the quarantine is over."

    • @MsSonnyR
      @MsSonnyR 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      1 YR later watching this again……

    • @cosmicresonance4142
      @cosmicresonance4142 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@MsSonnyR still waiting on this party!

  • @xeoph
    @xeoph 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Even though it's not going to happen, I hope Bert can get over the desire to be plastered all the time. I really think he's a beautiful human being and I want him to have good health!

  • @Simon-ku7ky
    @Simon-ku7ky 4 ปีที่แล้ว +27

    Every episode Tom's eyes get deader and deader, i really wonder how long it'll be until Tom kills Bert during the podcast.

  • @jakeholtman7507
    @jakeholtman7507 4 ปีที่แล้ว +42

    Can't wait to hear Bert interrupt Tom 1,000 times

  • @Uni85h
    @Uni85h 4 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    I love Patrice. He might be my favorite ever. Bert trying to tell his jokes is a hate crime

  • @mikemoore4033
    @mikemoore4033 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Tom: “Do you know when you learned?”
    Bert: “New York.”

  • @noahmartin2208
    @noahmartin2208 4 ปีที่แล้ว +31

    Bert thinks advancement is cellphones lol, he said there was no advancement during 1800, the middle of the industrial revolution

    • @timelineenjoyer
      @timelineenjoyer 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Noah Martin seriously where could we go after smart phones? Smart people?

  • @ejcrafton84
    @ejcrafton84 4 ปีที่แล้ว +40

    “Shot myself short” Bert is the old bartender from Boondocks Saints that doesn’t get idioms right.

    • @TheWalkingDavid
      @TheWalkingDavid 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      ejcrafton84 I was wondering if anyone else caught it

    • @peachmelba1000
      @peachmelba1000 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Bert is American Ricky.

    • @brento4605
      @brento4605 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      peachmelba1000 haha! you nailed it

  • @federicalfred1
    @federicalfred1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    I'll never get tired of saying that the guys laughing in the back make everything so much better 😂

    • @stephaniehalloran4447
      @stephaniehalloran4447 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      It's the truth!!!!

    • @alanbrown5907
      @alanbrown5907 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Those laughs are recorded. Every time you hear that, someone is pushing a button, not actually laughing. Notice you hear it at the beginning of every episode before they've even said anything.

  • @IloveGorgeousGeorge
    @IloveGorgeousGeorge 4 ปีที่แล้ว +69

    "I didn't wanna say Dr. Ken, because it sounds like I'm name-dropping"
    Yeah, BERT WOULDN'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE HE'S NAME-DROPPING EVER

    • @dudemaister96
      @dudemaister96 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Least selfaware and the most racist comic working today!

  • @OttoTheWeim
    @OttoTheWeim 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    These shows are THE BEST thing on TH-cam today. Putting the 2 best comedians out there today aside from Chapelle (he is a legend but both of you are becoming legends as well).

  • @scabbynack
    @scabbynack 4 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    I love how Bert thought herd immunity was thinning the herd because both idioms are about herds lol

  • @mattm7378
    @mattm7378 4 ปีที่แล้ว +33

    Bert: people born in the 1930s only lived to 35.
    Also Bert: I was talking to Leanne's Grandfather
    ...

    • @ministevie8
      @ministevie8 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      He said 1870s but it's still ludicrous

    • @LukeGeoDude
      @LukeGeoDude 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@ministevie8 Yeah, he was thinking of the fucking stone age, and it wasn't even true for that.

    • @shenbeuv2616
      @shenbeuv2616 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@LukeGeoDude it is true lol, people didn't live long.

    • @K0sm1cKid
      @K0sm1cKid 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@shenbeuv2616 on average people didn't live long but a lot of changes still occured over 40 years. Lol

  • @brycelumsden1080
    @brycelumsden1080 4 ปีที่แล้ว +45

    They should have a water mark counter for the Bert drinking game as the pod cast goes on. Would surely get over 100

  • @hernanhernandez5583
    @hernanhernandez5583 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    “My brain’s really different. I like to run.” And “I like to get in front of boats.” Are my two favorite quotes!!!!

  • @destructoblog
    @destructoblog 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    "If you think about it, I really am truly like a dolphin." I had to stop what I was doing and consider that for a couple moments.

  • @FDEE30
    @FDEE30 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    Someone can be dying and Bert would assist by telling a story about himself

  • @glassboxfish
    @glassboxfish 4 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    “Let’s make this episode about Tom, I’m here to listen”
    Proceeds to immediately interrupt Tom once he starts talking

  • @ryandugan2062
    @ryandugan2062 4 ปีที่แล้ว +119

    Bert “wont talk about” how he just said someone went to prison for sexual assault and hes not entirely certain

    • @GuinessHangover
      @GuinessHangover 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Bert: Spends 5 minutes talking about how Patrice went to jail for sexual assault, follows it up with "I wont talk about it."

    • @Yophillips3272
      @Yophillips3272 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      He didn't even get the story right fat drunk. Lol

    • @tberwick1
      @tberwick1 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Made Patrice sound well suspect, he didn't assault anyone (according to his take, which I believe). He tells the story well on O&A.

    • @powderandpaint14
      @powderandpaint14 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@tberwick1 I expect a large percentage of people who go to prison for sexual assault say they didn't assault anyone.....

    • @421less1
      @421less1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@powderandpaint14 the way patrice told it on O and A. Him and some buddies ran a train on a 15 year old girl and they were all 15-17. He said everything was consensual and just a nice afternoon really.
      One of his buddies talks about it, some jerk hears, tries to blackmail the girl for a blowjob, she complies, runs outta the bathroom screaming in school that he raped her. She gets in an interview room and tells the whole story. Shes 15 so its open and shut. Decide for you
      What bugs me is that bert claims to "love" the guy and say all this shit about how he looked up to patrice, then that's the only fucking thing you can think of to say about him? Funny type of admiration.
      If you had a dead friend and you wanted people to know how great he was, i bet you wouldn't start there

  • @kingofdawest14
    @kingofdawest14 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    “I’m not your parent, I’m your dad” thanks bert

  • @JasonMcLean523
    @JasonMcLean523 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    man i love this podcast! whenever Tom gets to talk its hilarious

  • @bterwin9887
    @bterwin9887 4 ปีที่แล้ว +83

    Bert's clan robe can't be fitting him right now during coronavirus

    • @ShadowT23
      @ShadowT23 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Imagine how cranky he is now that he can't attend the weekly meetings

    • @Paul_DSZ
      @Paul_DSZ 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      ShadowT23 probably just getting more drunk and embarrassing his wife

  • @RaDicAL808
    @RaDicAL808 4 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    Bert’s Dad: football is too dangerous. Bert after baseball: teeth left the chat.

  • @ramiebecker1
    @ramiebecker1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +30

    I hear it from every alcoholic in every meeting I go to, "I don't ever want to measure my alcohol". You aren't different, Bert.

    • @googleuser859
      @googleuser859 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      He hates the truth but desperately needs help.

    • @hugoj1129
      @hugoj1129 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      ramie becker yeah I’m sure they say a lot of things that Bert says but you have to hand it to him, he has run a marathon and gets regular blood work done, he also has proved time after time that he can stop if he wants to... like he’s currently doing right now. He also happens to be a millionaire with a happy mariage and two kids off of the back of his drinking stories. He’s different to the people in your meetings.

    • @ianhillgartner3471
      @ianhillgartner3471 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Berts no exception, an alcoholic is an alcoholic even if you stop for periods of time, it still clearly consumes and affects him day to day. Mickey mantle gene isn’t real and if it was Mickey mantle spent time in rehab, had liver cancer, a heart attack and died of Cirrhosis of the liver at 63, so not really something to be proud of. Hope he figures it out

    • @ethanking4954
      @ethanking4954 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@hugoj1129 That's called a functioning alcoholic. You can be an addict and still get stuff done.

    • @37yeahbuddy
      @37yeahbuddy 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@ianhillgartner3471 You could literally say that everybody is an alcoholic if the that's the logic you're using. Because people drink and then they stop and then they drink again. Alcoholics don't stop drinking. That's why they end up at AA. It literally destroys their life. Bert is a heavy drinker but not an alcoholic.

  • @jessecash4331
    @jessecash4331 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Bert is goin to keep Tom busy. Pointing out how many times Burke doesn't listen. But really man I love the pod cast. Also the specials are amazing. Thank you for giving my family a I a way to hang out and have a laugh. Love you Tom and Bert stay safe and keep laughing

  • @newtonslogic
    @newtonslogic 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    This was the best episode they've ever done. Hearing them talk about their childhoods was amazing.

  • @louiegallo1289
    @louiegallo1289 4 ปีที่แล้ว +59

    FUN GAME: Take a drink every time Bert says "I", "Me", "My".
    You're already drunk.

    • @jamesdickey9427
      @jamesdickey9427 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Anyone that tries to keep up with that game will get alcohol poisoning and a trip to the ER.

    • @Daniel-wv7lj
      @Daniel-wv7lj 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      You could do that for anybody 🤣

    • @louiegallo1289
      @louiegallo1289 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@Daniel-wv7lj Not true. Have you ever seen him analyze something, make an observation, or discuss a topic without talking strictly about himself? You haven't.
      He does this thing where he'll ask someone a question just so he can answer it himself to talk about himself. He's funny, but self-centered and annoying.

  • @JeffreyKelley
    @JeffreyKelley 4 ปีที่แล้ว +44

    You guys should do a drinking episode. You each get a jug of Titos and try to finish it in 2 hours...but the twist is Tom's is just water so only Brent gets obliterated

    • @jonanderson5137
      @jonanderson5137 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      So... A normal show.

    • @jeffstock7819
      @jeffstock7819 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I feel like that's already been done. But with molly.

    • @NateGUYYY
      @NateGUYYY 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Jefftheostrich real original

    • @goud2488
      @goud2488 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@jeffstock7819 eh.. kinda lmao

  • @stormbreak13
    @stormbreak13 4 ปีที่แล้ว +53

    Last time I was this early, Bert still had all his original teeth

  • @terrence777
    @terrence777 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    "I like to run; I'm like a dolphin." - Bert 😂😂😂

  • @isaiahc_26
    @isaiahc_26 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    “Im Tom and he’s special needs”😂😂😂

  • @hillaryg1251
    @hillaryg1251 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    We REALLY gonna ignore that coincidence of Bert saying "that's like you dying tomorrow" and Tom "..yeah it's my 41st birthday tomorrow"

  • @s.leszczynski5966
    @s.leszczynski5966 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    50:35 reminded me of: “I’m a peacock, you gotta let me fly!” If you know you know

  • @svhmj3918
    @svhmj3918 4 ปีที่แล้ว +38

    Those poor guys playing that drinking game are going to die from alcohol poisoning because of this episode.

  • @aust_barrett
    @aust_barrett 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Bert saying “I like to get in front of boats” as a comparison to a dolphin is so funny😂

  • @chrishacker7551
    @chrishacker7551 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Bert: I don't like to drink and drive because I don't want to do the math.
    Not because the murder.

    • @joeyisamazing1091
      @joeyisamazing1091 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      To be fair there’s a big difference between having 2 beers and driving home from dinner Andy’s having 15 shots and driving home from a bar. It’s not unsafe or illegal as long as you only have 1 or 2 drinks and you’re not driving right away. And it also depends on if you’re at a Bbq for 6 hours and have 3 beers or at a friends for 20 minuets and have 3 beers.

  • @EcchiHeroOda
    @EcchiHeroOda 4 ปีที่แล้ว +76

    'I like to run, I'm like a dolphin' - burnt kristler
    I think this special needs bit, isn't really a bit.

    • @LANCEtheBOIL
      @LANCEtheBOIL 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Brent christeler is definitely spiecist

  • @ericlorance2089
    @ericlorance2089 4 ปีที่แล้ว +60

    Bert “diarrhea of the mouth, constipation of the brain” Kreischer

    • @VIDEOdugo
      @VIDEOdugo 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Based on the stories in this episode, I think we can include regular diarrhea as well.

    • @danielstone9978
      @danielstone9978 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Dysentery

    • @TehMadCow
      @TehMadCow 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      He’s beyond that at this point it’s chronic irritable bowel syndrome of the mouth, irreversible toxic megacolon of the brain

  • @Mnglkrmps
    @Mnglkrmps 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    That's so Bert that he had no idea what herd immunity was, looked it up and read the correct definition, and then just said the wrong thing again anyway.

  • @zacdickerson1397
    @zacdickerson1397 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Bert finally listening to Tom: "oh wow this Tom fella actually has some interesting stories, I should have him on my podcast"

  • @OutlierConcepts
    @OutlierConcepts 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Bert "Okay enough about you" Kreischer

  • @wstr9963
    @wstr9963 4 ปีที่แล้ว +26

    I used to love Mitch Hedberg. I still do, but I used to, too.

  • @Shambles_44
    @Shambles_44 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Weekly Bert Quotes:
    "I like to run, I'm like a Dolphin."

  • @danielpenrodii2389
    @danielpenrodii2389 4 ปีที่แล้ว +127

    Take a shot every time Bert acts autistic or racist.

    • @Carebear_311
      @Carebear_311 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      I just died. Of alcohol poisoning.

    • @jamesdickey9427
      @jamesdickey9427 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      He must be on the spectrum...

    • @TreCayUltimateLife
      @TreCayUltimateLife 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Hooking up the IV now...

    • @Imarida2
      @Imarida2 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      How slow are you that you can't tell when Bert is playing "the dumb drunk" character.
      I guess it's tough because he acts dumber than he is for a living.

  • @moodyblues5150
    @moodyblues5150 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Way to make this a “listening” episode, Bert!

  • @421less1
    @421less1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    BERT: "yeah so a few years ago i met ken jeong and immediately stunned him with my ignorance and uninronic racism."
    Is how that story should have gone 🤣

  • @jordanwitty1234
    @jordanwitty1234 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    Inspiring guys, Bert’s work ethic, toms singing ability

  • @de_activatedthe_band5117
    @de_activatedthe_band5117 4 ปีที่แล้ว +26

    "this is a tom centric episode" --bert's tik tok'd brain.

  • @mattreed9189
    @mattreed9189 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    WHO EVER IS LAUGHING IN THE BACK GROUND MAKES ME LAUGH EVEN HARDER! 🤣🤣🤣
    Yall rock! 🤘☻
    Keep clean and keep the comedy rolling!!

  • @Bigmonto
    @Bigmonto 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I served Steve Leargent at a country club I worked at in Tulsa and I told him I had him in Madden and it made him laugh.

  • @72jaymbee
    @72jaymbee 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    As someone who can't hide when they're pissed, so obvious tom was not loving life this ep, fair enough too

  • @qthoneydew
    @qthoneydew 4 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Bert said let’s makes this podcast about Tom and within 3min starting talking over him lmfao