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Ren REACTS to Hi Ren! Is the message Acceptance?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ส.ค. 2024
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In this video I talk about what @RenMakesMusic has to say about his track Hi Ren. In my original Hi Ren reaction I talked a lot about the term acceptance, and in this video Ren explicitly talks about this so I really wanted to share.
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🙎🏻♂️ WHO AM I?
I am a BABCP accredited cognitive and behavioural psychotherapist living in the south of England. I specialise in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and predominantly work with people who have experienced trauma to help them move forward with their lives. Its a job I absolutely love and connects with my own values and purpose.
Video creation is still very new to me. I am still learning how to use my camera properly, how to 'do' audio and how to edit videos so please bear with me whilst I figure all this out!
Check out my website here: www.stuartjrandall.com/
For me, acceptance isn't about giving up or giving in, it's about taking what I have and doing something positive with it. When I was 20 years old, I was diagnosed with a chronic incurable degenerative disease. At the time, it seemed terrifying, and I had a lot of difficulty visualizing how I was going to live my life the way I wanted to. Now in the latter half of my 30s, when faced with the challenges associated with being chronically ill, I try to ask myself at least some of the following questions:
(1) What is my priority in this situation? What is it that I really want and how can I adapt myself or aspects of the situation to make what I want a reality? This might mean doing things a little differently than other people might, or doing things differently than I might have initially thought I would. Knowing what I really want - what's really important to me - helps me to more effectively make those desires a reality.
(2) What can I do with this? I can't make it go away. Although I can try to ignore it and pretend it isn't there, it still will be, regardless of whether I pay attention to it or not, so I try to find ways to make use of it. For me, I tend to ask myself how I can use my experiences to help others - and we've seen how Ren uses the challenges he faces to inform his art. Finding ways to make my challenges work *for* me, rather than only against me, has enabled me to feel more empowered and less at the mercy of them.
(3) How do I want to budget my energy for the day? This might not apply to everyone, but for those who struggle with fatigue, this is how I manage it. A physical therapist (or maybe it wan an occupational therapist?) once told me to think of the amount of energy I have for a day as a $20 bill. Each day, I have a new $20 bill to spend and I can spend it however I want, but that's all I get. I can't borrow from tomorrow or use funds/energy saved from the day before, all I get is $20. If I overspend, though, I *can* go into debt and will need to pay off that debt for the next several days afterwards - keep in mind that I'm still exhausted once my $20 has run out on the days I overspend, so I'm not really borrowing more energy from the next day, just choosing how that next day's energy is going to be spent before the day even starts. By keeping what I want in mind, and knowing what my priorities are, I can then budget the energy I have available to me, so that I can achieve the goals I set for myself in ways that are manageable and sustainable.
I'm sure I have more, but this comment is already long, so I'll leave it at that. I hope this might help someone! Peace!
Hi Alyson, I absolutely love your post here. So much so I have pinned it to the top (if you don't want it pinned let me know and I will unpin it!). Everything you have said is completely inline with ACT - where the aim is to try and live a meaningful life given the situation that you are in and I think the questions you have posed really helps to implement that on a daily basis. Thanks for sharing.
@@TherapistReactsOfficial Thank you for the lovely comment! As you know, acceptance is a process and sometimes it’s nice to receive reminders of how far I’ve come over the years (so thank you)! It’s totally fine to pin my comment - I hope it helps someone!
And thank you for what you’re doing on your channel. I think good content on mental health is so important, since it can be such a difficult topic for many people to talk about and address.
❤
Hi, Alyson.
You are walking the talk....right here, right now.
You never know whom you may assist or touch by sharing your story.
A wise woman once told me that if you still are able to help one person...just one person.. you're job is NOT FINISHED YET!
PEACE BE WITH YOU!
Your #3 sounds a lot like “The Spoon Theory,” by Christine Miserandino. It's an absolute must read for anyone who struggles to understand the limitations of someone who has a chronic illness that leaves them with a limited amount of resources each day.
The strength this man has to get through the stuff he has been through and is still dealing with. And then on top of that being able to so openly talk about it all. I am watching this just after reading his latest community post about his upcoming song Suic*de. Absolutely heartbreaking read. But his openness, honesty, and willingness to show vulnerability is beautiful. You can’t not love this man ❤
Thanks Shiroar - that is why I wanted to share this. Its because Ren is so genuine, its not like a therapist giving advice - this is just a genuine real explanation of what has been helpful for him.
Hey Ren fans, it's Joe's birthday today and Ren is raising money for the RNLI (Royal National Lifeboat Institution) an incredibly vital charity that saves lives every day. Please spare a few minutes to read his post, share the appeal and if you can spare a few bucks, consider donating. Thankyou lovely peeps. :)
Done❤
@@iamlpinthe312 legend!
It is odd....Ren has now brought 925K people together known as fans, but it is not often that a person (Ren) can bring 925K strangers (and growing) together as a "family" despite none of us will physically meet. He is unique and beautiful as a person. Does this make sense We are all strangers brought together like a family by a common bond---Ren Gill,........God bless all of you. BobClark
This is why I like him so much. His story has brought so many people together, and that is why I feel that desire to continue sharing what he has to say.
This is what NEEDS TO HAPPEN!
POSITIVITY WITH NO DIVISION!
AND NO BS...😅
I was diagnosed at 61 with PPMS ( Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis) now 65 which only 8% of MS people have
Its the worst kind because you only get worse and have very little relief.
Before I ever heard of Ren I looked a it as a challenge not as a disability.
Ren is my favorite new artist he reminds me so much of Pink Floyd with his depth on life.
Being an Industrial Designer I have designed 3 products to help disabled people and I'm in the process of getting patents on them.
I never enjoyed the simple things in life as I do now so In crazy way it is a blessing.
Believe me i would give up everything to just be able to walk normal again so if you can please appriciate it.
Huge kudos to you Nick606! I have SPMS it began as RRMS and I know of some of your struggles. I've been on disability for 20ys now but have never applied my brain or energy to anything like you speak of. I think it's amazing that you've accomplished that. I know the debilitating fatigue, brain fog, pain, walking or lack of walking abilities and think you're such a fighter to put your skills to good use. (I was a TIG Welder and my husband was a Manufacturing Engineer)
"I looked at it as a challenge not as a disability" - such a great way to look at it, thanks for sharing Nick606
The line in the song that stood out to me is “there were victims and there were students” and we can choose to be a victim or we can choose be a student and learn to accept that our imperfections and limitations are a part of being human.
So glad he didn't feel the need to say sorry when he broke down, nothing to apologise for, he's comfortable in his own skin. Well done young man
100% agree with that!
I agree, that Ren is a prime example of acceptance.
That with it, he was able to put down the questions of why or how.
Picking up instead, what do I do from here?
His choice, not only to deal with it. But to share his experiences AND what he has learned with the world.
What a gift.
Absolutely Dawn. And I know sometimes when I talk about acceptance I can mistakenly make it sound like it’s just a thing you can do and that it’s easy. And I don’t intend for it to come out that way so it’s great I can share some real life examples from people who aren’t therapists or psychologists.
Well said
That he is this articulate about his experiences at his (comparatively young) age speaks to the depths of his pain and despair. It has taken me so many years to reach anywhere near where he is. He’s truly a student and I will continue to be the best student I can be, inspired by him, and by you and some of the other reactors!!! ❤
Thanks Rebecca. It is his articulation that makes me want to share it so much, as it seems rare in my job to be able to share a story like this that resonates with so many people. Although there probably are many many examples, I just havent pointed in their direction yet.
I think one important point is the difference between acceptance and surrender. I think some people have trouble seeing that difference (and some language barriers might apply as well for non native speakers)
It’s not like he has given up on himself, quite the opposite. He fights every day for his happiness, he does what he can to improve his health, he is motivated. But he accepts that he is sick.
Completely agree!
So much wisdom in such a young man, he's inspirational on so many levels. I'm so happy to be alive in the time when he's blowing up and his messages are reaching the ears, hearts and minds of so many. The community that has emerged, the levels of empathy I'm seeing around his art, the discussions about mental health etc. It's mind blowing. Never before in my 55 years on this world have I encountered a living artist who can make me laugh, cry and feel so deeply.
The community has been fantastic. Even for me, people have been reaching out, messaging, emailing and pointing me in the direction of his other work. It feels like real genuine human connection going on, without it being for the purposes to generate business.
I, too, love Ren so much, as so many do. We resonate so strongly with someone who is so genuine, so willing to share his experience in ways that help us navigate our own. He is, in addition to all his other great talents, a philosopher, questioning and examining life and the human condition in ways that help us grow, too. What a gift he is in this time when so many are hungry for the REAL. I feel fortunate to be witnessing his ascent.
I feel honoured to be witness his journey too. I’m so glad someone asked to me to look at him.
He's incredibly strong (mentally and physically) As a person with an autoimmune disease (MS) and CPTSD, I've gone through years of all the mourning phases to acceptance and back. It's not a straight line, it ebbs and flows. I'm so glad he got to acceptance through his growth. Not fighting it mentally is so helpful in lessening the mental suffering. Acceptance doesn't mean giving up either, he's doing everything in his power to recover too. He's a survivor.
Complete agree, thanks for sharing Lorri
Speaking as someone with chronic migraine and ADHD, the hardest part is learning to accept yourself as you are. Accept the bouts of insomnia that can put your whole week into a blender. Accept the creativity that has become both a passion and a source of therapy. But most of all, accepting that you're not like everyone else. That one I'm still working on. And I lose focus sometimes, just as anyone else does. There are days that I struggle with envy and depression because I'm not neurotypical and I do have chronic pain, and I wish so often it would just go away, but then comes the flip side of that. Would I be as good a writer, as a good a storyteller without the struggles I deal with on a daily basis? Does the struggle make the art? And sometimes, when I'm struggling the most with acceptance, that question can make all the difference.
Thanks for sharing, self acceptance is so difficult. We throw the word around (as therapists) as if it is just something you can wake up and do. But it really isn't.
❤❤❤🙏🙏
Write on, WARRIOR!
As you said, I think people can sometimes equate Acceptance as giving in or giving up, and thus think of it negatively. We can compare his music to other people releasing music and working in music these days, and of course not everyone is going to like his music, or relate to it. But any thinking and feeling person who has spent any time with his serious pieces must surely come to understand that Ren is among the best of us.
I have fibromyalgia & Celiac. Chronic pain has been pretty much a constant in my life. For the last 13 years, I have also been unable to work. It took me over 5 years to accept that I wasn't going to be "cured overnight" by some magic pill or diagnosis. That was hard. To face the fact that I would never work again. To face that I was "disabled". To face that pain was just going to be a part of my life.
I already had some depression and anxiety problems, and they got much worse during the 5 years I fought it. I learned "radical acceptance"- accepting my condition, but not having to like it.
It helped a bit, but not nearly as much as listening to my body. When I feel pain (either physically or emotionally), I ask that pain, "What are you trying to tell me?" Sometimes I need to use my heating pad for my muscles. Sometimes I need to go somewhere quiet and out of the way in large crowds. By listening to my body, and emotions, I can help my body and emotions better.
My mother taught me the saying, "Make hay while the sun shines". I thought of my mental and physical health like the weather- sometimes it's rainy, sometimes overcast, sometimes stormy, and sometimes sunny. So, when my body has less pain, I do all the physical things I've been wanting (or needing) to do. If I'm good emotionally, but not physically, I reach out to friends online. When I have brainfog, my body hurts, and emotionally bleh, I watch Poirot. 🤷♀️😆🤷♀️
My newest challenge is that my doctor & I think I have Ehlers-Danlos, but neither of us know how I can get the genetic test for it. On good brain days, and bad pain days, I've been doing research. And dealing with applying for Disability. I can do this. I know it won't be easy, but who's life is easy?
I just want to say, I love your content. Ren brought me here, and even though I have a therapist, I have learned a great deal from your videos, and look forward to learning more!! (I can only watch one video, then mentally digest it before the next). I also would love for Ren to find you. The two of you would have THE BEST conversation.
Love your channel, what you're doing, and who you are as a person. 💖💖💖
Also love the Van Gogh in the background. 😍🤭😍
Good on you for working through all of this. I have MS and when I applied for disability, I was denied. They dragged their feet on the resubmission, so I wrote my congressman and got a disability lawyer. When I had to appear in front of the Judge, I shared my worst days and experiences. How hard it is to get ready to go out and look presentable, how much pain and fatigue just showering is, how long it takes to recover, etc... How bad it can get. She saw my truth and approved the case right then. No questions. I hope you don't have to experience that, but I just wanted to share my experience with my hints.
It's wonderful that this topic is being discussed by such a fantastic community. I'm sure people are healing. Xxx
I am both an artist and a chronic pain patient. Back in the 1990's, I had a total of 5 spine surgeries. In between 2 of them, (unsure which 2) I was misdiagnosed and placed on antidepressants. My arms and torso were going numb. My surgeon, at this time, told me that there was nothing wrong and the problem was psychological. It took going 2 hrs away, to a different area and hospital to find out that I had suffered from a virus that left an 8 cm lesion on my cervical cord. So, for around 3 years, I believed that I was causing these symptoms and I put the unneeded drugs into my body, while friends and family watched on like I was crazy. I learned a lot from all of that, though I still suffer from the resulting fall-out. I am now 65 years old, a Widow, I am still drawing and writing and I love REN with all of my heart. I am around 2 x his age and live half a world away from where he comes from, yet I find him totally relatable in all of his music.
The day my "Why me?" became "Why not me?" I knew what true freedom felt like. There is something that happens when you are forced to look your mortality and your true self in the face and deciding if it's worth it. When you make the decision to turn towards the better you can walk on glass with a genuine smile on your face. The day my perspective changed I suddenly had less fears of the things in the "real world".
Stuart have you seen the video of him in all black when he was still really sick that he posted before Hi Ren came out? It just breaks my heart. I think his openness and vulnerability are why people love him and his music so much. I always agreed with you about his acceptance, but maybe because I'd already seen this.
No I haven’t. I might have a dig through his YT channel and see if I can find it. I hope he doesn’t mind me randomly reacting to some of his really personal videos!
@Stuart J Randall while you're at it, watch the video for Patience. It starts with a short interview right before he finally got the line disease diagnosis. I would imagine he wouldn't mind if it helps even just one person
So far, he hasn't had a problem with anyone reacting to any of his videos. He put the personal ones on to spread awareness that this is what people with chronic illness go through. He wants awareness. Especially from people like you, who can help. Helping others in the same situation, and maybe helping to change the system.💖💖💖
I guess I'm way too empathetic...I was a blubbering mess
I can completely understand why! Did you see me in my Takes of screech etc reaction? I was blubbering away too!
That's exactly the point - the mindblowing moment I experienced HI REN for the first time (and I will never forget this moment!) was such a lifechanger...Ren describes the heavy struggle in a way I already felt for a long time, but couldn't find the right word's and this helped me enormously on my path to acceptance and calming down. The pendelum is the perfect picture, eternaly swaying back and forth from darkness into the light!
While other people want you to skip the dark side, stop it there and simply go on with the lighter feelings - it's the best way to explain that this doesn't work or make it even worse. If you stop/break the pendelum from making it's sway to the one side, it won't reach the other side...it only stops and leaves you in the unlucky position, frozen...but movement is so existential.
I always felt the importance to go into feelings, with the flow of feelings. Nobody stops me when I feel good and I'm laughing, so why do you stop me when I'm crying and feeling it (a question I tried to explain my thoughts with) - this is unnatural and an unheathy taboo. As if the good feelings get better by cutting out the hard onces - this always felt so wrong for me and dosn't work.
A long time I liked the quote "one touches the bottom and rises up" (gives me the picture of a diver) and so I learned patience and give myself time to reach the ground. People don't understand this picture - another reason why the picture of the pendelum is a gift.
I'm deeply thankful for Ren's BEAUTIFUL mind, wisdom and poetry and for the fact that he's such an AWWWWMAZING musician and talent - THANK YOU, Ren 🥹🙏🏼🩵
Wish you all the best✨ and sorry for my strange english
I do say “I gave up” but what it actually means is I gave up fighting and learnt to move on towards the least of resistance. Used to think it is weakness, but actually it takes a lot of strength to trust enough to let go. ❤
A bowl of m&m's with no brown ones was part of the concert rider (terms and conditions of performance) for Van Halen. Due to the size of their amps, they were put on a stage way below the requirements due to the rider being rubber-stamped. The stage collapsed. This was added to the rider; If they had a brownless bowl of m&m's they could assume the rest of the information had been done/checked.
If you're like me....when I'm going through some of .you darkest moments I have debilitating PTSD. The last thing you want to hear is how easily these things can be managed. And even though we are fully able to read between Rens lines, we can be very dismissive as it suits our narrative right at this very moment. Acceptance can be very difficult in the middle of a PTSD episode. It's the better, happier lucid moments that you accept when that dance gets easier and I personally make plans for my next PTSD episode.
Completely understand, and I think preparing for those times can be helpful. Nearly everyone I work with has PTSD/CPTSD/ Dev Trauma etc and I don’t just work as a ‘therapist’ I’m there to just sit with them when they need it. Just to show up and make them a drink (I’m community based so can do home visits when needed), or bring them some food and just generally be there. You are right - it is so debilitating and people can sometimes put a lot of pressure on themselves which then can make it so much worse for them. Thanks for sharing Russell.
It is obviously acceptance. But I also can accept that many people still have to go through this to learn it and then recognize that it will improve your life.
I had to accept that I live in an disabled body and was born with it, even if I was not aware being different until puberty. Before that I was the happiest person ever, but then it hit me and many years with struggle followed. Now it is a lot better, but it will never be perfect. I am still "dancing" with my demons and I always will, I accepted it.
Thanks for sharing Hexenkind 1.
I've learned that life is less about being dealt a good hand, but rather playing a bad hand well. And life is not about having all the right answers, but rather asking the right questions.
Thats a good way to think about it! Thanks for sharing.
I love Ren too - such powerful messages in all his music
I love his song ‘It’s alright’ - such a beautiful song
I'm watching this today with the added knowledge that said album 'Sick Boi' reached No.1 in the UK album chart, absolutely incredible and deserved and inspirational
I'm so grateful I found Ren, and equally so that he led me to your channel. I can relate to you because of your words, expressions and compassion. You are a gem, and I look forward to viewing more of your content, ❣️
Thanks for the kind words Lisa. If I can help just one person then it makes the effort of making the video worth it!
I know I have to embrace all my imperfections, but I just wish that I didn’t have so many.
thank you - this is so helpful for my situation at the moment. Especially talking about acceptance
Thanks Philippa, if my video helps just one person then that makes it all worth while.
His “hi ren” is so applicable to so many circumstances in life and such a “give hope” sort of statement that I am sure Ren actually had no idea of the impact this has had on so many people.
Everything is here to love us. It may not be evident how right away. I suffered from cluster headaches for years and I had an exceptionally difficult cycle where I was having 4 to 6 a day. Cluster headaches are considered one of the most painful medical conditions we can have. This cycle had gone on for over 2 months and I was running out of meds to stop (if I catch it soon enough). With this medication I was not to exceed 8 a month and I had taken 175 in two months so my body started to shut down. I tried many alternative treatments, and doctors with no help. I was at a health food store to buy a vitamin regimen I read about when the clerk asked if I was open minded. At this point I had told my husband if I run out of meds, I will end my life. He was going to try to put me in a medically induced coma. The clerk referred me to an energy healer, and in the first session he greatly reduced the pain and after the second session they were gone for 2 years and as a bonus I was off my blood pressure meds as well. This led me to become interested in energy work and now I am certified in a couple powerful modalities and no more cluster headaches. I would have never gone to an energy healer (due to religious limiting beliefs) without being to a point of desperation. I am grateful every day for the cluster headaches
I didn't have a word for it, such as acceptance. But surely i gained flexibility when I'd read and believed the Buddhist idea that ''life is full of suffering'' which I read decades ago in M. Scott Peck's the Road Less Travelled
I think one of the biggest challenges to acceptance is that people have frequently not been taught how to handle the experience of overwhelming emotional or physical pain, or if we have been giving coping skills, the intellectual expeeience and the lived expeeience are wildly different.
I'm glad you have delved into Ren. You are, undoubtedly, helping people with these videos.
Thanks Beth. I think you are right that the intellectual experience and the lived experience are very different from each other.
He’s a Special SPECIAL Hunan! I am so Happy he’s at the top finally, financially independent where he can afford the TREATMENT he NEEDS and doesn’t have to go to any snake oil salesman he can afford and be subsidized for him. And he’s going to be a mega star in the next couple years. And top the billboard charts even in the USA. Mark my words and it could not happen to a better, more deserving, more talented person.
I am so grateful for your input from a psychological point of view and for Ren being so forthcoming with his feelings, emotions and philosophy on his experiences with undiagnosed Lyme disease and how he has overcome the cycle that victims of chronic illness can easily fall into! I speak from my own experience with autoimmune disease, degenerative arthritis in my entire body, as well as thyroid issues and anxiety/panic disorder! It took me years of self pity and non acceptance before I reached the stage you and Ren describe! Now I think of my physical limitations as part of me and embrace all that entails, just as I have learned to love that I am of short stature, that I am afraid of heights, that I cant hold a tune, that I eat too many sweets, or get easily frustrated over nothing, that my toes are crooked, all examples of things about me that I learned to accept and love because they are part of the person inside this body! No use fighting myself, but acceptance is a way of healing! HI Ren reinforced all of this for me and I am grateful for Ren being so candid with us ❤
Yes! Ren is so good at demonstrating acceptance. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!.
On that spiritual piece, I once had someone say "I'm not a human being having a spiritual experience, I'm a spiritual being having s human experience." There's a lot to unpack there but it's a useful example of how reframing an argument, recontextualizijg, can change everything.
I lived with progressively worsening chronic pain from 14-21 through a misdiagnosis until I finally got a proper diagnosis and management. I still live with chronic pain, I always will. This is on top of other health issues(like mild MCAS and heart/lung stuff). I have lived this journey, I rolled with the other health issues but ACT and acceptance really helped with the anger and grief that has come with the chronic pain and the misdiagnosis. Do I still get angry or frustrated or upset during bad days-yes-but I can experience it in the moment, acknowledge it and keep on moving and living. People ask me how I studied and work with chronic illness and I just did, I could let it take over and just wallow in it and give up or I could accept that it’s my reality and work with it the best that I can. It’s not easy but the other option is not one I want to entertain.
elsewhere we have seen that his diet is mostly a range of vegetables, with limitations, and plain meats, cooked plainly. he depends on something like a George Forman grill for a lot of it. Stick the food in, set a timer until it's heated through, eat. It's not complex, but it's a limited variety, cooked extremely simply.
Isn't amazing that his small cult of fans in December got it noticed by enough reactors, enough different sorts of reactors, particularly specialists in different musical and life skills, within a month of the release date and that set off a chain reaction of more notice, and more and...now here we are.
I like your style, no you must do this and that. Just a calm knowledgeable observation of a man in pain and explain what can happen, be it good or bad. Think about what your shadow is saying and sometime agree with it, ok so what if go with that point and accept some things and again say no, that's not the point. that point is wrong and explain to the shadow your view in a calm manner and that things are not good or evil, just an experience that is life.
Oh thanks Richard for saying that, and thanks for sharing your thoughts. Is the shadow a Jungian reference?
@@TherapistReactsOfficial Yes. I had problems a few years back and was struggling with work, my wife getting cancer (she is in full remission now) and talked to my therapist and said to look at this and it just seemed to click with me, like the right key to a lock where other keys did not fit.
It also report he was misdiagnose of Lyme Disease. He was given drugs, misdiagnose with clinical depression and so on.
Yep, if you see my sock boi reaction I go into that at length
I still listen to this song 5 times a day!
I can say there are some great things and horrible things about healthcare and mental health care in the US. I have a “care team” of specialists (rheumatologist, immunologist, 3 specialized neurologists- for example, one specializes in movement disorders ), neurosurgeon, dermatologist, a regular primary care and so on), as a team they work great together but have also been dismissive at times. When my adrenal gland was failing I didn’t know what was wrong but I was having hallucinations, passing out and face planting, the passing out cost me my job that I loved). It took coming very close to death, 3 attempts to get me back in the trauma unit at the hospital and a week in the hospital for anyone to figure out why my heart was bottoming out. My doctors have called me a “weird case” (not a great feeling). My therapist stays over booked so while I struggle with my health I am thinking every day about suicide. I know what and how much of my meds it would take, I have a playlist made for while I am waiting for things to end, I just don’t know when I will take that step.
Long story short, I have lost a lot of trust in both the medical and healthcare fields. I would rather just die than keep just existing. No one realizes just how serious I am, it’s blown off and here try this new medication…. not being heard and being dismissed just frays the thread even more.
I don’t think your patients would have felt that way, you seem very caring and compassionate. I do feel like Ren, no one is listening.
I do my dance with help from the Serenity Prayer and Tai Chi. Embracing the Absurd from PTSD after childhood sexual abuse. I still experience peeling off layers of survival techniques at age 79.
❤❤❤
Acceptance... when we can, аnd if we can't - wait it out... Goccha.
About the brown m&m's... was not the diva syndrome. They had extremely complex requirements for sound and light at that tour, and the m&m's were the visual test to quickly assess if the venue tech people took all the "insignificant" requirements seriously enough, or do they have to check everything thoroughly themselves...
Pretty much. I’m pretty sure van halen was ‘no brown m&ms’ as you say to assess the venue tech people and contract stipulations. The ‘only 1000 brown m&ms’ is del Preston talking about Ozzy in Wayne’s World.
ty for this
I've never seen a person embody the notion of an old soul better than this young man. At 72 I really respect(and envy a little bit) his abilities of insight, lyricism, understanding, and kindness, and his ability to actually apply them to his life and art.
Completely agree.
Mine is such a long story, I think I must dedicate some time to writing it down. Been thinking that for a long time and not doing it, but Ren is such an inspiration of sharing, I feel I must. I was depressed in my 20s and 30s, and had a bout with what I felt was extreme grief that I didn't know how to handle at 28. Then at 35, I was suddenly dealing with physical illness and a bad family situation whilst trying to take care of my 2 your boys. Also, that year I regained memory of having been sexually abused as a child which my brain had been kind enough to suppress up until then. Then I spent two years going from pillar to post, not typical homeless, I had a car and I'm very resourceful. I did sleep in a storage building a couple of times, but that was the worst of it. Also, with my illness I was blessed to be fine after a few surgeries. At 38 I had a breather for almost a whole summer and I used that time to think of what I needed for my life to be better. I knew I needed therapy, but my life had been too hectic to get it. I first needed to make a home for my boys, and myself. I wanted a separate bathroom for myself, and a bedroom each for my boys, one of them being 18 and one 13 by then. A mobile home was the answer that I might just barely afford. So I got one and began to settle in and my first love died and I was flung into grief again, but this time was different. I could feel the difference between the grief and the depression. I went to a ther
Love Ren and his music. One of his friends and frequent collaborators, Sam Tompkins recently released a song called See Me that has a lot of themes you would find interesting. It fits right in with your Ren reactions thus far..
Ill check that out thanks.
I get the diva reference. nice.
I love Ren, too.
I think people confuse acceptance with some sort of emotional/psychological whitewashing. In my experience, accepting a painful situation doesn't mean somehow convincing yourself that it's not painful. It means you recognize that it is what it is, and you do not take an oppositional stance in yourself to the fact of it, no matter how unfair or undeserved it is. Acceptance doesn't involve somehow "giving in" to the pain, thereby letting it win and having it dominate. I'd say acceptance is more like (using American slang here) calling a spade a spade, and recognizing that unadorned fact from then on, recognizing its ongoing effect on you and accepting yourself as being affected by it. Ironically, it turns out refusing to accept makes things worse. Resistance freezes you in that painful place, whereas accepting it for what it is, in all it's unfairness and ugliness, allows you to move on with your life. You get unstuck.
Took me some decades to come to this understanding. Ren is a wise soul.
That is a great way to explain acceptance! Thanks for sharing.
For me, it clicked when I thought if it as a boomerang. If you want to avoid it and fight it, you will toss it and it will always come back swirling at you. Might even hit you in the head. But if you can choose to lay it down, it wont come at you. It's still there, in plain view. But it's less harsh. I don't know if this is an apt description, but it's what helped me understnad a little better.
There'll be some guilt feelings in the tears too as he lost a good friend to suicide who he probably missed some of that friends birthdays.
THAT IS STRENGTH.
Oooo yes, good call. Full of strength!
As a Clinical Psychologist, I couldn't agree more about the fundamental importance of acceptance. Are you familiar with Milton H. Erickson? He used to live the very same concept. If you don't know him, I'd suggest you to read a couple books by, or about, him. "Erickson", by Jeffrey Zeig, or "My voice will go with you" by Erickson himself, for example. When a journalist asked him how he could get results, as a psychotherapist, than no one else seemed able to achieve, he answered: "Oh well, I have a great advantage on my fellow therapists: I'm paralysed!" 🙂
Ren here talks about "transforming his limitations and disadvantages into something else": isn't it the very same concept? Doesn't it make you able to better understand other people's pain and hurt and issues, and make the most of YOURS? This guy, Ren, has the wisdom that is built through pain and hurt. And he makes such an act of STRENGTH here, openly showing his tears and vulnerability and DEMONSTRATING that he CAN do so and live with it and be himself. Is there any bigger act of strength than openly show your deepest vulnerability and pain to the world? I don't think so.
Thank you for this video. There should be more EDUCATION to acceptance. 🙂
Thanks for the comments Davide. I completely agree with everything you have said especially regarding how Ren has demonstrated this in practice and it is more than a theoretical concept. Acceptance has been talked about in many guises just using different language. I agree not enough people are talking about this so I’m actually nearly finished preparing a whole 8 week course (which will be free to access on this TH-cam channel) to try and help people more with this.
@@TherapistReactsOfficial That's a great idea 🙂!
I think one of the things that make acceptance more difficult is that it is counterintuitive. Someone said "Accept that life is hard, and it won't be hard anymore"... And it makes sense, although I'd say "...it won't be AS hard anymore". Heck, our current culture doesn't even accept the most natural facts in life, like ageing or death... and if one's expectancies are "against the natural course of life", or just "against what is ACTUALLY THERE", it'll make things way harder, won't it? 🙂
There is so much to say about acceptance, and lack thereof. Which is one reason why I appreciate the fact that it'll be an 8 weeks course. 🙂
Del Preston had the best Ozzy stories.
Spot on!
You said 'acceptance' so many times I wasn't even sure you were saying acceptance any more 😅
Reflecting back on it it might have just been me hearing your soft pronunciation of the first 'c' in acceptance 🤷♂️
Oops. A therapist. It wasn't a good fit, but he had some good ideas. I decided to wallow in it. Just feel all the misery. I learned how to grieve. I stopped fighting the feelings I was so afraid to feel. Turns out, the world doesn't fall completely apart and emotions are fluctuating all the time. Resisting feelings prolongs the process. One day I woke from a dream wherein I relived the night of my father's death, (that had occurred when I was seven,) right up to the moment when I had stopped myself from crying in order to be strong for my sister. Upon waking I realized instantly that I needed to let myself cry! I had not cried yet for my daddy. So I cried for about 2 hours. I stopped myself purposefully. Then I walked to the store. The world outside suddenly looked brighter, greener. The depression had begun to lift. I continued therapy , refusing meds, for nine years. Started off dealing with the childhood sexual abuse. Once that was sorted, I still didn't feel great. I just kept going. There was something bigger and more traumatizing that I had pushed away. After my dad's death
Oops again. After my dad's death, my mother had a 'nervous breakdown ' and was in and out of the hospital several times. Once she took me and my sister, along with a male patient she had hooked up with in hospital, to a place called Texas. While there she received a death benefit check which sent her into some sort of mental state. She signed the check and tried to give it to me. I told her I didn't want it. She kept insisting that I was going to need it. Now, I was 7. I didn't know how to cash a check, but I had watched enough soap operas, not to mention the Loretta Young show, to know what her drama meant. The dude from the nut house was not there. He was out working, I suppose. We were staying at his sister's house. My mother told her she was going out for a walk, so I took my sister by the hand, went and showed her the check and told her my mother was going to kill herself. She refused to do anything, said that she wasn't going to do that, she was just going out for a walk. Then I snuck us out the door and ran after her. There was a 4 lane highway that ran by that neighborhood and I could see her walking by it against traffic. We ran to try and get to her, screaming for her. When we got close, she stepped out in front of a speeding tractor-trailer. We grabbed her arm and pulled her from in front of it. She sat down, my sister sat on her lap. They were crying. I looked back and tried to spot the house we had come from, but they all looked alike. I looked back at my mother and decided to let them cry a minute. After a time I told her she was going to have to show us the way back.
Okay, there's way more to the story, but I learned to forgive myself for being weak sometimes. It was not my fault that I was not emotionally well. I needed to take as good care of myself as I had tried to do for everyone else. I needed to learn to love myself the way one wishes a mother would. Lotion is a good way of giving yourself a loving touch.
Okay, now I can sleep. Look for my book one day. I'll put KETO LIFE in the title.
Psych nurse here, my biased interpretation is the first persona is the depressive pulse. The 2nd is the maniacal one. The 3rd is recovery.
Hey, Ren released a new video few days back. Not sure if you have seen it yet, but I'd like you to at least watch it even if it's not a video. It's a very tough one.
is there a link to this interview, or whatever it is, I don't recognise it.
It is on Ren's channel here th-cam.com/video/M1Na3nQV_8Q/w-d-xo.html
I often wonder what we mean by ‘mainstream music’ interesting how we each define that
Playable on the radio? I wouldn't want to listen to Hi Ren on the car radio, but I've experienced it hundreds of times sitting at my laptop
I agree with what Seth has said. Mainstream, to me, is music that has intentionally been created to sell as its primary objective, with the secondary objective being because its what the artist actually wanted to do. I would say this is usually indicated by how much radio airtime the music gets. I dont think Ive heard any Ren at all on the radio yet.
Lajf no nikdy self nikdy no tiler petr zout zout zout vas haf tiler petr jony
9:22 - I believe you're referencing the Van Halen rider (to _remove_ brown M&M's from a collection that would then be put in a brandy glass, but close enough)? You know that wasn't a "diva" thing either, right? (I mean, maybe they were divas too, I dunno, but there was specifically a safety reason for that -- to check to see if the contract had actually been read and heeded -- because a lot of other stuff in the complicated contract was safety-critical.) Or at least that's how the story gets told...
Yeah close enough - i think I actually picked it up from Waynes World when they are talking about Ozzy. But I would image that it probably taken from a Van Halen (or thereabouts) story. For some reason it was the first thing I thought of lol. Yeah that wasn't a diva thing either but I think people get the point. Was just trying to get across that Ren doesnt just have 'people' doing all this stuff for him and that it was related to his health.
I think 'acceptance' doesn't really cover it. I had chronic fatigue for over 20 years and at it's worst screamed silently even trying to lift a bed sheet to crawl into bed. For me it was what's the alternative combined with a strong will to live that got me through it. Also i was in so much pain every second but as it was constant for years i became dulled to it.
Doubtless you mean well, but your caption "This is what he was trying to say" is insufferably patronising. But then you are a therapist, often featured with the leitmotif of a bloodied pig's head in REN's videos.
If you've watched and above all listened to REN's songs and studied his lyrics you'll be aware that he is a master wordsmith, who needs no assistance from anyone to communicate his message or express himself.
"What I understand him to be saying" would be a far less arrogant way of commenting.
But then you are a therapist.
I think you’ve misconstrued my words. I’m saying this is the message he is sharing, that in Hi Ren he was talking about acceptance (connecting it to all the people who commented on my Hi Ren saying there is no way this is about acceptance). I’m NOT suggesting that he isn’t able to articulate something and I am doing better. You’ve misunderstood me.
Okay, I get the context of the caption now. Which without explanation, still can be read as I construed it.
Perhaps I'm just a little over-protective towards this exceptionally talented artist.
Love to both of you glowing people
I've come to accept that I have schizoaffective disorder
It's helped me a lot. I'm constantly working on improving my coping skills and it's freakin hard. But I'm not fighting it like I did before.
Thanks for sharing Amanda, I’m pleased you’ve found some way to move forward.