I feel like people don’t understand how weirdly trance-like a picking episode is. I could be in my bathroom picking for what feels like 5 minutes, check the clock and it’s been an hour.
They don’t I will sit and watch TV & not even realize I’m doing it, until I’m dripping blood. I have to really careful now. I have very bad burn scars from a grease fire on Christmas Eve and if I even pick a tiny bit they will literally bleed for 20 minutes. My husband literally walked by and yelled STOPYOURE BLEEDING All over the carpet. I had no clue. 😳 Thankfully the medications they have me on now are helping or my huge scars would be getting way more hideous. 🥺
Its literally an addiction sometimes i will find myself looking for scabs without even realizing. I had holes on my back and i bled so i had to put bandaids so i stop touching it. Its to a point that breeding is normal and i dont care about the pain anymore
Its so satisfying and releases my tension and i get so into it that once i start i cant stop until i ripped every scab on myself i will look everywhere for scabs sometimes even my legs if im really desperate
I think I have the worst of all. I am shame to go to the dr and let them see my legs or body. I'm very ashamed of mine. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older
When you said “it’s not a pretty mental illness,” I felt that. People are a lot more accepting of some mental illnesses, but a lot of ones that have a physical manifestation are still really looked down on or not understood. Awareness is important!!!
Me too! So many people are looking to self diagnose, specifically through Tiktok. But mental illness is not fun. It’s not glamorous. And the fact that people assume, judge, and look down on illnesses like these just shows that they haven’t experienced something like this.
“this thing i’ve struggled with my whole life, i never knew it was a thing.” that is me currently watching this video realizing that there is a good chance i have this as well. thank you for making this video and opening our eyes to it.
You and me both. I was shocked listening to this because I’ve done this accompanied by all the same emotions for the last 10 years. I can’t believe it might actually be more than poor self control as I always thought it was. I’m so thankful she made this video.
Same. I’ve struggled with picking acne since I started getting it when I was probably 12, particularly any on my back. Which has only irritated the skin and made it 10x worse. I’ll do it when I’m anxious, focusing, bored, angry, etc. basically until it bleeds or I get a “scab” off, and I talked to a dermatologist once about it and she only told me to stop picking because it’ll make it worse, I don’t think she understood it’s not something I consciously do. I’m pregnant now and my hormones have caused an uptick in back acne so I feel like I’m just picking all the time trying to make it smooth or whatever, it’s soooo embarrassing. This is a summer pregnancy and I can’t wear dresses, sleeveless shirts, or tank tops or go swimming because I feel so embarrassed/ashamed. Watching this video helped me know this is a thing and I should probably find a therapist that is familiar with this..
It’s so sad that she was so emotional and nervous to talk about it the whole time because she is under such a big light that so many people are gonna say horrible things. Im glad she posted this for the people like you who may not have even known. She is such a beautiful person inside and out!!
Hi Psych2Go!!! I have been watching your videos a lot recently and they have really helped me a lot! I love your videos so much and your drawings are so cute in your videos!💕✨😁
Hey Psych2Go! I watch your channel have you done any vids on Trich/dermotillomania? If you haven't could you? A lot of people watch your vids and it could really help educate people.
Who else thinks Colleen is such a strong woman like she’s gonna through ADHD anxiety her skin picking disorder and she had a miscarriage there’s no stopping her! 💜
I don't have this but i bite my nails a lot and always have and everytime someone says "stop that" i get furious like you don't think i've TRIED??? I wish I could just stop that easily
I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone describe this disorder in such a relatable way. The guilt, the satisfaction, and the determination is absolutely the way I would describe it. The months and months of my life, literally, that I’ve wasted accidentally harming myself. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel like you’re speaking my thoughts out loud. The thing that most people won’t even understand, although I think you will, is that listening to your story simultaneously helped, me but also made me want to pick so much. Seriously you are amazing for talking about it.
@@MeCooper I don’t have much scarring either so I relate to her a lot. I happen to pick in places that aren’t easy to see. My scalp, my ears, little facial and body hairs.. but the compulsion is often uncontrollable and lasts for hours and hours at a time.
@@jaycieblancett821 literally. ive been so ashamed to talk about my depression cause the media’s representation is just so off. no one talks about blood stained sheets, being so smelly to the point where it’s like a toxic waste room not a bedroom and suicide attempts, how u don’t even feel anything when trying to kill urself. it feels so okay. the media’s representation is: failing tests sometimes, being “sad” and it’s like stfu.
I try super hard to stop i put bandaids on my wounds and i wear a beanie when im at home chilling so i dont dig holes in my scalps. Ive got two scabs on my head that ive been repeatedly ripping off for almost a year and im scared to get bald spots so i try really hard to stop
My ep never last up to an hour because I put all my force into doing it my pain comes quicker, and when I notice it I run and put socks on because I'm so ashamed of myself
"Being sucked into a vortex" is by far the best way to describe a session. I made a video about my dermatillomania about a year ago and was so embarrassed when creating the video because its something I have been suffering with for about 10 yrs. My biggest let down is when i confided in my friend and she simply told me to stop... I literally broke down. Its amazing to know you're not alone as there isn't much on the internet about it and i feel isolated by it. Thank you for speaking on it, I am trying my best to stop. its so hard.
Stopping is sooo hard! And my mom does the same thing she thinks that every time she tells me to stop I’ll just magically stop which sometimes makes it worse because it almost makes the impulse harder to ignore
@@emmapritchett6898 It is and people who don't have to deal with dont always understand how difficult it is. Stay beautiful and remember its a marathon not a sprint.
The amount of scars on my face due to this is really sad. It’s so embarrassing to go out in public with actual bleeding holes in my face. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who experiences this.
Yeah, my face is so red all the time and you can see the imprints and the part where the skin broke from my finger nails pressing it. Touching my face so much actually gave me horrible acne, and that just added to it. I’m obsessed with squeezing and prodding at the acne which doesn’t help at all and makes it worse, this continuing the cycle. Gosh I want to stop so bad.
I relate so bad, i dont even wear tanktops anymore because of the scars and/or bruises/wounds i love the heat of summer but nowmatter how hot it gets im wearing a short sleeve
We may not completely understand (for those of us who haven’t experienced it) but we do sympathize with you. You’re not weird or gross. We are our own worst critics. We love you so much.
i cried so hard watching this. i’ve been picking since i was five, and now i’m 25. i didn’t know this was a disorder either, and now i know i can get help. thank you so much, colleen ❤️
Colleen, I feel like I can say for this whole comment section that we are NOT disgusted by you nor think you’re a freak. We love you, care for you, and wish we could give you a hug. 💕💕
never ever have i heard someone put this into words. i have been struggling this for as long as i can remember, it’s part of me. you literally explained the entire thing so so well. thank you
exactly!!! i had to send this video to my partner bc i have always struggled to explain the emotions and difficulty that come with it and how it’s not just that simple to stop doing. it’s hard for him to understand the extensiveness of this disorder but she explained it well enough for him to understand. i’m so thankful. and he’s been so understanding.
I have had this my whole life (starting around the teens, but may have been mildly in my childhood too, in hindsight) I don't know anything about it Or how to stop or manage it I have had it very severely or less severely throughout the years, but it's always present Recently I started looking into information about it I wonder if that's the reason this came on my reccomended
I’m a thirteen year old girl going through the same thing for two years now. I do t remember a day where I haven’t picked at my skin. For me it’s my arms, back, face, chest, legs, and hands. You have no idea how comforting this video was for me. I want to get help so bad but I don’t know how.
i was around 13 when i started. i feel that. what helped me was removing myself from toxic friendships and situations and i found then my skin got better, and once i was back in a toxic friendship it got worse again. it’s hard but i know you can do it. try going to the bathroom with the lights off, keeping your room dim. wearing longsleeves and even windbreakers in the summer to cover your arms. keep something to fiddle with. this could be a pen cap, a stone. anything. whatever place you pick the most, work on that and that will help it get better. i wish you the best of luck in your journey
I'm a 30 so male, you're not alone. I grew up in an abusive household and mine flared up at around 20. Find some adult in your life who you consider a friend and trust completely, that you consider he or she will truly help you, be that your mother, father, aunt, etc you get the point and ask them to help you get into therapy as soon as possible. You're young and there's a very high chance you'll overcome this affliction. I wish you all the best in the world, and you're never alone.
im 13 too and literally rip off the skin of my face legs and scalp. i mean it- there are scars everywhere and it affects everything in my life and kills my self esteem. you're not alone in this. i know it gets hard but the best thing to do is distract yourself or fidget with something and I like to cover mirrors to avoid picking at my face for hours. i really wish you the best, lily.
I started when I was 13 as well. I’m 22 now and I can honestly say that the very best thing I ever did to “cure” my dermatillomania was Accutane. It helps with healing skin and reduces scarring, so eventually I stopped picking because there literally was just nothing left to pick at! And I picked at EVERYTHING, face, chest, arms, back, legs and when all that was destroyed I’d even start picking my teeth obsessively. There is hope for you and even if the picking doesn’t stop, the shame will.
I have dermatillomania too and it is so important for me to hear that I'm not alone. I don't wish it on anyone, ever. But it feels nice to know I'm not the only person in the world who has it. My arms are all scratched up and full of scars, I can barely wear shirts without wearing something over my arms...
Have you heard about the picking rocks? The rocks with holes covered in glue so you can pick the glue off. They are specifically designed for skin picking disorders.
I have trichotillamania. I wish I was able to post this and feel confident telling people about this. I can’t stop and haven’t been able to since I was 10. I am crying right now because I know this so deeply. You have a friend in me and an ally as we need more people who are open about this.
Same, I've had trich since i was 18, i'm 45 now. I stopped for almost a year and recently started back up and all my new hair is all gone and its the worst its ever been.
I have it too, I am young, and it’s honestly hard going to high school with no eyelashes or eyebrows. It’s hard because I feel like no one I know feels the same way.
@@taylorwhite1643 I went through junior high having teacher ask my parents why I was doing it and thinking that it was me being disrespectful to them. You are not alone.
Same. I’m sorry you feel alone. I’ve been hair pulling, had anxiety, depression, and OCD for over a decade. I’m thirty and ever since the pandemic began it’s gotten worse. You are not alone! I’m sending you love and good vibes! ❤️ ❤️
I've always lied that I was having a breakout on my face when it was really red and flared up. But in reality I had spent hours in the bathroom picking at my face. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this. Thank you, I feel understood.
I literally do the exact same thing. The face picking can be so brutal and just destroys your self esteem when you look in the mirror and see all the white scars, red patches, and scabs.
You’re not alone. I’ve had it since I was a little girl. Not to discourage you, but I’m 52 now, and I don’t fight it anymore. You’re not an idiot. You have so much information about it, that’s hardly an idiot. Anyway, I do it without even noticing it. I only notice when I bleed. Hang in there, Honey. YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Me too....since my teens or early twenties. Back then it was my eyelashes. Then skin on my feet. For a long time now, it's my nails. I've never been diagnosed but looked it up because it was an issue I had no control over. But I experience much of what Colleen has shared about not being able to stop and picking my nails into the quick and experiencing pain later. And not being able to do things like open lids with tabs because one, I have no nails to speak of and two they hurt.
@@zairabandy8695 ldepends. Everyone is different. I did. It took a long time. A long time. I thought my scars would never heal. My fingers always looked so gross. I always hid them. And my feet? Always wore socks. Now I next ro never wear socks unless it’s tennis shoes
God, it's so hard to talk about a compulsive disorder. It's so embarrassing to admit, "yeah, I do this think I know will harm me but I just can't stop." I'm so glad you talked about it and had the courage to share with us even though it can be outright humiliating. Thank you for setting such an amazing example.
As someone who has had OCD and depression for ten years (i’m only 21) I know the shame of feeling like you can’t stop. You’re not alone Colleen and we all love you!
I don’t really have a disorder, but I do have diabetes. It is way harder then you would ever imagine. You were born in this world for a reason, so have a great day! Ily
I have rumination tendencies with irrational fears that trigger me. And when she talks about being sort of sucked in to a zone. That’s how I get. For example I fear getting schizophrenia or going crazy LITERALY FOR NO REASON. It’s not in my family at all and I honestly probably don’t have crazy bad anxiety. But I will sit for days, weeks, months even at times and second guess everything I’m hearing or seeing because I’m so sucked in to my fear.
I have never heard of this! My 8yr old does this, around her nails. To the point that it bleeds. I always thought it was just a nervous tick. She’s being tested for autism, so I assumed it might have something to do with that. I’m going to bring this up to her doctors! This is really eye opening.
Hang in there! I also am struggling with my daughter. I knew she was having some stress, anxiety and some self esteem issues, but I really didn't put two and two together until we had sort of conquered it, and then when school started back it just reached a new level. We are working together, talking about feelings, and going therapy. Also, idk if this will help you or not but some small fidget toys have helped her curb the picking. Obviously all people are different and it may not work, but ever since she's been able to keep her hands busy I've noticed a decrease in sores/severity in sores. Again, good luck! Sending you some positive vibes ❤
It might be both honestly. Skin picking can definitely be considered a stimulatory behavior, so I can imagine that Autism and dermatillomania could be diagnosed comorbidly.
Who would be the un-empathetic jerk who would hear a vulnerable moment like this and say "ew you're weird" or "why don't you just stop?" ...?!? Colleen, if this is what you're experiencing, if it's real for you, then it's real and it deserves compassion. Thank you for sharing.
I second this! Over the past year, Colleen has made me feel so less alone and not as “weird” for having these struggles. She helps me feel less ashamed and embarrassed. Even if I am the only one, she has helped me immensely.
Colleen, do not EVER hide from this. Don’t feel gross. Don’t feel ashamed. Be you and don’t feel embarrassed. dermatillomania is something you can’t control and you are stronger than it. I’m so proud of how strong you are and I’m so happy that you’re slowly but surely getting better by the day. We love you.
I have trichotillomania and the trance you talk about is SO REAL. Its so hard to explain to people but you describe all of the feelings so well. Thank you for sharing your experience, the shame and embarrassment is some of the worst, so I know how much strength this took 🖤
you’re the only influencer I’ve ever heard speak about this so openly and it has helped me realize it wasn’t just me and now I can actually start talking about it, thank you so much Colleen🥺
Girl I have the sister disorder, Trichotillomania. I make sure to tell every single person who says something derogatory or questions why my eyebrows don't match or why my eyelashes are gone. The only way we'll stop feeling shame is if we educate, educate, *EDUCATE*. Thank you for talking about it.
Oh I’m sorry I dont have this but I have alopecia areata (my hair falls out)and its hard when people ask you why your eyebrow is gone or why I have no eyelashes ik i dont have the same thing as you and for you it probably is way worse i just want you to know that your not alone!
At 29, I can still picture the moment a classmate loudly told my teacher in 5th grade that my scalp was bleeding from trich. My grandmother tried bribing me with books to stop me from doing it. I didn't need books, I needed a therapist. I needed help.
I have picked at my scalp for years but i didn’t think it could be trich because i thought that was pulling out your hair. Could i possibly have trich?
@@kristenhanes1365 I live with the big three of bfrb (skin picking, hair pulling and nail biting) and bounce between them. I was pulling hair out and then picking and scratching at the wound. It's possible, like Colleen said, during the trance of an episode. I wish I could provide more insight, but I don't want to steer you in the wrong direction.
I'm sorry that happened, I don't pull from my scalp just my eyelashes and it's painful, bc where I pull is where it's not as noticable but where it hurts and I can't stop and my eye will hurt for almost two days
@@kristenhanes1365 I have Dermotillomania and my focus areas are my scalp and my ears. If you are pulling out your hair and then picking at it then you might have trich too, but if your only "intent" (I put it in quotes because you really don't intend to do that you get sucked into it like an addiction) is to pick at your skin on your scalp then I would say its Dermotillomania but I am not a doctor I am just someone who struggles with BFRBs.
I totally felt this, "this thing I've struggled with my whole life, I never knew it was a thing." So, so, SO relatable!! I have OCD, ADHD, clinical depression, and anxiety (yes, I'm a mess! 😇😁) and usually pick out of boredom, my ADHD, and to quiet my anxiety. Like you, Colleen, my picking starts with seeing some imperfection on my skin, usually my face, and I will feel as if I have been in the mirror for 5 minutes when, in all actuality, it has been 2+ hours, and my face will be exponentially red and inflamed. EMBARRASSING! I will isolate myself in fear of other people seeing the aftermath of my over picking. Again, like you, I will be in a 'trance-like state' where the world around me doesn't exist; I am only fixated on the thing I'm picking...i will constantly and repeatedly tell myself just one more and I'm done, but that NEVER happens. I have had multiple cases of cellulitis, abscesses, and folliculitis due to my picking. Colleen, thank you so much for making and posting this video! It's nice to know that my identical twin sister and I are not alone!
I have trichotillomania and not enough people talk about bfrb's and their experiences. That's why so many people don't understand what we're going through. "just stop pulling", "that's so weird ew", "no way that's real" to name a few things I and many others with bfrb's have to hear all the Time... So thank you. 🖤🖤
When my husband and I get in arguments I go right for my eyebrows and he tells me to stop it is not at all helpful. I can’t stop, it just makes me feel like a POS when people say stop doing that. Believe me! I wish I could!!
@@jaclynnstrawinski6626 i don’t know anybody with bfrb’s but if i met someone who did and they opened up to me about it, how would i go about consoling them? like, is there anything i could say that might make them feel a little better and make sure they know they can trust me with talking about it? if you don’t feel comfortable answering that’s okay.
@@mac.joy02 I can only speak for myself and what helps me, but basically if people are just there when I need to talk about it. They don’t ask me condescending questions about it or basically what @H.E.K said. I don’t want lip service, but basically when I’m going through an REALLY bad episode, I just want someone to be there to listen and maybe even rub my back and ask if I want to talk about it. Even saying everything is going to be ok is a bit triggering for me and it feels like it’s discounting my feelings sometimes. Usually I don’t know I’m doing it ( IE; when I’m driving to work), but if I am having an intense episode, those things are incredibly helpful. Thank you for asking for advice, that’s a really good sign that you’re an amazing support person.
You are NOT a freak, Colleen. You are so strong and brave for opening up about this. I’ve been watching you for years and years and I’ve noticed how you feel shameful bringing it up. I’m so proud of you. The frustration you feel is beyond valid. We love you so much.
I've lived with this for over 10 years and I've only ever told 2 people. Its incredibly embarrassing and shameful. Thank you for sharing this and raising education. I appreciate your transparency.
I have been dealing with skin picking since I was 8 years old. My "dad" used to scream at me anytime he caught me picking and that made it worse. I'm going to be 24 in July. My fiance has helped me realize when and why I do it. Please don't feel gross, Colleen. We love you so much!
Same. My fiancé pointing it out does help and he tries to get me to Focus my attention onto something else. Sometimes you need that otherwise you’re just in a trance
I’m 58 and have been doing it to my fingers and especially my thumbs ever since I can remember. I never knew that it is an actual diagnosed condition or even that it has a name! The only way I was able to stop was when I had false nails for about 7+ years but when COVID hit I wasn’t able to keep up with them and I automatically went back to picking my thumbs again. Even after that amount of time I still wasn’t able to kick the habit, which is what I thought it was! It’s very interesting for me to read all of the comments and realise how many people have the same affliction. It’s way more common than I thought.
Can we just give her props for bringing more awareness to a different perspective of mental health disorders. Like some people may not even know that it’s something they can get help for!
you for shedding light on this highly misunderstood disorder. I wish you the best in your recovery, I understand your struggle, and we support you all the way
First of all, I wanted to say thank you for sharing this with the world! I’ve been like this for at least…5-6 years now. It’s not fun. My parents will tell me constantly not to pick at my face. My mom will yell at me. Telling me I might as well just put a knife to my face. She doesn’t understand how that makes me fell. It makes me feel… alone. Hurt. Disgusting. Crazy. I have never been diagnosed with dermatillomania. I do want to get checked by a dermatologist though for it. It’s somthing that when other people hear me say I think I have it, they laugh. It’s not fun. It’s destroyed my body. The skin on my toes is hard and scabby. My knees are covered in scabs. I have a dent in my hand from picking at a wound. I have 4 scabs on my head. Those are the worst. I feel.. some sort of relief when I pick. Whether it’s my hand,fingernails,arms,legs, or head, it’s somthing of a routine to me. And I wish I could stop. I’ve tried. And failed. And tried and failed. And tried and failed. And tried and failed! It’s somthing that people that do not have this condition do not understand. I want to say thank you again for just opening up. Because before I saw this video, I felt like a complete outcast. A weirdo. But this makes me realize that I’m not the only one! That I’m not crazy. That there are others going through the same thing as me.
Oh my gosh I can definetley relate to the struggles and fights with my mom too. It just makes the situation even worse and you feel even more like a horrible person . . . making you want to cope with your feelings by picking. Such a fun cycle isn't it? I haven't been officially diagnosed with dermatillomania either but I have been diagnosed with anxiety and have talked to my doctor and working with my therapist on the issue. As a result I have been put on anxiety medication in hopes that it will help with the picking. I have been spending hours a day picking my scalp and face for years where I constantly have wounds and my face is covered in permanent scars. I am always struggling with the feeling of trying and failing as well. I'm glad I don't have to feel like the crazy one either. I guess we are less alone than we think. It's awesome that you are planning on getting help because it makes the situation feel less hopless and out of your control . . . at least for me. However it's definitely not a cure to stop picking like Colleen said. It's denfinetley a relief reading your comment and being able to relate to many parts of your story. So thank you and I hope that we can both find motivation to keep trying and trying till we succeed
@@racheldursteler1783 I've never related to something more then this. I'm glad you found some sort of comfort in my comment! I still haven't been diagnosed, but I have been diagnosed with EXTREME anxiety and OCD tendencies. And those two conditions combined makes since of the picking! I have a salon manicure on right now and I've noticed it really helps with the picking because for one, I'm not able to bite my natural nails without ruining the manicure and the edges of the nails simply aren't sharp enough to lift up scabs!
4 minutes in and im balling my eyes out because ive suffered from Trichotillomania since i was 10 and all the satisfaction followed by depression is something ive felt almost all my life. it sucks!
I also have suffered from trich for years! I know the exact feeling. It almost feels like necessary to pull but as soon as you’re done you are so embarrassed and upset. You’re not alone❤️
I just want yall to know. I love this woman right here. Colleen Mae Ballinger, she saved my mental health by just being herself throughout this quarantine. I am so grateful to have Colleen as a role model. AND SHE IS AN AMAZING PARENT AND ERIK TOO
The emotions you showed in this video are exactly why I have such a hard time with this disease. I cried with you all the while keeping my head up high because you were being strong for the rest of us. Thank you for being vulnerable and letting us out there feel that we aren’t an embarrassment… that there are others experiencing such confusion when we pick but we aren’t alone!
They are trained to look for key factors.. like someone moving there hand towards there hair in a certain way. Or pick up on the key emotions effecting you personally. Its a long process for the person and animal. But it is fully possible and really does wonders.
the amount of people you’ve already helped just in these comments is remarkable. my heart is with everyone who is working to recover from this. un dia a la vez
I have had this disorder for around 15 years, since I was 13. I’ve never met anyone else with it and I find it so frustrating that I can’t control it. Thank you for posting this.
There is an organization called TLC for BFRB look it up! they have support groups for people of all ages with BFRBS it has helped me so much because it helps me feel less alone
I used to pull my hair and now I pick my skin on my face and my arms and legs and everywhere... My face has been a wreck for years. I can't go in front of a mirror without fighting the urge/just doing it ... I didn't realize there was a term for it.
Trying to build up the courage to finally show this video to my mom. I've been struggling with the symptoms of dermatillomania for at least 6 years now but, if I remember correctly, this video was the first time I became aware that it was an actual condition. I haven't been to the doctors yet, mainly out of fear and embarrassment, but a year later I think I'm ready to finally be honest about it and so I'm hoping my mom will watch and try her best to understand because sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in this and no one can see it. thank you for sharing this video - in the year since even though I have not been diagnosed I feel a shred of light after my episodes, during the shame spiral, where I remember that I am not the only one who struggles immensely with skin picking and there is potential treatment out there. we are not weak, and we are not alone. thank you colleen.
I have trichotillomania and honestly hearing you talk about the obsession with it and that inability to stop is so comforting. Neve met anyone with any BFRB so thank you
I had trichotillomania for 3 years, I only overcame it by doing behavior modification, bc I pulled out so much hair I was bald on top and had to hide it with other hair, barrettes/clips, so I came up with a plan to cut my nails so short I can’t pick out the roots of my hair, let it grow in, see the progress and reward myself daily with positive self talk. I had to tell my mother to hold myself accountable and when I found out there was a name for this disease, then I was able to work on it. I hope you can overcome it, I was scared I could not.
My boyfriends little sister has trichotillomania as well and she has the worst anxiety out of anyone i know and picks her eyelashes so much they will be gone for weeks and her eyes will swell. She picked basically all of her hair out and they had to shave the rest for it to grow back normal. It’s the absolute worst to watch someone go through that especially so young, i can’t imagine the pain of dermatillomania.
Same. It's not so different from dermatillomania, in the sense that they're both strongly associated with OCD and anxiety and also are both BFRBs (body-focused repetitive behaviours). That said, her as an online personality with a large platform openly discussing her struggle with dermatillomania will likely help many people struggling with both conditions - not just dermatillomania. Being such common disorders, you'd think they'd be discussed more often and would be more openly accepted by sufferers and non-sufferers alike, however it seems things won't be that way for quite some time sadly... Regardless, I hope she knows that in making this video she's helping many people realize that they're not alone in their battle, (knowledge I wish I'd had when I was younger) as well as making people aware of their existence and, as a result of her large platform, making both conditions (dermatillomania admittedly a bit moreso than trichotillomania, but they as disorders are strongly tied together) more widely accepted, even if it's just by a little bit.
Me too! Ive had it since i was maybe 9 or 10, im 20 almost 21 now. I stopped for about a year out of that, so almost, to a full decade. I have adhd and was diagnosed at the age of 8. Its hard to stop, but i know im not alone, i have not many people to talk about it but i do have people that will listen.
I picked my scalp as an adolescent when I was watching tv/zoning out/bored, have always bit the skin around my finger nails, bite my nails, pick pimples to the point of bleeding and scarring and lose track of time when doing it. It’s SO HARD TO STOP. I’ve been picking my scalp so hard lately that my scalp burns in the shower from the hot water; I haven’t ever been there before. Thanks for talking about this and being open-you’re not alone in this!
Hi I just wanted to reach and hope that you are doing okay. I have been having a bad time with my scalp picking and it has been really hard to try and stop. My partner is putting a scalp treatment on every night but it burns so much every time, I cry and bite t a pillow, but it still feels itchy afterwards. Hoping this was something I will forget about for a while. Also, I find running it under cold water helps when there's burning etc.
The burning of your scalp in the shower is the worst after you have been picking your scalp for hours! I have been struggling with the scalp picking recently too which is strangle because my main problem is picking my face.
@Rachel Dursteler me too actually. i have been picking at my face for probably 10 years now . more recently in the past year or half a year, ive been scratching at my scalp and it gets so bad that it burns in the shower. i wonder why we picked up the 2nd habit more recently. i thought it was my way to divert my energy away from skin picking, but now i just have 2 main problem areas :^(
For anyone reading this and struggling with the condition - the most important thing is to forgive yourself every single time, do not blame yourself ever. Imagine you are your own best friend - would you be so hard on them? Take all the help you can get from people around you. You will overcome this. Love and blessings
The thing is one moment im gonna be like "ok i will stop doing it i will wear beanies to stop touching my scalp and cover my wounds etc.. And the next day i already ripped off my scabs. Its like i cant stop myself since my adhd is so intense i get distracted and even my meds arent good enough to help me
@@makemecry6604 me too… I get so mad at myself for picking and I cover up my wounds with gauze and clothing and then THE NEXT DAY I’ve torn it apart without even really realizing sometimes. It’s so heartbreaking.
i missed this video when it was first posted i guess...but i saw someone else talking about this disorder and ive always known it had to be something bc other ppl dont just pick at skin like me...i was finally able able to talk to my therapist about the skin picking and the trigatillomania and we're trying to find my main "triggers" and im working so hard to stop...this is the most embarrassing thing about me, ive picked at the bottom of my feet until i cant even WALK lmao. this, hair pulling, and SH have effected my life so much and knowing im not alone makes me feel so much better
I don't even know when I started picking. I literally type and pick at the same time right now. Thank you so much for making this video and helping me realise i am not weak and that I have an disorder. I had people tell me to stop because it pisses them off, but I just hid my fingers under a scarf and went on because i could not just stop. When you said it's not a pretty disorder i felt that to soul, people will be more supportive to those with anxiety or depression but shake heads when i have my fingers covered with blood saying i should just patch up all my fingers, as if I had not tried it many times. You are not alone! Be strong, we will fight this together.
As a person who struggles with this I find chunky long acrylic nails has helped me so so much. I have a lot of bruises now but much less skin breakage!!!
As someone who has never been informed on this disorder, I do not feel any judgement towards you. Not a single ounce. Thank you so much for bringing light to this, mental health stigmas need to be broken. Stay strong my love ❤️ praying for guidance and strength
Hello my friend!🍒🍒 Unfortunately, my mother has cancer and I have to take care of her because my parents are divorced and I cannot work to take care of my mother.🍀 Would you like to join us and help me give my mother and sister a better life? I will produce great content soon when we leave from the hospital.🐿🐿🐿
crying throughout all of this. my acne scars and my fingers are my biggest insecurity, and i’m so embarrassed of it. it feels nice to know i’m not alone.
i am a dancer, ive been for most of my life. a little story here, i was in class and i didnt notice i was picking at the time, and my teacher said, "stop picking at your fingers" in the middle of her sentence infront of the WHOLE CLASS. later in the class i asked to go to the bathroom. she said yes, so i was in the bathroom for an hour picking at my skin until there was blood all over the floor. my friend that i opened up to about this came and knocked on the door to see if i was okay, and i started crying so hard when i unlocked the door for her to come in. i felt super embarrassed, but i also knew that she cared. thank you colleen, thanks for opening up about this. i told my parents a while ago, because i noticed i had this problem after watching this video the first time and i thought, "i need to get help, this might be a problem" and my parents will not care at all. so i will rewatch this video a lot to help me in this time.
This is why i love Colleen. She opens up about stuff most people dont. She opens up about her mental health. Some people dont have enough courage to open up
Colleen as someone who has dermatillomania, thank you for this video. I know from experience that it is not easy to talk about it but just know that you are not alone. 💕
I’ve always picked my fingers and been embarrassed of them. I can’t stop and didn’t know this disorder existed. Now I’m thinking I have this. Thanks for talking about this.
Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. My sister always watches your videos and she noticed that my picking was getting worse. She is so supportive and doesnt make me feel ashamed and she told me bout this video and I am beyond grateful ❤ To hear that someone else not only is going through the same thing but feels the way I do about it, makes me feel sane and kinda at ease.
I love how open Colleen is about her disorder, her life, her concerns, her insecurities. I think it helps a lot of people who deal with the same issues. Especially knowing that we aren't overly sensitive or dramatic for feeling a certain way :)
I never knew why I did what I did. My fingers hurt so bad right now because I can’t stop and I never knew why I did this to myself. Let alone it was an actual disorder. Thank you for bringing light to this disorder Colleen💕
I can't imagine how difficult this was to post. I have struggled with skin picking on my fingers for as long as I can remember and I share your feelings of shame and guilt. It is so difficult to hide the calluses, scabs, and broken skin to prevent others from seeing and questioning it. It's a comfort tool that I have had no luck in giving up fully, and I can't image myself ever dealing with anxiety without it. THANK YOU so much for allowing yourself to be so vulnerable in this video, and KNOW that you are not alone. You have a whole team of people suffering from dermatillomania who understand and are here to support you. ❤
As someone who struggles with trichotillomania, thank you so much for speaking out about our rare disorders. It feels so comforting knowing a youtuber who I grew up watching and loving is dealing with similar struggles as me. Especially when this disorder has made me feel so alone and isolated from the world. I love you Colleen
I struggle with tric too, my self esteem went completely down, I pull out my hair. How am I supposed to feel pretty with a huge bald spot on the top of my head
I have trichotillomania and dermatillomania. It is so hard to deal with on a daily basis. It’s so embarrassing when people notice a bald spot or spots on my arms that I’ve picked. Genuinely thank you for speaking out about this. I’ve avoided getting help this far because I’ve felt so much shame. This has inspired me to seek out the help that I desperately need.
I also suffered from trichotillomania and I know how it feels to struggle on a daily basis with something so debilitating. I’m sending thoughts and prayers you and Colleen’s way.
As someone who has trichotillomania i feel so relieved that this is starting to be talked about and normalized. Not only that but someone like you, a person who I looked up to most of my life, can relate to me. Thank you so much for talking about this. I'm so grateful for people like you.
I have a bad case of trichomoniasis. I always felt diffrent and usual for having it and knowing nobody else IRL who has it. But when I go online I find so many people with it and I feel like I fit in !! I have had it since I was 4 and I'm now twelve with only my family and a couple friends who know about it. I'm scared to open up about it and don't know what people will think of me after it gets revealed. I have been wearing hair cover up powder, beanies, bandanas to school year after year and sometimes unfortunately people pill them off not knowing my scaredness and I run straight to the nurses office crying. I have patches of baldness all over my head from where I pick. I pick any hair around my body but mostly the hairs on my head. But now that I find people like you guys who open up about it I feel like I have enough strength to open up about it next year at school. But I would love to know more about your guy's cases and how you handle with it !!! Love you hear from you guys again !!!
For those of you who are on Facebook, there are a few different support groups for trich (I'm a member in a couple of them) we need to start talking about it more and help each other through our episodes. Thanks and take care of yourselves 🤗
Colleen, as someone who has struggled with dermatillomania since I was a young teen, seeing a big-name account talking about it and sharing their experience means a lot. One day I hope to get to a point where I don’t pick and where I’m not ashamed of the scars I’ve left on myself because of this disorder. But until then I keep my nails short and keep trying to stimulate my brain in other ways. We can do this 💜💪
i’ve struggled with dermatillomania for most of my life, and I only just found out about it last year when I turned 18. having language to describe and explain what you experience is SO powerful and can go a long way to make you feel less alone. in my experiences, it can be a very shame inducing thing to live with. sometimes i have to remind myself that it is a part of my mental illness and it is no more my fault than my adhd, depression, anxiety, or ocd is. thank you for opening up about this and educating others 💗 *content warning: details of my experience w dermatillomania* after watching the rest of the video, I wanted to share a little of my experience as well. the picking first started on my face because of acne, but because of bullying, it gradually shifted to parts of my body that are easier to hide, such as my chest and back. I relate so much to what colleen said about feeling an almost comfort from it. it’s like when I have my phone flash light on and i’m picking, nothing in the world can bother me. I am completely focused on the task at hand and it’s almost like autopilot. then there’s the short lived satisfaction/feeling of accomplishment that quickly ends for me as soon as I sit up and turn my flashlight off. i often will pick for hours at a time without even realizing it. it’s been so severe in the past that I actually injured my finger from continually making a pinching movement. my whole body (especially my neck/back/hands) usually aches after because i’ve been sitting in the same position for hours at a time. the amount of shame I feel afterwards is unparalleled, knowing that I just spent 3 hours tearing my skin apart and all I have to show for it is an injured body. it’s especially hard in the summer w swimsuits, tank tops, etc... I think this video is such a great start towards de-stigmatizing skin picking
I think the problem is psicologists dont know enough about it and mabe there's not a lot of research done on how to help people who suffers from those disorders. It's the kind of stuff you cant understand unless you've been through it. I send you lots of love and encourage you to get together with people who you have that in común to raise awarenes and support each other.
I got diagnosed with OCD a few months ago, and Colleen, I know EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. I wanna cry right now, it felt like you were talking directly to me. I don’t pick at my skin, but when I get stuck doing a compulsion, I can stand there for hours just doing it over and over. People ask what I’m doing and I just say that I’m trying to fix something, when I’m reality I have OCD.
OMG I literally cannot even explain to you how much it means to me that you, a very famous and beautiful and successful person, are openly talking about this because I have struggled for YEARS and I'm absolutely embarrassed in the same way you are. I'm crying so much right now because I've never in my life seen a public figure say they struggle with this and I'm so happy and relieved to know I'm not as alone as I feel. Like I KNOW other people struggle but its still SO RARE and nobody understands and you have just explained everything so well. THANK YOU. You have made me feel so much better just from sharing your story, and I am also searching for answers as I have been for over a decade now. You are so brave for sharing this because I know how hard it is for me to talk about, it is easily the thing I am most guarded about and even as a very open person it is so difficult for me to open up about. I just want you to know how much the things you say resonated with me and I'm sure many others. Again, thank you Colleen. You have touched me very deeply today.
Also, I just got to the point in the video where you said somebody chastised you for saying you feel gross, and let me just say that anybody who would criticize you for saying that clearly has no personal struggle with it because although everybody feels differently and experiences the illness differently, EVERYONE who struggles with it feels some sort of remorse/regret/shame after picking so the "gross" feeling is literally part of the illness. Keep sharing your own truth
Never experienced this disorder, but I am willing to bet anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder, any type of addiction, etc., would TOTALLY get the feeling of wanting to be able to stop but that just being impossible...no matter how "crazy" or illogical it seems to those on the outside - I know I feel ya. You're understood and loved.
People love supporting mental health issues until the "gross" stuff. Oh you support my depression and anxiety and cptsd, but can't understand why I haven't been able to shower or do the dishes this week. They call us gross they just want us to be a idealist version of the tortured soul. No we're humans and suffering.
I suffer from rhinotillexomania, which is nose picking. It's so embarrassing. No one ever talks about it, even in the BFRB community that one is never discussed! Thanks for bringing awareness to these groups of disorders. I wish I was brave like you to come forward with my disorder but it is so embarrassing I don't think I ever will be able to.
I’ve struggled with this for years and haven’t really found relief. I recently got acrylic nails for the first time and was unable to pick my skin. It hasn’t resolved my problem, but it has helped!
hey I started piking my lips around 4 always have extreamly until I bleed and have deep cuts it gets worse when im upset its worse as I got older I started picking at my fingers until I bleed I can't help it I have horrible anxiety never got real help can never find a good therapist
My friend has this and her husband of 15 years divorced her. He got custody of the kids because he used this against her. She said she regretted letting him know, because he used it against her. She's doing better now but I think its so wrong to use disorders against people. It doesn't stop you from being a good parent. It's so disrespectful to the person suffering
But how would this disorder affect parenting? That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make you aggresive or you're not putting in danger others by havinh this disorder
I searched dermatillomania on TH-cam just hoping for some help, and when I saw COLLEEN BALLINGER are you kidding. I related to almost all of this!! I have ADHD and struggle with skin picking and hair pulling of the scalp. It’s so bad I have a huge bald spot and visible scabs and blood spots all over my head. I am extremely embarrassed and started wearing wide headbands/scarves to hide my scalp. I’m completely at a loss for how to stop, but this was super comforting and encouraging coming from someone I have watched since I was a teenager 💛 Thank you for sharing Colleen
I was/am literally sitting here digging into the skin under my chin with a tissue in hand to soak up the blood I'm causing... THANK YOU COLLEEN! YOU ARE NOT ALONE and talking about this helps. I just put away my mirror and tweezers. *deep breath*
@@mrsteralee thank you :) yes, but I have "mild" trichto and dermo and I have my moments where it gets bad but I have it waaay more under control trol than I used to. It's really important to have people open up and talk about it like here, but it can be so hard! I am so proud of Colleen and because of her video I've been opening up to more people about my struggle :)
Who would judge someone for having a disorder that they can't exactly control? she's incredibly strong for going through this yet alone posting a video for all the world to see.
I’m only 18 and I have struggled with this for 8 years of my life. It’s been horrible, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I appreciate you so much Colleen. 💛
i am 13 and since I could remember I have never had perfect fingers because they were always full of scabs and they were never ever fully healed it's so hard for me to even go to school without having my hands behind my back
Same. I've been doing it since I was 9 but now it's gotten to the point where I have to message my dad's feet I will start picking at his flakes until he starts bleeding and it's very satisfying for me but I do get embarrassed by it 😭I've even tried to put band aids around my thumbs cause that's where I do it the most but it doesn't help. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one♥️
My face has such bad scarring from this. I also destroyed the inside of my nose from a young-ish age. Nothing has helped. I have bought the necklaces and bracelets that you chew on to try and help some. It lasted a couple of days. I am so glad you chose to share this. It is insanely inspiring and brave. I also have ADHD, and chronic anxiety.
Hey, I have really bad skin picking too (also OCD). I found putting sudo creme on any blemishes really helps - I find if I cant see them, im less likely to pick. It also helps to heal any fresh wounds. Sending lots of love x
It’s so comforting to see the lows of mental struggles and disorders. No one talks about the lows. Colleen is a true warrior and a strong empowered woman. She’s gonna do amazing work for normalizing taboo topics. We love you and support you Colleen!
Thank you for sharing your story with the world. I have suffered with dermatillomania for 17 years. It has been the biggest struggle, gift, and lesson in my life. The deep work you are doing to heal your body, mind, and spirit is inspiring, and I am grateful to be on a similar journey myself. Sending love and support your way 💛
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I feel like people don’t understand how weirdly trance-like a picking episode is. I could be in my bathroom picking for what feels like 5 minutes, check the clock and it’s been an hour.
They don’t I will sit and watch TV & not even realize I’m doing it, until I’m dripping blood.
I have to really careful now. I have very bad burn scars from a grease fire on Christmas Eve and if I even pick a tiny bit they will literally bleed for 20 minutes. My husband literally walked by and yelled STOPYOURE BLEEDING All over the carpet. I had no clue. 😳 Thankfully the medications they have me on now are helping or my huge scars would be getting way more hideous. 🥺
Its literally an addiction sometimes i will find myself looking for scabs without even realizing. I had holes on my back and i bled so i had to put bandaids so i stop touching it. Its to a point that breeding is normal and i dont care about the pain anymore
Its so satisfying and releases my tension and i get so into it that once i start i cant stop until i ripped every scab on myself i will look everywhere for scabs sometimes even my legs if im really desperate
@@makemecry6604 same, it’s very stress relieving. Which makes it so hard to stop
I don’t know about you guys but I don’t even feel any pain from it .
As a person with severe dermatillomania that affects my self esteem and everyday life .. it needs to be talked about more
I think I have the worst of all. I am shame to go to the dr and let them see my legs or body. I'm very ashamed of mine. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older
I agree. 100%.
As someone who also suffers severely, I agree.
I have the sister disorder to D. A Colleen thx you so much
@@lareshia8516 I'm the same.. the humiliation kills me
When you said “it’s not a pretty mental illness,” I felt that. People are a lot more accepting of some mental illnesses, but a lot of ones that have a physical manifestation are still really looked down on or not understood. Awareness is important!!!
Me too! So many people are looking to self diagnose, specifically through Tiktok. But mental illness is not fun. It’s not glamorous. And the fact that people assume, judge, and look down on illnesses like these just shows that they haven’t experienced something like this.
“this thing i’ve struggled with my whole life, i never knew it was a thing.” that is me currently watching this video realizing that there is a good chance i have this as well. thank you for making this video and opening our eyes to it.
You and me both. I was shocked listening to this because I’ve done this accompanied by all the same emotions for the last 10 years. I can’t believe it might actually be more than poor self control as I always thought it was. I’m so thankful she made this video.
@@Toastlover308 yes!! i feel the exact same way!!
Same. I’ve struggled with picking acne since I started getting it when I was probably 12, particularly any on my back. Which has only irritated the skin and made it 10x worse. I’ll do it when I’m anxious, focusing, bored, angry, etc. basically until it bleeds or I get a “scab” off, and I talked to a dermatologist once about it and she only told me to stop picking because it’ll make it worse, I don’t think she understood it’s not something I consciously do. I’m pregnant now and my hormones have caused an uptick in back acne so I feel like I’m just picking all the time trying to make it smooth or whatever, it’s soooo embarrassing. This is a summer pregnancy and I can’t wear dresses, sleeveless shirts, or tank tops or go swimming because I feel so embarrassed/ashamed. Watching this video helped me know this is a thing and I should probably find a therapist that is familiar with this..
Same here 😱
It’s so sad that she was so emotional and nervous to talk about it the whole time because she is under such a big light that so many people are gonna say horrible things. Im glad she posted this for the people like you who may not have even known. She is such a beautiful person inside and out!!
Thank you for opening up and sharing your experience on this. I agree more awareness on this needs to be built.
Hi Psych2Go!!!
I have been watching your videos a lot recently and they have really helped me a lot! I love your videos so much and your drawings are so cute in your videos!💕✨😁
You could make a vid on this 💕 it would be so helpful
Oh my gosh I just finished watching your daily video today
I love your videos you should make one about this!!!
Hey Psych2Go! I watch your channel have you done any vids on Trich/dermotillomania? If you haven't could you? A lot of people watch your vids and it could really help educate people.
Who else thinks Colleen is such a strong woman like she’s gonna through ADHD anxiety her skin picking disorder and she had a miscarriage there’s no stopping her! 💜
Yes, preach!
i love your pfp!!! also i totally agree we love you colleen
Weird comment dude, why would you say such a thing
@@zuzuxzu just curious why you say that? no disrespect, just trying to understand why you find it weird
she is extremely strong and I'm immensely proud of her. nice pfp too
THANK YOU FOR ASKING PEOPLE NOT TO SAY "STOP THAT." It is the most humiliating thing I hear when someone notices me digging a small hole in my face.
I don't have this but i bite my nails a lot and always have and everytime someone says "stop that" i get furious like you don't think i've TRIED??? I wish I could just stop that easily
my dad says that when he's w me, but it works in the moment and I know he loves me. so I hope you don't see it in a bad light all the time
Its the worst when they say that because I just feel helpless
Girl. Same. Middle school was super hard.
Honestly same with my hair! Sending you all so much love and prayers! God bless you all!
I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone describe this disorder in such a relatable way.
The guilt, the satisfaction, and the determination is absolutely the way I would describe it.
The months and months of my life, literally, that I’ve wasted accidentally harming myself. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I feel like you’re speaking my thoughts out loud.
The thing that most people won’t even understand, although I think you will, is that listening to your story simultaneously helped, me but also made me want to pick so much.
Seriously you are amazing for talking about it.
My thoughts exactly Jenny!!!
@@lindsayh.8503 I agree. It’s me too. Different area but the same. Wanting my skin to be smooth. It’s so embarrassing. People think you use drugs. 😔
Yeah, It's like she has all the understanding and none of the visible scarring that are one of the primary associations with shame.
@@MeCooper I don’t have much scarring either so I relate to her a lot. I happen to pick in places that aren’t easy to see. My scalp, my ears, little facial and body hairs.. but the compulsion is often uncontrollable and lasts for hours and hours at a time.
Can we just appreciate how Colleen can open up about her disorder? A lot of people struggle with this so it’s very encouraging 🙂
Yesm
I struggle with Trichotillomania which is the cousin to dermotillomania. The struggle is real. The embarrassment is real. You are not alone Colleen.
Agree
Yes ma'am
As someone who deals with this disorder too it’s really great to hear somebody actually talk about it
“It’s not a pretty mental illness” thank you, for putting into words something that is so hard to express
Xx
What is a “pretty mental illness”? This world is so not ok haha
@@jaycieblancett821 literally. ive been so ashamed to talk about my depression cause the media’s representation is just so off. no one talks about blood stained sheets, being so smelly to the point where it’s like a toxic waste room not a bedroom and suicide attempts, how u don’t even feel anything when trying to kill urself. it feels so okay. the media’s representation is: failing tests sometimes, being “sad” and it’s like stfu.
i’m confused, there are no pretty mental illness. it seems almost invalidating other mental disorders
I relate so strongly to yelling “please stop! Just stop!” in my head when I’m picking and just feeling helpless.
I have ocd and I would say that to myself too it mad me super depressed I couldn’t stop having ocd
I try super hard to stop i put bandaids on my wounds and i wear a beanie when im at home chilling so i dont dig holes in my scalps. Ive got two scabs on my head that ive been repeatedly ripping off for almost a year and im scared to get bald spots so i try really hard to stop
feel you 100%
My ep never last up to an hour because I put all my force into doing it my pain comes quicker, and when I notice it I run and put socks on because I'm so ashamed of myself
Im really sorry this lowkey made me cry bc j recently started picking my legs i just related too much too. much luv
"Being sucked into a vortex" is by far the best way to describe a session.
I made a video about my dermatillomania about a year ago and was so embarrassed when creating the video because its something I have been suffering with for about 10 yrs. My biggest let down is when i confided in my friend and she simply told me to stop... I literally broke down. Its amazing to know you're not alone as there isn't much on the internet about it and i feel isolated by it. Thank you for speaking on it, I am trying my best to stop. its so hard.
We're so sorry you had to go through that love, we can't "just stop." Feel free to connect with our community at pickingme.org
@@pickingmefdn7441 Thank you so much!
Stopping is sooo hard! And my mom does the same thing she thinks that every time she tells me to stop I’ll just magically stop which sometimes makes it worse because it almost makes the impulse harder to ignore
@@emmapritchett6898 It is and people who don't have to deal with dont always understand how difficult it is. Stay beautiful and remember its a marathon not a sprint.
@Jadetra thank you!! ❤️❤️
The amount of scars on my face due to this is really sad. It’s so embarrassing to go out in public with actual bleeding holes in my face. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who experiences this.
Same
Just always remember you are beautiful and you are not alone! ❤️
I can relate. And having masks now to cover it has made me feel I can pick more.
Yeah, my face is so red all the time and you can see the imprints and the part where the skin broke from my finger nails pressing it. Touching my face so much actually gave me horrible acne, and that just added to it. I’m obsessed with squeezing and prodding at the acne which doesn’t help at all and makes it worse, this continuing the cycle. Gosh I want to stop so bad.
I relate so bad, i dont even wear tanktops anymore because of the scars and/or bruises/wounds i love the heat of summer but nowmatter how hot it gets im wearing a short sleeve
Colleen , there is no reason for you to be embarrassed we love you , and we are so proud of you for opening up , we love you so much
We may not completely understand (for those of us who haven’t experienced it) but we do sympathize with you. You’re not weird or gross. We are our own worst critics. We love you so much.
i cried so hard watching this. i’ve been picking since i was five, and now i’m 25. i didn’t know this was a disorder either, and now i know i can get help. thank you so much, colleen ❤️
Colleen, I feel like I can say for this whole comment section that we are NOT disgusted by you nor think you’re a freak.
We love you, care for you, and wish we could give you a hug. 💕💕
never ever have i heard someone put this into words. i have been struggling this for as long as i can remember, it’s part of me. you literally explained the entire thing so so well. thank you
exactly!!! i had to send this video to my partner bc i have always struggled to explain the emotions and difficulty that come with it and how it’s not just that simple to stop doing. it’s hard for him to understand the extensiveness of this disorder but she explained it well enough for him to understand. i’m so thankful. and he’s been so understanding.
Same
I have had this issue as long as I can remember. I had NO IDEA this was a thing.
I have had this my whole life (starting around the teens, but may have been mildly in my childhood too, in hindsight) I don't know anything about it
Or how to stop or manage it
I have had it very severely or less severely throughout the years, but it's always present
Recently I started looking into information about it
I wonder if that's the reason this came on my reccomended
Same!
im so proud of colleen for opening up about this.
Bring back miranda
I’m a thirteen year old girl going through the same thing for two years now. I do t remember a day where I haven’t picked at my skin. For me it’s my arms, back, face, chest, legs, and hands. You have no idea how comforting this video was for me. I want to get help so bad but I don’t know how.
i was around 13 when i started. i feel that. what helped me was removing myself from toxic friendships and situations and i found then my skin got better, and once i was back in a toxic friendship it got worse again. it’s hard but i know you can do it. try going to the bathroom with the lights off, keeping your room dim. wearing longsleeves and even windbreakers in the summer to cover your arms. keep something to fiddle with. this could be a pen cap, a stone. anything. whatever place you pick the most, work on that and that will help it get better. i wish you the best of luck in your journey
I'm a 30 so male, you're not alone. I grew up in an abusive household and mine flared up at around 20.
Find some adult in your life who you consider a friend and trust completely, that you consider he or she will truly help you, be that your mother, father, aunt, etc you get the point and ask them to help you get into therapy as soon as possible. You're young and there's a very high chance you'll overcome this affliction.
I wish you all the best in the world, and you're never alone.
I'm 15 for me it's arms back face and chest
im 13 too and literally rip off the skin of my face legs and scalp. i mean it- there are scars everywhere and it affects everything in my life and kills my self esteem. you're not alone in this. i know it gets hard but the best thing to do is distract yourself or fidget with something and I like to cover mirrors to avoid picking at my face for hours.
i really wish you the best, lily.
I started when I was 13 as well. I’m 22 now and I can honestly say that the very best thing I ever did to “cure” my dermatillomania was Accutane. It helps with healing skin and reduces scarring, so eventually I stopped picking because there literally was just nothing left to pick at! And I picked at EVERYTHING, face, chest, arms, back, legs and when all that was destroyed I’d even start picking my teeth obsessively. There is hope for you and even if the picking doesn’t stop, the shame will.
I have dermatillomania too and it is so important for me to hear that I'm not alone. I don't wish it on anyone, ever. But it feels nice to know I'm not the only person in the world who has it. My arms are all scratched up and full of scars, I can barely wear shirts without wearing something over my arms...
sending so much love and support!
Have you heard about the picking rocks? The rocks with holes covered in glue so you can pick the glue off. They are specifically designed for skin picking disorders.
That’s a really amazing clever tool! Thanks for sharing
That’s cool
Wow
I have trichotillamania. I wish I was able to post this and feel confident telling people about this. I can’t stop and haven’t been able to since I was 10. I am crying right now because I know this so deeply. You have a friend in me and an ally as we need more people who are open about this.
Same, I've had trich since i was 18, i'm 45 now. I stopped for almost a year and recently started back up and all my new hair is all gone and its the worst its ever been.
I have it too, I am young, and it’s honestly hard going to high school with no eyelashes or eyebrows. It’s hard because I feel like no one I know feels the same way.
@@taylorwhite1643 I went through junior high having teacher ask my parents why I was doing it and thinking that it was me being disrespectful to them. You are not alone.
Same. I’m sorry you feel alone. I’ve been hair pulling, had anxiety, depression, and OCD for over a decade. I’m thirty and ever since the pandemic began it’s gotten worse. You are not alone! I’m sending you love and good vibes! ❤️ ❤️
I'm here too.
I've always lied that I was having a breakout on my face when it was really red and flared up. But in reality I had spent hours in the bathroom picking at my face. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this. Thank you, I feel understood.
I literally do the exact same thing. The face picking can be so brutal and just destroys your self esteem when you look in the mirror and see all the white scars, red patches, and scabs.
As a mental health practitioner, thank you for normalizing this. You’re so strong & brave & I am so proud of you!
You’re not alone. I’ve had it since I was a little girl. Not to discourage you, but I’m 52 now, and I don’t fight it anymore. You’re not an idiot. You have so much information about it, that’s hardly an idiot. Anyway, I do it without even noticing it. I only notice when I bleed. Hang in there, Honey. YOU’RE NOT ALONE
Me too....since my teens or early twenties. Back then it was my eyelashes. Then skin on my feet. For a long time now, it's my nails. I've never been diagnosed but looked it up because it was an issue I had no control over. But I experience much of what Colleen has shared about not being able to stop and picking my nails into the quick and experiencing pain later. And not being able to do things like open lids with tabs because one, I have no nails to speak of and two they hurt.
Same, I pick my mouth and I won’t notice until I taste the blood or see it on my fingers
@@SharonHines oh look a self diagnoser 😂😂go to a doctor and get diagnosed first loooll
@@kacirush8878 what was the point they just shared a disorder they think they might have
@@kacirush8878 just cause there not diagnosed doesn't mean it's any less of an issue it's a serious issue people experience
Oh Colleen, I am 53 years old and have struggled with this my whole life. I understand the shame and embarrassment. Please know you aren't alone. ❤
Do you still do it? You think Colleen will over come this or she will have this all her life?
@@zairabandy8695 ldepends. Everyone is different. I did. It took a long time. A long time. I thought my scars would never heal. My fingers always looked so gross. I always hid them. And my feet? Always wore socks. Now I next ro never wear socks unless it’s tennis shoes
i am so sorry 😞
YES telling her to not be embarrassed is invalidating her feelings. Thank you for your comment.
I’ve had it for 25 years now :(
God, it's so hard to talk about a compulsive disorder. It's so embarrassing to admit, "yeah, I do this think I know will harm me but I just can't stop." I'm so glad you talked about it and had the courage to share with us even though it can be outright humiliating. Thank you for setting such an amazing example.
I’m 18 and I suffer with dermatillomania ocd and anxiety. Thank you. Just thank you.
I’m glad she talks about this because it’s so important to inform people about what you’re going through.
Yeah, she's very strong, we all respect her because of it.
Yea and we want her to feel open and comfortable taking about it.💕💕
Agreed
Yeah she’s the best ❤️💋
As someone who has had OCD and depression for ten years (i’m only 21) I know the shame of feeling like you can’t stop. You’re not alone Colleen and we all love you!
I have social anxiety...is so overwhelming
I don’t really have a disorder, but I do have diabetes. It is way harder then you would ever imagine. You were born in this world for a reason, so have a great day! Ily
I have rumination tendencies with irrational fears that trigger me. And when she talks about being sort of sucked in to a zone. That’s how I get. For example I fear getting schizophrenia or going crazy LITERALY FOR NO REASON. It’s not in my family at all and I honestly probably don’t have crazy bad anxiety. But I will sit for days, weeks, months even at times and second guess everything I’m hearing or seeing because I’m so sucked in to my fear.
Totally there with you on the OCD one, it is such a struggle
I have never heard of this! My 8yr old does this, around her nails. To the point that it bleeds. I always thought it was just a nervous tick. She’s being tested for autism, so I assumed it might have something to do with that. I’m going to bring this up to her doctors! This is really eye opening.
Hang in there! I also am struggling with my daughter. I knew she was having some stress, anxiety and some self esteem issues, but I really didn't put two and two together until we had sort of conquered it, and then when school started back it just reached a new level. We are working together, talking about feelings, and going therapy. Also, idk if this will help you or not but some small fidget toys have helped her curb the picking. Obviously all people are different and it may not work, but ever since she's been able to keep her hands busy I've noticed a decrease in sores/severity in sores. Again, good luck! Sending you some positive vibes ❤
Don’t make a big deal about it, not noticing is better
It is common in autistic people.
It might be both honestly. Skin picking can definitely be considered a stimulatory behavior, so I can imagine that Autism and dermatillomania could be diagnosed comorbidly.
@@WO-yx5lt So now I'm autistic?! 😫
Who would be the un-empathetic jerk who would hear a vulnerable moment like this and say "ew you're weird" or "why don't you just stop?" ...?!? Colleen, if this is what you're experiencing, if it's real for you, then it's real and it deserves compassion. Thank you for sharing.
It’s hard when people say, “Just stop” like it’s not that easy
Those people are just so scared of being vulnerable themselves that it makes them uncomfortable I guess ... pay no attention to them
Please don't feel embarrassed about your disorder! We appreciate how you're educating everyone about this.
I second this! Over the past year, Colleen has made me feel so less alone and not as “weird” for having these struggles. She helps me feel less ashamed and embarrassed. Even if I am the only one, she has helped me immensely.
@@kacie_shipman i agree with you! its great that someone is being so open and honest, its comforting that youre not alone.
Colleen, do not EVER hide from this. Don’t feel gross. Don’t feel ashamed. Be you and don’t feel embarrassed. dermatillomania is something you can’t control and you are stronger than it. I’m so proud of how strong you are and I’m so happy that you’re slowly but surely getting better by the day. We love you.
I have trichotillomania and the trance you talk about is SO REAL. Its so hard to explain to people but you describe all of the feelings so well. Thank you for sharing your experience, the shame and embarrassment is some of the worst, so I know how much strength this took 🖤
Totally agree.
you’re the only influencer I’ve ever heard speak about this so openly and it has helped me realize it wasn’t just me and now I can actually start talking about it, thank you so much Colleen🥺
Girl I have the sister disorder, Trichotillomania. I make sure to tell every single person who says something derogatory or questions why my eyebrows don't match or why my eyelashes are gone. The only way we'll stop feeling shame is if we educate, educate, *EDUCATE*. Thank you for talking about it.
Me too, sister. I didn’t know it had a name until a few years ago. Sending you love!
Oh I’m sorry I dont have this but I have alopecia areata (my hair falls out)and its hard when people ask you why your eyebrow is gone or why I have no eyelashes ik i dont have the same thing as you and for you it probably is way worse i just want you to know that your not alone!
I have this too
At 29, I can still picture the moment a classmate loudly told my teacher in 5th grade that my scalp was bleeding from trich. My grandmother tried bribing me with books to stop me from doing it. I didn't need books, I needed a therapist. I needed help.
I have picked at my scalp for years but i didn’t think it could be trich because i thought that was pulling out your hair. Could i possibly have trich?
@@kristenhanes1365 I live with the big three of bfrb (skin picking, hair pulling and nail biting) and bounce between them. I was pulling hair out and then picking and scratching at the wound. It's possible, like Colleen said, during the trance of an episode. I wish I could provide more insight, but I don't want to steer you in the wrong direction.
I'm sorry that happened, I don't pull from my scalp just my eyelashes and it's painful, bc where I pull is where it's not as noticable but where it hurts and I can't stop and my eye will hurt for almost two days
@@kristenhanes1365 I have Dermotillomania and my focus areas are my scalp and my ears. If you are pulling out your hair and then picking at it then you might have trich too, but if your only "intent" (I put it in quotes because you really don't intend to do that you get sucked into it like an addiction) is to pick at your skin on your scalp then I would say its Dermotillomania but I am not a doctor I am just someone who struggles with BFRBs.
@@tehechristatehe Thank you so much, so well put, I really appreciate it♥️♥️
I totally felt this, "this thing I've struggled with my whole life, I never knew it was a thing." So, so, SO relatable!! I have OCD, ADHD, clinical depression, and anxiety (yes, I'm a mess! 😇😁) and usually pick out of boredom, my ADHD, and to quiet my anxiety. Like you, Colleen, my picking starts with seeing some imperfection on my skin, usually my face, and I will feel as if I have been in the mirror for 5 minutes when, in all actuality, it has been 2+ hours, and my face will be exponentially red and inflamed. EMBARRASSING! I will isolate myself in fear of other people seeing the aftermath of my over picking. Again, like you, I will be in a 'trance-like state' where the world around me doesn't exist; I am only fixated on the thing I'm picking...i will constantly and repeatedly tell myself just one more and I'm done, but that NEVER happens. I have had multiple cases of cellulitis, abscesses, and folliculitis due to my picking.
Colleen, thank you so much for making and posting this video! It's nice to know that my identical twin sister and I are not alone!
I feel this so hard. I have over 40 hydrocolloid patches on rn. You’re not alone :( It sucks so much.
I have trichotillomania and not enough people talk about bfrb's and their experiences. That's why so many people don't understand what we're going through. "just stop pulling", "that's so weird ew", "no way that's real" to name a few things I and many others with bfrb's have to hear all the Time... So thank you. 🖤🖤
Hi I have trich too it’s so comforting to see people talking about this stuff
When my husband and I get in arguments I go right for my eyebrows and he tells me to stop it is not at all helpful. I can’t stop, it just makes me feel like a POS when people say stop doing that. Believe me! I wish I could!!
@@jaclynnstrawinski6626 i don’t know anybody with bfrb’s but if i met someone who did and they opened up to me about it, how would i go about consoling them? like, is there anything i could say that might make them feel a little better and make sure they know they can trust me with talking about it? if you don’t feel comfortable answering that’s okay.
Me reading this while pulling my hair like:👁👄👁
@@mac.joy02 I can only speak for myself and what helps me, but basically if people are just there when I need to talk about it. They don’t ask me condescending questions about it or basically what @H.E.K said. I don’t want lip service, but basically when I’m going through an REALLY bad episode, I just want someone to be there to listen and maybe even rub my back and ask if I want to talk about it. Even saying everything is going to be ok is a bit triggering for me and it feels like it’s discounting my feelings sometimes.
Usually I don’t know I’m doing it ( IE; when I’m driving to work), but if I am having an intense episode, those things are incredibly helpful. Thank you for asking for advice, that’s a really good sign that you’re an amazing support person.
I’m calling my therapist tomorrow and asking him to help me with this. You did that. Thank you.
Are you alright?
You are NOT a freak, Colleen. You are so strong and brave for opening up about this. I’ve been watching you for years and years and I’ve noticed how you feel shameful bringing it up. I’m so proud of you. The frustration you feel is beyond valid. We love you so much.
👏👏👏
I've lived with this for over 10 years and I've only ever told 2 people. Its incredibly embarrassing and shameful. Thank you for sharing this and raising education. I appreciate your transparency.
I have been dealing with skin picking since I was 8 years old. My "dad" used to scream at me anytime he caught me picking and that made it worse. I'm going to be 24 in July. My fiance has helped me realize when and why I do it. Please don't feel gross, Colleen. We love you so much!
I'm so sorry your father couldn't understand what you were going through.
I hope you're doing better now.
Same. My fiancé pointing it out does help and he tries to get me to
Focus my attention onto something else. Sometimes you need that otherwise you’re just in a trance
I’m 58 and have been doing it to my fingers and especially my thumbs ever since I can remember. I never knew that it is an actual diagnosed condition or even that it has a name! The only way I was able to stop was when I had false nails for about 7+ years but when COVID hit I wasn’t able to keep up
with them and I automatically went back to picking my thumbs again. Even after that amount of time I still wasn’t able to kick the habit, which is what I thought it was! It’s very interesting for me to read all of the comments and realise how many people have the same affliction. It’s way more common than I thought.
Yes parents screaming at you makes it worse
Can we just give her props for bringing more awareness to a different perspective of mental health disorders. Like some people may not even know that it’s something they can get help for!
you for shedding light on this highly misunderstood disorder. I wish you the best in your recovery, I understand your struggle, and we support you all the way
Exactly🙌🏾 I rip my eye lashes out... like everyday. My anxiety tends to lead me toward it
you’re not a freak, you’re not gross. your feelings are valid and i totally understand you. we are all here for you
I really hope colleen sees this comment
First of all, I wanted to say thank you for sharing this with the world! I’ve been like this for at least…5-6 years now. It’s not fun. My parents will tell me constantly not to pick at my face. My mom will yell at me. Telling me I might as well just put a knife to my face. She doesn’t understand how that makes me fell. It makes me feel… alone. Hurt. Disgusting. Crazy. I have never been diagnosed with dermatillomania. I do want to get checked by a dermatologist though for it. It’s somthing that when other people hear me say I think I have it, they laugh. It’s not fun. It’s destroyed my body. The skin on my toes is hard and scabby. My knees are covered in scabs. I have a dent in my hand from picking at a wound. I have 4 scabs on my head. Those are the worst. I feel.. some sort of relief when I pick. Whether it’s my hand,fingernails,arms,legs, or head, it’s somthing of a routine to me. And I wish I could stop. I’ve tried. And failed. And tried and failed. And tried and failed. And tried and failed! It’s somthing that people that do not have this condition do not understand. I want to say thank you again for just opening up. Because before I saw this video, I felt like a complete outcast. A weirdo. But this makes me realize that I’m not the only one! That I’m not crazy. That there are others going through the same thing as me.
Oh my gosh I can definetley relate to the struggles and fights with my mom too. It just makes the situation even worse and you feel even more like a horrible person . . . making you want to cope with your feelings by picking. Such a fun cycle isn't it? I haven't been officially diagnosed with dermatillomania either but I have been diagnosed with anxiety and have talked to my doctor and working with my therapist on the issue. As a result I have been put on anxiety medication in hopes that it will help with the picking. I have been spending hours a day picking my scalp and face for years where I constantly have wounds and my face is covered in permanent scars. I am always struggling with the feeling of trying and failing as well. I'm glad I don't have to feel like the crazy one either. I guess we are less alone than we think. It's awesome that you are planning on getting help because it makes the situation feel less hopless and out of your control . . . at least for me. However it's definitely not a cure to stop picking like Colleen said. It's denfinetley a relief reading your comment and being able to relate to many parts of your story. So thank you and I hope that we can both find motivation to keep trying and trying till we succeed
@@racheldursteler1783 I've never related to something more then this. I'm glad you found some sort of comfort in my comment! I still haven't been diagnosed, but I have been diagnosed with EXTREME anxiety and OCD tendencies. And those two conditions combined makes since of the picking! I have a salon manicure on right now and I've noticed it really helps with the picking because for one, I'm not able to bite my natural nails without ruining the manicure and the edges of the nails simply aren't sharp enough to lift up scabs!
This is what courage looks like.
4 minutes in and im balling my eyes out because ive suffered from Trichotillomania since i was 10 and all the satisfaction followed by depression is something ive felt almost all my life. it sucks!
Big Hugs
Sending you love and strength.
I also have suffered from trich for years! I know the exact feeling. It almost feels like necessary to pull but as soon as you’re done you are so embarrassed and upset. You’re not alone❤️
I just want yall to know. I love this woman right here. Colleen Mae Ballinger, she saved my mental health by just being herself throughout this quarantine. I am so grateful to have Colleen as a role model. AND SHE IS AN AMAZING PARENT AND ERIK TOO
The emotions you showed in this video are exactly why I have such a hard time with this disease. I cried with you all the while keeping my head up high because you were being strong for the rest of us. Thank you for being vulnerable and letting us out there feel that we aren’t an embarrassment… that there are others experiencing such confusion when we pick but we aren’t alone!
One of my service dogs tasks was interrupting my compulsive behaviors, including skin picking and hair pulling
I'm curious to know, how did it interrupt?
Im curious too!
I didn’t even know a service dog could do that!! How amazing!
I was going to mention this too. My sister was working on getting one for hers.
They are trained to look for key factors.. like someone moving there hand towards there hair in a certain way. Or pick up on the key emotions effecting you personally. Its a long process for the person and animal. But it is fully possible and really does wonders.
the amount of people you’ve already helped just in these comments is remarkable. my heart is with everyone who is working to recover from this. un dia a la vez
I have had this disorder for around 15 years, since I was 13. I’ve never met anyone else with it and I find it so frustrating that I can’t control it. Thank you for posting this.
There is an organization called TLC for BFRB look it up! they have support groups for people of all ages with BFRBS it has helped me so much because it helps me feel less alone
@@paula9887 thanks so much, I’ll check it out!
I have it too
I used to pull my hair and now I pick my skin on my face and my arms and legs and everywhere... My face has been a wreck for years. I can't go in front of a mirror without fighting the urge/just doing it ... I didn't realize there was a term for it.
@@paula9887 I'm going to check this out, thanks for sharing
Trying to build up the courage to finally show this video to my mom. I've been struggling with the symptoms of dermatillomania for at least 6 years now but, if I remember correctly, this video was the first time I became aware that it was an actual condition. I haven't been to the doctors yet, mainly out of fear and embarrassment, but a year later I think I'm ready to finally be honest about it and so I'm hoping my mom will watch and try her best to understand because sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in this and no one can see it. thank you for sharing this video - in the year since even though I have not been diagnosed I feel a shred of light after my episodes, during the shame spiral, where I remember that I am not the only one who struggles immensely with skin picking and there is potential treatment out there. we are not weak, and we are not alone. thank you colleen.
Same but i had this for 10 years ☹️
Same, i’ve had it for 13 years and I showed this video to my mum but i’m still too ashamed to get professional help ):
I'm going to share this with my mom too!
I have trichotillomania and honestly hearing you talk about the obsession with it and that inability to stop is so comforting. Neve met anyone with any BFRB so thank you
same! it made me feel good that i’m not the only one who can’t stop
I have trichotillomania too, on and off for about 16 years now. It's really difficult to stop.
I had trichotillomania for 3 years, I only overcame it by doing behavior modification, bc I pulled out so much hair I was bald on top and had to hide it with other hair, barrettes/clips, so I came up with a plan to cut my nails so short I can’t pick out the roots of my hair, let it grow in, see the progress and reward myself daily with positive self talk. I had to tell my mother to hold myself accountable and when I found out there was a name for this disease, then I was able to work on it. I hope you can overcome it, I was scared I could not.
Sending you ❤️ 🤗
My boyfriends little sister has trichotillomania as well and she has the worst anxiety out of anyone i know and picks her eyelashes so much they will be gone for weeks and her eyes will swell. She picked basically all of her hair out and they had to shave the rest for it to grow back normal. It’s the absolute worst to watch someone go through that especially so young, i can’t imagine the pain of dermatillomania.
I literally had no idea this was a disorder until now. I always thought I was so gross for doing it and never understood why it was so hard to stop
I feel the same, never heard of this disorder in italy. Is so sad when people tells you: "please stop it", but you can't...so frustrating :'(
Same
I have trichotillomania, It's disordered hair pulling/picking, and nobody thinks it real, so thank you for this, for spreading awareness.
Same. It's not so different from dermatillomania, in the sense that they're both strongly associated with OCD and anxiety and also are both BFRBs (body-focused repetitive behaviours). That said, her as an online personality with a large platform openly discussing her struggle with dermatillomania will likely help many people struggling with both conditions - not just dermatillomania. Being such common disorders, you'd think they'd be discussed more often and would be more openly accepted by sufferers and non-sufferers alike, however it seems things won't be that way for quite some time sadly... Regardless, I hope she knows that in making this video she's helping many people realize that they're not alone in their battle, (knowledge I wish I'd had when I was younger) as well as making people aware of their existence and, as a result of her large platform, making both conditions (dermatillomania admittedly a bit moreso than trichotillomania, but they as disorders are strongly tied together) more widely accepted, even if it's just by a little bit.
Me too!!!
Me too! Ive had it since i was maybe 9 or 10, im 20 almost 21 now. I stopped for about a year out of that, so almost, to a full decade. I have adhd and was diagnosed at the age of 8. Its hard to stop, but i know im not alone, i have not many people to talk about it but i do have people that will listen.
I picked my scalp as an adolescent when I was watching tv/zoning out/bored, have always bit the skin around my finger nails, bite my nails, pick pimples to the point of bleeding and scarring and lose track of time when doing it. It’s SO HARD TO STOP. I’ve been picking my scalp so hard lately that my scalp burns in the shower from the hot water; I haven’t ever been there before. Thanks for talking about this and being open-you’re not alone in this!
Hi I just wanted to reach and hope that you are doing okay. I have been having a bad time with my scalp picking and it has been really hard to try and stop. My partner is putting a scalp treatment on every night but it burns so much every time, I cry and bite t
a pillow, but it still feels itchy afterwards. Hoping this was something I will forget about for a while. Also, I find running it under cold water helps when there's burning etc.
The burning of your scalp in the shower is the worst after you have been picking your scalp for hours! I have been struggling with the scalp picking recently too which is strangle because my main problem is picking my face.
@Rachel Dursteler me too actually. i have been picking at my face for probably 10 years now . more recently in the past year or half a year, ive been scratching at my scalp and it gets so bad that it burns in the shower. i wonder why we picked up the 2nd habit more recently. i thought it was my way to divert my energy away from skin picking, but now i just have 2 main problem areas :^(
For anyone reading this and struggling with the condition - the most important thing is to forgive yourself every single time, do not blame yourself ever. Imagine you are your own best friend - would you be so hard on them? Take all the help you can get from people around you. You will overcome this. Love and blessings
This has actually helped me deal with the guilt and shame. ❤️
The thing is one moment im gonna be like "ok i will stop doing it i will wear beanies to stop touching my scalp and cover my wounds etc.. And the next day i already ripped off my scabs. Its like i cant stop myself since my adhd is so intense i get distracted and even my meds arent good enough to help me
@@makemecry6604 me too… I get so mad at myself for picking and I cover up my wounds with gauze and clothing and then THE NEXT DAY I’ve torn it apart without even really realizing sometimes. It’s so heartbreaking.
I’m 51 and no, you’re not alone. Read these comments. You are so loved. So much growth and health and happiness are wished for you on this journey.
ok I'm 4 minutes in and not normally that emotional but I am in tears because I feel for once not alone. Thank you.
🥺🥺🥺
i missed this video when it was first posted i guess...but i saw someone else talking about this disorder and ive always known it had to be something bc other ppl dont just pick at skin like me...i was finally able able to talk to my therapist about the skin picking and the trigatillomania and we're trying to find my main "triggers" and im working so hard to stop...this is the most embarrassing thing about me, ive picked at the bottom of my feet until i cant even WALK lmao.
this, hair pulling, and SH have effected my life so much and knowing im not alone makes me feel so much better
Seriously same- I was in tears bc I’ve been trying to figure out what’s wrong with me for so long
I don't even know when I started picking. I literally type and pick at the same time right now. Thank you so much for making this video and helping me realise i am not weak and that I have an disorder. I had people tell me to stop because it pisses them off, but I just hid my fingers under a scarf and went on because i could not just stop. When you said it's not a pretty disorder i felt that to soul, people will be more supportive to those with anxiety or depression but shake heads when i have my fingers covered with blood saying i should just patch up all my fingers, as if I had not tried it many times. You are not alone! Be strong, we will fight this together.
As a person who struggles with this I find chunky long acrylic nails has helped me so so much. I have a lot of bruises now but much less skin breakage!!!
Yes!! This has helped me immensely! I wish health insurance covered acrylics lol
@@courtneyborges9408 same!!!!! My dermatologist was actually the person who recommended that I get them
That is the only thing that has ever helped me!! I second this.
Thank you! I didn't know
Yes! I did this too! I eventually switch to trying to grow out my nails and paint them and thats helped too, and it is cheaper 😅
As someone who has never been informed on this disorder, I do not feel any judgement towards you. Not a single ounce. Thank you so much for bringing light to this, mental health stigmas need to be broken. Stay strong my love ❤️ praying for guidance and strength
Hello my friend!🍒🍒
Unfortunately, my mother has cancer and I have to take care of her because my parents are divorced and I cannot work to take care of my mother.🍀
Would you like to join us and help me give my mother and sister a better life?
I will produce great content soon when we leave from the hospital.🐿🐿🐿
crying throughout all of this. my acne scars and my fingers are my biggest insecurity, and i’m so embarrassed of it. it feels nice to know i’m not alone.
Same but also with my teeth
i am a dancer, ive been for most of my life. a little story here, i was in class and i didnt notice i was picking at the time, and my teacher said, "stop picking at your fingers" in the middle of her sentence infront of the WHOLE CLASS. later in the class i asked to go to the bathroom. she said yes, so i was in the bathroom for an hour picking at my skin until there was blood all over the floor. my friend that i opened up to about this came and knocked on the door to see if i was okay, and i started crying so hard when i unlocked the door for her to come in. i felt super embarrassed, but i also knew that she cared. thank you colleen, thanks for opening up about this. i told my parents a while ago, because i noticed i had this problem after watching this video the first time and i thought, "i need to get help, this might be a problem" and my parents will not care at all. so i will rewatch this video a lot to help me in this time.
This is why i love Colleen. She opens up about stuff most people dont. She opens up about her mental health. Some people dont have enough courage to open up
Colleen as someone who has dermatillomania, thank you for this video. I know from experience that it is not easy to talk about it but just know that you are not alone. 💕
I have trichotillomania and this helped me too
Her talking about this has brought me out of the shadows of my own shame about this. I have suffered in silence and shame with this for YEARS.
you are not alone!❤️
Sending love
❤️
I’ve always picked my fingers and been embarrassed of them. I can’t stop and didn’t know this disorder existed. Now I’m thinking I have this. Thanks for talking about this.
Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. My sister always watches your videos and she noticed that my picking was getting worse. She is so supportive and doesnt make me feel ashamed and she told me bout this video and I am beyond grateful ❤
To hear that someone else not only is going through the same thing but feels the way I do about it, makes me feel sane and kinda at ease.
I love how open Colleen is about her disorder, her life, her concerns, her insecurities. I think it helps a lot of people who deal with the same issues. Especially knowing that we aren't overly sensitive or dramatic for feeling a certain way :)
The screaming inside your head to stop when you can't is so devastating, you described it so well. Thankyou for talking about this.
I never knew why I did what I did. My fingers hurt so bad right now because I can’t stop and I never knew why I did this to myself. Let alone it was an actual disorder. Thank you for bringing light to this disorder Colleen💕
I hope you feel better soon 🥺🤞
Same! I always just thought it was a weird thing I did!
I can't imagine how difficult this was to post. I have struggled with skin picking on my fingers for as long as I can remember and I share your feelings of shame and guilt. It is so difficult to hide the calluses, scabs, and broken skin to prevent others from seeing and questioning it. It's a comfort tool that I have had no luck in giving up fully, and I can't image myself ever dealing with anxiety without it. THANK YOU so much for allowing yourself to be so vulnerable in this video, and KNOW that you are not alone. You have a whole team of people suffering from dermatillomania who understand and are here to support you. ❤
As someone who struggles with trichotillomania, thank you so much for speaking out about our rare disorders. It feels so comforting knowing a youtuber who I grew up watching and loving is dealing with similar struggles as me. Especially when this disorder has made me feel so alone and isolated from the world. I love you Colleen
I struggle with tric too, my self esteem went completely down, I pull out my hair. How am I supposed to feel pretty with a huge bald spot on the top of my head
Now I also have trichotillomania however i pull out my eyelashes...
I have trichotillomania and dermatillomania. It is so hard to deal with on a daily basis. It’s so embarrassing when people notice a bald spot or spots on my arms that I’ve picked. Genuinely thank you for speaking out about this. I’ve avoided getting help this far because I’ve felt so much shame. This has inspired me to seek out the help that I desperately need.
I hope u get that help and find some comfort in it!!! pls take care and stay safe.
Oh goodness, I can’t imagine suffering from both ends of this Disorder Spectrum, please stay safe and healthy, you’re so so darn strong!
I also suffered from trichotillomania and I know how it feels to struggle on a daily basis with something so debilitating. I’m sending thoughts and prayers you and Colleen’s way.
As someone who has trichotillomania i feel so relieved that this is starting to be talked about and normalized. Not only that but someone like you, a person who I looked up to most of my life, can relate to me. Thank you so much for talking about this. I'm so grateful for people like you.
I have a bad case of trichomoniasis. I always felt diffrent and usual for having it and knowing nobody else IRL who has it. But when I go online I find so many people with it and I feel like I fit in !! I have had it since I was 4 and I'm now twelve with only my family and a couple friends who know about it. I'm scared to open up about it and don't know what people will think of me after it gets revealed. I have been wearing hair cover up powder, beanies, bandanas to school year after year and sometimes unfortunately people pill them off not knowing my scaredness and I run straight to the nurses office crying. I have patches of baldness all over my head from where I pick. I pick any hair around my body but mostly the hairs on my head. But now that I find people like you guys who open up about it I feel like I have enough strength to open up about it next year at school. But I would love to know more about your guy's cases and how you handle with it !!! Love you hear from you guys again !!!
@@openminded5698 sure does
i also have trichotillomania, so i know how you feel. it needs to be something that people don’t comment badly on.
@@openminded5698 same
For those of you who are on Facebook, there are a few different support groups for trich (I'm a member in a couple of them) we need to start talking about it more and help each other through our episodes. Thanks and take care of yourselves 🤗
Dude. I needed this. You are a hero. There are literally millions of us.
Colleen, as someone who has struggled with dermatillomania since I was a young teen, seeing a big-name account talking about it and sharing their experience means a lot. One day I hope to get to a point where I don’t pick and where I’m not ashamed of the scars I’ve left on myself because of this disorder. But until then I keep my nails short and keep trying to stimulate my brain in other ways.
We can do this 💜💪
You got this love!
i’ve struggled with dermatillomania for most of my life, and I only just found out about it last year when I turned 18. having language to describe and explain what you experience is SO powerful and can go a long way to make you feel less alone. in my experiences, it can be a very shame inducing thing to live with. sometimes i have to remind myself that it is a part of my mental illness and it is no more my fault than my adhd, depression, anxiety, or ocd is. thank you for opening up about this and educating others 💗
*content warning: details of my experience w dermatillomania*
after watching the rest of the video, I wanted to share a little of my experience as well. the picking first started on my face because of acne, but because of bullying, it gradually shifted to parts of my body that are easier to hide, such as my chest and back. I relate so much to what colleen said about feeling an almost comfort from it. it’s like when I have my phone flash light on and i’m picking, nothing in the world can bother me. I am completely focused on the task at hand and it’s almost like autopilot. then there’s the short lived satisfaction/feeling of accomplishment that quickly ends for me as soon as I sit up and turn my flashlight off. i often will pick for hours at a time without even realizing it. it’s been so severe in the past that I actually injured my finger from continually making a pinching movement. my whole body (especially my neck/back/hands) usually aches after because i’ve been sitting in the same position for hours at a time. the amount of shame I feel afterwards is unparalleled, knowing that I just spent 3 hours tearing my skin apart and all I have to show for it is an injured body. it’s especially hard in the summer w swimsuits, tank tops, etc...
I think this video is such a great start towards de-stigmatizing skin picking
I think the problem is psicologists dont know enough about it and mabe there's not a lot of research done on how to help people who suffers from those disorders. It's the kind of stuff you cant understand unless you've been through it. I send you lots of love and encourage you to get together with people who you have that in común to raise awarenes and support each other.
I got diagnosed with OCD a few months ago, and Colleen, I know EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN. I wanna cry right now, it felt like you were talking directly to me. I don’t pick at my skin, but when I get stuck doing a compulsion, I can stand there for hours just doing it over and over. People ask what I’m doing and I just say that I’m trying to fix something, when I’m reality I have OCD.
OMG I literally cannot even explain to you how much it means to me that you, a very famous and beautiful and successful person, are openly talking about this because I have struggled for YEARS and I'm absolutely embarrassed in the same way you are. I'm crying so much right now because I've never in my life seen a public figure say they struggle with this and I'm so happy and relieved to know I'm not as alone as I feel. Like I KNOW other people struggle but its still SO RARE and nobody understands and you have just explained everything so well. THANK YOU. You have made me feel so much better just from sharing your story, and I am also searching for answers as I have been for over a decade now. You are so brave for sharing this because I know how hard it is for me to talk about, it is easily the thing I am most guarded about and even as a very open person it is so difficult for me to open up about. I just want you to know how much the things you say resonated with me and I'm sure many others. Again, thank you Colleen. You have touched me very deeply today.
Also, I just got to the point in the video where you said somebody chastised you for saying you feel gross, and let me just say that anybody who would criticize you for saying that clearly has no personal struggle with it because although everybody feels differently and experiences the illness differently, EVERYONE who struggles with it feels some sort of remorse/regret/shame after picking so the "gross" feeling is literally part of the illness. Keep sharing your own truth
Never experienced this disorder, but I am willing to bet anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder, any type of addiction, etc., would TOTALLY get the feeling of wanting to be able to stop but that just being impossible...no matter how "crazy" or illogical it seems to those on the outside - I know I feel ya. You're understood and loved.
100% agree. Most people have had something or other no matter how severe but they can at least related to the wanting to stop but can't.
People love supporting mental health issues until the "gross" stuff. Oh you support my depression and anxiety and cptsd, but can't understand why I haven't been able to shower or do the dishes this week.
They call us gross they just want us to be a idealist version of the tortured soul.
No we're humans and suffering.
Well said
Yep ♡
EXACTLY
This!!!
Exactly
I suffer from rhinotillexomania, which is nose picking. It's so embarrassing. No one ever talks about it, even in the BFRB community that one is never discussed! Thanks for bringing awareness to these groups of disorders. I wish I was brave like you to come forward with my disorder but it is so embarrassing I don't think I ever will be able to.
Same
I’ve struggled with this for years and haven’t really found relief. I recently got acrylic nails for the first time and was unable to pick my skin. It hasn’t resolved my problem, but it has helped!
I'm a psychologist. You did a good job with this, Colleen. Thank you for sharing.
This video is making me take my 6 year old to the pediatrician. I can’t control her picking. I didn’t know it was a disorder.
Sending you and your little one lots of love ❤ I hope everything goes well and you get answers as well as a treatment plan!
Thank you for doing that, I wish my parents had done that for me. Sending lots of love to you and your little girl.
I have 2 family members who suffered with this in childhood. She’s not alone. You are a wonderful mom for getting her help 💜
hey I started piking my lips around 4 always have extreamly until I bleed and have deep cuts it gets worse when im upset its worse as I got older I started picking at my fingers until I bleed I can't help it I have horrible anxiety never got real help can never find a good therapist
@@marybranch5102 I really hope you find a therapist 🤍🤍🤍
My friend has this and her husband of 15 years divorced her. He got custody of the kids because he used this against her. She said she regretted letting him know, because he used it against her. She's doing better now but I think its so wrong to use disorders against people. It doesn't stop you from being a good parent. It's so disrespectful to the person suffering
But how would this disorder affect parenting? That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't make you aggresive or you're not putting in danger others by havinh this disorder
@@vainetuxx That’s what I’m wondering. It’s one of my many disorders, but it doesn’t even break the top 5 that affect my functioning.
I searched dermatillomania on TH-cam just hoping for some help, and when I saw COLLEEN BALLINGER are you kidding. I related to almost all of this!! I have ADHD and struggle with skin picking and hair pulling of the scalp. It’s so bad I have a huge bald spot and visible scabs and blood spots all over my head. I am extremely embarrassed and started wearing wide headbands/scarves to hide my scalp. I’m completely at a loss for how to stop, but this was super comforting and encouraging coming from someone I have watched since I was a teenager 💛 Thank you for sharing Colleen
I was/am literally sitting here digging into the skin under my chin with a tissue in hand to soak up the blood I'm causing... THANK YOU COLLEEN! YOU ARE NOT ALONE and talking about this helps. I just put away my mirror and tweezers. *deep breath*
Are you okay?
@@mrsteralee thank you :) yes, but I have "mild" trichto and dermo and I have my moments where it gets bad but I have it waaay more under control trol than I used to.
It's really important to have people open up and talk about it like here, but it can be so hard! I am so proud of Colleen and because of her video I've been opening up to more people about my struggle :)
@@clarabellen I’m glad you are reaching out for help, that’s awesome❤️
Who would judge someone for having a disorder that they can't exactly control? she's incredibly strong for going through this yet alone posting a video for all the world to see.
Hopefully therapy will help her. I cannot imaging the pain of all the things she has to live with.
I’m only 18 and I have struggled with this for 8 years of my life. It’s been horrible, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I appreciate you so much Colleen. 💛
I’ve had it my whole life too. I feel your pain 😩
i am 13 and since I could remember I have never had perfect fingers because they were always full of scabs and they were never ever fully healed it's so hard for me to even go to school without having my hands behind my back
Same, have had this for 8 years now...
I’m 19 and have it too, you are not alone
Same. I've been doing it since I was 9 but now it's gotten to the point where I have to message my dad's feet I will start picking at his flakes until he starts bleeding and it's very satisfying for me but I do get embarrassed by it 😭I've even tried to put band aids around my thumbs cause that's where I do it the most but it doesn't help. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one♥️
Girl I have trich and it’s bad. I have bald spots and my hair is so thin and I’m only 30. I feel you. It’s beyond frustrating. Warm hugs. 💛
My face has such bad scarring from this. I also destroyed the inside of my nose from a young-ish age. Nothing has helped. I have bought the necklaces and bracelets that you chew on to try and help some. It lasted a couple of days. I am so glad you chose to share this. It is insanely inspiring and brave. I also have ADHD, and chronic anxiety.
Hey, hun. Healing is possible. Don't give up. :) Necklaces and bracelets help, but they don't get the job done alone.
how did you destroy your nose?
@@lpoco0006 FYI, compulsive nose picking is called "rhinotillexomania."
Hey, I have really bad skin picking too (also OCD). I found putting sudo creme on any blemishes really helps - I find if I cant see them, im less likely to pick. It also helps to heal any fresh wounds. Sending lots of love x
Have you tried anti - depressants?
Oh I wish I could give you a hug 😪 I am so sorry you’re struggling so much with this and I’m sending a crazy amount of love to you xx
Same I wish I could just hug her
Hahahha
Same here 💕
Same. Xoxo Colleen
Me too I wish I could jump out of the screen and give her a hug to tell her it’s ok 🤧
It’s so comforting to see the lows of mental struggles and disorders. No one talks about the lows. Colleen is a true warrior and a strong empowered woman. She’s gonna do amazing work for normalizing taboo topics. We love you and support you Colleen!
I have a question to anyone going through this disorder... is rubbing the skin part of this disorder? Asking for myself... 🙂🙃
Thank you for sharing your story with the world. I have suffered with dermatillomania for 17 years. It has been the biggest struggle, gift, and lesson in my life. The deep work you are doing to heal your body, mind, and spirit is inspiring, and I am grateful to be on a similar journey myself. Sending love and support your way 💛