If you're in a relationship and your partner is doing things that you don't want to participate in, act like an adult and let him do his thing. Sabotage is a deal breaker; there is no way to regain trust once lost.
It's not so much that the guy was doing things she didn't want to do. It's that he was doing those things INSTEAD of the things THEY USED to do TOGETHER.
"I'm Changing to be a Better Me". "THAT'S THE SAME THING AS WANTING TO BE BETTER THAN ME". That's some SERIOUS Mental Problems talking out loud right there. Especially when he's TRYING to get her to JOIN him.
It happens - a lot. First gym I ever went into, the manager warned me about it. How he had seen so many marriages and relationships split by one person getting fit and the other not. My own wife and I split for a year separation over it. She admitted later she was jealous of me - but also how society treated her. Something this story doesn't show is what she has to see and live through with other women. Just how vicious and ugly other women are toward her. What women said to me right in her presence. One of her friends telling her to divorce me, how different I was, knowing full well that I was physically VERY much her type and how she was just plotting. One of my co-workers fiance's wanting to sleep with me as her last fling before marriage. We would be shopping for her, shit that I have no clue about like make up or a bra or something, and clerks would talk to me as if she did not exist. Hitting on me constantly, and I mean constantly, everywhere. Giving me discounts just to come on to me. They would ask if she was my mother, while smiling that weirdly vicious female smile. A bachelorette party group at a restaurant who asked me to come strip for them since I looked better than the stripper they hired. How so many women believe my body is theirs for the groping. And to her, my way of thanking them for the compliment but politely shutting it down was me accepting their proposition. I would tell her immediately about the things like the propositions because I wanted to be honest and to show I was not accepting any of it, that I was not hiding it. She saw me telling her as flaunting. She had to learn that I really, truly didn't care about them. That i knew the only reason they were doing that at all was just what I look like - and how hollow it was. It can be intoxicating for a bit how society treats you as the fit guy, the muscular guy - that it takes some time for you to see for what it is. It takes time for it to even register to us - the blatant things, like charging me less than a posted price while her paying they would not do so. How places would allow us to cut cues or such, but only if I was with her. The more suble stuff - the turned heads, the hidden glances. Those take a lot longer to notice. He had to learn to deal with the new way society treats him. And she had to learn that coming along on his journey means her supporting him and appreciating his work, even if she chooses not to do it herself. Most relationships can't survive that kind of dynamic.
Honestly, if I was Dating someone who Got into the Gym I think I'd Join them. I've never been to one but assume it's Intimidating the first time. It could be a Bonding AND Growing experience. WHAT YOU GOT TO LOSE...😆, well....
Taking your own health, fitness seriously is a constant job and is great, She tried numerous times to totally sabotage him and he saw it, he should have left sooner. She could have very easily joined him in his journey yet refused to, gaining weight weekly. You sacrificed the relationship not him by not encouraging him, actually joining him and getting fit right along with him AND you could have spent ALOT of time WITH HIM.
Coreection: Men don't INTEND to go to the gym to become thirst traps. Just like most women don't INTEND to go sleep with random people they meet at a bar during a Bachelorette party. But INTENT is not the same as RESULT.
"Not from vanity, but from pride." Uhh...Sir? Those are BOTH Deadly Sins. It's not like one is better than the other - even if the pride comes from a "good place."
I know many men with thick women who people say are fat and these dudes are muscle bound always at the gym and never wondered with some being married to the woman for many years.
Yes. He outgrew her controlling need to keep him in the role and image she was comfortable with. She was intimidated by his personal improvement. It was something she’s saw as a challenge to her identity and her position in his life. By her words: If he was discontent with himself and felt the need to change, then by extension he was discontent with his life-and eventually her. She wanted the marshmallow that didn’t make her challenge her own self-worth. The new focused goal-driven version of him she didn’t know how to deal with. Her sabotage and detonation of their relationship was another final form of control: ending things on her terms rather than risk him possibly ending things in a future she had no control over.
@JB-bb4su The relationship was already over for all intents and purposes by that point. Yes, her insecurities contributed to the breakdown, but in reality they just sped up the inevitable. The bedrock of romantic relationships is what you do together, yes, there absolutely can and should be things you do separately, but there absolutely needs to be things you do together. HE stopped doing all the things they did together, that was the beginning of the end of their relationship. The only viable way their relationship could have continued was for one of them to change for the other, you're placing the blame on her for not changing for him, but by that logic he's just as much to blame for not changing for her.
@@jakeand9020 Not blaming her for not changing with him. Blaming her for detonating the relationship unnecessarily because of her insecurities. He didn't "abandon all the things they did together". Yes, he did focus on getting into shape and getting healthy. But I highly doubt the entirety of their "relationship bonding" was a mutual enjoyment of junk-food. She made the active decision to not support him in his goals to get healthy. And that is entirely on her. I have a brother who does the controlled diet/gym thing. His wife is not interested in that at all, but she isn't threatened by his dedication to it. She accommodates his diet, works with his gym schedule, and doesn't imply he makes her feel bad by being in better shape than she is. You don't have to be a fitness nut to be supportive of a partner who is wanting to better themselves.
If you're in a relationship and your partner is doing things that you don't want to participate in, act like an adult and let him do his thing. Sabotage is a deal breaker; there is no way to regain trust once lost.
It's not so much that the guy was doing things she didn't want to do. It's that he was doing those things INSTEAD of the things THEY USED to do TOGETHER.
"I'm Changing to be a Better Me".
"THAT'S THE SAME THING AS WANTING TO BE BETTER THAN ME".
That's some SERIOUS Mental Problems talking out loud right there. Especially when he's TRYING to get her to JOIN him.
Funny thing is if you switched the people in this, she’d be demanding he accept her sleeping around.
It happens - a lot. First gym I ever went into, the manager warned me about it. How he had seen so many marriages and relationships split by one person getting fit and the other not. My own wife and I split for a year separation over it. She admitted later she was jealous of me - but also how society treated her.
Something this story doesn't show is what she has to see and live through with other women. Just how vicious and ugly other women are toward her. What women said to me right in her presence. One of her friends telling her to divorce me, how different I was, knowing full well that I was physically VERY much her type and how she was just plotting. One of my co-workers fiance's wanting to sleep with me as her last fling before marriage. We would be shopping for her, shit that I have no clue about like make up or a bra or something, and clerks would talk to me as if she did not exist. Hitting on me constantly, and I mean constantly, everywhere. Giving me discounts just to come on to me. They would ask if she was my mother, while smiling that weirdly vicious female smile. A bachelorette party group at a restaurant who asked me to come strip for them since I looked better than the stripper they hired. How so many women believe my body is theirs for the groping. And to her, my way of thanking them for the compliment but politely shutting it down was me accepting their proposition. I would tell her immediately about the things like the propositions because I wanted to be honest and to show I was not accepting any of it, that I was not hiding it. She saw me telling her as flaunting. She had to learn that I really, truly didn't care about them. That i knew the only reason they were doing that at all was just what I look like - and how hollow it was.
It can be intoxicating for a bit how society treats you as the fit guy, the muscular guy - that it takes some time for you to see for what it is. It takes time for it to even register to us - the blatant things, like charging me less than a posted price while her paying they would not do so. How places would allow us to cut cues or such, but only if I was with her. The more suble stuff - the turned heads, the hidden glances. Those take a lot longer to notice.
He had to learn to deal with the new way society treats him. And she had to learn that coming along on his journey means her supporting him and appreciating his work, even if she chooses not to do it herself. Most relationships can't survive that kind of dynamic.
I've seen this play out in real life. A co-worker's husband left her after she lost 65 pounds. He was convinced she would cheat if she was trim.
I wonder why?? Maybe because women and stories of women doing th8s exact thing is everywhere 😅
Honestly, if I was Dating someone who Got into the Gym I think I'd Join them. I've never been to one but assume it's Intimidating the first time. It could be a Bonding AND Growing experience. WHAT YOU GOT TO LOSE...😆, well....
Taking your own health, fitness seriously is a constant job and is great, She tried numerous times to totally sabotage him and he saw it, he should have left sooner. She could have very easily joined him in his journey yet refused to, gaining weight weekly. You sacrificed the relationship not him by not encouraging him, actually joining him and getting fit right along with him AND you could have spent ALOT of time WITH HIM.
Go to the gym with him and work out with him
To all the woman. Men go to the gym to improve and get in shape. Not to hook up and post thirst traps like some other people.
Coreection: Men don't INTEND to go to the gym to become thirst traps. Just like most women don't INTEND to go sleep with random people they meet at a bar during a Bachelorette party. But INTENT is not the same as RESULT.
"Not from vanity, but from pride."
Uhh...Sir? Those are BOTH Deadly Sins. It's not like one is better than the other - even if the pride comes from a "good place."
This is all on her for acting like a jealous lunatic.
She could have been more supportive. He could have spent more time with her. The gym became his priority, not the relationship.
There are at home workouts and groups fitness things she could’ve done
I know many men with thick women who people say are fat and these dudes are muscle bound always at the gym and never wondered with some being married to the woman for many years.
Dan is so lucky that he didn’t marry Laura and now he can move onto a positive life while Laura can lay her life in misery
There is no "bad guy" in this story, just two people that grew apart. It happens.
Yes. He outgrew her controlling need to keep him in the role and image she was comfortable with.
She was intimidated by his personal improvement. It was something she’s saw as a challenge to her identity and her position in his life.
By her words: If he was discontent with himself and felt the need to change, then by extension he was discontent with his life-and eventually her. She wanted the marshmallow that didn’t make her challenge her own self-worth. The new focused goal-driven version of him she didn’t know how to deal with.
Her sabotage and detonation of their relationship was another final form of control: ending things on her terms rather than risk him possibly ending things in a future she had no control over.
@JB-bb4su The relationship was already over for all intents and purposes by that point. Yes, her insecurities contributed to the breakdown, but in reality they just sped up the inevitable. The bedrock of romantic relationships is what you do together, yes, there absolutely can and should be things you do separately, but there absolutely needs to be things you do together. HE stopped doing all the things they did together, that was the beginning of the end of their relationship. The only viable way their relationship could have continued was for one of them to change for the other, you're placing the blame on her for not changing for him, but by that logic he's just as much to blame for not changing for her.
@@jakeand9020 Not blaming her for not changing with him. Blaming her for detonating the relationship unnecessarily because of her insecurities.
He didn't "abandon all the things they did together". Yes, he did focus on getting into shape and getting healthy. But I highly doubt the entirety of their "relationship bonding" was a mutual enjoyment of junk-food.
She made the active decision to not support him in his goals to get healthy. And that is entirely on her.
I have a brother who does the controlled diet/gym thing. His wife is not interested in that at all, but she isn't threatened by his dedication to it. She accommodates his diet, works with his gym schedule, and doesn't imply he makes her feel bad by being in better shape than she is.
You don't have to be a fitness nut to be supportive of a partner who is wanting to better themselves.
Her message: Either you stop improving or we're done!
No bad guys? You are DELULU
She is the bad guy .. no one should be jealous of their partner are belittling them