This reminds me of the segment you had on self-deprecating humor. I think you pointing out that this type of humor can make others uncomfortable and can act as a defense mechanism is helpful. As much as it seems silly at first, "self-talk" that is taught during cognitive behavioral therapy is effective. It certainly helped me.
Talking to yourself is normal and natural. Destructive thoughts are nothing but your critical parents saying they’re disappointed in who you really are (your inner child) because of everything you’ve internalized as “good” over the years runs counter to who you are/desire to be. Basically you bully yourself for not fitting into “the mold” that is sold to you as good and normal. One of the only ways to stop these thoughts are to literally tell them to “fuck off, you don’t need to control me.” We get so into the habit of belittling ourselves that we don’t even realize there is another way of being that doesn’t involve bullying yourself daily. Sometimes the most important thing is recognizing that that voice that’s bullying you isn’t you and it isn’t who you want to be. So you just reject it. You say, “no, absolutely not. I will not let this voice, this collection of everything negative I’ve ever heard, control me. I have voices that love me, have loved me, and one of them is going to be mine. I’m tired of hating myself. I love you. You are amazing” Manifesting may be some cookie spiritual shit, but repeating audibly “I am awesome. I am loved” crates new channels in the brain that can overwrite those negative ones with enough time and diligence in truly believing you are good and loved and just enough as you are right now. Even if you go backwards you are enough. Only once you accept that can you move forward authentically. Peace and love. You’ve got this. Loving yourself takes time, but it’s well worth the effort and the journey.
@@sleepyhead8681 I don’t mind self deprecating humor if it’s every once in a while, but I’ve had friends where their entire brand is “ha ha look how awful I am. Aren’t I just the worst? I bet people wished I was gone, I know I do.” And it’s just… so clear these are just their inner thoughts and they haven’t figured out that repeating them without addressing them is just further engraining those destructive thoughts into the brain. Destructive thoughts are habitual thoughts that haven’t been pushed back against either by you or by a loved one. So push back. You do it, I know you can. Say no. Tell that voice to take a hike because I’d never let others treat me how I let me treat me. That voice can’t be me because why would I want to hurt myself? Say no to destructive thoughts so they can’t keep coming back. Give them no harbor in your head.
@@RexxyRobin why not get friends you like then? Seems unfair to those friends who think you like them, survival is not a good reason to exploit people.
@@hhsdhhsss1522 In cases like that, they're most likely staying civil because you're in a group setting and they don't want to kill the vibe. Usually when this kind of thing happens, you're not going to be around them one on one very much because they don't want to be around you. There are exceptions for like, school or work, where maybe someone that hates you gets assigned to work with you for some reason, but when we're talking close relationships, then generally you don't have to worry that someone hates you if they keep opting to spend time with you. For that matter, if most of the people in the group have a problem with you, then you're probably not going to keep getting invited to stuff. It's not impossible, but outside of some super niche scenarios it's super unlikely.
I'm a 6'4" non-passing trans girl, undiagnosed autistic until 22, stuck in a bible belt town, just hoping to outlive the American state without seeing too much suffering. Thank you for the positivity Vaush ❤️ hopefully I can move this year and reclaim some non-THC induced endorphins
I live in the Bible Belt, I don’t go to church so finding friends is incredibly hard. I don’t talk about politics but people just constantly come up to me and talk about how much they love Trump, it’s like some kind of sick test to see if they can trust me. Because I never say anything good about trump they have figured out I’m not a republican and literally choose to not be my friend based on that alone. I’m done with the south and the Bible Belt, it’s time to move where there are people like me.
I know it's hard but I know you'll get through this. Lucky we're at a time where medical resources for our mental and physical health is available, albeit sometimes a bit pricey in the US. You know you have a community who loves you that is here for you!
The line about "removing yourself" is so hard but so important. My anti-depressants have literally done that, insofar that they don't kill my depressive thoughts, but it lets me take a step back and recognize when they're happening rather than thinking "this is just how things are".
@@ChillAssTurtle Be careful my friend, I got off my meds with this same pretext and whatever other justification I could come up with at the time and it turned into a decade long black hole. We need you around, think about it.
A few notes from a psychology researcher: - yes chemicals influence behavior, and the opposite is true too. Antidepressants affect the chemicals. Behavioral activation therapy gets you to start doing small activities, and the motivation comes afterward - yes, the concept of "depressive realism" is wrong. During depressive episodes, people engage in cognitive distortions like discounting the positives - Yes community bonds and exercise & body confidence are all positives - I have no comment on any of the other advice as it wasn't explicitly psychology advice.
The whole thing with depressive realism is yes, there is some (emphasis on some) evidence that some (again emphasis) depressed people perceive some (emphasis!) things about themself and the world around them more accurately. The same research also shows that depression distorts your perceptions of pretty much everything else.
@@diydylana3151 They’re both distortions, but I, and many others, would rather live in a positive delusion than in a negative one. If this life was a simulation and the “real world” a dystopian wreck, I would rather live in here than there. (Even if the negative wasn’t a distortion is what I’m saying)
@@diydylana3151 I thought toxic positivity was the way of approaching happiness (getting to happiness) that made it toxic, not the feeling of positivity itself
@@MrHat. In my favorite manga series, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, the concept of "Stands" is intruduced. Basically, it is a personification of an ability you have that reflects your soul.
I really like that Vaush does content like this. There’s this weird association a lot of people have with self help and practical relationship advice with the right. It’s good to have leftist creators like him and Hassan tackle things like this because the reality is, if people don’t feel seen for their issues they’re not even going to care about anything else. Once we can address our own issues and fix them for lack of a better word, we can focus on larger issues that affect others as well. But we’ll be so blind to that until our own issues are dealt with. That’s something a lot of the online left seems to ignore. So it’s great when he and other leftists do this stuff. Love it.
I've felt this as well. I'm in a union, I knock on doors, I organise fundraisers and I'm generally very politically active, but man, my mental health is *bad*. I always harp on about wages, work conditions and full employment, telling others about the potential for power they can have as employees, but I treat myself like shit. I go to work with a masochistic - and toxically masculine - mentality day in and day out. My self-worth is in the shitter, and I didn't realise how much it was poisoning me until it reached a breaking point. You seriously need to take care of yourself. You don't need to prove anything. You're worth it. I say this because I fear you may never say it to yourself.
Mind you, for some people, addressing world issues can sometimes help them address their own (i.e. Thunberg), but that's the thing - different people cope in different ways. And for one thing, even those people need ways to help themselves, albeit at a different stage in their approach, but there are also the people who need to take care of their personal issues first. So it is helpful to do stuff like this. Speaking as a gal who grew up in the 90's, mind you, American Girl was sort of the OG of progressive self-help - really good general advice about various life matters that girls face (and boys for that matter, though the focus was mostly on girls), from life advice to stuff about how bodies work, though of course they are most known for their dolls and their history series which looks at history from a progressive angle (the kind defined as "liberal" in these circles, but still definitely left-wing as opposed to right-wing). I guess in a sense that makes them similar (though not identical) to the leftist creator who also does self-help, though some of the history stuff is soft-pedaled a little bit (albeit nowhere near as much as the right wants) because the soft-pedaling mostly consists of glossing over the difficulties which would have made friendship in battle times harder, and other stuff that makes sense due to the age of the target audience, and the fact that they had to be able to sell to parents who weren't going to pay over $100 for a doll and accessories related to a history which pulled no punches - because since that was a toy company and not a public initiative, they were of course going to sell their stuff (and if they were too overtly socially conscious, they wouldn't have gotten sales aimed at kids in more right-leaning families, any more than the most socially conscious shows on public television ended up being watched by kids in far-right households). And the way I see it, that's one of those things that has their problems, but the good thing about it is it exposed more kids to some of these ideas, with the main drawback being the cost of the dolls and accessories, because if the dolls themselves had been as normally priced as the books were, even if some of the accessories still had to be expensive, they would have had a wider reach (and maybe needed to pull fewer punches for that matter, restricting the punch-pulling to the age-related stuff) and helped even more kids - same if they had explicitly opened a boy-oriented line under a different name, especially in the self-help department. In short, I kind of feel their main drawbacks were missed opportunities - because yes some of the advice is less than perfect, but that's still not a terrible thing, it's still good general advice.
Vaush needs to make more segments on the topic of “consensual conversation.” A lot of ppl are lonely and just want to be heard so the first time they talk to someone who seems even remotely interested they just dump exposition like an unskippable cutscene. Ppl over share with me and it’s both flattering and really uncomfortable.
@@mommybat2941 That emotional labour type deal does suck though, because if you're authentic and set boundaries in that sort of work environment you will probably lose your job. I do find it pretty strange that a completely sober stranger would behave like that, but I guess it's a cultural thing, the way some people feed pigeons.
completely agree. i think vaush touched on a similar topic in his video about how self deprecating humor makes people uncomfortable (i forget what the video was called) but its definitely a topic that could be further explored. i, myself, have been on both sides of the situation you described, and it’s good to be able to be aware of it.
If you are engaging in negative self-talk you need to ask yourself: "How would I talk to a friend about this?" and work it out. "Would I talk like this to a friend" Is a great thought stopping cliche if you just need to shut it down as well.
@@kakyointhemilfhunter4273 i get what you mean but i think op was trying to say don't be harder on yourself than you would be on others. which, although not always easy to do would be an objectively fair way to approach such matters. i understand not all problems are 'equal' and although your friends might not be able to relate they might be able to sympathize, could talking to all/some/one of them make things better? even if only to get it of your chest and/ or have some support?
@@kakyointhemilfhunter4273 Treat it as a hypothetical. If one of your friends had your specific problems, would you talk to them like you talk to yourself?
I've been going back and forth to the doctor lately working on my brain chemistry and this video really hits close to home. I have a terrible combination of anxiety, depression, and possibly ADHD that means I bounce from one existential crisis to the next over and over again every second of the day that I don't occupy doing something to distract me from it. The part about being a part of a community helping is also so true because I realized finally by reaching out that so many of my coworkers are in similar boats and through conversation I've learned to recognize my anxious thoughts much more easily.
I've dealt with anxiety for as long as I remember. Sounds like you are on the right path. I ignored mine for too long. Acknowledging is a huge step forward, especially when you have others going through the same thing.
I'm literally having the same issues. I have bad anxiety and depression, and I'm realizing I also might have ADHD in my late 20s, and I also go from one existential crisis to the next, and some days I'm fine. I'm fortunate enough to have a great support network with my friend group and my wonderful girlfriend. Right now my brain's big kick is gaslighting myself, trying to convince myself that I'm a terrible person and have done horrible things I've never done. A few times I'd get in a depressive rut where I'd just be stuck in a feedback loop but lately I've gotten better at recognizing that feeling or thought and grounding myself, telling myself that that bullshit never happened and I'm doing better than they say. I know me better than that dickhead demon on my shoulder.
Acknowledgement is more than half the battle. Next is to recognize which thoughts are anxious thoughts and work on saying “no” to them. Our brains are habit forming and anxious thoughts are habitual thoughts. We tend towards the same behaviors because it’s “easy,” so breaking that habit is quite difficult. You’ve got this.
I also bounce between one crisis to the next. It's infuriating. Whenever I get over one fear, another just as extreme takes its place. Social anxiety is also a bitch
@@CrimsonOptics I remember the day I heard my internal dialogue say "I hate you". I realized I had been saying it for a long time, multiple times a day. I was going through depression back then. Counteracting the negative thoughts with positive opposite is necessary. Not just saying it but feeling it. I would focus on something I love, so I could counteract with more than just words but love as well. Writing and painting about my depression really helped. I eventually realized it was the feeling of "purpose" that was the best path to freedom. Sounds like you are on the right path. Wishing the best for you.
Yeah. I still remember when an incel came to challenge him on stream, and the debate somehow turned into a therapy session. It’s was weirdly heartwarming. I read in a comment later from someone claiming to know that person that they got real help after that (thou no way to know if it’s true).
The understanding that my depressed brain is lying to me was one of the breakthroughs that let me start to heal. Find alternative (optimistic) explanations, tolerate ambiguity, stop comparing yourself to others.
Yeah, I basically learned to debate my inner depression voice and even if I don't really believe my own alternative explanations, the possibility alone that there CAN be other explanations usually helps a bit.
Honestly a good way to meet people and make friends - mutual aid projects! Yes, for real! Go to a soup kitchen or a "let's clean the park" kinda thing. If you're shy there is 0 expectations there to be social, you have stuff to do, people don't have time to judge you. But also there is usually a bunch of people there, young and old, that you can have a casual chat with. Nothing better that having some old dude tell you about the war or something. And here's a bonus - most of them already share your values AND they are build to be a social space (we don't call ourselves socialist for nothing). And just keep going, talking to people and building a good social safety net. The first time I went to a community garden I kept myself to the side, not talking to anybody. And some girl made a hammer and sickle joke and was like "Yeah, I think I found my place."
Ngl, something like mutual aid, which is a based and anarchist-pilled form of direct action, not only gets you involved in the political space, but also could potentially make you friends and maybe lifelong romantic partners.
Good recommendation! They're usually in need of volunteers and the validation and appreciation from just stepping into a need and helping out is good for your brain.
everything the last few months has felt so, just bleak and hopeless. its been pretty fucking dark in my mind lately. i think i needed to hear this talk tonight. thank you vaush, i appreciate you.
Yeah, kinda same. Don't friggin know where my life will go whatsoever. Never really had any ambitions or things I enjoyed doing, never really cared to quetion it until I'm three years into uni trying to survive till graduation in a field I realized I hate. Helps that I live in a country in an active goddamn conflict and through forced concription I could end up on the frontlines so failure is not an option. No life skills, no dreams, no goals, last time I felt genuinely excited to wake up in the morning was during a period I had my first ever experience with love/romantic feelings, and that ended up fizzling out. Didn't even get a big drama to look back on like a circus show, all just deflated like a baloon. Guess I have found some hope in a course I'm going through, although that gets smothered by my need to devote mental energy to that godforsaken university. And I have a pretty well knit group of friends who seem to think highly of me, including the person I used to pine for, so I can also say I didn't end up as a creepy stalker in their minds. Not the kinds of things to take pride in, frankly, but I guess the point of the video is that you should see your W's and appreciate them, even if they seem like not much.
@@thosebloodybadgers8499 man, you've got a lot on your plate right now. Don't forget to take some time for yourself every now and then to just do something that you enjoy and makes you genuinely happy. It's so easy for us to get caught up in all the negative bullshit, especially with covid keeping us all distant from eachother, when shit starts going wrong it compounds and feels overwhelming. I hope for nothing but the absolute best for you. Take care of yourself.
@@unfortuitousash the feeling is mutual. Feels nice to be engaged with when you just throw your shit out into the void that is the Internet. Thanks for that, man, I really do appreciate it.
@@4CFPV Well, that's just because your soul consented to be the most oppressed creature before you were born, for, like, the collective empathy of the spirit world...I guess. At least that's what Borysenko believes. Could be worse, you could be her.
When I was depressed (still kind of am, but currently I'm on a good trajectory) I found myself constantly doing one thing. I'd spend all day in bed reading manga to distract myself from my feelings. I never wanted to ask for help, so I'd work late hours doing things by myself rather than just asking for help or guidance from my co-workers and managers. Because I worked so inefficient I often skipped lunch and isolated myself from the rest of the team. Two things that really helped me is switching up my copping mechanism, and trying to spend more time with people. Instead reading manga all day, I'd try watch tv show and documentaries and listen to funny podcasts. I started do chores while listening to podcasts, and even going on walks. If I ever had a really bad day of course I'd be right back in bed reading manga, but I not every day is completely awful, and on those not so bad ones I at least try to do something different, and I won't kick myself if I can't. I only validate the positive things I think about myself. Whenever a negative thought or emotion worms it way in I acknowledge it that remind my myself all the ways it's not true, or if it is true, I'll remind myself all the ways I'm getting better, and how I can at least acknowledge the problem. MOST importantly I try talking to people... About anything, about nothing at all, sometimes I even find the nerve to crack a joke, sometime people even laugh... Everything isn't better and I'm still down, sometimes imprisoned by my own feelings, but I'm getting better. And hey, today is a good day. I hope it is for y'all too.
I love this content. I used to struggle with depression, and I've gotten really good at managing those feelings when they are around. I didn't realize it at the time, but I basically did a lot of what you said with building a community support system, talking to people and exercising. Nowadays these are things that I am so grateful for, but unintentionally put around me. Having you put it into words makes it so much clearer.
I suffer with this, that evil voice in my head. You HAVE TO fight it, you have to talk trash back to your depressed, dark side, put them in their place, make yourself get those thoughts out of you’re head, actively fight it. I had a teacher tell our class something pretty eye opening in college, on the topic of bigotry *“It’s like brushing your teeth, you have to keep at it every day, you don’t do it once and say, ‘I cured cavities forever!’, it’s a habit, and you have to do it regularly”*
That's what I do when my inner whiner gets in the way of me trying to get stuff done. I yell at it, squish it into a ball in my mind and toss it behind me and make sure it knows that it's not helping. I'm not sure I have depression but I sometimes freeze when I need to do important stuff
Bad advice imo, "actively fighting" in this context means you are expending your mind on the thoughts, mental energy spent on whatever negative impacting ideas you're having is always bad, the best method would be to not try to run away from thoughts, and instead acknowledge them and set it to the side, that way you don't psyche yourself out by thoughts racing and it makes it easier to come to the rational conclusion or the truth in other words
Depression is a motivational disorder of feeling helpless. People have expectations they feel they must achieve, but can’t so instead they don’t even try. That’s why it’s observable as a dopamine deficiency, because it is the central neurotransmitter for excitement/anticipation (something which isn’t present with depression)
Making myself aware that my depressive feelings were temporary has helped me a lot. That and having strategies to get through the worst of it. I once even told a friend at the end of a chat “Good night. See you tomorrow.” They probably didn’t think much of it but for me it was a promise not to do anything stupid that night.
For any autistic folks who have ever been through ABA or social skills training, if there is a tl;dr to be taken from this video it is this: Ignore everything the ABA therapists and social skills trainer told you about socialization. All of that ultimately cuts off your ability to form an actual community in favor of propping up a fake self so THEY feel better. The advice that Vaush gives, on the other hand, is actually helpful. And yes, some of it seems sort of in line - but other than THE most basic elements, there isn't much overlap. And I'll add the following - if a community (in which you have no authority over anybody and the person isn't a service worker on duty) looks like they actually enjoyed your company, only to repeatedly turn on you inexplicably, that community is likely toxic. Or at any rate the person who tends to do that - make you really think they were great with you, only to turn on you viciously, especially if that's a pattern - that is a toxic pattern. And if they turn on you repeatedly if you were exerting authority over them and had it - you maybe need to stop flexing your authority so much and learn to wield it better and more carefully and not be authoritarian.
one thing i’ve learned being in a number of different programs is starting the day with a couple affirmations, even just “i’m doing my best” and ending the day with trying to name one good thing that happened, even if it’s just “i fed myself today” can do a lot to just put you in a better mindset. it doesn’t fix the depression, by any means, but at least it’s a tool to help organize thoughts, and see the good, even when it’s so hard to.
To anyone in the comments here going through this, know that even though I don't know you personally, I have full faith you can get through what you're going through, and get on the right path to continue to do great things. We're here for you.
honestly just flashing a genuine smile/chuckle and making appropriate amounts of eye contact when someone is speaking goes a long way in building trust that may lead to friendship.
"I'm good at making friends but once I have them, I'm such pressure and anxiety to be funny and entertaining that I can't do it" Couldn't have said it better myself
Absolutely everything here is absolutely correct. I'm ADHD, autistic, anxious, depressed, etc and so much of what Vaush is talking are about things I've learned myself. Edit: I have so so much more advice to elaborate on if people are interested.
I was the one who asked, and I got 3 helpful advise from it to me, 1. Therapy (obviously), 2. Let someone feel comfortable to talk and leave the convo, 3. Community. I got alot friend before so they could help me out
I was feeling a bit down and this video cheered me up. The temporary aspect of our emotions that Vaush talked about reminded me that the sadness will end and that basically k.o.ed my sadness. Ty
Honestly, I seem to have a different problem than the one that's described here. Back in college, this would have been picture perfect advice, and its advice I eventually found for myself. I'm alright at communication now. No, unfortunately my problem is simply just the atomization of living in small town america. Maybe if I wasn't trans I could just go to church or a bar, but alas church casts me out a sinner, and the bars around here are full of trump folk and i like my teeth remaining inside my head. I don't pass well enough to be seen as a woman on sight, but i *also* don't dress in ways that are easily read as masculine (and refuse to, obviously), which means i'm a pretty big target when going around places like this. My current plan is obviously to escape, but i'm 26, my escape plan has been 8 years in the making and i don't feel any closer to my goals. If anything, further from them, with the crushing weight of isolation bearing down on me, my inability to work retail making it hard to find stable work. i need to start taking my meds again...
I'm not trans (well, at least not aware of it), but I pretty much have the same problem. I never had therapy, but I learned to debate my depression brain and it's basically okay now. Yes, I still have some bad episodes, but I'm a lot more self-aware and can deal with it most of the times. But atomization is still a problem. Church wouldn't be an option, I'm not into that stuff, and bars... well... I would need friends to go with them to a bar. I can't just sit there alone. I did it in the past, usually to New Year's Eve, and one time it was nice. But talking to strangers and getting myself involved isn't really my strength. I had some hope when I went back to university (I don't even know how to pay my bills in the long run, but I will figure that out later) , but most students around me aren't really interested in me - or interesting for me. I had contact with some guys, but they turned out to be some weird 4chan incels and one of them is a straight up fascist who only doesn't like the Nazis, because they weren't authoritarian enough. I met a few (more leftist and pro LGBTQ+) people I would like to hang out with, but we study completly different things and I know it wouldn't be more than drinking a coffee together once in a year or something like that.
Keep working on it guys, there's people probs just down the road from you feeling the exact same way. Remember that you deserve to be happy and you don't have to be friends with people who like the exact things as you, just try and put yourself out there in small amounts ot start with. Vaush is right when he says just find a community event you can get involved in that you are interested in, have that goal of just talking to a few people each time. Over time you'll find some people you vibe with, even if you don't see them all the time, having someone to chat with now and again is a massive bonus. Just try and be consistent with communication, if you're flakey responding to messages or work nights just let them know.... I used to be known as a social butterfly, I could move between groups of friends and slot in anywhere(around 15 to 20 different friends across groups), nowadays I have like, 3 or 4 friends left, one I haven't seen in 6 years but we talk via WhatsApp, another I forced myself to get back into regular contact with who I haven't seen in 8 years, another who used to work for me and I see once a year and finally my neighbour who I see every week but is diametrically opposed to me politically(the other 3 are leftists). Admittedly, my friend have been shitty over the years, I've been frozen out of groups of friends because I wanted to be neutral when people fell out or split up, I've even had a best friend I lived with try and murder me just before Xmas, a year later I had a stroke and because I struggled to get around people just ditched me and stopped inviting me out and about. People are shitty, and in my experience you will only ever be able to count reliable friends on one hand, just keep up the effort and you'll get there!
In a pinch, online communities can come in clutch. Being connected with people in your actual physical life is best, but online hobby/interest groups can become networks that connect you to people that you can talk to about whatever, whenever. You may even find that there are people interested in the same things you are that aren't as far away as you thought, and THEN you can end up with a sort of oasis of community even in otherwise inhospitable territory.
I have heard of that recognition called the “elephant rider”, you have to attempt and recognize that you are not entirely in control of the elephant (your body). The rider in the analogy being your conscious mind, it is easy to recognize the signs and symptoms of a depressive state and attempt to fight it, but that often makes it worse. Letting the emotions flow over you, not fighting them makes the hurt a bit easier, i find. It is also much easier said then done to detach yourself like that. Just gotta keep moving forward one step at a time, it might be slow progress but progress all the same. Atleast that is how I rationalize my depressive times.
I had a similar issue as the first guy. Me and my girlfriend when we first got together we're very depressed and kinda afraid to emotionally connect. Finding things to do together that we both enjoyed helped a lot. Cleaning together, playing video games together, and actually starting to talk. A lot of that was just bringing heavy topics up. Obviously try to learn timing, I've fucked that up a loooooot. But it didn't end the relationship, it led to bad nights, but not a bad forever. It's a work in progress as always but it's a lot better than it was a year ago. Good luck to you all, if u see this, I love you and wish you the best❤️❤️❤️
It's important for people to recognize that depression is a combination of anguish *and* the sense that it will never end. Virtually anybody can stick it out for a year or two of misery if they ultimately believe things will be alright. The fact that you can't get yourself to believe it is what keeps it lasting more than a year or two, too. You gotta see hopelessness as a symptom just as much as the pain is. I was depressed 15 years and just trying to put a life together at 34... If you're young, please start working on it now. And seek help.
When he started talking about body confidence, I was like , here we go, thought we could sneak past that problem. I completely agree, I feel this way exactly, but I don't know what to do, I've got gender/body dysphoria but I'm shit scared of transitioning, and I'm pretty sure it's physically impossible for me to make my body comfortable. I'm past puberty and I got the worst pear-shaped 5 ft tall body. I hate being around people exactly because of my body.
Mine is just around my weight but I totally feel uncomfortable about my body around people including how I feel in clothes. It’s a truly horrible feeling just being uncomfortable with your body. Which combines with my social anxiety so I’m like double uncomfortable lol.
I find embracing and being at peace with my own mortality really gives me the freedom to be see the void for what it is: where all things go to die and be born. My body will be food for worms, those worms food for birds, and so on. My decomposition begets the birth of others and in the mean time, it’s meme time and living a life that makes me happy :)
I’m a red-blooded conservative republican 25 year old dude, but I still have a fondness for you, Vaush. I check in every so often, for politics and otherwise, just to hear what you come up with. Keep on going dude,. You have my support from the other side of the aisle
It’s good to see you are willing to listen and try to understand opposing perspectives. Most (both Right and Left) are stuck within their own bubbles, and when they do branch out it’s purely to hate-watch.
The Metroid background music and ambience is so fitting lol great advice tho! Mental care and loneliness is something that needs to be addressed as electronic entertainment trumps others and makes us enjoy being alone
I go through the same thing when I'm dealing with my depressive states. Just constantly reminding myself this is only temporary. Just need that constant reminder that there is a light at the end of this tunnel of depression and anxiety.
Some advice from me to you. It may not be for everyone but skateboarding is actually a lifesaver for a lot of people. You go outside, get exercise, that’s probably why we’re all skinny , meet new people into the same hobby as u, constantly learn new things and push yourself to get over fears. It’s also next to impossible to think about things that make u sad while attempting a trick
I don't think it's possible to actually be happy, but instead it's better to try to minimize suffering until we get to die. minimizing suffering is not about being reclusive or lonely, it's a ton of work that often contradicts your instincts towards convenience. still, I think that should be the main goal in life.
I can run a six minute mile and I still don't want to exist anymore. I'm constantly painfully aware of how my body is in a constant state of decay, and the times I'm able to distract myself from that excruciating fact are few and far between. I've spent years in therapy, taken a multitude of antidepressants, and attended a variety of social events. When such social events are able to distract me from the incredibly weak piece of shit body that I have to inhabit just to experience life, I'm reminded of that immediately upon the end of such events. In any case, at least I have a thorough note that stands the best chance at politicizing my death (especially if I make it into a video given how pretty I am) and shooting myself in the head next to a hospital will turn me into the ideal organ donor.
I just graduated Nursing school and I understand, but don't give up brother/ sister. Do you mind sharing? Is it HIV, MS, Cancer? Have you considered moving to Oregon for legal suicide? I wouldn't judge you.
Vaush really downplays the effect romantic relationships can have on you, and I get that he's just talking from his perspective, but keep in mind that a lot of people are really only depressed because they never get (or never got) any care or appreciation in their life, and a good partner can DEFINITELY fix that. That's exactly what happened to me, and I know plenty of people who have the same story. Of course, it's not like relationships are magic, but I'm worried of this "sort yourself out by yourself" kind of advise, because a lot of people won't be able to ever do that unless they find a friend or a partner that will support them.
A good partner can definitely fix it, but it is not good for people to succumb solely to relationships, it can easily be unhealthy and something to be heavily reliant on in that vulnerable state - when that relationship might not work out for example, it can throw you deeper into your own depression, there's no guarantee they will be able to keep up with you sufficiently. It can definitely help, like he said, but it's important to build yourself up and before opening up.
@@treegrilld Yeah that's true, relying solely on a partner to make yourself better is not good or helpful in any way, I just don't like this mentality of "you can't be loved until you love yourself" or whatever, even if there is some truth to it
He didn't downplay it and he didn't say to just deal with it on your own He basically said don't except it to fix your emotional issues because it's not very likely to work which is what you said He wants people to "reach out and form healthy community bonds" and "talk to people" (direct quotes) he wants people to reach out to others for support but not depend on being in a romantic relationship And everyone has anecdotes that portray the opposite of what you've experienced so.... yeah
I've been someone's "saviour" from isolation and need for affection and I've never been so emotionally depleted and depressed. Very often depressive people attract each other and the "stronger" one ends up taking a very dark caretaker role. I am absolutely NOT implying this defines your relationship; I'm very happy things are working out for you, but I feel compelled to point this out because I've seen it too many times and it gets worse as I get older. It's hard to connect with "nOrMaL" people my age and the cycle repeats itself in depressive episodes when the comfort of being understood by a fellow depressive is tempting.
I hear you Vaush, been watching your similar videos on this topic, but I still feel that I'm at a logical dead end. The rules and societal expectations in my life have changed so quickly over the past 1-2 decades that I've never gotten a firm grasp on skills or behaviors that would make me feel useful to other people. Living between countries and cultures, changes in sexuality and gender identity, picking up and dropping marketable skills whenever the new software or trendy technique releases, I've consistently been physically torn from my best friends since the 7th grade. At this point I've spent so much time drifting in a bubble that the next generation seems to be surpassing me in every metric available, including my own younger cousins. The world seems to be moving faster than I can keep up, my own diaries indicate that the only consistency I have is my depression, so now I'd rather watch than participate. I don't want to slow them down. I know it's all nonsensical self-pity, but I can't seem to escape it through conventional things like exercise and posture.
I read part of your comment and I may have honed in on your issue. I think you should stay less away from social media in general. Remember, zoomers have grown up with smart phones in grade school. That seems CRAZY to me as a millennial, trying to hide your phone from a 3rd grade teacher. My dude, exercise and posture doesn't fix things by themselves. Listen to the other advice Vaush has to offer.. go outside, talk to people, make friends, etc. Nobody is surpassing anyone my friend, remember when Vaush once saud "no TH-camr has their life together?" It's true.
@@jons4934 That's the thing though: I have zero issues having reciprocal conversation with people of all ages and genders, with the exception off small children. I just don't see the point in doing it. They always leave, the conversation is always cut short, I'm always left with 20 things I didn't have time to talk about. They have lives of their own to return to and I don't take it personally. Commitment and consequences scare me, as someone who has just become accustomed to constant change. I know that everyone is secretly struggling and suffering no matter how functional they may seem on the surface, I'm the same way myself. I've practically been faking straightness for nearly 4 years and even the people living with me don't know that I nap 2 times a day out of pure disinterest in the world. I also know that social media only shows you the most talented people, that an artist who makes photo-realistic art every day or an athlete who climbs a mountain per week isn't the average. I've heard it all before. I guess my problem is more existential than circumstantial even if it was born from circumstances. I don't even see the point in fixing myself, it's why my last therapist said she couldn't help me. I'm not even sure why I bother to write about it, I'm probably wasting your time too. As a side note, yeah. The zoomer phone culture is fucking wild but at least they were born into it rather than stumble as we millenials did.
"my own diaries indicate that the only consistency I have is my depression, so now I'd rather watch than participate. I don't want to slow them down." i didn't give you permission to publish my life in the youtube comments.
@@awesometwitchy " it's why my last therapist said she couldn't help me" damn that's gotta suck, i fear for that happening sometimes. "I'm not even sure why I bother to write about it, I'm probably wasting your time too." not mine, although i wish you the best i'm glad to read about similar experiences, makes me feel like less of a freak.
@@prettyokandy230 I'm glad you found my experiences useful. I wish I could say that you're not actually a freak, to stop being so hard on yourself, but that would be hypocritical. If you're anything like me, then being a freak at the very least makes you... you. I find the idea of being "normal" scary in itself, especially because with all the years I wasted in confusion and apathy, it would be anti-climactic. I hope I haven't scared you away from seeking professional help. I know plenty more people who have benefited from therapy than have been hurt by it. With enough time, I'll probably drop my ego and pick it up again. Sending you hugs mate. Hope you find love and purpose soon.
Man, my biggest issue is that I'm like 17, so it's hard to go out and do things. I was already not great mentally before, but at least I was forced to go outside for school. Now I'm doing online school because of COVID, and I don't think I have been as mentally depleted. Not even to mention that I live a basement where the light doesn't work, so I have to use just a single lamp. My inability to do anything combined with the fact I have to start preparing for life after highschool doesn't mix well together. In conclusion, FUCK COVID!
Thank you for sharing this wisdom. This is legit advice and honestly something I went through recently. Hearing it put so well really puts it all into perspective. I've taken notes so i can really try to keep some of these in mind moving forward. Thank you.
The part in the middle starting about 18:10 is REALLY getting in my feels. 18:47-- oh my YES I can relate to your old agonizing about "what if they're not interested in what I have to say?" I feel like I've got to dazzle people in the limited time I've got with them, because if they don't care what I have to say then I've lost them as a potential connection. Similarly with 19:14 on: My thoughts have always been, why would I want to make it easier for other people to reject my conversation, and by extension reject me? This idea that you can increase others' comfort with you by giving them conversational "outs" has definitely been something to get used to. All of this stems from an anxiety about others not reciprocating my overtures, and worrying that others really would rather I not be around. I'm good with asking questions and am brave enough to approach strangers, but I've never felt like I can "seal the deal" and actually win others' liking enough to make it truly mutual. All I wanted was to matter to other people. I didn't want to have to be OK with being utterly unimportant to others, in order to make them comfortable. I still don't like that being comfortable is more prized in relationships than compassion, solidarity, love, debate, and rich experiences. I feel like comfort is beyond me while the others I can do. Now I can see where my conversational patterns may have been inadvertently making others feel obligated to keep talking to me. That whole pressure to "make it count" with every single person you meet, to not waste a single chance at a relationship.
32:00 i now picture a bunch of 14 year olds asking a waitress, if the waitress likes the job and do they watch " twitch". BTW do this if you are a kid some girls feel flattered as fuck when young buys nervously talk to them especially if they are older than 25 people are actually pretty understanding IRL. source me working in a kitchen for 3 years. also first booba i ever touch was a IHOP waitress, i was 16, she was cool AF.
I like the idea of reminding one’s self that what one is feeling is temporary and in most situations won’t matter later. However, I like to write, writing allows me to externally reflect on my emotions because internal reflection is inefficient. By writing it out I can most the time see that what is bothering me is a bit ridiculous or not serious. It also allows me to spot triggers or see patterns in my moods. The issue is that I also have significant trauma and not just depression. I know that the feelings I have when I am sad are not typically true. And that is what gets to me the most. Knowing that I am feeling that way and it not being valid, knowing there is no reason to feel that way. I love to run it makes me feel great but where I live it’s not possible. But I can walk and pay attention to my surroundings which is not as easy when running. So I get out nearly everyday and walk about a mile or so. I also joined a club where I can be around people more like me with interests like me. However, it’s about two hours away and I can’t go until I fix my car. So I am working on it, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, I am aware my feelings are for the most part connected to trauma and not related to what is happening today, I am aware that there are triggers today (every F’ing where it seems) that are causing trauma to resurface, I am getting outside even if my neighborhood is shit, and I am doing my best to be social and make friends. So I’m doing my best unfortunately it’s not as simple as the government is shit and people are being shitty. I have very bad trauma and I am struggling significantly with it. Every since my therapist started trauma work with me it’s felt like a lid has been blown off and shit I didn’t even remember is just overflowing it what it feels like. And some of them are like emotional memories not visual from when I was very young and honestly I don’t want to know for sure what happened in those memories they give me very bad feelings
I was one of those people who didn't believe in depression til I had an xtc comedown and was like "oh, they literally can't just listen to their fav music or whatever as a pick me up" like i didn't give a shit about things i usually loved, all my normal self soothing mechanisms were completely ineffective. And I was just a tourist. anybody living with that shit is pretty damn strong in my opinion.
If you are looking for a specific event to talk to people, Magic the Gathering Open Houses (events where experienced and brands new players are paired off to learn to play) are a fantastic way to do it, because you can assume the other person is interested in Magic the Gathering, making it something you can safely talk about: "What interested you about Magic? When did you start playing?" They are also very short (20 minutes), casual entry, and 1 on 1. There are undoubtedly other events like this, but Magic is what I am most familiar with
The Metroid prime game play and music is very appropriate for this. Like Vaush is a veteran space marine explaining how to navigate Nero-typical social spaces
I met my girlfriend while she was working and I was just trying to kill time while my friend bought stuff in her store, we hit it off talking politics. I asked for her number so we could be friends, unbeknownst to me, she gave it to me for more. Everything was going great on our second date until a moment came where I had to admit to being a Vaushite, but to my relief, so is she! I think she might be the one.
The things that I think about when I am in a depressive episode don't just bother me when I am feeling depressed. They bother me whenever I think about them no matter what sort of mood I am in.
Depression for me can be summed in two words: tunnel vision. I feel like I'm shit, everything else is shit, there's no hope for a better future, and I should just blow my brains out. I can't afford therapy and meds. To me the world is completely insane and too full of suffering to be worthwhile.
I still suffer from depression and anxiety however I must say that cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) has done wonders to help me change the way I think about myself I now automatically catch myself when I start to have those self destructive negative self-thoughts and constantly remind myself that that isn’t who I am It’s a constant struggle though as the thoughts don’t really stop…I just got a little better at stopping them in their tracks I know we don’t all have insurance that would pay for CBT and that sucks. But if any of you are thinking about it and can get it I definitely endorse it Medicare For All!!! And stay strong my friends!!! 💪🏾 ✊🏾
Ask a lot of open questions, be interested in the subject, give something about yourself by talking about your interests (as Vaush said). I agree with the depression part, although my social anxiety disorder sometimes is the biggest hurdle. For me mimicking more socially skillful friends and making a script of good general open questions help. Although sometimes other person may feel im interrogating them.... 😅 When i feel more confident i may improvise like normal ppl. I have found that sometimes being aloof and letting ppl come to you is easier.
Also had one of those conversations last night, random stranger turns around and starts talking about COVID. I attempt to give as little response as possible, but he would literally ask a follow up question EACH. FUCKING. TIME. it was a 40 minute convo about random niche COVID things, that im not convinced he didnt just make up. Never actually ended the conversation just managed to get him to move onto movies. We eventually just left lmao
Well clearly I didn't/ don't have a very good understanding of depression because I wasn't sure if it was depression a few years back when I was always scared of and sad about my death.....the more ya know
What makes me depressed is knowing and subconsciously reminding myself that my life is an endless slog of working under the boot of those who make much more than me and can afford to enjoy their lives and pursue their interest. That my life will be wasted away grinding endlessly in the futile hope that maybe someday my daughter will be able to grow up in a world where she is valued and her life is allowed to have meaning and the pursuit of happiness rather than being destroyed along with the rest of the human race in the inevitable destruction of our Earth's ecosystems along with the planet itself.... Kinda hard to get around this considering the humanity doesn't seem to care about solving the climate crisis or caring for the lowest amongst us
A good way to see if someone is interested in continuing a topic is to find something related to the topic you don’t know and say “…I don’t know how x works, though.” In a speculative tone and pause. Most times they’ll add on by saying “well maybe y is how it works” so they can participate and add on to the topic and you can see how engaged they are. If they don’t add on, make a speculation about it yourself and then change the topic, perhaps asking them a question about themself
The thing about being obsessed with what other people think about you is you’re obviously wrong. Everyone is only obsessed with themselves first of all, they’re not concerned with judging you duh!
I have an online friend that I’ve known for a few months, I have the same problem as vaush in where if left on my own, I’d die having never talked to anyone. I’m quiet and a lot of our socializing is filled with long silence, he is a small streamer on twitch and whenever he has a guest on they both constantly have so much to say and it’s so much more energetic, it makes me feel like I’m failing as a friend and hindering him
@@TheOrene so glad you are doing better. I had had two online friends, but they have both ended up k*lling themselves (they didn't know each other), so I can't really relate
Vaush is kinda right I used this advice to go-to a concert by myself since I don't know too many people here in Atlanta I had so much fun my only thing is when I was talking to a group of people there I felt like I didn't give them enough outs in the conversation and could feel them pulling away from it towards the end of night. the initial feeling of before I went there was hell but it paid off because it really feels like I made the first step! P.S ATL comrades let's be homies lol
Every time you or anyone talks about this you talk about good days and bad days, I don't just wake up and have different feelings through the day, never have any clue what people are talking about with this
Oh I get depression time to write some of this down so I remember. Relationships don't fix depression but finding somthing you can do together to help with the depression is a solid move. Maintain like any relationship can be a bitch with depression
I think the last part is very important: Folks, there is nothing wrong with approaching someone nicely (if you let them go if they decline and dont hold a grudge about it or anything). I have been talking to a few guy friends about this issue recently and a lot of them basically said they would never approach a girl on the streets because they would be afraid of making her ever so slightly uncomfortable. News flash: You have a right to initiate a conversation with people. There is nothing wrong with you if that person gets uncomfortable. That is their problem.
About community: Moving in with flat mates was the best thing I could do and I’m totally planning on moving into some kind of commune or cohousing community later. I never want to live totally alone (or only with a partner) again.
That thumbnail made me happy today. In Addition your Point about Community Support Structure is such a MAJOR thing. And its sooo fked in the West.!The Arrabic World, Africa, the parts of asia wich aren't South Korea, Japan, or the butterside of China. are so extraordinairly different in comparison to "us" If we ppl of hypermodern societys have to even just get to know our Neighbors it would already be "way too much to endure". holy shit, u made some great arguments here VH
What sucks is that the easiest opportunities for socialization is when people are young in school and much harder as we grow up (in the US). I also think that infrastructure has much to do with mental health since owning a car is the only way to get anywhere and many young or lower income people can barely afford that, even people who earn well have to monthly pay for insurance and gas which always sucks. Not to mention zoning has killed opportunities for socialization, the corner store has been killed and much more town square or community based commerce is relegated to disgusting strip malls.
the shitty part about depression is hearing all this and feeling "this is too much work and won't do anything for me because I'm worthless" hah. TRY IT, PEOPLE!
This reminds me of the segment you had on self-deprecating humor. I think you pointing out that this type of humor can make others uncomfortable and can act as a defense mechanism is helpful. As much as it seems silly at first, "self-talk" that is taught during cognitive behavioral therapy is effective. It certainly helped me.
it is really surreal to me that a reddit post I made turned into drama and then a video
At the right moment it can be funny but if it bombs it's so awkward.
Can second that "self-talk" thing, it really helps me when I'm depressed or anxious
Talking to yourself is normal and natural. Destructive thoughts are nothing but your critical parents saying they’re disappointed in who you really are (your inner child) because of everything you’ve internalized as “good” over the years runs counter to who you are/desire to be. Basically you bully yourself for not fitting into “the mold” that is sold to you as good and normal. One of the only ways to stop these thoughts are to literally tell them to “fuck off, you don’t need to control me.”
We get so into the habit of belittling ourselves that we don’t even realize there is another way of being that doesn’t involve bullying yourself daily.
Sometimes the most important thing is recognizing that that voice that’s bullying you isn’t you and it isn’t who you want to be. So you just reject it. You say, “no, absolutely not. I will not let this voice, this collection of everything negative I’ve ever heard, control me. I have voices that love me, have loved me, and one of them is going to be mine. I’m tired of hating myself. I love you. You are amazing”
Manifesting may be some cookie spiritual shit, but repeating audibly “I am awesome. I am loved” crates new channels in the brain that can overwrite those negative ones with enough time and diligence in truly believing you are good and loved and just enough as you are right now. Even if you go backwards you are enough. Only once you accept that can you move forward authentically.
Peace and love. You’ve got this. Loving yourself takes time, but it’s well worth the effort and the journey.
@@sleepyhead8681 I don’t mind self deprecating humor if it’s every once in a while, but I’ve had friends where their entire brand is “ha ha look how awful I am. Aren’t I just the worst? I bet people wished I was gone, I know I do.”
And it’s just… so clear these are just their inner thoughts and they haven’t figured out that repeating them without addressing them is just further engraining those destructive thoughts into the brain.
Destructive thoughts are habitual thoughts that haven’t been pushed back against either by you or by a loved one. So push back. You do it, I know you can. Say no. Tell that voice to take a hike because I’d never let others treat me how I let me treat me. That voice can’t be me because why would I want to hurt myself? Say no to destructive thoughts so they can’t keep coming back. Give them no harbor in your head.
"If they hated you, they wouldn't be a friend" hits so damn hard. It sounds ridiculous, in concept, but it hits hard.
I know people that secretly hate someone but pretend to be their friend because they don’t want to cause conflict with mutual friends they have.
I hate my friends, but I stay friends with them because I sometimes need a ride or help moving furniture. Also I don't want to be seen as a loner.
@@RexxyRobin why not get friends you like then? Seems unfair to those friends who think you like them, survival is not a good reason to exploit people.
@@hhsdhhsss1522 In cases like that, they're most likely staying civil because you're in a group setting and they don't want to kill the vibe. Usually when this kind of thing happens, you're not going to be around them one on one very much because they don't want to be around you. There are exceptions for like, school or work, where maybe someone that hates you gets assigned to work with you for some reason, but when we're talking close relationships, then generally you don't have to worry that someone hates you if they keep opting to spend time with you.
For that matter, if most of the people in the group have a problem with you, then you're probably not going to keep getting invited to stuff. It's not impossible, but outside of some super niche scenarios it's super unlikely.
Ah, good! Every interaction I have with them is just another opportunity for them to slowly realize they hate me, then! :)
I'm a 6'4" non-passing trans girl, undiagnosed autistic until 22, stuck in a bible belt town, just hoping to outlive the American state without seeing too much suffering. Thank you for the positivity Vaush ❤️ hopefully I can move this year and reclaim some non-THC induced endorphins
I live in the Bible Belt, I don’t go to church so finding friends is incredibly hard. I don’t talk about politics but people just constantly come up to me and talk about how much they love Trump, it’s like some kind of sick test to see if they can trust me. Because I never say anything good about trump they have figured out I’m not a republican and literally choose to not be my friend based on that alone. I’m done with the south and the Bible Belt, it’s time to move where there are people like me.
I know it's hard but I know you'll get through this. Lucky we're at a time where medical resources for our mental and physical health is available, albeit sometimes a bit pricey in the US. You know you have a community who loves you that is here for you!
I wish you all the luck in finding true happiness and acceptance. Be true to yourself and things will work out eventually.
It’s gonna be okay girl! you’re gonna get through this!
Stay Strong, Comrade!
The line about "removing yourself" is so hard but so important. My anti-depressants have literally done that, insofar that they don't kill my depressive thoughts, but it lets me take a step back and recognize when they're happening rather than thinking "this is just how things are".
I am better with my Valium than without but it's still really hard. Especially with autism and lots of anxity problems.
They killed my boners which deepened my depression til i got off em n just ate better n went on more walks in the woods..still depressed but better
@@ChillAssTurtle Be careful my friend, I got off my meds with this same pretext and whatever other justification I could come up with at the time and it turned into a decade long black hole. We need you around, think about it.
@@BasedWop im a special snowflake and will surely be the exception :^P
Same except my psychotherapist prescribed me Buspirone which had the same effect when I was taking it.
A few notes from a psychology researcher:
- yes chemicals influence behavior, and the opposite is true too. Antidepressants affect the chemicals. Behavioral activation therapy gets you to start doing small activities, and the motivation comes afterward
- yes, the concept of "depressive realism" is wrong. During depressive episodes, people engage in cognitive distortions like discounting the positives
- Yes community bonds and exercise & body confidence are all positives
- I have no comment on any of the other advice as it wasn't explicitly psychology advice.
The whole thing with depressive realism is yes, there is some (emphasis on some) evidence that some (again emphasis) depressed people perceive some (emphasis!) things about themself and the world around them more accurately. The same research also shows that depression distorts your perceptions of pretty much everything else.
the depressive realism thing seems like a wash if you're comparing non-depressed to depressed. each cohort engages in their own delusions.
@@diydylana3151 They’re both distortions, but I, and many others, would rather live in a positive delusion than in a negative one. If this life was a simulation and the “real world” a dystopian wreck, I would rather live in here than there. (Even if the negative wasn’t a distortion is what I’m saying)
@@diydylana3151 I thought toxic positivity was the way of approaching happiness (getting to happiness) that made it toxic, not the feeling of positivity itself
Lie told by depression: "You will never gain a Stand Power (it matters)".
Truth: "You will never gain a Stand Power (it doesn't matter)".
I have hamon anyway
What does this mean?
I agree regardless
@@MrHat. it means if you stab yourself with an arrow you are more likely to die then gain a super Punchy ghost that yells Ora when you fight people.
@@MrHat. In my favorite manga series, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, the concept of "Stands" is intruduced. Basically, it is a personification of an ability you have that reflects your soul.
Half Truth: "You won't get a stand, if you don't try"
I really like that Vaush does content like this. There’s this weird association a lot of people have with self help and practical relationship advice with the right. It’s good to have leftist creators like him and Hassan tackle things like this because the reality is, if people don’t feel seen for their issues they’re not even going to care about anything else. Once we can address our own issues and fix them for lack of a better word, we can focus on larger issues that affect others as well. But we’ll be so blind to that until our own issues are dealt with. That’s something a lot of the online left seems to ignore. So it’s great when he and other leftists do this stuff. Love it.
if this gets accomplished, who needs the likes of Kermit B Lobsterson?
Makes me think about how there is an opening for something similar for mra
@@GamerKiwi Have you heard of men's liberation?
I've felt this as well. I'm in a union, I knock on doors, I organise fundraisers and I'm generally very politically active, but man, my mental health is *bad*. I always harp on about wages, work conditions and full employment, telling others about the potential for power they can have as employees, but I treat myself like shit. I go to work with a masochistic - and toxically masculine - mentality day in and day out. My self-worth is in the shitter, and I didn't realise how much it was poisoning me until it reached a breaking point.
You seriously need to take care of yourself. You don't need to prove anything. You're worth it. I say this because I fear you may never say it to yourself.
Mind you, for some people, addressing world issues can sometimes help them address their own (i.e. Thunberg), but that's the thing - different people cope in different ways. And for one thing, even those people need ways to help themselves, albeit at a different stage in their approach, but there are also the people who need to take care of their personal issues first. So it is helpful to do stuff like this. Speaking as a gal who grew up in the 90's, mind you, American Girl was sort of the OG of progressive self-help - really good general advice about various life matters that girls face (and boys for that matter, though the focus was mostly on girls), from life advice to stuff about how bodies work, though of course they are most known for their dolls and their history series which looks at history from a progressive angle (the kind defined as "liberal" in these circles, but still definitely left-wing as opposed to right-wing).
I guess in a sense that makes them similar (though not identical) to the leftist creator who also does self-help, though some of the history stuff is soft-pedaled a little bit (albeit nowhere near as much as the right wants) because the soft-pedaling mostly consists of glossing over the difficulties which would have made friendship in battle times harder, and other stuff that makes sense due to the age of the target audience, and the fact that they had to be able to sell to parents who weren't going to pay over $100 for a doll and accessories related to a history which pulled no punches - because since that was a toy company and not a public initiative, they were of course going to sell their stuff (and if they were too overtly socially conscious, they wouldn't have gotten sales aimed at kids in more right-leaning families, any more than the most socially conscious shows on public television ended up being watched by kids in far-right households).
And the way I see it, that's one of those things that has their problems, but the good thing about it is it exposed more kids to some of these ideas, with the main drawback being the cost of the dolls and accessories, because if the dolls themselves had been as normally priced as the books were, even if some of the accessories still had to be expensive, they would have had a wider reach (and maybe needed to pull fewer punches for that matter, restricting the punch-pulling to the age-related stuff) and helped even more kids - same if they had explicitly opened a boy-oriented line under a different name, especially in the self-help department. In short, I kind of feel their main drawbacks were missed opportunities - because yes some of the advice is less than perfect, but that's still not a terrible thing, it's still good general advice.
Vaush needs to make more segments on the topic of “consensual conversation.” A lot of ppl are lonely and just want to be heard so the first time they talk to someone who seems even remotely interested they just dump exposition like an unskippable cutscene. Ppl over share with me and it’s both flattering and really uncomfortable.
I work in a coffee shop and this happens to me with strangers all the time. They’ll say there lives story and I’ll just be screaming inside my head.
@@mommybat2941 That emotional labour type deal does suck though, because if you're authentic and set boundaries in that sort of work environment you will probably lose your job. I do find it pretty strange that a completely sober stranger would behave like that, but I guess it's a cultural thing, the way some people feed pigeons.
completely agree. i think vaush touched on a similar topic in his video about how self deprecating humor makes people uncomfortable (i forget what the video was called) but its definitely a topic that could be further explored. i, myself, have been on both sides of the situation you described, and it’s good to be able to be aware of it.
If you are engaging in negative self-talk you need to ask yourself: "How would I talk to a friend about this?" and work it out. "Would I talk like this to a friend" Is a great thought stopping cliche if you just need to shut it down as well.
But none of my friends have those problems and why would I talk to one like that anyways?
@@kakyointhemilfhunter4273 Trust me your friends have many problems, may not be much but they do... ask them
@@jons4934 They have problems but not the same kind, kind of hard to explain what I was trying to say
@@kakyointhemilfhunter4273 i get what you mean but i think op was trying to say don't be harder on yourself than you would be on others.
which, although not always easy to do would be an objectively fair way to approach such matters.
i understand not all problems are 'equal' and although your friends might not be able to relate they might be able to sympathize, could talking to all/some/one of them make things better? even if only to get it of your chest and/ or have some support?
@@kakyointhemilfhunter4273 Treat it as a hypothetical. If one of your friends had your specific problems, would you talk to them like you talk to yourself?
I've been going back and forth to the doctor lately working on my brain chemistry and this video really hits close to home. I have a terrible combination of anxiety, depression, and possibly ADHD that means I bounce from one existential crisis to the next over and over again every second of the day that I don't occupy doing something to distract me from it. The part about being a part of a community helping is also so true because I realized finally by reaching out that so many of my coworkers are in similar boats and through conversation I've learned to recognize my anxious thoughts much more easily.
I've dealt with anxiety for as long as I remember. Sounds like you are on the right path. I ignored mine for too long. Acknowledging is a huge step forward, especially when you have others going through the same thing.
I'm literally having the same issues. I have bad anxiety and depression, and I'm realizing I also might have ADHD in my late 20s, and I also go from one existential crisis to the next, and some days I'm fine. I'm fortunate enough to have a great support network with my friend group and my wonderful girlfriend.
Right now my brain's big kick is gaslighting myself, trying to convince myself that I'm a terrible person and have done horrible things I've never done. A few times I'd get in a depressive rut where I'd just be stuck in a feedback loop but lately I've gotten better at recognizing that feeling or thought and grounding myself, telling myself that that bullshit never happened and I'm doing better than they say. I know me better than that dickhead demon on my shoulder.
Acknowledgement is more than half the battle. Next is to recognize which thoughts are anxious thoughts and work on saying “no” to them. Our brains are habit forming and anxious thoughts are habitual thoughts. We tend towards the same behaviors because it’s “easy,” so breaking that habit is quite difficult.
You’ve got this.
I also bounce between one crisis to the next. It's infuriating. Whenever I get over one fear, another just as extreme takes its place. Social anxiety is also a bitch
@@CrimsonOptics I remember the day I heard my internal dialogue say "I hate you". I realized I had been saying it for a long time, multiple times a day. I was going through depression back then.
Counteracting the negative thoughts with positive opposite is necessary. Not just saying it but feeling it. I would focus on something I love, so I could counteract with more than just words but love as well.
Writing and painting about my depression really helped. I eventually realized it was the feeling of "purpose" that was the best path to freedom. Sounds like you are on the right path. Wishing the best for you.
I legitimately think this type of content is more effective in deradicalizing people than any logical argument you could make.
Vaush seems like the kind of guy to sit down with someone who is visibly depressed and speak with them for a minute
he speaks to them for 60 seconds then leaves
@@coffee3879 “objective complete.”
@@zen_tewmbs "depression cured" *flies away*
Yeah. I still remember when an incel came to challenge him on stream, and the debate somehow turned into a therapy session. It’s was weirdly heartwarming. I read in a comment later from someone claiming to know that person that they got real help after that (thou no way to know if it’s true).
Hmm. I’m not sure. Would he bother doing something like that? Most people would just find that exhausting.
The understanding that my depressed brain is lying to me was one of the breakthroughs that let me start to heal. Find alternative (optimistic) explanations, tolerate ambiguity, stop comparing yourself to others.
The comparing thing is legit my biggest weakness, it's so hard for me to not do it
Yeah, I basically learned to debate my inner depression voice and even if I don't really believe my own alternative explanations, the possibility alone that there CAN be other explanations usually helps a bit.
There is something that just feels right about Vaush talking about self care with metroid prime music
Honestly a good way to meet people and make friends - mutual aid projects! Yes, for real! Go to a soup kitchen or a "let's clean the park" kinda thing. If you're shy there is 0 expectations there to be social, you have stuff to do, people don't have time to judge you. But also there is usually a bunch of people there, young and old, that you can have a casual chat with. Nothing better that having some old dude tell you about the war or something. And here's a bonus - most of them already share your values AND they are build to be a social space (we don't call ourselves socialist for nothing). And just keep going, talking to people and building a good social safety net.
The first time I went to a community garden I kept myself to the side, not talking to anybody. And some girl made a hammer and sickle joke and was like "Yeah, I think I found my place."
Ngl, something like mutual aid, which is a based and anarchist-pilled form of direct action, not only gets you involved in the political space, but also could potentially make you friends and maybe lifelong romantic partners.
Good recommendation! They're usually in need of volunteers and the validation and appreciation from just stepping into a need and helping out is good for your brain.
everything the last few months has felt so, just bleak and hopeless. its been pretty fucking dark in my mind lately. i think i needed to hear this talk tonight. thank you vaush, i appreciate you.
Wishing the best for you. I've been there.
Choose Falkor, not The Nothing.
@@falkorornothing261 ❤
Yeah, kinda same. Don't friggin know where my life will go whatsoever. Never really had any ambitions or things I enjoyed doing, never really cared to quetion it until I'm three years into uni trying to survive till graduation in a field I realized I hate. Helps that I live in a country in an active goddamn conflict and through forced concription I could end up on the frontlines so failure is not an option. No life skills, no dreams, no goals, last time I felt genuinely excited to wake up in the morning was during a period I had my first ever experience with love/romantic feelings, and that ended up fizzling out. Didn't even get a big drama to look back on like a circus show, all just deflated like a baloon.
Guess I have found some hope in a course I'm going through, although that gets smothered by my need to devote mental energy to that godforsaken university.
And I have a pretty well knit group of friends who seem to think highly of me, including the person I used to pine for, so I can also say I didn't end up as a creepy stalker in their minds.
Not the kinds of things to take pride in, frankly, but I guess the point of the video is that you should see your W's and appreciate them, even if they seem like not much.
@@thosebloodybadgers8499 man, you've got a lot on your plate right now. Don't forget to take some time for yourself every now and then to just do something that you enjoy and makes you genuinely happy. It's so easy for us to get caught up in all the negative bullshit, especially with covid keeping us all distant from eachother, when shit starts going wrong it compounds and feels overwhelming. I hope for nothing but the absolute best for you. Take care of yourself.
@@unfortuitousash the feeling is mutual. Feels nice to be engaged with when you just throw your shit out into the void that is the Internet. Thanks for that, man, I really do appreciate it.
More of these Vaush. There's enough drama on other channels.
OMG, YES! Reclaim this space regarding mental health and relationships advice away from the Jordan B. Peterson’s of the world.
The Metroid music really ties this together
I thought the same thing.
No matter who you are, where you are from, or what you are going through, always remember;
At least you are not Caleb Maupin.
TRUE
Maupin: But Doctor, I Am Pagliacci
@@4CFPV Well, that's just because your soul consented to be the most oppressed creature before you were born, for, like, the collective empathy of the spirit world...I guess. At least that's what Borysenko believes. Could be worse, you could be her.
This is hilarious and legitimately made me feel a lot better
I dunno, I’m pretty similarly annoying.
When I was depressed (still kind of am, but currently I'm on a good trajectory) I found myself constantly doing one thing. I'd spend all day in bed reading manga to distract myself from my feelings. I never wanted to ask for help, so I'd work late hours doing things by myself rather than just asking for help or guidance from my co-workers and managers. Because I worked so inefficient I often skipped lunch and isolated myself from the rest of the team. Two things that really helped me is switching up my copping mechanism, and trying to spend more time with people. Instead reading manga all day, I'd try watch tv show and documentaries and listen to funny podcasts. I started do chores while listening to podcasts, and even going on walks. If I ever had a really bad day of course I'd be right back in bed reading manga, but I not every day is completely awful, and on those not so bad ones I at least try to do something different, and I won't kick myself if I can't. I only validate the positive things I think about myself. Whenever a negative thought or emotion worms it way in I acknowledge it that remind my myself all the ways it's not true, or if it is true, I'll remind myself all the ways I'm getting better, and how I can at least acknowledge the problem. MOST importantly I try talking to people... About anything, about nothing at all, sometimes I even find the nerve to crack a joke, sometime people even laugh... Everything isn't better and I'm still down, sometimes imprisoned by my own feelings, but I'm getting better. And hey, today is a good day. I hope it is for y'all too.
This type of content appeals to me, because the community respects the advice and those who take it.
I love this content. I used to struggle with depression, and I've gotten really good at managing those feelings when they are around. I didn't realize it at the time, but I basically did a lot of what you said with building a community support system, talking to people and exercising. Nowadays these are things that I am so grateful for, but unintentionally put around me. Having you put it into words makes it so much clearer.
I suffer with this, that evil voice in my head.
You HAVE TO fight it, you have to talk trash back to your depressed, dark side, put them in their place, make yourself get those thoughts out of you’re head, actively fight it.
I had a teacher tell our class something pretty eye opening in college, on the topic of bigotry *“It’s like brushing your teeth, you have to keep at it every day, you don’t do it once and say, ‘I cured cavities forever!’, it’s a habit, and you have to do it regularly”*
That's what I do when my inner whiner gets in the way of me trying to get stuff done. I yell at it, squish it into a ball in my mind and toss it behind me and make sure it knows that it's not helping. I'm not sure I have depression but I sometimes freeze when I need to do important stuff
Bad advice imo, "actively fighting" in this context means you are expending your mind on the thoughts, mental energy spent on whatever negative impacting ideas you're having is always bad, the best method would be to not try to run away from thoughts, and instead acknowledge them and set it to the side, that way you don't psyche yourself out by thoughts racing and it makes it easier to come to the rational conclusion or the truth in other words
Embrace it. Humans are worthless. Our society is a huge paradox. End it all. Return to nothingness
@@terrywallis533 sounds like a spiral architect song
Depression is a motivational disorder of feeling helpless. People have expectations they feel they must achieve, but can’t so instead they don’t even try. That’s why it’s observable as a dopamine deficiency, because it is the central neurotransmitter for excitement/anticipation (something which isn’t present with depression)
Making myself aware that my depressive feelings were temporary has helped me a lot. That and having strategies to get through the worst of it. I once even told a friend at the end of a chat “Good night. See you tomorrow.” They probably didn’t think much of it but for me it was a promise not to do anything stupid that night.
For any autistic folks who have ever been through ABA or social skills training, if there is a tl;dr to be taken from this video it is this: Ignore everything the ABA therapists and social skills trainer told you about socialization. All of that ultimately cuts off your ability to form an actual community in favor of propping up a fake self so THEY feel better. The advice that Vaush gives, on the other hand, is actually helpful. And yes, some of it seems sort of in line - but other than THE most basic elements, there isn't much overlap. And I'll add the following - if a community (in which you have no authority over anybody and the person isn't a service worker on duty) looks like they actually enjoyed your company, only to repeatedly turn on you inexplicably, that community is likely toxic. Or at any rate the person who tends to do that - make you really think they were great with you, only to turn on you viciously, especially if that's a pattern - that is a toxic pattern. And if they turn on you repeatedly if you were exerting authority over them and had it - you maybe need to stop flexing your authority so much and learn to wield it better and more carefully and not be authoritarian.
one thing i’ve learned being in a number of different programs is starting the day with a couple affirmations, even just “i’m doing my best” and ending the day with trying to name one good thing that happened, even if it’s just “i fed myself today” can do a lot to just put you in a better mindset. it doesn’t fix the depression, by any means, but at least it’s a tool to help organize thoughts, and see the good, even when it’s so hard to.
To anyone in the comments here going through this, know that even though I don't know you personally, I have full faith you can get through what you're going through, and get on the right path to continue to do great things.
We're here for you.
honestly just flashing a genuine smile/chuckle and making appropriate amounts of eye contact when someone is speaking goes a long way in building trust that may lead to friendship.
"I'm good at making friends but once I have them, I'm such pressure and anxiety to be funny and entertaining that I can't do it"
Couldn't have said it better myself
Absolutely everything here is absolutely correct. I'm ADHD, autistic, anxious, depressed, etc and so much of what Vaush is talking are about things I've learned myself.
Edit: I have so so much more advice to elaborate on if people are interested.
Teach us your wisdom please. Autistic semi depressed person here. What is your advice? Its really quite interesting all this.
@@veel60 I guess our advice was denied…
I was the one who asked, and I got 3 helpful advise from it to me, 1. Therapy (obviously), 2. Let someone feel comfortable to talk and leave the convo, 3. Community. I got alot friend before so they could help me out
I was feeling a bit down and this video cheered me up. The temporary aspect of our emotions that Vaush talked about reminded me that the sadness will end and that basically k.o.ed my sadness. Ty
these are some of my favorite vaush moments - really causes u to stop and reflect and i love the honesty in it
The background music matched the subject matter really well I think lol I was vibing
For everyone interested in the awesome music playing in the background, it is called "Torvus Bog Subterranen" from Metroid Prime 2 :)
Thanks! Was looking with no success until I found your comment.
@@macpheemusic4294 I am glad that I could make your day a little bit better! Happy Holidays :)
Man, these Metroid clips have been fire recently. I think Voosh gets lulled into a zen like state by robo-mommy
Excited to hear all the things my therapist tells me… but from papa vowsh
Honestly, I seem to have a different problem than the one that's described here. Back in college, this would have been picture perfect advice, and its advice I eventually found for myself. I'm alright at communication now. No, unfortunately my problem is simply just the atomization of living in small town america. Maybe if I wasn't trans I could just go to church or a bar, but alas church casts me out a sinner, and the bars around here are full of trump folk and i like my teeth remaining inside my head. I don't pass well enough to be seen as a woman on sight, but i *also* don't dress in ways that are easily read as masculine (and refuse to, obviously), which means i'm a pretty big target when going around places like this.
My current plan is obviously to escape, but i'm 26, my escape plan has been 8 years in the making and i don't feel any closer to my goals. If anything, further from them, with the crushing weight of isolation bearing down on me, my inability to work retail making it hard to find stable work.
i need to start taking my meds again...
I'm not trans (well, at least not aware of it), but I pretty much have the same problem. I never had therapy, but I learned to debate my depression brain and it's basically okay now. Yes, I still have some bad episodes, but I'm a lot more self-aware and can deal with it most of the times. But atomization is still a problem. Church wouldn't be an option, I'm not into that stuff, and bars... well... I would need friends to go with them to a bar. I can't just sit there alone. I did it in the past, usually to New Year's Eve, and one time it was nice. But talking to strangers and getting myself involved isn't really my strength. I had some hope when I went back to university (I don't even know how to pay my bills in the long run, but I will figure that out later) , but most students around me aren't really interested in me - or interesting for me. I had contact with some guys, but they turned out to be some weird 4chan incels and one of them is a straight up fascist who only doesn't like the Nazis, because they weren't authoritarian enough. I met a few (more leftist and pro LGBTQ+) people I would like to hang out with, but we study completly different things and I know it wouldn't be more than drinking a coffee together once in a year or something like that.
Keep working on it guys, there's people probs just down the road from you feeling the exact same way. Remember that you deserve to be happy and you don't have to be friends with people who like the exact things as you, just try and put yourself out there in small amounts ot start with. Vaush is right when he says just find a community event you can get involved in that you are interested in, have that goal of just talking to a few people each time. Over time you'll find some people you vibe with, even if you don't see them all the time, having someone to chat with now and again is a massive bonus. Just try and be consistent with communication, if you're flakey responding to messages or work nights just let them know....
I used to be known as a social butterfly, I could move between groups of friends and slot in anywhere(around 15 to 20 different friends across groups), nowadays I have like, 3 or 4 friends left, one I haven't seen in 6 years but we talk via WhatsApp, another I forced myself to get back into regular contact with who I haven't seen in 8 years, another who used to work for me and I see once a year and finally my neighbour who I see every week but is diametrically opposed to me politically(the other 3 are leftists). Admittedly, my friend have been shitty over the years, I've been frozen out of groups of friends because I wanted to be neutral when people fell out or split up, I've even had a best friend I lived with try and murder me just before Xmas, a year later I had a stroke and because I struggled to get around people just ditched me and stopped inviting me out and about. People are shitty, and in my experience you will only ever be able to count reliable friends on one hand, just keep up the effort and you'll get there!
In a pinch, online communities can come in clutch. Being connected with people in your actual physical life is best, but online hobby/interest groups can become networks that connect you to people that you can talk to about whatever, whenever. You may even find that there are people interested in the same things you are that aren't as far away as you thought, and THEN you can end up with a sort of oasis of community even in otherwise inhospitable territory.
I'm 26 now, hope things got easier for you
Thanks for this
you havent even watched it
@@Monke1312_ They may have seen the VOD.
@@socialist_vocalist tru. I forgot about that lmfao
I have heard of that recognition called the “elephant rider”, you have to attempt and recognize that you are not entirely in control of the elephant (your body). The rider in the analogy being your conscious mind, it is easy to recognize the signs and symptoms of a depressive state and attempt to fight it, but that often makes it worse. Letting the emotions flow over you, not fighting them makes the hurt a bit easier, i find. It is also much easier said then done to detach yourself like that. Just gotta keep moving forward one step at a time, it might be slow progress but progress all the same. Atleast that is how I rationalize my depressive times.
Youre so fantastic at this sort of content
I had a similar issue as the first guy. Me and my girlfriend when we first got together we're very depressed and kinda afraid to emotionally connect. Finding things to do together that we both enjoyed helped a lot. Cleaning together, playing video games together, and actually starting to talk. A lot of that was just bringing heavy topics up. Obviously try to learn timing, I've fucked that up a loooooot. But it didn't end the relationship, it led to bad nights, but not a bad forever. It's a work in progress as always but it's a lot better than it was a year ago. Good luck to you all, if u see this, I love you and wish you the best❤️❤️❤️
Stardew Valley is a god send
It's important for people to recognize that depression is a combination of anguish *and* the sense that it will never end.
Virtually anybody can stick it out for a year or two of misery if they ultimately believe things will be alright. The fact that you can't get yourself to believe it is what keeps it lasting more than a year or two, too.
You gotta see hopelessness as a symptom just as much as the pain is.
I was depressed 15 years and just trying to put a life together at 34... If you're young, please start working on it now. And seek help.
When he started talking about body confidence, I was like , here we go, thought we could sneak past that problem. I completely agree, I feel this way exactly, but I don't know what to do, I've got gender/body dysphoria but I'm shit scared of transitioning, and I'm pretty sure it's physically impossible for me to make my body comfortable. I'm past puberty and I got the worst pear-shaped 5 ft tall body. I hate being around people exactly because of my body.
Mine is just around my weight but I totally feel uncomfortable about my body around people including how I feel in clothes. It’s a truly horrible feeling just being uncomfortable with your body. Which combines with my social anxiety so I’m like double uncomfortable lol.
Im also a 5ft tall pear I feel for you
@@mommybat2941 5ft tall pears are great. same with 6ft tall pears. they're a lot more rare, though.
I find embracing and being at peace with my own mortality really gives me the freedom to be see the void for what it is: where all things go to die and be born. My body will be food for worms, those worms food for birds, and so on. My decomposition begets the birth of others and in the mean time, it’s meme time and living a life that makes me happy :)
The background music is perfect for this
The music just fit so well with this conversation.
9/10
I’m a red-blooded conservative republican 25 year old dude, but I still have a fondness for you, Vaush. I check in every so often, for politics and otherwise, just to hear what you come up with. Keep on going dude,. You have my support from the other side of the aisle
Why are you still a Republican , given the current state of your Party.
@@TheD2JBug I’m optimistic personally
It’s good to see you are willing to listen and try to understand opposing perspectives. Most (both Right and Left) are stuck within their own bubbles, and when they do branch out it’s purely to hate-watch.
I don't need to listen to opposing perspectives if they include the cult of Trumpanzee fascism. which is what the Republican party is
We are all the same deep inside, we all need to escape from the cycle if guilt
The Metroid background music and ambience is so fitting lol great advice tho! Mental care and loneliness is something that needs to be addressed as electronic entertainment trumps others and makes us enjoy being alone
I go through the same thing when I'm dealing with my depressive states. Just constantly reminding myself this is only temporary. Just need that constant reminder that there is a light at the end of this tunnel of depression and anxiety.
Some advice from me to you. It may not be for everyone but skateboarding is actually a lifesaver for a lot of people. You go outside, get exercise, that’s probably why we’re all skinny , meet new people into the same hobby as u, constantly learn new things and push yourself to get over fears. It’s also next to impossible to think about things that make u sad while attempting a trick
I don't think it's possible to actually be happy, but instead it's better to try to minimize suffering until we get to die. minimizing suffering is not about being reclusive or lonely, it's a ton of work that often contradicts your instincts towards convenience. still, I think that should be the main goal in life.
I can run a six minute mile and I still don't want to exist anymore. I'm constantly painfully aware of how my body is in a constant state of decay, and the times I'm able to distract myself from that excruciating fact are few and far between. I've spent years in therapy, taken a multitude of antidepressants, and attended a variety of social events. When such social events are able to distract me from the incredibly weak piece of shit body that I have to inhabit just to experience life, I'm reminded of that immediately upon the end of such events. In any case, at least I have a thorough note that stands the best chance at politicizing my death (especially if I make it into a video given how pretty I am) and shooting myself in the head next to a hospital will turn me into the ideal organ donor.
I just graduated Nursing school and I understand, but don't give up brother/ sister. Do you mind sharing? Is it HIV, MS, Cancer? Have you considered moving to Oregon for legal suicide? I wouldn't judge you.
This is going to make me feel called out isn’t it?
edit: yes. yes it did. oof
Vaush really downplays the effect romantic relationships can have on you, and I get that he's just talking from his perspective, but keep in mind that a lot of people are really only depressed because they never get (or never got) any care or appreciation in their life, and a good partner can DEFINITELY fix that. That's exactly what happened to me, and I know plenty of people who have the same story.
Of course, it's not like relationships are magic, but I'm worried of this "sort yourself out by yourself" kind of advise, because a lot of people won't be able to ever do that unless they find a friend or a partner that will support them.
A good partner can definitely fix it, but it is not good for people to succumb solely to relationships, it can easily be unhealthy and something to be heavily reliant on in that vulnerable state - when that relationship might not work out for example, it can throw you deeper into your own depression, there's no guarantee they will be able to keep up with you sufficiently. It can definitely help, like he said, but it's important to build yourself up and before opening up.
@@treegrilld Yeah that's true, relying solely on a partner to make yourself better is not good or helpful in any way, I just don't like this mentality of "you can't be loved until you love yourself" or whatever, even if there is some truth to it
He didn't downplay it and he didn't say to just deal with it on your own
He basically said don't except it to fix your emotional issues because it's not very likely to work which is what you said
He wants people to "reach out and form healthy community bonds" and "talk to people" (direct quotes) he wants people to reach out to others for support but not depend on being in a romantic relationship
And everyone has anecdotes that portray the opposite of what you've experienced so.... yeah
I've been someone's "saviour" from isolation and need for affection and I've never been so emotionally depleted and depressed. Very often depressive people attract each other and the "stronger" one ends up taking a very dark caretaker role. I am absolutely NOT implying this defines your relationship; I'm very happy things are working out for you, but I feel compelled to point this out because I've seen it too many times and it gets worse as I get older. It's hard to connect with "nOrMaL" people my age and the cycle repeats itself in depressive episodes when the comfort of being understood by a fellow depressive is tempting.
@@treegrilld all of what you said plus it's unfair imo to make your happiness be fully dependent on another person.
The music playing really matches the tone of his conversation and voice.
I hear you Vaush, been watching your similar videos on this topic, but I still feel that I'm at a logical dead end. The rules and societal expectations in my life have changed so quickly over the past 1-2 decades that I've never gotten a firm grasp on skills or behaviors that would make me feel useful to other people. Living between countries and cultures, changes in sexuality and gender identity, picking up and dropping marketable skills whenever the new software or trendy technique releases, I've consistently been physically torn from my best friends since the 7th grade. At this point I've spent so much time drifting in a bubble that the next generation seems to be surpassing me in every metric available, including my own younger cousins. The world seems to be moving faster than I can keep up, my own diaries indicate that the only consistency I have is my depression, so now I'd rather watch than participate. I don't want to slow them down. I know it's all nonsensical self-pity, but I can't seem to escape it through conventional things like exercise and posture.
I read part of your comment and I may have honed in on your issue. I think you should stay less away from social media in general. Remember, zoomers have grown up with smart phones in grade school. That seems CRAZY to me as a millennial, trying to hide your phone from a 3rd grade teacher. My dude, exercise and posture doesn't fix things by themselves. Listen to the other advice Vaush has to offer.. go outside, talk to people, make friends, etc. Nobody is surpassing anyone my friend, remember when Vaush once saud "no TH-camr has their life together?" It's true.
@@jons4934 That's the thing though: I have zero issues having reciprocal conversation with people of all ages and genders, with the exception off small children. I just don't see the point in doing it. They always leave, the conversation is always cut short, I'm always left with 20 things I didn't have time to talk about. They have lives of their own to return to and I don't take it personally. Commitment and consequences scare me, as someone who has just become accustomed to constant change.
I know that everyone is secretly struggling and suffering no matter how functional they may seem on the surface, I'm the same way myself. I've practically been faking straightness for nearly 4 years and even the people living with me don't know that I nap 2 times a day out of pure disinterest in the world. I also know that social media only shows you the most talented people, that an artist who makes photo-realistic art every day or an athlete who climbs a mountain per week isn't the average. I've heard it all before.
I guess my problem is more existential than circumstantial even if it was born from circumstances. I don't even see the point in fixing myself, it's why my last therapist said she couldn't help me. I'm not even sure why I bother to write about it, I'm probably wasting your time too.
As a side note, yeah. The zoomer phone culture is fucking wild but at least they were born into it rather than stumble as we millenials did.
"my own diaries indicate that the only consistency I have is my depression, so now I'd rather watch than participate. I don't want to slow them down." i didn't give you permission to publish my life in the youtube comments.
@@awesometwitchy " it's why my last therapist said she couldn't help me" damn that's gotta suck, i fear for that happening sometimes.
"I'm not even sure why I bother to write about it, I'm probably wasting your time too." not mine, although i wish you the best i'm glad to read about similar experiences, makes me feel like less of a freak.
@@prettyokandy230 I'm glad you found my experiences useful. I wish I could say that you're not actually a freak, to stop being so hard on yourself, but that would be hypocritical. If you're anything like me, then being a freak at the very least makes you... you. I find the idea of being "normal" scary in itself, especially because with all the years I wasted in confusion and apathy, it would be anti-climactic.
I hope I haven't scared you away from seeking professional help. I know plenty more people who have benefited from therapy than have been hurt by it. With enough time, I'll probably drop my ego and pick it up again.
Sending you hugs mate. Hope you find love and purpose soon.
Man, my biggest issue is that I'm like 17, so it's hard to go out and do things. I was already not great mentally before, but at least I was forced to go outside for school. Now I'm doing online school because of COVID, and I don't think I have been as mentally depleted. Not even to mention that I live a basement where the light doesn't work, so I have to use just a single lamp. My inability to do anything combined with the fact I have to start preparing for life after highschool doesn't mix well together.
In conclusion, FUCK COVID!
Thank you for sharing this wisdom. This is legit advice and honestly something I went through recently. Hearing it put so well really puts it all into perspective. I've taken notes so i can really try to keep some of these in mind moving forward. Thank you.
The part in the middle starting about 18:10 is REALLY getting in my feels.
18:47-- oh my YES I can relate to your old agonizing about "what if they're not interested in what I have to say?" I feel like I've got to dazzle people in the limited time I've got with them, because if they don't care what I have to say then I've lost them as a potential connection.
Similarly with 19:14 on: My thoughts have always been, why would I want to make it easier for other people to reject my conversation, and by extension reject me? This idea that you can increase others' comfort with you by giving them conversational "outs" has definitely been something to get used to.
All of this stems from an anxiety about others not reciprocating my overtures, and worrying that others really would rather I not be around. I'm good with asking questions and am brave enough to approach strangers, but I've never felt like I can "seal the deal" and actually win others' liking enough to make it truly mutual.
All I wanted was to matter to other people. I didn't want to have to be OK with being utterly unimportant to others, in order to make them comfortable.
I still don't like that being comfortable is more prized in relationships than compassion, solidarity, love, debate, and rich experiences. I feel like comfort is beyond me while the others I can do.
Now I can see where my conversational patterns may have been inadvertently making others feel obligated to keep talking to me. That whole pressure to "make it count" with every single person you meet, to not waste a single chance at a relationship.
32:00 i now picture a bunch of 14 year olds asking a waitress, if the waitress likes the job and do they watch " twitch". BTW do this if you are a kid some girls feel flattered as fuck when young buys nervously talk to them especially if they are older than 25 people are actually pretty understanding IRL. source me working in a kitchen for 3 years. also first booba i ever touch was a IHOP waitress, i was 16, she was cool AF.
A wonderful topic to touch upon on the longest night of the year.
Vaush should really lean into this self help stuff. He gives motivational yet pragmatic advice that helps me every time.
I like the idea of reminding one’s self that what one is feeling is temporary and in most situations won’t matter later. However, I like to write, writing allows me to externally reflect on my emotions because internal reflection is inefficient. By writing it out I can most the time see that what is bothering me is a bit ridiculous or not serious. It also allows me to spot triggers or see patterns in my moods. The issue is that I also have significant trauma and not just depression. I know that the feelings I have when I am sad are not typically true. And that is what gets to me the most. Knowing that I am feeling that way and it not being valid, knowing there is no reason to feel that way. I love to run it makes me feel great but where I live it’s not possible. But I can walk and pay attention to my surroundings which is not as easy when running. So I get out nearly everyday and walk about a mile or so. I also joined a club where I can be around people more like me with interests like me. However, it’s about two hours away and I can’t go until I fix my car. So I am working on it, I have a therapist and a psychiatrist, I am aware my feelings are for the most part connected to trauma and not related to what is happening today, I am aware that there are triggers today (every F’ing where it seems) that are causing trauma to resurface, I am getting outside even if my neighborhood is shit, and I am doing my best to be social and make friends. So I’m doing my best unfortunately it’s not as simple as the government is shit and people are being shitty. I have very bad trauma and I am struggling significantly with it. Every since my therapist started trauma work with me it’s felt like a lid has been blown off and shit I didn’t even remember is just overflowing it what it feels like. And some of them are like emotional memories not visual from when I was very young and honestly I don’t want to know for sure what happened in those memories they give me very bad feelings
"Detaching yourself from your feelings to see that you're not in control"
Instructions unclear, got stuck in a derealization phase instead.
I was one of those people who didn't believe in depression til I had an xtc comedown and was like "oh, they literally can't just listen to their fav music or whatever as a pick me up" like i didn't give a shit about things i usually loved, all my normal self soothing mechanisms were completely ineffective. And I was just a tourist. anybody living with that shit is pretty damn strong in my opinion.
If you are looking for a specific event to talk to people, Magic the Gathering Open Houses (events where experienced and brands new players are paired off to learn to play) are a fantastic way to do it, because you can assume the other person is interested in Magic the Gathering, making it something you can safely talk about: "What interested you about Magic? When did you start playing?" They are also very short (20 minutes), casual entry, and 1 on 1.
There are undoubtedly other events like this, but Magic is what I am most familiar with
I still haven't played the Metroid prime games but damn, that music sounds great
The Metroid prime game play and music is very appropriate for this. Like Vaush is a veteran space marine explaining how to navigate Nero-typical social spaces
I met my girlfriend while she was working and I was just trying to kill time while my friend bought stuff in her store, we hit it off talking politics. I asked for her number so we could be friends, unbeknownst to me, she gave it to me for more. Everything was going great on our second date until a moment came where I had to admit to being a Vaushite, but to my relief, so is she! I think she might be the one.
Awww, that's cute. Best of luck to both of you.
The things that I think about when I am in a depressive episode don't just bother me when I am feeling depressed. They bother me whenever I think about them no matter what sort of mood I am in.
samurai is about as honorable as knights. a lot of the things we Romanize about the past is actually fucking stupid.
Depression for me can be summed in two words: tunnel vision. I feel like I'm shit, everything else is shit, there's no hope for a better future, and I should just blow my brains out. I can't afford therapy and meds. To me the world is completely insane and too full of suffering to be worthwhile.
From being sad to joining a cult. DGG 4 LYFE
u upload this right after i have a very similar epiphany while cleaning my dorm room thank you B)
This was amazing to wake up and do my morning routine to.
I still suffer from depression and anxiety however I must say that cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) has done wonders to help me change the way I think about myself
I now automatically catch myself when I start to have those self destructive negative self-thoughts and constantly remind myself that that isn’t who I am
It’s a constant struggle though as the thoughts don’t really stop…I just got a little better at stopping them in their tracks
I know we don’t all have insurance that would pay for CBT and that sucks. But if any of you are thinking about it and can get it I definitely endorse it
Medicare For All!!! And stay strong my friends!!! 💪🏾 ✊🏾
Ask a lot of open questions, be interested in the subject, give something about yourself by talking about your interests (as Vaush said). I agree with the depression part, although my social anxiety disorder sometimes is the biggest hurdle. For me mimicking more socially skillful friends and making a script of good general open questions help. Although sometimes other person may feel im interrogating them.... 😅 When i feel more confident i may improvise like normal ppl. I have found that sometimes being aloof and letting ppl come to you is easier.
Also had one of those conversations last night, random stranger turns around and starts talking about COVID. I attempt to give as little response as possible, but he would literally ask a follow up question EACH. FUCKING. TIME. it was a 40 minute convo about random niche COVID things, that im not convinced he didnt just make up. Never actually ended the conversation just managed to get him to move onto movies. We eventually just left lmao
Well clearly I didn't/ don't have a very good understanding of depression because I wasn't sure if it was depression a few years back when I was always scared of and sad about my death.....the more ya know
I didn't reassure myself or anything I just distracted myself by watching something, talking to someone whatever
Fear can split into two categories angry and anexity aka depression
What makes me depressed is knowing and subconsciously reminding myself that my life is an endless slog of working under the boot of those who make much more than me and can afford to enjoy their lives and pursue their interest. That my life will be wasted away grinding endlessly in the futile hope that maybe someday my daughter will be able to grow up in a world where she is valued and her life is allowed to have meaning and the pursuit of happiness rather than being destroyed along with the rest of the human race in the inevitable destruction of our Earth's ecosystems along with the planet itself.... Kinda hard to get around this considering the humanity doesn't seem to care about solving the climate crisis or caring for the lowest amongst us
A good way to see if someone is interested in continuing a topic is to find something related to the topic you don’t know and say “…I don’t know how x works, though.” In a speculative tone and pause. Most times they’ll add on by saying “well maybe y is how it works” so they can participate and add on to the topic and you can see how engaged they are. If they don’t add on, make a speculation about it yourself and then change the topic, perhaps asking them a question about themself
The thing about being obsessed with what other people think about you is you’re obviously wrong. Everyone is only obsessed with themselves first of all, they’re not concerned with judging you duh!
I have an online friend that I’ve known for a few months, I have the same problem as vaush in where if left on my own, I’d die having never talked to anyone. I’m quiet and a lot of our socializing is filled with long silence, he is a small streamer on twitch and whenever he has a guest on they both constantly have so much to say and it’s so much more energetic, it makes me feel like I’m failing as a friend and hindering him
Oh my, what a sad boy we have here XD
I’m doing much better, and this comment was before I started going to therapy
@@TheOrene so glad you are doing better.
I had had two online friends, but they have both ended up k*lling themselves (they didn't know each other), so I can't really relate
Vaush is totally a big minigolf head and I respect it
Vaush is kinda right I used this advice to go-to a concert by myself since I don't know too many people here in Atlanta I had so much fun my only thing is when I was talking to a group of people there I felt like I didn't give them enough outs in the conversation and could feel them pulling away from it towards the end of night. the initial feeling of before I went there was hell but it paid off because it really feels like I made the first step!
P.S ATL comrades let's be homies lol
I needed to hear this today, thank you.
5:02 What the actual fuck, this hit home!.
Every time you or anyone talks about this you talk about good days and bad days, I don't just wake up and have different feelings through the day, never have any clue what people are talking about with this
Oh I get depression time to write some of this down so I remember. Relationships don't fix depression but finding somthing you can do together to help with the depression is a solid move. Maintain like any relationship can be a bitch with depression
I think the last part is very important:
Folks, there is nothing wrong with approaching someone nicely (if you let them go if they decline and dont hold a grudge about it or anything). I have been talking to a few guy friends about this issue recently and a lot of them basically said they would never approach a girl on the streets because they would be afraid of making her ever so slightly uncomfortable. News flash: You have a right to initiate a conversation with people. There is nothing wrong with you if that person gets uncomfortable. That is their problem.
About community: Moving in with flat mates was the best thing I could do and I’m totally planning on moving into some kind of commune or cohousing community later. I never want to live totally alone (or only with a partner) again.
That thumbnail made me happy today. In Addition your Point about Community Support Structure is such a MAJOR thing. And its sooo fked in the West.!The Arrabic World, Africa, the parts of asia wich aren't South Korea, Japan, or the butterside of China. are so extraordinairly different in comparison to "us" If we ppl of hypermodern societys have to even just get to know our Neighbors it would already be "way too much to endure". holy shit, u made some great arguments here VH
What sucks is that the easiest opportunities for socialization is when people are young in school and much harder as we grow up (in the US). I also think that infrastructure has much to do with mental health since owning a car is the only way to get anywhere and many young or lower income people can barely afford that, even people who earn well have to monthly pay for insurance and gas which always sucks. Not to mention zoning has killed opportunities for socialization, the corner store has been killed and much more town square or community based commerce is relegated to disgusting strip malls.
i never had it but i think its good to listen to this advice from time to time~
the shitty part about depression is hearing all this and feeling "this is too much work and won't do anything for me because I'm worthless" hah.
TRY IT, PEOPLE!
what a great segment
Local social events are pretty hard to find during COVID, everything is online
Sometimes, going ork mode (less introspective) helps me with existencial doom thoughts