5 hard truths all adoptive parents must face

[@jow.2450]

Is it okay to tell that Mom, “I haven’t been in your shoes, but I’m happy to listen?” I want to have a supporting phrase.

[@adoptinformed]

YES! ☺️ That is a great idea. Usually all adoptive parents want is to be able to share their worries and concerns to someone who is willing to listen and acknowledge their feelings.

[@gracewalton5479]

That second point, phew, that touched me. We are only planning on adopting in the future and are not experiencing any of the things that adoptive parents do, but we found out this year that our oldest son has Asperger's autism. He's five and fairly high functioning, so it's been a long journey of realizing that there are things we're dealing with that don't come with "normal" parenting. I've had so many people say the sorts of things you mentioned, like "all kids do that" and "he's fine". People don't get it when I explain some of our family life struggles because they don't see those things when we go out in public. It's isolating and disheartening to feel like I'm always being told that I'm overreacting, when I have to put so much time and effort into managing our lives with autism in the mix. Thanks for pointing out that adoption is a lot of the same, it's helpful to have realistic expectations. With my son, it's helpful to have friends who are going through the same or similar because they really get it, it sounds like it's also important to have when adopting, too.

[@adoptinformed]

Yes! It is so hard when people say “oh, that’s normal!” When you know it’s just not. I’m glad this resonated with you in your situation ❤️

[@thefrogfathergaming5800]

As someone who would really like to adopt in a couple of years coming across your channel has opened my mind to the things I need to learn & do in order to be a good parent for the future children I'd love to love when the time comes. Thank you for making these videos & being open about your experiences 😊

[@adoptinformed]

You are so welcome! Thanks for being here! ☺️

[@Renee445]

Thank you for sharing! As an adoptive mom, I get it! My husband is the only other person I know who gets this adoption thing, and it's wonderful to have his support. People really just don't understand adoption, so they say things they think are helpful that really aren't. I just have to remind myself that those things likely are coming from a good place. I probably said some dumb things too before I really understood adoption. It's a continual learning process. It's so nice to have the internet to help connect with other adoptive parents who get it.

[@adoptinformed]

I completely relate! It’s so nice to have someone else who gets it ❤

[@danielleg1504]

I’ll be an adoptive mom (from foster care) soon too… and I can relate to that isolating experience in a different way.
My biological son was born with a serious lifelong medical condition, and I’ve met a great many other parents who don’t really “get” that parenting him is different. ❤

[@crazyleaf257]

Humans are so deep and complicated 🥺🥺

[@katierussell3136]

Omg #2!!!! Yes!! And #5 is what helps so that your community also includes people who have adopted so they can support you!

[@bmylove4444]

How does someone know when something is a trauma response vs not? Is everything a trauma response when dealing with an adoptive child?

[@adoptinformed]

That is one of the most difficult things as an adoptive parent…I always found myself asking “is this a trauma behavior or a normal kid behavior?” I don’t know if there is a clear answer, but being aware of trauma and using trauma informed parenting is the best we can do ❤️

[@bmylove4444]

@@adoptinformed Thanks for your reply, and for being honest... I think I'm trauma informed but its hard sometimes to not feel like people make every behavior out to be trauma and even me saying that makes people think that im not trauma informed or I'm ignorant which is hard to reconcile

[@bmylove4444]

@Chet Senior I understand. Thanks for sharing

[@lijohnyoutube101]

@@bmylove4444After almost 2 decades with a spouse that grew up
with a lot of trauma my walk has been that the vast majority of his life reactions are due to trauma but it took me a very very long time to get there in my understanding (and am still learning).

[@kierstenjorgenson5305]

Fantastic video! Thank you!! I’m a single adoptive mom of 2 non-biologically related daughters who are now teens. I first became their foster parent when they were 3 and 5. This has been an extremely challenging journey. More support in many ways would have been so helpful but by God’s grace we have made it this far. Everything you shared in this video is so true!!!

[@whyzbt]

Such a good video! Thank you for all the time and effort you put in your videos. They are insightful, real and very very helpful. Your videos helped me see adoption in another light and open up more to adopting an older child. Sending you lots of love!

[@adoptinformed]

Thank you so much for that encouragement! I love to hear that you are now considering adopting older children 🥹

[@charleneknottsrubini2220]

So many people need to hear this. Thank you so much for being this voice.

[@visi7891]

Thank you for taking about the hard stuff

[@wyldrayne5501]

Your videos are always so helpful!!!

[@crazyleaf257]

10:05 yessss

[@mountainchipmunk8530]

Thank you for sharing this! We hope to bring our boy home this year (he's currently 27mo)

[@mocajrx1047]

I’m a foster grandparent to my family’s foster children. I watch the boys (ages 6 and 8) often and wash dishes or clothes while I’m at their house - giving them a moment to breathe they wouldn’t otherwise have.

[@adoptinformed]

That is such a blessing to them I’m sure! It makes a huge difference to have that support ❤️

[@tanyawilson5055]

This has been so helpful! Thank you so much

[@cjsage115]

Hi there! I'm a big fan of your videos and they've helped me though my first year as an adoptive mom of a teen from foster care. Our adoption agency, Gladney here in TX, has asked us to speak to a group of families who are in training to adopt. I was wondering if you'd mind if I recommended your channel to them. Would that be okay?

[@adoptinformed]

Absolutely! 😊 I would even do a zoom call to speak to a group if they were interested. You can contact me at [e-mail] if you think that’s something that would be helpful!

[@cjsage115]

@@adoptinformed I'll let them know! Thank you for letting me share you with others and thank you for all you've helped me with!

[@crazyleaf257]

10:46 word!!!!

[@amandazacharias4790]

Thanks!

[@christinehoffman1825]

Thank you 😊😊😊

[@crazyleaf257]

What can I do to make adoption easier on the governmental side? are there any companies out there fighting for making this easier

[@crazyleaf257]

😢😢😢😢😢😢

[@sinequanon5586]

My late wife was born with spina bifida. Her mother did not know about folic acid, which has been shown to significantly reduce the risk of spina bifida. Her mother's ignorance resulted in her child suffering a lifetime of serious challenges that ultimately killed her.
Adoptees also suffer lifelong challenges due, in large part, to their adoptive parents' ignorance. The debunked "blank slate" theory and ignorance of the psychological issues surrounding adoption trauma have resulted in millions of adoptees being left out in the cold with nowhere to turn. Children cannot direct their own care and so they depend solely on their caregiver's awareness of the relevant issues that affect their kids' well being. When that awareness is lacking, serious lifelong problems can arise. We end up treating symptoms and never reach the root cause of those symptoms.

[@shellymcqueen6927]

That's great but what about the problems with the biological parent that is grieving how do you treat them

[@adoptinformed]

We maintain contact with our kids’ biological mom and siblings. We have a good relationship and keep the door of communication open. I know it’s different for every family, but that has worked for us.

[@nneoma6106]

Do you talk with individuals? I have a few personal questions about my adoption.

[@adoptinformed]

Yes, I work with individuals or couples! You can book a consultation on my website here: www.adoptinformed.com/ :)

[@crazyleaf257]

7:55 yesssss