My Real Thoughts on Having Children
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 มิ.ย. 2024
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has someone who spent many years working in nursing homes I can hundred percent tell you that having children is no guarantee they will be there for you when you are old.
That's just so sad but it's the bitter truth.
A bit of a silly thing to say, but thank you for all the hours of work you put into caring for those in nursing homes.
@@yunseaweed Why is that a silly thing to say? A lot of people say "but who will take care of you when you're older?!" As a reason for having children. It's a very valid statement to make regarding having kids.
I agree with @Hayeon because a lot of kids send their parents to care homes because they cannot provide a round a clock care a care home can.
@@FantabulousFail I think she was referring to her thanking op for caring for the elderly at the nursing homes :)
I was told for years I would change my mind.
I’m 55. I never changed.
GIRL I love it 😂 queen 👑
THANK YOU!
I don't want children either and I constantly get this "you will regret it '' u. U and I'm here like, well that's my desition
Even if you HAD changed your mind, it was still no one else's business and no reason to call you out on it!! If you "changed your mind" at a point it may be too late to have kids, that's your problem to deal with, not the people giving you "advice".
Same here. Im 33, and have a partner of 10years. My response to any prying questions is always:
"Anything else you need to know about my sex life or my genitals?"
Puts these questions into perspective for people, and shuts them up quick!
People who don't want kids should NOT have kids! And it's annoying when people ask when/if you are going to have kids, and then use a judgmental or "I feel sorry for you" tone of voice, after you tell them (politely) that you are not planning to have children. I was also told by MANY people that I would change my mind (which is a bit condescending). I'm 37. I still have no interest in having kids.
Bethany Patrick SAME! I knew when I was a child that I didn’t want children and people kept telling me I would change my mind. I’m now 36 and never had children.
My boyfriend has 3 kids with his ex-wife and while I love them so much, I’m so glad I didn’t give birth to them lol.
When I was young I very decisively said I didn’t want kids, but I’m wavering honestly because my boyfriend likes kids and although he says he respects my decision not to have them, I’ve been thinking maybe it’s not such a terrible idea. I just don’t really like kids and am also scared of screwing them up because I don’t have the physical/mental/emotional capacity to take care of them and teach them how to grow up as healthy individuals. What are your plans for old age though? That’s been something on my mind a lot too
@@nil-8026 I plan to live out my life the same as I do now assuming I am healthy enough to do so. I certainly save a lot for retirement as I wouldn't want to be a burden on anyone (and I plan to thoroughly enjoy my retirement). I have other family which is sufficient for my emotional needs. I also have plenty of hobbies.
Or they seem to always tell you "But you'll be a great mom though?" Like... TBH I'm a little to selfish right now to have kids is what I always respond with anything.. which is true.. I put myself first.. haha then I tend to never get a response but the vocal ones will always end it with what you said.."You'll change your mind."..... Haha
@Chinmayee Jeyapriya you don't necessarily need to tell them anything. There are times when people have pushed and I told them: I've never had an interest in having kids. I'm not maternal. It takes a lot of time, money, and effort to raise kids. It seems exhausting and stressful to raise kids (although I understand it is also rewarding). I like the way my life is now. I like the freedom I have, etc. There are times when I've given reasons why I don't want to have kids, but generally when someone tells me I'll change my mind I just let it go. I don't particularly want to get into conversations with people who want to convince me to have kids, and I don't feel a need to justify my decision to others.
I don’t want kids and my parents always tell me to at least have one so “they can take care of me when I’m old.” like what?!!!
Really goes to show why they had us 😬
Ellen Xia big OOF! you’re right doe😳
Then most people rant about how egoistic others are for not wanting children. Hypocrisy at its finest 🙄
I got told by a woman who came into my work as a customer, that I will change my mind not that I might that I will
well... in the first place not all kids grow up like that regardless of how you teach/raise them. but i get it... i love kids and always said i wanted kids but now that i’m older (mind u i’m j 19 lol so my mindset might change) i don’t want kids. i’m pretty sure i’d love to take care of my friends’ kids or nieces n nephews, but i don’t think i’m at the point where i’d like to have kids. ever since i was young i never wanted a husband/wife/partner and i just wanted kids. now i just want to live a life alone n focus on independence. everybody have different opinions and i was once that girl that said ‘huh... you don’t want kids?’ or ‘maybe you’ll change when you get older’. i feel sorry to even think of those words.
if i learned one thing from Grey’s Anatomy - talk about kids before marriage lol! cant compromise on a kid
True. Two people with opposing ideologies on kids will never work. You can't have a half kid… either one has to make a compromise or the couple need to to break up
it’s true! owen sucks lmao
Wheatos welp, that’s out the window if you also don’t want to ever get married, soooo 🤷🏼♀️ lol
Like Cristine I’ve never wanted kids and I’ve never wanted to be married. I’ll be 40 in September. Definitely not a phase.
@@JennRighter that's straight Queen behavior
A 33 year long study called 'Childless Expectations and Childlessness Over the Life Course' was recently completed which showed that women who say they don't want children consistently didn't have children and they didn't change their minds. So now if anyone ever tries to tell you that you'll change your mind you can tell them that they are scientifically inaccurate.
Thank you very much for sharing that! That is very important to know xx
Screen shot this to reference later! Thank you for the info.
From what I read, the article said 14.5 percent remained childless, which is still fairly large.
@@achanwahn Whilst that is technically correct that is not accurate in regards to what I was saying above. That percent is the broad percent of women who at any point in their life considered childlessness and then went on to be childless. This percent includes all possibles reasons that a person may not have children. The point I was making was if we look at all the categories that make up that percent we can see that of the women who consistently stated that they did not expect children they consistently went on to remain childless. The study even states that "despite their variability over time, childless expectations strongly predict permanent childlessness, regardless of the age when respondents offer them." There are some graphs also that show this clearly in the study if that is something you are interested in.
Definitely going to find this and use it when someone tells me it’s different when it’s your own kids. Still don’t want them. I love my niece and nephew and my friends children. But I want to give them back and I go further into knowing I don’t want them. It’s so taboo to feel this way especially I find for those in religious backgrounds.
As a teacher, I see a fair share of child neglect or parent indifference. It's awful. Just don't have kids you don't want. 😔 Nobody asking cares about the kid after they're born and especially not when they get to me in 7th grade.
Amanda Chandler I work in a daycare and I agree the worst thing is indifference!
Exactly everyone asking where is the baby will not care later on, it’s your own responsibility and yours only
If they don't want kids why can't they be responsible and use contraception ?
(Birth control and or condoms??)
@@AD-jq7ow ultimatly peer pressure. And "it's normal to have kids".
I know a guy who hates kids, is indifferent to his own kids but feels he should have more because he came from a big family.
A D: Also even if you take every precaution you can still end up pregnant, and doctor’s aren’t allowed to let you get a hysterectomy unless you’ve had at least one kid (along with other criteria). So it isn’t that simply, and a lot of people’s rebuttal is “just keep your legs closed” which is ridiculous because women like sex just as much as men and shouldn’t be told they’re not allowed to have sex because they don’t want kids. Can you imagine if people told men that didn’t want kids to just “keep it in their pants”? That’s absurd to tell anyone especially since abortion is an option (not everywhere unfortunately), if you accidentally get pregnant you do not have the keep the zygote just because someone else wants you to, it’s your body and the people telling you to stay pregnant are not going to go through 9 months of pregnancy for something you didn’t even want in the first place. Okay tangent over 😂
i’m never ever having my own biological kids on purpose, but if i do want kids when i’m older i’m most definitely adopting cause i don’t see a point in bringing another person into the world when there’s already thousands who don’t have loving families, which makes me sad
Same thoughts!
I’ve had this belief my entire life honestly bro. Worded exactly that way
same. my take is more pessimistic though. My family historically has had some really really depressing and traumatic lives, myself included, and its influenced me to think its reckless and irresponsible to bring someone into the world on purpose unless you are *sure* it will be better than how you grew up.
Especially children. Babies are snatched up really quickly where as children just kind of aren’t wanted which is really sad. They have to keep going to different foster homes their whole life.
Good choice
I had always known I wanted to be a mother. I felt it very strongly in my bones that’s something I wanted to be. I was always of the notion that if I felt that strongly about WANTING kids, who am I to dare pass judgement on those who did NOT want kinds? Wouldn’t that deep certainty of wanting and not wanting be about the same? It’s all felt very deep from within.
I love your perspective! You are accurate that it’s a strong feeling of not wanting kids. But I complete respect and am so happy that you have that want. It is great to hear support from people that want kids
I grew up thinking I didn't want kids because I couldn't imagine myself having them and being a mom. After transitioning I realized I do want kids, I would be a great dad but I'll definitely adopt. My trans identity definitely used to have an impact on the topic but now I'm cool with the idea.
@@hxcknall_ and that's really cool too. People are totally allowed to change their mind without judgement or having it held over your head that 'they were right' or something similar.
What wisdom you possess!
That logic is how I feel and have explained my wife's gender to family. I am a cis woman. I never once growing up thought I was a boy. Ever. If I can be so certain about my gender then my transgender wife can know without a doubt her gender.
“Having kids is an action, so I would expect that person to say that’s something that they want-rather than the expectation be on the person to just have kids and then say they don’t want it.” Oh my god. Not even two minutes into the video and Cristine says one of the smartest things I’ve ever heard. I ABSOLUTELY agree with this sentiment!!! REALLY well said, Cristine!!!! You’re completely right-it‘s not fair!!! More people need to have this perspective.
@AnHeC There’s almost 8 billion people on the planet, I don’t think we’re in trouble of going extinct or having trouble with our species via slow reproduction rn (in general, underpopulated places exist).
@AnHeC I guess I could also say for your argument is that giving birth simply isn’t something that’s necessary to be healthy or happy, while giving birth to a child is a pretty big deaI that can have everlasting consequences. I think what Crisitine meant is if an action can have serious consequences, the person that wants to do that action should be the one to bring it up and discuss it. In a way, your argument already agrees with that.
I was thinking exactly this and then she said it 🙌🏼
@@AnHeC That's a far too simplistic of way of looking at this situation dude.
Exactly this! I had a conversation with my husband before we got married about wanting kids, and when I was ready to start trying it was a difficult topic to bring up wanting to start a family. I would have found it easier to just stay without lol. Now have issues convincing people I'm happy with just one 🙄
I feel like the argument of "oh have kids so you don't die alone" is easily solved by replying "if our society as a whole cared more about the elderly, their children wouldn't have be the only care takers"
Also, a lot of elderly people are neglected even abused by their children, so there's that
And also there isn't a guarantee that your kids will even still like you enough to have a relationship with you when you're old. Putting the burden of elderly care on future children is a huge gamble in general, and shouldn't be something you put all your eggs in a basket for. If my parents had me strictly so they wouldn't die alone or so that they would have a cushion for their elderly years I would be so incredibly resentful.
Not because i agree with the saying.. but how Many elderly that you arent related with do you hang out with?? Elderly are like small kids, they Can be a burden to take Care of if they arent your family.. lol but yeah dont just have kids because they Can take Care of you...
@@JannahInProgress you are right, I don't really hang out with elderly people outside of family, but I guess it's a combination of lack of time and opportunity. I'm in med school, so I'll probably hang around them more when I start going to the hospital
And yes, they can be a burden, but not all of them are and I guess it just comes down to what I said, our values are not directed to respect and care for the elderly ( I think in general we are taught to be individualists rather than take care of our community as a whole). We're taught to blindly respect them, but I believe respect has to be mutual and stem from empathy and effort of trying to understand each other, and that's something we all need to work on
There's also no guarantee that your kids will make enough money to cover medical expenses for you. You might live with them, someday, but they might only be able to afford to offer to turn a spare room, or the living room into a bedroom for you, and that's it. Us millennials are broke, and will be broke for a long time.
one of the reasons you want to have kids is NOT as a guarantee that they'll take care of you in the future
Bit of a tw
I (a 16 year old girl who does want kids one day) depise people who learn a woman doesn't want kids and go 'what if you get pregnant on accident?' like...imagine the reverse? Imagine people asking a pregnant woman 'what if you miscarry' it's incredibly rude both ways imo.
You're absolutely right. People should just mind their own freaking business.
It doesn't matter if someone wants kids or not; if you're not in a relationship with them, it is completely irrelevant.
So, I wholeheartedly agree with you.
Lol I don’t want kids and one time someone asked me ‘what if you get pregnant by accident?’ I looked at them with the sweetest smile I could muster went ‘oh I’ll just abort it’ and she promptly walked away..
Mind your own damn business Karen
I've gone with just fully telling them I'll have an abortion. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and these people act like it's somehow scandalous to talk about. I have a rare genetic disease in my family; it was made my problem and I categorically refuse to make it someone else's. So I'd get an abortion, Karen, thanks. And hopefully one day get my tubes tied.
That’s not really the same. In one scenario you’re asking what if you get pregnant. And the other what if the baby inside dies
@@bennu547 But they're considered opposites. And for some people in one senario you go through 10 months of pregnancy, a painful process to birth, and then raise a kid you don't want for 18 years (possibly fucking the kid up) in the other the clump of cells never exsists. In my mind asking a women "What if you get pregnant and are forced to raise a kid you've never wanted for 18 years and go through all the shit raising a kid entails" can equal asking a pregnant woman "What if you loose the baby you desperately want?" (Even before the babies developed.)
Mind you this is coming from someone who wants kids but they're so much pain to get and so much work to raise and asking someone what if they get pregnant is a dumbass loaded question which sees the women as a baby factory not her own person.
Ben, you're amazing for pointing out that asking when people will have kids can be super hurtful for those who desperately want them but can't have them.
I’m infertile but also don’t want kids and I point this out whenever someone nosily asks me why I don’t have any. They either hastily try to backpedal or get really quiet and awkward because they think I want them and this is a painful issue for me. I let them think that because then hopefully they’re less likely to ask other women that question and accidentally do so to a woman who, like me, is infertile but DOES want kids.
@@Sajirah Thanks for that, honestly. If I'd be in that position as you are, I probably would do the exact same. It's incredibly rude. They probably do not mean to, but empathy and thinking of other possibilities than the "normal situation" (aka being married and soon after having kids) never crossed their mind. That has to change in that regard and in others. So you teaching them that in the way you do is great in my opinion.
Yeah
Them: We don't want children
Z&M: am I a JOke tO YoU?
😂😂😂
😹😹😹😹
Who is Z&M?
@@JackJackIsBackBack Their pets
These people are liars
They have zyler and menchie
😂
Josslyn ouellette 🤣🤣🤣🤣true!
Lol ya
🤣🤣🤣🤣
You got me! 😄 🤣 😂
I have anxiety, depression, ocd, pmdd and there’s no way in hell i’m going to put a kid through all my mental health bullshit.
Me too❤️❤️❤️
May i ask what pmdd is?
@@floorlorier6279 Premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Hormone based mood disorder
that’s the same exact reason why i don’t want kids either. i don’t wanna have to put a kid in the position of dealing with my mental and physical health issues and they’d also have the chance of getting all of it passed down to them just from genetics. i don’t want a kid going through the same stuff i went through. it sucks and it’s just not fair. i don’t wish it upon anyone
@@iammehleh5751 thanks for explaining:)
Ben: “I think we would be good parents if we had kids.”
Cristine: **nervous yeah**
*Cristine
@@Justinya0 you do realize most people's computers and phones autocorrect to Christine. So, what's the point of this useless policing?
Oh I know I would be an awesome parent myself. But nope!🤷♀️
@@achanwahn Yeah it was autocorrect sorry! I know how to spell her name cuz I’ve been following her for about 3 years haha
I have never wanted to get married or to have children. It just never figured in my imagination, even from a very young age. I'm almost 53. I still don't want marriage or children. I have my two cats. We're very happy.
That's lovely
💜
That's so great
this is amazing and i look up to you for having that confidence to know what you want
@@jayboogieyo thank you! X
"When are you going to start your family?"
Well my family was started when I got serious with my partner. Thanks.
Right?? Like, that is a family. We make our own families, whatever that means for us individually.
This. Why does it only qualify as a family when kids happen?
Yesssssss. Thank you @Danielle
So I can’t have kids. I like little kids that are not mine like being the cool aunt but I can’t wait to foster older kids and teens.
I'm partially in the same. The women in my family have severe issues in the birthing department. I've always been far more interested in fostering.
I agree with both of you! Honestly I’ve never wanted to have a child of my own while knowing that there are many children out there that are already born who don’t have a family. I would feel guilty and selfish having my own kid. But I also don’t have anything against people who want kids, that’s just my personal opinion.
I agree. people ask me what will i do when i’m not fertile anymore (which is already invasive) and i want kids but it’s too late. i tell them i’ll adopt or foster.
Same!!! Although, I'm not sure what my fertility is like, but I'm not a huge fan of babies and I love older kids and I have yet to have romantic feelings towards anyone, so. Adopting and fostering seem ideal. ♥️
Fostering is amazing!
My mom had me to trap my father in a marriage. People who don’t want kids shouldn’t have kids and crazy people shouldn’t either
They would be really great parents but after watching them for years I know that they are the best cat parents ever and I hope that everyone respects them!
I had my tubes tied after I had my kids, who are twins because the pregnancy actually was very hard and myself and my kids almost died. First, two is PLENTY. Second, the experience was really traumatic and I have had panic attacks thinking about being pregnant again and my girl is medically fragile and developmentally delayed so it seems irresponsible to spread ourselves any thinner. I can't even look at pictures of me being pregnant. We had to sell our house and move because I couldn't be inside where all the horrible things happened.
You'd think I am slapping people in the face when I say I had my tubes tied. My husband had a vasectomy just to be sure and he doesn't really get the same scrutiny I do. I wish people would never direct pregnancy inquiries towards me because its really stressful thinking about that time and I spin a lot thinking about if I had lost one of them or what would have happened to my poor husband if he lost us all. Its been many years and ill never get over it.
I am so sorry to hear that your pregnancy was hard, but I'm glad that you and your children are alive and well. 💘 Also, I'm so sorry that people give you a hard time about your decision to have your tubes tied. Don't listen to those people.
You could just say you can't get pregnant again and not say why. If they press just say it's a medical reason. It's true.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told “It’s because you’re young. Just wait until you get older.” Sometimes you just know you don’t want kids. Even if you’re “young”, you know. Mostly if you’ve never felt the urge to even take care of a child whether it be babysitting or just looking after them for a bit.
Women not wanting to have kids should be normalized.
Step Out, Baby Photos I totally agree with this, I got married last year, and just had my 25th birthday. I’m just waiting for people to start asking when we’re going to have kids. Before my husband and I got married, we had the kids talk. We’re like, “nope, not for us. Let’s be the cool aunt and uncle”. I also have two autoimmune conditions that make pregnancy complex for me. Even if I didn’t have those conditions, the answer to kids would be no.
Exactly, I’m 15, and have no interest in having kids. With the job I want it would not be smart as I would be working a lot.
I was an edgy angsty teen when I first told myself I'm not having kids. Waited till I grow up (27 now), nope, still haven't changed my mind
You know I'm 21 and for the last few years I've been talking about not wanting children and people always said that would change and now I somehow started believing them, like what if i really change my mind or have child not on purpose what will I do and it scares me that one day the kid would hear what I've been saying about kids. But I just don't see myself with a child for another 10 years at least and I don't think that I will ever try to get pregnant on purpose.
I totally agree with you!! I was a teenager when i knew i wanted kids and it never changed (i have kids now). There is no reason for it to be different when you know you don't want kids.
You two talk in a way which shows that you're so complimentary to each other
It's called being childless, and stress free
I'm 16 and I'm just starting to realize how strange that my mom always tells me or like push it on me "oh when you have kids you'll... Blah blah blah" it's just that I.... Everytime the topic of children is brought up (which is crazy cause I'm just a child myself) I feel like I'm an alien cause I say that I don't feel comfortable with the idea of kids... Like yeah they're cute but just thinking about having one of my own makes me feel weird and uncomfortable. I really hope someone out there might understand me.
I’m 23 and I 100% understand that feeling. Other people’s kids are great because I don’t have to care for them 24/7👌🏻
I never wanted to be around kids, babysit, etc etc at your age. I think the “you’ll change ur mind” goes both ways. I’ve known a ton of people who hit like 26 and wanted kids in their future. But if that doesn’t click it’s fine too. It’s something you and your partner should know and decide on beforehand bc kids are a lot and should be wanted and loved. So basically you are young. Practice safe sex, and don’t stress about it for like 10 yrs. I decided at 25 I would want kids. It’s different for everyone. Just keep an open mind And know there is no right answer it’s personal to everyone
I’m 17 and the exact same way, I could never picture myself being a parent
I completely understand you. I will turn 24 next month and my family is starting to rush me to "find someone and have kids". You remind me a lot of myself because at school a lot of the girls around me would talk about wanting children and I just felt so uncomfortable about it. Everytime babies were mentioned I just never cared. Whenever I went to family gatherings and someone brought the "new baby of the family", they always ask me to carry it and I'd always said no. To this day I still don't want biological children! I've been thinking of maybe adopting an older kid (12+ in age) in the future. They have less chances to get adopted and I would skip the baby phase so it feels like a win win :)I don't think I'll do it anytime soon though.
I don’t want children of my own but I do like them a lot I would be fine with Adopting but idk how my family would feel about it
also the whole pregnancy and birth process has always seemed horrific to me, like even when I was a little kid I was like who tf would go through that.
like I hear people talk abt the nausea, not being able to sleep, the stress etc and then when they come children are expensive! I think of my parents and I'm like you could be living in luxury and here you are helping to pay for three kids colleges (and one kids grad school cuz ima scholarly beetch)
I get so annoyed when people ask this question. It's just not anyone's business. When I got married, right away people kept asking me when am i going to have kids. And i love kids and wanted kids but not right away after getting married. So I hated having to explain that. I have a baby now and I dont feel offended if someone else doesn't want to have babies. I dont get that. Have babies if you want but why would you be upset or offended if someone else doesnt want?? And same thing with marriage. If you want to do it. If someone else doesnt want to, that literally has 0 effect on your life. As long as the person is not being rude to you or putting you down for having kids or being married. Just as you shouldn't put them down for NOT having kids or being married.
My cousin married someone from Sweden. When someone at a family dinner asked if they would have kids right away she immediately told them it was not their business and that it was a rude question. She did want a child right away, and got pregnant soon after, but apparently in Sweden people don't ask questions like that. It's considered inappropriate and rude because not everyone wants that and not everyone can have kids.
You are a good woman. Thank you.
When I was dating in my thirties, "what do you think about kids" is absolutely a first date question. Or a pre-date question.
I never wanted kids until I met my fiance, and the amount of people who were judgemental when I changed my mind was unreal! Like, it's fine for people to change their views on these things, it's not like it's anyone else's business and I don't understand why people feel the need to just give their opinion when you didn't even ask.
I think this is a really important point. Situations change, I think it's so lovely you found someone that allowed you to imagine a future you didn't quite believe in before.
Do you think people judge because they want to shame? Why is it such a hot topic?
@@wooof. I think people just have certain views that they believe everyone should follow. Having kids, getting married etc. isn't for everyone, and that's perfectly okay.
I also never wanted to have kids growing up. After my husband and I started getting serious I had changed my mind because I found someone I could actually see having kids with. We're married now with one kid and planning another. Not everyone will change their mind, but its okay if you do.
I'm happy that people who don't want kids don't actually have them, honestly you're doing the right thing at respecting your own choices and opinions
I work in children's mental health, specifically with kids and teens who self harm and are suicidal. I have seen my fair share of sadly unfit parents who love their children but due to their own issues or upbringing end up doing more damage to their own kids.
I love working with kids, it's what I've always wanted to do, but I have serious reservations about having my own children. I see so many kids/teens in care who have had the worst possible start in life and I feel like I'm in a position where I could help one of those kids and manage all the emotional/psychological/behavioral challenges that may come with it. It seems selfish to only want my own biological child when there's so many out there even in my city that could only dream of a loving home.
My parents are always like "You'll understand when you have kids" or "When you have kids blah blah blah blah blah" I always get annoyed. I love being around children and all but in all honestly I'm sorta scared having children, like what if I mess up? What if I don't raise them correctly? What if they get kidnapped, taken away, or die an early death? What if they get hurt? I have once thought about when I'm older I want kids but now I'm slowly realizing the responsibilities, the possibilities of them getting hurt, and not being there for them. So.... maybe one day I'll change my mind but now?.... Nah.
If my friends have children I'd be happy for them and I'd try to help them as much as I can but I'd just prefer to be the cool Auntie that takes them to cool places and have fun with them.
Damn that's my thoughts exactly! I don't mind kids, I can even spend time with them, like play, take them somewhere fun, they make me laugh sometimes, but I do Not want my own. And it's worse I guess bcz when others see me being good with kids they say stuff like 'you cant possibly not want kids'. But how do I explain to them that I'm good with kids as an adult who plays with them, as a friend, as a sibling (with my cousins) and as an aunt, but not as a mother figure
Haha I'm the opposite. I just don't really understand other people's kids and I'm terrified of breaking them. But I desperately wanted my own kids and tried for years, and love them so much.
It goes to show how different we all are and how much we should just respect that people know what they want. My bestie is in the same boat as you, doesn't want her own but excellent with and loves other people's kids. Its a win win for both of us that she gets to play cool aunty! But also super invaluable for me to have a friend I can talk to about things other than baby stuff sometimes.
I hope you'll do what you feel is best for you
Please don't have kids just because everyone oppressed you to
the dreaded "kids" question lol
When people *subtlety* remind you about your biological clock as if they are trying to make you panic decide.
I just love these two. So honest. So loving. So respectful.
The majority of people who push my partner and I about having kids, about how we'll change our minds, are people who claim they didn't want kids, but they changed their minds as they accidentally had them.
They treat it like a part of life that comes regardless of what you want.
Like, I'm sorry you're so susceptible to fall victim to something you could have prevented if you tried (accidents happen but these are people who are all bark & no bite), but I choose to actually have control & choice in my life & kids are not the moves.
I agree 100% (btw I love your name)
ugh it’s a breath of fresh air hearing you two talk about this. two of my closest friends just got married and want kids, and i can’t wait to be an auntie. but i have no desire to have human children, only rescue animals and a long-term partner. and i’m more than ok with that being my life
“We don’t want children”
Zyler and Menchie- *GRAB THE POLISH IT SHOULD LAST US A FEW MONTHS OF FOOD*
I’m 16 and I’m 100% sure that I don’t want kids.
All of my friends in college says that they want kids and feel bad for me because I don’t want them but I don’t get why they feel bad? I just want a bit of freedom and I want to travel around the world when I’m older. Luckily my dad is supportive of me from our very short conversation about kids so that’s good.
Yes, it is. But think it further. People who think it through and don't want to procreate for logical reasons; they simply don't and stay childless. Meanwhile, those who are the most selfish, narcissistic and illogical people get kids. And alot of them. Often times, they get 5. Those 5 kids, who represent the future, and the future generation + society, grow up with terrible mindsets and selfishness. Then, those 5 kids procreate AGAIN in the selfish, narcissistic and illogical manner they have been socialized in. And now it creates a paradox: The selflessness makes the selfish overpower and creating a dystopian future. Would the selflessness families contribute and share their good, selfless values onto other kids, there would be a balance between good (selfless, logical) and bad (selfish, illogical), making the future better by actually contributing to a balance. That really may be the reason why there is so much pain, pedophilia, suffering in the world: because the logical and selfless is sadly - by it's definition - declining. But by actually thinking it through and setting a turning point, you can actually contribute to the future! If you have the ability to socialize someone in a logical and selfless way, you have the chance to make a better future actually! :) Your kids will be the hope for those who suffer from selfishness and illogical behaviours.
Being able to handle the “fun stuff” well doesn’t make good parents, handling all the other boring day to day and “bad stuff” well makes good parents. You’re not raising them to be children, you’re raising them to be happy, well adjusted adults. If you’re not prepared to take that on, better just skip it until you are more prepared, or skip altogether.
It’s every woman’s choice! And you should never feel bad for what you want! We love and support you no matter what you choose to do XoxoX
It‘s also every man‘s choice. Just because a woman may want a child, she can‘t pressure a man to take a responsibility he doesn‘t want.
Society can put a lot of pressure on people to believe that their whole goal in life is to reproduce and thats not okay. You are a whole person with a fulfilled life without reproducing. It should always be a choice.
Your dog is really cute! Btw you're are 100%. We need to also encourage women to be independent and not just strive to be a wife/mom (no offense). This thought is more brainwashed in their heads because of society. Let them know that's an option but not a necessity if you're not into that lifestyle.
Yes it’s not the Stone Age anymore
THIS!! Same thing applies to people questioning the LGBTQ+ community "when it doesn't help the human race." We no longer exist to just fuck and eat and die. We're humans, we're complex beings that can do whatever we want because having babies isn't an instinct anymore. The whole "survival" thing is bullshit!
"I'm honestly not maternal unless it's a cat." SAME! I've never wanted kids, ever, and I never get this *aww, so cute, my clock is ticking* when I see babies, but I do when I see kittens. 😂 I support anyone who wants to have kids and I want them to get good support from the state, maternity leave, kindergarten, everything to make children happy and healthy. But I still don't like the word childless, I choose not to have kids and there's no lack of anything, I'm no less for it and my family of me, husband and two cats is perfect. 😊
My husband and I never really planned a conversation. I brought up that I want to adopt. I still grieve a little over the fact that it's just too dangerous for me to have a pregnancy. Both of us are very happy to adopt.
Honestly, I'd rather adopt a teen cus they're already know how to take care of themselves unlike babies or toddlers and they've probably been waiting longer to get adopted by parents before they get kicked out at the age of 18.
Also, I'm might be diagnosed with an autistic disorder which can be a big risk for my child to have it if i get pregnant and since I'm currently taking care of my cousin's kid who's hyperactive, I already know that I'm both mentally and emotionally unstable to have a child because i used to be that hyperactive at that age because of my autism.
And I'm getting real tired of people asking me and my sis if i want kids. My sis is about to be 30 in two years and she's currently juggling between studying and work and has been stressing out about it. Heck, when my cousin was pregnant she wanted my sis to get pregnant so she wants them to both feel how different it felt when they both got pregnant and by the time my sis told her friends about it, one of them said "Uh, wow! Fuck you cousin!". And it was down right selfish of my cousin to say that to my sis even if she already knew that my sis is too busy for that type of commitment. In my opinion, I couldn't agree more of what my sister's friend said. And it sickens me more whenever me and my dad ever have a dispute he mentions about me getting married and have kids and brings up his sexist opinions. That it pisses me off every time
Agree 10000%
My husband and i had been together less than a year when people started asking when we would have kids. We have been together nearly 18 years, our daughter is 7. She was probably 5 months old when we got asked when we would have another baby. 16 years of fertility issues, 2 loses and 1 awesome kid later, i have now come to accept the fact that people just will never stop asking.
i told my mom i wasnt sure if i wanted kids and she said "oh you'll change your mind" and im not sure i will
i LOVE kids and want to be an elementary teacher, but I dont think I would want to be a teacher and have to deal with my own kids.
I also want to travel a lot in the future and when you have kids, you basically have to cater your traveling plans to your children like incorporating kid fun and friendly places. Like it would be hard going somewhere like Bali for a relaxing getaway with a 2 year old
theres so much I want to do for myself that having a child would restrict. i dislike how people say you should have kids just to have them. youre caring for a whole human being. its not like buying a plant, its a HUMAN. more people need to seriously considering have kids instead of having them just to have them. when a couple who shouldnt have kids has kids. its results in abuse, neglect, hostility, etc
What I also always get (don’t want to have biological children): „oh once you are pregnant you are going to change your mind“ ... uhm no Mam‘ I don’t want to be pregnant so I for sure won’t „try“ it 🙄
I've informed my parents that if I were pregnant I wouldn't be for more than a week. They gave me a look because they were confused. They're anti abortion. I'm anti unwanted children.
@@toothless3835 hey hey. It would be for a little longer but not a baby yet of course.
Pregnancy tests only work around 2 weeks after fertilisation....
You'd be pregnant for 3 weeks
People shouldn't be worried about having this conversation, it needs to be had and early on, because if you don't want children and your boyfriend/girlfriend does(or vice versa)then you need to let him/her go, it's a deal breaker in relationships. Neither of you will ever be fully happy and it will always be an issue, even if he/she says it's fine, it's not, that desire to have children doesn't go away, and they will always secretly and maybe even subconsciously believe that one day you will change your mind and decide to have children, and that could maybe happen but this shouldn't be a "wait and see" issue, let him/her go and find someone to have a family with or again vice versa if it's you who wants the kids, leave and find someone to have a family with, do not wait around believing they might change their mind, it's not fair to put that pressure on him/ her and it's not fair to yourself.
I know what you want to say, but... you are not holding them back. They are free to leave you, you know. It's just don't fair if you tell the other party that you want children and secretly don't or hiding fertility issues with someone that has a strong wish for children.
We like to pretend people don't regret having kids, but plenty do. I've seen and heard so many instances of that. Not to mention all the people who abandon them or don't take good care of them.
Yes, it is. But think it further. People who think it through and don't want to procreate for logical reasons; they simply don't and stay childless. Meanwhile, those who are the most selfish, narcissistic and illogical people get kids. And alot of them. Often times, they get 5. Those 5 kids, who represent the future, and the future generation + society, grow up with terrible mindsets and selfishness. Then, those 5 kids procreate AGAIN in the selfish, narcissistic and illogical manner they have been socialized in. And now it creates a paradox: The selflessness makes the selfish overpower and creating a dystopian future. Would the selflessness families contribute and share their good, selfless values onto other kids, there would be a balance between good (selfless, logical) and bad (selfish, illogical), making the future better by actually contributing to a balance. That really may be the reason why there is so much pain, pedophilia, suffering in the world: because the logical and selfless is sadly - by it's definition - declining. But by actually thinking it through and setting a turning point, you can actually contribute to the future! If you have the ability to socialize someone in a logical and selfless way, you have the chance to make a better future actually! :) Your kids will be the hope for those who suffer from selfishness and illogical behaviours.
For me, telling someone I don't want kids is very much first or second date material. I'm not going to waste my time or someone else's if we're not compatible on a very fundamental life choice. My partner's mind may change over time, in which case it'll be time to say goodbye, but I really feel like being upfront early on can save someone way more headaches and heartaches. And if people start to tell you "you'll change your mind", ask them how they know you better than you know yourself or if they can see into the future, because clearly they think they know more about your life than you do. Spin their bingos back on them. Be sassy. Just shake your head with a laugh, say "No," and walk away. Don't let someone tell you what they think you should do with your body or life because society expects it of you.
I totally agree, why waste your time right, :)
I totally agree. As a 32 year old woman who has never wanted kids and is mostly doing the whole online dating thing, I am extremely upfront about it. I even have it written in my profile so that noone wastes their time. It's such a huge issue that you can not compromise on.
Falling in love and being with someone and then find out that they really want kids would be devastating.
Totally agree, but people do change their mind. But not always.
@@Sodaairsoft While I said that, too, I have to add that a lot of people don't change their mind. Of the women who have been voluntarily sterilized, only 6% of them changed their mind. Most people who are vehemently childfree do not change their mind. It tends to be fencesitters that end up shifting their perspectives to want children. Being human means sometimes your worldview gets challenged, which means that you might make some changes in how you want your life to look, so it's natural that some people will change their mind on having kids, and that's okay, as long as they're honest about it with their partners. Also, it doesn't matter if someone changes their mind on kids in the future. What matters is how they feel right now. Honoring and accepting their current stance without pushing various possibilities of the future on to them is the best route to take.
Yes, it is. But think it further. People who think it through and don't want to procreate for logical reasons; they simply don't and stay childless. Meanwhile, those who are the most selfish, narcissistic and illogical people get kids. And alot of them. Often times, they get 5. Those 5 kids, who represent the future, and the future generation + society, grow up with terrible mindsets and selfishness. Then, those 5 kids procreate AGAIN in the selfish, narcissistic and illogical manner they have been socialized in. And now it creates a paradox: The selflessness makes the selfish overpower and creating a dystopian future. Would the selflessness families contribute and share their good, selfless values onto other kids, there would be a balance between good (selfless, logical) and bad (selfish, illogical), making the future better by actually contributing to a balance. That really may be the reason why there is so much pain, pedophilia, suffering in the world: because the logical and selfless is sadly - by it's definition - declining. But by actually thinking it through and setting a turning point, you can actually contribute to the future! If you have the ability to socialize someone in a logical and selfless way, you have the chance to make a better future actually! :) Your kids will be the hope for those who suffer from selfishness and illogical behaviours.
I love this so much. I’ve had a lot of issues with endometriosis as a teenager and that has contributed to my decision not to have children. I love seeing people start families and I want to be an aunt myself, but I really wished people would stop asking me when I’m going to have kids! Please stop focussing on my uterus thank you bye.
I find a lot of women I know these days resent their kids. They always are negative about their kids and never have anything nice to say. If you don’t want them then don’t have them! I do not want kids and I’ve known for a long time.
Yes, it is. But think it further. People who think it through and don't want to procreate for logical reasons; they simply don't and stay childless. Meanwhile, those who are the most selfish, narcissistic and illogical people get kids. And alot of them. Often times, they get 5. Those 5 kids, who represent the future, and the future generation + society, grow up with terrible mindsets and selfishness. Then, those 5 kids procreate AGAIN in the selfish, narcissistic and illogical manner they have been socialized in. And now it creates a paradox: The selflessness makes the selfish overpower and creating a dystopian future. Would the selflessness families contribute and share their good, selfless values onto other kids, there would be a balance between good (selfless, logical) and bad (selfish, illogical), making the future better by actually contributing to a balance. That really may be the reason why there is so much pain, pedophilia, suffering in the world: because the logical and selfless is sadly - by it's definition - declining. But by actually thinking it through and setting a turning point, you can actually contribute to the future! If you have the ability to socialize someone in a logical and selfless way, you have the chance to make a better future actually! :) Your kids will be the hope for those who suffer from selfishness and illogical behaviours.
i have never met ANYONE with a good mother, let alone a mother that loves them
@@fleuramolly6169 sort of reminds me of that 2006 movie 'Idiocracy'
I was 23 when I met my partner and I told him on no uncertain terms that I do not want biological children on our first date. I know it's blunt, I know it's something that I could've talked about later, but I ultimately feel like I shouldn't waste anyone's time. It wasn't even that we were planning on anything serious at the time, but in case it became something (which it has) it was important to be on the same page. I have genetic issues, I had a really awful childhood I'm still recovering from, and if children were important to him then it's just easier to rip that band-aid off back then. Then we could either go our separate ways, or else keep things casual and chill. It would've been a lot worse had we not talked about it, fell in love with each other like we did, and then had that incompatibility come up down the line. Luckily, he doesn't want biological kids either and is totally on board with my "MAYBE, MAYBE adopting when I'm like 45 and had all my mental health figured out" idea. I do agree with Ben and Cristine for the most part. I think that we've got the ability to talk for a reason. We should use it.
Hi! You guys are the only podcast I have been able to sit and listen to! Thanks for making these!! I love you guys!
Claire_ Pumkin same!
Let’s also not forget that even if you accidentally get pregnant and don’t want kids (or don’t want to go through pregnancy) do not feel like you have to or that that is your only choice! If you are in an area where you’re able to get an abortion do NOT feel like you’re a bad person! It’s your body and no one should make you go through 9 months of pregnancy for a baby you don’t even want, your body is not a baby producer for other people, your body is meant for you and for what you want to do ❤️
Having the 'I don't want kids' conversation was really hard for me and my partner. When we first got together (a little over 6 years ago) I said I wanted them for no other reason than I thought it was a thing most women would instinctively want and my partner really wanted them. As I grew with him (I'm 21 now) I realised that I have worked so hard in my education to get a good career and future for myself that I just don't see kids apart of. I'm never saying never but really I can't see it happening! He was devastated but accepted and respected how I feel but I know he's holding out for me to change my mind. It's hard for sure, especially when we've been together so long and want to spend the rest of our lives together🤷🏼♀️
I'm in a situation I guess similar to your partner. As I've grown up I've thought a lot about having kids, it'll just be passing thoughts where I will naturally and instinctively think "when I have a kid I'll..." and I feel as though if I never have children it eould be like I didn't achieve a life dream. However, my partner is unsure of having kids. We're both still young (21) and neither of us would dream of putting a child into the world right now. But I know I want to one day and he's not sure. The last thing I want to do is pressure him. But I do feel scared that I will wait for him to make up his mind when we're older and he'll side against it. I love him so much and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I've even considered becoming a single parent and adopting children by myself if that were the case, because I feel there would be no one else in the world I would rather have a child with than him.
I am in a similar situation. I turned 32 last week and I have been together with my boyfriend for over 13 years. I never wanted children, but I also did not bring that up when we were like dating back then. I never knew if we'd be together for so long and did not stress out about it. He wants children, I don't. I told him that I can't guarantee that I'll change my mind and I do not think it will. We had the first serious talk about this when we were both 28.
Nothing changed until now and I am positive it never will. We talked about it a little bit over 1 year ago and every time he slightly brings up the topic, I "shoot him down" and am brutally honest that I am still not on the same page with him. It's his choice to be with me and he should accept my opinion - just as I accept his. I don't know you and if you'd think like this already, but all I'd like to give you - as a friendly advice - is not to get pressured to consider it just because you might feel guilty since he is holding up for you to change your mind. You are still young and a lot can change, of course. I'm proud of you for going after a good career for you since it is really important!
Having kids at age 21 is much too early anyway. This is common in third world countries and in families with no careers and no education.
People who rush into family before 25 end up at age 30 being divorced with three kids.
You were a kid of 15 years when you started your relationship. You still are not really grown up, sorry for being blunt. It is normal that you think you know it all when you really don't at age 21.
Just start your working life and gather some money. You will develop and become more mature within your first three years of working and having responsibilities. You can think about moving in and of marriage from your 25th birthday on.
Maybe share an apartment with another girl before marriage. This is important for growing up and learn to be responsible for money laundry and all other things.
Some guys move in with their girlfriend or wife and expect everything to be like home with mummy. You are expected to do all things that mummy did for him. Better for you when he is used to do his own laundry before you marry him.
@@LadySugarcube your situation is not at all like hers.
She is just 21 and you are eleven years older. When she is 32 like you now, she will be married and have a career and she will have kids.
You and your boyfriend could have a kid in first grade by now.
You must break up with him. You held him up for too long already.
It is not his decision to be with you. You made him hope and wait all these years. He needs to find a decent single woman around same age as you and he is getting older, too.
Sorry, there is no other option.
@@doroparker1702 shut up ❤
for a long time now I have been thinking that IF I have kids, I don't want to be pregnant. I know this opinion gets a lot of weird looks. But why would I make another child, while there are so many childs, orphans for example, waiting to be loves. I rather be the mom those kids will remember as the one who 'saved' them. doesn't matter of they one day might leave me to find their biological mom. I mean..eventually your kids will leave the nest anyway, right?
I know a LOT of people are not that enthousiastic about that opinion. But I will say that I once told this to a friend of my parents, and I didn't know he was adopted. and I made him, an adult man, cry in happiness because I would consider adoption. And sure, adoption is expensive and hard and complex blahblahblah. but I can only imagen how much it costs just to be pregnant/ give birth! I mean, pooping out a baby isn't free either..at all..
“Saved” sound kinda weird.
If adoption is a process that you consider being expensive and hard, then news flash; raising a child won't be easier. It's so strange how some people's mind work. And like you said, so many children probably desperately wait for loving parents. If they go off and find their biological parents (if they do), a loving foster parent is something they always return to.
I find nothing magical about being pregnant, not the slightest. I find it gross and disgusting, so I don't care if it is part of nature or not. That is just my opinion, though, but I also get the feeling of not wanting to be pregnant. I don't wanna have children, but one reason is that I do not wanna be pregnant!
Thank you guys for speaking publicly
about this!
Congrats 🧡 I'm happy you are living your CF lifestyle with someone you love.
I'm 38 and get asked ALL the time!!!! It makes me so uncomfortable. I've never wanted biological kids. I love my nieces and nephews to death and I would take them in a heartbeat if something ever happened but I don't have a biological need or want for biological children. It's definitely a very private and personal question to ask someone. I'm so glad you're are bringing this up.
Oh thank you sooooo much! You just voiced everything ever I’ve felt about having kids. My niece is THE BEST PERSON ON THE PLANET! But I’m 39 years old and I’ve never once EVER wanted a child, and I didn’t even play house as a child. I’ve never babysat. The first time I held a baby was my niece when I was 21 and I was terrified.
It’s not selfish to not want children. It’s selfish to have children if you don’t want them.
Also, I actually love kids. But I’m so not a parent that I never wanted to be responsible for a child even in a babysitting setting.
Kids are great. Not my thing. Not for me.
As someone who has had that “maternal” feeling since I was a little girl I still respect everyone’s feelings towards wanting or not wanting kids. My two best friends don’t have kids and I don’t have any “mommy” friends (I tried lol) anyway I guess what I’m saying is being a mom or not being a mom is not the only thing that defines a woman’s identity
I don't want kids and I have made it very clear in my relationship that I don't want them right of way. I may adopt when I settle down but I don't feel like baring a child, it sounds horrible😂
BimboChan666 it is horrible.
@@vdg5346 I'm sorry to hear, hopefully it was worth it..?
Yes, it is. But think it further. People who think it through and don't want to procreate for logical reasons; they simply don't and stay childless. Meanwhile, those who are the most selfish, narcissistic and illogical people get kids. And alot of them. Often times, they get 5. Those 5 kids, who represent the future, and the future generation + society, grow up with terrible mindsets and selfishness. Then, those 5 kids procreate AGAIN in the selfish, narcissistic and illogical manner they have been socialized in. And now it creates a paradox: The selflessness makes the selfish overpower and creating a dystopian future. Would the selflessness families contribute and share their good, selfless values onto other kids, there would be a balance between good (selfless, logical) and bad (selfish, illogical), making the future better by actually contributing to a balance. That really may be the reason why there is so much pain, pedophilia, suffering in the world: because the logical and selfless is sadly - by it's definition - declining. But by actually thinking it through and setting a turning point, you can actually contribute to the future! If you have the ability to socialize someone in a logical and selfless way, you have the chance to make a better future actually! :) Your kids will be the hope for those who suffer from selfishness and illogical behaviours.
this is so good ye are talking about it.. this is such an important topic yet it is so un talked about it people need to have their own opinion
Liking all of these for when I have time to sit and watch... trying to spend quarantine as productive as possible tho or I'll go down a mental spiral hope you Simply understand ♡
As a teenager who plans on having children in the future, I really liked hearing this perspective. Thanks for the thoughts!
Don’t want kids bc I would worry endlessly about them. For me, the only true way to protect them is to not have them. Kudos to great parents out there!
Yes, it is. But think it further. People who think it through and don't want to procreate for logical reasons; they simply don't and stay childless. Meanwhile, those who are the most selfish, narcissistic and illogical people get kids. And alot of them. Often times, they get 5. Those 5 kids, who represent the future, and the future generation + society, grow up with terrible mindsets and selfishness. Then, those 5 kids procreate AGAIN in the selfish, narcissistic and illogical manner they have been socialized in. And now it creates a paradox: The selflessness makes the selfish overpower and creating a dystopian future. Would the selflessness families contribute and share their good, selfless values onto other kids, there would be a balance between good (selfless, logical) and bad (selfish, illogical), making the future better by actually contributing to a balance. That really may be the reason why there is so much pain, pedophilia, suffering in the world: because the logical and selfless is sadly - by it's definition - declining. But by actually thinking it through and setting a turning point, you can actually contribute to the future! If you have the ability to socialize someone in a logical and selfless way, you have the chance to make a better future actually! :) Your kids will be the hope for those who suffer from selfishness and illogical behaviours.
My boyfriend and I feel the same way, and I so happy that we do. We always felt that if it’s “past that age” and we had the financial means, we might adopt a slightly older child. That being said, it’s not really in the books. We both have goals and aspirations that a child doesn’t really fit into.
Yes, it is. But think it further. People who think it through and don't want to procreate for logical reasons; they simply don't and stay childless. Meanwhile, those who are the most selfish, narcissistic and illogical people get kids. And alot of them. Often times, they get 5. Those 5 kids, who represent the future, and the future generation + society, grow up with terrible mindsets and selfishness. Then, those 5 kids procreate AGAIN in the selfish, narcissistic and illogical manner they have been socialized in. And now it creates a paradox: The selflessness makes the selfish overpower and creating a dystopian future. Would the selflessness families contribute and share their good, selfless values onto other kids, there would be a balance between good (selfless, logical) and bad (selfish, illogical), making the future better by actually contributing to a balance. That really may be the reason why there is so much pain, pedophilia, suffering in the world: because the logical and selfless is sadly - by it's definition - declining. But by actually thinking it through and setting a turning point, you can actually contribute to the future! If you have the ability to socialize someone in a logical and selfless way, you have the chance to make a better future actually! :) Your kids will be the hope for those who suffer from selfishness and illogical behaviours.
I never want to actually, you know, produce a child of my own, but I want to adopt a kid and I don't understand why people think it's better to have your own kids then adopting. Adopting a kid is giving an already existing human a good life (also there is no pain for you to experience for them to be brought into this hell... I mean earth :)
I really liked the way they approached the question about kids. They showed maturity in their answer, without judging or insulting those who wish to have a family someday. They simply stated that they do not want to follow this path - and that is their choice and that is also totally ok.
But, at the same time I feel sad and angry about the fact that they had to justify their decision. It is their choice and it must be respected. After all, we don't have a say in how they should live their lives. Everyone should do whatever makes them feel happy.
Communication is key!
My boyfriend and I do want kids and want a more traditional nuclear family, the only difference is me having a career.
He learned this about me before we started dating, we were friends and it just naturally came to be that we ended up talking about baby names like a week before he asked me out.
Two days in we told each other we loved each other and within the first week we had talked about marriage and kids.
Its been 3 years and we are still going strong :).
"We are gonna die at the same time" we have said the same thing haha!
Both me and my partner are unable to have kids - it can be devastating when people start prying and prodding about when it’s going to happen or why it hasn’t already so thank you for highlighting that it’s not always appropriate to ask 💙💙💙
I have never wanted kids and I'm 38 and my mother is like "You've gotta worry about menopause soon" and I can honestly say without a doubt that the whole "biological clock ticking" changing my mind is bullshit. I was like "BRING ON THE MENOPAUSE!" lmao
Not related to the topic at all but I could listen to you guys speaking for hours!
My parents had me because "they want someone to take care of them when they get older" and "everyone have kids sooner or later" kind of people and as a conclusion of that I had a horrible childhood and adolescence. I always felt alone and depressed because of the way they treated me so basically while I lived with them my life was hell. The conclusion was that I moved to another continent to try life with 18 years alone and even if anything would went wrong, going back to live with them was NEVER a option. There are enough depressed and suicidal kids in this world. I think having kids have to be a choice that only you can make for your life and it has to come from the bottom of your heart.
Those are always the same people who get really mad at their kids for "abandoning them" and it makes absolutely no sense. "I made it super obvious that my child was only alive for selfish reasons? I never took the time or effort to develop a connection with them as they grew up? How DARE my ungrateful children do this to me!?"
I always brought it up within the first month. There are some non negotiables that if we don’t see eye to eye on, it’s not fair to either party to move forward with the relationship.
When my then bf proposed, first thing I told him is that I don’t want to marry right away. Second is I’m not prepared to be a mom yet. Give me time to enjoy married life, dude! 3 yrs into our marriage that I firsr felt it. I want to be a mom. now I’m a mom of a 4-month old boy. Lucky I really didn’t have that moment that I have to prepare myself for his answer on my request (demands? 😂) he was supportive and for me, that’s my choice, this is my body. If he do not respect that, then there’s no reason for us to get married.
PS. During that 3 years, annoying people kept on insisting we should have a child. I’m so annoyed that I tend to answer them kinda rudely and say “ever heard of family planning? are you going to raise my child? Pay for expenses? Educational plan?”
I love this! I want kids and I am getting married and you guys dont want that and I just love the fact that you guys get to do whatever you guys want😭😭😭 if the whole world was like this, respecting each others choices it would be a better place❤️
Exactly ❤
I feel the same way. I have never wanted children of my own. I enjoy interacting with them, but I've had actual anxiety attacks when I've had to be responsible for them. I do get a little sad when I think of not giving my parents grandchildren, but they know how I feel.
Wow! I just found your podcast channel and you are such a relatable and awesome person!
My mother finally stopped asking me when I’ll have a baby and has begun discussing with me that lots of people don’t have children and that’s cool. I also don’t know if I want to have a partner or get married and she’s for once chilled out.
My older brother though is about to have a baby and has a partner for life now. So I guess that took away her baby fever. I just never wanted children and I’ve had partners and been super happy, but also I’m okay being single as well and I don’t feel scared if I am my whole life. I love my life with my friends and my career. But I’ve never wanted people to feel as if they’re any worse than me because they want other lives. As long as it doesn’t hurt others, you do you.
Yes, it is. But think it further. People who think it through and don't want to procreate for logical reasons; they simply don't and stay childless. Meanwhile, those who are the most selfish, narcissistic and illogical people get kids. And alot of them. Often times, they get 5. Those 5 kids, who represent the future, and the future generation + society, grow up with terrible mindsets and selfishness. Then, those 5 kids procreate AGAIN in the selfish, narcissistic and illogical manner they have been socialized in. And now it creates a paradox: The selflessness makes the selfish overpower and creating a dystopian future. Would the selflessness families contribute and share their good, selfless values onto other kids, there would be a balance between good (selfless, logical) and bad (selfish, illogical), making the future better by actually contributing to a balance. That really may be the reason why there is so much pain, pedophilia, suffering in the world: because the logical and selfless is sadly - by it's definition - declining. But by actually thinking it through and setting a turning point, you can actually contribute to the future! If you have the ability to socialize someone in a logical and selfless way, you have the chance to make a better future actually! :) Your kids will be the hope for those who suffer from selfishness and illogical behaviours.
@@fleuramolly6169 what? For real, what??
My brother isn’t a selfish person by any means, or narcissistic - he’s far more selfless than I am and he had one baby, and is done with one baby.
My parents were extremely selfless people who may have been hoping I too would love and nurture children but I chose not to.
My friends with children are wonderful people, if they weren’t at least in my eyes, they wouldn’t be my friends and I wouldn’t have amazing nieces and nephews to help raise. Just because you want children, it doesn’t make you selfish or narcissistic, it makes you a human who wants children. For some people that hormonal drive is stronger, and you have to be willing to give up your free life to raise them. If anything I’m probably more selfish, because I want to keep doing what I want and that is why I do not want children.
I’m a pretty liberal person, I am also pretty pessimistic but never have I heard something so ridiculous. Selfish and narcissistic people exist on both ends of this life choice.
Ben over here shading babies on their looks😂😂😂😂
I loved this video, it's just wonderful to hear someone talk about this. I love to hear you both talk about it and I feel more secure about my decision that I dont want kids either. It's good to know that I'm not alone, I know I'm not but hearing you talk about makes me feel stronger and gives me confidence to keep saying no because I dont want kids.
I love how this was explained as I too get questioned. I'm almost 37, never wanted kids and still don't! It is true that people asking can be very triggering to someone who may really want kids and can't. Also there's they secondary questions after asking if I'm going to have kids - the "Why?" and "you've still got time!"
I live in the woods. Country girl in every way. The way you feel about kids is the way i feel about cats. People in my life think I should absolutely have cats around to keep the rodents away. I have been asked several times if they can dump kittens here. Like 'it's ok they are wild' 'They will take care of themselves, you don't have to do anything' What the what!? I've never wanted a cat. Never in my life. AND I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND!!! Stop trying to make me the crazy cat lady living alone in the woods!! LoL But seriously, I'm serious.!
Haha omg, this was such an unexpected comment and it absolutely made my day 🤣 I'm a cat-lover down to my very core, but I respect your opinion and choices whole-heartedly -- don't let anyone talk you into a commitment you're not willing to actually make!
i feel like they're the cool aunt and uncle of their young viewers, i appreciate knowing that they have positive role models to kind of center their perception of the online world on
I just started watching your podcast after watching you guys for a few years now and liking a lot of your content-here is my feeling on childfree- I am 35 and also CF and also not married in a committed relationship for 16 years not planning on ever getting married due to personal reasons and not planning on having children because honestly I love my life and I love being able to afford to spend money on myself and enjoy my life how I want it, I have dogs and we had a cat that sadly passed away last year (we had him for 13 years he was 19 when he passed) I always thought I would be a mom when I was younger and then due to some medical issues planning for a family got put on hold - One I wanted to make sure we were financially secure before doing so and then I had thyroid cancer and it changed my perspective on having children (which I am immensely grateful for because that happened in 2015 and I thought what if I die I couldn't stand the thought of leaving my partner with a kid to raise by himself- and then I live in America and the political change that took place shook my family I am in a interracial relationship, and the hatred I see towards my partner's race makes me so angry and sad, and I know I would never want to raise a child in this world with the messed up things that are happening- I fear for my nieces who are also mixed races, I see hatred everyday (social media) I hear it at work, I see it in public. I know I would raise a kind and loving soul but I just don't have it in me to put a child through that, it isn't fair. I am glad there are more people our age and younger embracing the CF lifestyle and being advocates for it cause it makes it easier for us to not have to keep explaining it to people that no we don't want kids.
Love your podcasts ❤ it's so comforting to hear other adults having mature and reasonable conversations ❤
I used to want kids, or expected that I would have kits... until I became a social worker. I'm no longer in the field, but the experience traumatized me, and I've been on the fence ever since @_@
I'm unsure of having my own children as well, I've also was taking care of my 2 younger brothers when I was younger when my mom had to work. LOL But working in Obstetrics, makes me wait a little longer. 🙈
I had the same experience. My mum having younger brother when i was 12 was the best contraceptive ever for me haha. Fuuuuck thaaaat ahaha that shit is your LIFE when you have them
@@kellyv6075 Tell me about it, I had to sacrifice field trips and sleep overs to care for my brother's. I've always had to have dinner ready, the boys washed up, homework done by the time my mom got home from work. 😂 Ah yes so since then no kids for me 🙅♀️
@@itsjustbrytt7697 saaaaaaaammmmeeee 😭
My mom had 10 kids and I was the oldest. Once I found out not having kids was an option lol (my husband has a lot of childfree siblings) I noped out of being a mother.
This whole video, I agree with them. I think we all just need to respect the decisions individuals and couples come to on the topic of having/wanting to have kids. It takes all kinds, and I’m happy they addressed this too. Well done, sincerely - another cool auntie. ✌🏾
I have so much respect for you both talking so openly about this. I struggled with my view point on having kids for a really long time. I grew up in Perth, Ontario, just outside of Ottawa, and that small town mentality came with the expectation that you would eventually have a family.
I think Christine also touched on a great point in that one of the worst things about deciding to not have children is the reaction from others saying "oh but you'd be a great parent", "you'll change your mind", "children love you!" It is so uncomfortable to hear these things. As Ben said, you don't know somebody's situation. They could have tried to have kids and suffered a loss, or any other number of reasons. The only acceptable response when someone tells you they aren't going to have babies is "okay, cool." Pressuring someone to completely change their lives and bring a new human to the world because you think it's what they should do is so weird, please stop that.
i’ll just refer my friends to this video the next time they tell me I will change my mind about wanting kids, and then to your marriage video when they ask when my partner and I will be getting married.
the wheel does not need to continue the way it has always rolled.
lilian buchangroff I know, how Christine explained marriage is exactly how I feel but couldn’t really explain it in a logical manner
Y’all are going to be the cool uncle and aunt who travel and have amazing story to tell
I really like Ben's responses towards these subjects. In the sense of "If it mattered to you it would matter to me". But because both partners don't have a need/interest in those things. It's something they don't really have to talk about. I also really like how you bring up subjects like these. Marriage. Kids. Etc. And how it's okay to want something different. And it's okay to handle your journey your own way. Live your own truth and live your adventure how you want to live it. Personal choice. I really enjoy listening to your perspectives on things!
I love this channel with highlights! I have a one year old and not enough time to listen to all the podcasts, so the small videos are perfect for me 💖 I also think that u help alot of people who don´t want kids to feel that it´s ok 💕
Look my now husband told me on our second date. I was 19 and he was turning 30 he already had 4 kids and didn't want any more. He was booked into have a vasectomy that year.
The reason he told me so early on is because I was so young and still had many years to have children if I wanted to, we were both looking for long term relationships and he didn't want us to get a year in and then find out he didn't want to have kids.
Thankfully I didn't want to have kids and as it turns out I couldn't have kids anyway and 4 years ago at the age of 30 I had a hysterectomy.
I feel like, in my experience, people just cant seem to fathom or accept that a woman doesn't want kids simply because she doesn't want to. Theres always got to be some sort of other reason and so people just keep asking why and eventually they just come to the conclusion that bc I don't want kids I must hate kids or they pressure me into saying something similar. And then they say something along the lines of "you'll love them when they're yours" and its just so patronizing and honestly not their place, like why do they care if I want kids or not?
I think it is wonderful to be so considerate about having kids. Sometimes people don't think it through and it can negatively effect the kids because they discover they didn't want kids too late.
I totally love this topic, I truly never wanted children growing up, I raised my siblings, so I really never wanted children of my own, BUT one day my birth control failed and I was pregnant so I became a parent, and to this day I don't regret it, but to those out there who don't want kids, I totally understand, and I really respect you, you guys do you and enjoy your lives! Every single person and couple are different, no one should judge or question anyone else about their family choices, each human is different and every person should respect every other person about the choices that they make. Love your channel, all of them, and thank you and Ben for sharing, it means a lot and I really appreciate it. I wish u guys so much luck in the future 😊❤😊❤