Reedsy's Pitch Wars #1 | Reedsy Live
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.พ. 2025
- If you had 30 seconds, could you convince a literary agent or a publisher to take a chance on your book idea? Join Reedsy's inaugural Pitch Wars, where our panel of publishing professionals will react to shortlisted submissions and pick a winner!
HOW TO WRITE A NOVEL: THE COURSE
Join our July cohort: reedsy.com/lea...
Enter promo code PITCH24 for a 20% discount
WORK WITH JON:
Find him on Reedsy: reedsy.com/jon...
FIND REEDSY HERE:
Blog: blog.reedsy.com
Facebook: / wearereedsy
Twitter: / reedsyhq
Instagram: / reedsy_hq
RESOURCES:
Book Editor: reedsy.com/wri...
Reedsy Discovery [indie book reviews]: reedsy.com/dis...
Webinars: blog.reedsy.co...
Bestseller Podcast: blog.reedsy.co...
Prompts & Writing Contest: blog.reedsy.co...
Writing Exercises: blog.reedsy.co...
Writing Contest Directory: blog.reedsy.co...
Literary Magazine Directory: blog.reedsy.co...
Reedsy Learning [free courses]: blog.reedsy.co...
So sorry I wasn't able to listen live. This was so much fun to listen to. Thanks for setting up. Ready for Pitch Wars #2!
I think I understand, from this, the general unity desired in pitches. If that is the way of wording it. If I can make my book "all one idea," with various facets, AND make the reader care, then blammo I have hit on it. Thanks so much for these critiques. Entertaining as well.
I missed it this time but I hope I can participate on the next one! This has been very helpful to learn about what editors look for in pitches!
Thank you for doing this!
All feedback welcome for my pitch/blurb for my sci-fi thriller, Alpha Guard:
Even after 300-years of colonization, Mars is still a tough place to live - unless you can afford to live in Dome One. However, when the wealthy need to visit out-of-dome, they hire bodyguards known as ‘bugs’ to protect them. Alpha Guard is the best bug on the Red Planet, and when he's hired to escort a VIP around Mars, his skills and resolve are tested to the absolute limit.
As an experiment, I just asked ChatGPT "Compared to successful science fiction novels, what do you think of this synopsis? 'Even after 300-years of colonization, Mars is still a tough place to live - unless you can afford to live in Dome One. However, when the wealthy need to visit out-of-dome, they hire bodyguards known as ‘bugs’ to protect them. Alpha Guard is the best bug on the Red Planet, and when he's hired to escort a VIP around Mars, his skills are tested to the absolute limit.' "
And it provided the following feedback, which I think is rather incredible:
The synopsis for your science fiction novel, "Even after 300-years of colonization, Mars is still a tough place to live - unless you can afford to live in Dome One. However, when the wealthy need to visit out-of-dome, they hire bodyguards known as ‘bugs’ to protect them. Alpha Guard is the best bug on the Red Planet, and when he's hired to escort a VIP around Mars, his skills are tested to the absolute limit," has several compelling elements but could benefit from refinement. Here's a detailed comparison to successful science fiction novels and some suggestions for improvement:
KEY STRENGTHS
Engaging Premise:
- The setting of Mars 300 years post-colonization is intriguing and provides a solid foundation for world-building.
- The social divide between those living in Dome One and the rest of Mars introduces a classic science fiction theme of class disparity and survival in harsh environments.
- The concept of specialized bodyguards, or ‘bugs,’ suggests a world with unique challenges and technologies.
Strong Protagonist:
- Alpha Guard is positioned as a highly skilled bodyguard, indicating a protagonist who is likely to be resourceful and experienced, which is appealing for readers looking for a capable hero.
Implied Tension and Action:
- The idea that Alpha Guard's skills are “tested to the absolute limit” hints at a plot filled with action, danger, and potentially high stakes, which are crucial elements in gripping science fiction narratives.
AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT
Clarify the Conflict:
- Successful science fiction novels typically have a clear central conflict or goal. While the synopsis mentions that Alpha Guard's skills are tested, it would be more compelling to specify the nature of the challenges he faces. Is there a specific threat or antagonist? Is there a larger plot involving political intrigue or a mystery to be solved?
- For example: "Alpha Guard must navigate political conspiracies and fend off a rebellion that threatens the fragile peace between the domes."
Deepen the World-Building:
- The synopsis mentions Dome One and out-of-dome areas but could benefit from more detail to paint a vivid picture of Mars. What makes Dome One so desirable? What are the conditions like outside the dome? Are there environmental hazards, lawlessness, or other dangers?
- Compare this to novels like The Expanse series, where the authors give readers a rich sense of the political and environmental landscape of their setting.
Enhance Character Development:
- Successful novels often give a glimpse of the protagonist’s personal stakes or motivations. Why does Alpha Guard take on this mission? Does he have a personal connection to the VIP or a vested interest in the outcome?
- Adding a personal element can make the character more relatable and the story more engaging.
Unique Selling Points:
- What sets this story apart from other Mars colonization tales? Highlighting a unique aspect or twist can make the synopsis stand out. For instance, is there a novel technology, a new form of societal structure, or a surprising twist about life on Mars?
Hook and Pacing:
- The synopsis could benefit from a stronger hook. A question or an intriguing statement can pique interest. For example, “But when a deadly conspiracy threatens the survival of everyone on Mars, Alpha Guard must decide who he can trust in a world where alliances are fragile, and danger lurks in every shadow.”
Example Revision:
"Even after 300 years of colonization, Mars is still a hostile frontier - unless you can afford the luxuries of Dome One. Outside the protective domes, the Martian wilderness is a harsh and lawless place, and those who venture out hire elite bodyguards known as ‘bugs’ for protection. Alpha Guard, the most renowned bug on the planet, is hired for his most challenging mission yet: escorting a high-profile VIP across the treacherous Martian landscape. As Alpha navigates political conspiracies, and evades ruthless outlaws and deadly environmental hazards, he discovers that the VIP carries a secret that could alter the future of Mars. Faced with threats from all sides, Alpha must use every ounce of his skill to survive and uncover the truth before it's too late."
COMPARISON TO SUCCESSFUL SCIENCE FICTION
World-Building:
- Like Dune or The Martian Chronicles, your setting of a colonized Mars provides a rich backdrop for exploration and adventure.
Character:
- Alpha Guard, as a competent and skilled protagonist, is reminiscent of strong characters like James Holden from The Expanse series, who face complex challenges and personal stakes.
Plot Tension:
- The suggested revisions aim to match the tension and excitement found in series like The Expanse or Altered Carbon, where protagonists are thrust into situations requiring quick thinking and adaptability in the face of danger.
In summary, your synopsis has a solid foundation with an intriguing setting and a potentially strong protagonist. By clarifying the central conflict, enhancing the world-building, and adding unique selling points, your story can resonate more deeply with readers and stand out in the science fiction genre.
Hey Samuel,
you wrote an excellent pitch! The world-building is effective and intriguing. The language is efficient and your sentence structure suspenseful. It’s a truly excellent pitch and I believe it’s stronger than the elongated AI one.
My only critique point concerns the protagonist. Firstly, as a bodyguard, the protagonist seems exempt from society’s struggles. Meanwhile, the story is introduced as a class divide, a very interesting concept from a sociological point of view. You should emphasize why your protagonist of choice is the best character to explore this world with the reader. For example, his job could provide him with opportunities to view the world from both perspectives-the inside and outside of the dome.
Secondly, the reader should care about your protagonist. What are his flaws? What is his story arc?
I hope this helps!
My vote is for "10 year down the drain" I really want to read about plumber lol
Great vid
This is my pitch for Historical fantasy if anyone wants to give me feedback. Thanks!
Title: The Amulets of Caesar
When a book of ancient Roman prophecies is found to predict disasters that destroyed Sydney, Tokyo and San Francisco, the race is on to interpret them before the next disaster occurs.
Enter Cal Anderson, a high school baseball star with a little secret that keeps him on top of the world. He can rewind time five seconds. He doesn’t know why he can do this but when a prophecy calls his name and he feels an intense desire to touch a meteorite in the shape of Artemis found with the prophecies, he knows his life will never be the same.
Blending historical accuracy with the fate of a modern individual woven throughout, this epic spans from modern day back into the halls of time and up to the gates of Rome itself.
Hey Peter,
This is a great pitch and you have got me intrigued!
You use excellent language and know how to make your pitch suspenseful on a line-by-line basis. I like the way you begin each paragraph, the flowing words grip the reader’s attention.
The first part of your pitch is excellent! The concept is unique and deeply intriguing. Your structure is impeccable. The stakes are very high, even though you haven’t introduced any character yet. I find it a very difficult thing to do, so I am very impressed.
In the second paragraph, I struggle to make the connection. Unless you specify, I don’t understand what this teenage boy has to do with the ancient book nor how his powers help the decryption. It’s strange but I’m so intrigued by the initial concept (which is unique!), I struggle to care about the protagonist and his powers.
The last paragraph doesn’t add much. I’d devote it to explaining more about the tie between the protagonist and the decryption story.
I hope this helps!
@@helena9116 Thank you! I revamped the jacket flap based on feedback and decided to basically tell the whole story in the flap rather than be mysterious. Here's the updated version. Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you!
The Amulets of Caesar
When a book of ancient Roman prophecies is found to predict disasters that destroyed Sydney, Tokyo and San Francisco, the race is on to interpret them before the next disaster occurs.
Enter Cal Anderson, a high school baseball star who can rewind time five seconds. When a prophecy calls his name and he is lured back in time in the hope of reviving his dead mother, he is unknowingly put on a path by the gods to cause the fall of Rome as punishment for converting to Christianity.
As the end of the modern and ancient worlds hang in the balance, will Cal reverse his fate or fulfill the destiny of the gods?
@peterkurtson Yes, I like this version much better! Now, there is a question of hierarchy. I’m confused about the longevity of the different parts. Will the book be set mostly in modern times with some chapters dedicated to the ancient world? If it’s the opposite, and the narrative is mostly told in ancient Rome, I think this is how your pitch should begin. And if the two timelines are evenly represented, there should be more of a link between them, interwoven in your pitch instead of presented in separate paragraphs. In essence, my question is: what will I be reading for the majority of the book?
It’s nitpicky advice but I think it’s important. I hope it’s useful :)
@@helena9116 Thank you! the first 1/3 is modern day before my character is sent back in time for the remaining 2/3. Let me know if this changes your evaluation. Thanks again!
@@peterkurtson Yes, the context definitely helps. Thank you! In that case, I’d just add a sentence in which the protagonist and the decryption are both mentioned side by side to illustrate how they correlate and to contextualise the stakes of the protagonist’s arc vs the fate of the people affected by natural disasters. But otherwise it’s great!
Oof. My pitch wasn't picked. 😅 oh well.
Mine was the fantasy genre.
I'll write it anyway.
TITLE: They're All Me.
A “Forever" Dungeon Master or Game Master for a Tabletop RPG gets Isekai'd (Reincarnated) into another world, but before he does he is sent to a place where Player Character Sheets are laid out before him. He realizes that he has access to all the characters he has ever made character sheets for. (Albeit some are locked, while others are in different worlds and settings. Several need achievements as well.) He picks the bundle of three characters he has played in the past, all from the same world and can control all three.
I also wrote the opening lines.
A Sorcerer, an Assassin, an Alchemist, a Dark Knight, a Dragon Slayer, an Esper, a Cleric, a Warrior, a Bard, a Druid, a Wizard, and a Berserker. That's just to name a few of the many characters I wrote up. Each with their own unique backgrounds and personalities. And yet, they're all me. There are so many stories that will never get to see the light of day because I am the one who runs the games at our tabletop night. Stuck as the forever game master, never actually getting to be a player in the world's I create. Don't get me wrong... I love being the game master. Creating campaigns and unique tales to share with my players is something that I enjoy more than words can express. The reactions my players have when some big plot point I made years ago finally comes to light never get old. Those reactions truly are priceless. Still, though... I want to play. It's been too long since I was on the other side of the table.
I'm the author of a book called Almost Everything: Interloper. Available on Amazon.
I'm currently working on a web novel fantasy fiction series that will be released on Royal Road.
Hello, I'm Santiago from Bogotá, Colombia
My pitch.
Title: Sovereign
Would appreciate some feedback
In a time when every clan was a kingdom onto itself and the notion of monarchs and grandoise were but whispers of the curious few, Bonfiri, Son of the Sobeni Clan, yearns for idyllic days in the sugarcane fields, lost to poetry and passionate confessions of love to his beloved Aawa. His father's suspicious demise, however forces him to abandon the easygoing life he envisioned in order to rise to the chieftaincy and protect his clan. Amidst the betrayals and deceitful alliances lies a mysterious woman and an enigmatic prophecy that offer him a dangerous choice: seize power at all costs or die trying.
Hey Phoebe!
I really enjoyed reading your pitch. The language is beautiful, the sentence structure flowing, and the tone of the story easily distinguishable. Your pitch progresses logically, and there is a causal relationship between the sentences. You also get straight to the story instead of making shallow promises with overly flowery language. Well done!
That said, I believe you spend too much time on the exposition. A pitch should devote as much attention to a plot point as the book does. So by exaggerating the exposition you communicate the following things: first, the book will linger on the status quo for a long time (and the reader wants to get to the turning point as fast as possible). Second, the protagonist will be static and passive for a good portion of the book.
I‘d advise you to devote more time to the second half of your pitch and provide more specificity.
Why and how did the father die? Why is this woman mysterious (also notice how many pitches used the word “mysterious”)? And most importantly: why should we care about the protagonist? What is his character arc?
I hope this helps!
@helena9116
Hi Helena!
I'm very glad to hear you enjoyed my pitch (I mean that's what every writer would like to hear... haha). I'm even more grateful for your very thorough feedback. Truthfully, I haven't gone back to this story after pitch wars but this has inspired me to go back to the drawing board with your pointers. Would love to be in communication with you, if you don't mind.
Again, truly grateful 🤎
@@nanakwafoa It’s such an honour to have motivated you! I’d love to stay in touch because I’m currently looking for opportunities to improve my editorial skills, so it’s a win-win situation ahaha
Hi, hope that you are well. Was registered to join last night but unfortunately due to illness couldn't really attend I wanted to pitch my book The Green Girl destiny which is the second book in my Green Girl science fiction/superhero book series aimed at YA readers.
Book Pitch for the Green Girl Destiny
Stacey and Ben have relocated to an oil rig, now dubbed Sanctuary. A new enemy group, with an old enemy leading, has come for them. Will they survive or fail?
Great idea. Insightful comments of each submission, thanks. Helpful to press on with my 3rd fiction novel draft. FYI: Martin's circle light reflection 😵💫in his is glasses is distractive...🫢
Crystal Springs MS USA
Salty comments lol
760 Days to Freedom
I find it difficult to believe these were the best of the 1500 entries. In addition, I hope Reedsy works on getting some diversity in its judging panel. I was surprised there were no females or bipoc people on the panel.
So glad you are doing this on TH-cam, and not on Twitter (X). For ethical and moral reasons, I believe all people and organizations should stop using Twitter and delete the app from your devices.
Martin, you and your colleagues may well have talents, but it's not clear to me that judging pitches is one of them. If you did, indeed read my pitch, and discarded it in favor of the ones you chose, I must be clueless to the desired elements of a pitch. I imagine there are several people who feel this way, but I have only my voice. It appears to me that your actual agenda has more to do with generating new customers for Reedsy than it does presenting good pitches. The three of you were largely complimentary of each pitch selected, in spite of the fact that each was deeply flawed. If the goal was to use flawed pitches as a teaching/learning tool, you should have stated that up front. But that was not how you presented the event. Unfortunate. I may use Reedsy at some point, but I doubt it will be for editorial purposes. Possibly book cover design, But your acumen for evaluating pitches fell abysmally flat. Sorry.
100% agreed... I'm not even half an hour in and am not impressed. Like you said, if they'd presented this as a learning/teaching tool, like a regular pitch _critique,_ I wouldn't even be commenting... but the supposed point was to choose the _best_ pitches. And I'm QUITE sure there were better pitches submitted than the ones they chose to highlight.
Thank you for your feedback. All the pitches (1500+ of them) were indeed read by our human judges. There is naturally an element of subjectivity in picking "winning" ones to comment on, so we encourage those who haven't been selected and would like some feedback (or want to show off), to post their pitches in the comments :)
Agee completely with Gary. Not saying this because my pitch was not selected (it was flawed in some ways as i understood from listening to what the judges were looking for).
But it does seem the pitches that were selected were the ones that can lead to 'good discussion' from the panel's parameters of judgment. I was really surprised at the not-so-great quality of the 'selected pitches'. Surely, there were better ones among the submitted 1500 ones? This entire fiasco came across as more of a marketing tool for Reedsy than anything else. Quite disappointing.
@@Reedsy Hi Martin,
It may be a better idea to hold a 'blurb' competition than such a 'pitch' war in future. I think it will be more useful for the writers who follow your channel, but not sure how much it will be inline with the marketing efforts for Reedsy. 😃
Agree with all of these comments. I'd also add in future pitch/blurb wars, it might be interesting to have an AI judge alongside the human judges. I know this'll be controversial but it would at least bring in some sort of independent adjudication...
I NEVER presumed that my entry should win, nor did I suggest that. I PRESUMED that it was a competition and that worthy entries would be finalists. What I THINK is that they could have reached into a bucket of entries blindfolded and pulled out roughly what they presented. I believe the exercise had potential merit, but it shouldn’t have been touted as a competition. If they had done that, I wouldn’t have had a critical comment at all.
For better or worse, this was my pitch: Travel with Monroe Salle’s spirit as it leapfrogs across three generations, inhabiting two humans and a witch’s familiar to break a curse and help a young shaman-in-training defend her family-and mankind-from evil incarnate.
Who is Monroe? Why should the reader care about them? Who is the young shaman? Why should we care? Who is the evil incarnate? Again, why should we care? Mankind being at risk is VERY general. The pitch should be centered around how the curse affects the protagonist AND relates to the evil incarnate (if at all). This just reads like random action beats. No connection in between.