Exactly! I thought that everyone’s parents were like mine and that it was “normal” because I was so used to this treatment and plus was pretty much isolated from other people. I had no one around me who was healthy that would make me think that everything wasn’t okay.
Absolutely. We were raised not knowing our inherent worth. Sending hugs and well wishes to all you beautiful survivors of toxic abuse from the narcissistic in your life. ❤
@@Ana_Sor4ever indeed. Although I didn't know about narc behaviours at the time, I trusted my gut instinct. Having since learned a lot, I'm grateful that I was able to go no contact. Although he periodically returns, even almost three decades later, I don't acknowledge or connect. I want peace in life which I won't get with him. It gets easier with time and ultimately brings gladness knowing you're away from the madness even if, at the time, it meant something.
I had a Wonderful childhood..and was Totally Unprepared for these people. I never knew they existed. I was completely blind and stayed far too long..because of Love and Hope. 😊❤
That makes sense if all you've seen is rude disrespectful actions you think it's par for course or normal behavior when it isn't normal. Yes familiar with abuse needs to change. Yes holding out hope for Narcissistic change is a ridiculous waste of time. Work on you, that's changeable. What you said made sense
I think I was literally trained or conditioned by family of origin to tolerate the intolerable and to always try to be kind. If instead, I said to these people what actually needs to be said, it would be "You're self-centered, and completely ill-mannered and break all your fake promises. Get the heck away from me. You will never have anything to offer. Don't let the door hit you on the way out and stop talking about your fake spirituality and fake love. You are completely deluded."
The fact is you do not want anyone to feel the hurt you felt hence the people pleasing. It is coupled with wanting everyone to like you. A survival tactic developed in the face of abuse.
Toxic people are abundant and everywhere.Almost impossible to live and work without having to deal with these sociopaths. Worst, the trend seems to applaud these people instead of showing them s red card - even by the judicial system!
Some of us are taught Do Not Judge which does not prepare us to handle all the dangerous people in the world. Perhaps do not condemn would be better but dangerous people must be identified and avoided.
I've been on a healing path for about 16 years now. I attracted very toxic friends and relationships all my life, I was told I wasn't good enough as a child also. A month ago I met the lead singer of my favourite band and had the opportunity to get to know him better but I saw the red flag and declined. The next day my daughter inlaw told he he has a girlfriend and I knew I had made the right decision. I don't want to be used and abused anymore no matter who they are I deserve better than crumbs. He would have just used me and if he did leave his girlfriend if he does it to her, he'll do it to me. Im becoming very assertive.
@@MariaJimenez-ye9sn thankyou. I know I was being protected when the opportunity arouse, straight way I saw it was the way he was looking at me, like I was a lamb chop, I have fallen for that before, especially when you grow up craving attention and to be noticed and loved. The next day after finding out he had a girlfriend and she looks like me to her before him and her pictures now are very different,you can see she is very unwell and I know because I look unwell when I'm in a toxic relationship or around my toxic father. One night with a lead singer would end up being months and months of tears and regret. It's not the first time I've been blocked from a guy , its happened a few times in the last 5 years especially.
I have become embroiled with two covert female narcissists in recent times and it has opened my eyes to my own character traits which were formed during a traumatic childhood. This awareness will not suddenly make me a different person but it does help me to understand myself much better. I suppose I should at least be grateful for that.
I grew up in a loving family with mom, dad, 3 brothers and 5 sisters. Went to School and Church. I had a good childhood and had a lot of friends. I dated a Narcissist for 4 weekends and the 5th weekend I broke up with her because she mistreated me one time. I do not allow anyone to mistreat me and I don't mistreat others. I believe the narcissist was in my life to awaken my my knowledge about the disorder. I now have closure and understanding of past coworkers and others that have crossed me life over the years. I am awaken and realize narcissist is there mental disorder so I do not take them so personally.
I didn't have a bad childhood or toxic parents. My trusting, open, empathetic nature triggers those who are screwed up full-blown narcs. They must control and manipulate others, I probably look like an easy or interesting target...but they find out fast they picked the wrong person to tangle with. I'm a sigma empath.
Yes. They don't realize that I already know what they are doing before they do. You can just see with so much clarity the childish mind games they are trying to play. I am like that pedestrian mindset is no match for the likes of me. Run along and try that elsewhere. I don't tolerate it l.
After seeing the patterns, going no contact/gray rock with several friends and family members… I keep my distance from narcissists - from the start. The drama and emptiness is as clear as a big red flag now ❤
This is spot on and profound Anoushka. After years and years of soul searching I finally got it and forgave everyone. I am still learning and have changed my behaviours. You are gifted. Thank you.
She’s correct. I didn’t have a bad childhood. My Mother and Father had disagreements, argued but genuinely loved each other and were the best parents. (My childhood consisted of validation, support, guidance, attention, correction,etc) However, I had a need to please, wanting a person to feel happy and accepted…. but I was definitely taught to have boundaries. I experienced 3 narcissistic relationships before I knew what I was truly experiencing. I honestly didn’t think cruel people existed in this fashion. Maybe because I had such a sheltered and wonderful childhood. I definitely know what I’m dealing with today. Many Adults with trauma, unhealed and broken childhood experiences that would rather manipulate others, as opposed to seeking counseling and healing from their traumatic childhood.
Stoic-ism, teaches someone - you can only fix your perception, ( Judgement ) of anything that's out of one's control. Obviously, Toxic Individuals won't change at all costs... Walking away, SILENTLY is perhaps your last option.
I encountered one in church leadership and he appeared to be looking for someone vulnerable at the time who was trusting of people. I was the perfect target and it has scarred me somewhat as far as trusting and opening up to people. You have to educate yourself on these types of people because they target certain people for a reason, and the abusive behavior is not seen by most. The target gets the abuse.
Narcissists love religion makes them feel better because they think they are righteous. I hope that you see your experience this way: you are now stronger and I hope you won’t get fooled again
They are rampant and hiding in churches. I was recently at a church and the pastor was me, me, I, I, everything. It’s no surprise that most of his congregation was that way. Toxicity is contagious. The characteristics of the kingdom come from the king.
The more I heal my people pleasing and stand firm in my boundaries and say no the toxic people have been dropping out of my life 😂 I feel so balanced and happy I promised myself in 2019 when I started to heal that by March 2024 my 50 th birthday to heal , and I did 🎉🎉 I wish I had known earlier what it was but I had to go through deep cleaning and healing and pain to get to this point and I’m so humble grateful and free! Anyone reading this don’t give up keep focusing on yourself healing and loving yourself and I promise you won’t regret it ❤
There have always been narcissists around. I think its just bad luck. Most have been neighbours that you had nothing to do with and some are family members. My experiences have been that its life experience and these hollow beings come into our lives and then we "see ya later". With age comes wisdom. I can sense a narc almost immediately now.....its like a dog sniffing out truffles. Look at their EYES and body language with HOW they say things. COverts are tricky, so it takes questions and answers to get to see them for who they are.
I were blessed that I found this subject on Internet and did a lot of study. Found out what was happened in my life where I always supported everybody but did not get anything in return other than negative energy. When I was sucked they left and I needed started at 0 again. But now get the knowledge and lucky I have no problem to be alone
Wow ! Came as a shock 😮 Thought it was the narcs that had the bad past 😮. I’ve found eventually that a therapist has defo helped and I’m quite happy to remain single whilst on the healing journey 🎉
Narcissism is forced upon us,i don't accept it,i know my worth and defy them,but that drives narcissists further to harm you just to appease their ego/superiority complex,you can't escape narcissist,you can ignore them entirely,but that will only put you in more uncomfortable situations,narcissistic agenda is everywhere and those practicing it don't care and are oblivious to their seared conscious,they are happy in their ignorance,you can never escape fully,that's a real life fact.good vid,great topic.
I havent had the experience of any of my ex narcs returning to my life...why? Because I leave no gaps open or any chances for them to come back. They leave some clothes behind or items for later to come back to pick em up...just make sure they take everything with them when they go out that door. I even make sure her hair pins are dumped in the trash or any little thing left behind is out of your sight that might bring you memories so throw them away it only hurts you.
It feels like - the harder you try to put some effort into keeping SANITATION under control, folks will squat on you 10x's more often. No matter how you try to keep up with Appearances, folks throw garbage like a moving target.
This is where I was. I was friends with a narcissist. But, the most important lesson she taught me was, if someone doesn't know that friendship goes both directions, you are better off without that friend in your life! I am seeing a counselor. I realized that I was expecting my friend's verbally abusive behavior to happen again. My counselor is teaching me how to put up firm boundaries. I have realized that doing so benefits everyone concerned! If people can see your growth, it can inspire them to grow as well! Different people make different choices! You don't need to be afraid of history repeating itself with different people! Now, I identify as an empath. I feel other people's unhappiness. It is quite easy to fall into the trap of feeling responsible for making other people happy. BUT, I have realized that each person has to decide for themselves to be happy with their circumstances in life! Recently, along a similar vein, I realized that I was taking it personally if I couldn't reach someone I care about. But, if someone isn't ready to make positive changes in their life, it isn't a failing on your part! ...My friend wanted to make me more like her. I have free will, and I have chosen growth. Thank you for making this video! Take care. Susan
what about having a real deep rooted fear of being with someone? When you wake up, spot red flags, no longer accept bad behaviors or boundary violations. when you are happiest alone, not trying to please the unpleasables ones, exhausted from the drama......it is hard work to get there, to heal and it is lonely. Its is much healthier when you can spot the narcs and avoid the repeat, you feel better about yourself, your life, etc but finding healthy people is like looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack. What do you think? Thanks for this very informative, thoughtful video.
Anoushka: you've covered this ground very well here. I hope victims and recovering victims of narc- abusive relationships will listen to your words carefully and use them as a guide to their own recovery. Blessings out to you. Success, too!.
Absolutely correct. Not what many of us want to acknowledge...but extremely necessary on the path to personal healing and autonomy. Our personal dysfunctions are a gravitational pull for exploiters and sadists...our inner masochistic core rooted within from adverse childhood experiences.... "ACE's". We gravitate to what we accept unknowingly from a hidden "psychological" core.. The "glitch" in our programming!! But there is hope once it is recognised.. Great message Anoushka. ❤
This was very insightful after seeing myself in a relationship with a toxic narcissist. Eventually I will need counseling, but this is very insightful!
Must keep video. Yes I have been attracting Narc:s. After watching several videos "ask Anoushka" I felt I dealt with Narc: No: 3 quicker. I recognised the signs, put boundaries in place, (felt strange) He's gone now. It was worth it to allow myself to respond to him (when his behaviour was acceptable) don't react to bad behaviour.
After getting rid of one a sibling meets one years later and brings him/her home and boom they don't leave makes me feel they are everywhere. Nobody seems to notice what they are doing the problem is you how exhausted iam.
The majority of the time i’ve realized people cannot resolve our past childhood traumas. Only we can give that back to ourselves by ourselves! So give it back to yourself with the money you’ve earned. Take yourself out to ice cream. Take yourself to the carnival fair. Take yourself out to dinner. Get yourself a pet & spend time with your pet. Go to therapy.
Yes! The only way I got over the covert narcissist is by healing my inner child who was abused in childhood. I realized I am her adult now and can protect her from abuse. I have decided to treat her with love and let her have good things that she wants. I take her to movies and buy her a hot dog, popcorn and a soda if she wants that. I planned a birthday party for myself and my friends and I had a wonderful time. And many other things I do for her. Until we learn to protect our abused child, we are vulnerable to the narcissist. You are so right!♥️
i thought i am codependent, and i am narc magnet, but i love being alone! Also i appreciate company with people who like being alone :) these bored old narcs in my village, who feel entitled to come without invitation with their small talk even at 10 am, like today. ARRR...lol
If i could relive my last encounter with a narcissist i would not try to help him because i could see we had shared childhood trauma. I would say this guy is very damaged he may even be a narcisst who are unfixable and leave at once. No matter if he was lovebombing me and trying to put me under his spell.
I realize that I am a target after being a scapegoat in my family and having to walk away and having the narcissistic people in my family, and my exhusband play divide and conquer between myself and my sons. My youngest son eventually saw through his father but my eldest son has yet to see through it. I love both of them. It leaves me without a tribe and the narcissist in my last relationship ised it as fuel to say that there was something wrong with me. He was close to his dysfunctional family that was a closed family system. I was an outsider there. I have met men who have anger towards women and are mysoginistic and heard that it can also play out in narcissistic relationships. The last one use to tell me to shut up and gladly talk to his brothers and other men. He wanted obedience and control over me. I think that since I don't have family, so to speak, I have been an easier target without support and have felt alone in life. I am working on myself. Thank you so much for your message. ❤
Some don't have a choice when it's a step parent, and a childhood friend...... mentally effected me badly. Now, I know I'm mending very well, made distance and ignore them .....zero contact
It’s because I treat myself so poorly so I attract people who will treat me just as poorly as I do…..I’ve just recently realized this….now I’m trying to change that…by treating myself better
What did I do ? My mistake ? Leaned on my own understanding, sought not wisdom , and I could write a book of mistakes and calamities that occured as a result ! Lol no it wasn't easy on the mind or conscience truth is absolute ! The truth destroyed everything I thought I knew ! I am feeling much better now ! Thank God ! And all of it is Thanks to him !
So having low selfesteem = having low value? So, we are the low hanging fruits for narcissists? I am kinda shocked how can witnessing domestic violence / abuse affected me so much? It wasnt even that bad as some other people could have it but how can one heal what witnessed as child?
It's called CPTSD. Do some research u can fix urself over time. Tim Fletcher on u tube is the one u need to listen to. Crappy Childhood Fairy is a great learning tool trust me. I never knew my childhood done so much damage till I was triggered by romantic relationship. I was digging on what was his problem. Not mine he caused so much drama. He woke my soul for answers. I have hundreds of hours of therapy all for free online from just them two people. U were on a rollercoaster witnessing the trauma that u seen. It all starts with the vagus nerve in our body who ever knew being on rollercoaster as a child has such a effect on each of us. I will never be healed it's all about awareness to keep the triggers at bay kinda. People that trigger u r there to let u know u need work too. It runs deeper then most know. It effects our adult relationships. A lot about me and the way I have been my whole life the mistakes regrets the bad the good it all finally makes sense as to the whys for sure. The dots just keep connecting. Most therapist don't even talk about CPTSD it's only been being talked about for 6 or 7 yrs but the root cause of many mental disorders too. Most r on medicine that is not even needed if they would fix themselves from the inside out. Prayers u find the answers which u seek.
I feel you this was my childhood😿 Trauma informed therapy, coaching, books, spirituality (not necessarily religion) all lead to helping you fully come home to yourself & find meaning in life & then we stop looking for it in relationships to others. For people who are healing childhood wounds , it becomes a way of life to stay on the path of light. I keep an open heart along with watertight boundaries & managed expectations. And I thoroughly enjoy my own company. Who we surround ourselves with can make or break our lives. I hope this can help. 🙏🤍🕊️
@@lenorabarclay275 Yes, but they can be selective at times, and that has to be for a reason. In my experience, it's often a sense of hierarchy as well, a pecking order.
@@lenorabarclay275 I guess as they prefer easy supply, then that will obviously be from weak-minded people. But from what I've been through, they might take you weak for granted, and then get angry and frustated when you go against them, which is when the rage comes out.
It's not like narcs "feel the empathy" of their targets, no. They feel the weakness of their targets, and that's a whole other thing. There's no such thing as "empathy". You can be compassionate without being stupid. The weakness of people, be it trauma-related or not, is freely translated as stupidity in this world, and that's a fact. And that's why we need to be aware of ourselves and of others, and not living in our own head-space exclusively.
There is empathy yet some try to say they have an inherent superpower it's the ability to listen and understand what another is going through or been through it also comes from conscience and morality understanding the affect your abuse will have on others , narcassists , sociopaths and psychopaths don't care , they want to manipulate control , use and abuse . They lack conscience they are not authentic and their strategists using calculated moves for their own ends .
I've never wondered why because I have been FORCED to be around/live with them and could not easily escape-RUN due to very limited options. They were mostly creepers, peepers, watchers, and STALKERS. I would have left at ANYTIME if I HAD THE DAMN MONEY.
Several studies from across the world have demonstrated that narcissism is, at least partly, genetic-in fact, according to a couple of studies, the risk of inheriting narcissism is over 50% in some cases. Narcissism, like other conditions under the behavioral genetics umbrella, is often studied using twins.Sep 11, 2023 wikipedia
I guess i had to see evil. I never wanted to know that much about the human race. There are still good people. There are still good parents. Many people are not alcoholics, drug addicts, narcissist. There are happy children. There is hope.
😊 Ì don't think it's about what you experienced as trauma or your young years. I just think there lots of people out there like that, in fact the majority. It comes down to how much you like or are attracted to the person and what you can tolerate etc
@@lizh1970 Ì didn't specifically say physically attracted. Attraction in general is one of the most important things. Also you are more likely to want to spend time with those you don't find repulsive.
The higher the 'intrlligence quota', the higher the likelihood of personality disorders. Growing up in a dysfunctional family means that you are the one who can deal with a narcissist better than the udder way 'round. Sometimes the guy upstairs tells you to be someone's man and you say 'Come again? Don't you think she has a say in this? I'm not really looking for anyone...' Oy veh, he has a twisted sense of humor.
'no-surprise' however - I get a Relative that shows up: Un-announced while I'm working at a Temporary Job Agency. Get an Emergency Phone-call. "Get back home, such-and-such didn't flush the Toilet." Before you ask why... that person is asking for Cigarettes.
I dont know... I put some boundaries as she was hurting me. A lot. She traumatised and humiliated me countless times. It's been nine months since I saw her. It's been three months since I heard from her. She isn't allowed to contact me. I am a shell of a person that I was. But I don't believe in being used to being hurt. I KNOW what love is. I know that she did not love me. I stuck with it because when I was with her sometimes...it felt like Heaven. Yes I know that I should have got out a long time ago and I didn't. Some of the stuff that happened would shock people. Some stuff she did to me...if I had done to her, I'd be in jail. You say that "unless they want it and they're motivated to change, you can't change a person"...True...but she made me think she did want to change. People do change in relationships so of course people are hoping. You have to expect and accept that. I don't think you understand that everyone can be different regardless of cultural beliefs or whatever it is. Your video is stereotyping massively. And you are way too matter of fact and comes across as a bit insensitive. I don't think that I can watch anymore.
This is old news. Hundreds of channels give the same advice. Everybody has some people pleasing tendencies. If you don't want to please another person, you don't like them. The real question is, why are there so many narcissistic people out there? And, no, you can't just avoid them. You have to work with them, interact with them in social setting and give them your time, because suprise, suprise, they are your co- workers or customers. You can't avoid them. Knowledge doesn't help here. I can see what someone is like, but that doesn't mean that a better person is right around the corner. It's just the opposite. Being surrounded by toxic people doesn't make me weak. I know who I am. The idea that you find a friend isn't that helpful, either. That's because the private circle is one thing, the public one is another.Having a friend is nice, but what if the circle of friends gets infested with the narcs?
A lot of us had toxic parents without realizing it
Yes! And figured it out way too late.
Exactly! I thought that everyone’s parents were like mine and that it was “normal” because I was so used to this treatment and plus was pretty much isolated from other people. I had no one around me who was healthy that would make me think that everything wasn’t okay.
Yes
Me too lucky I was kicked out of home at 15 ,they still managed to manipulate me for money for years until I cut them off
Absolutely. We were raised not knowing our inherent worth. Sending hugs and well wishes to all you beautiful survivors of toxic abuse from the narcissistic in your life. ❤
Victims are very often overly low boundary and high empathy people.
Not as many will give them time of day.
"yes, indeed", and I'm scared I'll never meet anyone so "amazing " who can compare to her....
victims are often the person who they perceived as a "threat"
That was me!
@@vaclavraska4377
Yes they know not everyone wil accept how they are.
After my one, very brief, experience with a narc I told myself I had no business being with someone until I learned to pick a better class of man.
Smart move ❤
@@Ana_Sor4ever indeed. Although I didn't know about narc behaviours at the time, I trusted my gut instinct. Having since learned a lot, I'm grateful that I was able to go no contact. Although he periodically returns, even almost three decades later, I don't acknowledge or connect. I want peace in life which I won't get with him.
It gets easier with time and ultimately brings gladness knowing you're away from the madness even if, at the time, it meant something.
Same.
Its actually Self-Love Deficit Disorder.
@@helenmcclay2622 well done!
Fact. Me too!!!
I had a Wonderful childhood..and was Totally Unprepared for these people. I never knew they existed. I was completely blind and stayed far too long..because of Love and Hope. 😊❤
25 yrs, I left but took me 7 yrs to heal.
@@1006CountryGirl
I stayed 32 years and God Saved me! He married another woman. But I am still healing.
Me too, my dear.❤
That makes sense if all you've seen is rude disrespectful actions you think it's par for course or normal behavior when it isn't normal. Yes familiar with abuse needs to change. Yes holding out hope for Narcissistic change is a ridiculous waste of time. Work on you, that's changeable. What you said made sense
I did 17 yrs to long. Nearly killed me.
People pleasing... don't want to make anyone feel bad. Spot on! That's me.
I think I was literally trained or conditioned by family of origin to tolerate the intolerable and to always try to be kind. If instead, I said to these people what actually needs to be said, it would be "You're self-centered, and completely ill-mannered and break all your fake promises. Get the heck away from me. You will never have anything to offer. Don't let the door hit you on the way out and stop talking about your fake spirituality and fake love. You are completely deluded."
I have the same problem.
And there is also not liking, and avoiding conflict. (Childhood trauma- parents fighting).
The fact is you do not want anyone to feel the hurt you felt hence the people pleasing. It is coupled with wanting everyone to like you. A survival tactic developed in the face of abuse.
Toxic people are abundant and everywhere.Almost impossible to live and work without having to deal with these sociopaths. Worst, the trend seems to applaud these people instead of showing them s red card - even by the judicial system!
Well said!!
I agree. That's why we need to be a step ahead of them. Their karma always catches up with them. Just wait and see.
Society has been trained to worship narcs and do anything they say. Look what people did during covid.
i think there is also an energetic component, narcissists can absolutely sense it in an empathetic person.
I also think there is a genetic thing to it as well.
Predators know their prey😢
Some of us are taught Do Not Judge which does not prepare us to handle all the dangerous people in the world. Perhaps do not condemn would be better but dangerous people must be identified and avoided.
I've been on a healing path for about 16 years now. I attracted very toxic friends and relationships all my life, I was told I wasn't good enough as a child also. A month ago I met the lead singer of my favourite band and had the opportunity to get to know him better but I saw the red flag and declined. The next day my daughter inlaw told he he has a girlfriend and I knew I had made the right decision. I don't want to be used and abused anymore no matter who they are I deserve better than crumbs. He would have just used me and if he did leave his girlfriend if he does it to her, he'll do it to me. Im becoming very assertive.
Well done girl. You need to celebrate that!!!
Good on you....
@@MariaJimenez-ye9sn thankyou. I know I was being protected when the opportunity arouse, straight way I saw it was the way he was looking at me, like I was a lamb chop, I have fallen for that before, especially when you grow up craving attention and to be noticed and loved. The next day after finding out he had a girlfriend and she looks like me to her before him and her pictures now are very different,you can see she is very unwell and I know because I look unwell when I'm in a toxic relationship or around my toxic father. One night with a lead singer would end up being months and months of tears and regret. It's not the first time I've been blocked from a guy , its happened a few times in the last 5 years especially.
@@MariaJimenez-ye9sn thankyou. I'm still shocked I did it to be honest but I'm blocked from toxic men, I know im being protected.
Okay, you don't have to tell us the name of the band, how about just the genre?
@@abelsoliz5632 Rock
I have become embroiled with two covert female narcissists in recent times and it has opened my eyes to my own character traits which were formed during a traumatic childhood.
This awareness will not suddenly make me a different person but it does help me to understand myself much better.
I suppose I should at least be grateful for that.
I grew up in a loving family with mom, dad, 3 brothers and 5 sisters. Went to School and Church. I had a good childhood and had a lot of friends. I dated a Narcissist for 4 weekends and the 5th weekend I broke up with her because she mistreated me one time. I do not allow anyone to mistreat me and I don't mistreat others. I believe the narcissist was in my life to awaken my my knowledge about the disorder. I now have closure and understanding of past coworkers and others that have crossed me life over the years. I am awaken and realize narcissist is there mental disorder so I do not take them so personally.
@dondon4056 Great testimony!!
Unfortunately I married one 😢
I didn't have a bad childhood or toxic parents. My trusting, open, empathetic nature triggers those who are screwed up full-blown narcs. They must control and manipulate others, I probably look like an easy or interesting target...but they find out fast they picked the wrong person to tangle with. I'm a sigma empath.
Yes. They don't realize that I already know what they are doing before they do. You can just see with so much clarity the childish mind games they are trying to play. I am like that pedestrian mindset is no match for the likes of me. Run along and try that elsewhere. I don't tolerate it l.
I think they are attracted to my loyalty. I am loyal to my own detriment
Welcome to the “ Loyal to a fault” club. SMH. We will do better.
Why don’t you become loyal to your own wellbeing?
@@Mockduck2020 fair enough😒
After seeing the patterns, going no contact/gray rock with several friends and family members… I keep my distance from narcissists - from the start. The drama and emptiness is as clear as a big red flag now ❤
This is spot on and profound Anoushka. After years and years of soul searching I finally got it and forgave everyone. I am still learning and have changed my behaviours. You are gifted. Thank you.
She’s correct.
I didn’t have a bad childhood. My Mother and Father had disagreements, argued but genuinely loved each other and were the best parents. (My childhood consisted of validation, support, guidance, attention, correction,etc)
However, I had a need to please, wanting a person to feel happy and accepted…. but I was definitely taught to have boundaries.
I experienced 3 narcissistic relationships before I knew what I was truly experiencing.
I honestly didn’t think cruel people existed in this fashion. Maybe because I had such a sheltered and wonderful childhood.
I definitely know what I’m dealing with today. Many Adults with trauma, unhealed and broken childhood experiences that would rather manipulate others, as opposed to seeking counseling and healing from their traumatic childhood.
Stoic-ism, teaches someone - you can only fix your perception, ( Judgement ) of anything that's out of one's control. Obviously, Toxic Individuals won't change at all costs... Walking away, SILENTLY is perhaps your last option.
Thank u
Stoicism has been my life line…
I encountered one in church leadership and he appeared to be looking for someone vulnerable at the time who was trusting of people. I was the perfect target and it has scarred me somewhat as far as trusting and opening up to people. You have to educate yourself on these types of people because they target certain people for a reason, and the abusive behavior is not seen by most. The target gets the abuse.
Narcissists love religion makes them feel better because they think they are righteous. I hope that you see your experience this way: you are now stronger and I hope you won’t get fooled again
They are rampant and hiding in churches. I was recently at a church and the pastor was me, me, I, I, everything. It’s no surprise that most of his congregation was that way. Toxicity is contagious. The characteristics of the kingdom come from the king.
They do tend to be found in churches.
Religion & Narcissism are conjoined twins.
That's me always been a ppl pleaser, No More,
The more I heal my people pleasing and stand firm in my boundaries and say no the toxic people have been dropping out of my life 😂 I feel so balanced and happy I promised myself in 2019 when I started to heal that by March 2024 my 50 th birthday to heal , and I did 🎉🎉 I wish I had known earlier what it was but I had to go through deep cleaning and healing and pain to get to this point and I’m so humble grateful and free! Anyone reading this don’t give up keep focusing on yourself healing and loving yourself and I promise you won’t regret it ❤
Wow, I feel for you. To me, 24 weeks seems like a long time.
There have always been narcissists around.
I think its just bad luck.
Most have been neighbours that you had nothing to do with and some are family members.
My experiences have been that its life experience and these hollow beings come into our lives and then we "see ya later".
With age comes wisdom.
I can sense a narc almost immediately now.....its like a dog sniffing out truffles.
Look at their EYES and body language with HOW they say things.
COverts are tricky, so it takes questions and answers to get to see them for who they are.
I were blessed that I found this subject on Internet and did a lot of study. Found out what was happened in my life where I always supported everybody but did not get anything in return other than negative energy. When I was sucked they left and I needed started at 0 again. But now get the knowledge and lucky I have no problem to be alone
Wow ! Came as a shock 😮 Thought it was the narcs that had the bad past 😮. I’ve found eventually that a therapist has defo helped and I’m quite happy to remain single whilst on the healing journey 🎉
Narcissism is forced upon us,i don't accept it,i know my worth and defy them,but that drives narcissists further to harm you just to appease their ego/superiority complex,you can't escape narcissist,you can ignore them entirely,but that will only put you in more uncomfortable situations,narcissistic agenda is everywhere and those practicing it don't care and are oblivious to their seared conscious,they are happy in their ignorance,you can never escape fully,that's a real life fact.good vid,great topic.
I havent had the experience of any of my ex narcs returning to my life...why? Because I leave no gaps open or any chances for them to come back. They leave some clothes behind or items for later to come back to pick em up...just make sure they take everything with them when they go out that door. I even make sure her hair pins are dumped in the trash or any little thing left behind is out of your sight that might bring you memories so throw them away it only hurts you.
It feels like - the harder you try to put some effort into keeping SANITATION under control, folks will squat on you 10x's more often. No matter how you try to keep up with Appearances, folks throw garbage like a moving target.
Went through 3 in different degrees til I finally discovered what narc personality disorder is.
Sounds accurate as to what I have gone through.. grateful to be awake to the truth.. and the healing has started!
Oh , yes ! I’ve always wondered why did I end up with a narcissist and all my friends have beautiful marriages???
Thank you 🙏❤️🥹!
We never know what happen in others married couples...and they wont tell..
All your friends APPEAR to have beautiful marriages. Mmmmm?
This is great taugh love. Thank you❤
Like it or not - you do your best... can't fix people.
This is where I was. I was friends with a narcissist. But, the most important lesson she taught me was, if someone doesn't know that friendship goes both directions, you are better off without that friend in your life!
I am seeing a counselor. I realized that I was expecting my friend's verbally abusive behavior to happen again. My counselor is teaching me how to put up firm boundaries. I have realized that doing so benefits everyone concerned! If people can see your growth, it can inspire them to grow as well! Different people make different choices! You don't need to be afraid of history repeating itself with different people!
Now, I identify as an empath. I feel other people's unhappiness. It is quite easy to fall into the trap of feeling responsible for making other people happy. BUT, I have realized that each person has to decide for themselves to be happy with their circumstances in life!
Recently, along a similar vein, I realized that I was taking it personally if I couldn't reach someone I care about. But, if someone isn't ready to make positive changes in their life, it isn't a failing on your part! ...My friend wanted to make me more like her. I have free will, and I have chosen growth. Thank you for making this video! Take care. Susan
what about having a real deep rooted fear of being with someone? When you wake up, spot red flags, no longer accept bad behaviors or boundary violations. when you are happiest alone, not trying to please the unpleasables ones, exhausted from the drama......it is hard work to get there, to heal and it is lonely. Its is much healthier when you can spot the narcs and avoid the repeat, you feel better about yourself, your life, etc but finding healthy people is like looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack. What do you think? Thanks for this very informative, thoughtful video.
Anoushka: you've covered this ground very well here. I hope victims and recovering victims of narc- abusive relationships will listen to your words carefully and use them as a guide to their own recovery. Blessings out to you. Success, too!.
And I got one another narcissist🤔after being single 13 years! Thank you God taked out from my life that person !🙏
Excellent advice in this video....very very true! 👍 Thank you! ❤
The presrnt narcissist found me after leaving another narcissist. I got trapped into another toxic relationship and am working on leaving yhis one❤
Thanks for acknowledging the spiritual needs, the brokenness, the codependency, the whole person.❤
Absolutely correct.
Not what many of us want to acknowledge...but extremely necessary on the path to personal healing and autonomy.
Our personal dysfunctions are a gravitational pull for exploiters and sadists...our inner masochistic core rooted within from adverse childhood experiences.... "ACE's". We gravitate to what we accept unknowingly from a hidden "psychological" core..
The "glitch" in our programming!!
But there is hope once it is recognised..
Great message Anoushka.
❤
And Thanks Anoushka. I was reflecting on that because I didn't say it before. Grandiosity in action. Face slap. So...thankyou
Very much. ❤️
Because it gave birth to me
Wow I’m learning a lot I’m resonating
This was very insightful after seeing myself in a relationship with a toxic narcissist. Eventually I will need counseling, but this is very insightful!
Must keep video. Yes I have been attracting Narc:s. After watching several videos "ask Anoushka" I felt I dealt with Narc: No: 3 quicker. I recognised the signs, put boundaries in place, (felt strange) He's gone now. It was worth it to allow myself to respond to him (when his behaviour was acceptable) don't react to bad behaviour.
WOW, no idea why I have been attracting these type of people in my life... they just abuse and suck the life out a person.
After getting rid of one a sibling meets one years later and brings him/her home and boom they don't leave makes me feel they are everywhere. Nobody seems to notice what they are doing the problem is you how exhausted iam.
Seeing what is happening is the first step. 😎
Very informative elegant awareness respected speaker 😀!
The majority of the time i’ve realized people cannot resolve our past childhood traumas. Only we can give that back to ourselves by ourselves! So give it back to yourself with the money you’ve earned. Take yourself out to ice cream. Take yourself to the carnival fair. Take yourself out to dinner. Get yourself a pet & spend time with your pet. Go to therapy.
Yes! The only way I got over the covert narcissist is by healing my inner child who was abused in childhood. I realized I am her adult now and can protect her from abuse. I have decided to treat her with love and let her have good things that she wants. I take her to movies and buy her a hot dog, popcorn and a soda if she wants that. I planned a birthday party for myself and my friends and I had a wonderful time. And many other things I do for her. Until we learn to protect our abused child, we are vulnerable to the narcissist. You are so right!♥️
i thought i am codependent, and i am narc magnet, but i love being alone! Also i appreciate company with people who like being alone :)
these bored old narcs in my village, who feel entitled to come without invitation with their small talk even at 10 am, like today. ARRR...lol
You have covered a lot of topics and there is so much to learn. Re-listen this is a powerful explanation
Thank you soooooo much . woooow that was just an amazing explanation♥
If i could relive my last encounter with a narcissist i would not try to help him because i could see we had shared childhood trauma. I would say this guy is very damaged he may even be a narcisst who are unfixable and leave at once. No matter if he was lovebombing me and trying to put me under his spell.
Spot on!
I realize that I am a target after being a scapegoat in my family and having to walk away and having the narcissistic people in my family, and my exhusband play divide and conquer between myself and my sons. My youngest son eventually saw through his father but my eldest son has yet to see through it. I love both of them. It leaves me without a tribe and the narcissist in my last relationship ised it as fuel to say that there was something wrong with me. He was close to his dysfunctional family that was a closed family system. I was an outsider there. I have met men who have anger towards women and are mysoginistic and heard that it can also play out in narcissistic relationships. The last one use to tell me to shut up and gladly talk to his brothers and other men. He wanted obedience and control over me. I think that since I don't have family, so to speak, I have been an easier target without support and have felt alone in life. I am working on myself. Thank you so much for your message. ❤
Some don't have a choice when it's a step parent, and a childhood friend...... mentally effected me badly. Now, I know I'm mending very well, made distance and ignore them .....zero contact
It’s because I treat myself so poorly so I attract people who will treat me just as poorly as I do…..I’ve just recently realized this….now I’m trying to change that…by treating myself better
VERY helpful. Thank you so much!🌹
This is so spot on😢
great vid
The Homeless Problem - Epidemic - is answered for THIS REASON. You can't walk away from ANYONE, FAST ENOUGH.
SPOT ON!!!!!!! Such a helpful video for me ! Thank you so much for the insight
Thank you Anoushka your theaching is gold ✌️🙏🌈🌹❤️👋
So appreciate all you do ❤
Your only solution is to quietly and quickly walk away. You cannot change a toxic individual in a toxic environment.
What did I do ? My mistake ? Leaned on my own understanding, sought not wisdom , and I could write a book of mistakes and calamities that occured as a result ! Lol no it wasn't easy on the mind or conscience truth is absolute ! The truth destroyed everything I thought I knew ! I am feeling much better now ! Thank God ! And all of it is Thanks to him !
So having low selfesteem = having low value? So, we are the low hanging fruits for narcissists? I am kinda shocked how can witnessing domestic violence / abuse affected me so much? It wasnt even that bad as some other people could have it but how can one heal what witnessed as child?
It's called CPTSD. Do some research u can fix urself over time. Tim Fletcher on u tube is the one u need to listen to. Crappy Childhood Fairy is a great learning tool trust me. I never knew my childhood done so much damage till I was triggered by romantic relationship. I was digging on what was his problem. Not mine he caused so much drama. He woke my soul for answers. I have hundreds of hours of therapy all for free online from just them two people. U were on a rollercoaster witnessing the trauma that u seen. It all starts with the vagus nerve in our body who ever knew being on rollercoaster as a child has such a effect on each of us. I will never be healed it's all about awareness to keep the triggers at bay kinda. People that trigger u r there to let u know u need work too. It runs deeper then most know. It effects our adult relationships. A lot about me and the way I have been my whole life the mistakes regrets the bad the good it all finally makes sense as to the whys for sure. The dots just keep connecting. Most therapist don't even talk about CPTSD it's only been being talked about for 6 or 7 yrs but the root cause of many mental disorders too. Most r on medicine that is not even needed if they would fix themselves from the inside out. Prayers u find the answers which u seek.
I feel you this was my childhood😿
Trauma informed therapy, coaching, books, spirituality (not necessarily religion) all lead to helping you fully come home to yourself & find meaning in life & then we stop looking for it in relationships to others.
For people who are healing childhood wounds , it becomes a way of life to stay on the path of light.
I keep an open heart along with watertight boundaries & managed expectations. And I thoroughly enjoy my own company. Who we surround ourselves with can make or break our lives.
I hope this can help. 🙏🤍🕊️
This gave me a wow oh my God moment
Great Hair Style! 👍
Spot On.
ANOUSHKA ypur dress is so beautiful!!
Does the narcissist see weakness in certain people, and will target them just because of that?
No I don’t agree. Narcissists will do this to anyone. Absolutely anyone.
@@lenorabarclay275 Yes, but they can be selective at times, and that has to be for a reason. In my experience, it's often a sense of hierarchy as well, a pecking order.
@@dcikaruga yes they can be selective I agree. They can also be desperate for any narcissistic supply from anyone.
@@lenorabarclay275 I guess as they prefer easy supply, then that will obviously be from weak-minded people. But from what I've been through, they might take you weak for granted, and then get angry and frustated when you go against them, which is when the rage comes out.
It's not like narcs "feel the empathy" of their targets, no. They feel the weakness of their targets, and that's a whole other thing. There's no such thing as "empathy". You can be compassionate without being stupid. The weakness of people, be it trauma-related or not, is freely translated as stupidity in this world, and that's a fact. And that's why we need to be aware of ourselves and of others, and not living in our own head-space exclusively.
There is empathy yet some try to say they have an inherent superpower it's the ability to listen and understand what another is going through or been through it also comes from conscience and morality understanding the affect your abuse will have on others , narcassists , sociopaths and psychopaths don't care , they want to manipulate control , use and abuse . They lack conscience they are not authentic and their strategists using calculated moves for their own ends .
I've never wondered why because I have been FORCED to be around/live with them and could not easily escape-RUN due to very limited options. They were mostly creepers, peepers, watchers, and STALKERS. I would have left at ANYTIME if I HAD THE DAMN MONEY.
Have to admit my codependency.
Several studies from across the world have demonstrated that narcissism is, at least partly, genetic-in fact, according to a couple of studies, the risk of inheriting narcissism is over 50% in some cases. Narcissism, like other conditions under the behavioral genetics umbrella, is often studied using twins.Sep 11, 2023 wikipedia
This is my opinion, but generational trauma could appear genetic because dysfunctional behaviors pass down with each generation.
Thank you
Ahhhhhhh so that's it! Thanks
Great video. Well done.
5:30
Whoo! Damn
Hit me hard right from the very first one
I got rid of them all.
Not the family; the wider hateful culture, outside the home and pervasive.
I love that top on you! It’s beautiful ❤
I would like to have one on one consultation
I guess i had to see evil.
I never wanted to know that much about the human race.
There are still good people.
There are still good parents.
Many people are not alcoholics, drug addicts, narcissist.
There are happy children.
There is hope.
😊 Ì don't think it's about what you experienced as trauma or your young years. I just think there lots of people out there like that, in fact the majority. It comes down to how much you like or are attracted to the person and what you can tolerate etc
Sometimes we can not help being physically attracted to people , but you need to see past that and look at the person and listen
@@lizh1970 Ì didn't specifically say physically attracted.
Attraction in general is one of the most important things. Also you are more likely to want to spend time with those you don't find repulsive.
not sure I have ever seen a "healed" couple.. Has to be really rare
The higher the 'intrlligence quota', the higher the likelihood of personality disorders. Growing up in a dysfunctional family means that you are the one who can deal with a narcissist better than the udder way 'round. Sometimes the guy upstairs tells you to be someone's man and you say 'Come again? Don't you think she has a say in this? I'm not really looking for anyone...' Oy veh, he has a twisted sense of humor.
I met one bc I knew him, but he love bombed out of the blue bc i was going thru of a divorce!! So I was wounded!!
Wow , beautiful woman❤
Didn’t have a choice , had the two worst parents
'no-surprise' however - I get a Relative that shows up: Un-announced while I'm working at a Temporary Job Agency. Get an Emergency Phone-call. "Get back home, such-and-such didn't flush the Toilet." Before you ask why... that person is asking for Cigarettes.
Anybody here met a coverted narcissist 18 years old, fresh in life, being love bomb by these creatures and how to get out intact?
If you have resolved your childhood they still fux with u lmao
I gave birth to her. And trying to understand her nearly killed me.
I dont know... I put some boundaries as she was hurting me. A lot. She traumatised and humiliated me countless times.
It's been nine months since I saw her. It's been three months since I heard from her. She isn't allowed to contact me.
I am a shell of a person that I was.
But I don't believe in being used to being hurt. I KNOW what love is. I know that she did not love me. I stuck with it because when I was with her sometimes...it felt like Heaven.
Yes I know that I should have got out a long time ago and I didn't. Some of the stuff that happened would shock people. Some stuff she did to me...if I had done to her, I'd be in jail.
You say that "unless they want it and they're motivated to change, you can't change a person"...True...but she made me think she did want to change. People do change in relationships so of course people are hoping. You have to expect and accept that.
I don't think you understand that everyone can be different regardless of cultural beliefs or whatever it is. Your video is stereotyping massively. And you are way too matter of fact and comes across as a bit insensitive. I don't think that I can watch anymore.
This is old news. Hundreds of channels give the same advice.
Everybody has some people pleasing tendencies. If you don't want to please another person, you don't like them. The real question is, why are there so many narcissistic people out there? And, no, you can't just avoid them. You have to work with them, interact with them in social setting and give them your time, because suprise, suprise, they are your co- workers or customers.
You can't avoid them. Knowledge doesn't help here. I can see what someone is like, but that doesn't mean that a better person is right around the corner. It's just the opposite. Being surrounded by toxic people doesn't make me weak. I know who I am. The idea that you find a friend isn't that helpful, either.
That's because the private circle is one thing, the public one is another.Having a friend is nice, but what if the circle of friends gets infested with the narcs?
Shitty to hear and resonate with all of it! First step in flipping it though
I’m autistic and I’m in a toxic relationship I can’t afford to split up ! And because of my autism can’t cope on my own ? So what is the answer ?
7/24.
To make your life a living hell