Yes.I've done it sometimes. But I've zero regrets.it's not that I hate them-I don't like to hate actually -I just no longer care about them.I feel like l got freedom...I felt so peaceful after that.Now when i see them I just smile at them,but that's it.I don't want them in my life.
you prolly dont give a damn but does anyone know a tool to log back into an instagram account? I somehow forgot my password. I love any help you can give me!
@Danny Joseph Thanks for your reply. I got to the site thru google and Im waiting for the hacking stuff now. I see it takes a while so I will get back to you later when my account password hopefully is recovered.
It takes me a loooooong time, many chances, many tears and thinking BEFORE I door slam someone, it is not a decision made out of impulse but once I decide that, I don't feel bad at all, I don't look back and no, I don't want to talk or try to make it work or anything, you're out, done deal. I've done it many times and I feel no regrets, I don't need that kind of people in my life, there was a good big reason for me to remove them. I don't see the INFJ door slam as a negative thing at all because we aren't impulsive, we think before we do it and there's a good reason behind it. We value our energy.
You talking about me dear, I will shed lots of tears explain even beged my family that gave all attention to see that they hurting me and I am suffering mentally but no they were too indulge in using me as their emotional dumping ground and door mat. Narcissist can always push the INFJ to door slam because they will never respect boundaries
"The door slam could have been avoided if the infj was more comfortable expressing their own feelings." It's not that I don't speak up about things that hurt me, it's that I DON'T GET ANGRY when I do, and I don't respond with hurting others back. I have showed I was hurt, I have opened up and was vulnerable in front of them. I stayed friends with them, trusting they won't hurt me again. And it was only after I was continuously disrespected, hurt and humiliated over long period of time that I said "it's enough" and put an end to it. Not as revenge, not out of anger, but because it was the only thing left to emotionally protect myself from all the hurt. It's like this. If you care about your relationship with other people AT ALL, you won't insult/humiliate/hurt them. Even if you had a bad day, even if you think they aren't treating you right, even if you don't like them, you won't insult them if you want to remain friends. But you'll repeatedly insult INFJ, because you've seen they're considerate and understanding. Nothing is black or white in their eyes and they always try to see things from your perspective. They'll understand you had a bad day, or that you're dealing with past issues, or simply think you didn't mean it/didn't realize. So, you get comfortable. You don't care to hold back from insulting them even when you aren't having a bad day, even if everything is good for you. If you apologize and explain yourself, they will listen to you, but you'll do it again and again. All while you're still careful about how you treat other people. Once INFJ realizes that you are well aware of your actions (but you just don't care to be considerate towards them) and you're door slammed, you're like "Why didn't they tell me that I SHOULDN'T INSULT them? That I should respect them? That I should treat them as a friend? How could I have known that the INSULTS are hurting them?" Insults hurt everyone. You don't need to be told that friendship is about mutual respect and care. But you assume that it's okay to hurt INFJ, just because they'll always try to understand where you're coming from. INFJs are not without fault, but you're not door slammed because they didn't express their feelings - but because you just didn't listen.
INFJ here. It's true that the dislike or resentment has been accumulated quite a period of time, but the last straw it's always, "l've seen through you." When the conclusion is made determining the character of a person, you know that anything else is just pretentious or an cover up. There's no use carry on this relationship or friendship. "I've already seen through you."
"I've already seen through you." Brilliant. Those are the words. Someone I've known for many years just got the slam because I found I could predict their hostile behaviour in advance, predictable as a clockwork toy, and thus could see this goes no further, clear as day.
I never knew I was INFJ but oh men this is so true. “determining a character of a person” and “ there’s no use of continuing the fakeness.” Authenticity and deep connection is so precious to us. Although I do wonder if many times I am seeing my own shadow in others. INFJ doesn’t mean I am high character even though I am drawn to it and aspire to it.
the INFJ door slam looks abrupt, but it's not... usually. We just weighed the value of our relationship without you present. It may have taken days or even months to reach that decision. I guess that is where it feels cold because we may have just talked to you the day before reaching our decision and never brought it up and we were nice and polite. I cannot speak for other INFJs but for myself the only time I give out the INFJ door slam is when someone has crossed an obvious boundary such as do not gossip behind my back, or they have repeatedly crossed a boundary that I have specifically told them not to cross each time it has happened.
The door slam I can’t imagine takes the other people that we slam by surprise. By the time we get to the point where we are slamming somebody they have typically treated us so badly via betrayal or projection, or unfounded accusations or gaslit us or smeared as to the point where conversations would do no good because they gaslight and lie and there are just no other options left. When somebody is treated with such disdain, disrespect and invalidation over and over and over and then thrown a crumb of respect every once in a while it’s heartbreaking because we usually love these people. Bread crumbing causes so much confusion and cognitive dissonance and then switches to the stage of hatred and rage and just builds up until one day it’s just over... no warning ...no conversation ....no nothing can chance it. I don’t think it catches the other person by surprise ....they might say to themselves after the fact and recognize that they know they treated us badly but they never thought we would do anything about it because we never did in the past so they could beat up on us emotionally and scapegoat us knowing and feeling safe to do so because we’d never shown them we had a dark side or a limit ...they’d never seen that side of our personality which when pushed to the brink is dark and brutal so in that sense when we door slam them, they never saw it coming. They finally want to give us the respect we always craved but by then it’s far too late. Once I door slam, it’s weird, that’s it ...they’re just dead to me.
As an INTP, I can tell you that a door slam is better that just simply ghosting. Leaving people just hang without any kind of logical explanation, or justification is cruel
@@sylviaowega3839maybe perhaps one-sided relationships or similar in group dynamics. I no longer have the energy to give in old age. Let them figure it out… I left quietly and silently, no fuss or drama. Oh yeah, less legal complications involved.
INFJ do not share their negative emotions so they do not burden others. But even if we say we are upset they repeat the patterns and hurt us. So why should we suffer. We have to love ourselves more. I had friends but when I had health issues and struggled in my life I found no compassion so I have to take care of myself and ignore them. We do not tolerate one sided relationships. If they make fun of you and diss you Please this is called respect not mind reading. Respect first then love comes second.
I have Door slammed many people. It only happens after a pattern of bad behavior. In many cases I have brought the behavior to their attention but they keep doing the same thing. So, I concluded that people who are inclined towards that kind of behavior are not likely to respect my wishes..so most of the time I say nothing and door slam them. Often times they are mystified by my behavior because they are either blind to their own behavior or believe a friend should tolerate their nonsense.
I guess some INFJ communicate that there's something not right in the relationship but the other person doesn't understand or doesn't care. Then comes the door slam.
Typically when people ghost and then come back later, for me it is death of a friendship. It show inauthenticity and cowardice. It is a form of passive aggression
I door slam when i reach a point in the relationship where i feel backed to a corner. Either carry on the relationship and betray myself or cut ties and honor myself. I always choose myself duhhhh
Ok Imma call Bull$hi+ on this.Most of the time, I think the Slamee knows exactly why the INFJ Slammer doorslammed them. We don't easily give up on relationships, usually this person has had ample warning this was coming.Personally, I just door slammed a guy just before commenting on here.He was disrespectful in a number of ways, emotionally unavailable and if you know an INFJ at all, we simply don't abide being anyone's "Option" for long.
You can communicate with the narcissist, tell your feeling lay your boundaries cry go into depression all you like they will push or live the INFJ with no choice but to door slam. Infj 80% door slam because narcissist don't respect boundaries and guess what they are everywhere.
If u have to negotiate basic stuff, basic decency, basic reciprocity then that person is not worth ur time. If u have to be on guard to not be exploited or disrespected then again not worth it. What's basic is up to each.
INFP here, and doing also the doorslam. When this happens, people have more than deserved it over a longer period. It happens when I was badly hurt a lot of times, have tried to communicate the problems manyfold (I can describe my feelings very accurate if someone is willing to really listen) and haven´t got any other response than belittling or negate my feelings or just a desinterested "Why do you make make mountains out of a molehill" or "It is like it is, don´t be so sensitive and swallow the pill." Turned out later, that those few people I cut out of my life were narcissists or just didn´t care for me like I cared for them. So, all in all I did myself a favour. I think, the INFJ and similar personalities know at a certain point, when there is no possibility of change.
I almost got doorslammed but we avoided it. I was like "Honey, hold up. You are NOT ghosting me. We're gonna work this out." Its not perfect, but we have definitely worked out that particular conflict.
You know which button to press. INFJs really tries to stick and work on relationship we value, unless every other experience have proven the opposite than nothing will get into our mind/decision.
mine too. got fiance who ALWAYS “pursue” me after i got hurt. He is an ESTP boi who dont even got a clue how to determine obligations and feeling. Damn i feel sorry at myself and him at the same time
I have wondered if one of the challenges of INFJs is that they seem to understand others so well and with such a gift have a sense that others also have the same insights. As such they might feel the other person should just know when/how you have crossed a boundary. The reality is boundaries are yours to set and not the other person to magically 'know'. This is one of the biggest changes a person must realize in life. Now if only I could grasp energetic boundaries and keep out "the stuff of the world" that doesn't belong to me. (ENFP)
I'm an INFJ-T, so I tend to do this :( It's not always on purpose, sometimes I feel like the other person doesn't get me at all, and I don't know how to express myself either, so I just end up leaving... kinda hoping for them to reach to me and try to truly understand me by asking me all of this complicated questions, but no one comes back, making me feel like they didn't care about me that much, or maybe I was too harsh and I lost them forever because of my instability, so there is no point talking to them again, cause it's not like they need me anyways, they make their lifes as usual and pretend nothing ever happened about our friendship :(
Ive been door slammed by INFJ 3 months ago and specifically said it would be months to heal then he stoped talking. I wanted to reach out because I dont like it to fester. I have fully understand what went wrong and I dont know when is the right time to reach out or the right approach
Same happened with me...I already tried so hard to maintain harmony and good friendship...but it felt like I was only doing all the efforts...and that person don't even care at all if I exist as a friend for them or not ...I started feeling like an unwanted friend so I just left and stopped any conversations...months passed but my ex Best friend didn't made any effort...Now I felt what truly my value was for her...she doesn't care and I was hurting myself so stupid of me
My ENFP advice is for you to reach out to them because the worst they can do is ignore you, right? [essentially the same thing that is happening now] But if, by chance, that person has felt the same way as you, opening up in that state of vulnerability has a good possibility of mending the relationship. Even if they say "I feel so hurt and don't know how to come back from that" then you can explain your side and at least have a clear conscience. Trust your feelings and intuition that if there was something important between you, it was REAL and may still be there. If the connection isn't there anymore, you can both feel closure. I would never and will never hold a resentment for a person who needed space and just wasn't sure how to best communicate that. Today is a new day.
@@picklesimsThank you for your advice. I like all of it and the end part about not holding resentment for someone who needs space and doesn't know how to communicate that.
Right before you mentioned that we tend to expect others to be mind-readers (8:45) I thought "I KNOW what decent, reasonable treatment feels like from the example of better friends, so if this person just keeps poking, they know what they're doing, or should know, and if they don't, nothing I say will change their minds." I only have so much emotional energy for a false friend's sh!t.
The infamous INFJ door slam is actually more humane than just simply ghosting, where people just ‘disappear’ silently with an logical explanation, or any kind of means communications. Ghosting and leaving someone just hang there is just very cruel and cowardly. -INTP
I didn't know the INFBYE was a thing As a INFJ I can say that the Doorslam is the last last resort. I have done it in the past and it is not so a defence mechanism, but after days and nights of overthinking it appeared like the only conclusion; I consider the doorslam a no win situation. Side note: Any relationship is cemented by understanding each other. Without understanding there is no relationship ( because strong conflict occur ) The doorslam will only exist in a situation of no to little understanding of the each other. It is less a doorslam as it is more of a manifestation of an unsolvable misunderstanding (or misfitting)
I am an INFJ. I dont door slam lightly. It is often when someone deeply hurt me in their ignorance. After I have tried every subtle and not so subtle ways of telling them that they need to change their ways, I slam the door without any further explanation. I often block them on social media, forget their number and dont think about them again. Not because I didnt care. I cared too much.
Your explanation of why you door slam is what I came here looking for. A friend of mine is so so overwhelmed with life that I may have been door slammed by her. Yes, she's an INFJ. And I was her only friend. She can get cold and distant and closed. Anyways, thanks for sharing.
I do not expect others to be mind readers. I express to them what I need or dislike repeatedly. It’s when it fails to make any difference that’s when I stop saying anything. It eventually ends in the door slam and they act like they had no idea why. Then they try doing the things I said I needed or they stop doing what made me uncomfortable and they think I’ll just accept the better late than never changes. But after the door slams it’s too late. I’m done! I have made peace with those who I’ve door slammed and could easily be in a room with them without feeling negatively about them or the reasons they lead up to the door slam. I feel I have processed the situations and have come to understand more about myself in the process. I do not look back and think it was bad… it just was.
I once told someone off, in such a way, that the people around me just stood there in awe. I wasn't cruel, but that door slammed so hard the person I was talking to left the bar and I never saw him again. I am an ENFJ, but I struggle on the I/E border.
It’s incredibly frustrating when someone acts surprised that I disappeared after many attempts to explain my frustrations, obvious disharmonies, etc. It’s not like I didn’t warn you or even attempt to fix it, but now I’m done with going in circles with you and you wanna play the victim 💀
When it comes to valuing harmony this cake is a lie that conformity is compulsory and all it takes to be hated is to just speak truth where lies and half truths flourish.
The other person knew but they thought they could keep on getting away with it. Well, it turns out, they are not getting away with it this time. Door shut.
Erik, this is the most interesting topic and video I've seen of yours. And I've been watching you for many years., ☺️ I think it's because it's the first time I got a glimpse into you. As INFJs, we are always interested in seeing, wow, I chose the word seeing instead of understanding because, as an infj I try to see emotions. We want to know why people do what they do and what is behind what they say and even their expressions. I was so surprised when you said that you don't want the door to be completely closed and I was starting to think, oh he's kind enough to leave a chance of that person regaining a tiny bit of trust. Then, you went right for what I call, the you're dead to me tactic. The person can come to the same party as you but, since they died a long time ago to you, they have no power to affect you. That's where it ends up with me. It doesn't matter if I see them again or don't because, once the door is slammed, they don't exist anymore. I can even forget the person's name. And, I may have spent years counseling them and helping them to carry the weight of their problems. And, I will take their disrespect and ponder about how a person can do that to another person. I just can't imagine why someone would be mean to someone who's trying to be so helpful and supportive. It doesn't compute. So, when I reach the end of my rope with them, I realize that they can never understand me. It's as if I speak one language and they speak another so, there is absolutely no communication. Plus, by then they have broken my heart so many times and I just took it. So, you're right about that Erik, that is a dark side of being an infj. We have studied them for so long that we know what words would hurt so deeply that it will cause injury to that person. Long before that happens though, we have used our intuition in order to say all the words that would uplift them and heal them. For me, 99.9% of the time, I would rather be hurt than ever hurt another person. I think that's why I've only ever done this three times in my whole life. I didn't even do that to my abusive narcissistic husband. Because, I saw how he became a monster. I grew up with him and I would not have wanted to have lived his life. I don't talk to him but, I could still have empathy if he needed it. Strange. I wonder what happens when two INFJs are trying to figure each other out and trying to line up boundaries with one another. I love when you are excited about what you're talking about because, this is one of your passions. Your eyes are incredibly beautiful and obviously they are the window to the soul. Take care, Carly 💕
I’ve just ended my 2 year relationship with a door slam. Not something I wanted to do, I offered to talk through it but he didn’t see the worth of it. That’s my last straw. I tried so hard on my own trying the save the relationship and tried to improve prioritizing and communicating my needs whilst he looked down at me, blaming me, not supporting me. I accept that I’ve an issue but he’s not trying on this end either. I feel like he’s a bird and I’m a fish, we can’t seem to coexist satisfactorily. He can’t dive deep down into the water, nor can I jump high up into the sky. I’ve tried jumping so high out of the water, all he does is look at me from above. You can’t clap with one hand. It wasn’t easy but I came to a conclusion to door slam him. Now I move on without looking back.
The "Door Slam" is a Way to finally "Reach" those who continue to neglect "Your" Desires and cares, in spite of all the ways you offered them a respite so in order to show them "You" aren't a "Beggar" of the "Deserved" Respect you never received from Them. Narcissists better be VERY AWARE of these Creatures. It'll be a RUDE AWAKENING
This is a great description and good advice. I always thought others had the same sensitivity and intelligence that I have, but they don’t. I’ve door slammed a few people because after years of tolerance I realized they wouldn’t change in essential ways. No amount of discussion would help. I’ve also tried to drift away-just be less available, but it doesn’t work either. How can you tell someone, “I just don’t like who I am with you”, or “l know you feel superior to me”, or “I hate small talk”?
The 2nd door slam is actually to avoid lashing out to the person who we think might not care about us, causing us energy and we dont want to look bad, we handle the turmoil away from the person until it subsides and until we are okay not having this person in our life and not feeling bad about it, the ultimate goal is still to go back to inner peace. 1st door slam is processing our raw feelings to figure out if we can keep relationship or not, going back is like giving a chance but oftentimes, the other person will remember only d pain of the departure instead of the reason behind it. It's a struggle composed idealism.
we know there is no help to relationship. we thought it through numerous times. so we solve the problem and carry on with life for "both". we help another side too..
I hate the door slam! But at least now it makes sense why I’ve done it my whole life when people cross boundaries over & over. I see myself in so many of these comments!
Love your INFJ takes! And yes...I have let things, people, ideas and relationships go in what would be considered "doorslam" kinds of ways, for sure. I kind of dislike the idea that some people put forth that INFJs can be abrupt, judgmental, and almost acting on impulse when one of us decides that we have had all we can take, though it can happen, for sure. I do agree that when I was younger, I often disengaged with some others out of sadness, anger, despair, disappointment, etc. So there were times when the doorslam was temporary, even though I was convinced at the time that it was the final act. So the possibility of redemption might exist for some circumstances and some people. There are other situations that I am rather sure letting go of something, permanently, was the right thing to do, especially when I feel like I put so much energy into someone and felt I got little in return, or felt like I was not treated in a compassionate way. And yes...I had to be careful when I was younger to avoid the "martyr trap", which I have fallen into, for sure. I do feel like after much work on myself, that while being deliberate and methodical, I do try to be more reasonable, for my sake and others. I could write all day, but will stop there. And yes...I still catch myself saying, "How could that person not know how I feel", as if they should be as aware of my pain, anger, frustration, etc., as I am! How dare they not know how they affected me! Lol
Yes, I've done it, but for me it takes what I consider a betrayal. I may even have been honest with the other person that my boundaries were being crossed and they didn't 'get it' or didn't care.
Door slams happen when my boundaries are repeatedly ignored. Expressing feelings doesn't have anything to do with it. Narcissists, and often non-narcissists, don't notice or even care about your feeling when those feelings are brought to their attention. These types of people often use your feelings/vulnerability against you as fodder for their gaslighting. Unless someone has earned your trust by being attentive to your feelings and boundaries, better to just skip the "express your feelings" part, set the boundary then watch what happens. 100% of the time, the "victim" of the door slam isn't going to respect your boundaries. Again, the key to the INFJ door slam is having their boundaries repeatedly violated, not a lack of expressing how they feel. Why waste your time and energy trying to explain why you slammed the door when you've already put way more energy into the situation than you should have?
Very useful!!👍 We always assume that people know how we feel but decide to hurt us anyway (even on purpose). I've never really realized it tbh... it's so difficoult to tell others how we feel but there's no other way, we have to do it
I'm an INFP and tend to idealize reality too until a certain point, but I'm never as brutal as an INFJ though I understand perfectly their depth sensitivity and pain and why they're doing it. The problem with INFJs is that lack of communication and illusory assumption that people guess or feel what's in their mind. It's so sad. Things remain unclear, relationships shattered and INFJs end up being demonized, misunderstood and in pain. I've had such a brutal ugly ending with an INFJ basically out of the blue, I never insulted them or wronged them, but they were extremely sensitive and jealous of my other friendships I never saw it coming and it took me years to understand their reasons.
Honesty is paramount. White lies, small exaggerations, sugar coating, and the like, though in singular circumstances are miniscule, as they accumulate, paint a picture of serial dishonesty and undermine general trusting foundations in a basic relationship. I had to revisit this aspect of us, because I door slammed someone I really cared about and felt uneasy about it, upon closer inspection realized that my intuition was right in pointing out a developing pattern of small, needless omissions and a carelessness that doesn't belong in my interpersonal relationships. Ugh, my standards are too high...not coming down though lol.
Keep up your standards. Life is short. I’ve learned that there are people waiting to be your friends who lift you up. We sometimes grow out of relationships. If it’s a marriage, give it time because it ebbs and flows and can get better.
I remember making this statement when I was in my early twenties."Most of the people I know are not worth knowing"...And now at 69, this statement is no less true...Kinda sad.
You sound like an INFP or ISFP telling an INFJ how they should act around you so you can have them living in front of you the way you want them living in front of you.
I don't mean to ghost, but the parties need is too great than I can manage, and pretending everything is fine is such a drain as well. I don't plan on an exit or slam, just quietly leave as I came and politely close the chapter rather than door on a story where I am no longer engaged or apart of the main cast story. My usual saying is we both got luggage, places to be but, our tickets are non refundable and set forth different paths; however, I wish you love and fulfillment. [Happiness] Now when I was upset with someone(s) yes I completely how shall I say detoxed of all feelings or remembrance of why I cared and out of sight, out of mind; not my concern. I say that but the process took a while to get there and it hurts...A lot! However after much thought and time, SO much better.
infjs are very tolerant at first before doorslams but when they reach the last straw with the person, its over,... as an infj as well, this is evident once im ready to move on to the person who hurt me, its hasta la vista
It is only abrupt to the recipient as we spend a long, long time analysing and weighing up what is happening. Having said this, if at all aware, there are warning signs for the recipient as I instinctively start to withdraw, even when physically present. This is a point you make later and I think you are right in that people are not as insightful as we are. I really appreciate your suggestions as I do have problems with showing anger, disappointment and hurt and certainly never get involved in confrontation. I also find it very hard to set boundaries until it is too late and I am overwhelmed so I need to learn self - care. I have only door - slammed once, forgave but remained absent.
Trouble is, after the way this person has treated me, I figure the door slam won’t bother them too much since they didn’t care enough to treat me better.
Never regretted a doorslam. Pretty sure their behavior was telling me to go away all along and I just persisted in forgiving because I wanted to see how the story would end. But eventually, it's time. I have never told someone I was doorslamming them. Good god, why would I do that? I will have asked for better behavior many times, they know why I'm just not available anymore.
this definitely helped me think more clearly, thank you; from now on I'm %100 gonna use all of your advices!☺ (lol but I gotta admit through the whole video I was feeling awful and hurt from recent experience; the second half gave me more clarity even tho it was hard to admit) seriously thank you a lot
This reminds me so much of the Enneagram nine archetype. I affectionately refer to this as the “dump and run”. I believe this recently happened in my break up… Maybe not a complete door slam but an ending out of nowhere that really caught me off guard.
When I left my last job, even if I told my boss the Truth of why I leave, it still felt like a doorslam, and I fell like I left something too early to reach a conclusion about it... But i did everything I could at the time so... But its like its not over completely and thats a doorslam related situation because its the idea of it.
Thank you Erik. Aside from our little discrepancy in the past, I appreciate this video and words of yours highly. It´s essential to communicate with each other and even before that, to communicate with oneself. I thank you that you shift the focus of your INFJ-followers regarding this matter. You said: "the feelings are there, the feelings will stay there, until you resolve them. [...] Listen to your own feelings [...] make them real, be present, be present in your own body, in your own feelings" Those are wise words, and very useful if applied. Also the tipp to write it down, you INFJs gain a lot through this method to formulate things out. Please use that. (I´m speaking to all INFJs here) I think it´s not unfair that INFJs are known for doorslams, it´s unfair to doorslam other human beings. No matter what type the people are. Now my rather personal rant begins. If you are not interested. You can stop reading here. :) My sister doorslammed me 2 years ago. Surely it could have been avoided. But unfortunately she slammed the door and isn´t approachable for me anymore. Nor was she in certain regards before. And I am speaking about Fi here, or rather her understanding and openness, maybe avoidance of other people´s feelings; in this case mine. Now I could state it´s unfair to doorslam an INFP, everyone should know that we are so whiny, but the following applies to actually almost every person; regardless of type. It´s not at all about appearance and labeling sh*t. Da*n. Deathening, muting, relabeling feelings and avoidance is not a solution at all. Believe me, an INFP, please; im a master in this field beyond your ability of conception. You can´t find balance if you focus on only one side of the dual spectrum. Use the 80/20 ratio at least to still keep your energies flowing into the right direction, but don´t pushe the counterpart into the shadow. It keeps you from individuating, growing and developing; and as a 'funny' sideeffect it leaves even worse feelings in other people. I won´t go into long term effects of repressing emotions, you can research that quickly. ;) I understand that it is easier to just ditch a person, regulate the own feelings down into almost non-existance, cut all cords with the other person and let them deal alone with those wounds you create in them. Sorry dear INFJs, I love you, but this is something I really hate about you (when it´s done onto me, as well as when I see it being done onto other people). Your narrow blinded view, or unscrupulousness in this case leads you to act in a detrimental way that´s far away from any kind of idealism, ideal state, social healthy behavior, relationship or any other good effect aside from your temporary peace of mind. Please excuse my blunt words dear selfish soul. :) (Please don´t believe for a second, that we INFPs wouldn´t be similarily in other aspects; I as well take this blame onto me whilst I am writing this to you.) The causes and effects. in the way they play out in your mind should really be phrased into the duality of language or in some other way communicated if you want to clear and realign those energies beyond the boundaries of your own being. - And since we are speaking about interpersonal relationships here, this applies. Try to communicate more. For what´s sake? Follow those arguments that are popping up right now in your head and think if you really clarified those with this other person. I am and don´t want to be a moralizer here. But I fu*?ing am, and it hurts me to see how many wonderful human relationships went down the drain because of INxJ´s way to distanciate themselfes from other people. :( You have so beautiful gifts that can really flourish if you open up und trust us fellow non-perfect beings of this human race. Only together we will reach a fully functioning society. Okay, not that this is particularily about INFJs, I digressed a bit at the end, as usual. That´s it for now. Please allow yourself to be a souvereign being interacting with other souvereign beings and enjoy those moments, even those who put us on a test; because in the latter the decision is made how the future turns out.
I’m also an INFP. I was door slammed by my best friend a year ago, and I’m still not over it. As much as I try to understand the rationale, I can’t empathise. To me it’s cowardly to cut someone off without an explanation.
@@raindropsonroses3919 I agree that it is cowardly to cut someone off in such a radical way. Since being left in the dark without any or no plausible explaination, we can only assume. And that´s horrible af. By giving them the benefit of a doubt I assume and hope that they are having difficulties to explain themselfes and their action, or are afraid of facing their shadows or possible consequences. Yes, that still would label them as cowardly, however, I can´t know what they are going through and what real reasons are standing behind it. I guess that as INxJs they are probably acting more on an intuitive hunch and it´s accompanying emotions as opposed to rational bethought reasons. Since, again, being left in the dark with our own perspective onto that, we actually can´t even judge them as cowardly. I mean we can, but what would this bring, other than more disappointment for us. Now aside from the benefit of a doubt I still hold for them, such behavior comes off as if they would just make it easy for themselfes. Just cutting cords and shutting down the emotions. That´s self-defeating for them in a longterm perspective and makes their lifes even more complicated and obscure until they resolve those shadows. Ja, I´m sounding all Jungian here, sry. But isn´t it like that? Now let´s go even further into the darkness and assume that they are knowingly withholding their reasons from us because they just don´t care much about us, or, but here willingly, they just want to make it easy for themselfes and don´t deal with our responses. Such I would rightfully call cowardly. But where am I, are we, here? In one of many dilemmas they let us sit. Those unsolved knotted balls of wool they let reside with us whilst they are walking further their way, are what we have to either light up and burn to ashes quickly or meticuously unthreat for ourselfes. Good thing about that, we do hardcore shadowwork due to that and thus develop our emotional intelligence by the way. Although we suffer, we grow through that. It´s a pity, and I am sorry for your friendship that broke. A bit escapism into hope I keep up for myself quietly: Maybe, in a couple of years.. we will have the opportunity to talk with them again. But what if one of us dies within near future, the thought of this is heartache for me. So much unsaid, never being able to deliver, so many misconceptions, never clarifyied.. Writing a letter to your friend might help. Help you. Not necessary now, not even is it much important to actually send it. But to write it, is relieving a good portion. I wonder if they internally still have something left of the relationship if we´d meet them again in future. In relation to this topic I need to think of the song Porcelain by Skott. I guesss mostly because my sis and I both liked it. Though I wouldn´t identify as porcelain, rather as granit due to such people breaking my trust, I think that a freindship, or relationship in general is like a palace of porcelain. I recommend you the lyrics of that song. ;) Now please excuse my very long reply. I think for us is most important to let go of them and deal that out what for ourselfes is the most burdensome. Keeping a flame of hope burning but no illusions of meetig them again someday is a good balance I think to look towards a good future without them. In case they will appear again sooner or later we can be happy to get a glimpse of them and maybe even deal out some stuff. But I think we got set so much into chess by them taht the only thing that´s left is to put them on hold as well and take this a degree more egalitarian and with a good mixture of giving them the benefit of a doubt and not giving a ... anylonger. Otherwise the lyrics of Wolf by Skott would apply to us. And I think you woulnd´t want that either for too long, would you? Good luck with that, and anyway luck and success! :)
I have had similar experiences with being honest. My current thought on this, is that most people are not comfortable with feelings. In particular anger and love seem the two that others are most 'reactive' about. (ENFP)
We tend to be more doormat-ish than INFJ’s as well, so this is why we do not door slam people as much; and we tend to have this uncanny open mindednesses than tend to understand people for ever situation being an INTP myself
It's not my job to regulate someone's behaviour and if they continue to go with the me me me attitude while putting me down well then that will lead to a shut door action. I am not a person who walks away easily but l will when they go just to far. This week l did just that to a friend of five years.. purely be cause of theft for the second time then lied about it. That was the last straw for me.. l am done. No regrets just will not connect in anyway again.
In all honesty, honesty INFJ’s are not the only MBTI types that give door slams. In my life experience as an INTP, I have experienced slams from other types, -like ESFJ’s for just one little misunderstanding, or simply findings too blunt, or abrupt
deep down I have said INFBYE, yes... but to a more fun part… I know you are busy man, Erik, but I thought I would send a message to you that other of your fans can read. It is mainly meant to be used as humor since we are all stressed out because of that virus thing we shall not name much because of demonetization... I am gay and an INFP but I sometimes think I am an INFJ because I do pour my heart out into people but can be fickle but INFPs can be as well. If we truly, truly fall in love with someone we keep this love with us forever deep down at least, even if we sometimes deny this part to self-help and hold a grip on ourselves. lol Please, first off thank you for reading browsing this for you or one of our lovely community members. Yes, I am gay and have been single for a long, long time. I am almost as virgin as Mother Theresa. But yes, I know in my imagination that Erik Thor (INFJ, once thought infp), Joey Iacobucci (infp), Geek Psychology Sherman (infp), INFP HD (well, obvious) and Frank James (infj), and others are truly my husbands. Oh, you must all think, how can this be! It is a marriage of "convenience" in my fantasy and mind. The third time of watching these guys' videos I saw princes in Disney videos and the magic of these infjs and infps as my own. We are on a magic carpet right in my mind and daydreams. la la la. Yes, I am obviously being silly. I hope I made someone giggle. I am sure others here have fallen in fake love with our NF friends here on TH-cam. And other types, too. All are cool deep down since we are all unique but all universally connected. My wedding ring is connected to all who love me. Oh, I daydream for 10 minutes here... oh, I was typing liken Moby Dick, Bible length stuff here. Love you all, Erik Thor, the others who speak on TH-cam, and the others who are in our community in the comments section and the chats. You are all truly wonderful and unique and special. Never forget that. This includes the ladies and non-binaries. 01010101 10101010 and others. LGBTQ + straight + whatever the heck lives on planet earth. Oh, I have a non-sexual love blonde with butterflies, and even moths, too. aww. Okay, I am in my own fantasy daydream mode now. hehe. :: hug to all :: stick in there everyone who read this and who did not. We will get past hard times. Our negative forces are minimized by our skittles candy flavors colorful edible thingies. Positivity is the way to a true reality of compassion and hope. Pandora closed the box before hope left, thank goodness!
I'm an infp that got doorslammed by an infj. She took grave offence at my observation she may have depression. Told me I had to apologise to her. I said it's not my fault you took offence to an innocent concern. Bam! ...I was suprised that the abandonment didn't hurt, rather I just felt a great sense of pity.
Not saying your response was not warranted and that the "door slam" was not abrupt but as an infp you have introverted feeling and your are unlikely to apologize if you feel that your are staying true to your principles and you may feel by apologizing you are devaluing your principles. This is not what a person with extroverted feeling will do. They literally will apologize even if they are not sorry for what they did. They do this so that they can deescalate the situation and move forward with harmony. On the other side of your situation the INFJ felt you dismissed their feelings and that hurt. I am not saying that that person should demand an apology from you but there are ways to recognize someone's feelings without apologizing for your viewpoints. Just validate their feelings. That should be acceptable because no one wants to feel bad feelings. Just my viewpoint from dealing with two prominent people in my life that have introverted feeling and not extroverted feeling.
@@christinadonnelly781 It feels like there is more to be said behind your comment that you didn't say and it is less to do with the mbti but rather a personal bias towards that had been triggered by OdysseyHome's comment.
@@MrKillswitch88 hmm..personal bias..maybe but honestly this is how the difference between extroverted feeling and introverted feeling works. Introverted feeling always goes by their own values and core belief s. Those people know themselves very well and they are not willing to compromise what they feel is against those values. This is not the case for extroverted feelings. The extroverted feelers will change their beliefs sometimes and do this specifically to align with the other party. So for an extroverted feelingr it's more important to agree with somebody or at least appear like you're on the same page then to check in with your own values and beliefs. So an extroverted feeler will often apologize even if they don't mean it. And I will admit that extroverted feeler desire for other people to do the same. I'm an extroverted feeler and I've always feel better when somebody apologizes and it's not specifically for saying sorry that they did x y or z It's more I'm sorry that we had a disagreement. Introverted feelers don't particularly feel the need to do that.
@@christinadonnelly781 There is something off with what you've written and having dealt with cults in the past high Fe can come off as being highly susceptible to manipulation as such individuals often neglect to maintain a sense of individuality. So reading back through I do feel there is still something you are not saying and you felt the need to reach out as the INFP being in the wrong.
This can be premature overreacting at times. My sister(INFJ) gave up on my dad (ESTJ) after a stupid argument on Christmas night 2016 and never talked to him again. I know she regrets it now. She’s a Scorpio and he was an Aquarius. I (ENFP) would’ve gotten over this silly argument in a day or two if it was me.
It’s not a one way street he has 50% of the responsibility in the equation. It may have been an overreaction but if she can’t tolerate a relationship with him 🙃 why should she have to force it? Some people are oil and water, if he isn’t willing to compromise to keep harmony 🤷🏼♀️ then they are better off apart tbh.
Erik i am an enfp female muslim arabic, we aren't alone in this world, to try a lonely to succeed, there is Allah, who help us, to have a good life and good relationships......, Learn Islam, is about the truth of our life.
Around the 3 minute mark you go on talking about how people didnt know or it was all of a sudden. We INFJs give warning, after warning, after warning, after warning, after warning, so dont give this "i didnt know it was coming" BS
![ลองสั่งของจากแอพ temu ถูกจริงหรอ?? ( part : 1/2 ) [โกงไหมครับ ep.89 ] | DOM](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RTcZSQTiDZw/mqdefault.jpg)
Have you ever said INFBYE?
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yes many many times i am a infj type 4 wing 5
Yes.I've done it sometimes. But I've zero regrets.it's not that I hate them-I don't like to hate actually -I just no longer care about them.I feel like l got freedom...I felt so peaceful after that.Now when i see them I just smile at them,but that's it.I don't want them in my life.
you prolly dont give a damn but does anyone know a tool to log back into an instagram account?
I somehow forgot my password. I love any help you can give me!
@Alijah Tate Instablaster =)
@Danny Joseph Thanks for your reply. I got to the site thru google and Im waiting for the hacking stuff now.
I see it takes a while so I will get back to you later when my account password hopefully is recovered.
It takes me a loooooong time, many chances, many tears and thinking BEFORE I door slam someone, it is not a decision made out of impulse but once I decide that, I don't feel bad at all, I don't look back and no, I don't want to talk or try to make it work or anything, you're out, done deal.
I've done it many times and I feel no regrets, I don't need that kind of people in my life, there was a good big reason for me to remove them.
I don't see the INFJ door slam as a negative thing at all because we aren't impulsive, we think before we do it and there's a good reason behind it. We value our energy.
You talking about me dear, I will shed lots of tears explain even beged my family that gave all attention to see that they hurting me and I am suffering mentally but no they were too indulge in using me as their emotional dumping ground and door mat.
Narcissist can always push the INFJ to door slam because they will never respect boundaries
❤❤0❤
100%
"The door slam could have been avoided if the infj was more comfortable expressing their own feelings."
It's not that I don't speak up about things that hurt me, it's that I DON'T GET ANGRY when I do, and I don't respond with hurting others back. I have showed I was hurt, I have opened up and was vulnerable in front of them. I stayed friends with them, trusting they won't hurt me again. And it was only after I was continuously disrespected, hurt and humiliated over long period of time that I said "it's enough" and put an end to it. Not as revenge, not out of anger, but because it was the only thing left to emotionally protect myself from all the hurt.
It's like this. If you care about your relationship with other people AT ALL, you won't insult/humiliate/hurt them. Even if you had a bad day, even if you think they aren't treating you right, even if you don't like them, you won't insult them if you want to remain friends. But you'll repeatedly insult INFJ, because you've seen they're considerate and understanding. Nothing is black or white in their eyes and they always try to see things from your perspective. They'll understand you had a bad day, or that you're dealing with past issues, or simply think you didn't mean it/didn't realize. So, you get comfortable. You don't care to hold back from insulting them even when you aren't having a bad day, even if everything is good for you. If you apologize and explain yourself, they will listen to you, but you'll do it again and again. All while you're still careful about how you treat other people.
Once INFJ realizes that you are well aware of your actions (but you just don't care to be considerate towards them) and you're door slammed, you're like "Why didn't they tell me that I SHOULDN'T INSULT them? That I should respect them? That I should treat them as a friend? How could I have known that the INSULTS are hurting them?"
Insults hurt everyone. You don't need to be told that friendship is about mutual respect and care. But you assume that it's okay to hurt INFJ, just because they'll always try to understand where you're coming from.
INFJs are not without fault, but you're not door slammed because they didn't express their feelings - but because you just didn't listen.
Exactly.
I’ve made it very clear and got upset and then was told I’m mean.
“If I cut you out of my life, you handed me the scissors.”
Door slam is the final solution.
Used when no other options left.
INFJ here. It's true that the dislike or resentment has been accumulated quite a period of time, but the last straw it's always, "l've seen through you." When the conclusion is made determining the character of a person, you know that anything else is just pretentious or an cover up. There's no use carry on this relationship or friendship. "I've already seen through you."
"I've already seen through you." Brilliant. Those are the words. Someone I've known for many years just got the slam because I found I could predict their hostile behaviour in advance, predictable as a clockwork toy, and thus could see this goes no further, clear as day.
I agree. Good way to say it
I never knew I was INFJ but oh men this is so true. “determining a character of a person” and “ there’s no use of continuing the fakeness.” Authenticity and deep connection is so precious to us. Although I do wonder if many times I am seeing my own shadow in others. INFJ doesn’t mean I am high character even though I am drawn to it and aspire to it.
I NEEDED TO READ THIS SO BAD. Thank you for commenting this
Desperate stalkers
I've never slammed a door without giving a warning first. My door slam is always a last resort.
Good!
the INFJ door slam looks abrupt, but it's not... usually. We just weighed the value of our relationship without you present. It may have taken days or even months to reach that decision. I guess that is where it feels cold because we may have just talked to you the day before reaching our decision and never brought it up and we were nice and polite. I cannot speak for other INFJs but for myself the only time I give out the INFJ door slam is when someone has crossed an obvious boundary such as do not gossip behind my back, or they have repeatedly crossed a boundary that I have specifically told them not to cross each time it has happened.
The door slam I can’t imagine takes the other people that we slam by surprise. By the time we get to the point where we are slamming somebody they have typically treated us so badly via betrayal or projection, or unfounded accusations or gaslit us or smeared as to the point where conversations would do no good because they gaslight and lie and there are just no other options left. When somebody is treated with such disdain, disrespect and invalidation over and over and over and then thrown a crumb of respect every once in a while it’s heartbreaking because we usually love these people. Bread crumbing causes so much confusion and cognitive dissonance and then switches to the stage of hatred and rage and just builds up until one day it’s just over... no warning ...no conversation ....no nothing can chance it. I don’t think it catches the other person by surprise ....they might say to themselves after the fact and recognize that they know they treated us badly but they never thought we would do anything about it because we never did in the past so they could beat up on us emotionally and scapegoat us knowing and feeling safe to do so because we’d never shown them we had a dark side or a limit ...they’d never seen that side of our personality which when pushed to the brink is dark and brutal so in that sense when we door slam them, they never saw it coming. They finally want to give us the respect we always craved but by then it’s far too late. Once I door slam, it’s weird, that’s it ...they’re just dead to me.
Yup .. usually you were telling them, they just weren’t listening
As an INTP, I can tell you that a door slam is better that just simply ghosting. Leaving people just hang without any kind of logical explanation, or justification is cruel
@@sylviaowega3839maybe perhaps one-sided relationships or similar in group dynamics. I no longer have the energy to give in old age. Let them figure it out… I left quietly and silently, no fuss or drama. Oh yeah, less legal complications involved.
😂
Every person I ever door slammed I have zero regrets and do not miss them.
INFJ do not share their negative emotions so they do not burden others. But even if we say we are upset they repeat the patterns and hurt us. So why should we suffer. We have to love ourselves more. I had friends but when I had health issues and struggled in my life I found no compassion so I have to take care of myself and ignore them. We do not tolerate one sided relationships. If they make fun of you and diss you Please this is called respect not mind reading. Respect first then love comes second.
Exactly
I have Door slammed many people. It only happens after a pattern of bad behavior.
In many cases I have brought the behavior to their attention but they keep doing the same thing.
So, I concluded that people who are inclined towards that kind of behavior are not likely to respect my wishes..so most of the time I say nothing and door slam them.
Often times they are mystified by my behavior because they are either blind to their own behavior or believe a friend should tolerate their nonsense.
I guess some INFJ communicate that there's something not right in the relationship but the other person doesn't understand or doesn't care. Then comes the door slam.
Absolutely!
Exactly!
Typically when people ghost and then come back later, for me it is death of a friendship. It show inauthenticity and cowardice. It is a form of passive aggression
Also known as devaluing. Stay gone. True that.
The doorslam was well deserved. My mistake: I should've done it sooner
The last time I door slammed someone, they triggered a PTSD episode and when I tried telling them they told me it was my fault in the first place.
I door slam when i reach a point in the relationship where i feel backed to a corner. Either carry on the relationship and betray myself or cut ties and honor myself. I always choose myself duhhhh
Ok Imma call Bull$hi+ on this.Most of the time, I think the Slamee knows exactly why the INFJ Slammer doorslammed them. We don't easily give up on relationships, usually this person has had ample warning this was coming.Personally, I just door slammed a guy just before commenting on here.He was disrespectful in a number of ways, emotionally unavailable and if you know an INFJ at all, we simply don't abide being anyone's "Option" for long.
You can communicate with the narcissist, tell your feeling lay your boundaries cry go into depression all you like they will push or live the INFJ with no choice but to door slam.
Infj 80% door slam because narcissist don't respect boundaries and guess what they are everywhere.
If u have to negotiate basic stuff, basic decency, basic reciprocity then that person is not worth ur time. If u have to be on guard to not be exploited or disrespected then again not worth it. What's basic is up to each.
INFP here, and doing also the doorslam. When this happens, people have more than deserved it over a longer period. It happens when I was badly hurt a lot of times, have tried to communicate the problems manyfold (I can describe my feelings very accurate if someone is willing to really listen) and haven´t got any other response than belittling or negate my feelings or just a desinterested "Why do you make make mountains out of a molehill" or "It is like it is, don´t be so sensitive and swallow the pill." Turned out later, that those few people I cut out of my life were narcissists or just didn´t care for me like I cared for them. So, all in all I did myself a favour. I think, the INFJ and similar personalities know at a certain point, when there is no possibility of change.
I almost got doorslammed but we avoided it. I was like "Honey, hold up. You are NOT ghosting me. We're gonna work this out."
Its not perfect, but we have definitely worked out that particular conflict.
You know which button to press. INFJs really tries to stick and work on relationship we value, unless every other experience have proven the opposite than nothing will get into our mind/decision.
mine too. got fiance who ALWAYS “pursue” me after i got hurt. He is an ESTP boi who dont even got a clue how to determine obligations and feeling. Damn i feel sorry at myself and him at the same time
I have wondered if one of the challenges of INFJs is that they seem to understand others so well and with such a gift have a sense that others also have the same insights. As such they might feel the other person should just know when/how you have crossed a boundary.
The reality is boundaries are yours to set and not the other person to magically 'know'. This is one of the biggest changes a person must realize in life.
Now if only I could grasp energetic boundaries and keep out "the stuff of the world" that doesn't belong to me. (ENFP)
I've slamed the door to someone on last Friday.. here am I watching this haha. Funny how people can be quite similar in actions.
Only been a few days but if ur done ur done u frontin well then u just a fruad
I'm an INFJ-T, so I tend to do this :( It's not always on purpose, sometimes I feel like the other person doesn't get me at all, and I don't know how to express myself either, so I just end up leaving... kinda hoping for them to reach to me and try to truly understand me by asking me all of this complicated questions, but no one comes back, making me feel like they didn't care about me that much, or maybe I was too harsh and I lost them forever because of my instability, so there is no point talking to them again, cause it's not like they need me anyways, they make their lifes as usual and pretend nothing ever happened about our friendship :(
Ive been door slammed by INFJ 3 months ago and specifically said it would be months to heal then he stoped talking. I wanted to reach out because I dont like it to fester. I have fully understand what went wrong and I dont know when is the right time to reach out or the right approach
Same happened with me...I already tried so hard to maintain harmony and good friendship...but it felt like I was only doing all the efforts...and that person don't even care at all if I exist as a friend for them or not ...I started feeling like an unwanted friend so I just left and stopped any conversations...months passed but my ex Best friend didn't made any effort...Now I felt what truly my value was for her...she doesn't care and I was hurting myself so stupid of me
My ENFP advice is for you to reach out to them because the worst they can do is ignore you, right? [essentially the same thing that is happening now]
But if, by chance, that person has felt the same way as you, opening up in that state of vulnerability has a good possibility of mending the relationship.
Even if they say "I feel so hurt and don't know how to come back from that" then you can explain your side and at least have a clear conscience.
Trust your feelings and intuition that if there was something important between you, it was REAL and may still be there. If the connection isn't there anymore, you can both feel closure.
I would never and will never hold a resentment for a person who needed space and just wasn't sure how to best communicate that. Today is a new day.
@@tarushi7820Thanks for sharing. I mayor may not relate to this because I may have been door slammed a few days ago.
@@picklesimsThank you for your advice. I like all of it and the end part about not holding resentment for someone who needs space and doesn't know how to communicate that.
Right before you mentioned that we tend to expect others to be mind-readers (8:45) I thought "I KNOW what decent, reasonable treatment feels like from the example of better friends, so if this person just keeps poking, they know what they're doing, or should know, and if they don't, nothing I say will change their minds." I only have so much emotional energy for a false friend's sh!t.
" it's impossible to miss something so fkn obvious, its so intentional"
We like closure and resolution.
The infamous INFJ door slam is actually more humane than just simply ghosting, where people just ‘disappear’ silently with an logical explanation, or any kind of means communications. Ghosting and leaving someone just hang there is just very cruel and cowardly. -INTP
I didn't know the INFBYE was a thing
As a INFJ I can say that the Doorslam is the last last resort. I have done it in the past and it is not so a defence mechanism, but after days and nights of overthinking it appeared like the only conclusion; I consider the doorslam a no win situation.
Side note: Any relationship is cemented by understanding each other. Without understanding there is no relationship ( because strong conflict occur )
The doorslam will only exist in a situation of no to little understanding of the each other. It is less a doorslam as it is more of a manifestation of an unsolvable misunderstanding (or misfitting)
I am an INFJ. I dont door slam lightly. It is often when someone deeply hurt me in their ignorance. After I have tried every subtle and not so subtle ways of telling them that they need to change their ways, I slam the door without any further explanation. I often block them on social media, forget their number and dont think about them again. Not because I didnt care. I cared too much.
Your explanation of why you door slam is what I came here looking for.
A friend of mine is so so overwhelmed with life that I may have been door slammed by her. Yes, she's an INFJ. And I was her only friend. She can get cold and distant and closed.
Anyways, thanks for sharing.
INFJ here, they deserved my vicious doorslam. It is brutal. But after trying and trying to speak with that person to correct his behaviors.
I do not expect others to be mind readers. I express to them what I need or dislike repeatedly. It’s when it fails to make any difference that’s when I stop saying anything. It eventually ends in the door slam and they act like they had no idea why. Then they try doing the things I said I needed or they stop doing what made me uncomfortable and they think I’ll just accept the better late than never changes. But after the door slams it’s too late. I’m done!
I have made peace with those who I’ve door slammed and could easily be in a room with them without feeling negatively about them or the reasons they lead up to the door slam. I feel I have processed the situations and have come to understand more about myself in the process. I do not look back and think it was bad… it just was.
I once told someone off, in such a way, that the people around me just stood there in awe. I wasn't cruel, but that door slammed so hard the person I was talking to left the bar and I never saw him again. I am an ENFJ, but I struggle on the I/E border.
First! I love your videos Erik!
I'm an Infp myself, you understand us so well T^T
It’s incredibly frustrating when someone acts surprised that I disappeared after many attempts to explain my frustrations, obvious disharmonies, etc. It’s not like I didn’t warn you or even attempt to fix it, but now I’m done with going in circles with you and you wanna play the victim 💀
When it comes to valuing harmony this cake is a lie that conformity is compulsory and all it takes to be hated is to just speak truth where lies and half truths flourish.
The other person knew but they thought they could keep on getting away with it. Well, it turns out, they are not getting away with it this time. Door shut.
Erik, this is the most interesting topic and video I've seen of yours. And I've been watching you for many years., ☺️ I think it's because it's the first time I got a glimpse into you. As INFJs, we are always interested in seeing, wow, I chose the word seeing instead of understanding because, as an infj I try to see emotions. We want to know why people do what they do and what is behind what they say and even their expressions. I was so surprised when you said that you don't want the door to be completely closed and I was starting to think, oh he's kind enough to leave a chance of that person regaining a tiny bit of trust. Then, you went right for what I call, the you're dead to me tactic. The person can come to the same party as you but, since they died a long time ago to you, they have no power to affect you. That's where it ends up with me. It doesn't matter if I see them again or don't because, once the door is slammed, they don't exist anymore. I can even forget the person's name. And, I may have spent years counseling them and helping them to carry the weight of their problems. And, I will take their disrespect and ponder about how a person can do that to another person. I just can't imagine why someone would be mean to someone who's trying to be so helpful and supportive. It doesn't compute. So, when I reach the end of my rope with them, I realize that they can never understand me. It's as if I speak one language and they speak another so, there is absolutely no communication. Plus, by then they have broken my heart so many times and I just took it. So, you're right about that Erik, that is a dark side of being an infj. We have studied them for so long that we know what words would hurt so deeply that it will cause injury to that person. Long before that happens though, we have used our intuition in order to say all the words that would uplift them and heal them. For me, 99.9% of the time, I would rather be hurt than ever hurt another person. I think that's why I've only ever done this three times in my whole life. I didn't even do that to my abusive narcissistic husband. Because, I saw how he became a monster. I grew up with him and I would not have wanted to have lived his life. I don't talk to him but, I could still have empathy if he needed it. Strange. I wonder what happens when two INFJs are trying to figure each other out and trying to line up boundaries with one another. I love when you are excited about what you're talking about because, this is one of your passions. Your eyes are incredibly beautiful and obviously they are the window to the soul. Take care, Carly 💕
I’ve just ended my 2 year relationship with a door slam. Not something I wanted to do, I offered to talk through it but he didn’t see the worth of it. That’s my last straw. I tried so hard on my own trying the save the relationship and tried to improve prioritizing and communicating my needs whilst he looked down at me, blaming me, not supporting me. I accept that I’ve an issue but he’s not trying on this end either. I feel like he’s a bird and I’m a fish, we can’t seem to coexist satisfactorily. He can’t dive deep down into the water, nor can I jump high up into the sky. I’ve tried jumping so high out of the water, all he does is look at me from above. You can’t clap with one hand. It wasn’t easy but I came to a conclusion to door slam him. Now I move on without looking back.
The "Door Slam" is a Way to finally "Reach" those who continue to neglect "Your" Desires and cares, in spite of all the ways you offered them a respite so in order to show them "You" aren't a "Beggar" of the "Deserved" Respect you never received from Them. Narcissists better be VERY AWARE of these Creatures. It'll be a RUDE AWAKENING
This is a great description and good advice. I always thought others had the same sensitivity and intelligence that I have, but they don’t. I’ve door slammed a few people because after years of tolerance I realized they wouldn’t change in essential ways. No amount of discussion would help. I’ve also tried to drift away-just be less available, but it doesn’t work either. How can you tell someone, “I just don’t like who I am with you”, or “l know you feel superior to me”, or “I hate small talk”?
Nope, it's not unfair. If someone gets the door slam, they deserve it.
The 2nd door slam is actually to avoid lashing out to the person who we think might not care about us, causing us energy and we dont want to look bad, we handle the turmoil away from the person until it subsides and until we are okay not having this person in our life and not feeling bad about it, the ultimate goal is still to go back to inner peace. 1st door slam is processing our raw feelings to figure out if we can keep relationship or not, going back is like giving a chance but oftentimes, the other person will remember only d pain of the departure instead of the reason behind it. It's a struggle composed idealism.
we know there is no help to relationship.
we thought it through numerous times.
so we solve the problem and carry on with life for "both".
we help another side too..
I hate the door slam! But at least now it makes sense why I’ve done it my whole life when people cross boundaries over & over. I see myself in so many of these comments!
Love your INFJ takes! And yes...I have let things, people, ideas and relationships go in what would be considered "doorslam" kinds of ways, for sure. I kind of dislike the idea that some people put forth that INFJs can be abrupt, judgmental, and almost acting on impulse when one of us decides that we have had all we can take, though it can happen, for sure. I do agree that when I was younger, I often disengaged with some others out of sadness, anger, despair, disappointment, etc. So there were times when the doorslam was temporary, even though I was convinced at the time that it was the final act. So the possibility of redemption might exist for some circumstances and some people. There are other situations that I am rather sure letting go of something, permanently, was the right thing to do, especially when I feel like I put so much energy into someone and felt I got little in return, or felt like I was not treated in a compassionate way. And yes...I had to be careful when I was younger to avoid the "martyr trap", which I have fallen into, for sure. I do feel like after much work on myself, that while being deliberate and methodical, I do try to be more reasonable, for my sake and others. I could write all day, but will stop there. And yes...I still catch myself saying, "How could that person not know how I feel", as if they should be as aware of my pain, anger, frustration, etc., as I am! How dare they not know how they affected me! Lol
Sounds very similar to the INFP´s perspective on being doorslammed.
Yes, I've done it, but for me it takes what I consider a betrayal. I may even have been honest with the other person that my boundaries were being crossed and they didn't 'get it' or didn't care.
Thank you so much Sir! I just applied your advice with someone so that she will not overstep my boundaries.
Door slams happen when my boundaries are repeatedly ignored. Expressing feelings doesn't have anything to do with it. Narcissists, and often non-narcissists, don't notice or even care about your feeling when those feelings are brought to their attention. These types of people often use your feelings/vulnerability against you as fodder for their gaslighting. Unless someone has earned your trust by being attentive to your feelings and boundaries, better to just skip the "express your feelings" part, set the boundary then watch what happens. 100% of the time, the "victim" of the door slam isn't going to respect your boundaries. Again, the key to the INFJ door slam is having their boundaries repeatedly violated, not a lack of expressing how they feel. Why waste your time and energy trying to explain why you slammed the door when you've already put way more energy into the situation than you should have?
Very useful!!👍 We always assume that people know how we feel but decide to hurt us anyway (even on purpose). I've never really realized it tbh... it's so difficoult to tell others how we feel but there's no other way, we have to do it
I'm an INFP and tend to idealize reality too until a certain point, but I'm never as brutal as an INFJ though I understand perfectly their depth sensitivity and pain and why they're doing it.
The problem with INFJs is that lack of communication and illusory assumption that people guess or feel what's in their mind. It's so sad. Things remain unclear, relationships shattered and INFJs end up being demonized, misunderstood and in pain.
I've had such a brutal ugly ending with an INFJ basically out of the blue, I never insulted them or wronged them, but they were extremely sensitive and jealous of my other friendships I never saw it coming and it took me years to understand their reasons.
Honesty is paramount. White lies, small exaggerations, sugar coating, and the like, though in singular circumstances are miniscule, as they accumulate, paint a picture of serial dishonesty and undermine general trusting foundations in a basic relationship. I had to revisit this aspect of us, because I door slammed someone I really cared about and felt uneasy about it, upon closer inspection realized that my intuition was right in pointing out a developing pattern of small, needless omissions and a carelessness that doesn't belong in my interpersonal relationships. Ugh, my standards are too high...not coming down though lol.
Keep up your standards. Life is short. I’ve learned that there are people waiting to be your friends who lift you up. We sometimes grow out of relationships. If it’s a marriage, give it time because it ebbs and flows and can get better.
Love this video! And yep, I’ve deployed it a few times. 😊😉
I have always said I have a really long fuse. But when I get to the end of it, I get to the end of it. There's no going backwards
I remember making this statement when I was in my early twenties."Most of the people
I know are not worth knowing"...And now at 69, this statement is no less true...Kinda sad.
You sound like an INFP or ISFP telling an INFJ how they should act around you so you can have them living in front of you the way you want them living in front of you.
I don't mean to ghost, but the parties need is too great than I can manage, and pretending everything is fine is such a drain as well. I don't plan on an exit or slam, just quietly leave as I came and politely close the chapter rather than door on a story where I am no longer engaged or apart of the main cast story.
My usual saying is we both got luggage, places to be but, our tickets are non refundable and set forth different paths; however, I wish you love and fulfillment. [Happiness]
Now when I was upset with someone(s) yes I completely how shall I say detoxed of all feelings or remembrance of why I cared and out of sight, out of mind; not my concern. I say that but the process took a while to get there and it hurts...A lot!
However after much thought and time, SO much better.
infjs are very tolerant at first before doorslams but when they reach the last straw with the person, its over,...
as an infj as well, this is evident once im ready to move on to the person who hurt me, its hasta la vista
It is only abrupt to the recipient as we spend a long, long time analysing and weighing up what is happening. Having said this, if at all aware, there are warning signs for the recipient as I instinctively start to withdraw, even when physically present. This is a point you make later and I think you are right in that people are not as insightful as we are. I really appreciate your suggestions as I do have problems with showing anger, disappointment and hurt and certainly never get involved in confrontation. I also find it very hard to set boundaries until it is too late and I am overwhelmed so I need to learn self - care. I have only door - slammed once, forgave but remained absent.
Trouble is, after the way this person has treated me, I figure the door slam won’t bother them too much since they didn’t care enough to treat me better.
Never regretted a doorslam. Pretty sure their behavior was telling me to go away all along and I just persisted in forgiving because I wanted to see how the story would end. But eventually, it's time. I have never told someone I was doorslamming them. Good god, why would I do that? I will have asked for better behavior many times, they know why I'm just not available anymore.
As an INFP boy who have an INFJ brother I can confirm.
this definitely helped me think more clearly, thank you; from now on I'm %100 gonna use all of your advices!☺
(lol but I gotta admit through the whole video I was feeling awful and hurt from recent experience; the second half gave me more clarity even tho it was hard to admit) seriously thank you a lot
Denial, composed suffering,
must express feelings & needs, consequences from boundary breaches expressed - uh huh
Wow nice explanation. Your video was so helpful. Thanks. Your skin is so pinkish. So fresh. Keep it up.👍😊
This reminds me so much of the Enneagram nine archetype. I affectionately refer to this as the “dump and run”. I believe this recently happened in my break up… Maybe not a complete door slam but an ending out of nowhere that really caught me off guard.
Yes, I doorslammed someone today, after a long haul of work on my end, without the other’s efforts. Done. I am done. The door is locked.
It hurts until it doesn't period
Doorslam works well with narcissists coz they never understand even when we INFJs say it out loud that we arent feeling good and that weare upset.
This is my favorite game...kidding.
I am gone when people don't deserve me, since I am too good to them.
Decent video!
When I left my last job, even if I told my boss the Truth of why I leave, it still felt like a doorslam, and I fell like I left something too early to reach a conclusion about it... But i did everything I could at the time so... But its like its not over completely and thats a doorslam related situation because its the idea of it.
I ended my marriage with an INFJ door slam.
To the INFJs, just maybe there is something to learn about yourselves.
Thank you Erik. Aside from our little discrepancy in the past, I appreciate this video and words of yours highly. It´s essential to communicate with each other and even before that, to communicate with oneself. I thank you that you shift the focus of your INFJ-followers regarding this matter.
You said:
"the feelings are there, the feelings will stay there, until you resolve them. [...] Listen to your own feelings [...] make them real, be present, be present in your own body, in your own feelings"
Those are wise words, and very useful if applied. Also the tipp to write it down, you INFJs gain a lot through this method to formulate things out. Please use that. (I´m speaking to all INFJs here)
I think it´s not unfair that INFJs are known for doorslams, it´s unfair to doorslam other human beings. No matter what type the people are.
Now my rather personal rant begins. If you are not interested. You can stop reading here. :)
My sister doorslammed me 2 years ago. Surely it could have been avoided. But unfortunately she slammed the door and isn´t approachable for me anymore. Nor was she in certain regards before. And I am speaking about Fi here, or rather her understanding and openness, maybe avoidance of other people´s feelings; in this case mine.
Now I could state it´s unfair to doorslam an INFP, everyone should know that we are so whiny, but the following applies to actually almost every person; regardless of type.
It´s not at all about appearance and labeling sh*t. Da*n. Deathening, muting, relabeling feelings and avoidance is not a solution at all. Believe me, an INFP, please; im a master in this field beyond your ability of conception. You can´t find balance if you focus on only one side of the dual spectrum. Use the 80/20 ratio at least to still keep your energies flowing into the right direction, but don´t pushe the counterpart into the shadow. It keeps you from individuating, growing and developing; and as a 'funny' sideeffect it leaves even worse feelings in other people. I won´t go into long term effects of repressing emotions, you can research that quickly. ;)
I understand that it is easier to just ditch a person, regulate the own feelings down into almost non-existance, cut all cords with the other person and let them deal alone with those wounds you create in them.
Sorry dear INFJs, I love you, but this is something I really hate about you (when it´s done onto me, as well as when I see it being done onto other people). Your narrow blinded view, or unscrupulousness in this case leads you to act in a detrimental way that´s far away from any kind of idealism, ideal state, social healthy behavior, relationship or any other good effect aside from your temporary peace of mind.
Please excuse my blunt words dear selfish soul. :) (Please don´t believe for a second, that we INFPs wouldn´t be similarily in other aspects; I as well take this blame onto me whilst I am writing this to you.)
The causes and effects. in the way they play out in your mind should really be phrased into the duality of language or in some other way communicated if you want to clear and realign those energies beyond the boundaries of your own being. - And since we are speaking about interpersonal relationships here, this applies.
Try to communicate more. For what´s sake? Follow those arguments that are popping up right now in your head and think if you really clarified those with this other person.
I am and don´t want to be a moralizer here. But I fu*?ing am, and it hurts me to see how many wonderful human relationships went down the drain because of INxJ´s way to distanciate themselfes from other people. :(
You have so beautiful gifts that can really flourish if you open up und trust us fellow non-perfect beings of this human race.
Only together we will reach a fully functioning society. Okay, not that this is particularily about INFJs, I digressed a bit at the end, as usual. That´s it for now.
Please allow yourself to be a souvereign being interacting with other souvereign beings and enjoy those moments, even those who put us on a test; because in the latter the decision is made how the future turns out.
I’m also an INFP. I was door slammed by my best friend a year ago, and I’m still not over it. As much as I try to understand the rationale, I can’t empathise. To me it’s cowardly to cut someone off without an explanation.
@@raindropsonroses3919 I agree that it is cowardly to cut someone off in such a radical way.
Since being left in the dark without any or no plausible explaination, we can only assume. And that´s horrible af. By giving them the benefit of a doubt I assume and hope that they are having difficulties to explain themselfes and their action, or are afraid of facing their shadows or possible consequences. Yes, that still would label them as cowardly, however, I can´t know what they are going through and what real reasons are standing behind it.
I guess that as INxJs they are probably acting more on an intuitive hunch and it´s accompanying emotions as opposed to rational bethought reasons.
Since, again, being left in the dark with our own perspective onto that, we actually can´t even judge them as cowardly. I mean we can, but what would this bring, other than more disappointment for us.
Now aside from the benefit of a doubt I still hold for them, such behavior comes off as if they would just make it easy for themselfes. Just cutting cords and shutting down the emotions. That´s self-defeating for them in a longterm perspective and makes their lifes even more complicated and obscure until they resolve those shadows. Ja, I´m sounding all Jungian here, sry. But isn´t it like that?
Now let´s go even further into the darkness and assume that they are knowingly withholding their reasons from us because they just don´t care much about us, or, but here willingly, they just want to make it easy for themselfes and don´t deal with our responses. Such I would rightfully call cowardly.
But where am I, are we, here? In one of many dilemmas they let us sit. Those unsolved knotted balls of wool they let reside with us whilst they are walking further their way, are what we have to either light up and burn to ashes quickly or meticuously unthreat for ourselfes.
Good thing about that, we do hardcore shadowwork due to that and thus develop our emotional intelligence by the way. Although we suffer, we grow through that.
It´s a pity, and I am sorry for your friendship that broke.
A bit escapism into hope I keep up for myself quietly: Maybe, in a couple of years.. we will have the opportunity to talk with them again. But what if one of us dies within near future, the thought of this is heartache for me. So much unsaid, never being able to deliver, so many misconceptions, never clarifyied..
Writing a letter to your friend might help. Help you. Not necessary now, not even is it much important to actually send it. But to write it, is relieving a good portion.
I wonder if they internally still have something left of the relationship if we´d meet them again in future.
In relation to this topic I need to think of the song Porcelain by Skott. I guesss mostly because my sis and I both liked it.
Though I wouldn´t identify as porcelain, rather as granit due to such people breaking my trust, I think that a freindship, or relationship in general is like a palace of porcelain. I recommend you the lyrics of that song. ;)
Now please excuse my very long reply. I think for us is most important to let go of them and deal that out what for ourselfes is the most burdensome. Keeping a flame of hope burning but no illusions of meetig them again someday is a good balance I think to look towards a good future without them. In case they will appear again sooner or later we can be happy to get a glimpse of them and maybe even deal out some stuff.
But I think we got set so much into chess by them taht the only thing that´s left is to put them on hold as well and take this a degree more egalitarian and with a good mixture of giving them the benefit of a doubt and not giving a ... anylonger.
Otherwise the lyrics of Wolf by Skott would apply to us. And I think you woulnd´t want that either for too long, would you?
Good luck with that, and anyway luck and success! :)
People ghost others and you think were unfair :(
As and infp I've had the door slam many times..i sit at the door thinking to myself..'what happened..i was just being hones about MY feelings' ..lol
I have had similar experiences with being honest. My current thought on this, is that most people are not comfortable with feelings. In particular anger and love seem the two that others are most 'reactive' about. (ENFP)
Even an INTP can do that, Immaturely.
We tend to be more doormat-ish than INFJ’s as well, so this is why we do not door slam people as much; and we tend to have this uncanny open mindednesses than tend to understand people for ever situation being an INTP myself
Thats why i prefer camping.
⛺
It's not my job to regulate someone's behaviour and if they continue to go with the me me me attitude while putting me down well then that will lead to a shut door action. I am not a person who walks away easily but l will when they go just to far. This week l did just that to a friend of five years.. purely be cause of theft for the second time then lied about it. That was the last straw for me.. l am done. No regrets just will not connect in anyway again.
In all honesty, honesty INFJ’s are not the only MBTI types that give door slams. In my life experience as an INTP, I have experienced slams from other types, -like ESFJ’s for just one little misunderstanding, or simply findings too blunt, or abrupt
Really need to READ your transcript.
For example; doris lam, islam land, etc.
Tried to read, but , I don't have my code sheet.
It's automatically generated by youtube, not me
deep down I have said INFBYE, yes... but to a more fun part… I know you are busy man, Erik, but I thought I would send a message to you that other of your fans can read. It is mainly meant to be used as humor since we are all stressed out because of that virus thing we shall not name much because of demonetization...
I am gay and an INFP but I sometimes think I am an INFJ because I do pour my heart out into people but can be fickle but INFPs can be as well. If we truly, truly fall in love with someone we keep this love with us forever deep down at least, even if we sometimes deny this part to self-help and hold a grip on ourselves. lol
Please, first off thank you for reading browsing this for you or one of our lovely community members.
Yes, I am gay and have been single for a long, long time. I am almost as virgin as Mother Theresa. But yes, I know in my imagination that Erik Thor (INFJ, once thought infp), Joey Iacobucci (infp), Geek Psychology Sherman (infp), INFP HD (well, obvious) and Frank James (infj), and others are truly my husbands. Oh, you must all think, how can this be! It is a marriage of "convenience" in my fantasy and mind. The third time of watching these guys' videos I saw princes in Disney videos and the magic of these infjs and infps as my own. We are on a magic carpet right in my mind and daydreams. la la la.
Yes, I am obviously being silly. I hope I made someone giggle. I am sure others here have fallen in fake love with our NF friends here on TH-cam. And other types, too. All are cool deep down since we are all unique but all universally connected.
My wedding ring is connected to all who love me. Oh, I daydream for 10 minutes here... oh, I was typing liken Moby Dick, Bible length stuff here. Love you all, Erik Thor, the others who speak on TH-cam, and the others who are in our community in the comments section and the chats. You are all truly wonderful and unique and special. Never forget that. This includes the ladies and non-binaries. 01010101 10101010 and others. LGBTQ + straight + whatever the heck lives on planet earth. Oh, I have a non-sexual love blonde with butterflies, and even moths, too. aww. Okay, I am in my own fantasy daydream mode now. hehe. :: hug to all :: stick in there everyone who read this and who did not. We will get past hard times. Our negative forces are minimized by our skittles candy flavors colorful edible thingies. Positivity is the way to a true reality of compassion and hope. Pandora closed the box before hope left, thank goodness!
Omg I love this 😂😂😂
I'm an infp that got doorslammed by an infj.
She took grave offence at my observation she may have depression.
Told me I had to apologise to her. I said it's not my fault you took offence to an innocent concern.
Bam!
...I was suprised that the abandonment didn't hurt, rather I just felt a great sense of pity.
Not saying your response was not warranted and that the "door slam" was not abrupt but as an infp you have introverted feeling and your are unlikely to apologize if you feel that your are staying true to your principles and you may feel by apologizing you are devaluing your principles. This is not what a person with extroverted feeling will do. They literally will apologize even if they are not sorry for what they did. They do this so that they can deescalate the situation and move forward with harmony. On the other side of your situation the INFJ felt you dismissed their feelings and that hurt. I am not saying that that person should demand an apology from you but there are ways to recognize someone's feelings without apologizing for your viewpoints. Just validate their feelings. That should be acceptable because no one wants to feel bad feelings. Just my viewpoint from dealing with two prominent people in my life that have introverted feeling and not extroverted feeling.
I guess...
Help with love and mind your own business..at the same time.
Like love with care. And dont try to repair.
@@christinadonnelly781 It feels like there is more to be said behind your comment that you didn't say and it is less to do with the mbti but rather a personal bias towards that had been triggered by OdysseyHome's comment.
@@MrKillswitch88 hmm..personal bias..maybe but honestly this is how the difference between extroverted feeling and introverted feeling works. Introverted feeling always goes by their own values and core belief s. Those people know themselves very well and they are not willing to compromise what they feel is against those values. This is not the case for extroverted feelings. The extroverted feelers will change their beliefs sometimes and do this specifically to align with the other party. So for an extroverted feelingr it's more important to agree with somebody or at least appear like you're on the same page then to check in with your own values and beliefs. So an extroverted feeler will often apologize even if they don't mean it. And I will admit that extroverted feeler desire for other people to do the same. I'm an extroverted feeler and I've always feel better when somebody apologizes and it's not specifically for saying sorry that they did x y or z It's more I'm sorry that we had a disagreement. Introverted feelers don't particularly feel the need to do that.
@@christinadonnelly781 There is something off with what you've written and having dealt with cults in the past high Fe can come off as being highly susceptible to manipulation as such individuals often neglect to maintain a sense of individuality. So reading back through I do feel there is still something you are not saying and you felt the need to reach out as the INFP being in the wrong.
Always impressed how infj shows off themselves
It’s okay Infj alwayz being misunderstood by other personalities...!!! They nvr show off but everyone wana talk bout em coz they r rare ...!!!!
I feel attacked 😂
why did the TH-camr go to the doctor?
cause his
'Erik Thor'. xD
At this point i can't tell if I'm infj or npd
This can be premature overreacting at times. My sister(INFJ) gave up on my dad (ESTJ) after a stupid argument on Christmas night 2016 and never talked to him again. I know she regrets it now. She’s a Scorpio and he was an Aquarius. I (ENFP) would’ve gotten over this silly argument in a day or two if it was me.
It’s not a one way street he has 50% of the responsibility in the equation. It may have been an overreaction but if she can’t tolerate a relationship with him 🙃 why should she have to force it? Some people are oil and water, if he isn’t willing to compromise to keep harmony 🤷🏼♀️ then they are better off apart tbh.
Erik i am an enfp female muslim arabic, we aren't alone in this world, to try a lonely to succeed, there is Allah, who help us, to have a good life and good relationships......,
Learn Islam, is about the truth of our life.
😎
Around the 3 minute mark you go on talking about how people didnt know or it was all of a sudden. We INFJs give warning, after warning, after warning, after warning, after warning, so dont give this "i didnt know it was coming" BS
We try to share our feelings - they are too dumb to understand. IMO
Hahahah!! Advicing infj?? How can you tell that?? Did you feel the depht of their mind?? Hahahha once you were you will find out why.
Translation bad 🙃 English not in order. Google translate you must not. 😂
Their impostera are goofy lol silly narcs