ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ค. 2023
- 📹 Filming Camera - iPhone 14 pro Max
📱IG - we.min.jae // Min: sangmin.iam // Jae: jae.bov
🎼 Intro Music - Music by Mykyl - HOW TO LIVE - thmatc.co/?l=A9B3A6E8
🎶 Outro Music - Winter Bear - BTS V
🎞 Editor - JAE / Premier Pro
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Jae, take it from an older women, we prevent fires, men put out fires. They don't think there's a problem until there's a problem. But don't be too mad at Min, he's a good guy.
He is a great guy! great words of advice!
I believe he is too, you guys are good together,truly you are I know the two of you will make it together.
After reading everyone’s comments I realize, this video might not accurately show our true selves, but it has made me realize that I may have been wrong in some places, and how I communicate. I keep thinking in my head, my feelings were not be felt or heard, and I wanted Min to do something in order to prove that. I felt like I was the one compromising my feelings when he drinks, and changing how I sound, and I reached my max, but possible I didn’t, and I should be more understanding of Min’s side.
After reading so many examples it really brought light to how controlling that can be, and possibly need to find a better way. Sometimes it takes an outsiders perspective to help you realize. I really appreciate it all, and will continue to read the construction criticism. I know we are not perfect, and we have things to work on, and will continue to work on them. I believe in the future going to couples therapy could also be great benefit for these small arguments we have. As many of y’all have said there will never be perfection and even years along there will still be arguments, but as long as we both are will to work together, and that’s what I plan to do!
With all that being said, these are small arguments to us, and we’re never (and still aren’t) a big deal, which is why we laughed so much through them.
Oh, and Min doesn’t drink cause he likes to 🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣 he drinks because Korean society has a very strong drinking culture and he almost wouldn’t be able to hang with friends if he didn’t drink. So I think if Min could choose, he would drink water and go to karaoke with his friends instead hahaha
- Jae
Thank you all ❤
We love you and your drive! ❤
Love you guys and love your hearts. Just keep listening to each other, don't talk over each other and always let your actions reflect your love.
I definitely think you are an I, so am I! We tend to think differently about going out. What do you do when your coworkers ask you to have a team dinner? Maybe you should attend some of them at least once. It might give you a different perspective.☺ I think your arguments take each others feelings into consideration with you maybe willing to acquiesce more.
❤
Controlling wasn’t what came to mind but I see how you telling him it’s either the bed or alcohol can be perceived as such. Min, text her to relieve her worry of you go out and will be staying out late. Jae. use the wedding planning as an opportunity to even get more closing to mom. We love you both ❤️❤️
Ok you guys, I have been married for 48 years. I was 19 and he was 28. We get along really well. The adjusting period in our first 3 years was sooooo confusing. For some special reason, after we had our disagreements, we never had a grudge on each other. We ended up agreeing to disagree. We both have the liberty to make plans freely with our friends. I am not a mother to my husband. I trust him and I always want him to enjoy his free time. What I have seen with other couples is the small stupid things that they argue , start to accumulate and it starts growing with the years. All of a sudden you realize that your relationship start getting cold. The next thing you know, you end up not caring for each other. Now, hearing you telling your husband not to drink because you don’t like it, is honestly very childish. He doesn’t drink hardly at all. And this time he did. For heaven’s sake, you sound exactly as mother to him and not a wife. I know you care for him and you hate the drinking. Honestly, please hear this video and you will notice that you are slightly controlling. It looks like your way or the Highway. Please keep in mind that your intentions might be well for you, but he is different. I personally think after hearing you express about him, you might want to wait on the marriage. If you keep on thinking that you are correct, your heading for failure. Believe me, he has no confidence talking to you freely because you give him a lecture. That is not communication. As time goes by, love changes. What makes love endure is the everyday behavior. Be really careful please🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻. Repeat, please listen to this video. You sound like, if you don’t meet me halfway, then it’s not going to work. Stop that please!!!! I had a different impression of you but you definitely need to understand his point of view. Every single time he replies to your questions, you always want him to agree with you because your way of thinking should be the correct way. Nope, it doesn’t work that way.
Well stated and great real examples. Relationships are complex and difficult until the couple hits their stride which, as you pointed out, takes 1-3 years but in reality never ends as each partner will evolve as they grow.
I appreciate your long response and examples! It really brought light to my way of thinking. I never once controlled him and what he does, but perhaps by me asking him to sacrifice his bed, it is almost like I am. I felt I was compromising by having my feelings hurt and he should do that same. But as another commenter suggested, I could perhaps leave the situation that I don’t like. Even though these arguments were not considered anything major in our books, reading comments like yours really helped me see how I can be better! In my hope for my feelings to be felt and heard, I was indirectly make him take my side. Me and Min both don’t have an role models in our life’s and both of our parents divorced while we were young. So to have a follower with such knowledge and experience really is a blessing!!! Thank you again, and I can only hope that we can be together as long as you have!!
I will be very upset too if my husband go to party without me and go back at 4 am without saying it will come late. Same for my husband. We can see our friends but when you are a couple I think there is a limit of the time you can stay outside.
@@walkerpublications4418
I also grew up with divorced parents. What I really wanted to tell you is that don’t waste your beautiful time in such petty things. You both have a beautiful relationship and sometimes our insecurities, childhood experience or lack of can damage slowly and surely your relationship. You can tell miles away that you love each other so much. The reason I’m trying to give you this advice is because I genuinely care for you. So what if he or you screw up sometimes, nobody is perfect. The more you argue over small things, sometime or another it will affect you in the long run. It’s really like walking on eggshells and the next thing you know, we begin to shut down because we want to avoid being interrogated. We all want sincerity not instructions on how to behave. For example, he never drinks but occasionally he does. You leave your cloths on the floor. Well, he can pick them up as a kind gesture and you can receive him with love. Honey, did you have fun with your friends? I’m so happy for you. And he can tell you honey, since we both work, well I thought I could give you hand. See the difference? This is what I’m trying to get across. Hope my advice can shed the most amazing moments in your present, past and future💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕.
@@MINJAE1 This is why I adore Jae. She always tries to do her best as does Min. I know the two of them will get better together every day.
A little background...I'm Asian, my husband is Irish. I'm a non drinker, he LOVES to drink. Have we had issues with this? Yes! But there was never an ultimatum for him to quit bc that's something he enjoys. Our solution is one of respect for each other. When he's out with his buddies, he does call if he'll be late or if he needed a ride. At parties, he'll limit himself with me in mind. I realize there may be a health issue with Min so drinking may be hazardous. That said, he should definitely have called/texted you and not just come home at 4 am. I love that you guys can talk it out. That's so vital in a relationship. That and trust!
I think some people got confused that I asked him to quit drinking 😅 I never asked him and will never ask him, what I did ask him to do is out of respect to my feelings when he does drink, to not come to the bed. But I think after reading many comments I can perhaps find a better solution :) thanks for all of the support!!
@@MINJAE1 I have the utmost respect for you & Min for being so open and sharing. All the love in your upcoming nuptial.
Min has a much quiter personality his feelings seem to get hurt much easier i think he avoids the aggressiveness of arguing. Jae your very much upfront and more dominate in the relationship, good luck to you both.
That’s very true! and reading these comments really shown me I might even be too dominate 😞 so a real self reflection and improvement is in order 👏
@@MINJAE1Yes, it is good that you are able to see that now after other people shared their perspectives. Because Min is naturally more reserved and quiet, he needs to be encouraged to share his feelings more , which requires feelings of safety and patience created by the listener - you (Jae) . Jae has to be more patient and make him feel safe to express his feelings without trying to dominate the process.
Min is an introvert, Jae is an extrovert. Men and women view “arguments” differently. Min started by selecting his words carefully….to not start an argument, but it was clear that he was not going to win until he gave the “right” word that aligned to Jae’s on how often they argue. Men will do much to avoid an all-out argument on topics they have an opinion but it is not always important for a man to have his opinion be the chosen one. This is especially true if he is in love with the woman….he wants her to be happy and to keep their domestic life positive. This is not true in the work setting where the introvert will be direct as to their ideas or feedback that will be well developed and thought-out before stating.
Min was put at a disadvantage on the video as he did not have any time to mentally prepare nor was there a discussion prior to his interests, support, or input on whether to do this topic or how to do this topic. When the woman is an extrovert and the man is an introvert…. communication during disagreements is essential as an extrovert moves to selling the introvert their answer or wants and trying to show the introvert how really the two different perspectives are the same or theirs has more value. When an extrovert moves to this type of communication….the introvert tends to withdraw and simply go along or go silent. This does not mean the introvert has given up….they will simply either revisit the topic on another day or if it is not a significant topic for them, they will just let it pass.
While that makes the extrovert feel everything is “fine”….in reality over time the number of losses mount frustration and resentment. Then one day the introvert will either become specific, or direct and make clear where his or her boundary is on whatever the most recent incident is. The second possibility is the introvert will simply start to exit the relationship which if taken to the separation extreme will shock the extrovert. Initially, the extrovert will not notice because extroverts spend so much time talking versus active listening. Introverts communicate in many ways other than words. The extrovert will use words or phrases such as “Why didn’t you tell me?” or “I had no idea you felt this way”.
One way for an extrovert to check themselves is to check how much time they spend talking versus listening. For an introvert living with an extrovert, developing communication “rules” can be helpful such as setting a time limit on the disagreement where the extrovert only gets 5 of the 10-minute argument time rule then they cannot speak until the introvert partner has an uninterrupted 5 minutes to state their perspectives and why. Once both parties have had their “say” then the decision-making process should include elements from both made during their 5 minutes. Successful communication especially resolving disagreements takes structure and work for a couple. Usually, after a couple has followed this rule and/or other rules in constructive disagreements, it does become a natural way for them to communicate.
In this video, Jae decided this was a topic she wanted to discuss under the umbrella of “transparency” but it was not “transparent” for Min and he was visibly uncomfortable. The extrovert picked the arguments (thinking of course that the introvert would agree, but the extrovert rarely checks to see if that is true). How many arguments is not the metric in communications but how both parties feel the outcome was the best choice for either each other or their partnership.
Argument 1: Extrovert decided what, why, and how, and delegated the tasking accordingly to the introvert. Because it was “no big deal”. The introvert saw this as an opportunity for relationship building between the extrovert and the mother and for the extrovert to build language communication skills. Key to note that the extrovert even made the decision of which phone to use. In this example, the introvert was simply assigned a predetermined task to be executed according to the extrovert's direction. In a relationship just because one party thinks it is not a big deal does not make it true. It makes it true for them, not their partner. The partner should always have an opportunity to provide input. When they are not given that opportunity, it is easy for issues to escalate along with sensitivity which will emerge in the next disagreement.
Humans shove their disappointments, dissatisfactions hurt, and anger into an “emotional carry-on bag” that they have with them at all times. When that bag reaches capacity….the human will explode, often beyond warranted, at the next disagreement, no matter how large or small. It is called “gunny sacking”. As a psychologist and executive coach, this topic is really key and there are many tools, processes, books, and research on how to build a solid foundation for this. I see this daily in organizations and relationship counseling. It is not about who is right or who is wrong but listening, compromising, and caring as much about one other's perspectives.
One key question that it seems has yet to be answered for the two of you....Who is in charge of this relationship? Count the number of times in this video each of you said..."I don't like the", or "I think". The person making the "I" statements is the dominant partner. When the dominant partner goes into "I" mode, they can't hear. An extrovert .... wants to verbally fight/discuss it out immediately....and the introvert simply goes silent.....wanting time to consider the points they want to share.
Argument 2: Who sets the obedience rules in the relationship?? Even during the second argument discussion, this unresolved argument returned as the rules on the topic were set by Jae with the hope/expectation that Min should respect her feelings/perspective and "obey". Not meaning to say right or wrong...but to share communication. What is obvious in what you are both stating in the second argument on the same topic. Note, Min did not change his mind but having had time to think it over presented an issue that bothers him (picking up clothing) as a counterbalancing example. Jae, as an extrovert, quickly moved to her perspective that these 2 issues were not of equal value/weight. Why? They weren't to her. Both perspectives are of equal value in an equal partnership.
At this point in the discussion Jae shifted to a female communication approach with her partner by discussing how his actions make her "feel" because, for we women, feelings trump everything in a discussion. Min understood that was her feeling (as I am sure this was not the first time she made her feelings known on the topic) but approached the topic from the real objection which was her resolution that he should "not come home" or "sleep on the couch".
.....AT THIS POINT I HAD TO PAUSE THE VIDEO TO MAKE SURE I HEARD THE ULTIMATUM OPTIONS CORRECTLY....
In relationships, the issuing of ultimatums given for obedience without the agreement of what the "acceptable behavior is" leads to longer-term issues, and usually, when one partner moves to ultimatums one time....they move there regularly. This shifts the relationship to a power struggle. It was clear that Min knew his drinking and staying out late would cause an issue at home with Jae....BUT he has not agreed to the "rule of absolutely no drinking". His perspective is that it is a rare happening....and he always comes home... seeking "affection". His perspective got no traction in the discussion.....because the discussion had moved to the power/obedience mode. Telling a man he has permission to not come home when drinking opens the door to other issues unless this is an "open relationship", In which both partners would agree on what is acceptable when he "doesn't come home".
These are key discussions for all partners to have....and having them first on the channel is an extrovert option....not an introvert preference. The introvert will feel "set up" or hijacked. I applaud you both for being willing to have the discussion openly but would recommend against "surprises" for one another on such important topics as problem-solving disagreements. Jae is smart, articulate, and always pushes for the "win". Min loves her, gives in, or goes silent. There is no resolution to disagreements possible when the options are only obey or not obey actions or behaviors both have not agreed to.
KEY TO NOTE: There is plenty of drinking in US organizations. After work, happy hours are the norm in many places. For some industries, it is one normal way for building relationships after hours. There is drinking at professional conferences, company retreats, and even family company picnics/events. I am not endorsing or stating this is wrong. It is simply a set of business activities and as adults, each makes their own decisions. Each employee makes the decision for themselves, but not attending is rarely the way to build a solid network in business. All the best.
I plan to read your entire wiring Walker, as it seems you put a lot of time and effort and I appreciate that, but just based on the first sentence, I think how we come off in the video does show our true selves 😅 as I (Jae) an actually a 89% introvert 🤣🤣🤣 and Min is the extrovert in the situation hahahahahaha
But I’ll come back once I finish reading it all! (I’m a slow reader due to my dyslexia 🙇🏽♀️)
Walker, please look up what introvert and extrovert actually mean. Introvert/Extrovert describes how a person gets energy and recharges their emotional batteries. Min is quiet, but he is more of an extrovert compared to Jae because he enjoys interactions with large groups of people much more than Jae does. Jae needs more alone time than Min does in order to recharge her emotional batteries which makes her more of the introvert.
Lol.... Min has a point about that laundry...gotta hand it to the guy...he's one up on you there! Literally laughing out loud when he was bringing up that laundry 😂😂😂😂
That was gold 😂 fair point Min
Hahaha yeah I don’t really get annoyed by that much but I needed an example 😂 - Min
I’m going to be very honest - I think Jae was being ‘it’s my way or . . .’ like he doesn’t drink a lot soooo if he’s out with friends & Jae can’t accept that - she is responsible for HER feelings- Min has different feelings - you say you EXPECT if you feel something is right you expect him to do it your way - like he has no say 🤷🏽♀️ you probably won’t like this but you sound controlling & you do sound sarcastic 😐 Min appears chill but you’re more confrontational 🤷🏽♀️ y’all have a great & loving relationship - so it’s great that y’all don’t argue often - plus he’s Korean & you’re American so there’s that as far as cultural differences - in short I feel like your feelings matter more than Min’s - sorry for being honest 😩😭 okay, byeeeee 🏃🏾♀️
I appreciate your honestly! I really do, and after reading so many comments I can see how I come off that way, as I felt so strong in wanted my feelings to be felt and heard, I was almost minimizing his. Even though these arguments are small things that were not that important in the grand scheme of things, it really showed me how I can be rude and controlling at time when they do occur! I appreciate it!
@@MINJAE1 Whew 😅 I’m was sweating cuz some folk can’t take insight from the outside - By the way, Jae, you bravely posted a different type of post - we don’t get such details on arguments from couples - and you gained insight from this - Kudos ♥️‼️ that’s awesome 👏🏽
Hello from Texas! As a older viewer who is also a tender heart💝 This is some advise that is older than Salt! Never let the sun go down on your anger! Which means don't go to bed angry. Once you guys cross the threshold of your home and bedroom there should only be Love there; the place where your hearts come together. Jae you do have a strong voice and Min is more mild mannered. Anyone can see that about you both just by watching your vlogs.
I think that you both should be mindful of each others feelings. You've married each; choosing to say "yes" then and again for the world to see. Min, you know she loves you; it's clear by the way she has taken care of you. Jae, the same for you; there isn't too many men that would wash all that beautiful hair week after week.
When you marry, your spouse is to be above all other's. You have to always choose love and compromise for and towards each other. It's not always easy to be selfless. But, it can be done! If you choose to be selfless one day you'll be that little old couple shuffling in the park arm in arm; while holding each other up! Now that's a beautiful thing to behold.💞 Min, learn to consider your Jae's feeling before you make poor choices and Jae consider Min's tender heart before you're to quick to brush past him in a conversation or speak in a brash tone; it can feel condescending to Min! I think you both should always remember to Love your spouse as you Love yourself! Y'all can do it!
It's not wrong of you to ask. However, as Min says "give him mercy" compromise. It's not often he drink it's in a blue moon. I'm not condoning drinking by no means, but cut him some slacks he needs to enjoy life a little with his friends. Anyway I wish you all the best. I leaveing you with the word "compromised" coming for a mother who's been married for 27 years and counting. Much love to you both.
I‘m not saying he can’t drink, he does w/e he wants 😂, I’m just saying when he does, don’t come near me (aka sleep on the couch for the night) as respect for my feelings. If he chooses to do that, then at least respect how he is making me feel
Fighting and arguing is actually healthy in relationships. I am a 100% with you when it comes to drinking especially when you cannot hold your alcohol. Communication is key😍🌎
I think there should be an equal compromise for the late night thing. If he tells you he’s staying out late ahead of time, just establish the boundary that there will be no cuddles when he’s drunk, and go to bed. Especially if it’s super rare. Let that man sleep in his bed 😂
But of course, definitely do what’s best for the both of you!
Hahaha you right! In the moment I didn’t see where he would be compromising, as he gets to be out late while my feelings are hurt, but I’m become more opened to seeing the different possibilities lol
@@MINJAE1 Girl why don’t you go out late too then? Why are you choosing to stay home with hurt feelings? That’s your choice. Make some girl friends and have fun!
I am married for 22years with 4kids . And also am a Nigerian married to a Swiss , you need to respect his own view and let him have his fun , you are not his mum please have that in mind 😘 .
I think is not bad if he only drinks once in a while.
Lerne to tolerate eachother please , love you guys and am rooting for you guys ❤❤❤
Love from Switzerland
❤️❤️ your so right! I think my strong feelings about the situation clouded my judgement and now im seeing how i can better that! Much love to you mama ❤️❤️ - Jae
I’m a widow and looking back I now realize how selfish I was. Please don’t punish him if he comes home to you and wants to be with you. That’s a blessing. Be patient be forgiving.
I think he can go out with his friends but if he stays late he should let you know, that's the right thing to do
Jae, to be honest, the principle is the same, the clothes vs the drinking, you cannot tell him how he feels about it nor he cannot tell you feel about the drinking. And, it's his bed, shared equally, if you dont like his actions when he drinks, then if you dont like the extra cuddly behaviour, then you should remove yourself instead. Let him see how it feels when you're not there but to ban him from his bed is a tad extreme. Plus, he's an adult, making a choice, well informed choice about drinking. You can express your displeasure and sadness but trying to control his actions through withdrawal of his equally shared space is too much.
👍 We'll say it.
wow I really really like what you said here! Probably one of the best! (Even though he did say how he felt about my clothes thing wasn’t compared haha) but I 100% agree, I should leave the situation and not make him! Thank you so much for that!! Having such strong feelings about the situation almost made me unable to see another option other than trying to remove it! Thanks again, much love ♥️♥️
100°
Well said I felt the video in a whole like a Mom kind of vibe, ( and this is coming from experience I am in a 20 year old marriage with one kid) sometimes I can see the mom in the way you are acting,, but with good communication and never downsizing each other's feelings everything can be worked out
I give this one to Min, because I’m too sensitive also at the tone people talk (I’m not saying it’s a good thing) but this effort on your side could help him no to get hurt 😅 I know it’s complicated! Also, don’t get stressed because of the wedding planning, the most important thing you already have it! ❤
Don’t get me wrong 🫣
I do my best 😅
He might need less time to process if you don’t get offended all the time. He has to feel safe. He may feel like he’s walking on eggshells. Oh, and there is a right and wrong.
I think in some situations there isn’t a right or wrong, as both feelings are valid. Also, that is Min’s way of communicating, even when replying to comments he sits and things so a long time. I don’t think I get offended, maybe that isn’t the right choice of wording
@@MINJAE1 I can see why y’all may argue a lot. Forge ahead.
Tone and cultural intonations play a big role in speech and communication....like one culture uses hand gestures to express themselves, another culture will shun hand gestures as rude and aggressive. Being multi-lingual and having had to translate in different social circumstances has made me realise sometimes direct translation into a particular language and culture needs a tone check. So sometimes just watching your tone and emotions would help better communication.😅❤ Maybe thats why we use smilies alot when texting???😊
They really do! Such a big role, and even though these situations don’t occur often, we should not forget about them!
😂 poor guy. First, he was unaware of the topic. And then, he was asked a question where he obviously didn’t want to give a “wrong” answer. Luckily that didn’t create a new argument in the opening. Glad you both communicate well and strive to make it through life’s challenges. All the best for you both.
I’m rooting for the both of you so much. I hope you keep showing up to make your relationship work through communication, love and respect. I liked how you both handled this conversation with kindness. Like, anyone can tell that you both are kind to each other in arguments or at least are genuinely trying and I pray that as you both grow, it gets even easier to handle your differences. Rooting for y’all.
Oh and that sleeping on the couch business - no Jae. Let’s not do that. ❤
If it's once in a blue moon. Let Min sleep in the bed? It's his bed too. I dont think using the bed as a "gate keeper" is ever a good path to go down. I know you really don't like it but it's rare. Compromise. A couple of times a year you're going to have an extra cuddly but clumsy Min. The next morning you can say that you love him but you still don't like it if neccessary.
However, if he is under Dr's orders that's something else.
What is Min compromising in the situation then? He will always know I don’t like it, so do I have to remind him? And yes doctors orders lol
@@MINJAE1 Min can compromise on something else? It does not have to be this issue in particular. Something you do that Min does not like, that you do once in a blue moon? That he now is obliged to give you a pass on. If he doesn't, then you get to revisit the social drinking issue. Compromise is very rarely fair and balanced in all situations. Sometimes you just gotta give, especially when it is a rare and relatively harmless occurence (I am assuming he is not being argumentative, violent or that you feel unsafe?) You guys are in it for the long haul so the likliehood is neither one of you wants to ride rough shod over the other, I would even wager that Min would see the effort you are making with regards to this and reciprocate in kind by reducing the occurence even more or stopping altogether as he knows you don't like it but are tolerating it for him. I found kindness (not total capitulation) brought out kindness in my partner when he was being a little thoughtless.
I am not saying that this is the answer for you. This is merely a suggestion. What works in one relationship is not necessarily good for another. I am sure you will figure your way 😉❤️
i think that it is so much better to calm dawn and then talk about the problem cuz if you talked right away you might say things you did not wanna say and regret it i think you guys balance each other very well
You are using emotional blackmail about the drinking. You are his wife and partner not his mom. But, its your choice if little things matter so much. I like you guys pick your battles. Weddings are a fun party -the marriage is the real gift.
I love you guys ❤ and I definitely understand were you’re coming from Jae I am the same way I need to talk it out on the spot and my partner is the opposite like Min and needs time what works for us is that he lets me know “ hey I need like an hour then I’ll be ready to talk about it” and that really helped, I think the not knowing when he would be ready to talk made me upset because in my eyes it made me feel like he didn’t want to talk about it at all.
Yes you get me 100% maybe I should share with Min, and he can try that~ like give me a time frame so I’m not sitting in nothingness
I have Min’s temperament and need time to process my feelings including responses to questions. I have learned to ask for an approximate time frame to respond because it does affect all types of relationships. I interestingly enough attract people with opposite personalities so I have the experience to maneuver the awkward silence & recoil in my interactions. Thank you for sharing a vulnerability in your relationship and trusting us with your transparency. You both balance each other out.
The old adage. Men are from Mars,Women are fro Venus. Man I’ve been there but as we process things differently we have to choose right times to communicate 😂
Women are a mystery 😵💫 - Min
Not going to bed angry is a myth in a long marriage.
Jae Jae Jae -I adore you but TRY to lose that “ it doesn’t matter” phrase. I disagree with you that it is not a rude statement. It indeed, could be perceived as such. It doesn’t matter sort of disregards what the other person is trying to point out or verbalize. It is dismissive. It may not matter in your mind but it may matter to the other person. Min you should participate more in preparation for your wedding because it is a reflection of how women perceive you will participate in the marriage- I adore you too by the way. You both are very cute and funny. Anyway be more merciful to each other. It goes a long way.
Thank you for sharing an being transparent! This helped me with understanding my relationship as well!
I think when Min said “I don’t want to go and meet in the middle but I want to meet in the middle” I think he meant in the sense he wants both u and him to meet tgt in the middle and not just him…idk if I’m right abt that but that’s how I interpreted it as
Oh possible!!! Haha to me if I said say meet in the middle then to meet we both have to be there LOL so I wouldn’t think of one person going and not the other, but maybe that’s what he was thinking!
There is one thing about my husband that I like, he informs me where is he going and he goes to work overtime.
I love you guys, and the drive to communicate in this relationship. It seems like his concerns are often dismissed though, like he doesn’t have a final say. It was an observation, like when he said let’s say things in a way that won’t hurt eachothers feelings, then you brought up how he has a tender heart and let’s comments affect him. Then when you compared how he felt about clothes on the floor to your feelings about him coming home drunk. It seems there’s a rebuttal to the things he expresses and his concerns, which may make him feel like he has to be careful with his words or honesty. I can also understand Jays side, not being comfortable with someone in a drunk state is completely validated, and that boundary should be respected. Along with saying certain things that can hurt someone’s feelings, while not having any intent to hurt anyone in the first place. Again, just an observation, but dynamics like this can always be fixed if talked about in more detail, and letting eachother express feelings truly without minimizing their feelings. Always compromise! I love you guys and hope for the best :)
I think I rebutted so fast because we have had these talked before so I was quick to say my side as I know where the conversation would go, as all of these have already happened in the past. But reading many comments, I see how I can better myself and not to minimize Min’s feelings, I should try to be more aware if I perhaps do, do that in other situations.
As for why he takes a long time, that’s generally how Min is, he even takes a long time to reply to comments, he sits and thinks for awhile, he is just a man who chooses his words carefully which I admire greatly.
@@MINJAE1 You call that wisdom!😇
You guys make me laugh.Your both are such a joy to watch . Wishing you both lots of love and blessings. Love your smiles😘😘😘🥰❤️🙏
Your body shape is amazing keep the hard working ❤
In moment of anger always step back and calm down to avoid saying hurtful words. Because once’s said you can’t retrieve it. So don’t say thing in moment of rage/anger. Communication, patience, transparency, empathy and compromise
I’m a big fan of both of u from Canada .I’m Asian married to Canadian there’s a lot of differences between Us ,but whatever it is LOVE Prevails be patient and kind praying for you both to have a long and Happy Marriage just like my Husband and I ❤
Good morning you guys and you guys stay safe and i love you guys and you guys are a beautiful couple 💜💜💜❤️❤️❤️
This is such a Great video!!! Love the details and transparency! ❤❤ REAL and will continue to support you two !!!!👏👏👏
Thank you ^^!
It happens in marriage/relationship. What we have to do personally is work on the individual behavior that may cause the other to be hurt or triggered. My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years. We've both discovered it's our tone that triggers the disagreements/ arguments. I'm quicker now to pay attention to my tone and pull back. Also never let it linger. We argue and then within minutes it's like it never happened. It's okay to be different and have different opinions. That balances the relationship. It's hard sometimes to effectively communicate with your spouse, especially if one is more sensitive than the other and always take what you say the wrong way/ misunderstand you or what you meant by what you said. Just continue to love each other through it all. Your marriage is strongly bonded. Your love is unconditional. If you find a couple that never disagrees/argue something is not right there. ❤❤
Wow 30 years! Amazing!! I love what you wrote! I think I should really work hard and realizing my tone! Since, like you said, that’s the main problem! Thank you for the support and amazing words ♥️♥️ we are blessed to have a role model like you in our comments!
@@MINJAE1 you two will succeed. The bond and love between you two is unbreakable. You are more than welcome. Never let the argument and or disagreement win. Being different in a relationship is what helps in balance and maintaining. Always try not to step on each others pride with your words and behavior. If by chance it happens from time to time whole heartedly apologize and make up. It's not always easy to admit you were wrong but swallow your pride and admit to your part. Just continue to love and support each other. If by chance one of you are too angry to talk it out at that moment, come back when things have calmed down and talk in a loving and respectful tone when bringing up the situation again. If it really weren't that serious in the first place neither of you will care to revisit it. Just don't hold on to the angry. Holding on can turn into resentment depending on the situation and or the extent. You two are human there is no degree of love that can stop you from getting upset with each other from time to time. Just remember to always make up and let each other off the hook. I love you two and I am here anytime. PsyD 💜
I think Min hears, "I don't care". I think Min is more focused on the tone. Jae needs to just be cognizant of her tone. I'm sorry, I like Min so much and I know he loves you very much. So I'm rooting for you guys.
Yes I agree 100%! My tone is normally very strong, but in that situation I was clueless on how my tone sounded, so I really wondered how to improve but even when he says it back “how I should say it” it sounds like how I said it in the first place 😂😂😂😂😂
Love this❤
Don’t use “ it doesn’t matter”:
instead just say: ok honey, we’ll see later,/ ok honey we will talk about after. what doesn’t matter for you matters for him so it’s normal that saying these words hurts his feelings.
Think otherwise, in the contrary you say something important to u and he answers it doesn’t matter. How will you feel about it?
Regarding the drinking, for me, he can drink but he must not be drunk when he come home. And stay so late with friends for me, it’s not ok .
Then stay until midnight max 2 am is ok if it’s not often but 4 am it’s unacceptable for me. i will be suspicious. There is a lot of tentation outsider and with alcool a lot of things can happen.
Very cute couple you guys look great together as well as physically!😊
Sometimes when you continue talking, it makes the situation worse. Know when to stop talking, you (Jae) apologize but you don’t know why you should. Both of you should know when you are wrong and try to correct it. Both of you seem to love each other, so work on your relationship. Love watching you. 🇺🇸🙏🏼💕🌷😁🤩
I think it was great how you responded to this vlog. You took a lot of hits and responded well. Wish you the best.
Min and Jae, you both have things each does that the other person does not like. Try not to put each others level of hurt as higher than the other. Jae you feel strongly about his drinking, however Min does not like you putting clothes on the floor. Both of you choose to do something that the other does not like...it happens. Try not to think of the other person downplaying your feelings because you are both entitled to feel how you feel. It's good that you can talk these things out and and it will take time to problem solve each issue that may arise. Just remain open and receptive to hear other without judgement. Not every disagreement will be solved, and hopefully you will learn to compromise on things you realize are not always worth being upset about. I truly have enjoyed watching your relationship grow and I wish you continued blessings.
Just listen to one another communication is KEY! You both can learn a lot from and about each other! ❤
He is a asian man very sensetive and you are a bold American
❤ love you guys 😘
I think Min is thoughtful, considerate and caring, we are not perfect no one is, and it is important to pay attention to all the positive things and praise them!
Like you both, but Jae tends to come across a bit bossy. Just remember Min is not your child he is your equal.
I agree! I’m very strong willed and Min is more reserved. Such a polar opposite can make me come off as seeming like his “mom” which I don’t want to do or be >
You two have me rolling with the “it doesn’t matter!!” Okay, say in you seduction voice, “honey, it doesn’t matter “…. Make sure to say it softly and less aggressive…💕🤣
I really need to work on it, and i think you got the right tone 😂😂🙌
Love love from Namibia 🇳🇦
That’s why your relationship work! Ying and Yang is definitely in your favor☺️ y’all are so stinkin’ cute🥰🇰🇷🇺🇸❤️
I feel like i've just received therapy myself!😅... After watching the video and reading some comments. I think you have received plenty of opinions on here, good, bad, some so so... all I want to say is that I appreciate both of ya'll transparency. Whether I agree with you or not, it makes me feel like Im not alone in some of my feelings/actions or lack there of. I, as im sure alot of others, appreciate the time you take to show us a glimpse of your real day to day lives.
It does matter! It is important to be transparent and forgiveness is a must for a marriage to last. Also forgiveness will free you,
I can relate Min to me because I am a tender heart and I always understand others who are important to me . Min is right the way of saying is true. Its okk you will learn and he will help you to learn more ❤
Hello, you two I am 37 years married and 5 years as we call it in the States SHACKING. These are two different things, welcome to the real world of marriage. You are two different people living in the same space married now. Both of you will have to make many changes...No one gets married to divorce. Remember these little nuggets. Be fair and Just...You both are grown-ups, Your husband is not your son, & She is not your mother, it is very easy to offend one another, be very careful of tones, You both need to be patient with each other, Where you are strong He may be weak & where He is strong you may be weak. Communication is key, Let him have some time out and sleep in the bed He is your King & you are his Queen. Grandma in the house...Nothing but love for you both & Congratulations my mature couple.
I had to subscribe to y'all's Channel. Both of you will get it together eventually. It may take sometime it will just be consistent and talk about it and move on. ❤You guys!
Thank you :)) We love you too ❤️
Great healthy relationship...🙏🥰🙏
I think you put your feelings before his. If he loves hang out with his friends you don’t have to say don’t do this or that. You will make him hypocrite, he’s a man, if you told him to not do something he will probably do.
You can’t put your husband on the couch? Work it out ok. It’s the most important relationship you’ll ever have even when you have children, the marriage relationship is the most important.
I always ask couples would you argue with your boss or someone you really respected, then don’t argue with each other. Seek to understand each other and come each day with a servant’s attitude with the question, How may I help you. I forgot y’all were not married yet.
Actually we are legally married and have been for over 2 years 😅 these arguments were actually minor once which is why we can laugh at them, but I agree the couch is a tad extreme - Jae
When I was little, my dad would occasionally stay out late and come home intoxicated. That bothered me because he would be very affectionate and I didn’t like it because he wasn’t that way when sober. There was no way I could say anything, that was my mother’s job. He changed over time for the better due to many things that happen in life. We learn from one another in relationships and as a couple always remember why you chose each other in the first place and why you love each other. Those who forget end up in divorce court.
I love this couple, they are amazing! On another note, I don't think Min should be prohibited from sleeping in his bed after a few drinks. It's his bed too. If he wants to drink, it's his choice, especially if it's not an everyday thing that he drinks.
I think she is way too controlling and not very compromising. She wants everything her way but is not considerate of how he feels or does things. Like her clothes on the floor, that would be so annoying to me, but she still only saw what he does as wrong, or a problem but not herself. This is what could drive him to drink...more, which I don't see why his drinking once in a blue moon is major to her. She's laying down the law to suit how only her feelings. You gotta find balance or just forgettaboutit. Everything's gotta be 100% with her. No one is 100% perfect.
Make sure y'all know what you're getting into before making a lifetime commitment.
Min doesn’t like to drink. So I highly doubt I could drive him to drink more. He drinks due to the unhealthy drinking culture of Korea. He will tell anyone and everyone he doesn’t like to drink, but sadly if we have to hang with friends, he will be out in a situation where he has to.
I’m not laying the law to suit just my feelings but for his health, as a possible father to my children. The doctor said his body cannot process alcohol and he should not even have 1 can of beer.
I think you missed all the points where I said, I have a lot to work on, so obviously it’s not all 100%.
We have already been married for over 2 years now, and these arguments were not really anything in the big picture, which is why we can sit back and laugh on them.
As for me being controlling,
“You are not, and they don’t know who you really are” words from Min ♥️
Girl you should go out late with your friends too then. He’s supposed to be your fiancé and he’s staying out drinking until 04:00am. That’s crazy. Yes he’s his own person but he’s acting like a real single man and you accepting this behavior is settling for less than you deserve. Your standards are very low and he knows it. He doesn’t care if it’s fair to you and your feelings. I wouldn’t be surprised if he got drunk someday and was unfaithful since he gets lovey staying out until sunrise. A man that truly loves and respects you wouldn’t treat you like this. I don’t want to hear about cultural differences either. A good partner would choose to come home to their partner and not leave them home worried. And he’s deflecting by comparing his poor behavior to laundry… I wouldn’t of posted this video if I were you.😕
4am is unacceptable...Love and Respect ( for yourself and Jae) would have had you home at a decent hour.
You should say: Min in the nice way “it doesn’t matter😂😂😂
LMFAOOOOO
he seldomly goes out with his friends they have a drink and he comes home a bit late he was just having honest fun . yes u care about his health but u are to strict , for not messaging u his wrong but letting him sleep on the couch is ridiculous. he comes home wanna make luv to u and u complain about seeing a different person . u should accept all his ways he treats u really well and loves u dearly. u guys are a lovely couple . luv u guys
Jae is right about drinking ! But maybe he Can get just a drink at home !
Omg your so funny 🤣 be good to your self ❤
Love your channel and transparency guys... Like Min I need time to process as its fear of hurting your loved one in the heat of the, moment. The more you are open with your emotions and eventually will unravel each other...😊
Thanks for the comment :) yes I learned it’s very important to communicate better and open to our feelings. I used to not to talk about it because I didn’t like talking about things that are negative.We are still on our journey thank you so much :) - Min
@MINJAE1 Amen, Min, amen! 😁❤️
I think you are a very sweet and cute couple, I have been married for 20 years and I'm also a marriage and family therapist, what I see are cultural differences in communication and the differences in how men and women communicate in general. You use passive aggressive tactics to communicate or not communicate your feelings. Jae, your love for him is very obvious but he is a grown man, I read a few of the comments and this is where the difference in how men and women communicate come in, men generally like to think about their answer before responding and women responds almost instantly because of their emotions. Take time to listen, Jae arguments are healthy, but they are not competitions to be won, allow him to express himself and if it does not agree with your feelings or thoughts, it's okay, communicate that and learn how to agree to disagree. Have more discussions about how you want your relationship to move forward and focus on that. Good luck and keep loving each other.
wow to have such a knowledgable viewer! Thank you so much for those words!! Giving out free advice like that 🤧♥️♥️
I really appreciate, as do your other viewers, how you’re sharing this here. We are all learning a lot from both of you. The diversity factor alone is so important to share with the world. The diversity of your backgrounds and the diversity of your personalities. It’s like seeing United Nations hold a meeting and resolving tough topics and issues.
Also, I think Min choosing to drink alcohol which is a drug that visibly changes his behaviors, and coming to bed that they share together is unfair to Jae. If he wants to sleep in bed while he is drunk and smelly, then he should get a separate bed. The alcohol is inside his body, but it is being expressed outwardly and the smell alone is gross!!! It’s like smoking. Why should someone else smell the smoke of a smoker??? That is totally rude!!! So, he should not force Jae to smell his alcohol or witness his drunk behavior especially in their bed!!! It is HER bed, too!!! She needs to feel safe in her bed and not have a drunk man in there!!! If he wants to take that drug/alcohol, he should sleep in the living room. Also, since the wedding plans affect both of them, both people should give 100%. He was wrong to have such a lazy attitude. Sorry, Min, but I think you understand why you should prepare.
Regarding the sensitivity Min has about Jae’s tone, I think that is the biggest hurdle. I speak both languages and I understand both people. Koreans generally use a softer tone at ALL TIMES compared to Americans. That’s just the language difference in general. Jae’s tone is considered rude in Korea. I know, because I can be aggressive (or assertive) in my speech and Koreans don’t like it at all. Also, there is a little bit of sexism. Even in America, If men talk like Jae, they face zero negative consequences, but when a woman speaks like that, she will face some negative consequences even in America if you’re around very conservative types of people.
So, if Jae is making an effort to tone down her way of speaking 24/7 , and Min is still feeling hurt, then this relationship may not go the distance. I hate to be so honest about a couple I don’t know , but communication is something couples do 24/7, so if that is not satisfactory, then there is no hope. Someone will always be dissatisfied.
Having said that, I’m rooting for you both 1000% because I know you both care for each other very much!! ❤❤
@@ajohnson6904 I got nothing out of that video that Min was drunk and smelly. A rare occasion of drinking he doesn't like and even has to do with his dad and brother and he feels bad after, physically. So he should be forgiven for a rare moment of peer pressure to go out with his friends and the drinking custom of Korea. But if he asks for forgiveness and then it is ignored, that is a recipe for disaster. I like them too much to see that happen. Compromise is what is needed here.
One love to my favourite couple
Poor Min😂 hope you guys are well♡
I follow you all the time I think
Do Korea has marriage or couple counseling? I think going to a counselor wouldn’t hurt. I think it would put each of you on neutral ground. I can see issues with both your points so getting a professional opinion would help. I think the best thing and Min said it “you guys are different people.” You can’t expect that person to match your level of energy, or input, or feelings. It can be overwhelming when one person expect that their feelings are priority or their energy is the right way. That is why a counselor will help word choice and expression and letting each other feel what ever they need to feel.
First NEVER compare ur life with anyone else’s ur life ect its ur business here is a suggestion from someone who’s married for 40 plus maybe u should repeat back to what u have heard from what Min has said n he does the same to u this way u learn to communicate better n speak the others Communication language, just a suggestion communication is the key absolute key to a long Married life❤
I think marriage is a continued learning curve. I was never a lover of my husband drinking but socialising was part of his job. I understood that but would get mad when my husband didn’t know when to stop!!!!! We found a way to compromise and I think that’s what marriage is about.
I totally understood about not being able to get your point across and what might seem ‘harsh’ may not be the way you wanted it to be. Again it’s a learning curve and the major positive is that you have realised you do it. ❤️
Your a normal couple and I think your amazing for sharing this and it will help others. Talking is so important and I love that you can both laugh about it as well. Xx
😂😂😂now you guys are even ❤❤
Accept when you’re wrong miss Jae😂 don’t twist it for him to be at fault all the time . The way you said “it doesn’t matter” might not have sounded right to him. You know it too🦦😂
Mrs* sorry I forgot you’re engaged 😂😂
Hahah but that’s the thing, 99% of the time I see where I did wrong but for that one time I couldn’t see haha and asked how to make it better, but we didn’t mention it but even during that time, when we talked about it, he couldn’t give me a way to say it nicer 😂😂😂 so that’s a lost one on us hahaha but I admit I am stubborn and should accept I’m wrong more often lol
@@MINJAE1 that’s fine lol . As far as you both understand each other and know your flaws and a way to address it, y’all will be great fasho. Love you guys.
Min & Jae - I see the core of your relationship is the friendship and care that you have displayed for each other with that understanding and accepting each other as you are will go a long way. You had some really great feedback and one that resonates is "love changes" you, It means you are both evolving individually and as a married couple; the journey will continue as you recognize each of your strengths and weaknesses and how you have grown since you came together. You have an extra hurdle coming from different cultures and I think you have to add that to the context of any disagreements. I believe you have mentioned sometimes the intent is lost in the translation.
Jae, I agree that Min should have let you know that he would not be home so you would not worry and I think if you do not want to be near him after he has been drinking then it is ok for you to remove yourself but you should not hold it against him (why - because it is his culture and you said it is rare).
Min, I'm thinking it is probably not about the bed and I believe you would likely miss Jae if she took the couch instead of you (especially once you sobered up) if she just cannot accept your change in behavior - but I would not hold it against her either (why - because there is always more to the story).
As a couple you will continue to evolve and decide what and how to relate to each other's differences - acceptance and friendship are a good foundation for love and marriage and I believe you two definitely have what it takes to build an everlasting relationship. Blessings from C
I love you guys. To the brief to all comments I just want to say communication and behaviour is the key success . Controlling and orders ruins a relationship. Everyone should have individual space and we should appreciate each other . Caring for each other but overpossessiveness and controlling ruins a relationship. Breaking is easy than building up. So think when you utter to each other words becoz the said words cannot be taken back . The healthiest part for is to improve and increase love each other rather than on heated arguments on small things. The things should be not I am wrong you are right , it's all about you should that you both should understand each other and be the best for each other . God bless you two always ❤. We both are blessing to each other so be lovable and respectable and understanding and be there for each other throughout life❤.
It is how you say it, not what you say that hurts feelings the most, at least your willing to change and work on it.
Yup! Must of the time I can see where my tone is wrong, but for that situation, I couldn’t, as I was just saying it nonchalantly 😅
I get it, in my opinion that is my biggest issue even after 26 years of marriage, my wife has a very dominant personality like her mother, so it can be difficult.
@@MINJAE1 Like I said earlier Jae and I hope what you say is taken to heart. The newest video about these airbud that translate, the first thing I hear you say in your commen was we can use these when we argue. Keeping my fingers crossed for you two. Use the buds to improve each other's lives together.
Mayb saying "doesn't matter" aigoo style??!!😂😂 . Good vlog cracked me up😂 relationships are relationships . Good portion go thru same experiences as u both grow and learn together 😊
In ALL I believe LOVE prevails. If you read in the Bible God talks about LOVE. If there is not love it won't work in the marriage.
Both of you are so cute. But just be happy... give each other space...but i do love the way you guys laugh and share yr views..but guy and gal dont have the same emotions.... Overall you guys are great ppl, dont let 1 or 4 flaws ruin such a lovely relationship. He is asian and you are American..so try to learn each other's culture..❤🎉
I love Min answer I'm not prepared :)
Good morning! ☺️ 😊
💙❤️
PS: Jae, you may never want my opinion again after this, but from a married woman's perspective. You are controlling, and I know that hurts ouch ouch. You do most of the talking ouch ouch. Not allowing your husband to express his true feelings, he keeps it bottled up until it boils over. And then you wonder why or where is that coming from? Not allowing him to express himself truthfully. 😐
He's your husband, not your child. Ouch! Allow him to be a loving and caring husband to his wife, though you are older than he is. You always want him to run to you, not to run from you. Maybe he won't go out and drink at times with his buddies staying out so late dreading to come home, but have to, because he doesn't have anywhere else to go, lol...😆 I'm laughing, but it isn't funny, I'm serious! Ask me how I know. 🤔
He can go out with his buddies and say no, I don't wanna drink because he'll be thinking about you and your wishes.
It takes time, but you both will work it out if you two truly love one another and want to honor one another's wishes and respect.. Mush love to both of you 😇
❤️💙
I think once in a blue moon you can drink but everyday it’s a problem .
Everyday he would most likely die 😂 in all seriousness because his body can’t process it 😅
@@MINJAE1 agreed I personally do not drink my partner drinks and he went from drinking every weekend and we will fight so we came to a conclusion that he will drink once in a blue moon because it was now affecting our relationship, coming home late and communicating it was too much so we resolved with once in a blue moon.
Very interesting guys, I also heard the book " Man from Mars and Woman from Venus" brought the separated couple come together again after the man read the book
Also if you say doesn’t matter to something that matters to them it is disrespectful
Min, the silent treatment is cruel 😢
I love that you both are willing to welcome constructive criticism. This is my view from listening to you both.
You can't control a man! Sometimes, people who grew up seeing alcohol damage their family, they come to hate drinking. If that's the case, they should get help with that so they don't take that baggage into a relationship. I agree with you that constantly over drinking, can ruin the body and destroy a relationship. However, If he's not an alcoholic, then let him be! If you give a man his space, he will eventually get tired of being with the "boys" and want to come back home. Why? Because he misses home-You!!! Where there's your warmth, your affection, your love. However, if you nag all the time, he will not want to come home. You will push him away. Express yourself, but don't be controlling. Don't be the kind of woman where you're used to having your way. Do you say it's your way, or no way at all? If so, you're pushing him away. He will end up running away! 🏃
Remember, too, he doesn't like it when you leave your clothes laying on the floor. He doesn't complain, he just picks them up. Do you think that's okay? Think about it. Maybe he didn't grow up that way. He likes cleanness, and neatness. But he doesn't nag you all the time about that does he? You have to learn how to compromise. You have to see things from his view too.
Both of you need to look at yourselves, and ask yourselves: If you are too stubborn? Being stubborn for what is right is good, but overly stubborn can destroy a relationship. So maybe the two of you can ask yourselves: Can I see how she/he feels? Is it really worth arguing over?
When you get married, it's a partnership. A beautiful marriage is made up of two good forgivers.
On the other hand, he should call and let you know where he is, and what time he's coming home. Any woman would worry and ask: Did he have an accident? Is he hurt? That shows respect when you let your woman know what you're doing. That doesn't mean you are henpecked. It shows you care about her feelings! Don't worry about what your friends think. This isn't their business. You don't have to answer to them. Make your relationship a happy, and healthy one. Respect your wife's wishes if they are reasonable.
Jae, everything starts in the brain. So try to think before you speak. You can't take hurtful words back. He's a kind, loving man. He has feelings. Ask yourself how would you feel if he said that to you? I noticed that you are sensitive too! You are used to spurting things out. Nevertheless, Yes, you can change! It will take time, to make your mind over. Nevertheless, Change! THINK before you SPEAK!
You two are a beautiful couple, don't let the small things danage a beautiful relationship.
Always remember: Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. It does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Thank you for uploading this!! I throughly enjoyed listening. Even though I didn't fully watch the weight video (because I couldn't relate) i did leave a thumbs up! :)
Now here goes my feedback after watching the video lol (For some background I am 21F born and raised in NYC to immigrant parents):
For the drinking argument, I'm in Jae's side I absolutely cannot stand drinking. Its actually one of the key factors i look for when I'm beginning to date someone. If they drink at all I automatically do not further a relationship with him.
In America, it's completely normal for the wife to tell the husband "go sleep on the couch," if the husband hurt her feelings and most of the time the husband will do so lol. But since you guys have an international relationship that aspect you have to compromise BUTTTTT not regarding this argument. So since the doctor told min not to drink, he shouldn't be upset for having to sleep on the couch cause that's his consequence of not listening to doctors orders and hurting his wife's feelings. So like I said earlier, when the wife's feelings are hurt (how jae felt with min drank) then she is completely in the right to tell him to sleep on the couch because 1. its not good for his health 2. he KNEW it would upset jae and 3. there are literally NO benefits of drinking. Sorry Min you lost my vote on that one.
For the laundry argument, Jae please pick up your laundry off the floor i really cant give you any pointers for that one sorry xD. If my partner kept doing it repeatedly i know eventually i'd tell him to sleep on the couch until he stopped.
For the "it doesn't matter," I am leaning towards Min's side because I have been in Jae's position. My bf asked me what we were going to do today and i said "its not a big deal," and he was SUPER upset. Even till this day I'm confused. My tone upset my partner and it made me feel terrible knowing I had done it but you truly have to make an effort to change that. You cant say "oh i cant change that about me so you have to learn to accept it." You guys have to meet in the middle! So I really just try not use nonchalant sayings around my partner as in "it doesn't matter" or "its whatever tbh" cause i know he's sensitive. But hey at least sensitivity shows the guy cares. I rather a partner who is sensitive than a person who has a dgaf attitude. *Shrugs*
Looking forward to more sitting and talking vlog styles! Espeically love that they're long so i can watch while I'm cooking. Sending love to you both! Being in the wrong/right is subjective, all that matters is how you both feel! I read some of the comments and they are coming at Jae's neck, SHEEESHH guys RELAX! Just like min wants to hear things in a nice way I'm sure Jae doesn't like reading such negative comments, if you're going to give feedback try not to call names.
Hi guys,
I am new to yr channel. I saw the outcome of M's prepping for yr birthday n proposal and the outcome was amazing n if that 75% makes you happy then just embrace yr strengths.
Wedding plans is next level, stress comes into play, so don't assume n play silent treatment longer than 24hrs. Communicate n move on.
In another way Jae is right in American language "It doesn't matter" in the way she said it isn't bad! It's basically like saying "Its alright don't stress it" only bc we don't want our partner or whoever it is to be overwhelmed with whatever happened. We are just trying to reassure you that everything is okay and not to stress.
Jea, i understand how it feels especially because it has to do with his health, yet just let him lay in bed since its something he does once in a blue moon... that's the compromise. Min, please understand that Jea loves and is concerned for your health. You are human and bound to make mistakes, but make efforts not to as well. Relationship/marriage is about compromise. Many times you just look the other way. You're such a beautiful couple!!!
It's complicated....He should be able to have a social drink with friends while not getting hammered. She shouldn't use her dislike of alcohol to put him on the couch 🤣 but I understand why she doesn't like it. I don't like when people get sloppy drunk but I don't think that's the case here. Compromise & Communicate. 🐢 🐇 I think b/c in America we talk like that and nobody gets offended it's hard for us to turn it off. When you're talking it might have the harsh tone but you don't mean it that way but to him it sounds rude.
You get us 100% the sleeping on the couch may have been a bit to extreme 😂😂 we stilling working on a middle point so both our feelings are matched. Also, Min is also free to drink, and I will never tell him he can’t, but sadly due to his body he drinks one beer and he is half way to hammered due to the his body’s inability to process it 😂😂😂😂