The mental image of the Great Khan Plukchug Duluktugug and his four horse-riding archers raiding this one family's farm 1-2 times a day is absolutely delightful.
@@kaloyanmanchev6613 And then God was cast out from the church by the Patriarch for failing to uphold the Nicene Creed, leading to a religious uprising in the eastern frontier Themes
@@iratepirate3896 But then the bogomilists actually came out of their rabbit holes and tore both branches of the main orthodox church apart after which they themselves were mutilated in ways contradicting the laws of physics
@@somemeansfish8987 But then the Golden Hord came and fought everyone for like 25 minutes before going away. Also now there is Greek warrior-monk army fighting the Serbian tsar Mitzoslav and 4th Crusade has captured Constantinople . The Bulgarians casually destroy the Crusaders after the 1234th Byzantine Cival War ends.
And note that the new taxes was a response to the plague, which only started after the war. So in those 47 minutes, a plague also killed a substantial amount of people + the emperor analyzed the damage + the emperor decided on announcing new taxes in an attempt to mitigate the damage.
His reign lasted 4 minutes longer than Alexander The Forty Eighth, who managed to make a truce with Turks by marrying a Turkish princess. The truce only lasted around 13 minutes when one of the 543 other Turkic Beyliks invaded and took over some random island no one knew existed, which was then reclaimed by a Crusader general who then claimed the land his own. This island is known as Kalapudadimisimisdisis (or Kalapudadimisimisdisiyye in Turkish), has a population of 3 seagulls, and caused 47 international crises between Turkey and Greece in the last 3 hours.
You are frighteningly accurate. I live near Kalapudadimisimisdisis and can guarantee that the only thing that has changed about the island is that one of these seagulls has died.
@My Avatar is Cooler than yours Thats Constantinople for ya.Everytime the Arabs or Bulgarians almost conquered the Balkan/Anatolian peninsula they were always stoped at the gates to Constantinople till the sack by the Crusaders in the 13th century after that the city never recovered. I blame the Venetians.
You be surprised that finding methods to ensure your men doesn't run away faster than the enemy is a impressive tactical advantage. The methods are as follows: Be embroiled in a large war which defines your nation's borders. Immortalize the leaders involved in national epics Create patriotic narratives which inspire loyality to the state Insitute state mandated education Introduce modern education curriculum Create standing army and foster military tradition
On a more serious note, now that you make me think of it, actually excommunication really is somewhat similar to being canceled Technically neither thing does anything tangible on a physical sense (that is, you don't get authomatically thrown in jail or anything because of them), but since they both stem from the major moral/spiritual authorities of their day and age, who 1) set the trend for how members of society should act 2) get to decide which dogmas and taboos to follow, they have a similar effect in that the victim gets socially excluded and ostracized and loses social power and prestige
@@zurbereshisaqesh7601 in context for orthodoxy penance or epitimia is more suitable for being temporal cancellation, anathema would be too radical solution even for mainstream media nowadays, maybe on a level of succeed gaslighting
@@zurbereshisaqesh7601 The difference is that Christianity is all about repentance. To lift your excommunication you just had to say you were sorry to the pope and stop whatever it was that got you excommunicated. But if you get cancelled on Twitter there is no forgiving and there is no forgetting.
@@zurbereshisaqesh7601 I think getting sent to monastery is equivalent to having your account muted. You're still functioning, people just don't hear from you. Excommunication is when your account get outright deleted.
Crisis of the third century be like: Felix of Illyria was a legion commander who took comand of the Roman empire after paying the praetorian guard 20 tons of gold. After 5 minuites he was killed by the praetorian guard for the price of 40 tons of gold.
@@Captain_Titus3867 Imma say it: The Roman Empire was kinda shit and overrated. They got as far as they did and lasted as long as they did because of a lack of serious competition. Carthage and Persia were the most serious competition they had and when they were dealt with, Rome could let itself go. And did it ever, and then some 'serious competition' showed up in the form of invading barbarians. Byzantium Empire > Roman Empire
@MeChupaUnHuevon that's because Europe and the Roman empire were geographically very distinct. After the fall of the Roman empire the germanic successor kingdoms couldn't reform to a new Roman empire. Only with Charlemagne a few hundred years later which resulted in the holy Roman empire. But the HRE can't be seen as a real successor of the Roman empire. The real old Roman empire split and its main provinces evolved into Italy, Spain and France. China meanwhile always was a geographical unity and whenever one Chinese empire or dynasty fell another rose that united all of the land. For the Roman empire there wasn't this possibility to reunite its old provinces.
Step one: drink a lot of olive oil. Step two: eat spices and spicy peppers. Step three: take a shit in the αφοδευτήριον. Step four: repel an entire armada with your newly shat Greek fire.
Sadly, spicy peppers did not make it to the old world until 39 years after the collapse of the Byzantine Empire. If only they had got there earlier, perhaps the empire would have survived to this very day.
@@childoftheeternalsky2382 It's not that the recipe was lost. Modern Chemistry has already found out multiple chemicals that the Byzantines had access to during their time period. It's just that we don't know WHICH chemical is the actual Greek Fire recipe, as the historical records aren't too clear on the actual ingredients, and the stated effects are not very helpful when all of them burn on water.
Reminds me of playing Crusader Kings 2 and 3. Nothing like looking away from the byzantines for 2 minutes only to see 4 concurrent rebellions, one of which was a rebellion against a rebellion.
I swear Paradox programmed their ai differently to all the other’s. They’ll have you assassinated, elect some random commander, and then rebel to put your infant son on the throne.
I like creating a gigachad emperor whenever i start a new game as someone else. That way every time i look away from greece and come back, the empire just gets bigger and better 😂
"Wait, so, they're counter-revolutionaries? That means they're on our side, right?" "...not quite, milord. They simply believe the rebellion isn't deposing you fast enough and they could do it better."
On my end one time in CKIII I looked away for a bit while dealing with some war in Italy and I look back to find Orthodox Habsburgs on the Byzantine throne. And I had absolutely nothing to do with engineering that outcome.
@@mcbeaty3971 I played a game onetime where the ai deposed my character to put my brother on the throne. Later they rebelled against said brother to put our father on the throne. A THIRD rebellion broke out to depose my father and put me back on the imperial throne
I swear, the Byzantines had a curse on them. The moment a strong Emperor sets out to reconquer some lost provinces he dies of dysentery, when a chad general is about to overthrow a useless emperor he wins the final battle but dies to a stray javelin and when the Ottoman Interregnum give the Byzantines the chance to recover just a bit, the literal Black Death wipes out half their population and ruins what remains of their economy.
It’s a miracle that the Eastern Roman Empire survived as long as it did. Enemies on all sides, and everything that could possibly go wrong usually went wrong. If anything, it only goes to show just how extremely effective the Macedonians, Komnenoi, and Palaiologoi really were.
@@dakotadurham4788 The Palaiologoi get a lot of good rep because of how dignified Constantine XI was. But they usurped the competent Laskarid Dynasty and doomed Anatolia by swapping their attention from Anatolia to Europe.
I wonder what Byzantine standards mean. I’ve never heard of it the same way I’ve never heard of a so-called Byzantine empire other than in fanfiction written by some German in the 16th century.
@@metaltrombone549 Castrating or blinding was the bare minimum to rid someone from inheriting anything, really. The other punishments were just "creative liberty" lol
Reminds me of a Crusader Kings bug which caused significant slowdowns because most of the computer's resources were used by the Byzantine AI trying to decide who it would blind next.
@@kingthesim3810 They had Roman citizenship, so of course they were Roman. If we go by the standards of language half of the united Roman Empire in antiquity would have been "Byzantine" as well, because Greek was the lingua franca in the eastern Provinces throughout Roman antiquity.
@@gutemorcheln6134 Citizenship doesn't mean shit. Look at what the Turks are doing: they go to Germany, work and live there, even get citizenship. But they aren't Germans and never will be. Same with anyone from the Balkan when we go to the West. Citizenship shows where you live, not what you are.
@@kingthesim3810 Well then take citizenship and self-identification as a measure, still doesn't change anything about the fact that Greek-speaking citizens of the Roman state, just like speakers of Illyrian, Gaulish, Etruscan, Tartessian, Raetian or Punic were Romans according to Roman law. And since the continuity from the Eastern Roman Empire of antiquity to the Medieval Roman Empire was unbroken, those people had every right to identify themselves as Romans.
Vizier: Sire! We must raise an army, the Turks are at our gates! Emperor: No Vizier: Sire? Emperor: I said no. Armies rebel Vizier: But the Turks are conquering us! If you won't raise an army, I will! Emperor: That sounds like a rebellion to me _Vizier rebels against the emperor. After a vicious struggle, blinds, flays, boils and hangs the previous Emperor, declaring himself new Emperor_ Vemperor: So has the army defeated the Turks yet? Varangian: No my Emperor Vemperor: Why not Varangian: Because they're rebelling Emperor's ghost: Told you so
@Hlen It would technically fit in these scenario too since vizier is basically just the arabic version of chancellor/prim minister but yea the title would be different for the byzantines
Well it’s a shame because there was no such thing as the Byzantine empire that was never a real thing lol. It’s called the Roman empire and it was founded by Augustus just because they use the Greek doesn’t make it a Greek empire as all those regions were more fluent in Greek and Latin and Latin were still spoken and existed there anyway it was simply the Roman empire and the Catholics made up the word Byzantine to delegitimize a 2000 year old empire.
This historical account doesn't mention the interesting fact that the emperor who succeeded the swineherd was drawn and quartered in the streets by a rampaging mob of two rival chariot racing teams, who together constituted 97% of the population of Constantinople, united in their anger in the recent imperial decree which demanded that a maximum of 84 casualties per race was acceptable at the thrice-daily chariot racing tournaments. A horse named Gregorios was subsequently crowned emperor later that day.
Amazing, but you omitted the part where the Horse was succeeded by emperor Basil the Fourth and half, whose army of 100.000 men (comprising 40 Byzantines and 99.960 foreign mercenaries) managed to break through the Arab defence lines in the Taurus mountains and march all the way to Aleppo, whereupon, after a siege of 80 days and nights, on the brink of the Caliphate's complete and utter collapse, general Tzimiskytzizkzes began to argue with general Nikephoprotodospiroupolos who had stepped on his toe and subsequently refused to apologize, leading to the complete collapse of the Byzantine army in aproximately 3 minutes as well as a new Bulgarian invasion of the Peloponnesus.
@@zurbereshisaqesh7601 The invasion being of course in revenge for the deceased Bulgarian Swineherder's death as the current ruler of Bulgaria happened to be his half bastard brother, however the night before he was about to meet with his top generals to discuss reinforcements, he tripped on a bug while walking to church and broke his neck which caused the Bulgarian front to completely collapse
I like to imagine Michael the Tax Cheat unintentionally canonized himself as Emperor by using a legal loophole in the accounting code which allowed him to write off the entire Empire as a deduction against his yearly tax filing.
Well that’s a shame I don’t know what is Byzantine history I’ve never heard of it must be some mythological thing since they’re definitely wasn’t a Byzantine empire whatever that was no matter how much German plagiarists and identity theftists try
Ah how Hollywood exaggerates true history. Many do not know that Simon the Hairy-Bottomed’s reign technically lasted for 49 minutes, as he survived being ingested by the Bulgarian Swineheard very briefly, during which, although unconscious and slowly dying, he continued being emperor.
This is actually the SparkNotes version of the History of Byzantium trilogy by John Julius Norwich. The only thing that's missing is the references to the Patriarch of Constantinople being sent into a paroxysm of rage while being in a heated ecumenical arguement about the heretical essence of the tripartite Monophysite-Arianism of St.Giorgios of Actium being practiced by 7 people and a drunk goat in a tiny hamlet outside Ankyra.
Don't forget the dispute with the Pope over whether the Pope or the Patriarch has the right to the last slice of cake, ending in mutual excommunication.
Too bad that none of that exists because Byzantium was never a thing and that was literally just made up by Catholics to delegitimize the Roman empire but for some reason people still use this incorrect term and have invented a whole different empire and culture to go with it which never existed at all. It was called the Roman empire and before you tell me that it was based on Greek culture that’s completely false as the Roman empire itself was a mixture of that and Latin was still a second language and didn’t disappear nor did all of its institutions and culture.
@@stevenjames6830, the average schmuck is referring to the Eastern Roman Empire when they say Byzantine, and distinguishing it from the original pre-tetrarchy Roman Empire is perfectly reasonable.
Some speculate that Ballstabbing Emmanuel McCoy’s family lineage puts him as a distant heir to Simon the Hairy-Bottomed, considering he was 1/1024th Anatolian. The most we’ve seen out of the genealogical records of those who served in the 11th Hunkpapa Rebellion of 1888
The fact that all of you hyper focus on the fact that the Roman empire survived in the Greek areas and somehow that means that it was uniquely Greek and then proceeded to call it some German propaganda term made up in the 16th century shows how none of you really care about Roman history at all.
His raids were known across the farm of Simon’s family, where their heinous crimes such as foraging carrots by the outer edges of the farm, coming to feasts without olive oil, and not cleaning up horse manure made them a scourge that would be feared by all warriors of Rome and Anatolia
It is quite bonkers how completely unknown people of humble origins would occasionally rise up and save the empire, becoming starters of dynasties and great Emperors. Lion the third or Constantine, just to name the most famous examples.
Something impossible to happen in our current stagnant world. These ancient times were full of death and ignorance but at least people used to be people of action.
@MeChupaUnHuevon Yeah, I wouldn't count India among that. The competition was pretty high here. Apart from a few pan Indian empires at certain times, most of the country always consisted of competing regional empires and kingdoms. The competition was even higher once Turks entered the subcontinent in 12th century. Perhaps too much competition. By the time the Turks/muslims(Mughals) were subdued by the Marathas, Brits had already gained a stronghold in East and eventually proceeded to takeover the subcontinent from the weakened overstretched Marathas.
@MeChupaUnHuevon Except Mughal control didn't extend into parts of Deccan and South India for most of it's timespan. And Brits didn't conquer India from a decadent Mughals, because by that time Mughals were not much of a serious power anymore. It was Aurangzeb (last proper mughal emperor) who expanded into south India and Deccan during his last few decades, something which probably cost him a lot since after his death the whole empire began tearing itself apart. Marathas started usurping from Deccan and Sikhs and rajputs in the North. The Europeans came at a time when competition was pretty fucking high all over the subcontinent. By the time Brits gained power in Bengal, most of India was under Marathas not Mughals. The whole timeframe consisted of Mysore, Maratha, Rajputs and Sikhs all vying for power, I had call that pretty competitive.
>his son was then castrated by his palace guards and exiled to mouth Athos, though he would return and mend the 69th Cappadocian schism over allowing priests to shat on Saturday without being flagellated And this was at the height of the byzantine golden age mind you
the Byzantine empire is one my favourites just because they somehow managed to hold the line for a thousand years despite the universe dunking on them nonstop
Missed the vital information about Simon only losing the civil war because the entire Byzantine navy got sunk by a storm 5 times on its way to gather reinforcements and then the Venetian mercenaries they hired as a replacement simply went home with their payment of 10 trillion pounds of silver and the recipe for the empires best souvlaki.
I'm listening to Byzantine History Podcast right now and this feels surprisingly accurate, moreso for the post-arab part of Byzantine history though, which was somehow even _more_ unstable, turbulent and volatile than the prior years which only had them deal with several bouts of black death on top of slavic and magyar raiders while simultaneously fighting the persian empire...
@@stevenjames6830 You know, pointing out that the byzantines considered themselves roman and that "byzantine" is a later construction invented by historians to distinguish them from earlier romans since they are at this point clearly distinct doesn't make you clever- it just makes you look like a smug asshole.
@@stevenjames6830 It was the eastern Roman Empire. However, that's a mouthful, and given how distinct it became from the overall empire, people call it the Byzantine empire, to make them more easy to distinguish. Also: God be good, you are pathetic for getting this much baby rage over a slightly truncated term.
Simon the Elder the 4 fingered, grandson of Simon the hairy bottomed reigned for at least 14 minutes, before an angry mob invaded the palace and overthrew him after he condemned a village of 5 donkeys and 2 porcupines for venerating icons the wrong way.
There are 2 things that you should have learned from this: -Constantine the Fifty Sixth usurped Michael The Tax Cheat on New Years Eve, at 11:14 PM at the very earliest -Simon The Hairy-Bottomed could have started his reign at any time from 12:00 AM New Years Day, to 12:47 AM New Years Day.
This is the best video on youtube ever. Literally after 13 years of watching content i have never returned to a video so often or laughed so hard at this. DreadAnon making literal 100 karat gold
A tax increase of 0.005% on all landowners with estates larger than a thousand acres was enough to cause an angry mob (which included his family) to tear him apart... ...and I thought *_we_* hated taxes.
Chinese history be like "general Zhao Xiang's force of 10,000 met Shi Jiang's force of 11,000 outside of the city of Beijing. The battle lasted 5 years. Results: stalemate. Casualties: 57 million.
I mean all details in Byzantine history already are at level 9 so this is only a _bit_ exaggerated. Remove the part of his farm being raided 500 times/year and increase the time of Simon's reign from 47 minutes to maybe a month or two and this is perfectly realistic.
So wait, in 47 minutes he fed Constantine to a Bulgarian swineherd, declared a new (outrageous!) tax increase, and was torn apart by an angry mob? Forget all the terrible things he did, doing all that in such a short amount of time is amazing in of itself
Ah! My GreatX10^23 Grandfather! Plukchug Dulutugug! He was the fourth cousin thrice removed from the noble Genghis Khan himself! He had over two wives, and a dozen concubines.
@@saulwright5663 china had several dynasties that only lasted for like 500 years tops, the byzantines were on singular entity that lasted a little more than 1,000 years
@@sebaskin-robbins6569 That makes no sense. Chinese dynasties lasts way longer than Byzantine dynasties. Somehow people can't get over the idea that changing the country to your dynasty's title isn't changing the empire.
@@wankawanka3053 Byzantines had many dynasties, its funny when people talk about Chinese dynasties and then bring up Rome as a comparison. Angelos dynasty-19 years Constantinian dynasty-57 Doukid dynasty-22 Heraclian dynasty-91 Isaurian dynasty-85 You get the idea, the average Chinese dynasty is 250+years You don't want to ask questions like these when google exists and is free.
"Amazed his fellow troops with his innovative strategy of not running away inmediatly" These words have so much meaning behind, I can't stop laughing 😂
The only slightly similar thing is that there was a baghatur called Ivail (Ivaylo) who owned pigs and became tsar after protecting the country from the tatars with an army of followers and overthrowing Tsar Tikh Asen. We can't match byzantine political shenanigans, even the instability period between Khan Sevar and Khan Kardam's reigns is nothing compared to what the Romans are capable of.
@@zshivkonezshivkov380 Yes, we can not. Byzantine politics are on another level of crazy, but the internal Bulgarian intrigues of second empire are worthy competition. I mean we kinda used similar system.
"Michael the tax cheat". The idea that the emperor could somehow cheat on taxes when there is no one to pay taxes to besides himself is somehow impressive.
The great khan had over 3 horse archers so I will assume he had 4. If we include himself, I am convinced that Plukchug Duluktugug was leading a 5-man band which, small for an army, is still probably a nasty gang to deal with for farmers in the middle of nowhere. Like, imagine if your house in the hills was attacked by five dudes with guns on motorcycles. I bet you'd have problems.
The mental image of the Great Khan Plukchug Duluktugug and his four horse-riding archers raiding this one family's farm 1-2 times a day is absolutely delightful.
At this point I think he was just a really annoying neighbor who couldn't understand "no" and went there to eat their food every day
"Hey guys"
"God damn Pechenegs!"
Just 4 people and their horses casually grazing on the carrots on the outer corners of their farms
Considering those 5 horse archers are fighting against at worst 50 grown men
The Bulgarian swineherd miraculously survived the building collapse and was elected as Patriarch the following year.
Only to be struck by lightning, which was seen as God’s punishment for being Bulgarian.
@@colehinson9306 But then the Bulgarian survied for he was God and killed the other God that killed him first.
@@kaloyanmanchev6613 And then God was cast out from the church by the Patriarch for failing to uphold the Nicene Creed, leading to a religious uprising in the eastern frontier Themes
@@iratepirate3896 But then the bogomilists actually came out of their rabbit holes and tore both branches of the main orthodox church apart after which they themselves were mutilated in ways contradicting the laws of physics
@@somemeansfish8987 But then the Golden Hord came and fought everyone for like 25 minutes before going away. Also now there is Greek warrior-monk army fighting the Serbian tsar Mitzoslav and 4th Crusade has captured Constantinople . The Bulgarians casually destroy the Crusaders after the 1234th Byzantine Cival War ends.
Within forty seven minutes, Simon:
-Tortured Constantine
-Cooked Constantine
-Gave Constantine to the swineherd
-Announced new taxes
-Got overthrown
there’s no way the meat was cooked all the way trough.
And note that the new taxes was a response to the plague, which only started after the war. So in those 47 minutes, a plague also killed a substantial amount of people + the emperor analyzed the damage + the emperor decided on announcing new taxes in an attempt to mitigate the damage.
dude got things done
Folks were built different back then
Liz truss
His reign lasted 4 minutes longer than Alexander The Forty Eighth, who managed to make a truce with Turks by marrying a Turkish princess. The truce only lasted around 13 minutes when one of the 543 other Turkic Beyliks invaded and took over some random island no one knew existed, which was then reclaimed by a Crusader general who then claimed the land his own.
This island is known as Kalapudadimisimisdisis (or Kalapudadimisimisdisiyye in Turkish), has a population of 3 seagulls, and caused 47 international crises between Turkey and Greece in the last 3 hours.
Turkish princess? You mean Turkish Uglubugluduglu
You are frighteningly accurate. I live near Kalapudadimisimisdisis and can guarantee that the only thing that has changed about the island is that one of these seagulls has died.
This is a great lose for both Turkey and Gayrece 🇹🇷❤️🇬🇷 much love stay strong, seagull will be avenged (from Greeks)
@@joncap6815 Such a tragic day that it became a national holiday in present day Turkey
@@BayBulutTV turgay funny
Byzantium: Does stuff like this almost every decade
Also Byzantium: Outlives its Western counterpart by almost a full millennium
They did it so often they perfected the response protocols to live for another day
what doesnt kill you makes you stronger
@@leonardschopper1076 Unless it kills you very very slowly.
@My Avatar is Cooler than yours Thats Constantinople for ya.Everytime the Arabs or Bulgarians almost conquered the Balkan/Anatolian peninsula they were always stoped at the gates to Constantinople till the sack by the Crusaders in the 13th century after that the city never recovered.
I blame the Venetians.
@@leonardschopper1076 but it ends up crippling you and sentencing you to live wheelchair-bound for the rest of your life
"Amazed his fellow troops with the innovative strategy of not running away immediately"
"He was declared Emperor" fucking lmao
You be surprised that finding methods to ensure your men doesn't run away faster than the enemy is a impressive tactical advantage.
The methods are as follows:
Be embroiled in a large war which defines your nation's borders.
Immortalize the leaders involved in national epics
Create patriotic narratives which inspire loyality to the state
Insitute state mandated education
Introduce modern education curriculum
Create standing army and foster military tradition
@@lolasdm6959 And, when you're personally leading a battle, be a good example by not running away immediately.
@@Resi1ience I don't remember the time when emporer hirohito personally leading a banzi charge in ww2
@@lolasdm6959 watch the history chancel a three in the morning
@@lolasdm6959which is why the strategy failed.
Getting exiled to a monastery was like the medieval version of getting cancelled
On a more serious note, now that you make me think of it, actually excommunication really is somewhat similar to being canceled
Technically neither thing does anything tangible on a physical sense (that is, you don't get authomatically thrown in jail or anything because of them), but since they both stem from the major moral/spiritual authorities of their day and age, who 1) set the trend for how members of society should act 2) get to decide which dogmas and taboos to follow, they have a similar effect in that the victim gets socially excluded and ostracized and loses social power and prestige
@@zurbereshisaqesh7601 in context for orthodoxy penance or epitimia is more suitable for being temporal cancellation, anathema would be too radical solution even for mainstream media nowadays, maybe on a level of succeed gaslighting
Bad and naughty children get sent to the monastery for their crimes
@@zurbereshisaqesh7601 The difference is that Christianity is all about repentance. To lift your excommunication you just had to say you were sorry to the pope and stop whatever it was that got you excommunicated. But if you get cancelled on Twitter there is no forgiving and there is no forgetting.
@@zurbereshisaqesh7601 I think getting sent to monastery is equivalent to having your account muted. You're still functioning, people just don't hear from you. Excommunication is when your account get outright deleted.
Crisis of the third century be like:
Felix of Illyria was a legion commander who took comand of the Roman empire after paying the praetorian guard 20 tons of gold.
After 5 minuites he was killed by the praetorian guard for the price of 40 tons of gold.
Top Kek
It’s a miracle Rome was even able to last that long
@@Captain_Titus3867 it only goes to show just how Rome was blessed with such incredible leadership, often times when it mattered the most
@@Captain_Titus3867 Imma say it: The Roman Empire was kinda shit and overrated. They got as far as they did and lasted as long as they did because of a lack of serious competition. Carthage and Persia were the most serious competition they had and when they were dealt with, Rome could let itself go. And did it ever, and then some 'serious competition' showed up in the form of invading barbarians. Byzantium Empire > Roman Empire
@MeChupaUnHuevon that's because Europe and the Roman empire were geographically very distinct. After the fall of the Roman empire the germanic successor kingdoms couldn't reform to a new Roman empire. Only with Charlemagne a few hundred years later which resulted in the holy Roman empire. But the HRE can't be seen as a real successor of the Roman empire. The real old Roman empire split and its main provinces evolved into Italy, Spain and France. China meanwhile always was a geographical unity and whenever one Chinese empire or dynasty fell another rose that united all of the land. For the Roman empire there wasn't this possibility to reunite its old provinces.
As a Greek, that accent was horrifyingly accurate
It sounded like the Skyrim nord
Being Greek has nothing to do with it. It was the Roman Empire.
@@stevenjames6830 brother we are all mediterranean therefore we are all roman
@@stevenjames6830 not sure if dumb or just troll... Eastern Rome was ethnically Greek lol
@@tinycockjock1967 I agree
Step one: drink a lot of olive oil.
Step two: eat spices and spicy peppers.
Step three: take a shit in the αφοδευτήριον.
Step four: repel an entire armada with your newly shat Greek fire.
And to think it's recipe was lost. If only your ancestor was there to share on 1453..
Sadly, spicy peppers did not make it to the old world until 39 years after the collapse of the Byzantine Empire. If only they had got there earlier, perhaps the empire would have survived to this very day.
Greek Taco Bell be like :
Due to peppers being an American-born crop, the Greeks and Byzantines sadly did not have them.
@@childoftheeternalsky2382 It's not that the recipe was lost. Modern Chemistry has already found out multiple chemicals that the Byzantines had access to during their time period. It's just that we don't know WHICH chemical is the actual Greek Fire recipe, as the historical records aren't too clear on the actual ingredients, and the stated effects are not very helpful when all of them burn on water.
Reminds me of playing Crusader Kings 2 and 3. Nothing like looking away from the byzantines for 2 minutes only to see 4 concurrent rebellions, one of which was a rebellion against a rebellion.
I swear Paradox programmed their ai differently to all the other’s. They’ll have you assassinated, elect some random commander, and then rebel to put your infant son on the throne.
I like creating a gigachad emperor whenever i start a new game as someone else.
That way every time i look away from greece and come back, the empire just gets bigger and better 😂
"Wait, so, they're counter-revolutionaries? That means they're on our side, right?"
"...not quite, milord. They simply believe the rebellion isn't deposing you fast enough and they could do it better."
On my end one time in CKIII I looked away for a bit while dealing with some war in Italy and I look back to find Orthodox Habsburgs on the Byzantine throne. And I had absolutely nothing to do with engineering that outcome.
@@mcbeaty3971 I played a game onetime where the ai deposed my character to put my brother on the throne. Later they rebelled against said brother to put our father on the throne. A THIRD rebellion broke out to depose my father and put me back on the imperial throne
"A mighty host of 3 horse archers" I am actually dying
Over that number 🥶
my condolences :(
To be fair, i'd be terrified if i had to fight 3 horse archers.
@@fabrypetty1689
On foot, on horseback, or from a fortified position?
@@Xbalanque84 Either or, id be outnumbered and probably outskilled since i do not know how to ride a horse or use a bow/sword.
I swear, the Byzantines had a curse on them. The moment a strong Emperor sets out to reconquer some lost provinces he dies of dysentery, when a chad general is about to overthrow a useless emperor he wins the final battle but dies to a stray javelin and when the Ottoman Interregnum give the Byzantines the chance to recover just a bit, the literal Black Death wipes out half their population and ruins what remains of their economy.
If Basil II had just had a semi competent heir I strongly suspect the Byzantines would have been around to this day.
@@ajsouza3720 No, the guy after the semi-competent heir would just do more of the usual byzantium things and dump it back into the crapper.
It’s a miracle that the Eastern Roman Empire survived as long as it did. Enemies on all sides, and everything that could possibly go wrong usually went wrong. If anything, it only goes to show just how extremely effective the Macedonians, Komnenoi, and Palaiologoi really were.
@@dakotadurham4788 The Palaiologoi get a lot of good rep because of how dignified Constantine XI was. But they usurped the competent Laskarid Dynasty and doomed Anatolia by swapping their attention from Anatolia to Europe.
and the fucking earthquake giving the Ottomans an opportunity to seize Gallipoli and establish a stronghold on the other side of the sea.
“%0.005 tax increase.”
We will long for the days of Simon.
The minutes*
@@AlOstosman *the seconds after he passed that reform
>on all landowners with estates larger than a thousand acres
@johnfraire6931 clearly this means that the commenter is a landowner with more than a 1000 acres
A swineheard as emperor?!
What are we, BULGARIANS?!
Yes, apperently
Thats emperor Justin and Justinian
hey...that profile pic...looks...familiar???
@@nacicomi Certified Ivaylo moment
@@romanicempirium3083 hello there based latin enjoyer. Are you perhaps here to bask in the Glory of Rome?
The 47 minutes reign got me in the end, laughed way too hard at this
Same.
"BY FAR THE LONGEST REIGN OF HIS DYNASTY"
I think it got Simon, too
It's the sound effects added to the execution that got me!
the om nom nom by the Bulgarian swineherd made me lose it.
Only one usurper at the same time? That's what they called a good day.
A good two hours, more like.
Most truthful Byzantine history
69 likes, make a wish!
888 likes
No such thing
the eastern roman empire trying not to have a new emperor every 53 seconds:
@@dudimen1529 Just call it the Roman Empire. "Eastern" implies there's a western part but it collpased in the 5th century lol.
Unusually lenient punishment by Byzantine standards
I wonder what Byzantine standards mean. I’ve never heard of it the same way I’ve never heard of a so-called Byzantine empire other than in fanfiction written by some German in the 16th century.
@@stevenjames6830 Essentially blinding and castration to the Greeks was basically like getting a slap on the wrist today
@@metaltrombone549 Castrating or blinding was the bare minimum to rid someone from inheriting anything, really. The other punishments were just "creative liberty" lol
Reminds me of a Crusader Kings bug which caused significant slowdowns because most of the computer's resources were used by the Byzantine AI trying to decide who it would blind next.
@@samg.5165 historically accurate AI
Byzantine history is either rolling a 1 or 20 every other year.
And then the DM telling you that "a 20 still doesn't hit".
@@Akario3 1453 be like
Just Roman Empire things ✨💜❤️
@@DoofyGilmore1299
Haha, funny cannons go BRRRRRRRRR
@@DoofyGilmore1299 1453 is when the Turks destroyed the dice. 😭
Ah, the empire’s golden age.
those were easy times
Read this in the narrator’s voice 😂😂
47 minutes of prosperity
They spend one half of the year fighting each other and the other half fighting everyone else.
Pretty normal for Greco-Romans I think, I guess it's hard to break thousands of years of tradition.
I'm amazed that Simon, a Byzantine, and the Bulgarian were able to set aside their difference for the betterment of the empire, even for a bit
“A Byzantine” what are you talking about that’s not a real thing you know that’s literally a made-up name nobody ever called themselves a Byzantine.
@@stevenjames6830 Since there's no term for a Greek that believes to be Roman, a Byzantine is as good of a term as any
@@kingthesim3810 They had Roman citizenship, so of course they were Roman. If we go by the standards of language half of the united Roman Empire in antiquity would have been "Byzantine" as well, because Greek was the lingua franca in the eastern Provinces throughout Roman antiquity.
@@gutemorcheln6134 Citizenship doesn't mean shit. Look at what the Turks are doing: they go to Germany, work and live there, even get citizenship. But they aren't Germans and never will be. Same with anyone from the Balkan when we go to the West. Citizenship shows where you live, not what you are.
@@kingthesim3810 Well then take citizenship and self-identification as a measure, still doesn't change anything about the fact that Greek-speaking citizens of the Roman state, just like speakers of Illyrian, Gaulish, Etruscan, Tartessian, Raetian or Punic were Romans according to Roman law. And since the continuity from the Eastern Roman Empire of antiquity to the Medieval Roman Empire was unbroken, those people had every right to identify themselves as Romans.
Vizier: Sire! We must raise an army, the Turks are at our gates!
Emperor: No
Vizier: Sire?
Emperor: I said no. Armies rebel
Vizier: But the Turks are conquering us! If you won't raise an army, I will!
Emperor: That sounds like a rebellion to me
_Vizier rebels against the emperor. After a vicious struggle, blinds, flays, boils and hangs the previous Emperor, declaring himself new Emperor_
Vemperor: So has the army defeated the Turks yet?
Varangian: No my Emperor
Vemperor: Why not
Varangian: Because they're rebelling
Emperor's ghost: Told you so
@Hlen no the Arabs stole it. Just like how they stole everything else.
@Hlen It would technically fit in these scenario too since vizier is basically just the arabic version of chancellor/prim minister but yea the title would be different for the byzantines
I believe that Byzantium's Prime Minister was known as Μέγας Μάγιστρος( Great Master).
it seems I am wrong! Pardon the error
@@noaccount4 when u Turkify byzantium
"Bad news! The Byzantine empire has fallen again!"
"Oh no! Anyway, as I was saying..."
Why mention it? They do every day, like clockwork
Well it’s a shame because there was no such thing as the Byzantine empire that was never a real thing lol. It’s called the Roman empire and it was founded by Augustus just because they use the Greek doesn’t make it a Greek empire as all those regions were more fluent in Greek and Latin and Latin were still spoken and existed there anyway it was simply the Roman empire and the Catholics made up the word Byzantine to delegitimize a 2000 year old empire.
@@stevenjames6830 I bet you can't even name 10 Byzantine emperors lmao
@@stevenjames6830 Yet so many of their emperors had Greek names...
@@_BirdOfGoodOmen no I can’t because they didn’t exist.
This historical account doesn't mention the interesting fact that the emperor who succeeded the swineherd was drawn and quartered in the streets by a rampaging mob of two rival chariot racing teams, who together constituted 97% of the population of Constantinople, united in their anger in the recent imperial decree which demanded that a maximum of 84 casualties per race was acceptable at the thrice-daily chariot racing tournaments. A horse named Gregorios was subsequently crowned emperor later that day.
Amazing, but you omitted the part where the Horse was succeeded by emperor Basil the Fourth and half, whose army of 100.000 men (comprising 40 Byzantines and 99.960 foreign mercenaries) managed to break through the Arab defence lines in the Taurus mountains and march all the way to Aleppo, whereupon, after a siege of 80 days and nights, on the brink of the Caliphate's complete and utter collapse, general Tzimiskytzizkzes began to argue with general Nikephoprotodospiroupolos who had stepped on his toe and subsequently refused to apologize, leading to the complete collapse of the Byzantine army in aproximately 3 minutes as well as a new Bulgarian invasion of the Peloponnesus.
@@zurbereshisaqesh7601 The invasion being of course in revenge for the deceased Bulgarian Swineherder's death as the current ruler of Bulgaria happened to be his half bastard brother, however the night before he was about to meet with his top generals to discuss reinforcements, he tripped on a bug while walking to church and broke his neck which caused the Bulgarian front to completely collapse
@@jjsim3340 The new emperor lasted a historically long 62 minute reign, but was assassinated by the decendant of the Bulgarian Swineherd.
All in all, that was remembered as one of the most peaceful and calmest years in the entirety of Byzantine history.
Only to be usurped by Michael the Tax Cheat again.
"Michael the tax cheat"
Sweet lord, I'm 100% stealing this
Likely a reference to emperor Michael VII Doukas, nicknamed "Parapinakes", "Off-by-a-quarter", due to how much he debased the currency.
SAINT Michael the Tax Cheat, that is
I like to imagine Michael the Tax Cheat unintentionally canonized himself as Emperor by using a legal loophole in the accounting code which allowed him to write off the entire Empire as a deduction against his yearly tax filing.
@@m.g.1577 the based?
Indicates that Byzantine is a democrat country in which even baselius had to pay taxes
Smoothest power transition in the Byzantine empire
"Geez, why aren't more people into Byzantine history?"
Byzantine history:
What are you talking about? These are the best parts!
Justinian II was literally a manga character
@@andreascovano7742 If he had a been a little better at politics he really could've done something
Well that’s a shame I don’t know what is Byzantine history I’ve never heard of it must be some mythological thing since they’re definitely wasn’t a Byzantine empire whatever that was no matter how much German plagiarists and identity theftists try
@@stevenjames6830 call it ERE
Not enough castrations, otherwise very accurate.
That's what made it an unusually lenient punishment, duh
@@davispeterson1876 that is why there is a time that Bulgarian swine herd held it together, Constantine the 56th is still there with him
The scary part is, this is only SLIGHTLY exaggerated.
Ah how Hollywood exaggerates true history. Many do not know that Simon the Hairy-Bottomed’s reign technically lasted for 49 minutes, as he survived being ingested by the Bulgarian Swineheard very briefly, during which, although unconscious and slowly dying, he continued being emperor.
I have this hilarious mental image where upon the moment Simon was crowned Emperor, a plague just suddenly descended in a split second.
Michael the Tax Cheat did have some interesting ideas.
Like cheating tax collectors.
*IRS wants to know your location*
This is actually the SparkNotes version of the History of Byzantium trilogy by John Julius Norwich.
The only thing that's missing is the references to the Patriarch of Constantinople being sent into a paroxysm of rage while being in a heated ecumenical arguement about the heretical essence of the tripartite Monophysite-Arianism of St.Giorgios of Actium being practiced by 7 people and a drunk goat in a tiny hamlet outside Ankyra.
Don't forget the dispute with the Pope over whether the Pope or the Patriarch has the right to the last slice of cake, ending in mutual excommunication.
Too bad that none of that exists because Byzantium was never a thing and that was literally just made up by Catholics to delegitimize the Roman empire but for some reason people still use this incorrect term and have invented a whole different empire and culture to go with it which never existed at all. It was called the Roman empire and before you tell me that it was based on Greek culture that’s completely false as the Roman empire itself was a mixture of that and Latin was still a second language and didn’t disappear nor did all of its institutions and culture.
@@stevenjames6830, the average schmuck is referring to the Eastern Roman Empire when they say Byzantine, and distinguishing it from the original pre-tetrarchy Roman Empire is perfectly reasonable.
@@stevenjames6830 it's fun having to say Eastern Roman Empire over and over so we just say Byzantine
fucking mon*physites...
Some speculate that Ballstabbing Emmanuel McCoy’s family lineage puts him as a distant heir to Simon the Hairy-Bottomed, considering he was 1/1024th Anatolian. The most we’ve seen out of the genealogical records of those who served in the 11th Hunkpapa Rebellion of 1888
I understood that reference.
This accent is *_FANTASTIC_* and you could easily pass as an actual Greek man.
The fact that all of you hyper focus on the fact that the Roman empire survived in the Greek areas and somehow that means that it was uniquely Greek and then proceeded to call it some German propaganda term made up in the 16th century shows how none of you really care about Roman history at all.
ΚΥS
so true, his greek english accent was on point
I thought a swineherd was a herd of swines and I thought there was a joke about a bunch of pigs becoming emperor and actually doing a good job.
So did I
3 pigs standing on each other's shoulders.
3 pigs in a trenchcoat. Or robe considering the time period
They knew how to have fun back then.
Just people having fun, no phones in sight.
@@babyragegekyume4132 No sight either, being blinded and all
Ah yes the mighty Plukchug Duluktugug. His very name strikes fear in the hearts of the dyslexic
His raids were known across the farm of Simon’s family, where their heinous crimes such as foraging carrots by the outer edges of the farm, coming to feasts without olive oil, and not cleaning up horse manure made them a scourge that would be feared by all warriors of Rome and Anatolia
It is quite bonkers how completely unknown people of humble origins would occasionally rise up and save the empire, becoming starters of dynasties and great Emperors. Lion the third or Constantine, just to name the most famous examples.
Or Basil I.
Justinian
Something impossible to happen in our current stagnant world.
These ancient times were full of death and ignorance but at least people used to be people of action.
@MeChupaUnHuevon Yeah, I wouldn't count India among that. The competition was pretty high here. Apart from a few pan Indian empires at certain times, most of the country always consisted of competing regional empires and kingdoms. The competition was even higher once Turks entered the subcontinent in 12th century. Perhaps too much competition. By the time the Turks/muslims(Mughals) were subdued by the Marathas, Brits had already gained a stronghold in East and eventually proceeded to takeover the subcontinent from the weakened overstretched Marathas.
@MeChupaUnHuevon Except Mughal control didn't extend into parts of Deccan and South India for most of it's timespan. And Brits didn't conquer India from a decadent Mughals, because by that time Mughals were not much of a serious power anymore. It was Aurangzeb (last proper mughal emperor) who expanded into south India and Deccan during his last few decades, something which probably cost him a lot since after his death the whole empire began tearing itself apart.
Marathas started usurping from Deccan and Sikhs and rajputs in the North. The Europeans came at a time when competition was pretty fucking high all over the subcontinent. By the time Brits gained power in Bengal, most of India was under Marathas not Mughals. The whole timeframe consisted of Mysore, Maratha, Rajputs and Sikhs all vying for power, I had call that pretty competitive.
>his son was then castrated by his palace guards and exiled to mouth Athos, though he would return and mend the 69th Cappadocian schism over allowing priests to shat on Saturday without being flagellated
And this was at the height of the byzantine golden age mind you
the Byzantine empire is one my favourites just because they somehow managed to hold the line for a thousand years despite the universe dunking on them nonstop
Imperium of Man moment
And they never forgot their Roman heritage and kept having unending civil wars.
@@princeenriquez9371 Imperium of Man if the Horus Heresy happened every 20 years.
Hairy-Bottomed? Shit, so I might be royal blood after all!
"There he is, get him!"
You will pay for what you bastards did to Emperor Constantine the 56th!
*BLIND HIM*
*BOIL HIM*
@@FACM. feed him to a Bulgarian swineherd
Missed the vital information about Simon only losing the civil war because the entire Byzantine navy got sunk by a storm 5 times on its way to gather reinforcements and then the Venetian mercenaries they hired as a replacement simply went home with their payment of 10 trillion pounds of silver and the recipe for the empires best souvlaki.
I just love the name Plukchug Duluktugug
It's the first time I'd ever seen a made-up Pecheneg/Kipchak/Cuman name, and it's just fucking hysterical.
A Bulgarian swineherd ate Constantine the 56th? Damn, never knew that about Ivaylo.
I'm listening to Byzantine History Podcast right now and this feels surprisingly accurate, moreso for the post-arab part of Byzantine history though, which was somehow even _more_ unstable, turbulent and volatile than the prior years which only had them deal with several bouts of black death on top of slavic and magyar raiders while simultaneously fighting the persian empire...
What a shame. Too bad that there never was a Byzantine empire whatever that is.
@@stevenjames6830 You know, pointing out that the byzantines considered themselves roman and that "byzantine" is a later construction invented by historians to distinguish them from earlier romans since they are at this point clearly distinct doesn't make you clever- it just makes you look like a smug asshole.
@@stevenjames6830 the Byzantine Empire was real, it was the Roman Empire
Specifically it's eastern part
@@stevenjames6830 It was the eastern Roman Empire. However, that's a mouthful, and given how distinct it became from the overall empire, people call it the Byzantine empire, to make them more easy to distinguish.
Also: God be good, you are pathetic for getting this much baby rage over a slightly truncated term.
The Eastern Roman Empire was somehow simultaneously the least competent state in the world and the most competent state in the world.
Ok I am greek BUT HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU ACHIEVE SUCH A GREAT GREEK ACCENT DUDE! Kudos damn
Wait- it seems like Simon was the only emperor in his family. So obviously he would be the longest reigning emperor of his dynasty.
The average day in the Byzantine Empire Everyone gets to be emperor for a few minutes, 40 minutes over his predecessors is a landslide.
Simon the Elder the 4 fingered, grandson of Simon the hairy bottomed reigned for at least 14 minutes, before an angry mob invaded the palace and overthrew him after he condemned a village of 5 donkeys and 2 porcupines for venerating icons the wrong way.
As an East Rome fan this is probably the most accurate meme ever made
I fucking love these history greentexts and i want more
TFW your empire is constantly ravaged on all sides by pretty much every religious, ethnic, and cultural group imaginable
Your PFP & name made me lose my shit & die. 🤣
Including yourself.
@@raro344 mostly by yourself
And also by every single harmful microorganism on Earth
At this point I'm rewatching this not for the joke but for the reading and voice acting, it's just so good dammit
Can confirm I was within the area when it happened
Name checks out
There are 2 things that you should have learned from this:
-Constantine the Fifty Sixth usurped Michael The Tax Cheat on New Years Eve, at 11:14 PM at the very earliest
-Simon The Hairy-Bottomed could have started his reign at any time from 12:00 AM New Years Day, to 12:47 AM New Years Day.
This is the best video on youtube ever. Literally after 13 years of watching content i have never returned to a video so often or laughed so hard at this. DreadAnon making literal 100 karat gold
Least interesting Byzantine emperor be like
A tax increase of 0.005% on all landowners with estates larger than a thousand acres was enough to cause an angry mob (which included his family) to tear him apart...
...and I thought *_we_* hated taxes.
Chinese history be like "general Zhao Xiang's force of 10,000 met Shi Jiang's force of 11,000 outside of the city of Beijing. The battle lasted 5 years. Results: stalemate. Casualties: 57 million.
>1/3 eaten
As a Eastern Roman Fan, their disasterous civil wars Are a cause of frustration
I've learned more history here than in my entire undergraduate minor.
Playing crusader kings be like:
Its 2 am here. I was sleepy when i started watching this.
Now im just giggling uncontrolably instead.
I love how this is basically beautifully accurate; its just that every detail has been cranked up to 11 hahah
I mean all details in Byzantine history already are at level 9 so this is only a _bit_ exaggerated. Remove the part of his farm being raided 500 times/year and increase the time of Simon's reign from 47 minutes to maybe a month or two and this is perfectly realistic.
So wait, in 47 minutes he fed Constantine to a Bulgarian swineherd, declared a new (outrageous!) tax increase, and was torn apart by an angry mob?
Forget all the terrible things he did, doing all that in such a short amount of time is amazing in of itself
I mean, Byzantines were very quick when it came to overthrowing and torturing emperors
"How high would you like your difficulty level?"
Byzantine empire: "Yes."
Micheal the Tax Cheat could’ve saved the empire, had he reigned for only 15 minutes longer
"Deploy the grand strategy of not running away.
Byzantium...had a hard life.
thats an understatement
As a Bulgarian, I can attest these events to be true
as a pure-blooded bulgarian,i confirm we had to eat him.
ooga bulgars strike again
To become the emperor, you must eat the emperor.
You keep what you eat.
Well you know what they say, you are what you eat
Ah! My GreatX10^23 Grandfather! Plukchug Dulutugug! He was the fourth cousin thrice removed from the noble Genghis Khan himself! He had over two wives, and a dozen concubines.
Thw unluckiest empire ever somehow ended up living for one thousand years
@@saulwright5663 china had several dynasties that only lasted for like 500 years tops, the byzantines were on singular entity that lasted a little more than 1,000 years
@@sebaskin-robbins6569 That makes no sense.
Chinese dynasties lasts way longer than Byzantine dynasties.
Somehow people can't get over the idea that changing the country to your dynasty's title isn't changing the empire.
@@lolasdm6959name one dynasty that lasted fro 1000years
@@wankawanka3053 Byzantines had many dynasties, its funny when people talk about Chinese dynasties and then bring up Rome as a comparison.
Angelos dynasty-19 years
Constantinian dynasty-57
Doukid dynasty-22
Heraclian dynasty-91
Isaurian dynasty-85
You get the idea, the average Chinese dynasty is 250+years
You don't want to ask questions like these when google exists and is free.
Innovative strategy of not running away immediately... 🤣
"Amazed his fellow troops with his innovative strategy of not running away inmediatly" These words have so much meaning behind, I can't stop laughing 😂
It's a very accurate description of the Byzantine Army after 1071 until the First Crusade, they were absolutely terrified of the Turks.
Aw man I loved Micheal the tax cheat
Despite this dark age lasting over 500 years the empire would still last for up to 1000 more years
Was a delightful surprise to hear Heavy's omnomnom sound
Actually, something similar happened in Bulgaria in the 13th century. Look up (Tsar) Ivaylo of Bulgaria.
The only slightly similar thing is that there was a baghatur called Ivail (Ivaylo) who owned pigs and became tsar after protecting the country from the tatars with an army of followers and overthrowing Tsar Tikh Asen. We can't match byzantine political shenanigans, even the instability period between Khan Sevar and Khan Kardam's reigns is nothing compared to what the Romans are capable of.
@@zshivkonezshivkov380 Yes, we can not. Byzantine politics are on another level of crazy, but the internal Bulgarian intrigues of second empire are worthy competition. I mean we kinda used similar system.
@@godsgift565 Average Chinese battle royal: Amateurs
Modern bulgarian politics come pretty close though
It’s been 2 weeks and I’ve memorized this word for word. Only video I’ve ever done this for, with perfect tone and pausing
Up until Plukchug Duluktugug I deadass thought this was real.
This made me laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe holy shit
I'm totally sending this to the guy who does the History of Byzantium Podcast.
"Michael the tax cheat". The idea that the emperor could somehow cheat on taxes when there is no one to pay taxes to besides himself is somehow impressive.
he just does it as a matter of principle
The Eastern Roman state was actually fairly well regulated so the emperor couldn't just do whatever he wanted without consequences.
i love the small joke of the plague being named after him
most peaceful day in anatolia
The great khan had over 3 horse archers so I will assume he had 4. If we include himself, I am convinced that Plukchug Duluktugug was leading a 5-man band which, small for an army, is still probably a nasty gang to deal with for farmers in the middle of nowhere. Like, imagine if your house in the hills was attacked by five dudes with guns on motorcycles. I bet you'd have problems.
You know, I thought the post said “Swine Hoard” and just accepted that a group of pigs took over.
Based PFP.
Can't wait for Dovahhattys unbiased history on this story
Normie: “Is that YOU?!”
*The Roman Empire, 117 AD*
Byzantines: “Yeah, but that’s an old photo.”
This is one of the best things I've ever seen. Immediate sub and like, and shared this vid in my CK3 discord.
This is a cinematic masterpiece
Calmest 47 minutes in the byzantine empire
Nothing bad ever happens to the Byztanian Empire.
I love these 4chan history memes so much
Ah yes. I’m familiar with this story. My byzantologist in my university, Konstantinos Katakouzinos held a lecture about it last month
huge respect to the bulgarian swineheard from turkey
turkiye number 1 bulgaria number 2
🐺💪 🐵💪
“So who’s in charge?”
“You’re new here, aren’t you?”
Continuing the ancient Roman tradition of political chaos.