GUYS I'M TIRED... WHY ARE AFRICANS OBSESSED WITH MARRIAGE?? | DIMMA UMEH
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 พ.ย. 2018
- Hey guys, in this video, I discuss the insane societal pressure that Nigerians/Africans put on women when it comes to marriage. I also touch on reasons why some some Nigerian women are marriage obsessed.
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I have been married for 31 years and all you young women need to listen to what Dimma is saying to you in this video. Marriage is WORK WORK. After all the weddings and celebrations are over you will enter a world of sacrifice on so many levels. Every word of the wedding vows you repeat will be tested throughout your marriage. You will experience changes that you will never thought you would ever experience. Marriage can break you if you marry the wrong person. So ladies please do not let your family push you into a marriage you are not ready for. I am from the carribean but I realise that in many African countries it is a status symbol to be married. Please young precious women enjoy your singlehood, love you, embrace you, enjoy you until you meet your prince. Spend time building who you are. Marriage is not a joke ladies! It is work, sacrifice and commitment. There are rewards but the rewards take work! Hope this helps someone and great video Dimma 💝
Heart of Refuge can you please explain the work that people love to talk about that involves in a marriage. Because all I see in a family’s member marriage as work is cheating, her building this man by doing his college homework, her leaving the house twice then take the fool back, disrespecting her mother( my mother, I’ve never had a man disrespecting my mom), not being funny, but please enlighten me about that “work”. If I was her I would’ve left him a long time ago, but a lot of women out here are desperate for a ring and a title
Bella Aldama there has to be a respect by the both of you of what you bring to the table. Both of your roles have to be respected by your family members and that respect takes work. The work includes husband and wife protecting each other from the wrong words of family member, remember life and death is in the power of the tongue and you bring life or death to your marriage. Your parents should never be more important than your spouse there should be mutual respect remember your vows tell you to leave and cleave and you should forsake all others. If husband or wife cannot leave or cleave then do not marry. The marriage covenant is between a man and his wife and not his mother, father or any other family member. This takes work and the cleave process is not immediate it takes work to cleave. The work is love, understanding, patience, empathy, commitment, sacrifice. This is not just for the woman the man also has a responsibility to fulfil this. He must be man enough to cover you without interference and demands from family members. This is just a few points hope it helps.
MGTOW!!
Thank you
The King of How To's what does that have to do with anything in the video?🤔
I am Cameroonian. AFRICANS if you know this is an African problem oya gather and click ✌🏿✌🏿
I’m Somali and know Arab and Desi girls who deal with this. This is mostly something ALL women deal with and is more pronounced in conservative cultures.
You can say that again. I’m Cameroonian too and it’s same
Asia aswell, Africans and Asians society value marriage alot
I wholeheartedly approve this message. Aaaaaaall of it. We cannot come and goan kee ourselves
The talk too fast. I think you are getting worked up oh. Ur friends are not matured enough. They will come around. Marriage is a beautiful thing
Please do a vid on your channel about this. I want to hear your take on this as a person in the medical job, especially since I want to pursue a medical career that is a bit different than people would want me to do.
Youkeyyyyyyy!!!
So true so so true....like Jeez
@@jemilabubbles9384 , there is a you tuber call dina ekweme, check out her channel, she has several tips for getting into the medical career. th-cam.com/users/results?search_query=dyna+ekwueme
I did not know what loneliness truly was until I got married. I have been divorced for many years and feel very happy and content. Marriage is beautiful if you find the right partner. However, it it can be a living hell if you choose unwisely. Society places such a huge emphasis on being part of a couple, I feel that even if I found a cure for cancer/HIV/AIDS, wiped out world hunger, and AND brought peace to the Middle East, none of that would matter, because I am no longer married.
"Men can sense desperation" 👏🙌 preach sister.
Men are predators by nature, the look for the weakest link and use the least amount of energy to achieve success. Unfortunately, women show men their weakness through desperation, talking and telling too much, doing too much, and not having high enough standards with boundaries before they get a taste of the prize. By doing all this the woman is no longer the prize, men are. He will no longer be motivated to be the best man he could be since there is no work involve to feed is predator instinct.
The best thing a wise women to do is develop herself, establish herself and become a whole person without dependency upon a man. When she's ready to mate she will be seen as a high value prize triggering predictor instict in men. The key is to maintain her femininity throughout that personal development and eliminate the tendency to feel desperate. Woman have the power, not men since men are the one's that purse the divine.
Anita K, and so can woman
Ooo yes
Facts!
I talked about this with my cousin yesterday really MARRIAGE IS NOT THE GOAL FAMMMM I am screaming!!!!!! BE HAPPY BE CONTENT BE SUCCESSFUL FUFIL YOUR DREAMS IF LOVE COMES GRAB IT IF NOT DO YOU SIS I am shouting typing this hope someone gets this urrrrrrg many married women are SAD!!!!!!!!
Temmiy S 👏👏👏👏👏
Sad and very miserable. But the worst part is even when the man treats u like shit, ur mom who is supposed to protect u of all pple will tell u to endure. Nonsense!!! I am tired of the double standards
Yesssss Sis!👏
yes oo if love is not coming channel your energy to something else while love is still trying to find you
Yessss... if someone is going to be miserable being married, why marry? Because let's be honest women are expected to "adapt", while men just go about like nothing's changed in most cultures! I can't stand people justifying it! Also there are plenty of successful women and this society just can't acknowledge their success.. to them getting married is all that matters 😠
I have lost all my earlier friends to this and once I got engaged this year they started calling me to say welcome to the club.... What useless club... Secret cult... Like having a man makes me credible...Thank God for my mum.. I am 33 and my mum never gave me headaches about marriage.. Whenever my relationship is going wrong mum is the first to tell me to leave..
I'm crying at "secret cult" 😂😂. SMH the way some people think, so frustrating!
Awesome video and awesome make up darling.... Keep doing you honey
Beware of the club o. They will be watching and scrutinizing you. Keep quiet. You do not need to invite them to your wedding o.
I love such moms my mom is like that too never asks about marriages.
OMG this happened to me when I got engaged 😂😂😂😂😂😂
First time ever commenting on TH-cam. As a Nigerian woman living in Europe, I fully agree with everything you've said. Nigerians would rather stay in a bad marriage than be happy single. I've seen too many bad marriages with unhappy people but people would rather give props to them because they are married than a woman who is doing well but single. Twisted.
Ghanaians too. I see my mom in a horrible relationships with my dad and puts up with so much but come up with so many excuses for why she stays married
@@lilbeth4804 Me too! What city are you in? :)
My aunty is a woman I respect because she was strong enough to leave an unhappy marriage where she was under financial physical and mental abuse( she was the breadwinner) from her ex husband. Sadly she has been shunned by most of the family for wanting peace in her life. Funny thing is the people who shun her are very unhappy in marriage. I feel like they want her to suffer just like them kmt.
jade77830 most of the times these women resent you for being bold and strong enough to leave.which is smth they will never ever do... So they look at you from the angle that "so who does she think she is?cant she see we are all managing?".... Kudos to your aunty
Girl an African woman ask me at my first meet up with her if I'm married. I'm Jamaican. I said to her no marraige is not an achievement. She was shocked at my response. I told her I don't want to get married. Many married friends are unhappy and trapped. 2 individual will change in marraige. I'm single with twins who are 19. I am happy and she did not believe me but I'm not here to convince anyone about my happiness. I socialize. I go gym I enjoy my lifestyle. I have had relationships. I've been engaged. I don't want to get married. I don't even want to change my name. I enjoy doing my own thing without considering a man in what he thinks. That lady is married with 3 kids under 3 and her husband was not there with her. The kids were running around and she looked exhausted. I said to her marraige is not an achievement. I rather be a single mother rather than married and struggle with the kids or sleeping at home when I don't know if he is really at work or doing what he said. I know this because married men try to get with me. I see married men cheating. That's my opinion. The pressure for marriage is is inappropriate and wrong and that leads to people making wrong choices
I’m so glad you spoke about this cos people need to be enlightened, you’ll see people not trying to achieve anything with their lives cos they feel their sole purpose on this earth is to be married and once they achieve that they’re fulfilled. I remember my ‘friend’ insulting me cos I talked back at her friend who was rude to me saying how can I insult a married woman? Me a single person insulting someone’s wife alu! 😂😂😂😂 I’m 27 and according to Aunties and all the ‘knowledgeable’ people in my lives I ought to go for deliverance cos apparently I’m way past the age to marry or the ones that will say why did I get a car it’ll chase men or act like you don’t have money so men can come 😂😂😂😂 Also most mothers are to blame for the pressure to marry, they’ll make you want to settle for any man smh. It’s up to our generation to change the next generation’s perspective of marriage.
The mentality is so bad.
Girl! 27 is still very young. I know someone who got married at the age of 30 and by the age of 37 she has 3 healthy and very bright children. Don't rush into marriage before you Rush out of it😘🙌
Layefa Beauty do you live in Africa?
Girl 27 is still very young as my mum would say. Take your time.DONT LET ANYONE PUSH YOU INTO MARRIAGE.
Layefa Beauty well said dear ..live a fulfilled life ..achieve your dreams and the man that deserves you will come ..is that simple..
Who wants to hear a funny story?... (I will tell it anyways) so my cousin was going to get married (out of state wedding) and we needed to move family members down there for the wedding.. so I called my uncle and asked him if he had made arrangements for accommodation... (now am from Ghana and Nigeria so we have two side of the families moving down) he told me ‘no oh hmmm they are looking at the cost blah blah blah’ so I told him he shouldn’t not worry I will handle it... Called a couple of connects I had and I got guest houses for free... See me over here happy that at least am doing something sensible.. Immediately my uncle saw me he said ‘You see your sister is getting married now, you be there and say you are pursuing one career... don’t look for man to take care of you.. no matter what you do sun will shine during the day and moon at night I can’t change the order of God’s creation’ I thought it was the stupidest analogy ever but who am I to call my uncle stupid 🤷🏾♀️... Then I just asked him one question and walked away ‘Ermmm Uncle if not for my career, How much would you have paid to accommodate people for three days? , Did my sisters husband ‘take care of it?’ Then I walked away.... ps (I changed stuff up in the story before they will now say I have brought my stubbornness to the World Wide Web)
LMAO, I think such questions should be thrown in their face to help them regain at least a portion of sense.
Lmao. Well done for sticking up for yourself.
You responded well and respectfully 😂
Perfect response! God bless you abeg!
Abi my sister no be so?😂😂😂
While I was in the University, a friend said she wouldn’t want to be rich because if she does it will be difficult to find a man. My response was, how much do you have in your account & how many times have you been married? Being rich or poor won’t stop 🛑 you from getting married 👰
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 on point.. ppl think the crap they say makes sense
I was discussing with my Africa co-worker how I want to finish grad school and they had the nerve to tell me oh don't study to much men don't want that smh
My dear o, I even spoke with a girl who said I shouldn't get a great job and car because no man will marry me
@@mariaklaudia4710 Interestingly someone told me this just before I got a PhD. I went and got that PhD and the man I married is not threatened by it. I don't know why Africans think an educated woman automatically equals a threat.
I felt that for a moment ooooo my sisters. But the low point was I when I went for the highest paid profession in the US, I've just found out the job im stating. I'm sure and imagine my slight depression over all the men/boys i had met and knowing they would be making less than me and wondering, where the hell i will find the one making more than me!!! And i never had pressure from family per say but it is even PERCEIVED PRESSURE (PICKING PERFECT MAN PARANOIA). You can not come and killlllll yourselves sisters!!!! Thank God i got over it!!
Agreed. I value marriage but the obsession is too much. We’re viewed as vessels for carrying babies and servants to men, like having children and being married are the only factors that make us relevant.
literally!!! i’ve been married for 7 years!! constantly being asked when i’m having kids by in laws! like it’s just easy for everyone to pop out loads of kids! also i have a bachelors degree, 3 postgraduate qualifications and 2 professional titles along with owning our flat- but No that counts for nothing because i don’t have kids. yet many people have lots of kids and can’t afford them. to each their own but don’t pressure other people because they’re not living up to YOUR timeline!!
Due to parental pressure and how the home stops becoming a home and safe haven, a lot of girls use marriage as an exit plan. Some may be lucky and find the right guy but some end up in really terrible marriages.
Truly this was the same issue with me. My Mom made the home so difficult and pressured me into marriage and now I'm married but it seems like I'm stuck cos I'm really having a hard time and want to leave the marriage but my mom don't ever want to hear that. She's saying that marriage is for better and for worse. Now I'm psychologically disorganized and confused.
"A truer truth has not be truthed" 😂😂😂 It gets on my nerves when people say that they have to get married by a certain time and that's the only reason they're with their partner. Nah, can't jeopardize my happiness and livelihood to satisfy societal expectations. Anyway sha, I'm years away from having to think about this so seriously lol
Lmao! I’m 26 and my parent don’t put any kind of pressure on me. I’m so happy about the gift of amazing parents. I hope more Nigerian women begin to see that there is more to life than abusive marriages. ❤️❤️
Nelo0ma same here love my parents for that👍🏽👌🏽
I'm sitting here watching this and I'm American. It's the same way here. A few subtle differences but not much. I got married at 26 and my husband and I were constantly asked when are you going to have children? We didn't have a daughter until I was 40.....5 years ago!! A woman has to do what feels good for her to do regardless of how it looks to everyone else. Women get married for the looks of is ALL the time in our country too. The pressure is real. It's worldwide too. I'm feeling this on so many levels. Thank you for being so candid about how you feel. LOVE your work
Congrats for having that loving babe. May God grant u and ur family happiness.
Thank God for America, if I should tell you the things you would have endured in Africa. Starting from insults from your in-laws to the parents telling your husband that his cock does not eat grain lmao, to mother in law bringing a new girl in your matrimonial home to show you how it is done, to literally being dragged out of the house coz you are "useless and cannot bear fruit of the womb" I mean the fuckeries are endless. God save Africa!
literally!! i got married at 26 as well and currently 33 still waiting on children- in laws constantly asking “when?” like what answers are you expecting!? so intrusive I’m british caribbean so in my view childbearing and marriage is between the husband and wife not the whole family. I find the constant questioning so annoying and stressful. You don’t own me!
As an African woman, I wholehearted agree with you 10000%....The patriachy is a whole mess.
I am kenyan and I think our naija brothers and sisters take this marriage thing too seriously like probably the rest of Africans. It's not often that I meet naija men but those I met came off really weird with saying kenyan women are easy and talked about marriage like the only way to value a woman. We are sexually open and free so perhaps this translates to easy? Well we are easy then and we like it lol Thank God, I don't need anyone's approval to live my authentic life. There are more women in Kenya who really don't marry and who refuse to stay in bad relationships. So good job for speaking out!
What I have learnt over the years is not to take such limiting beliefs at heart and really work through healing the societal conditioning about women and heal our self esteem and understand you are on earth as a higher being and a part of God and worldly beliefs and cultural trends shouldn't be part of your divinity. Do you!
That younger-older sister competition thing is soooo toxic
Girl! You speak my language. I'm yet to meet any woman that reached heaven because she got married! Tick tock.......
😂 😆 😝 tell it, girl!!
I say this all the time. Marriage is not a prerequisite for heaven. If you're not married, you still get in.
My younger sister is married with two kids and I remember at her wedding, I was prayed upon, that was what it was, laying of hands and stuff and when she got married I was 24, it felt so weird that the attention was on me the single one, So weird.I honestly didn't know how to react to it all at the time. Three years later, I'm still single and nobody is talking anymore, nobody remembers God's time when it comes to marriage in Nigeria. Why use someone's ceremony to shed light on another person's life. Its your wedding focus on yourself and the Celebrants if you are a guest.
WOW! Really? I cant believe it🙅
Weird things really happen
Yes oh! No one remembers God's time when it comes to marriage.
They only care about the wedding not the marriage, worst part is from those who claim to be close to you constantly throwing shade and forgetting about their own man while he's getting his happy ending from somewhere else.
Exactly! I totally agree with you. It's really saddening to think that they don't even care what you go through after the wedding
Dimma this is exactly the story of my life. I lost my best friend of 20 years. I'm 28 so I have known this chick all my life. I read her toast on her wedding. She was the sister i never had, my confidant , my ride or die. Lol let me stop... It still hurts I won't lie. She told a hairstylist that after her wedding she won't keep even one single friend . That so many people have told her that single friends are bad for marriages. Mind u, I don't live in the same town as her, i only went to the town that day because she was getting married so when the hairstylist told everyone an mentioned that the bride said even Mildred her bestie will be cut off after marriage too. I believed cos the hairstylist didn't even knw my name was Mildred and she had never met me. I didn't even make her knw I'm the one she was talking abt or that I'm the best friend. Still I asked God for grace and still gave her the best toast. After the wedding she started giving me attitude and avoiding my calls. So I knew the hair stylist was right. We don't talk that much again its fine but I learnt a thing or two from the whole thing.
thats sad someone needs to talk to that your BFF
That your friend is so ignorant.anyways its good you didn't do anything or say anything life goes on its not like she's better than you.
We all have a friend like that ! I say forget am and live your life !
Glad you put that aside and still gave a great toast. I think that shows the quality of friend that you are and why would anyone purposely end a friendship like that? True friends are hard to come by.
Same thing happened to me. We weren't 20 years friends but we met in high school and became best friends and even called each other sisters....so approximately 10 years of friendship. Hum that girl got married last year and cut us off like DIRT. Honestly, if someone is capable of cutting you off like that, just move on and do not try to hang there. Karma is real and she will realize her mistake one day.
about two weeks ago my girl friends and i went clubbing ooo and wanted to enter a part of the club and we were told we couldn't, i asked why and the bouncer said because we NEED to be with a guy to pay for our drinks.. saying i was shocked he opened his smelling mouth to say that was an understatement. i never wear my ring so he dint know i was married. when i pointed it out and how i can pay for my own drinks he tried to apologise but i sha finished him there and just left. i cannot come and spend my hard earned money in a place like that,
SMH
Esh! This is beyond shocking.
In 2018?? Crazi😣
.
Youre married, and clubbing......................
...... youre married and clubbing???????
No matter how i put it, it just wont make sense, LMAO
This video was very enlightening. As an Nigerian Australia, living in Australia I can honestly say that I see both Nigerian and ‘western’ societal views on Marriage. And you are absolutely right Dimma. When i got to a certain age and would go to Igbo gatherings its “when are you getting married now?” But gatherings with my Australian friends the first question was “how are you doing?” “How is uni?” “Are you enjoying it?” “ how is work? How is life”. I never really questioned my Igbo culture because it was never really a constant and my parents pushed us to be educated and independent so that we could always rely on ourselves when they are not there to provide for us. Mind you the HARASSMENT about marriage usually came for the WOMEN (My mums friends) And usually from those how had newly arrived/migrated here. My family have been here in Australia since I was 3 or so (I’m 30) and I really think their views on marriage changed due to being here in Australia... there is WAY less emphasis on it. (I’m engaged now but best believe I took my DAMN TIME)
Love this! Abroad the pressure is definitely not comparable but it’s still mentioned a lot. What upsets me is that many Nigerian parents don’t set us up properly to be comfortable dating and then all of a suddenly except us to get married. It does not make sense.
Dimma I totally agree with you. It's the same for Black American women. First it was the pressure of marriage. Then, I'm widowed. I was widowed at 29 years old. Women would say, "Now you need to go to church and find another husband." Or something totally disgusting...batteries??? Then every man you just speak to...oh are you dating? Then if you just want to take a break, you're a lesbian (this part is not meant to degrade lesbians, it is just statements made to a widow when they are not jumping to get a man, so don't come after me). All my point is, is a woman is damned if she does and damned if she doesn't. So Dimma, I am in total agreement with you. We as women just catch hell! To all my sisters, American, Nigerian, wherever, be true to your heart and soul because in the end, regardless to what people say, you're the one who has to live in the situation. Not all those outside looking in. Cause believe me, none of them will be there when you're going through a storm. Much love from America, Dimma💋💝🙏
I didn't realise that black American women go thru this pressure. I'm surprised
This is so true, whenever people see a woman approaching her 30s their reactions are always "Is she married? She won't go and marry now before she reaches menopause" like WTF.. That's why I always give kudos to my parents. They never pressurize my elder sisters to get married. My mum will always say that it's better she doesn't say anything than for her to pressurize them into marrying the wrong person.
Sigh!! You have spoken about everything!! I cant remember the last time i didn't have to answer the famous "When will you marry" question! I cant even be seen in public or in pictures with a guy without getting the famous "IS THAT HIM?" question!! Like please chill!! Do you think i also don't want to get married? Id just rather not marry as a liability!! If you can kindly ask how my business is doing or how you can help me network with the right people that would yield positive returns on investments, THAT WOULD BE VERYYYY GREAT!!!!! Not everyday when will you marry!!!!
Not as though they care, just because they want to flatter their ego....its pathetic
"Do you think I also don't want to get married?" - LISTEN. As simple as this question is, I don't think people realise this. All these frequent reminders are so unnecessary. As it has now not happened, I shouldn't live my life and crush my goals again? Sigh
lol. You cant even post pictures of yourself with any guy
Faari By Sisi Ope Exactly. I'm married, but when I wasn't, ppl could be So rude. Their own children are unmarried yet they are telling me if I do this thing God will sort out my life (read: being single issue). The stupid people didn't even know that I was already engaged. Who told you I didn't have men want to marry me that I turned down? YEAAARS ago and recently. Who told you I don't have men begging for me to consider them. And God and I have our own understanding. I don't need to serve Him as some type of offering to get something He already has set up for me in His and my RIGHT time. Abeg, mind ur own and stay out of my mata.
Hello dear honestly I felt guilty after reading your comment.
I remember a certain time when I asked you in the comments section that what stops you and Rotimi from getting married.
Please my love, kindly disregard whatever comments I made.
I will never want to deliberately push anyone into what is not meant for them....mabinu jor Oko mi 🙏
I totally agree with everything you’re saying Dimma...Same pressure in the Ghanaian society as well but I personally got married whilst still doing my LLB in uni and I don’t regret it. Why, because I did it on my own terms and never will I flaunt it in anyone’s face...As a matter of fact, I’m the one who quickly asks my girl friends to quit a toxic relationship ASAP! Every woman should be able to choose who they want to marry at their own convenient time...We’re all on our journey and not all of us will get married before 25! Society better get with the program!
StaceyBineyLive lool its not true
Please I am married; it is not an achievement. Biko MRS aka masters of residential services!
omogenaija1 😃😃😃😃😃 Na real residential services,from cooking to bed .i had to fight for my hubby to be washing the plate he used to eat i be slave ni🤷🏻♀️
Hahahah .
😂😂😂
haaaaaaaa omg. this is funny
I laughed so hard because you are right on. Master of residential services and happy nights. Achievement my foot, since when has entering a lifetime of service become an achievement. I was telling 3 young girls that it is not and I ve been married for 13 yrs, na real convincing I had to do oo " but sister still, somehow it is an achievement, you have kids" hyannn ( with confused look and both head on my head) bet, bet having kids is just someone coming to chook and pour daz it, anybody can do that it is not an achievement. These single ladies can be hard headed sometimes. That day I felt like the rich man in hell begging God to go back and warn others and in the words of my cousin " leave them, let them go and achieve marriage they claim is an achievement after they sacrifice what they never knew they even had, they will learn" . Pls don't get me wrong if you are reading this, mariage can really be a wonderful thing but it is definitely not a bed of roses, sure you have consistent D but if it is not even functioning nko? so be smart, go to school, achieve the best for yourself as if you are not even thinking of husband when he comes you join what you have and don't be stupid, have an account that is completely your own somewhere out there that even you do not touch.
African American Christian/Church Folk are also marriage obsessed!
The South (USA Southern States) are also marriage obsessed!
IT IS SO ANNOYING!
OhSoBariSaxy honestly Everybody Hispanic,Indian and Asian 🤦🏾♀️
#true, for I am a Christian and from the South
Really? I'm shocked to hear that. I didn't think that the black Americans are like this.
Hmmmm. So I had this experience when I was in school, I had this "friend" who got engaged in our final year. We were close in year1 but not so much anymore but when she told me I was happy for her, talked about the guy and all, how to get d asoebi and Price dat will be favourable for all. At this time, my mum was ill, which I didn't tell anyone except my closest friends (my dad had passed away earlier) but I still tried to call and be a good friend. My mum later passed (bless her soul) during my degree exams but my family didn't tell me bcos of my exams. When they finally did before my project defense, I was so broken, my friends had to move me to a friend's place. So, we went to school one day and I saw her, she was acting weird, didn't say anything to me. Later that day, I was with my friends and my bestie goes "do you have any problem with her" I'm like "No, why". He said he noticed she was acting weird and he asked her why and she said she feels I'm not happy for her, that maybe I'm jealous she's getting married first and he told her "what are you talking about, her mum just passed "
Females and marriages especially with the Igbos, it's just crazy.
I love your Igbo accent though.
Aside the fact that this video was made for most ladies it’s also indirectly made for our mothers! Dimma! Say it louder! Mothers should stop with the pressure and rather advise and pray for their children. Cos there are so many women in these “forced” marriages and they r not happy yet can’t even talk to their mothers for fear of they (women) being accused of doing something wrong! I mean how????!!!!! This really need to stop! Honestly. I love u! Keep doing u!❤️❤️❤️
I love it when you rant. Someone that will love us & not about religion, tribe etc. I pray this gets to our parents
Natural sisters girl yes!
It seems marriage is a trend now. I hear young girls competing and running from one church to another with attempts to meet thos guy that would probably make their life miserable. I'm married but still use my single maiden name. Not for anything like tax or anything but I told my husband that incase it goes down wrong, I have no problems changing names. Another thing is please cast your net wide. Our boys are not the only ones.
"our boys are not the only one" spoke to my soul 😂
😀😀😀 I ve a colleague dat has tasted all ministries n spend her money in ministries n give hope to be suitors money dat end up leaving. Me as a woman smells her desperation.
Good luck with that as black women tend to want seek black men over any other race... This is a known FACT based on numerous dating statistics among others. MGTOW!! And we are MEN and not boys... but too late, we went MGTOW and it is catching-on world-wide... very soon, men would STRIKE (not impregnate her...), the birth rates would drop even lower, and we'd all go extinct lolz... Thanks to all you FEMINISTS! MGTOW!!
location Lol😄😁😀stop not running to the churches boo, love your message thanxs a ton😍
It's crazy
I'm just 25
I've not gone to uni
Bt my family are not thinking of how to support my education all they say is ur mates are married.
Most of my class mates are married and few of them are not happy so Wots the need.
I love this video
Keep up the good work sis
God bless you
Aww we should actually meet up
Dimma, I am not the commenting type. I prefer to watch and like a video, but this video my dear was so spot on! Hallelujah! Fire! Fire! Fire! You spoke the whole truth in this video.
THEY WILL NOT COME AND FETCH YOU FROM THAT ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. AMEN
Dimma I am physically screaming.. I shouted so many times like i was in church!!!! I love you. Thank you for this video So many mothers needed to hear this
😂😂😂 I second that
Gurrrrlll! 😂😂
Yess, we use that phrase a lot in Nigeria...don’t worry your own will come...hate it. Just say thank you Shekena 🙄
You're right Dimma. It's sad that our African society sets bad precedents on this marriage issue and I hope these things become a thing of the past soon. The annoying part is that sometimes the ones who put pressure on you to marry are the same ones who will mock you or abandon you if the marriage turns out to be a bad one. Then there are those who are miserable in their marriages and put pressure on you to join them in their misery 😆. Marriage doesn't make anyone better than those who are not married, more so when the parties involved are wrong for each other. Every human being deserves respect irrespective of personal possessions, marital status, financial status etc. At the end of the day I've realised that no one is your mate (irrespective of age), everyone should work at improving themselves in every way and praying for guidance to make the right decisions in life including regarding marriage. PS: Your switches from the marriage topic to makeup were epic 😄
@dev0n james Nowhere in my statement did I say or imply that I'm against marriage. Read again from beginning to the end to get my point please. Thank you.
dev0n james you know damn well this is not what she was intending to say so please leave 😒➡️
*Make wuna say NIGERIANS set a bad precedent on this marriage issue* We need to know when an issue is African and when one is Nigerian. For his one please, be specific in my Ghana , Senegal and Cameroon we don't have this issue as presented here
@@peacheskong2245 So why have people commented from other African countries (including the ones you have mentioned) saying they experience the same thing?🤔
You are sooooo right on EVERYTHING you said. Its the same here in America among African American families. Society makes it seem like you have no value unless you're linked with a man. Women should love themselves and God enough to be whole and complete on their own. And when a man comes into their life, he will just be an added bonus to an already whole and complete woman.
Praise God that he saw it fit that i be born in KENYA. Here no one puts pressure on anyone... Even parents tell us to take our time before marriage. Here girl empowerment is what's promoted. Parents encourage their girls to accumulate wealth, buy land, go for higher education and get married when they want and if they don't it's still okay... Personally I'm married but no one pressured me.. My friends are in their 30s, not married and genuinely happy with their lives and no one makes them feel any less than those that are married.. We're blessed here
You have said it all. The worst part is when you are not back in Africa they will say men are scare. I was dating this guy, we are from the same country Cameroon to be precise. He boldly open his mouth and told me that he is helping me cos men are few here in the United States. Like many of our African brothers are few here. It was sad to hear that. We African women have to know that marriage doesn’t mean happiness. You have to be happy with yourself as a single person if it not as a married person you will be so unhappy. I love my single life at this point. Working hard to be a great woman. When I finally meet Mr right. If not then I wasn’t meant to be married. I will still thank God for blessing me. Thank you 😊 Dimma Umeh. God bless you. Hoping to visit Nigeria and see you. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
nsam euodia a married man told me he was doing me a favour by asking me to have sex with him because no one will ask me out by the time I am 40.
@@aseyediaba4479, actually, no one would ask you out by the time you're 30. MGTOW!!
@faith umuk 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👐
faith umuk 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😅😅😅 so true
Then you get married and have female kids, thats another thing Nigerian society see as a problem.
Really??
Particularly among the Igbo people. Where having a son is be-all and end-all...the one who carries on the family name and legacy. What rubbish! A lot of the unimaginable horrors and inequalities women face are extreme aggravations of how the female child is seen as lesser than the male child.
@@unrepentantjaegerist7236 Yes! So annoying
@@TheModella17 so true!
SANKOFA X wait, wait, wait
You hit every single point right in this video!
Honestly my fave video of the year!
Love you girl!❤️❤️
Plsss we want more gisting videos like this😂😂
Diuto Ajoku yesso more gisting video, gisting + the makeup session made a lot of sense
Diuto Ajoku i think it"s my best video of the year as well. i just could not stop thinking "oooh imagine we were having a slumber party all together - only girls discussing THE BIG topic : Marriage" 😍😂 #daydreamer.
Much Love from France.
Yesss!! So many issues specific to Nigerian girls, particularly to do with relationships that need to be discussed on a big platform like you have
Dimma! You said it for all of us. I had this conversation with my mum last weekend. I am not getting married if he is not my bestie and doesn't take the whole package; brains and all without feeling like it is crushing to his ego
Dimma tu parles bien ce n est pas seulement au nigeria mais partout dans la communauté noir. You speak the true . but it is not only in nigeria but in all black communities
aissatou djeutcha djoukoue je te dis ma sœur camer
So true...
Two of my friends actually behave this way towards me, not telling me things and trying to hide. I later got to realize that they are from the school of thought that nobody is genuinely happy for you. As a result I had to distant myself from them because if they believe I’m not happy for them, it means they too are not happy for me.
Eti Frank Vlogs somple!!you did the right thing...enjoy your life abeg
Yaaaaaaas Dimma! It’s sad how a women’s worth regardless of the multiple accolades she accumulates still gets watered down to her attachment to a man (as worthless as most of these men are).
What i find most funny is TBH, men are the ones who benefit more from marriage (in house maid, emotional support, ego stroker and child bearer) than women yet it seems to be a woman’s privilege to get married🤷🏾♀️
I hope women, IN AFRICA especially, understand that life is worth more than being someone’s wife. We are smarter and brighter than that and the world is our oyster
🇿🇦
hi my namesake, lol
Men benefit more from marriage yet it seems they're doing women a favor by marrying them. You're so right! 🙌
This is so correct..
Dimma, thanks for speaking on this topic. This marriage wahala is sending the wrong messages to young girls and undermining their self confidence and growth in life. Even at 25, people(family included) wont let me hear word
"They don't understand that they are taking what you say literally" so true! It's not just Africans. Same in Caribbean culture. I don't know if men get the same pressure in the same way, either. I agree we need to do better w/ how we speak to our kids. I make a super conscious effort w/ mine to model qualities rather than pushing relationships as their point of worth
Ahhhhh I wish I could hug you right now. Like that's what I always wonder how will the husband come when there was no boyfriend, no man friend , does the husband fall from the skies. We never had any relationship so how am I supposed to know what a relationship is supposed to be like if I've never had one
Exactly🙇🏾♀️🙇🏾♀️
Tell them
I totally relate.. Until I get husband my mom wil treat me like I'm 12
Tendai Nenguke did you also treat your maiden like trash?🤔
Yeah. This is so true. I saw first hand how much respect people accord to a woman immediately she's married. Have a friend whose parents only really started taking her opinion since she got married.
I was at a wedding once and the bride told me her mother didn’t want her to wear the bead necklace her friend made for her for that wedding. I went to ask her mum why and she said that it’s not safe for her to wear it as that friend isn’t married yet and might have put something on the necklace out of envy. Told her that was silly and was able to convince her to let her daughter wear it 😳
Oh and also on the issue of guilt trip...After marriage they start asking for baby...people are just outright rude and insensitive. Then again society’s conditioning is the cause of it all...great video hun
You know🤔 so insensitive! Why cant people just live their own lives? All that matters is to be happy
Hmmm😤😤
I feel like you spoke my mind in this video, I visited Nigeria during the summer this year, and I was sincerely surprised/disappointed at how the whole marriage thing works, seeing women that deserve so much more settling for almost nothing just because they want to be attached to someone, is heart breaking, and the men don’t even bother improving themselves cause they think they are qualified which ever way (there will always be a woman willing to settle for them), honestly we should all do more to end this menace in years to come. Well done Dimma, always the bomb 😘😘
LOOL my girl said "ask them when they're ready to die" I CANNOT BREATHE!!! It's so true because I'm a Jamaican and I went to college and worked as a Vet Tech and I am currently pregnant with my daughter and the FIRST THING people ask is when am I going to marry her father when in reality he left me after 2 years of being together while I was pregnant with his 3rd child (miscarried the other 2)! They made it sound like because he gave me this child I owe him my hand in marriage which is bullshit because he left me because he wasn't ready to be a father he was scared. When he came back asking if he could be in her life I told him he hasn't earned me or my daughter with his indecisiveness, who's to say he won't leave again? I became pregnant in September 2018 and my father hasn't spoken to me since October 2018 and it is currently March 2019. He cut me off because I chose to be a single mom rather than a man's sloppy leftovers that he can come back to when he's ready. I don't need to be married to be my daughters mother. He didn't put me through school I did. He doesn't pay my bills I do. And she's getting my last name because he hasn't done a damn thing for her so far so for now he's a sperm donor working his way up to fatherhood and I am happily unmarried!✊🏾😏
My mum will always say to me" when I was your age , I had three children already " it's so annoying and depressing.
True
Married or not , please pursue your happiness
If we can answer the whys progress can be made.
Why do I wanna get married?
Why do I wanna have kids?
Why shouldn't I stay single?
Why shouldn't I just cohabit?
Why should i listen to the "concerned naysayers"
The conditioning of "known hells being better than unknown heavens"
Thanks for sharing mama.
I will settle for the unknown heaven any day.
I dont think shes advocating for people to settle for a known mediocrity than an unknown heaven. The goal is to WORK towards towards the unknown brighter heaven at the same time maintaining a BALANCE between inner knowing and outward expectations. Cohabitation is just a lazy approach in my opinion.
I had to stop travelling home, at a point stop calling my mum that much because of marriage talks. so sad
I wish every Nigerian girl will see and hear this ....thanks soo much for this ...at this point of my life..this is what I need.. thank you sis
Same thing in Cameroon. My mom even tried pair me with an idiot but i thank God i called off the marriage.
Good!
OMG THIS IS TOOOO RELATABLE! I am from The Gambia and it is the EXACT same way. Might be worse to be honest. Most Gambians are Muslim and the pressure for marriage starts at 13 - 14 years of age. My little sister got married before I did and I was happy for her. It did not bother me at allll. I distinctly remember a family friend asking me how I felt and I said " I am happy she is happy" and she quickly replied, "you are not embarrassed?" I recently got married (3 months now) and the way I am treated now is SO DIFFERENT. I am 26 so I was a black sheep in my family for the longest time because I was not married. Everyone was pressuring my mother as well and asking her what I was waiting for. It has been an insane journey. AND IT IS NOT OVER, now there is pressure to have a baby! It never ends.
I hope you re happy in your marriage though..
This our society, i must say. Sees women as lesser beings......and its not fair..... Dimma God bless you for this.....please spread out more.....let our voices be heard.
I said on twitter the other day that some marriages in Nigeria is really about ''settling down" as in settling with someone who will only bring you down. Love this post
True
You are so right, Dimma. I've never been very interested in marriage or kids and can readily imagine myself being happily single for the rest of my life. But lately, I've actually been considering getting married just because I'm not sure I can withstand the pressure and guilt tripping forever.
Thanks for your video. My two younger sisters are married and have children. I'm 34 years old. I have been summoned several times, insulted and asked when I'm getting married. For me, it's not just about getting married but staying happily married with your best friend. For all ladies out there trusting God, I believe it will come to pass in Jesus name.
Especially staying happily married with your best friend..
Me I've been married over a decade( I don't even know where it's going sef) marriage is tough. It has its good moment(🤔) sometimes I tell my husband if I had to say my marriage vows again, alot of the words will be different.
Oooop!
You spoke the whole truth Dimma! Can I like this video 100 times???
Hmm I’m barely 23 and my family has been talking about marriage since I was 17. Recently, they’re saying I should start pairing because my mates are pairing and they’ll be married soon. Let them marry erh where does it concern me?
Don’t mind them after forcing you to marry no one would ask how you are doing if you complain that’s another problem they would either mock you or tell you that’s what happens to a woman when she’s married.i would never raise my son that way. Men can be annoying that their ego is something else don’t talk when I talk for where! No be me o,so am not human abi for you to talk to me anyhow and I won’t talk abi express myself .my husband self knows me well I keep quite sometimes but when I react no be small 😃.next day it’s good morning that would end it and food with the other room 👍😃
Chidinma you are BLESSED! You were on point from the beginning to the end !
Well said!!!!thank you so much for hitting the nail on the head on this issue
You’re absolutely right Dimma! True talk. Your makeup looks really nice, lovely finish💕💕💕
Hey, I am from the Caribbean and my mother does all that mess. Thank God for grace, for scripture, and good teaching. Watch Creflo Dollar: dealing with your emotions. If the mother has not dealt with her emotional issues, how then can she support her daughter.
Such a good video Dimma! Loved this x
True talk Dimma!! I'm 22 and some of my friends already look at me like I have a problem cause I'm not dating anyone yet, talkless of marriage...
This video literally needs to go viral! Truth 💯
I keep telling my parent that marriage isn’t a priority...if I get married,fine!
My mum started weeping 😂😂😂...she even called the pastor..most Nigerian parents don’t understand how it is out there on the street these days
😭😭😭
And that’s it!, Thanks for this Dimma🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾👏🏾
My gosh this video is LIT!!! with so much truth in it. Goooo babesss..... Thanks for sharing this
Yes I had the same issues from my aunties right after graduating but my mum is the one that told them to leave me alone
I could not agree with you more Dimma, thanks for speaking up on this issue!
I truly enjoy watching your videos. You're very real and on point! Thank you
Keep spreading the positive word Dimma. God bless you Darling!
This so far the best video I have watched this year. Girl u need an award for for this it's very much on point our African society turns to shift focus from very important issues to very trivial things and it's very disheartening.
So this certain female after her wedding cut off from me in April of 2015. I mean like not even a call after we left her village, no p. September was my wedding and Mrs reconnected with me sometime in August trying to be relevant during my wedding, looking for what to give me but I had all I needed and kept her where she put herself. Finally after my wedding, Mrs forces herself back in2 my circle and I keep her at arms length and she gossips with som1 who's more loyal to me and d person rats on her telling me her newest stupid talk was oooh 'shes a jobless house wife' girls! We are our own issue. This female doesn't even exist to me anymore and there would never be a forcing her way back to me cos can't deal. Needless to say her marriage is sooo obviously unenviable and d so much bragged about job is worse than an unemployed youth! No jokes. Some females act like d metal on the finger is better than OXYGEN even when they are living in hell where the flames are forever blazing! Pls...let's pick happiness even if it means being single and celebrate peoples genuine achievements and exclude marriage from the achievements but also celebrate those who are happily married cos it's a lot of work but it's worth it. God bless the singles cos ur d real mvp!
Omg this is so true. Society even pressures you when you are dating lol. Even when you find the boy like they want, a couple of months into the relationship you start to hear ‘what are you people waiting for’, ‘you want to date forever’, ‘why won’t he just propose’, and then even if he proposes and it takes a while for y’all to get married you start hearing thing like ‘lord of the rings’, ‘he wants to block your destiny, doesn’t want to marry you yet doesn’t want other men to see you ‘. lol you can’t win with these people. The pressure is everywhere sometimes. Both single or dating😭😭
Well said, Dimma! Love from Florida!❤️
Dimma many women are an absolute failure at receiving complement, ingratitude is a major affliction of mankind. You are beautiful and unfortunately beauty has its curse; it attracts the envy in others around you. Just remain mindful of this everywhere you go! As for our elders, they need to move into the 21st century with us millennial
Lmaooooo new line. “When are you going to die” this is seriously going to be my reply.
JeNeevaLove yes sis tell them 👏👏👏. Your age mates are married. Well....your age mates are dead 😌😌😌
Soo on point with this video Dimma
You know Dimma, I totally agree with u. Thanks for the video..💕💕
See me nodding my head to every point you made!!!! Lucky me, my mother didn’t put pressure not even one bit about marriage ...
Preach on my sister.We really need to do better.
I really hope one day you have an opportunity to spread this message to high school girls! It’s so needed! I have such a respect for you x
Great Topic. Very important