Summary 3 Common Mistakes: 1. Don’t try to impress people 2. Don’t try to win a debate 3. Don’t complain to connect Best Way to Make Friends is be a friend. 5 Ways to be more likeable: 1. Take a genuine interest in other people 2. Be easy to talk to 3. Listen more, talk less 4. Look for common grounds 5. Follow up
I’ve been a listener all my life. A problem I've encountered is people for whom others are an audience rather than an equal. I’ve had to distance people because their 20 minute monologues aren’t conversation and in fact are very stressful.
Being the sounding board for those who can only monologue happens often with me. These encounters are completely unfulfilling as conversation. Being an attentive listener is not the best advice while being lassoed by these people. Id like to know what is.
@@paulapowell6247 How do you talk about this with the person talking too much? If you don't mention it, please consider that some of us are not that good at picking up non-verbal cues.
A lot of modern success advice isn't designed for compassionate people or empath types. We have more to learn about boundaries and stating our needs. My counseling practice is helping those people to have relationships where they have equal honor as they naturally honor other people and people tend to take advantage of that.
I mainly grew up with the saying "treat others the way you want to be treated" it's always reminds me to try to me interested in others and allow them to speak my mind. While I am not much of a talker I do understand how valuable it can be to lend a ear to someone!
I can't get over when a person who you are courteous to, responds indifferently. First impressions are everything...is so true. I just call them out, because if I didn't I would mirror this behaviour
From an interactive video you and Lisa had, I followed you here and found your videos so informative and helpful. The tips shared in this videos particularly are the incredible relationship-building life lessons that we all should learn and reflect. I shared it with my family. Thank you so much!
Great advice. Listening actually works on many levels. The main problem comes when people obviously have extreme differences in opinions, assumptions and personality where friendliness just looks and feels pathetic. In these instances, a lot of people are just faking niceness to make sure the job gets done. Of course, this is still productive in a corporate society. However, lets not be fooled in thinking that the other person does not know what you are doing, consciously or subconsciously. Intuition usually senses the truth anyways. The best thing would be to just listen neutrally rather than trying to be friendly.
It's incredible how amazing your content is... All the videos I usually get recommended feel so inauthentic but finally found some content that has valuable and practical advice.. thank you so much.
I’m always looking for common ground with people and your suggestion brought up a happy memory for me. One time while traveling, my husband and I stopped into a sketchy looking taco shop. We were standing in line with some really gigantic and heavily tattooed men who did not look approachable at all. Believe it or not, I asked one of the guys who the fighter was who bit a guys ear off. This got a conversation off and running and we honestly talked non-stop about life and purpose and growing and evolving. It went so deep and was so meaningful! Love the practice of finding common ground. 🙏❤️
I'm gonna try working on this. I'm 28 years old, have no brothers, sisters, or cousins, and I really struggle getting along with people or first impressions. However, after a few months of getting to know me, nine times out of ten people end up really enjoying my company and becoming friends. I really want to change my ways
Alex? I think there are more than a few good reasons I have come across your channel! And I already know that this lesson is one of the most important... I am 51 years old and am just learning that "the road to hell is paved with good intentions!" Being too nice can be a bad thing, so looking forward to learning as much as possible!
Maybe this is the reason why they always wanted to be with me. Hahah lol. I guess you can still listen to a person who is a complainer but guard yourself, if you really want to be more like-able you should know how to drive a conversation. So that, you can make a new friend. :) I always carefully listen to my colleagues when they’re sharing stories about their lovelife, work, family and their plans in life. I make sure that they know that I am listening by asking question, nodding, showing my genuine reaction, and empathy but sometimes after the meet up I felt so exhausted. You know what I’ve learned? Learn to guard yourself and don’t absorb everything. Next is for you to feel complete or satisfied is to share your own story or experience. This is also for you to be more comfortable to the person that you met or to your friend. Thank you, coach Alex!
Great tips! That line complainer person always just makes me feel uncomfortable and I tend to try to avoid further communication/eye contact with that person. Definitely good point there!
Excellent set of instructions that actually work! I have completed your communication coaching and would like to share my ways of engaging with the situation so that I could practice. Easy to say but much harder to do. I wished I had an electro-mechanical wristband which would send a mechanical signal every time I failed to act as per your instructions! Instead, I decided to wear a yellow band (R U OK band, popular in Melbourne) which would instantly remind me to a) there is an opportunity to practice, b) take a compose and speak candidly rather than rushing to make a comments to justify my presence in a conversation, which obviously would set the impression opposite! It's training, it's working slowly. The challenge is to disengage myself while I had already forced one leg forward, come back with a composed approach, and apply again. By the time I realised, the situation already took place.
@@bocelott Lol people waste your time. I'm not talking aboit important people like family and close friends. I'm talking about aquantences and lower. Your probably young and still in that phase where you think your Network determines your self worth.
Wow I believe am really that likable person 😄😄😄 Bcoz I don't do the things as u said like being someone to impress and debating and complaining ... Even though I always try to get impress in peoples And for debating I always care for the peoples for respect ... And complaining more off I always try to solve the issue ... And I do everything as u said ... 1st for most is matching I mean finding the common ground And then taking peoples in interest way ....
So odd and interesting. I didn’t think I was “1 upping” when I shared something relatable to the person sharing with me. I thought I was connecting with them with a similar experience I had, I saw that as me connecting or resonating with him or her. I think I also saw it as actively listening. Hmm I want to pay attention to this. I definitely don’t want to appear as I’m 1 upping someone. Nor do I want to make it all about me. I seemingly have so much to learn 💖
Indeed we just never stop learning. At the moment I'm looking at the Socratic method in situations like this. Everything you respond by is in question mode. The skill is how to form the right questions.
This was so simple yet to the point and helpful! One of the questions that comes up in my Leadership Training is how to be more likable as a leader and these five steps are perfect! Mr. Lyon I would love to interview you regarding your steps and how to incorporate them into better work place communication. I will take as much or as little time as you have!
You probably dont give a damn but does someone know of a trick to get back into an Instagram account? I stupidly forgot the password. I love any tricks you can give me.
I do not consider friendship as an investment. I consider it an life attitude, in a sense, I would never try to be a friend to someone just to benefit from it, while not really liking him/her. Because such falsification touches deeper levels of subconsciousness and poisons it.
One point about finding common ground::: My whole life I thought I was finding common ground with people and being relatable. I recently found out people think I’m “One Upping” them. 😢 I had no idea. Definitely wasn’t my intention. So be careful with this one.
Yes, that's true. When I discover common ground, I ask them questions about their experience or interests. "Oh, you play chess, too. How long have you been playing?"
I really love your videos, Alex. I always learn something valuable. It's really inspiring for me to see someone who creates content on comms skills experience success like this on TH-cam. Thanks for putting your stuff out there. 🙏😀
@@alexanderlyon Thanks for responding Alex. I checked out your home page this week and saw how you have progressed over the years in terms of subscribers. I found it very inspiring to see how you persisted through the early years of slower growth. Given I also have a channel focused on communication skills (specifically in the domain of skills for difficult conversations), I'd be curious to know what you found to be the most effective strategies for building your channel? No doubt you're trying to enjoy your break, so totally understand if you don't have time to respond in detail, but certainly would appreciate any suggestions. Cheers, Hayden.
I love these suggestions. Something I struggle with, tho… where is the line between finding common ground and one up-ing. When someone says something that I’ve also done or am interested in, it feels like common ground to share my experience. But I worry that it is perceived as me trying to turn the conversation to myself. Where is the line between a give and take conversation and one upping. I try really hard to be polite and considerate of other peoples’ opinion, their feelings, their space… so much so that I have been called a doormat. I guess there is a fine line there, one that I’m not picking up on. There is another aspect that I deal with, that I don’t feel you address… social and financial position. I am constantly in the position of dealing with people who have power over me or feel they do because they have more money… a lot more money. Do you feel like that changes things or is that in my mind?
Your content is excellent and has helped me become a much better communicator whilel at the same time creating stronger bonds with my coworker s. I do have a question. Is it inappropriate to say God bless to somebody if you do not know their faith, belief system, or lack thereof?
Thank you for the compliment. I don't say "God bless" in personal conversations when I'm face to face unless I know the individual shares a common faith. I don't believe it is inappropriate but I don't personally do it in a situation like that. However, in a mass video like mine on this channel, I feel free to say it. TH-cam is a marketplace. People can watch a video and if they hear me say that and don't want to watch future videos, then that is their choice. Still, in both situations, I believe it is a personal choice about whether to say it.
I actually like the cheesy look of the two ferns. I admit it. I don't know why. I don't have many plants in the background anymore but I really do like that look! Ha.
Like any other how-to video, these are general principles that work _most_ of the time. If somebody is reacting negatively to questions (and I know of few people like that), I change my approach.
I ponder what you think about ghosting and people who don’t respond to text messages or phone calls? How long is it acceptable for someone to ignore us ? 1 week, 2 weeks or a month? I don’t know why a lot of people I meet have been very unreliable in their communication.! They say one thing and do the opposite. They tell me they call me soon to get together and get a coffee but I don’t hear from them ever again. I have leap to eliminate such people from my life. I feel it is not a acceptable behavior period.
That's interesting, I do all these things all my life, but always after a few months my friends are starting to be competitive, I even have this with family. This is why I don't have friends and contact with family, they see me as competition. And that's not how it should be. It's sad.
Next how-to should be how to end a conversation when the other person has hemmed you in for over an hour and your ears are full, without getting them angry or hurt. PS You may have already covered this, but I have just discovered this channel. If you (he) has, I’d appreciate directions to it.
@@alexanderlyon thanks. I checked it out. Since it is based on when people are not home it isn’t exactly usable, but there were a couple/few I can try twist a little bit for my use.
I have been seeing a guy only about six months and it seems he is most interested, comfortable and attentive when I AM COMPLAINING! May I ask you what you suspect gives? I have a couple theories but it is concerning and unattractive to me for a few reasons and I would be most grateful to hear your thoughts. Thank you!!
I have been in meetings with well-educated people, and they discuss back and forth. I do not care. I space out, doing actual work. Decisions are not made in meetings but by those who implement them.
Just came across this channel. (No, not like that you perverts) Great information. Alex is a very compelling speaker. The kind of dude I'd definitely have a beer with. 😎🇦🇺 God bless
I'm a good listener and easy to talk to. However i find it hard to strike up a conversation 'cus i feel invisible (not being noticed) among people. So is there any tips to change that?
What if the other party is trying to impress me and he is doing everything to be unlikable? Should I smile it off? Btw great video I just discovered this channel and the more I watch the more I realize I knew nothing about communication.(used "I" 4 times in one sentence; Is it bad?) Thanks!
That's a hard one. I don't like to "reward" self-centered people when they try to impress me. I typically give the minimum level positive reaction that I can without being negative. But, it's a hard one. I'd struggle to make a video with good tips on that question.
@@alexanderlyon I have such a person in my life. He is my uncle and he is my dearest, but, whenever he tries to impress me I feel insignificant (i always felt like its my fault to feel that way) and try not to show this feeling to him. I just nod and smile a bit. However, 95% of the time he is a very likable person and a very good listener. He is also full of empathy.
I am very grateful for you videos Coach Alex, I am dealing with a lot of stress however and a bad actress so it always seems to come through when I communicate. Any suggestions?
Well, it's true that our inner world will seep out into our outward behavior. When that happens to me, I just pause everything else I can pause and spend time journaling, maybe talking to a professional therapist or at least a trusted friend, etc. I'm a prayer so I pray much more then things are difficult. As I sort out what's going on with me that way, I relax and my outward communication almost automatically improves. I start to feel like myself again.
I get the follow up but sometimes people expect one to be normal and when you are not they judge. I can't afford to on holidays so I lie that I did and then they come with the follow up .. awkard.
Be honest to a point.: I'd say something like : oh I stayed home this year and avoided all the transport issues! But your visit to ( destination) sounds interesting, would you recommend it?
It helps that Prof. Lyon is very handsome. Movie star-handsome, in fact. Attractiveness makes a huge difference in communication effectiveness, sad to say.
@@alexanderlyon You are very modest, and VERY handsome! But not only handsome, your voice and affect communicate kindness and openness. Very attractive! Thank you for the valuable advice and teaching.
Ha! Sitting in silence is not how I'd describe good listening, but I see your point. Most great listeners ask questions to help get the other person talking. If somebody asks you a question, then do your best to answer it and then ask them a question. You can and should also ask them a question to get them talking.
Establishing healthy boundaries. Pushing ourselves on others for approval won't work. And, it's important to be aware when other people are attempting to use us for their own advantage.
Get a Free Download pdf Quick Guide to Professional Communication Skills: www.alexanderlyon.com/free-resources
I am not a fan of this is the best 👍 and a
I am not a
You have to keep your true opinions in America to yourself ,that's the answer. Do not talk politics and religion!!! haaahaaaa.
I love that "be a blessing to other people"
Summary
3 Common Mistakes:
1. Don’t try to impress people
2. Don’t try to win a debate
3. Don’t complain to connect
Best Way to Make Friends is be a friend. 5 Ways to be more likeable:
1. Take a genuine interest in other people
2. Be easy to talk to
3. Listen more, talk less
4. Look for common grounds
5. Follow up
Thank you
ty
"Be a blessing." "Be a giver not a taker". Excellent advice!
I’ve been a listener all my life. A problem I've encountered is people for whom others are an audience rather than an equal. I’ve had to distance people because their 20 minute monologues aren’t conversation and in fact are very stressful.
Second that. I don't want to be everyone's therapist.
Same here.I have bought an inflatable therapy couch i carry everywhere,so they can be comfy while they ramble on,and on,and on... :)
Being the sounding board for those who can only monologue happens often with me. These encounters are completely unfulfilling as conversation. Being an attentive listener is not the best advice while being lassoed by these people. Id like to know what is.
@@paulapowell6247
How do you talk about this with the person talking too much? If you don't mention it, please consider that some of us are not that good at picking up non-verbal cues.
A lot of modern success advice isn't designed for compassionate people or empath types. We have more to learn about boundaries and stating our needs. My counseling practice is helping those people to have relationships where they have equal honor as they naturally honor other people and people tend to take advantage of that.
I mainly grew up with the saying "treat others the way you want to be treated" it's always reminds me to try to me interested in others and allow them to speak my mind. While I am not much of a talker I do understand how valuable it can be to lend a ear to someone!
Before one minute i was watching conversation between you and lisa and now am here immediately
"The Best Way To Make Friends Is To Be A Friend" - Alex Lyon
I like that quote. I wish I were the one who made it up but it's been said by many people. Ha.
But one needs to know what being a good friend means
The Bible
It’s in the Bible too. 😊
I can't get over when a person who you are courteous to, responds indifferently. First impressions are everything...is so true. I just call them out, because if I didn't I would mirror this behaviour
I do this with my mom and she really love me ❤️
From an interactive video you and Lisa had, I followed you here and found your videos so informative and helpful. The tips shared in this videos particularly are the incredible relationship-building life lessons that we all should learn and reflect. I shared it with my family. Thank you so much!
Hi, Lijun. Great to meet you. Lisa is awesome. I had fun making that video with her. She'll be on my channel next week. :-)
Great advice. Listening actually works on many levels. The main problem comes when people obviously have extreme differences in opinions, assumptions and personality where friendliness just looks and feels pathetic. In these instances, a lot of people are just faking niceness to make sure the job gets done. Of course, this is still productive in a corporate society. However, lets not be fooled in thinking that the other person does not know what you are doing, consciously or subconsciously. Intuition usually senses the truth anyways. The best thing would be to just listen neutrally rather than trying to be friendly.
It's incredible how amazing your content is... All the videos I usually get recommended feel so inauthentic but finally found some content that has valuable and practical advice.. thank you so much.
Thank you! I'm glad the videos hit the spot.
I’m always looking for common ground with people and your suggestion brought up a happy memory for me. One time while traveling, my husband and I stopped into a sketchy looking taco shop. We were standing in line with some really gigantic and heavily tattooed men who did not look approachable at all. Believe it or not, I asked one of the guys who the fighter was who bit a guys ear off. This got a conversation off and running and we honestly talked non-stop about life and purpose and growing and evolving. It went so deep and was so meaningful! Love the practice of finding common ground. 🙏❤️
Wow! Mike Tyson??? That crazy. Great story. Thanks for sharing, Elsa.
You look More Likable than the rest of the TH-camrs too
RandomUtuber Thank you! I appreciate that.
I'm gonna try working on this. I'm 28 years old, have no brothers, sisters, or cousins, and I really struggle getting along with people or first impressions. However, after a few months of getting to know me, nine times out of ten people end up really enjoying my company and becoming friends.
I really want to change my ways
I wanna thank you very much, I'm getting information easily from you and I learned a lot from your videos. God bless you coach :)
I love the way you teach.
Brilliant. I've always had trouble connecting -- probably because I'm guilty of the don't you mentioned. But I long to be a blessing, not a burden.
Alex? I think there are more than a few good reasons I have come across your channel! And I already know that this lesson is one of the most important... I am 51 years old and am just learning that "the road to hell is paved with good intentions!" Being too nice can be a bad thing, so looking forward to learning as much as possible!
Maybe this is the reason why they always wanted to be with me. Hahah lol. I guess you can still listen to a person who is a complainer but guard yourself, if you really want to be more like-able you should know how to drive a conversation. So that, you can make a new friend. :)
I always carefully listen to my colleagues when they’re sharing stories about their lovelife, work, family and their plans in life. I make sure that they know that I am listening by asking question, nodding, showing my genuine reaction, and empathy but sometimes after the meet up I felt so exhausted. You know what I’ve learned? Learn to guard yourself and don’t absorb everything.
Next is for you to feel complete or satisfied is to share your own story or experience. This is also for you to be more comfortable to the person that you met or to your friend.
Thank you, coach Alex!
A video for lifetime!
Thank you.
Great tips! That line complainer person always just makes me feel uncomfortable and I tend to try to avoid further communication/eye contact with that person. Definitely good point there!
Very true. Every time I'm next to a line complainer, I think to myself, "Ah, here we go."
Communication Coach Alex Lyon haha right?
You are so likable coach 💚💚💚
I share that same motto...
Be a BLESSING 🤗
Excellent set of instructions that actually work! I have completed your communication coaching and would like to share my ways of engaging with the situation so that I could practice. Easy to say but much harder to do. I wished I had an electro-mechanical wristband which would send a mechanical signal every time I failed to act as per your instructions! Instead, I decided to wear a yellow band (R U OK band, popular in Melbourne) which would instantly remind me to a) there is an opportunity to practice, b) take a compose and speak candidly rather than rushing to make a comments to justify my presence in a conversation, which obviously would set the impression opposite!
It's training, it's working slowly. The challenge is to disengage myself while I had already forced one leg forward, come back with a composed approach, and apply again. By the time I realised, the situation already took place.
Thanks for your post. It can be slow progress but it is worth sticking with it. The wristband is a great idea!
Awesome. Stay consistent.
Fantastic! Thanks for sharing precious insights! Good bless you 😊
Its actually pretty simple:
LISTEN MORE, TALK LESS
& ALLOW people to BE WHO
THEY ARE. STAY UNITED NOT DIVIDED. 💙🇺🇸🌏
I feel that being overly friendly put me in position of low status.
Too much TV watching
just realised
Yes, the only way to be loved is to be humble
Then you're insecure and other people will sense that.
@@bocelott Lol people waste your time. I'm not talking aboit important people like family and close friends. I'm talking about aquantences and lower. Your probably young and still in that phase where you think your Network determines your self worth.
Wow I believe am really that likable person 😄😄😄
Bcoz I don't do the things as u said like being someone to impress and debating and complaining ... Even though I always try to get impress in peoples
And for debating I always care for the peoples for respect ...
And complaining more off I always try to solve the issue ...
And I do everything as u said ...
1st for most is matching I mean finding the common ground
And then taking peoples in interest way ....
Great video Alex.
Glad you enjoyed it
I literally was doing everything wrong and people still like me, lol. Great video I'm going to try to be a better friend to my friends.
Haha! Wish I could say the same!
So odd and interesting.
I didn’t think I was “1 upping” when I shared something relatable to the person sharing with me.
I thought I was connecting with them with a similar experience I had, I saw that as me connecting or resonating with him or her. I think I also saw it as actively listening.
Hmm I want to pay attention to this.
I definitely don’t want to appear as I’m 1 upping someone. Nor do I want to make it all about me.
I seemingly have so much to learn 💖
Indeed we just never stop learning. At the moment I'm looking at the Socratic method in situations like this. Everything you respond by is in question mode. The skill is how to form the right questions.
This was so simple yet to the point and helpful! One of the questions that comes up in my Leadership Training is how to be more likable as a leader and these five steps are perfect! Mr. Lyon I would love to interview you regarding your steps and how to incorporate them into better work place communication. I will take as much or as little time as you have!
I'm glad the video is helpful. Feel free to connect on Linkedin but I don't do many interviews.
@@alexanderlyon Not a problem! I will definitely connect on LinkedIn and look forward to your videos!
You probably dont give a damn but does someone know of a trick to get back into an Instagram account?
I stupidly forgot the password. I love any tricks you can give me.
I learned how to communicate by complaining. It's a really hard habit to break!
Excellent advice, with a very effective delivery. Thanks for your ministry.
Thanks you for this sound advice. God bless you for this
Glad it was helpful!
This was very therapeutic for me
Thank you very much
I'm glad it was helpful, Flavia.
Yay!!!!
I am practicing these tips now in my life. Thank you!
I love your tips a lot. This will surely help me to be a better person for myself and for others. Thank you, coach.
Excellent information !!
Children would also benefit from how to communicate kindly
coach Alex, you're the best
Ha. Thanks, Marlo. I appreciate the vote of confidence.
I do not consider friendship as an investment. I consider it an life attitude, in a sense, I would never try to be a friend to someone just to benefit from it, while not really liking him/her. Because such falsification touches deeper levels of subconsciousness and poisons it.
amazing, thank you!
Glad it was helpful!
I still need reminding. Thankyou so much Alex 🙏
Thank you Coach Alex! Keep it up for LL those benefitting from following you (without pressing the FOLLOW button!) I know many!
Thank very much for sharing
My pleasure!
This is so great! You are the best!
Thank you, Brendan. I appreciate that.
Great advice! Thank you. 💖
Thank you for sharing its true we must give to get more of goodness from the other person
Excellent advice
One point about finding common ground:::
My whole life I thought I was finding common ground with people and being relatable. I recently found out people think I’m “One Upping” them. 😢 I had no idea. Definitely wasn’t my intention. So be careful with this one.
Yes, that's true. When I discover common ground, I ask them questions about their experience or interests. "Oh, you play chess, too. How long have you been playing?"
Great advice!!
Glad it was helpful!
I really love your videos, Alex. I always learn something valuable. It's really inspiring for me to see someone who creates content on comms skills experience success like this on TH-cam. Thanks for putting your stuff out there. 🙏😀
Thanks, Dr. Richards. I appreciate it.
@@alexanderlyon Thanks for responding Alex. I checked out your home page this week and saw how you have progressed over the years in terms of subscribers. I found it very inspiring to see how you persisted through the early years of slower growth. Given I also have a channel focused on communication skills (specifically in the domain of skills for difficult conversations), I'd be curious to know what you found to be the most effective strategies for building your channel? No doubt you're trying to enjoy your break, so totally understand if you don't have time to respond in detail, but certainly would appreciate any suggestions. Cheers, Hayden.
Great video!! I learned a lot with this one. Thank you!!
Thanks!
Love your videos! Please keep making them!!!
thanks for these videos.
Just be yourself!!
Thumbnail contradict Title😆
Nice Information... Thanks
Thanks. Having some fun with the image. :-)
I love these suggestions. Something I struggle with, tho… where is the line between finding common ground and one up-ing. When someone says something that I’ve also done or am interested in, it feels like common ground to share my experience. But I worry that it is perceived as me trying to turn the conversation to myself. Where is the line between a give and take conversation and one upping. I try really hard to be polite and considerate of other peoples’ opinion, their feelings, their space… so much so that I have been called a doormat. I guess there is a fine line there, one that I’m not picking up on. There is another aspect that I deal with, that I don’t feel you address… social and financial position. I am constantly in the position of dealing with people who have power over me or feel they do because they have more money… a lot more money. Do you feel like that changes things or is that in my mind?
Nice & simple . Thank you
Thank you! This video helped me a lot!
Showing interest is done wrong so often it will sound like an interrogation or uninterested dismissiveness, “how’s work? Yea, so did I ever tell you…”
"make direct eye contact"
Why you have to attack me like that 😂
I wanna thanks to you .. I learned a lot from your videos
It's my pleasure, Noor.
I discovered this channel from AccurateEnglish
Hi, Astou. Great to have you. Lisa is fantastic.
Great advice
Thanks, Mike. I'm glad it was helpful.
Great tips. Thank you
Glad it was helpful, DSF.
Your content is excellent and has helped me become a much better communicator whilel at the same time creating stronger bonds with my coworker s. I do have a question. Is it inappropriate to say God bless to somebody if you do not know their faith, belief system, or lack thereof?
Thank you for the compliment. I don't say "God bless" in personal conversations when I'm face to face unless I know the individual shares a common faith. I don't believe it is inappropriate but I don't personally do it in a situation like that. However, in a mass video like mine on this channel, I feel free to say it. TH-cam is a marketplace. People can watch a video and if they hear me say that and don't want to watch future videos, then that is their choice. Still, in both situations, I believe it is a personal choice about whether to say it.
My problem is that I don't talk enough. 🙃 I'm always listening. Do you have any tips on how I can communicate and talk more in a group conversation?
Feel that one
Me too!
got me hyped for between two ferns rection
I actually like the cheesy look of the two ferns. I admit it. I don't know why. I don't have many plants in the background anymore but I really do like that look! Ha.
Some people hate being asked questions about themselves.
Like any other how-to video, these are general principles that work _most_ of the time. If somebody is reacting negatively to questions (and I know of few people like that), I change my approach.
Awesome videos god bless you
Thank you! You too!
Hearing what it takes to be likable really reinforce my decision not to be 😂👍
👍
🤣🤣🤣
"A man who has friends must show himself friendly" Proverbs 18:24. Caveat being too friendly.
Proverbs 18:24
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
I ponder what you think about ghosting and people who don’t respond to text messages or phone calls? How long is it acceptable for someone to ignore us ? 1 week, 2 weeks or a month? I don’t know why a lot of people I meet have been very unreliable in their communication.!
They say one thing and do the opposite. They tell me they call me soon to get together and get a coffee but I don’t hear from them ever again.
I have leap to eliminate such people from my life. I feel it is not a acceptable behavior period.
That's interesting, I do all these things all my life, but always after a few months my friends are starting to be competitive, I even have this with family. This is why I don't have friends and contact with family, they see me as competition. And that's not how it should be. It's sad.
Sounds like you might be the problem all your friends and family cant be wrong you must be giving of some competitive spirit with them..
Next how-to should be how to end a conversation when the other person has hemmed you in for over an hour and your ears are full, without getting them angry or hurt. PS You may have already covered this, but I have just discovered this channel. If you (he) has, I’d appreciate directions to it.
I do have a video that is something like that, How to End a Conversation Politely.
@@alexanderlyon thanks. I checked it out. Since it is based on when people are not home it isn’t exactly usable, but there were a couple/few I can try twist a little bit for my use.
I have been seeing a guy only about six months and it seems he is most interested, comfortable and attentive when I AM COMPLAINING! May I ask you what you suspect gives? I have a couple theories but it is concerning and unattractive to me for a few reasons and I would be most grateful to hear your thoughts. Thank you!!
Listening more is the best thing one can do. Unfortunately in this case you might miss to talk at all.
I have been in meetings with well-educated people, and they discuss back and forth. I do not care. I space out, doing actual work. Decisions are not made in meetings but by those who implement them.
Just came across this channel.
(No, not like that you perverts)
Great information.
Alex is a very compelling speaker.
The kind of dude I'd definitely have a beer with. 😎🇦🇺
God bless
I fall asleep when I have a beer. I'm a "lightweight." Thanks for the compliment, though. I appreciate it.
I learned in dbt skills... validation validation, " sounds ( insert emotion)
Whatever emotion tye person is going through...
I'm a good listener and easy to talk to. However i find it hard to strike up a conversation 'cus i feel invisible (not being noticed) among people. So is there any tips to change that?
What if the other party is trying to impress me and he is doing everything to be unlikable?
Should I smile it off?
Btw great video I just discovered this channel and the more I watch the more I realize I knew nothing about communication.(used "I" 4 times in one sentence; Is it bad?)
Thanks!
Hello. Would you want the unlikable person like you? You could just go away if that person is not nice.
That's a hard one. I don't like to "reward" self-centered people when they try to impress me. I typically give the minimum level positive reaction that I can without being negative. But, it's a hard one. I'd struggle to make a video with good tips on that question.
@@alexanderlyon I have such a person in my life. He is my uncle and he is my dearest, but, whenever he tries to impress me I feel insignificant (i always felt like its my fault to feel that way) and try not to show this feeling to him. I just nod and smile a bit.
However, 95% of the time he is a very likable person and a very good listener. He is also full of empathy.
@@tbrtbrtzr Walking away is not that easy when he is your uncle and you love him so much.
😂
#1 Don’t be hateful
I like so many people just fine and still don’t re-engage, unless I have to. I don’t show my genuine interest often. Hmmm
The follow-up. So many fall short.
I am very grateful for you videos Coach Alex, I am dealing with a lot of stress however and a bad actress so it always seems to come through when I communicate. Any suggestions?
Well, it's true that our inner world will seep out into our outward behavior. When that happens to me, I just pause everything else I can pause and spend time journaling, maybe talking to a professional therapist or at least a trusted friend, etc. I'm a prayer so I pray much more then things are difficult. As I sort out what's going on with me that way, I relax and my outward communication almost automatically improves. I start to feel like myself again.
Let's try to find a common ground.
I get the follow up but sometimes people expect one to be normal and when you are not they judge. I can't afford to on holidays so I lie that I did and then they come with the follow up .. awkard.
Be honest to a point.: I'd say something like : oh I stayed home this year and avoided all the transport issues! But your visit to ( destination) sounds interesting, would you recommend it?
Then more people would want to be around me, yukio.
It's too late for me. I am so old I don't care whether I'm likable or not.
🤣! I hear ya
Ha! Me too, but I'm tired of having no real friends
💯
I like your comment very honest person that you are
Yes. I like your honesty
👏👏👏
tip 30: let him win the chess match
It helps that Prof. Lyon is very handsome. Movie star-handsome, in fact. Attractiveness makes a huge difference in communication effectiveness, sad to say.
Thank you. You are too kind. It's all in the lighting! Ha.
@@alexanderlyon You are very modest, and VERY handsome! But not only handsome, your voice and affect communicate kindness and openness. Very attractive! Thank you for the valuable advice and teaching.
What if I meet someone who also takes your advice "Listen more, talk less" won't we end up being both silent?
Ha! Sitting in silence is not how I'd describe good listening, but I see your point. Most great listeners ask questions to help get the other person talking. If somebody asks you a question, then do your best to answer it and then ask them a question. You can and should also ask them a question to get them talking.
What’s the difference between wanting to be likeable and be seen as desperate or having that friendship taken advantage of?
Establishing healthy boundaries. Pushing ourselves on others for approval won't work. And, it's important to be aware when other people are attempting to use us for their own advantage.