My darling I took my son back home going to year 3 in secondary school in London. he was born in UK 1988, he was a very good boy but I don't like the way children here are behaving and being brought up. I took him back home and stayed in Nigeria with him until after Nysc came back to do MSc forensics. You cannot have it both ways you have to choose, money or childcare. In fact I don't regret it. Almighty God takes the glory. I was scrolled for that decision but it's a very good story. God thank you. he is okay in fact he is thinking of relocating back to Nigeria with his family. Nigeria is the best place to raise children. The children that are raised aboard after sometime they detach from you.
I share similar thoughts. I'll rather raise my children in Nigeria and have them attend school up to university level and they can then go overseas for post graduate studies. Most importantly, whether raising children at home or abroad, there is no substitute for spending quality time with them. That time is the vehicle for instructing them, influencing them, teaching them and generally bonding with them.
This is the best video I’ve seen from an African mother in diaspora. Thank you for this! So real and so deep. I’m so proud an African woman living overseas understands that the overall welfare of their children and entire family trumps living abroad at any cost. Some people think living in the West is everything. You are so full of wisdom. You covered everything and balanced all sides. Watching from the US.
It depends on individual circumstances. However don't think that children don't indulge in vices in Nigeria. The fact is you will hardly hear about it because of the culture of shame in Africa. Parents will be silent about what's happening to their kids and kids will pretend to Parents. I believe with God you can raise children successfully whether in Nigeria or abroad. Even children in Nigeria go astray and keep bad association. It is not only abroad that parents are busy. Speak to Parents that work in Lagos especially. All I am saying is that Nigeria or Africa is not the mecca for raising responsible children. It is all by the grace of God.
Cultism is the worst problem particularly for boys in Nigeria. Lack of youth engagement in training programs like I.T. etc. is also a problem. If you can solve these two challenges-- Nigerian culture is better than the western world. @auntyjayne
That’s true. And that’s why she said you have to watch out for the warning signs. Also, we are talking of the possibility of it happening in the West is so much more at a higher percentage rate as compared to Nigeria. Plus, having a free hand to discipline your own children overseas is not easy and is usually frowned upon even when you’re not abusing them. And these kids abroad know the law and their “rights” and can use it against you. The same institutions that don’t want you to discipline your kids will be the first to put them in detention or jail when they do something against the law at an older age. The comparison is apples and oranges really.
You are combining a different situation and culture...there are something that do not give children freedom because neither the parents or the government give the will or audacity to misbehave freely. The same way your own wife can send you out of your house is same way your kid can arrest you with a police abroad.
I was kidnapped in the presence of my children hence I had to japa with my kids.God forbid I didn't return. Imagine the trauma they would have been through. I make sure my children are always engaged in church activities here in the UK. Nigeria happened to me and I will not allow it happen to them.If I stay back in Nigeria and my children get kidnapped what will i tell God? My children have been very confident even when we were in Nigeria.
Japa or not, the children being raised are different from old time. I'm still in Nigeria, my toddler would ask me boldly why I beat him when I do, he wants an explanation for everything, he doesn't just want to be ordered around... the only good thing right now is that he's soft-hearted and able to apologize for his mistakes. God will help every parent
When we're speaking about the dynamics in the West. Nigerians at home should keep quiet and try to learn one or two things. The cultures are so far apart.
@@afrikanheritage99 being at home doesn't mean we don't have family and friends raising children in the diaspora and it doesn't mean we're not learning after all the essence of the video is to prepare one's mind and not to scare so it's rude and very rude of you to say we should keep quiet. Regardless of where you raise children, it's only God that helps because you can be in Nigeria and do everything possible, impart morals and all and your child can decide to be a pretender just that the host gave an example, that you'll be wondering if it's your child that did something or not. As for me, Anywhere I go I leave my children in God's hands and reason I left 9-5 jobs so I can have time to raise them while doing other things
God bless you. Same with my 3 year old boy. I explain to him. Becos we need to let them know why we discipline them so that they don't repeat it. I am in Nigeria I am very busy too. It's takes God's Grace to take care of my kid.
The most important video ever japa parent must watch. Raising children abroad is not a joke. If not careful, it’s easy to lose them to the system or societal failures
This is the best video ever,this has been in my mind to do from when I saw how this system is for my children. Don’t be distracted if people don’t like this video because they will never understand Example Is just like looking at the physical when the spiritual is the main thing that controls the physical Is what people will never understand
I live in the U.K. and have 2 adolescents- both born here. They are well behaved and mindful of what they say. They even kneel and prostrate to greet us and our visitors. It is important to live with your children and sending them back to Africa is not always a good option. Best wishes!
You are correct ma ... I came visiting and went to a friend's house,i like the way she communicate with her children in her dialet and even with eyes like the way our mothers in the olden days did to us. Teaching the children good morals and the way of God is the goal
I'm a 76 year old grand mother who japa, japada and japa in the 70s. Yes, you can say that Nigeria was booming then but we struggled financially and with the system or lack of system. I returned to the UK alone in 1987 with the 3 boys because my husband refused to come back with us. It was very though, but we made it. The 3 boys graduated, in very good jobs. I'm retired with good pensions and good investments. By the way, my husband joined much later after Nigeria happened to him. We now travel all over the world and visit Nigeria often. I'm very happy in the UK but I take it that it's not for everybody. All I can say is give Nigeria a go and Good luck.
I always tell my people having lived in the UK for 12 years and back n forth 🇺🇸 this life no balance. I live in East Afric now but what i have reality the grass is never greener water where you are. We all fight to move and run away from our countries but a visa cn either be. Curse or a blessing. Theres suffering everywhere in the world in UK theres suffering 🇺🇸 usa people are homeless in Africa same thing. I had to look for God for guidance even when i get visa now i have to first consult Elroi the God that sees me. Life is spiritual 🙏
Madam, you're 100% right . Me and my wife are in Canada, my son is now 14, I'm planning to go back to Nigeria this January and stay until he's done with highschool and join us in Canada. I'll have to stay in Nigeria for two years. Some people think what children wants his material things, most parents don't even see or open their eyes to see
No child was born with being stubborn or rebelous. They learn by what they see and experience at home with people that have influenced them. Parents should not use the same hand to raise all their kids. Children are different . Some children naturally are obidient some you need to keep talking to them and engaging them back to back. Understand who your child is , some children are naturally expressive while some need you to bring the words out of their thoughts. When you understand your child parenting wouldn't be hard.. we all must make money but balance it. Most single parents didn't plan to be single, its hard raising children alone, but with prayers and being intentional you can scale through. Another major problem in homes is comparison and favouritism. Kids can see who you treat better this pushes them away to seek love and attention outside. Make your home a beautiful haven for your family. May God help and guide us.
God bless you for raising this topic. I have a friend who came from another part of Europe but immediately they observed that there children are beginning to change, they left and came back to Nigeria and I absolutely agree that having that mindset or Plan B should anything change or happen.
Perfect Talk am proud of you people think abroad is so special not knowing Home Nigeria is the best I love ❤️ your conversation I live in United Kingdom most time in Naija now
If I may ask why those children born in Nigeria which is the best is still running to the same uk and America and Canada and Europe why , and why the same father and mother that bring them back to Nigeria pushing them to go back to the same uk and America and Canada and Europe why ,
I think the truth is that parents sometimes say they japa because of their children, but when they get there they forget and start working for themselves to be richer. As humans we are selfish. And it’s not that they miss the signs, they feel incapacitated.
The Western system is designed to trap people who aren't aware of its working. Those who aren't vigilant about implementing an exit plan will be trapped by the system. Even if one is disciplined and has the focus; it's still very difficult to beat the system, especially when children are involved! The most important gifts we can give to our children is the fear of God, the ability to speak our native tongue and instill a strong cultural identity in them.
One thing I like people to think about more often is that the country where one kids grew up is important. However, equally more crucial is the neighborhood where one grows up. Living in a high crime neighborhood is one of the worst things someone can do for their kids, albeit inadvertently regardless of what part of the world they live. There is statistical correlation between ones neighborhood and their chances of committing crimes, finishing college or their future income. So I do advise people to move to a higher income accommodating neighborhood if they can afford it regardless of if they end up as the minority. This singlehandedly can change the trajectory of one's kid(s) future.
I really love the points you make in this video. Very relevant by using real life examples of recent tragic events. Keep up the good work. Wishing your channel the best.
I like to draw our attention to the word of God in Proverbs 22:6. We are commanded to train our children in God's way either abroad or in other parts of the world. It doesn't really matter the country because as a youth leader I have seen and heard youths in Nigeria joining cultism, prostitution and other evil vices despite home training. All we need is Divine wisdom and constant prayer for God's guidance in training them. We as parents also need to portray Godly examples to our children and not be hypocritical. May God help us.
Look, I believe the Bible. Raising children in the western world while both parents are working full time and struggling to pay bills is hard. Besides, it takes time to serve God aside from the regular church attendance. Work takes a lot from the lives of immigrants and the trickle down effect tells negatively on the home, causing the marriage to implode eventually. African societies are more relaxed and parents enjoy a lot of autonomy unlike the west where you have no right to make decisions once a law is passed about certain things that affect your children. Religion can’t change such laws but leaving such environment will. Let’s be realistic.
@@Moabayi-yf6ul It may interest you to know that in Africa now, lots of parents have placed hustling in front and less time for kids. Leaving children to be raised by housemaids n nannies. Tell me, what's the outcome of that. That's why you hear rap.e, substance abuse cases among kids. Raising good kids has little or nothing to do with location.
My family is less than two years in UK and my children are confident and could look me in the face to say their mind. I have to use wisdom and fear of God to deal with them. Thank for such valuable information.
As Nigerians, we like to eat our cake and have it, it can’t be that way. On one hand, we want to take them away from all the lack of opportunities in Nigeria, on the other hand you want to also want them to retain the “values” that we got while growing up. Those “values” are parent-dependent. Parents are still failing their kids in Nigeria. So it’s about finding the right balance. Japa to give them the opportunities you think they deserve, create the time to train them with “values” that you want but that will still enable them to adapt in their new location. It’s hard, but it has to be done, but you don’t necessarily have to Japada. I’m here with my kids, it’s clear to them they are in a Nigerian home and will not do nonsense or else they will see nonsense…😂😂😂😂 Thanks for sharing, all the best.
Look up an article about Dr. Femi Ayeni and wife Titi Ayeni in the National Post (Jan 2 2025). They moved their five children to Canada. Femi had studied in Canada. After completing his studies in Canada in medicine, Femi returned to Nigeria as a general surgeon where he later opened a medical school.
I think this channel is fast becoming my favourite place to learn. This is so for many reasons, it perfectly aligns with my line of thought and abroad living and returning. It is clear you are a family orientated woman and doing everything in your power to plan for your family. I am grateful for sharing your journey. As a young man with a growing family I am learning alot that would be useful when I finally perfect my Japada plan
It all depends on which side of the prism one views. I am within my first 5 years. I am already making my plans to relocate back after a number of years. The earlier, the better. The two cultures differ greatly. It's difficult to combine work and childcare here. But with God all things are possible.
Nice topic. New subscriber here. May God make us proud of our children but abroad and back home. May we only cry tears of joy for them. May we not regret our major investment of bringing them abroad. Amen❤
Great content. One of my fears of relocating to UK 🇬🇧 is this work work work thing. Life doesn’t suppose to be that hard, but the system has made it that way. I need my rest oooo.
Absolutely true! Living abroad comes with its perks, but it also has its fair share of challenges. Honestly, I feel like a lot of people choose to travel because the basics we need back home are either missing or feel impossible to achieve. The ones responsible for fixing things often leave their duties undone, which makes it even harder. Being abroad isn’t easy-it comes with its own struggles-but it does offer opportunities to earn the capital needed to make a difference. It provides a sense of stability and sanity, even though it brings its own unique set of problems.
Sanity can't be written in the same sentence with living abroad. And stability? Wait until you lose your job and not find another quickly. You sound brand new to wherever you are. You're still in your honey moon period.
Smiles! 😂The definition of sanity might differ from person to person, but in this context, here’s what I mean: I have access to stable electricity, clean water, and drivable roads. Sure, these come with bills, but at least they’re consistently available-unlike what we experienced back home. The jobs here may not be our dream roles, but they cover more than just the basics. And even though discrimination exists, I can approach law enforcement and get things done without having to bribe my way through. Bro, have you noticed the sign at our country’s airport departure area? The one that says only the traveler is allowed inside? Add to that the men in black turning the entrance into a “business center” for collecting “fees.” It’s honestly exhausting. And the stories are endless. I once paid 40k to recover a 100k debt from a driver on the platforms you know. Or how about the time I had to humble myself in front of my tenant just to collect my rent? When I can can’t even survive a month delay in payment. Truth be told, living abroad offers a level of sanity that our home country struggles to provide. It’s not perfect here, but the difference is undeniable.
Raising Children generally is not easy but the fact remains, there are places you wont want your children to be raised to avoid negative up bringing...
The perfect place is in GODS PRESENCE where there's FULLNESS OF JOY AND PLEASURES EVERMORE available for ALL to enjoy where ONE LOVE ALWAYS PREVAILS REIGNING GODS GLORY OUR HERITAGE HALLELUJAH 🙏🏿♥️😂
Well my children are having their primary education in the uk 🇬🇧 but thier secondary school for sure will be in nigeria 🇳🇬. Then we will evaluate if their university will be in nigeria or uk 🇬🇧. Children can turn sour here quickly
I think it is better to do primary school in Nigeria cos it will be a very strong moral foundation for them. Secondary school in Nigeria is terrible too. Don’t be deceived.
Come to Australia with them now ,trust me you will not regret, here in my suburb , when the children get to 18 years ,they will bring them to a place for all the community to see them and know they are 18 . At 16 and 17 their phone has parental guard,they work in my husband place of work,if they have to buy pizza from their money,they will call their parents if they should buy and if their parents said no,they won't buy,my husband was surprised,even in Nigeria then when we were working as teenagers,our money belongs to us. I am not going back to Nigeria, Australia is home from home and the work life balance is superb,just come on vacation and come and see for yourself
Really instructive video. Bless you and all the black kids out there...may God shield them from bad influences. A new SUBBIE here Planning to Japa this year God's willing....also to give my family and my future kids a much better chance at life.
The part where you have to work round the clock just to please some family members friends and foes in Nigeria is the worst for me. Someone very close to me needs to watch this. Pleasing your family to displease your children and spouse is hypocrisy., never let the family you come from ruin the family that comes from you.
It is God that raises Children and it does not matter what country. You have to lift them up to God everyday. There are children that are raised in Ghettos of America, London and other European countries and they are well behaved. Nothing is possible without God. Parents has to devote time to the children and lift them up to God.
Happy for you. I lived in America for 35yrs and have decided never to move my naija born children abroad. The mental and emotional toll on children is not worth it. I see my children playing and happy so why would I uproot them to unfamiliar and strange culture.
@ibaileibaomo7660 My dear. My own decision is greatly working for me ( I kid you not). Nobody is forcing you o. Every mallam wit hin own kettle😊. Do you & I do me. . My comment was based on the You-tuber's discussion in this video. Definitely she is not telling any Nigerian in the diapora to come back to Nigeria. She is just chronicling her thoughts & journey back to our country in a video. Abeg no fear🤣. NB - I apologise for my response to you. I just read your comment and I realised my error. You were talking about taking your Nigerian born children abroad which I misunderstood to be the reverse. However, I would leave this my comment for Nigerians in the abroad to read because this kind of video & my comment triggers most of them in the negative way😁.
Great content but please when you get to Nigeria, don't sleep with two eyes closed. Alot is going on here in Nigeria too. Secondary school children are watching pork,drinking alcohol and taking drugs.God will help us.
You have to put Nigeria on a budget. If you can only afford 50 dollars, so be it. You cannot neglect your family and take care of others. I have put my family on a budget for years. They have something to look forward to monthly.
Great advice. My advise to you for your baby is to speak yoruba to him or her only from now and with your husband too. My child understands yoruba well and we speak it to her most of the time. She couldn't speak a word of English when she went to nursery. I learnt this from the Asians and I have in UK for over 25 years. Thank you so much for your advice. More Grace
Nah God dey help person raise pikin... even here is Nigeria as well.. Parenting is hard work... provision of basic needs is little compared to the emotional, physicial and spiritual effort. Sadly the system we have today(everywhere) don't give room for proper parenting.. Thank you for this. It's an eye opener for many.
I will join the Whatsapp group now, this is my first time on your channel and I'm glued already. You just mentioned everything happening to me. I have teenage children too and it's been very stressful. I can't even do more than 36hours in a week again, if I'm not in my husband must be in, God will see us through sis.
Two things I have observed that’s partially responsible for children going astray in the UK are: 1) Single Parent Households. Especially single mothers. Up to age 8, children do well with single mothers. After 8 years, children need their fathers to support them. 2) Women attacking their husbands every time they attempt to correct their children. These women have no bad intentions but are doing this from their maternal instincts. However, by refusing the fathers from correcting the children in the manner suitable to a man, the children lose respect for their fathers and then go astray. This is a battle that I fought for many years because I read about the consequences lack of fathers will have on the child. I want to encourage the men out there to fight the good fight and don’t give up. Your wife has good intentions by protecting her children. However, you should let her know that she is not helping the children by making it impossible for their father to correct a wrong behaviour. If done correctly, In the end, both parents will be happy.
I hear you, but let fathers not abuse their children in the name of correction. Some fathers become overly aggressive on the children and that in itself can make a child rebellious, and when the child eventually rebels against that harsh treatment, fathers blame the mothers for not wanting the child to be disciplined. Everything has a balance, and that's often what mothers try to make fathers understand. Thank you.
@@backstory701 you have assumed the worst case scenario and herein lies the issue. For the record, mothers abuse children far more than fathers do. This is backed up by data. Most fathers want the best for their children. Mothers should therefore support their spouses to ensure that bad behaviour is corrected and also to prevent abuse. Please understand that men are different from women and our methods are also different. For example, when a child falls, the mother rushes to comfort her child but the father would ask the child to pay attention to their surroundings to prevent them from falling. The man’s actions may seem harsh but is necessary for the development of the child. Hope this helps.
@@juliusoba6488 I don't quite understand the worst-case scenario I have assumed here. Most mothers do not refuse their husbands to discipline their children - they rather object to the method that said discipline is administered. And this is not because of a mother's lack of understanding of gender differences, it is simply because what is wrong can be objectively observed to be wrong, regardless of who is looking at it. You were talking specifically about mothers "attacking their husbands every time they attempt to correct their children". This is the issue I am addressing; I did not know you were coming from a wholescale men vs women viewpoint - because the "mothers abuse children more than fathers" line is just wild. Bottom line: There are ways to NOT discipline children. A man's presence, the authority of his voice and his masculinity are needed in the home - women know this very well, and that's why they often stay in unhappy marriages "for the sake of the children". However, sometimes men can and do go overboard in this disciplinarian role, and that's when mothers intervene to protect both you the father, and the child you are attempting to discipline. Because your children being terrified of you does not mean they respect you. Being very harsh on them often builds resentment, and it is that resentment that breeds rebellion. Please sir, let us not act like there is no way of being firm and stern as a father without being abusive (physically, verbally, emotionally). Or that a woman's softness makes her unable to tell the difference between discipline and something else. No. Don't become overly and unnecessarily harsh on your children because they will surely rebel, and you will still blame their mother for it. That's all.
@@backstory701 again, your point is perfectly understood. However, 99% of fathers usually don’t abuse their children. It’s usually step fathers that do abuse children the most. My post is about the method of correction. Some women want their husbands to correct their children in a feminine manner. Anything else is classed as abuse. Meanwhile, children who grew up with single fathers tend to perform as well as those in two parent households. This data suggests that fathers discipline helps children to become better adults. You may not approve of the father’s methods. But if he’s doing it in love, the children will be better off in the end. Please stop using this “abuse” cliche. Father’s on average do not abuse their children. I gave an example of what a father’s love or discipline looks like in my earlier post. I’m not referring to the African context of whipping a child either when I talk about discipline. A child without discipline may not achieve their full potential.
Awesome video. Children can join bad gang abroad or Nigeria. Just that abroad bwith social workers etc more pressure. Parents should really try their best with their children and let them have the fear of God and know God for themselves. IWe relocated when i was 11 and now an adult myself I can tell you easy to be successful in the UK but also easy to take the wrong path due to peer pressure, social media etc.
Lovely video. The only one thing I'd disagree with is saying Nigeria teaching kids not to stare an adult in the eye is a lack of confidence, so the former is a bad thing. That's not true. Not staring down an elder in the eye is not a bad thing! It's our culture and is neither good or bad. Just as the UK looking an elder straight in the eye is neither good or bad. These are just a matter of two differing cultures. Neither one of them is better than the other. Why shouldn't automatically see the UK style as the good one. After all, the uk culture of kids starring adults in the eye breeds disrespectful kids too. Surely, it cannot be a good thing that a bunch of 15yr olds would address your grandmother as "hi Jumoke", "hi darling"!? However, the culture of eye contact of the lack thereof is neither right or wrong, kids just go beyond what's expected. By the way, Nigerians aren't the only culture who dont stare adults down, Asians are the same, so everyone's culture must be respected. An african guy once told off someone who accused him of not making eye contact, saying it amounts to dishonesty. The African guy essentially said its discriminatory & a lack of respect for his African culture to accuse him of dishonesty because of lack of eye contact, and I completely agree.
I’m sending my kids back to Nigeria during their adolescent age ,they have to do their secondary school over there and then come back for university after the Nigeria culture must have inculcated that training in them That’s my plan.
Inculcate the training you want in them by yourself now that they’re younger.. things have changed a lot in many secondary schools in Nigeria especially in boarding schools. Plus, it’s the parents responsibility to raise a child not the school. The schools only serve to support whatever the parents have been doing at home. If the raising at home is different from what obtains in school, the one with the higher influence will take hold. Therefore let whatever you’re teaching them have a stronger hold. Boarding schools in Nigeria are another story these days.
I tell all Africans. Bear with your heritage and improve upon your personal self and eventually all will be well. Mowt never know what freedom is until you have been out there in the real world. Make your money at home, go on holidays to be exposed but never agree to be enslaved or become lost. This lady has done a wonderful video.
There's nothing wrong with children asking questions. You get ready to give correct answers at all times. Not every Child raised in children is timid. Timidity is not a virtue Let's bring a balance of being available for our children it's a big sacrifice we all have to make either home or abroad. Things are getting bad all over the world. Let's buckle up
I think it's also important to be firm with one's children but also have that friendship. I think a lot of Nigerian parents are not like that because of how they grew up, but the world has changed so they may struggle to be able to bring their children in line.
Between our respect and their confidence, I'll choose ours any time, any day. Nigerians have and inherent confidence from birth and our culture taught us that.
Most people coming back have their British citizenship with their families they can come in and go out any time they want,and they have investment as home, please don't be discouraged have family friend who invested millions of naria in school businesses today the have to run back to UK Nigeria happens to them
Even if they move back to the UK, it doesn’t matter! They moved to Nigeria and spent some time there. That’s something significant. Would you say the UK happened to the parents who lost their children to knife violence? Or the parents whose children have been badly shaped by the UK’s negative influences??? Did Nigeria happen to those people too?
Well done for this excellent 👏 video!!! I lived across continents! I didn't marry or have children abroad; because I don't have energy to work round the clock! As a global consultant! When God blesses me to marry and have children; because I don't want want to have kids and raise them alone! God help parents!!! I currently work out of Nigeria remotely!!! If I need to go anything again; is to a country; where family 👪 living is encouraged.
Thanks for this video.As a matter of fact, i see most Africans and immigrant are ignorant of their right as a parent and also able to draw a line betwen the right of the child.In some cases , the right of a parent in some areas supercede the child's right.A case in which you ask a child to go to school or dosome legally things and he refuses,u can excercise your right as a parent.I had a case with my child of 5 years,i discussed with d childrens office and they said the child has no such right to say he wont do some things .lIke saying he wont go to school, you should not beat the child but make the child understand your right as a parent is to ensure he does such things and report him or her to necesary authorities.Parent refuse to take actions and just allow kids do anything bcos they feel the child has a right to do whatever he or she likes bcos this is europe or America.This is not true to my own knowledge
Three year old today in Nigeria will question you. Thank you for this the major thing is to pray more and pay attention. Cos all these things happen in Nigeria today.
My concern for you is that, the age you want to relocate them from one point A to B, make sure you do so before the age they'd know how to move by themselves to go about seeing friends under your nose, if at all you plan to do it
To each his own. There’s no one size fits all and results will be on a case by case basis but it’s good for them to experience both sides and for parents to keep language and some traditions alive from birth if you don’t want them to forget their origin.
Waoh!! Just stumbled on your channel and I can 100% agree! I think in my case, I’m just waiting for us to get our citizenship then we can go back to Nigeria for secondary school education. That teenage age is the scary part, I just keep praying for God’s guidance. Canada will still be our 2nd home, he will visit as often as he wants but I need him to have that balance. I never felt unsafe in Nigeria and I’ve visited twice in 2years already. I’m just working on businesses and things that can translate even in Nigeria. He can return for university infact I’d prefer university in Europe or Asia. May God help us all🙏🏾🙏🏾
Thank you madam. But I think it's thesame thing every where in the world. Only God will help us with our extra attention on them. Discipline also matters a lot.
My own opinion, u can raise them in uk when they reach age 11 to 12,take them back to naija and jave their adolescence age there,if they wish to come back and continue their study,it all depends on their choice
Absolutely correct. I brought my kids when they were 8:10 now two years added I see they growing to become a teenager and my mind is telling me to go back and finish their secondary school back home. So help me GOD
It's all about personal choices.No matter what you can still raise a well balanced children with respect in the UK despite the challenges.Its not all doom and gloom.
@josbeam8550 You spoke my mind. Parenting is hard however we have to be intentional with our kids. Most of the things she said were parents are working long hours. All one needs is balance, when children idle they engage in frivolity. It can be challenging for parents as it takes a lot of time doing that however it pays in the long run. I shared these on my channel. Good video but its not all is gloom and doom abroad.
We can have plans, back up plans, plans for the back up plans, back up plans for the plans of the back ups. Whether at home or abroad, it is all geography. Our lives and the children’s lives, our outcomes and the children’s outcomes are all God’s plan. The most important thing is to have a strategy to have priorities and raise these children ourselves or else the society and their peers will raise them. Many people loose focus. You cannot go to parties every weekend you are not working. And work round the clock during the week and expect to have children with a good outcome. It does not matter the geography, it would not end well. To sustain a family does not require millions. Focus on time management. Also, the most important thing is God’s grace and to pray God meets us where we are.
Can Nigerians for a second stop calling this GOD and get realistic and practical. Is God meant for only Nigerians? Haba. The hyper religion doHaha. Even reflect in our characters.
Morning ma. My own advice for you ma is that if you are doing well over there please just continue staying there no place is perfect on earth only heaven the kingdom of GOD Is the greatest perfect place. Even here in Nigeria many people that are doing well will prefer to remain here in Nigeria because they are happy and doing well. But you having property in Nigeria is not bad is good that you have many things that will be giving you money. Another advice is that let your children finished their education maybe even getting their own job and doing well over there in London. Then you can come back home to Nigeria retired happy people are doing well here too. So that is my advice ma . And the most important thing is that you seek first the kingdom of GOD living a HOLY life a righteous life so that at the end of life here on earth you gain Eternal Life In Heaven which is the greatest rest anyone can have thank you ma. JESUS CHRIST BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
There's plenty things wrong with Nigeria pls. The insecurities, poverty, high cost of living just to mention but a few. But the only thing is parent should never loose their children to the system in abroad
You dont know what you are talking about. Keke napep riders high on alcohol and putting your life at risk, danfo will carry 18 passengers knowing their brakes have been failing for weeks, Police will put you in fear, betting centers everywhere and their jobless patrons will jump into your compound every night to steal and harm, etc.
Join this chat for questions and suggestions. chat.whatsapp.com/HLCdI9Z3Qwp9WnjuUrtIiw
My darling I took my son back home going to year 3 in secondary school in London. he was born in UK 1988, he was a very good boy but I don't like the way children here are behaving and being brought up. I took him back home and stayed in Nigeria with him until after Nysc came back to do MSc forensics. You cannot have it both ways you have to choose, money or childcare. In fact I don't regret it. Almighty God takes the glory. I was scrolled for that decision but it's a very good story. God thank you. he is okay in fact he is thinking of relocating back to Nigeria with his family. Nigeria is the best place to raise children. The children that are raised aboard after sometime they detach from you.
Thank you ma. You got the context of the video. This is exactly what I meant
Imagine, this is the right words for me especially as a Muslim sef.
May we not have children that would call us stupid
But as soon as they old enough they all go back
I share similar thoughts. I'll rather raise my children in Nigeria and have them attend school up to university level and they can then go overseas for post graduate studies. Most importantly, whether raising children at home or abroad, there is no substitute for spending quality time with them. That time is the vehicle for instructing them, influencing them, teaching them and generally bonding with them.
@@gibson2675But they are going back with some Naija sense
This is the best video I’ve seen from an African mother in diaspora. Thank you for this! So real and so deep. I’m so proud an African woman living overseas understands that the overall welfare of their children and entire family trumps living abroad at any cost.
Some people think living in the West is everything. You are so full of wisdom. You covered everything and balanced all sides.
Watching from the US.
It depends on individual circumstances. However don't think that children don't indulge in vices in Nigeria. The fact is you will hardly hear about it because of the culture of shame in Africa. Parents will be silent about what's happening to their kids and kids will pretend to Parents. I believe with God you can raise children successfully whether in Nigeria or abroad. Even children in Nigeria go astray and keep bad association. It is not only abroad that parents are busy. Speak to Parents that work in Lagos especially. All I am saying is that Nigeria or Africa is not the mecca for raising responsible children. It is all by the grace of God.
👏👏👏
Cultism is the worst problem particularly for boys in Nigeria. Lack of youth engagement in training programs like I.T. etc. is also a problem. If you can solve these two challenges-- Nigerian culture is better than the western world. @auntyjayne
True but they don't allow you to discipline your children abroad
That’s true. And that’s why she said you have to watch out for the warning signs.
Also, we are talking of the possibility of it happening in the West is so much more at a higher percentage rate as compared to Nigeria. Plus, having a free hand to discipline your own children overseas is not easy and is usually frowned upon even when you’re not abusing them. And these kids abroad know the law and their “rights” and can use it against you.
The same institutions that don’t want you to discipline your kids will be the first to put them in detention or jail when they do something against the law at an older age.
The comparison is apples and oranges really.
You are combining a different situation and culture...there are something that do not give children freedom because neither the parents or the government give the will or audacity to misbehave freely.
The same way your own wife can send you out of your house is same way your kid can arrest you with a police abroad.
I was kidnapped in the presence of my children hence I had to japa with my kids.God forbid I didn't return. Imagine the trauma they would have been through. I make sure my children are always engaged in church activities here in the UK. Nigeria happened to me and I will not allow it happen to them.If I stay back in Nigeria and my children get kidnapped what will i tell God? My children have been very confident even when we were in Nigeria.
There is G*NG and g*n viol*nt in Abroad too.. pressure... It's depends on how you plan yourself and Grace of God...
Japa or not, the children being raised are different from old time.
I'm still in Nigeria, my toddler would ask me boldly why I beat him when I do, he wants an explanation for everything, he doesn't just want to be ordered around... the only good thing right now is that he's soft-hearted and able to apologize for his mistakes.
God will help every parent
That child will boldly tell his/her teacher what you did and.......
Safeguarding issues is showing gradually
When we're speaking about the dynamics in the West. Nigerians at home should keep quiet and try to learn one or two things.
The cultures are so far apart.
@@afrikanheritage99 being at home doesn't mean we don't have family and friends raising children in the diaspora and it doesn't mean we're not learning after all the essence of the video is to prepare one's mind and not to scare so it's rude and very rude of you to say we should keep quiet. Regardless of where you raise children, it's only God that helps because you can be in Nigeria and do everything possible, impart morals and all and your child can decide to be a pretender just that the host gave an example, that you'll be wondering if it's your child that did something or not.
As for me, Anywhere I go I leave my children in God's hands and reason I left 9-5 jobs so I can have time to raise them while doing other things
God bless you. Same with my 3 year old boy. I explain to him. Becos we need to let them know why we discipline them so that they don't repeat it. I am in Nigeria I am very busy too. It's takes God's Grace to take care of my kid.
Bless you! I’m in my 30s and I was never raised to be timid. It’s not a general training in Nigeria for kids to be timid. It’s parenting style.
The most important video ever japa parent must watch. Raising children abroad is not a joke. If not careful, it’s easy to lose them to the system or societal failures
This is the best video ever,this has been in my mind to do from when I saw how this system is for my children.
Don’t be distracted if people don’t like this video because they will never understand Example
Is just like looking at the physical when the spiritual is the main thing that controls the physical
Is what people will never understand
You have a calming voice I enjoy listening to you thank you.
I live in the U.K. and have 2 adolescents- both born here. They are well behaved and mindful of what they say. They even kneel and prostrate to greet us and our visitors. It is important to live with your children and sending them back to Africa is not always a good option. Best wishes!
Typical Narcicistic African parents would fight you for saying this.
Some parents are not lucky, especially when they don't create time to blend with their children. All they do is run😊 to pick shifts and make money.
Thanks alot
If I may ask why those children born in Nigeria that is OK is still running to uk and Canada and Australia why not them stay in Nigeria ,
@@denniskcobi3470u have been asking dis questions, everywhere, is bcos of money, u earn more outside then in Nigeria. Oya rest
You are correct ma ... I came visiting and went to a friend's house,i like the way she communicate with her children in her dialet and even with eyes like the way our mothers in the olden days did to us. Teaching the children good morals and the way of God is the goal
I'm a 76 year old grand mother who japa, japada and japa in the 70s. Yes, you can say that Nigeria was booming then but we struggled financially and with the system or lack of system.
I returned to the UK alone in 1987 with the 3 boys because my husband refused to come back with us. It was very though, but we made it.
The 3 boys graduated, in very good jobs. I'm retired with good pensions and good investments.
By the way, my husband joined much later after Nigeria happened to him.
We now travel all over the world and visit Nigeria often. I'm very happy in the UK but I take it that it's not for everybody. All I can say is give Nigeria a go and Good luck.
I always tell my people having lived in the UK for 12 years and back n forth 🇺🇸 this life no balance. I live in East Afric now but what i have reality the grass is never greener water where you are. We all fight to move and run away from our countries but a visa cn either be. Curse or a blessing. Theres suffering everywhere in the world in UK theres suffering 🇺🇸 usa people are homeless in Africa same thing. I had to look for God for guidance even when i get visa now i have to first consult Elroi the God that sees me. Life is spiritual 🙏
You must surely be an NSPPDIAN😊
@oladapotolulope4795 a proud NSPPDIAN all the way from East Africa
@@Akajasi Good to hear that. I am from Nigeria
Nigeria has changed o. The values are no longer the same anymore. Carry bible, God and follow up your children.
Nigeria is still better
I agree. Couldn’t raise children in today’s Nigeria. Value system? Where?
The poverty has caused more damage in Nigeria .boys on yahoo and betting ,girls as harlots .#provision is key in present day Nigeria
@@omothefavouredbut you are not poor now. These crimes are not the ones rich children will deal with. It would be a different one
Madam, you're 100% right . Me and my wife are in Canada, my son is now 14, I'm planning to go back to Nigeria this January and stay until he's done with highschool and join us in Canada. I'll have to stay in Nigeria for two years. Some people think what children wants his material things, most parents don't even see or open their eyes to see
It is the grace of God and great effort to raise Godly children. Wherever you are living, be prayerful whether UK or Nigeria
I agree with you 100%.
My sister, it takes the grace of God to train children no matter where you live. All we need is to instill in them Gods word and pray with them daily.
And pray that God help you. No system is absolutely bad or absolutely perfect.
Signs. Very true. Some parents choose to gloss over key issues only to face the consequences afterwards.
i love you ma, i am a south African raising Nigerians. I am learning a LOT from you. God bless you ma.
My Inlaw relocate all her children from America back to Nigeria now they’re back to America for their masters it is the best decision of her life
No child was born with being stubborn or rebelous. They learn by what they see and experience at home with people that have influenced them. Parents should not use the same hand to raise all their kids. Children are different . Some children naturally are obidient some you need to keep talking to them and engaging them back to back. Understand who your child is , some children are naturally expressive while some need you to bring the words out of their thoughts. When you understand your child parenting wouldn't be hard.. we all must make money but balance it. Most single parents didn't plan to be single, its hard raising children alone, but with prayers and being intentional you can scale through. Another major problem in homes is comparison and favouritism. Kids can see who you treat better this pushes them away to seek love and attention outside. Make your home a beautiful haven for your family. May God help and guide us.
I like the way you talk; so down-to-earth and natural. Keep it up❤
God bless you for raising this topic. I have a friend who came from another part of Europe but immediately they observed that there children are beginning to change, they left and came back to Nigeria and I absolutely agree that having that mindset or Plan B should anything change or happen.
Perfect Talk am proud of you people think abroad is so special not knowing Home Nigeria is the best I love ❤️ your conversation I live in United Kingdom most time in Naija now
If I may ask why those children born in Nigeria which is the best is still running to the same uk and America and Canada and Europe why , and why the same father and mother that bring them back to Nigeria pushing them to go back to the same uk and America and Canada and Europe why ,
I think the truth is that parents sometimes say they japa because of their children, but when they get there they forget and start working for themselves to be richer. As humans we are selfish. And it’s not that they miss the signs, they feel incapacitated.
This point is apt
The Western system is designed to trap people who aren't aware of its working. Those who aren't vigilant about implementing an exit plan will be trapped by the system. Even if one is disciplined and has the focus; it's still very difficult to beat the system, especially when children are involved! The most important gifts we can give to our children is the fear of God, the ability to speak our native tongue and instill a strong cultural identity in them.
Hmmm!
This may explain it all.
Exactly everyone gets too busy for the kids nd allow them raise themselves and you wonder y the kids r the way they are
The exact truth.
Very on point....I pray all parents will watch this with open minds and hearts for us to be able to change the narrative. Thank you for sharing.
One thing I like people to think about more often is that the country where one kids grew up is important. However, equally more crucial is the neighborhood where one grows up.
Living in a high crime neighborhood is one of the worst things someone can do for their kids, albeit inadvertently regardless of what part of the world they live.
There is statistical correlation between ones neighborhood and their chances of committing crimes, finishing college or their future income.
So I do advise people to move to a higher income accommodating neighborhood if they can afford it regardless of if they end up as the minority. This singlehandedly can change the trajectory of one's kid(s) future.
I really love the points you make in this video. Very relevant by using real life examples of recent tragic events. Keep up the good work.
Wishing your channel the best.
I really like this content. Very balanced! You are a very emotionally intelligent woman. God bless you 🙏🏽
I like to draw our attention to the word of God in Proverbs 22:6. We are commanded to train our children in God's way either abroad or in other parts of the world. It doesn't really matter the country because as a youth leader I have seen and heard youths in Nigeria joining cultism, prostitution and other evil vices despite home training. All we need is Divine wisdom and constant prayer for God's guidance in training them. We as parents also need to portray Godly examples to our children and not be hypocritical. May God help us.
Look, I believe the Bible. Raising children in the western world while both parents are working full time and struggling to pay bills is hard. Besides, it takes time to serve God aside from the regular church attendance. Work takes a lot from the lives of immigrants and the trickle down effect tells negatively on the home, causing the marriage to implode eventually. African societies are more relaxed and parents enjoy a lot of autonomy unlike the west where you have no right to make decisions once a law is passed about certain things that affect your children. Religion can’t change such laws but leaving such environment will. Let’s be realistic.
@@Moabayi-yf6ul
Nice 👍 thank you.
@@Moabayi-yf6ulWhy should work take us away from raising our children....
@@Moabayi-yf6ul It may interest you to know that in Africa now, lots of parents have placed hustling in front and less time for kids. Leaving children to be raised by housemaids n nannies. Tell me, what's the outcome of that. That's why you hear rap.e, substance abuse cases among kids.
Raising good kids has little or nothing to do with location.
My family is less than two years in UK and my children are confident and could look me in the face to say their mind. I have to use wisdom and fear of God to deal with them. Thank for such valuable information.
Hmm...
As Nigerians, we like to eat our cake and have it, it can’t be that way.
On one hand, we want to take them away from all the lack of opportunities in Nigeria, on the other hand you want to also want them to retain the “values” that we got while growing up.
Those “values” are parent-dependent. Parents are still failing their kids in Nigeria. So it’s about finding the right balance.
Japa to give them the opportunities you think they deserve, create the time to train them with “values” that you want but that will still enable them to adapt in their new location.
It’s hard, but it has to be done, but you don’t necessarily have to Japada.
I’m here with my kids, it’s clear to them they are in a Nigerian home and will not do nonsense or else they will see nonsense…😂😂😂😂
Thanks for sharing, all the best.
Thanks so much for this. Whatever we want our kids to express we can have it. May they be thought of the Lord and find peace. Amen
Apt❤❤❤
Look up an article about Dr. Femi Ayeni and wife Titi Ayeni in the National Post (Jan 2 2025). They moved their five children to Canada.
Femi had studied in Canada.
After completing his studies in Canada in medicine, Femi returned to Nigeria as a general surgeon where he later opened a medical school.
Intentional parenting is key!!! God help us all. Amen
Listen to your heart mama....come home and enjoy the peace of mama Africa ❤we are waiting
I think this channel is fast becoming my favourite place to learn. This is so for many reasons, it perfectly aligns with my line of thought and abroad living and returning. It is clear you are a family orientated woman and doing everything in your power to plan for your family. I am grateful for sharing your journey. As a young man with a growing family I am learning alot that would be useful when I finally perfect my Japada plan
It all depends on which side of the prism one views.
I am within my first 5 years. I am already making my plans to relocate back after a number of years. The earlier, the better. The two cultures differ greatly. It's difficult to combine work and childcare here. But with God all things are possible.
@@NwuhaI share the same thoughts as you. The 5years is looking like 10 yrs for me
I love the way you talk...simple .honest and very clear. Welldone ma 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
First time watching, and I love it!. Looking forward to other content Ma. Thank you
You are so right. What i saw in UK with secondary school students convinced me i couldnt raise my kids in that society.
Nice topic. New subscriber here. May God make us proud of our children but abroad and back home. May we only cry tears of joy for them. May we not regret our major investment of bringing them abroad. Amen❤
Great content. One of my fears of relocating to UK 🇬🇧 is this work work work thing. Life doesn’t suppose to be that hard, but the system has made it that way. I need my rest oooo.
Australia is the best place to live with children with amazing work life balance
Absolutely true! Living abroad comes with its perks, but it also has its fair share of challenges. Honestly, I feel like a lot of people choose to travel because the basics we need back home are either missing or feel impossible to achieve. The ones responsible for fixing things often leave their duties undone, which makes it even harder. Being abroad isn’t easy-it comes with its own struggles-but it does offer opportunities to earn the capital needed to make a difference. It provides a sense of stability and sanity, even though it brings its own unique set of problems.
Sanity can't be written in the same sentence with living abroad.
And stability? Wait until you lose your job and not find another quickly.
You sound brand new to wherever you are. You're still in your honey moon period.
Smiles! 😂The definition of sanity might differ from person to person, but in this context, here’s what I mean:
I have access to stable electricity, clean water, and drivable roads. Sure, these come with bills, but at least they’re consistently available-unlike what we experienced back home. The jobs here may not be our dream roles, but they cover more than just the basics. And even though discrimination exists, I can approach law enforcement and get things done without having to bribe my way through.
Bro, have you noticed the sign at our country’s airport departure area? The one that says only the traveler is allowed inside? Add to that the men in black turning the entrance into a “business center” for collecting “fees.” It’s honestly exhausting.
And the stories are endless. I once paid 40k to recover a 100k debt from a driver on the platforms you know. Or how about the time I had to humble myself in front of my tenant just to collect my rent? When I can can’t even survive a month delay in payment.
Truth be told, living abroad offers a level of sanity that our home country struggles to provide. It’s not perfect here, but the difference is undeniable.
Thank you❤
Your video is so natural and I felt so relaxed watching it. You touched a lot of basics that that ironically, we don’t talk or hear about.
Raising Children generally is not easy but the fact remains, there are places you wont want your children to be raised to avoid negative up bringing...
The perfect place is in
GODS PRESENCE where there's FULLNESS OF JOY AND PLEASURES EVERMORE
available for ALL to enjoy where ONE LOVE ALWAYS PREVAILS REIGNING GODS GLORY OUR HERITAGE
HALLELUJAH 🙏🏿♥️😂
Well my children are having their primary education in the uk 🇬🇧 but thier secondary school for sure will be in nigeria 🇳🇬. Then we will evaluate if their university will be in nigeria or uk 🇬🇧.
Children can turn sour here quickly
I think it is better to do primary school in Nigeria cos it will be a very strong moral foundation for them. Secondary school in Nigeria is terrible too.
Don’t be deceived.
Good decision.
Same here. I did that with my two kids and it’s turning out to be an excellent decision. May God bless our children.
Come to Australia with them now ,trust me you will not regret, here in my suburb , when the children get to 18 years ,they will bring them to a place for all the community to see them and know they are 18 . At 16 and 17 their phone has parental guard,they work in my husband place of work,if they have to buy pizza from their money,they will call their parents if they should buy and if their parents said no,they won't buy,my husband was surprised,even in Nigeria then when we were working as teenagers,our money belongs to us. I am not going back to Nigeria, Australia is home from home and the work life balance is superb,just come on vacation and come and see for yourself
Really instructive video. Bless you and all the black kids out there...may God shield them from bad influences. A new SUBBIE here
Planning to Japa this year God's willing....also to give my family and my future kids a much better chance at life.
The part where you have to work round the clock just to please some family members friends and foes in Nigeria is the worst for me. Someone very close to me needs to watch this.
Pleasing your family to displease your children and spouse is hypocrisy., never let the family you come from ruin the family that comes from you.
Great job madam 🎉❤. Jehovah God will help us all to success .
It is God that raises Children and it does not matter what country. You have to lift them up to God everyday. There are children that are raised in Ghettos of America, London and other European countries and they are well behaved. Nothing is possible without God.
Parents has to devote time to the children and lift them up to God.
I didn't know when I watch the video till end. Nice content.❤
Funny. Mine was the reverse. Amongst other things, my kids are one of the reasons I don't dream of relocating to the western world from Nigeria.
Happy for you. I lived in America for 35yrs and have decided never to move my naija born children abroad. The mental and emotional toll on children is not worth it. I see my children playing and happy so why would I uproot them to unfamiliar and strange culture.
@ibaileibaomo7660 My dear. My own decision is greatly working for me ( I kid you not). Nobody is forcing you o. Every mallam wit hin own kettle😊. Do you & I do me. .
My comment was based on the You-tuber's discussion in this video. Definitely she is not telling any Nigerian in the diapora to come back to Nigeria. She is just chronicling her thoughts & journey back to our country in a video. Abeg no fear🤣.
NB - I apologise for my response to you. I just read your comment and I realised my error. You were talking about taking your Nigerian born children abroad which I misunderstood to be the reverse.
However, I would leave this my comment for Nigerians in the abroad to read because this kind of video & my comment triggers most of them in the negative way😁.
I see you .very wise❤
@@ibaileibaomo7660I hear you❤
@@Truth_Unchained No problem. I was actually supporting your decision.
Thanks for sharing, i also have that language thing as a goal for my kids this year.
Most children raised in Nigeria are more familiar oriented than most raised abroad.
#fact!!
Great content but please when you get to Nigeria, don't sleep with two eyes closed. Alot is going on here in Nigeria too. Secondary school children are watching pork,drinking alcohol and taking drugs.God will help us.
My own opinion is that African parents are always working for people in Nigeria, they don't have time to look after their children
You have to put Nigeria on a budget. If you can only afford 50 dollars, so be it. You cannot neglect your family and take care of others. I have put my family on a budget for years. They have something to look forward to monthly.
True.
My sister thank you so much for your advice. You are right
Great advice. My advise to you for your baby is to speak yoruba to him or her only from now and with your husband too. My child understands yoruba well and we speak it to her most of the time. She couldn't speak a word of English when she went to nursery. I learnt this from the Asians and I have in UK for over 25 years. Thank you so much for your advice. More Grace
I definitely take that on board. Thanks ma
Nah God dey help person raise pikin... even here is Nigeria as well..
Parenting is hard work... provision of basic needs is little compared to the emotional, physicial and spiritual effort.
Sadly the system we have today(everywhere) don't give room for proper parenting..
Thank you for this. It's an eye opener for many.
Wonderful channel. Very informative and educative
I will join the Whatsapp group now, this is my first time on your channel and I'm glued already. You just mentioned everything happening to me. I have teenage children too and it's been very stressful. I can't even do more than 36hours in a week again, if I'm not in my husband must be in, God will see us through sis.
What is the number for the WhatsApp group, though am in canada
@jyruche33 yes, we have lots of Canadians in our group. Pls join via the link on our bio page. Thanks
You are so right my sista. I was wondering when someone was going to talk about this topic.
Two things I have observed that’s partially responsible for children going astray in the UK are:
1) Single Parent Households. Especially single mothers. Up to age 8, children do well with single mothers. After 8 years, children need their fathers to support them.
2) Women attacking their husbands every time they attempt to correct their children. These women have no bad intentions but are doing this from their maternal instincts. However, by refusing the fathers from correcting the children in the manner suitable to a man, the children lose respect for their fathers and then go astray.
This is a battle that I fought for many years because I read about the consequences lack of fathers will have on the child.
I want to encourage the men out there to fight the good fight and don’t give up. Your wife has good intentions by protecting her children. However, you should let her know that she is not helping the children by making it impossible for their father to correct a wrong behaviour.
If done correctly, In the end, both parents will be happy.
I hear you, but let fathers not abuse their children in the name of correction. Some fathers become overly aggressive on the children and that in itself can make a child rebellious, and when the child eventually rebels against that harsh treatment, fathers blame the mothers for not wanting the child to be disciplined. Everything has a balance, and that's often what mothers try to make fathers understand. Thank you.
@backstory701
Love this. Thanks
@@backstory701 you have assumed the worst case scenario and herein lies the issue.
For the record, mothers abuse children far more than fathers do. This is backed up by data.
Most fathers want the best for their children. Mothers should therefore support their spouses to ensure that bad behaviour is corrected and also to prevent abuse.
Please understand that men are different from women and our methods are also different. For example, when a child falls, the mother rushes to comfort her child but the father would ask the child to pay attention to their surroundings to prevent them from falling. The man’s actions may seem harsh but is necessary for the development of the child.
Hope this helps.
@@juliusoba6488 I don't quite understand the worst-case scenario I have assumed here. Most mothers do not refuse their husbands to discipline their children - they rather object to the method that said discipline is administered. And this is not because of a mother's lack of understanding of gender differences, it is simply because what is wrong can be objectively observed to be wrong, regardless of who is looking at it.
You were talking specifically about mothers "attacking their husbands every time they attempt to correct their children". This is the issue I am addressing; I did not know you were coming from a wholescale men vs women viewpoint - because the "mothers abuse children more than fathers" line is just wild.
Bottom line: There are ways to NOT discipline children. A man's presence, the authority of his voice and his masculinity are needed in the home - women know this very well, and that's why they often stay in unhappy marriages "for the sake of the children". However, sometimes men can and do go overboard in this disciplinarian role, and that's when mothers intervene to protect both you the father, and the child you are attempting to discipline. Because your children being terrified of you does not mean they respect you. Being very harsh on them often builds resentment, and it is that resentment that breeds rebellion.
Please sir, let us not act like there is no way of being firm and stern as a father without being abusive (physically, verbally, emotionally). Or that a woman's softness makes her unable to tell the difference between discipline and something else. No. Don't become overly and unnecessarily harsh on your children because they will surely rebel, and you will still blame their mother for it. That's all.
@@backstory701 again, your point is perfectly understood. However, 99% of fathers usually don’t abuse their children. It’s usually step fathers that do abuse children the most.
My post is about the method of correction. Some women want their husbands to correct their children in a feminine manner. Anything else is classed as abuse.
Meanwhile, children who grew up with single fathers tend to perform as well as those in two parent households. This data suggests that fathers discipline helps children to become better adults.
You may not approve of the father’s methods. But if he’s doing it in love, the children will be better off in the end.
Please stop using this “abuse” cliche. Father’s on average do not abuse their children. I gave an example of what a father’s love or discipline looks like in my earlier post. I’m not referring to the African context of whipping a child either when I talk about discipline.
A child without discipline may not achieve their full potential.
I live in London. My children can only come on vacation, and when they re done with secondary school, they can come, but still depends. 😊
You are objective. I like you line of thought. The important thing you said is the God factor.
Awesome video. Children can join bad gang abroad or Nigeria. Just that abroad bwith social workers etc more pressure. Parents should really try their best with their children and let them have the fear of God and know God for themselves. IWe relocated when i was 11 and now an adult myself I can tell you easy to be successful in the UK but also easy to take the wrong path due to peer pressure, social media etc.
Lovely video. The only one thing I'd disagree with is saying Nigeria teaching kids not to stare an adult in the eye is a lack of confidence, so the former is a bad thing.
That's not true. Not staring down an elder in the eye is not a bad thing! It's our culture and is neither good or bad. Just as the UK looking an elder straight in the eye is neither good or bad. These are just a matter of two differing cultures. Neither one of them is better than the other.
Why shouldn't automatically see the UK style as the good one. After all, the uk culture of kids starring adults in the eye breeds disrespectful kids too. Surely, it cannot be a good thing that a bunch of 15yr olds would address your grandmother as "hi Jumoke", "hi darling"!?
However, the culture of eye contact of the lack thereof is neither right or wrong, kids just go beyond what's expected.
By the way, Nigerians aren't the only culture who dont stare adults down, Asians are the same, so everyone's culture must be respected. An african guy once told off someone who accused him of not making eye contact, saying it amounts to dishonesty. The African guy essentially said its discriminatory & a lack of respect for his African culture to accuse him of dishonesty because of lack of eye contact, and I completely agree.
"Not looking at an elder face to face is a sign of dishonesty" One man's food is another man's poison
I’m sending my kids back to Nigeria during their adolescent age ,they have to do their secondary school over there and then come back for university after the Nigeria culture must have inculcated that training in them
That’s my plan.
God bless you sis
Good luck
Please know the secondary school you send them to. Not all secondary schools are healthy in Nigeria.
Inculcate the training you want in them by yourself now that they’re younger.. things have changed a lot in many secondary schools in Nigeria especially in boarding schools. Plus, it’s the parents responsibility to raise a child not the school. The schools only serve to support whatever the parents have been doing at home. If the raising at home is different from what obtains in school, the one with the higher influence will take hold. Therefore let whatever you’re teaching them have a stronger hold. Boarding schools in Nigeria are another story these days.
Very soothing voice, you have.
I tell all Africans. Bear with your heritage and improve upon your personal self and eventually all will be well. Mowt never know what freedom is until you have been out there in the real world. Make your money at home, go on holidays to be exposed but never agree to be enslaved or become lost. This lady has done a wonderful video.
I subscribed before even listening much! i knew you'd give something meaningful.
I'm learning much already.
There's nothing wrong with children asking questions. You get ready to give correct answers at all times. Not every Child raised in children is timid. Timidity is not a virtue
Let's bring a balance of being available for our children it's a big sacrifice we all have to make either home or abroad. Things are getting bad all over the world. Let's buckle up
Great insight
You are a true mother. God bless you
Thank you for this. Its an eye opener🎉.
Wonderful wise mother ❤
I think it's also important to be firm with one's children but also have that friendship. I think a lot of Nigerian parents are not like that because of how they grew up, but the world has changed so they may struggle to be able to bring their children in line.
"...also have that friendship."
Very good point.
Between our respect and their confidence, I'll choose ours any time, any day.
Nigerians have and inherent confidence from birth and our culture taught us that.
Most people coming back have their British citizenship with their families they can come in and go out any time they want,and they have investment as home, please don't be discouraged have family friend who invested millions of naria in school businesses today the have to run back to UK Nigeria happens to them
Even if they move back to the UK, it doesn’t matter! They moved to Nigeria and spent some time there. That’s something significant. Would you say the UK happened to the parents who lost their children to knife violence? Or the parents whose children have been badly shaped by the UK’s negative influences??? Did Nigeria happen to those people too?
Always those negative bad news carriers 😒 They never see returnees who're successful in Nigeria 🇳🇬
Thank you very well said that's why I don't really pay kee attention to this people probably they needed fans for their TH-cam channel 😀
Eye opening viewpoint. Thank you.
Well done for this excellent 👏 video!!! I lived across continents! I didn't marry or have children abroad; because I don't have energy to work round the clock! As a global consultant! When God blesses me to marry and have children; because I don't want want to have kids and raise them alone! God help parents!!!
I currently work out of Nigeria remotely!!! If I need to go anything again; is to a country; where family 👪 living is encouraged.
Thanks for sharing ma 🙌❤
Thanks for this video.As a matter of fact, i see most Africans and immigrant are ignorant of their right as a parent and also able to draw a line betwen the right of the child.In some cases , the right of a parent in some areas supercede the child's right.A case in which you ask a child to go to school or dosome legally things and he refuses,u can excercise your right as a parent.I had a case with my child of 5 years,i discussed with d childrens office and they said the child has no such right to say he wont do some things .lIke saying he wont go to school, you should not beat the child but make the child understand your right as a parent is to ensure he does such things and report him or her to necesary authorities.Parent refuse to take actions and just allow kids do anything bcos they feel the child has a right to do whatever he or she likes bcos this is europe or America.This is not true to my own knowledge
Nice presentation. Educational...
Three year old today in Nigeria will question you. Thank you for this the major thing is to pray more and pay attention. Cos all these things happen in Nigeria today.
My concern for you is that, the age you want to relocate them from one point A to B, make sure you do so before the age they'd know how to move by themselves to go about seeing friends under your nose, if at all you plan to do it
To each his own. There’s no one size fits all and results will be on a case by case basis but it’s good for them to experience both sides and for parents to keep language and some traditions alive from birth if you don’t want them to forget their origin.
Love you sis. Wish you all the best
Thank you for sharing.Pls share the details of the group. I would like to be a part.
Hi, the link is on the bio page. Thanks
Waoh!! Just stumbled on your channel and I can 100% agree! I think in my case, I’m just waiting for us to get our citizenship then we can go back to Nigeria for secondary school education. That teenage age is the scary part, I just keep praying for God’s guidance. Canada will still be our 2nd home, he will visit as often as he wants but I need him to have that balance. I never felt unsafe in Nigeria and I’ve visited twice in 2years already. I’m just working on businesses and things that can translate even in Nigeria. He can return for university infact I’d prefer university in Europe or Asia. May God help us all🙏🏾🙏🏾
Our own asy 😂😂
Thank you madam.
But I think it's thesame thing every where in the world. Only God will help us with our extra attention on them. Discipline also matters a lot.
There is issue of location and the kind of people your children interact with. Always keep an eye on your children
My own opinion, u can raise them in uk when they reach age 11 to 12,take them back to naija and jave their adolescence age there,if they wish to come back and continue their study,it all depends on their choice
Absolutely correct. I brought my kids when they were 8:10 now two years added I see they growing to become a teenager and my mind is telling me to go back and finish their secondary school back home. So help me GOD
It's all about personal choices.No matter what you can still raise a well balanced children with respect in the UK despite the challenges.Its not all doom and gloom.
@josbeam8550 You spoke my mind. Parenting is hard however we have to be intentional with our kids. Most of the things she said were parents are working long hours. All one needs is balance, when children idle they engage in frivolity. It can be challenging for parents as it takes a lot of time doing that however it pays in the long run. I shared these on my channel. Good video but its not all is gloom and doom abroad.
We can have plans, back up plans, plans for the back up plans, back up plans for the plans of the back ups.
Whether at home or abroad, it is all geography.
Our lives and the children’s lives, our outcomes and the children’s outcomes are all God’s plan.
The most important thing is to have a strategy to have priorities and raise these children ourselves or else the society and their peers will raise them.
Many people loose focus.
You cannot go to parties every weekend you are not working. And work round the clock during the week and expect to have children with a good outcome.
It does not matter the geography, it would not end well.
To sustain a family does not require millions.
Focus on time management.
Also, the most important thing is God’s grace and to pray God meets us where we are.
Thanks for this message
Can Nigerians for a second stop calling this GOD and get realistic and practical. Is God meant for only Nigerians? Haba.
The hyper religion doHaha. Even reflect in our characters.
I just requested to join your Whatsapp group.
May God help us as parents to raise godly children anywhere in the world 🙏🏻.
Thank you very much for this
Morning ma. My own advice for you ma is that if you are doing well over there please just continue staying there no place is perfect on earth only heaven the kingdom of GOD Is the greatest perfect place. Even here in Nigeria many people that are doing well will prefer to remain here in Nigeria because they are happy and doing well. But you having property in Nigeria is not bad is good that you have many things that will be giving you money. Another advice is that let your children finished their education maybe even getting their own job and doing well over there in London. Then you can come back home to Nigeria retired happy people are doing well here too. So that is my advice ma . And the most important thing is that you seek first the kingdom of GOD living a HOLY life a righteous life so that at the end of life here on earth you gain Eternal Life In Heaven which is the greatest rest anyone can have thank you ma. JESUS CHRIST BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
Is in nigerian you can serve God well and to the fullest
Yes I missed working for the kingdom
Nigerians at homeland doesn't have the experience and knowledge of the Western cultures to render us any useful advice. I think that's very rude .
Thanks for this, it is very helpful
Absolutely true. Thanks
There is nothing wrong with Nigeria. It just depends on the perception of everyone. Infact, Nigeria is the best place to live in the World.
There's plenty things wrong with Nigeria pls. The insecurities, poverty, high cost of living just to mention but a few. But the only thing is parent should never loose their children to the system in abroad
@ Kpediaaa I disagree.
You dont know what you are talking about. Keke napep riders high on alcohol and putting your life at risk, danfo will carry 18 passengers knowing their brakes have been failing for weeks, Police will put you in fear, betting centers everywhere and their jobless patrons will jump into your compound every night to steal and harm, etc.
Everything is wrong with nigeria
@chidozieugwu-oju7069 Perception, my friend, perception.