I'm a 92 year old masc lesbian living in a small town in Idaho. My very fem love was with me for 65 years, until she died 4 years ago. Since then I have just come out and been myself, but for most of my life I tried to conform enough to keep my teaching job. I had a very happy life and still do, lots of good friends, mostly straight, and a family by choice who love and support me as do my birth family and my partner's nieces and nephews. So I have 3 families. There is long life for masc lesbians, although there was plenty of shit to get through too.
Woah! You’re so cool, this definitely inspires me to keep going. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, and condolences about your wife, may she rest in peace. 💕
@@sp.2778 I really enjoyed your talk; it made me think about a lot of things. By the way, you're hot as well as bright and articulate. Bet you're going to have a great life with someone wonderful. We queers are special. I carry Eileen's last driver's license in my back pocket always. How's that for never growing up?
there's an older masc lesbian in my community. she is probably in her 80's, has amazing swagger and wisdom, was dressed in a men's suit and big chain and walking with a cane last i saw her. and married to a woman. :)
Don’t worry, I’m femme but my whole circle is mascs including my partners. We’re in our 40s over here. Having kids and building happy lives. Much like queer living at any age, it’s only scary until you get here, then the tools you have given yourself for getting through will make your life unique and amazing at any stage. Based on the things you are saying now, you’re gonna do juuuuust fine.
Yours is one experience, and perhaps even a common one. I'm grateful you and those in your circle are thriving. And too, one's experience in their middle years depends on a lot of factors, including personal resources, access to external resources, family support, community support, the values and culture in which one is raised, traumatic experiences, class, economic status, education, disability, etc.. There are many in our community who are struggling severely in middle age. Plans of suicide are almost twenty percent higher for our demographic than for heterosexual counterparts, even while we only make up about 15 percent of the population. Lesbian social circles have become increasingly cliquish rather than cohesive as in previous decades, as our numbers have grown and our population diversified. And there is significant disparity between the experiences of low codeswitch-capable individuals (or those who otherwise came out in the 80s and 90s or earlier), and those who came out later in life who benefitted from privileges that heternormative life afforded throughout decades in which rights were fewer and antagonism and violence were increased. These two groups do not have the same experiences of being lesbian, and these differences are often ignored or avoided in open dialogue.
@@nycjanedoe I wouldn’t want to give the impression that it’s all sunshine and roses. Some days it feels like spinning plates trying to keep everyone’s mental health from slipping. But I don’t think that’s unique to queerness, just working class millennials and younger.
Making friends with other mascs has been incredibly hard, dating aside. The competition is annoying, but I hate when I introduce myself in a friendly way and another masc tries to assert dominance. It's the same toxic masculinity cis men have and it's real disappointing. Like the little man syndrome isn't cute on anyone.
I’m masc and not like that! I had a good masc friend and we would say nice things to each other all the time. But in general it’s super hard to make masc friends and the competition thing is bs. I also date other masc lesbians so I’ve been hard stop rejected when trying to ask one out, that’s rough.
@binghamguevara6814 we can and do! i'm 70/30 masc4masc masc4fem and while it can be tough to navigate, i wouldn't choose to be any different. hope to love a handsome masc, and hope to be one
Clare, I'm 60 and have learnt not to box myself into labels I'm just me,yes masculine,female (if I label) and have always been attracted to my same sex. My younger self struggled as you seem to be. Take it from me as an older gay, what others think or how they judge is on them. If others don't accept or respect you they are not worth your time or effort I wear whatever I'm comfortable in,long as I present neat,tidy and clean.Others can think what they like it used to concern me.With age comes wisdom. I'm proud of just being me. I had a successful lawn and garden business for 23 yrs,of which all my clients accepted me as me. I played a joke on one of my long time exes(still friends)Put a dress on and make up.The reaction priceless.She said never again it's just not you. The moral here is just be yourself and don't concern yourself about what others think Be happy and proud of who you are as a person
as a butch lesbian, i LOVE this video. i been meaning to talk about this!! being visibly queer is incredibly powerful, but sometimes i do feel like a target and have to have “thicker skin” - i lost it at collecting mascs like pokémon, and love that you touched on competition. i also feel like friendships with straight women are harder to initiate, and it can be more difficult to connect. the binary is very difficult to navigate. it surprised me how toxic masculinity became something i had to navigate, especially when i found myself more comfortable talking/interacting with men. it’s important to be mindful of. i feel very seen and understood with this video, and wish there was more conversation around these topics in general. saving for comfort
Bro as a masc lesbian who’s been masc and out since 14 I FEEL you with the toxic masculinity stuff. I dated a lot of girls openly in high school so the straight girls would always act weird when I would try and be just friends with them. Not on a mean way just in the same way they would with guys they were nervous around. And so I was “one of the boys” but was not prepared for that at all. I ended up being pretty toxic and becoming more of a “player” because I was praised for it amongst the boys. They would always ask me questions about girls and never really excluded me but would definitely be more physically aggressive in sports games in PE class because they forget I was a girl.
The struggle is real. I'm a 39 year old feminine lesbian, and I've just given up. I exclusively like other feminine women, but the ones I like are always into the andro or masc lesbians... who in turn are into me. 😅 I've always thought I wish I were more "visibly lesbian" to attract the women I'm into, but like you said, that means you're visible to everyone else too, and I really, really like blending in. It's interesting to learn about someone else's experience.
I relate so much lol, I am a femme who likes other femmes, but as an autistic im really bad at mimicking femininity unfortunately, and yeah I'm not ready to be more opaque, if that makes sense. As in I like blending in too. I came out recently and I'm honestly not confident.
Yup. Relate to this. I don’t find masc lesbians attractive and that’s ok, tons of gay women do. Not my cup of tea because some masc lesbians adopt toxic masculinity traits and it’s not enjoyable to be around. BUT I’ll chat to anyone long enough to see if I can gauge if they’re a good person. But yeah, as a femme who likes femmes there’s a mix of blending in so much that being single for a long time happens.
I worked with a lesbian in the 1980s. I'm a gay man and was out to her at that time. She was in a relationship with a man. I knew that she was gay , and sometimes i felt like bringing it up to her . She was very masculine. I used to think to myself how come her boyfriend can't see her true sexuality. I met him and he was a nice guy. Anyway , they broke up and she told me he had met another woman. Years passed by and we had moved on to other jobs and areas. Then one day i bumped into her on the street. We had a coffee together and she came out to me. I said i already know you are gay. She said really. I said yes , i could tell back in the 1980s when we worked together. I asked her why weren't you being yourself back then. She said she didn't have lesbian friends. But i said i was comfortable with my sexuality at a young age. When i knew her in the 1980s she was homophobic towards lesbian women. She would make jokes about lesbians and yet she was lesbian herself. But it's the societal oppression that's causes us gay people of both genders to hide. I felt fear when i was young as a gay guy. People are more accepting of gay women than men.
That is not true. Being a masculine gay woman is also hard especially in a conservative aerea. This is my experience because I lived as a masculine gay woman before I realised I am trans.
@@carinagomezfernandez7473 Being a masculine gay woman is harder than being a feminine gay woman, and the reason it is harder, is the same reason that it's hardest of all to be a gay man, especially in the 80s. I can't imagine that. Heteronormativity deems men as not man enough being attracted to other men.
also dont forget that mascs can date each other. there really is no real competition and yes we should all be friends but sometimes the person you're looking for is already in or nearby your circle (unless you're not into mascs ig)
i WISH mascs remembered they could date other mascs 😭 as a primarily masc4masc/butch4butch lesbian i am sooo tired of being seen as competition for the fem(me)s, at least in irl/public queer spaces. most of the lesbians i know, masc OR fem, are also primarily into fem(me)s. it's rough out here, lmao
There are plenty of masc lesbian grannies. People in general only have a POV of what they are living. As time goes on, you will see us everywhere...it's like when you get a new car and suddenly they are all over the road! The older you get, the less you care what anyone thinks. When you get there, life is so simple and fun! Glad I found your channel.
if you haven’t already, i highly recommend reading stone butch blues by leslie feinberg! not a perfect book (and can be violent/difficult to read in parts) but as a enby masc/butch lesbian it was really validating and i think is an important read for any lesbian. lesbian culture these days i think can feel very “new” and i really relate to a lot of your questions about growing old and how to navigate spaces being visibly queer and that book just really grounded me in the fact that we have ALWAYS BEEN HERE and ALWAYS WILL BE
Hi! Omg I just posted a comment where I recommended this book to Claire too!! Totally agree that it was a difficult read but it had me so proud of the past generation of lesbians ♥️
it feels good to see masc lesbians around me. as a trans woman i feel safe around younger but do feel judged by older folks. i just think visibility is so key. being out in the world allows others to conceive of other ways of being. ❤
I'm a "guy" that lives in a red state. I'm nb (more specifically agender) and I really really want to present more feminine despite the fact that I have pretty masculine facial features and the constant looks I get when I try to present more feminine are pretty overwhelming. What you said about exuding confidence really hits home when it comes to what I've been going through. I'm terrified to really try and be myself, but as someone who's hyperfixated on marketing and rhetoric I do know that if I can just get over my anxiety that it's possible to make it work. It's still an overwhelming and horribly complicated thing to try to figure out. Especially since I haven't had many people in my life to help me figure it all out. I've spent so much of my life trying to keep everyone happy and be what my family wanted me to be and that's been really horrible. I feel like I'm reaching a point where I just don't care anymore, and I really want to be that person. I want to be the person who exudes so much confidence that people look up to me for what I'm doing. It's hard because I'm introverted and completely socially illiterate but we don't always get to pick our battles I guess... I really hold on hard to the idea that if I can finally become that person who's confident in who I am, that'll help inspire other people like me who feel the same way. That really keeps me going even if I have a long long way to go. At 24 I often feel resentful that I let things get to this point by people pleasing for so much of my life, but we only get one of these things so I guess I'll try my best 👍 Things will get better as long as I keep paying close attention to the world and keep thinking outside the box. As long as I keep trying my best and don't let myself spiral. As long as I keep seeking out people who want to help and value those people even if I have trust issues to work through.
Im a masc/femme switch gay and for the most part, folks (other than my friends) treat me differently when I dress more girly than masculine. It’s kinda reeling when people who treated me with kindness before treat me differently when I wear men’s clothes the next day. Even though, at my core, nothing has changed. People are strange like that I guess.
this video being posted right now was crazy timing to me lol, 'cause I've had had a short haircut, but let it grow a whole lot, and just today I was thinking of how much better I felt with a shorter cut, of how much more confidence I had, and sometimes you just need to hear someone else talk about their experience to boost you and go do it. I don't have the habit of commenting, but thank you so much for this video, it really means a lot for a masc lesbian to talk about it
bye that makes me so happy to hear!!! cutting my hair short was so damn liberating!!! i feel so cool and different. go get the cut! rooting for u, and thanks for the support! :)
I stumbled across your video at the perfect time, being a masc lesbian truly is hard and quit lonely.. it feels so nice to hear that I’m not the only one feeling that way. Unfortunately I don’t have any queer friends, all of my friends are straight (love them tho) so this isn’t something they could possibly relate with. I’m glad I came across your video today, if I can’t relate to anyone in real life at least I can online lol it’s better than nothing
If you need an older masc lesbian to look at, just check out kate moening! she’s like 40 and still rocking the masc lesbian look. Check out the podcast pants.
Dude I literally lost my fellow masc friend bc we started competing for a girl (kinda both being lead on by her but yk-) Thank you for recognising it! It's exhausting and painful :(
Hi ! I’m a teenager (kinda) masc lesbian from France, and I love watching your videos about being queer, you’re very inspiring and make amazing content! I discovered you with your fashion content but I’m glad you made other types of videos Thank you for everything you did ! ❤(and sorry if I made any mistakes, English is not my first language 😂)
Hey Claire! I’ve been watching your videos since 2022 and you have helped me so much. I initially saw your outfits on Pinterest and they gave me so much inspiration to make the jump to become a full masc lesbian. And then you pushed me to cut my hair!!! (It’s short short now) Since I have cut my hair, I have felt so much more authentically like myself. The confidence boost is insane, and I really enjoyed listening to you talk about it in this video! Thank you for continuing to share your journey/experience and putting it into words! Keep being you!!!
Well, honeslty i felt this video, I see myself as androgynous. Since highschool, I've showed myself as my truly self wanted, and the only huge problem here, was my mother. She is the kind of woman thinks if I cutted my hair, then I wanted to be a man?????? yo, that shit was not my case. I LOVE being woman, it makes feel powerful, just being the way that I am, the way that I dress, the way that I move, my flow, it's just amazing.
stemme here with a more masc look until I moved back in with my homophobic family, it honestly feels like I'll never get to express my true self and my masculine queer joy ever again but seeing us lesbians out there in the world having these vulnerable conversations and sharing so much it makes me strong and it makes all of us strong
I have no idea how this ended up in my feed but I’m here to offer my support even though I am the exact opposite of the intended audience. I was a super feminine straight emo boy back when and now that I’m getting older we’re long past twink death. So I really do feel the pain.
Happy New Year Claire ! ❤ when you mentioned the confidence boost after cutting your hair i really related, my friends always say that i look more like myself with my short hair, and i feel more confident in myself
I can help you out on the old masc lesbian tip. Here's the bad news. When you pass a certain age, people don't really look at you as masc or femme, just old.🤥 Yeah, it's true, at least in passing. But as people get to know you, your masc personna will always be you and will always be appreciated.
when it comes to clothes i feel like thats why its important to uplift smaller queer led businesses and brands instead of continually pushing for fast fashion brands that not only are harmful for the environment but aren't even inclusive or supportive of the community. queer led businesses and brands need our help and support now more than ever. community should look out for community
yes, and i love love love working w those queer owned brands, like my long term partnerships with TomboyX for inclusive underwear and swimsuit options, designing products w Peau De Loup, promoting inclusive formal wear with Wildfang, working with Woxer, promos for swimwear with Humankind, etc. At the same time, a lot of those brands are inaccessible to many people, due to both price and proximity, and sometimes the only stores they can get to or afford are big chain stores, so i try to provide a variety of options for everyday people
@ i think it would be really nice to see some affordable options that are ALSO sustainable. it doesnt feel great to contribute to fast fashion all the time especially when you consider that in some cases people are essentially choosing convenience of fast fashion over the lives that are being negatively affected by supporting stuff like that. watching "buy now" on netflix really changed things for me. maybe even a vlog of you thrifting or showing your favorite thrift spots in sd would be some good content ideas for the future🤷🏻 just a suggestion
tbh fast fashion gives off a sense of entitlement in the sense that you are entitled to the newest! coolest! trendiest!clothes regardless of kids working in sweatshops, small designers getting their designs stolen, people not being provided livable wages or safe working environments. i would just consider your privileges, morals, and the affects of your contributions to fast fashion on third world countries if you even care a little bit about groups outside of yt queers.
I feel like people assume there are masc lesbians around, but still being one and being visibly queer is complicated, which is weird. And, thanks for talking about how you also have to deconstruct toxic masculinity and how crazy expectations for masc people are!
Man I just love your videos. You keep it real and funny at the same time. If we lived in the same state we would definitely have a bromance. 😂 I feel us masc lesbians have that level of confidence, because growing up the harsh stuff we got put through made us develop tough skin. I had been tomboy since I was a kid. I was forced to dress girly once family members started questioning my mom why do I dress that way. After that my mom made a rule if I’m going to wear baggy bottoms I need to pair it with a fitted top and vice versa. I could no longer play basketball with my boy cousins and their friends. For one of my Christmas one of my great-aunts thought it would be nice to buy me a purse knowing damn well that was not about to happen. I struggled with my 20s as well with trying to mask my sexuality. I’m from Texas with a very religious family. Once I turned 30 is where I finally felt comfortable to dress how I did as a kid before I was judged. Definitely brought confidence to myself. For the most part I’m respected, but I still worry when my wife and I are out and about living in a conservative state. I do get looks and people ask what am I because I’m more androgynous with my style. I don’t wear dresses or skirts, but there are feminine elements that I do embrace. My wife is girly.
This resonates with me so deeply my dudeeee! 🎉so glad you made a vid for all us masc lesbians out there! So glad you touched this topic, a lot of great advice, and questions and we’re all rooting for you! ❤ thanks for the input , time and energy you give to your channel🤙🏾
As a sapphic with tendencies to both masc and femme (depends on the day honestly but I've never leaned hard on any of them) I started the video like "Yeah the style is not my cup of tea" cause I associate it a lot with toxic masculinity. Then I finished the video like "well maybe I gotta ask myself a couple of things" so now I'm confused but a little less prejudiced yay!
Thank you for making these kinds of videos about your experiences. I can relate to a lot of the things you've said, and you've really helped me gain the confidence in being out and proud and identifying as a masc lesbian
If you're struggling to find suits/ formal men clothing that fits, get them from the kids' section- I tried this for homecoming and they fit quite well on a short female body.
Masculine lesbian here from Chicago Illinois!! Absolutely loved this video. Definitely wish I lived near you because I need more gay friends!! Your vibes are awesome 💯 I definitely wish I knew more masc lesibans
I m’watching your videos from France and regardless you help me to improve my english, you realy make me more confident with my masc style as a baby lesbian. Thank you for that
Comment just to say that you seem like a really cool person, wish you all the best💖💞(your video about advantages of being queer helped me a lot since i just realized that i'm queer at that time)
I just recently accepted that buying queer looking clothes from the boys section of h&m or whatever makes me very happy. And I’ve gotten complements. Before I realised I was lesbian and masc I used to think I just had terrible taste in clothes and never buy things I liked. But actually now I’m like, oh it’s ok that I like “conventionally ugly” clothes. That’s called gay lol. And with the not straight mindset, I think I look good. Ugh. Hope that makes sense.
I'd say I'm mostly a gay (man) but sometimes I see mask lesbians or non binary presenting individuals and am like DAMNN she/ they are looking so cool, fine, attractive, handsome and beautiful in some combination and wow. I feel a pull towards mask lesbian and enby energy (not sure how to explain that) and at the same time I'm SO intimidated. So hello :3 gay guy here and I'm a little fan boy of yall. I'm the dude who looks at you and later tells their partner, friends and family about how stunning you look and your energy was, but is way too scared to talk to you when I notice you. I'm working on it! :D
Don’t worry about what happens later in life bro. Like you said you’re a trailblazer. Perhaps the reason you haven’t seen examples of older masc lesbians might be because you’re one of the few who takes that daring step. It’s quite special and honorable if you think about it. You got this. 👊🏼
my issues are mainly friendships, i don't really have any outside of work or online, because of what you mentioned, the competition, but also i don't really feel understood even by queer people i know, it's very isolating, even though i'm an introvert. that and i'm still trying to figure out if i'm masc or butch, because i relate to both in certain ways, but butch feels a lot more like it's crossing over to transness sometimes, which i don't really relate to, i love being a woman and i'm fine being referred to as that. so not sure how i fit in there. community would probably help with this, but i don't really have that. also representation, seeing myself in stories would help a lot.
Idk if I've ever met a masc lesbian grandma, BUT I did have a masc lesbian aunt and I can say with certainty, even as you get older you'll just keep dressing however feels best. Grannies give the least shit about anyone else's opinions of how they dress, and that'll never change - get older, do whatever you want. And I cannot WAIT for the day somebody does have a masc lesbian granny! That'll be sick as hell! More and more queer people are having families and over time we'll get there. You should seek out some older queer people in your area and chat with them about this stuff :) Also, it's just a consequence of getting older that your friends will start talking about how they're planning to conceive their lesbian-couple-born babies haha (spoiler alert: it's expensive AF)
this comment was really really comforting, thank u :) you are so right. grannies don’t care! i can’t wait to be someone’s masc granny!!! and yes i should meet people of different ages here, i love that idea. thank u for the thoughtful comment :)
Masc lesbians have made this work from the dawn of time, you’ll be ok. You learn to be stronger. Stop trying to fit into what you think you should be and be yourself. ✌️
It’s so nice to hear an articulate, intelligent, thoughtful, knowledgeable, and hell, let’s just throw it in there, attractive, young gay woman talk about her life’s cares and concerns. I wish I had had a friend like you when I was coming out and emerging in this world, simply to have a meaningful conversation with. You seem pretty special, and I hope nothing but joy and happiness for you as you live your fabulous life. 🤍🤍
Can definitely relate to your journey! Stumbled on your channel cause I have a secret Santa party later this evening and i couldn’t sleep cause I’m in my early 30’s now and made the mistake of drinking coffee after 3pm. Since I was awake I decided to get some ideas on what to wear tomorrow and didn’t realize how hard it is to find inspiration online being a masc lesbian. I usually google men’s fashion and it’s hard to get an idea of how it will look on me because my body type isn’t the same. I decided to google (yes my old millennial ass googles instead of TikTok-ing 👵🏼) masc lesbian smart casual and stumbled on your channel. Your style is very similar to mine and found it very helpful. Anyways wanted to say thank you and I’m happy to see this type of content growing.
As a young teen masc lesbian this helped a lot and I go through similar stuff. I’ve gotten followed , harrased and threatened by some boys cause I look very masc and I went into the girls washroom. Also I have a problem with people in queer spaces thinking that I’m a gay guy or trans guy because I have a masculine build and I find it hard to show people that “hey I’m an agender masc lesbian” and not something else
Im 67, I came out at 42. I was tomboyish since 10. Went thru the girlie stage because of my mom. (Rest in peace, Mami ) In the early 70s , dressed up like the Brady Bunch girls, lol. Hair like Cher Then the jeans and sweat shirts😊 I will buy slacks and blazers from women's stores. It fit perfectly on my body. Ties and fitted shirts at men's stores. Women's dress shoes, especially boat shoes from Sperry. I was lucky , and I got compliments. Even from men. Now, at this age, when I go out. I see a straight couple. The man starts grabbing his woman's derriere, lol. Or the woman throws herself on the guy. I just laugh because it's so silly. Just be yourself. The label doesn't define your inner soul and kindness. The real you will bring good friends. Greetings from Puerto 🇵🇷 Rico
before i met my gf, i always whished more lesbians were butch4butch/masc4masc. but i truly dont have a preference for presentation. my gf is kinda sorta androgynous but also hella girlie and feminine, which i love
I believe the only way to live a life you truly want , YOU have to accept yourself. Nowadays there are more people that are accepting, but it means nothing if you are uncomfortable of what you are yourself. I have never been comfortable with myself. So I am now 46, never been in a relationship, I know I’ll always be single and never have a family. Sometimes I wish I was different and more OUT, but I am not and I can’t change how I am.
ty for this video! i relate so bad about what you said on the scale of the dating pool. i’m at a point in my life where i’m really interested in dating again. but as a fem who likes mascs, it is not easy: just like you said, A/ we first need to find wlw, which take out a majority of the population. B/ then, since i'm only attracted to mascs atm, it reduces my options again. C/ THEN they have to be mascs who like fems. D/ And i'll add something obvious: in this small dating pool that's already hard to find, i have to find 1) someone who’s single 2) my type of person, because ofc i’m not attracted to all masc lesbians just because they are masc. and finding our type of person is already rare in the bi/het dating pools!!! E/ and ofc, that person has to like me back, as a fem and as a person. it is just too hard like, just meeting one masc lesbian is already rare for me, even though my friend groups are queer. so checking the others steps seems impossible.
I’m 20 yrs old and still trying to figure myself out. I’m pretty positive I know what I am. I wear typical jeans, t shirt, hoodie and say no to girly stuff. I dont have anyone I look up to and recently my best friend and only friend really, ended things between us so im basically alone in my own thoughts. Im in a tough spot but ive been mentally planning making changes to my lifestyle to help with confidence and deal with stress. Wish me luck :)
Hey Claire, this was a really good video. Thank you broski for being open here and shining light on us Masc lesbians. I'm a stud or masc whatever I love both terms for myself. I'm in San Diego too and wish I ran into masc lesbians with this mindset. I'm very happily married(interracial couple🤙🏽) and I found God during the pandemic with her and gives me peace and love. The opposite of what religious ppl spewing hate when God tells us we have to love, bye felicia. And especially with approaching having a kid with my partner. I had some fear but I'm ready for it. Trump will give free IVF, and the man had a couple of gay weddings at Mar A largo and nobody hears about it because he didn't use it for his gain. I don't trust politicians as a whole or corporate news. The toxic masculinity wow well said. Ugh especially in my community from DC is pretty bad. I found myself being a nice upfront player briefly in my early 20s and I realize I hate it because I saw my oldest sister get played badly by some guy. Oh and I've seen 60 yr old masc lesbians lol it's cool. They are very chill. on 2 separate occasions at Hilcrest brewery(gay brewery) I saw 60 yr old plus Masc lesbians. My God its INSANE how wonderfully different SoCal is from the east coast. I love the people here. Hey you will be just fine, preserve yourself meaning your moral compass, take care of your mental health, don't take your loves 1 for granted and you will be ok. Sorry this is long, this vid is rare. Stay blessed and happy New year.
As a masc non-binary afab who is sapphic, i also have struggled w/ getting misgendered due to the fact that not only i’m masc presenting, but my voice is a bit deeper than a regular female voice, and i’m also flat-chested so getting misgendered especially by older people at work has been something i had to deal with since i was maybe 18 (i’m 21 now)
One problem I've had is this strage inbetween state of 'what kind of gay I am'. I kind of feel as if I dont have the typical appeal of fem or masc because I dress like a dude sometimes, like I gym so I have a broad sholders and a more filled out build. But then I can be quite femanine, I dress more girlish sometimes and have had guys who are into a straight girl aestetic hit on me. I've had fem girls like me but typically they are straight going through a phase, and so I tend to have more flings with guys which feels good but slightly unfortuate because I feel as if I am missing out on wlw experiences. I'm in my early 20s though so definaty still figuing things out. In terms of dating girls though any advice?
ALSO the lack of representation in film and tv. True masc lesbian characters are rare. Gay men get portrayed far more often than queer women in general, then add the fact that when queer women are represented, it’s more so more fem lesbians or bisexuals. And while fem gay men tend to deal with more homophobia in general, they are way more represented in film/shows. I mean, maybe I live under a rock but the only “masc” queer character I can name is Casey Gardner from Atypical, and she’s more so just a tomboy bisexual than masc lesbian 💁🏻♂️ anyways. We’re still the coolest gays 😌😏
Some act like it's really brave and edgy to show traditionally femme lesbians, I'm like, whaaa? That's number one mainstream male fantasy we been shown constantly over the years. Nothing else is even, like, legal to show in media.😆No actual quirky queers allowed. Closest we get is a sprinkling of bold bis with husky voices.
Hey!! thank you for the video. Im a masc lesbian and I thought I was the "only one" that noticed this weird toxic competition between us... And I was always like "wtf is that, why cant we be only friends?" Espacially when I was on party's and there were masc lesbian with their girlfriend, they always were cold, looking in a weird way.. as we were some kind of predators who were there to steal their gf like tffff ahhaha So thanks for the video, I loved the subject you talked about (competition, feelings, weird heteronormative relation, weird hidden misogyny etc..) , lets normalise being friends between us and lets stop this cringe competition!!
I think I would technically be chapstick idk I wear boxers, tight sports bras, androgynous and masculine clothing most of the time but I still wear feminine (in my opinion) stuff occasionally and I have long hair. I stand like a masc lesbian tho😂 I always get paranoid when old ladies look at me in that way, we’ve all seen it. I feel like they are going to say something to me but they never do cuz I have a really bad rbf. Luckily I am going into graphic design and from the sounds of it a lot of firms near me seek out diversity. I think it very helpful to see other masc lesbians. I think something that confuses me is that when I have kids I want to be the pregnant one and what scares me is what if we both want to and we only want like 2 kids and the first one has twins. Idk I think about this shit too much. ALSO the men’s section thing. I can not go alone I always make someone go with me and I get men’s boxers and I feel so awkward buying them. I was so excited a few weeks ago tho because there was a lesbian couple shopping with me in the men’s section but at the same time we were going for the same items😭 sorry for the long comment we need a support group💀
Also being masc in middle school was awful I got made fun of so I dressed feminine until my junior year of high school. Me and my best friend in middle school would talk about how we needed to dress more like “women” when we got older and at the time neither of us knew we were gay or at least we didn’t talk about it.
You can also add how fems in our own community slander us. Every time I see and hear “Studs/mascs ain’t shit” a piece of my heart breaks. As a masc with a good heart who has never been in a relationship and would never treat a woman bad it sucks being grouped like that. Take it up with the person who hurt you instead of putting it on every stud/masc. I already struggle with approaching as I’m bashful plus like you said I never want to make a straight woman or any woman for that matter feel uncomfortable. It makes me lose hope finding a partner when the women you want (fems) don’t seem to want you. Like you said there’s already a small pool of gay women to choose from.
BTW, I always wanted to start a fashion line geared toward masc women. Tailored suits, jeans, boots, tee, tailored shirts, but for a woman's body. But honestly, although I love to dress well (and by well, I mean I like to look good in whatever I wear. I don't mean I like to play "dress up".) I really just don't have that much of an interest in "fashion" to have pursued that seriously. However, there are now a number of companies that do produce clothes geared toward masc women and particularly masc women who are not tiny. I'm not going to endorse anyone here, but I just googled it and got a bunch (almost typed "a butch" 😅) of hits.
I‘m a masc lesbian, who’s a softie, and I think, the potential women I could date because of their sexual orientation, wanna date only lesbians with a „bad boy“ image… you know what I mean? I cannot tell how often the women told me, I’m too nice and they wanna have someone who’s kinda rougher… maybe more „toxic masculinity“ or something else.. idk, maybe there’s anybody else who can relate with this too?
So much love to you Claire!!!! Thank you for sharing this :-) If you’re looking for a book recommendation, Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers or Stone Butch Blues were both recommended to me by a lesbian bookstore in Massachusetts called Bookends in Florence. I finished Stone Butch Blues and it was such a life force. I’m feeling fired up since finishing it. I’ve only just started Odd Girls and Twlight Lovers and have already learned so much about lesbian history. Anyway I so think you would have interesting thoughts about these books and would love to hear them. Again sending love ❤
I have heard of stone butch blues but haven't read it but this might be my sign to finally get it! I'm a big reader so i'll add all these to my list. thank you for the recs!!!
everything you said was literally what I thought about for the past days. Felt good to hear someone say it. What you said about older mascs: there are video on yt called "older lesbians..." and it feels good to see older mascs. trough social media and algorithms you get the feeling that everyone is or loves mascs but in reality this isn't the case. I tend to forget that and realise this every day outside
Am I the only masc here who doesn't know any other mascs? 😅 Pretty much every gay girl where I live is bi and quite feminine and you only really see masc women on dating apps lol.
Thank you, Claire! I recently mustered up the courage to make a video about homophobia, so anyone feel free to watch and share it if you’d like. In 2024, we still have to keep fighting for basic human rights!
As a masc lesbian I don’t want people assuming that I’d make the first move, I’m not bold like that. I also hate people think I’m a man. I’m young and it’s something I learning to deal with. I don’t care what people think but I don’t like people thinking I’m a man, I don’t care if you hate me for being masc, gay but I’m hurt when people this I’m a man. I know people don’t mean it, it’s a mistake but it still hurts.
Haven‘t watched the video yet but i already have to say smth reading that title: it really is hard. I have a femme gf i myself am masculine presenting therefore i always have to be the bigger and stronger person mentally. When she hurts me with her words i have to endure it and not say smth hurtful bad or she‘ll be heartbroken and cry. Just because she‘s weaker and smaller than me in size and acts feminine i have to be the protector and stay stay strong even if my heart is broken. I still love her of course but it still hurts tbh.
I’m a Masc Lesbian, I prefer men’s clothes to women’s clothes and I do not code switch anymore, makes me uncomfortable having to put myself back in a “box.” My biggest issue I face is men treating me as a MAN! Like bro no I am not gonna try to prove who is physically stronger, we all know it’s YOU! Don’t feel threatened by my masculinity, it’s all peace and love over here. You need to talk about your feelings then come thru baby, let me grab my tea 🫖
I'm a 65 years old masc lesbian, I use short hair and dress just like you do, but because of my age, people are not sure if It is because of my age or my sexual identity😂😂. Greetings from México!
Ok. Butch proceeds Masc..all good! Do you and don't worry about others..they know you are queer and assume they do and move forward. The straight folks put their stuff on you! Just do you and get it! Love your channel! Keep staying true to you! It us soooo much easier now then 20 or 30 yrs ago. You are great! 🎉🎉🎉
Interesting video... In my circle of friends, there's a masculine lesbian, a feminine lesbian, and then there's me... I'm not sure where I fit because I'm neither very masculine nor very feminine.
I'm a 92 year old masc lesbian living in a small town in Idaho. My very fem love was with me for 65 years, until she died 4 years ago. Since then I have just come out and been myself, but for most of my life I tried to conform enough to keep my teaching job. I had a very happy life and still do, lots of good friends, mostly straight, and a family by choice who love and support me as do my birth family and my partner's nieces and nephews. So I have 3 families. There is long life for masc lesbians, although there was plenty of shit to get through too.
Woah! You’re so cool, this definitely inspires me to keep going. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, and condolences about your wife, may she rest in peace. 💕
@@sp.2778 I really enjoyed your talk; it made me think about a lot of things. By the way, you're hot as well as bright and articulate. Bet you're going to have a great life with someone wonderful. We queers are special. I carry Eileen's last driver's license in my back pocket always. How's that for never growing up?
wow, this comment means so much to me. thank you for sharing, it makes me less scared of the future. cheers!
that’s awesome may your partner rest in peace also I live in Idaho
@LuckyDucky81310 I live in Salmon and we do have a little queer network here, all of them so much younger than I. Hope you have a good network.
there's an older masc lesbian in my community. she is probably in her 80's, has amazing swagger and wisdom, was dressed in a men's suit and big chain and walking with a cane last i saw her. and married to a woman. :)
i would burst into applause for her
Don’t worry, I’m femme but my whole circle is mascs including my partners. We’re in our 40s over here. Having kids and building happy lives. Much like queer living at any age, it’s only scary until you get here, then the tools you have given yourself for getting through will make your life unique and amazing at any stage. Based on the things you are saying now, you’re gonna do juuuuust fine.
wow you have no idea how comforting that is. so nice to hear, thank u!!!
So *you're* responsible for the masc shortage! Quit hogging them. 😭
Agreed and my group is a decade older in our 50s.
Yours is one experience, and perhaps even a common one. I'm grateful you and those in your circle are thriving. And too, one's experience in their middle years depends on a lot of factors, including personal resources, access to external resources, family support, community support, the values and culture in which one is raised, traumatic experiences, class, economic status, education, disability, etc.. There are many in our community who are struggling severely in middle age. Plans of suicide are almost twenty percent higher for our demographic than for heterosexual counterparts, even while we only make up about 15 percent of the population. Lesbian social circles have become increasingly cliquish rather than cohesive as in previous decades, as our numbers have grown and our population diversified. And there is significant disparity between the experiences of low codeswitch-capable individuals (or those who otherwise came out in the 80s and 90s or earlier), and those who came out later in life who benefitted from privileges that heternormative life afforded throughout decades in which rights were fewer and antagonism and violence were increased. These two groups do not have the same experiences of being lesbian, and these differences are often ignored or avoided in open dialogue.
@@nycjanedoe I wouldn’t want to give the impression that it’s all sunshine and roses. Some days it feels like spinning plates trying to keep everyone’s mental health from slipping. But I don’t think that’s unique to queerness, just working class millennials and younger.
Making friends with other mascs has been incredibly hard, dating aside. The competition is annoying, but I hate when I introduce myself in a friendly way and another masc tries to assert dominance. It's the same toxic masculinity cis men have and it's real disappointing. Like the little man syndrome isn't cute on anyone.
I’m masc and not like that! I had a good masc friend and we would say nice things to each other all the time. But in general it’s super hard to make masc friends and the competition thing is bs. I also date other masc lesbians so I’ve been hard stop rejected when trying to ask one out, that’s rough.
Can a masc lesbian love a masc lesbian?
@binghamguevara6814 we can and do! i'm 70/30 masc4masc masc4fem and while it can be tough to navigate, i wouldn't choose to be any different. hope to love a handsome masc, and hope to be one
Clare,
I'm 60 and have learnt not to box myself into labels
I'm just me,yes masculine,female (if I label) and have always been attracted to my same sex.
My younger self struggled as you seem to be.
Take it from me as an older gay, what others think or how they judge is on them.
If others don't accept or respect you they are not worth your time or effort
I wear whatever I'm comfortable in,long as I present neat,tidy and clean.Others can think what they like it used to concern me.With age comes wisdom.
I'm proud of just being me.
I had a successful lawn and garden business for 23 yrs,of which all my clients accepted me as me.
I played a joke on one of my long time exes(still friends)Put a dress on and make up.The reaction priceless.She said never again it's just not you.
The moral here is just be yourself and don't concern yourself about what others think
Be happy and proud of who you are as a person
as a butch lesbian, i LOVE this video. i been meaning to talk about this!! being visibly queer is incredibly powerful, but sometimes i do feel like a target and have to have “thicker skin” - i lost it at collecting mascs like pokémon, and love that you touched on competition. i also feel like friendships with straight women are harder to initiate, and it can be more difficult to connect. the binary is very difficult to navigate. it surprised me how toxic masculinity became something i had to navigate, especially when i found myself more comfortable talking/interacting with men. it’s important to be mindful of. i feel very seen and understood with this video, and wish there was more conversation around these topics in general. saving for comfort
Bro as a masc lesbian who’s been masc and out since 14 I FEEL you with the toxic masculinity stuff. I dated a lot of girls openly in high school so the straight girls would always act weird when I would try and be just friends with them. Not on a mean way just in the same way they would with guys they were nervous around. And so I was “one of the boys” but was not prepared for that at all. I ended up being pretty toxic and becoming more of a “player” because I was praised for it amongst the boys. They would always ask me questions about girls and never really excluded me but would definitely be more physically aggressive in sports games in PE class because they forget I was a girl.
I love being a masc granny! this is a nice video; fun to hear from a "youngster". Keep up the good work
The struggle is real. I'm a 39 year old feminine lesbian, and I've just given up. I exclusively like other feminine women, but the ones I like are always into the andro or masc lesbians... who in turn are into me. 😅 I've always thought I wish I were more "visibly lesbian" to attract the women I'm into, but like you said, that means you're visible to everyone else too, and I really, really like blending in. It's interesting to learn about someone else's experience.
I relate so much lol, I am a femme who likes other femmes, but as an autistic im really bad at mimicking femininity unfortunately, and yeah I'm not ready to be more opaque, if that makes sense. As in I like blending in too. I came out recently and I'm honestly not confident.
Yup. Relate to this. I don’t find masc lesbians attractive and that’s ok, tons of gay women do. Not my cup of tea because some masc lesbians adopt toxic masculinity traits and it’s not enjoyable to be around. BUT I’ll chat to anyone long enough to see if I can gauge if they’re a good person.
But yeah, as a femme who likes femmes there’s a mix of blending in so much that being single for a long time happens.
I worked with a lesbian in the 1980s. I'm a gay man and was out to her at that time. She was in a relationship with a man. I knew that she was gay , and sometimes i felt like bringing it up to her . She was very masculine. I used to think to myself how come her boyfriend can't see her true sexuality. I met him and he was a nice guy. Anyway , they broke up and she told me he had met another woman. Years passed by and we had moved on to other jobs and areas. Then one day i bumped into her on the street. We had a coffee together and she came out to me. I said i already know you are gay. She said really. I said yes , i could tell back in the 1980s when we worked together. I asked her why weren't you being yourself back then. She said she didn't have lesbian friends. But i said i was comfortable with my sexuality at a young age. When i knew her in the 1980s she was homophobic towards lesbian women. She would make jokes about lesbians and yet she was lesbian herself. But it's the societal oppression that's causes us gay people of both genders to hide. I felt fear when i was young as a gay guy. People are more accepting of gay women than men.
That is not true. Being a masculine gay woman is also hard especially in a conservative aerea. This is my experience because I lived as a masculine gay woman before I realised I am trans.
@@carinagomezfernandez7473 Being a masculine gay woman is harder than being a feminine gay woman, and the reason it is harder, is the same reason that it's hardest of all to be a gay man, especially in the 80s. I can't imagine that. Heteronormativity deems men as not man enough being attracted to other men.
also dont forget that mascs can date each other. there really is no real competition and yes we should all be friends but sometimes the person you're looking for is already in or nearby your circle (unless you're not into mascs ig)
i WISH mascs remembered they could date other mascs 😭 as a primarily masc4masc/butch4butch lesbian i am sooo tired of being seen as competition for the fem(me)s, at least in irl/public queer spaces. most of the lesbians i know, masc OR fem, are also primarily into fem(me)s. it's rough out here, lmao
There are plenty of masc lesbian grannies. People in general only have a POV of what they are living. As time goes on, you will see us everywhere...it's like when you get a new car and suddenly they are all over the road! The older you get, the less you care what anyone thinks. When you get there, life is so simple and fun! Glad I found your channel.
if you haven’t already, i highly recommend reading stone butch blues by leslie feinberg! not a perfect book (and can be violent/difficult to read in parts) but as a enby masc/butch lesbian it was really validating and i think is an important read for any lesbian. lesbian culture these days i think can feel very “new” and i really relate to a lot of your questions about growing old and how to navigate spaces being visibly queer and that book just really grounded me in the fact that we have ALWAYS BEEN HERE and ALWAYS WILL BE
Hi! Omg I just posted a comment where I recommended this book to Claire too!! Totally agree that it was a difficult read but it had me so proud of the past generation of lesbians ♥️
it feels good to see masc lesbians around me. as a trans woman i feel safe around younger but do feel judged by older folks. i just think visibility is so key. being out in the world allows others to conceive of other ways of being. ❤
I'm a "guy" that lives in a red state. I'm nb (more specifically agender) and I really really want to present more feminine despite the fact that I have pretty masculine facial features and the constant looks I get when I try to present more feminine are pretty overwhelming.
What you said about exuding confidence really hits home when it comes to what I've been going through. I'm terrified to really try and be myself, but as someone who's hyperfixated on marketing and rhetoric I do know that if I can just get over my anxiety that it's possible to make it work. It's still an overwhelming and horribly complicated thing to try to figure out. Especially since I haven't had many people in my life to help me figure it all out.
I've spent so much of my life trying to keep everyone happy and be what my family wanted me to be and that's been really horrible. I feel like I'm reaching a point where I just don't care anymore, and I really want to be that person. I want to be the person who exudes so much confidence that people look up to me for what I'm doing. It's hard because I'm introverted and completely socially illiterate but we don't always get to pick our battles I guess... I really hold on hard to the idea that if I can finally become that person who's confident in who I am, that'll help inspire other people like me who feel the same way. That really keeps me going even if I have a long long way to go.
At 24 I often feel resentful that I let things get to this point by people pleasing for so much of my life, but we only get one of these things so I guess I'll try my best 👍
Things will get better as long as I keep paying close attention to the world and keep thinking outside the box. As long as I keep trying my best and don't let myself spiral. As long as I keep seeking out people who want to help and value those people even if I have trust issues to work through.
Im a masc/femme switch gay and for the most part, folks (other than my friends) treat me differently when I dress more girly than masculine. It’s kinda reeling when people who treated me with kindness before treat me differently when I wear men’s clothes the next day. Even though, at my core, nothing has changed. People are strange like that I guess.
I relate to this and sometimes I feel masc and sometimes femme internally. It switches
this video being posted right now was crazy timing to me lol, 'cause I've had had a short haircut, but let it grow a whole lot, and just today I was thinking of how much better I felt with a shorter cut, of how much more confidence I had, and sometimes you just need to hear someone else talk about their experience to boost you and go do it.
I don't have the habit of commenting, but thank you so much for this video, it really means a lot for a masc lesbian to talk about it
bye that makes me so happy to hear!!! cutting my hair short was so damn liberating!!! i feel so cool and different. go get the cut! rooting for u, and thanks for the support! :)
I just got a mullet and it was one of the best decisions I’ve made this year so go ahead and DO IT ❤❤❤
As a baby mostly masc lesbian, loved this! More pls
hell yeah! will do!
I stumbled across your video at the perfect time, being a masc lesbian truly is hard and quit lonely.. it feels so nice to hear that I’m not the only one feeling that way. Unfortunately I don’t have any queer friends, all of my friends are straight (love them tho) so this isn’t something they could possibly relate with. I’m glad I came across your video today, if I can’t relate to anyone in real life at least I can online lol it’s better than nothing
If you need an older masc lesbian to look at, just check out kate moening! she’s like 40 and still rocking the masc lesbian look. Check out the podcast pants.
SHANE? youre so right, she is proof masc women age beautifully i love her
@@claire_holt12yassss!!!! exactly 😌
If you have any other lesbian podcasts (preferably masc related) you want to share pls do 😌
SHANE MCCUTCHEONNNN 😭😭😭🫦🫦🫦🫦
I’m a very femenine lesbian from Spain and I just clicked to listen to your perspective! I’m glad I did, love from Barcelona ❤
Genial ✨
never ever stop making content Claire
thank u :))
Dude I literally lost my fellow masc friend bc we started competing for a girl (kinda both being lead on by her but yk-)
Thank you for recognising it! It's exhausting and painful :(
yeahhhhhh i feel u. definitely been there. sucks
Imagine being this successful and loved
Hi ! I’m a teenager (kinda) masc lesbian from France, and I love watching your videos about being queer, you’re very inspiring and make amazing content! I discovered you with your fashion content but I’m glad you made other types of videos Thank you for everything you did ! ❤(and sorry if I made any mistakes, English is not my first language 😂)
hi! so cool you’re watching from the other side of the world! don’t worry, your english is perfect. i’m so glad u like my videos! :)
Cool de voir des françaises sous les vidéos de Claire !
Hey Claire!
I’ve been watching your videos since 2022 and you have helped me so much. I initially saw your outfits on Pinterest and they gave me so much inspiration to make the jump to become a full masc lesbian. And then you pushed me to cut my hair!!! (It’s short short now) Since I have cut my hair, I have felt so much more authentically like myself. The confidence boost is insane, and I really enjoyed listening to you talk about it in this video! Thank you for continuing to share your journey/experience and putting it into words! Keep being you!!!
The universe's timing is crazy... needed to hear this
Well, honeslty i felt this video, I see myself as androgynous. Since highschool, I've showed myself as my truly self wanted, and the only huge problem here, was my mother. She is the kind of woman thinks if I cutted my hair, then I wanted to be a man?????? yo, that shit was not my case. I LOVE being woman, it makes feel powerful, just being the way that I am, the way that I dress, the way that I move, my flow, it's just amazing.
stemme here with a more masc look until I moved back in with my homophobic family, it honestly feels like I'll never get to express my true self and my masculine queer joy ever again but seeing us lesbians out there in the world having these vulnerable conversations and sharing so much it makes me strong and it makes all of us strong
I have no idea how this ended up in my feed but I’m here to offer my support even though I am the exact opposite of the intended audience. I was a super feminine straight emo boy back when and now that I’m getting older we’re long past twink death. So I really do feel the pain.
thank you :)
Happy New Year Claire ! ❤
when you mentioned the confidence boost after cutting your hair i really related, my friends always say that i look more like myself with my short hair, and i feel more confident in myself
Wow this video really had me think about how far we still need to go as a society to normalize queer living. Thank u for making this
For someone that just came out to my family last year, I’m still trying to figure out things so this was super validating to hear, so thank you 🫶🏻
I can help you out on the old masc lesbian tip. Here's the bad news. When you pass a certain age, people don't really look at you as masc or femme, just old.🤥 Yeah, it's true, at least in passing. But as people get to know you, your masc personna will always be you and will always be appreciated.
honestly, that’s comforting!
when it comes to clothes i feel like thats why its important to uplift smaller queer led businesses and brands instead of continually pushing for fast fashion brands that not only are harmful for the environment but aren't even inclusive or supportive of the community. queer led businesses and brands need our help and support now more than ever. community should look out for community
yes, and i love love love working w those queer owned brands, like my long term partnerships with TomboyX for inclusive underwear and swimsuit options, designing products w Peau De Loup, promoting inclusive formal wear with Wildfang, working with Woxer, promos for swimwear with Humankind, etc. At the same time, a lot of those brands are inaccessible to many people, due to both price and proximity, and sometimes the only stores they can get to or afford are big chain stores, so i try to provide a variety of options for everyday people
@ i think it would be really nice to see some affordable options that are ALSO sustainable. it doesnt feel great to contribute to fast fashion all the time especially when you consider that in some cases people are essentially choosing convenience of fast fashion over the lives that are being negatively affected by supporting stuff like that. watching "buy now" on netflix really changed things for me. maybe even a vlog of you thrifting or showing your favorite thrift spots in sd would be some good content ideas for the future🤷🏻 just a suggestion
tbh fast fashion gives off a sense of entitlement in the sense that you are entitled to the newest! coolest! trendiest!clothes regardless of kids working in sweatshops, small designers getting their designs stolen, people not being provided livable wages or safe working environments. i would just consider your privileges, morals, and the affects of your contributions to fast fashion on third world countries if you even care a little bit about groups outside of yt queers.
I feel like people assume there are masc lesbians around, but still being one and being visibly queer is complicated, which is weird. And, thanks for talking about how you also have to deconstruct toxic masculinity and how crazy expectations for masc people are!
Man I just love your videos. You keep it real and funny at the same time. If we lived in the same state we would definitely have a bromance. 😂 I feel us masc lesbians have that level of confidence, because growing up the harsh stuff we got put through made us develop tough skin. I had been tomboy since I was a kid. I was forced to dress girly once family members started questioning my mom why do I dress that way. After that my mom made a rule if I’m going to wear baggy bottoms I need to pair it with a fitted top and vice versa. I could no longer play basketball with my boy cousins and their friends. For one of my Christmas one of my great-aunts thought it would be nice to buy me a purse knowing damn well that was not about to happen. I struggled with my 20s as well with trying to mask my sexuality. I’m from Texas with a very religious family. Once I turned 30 is where I finally felt comfortable to dress how I did as a kid before I was judged. Definitely brought confidence to myself. For the most part I’m respected, but I still worry when my wife and I are out and about living in a conservative state. I do get looks and people ask what am I because I’m more androgynous with my style. I don’t wear dresses or skirts, but there are feminine elements that I do embrace. My wife is girly.
This resonates with me so deeply my dudeeee! 🎉so glad you made a vid for all us masc lesbians out there! So glad you touched this topic, a lot of great advice, and questions and we’re all rooting for you! ❤ thanks for the input , time and energy you give to your channel🤙🏾
CLAIRE, I needed a conversation like this today!!
As a sapphic with tendencies to both masc and femme (depends on the day honestly but I've never leaned hard on any of them) I started the video like "Yeah the style is not my cup of tea" cause I associate it a lot with toxic masculinity. Then I finished the video like "well maybe I gotta ask myself a couple of things" so now I'm confused but a little less prejudiced yay!
Thank you for making these kinds of videos about your experiences. I can relate to a lot of the things you've said, and you've really helped me gain the confidence in being out and proud and identifying as a masc lesbian
If you're struggling to find suits/ formal men clothing that fits, get them from the kids' section- I tried this for homecoming and they fit quite well on a short female body.
That only works if your petit.
Masculine lesbian here from Chicago Illinois!! Absolutely loved this video. Definitely wish I lived near you because I need more gay friends!! Your vibes are awesome 💯 I definitely wish I knew more masc lesibans
Appreciate you making relatable content. 10/10.
I m’watching your videos from France and regardless you help me to improve my english, you realy make me more confident with my masc style as a baby lesbian. Thank you for that
Comment just to say that you seem like a really cool person, wish you all the best💖💞(your video about advantages of being queer helped me a lot since i just realized that i'm queer at that time)
I just recently accepted that buying queer looking clothes from the boys section of h&m or whatever makes me very happy. And I’ve gotten complements. Before I realised I was lesbian and masc I used to think I just had terrible taste in clothes and never buy things I liked. But actually now I’m like, oh it’s ok that I like “conventionally ugly” clothes. That’s called gay lol. And with the not straight mindset, I think I look good. Ugh. Hope that makes sense.
Representation is hope! Future young people will have you as someone they can see as their future!
I'd say I'm mostly a gay (man) but sometimes I see mask lesbians or non binary presenting individuals and am like DAMNN she/ they are looking so cool, fine, attractive, handsome and beautiful in some combination and wow. I feel a pull towards mask lesbian and enby energy (not sure how to explain that) and at the same time I'm SO intimidated. So hello :3 gay guy here and I'm a little fan boy of yall. I'm the dude who looks at you and later tells their partner, friends and family about how stunning you look and your energy was, but is way too scared to talk to you when I notice you. I'm working on it! :D
Exactly what i was looking for these days, thank you
You rock that style pal. Idk how someone can not like a masc lesbian or a masc bi in their life
Don’t worry about what happens later in life bro. Like you said you’re a trailblazer. Perhaps the reason you haven’t seen examples of older masc lesbians might be because you’re one of the few who takes that daring step. It’s quite special and honorable if you think about it. You got this. 👊🏼
"I'M GONNA BE MYSELF. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT !"
This is so real and i am glad to hear someone else also has the same worries as me
my issues are mainly friendships, i don't really have any outside of work or online, because of what you mentioned, the competition, but also i don't really feel understood even by queer people i know, it's very isolating, even though i'm an introvert. that and i'm still trying to figure out if i'm masc or butch, because i relate to both in certain ways, but butch feels a lot more like it's crossing over to transness sometimes, which i don't really relate to, i love being a woman and i'm fine being referred to as that. so not sure how i fit in there. community would probably help with this, but i don't really have that. also representation, seeing myself in stories would help a lot.
Idk if I've ever met a masc lesbian grandma, BUT I did have a masc lesbian aunt and I can say with certainty, even as you get older you'll just keep dressing however feels best. Grannies give the least shit about anyone else's opinions of how they dress, and that'll never change - get older, do whatever you want. And I cannot WAIT for the day somebody does have a masc lesbian granny! That'll be sick as hell! More and more queer people are having families and over time we'll get there. You should seek out some older queer people in your area and chat with them about this stuff :) Also, it's just a consequence of getting older that your friends will start talking about how they're planning to conceive their lesbian-couple-born babies haha (spoiler alert: it's expensive AF)
this comment was really really comforting, thank u :) you are so right. grannies don’t care! i can’t wait to be someone’s masc granny!!! and yes i should meet people of different ages here, i love that idea. thank u for the thoughtful comment :)
Oh, masc/butch lesbian grandmothers have been around a while now. ;) They are just not used to being vocal about it.
Masc lesbians have made this work from the dawn of time, you’ll be ok. You learn to be stronger. Stop trying to fit into what you think you should be and be yourself. ✌️
Amen.
you’re such a safe space for me omg
It’s so nice to hear an articulate, intelligent, thoughtful, knowledgeable, and hell, let’s just throw it in there, attractive, young gay woman talk about her life’s cares and concerns. I wish I had had a friend like you when I was coming out and emerging in this world, simply to have a meaningful conversation with. You seem pretty special, and I hope nothing but joy and happiness for you as you live your fabulous life. 🤍🤍
Can definitely relate to your journey! Stumbled on your channel cause I have a secret Santa party later this evening and i couldn’t sleep cause I’m in my early 30’s now and made the mistake of drinking coffee after 3pm. Since I was awake I decided to get some ideas on what to wear tomorrow and didn’t realize how hard it is to find inspiration online being a masc lesbian. I usually google men’s fashion and it’s hard to get an idea of how it will look on me because my body type isn’t the same. I decided to google (yes my old millennial ass googles instead of TikTok-ing 👵🏼) masc lesbian smart casual and stumbled on your channel. Your style is very similar to mine and found it very helpful. Anyways wanted to say thank you and I’m happy to see this type of content growing.
I’m moving to San Diego in January and your videos are getting me so excited for being young and gay in socal!
oh you are about to be in heavennnnn
As a young teen masc lesbian this helped a lot and I go through similar stuff. I’ve gotten followed , harrased and threatened by some boys cause I look very masc and I went into the girls washroom. Also I have a problem with people in queer spaces thinking that I’m a gay guy or trans guy because I have a masculine build and I find it hard to show people that “hey I’m an agender masc lesbian” and not something else
Im 67, I came out at 42.
I was tomboyish since 10.
Went thru the girlie stage because of my mom.
(Rest in peace, Mami )
In the early 70s , dressed up like the Brady Bunch girls, lol. Hair like Cher
Then the jeans and sweat shirts😊
I will buy slacks and blazers from women's stores.
It fit perfectly on my body.
Ties and fitted shirts at men's stores.
Women's dress shoes, especially boat shoes from Sperry.
I was lucky , and I got compliments. Even from men.
Now, at this age, when I go out.
I see a straight couple.
The man starts grabbing his woman's derriere, lol.
Or the woman throws herself on the guy.
I just laugh because it's so silly.
Just be yourself.
The label doesn't define your inner soul and kindness.
The real you will bring good friends.
Greetings from
Puerto 🇵🇷 Rico
Love everything about this little rant … so relatable 😂
before i met my gf, i always whished more lesbians were butch4butch/masc4masc. but i truly dont have a preference for presentation. my gf is kinda sorta androgynous but also hella girlie and feminine, which i love
I believe the only way to live a life you truly want , YOU have to accept yourself. Nowadays there are more people that are accepting, but it means nothing if you are uncomfortable of what you are yourself. I have never been comfortable with myself. So I am now 46, never been in a relationship, I know I’ll always be single and never have a family. Sometimes I wish I was different and more OUT, but I am not and I can’t change how I am.
thank you!! I was needing a video like this
glad u liked it :)
ty for this video! i relate so bad about what you said on the scale of the dating pool. i’m at a point in my life where i’m really interested in dating again. but as a fem who likes mascs, it is not easy: just like you said,
A/ we first need to find wlw, which take out a majority of the population.
B/ then, since i'm only attracted to mascs atm, it reduces my options again.
C/ THEN they have to be mascs who like fems.
D/ And i'll add something obvious: in this small dating pool that's already hard to find, i have to find
1) someone who’s single
2) my type of person, because ofc i’m not attracted to all masc lesbians just because they are masc. and finding our type of person is already rare in the bi/het dating pools!!!
E/ and ofc, that person has to like me back, as a fem and as a person.
it is just too hard like, just meeting one masc lesbian is already rare for me, even though my friend groups are queer. so checking the others steps seems impossible.
You look pretty. You will find masc easily😅
YESS PLEASE TALK MORE ABT HOW IT IS BEING MASC I BEG YOU
I’m 20 yrs old and still trying to figure myself out. I’m pretty positive I know what I am. I wear typical jeans, t shirt, hoodie and say no to girly stuff. I dont have anyone I look up to and recently my best friend and only friend really, ended things between us so im basically alone in my own thoughts. Im in a tough spot but ive been mentally planning making changes to my lifestyle to help with confidence and deal with stress. Wish me luck :)
you’re learning so much about yourself & that’s such a fun phase of life. rooting for u, good luck :)
really needed that little push to go get my hair cut again 🫶
I like the way you structure your thoughts. I would absolutely be your friend if I lived in your city.
Hey Claire, this was a really good video. Thank you broski for being open here and shining light on us Masc lesbians. I'm a stud or masc whatever I love both terms for myself. I'm in San Diego too and wish I ran into masc lesbians with this mindset. I'm very happily married(interracial couple🤙🏽) and I found God during the pandemic with her and gives me peace and love. The opposite of what religious ppl spewing hate when God tells us we have to love, bye felicia.
And especially with approaching having a kid with my partner. I had some fear but I'm ready for it. Trump will give free IVF, and the man had a couple of gay weddings at Mar A largo and nobody hears about it because he didn't use it for his gain. I don't trust politicians as a whole or corporate news. The toxic masculinity wow well said.
Ugh especially in my community from DC is pretty bad. I found myself being a nice upfront player briefly in my early 20s and I realize I hate it because I saw my oldest sister get played badly by some guy. Oh and I've seen 60 yr old masc lesbians lol it's cool. They are very chill. on 2 separate occasions at Hilcrest brewery(gay brewery) I saw 60 yr old plus Masc lesbians. My God its INSANE how wonderfully different SoCal is from the east coast. I love the people here. Hey you will be just fine, preserve yourself meaning your moral compass, take care of your mental health, don't take your loves 1 for granted and you will be ok. Sorry this is long, this vid is rare. Stay blessed and happy New year.
As a masc non-binary afab who is sapphic, i also have struggled w/ getting misgendered due to the fact that not only i’m masc presenting, but my voice is a bit deeper than a regular female voice, and i’m also flat-chested so getting misgendered especially by older people at work has been something i had to deal with since i was maybe 18 (i’m 21 now)
To add! As a masc lesbian getting stares and being question by other women why I’m going to the women’s restroom. 👎🏼
loved every second of this
One problem I've had is this strage inbetween state of 'what kind of gay I am'. I kind of feel as if I dont have the typical appeal of fem or masc because I dress like a dude sometimes, like I gym so I have a broad sholders and a more filled out build. But then I can be quite femanine, I dress more girlish sometimes and have had guys who are into a straight girl aestetic hit on me. I've had fem girls like me but typically they are straight going through a phase, and so I tend to have more flings with guys which feels good but slightly unfortuate because I feel as if I am missing out on wlw experiences. I'm in my early 20s though so definaty still figuing things out. In terms of dating girls though any advice?
Thanks for sharing, definitely can relate to some thoughts you shared as a gender non-conforming person that likes all people (mainly queer people).
this was genuinely such a great video and i just wanna say thanks for being someone i can look up to as a younger hoping to be out soon (lol) lesbian
ALSO the lack of representation in film and tv. True masc lesbian characters are rare. Gay men get portrayed far more often than queer women in general, then add the fact that when queer women are represented, it’s more so more fem lesbians or bisexuals. And while fem gay men tend to deal with more homophobia in general, they are way more represented in film/shows. I mean, maybe I live under a rock but the only “masc” queer character I can name is Casey Gardner from Atypical, and she’s more so just a tomboy bisexual than masc lesbian 💁🏻♂️ anyways. We’re still the coolest gays 😌😏
HAHA she was a tomboy bisexual 🤣🤣🤣 i know shane from the L word and that’s about it. you’re so right it’s rare to see
The animated Netflix series “Arcane” has a main character that is a canon masc lesbian :-)
Some act like it's really brave and edgy to show traditionally femme lesbians, I'm like, whaaa? That's number one mainstream male fantasy we been shown constantly over the years. Nothing else is even, like, legal to show in media.😆No actual quirky queers allowed. Closest we get is a sprinkling of bold bis with husky voices.
Hey!! thank you for the video. Im a masc lesbian and I thought I was the "only one" that noticed this weird toxic competition between us... And I was always like "wtf is that, why cant we be only friends?" Espacially when I was on party's and there were masc lesbian with their girlfriend, they always were cold, looking in a weird way.. as we were some kind of predators who were there to steal their gf like tffff ahhaha
So thanks for the video, I loved the subject you talked about (competition, feelings, weird heteronormative relation, weird hidden misogyny etc..) , lets normalise being friends between us and lets stop this cringe competition!!
i completely agree! it feels childish. and im always dying for more masc friends!
Especially at the clubs.
@@evaperez4139 yeah I’m French so my English sucks sry
I think I would technically be chapstick idk I wear boxers, tight sports bras, androgynous and masculine clothing most of the time but I still wear feminine (in my opinion) stuff occasionally and I have long hair. I stand like a masc lesbian tho😂 I always get paranoid when old ladies look at me in that way, we’ve all seen it. I feel like they are going to say something to me but they never do cuz I have a really bad rbf. Luckily I am going into graphic design and from the sounds of it a lot of firms near me seek out diversity. I think it very helpful to see other masc lesbians. I think something that confuses me is that when I have kids I want to be the pregnant one and what scares me is what if we both want to and we only want like 2 kids and the first one has twins. Idk I think about this shit too much. ALSO the men’s section thing. I can not go alone I always make someone go with me and I get men’s boxers and I feel so awkward buying them. I was so excited a few weeks ago tho because there was a lesbian couple shopping with me in the men’s section but at the same time we were going for the same items😭 sorry for the long comment we need a support group💀
Also being masc in middle school was awful I got made fun of so I dressed feminine until my junior year of high school. Me and my best friend in middle school would talk about how we needed to dress more like “women” when we got older and at the time neither of us knew we were gay or at least we didn’t talk about it.
You can also add how fems in our own community slander us. Every time I see and hear “Studs/mascs ain’t shit” a piece of my heart breaks. As a masc with a good heart who has never been in a relationship and would never treat a woman bad it sucks being grouped like that. Take it up with the person who hurt you instead of putting it on every stud/masc. I already struggle with approaching as I’m bashful plus like you said I never want to make a straight woman or any woman for that matter feel uncomfortable. It makes me lose hope finding a partner when the women you want (fems) don’t seem to want you. Like you said there’s already a small pool of gay women to choose from.
BTW, I always wanted to start a fashion line geared toward masc women. Tailored suits, jeans, boots, tee, tailored shirts, but for a woman's body. But honestly, although I love to dress well (and by well, I mean I like to look good in whatever I wear. I don't mean I like to play "dress up".) I really just don't have that much of an interest in "fashion" to have pursued that seriously. However, there are now a number of companies that do produce clothes geared toward masc women and particularly masc women who are not tiny. I'm not going to endorse anyone here, but I just googled it and got a bunch (almost typed "a butch" 😅) of hits.
I‘m a masc lesbian, who’s a softie, and I think, the potential women I could date because of their sexual orientation, wanna date only lesbians with a „bad boy“ image… you know what I mean? I cannot tell how often the women told me, I’m too nice and they wanna have someone who’s kinda rougher… maybe more „toxic masculinity“ or something else.. idk, maybe there’s anybody else who can relate with this too?
So much love to you Claire!!!! Thank you for sharing this :-) If you’re looking for a book recommendation, Odd Girls and Twilight Lovers or Stone Butch Blues were both recommended to me by a lesbian bookstore in Massachusetts called Bookends in Florence. I finished Stone Butch Blues and it was such a life force. I’m feeling fired up since finishing it. I’ve only just started Odd Girls and Twlight Lovers and have already learned so much about lesbian history. Anyway I so think you would have interesting thoughts about these books and would love to hear them. Again sending love ❤
I have heard of stone butch blues but haven't read it but this might be my sign to finally get it! I'm a big reader so i'll add all these to my list. thank you for the recs!!!
everything you said was literally what I thought about for the past days. Felt good to hear someone say it.
What you said about older mascs: there are video on yt called "older lesbians..." and it feels good to see older mascs.
trough social media and algorithms you get the feeling that everyone is or loves mascs but in reality this isn't the case. I tend to forget that and realise this every day outside
4:12 Fourty-nine year old lesbian here, and so far, you are telling my story.
Am I the only masc here who doesn't know any other mascs? 😅 Pretty much every gay girl where I live is bi and quite feminine and you only really see masc women on dating apps lol.
Thank you, Claire! I recently mustered up the courage to make a video about homophobia, so anyone feel free to watch and share it if you’d like. In 2024, we still have to keep fighting for basic human rights!
You can always adopt, that's what I wanna do
As a masc lesbian I don’t want people assuming that I’d make the first move, I’m not bold like that. I also hate people think I’m a man. I’m young and it’s something I learning to deal with.
I don’t care what people think but I don’t like people thinking I’m a man, I don’t care if you hate me for being masc, gay but I’m hurt when people this I’m a man. I know people don’t mean it, it’s a mistake but it still hurts.
Another great video. Thanks Claire. 👍
You’re welcome 😊
Haven‘t watched the video yet but i already have to say smth reading that title: it really is hard. I have a femme gf i myself am masculine presenting therefore i always have to be the bigger and stronger person mentally. When she hurts me with her words i have to endure it and not say smth hurtful bad or she‘ll be heartbroken and cry. Just because she‘s weaker and smaller than me in size and acts feminine i have to be the protector and stay stay strong even if my heart is broken. I still love her of course but it still hurts tbh.
I’m a Masc Lesbian, I prefer men’s clothes to women’s clothes and I do not code switch anymore, makes me uncomfortable having to put myself back in a “box.”
My biggest issue I face is men treating me as a MAN! Like bro no I am not gonna try to prove who is physically stronger, we all know it’s YOU! Don’t feel threatened by my masculinity, it’s all peace and love over here. You need to talk about your feelings then come thru baby, let me grab my tea 🫖
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤
I'm a 65 years old masc lesbian, I use short hair and dress just like you do, but because of my age, people are not sure if It is because of my age or my sexual identity😂😂. Greetings from México!
Yes, the struggle is real. It’s also true that the problems others have belong to them. Out and happy since 1993.
Ok. Butch proceeds Masc..all good!
Do you and don't worry about others..they know you are queer and assume they do and move forward. The straight folks put their stuff on you! Just do you and get it!
Love your channel! Keep staying true to you! It us soooo much easier now then 20 or 30 yrs ago. You are great! 🎉🎉🎉
Interesting video... In my circle of friends, there's a masculine lesbian, a feminine lesbian, and then there's me... I'm not sure where I fit because I'm neither very masculine nor very feminine.
Also it’s different struggle with working around dating while being pan and presenting fem & masc 😭