something i've learned while struggling with similar feelings is that when you create, and then show others that creation, it kind of takes on a life of its own. it stops being "your thing", "your creation" and becomes "someone's favorite earworm" or "that picture they saw years ago that they still think about, but just can't find." there's a subtle beauty and art to letting go.
i don’t know you but i really connected with what you are saying. i’ve been handed everything in life and when i slip up, i feel like i’m letting everyone down. what has personally helped is taking a step back. whether it be to look at the bigger picture or to get a fresh perspective on my work, taking a break has greatly helped. learning takes time and discipline, but even through the small clip of you playing the piano, i truly believe you are capable of making some beautiful work. it will just take some time. much love🧡
As a chronic restarter and someone who's thrown away work and often leaves projects unfinished, with a lot of regrets about wasted time I have a suggestion. Take a short break, come back with whatever energy you have, good or bad, so long as it's energy, and throw that energy into making as much as you can while recording everything for later study. That kind of under-the-hood time is what makes creating second nature. Everyone wants to be like Prince, making art off the cuff without concern, disciplined and focused, but still free spirited. But even that mentality and lifestyle takes practice, and I think step 1 is doing more than thinking, which is brutal and hard - trust I know. Then even if you're not fond of whatever you created, save it and you might be surprised at how your ear changes when listening back to it in a couple years or so. From someone who doesn't really make art to someone who wants to make more art, I know it's not easy to look at your own work as a bystander and see it for what you'd imagined in your mind. What you think/feel and what you create will become more connected and less surprising to you in time.
this is not me just letting your advice go in one ear and out the other (its actually insanely valuable) as much as i think taking a break could help i don't see myself doing that. i couldn't pin why exactly but i think it's because if i dropped creating i wouldn't have much else going on in my life, at least that makes me happy. maybe that's the issue i guess. that very last thing you mentioned shifted my perspective however, very poignant. thank you endlessly.
Idk who you are but plz don’t give up hope my friend. I know things are hard and seem hopeless but you are stronger than you realize. You made it this far for a reason so don’t begin to lose hope now, just keep moving forward and eventually you’ll get to where you need to be in life. Learn to respect your struggle and trust the process that comes with it. You got this bro 💪🏼
The part where you describe having all this equipment that you aren't using is so real. I've had a MIDI, DAW, and even some plugins for over two years, thinking those were what only things keeping me from my potential. Yet, here I am, still feeling like an amateur. In my case, it's partly due to it all still seeming like rocket science outside my grasp.
I may not know you personally but I know the feeling that made you record this video and I wanted to say that I deeply resonate with everything you said. I was watching some stuff on this silly website to keep my mind entertained, as always, when I caught the glimpse of this one in the recommended videos, I accidentally went back to the last page but came back immediately because I knew, I could feel that this video would be a little more than just another batch of content for my brain to devour, and I was right. I hate myself too. Many, many people do, and I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way towards yourself. It is okay to hate yourself, and I completely understand why you feel that way. As you already said yourself, no art is inherently good or bad, it is all up to the perception of the one experiencing the said art, but one thing you may not realize is that you have already created good art - an example of that being this very video. This video is art, and a very pure and beautiful one at that, because if the primary purpose of art is to express your feelings and connect with others, to send a message to those you do not know, your video has certainly succeeded at that and is an honest piece of art. As others have already pointed out, it is always a good idea to take a step back, to let yourself be immersed in the world around you, to simply exist in an environment, and the world around you will speak to you, giving you inspiration for what to create and how to express yourself artistically. Much love, man, I don't know who you are or what kind of art you desire to create in the future, or even whether or not you'll read this giant comment but I want to thank you for being honest, for creating a video that is so real it triggers deep, genuine emotions and for not being afraid to express yourself. You are truly an artist, I appreciate, respect, and love you for you are a real, fellow human being and I don't feel this way every time I'm on this site or on the internet in general, I hope you will be able to find love in yourself and will be able to create something that you'll be proud of. Keep your head high, I'm not sure if it'll get better or not but I want you to know that we're all here in this world together and that you are not alone.
people don't give enough credit to how hard it is to do anything. how hard it is just to live sometimes, and then do something good about your life on top of it. we've set perfection as the bare minimum, so now everyone feels like they're below it, and always will be. you're expected to be prepared for every problem on your way, to always be functional and presentable, to just "do it" without any explanation of what and how. so we feel stupid, useless, worse that others. the good thing is that this lets you know that you're not alone. everyone is more or less struggling with the same problem. you are not worse, the standarts are way too high for everyone, it's just that we're all pretending that we fit. what you're feeling is normal. all i can say is to repeat what others have been telling you all this time, and what you're probably repeating to yourself: you have to keep going. there's nothing more to do, no work-around. but we say it because it does work, eventually it might get better, nobody knows when or how, but you just need to believe in the process. *you have to keep going, because that's the only thing worth doing.*
i resonate with this man. I have a saying called 'good dog, bad environment'. It basically describes a situation where even if you take the best, most well-trained dog there is, and put him in a bad environment (prime example is a dog fight club, or whatever you call that) he will inevitably become a 'bad' dog. The environment will wear him away. With that example in mind, if you want to be the best that you can be, focus on making your environment the best it can be. Sometimes that means stepping away from art for a week to deal with something or eating better. I guarantee you that focusing on new experiences, and eating organic eggs, and whole meals, will make your art indirectly that much better. Hope that makes sense and helps
Felt this. There's nothing anyone could say to me to change how I feel inside my headspace. When i overdosed for the first time, it was the scariest experience ive ever had, the people around me only saw my unconscious body but i myself was in total darkness feeling like God was just watching me waiting for me to decide if death was what i really wanted or if i changed my mind and i did, i did change my mind out of fear despite wanting to be dead my whole life. I recovered 3 days later but felt like all my memories and emotions got blocked for a while... then one day i shared this incident with a colleague that was telling me a similar experience his sister went through but didn't make it and he told me "maybe the reason you are still here today is because you still havent found your purpose." I overdosed for the 2nd time 3 years later and when i woke up the doctor told me that i was lucky my friend brought me to the hospital instead of waiting for an ambulance because if i had been just a couple minutes late i probably would not have made it. And i guess what my colleague said to me might've been true, although I constantly feel like i have nothing to live for or that nothing in my life ever goes well for me, there's still probably a reason why i survived all the overdoses or car crashes ive been thru. All I can say is stay strong, maybe you and I will both find our purpose one day 🙂
It means so much to me you felt you found a place you could share a story as difficult as yours. Thank you for the kind words and I wish you nothing but love and I know you'll fall right into what's meant for you when the time is right ❤️
hey I've been there. there's no need to force yourself to create. sometimes it's okay to just let yourself exist as a person, not just an artist. take some time away from the internet maybe and just live your life in the world around you. as for the music stuff, there's nothing wrong with holding onto it even if you're not using it. I know for me personally I get random creative bursts and get loads done then go without doing anything productive for months. life's just like that tbh. you don't have to be anything in particular as long as you stay true to yourself
was literally going through youtube to procrastinate on editing my own vid, which actually gives me a feeling of finally breathing well above water level after spending 99% of the time at the level if not below. happy to know I'm not the only one feeling like this, sad that creatives collectively go through that. keep resisting, keep pushing, don't let the creative energy suffocate inside -- you are not alone
Idk how I came across this video but I’m glad I did… I’m soo sorry that u feel this way 🥺 u have such a cool look and seem to be very talented 🙏🏻 please take things one by one and i promise it gets easier.. u got this 💪 im sending u lots of love and strength your way 🙏🏻
sorry your suffering brother. i relate ❤sending love. i think you have alot to share. really wish you didnt hate yourself. other people here get it and see something beautiful in you. be well. well enough 😃
I feel you, I had the same feeling that my music needs to be 100% perfect, and I was kinda obsessed with that thought. But even if my work would be somehow perfect, I would still be able to find something that isn't right or needs a little tweak here or there, thus never being satisfied with the work I have put my time in, and in the end not creating anything at all. So i had to change this mentality of needing to have everything 100% perfect. The key for me was not to care about anything. Just create what was on my mind, and then leave it as it is. That is the thing that has helped me being more productive and actually creating something. So I would suggest to try to create something, without worrying if it'll be good or bad, and after some time come back to what you've created. The work will get better on it's own with time.
This might be a video about a personal struggle to accept the self, to heal, and create meaningful things... yet this video alone is a masterpiece to me and others, and in some deep way this helped me know myself a little more. Keep being genuine and your craft will keep revealing tself ✌🙏
You are being persuaded by a new(er) passion. While you say you can't make anything with thousands of $ of musical equipment, you can, but as an artist you are usually your own worst critic. Often, I found myself unable to be share and to be judged and looked at by other people, and that is what limits you.
I like you because u are human and humans do all they can and humans aren’t perfect idk what else to say. U just be human and then u are good. We are all humans we aren’t alone. Also learn to be happy wo what we’ve been conditioned to see as success! That’s true success but the truth is none of us know. None of us know how to live…maybe there’s no one way to live. I hope ure ok because if ure able to be ok wo being perfect maybe I can and maybe other people can. Thanks for changing the trajectory of my life w this video u see what I’m saying? Also thanks for saying these words wo having some sort of solution all videos I see are success stories and that’s not reality…because we all get stuck we all feel bad and we can’t just preach once things are ok… Great job for taking this step and posting :) you make other people not feel so alone
I don't have any grand advice to lay at your feet though I wish I did. Just wanna say I understand. As hard as it is keep loving yourself and your creations. Don't give up, it seems easier to but it eats you up.
I hate myself also. I have learned that how I feel is not reality. There are others that love, value, and sacrifice for me. So I make my life not about myself but those that love and respect me. I try to make logic decisions based off how others value me and focus on taking a neutral stances when thinking about self. That is when things became manageable. It is some egotistical shit to think only your opinions matter. Ask others what they think of you. The opinions of those that know you and you consider greater than yourself, listen to their answers. Now are they liars? If not take the proper action going forward. Hang in there.
Well, this video is a good start. You've managed to finish something, and there's a clear and relatable message. Congrats! Now do it again, but with the knowledge you've gained from making this one.
Keep it up, it gets better. Let what you love guide you because people don't normally get exactly what they envisioned but instead discover, grow and learn more which opens up unforeseen opportunities that will be right for you. Try new things, follow your heart as they say. Nobody has all the answers to their life but the only way you'll find anything is by living it.
I definitely related to this, but don’t give up!! Just from this video, I can tell you have artistic talent and passion. The tone created by the rough cinematography and minimalist piano was incredibly striking. Keep it up!
Things happen in life that we can't control I can't say that I've been in dark places or that I'm not in one right now. Everyday that passes by it feels like it gets harder but nevertheless I keep going. Alot of people say that you have to go on for those around you but you also have to keep going for yourself. I hate myself too and while it's part of the reason why I want to give up it's also apart of the reason to keep going so I can keep bettering myself no matter how hard and how shitty it is. It sucks now but it'll get better soon
stay strong, this tough time will pass over, you got this, your strong, loved, blessed. I understand how hard and frustrating it can be, but i promise to you, once this tough time passes over, youll feel stronger than ever and more motivated and happier :)) god bless you
I really don't know who you are as well as you don't know who I am, but still I hope you will find enough strength and power in your heart to start loving yourself, to start liking what you do (your piano playing is pretty good!). As of now I feel amazing and I hope, thanks to this comment you will feel better too!!
I dont want to sound like im downplaying this video, it's great, i love it and tbe fact you managed to open up to strangers on the internet . And im speaking from my own experience here since i think ive been in the same shoes as you, or at least felt the same emotions. I think the issue is mentality, having the mentality to do/not do things. Like you claimed you 'tell yourself you can't do things' . And that ultimately manifests, maybe not literally or to anyone else, but definitely to you. The subconscious mind itself can be reprogrammed or conditioned to make you have better days, be more productive etc. and self love plays a huge part. Be selfish if you need to, prioritise your mind, your body and your spirituality (or beliefs if you're not spiritual) But i do think it stems from your individual circumstances too. Like whats causing you to feel this way,the external factors in your own life, since that ofc will differ to mine and and everyone else's. Whatever youre going through, i hope you do well and feel well. I can link you to a video that i just watched about productivity, im not sure if it'll help you, but it'll definitely give you a different perspective about why you might be feeling like youre in a slump. Anyway tysm for posting! I hope you feel better soon :)
Here's what I have to say: Creating is about building tools. Obviously, at the base level, your tools are your equipment. But you've doubtlessly made other tools built from those. (People often call these techniques). You can build even more tools out of those pieces. (Which I'd say are ideas manifested). You probably have some ambitious vision that you can't define, but that you try to work towards with each project. However, you can only fulfill your vision if you can see it clearly, and you can only see it clearly if you can see all the tools that it's made up of. I suggest that when you work, you no longer think about making *the* thing, you think about making *a* thing. Sure, start with a general direction, but let your creation wander from it. Only if you experiment can you find the tools that you need.
I hope this video is a helpful conduit to get you creating again. And if it’s not, don’t worry about it. Rest. Try to relax if you can. Come back to the problem from a different angle. And it’s never too late to leave something behind, though if I had to hazard a guess I’d be willing to bet that you’re the kind of person that wouldn’t let yourself forget what you left behind. Keep chasing your dream man. Post stuff on here when you make it, I’ll subscribe so I get notified 😊 art is so tricky sometimes
Hey man, I do also hate myself, dunno why too but I am nowhere near a perfectionist, so im not gonna act like I know how you feel, but I play guitar and lose inspiration quite often, and when that happens I stop just drop it for like a few days or so, I usually get inspired by like a song or maybe a snippet of an original song. You shouldn't force yourself when you don't want to do it, you're stressed, take a break, relax and when you feel like it, come back to it
cybersec guy here who's done prodwork for a couple friends, every single fucking thing you said resides with me. i know i have the ability to create the things i hear in my head that i know i sound good, i know i have access to thousands of dollars worth of synths and plugins and software and whatever that i dont deserve, but i cannot for the life of me seem to find the desire to be happy with my work, nor find any motivation to create when something isnt perfect. same with cybersec. i know i can get hired for my skills, just cannot find any desire to get past the bullshit courses that i already know and strive towards something im passionate about. idk. struggling with alcoholism. maybe thats part of it. i think the biggest part that resonated with me is discipline. when im focused on a personal project im a fucking god at figuring it out whether that be hacking into shit or finding the exact way i want something to sound, but its so incredibly rare nowadays because of the lack of discipline and schedule idk how to balance it to a point where it becomes a normality for me. im sure you feel this. idk, im gonna go watch this twitch vod n go to bed and try to reset mentally, hope we both slowly find the path of consistency in our passions and our work.
biggest part i forgot to include, i really do hate myself. never tried to, moreso just a lack of self healing due to previous life events, but i do. i know ive got decent qualities that i can improve, and i know its not all bad. but this constant cycle of feeling okay, and then not, its so tiring. in the back of my head i think the solution is to just isolate myself with absolute silence in some wooded area and write down self imposed resolutions to the things i havent been able to heal from, and honestly it wouldnt be a bad idea, but idk how to transfer that to discipline and schedule. thats all sorry for ranting, have a good night man.
TH-cam is starting to get scary I feel like it reads my mind or something not even joking because I was feeling this exact way when I came to my beat production and this video came In recommendations
Idk what to say but like I kinda get it. Im not as ambitious as you but not wanting to try while wanting to create is very upsetting. I wish you the best
Idk, might be off the mark, but maybe it's how you evaluate yourself, and your self worth, on what you achieve. Are there any influences through your life that drove you too hard to achieve passions? You have an experience that, like everyone else, is just waiting to be realized in its totality. Everyone has a valuable experience, period, but communicating that is hard. You definitely have a head start, though! Sometimes, the process of doing this feat of self-expression requires patience with yourself. You look young, vital, and want to push yourself, but maybe what you need is a break. Rest is productive, too; it's a chance to realize parts of yourself that have been otherwise ignored. Pushed to the side due to ambitions which seem so intolerant to weakness, like no productivity. Does this mean that I recommend going cold turkey from your projects of passion? No, of course not, but maybe find other outlets for your creativity and ingenuity that don't require you to succeed. I hope you can become comfortable with the motionless you; Giving in to rest and rejuvenation.
I really appreciate this sentiment. The "getting comfortable with the motionless me" really spoke to me. Since this video I've definitely learned and gained a lot of patience, and just a general understanding that I'm building this piece by piece. I do try to rest as much as possible now, maybe even too much haha. But I really am thankful for your comment, I hope all is well ❤
It may not be the reason why you hate yourself, but it seems like you've set an unrealistic goal for yourself - perfectionism. Nobody is ever going to be happy when that is the goal because it is unobtainable. Creativity does not have to be perfect. It's far more expressive when it's got a bit of personality and mess in it and that's what makes the masterpieces so enjoyable to listen to. It also seems like you've placed yourself in a position of high expectation, I don't know whether this is through others putting social pressure, family members expecting "big things" from you or something that social media has put onto you. You don't have to live up to any persons expectations, you are not here on this earth to please them. You are your person with his owns feelings that you have decided to use the piano to express yourself through. There will be times that it will be difficult to creatively release yourself through your work, but these are times to reflect on yourself, try and understand where your thoughts and feeling are, validate these feelings and emotions and forgive yourself. The shame and defeat are yours to conquer.
simply recall that you are ONLY the result of moments before moments. Nothing you "decide" to do is actually a decision. You are only the present state of a line of dominos being tipped over. Lol I don't know what I am talking about. Idk determinism or something. Hope ya get better or whatever
hey man, have you tried finishing something? easier said than done, right. any good artist never feels happy with their work, nor should I feel they should. getting comfortable being uncomfortable is super tough to do, but it might be something that will help, dude. Start small, write a 1-minute song in a genre you dont necessarily like. post it or dont, under something not attributed to you and then do it again and again. maybe, as a perfectionist, you know exactly what you need to be but you just arent satisfied with your skill or flow yet?
Praying Jesus reveals himself to you and how he wishes to delight in you apart from your successes and failures. Be blessed bro, it’s a tough season but press into truth ❤️
I want you to know that Jesus loves you, we can never be perfect with anything that we do, we are naturally born sinful, so don’t beat down on yourself, but yes, keep working, but take things one step at a time and try not to compare yourself to others. God is here for you, you don’t have to live in this sense of an endless cycle. He will help you and be there for you, He sent His son down to die for all of us, what else more could He do. You can rely on Him. I encourage you to seek Him with all of your heart, mind, and soul. He is here for you. God bless you and have a good day, I’ll be praying for you ✝️ :).
I'm not a spiritual or religious guy, but even I have to admit there's a reason this showed up on my home page.
Algorithm
@@Spedbrenn you make an excellent point
Regardless of religion or other beliefs, the algorithm always knows.
something i've learned while struggling with similar feelings is that when you create, and then show others that creation, it kind of takes on a life of its own. it stops being "your thing", "your creation" and becomes "someone's favorite earworm" or "that picture they saw years ago that they still think about, but just can't find."
there's a subtle beauty and art to letting go.
i don’t know you but i really connected with what you are saying. i’ve been handed everything in life and when i slip up, i feel like i’m letting everyone down. what has personally helped is taking a step back. whether it be to look at the bigger picture or to get a fresh perspective on my work, taking a break has greatly helped. learning takes time and discipline, but even through the small clip of you playing the piano, i truly believe you are capable of making some beautiful work. it will just take some time. much love🧡
As a chronic restarter and someone who's thrown away work and often leaves projects unfinished, with a lot of regrets about wasted time I have a suggestion. Take a short break, come back with whatever energy you have, good or bad, so long as it's energy, and throw that energy into making as much as you can while recording everything for later study. That kind of under-the-hood time is what makes creating second nature. Everyone wants to be like Prince, making art off the cuff without concern, disciplined and focused, but still free spirited. But even that mentality and lifestyle takes practice, and I think step 1 is doing more than thinking, which is brutal and hard - trust I know.
Then even if you're not fond of whatever you created, save it and you might be surprised at how your ear changes when listening back to it in a couple years or so. From someone who doesn't really make art to someone who wants to make more art, I know it's not easy to look at your own work as a bystander and see it for what you'd imagined in your mind. What you think/feel and what you create will become more connected and less surprising to you in time.
this is not me just letting your advice go in one ear and out the other (its actually insanely valuable) as much as i think taking a break could help i don't see myself doing that. i couldn't pin why exactly but i think it's because if i dropped creating i wouldn't have much else going on in my life, at least that makes me happy. maybe that's the issue i guess.
that very last thing you mentioned shifted my perspective however, very poignant.
thank you endlessly.
Idk who you are but plz don’t give up hope my friend. I know things are hard and seem hopeless but you are stronger than you realize. You made it this far for a reason so don’t begin to lose hope now, just keep moving forward and eventually you’ll get to where you need to be in life. Learn to respect your struggle and trust the process that comes with it. You got this bro 💪🏼
The part where you describe having all this equipment that you aren't using is so real. I've had a MIDI, DAW, and even some plugins for over two years, thinking those were what only things keeping me from my potential. Yet, here I am, still feeling like an amateur. In my case, it's partly due to it all still seeming like rocket science outside my grasp.
I like that i found this. I dont like that we all feel like this, but I like that outsiders always find each other
I may not know you personally but I know the feeling that made you record this video and I wanted to say that I deeply resonate with everything you said. I was watching some stuff on this silly website to keep my mind entertained, as always, when I caught the glimpse of this one in the recommended videos, I accidentally went back to the last page but came back immediately because I knew, I could feel that this video would be a little more than just another batch of content for my brain to devour, and I was right. I hate myself too. Many, many people do, and I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way towards yourself. It is okay to hate yourself, and I completely understand why you feel that way. As you already said yourself, no art is inherently good or bad, it is all up to the perception of the one experiencing the said art, but one thing you may not realize is that you have already created good art - an example of that being this very video. This video is art, and a very pure and beautiful one at that, because if the primary purpose of art is to express your feelings and connect with others, to send a message to those you do not know, your video has certainly succeeded at that and is an honest piece of art. As others have already pointed out, it is always a good idea to take a step back, to let yourself be immersed in the world around you, to simply exist in an environment, and the world around you will speak to you, giving you inspiration for what to create and how to express yourself artistically. Much love, man, I don't know who you are or what kind of art you desire to create in the future, or even whether or not you'll read this giant comment but I want to thank you for being honest, for creating a video that is so real it triggers deep, genuine emotions and for not being afraid to express yourself. You are truly an artist, I appreciate, respect, and love you for you are a real, fellow human being and I don't feel this way every time I'm on this site or on the internet in general, I hope you will be able to find love in yourself and will be able to create something that you'll be proud of. Keep your head high, I'm not sure if it'll get better or not but I want you to know that we're all here in this world together and that you are not alone.
people don't give enough credit to how hard it is to do anything. how hard it is just to live sometimes, and then do something good about your life on top of it. we've set perfection as the bare minimum, so now everyone feels like they're below it, and always will be. you're expected to be prepared for every problem on your way, to always be functional and presentable, to just "do it" without any explanation of what and how. so we feel stupid, useless, worse that others.
the good thing is that this lets you know that you're not alone. everyone is more or less struggling with the same problem. you are not worse, the standarts are way too high for everyone, it's just that we're all pretending that we fit. what you're feeling is normal.
all i can say is to repeat what others have been telling you all this time, and what you're probably repeating to yourself: you have to keep going. there's nothing more to do, no work-around. but we say it because it does work, eventually it might get better, nobody knows when or how, but you just need to believe in the process.
*you have to keep going, because that's the only thing worth doing.*
i resonate with this man. I have a saying called 'good dog, bad environment'. It basically describes a situation where even if you take the best, most well-trained dog there is, and put him in a bad environment (prime example is a dog fight club, or whatever you call that) he will inevitably become a 'bad' dog. The environment will wear him away. With that example in mind, if you want to be the best that you can be, focus on making your environment the best it can be. Sometimes that means stepping away from art for a week to deal with something or eating better. I guarantee you that focusing on new experiences, and eating organic eggs, and whole meals, will make your art indirectly that much better. Hope that makes sense and helps
Felt this. There's nothing anyone could say to me to change how I feel inside my headspace. When i overdosed for the first time, it was the scariest experience ive ever had, the people around me only saw my unconscious body but i myself was in total darkness feeling like God was just watching me waiting for me to decide if death was what i really wanted or if i changed my mind and i did, i did change my mind out of fear despite wanting to be dead my whole life. I recovered 3 days later but felt like all my memories and emotions got blocked for a while... then one day i shared this incident with a colleague that was telling me a similar experience his sister went through but didn't make it and he told me "maybe the reason you are still here today is because you still havent found your purpose." I overdosed for the 2nd time 3 years later and when i woke up the doctor told me that i was lucky my friend brought me to the hospital instead of waiting for an ambulance because if i had been just a couple minutes late i probably would not have made it. And i guess what my colleague said to me might've been true, although I constantly feel like i have nothing to live for or that nothing in my life ever goes well for me, there's still probably a reason why i survived all the overdoses or car crashes ive been thru.
All I can say is stay strong, maybe you and I will both find our purpose one day 🙂
It means so much to me you felt you found a place you could share a story as difficult as yours. Thank you for the kind words and I wish you nothing but love and I know you'll fall right into what's meant for you when the time is right ❤️
self reflection like this will take you on your path
best of luck broski
hey I've been there. there's no need to force yourself to create. sometimes it's okay to just let yourself exist as a person, not just an artist. take some time away from the internet maybe and just live your life in the world around you. as for the music stuff, there's nothing wrong with holding onto it even if you're not using it. I know for me personally I get random creative bursts and get loads done then go without doing anything productive for months. life's just like that tbh. you don't have to be anything in particular as long as you stay true to yourself
was literally going through youtube to procrastinate on editing my own vid, which actually gives me a feeling of finally breathing well above water level after spending 99% of the time at the level if not below.
happy to know I'm not the only one feeling like this, sad that creatives collectively go through that.
keep resisting, keep pushing, don't let the creative energy suffocate inside -- you are not alone
Idk how I came across this video but I’m glad I did… I’m soo sorry that u feel this way 🥺 u have such a cool look and seem to be very talented 🙏🏻 please take things one by one and i promise it gets easier.. u got this 💪 im sending u lots of love and strength your way 🙏🏻
thank you so much ❤ i've grown a lot since this video and its comments like this that still keep me changing
@@bradensiech your soo welcome 🤗 I’m very happy to hear that 🥹 super proud of uuu 🙏🏻💪
sorry your suffering brother. i relate ❤sending love. i think you have alot to share. really wish you didnt hate yourself. other people here get it and see something beautiful in you. be well. well enough 😃
I feel you, I had the same feeling that my music needs to be 100% perfect, and I was kinda obsessed with that thought. But even if my work would be somehow perfect, I would still be able to find something that isn't right or needs a little tweak here or there, thus never being satisfied with the work I have put my time in, and in the end not creating anything at all.
So i had to change this mentality of needing to have everything 100% perfect. The key for me was not to care about anything. Just create what was on my mind, and then leave it as it is. That is the thing that has helped me being more productive and actually creating something.
So I would suggest to try to create something, without worrying if it'll be good or bad, and after some time come back to what you've created. The work will get better on it's own with time.
This might be a video about a personal struggle to accept the self, to heal, and create meaningful things... yet this video alone is a masterpiece to me and others, and in some deep way this helped me know myself a little more. Keep being genuine and your craft will keep revealing tself ✌🙏
You are being persuaded by a new(er) passion. While you say you can't make anything with thousands of $ of musical equipment, you can, but as an artist you are usually your own worst critic. Often, I found myself unable to be share and to be judged and looked at by other people, and that is what limits you.
going thru it as well man. i feel so much of what youre saying and it's an ongoing battle with myself. maybe i should just surrender
you can't
the way the light and shadows reflect on your face is very beautiful. the video made me feel like I was the only one awake in a crowded home.
I like you because u are human and humans do all they can and humans aren’t perfect idk what else to say. U just be human and then u are good. We are all humans we aren’t alone. Also learn to be happy wo what we’ve been conditioned to see as success! That’s true success but the truth is none of us know. None of us know how to live…maybe there’s no one way to live. I hope ure ok because if ure able to be ok wo being perfect maybe I can and maybe other people can. Thanks for changing the trajectory of my life w this video u see what I’m saying? Also thanks for saying these words wo having some sort of solution all videos I see are success stories and that’s not reality…because we all get stuck we all feel bad and we can’t just preach once things are ok…
Great job for taking this step and posting :) you make other people not feel so alone
I don't have any grand advice to lay at your feet though I wish I did. Just wanna say I understand. As hard as it is keep loving yourself and your creations. Don't give up, it seems easier to but it eats you up.
I hate myself also. I have learned that how I feel is not reality. There are others that love, value, and sacrifice for me. So I make my life not about myself but those that love and respect me. I try to make logic decisions based off how others value me and focus on taking a neutral stances when thinking about self. That is when things became manageable. It is some egotistical shit to think only your opinions matter. Ask others what they think of you. The opinions of those that know you and you consider greater than yourself, listen to their answers. Now are they liars? If not take the proper action going forward. Hang in there.
Well, this video is a good start. You've managed to finish something, and there's a clear and relatable message. Congrats! Now do it again, but with the knowledge you've gained from making this one.
Keep it up, it gets better. Let what you love guide you because people don't normally get exactly what they envisioned but instead discover, grow and learn more which opens up unforeseen opportunities that will be right for you. Try new things, follow your heart as they say. Nobody has all the answers to their life but the only way you'll find anything is by living it.
I definitely related to this, but don’t give up!! Just from this video, I can tell you have artistic talent and passion. The tone created by the rough cinematography and minimalist piano was incredibly striking. Keep it up!
Things happen in life that we can't control I can't say that I've been in dark places or that I'm not in one right now. Everyday that passes by it feels like it gets harder but nevertheless I keep going. Alot of people say that you have to go on for those around you but you also have to keep going for yourself. I hate myself too and while it's part of the reason why I want to give up it's also apart of the reason to keep going so I can keep bettering myself no matter how hard and how shitty it is. It sucks now but it'll get better soon
this entire video is so real, i hope u getting better though.
been doing leaps better since i posted this, thank you 🤎
stay strong, this tough time will pass over, you got this, your strong, loved, blessed. I understand how hard and frustrating it can be, but i promise to you, once this tough time passes over, youll feel stronger than ever and more motivated and happier :)) god bless you
it lowkey looked like a horror movie at first, I even became tense a little. Hope that you can figure everything out!
I really don't know who you are as well as you don't know who I am, but still I hope you will find enough strength and power in your heart to start loving yourself, to start liking what you do (your piano playing is pretty good!). As of now I feel amazing and I hope, thanks to this comment you will feel better too!!
I dont want to sound like im downplaying this video, it's great, i love it and tbe fact you managed to open up to strangers on the internet . And im speaking from my own experience here since i think ive been in the same shoes as you, or at least felt the same emotions.
I think the issue is mentality, having the mentality to do/not do things. Like you claimed you 'tell yourself you can't do things' . And that ultimately manifests, maybe not literally or to anyone else, but definitely to you. The subconscious mind itself can be reprogrammed or conditioned to make you have better days, be more productive etc. and self love plays a huge part. Be selfish if you need to, prioritise your mind, your body and your spirituality (or beliefs if you're not spiritual)
But i do think it stems from your individual circumstances too. Like whats causing you to feel this way,the external factors in your own life, since that ofc will differ to mine and and everyone else's. Whatever youre going through, i hope you do well and feel well.
I can link you to a video that i just watched about productivity, im not sure if it'll help you, but it'll definitely give you a different perspective about why you might be feeling like youre in a slump.
Anyway tysm for posting! I hope you feel better soon :)
thousands of hours dedicated to the thing i love most and im still unable to feel proud or happy about it
This video is beautiful despite the tragic sincerity of it. I look forward to see what you make and I am wishing the best for you, sincerely.
Here's what I have to say:
Creating is about building tools. Obviously, at the base level, your tools are your equipment. But you've doubtlessly made other tools built from those. (People often call these techniques). You can build even more tools out of those pieces. (Which I'd say are ideas manifested).
You probably have some ambitious vision that you can't define, but that you try to work towards with each project. However, you can only fulfill your vision if you can see it clearly, and you can only see it clearly if you can see all the tools that it's made up of.
I suggest that when you work, you no longer think about making *the* thing, you think about making *a* thing. Sure, start with a general direction, but let your creation wander from it. Only if you experiment can you find the tools that you need.
I hope this video is a helpful conduit to get you creating again. And if it’s not, don’t worry about it. Rest. Try to relax if you can. Come back to the problem from a different angle. And it’s never too late to leave something behind, though if I had to hazard a guess I’d be willing to bet that you’re the kind of person that wouldn’t let yourself forget what you left behind. Keep chasing your dream man. Post stuff on here when you make it, I’ll subscribe so I get notified 😊 art is so tricky sometimes
Hey man, I do also hate myself, dunno why too but I am nowhere near a perfectionist, so im not gonna act like I know how you feel, but I play guitar and lose inspiration quite often, and when that happens I stop just drop it for like a few days or so, I usually get inspired by like a song or maybe a snippet of an original song. You shouldn't force yourself when you don't want to do it, you're stressed, take a break, relax and when you feel like it, come back to it
cybersec guy here who's done prodwork for a couple friends, every single fucking thing you said resides with me. i know i have the ability to create the things i hear in my head that i know i sound good, i know i have access to thousands of dollars worth of synths and plugins and software and whatever that i dont deserve, but i cannot for the life of me seem to find the desire to be happy with my work, nor find any motivation to create when something isnt perfect. same with cybersec. i know i can get hired for my skills, just cannot find any desire to get past the bullshit courses that i already know and strive towards something im passionate about. idk. struggling with alcoholism. maybe thats part of it.
i think the biggest part that resonated with me is discipline. when im focused on a personal project im a fucking god at figuring it out whether that be hacking into shit or finding the exact way i want something to sound, but its so incredibly rare nowadays because of the lack of discipline and schedule idk how to balance it to a point where it becomes a normality for me. im sure you feel this. idk, im gonna go watch this twitch vod n go to bed and try to reset mentally, hope we both slowly find the path of consistency in our passions and our work.
biggest part i forgot to include, i really do hate myself. never tried to, moreso just a lack of self healing due to previous life events, but i do. i know ive got decent qualities that i can improve, and i know its not all bad. but this constant cycle of feeling okay, and then not, its so tiring.
in the back of my head i think the solution is to just isolate myself with absolute silence in some wooded area and write down self imposed resolutions to the things i havent been able to heal from, and honestly it wouldnt be a bad idea, but idk how to transfer that to discipline and schedule. thats all sorry for ranting, have a good night man.
I'm going through the same things right now. please come back in five years and say what happened
John Lennon lost his mojo
TH-cam is starting to get scary I feel like it reads my mind or something not even joking because I was feeling this exact way when I came to my beat production and this video came In recommendations
Idk what to say but like I kinda get it. Im not as ambitious as you but not wanting to try while wanting to create is very upsetting. I wish you the best
Idk who you are but I really felt what you're saying when I tried to upvote this video 5 times but could only upvote once
Idk, might be off the mark, but maybe it's how you evaluate yourself, and your self worth, on what you achieve. Are there any influences through your life that drove you too hard to achieve passions? You have an experience that, like everyone else, is just waiting to be realized in its totality. Everyone has a valuable experience, period, but communicating that is hard. You definitely have a head start, though!
Sometimes, the process of doing this feat of self-expression requires patience with yourself. You look young, vital, and want to push yourself, but maybe what you need is a break. Rest is productive, too; it's a chance to realize parts of yourself that have been otherwise ignored. Pushed to the side due to ambitions which seem so intolerant to weakness, like no productivity. Does this mean that I recommend going cold turkey from your projects of passion? No, of course not, but maybe find other outlets for your creativity and ingenuity that don't require you to succeed. I hope you can become comfortable with the motionless you; Giving in to rest and rejuvenation.
I really appreciate this sentiment. The "getting comfortable with the motionless me" really spoke to me. Since this video I've definitely learned and gained a lot of patience, and just a general understanding that I'm building this piece by piece. I do try to rest as much as possible now, maybe even too much haha. But I really am thankful for your comment, I hope all is well ❤
It may not be the reason why you hate yourself, but it seems like you've set an unrealistic goal for yourself - perfectionism. Nobody is ever going to be happy when that is the goal because it is unobtainable. Creativity does not have to be perfect. It's far more expressive when it's got a bit of personality and mess in it and that's what makes the masterpieces so enjoyable to listen to.
It also seems like you've placed yourself in a position of high expectation, I don't know whether this is through others putting social pressure, family members expecting "big things" from you or something that social media has put onto you. You don't have to live up to any persons expectations, you are not here on this earth to please them. You are your person with his owns feelings that you have decided to use the piano to express yourself through. There will be times that it will be difficult to creatively release yourself through your work, but these are times to reflect on yourself, try and understand where your thoughts and feeling are, validate these feelings and emotions and forgive yourself. The shame and defeat are yours to conquer.
Just don't do anything silly... Ok. Life goes on....
Love you man
Yeah. I feel this.
simply recall that you are ONLY the result of moments before moments. Nothing you "decide" to do is actually a decision. You are only the present state of a line of dominos being tipped over. Lol I don't know what I am talking about. Idk determinism or something. Hope ya get better or whatever
What’s all this pressure to “create” for? Do you have a day job?
I don't. My goal is to make what I love what I get paid for
Nice video W person
Hold on brother
Very strong video
hey man, have you tried finishing something?
easier said than done, right. any good artist never feels happy with their work, nor should I feel they should. getting comfortable being uncomfortable is super tough to do, but it might be something that will help, dude.
Start small, write a 1-minute song in a genre you dont necessarily like. post it or dont, under something not attributed to you and then do it again and again.
maybe, as a perfectionist, you know exactly what you need to be but you just arent satisfied with your skill or flow yet?
lol same
cool
You remind me of myself
good stuff man
me
hm
Praying Jesus reveals himself to you and how he wishes to delight in you apart from your successes and failures. Be blessed bro, it’s a tough season but press into truth ❤️
I think you should do the opposite of that.
womp womp
emo
please teach me your ways of a perfect happy life fee
But remember! You do not hate yourself more than I HATE YOU!
I want you to know that Jesus loves you, we can never be perfect with anything that we do, we are naturally born sinful, so don’t beat down on yourself, but yes, keep working, but take things one step at a time and try not to compare yourself to others. God is here for you, you don’t have to live in this sense of an endless cycle. He will help you and be there for you, He sent His son down to die for all of us, what else more could He do. You can rely on Him. I encourage you to seek Him with all of your heart, mind, and soul. He is here for you. God bless you and have a good day, I’ll be praying for you ✝️ :).
nordan.daynal.org/w/images/Nonsequitur.jpg