I'm really glad you haven't taken down your old videos. It's almost 8 years later and I'm watching your T updates now as my own transition is progressing and it really helps a lot. When I first stumbled onto your channel a few years ago it was like I finally found someone who could put into words what I was feeling. Thank you for still uploading and showing us that it can and will get better.
Glad to see you are in your own place now! Hope you like it and start to feel even more you as your space takes on your personality. Hope you keep your videos up! I started watching way before I even subscribed and have learned a lot from you.
I dont even recall you talking about downstairs stuff bro, so I think you are fine. But do what you want. As for the voice squeak, I havent gotten it yet either and Ill be 14 weeks tomorrow. Not all guys get the squeak. I know two guys on T,both somewhere around 2 years, 1's voice just started cracking, the other cracked a few months on t. I have so much leg hair as well. Im like a beast. My leg hairs are probably an inch long right now. I do have a lot of stomache hair as well. Im hoping I dont turn into a bear. I started filming my transition, but then I stopped, because keeping track of the slow changes was messin with my disphoria real bad and I dont like putting my face on the web. Im much happier just seeing a change when I see one and telling my friends. Later:)
I'm a teacher, so my line has been talking about private physical changes on T. But I also don't think that anyone is likely to find my videos unless they are looking for ftm videos. I have a website that I was uploading videos to, but then I decided that my family and friends didn't really need to have my transition updates, so I don't embed them anymore.
omigosh! hi! i haven't been watching much youtube in a while and i came across your videos. such big changes! you look great. i appreciate, as always, the way you express yourself and explain your process. it adds so much to these conversations.
I teach too and I have had the same concerns as you and continue to. However, it's been two years and there have been no consequences. I haven't posted here in a while and I recently opened a new Facebook but I still feel like there would have been no consequences. Your vids are pretty eloquent and your exposure is honest and helpful. I hope you don't worry about it too much but at the end of the day, if you want to hide your vids then that is totally the right decision for you and all the best! Oh and my voice had no sudden drops either. You're looking good btw :)
Your videos aren't on the radar of 99.998+ percent of the TH-cam audience. It's a "niche market." If someone should happen to come across your videos, it's probably because that's the video they wanted to watch, not the one they just happen to come across on random chance. You're probably helping them as much as you're helping a lot of your other subs. I would also assume that they'd then come to you to say they saw it. You could, at that time, tell them to keep it on the down low. Don't sweat it. PS Nothing you've said in the past 7 or 8 months I've been watching has been at all inappropriate as far as I can tell.
Do what makes you comfortable! If that is to make some videos private go for it. People can think it's sad all they want but it's you that put yourself out there not them.
I was posting videos starting 2008, about 2 years ago I set all my videos to private because I was having the same worries as you. I was mostly nervous about my colleagues finding out not just that I'm trans, but the personal stuff that I would share in the videos. Though mostly only other trans ppl watch the videos in our community, there is still cis that stumble across them. I've been considering making updates again and making them public- just keeping the content less personal…if that makes sense. Not sure if this helped at all, but know that I and along with many other trans ppl enjoy your videos and find them helpful :) Take care!
Ooh, you're looking quite manly! I'm a little attracted to you now. Hehe! ;) Flirtation aside, your videos have helped me understand more about the life of a trans man. I know your videos are uncensored and intimate and that's what I like about them. I can imagine your videos have helped viewers a lot.
Alan you haven't said or done anything online here that has made me cringe and think "i wouldn't have said that". I don't think you have anything to worry about. Now you've had one hell of an upheaval in your life. Just write a list of bullet points with what youve been through or done in the last 3 months. Im impressed that you haven't gone running into the street screaming. (Unless you've done it and we don't know about it). You've been through a lot and coming back to work on top of it all. From the outside looking in YOU ARE DOING WELL! Take care - Andrew
thank you, Andrew! I really appreciate that. Yeah, and there are even MORE crazy, emotional, difficult things I've had on my plate in the last month that I haven't alluded to on YT!! :) :-/ thank you.
I'm a teacher too and I frequently wonder about this with my videos. A couple of my old middle school students found my videos and I have NO IDEA how they came across them. I would say that if there's any video you're concerned about, make those private. For the most part however, I think your videos are very professional and if you had to deal with any consequences of your videos from your employer it would be 100% discriminatory and you could fight it. Not that that would be fun, but I don't think you should be too worried.
You haven't said ANYTHING wrong or inappropriate. Don't erase your mark on the world. For some of us who watch, your videos help a great deal towards our own self acceptance. That's something to be proud of.
thank you! Well, I'm mainly nervous about my previous comments about my "lower growth"... :-/ I'm totally fine sharing all this with trans guys or trans friendly people, but it'd suck if my vids got into the wrong hands. But thank you--I'm so glad my videos help.
I don't think you've said anything inappropriate on here, but it is a personal decision. It is 100% up to you. Making videos private isn't such a bad thing, and then if you decide later on in the future that you want them up, you can un-private them.
If you should decide you'd rather private some of the videos, there is actually a way to edit your existing videos on youtube, that way you wouldn't lose all the comments (if you edited and reuploaded them I mean). If there are just certain things in a video you would like to edit out, that might work.
Do you think your self awakening started after the Butch get together or after surgery? Either way, I'm glad you are feeling this way. That is wonderful!
I have worried about people IRL finding my videos, but it hasn't happened. I have my channel under a fake name and associated with an email address under that same fake name. The people in my life would have to search out videos related to chest dysphoria and top surgery to find my videos, and I just don't see that ever happening. Small towns, no awareness of trans or genderqueer stuff. Anyway, I can understand your concerns, but I would hate to see your videos be unsearchable. They helped me so much when I was first on YT!
Please leave the vids up! You haven't said much inappropriate info yet, I don't understand what would be so bad if someone saw your vids that you know?
I hope you leave your videos up. If for nothing else, then for the continuity they provide. Taking them down would leave holes in your story. I know it's a personal decision, but for me as a subscriber, I've been following you through a lot of stuff. I know that may sound selfish of me, sorry if it does. I was trying to remember what it was you said that you wish you hadn't. I don't remember anything that terrible. I'm also curious what the chances are that a student would even see you. They would have to do some searching. Anyway, my vote is to keep the vids. Even if it is for selfish reasons. Thanks for sharing so far.
Thanks. :) what I'm mainly concerned about is my references to the downstairs region. I've always believed that students would be extremely unlikely to find me, but then, the nervewracking thing is that I could never know for sure...
Strange and detailed question here but i've been thru this before...have you ever used the men's restroom and wondered what would happen if someone passed by the stall, and in passing, looked thru the edge of the door of the stall and saw you urinating in the standard way of a woman? And/or saw you squatting "feet forward"? Curious.
Yeah, I've had that thought many times. Every time, in fact. But I've most often been in restrooms when there's not someone in the stall next to me who could see my feet. And I haven't experienced anyone seeming to look through the crack. I always consciously try to get a stall that's at the end, against a wall, so there's only one chance, rather than two, of someone coming into the stall next to me. But I think/have heard that it's not that huge a deal, that people may not pay that much attention or would never actually think of a woman or non-cisgendered male as being in the men's restroom.
Enlightening. I asked the question because I recently was in that situation and it terrified me when I walked out of the stall and everyone was staring at me. It actually happened during a festival of over a 1000 ppl so the bathroom was full and the line was out the door. All the guys standing in line never looked at me any different until I walked out of the stall. Every since then, its been in the back of my mind. I really think they believed I was trans at that moment. Thanks for your response and good luck on your journey.
ashmurran hmm. interesting. If I'm in a situation where I'm especially concerned about that, sometimes I just sit there for a while longer doing nothing, so they'll think I was taking a dump. haha. And I can see how it'd make sense for a cis man to pee sitting down while in that situation... although I do want to know more about whether that's actually true!
As much as Im sure many people would love you to keep videos up, I think you just have to do what you will based on 1. how likely you believe it is for these people to find your videos and 2. what the consequences of that could be. A thought I just had was that, I don't know if you have a tumblr or something like that, but if you were to private a video in the way that allows only people with the link to have access, then you could post the link to that social platform that is less likely to be found such as a tumblr account (or something like that). :)
Nobody ever asks trans people this but what happens to your feet? Do they grow? Is it easier to find men's shoes that fit? Because I like men's shoes but my feet are too small! I've always been so curious :)
:) They might grow a little but nothing significant (if you're already an adult). I've heard from one guy that his feet grew a size. I think feet will grow a bit wider or thicker... that's my current experience... just like hands and the rest of the body.
I'm a teacher too and I frequently wonder about this with my videos. A couple of my old middle school students found my videos and I have NO IDEA how they came across them. I would say that if there's any video you're concerned about, make those private. For the most part however, I think your videos are very professional and if you had to deal with any consequences of your videos from your employer it would be 100% discriminatory and you could fight it. Not that that would be fun, but I don't think you should be too worried.
I'm really glad you haven't taken down your old videos. It's almost 8 years later and I'm watching your T updates now as my own transition is progressing and it really helps a lot. When I first stumbled onto your channel a few years ago it was like I finally found someone who could put into words what I was feeling. Thank you for still uploading and showing us that it can and will get better.
Was thinking just the same thing. Thank you Allen
thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I'm so glad my videos have been helpful to you! And congratulations on your transition.
Glad to see you are in your own place now! Hope you like it and start to feel even more you as your space takes on your personality. Hope you keep your videos up! I started watching way before I even subscribed and have learned a lot from you.
I dont even recall you talking about downstairs stuff bro, so I think you are fine. But do what you want.
As for the voice squeak, I havent gotten it yet either and Ill be 14 weeks tomorrow. Not all guys get the squeak. I know two guys on T,both somewhere around 2 years, 1's voice just started cracking, the other cracked a few months on t.
I have so much leg hair as well. Im like a beast. My leg hairs are probably an inch long right now. I do have a lot of stomache hair as well. Im hoping I dont turn into a bear.
I started filming my transition, but then I stopped, because keeping track of the slow changes was messin with my disphoria real bad and I dont like putting my face on the web. Im much happier just seeing a change when I see one and telling my friends.
Later:)
I'm a teacher, so my line has been talking about private physical changes on T. But I also don't think that anyone is likely to find my videos unless they are looking for ftm videos. I have a website that I was uploading videos to, but then I decided that my family and friends didn't really need to have my transition updates, so I don't embed them anymore.
omigosh! hi! i haven't been watching much youtube in a while and i came across your videos. such big changes! you look great. i appreciate, as always, the way you express yourself and explain your process. it adds so much to these conversations.
thank you, Sam! Nice to hear from you! :)
I teach too and I have had the same concerns as you and continue to. However, it's been two years and there have been no consequences. I haven't posted here in a while and I recently opened a new Facebook but I still feel like there would have been no consequences. Your vids are pretty eloquent and your exposure is honest and helpful. I hope you don't worry about it too much but at the end of the day, if you want to hide your vids then that is totally the right decision for you and all the best!
Oh and my voice had no sudden drops either. You're looking good btw :)
thanks! :) That's cool to hear that you didn't have consequences while teaching. I haven't had any negative stuff happen yet, either, so that's good.
Your videos aren't on the radar of 99.998+ percent of the TH-cam audience. It's a "niche market." If someone should happen to come across your videos, it's probably because that's the video they wanted to watch, not the one they just happen to come across on random chance. You're probably helping them as much as you're helping a lot of your other subs. I would also assume that they'd then come to you to say they saw it. You could, at that time, tell them to keep it on the down low. Don't sweat it.
PS Nothing you've said in the past 7 or 8 months I've been watching has been at all inappropriate as far as I can tell.
Do what makes you comfortable! If that is to make some videos private go for it. People can think it's sad all they want but it's you that put yourself out there not them.
I was posting videos starting 2008, about 2 years ago I set all my videos to private because I was having the same worries as you. I was mostly nervous about my colleagues finding out not just that I'm trans, but the personal stuff that I would share in the videos. Though mostly only other trans ppl watch the videos in our community, there is still cis that stumble across them. I've been considering making updates again and making them public- just keeping the content less personal…if that makes sense. Not sure if this helped at all, but know that I and along with many other trans ppl enjoy your videos and find them helpful :) Take care!
Ooh, you're looking quite manly! I'm a little attracted to you now. Hehe! ;) Flirtation aside, your videos have helped me understand more about the life of a trans man. I know your videos are uncensored and intimate and that's what I like about them. I can imagine your videos have helped viewers a lot.
Alan you haven't said or done anything online here that has made me cringe and think "i wouldn't have said that". I don't think you have anything to worry about. Now you've had one hell of an upheaval in your life. Just write a list of bullet points with what youve been through or done in the last 3 months. Im impressed that you haven't gone running into the street screaming. (Unless you've done it and we don't know about it). You've been through a lot and coming back to work on top of it all. From the outside looking in YOU ARE DOING WELL! Take care - Andrew
thank you, Andrew! I really appreciate that. Yeah, and there are even MORE crazy, emotional, difficult things I've had on my plate in the last month that I haven't alluded to on YT!! :) :-/ thank you.
I'm not suprised at that Alan. Even a breakup is hard enough by itself. so take care - Andrew
I'm a teacher too and I frequently wonder about this with my videos. A couple of my old middle school students found my videos and I have NO IDEA how they came across them. I would say that if there's any video you're concerned about, make those private. For the most part however, I think your videos are very professional and if you had to deal with any consequences of your videos from your employer it would be 100% discriminatory and you could fight it. Not that that would be fun, but I don't think you should be too worried.
You haven't said ANYTHING wrong or inappropriate. Don't erase your mark on the world. For some of us who watch, your videos help a great deal towards our own self acceptance.
That's something to be proud of.
thank you! Well, I'm mainly nervous about my previous comments about my "lower growth"... :-/ I'm totally fine sharing all this with trans guys or trans friendly people, but it'd suck if my vids got into the wrong hands. But thank you--I'm so glad my videos help.
I don't think you've said anything inappropriate on here, but it is a personal decision. It is 100% up to you. Making videos private isn't such a bad thing, and then if you decide later on in the future that you want them up, you can un-private them.
If you should decide you'd rather private some of the videos, there is actually a way to edit your existing videos on youtube, that way you wouldn't lose all the comments (if you edited and reuploaded them I mean). If there are just certain things in a video you would like to edit out, that might work.
Do you think your self awakening started after the Butch get together or after surgery? Either way, I'm glad you are feeling this way. That is wonderful!
thanks for you`re videos. Goahead :)
Greetings from Germany
I have worried about people IRL finding my videos, but it hasn't happened. I have my channel under a fake name and associated with an email address under that same fake name. The people in my life would have to search out videos related to chest dysphoria and top surgery to find my videos, and I just don't see that ever happening. Small towns, no awareness of trans or genderqueer stuff. Anyway, I can understand your concerns, but I would hate to see your videos be unsearchable. They helped me so much when I was first on YT!
Please leave the vids up! You haven't said much inappropriate info yet, I don't understand what would be so bad if someone saw your vids that you know?
I hope you leave your videos up. If for nothing else, then for the continuity they provide. Taking them down would leave holes in your story. I know it's a personal decision, but for me as a subscriber, I've been following you through a lot of stuff. I know that may sound selfish of me, sorry if it does.
I was trying to remember what it was you said that you wish you hadn't. I don't remember anything that terrible.
I'm also curious what the chances are that a student would even see you. They would have to do some searching.
Anyway, my vote is to keep the vids. Even if it is for selfish reasons.
Thanks for sharing so far.
Thanks. :) what I'm mainly concerned about is my references to the downstairs region.
I've always believed that students would be extremely unlikely to find me, but then, the nervewracking thing is that I could never know for sure...
can i ask what happened with you and your wife?
Strange and detailed question here but i've been thru this before...have you ever used the men's restroom and wondered what would happen if someone passed by the stall, and in passing, looked thru the edge of the door of the stall and saw you urinating in the standard way of a woman? And/or saw you squatting "feet forward"? Curious.
Yeah, I've had that thought many times. Every time, in fact. But I've most often been in restrooms when there's not someone in the stall next to me who could see my feet. And I haven't experienced anyone seeming to look through the crack. I always consciously try to get a stall that's at the end, against a wall, so there's only one chance, rather than two, of someone coming into the stall next to me. But I think/have heard that it's not that huge a deal, that people may not pay that much attention or would never actually think of a woman or non-cisgendered male as being in the men's restroom.
Besides cis men should really sit too! It's much more hygienic that way.
Enlightening. I asked the question because I recently was in that situation and it terrified me when I walked out of the stall and everyone was staring at me. It actually happened during a festival of over a 1000 ppl so the bathroom was full and the line was out the door. All the guys standing in line never looked at me any different until I walked out of the stall. Every since then, its been in the back of my mind. I really think they believed I was trans at that moment. Thanks for your response and good luck on your journey.
Hundkoppel
totally!
ashmurran
hmm. interesting. If I'm in a situation where I'm especially concerned about that, sometimes I just sit there for a while longer doing nothing, so they'll think I was taking a dump. haha. And I can see how it'd make sense for a cis man to pee sitting down while in that situation... although I do want to know more about whether that's actually true!
As much as Im sure many people would love you to keep videos up, I think you just have to do what you will based on 1. how likely you believe it is for these people to find your videos and 2. what the consequences of that could be.
A thought I just had was that, I don't know if you have a tumblr or something like that, but if you were to private a video in the way that allows only people with the link to have access, then you could post the link to that social platform that is less likely to be found such as a tumblr account (or something like that). :)
Nobody ever asks trans people this but what happens to your feet? Do they grow? Is it easier to find men's shoes that fit? Because I like men's shoes but my feet are too small! I've always been so curious :)
:) They might grow a little but nothing significant (if you're already an adult). I've heard from one guy that his feet grew a size. I think feet will grow a bit wider or thicker... that's my current experience... just like hands and the rest of the body.
I'm a teacher too and I frequently wonder about this with my videos. A couple of my old middle school students found my videos and I have NO IDEA how they came across them. I would say that if there's any video you're concerned about, make those private. For the most part however, I think your videos are very professional and if you had to deal with any consequences of your videos from your employer it would be 100% discriminatory and you could fight it. Not that that would be fun, but I don't think you should be too worried.
thanks for the input! :)