STOP people pleasing forever by doing these 3 things
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ต.ค. 2024
- In order to take your POWER back, you must STOP people pleasing at all costs. This video I'll Reveal why you're already 100% worthy, whole & complete and EXACTLY what to do about it.
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To be honest with you, I don't want to do that at all. But uh, if it makes you happy, I'm all about pleasing yourself. I'm down to do it. Please. Like just give me a, give me a little more of that, that validation and that approval. I just get off to it. So good. Ow that kind of hurts. Like I said, please, please like me. Just me. Okay. Please. People pleasing isn't going to get you very far. It's a never ending rabbit hole that you just continue to go down. And in this video I'm going to show you how to finally stop people pleasing, how to take your power back and how in a way to really show up in the world as who you're meant to be.
Welcome back to another video. My name is Aaron and I help people expand their consciousness. Now I'm going to share with you how to not be a people pleaser. No Mo you have, you have had it up to here and you are ready to say, yo, I got to take my power back. I gotta have boundaries. I don't need to make you happy for me to be happy. And here's the, here's the dirty secret about being a people pleaser. By the way too, you want to hear a secret here is people pleasing is a shadow mechanism.
It is a shadow part of ourselves that is trying to gain the approval of other people because we believe deep down that we don't have value for just being us. And the key to this is realizing that that's a barrier. Keeping other people from knowing the real you, even if the real you is a little bit blunt, even if the real you has a quirky sense of humor is says things on their mind.
So this is a way that uh, a way that you are blocking other people from getting to know the real you. Let me tell you something. The real you is probably freaking cool. It's probably way cooler than the people pleaser version of you. You just don't know it yet because you haven't, you haven't been able to express that part of you. So first off, let me say, I am a recovering people pleaser.
There. I said it. Okay, I got this off my chest. I used to be a people pleaser until I realized that it wasn't so fun. I mean, I used to work a sales commission job, so pretty much my job was to please other people by, by providing them shoes that they could then buy. Worked at Nordstrom's for years and then a place called Barneys New York for years, and it was my job to do to do that, but I realized that in a way I actually got some type of sense of value from it, like a sense of worthiness from it.
I was like, I'm adding value. I'm pleasing, therefore I'm worthy. And that's what I realized as I started to do more shadow work. Now, first off, let me share this with you as well. People pleasing is normally a side effect of guests that you barely saw right here, parent pleasing. If growing up you had very critical parents, they were telling you what to do, they reprimanded you a lot, or you had to gain their love in some way.
What you may find is that then that pattern after they're not, they're not, you know, you're not in the same house as them anymore. You're then in relationships and then you'll find it that you're trying to make them happy and you're trying to please them and maybe that's taken away your own happiness as well because you may be doing things you don't really want to do.
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heyyy everyone! here's the "nice guy" video I mentioned above, enjoy! th-cam.com/video/86zrElu8F5E/w-d-xo.html
My friend, my brother. You give me strength🔥 your positivity is what's truly gonna save this world. The 21st brings great change. Thank you
Great video bro
Just watched like 5 hours worth of Bashar and Esther Hicks lol. Thanks Aaron! Epic!
Thanks for mentioning 'Bashar' the other day, Universe didn't mean for me to watch him until now, Lol.
Could you please tlak on "How To Treat Others", Aaron? Thanks!
My opinion is the one I value over EVERY OTHER PERSON IN THE WORLD AND UNIVERSE...
One of the easiest ways I've found to stop people pleasing and seeking approval is this: when you meet someone, instead of thinking "how can I get this person's approval?", think "how can THIS PERSON get MY approval?" -- remember that YOU are the star of your own movie and everyone else just makes cameos💫✌️
Yea but what if they're thinking the same thing lolol
Kennedy1op LOL literally what happens next
Everyone has its own movie yet many people r not grateful for Thier own movie like thy always want more and takes over someone else movie now the key is don't let anyone take over your movie you r the star so act like it that's my point.
well said Michael
We are all the lead actors/actresses in our play called life.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner” [Lao Tzu]. People pleasing is rooted in fear and is focused on earning love. Real love does not accommodate fear 😊
Spot on my brother
Preach🙏💗
That is a great comment thx
Moral of the story
1. Know your worth 💰
2. Don’t use others to validate you 💪
3. Your external identity Is NOT your reality🧘🏻♂️
4. Practice unconditional love ❤️
5. Balance your masculine and feminine 🌊
May all your dreams manifest ❤️
Yours as well my friend 😊
Thank you friend keep on following your passion and you will succeed
right back at ya !
build it at home thanks for your words ❤️
I love this postive comments
-be yourself
-please yourself
-seek approval from yourself
-not care what others think of you
This is how I stopped people pleasing
People pleasing is a big hurdle and realization for abused/neglected kids and empaths. It's also a big deal and brave to admit that we are people pleasers. Lots of people try to take advantage of our kindness. Remember, number one is the most important. Great video! Lots of us need to hear this.
Females raised in patriarchal households and religions as well
I love your profile pic-
Last Unicorn!!
@@Psalmchild thank you, my unicorn friend. 💙🦄🌿✨
Biggest hurdle for an abused empath
"It's not that i hate or dislike people in general.
I just value my time and energy so much that I've decided how to respond & when respond.
Once you stop pleasing other people, you make it easier to manifest anything that you desire. Please yourself and work within and it shall reflect on the outside. Peace 🙏🏽
Nice
namaste vershon!
Kennedy1op I see what you did there
Women Who Run With the Wolves is such an incredible book that helped me heal my deep mother wounds from an abusive/narcissistic mother ❤️ And healing this taught me boundaries and self worth which in turn eliminated the people pleasing patterns that I was programmed with xx
Thank you for the recommendation please who is the author
@@Itssimplyaisha Women who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Omg. This is a synchronicity. Today I wa showing through my book shelf and saw this book. My friend left it here.
Validation and approval seeking is conditioned into our subconscious mind between the ages of 1 to 7 and we will live our whole life being people pleasers to get the validation. Awareness is the Key ! :) Namaste and Love
it’s innate isn’t it.. kinda hard to change our biology but i guess self awareness is very useful
@@gabrieljohnson484 I don't believe it's innate. It's hammered into us by parents and teachers. And... certain people more than others
People should seek approval from themselves. Internal approval
Aaron, thank you, I just had an epiphany, and tears rolled down my cheeks. I just realized why I had three failed marriages on top of many other failed relationships. All my life, I was a people pleaser and when I dared to be me the relationships wouldn’t last. Well that’s it, it’s over, for the rest of my life I will be me and nothing else. I doesn’t mean that I’ll be rude but I’ll stick to who I really am. No more Mr. Nice Guy. I’m reclaiming my own power and taking my own course now. Thank you again.
Read the book “No more and nice guy” it’ll change your life.
E Higgins thank you, I’ll look for it.
E Higgins did you mean No more Mr. Nice Guy? I found a book on Amazon with that title, the author is Dr. Robert Glover.
E Higgins I ordered the book on Amazon and received it today, I just started reading it. Thanks again.
@@darhmakarma4838 Keep us updated. I know that there are a lot of men who benefited from reading that book. Good luck with everything. I hope you can find real love and real peace.
I have always felt as though I am responsible for over people happiness (my parents, friends ect). But actually I just need to focus on how I am impressing myself!
Kindness is not the same as niceness. Much deeper, eternal
You make a point I now feel seeing this comment that nice is taught to us kindness is in our soul. My soul is full my life is rich XXX
Its took me till recently to finally start getting out of the trap of being a people pleaser. I'm now gaining my independence, doing my own thing and as you say, starting to become the star of my own movie.
Keep up the good work, your videos have helped me massively!
My parents adopted a special needs boy when I was 7 and ever since then I felt like I had to be the perfect kid to make up for his behavior. It surfaced the other day when I said something minor that upset my mom and I burst into tears from guilt. It’s crazy how it’s coming to light now. Thank you for this video 💕
I agree - my life has gotten so much better once I stopped caring what others thought and just did whatever I wanted instead! So true, thank you for what you do Aaron :)
We cannot save anyone from themselves, but you can give them encouragement. I also am a people-pleaser, and I know that it doesn't work. People take advantage more and more and lose all respect for you. Thank you for pointing this out to me. What I got out of it was thinking that I was the better person, thereby shoring up the ego.
Totally agree.. Much love&light💗💫
Gotta love yourself before trying to love someone else! I was that guy at one point (people pleaser) Grow thru what you Go thru! 1Love & Namaste sir!
This video was one of a big confirmation of why
I was getting a spiritual messages to be more courageous in life
Thank you, Aaron :D
Sending positive energies to him and anyone who reads this comment 😁😁😁
SO Important . i stopped caring what others thought of me , its liberating folks . just give more then you take
Yeah! The intro was funny! Something that helped me shift out of people pleasing into self love was a quote I saw somewhere. It said “I no longer allow other people’s opinions of me determine my self worth!” That was a game changer for me. Once I sat with it and then applied it, everything shifted! 💜🌟
You explained my entire family. I actively tell them that what ever I do, it's going to be because I choose to
Needed this. Quite synchronistic that this popped into my inbox actually lol
happy to hear :)
Me too, made me feel better about a work dilemma I’m facing.
I needed it too. Even though I feel I've got over this, I'm still having to watch myself at times. Thank you Aaron🙏🙏💖
Become the blessing that you're looking for in this univedse...when you become love it will surround you.....
When you try to please everyone you end up pleasing no one! Thanks for your videos, they've been helping me so much!
I really needed to see this. Literally almost in tears bc this (was) literally my LIFE. from relationships to work to family always been a people pleaser. Learning to self reflect alot &check myself. Everyday I watch a video from your channel &get my lesson for the day❤️You're changing lives keep doing what you're doing 🙏🏾
hi
Right on target 🎯. I had to help my husband a little bit with this. He took a lot of abuse from his parents and didn’t realize it. It’s so important to embrace your masculine characteristics. It’s OK to be whoever you are 100%
Can you tell us about how you helped him?
@@clapton79 It's kind of a long story. It involves how his mother was treated poorly by her own father. So she needs healing. Interesting how trauma and ways of thinking affect our perspective
One day I made the decision to stop craving my parent's love and just accept what is. Since then, I gave myself that love and discovered thats where true love comes from.
I also saw my parental conditioning patterns within my relationships. My parents didn't promote my self expression and many times halted it. I attracted relationships where I didn't feel seen or heard, and couldn't be myself. Amazing once you make the associations and break out of the pattern.
I was neglected all my childhood/& anything I tried to express was criticized and shut down with verbal abuse. In older years I expressed myself (liberal, etc) completely the opposite of my family and they all turned on me....so it’s a double issue...when I finally was strong, they no longer liked me. I had to leave them behind.
I feel you. Unfortunately sometimes we have to make those tough decisions to do what's best for ourselves. Everyone is on their journey individually, so you gotta put yourself first. How others react to you is on them. Good for you.
Did you live in my house with my parents too?? Lol. Thank you for sharing this, this is ME.
@@kimberlyland LOL ♡ soul sisters. And thank you for being you :)
Nata1ia thank you 🙏
Seeking for validation on the outside and not receiving it,it is one of the root cause of suffering. Indeed the key to reveal your true authenticity and actually unleash your true potential is to let go of the need to please anyone apart from you . Everyone on the outside is an aspect within. I believe everytime you're pulled to please someone, ask yourself which aspect in you are they? Then please that part of you 😊✨
Amazing content bro 😊✨
At one time, I couldn't say No to ANYONE, someone asked me for something or to do something for them even if I really didn't want to do it, I would do it, if I could. I didn't care if they liked me or not. It was I felt like I should or I would feel guilty or bad about myself. I don't know where I got this from because my parents were loving and supportive and kind people. I lost them though when I was 18. I ended up losing my home and bring homeless for years because of my not being able to say No. There is allot of people out there that look for people like us to take advantage of. I have grown so much since then and now I can say No kindly and not feel badly about it but it was a struggle and I am Grateful for this lesson. How much you Love and respect yourself is how much you will be loved from others. Accepting yourself is key to make this transformation. The best thing I did was stop caring about what other people think about me. I learned that being in the street for almost 5 years there's so much judgement out there & you feel it, I knew who I was and I was walking my path and came out the other side of a hard won lesson that I'm now grateful for. Thankyou Aaron Doughty for your videos I've been watching you for years since my awaking in Jan. 2017. Aloha
Being a “nice guy” isn’t the most fair approach your your mental health and spirituality😌
appreciate you bro!
absolutely, it came down to my parents having to people please....it can continue from your parents when your middle age....it's tough...do what you want to do to make you happy 💖💖
You have been more helpful than any therapist I've ever sat with.
Yes! Aaron you are right! It’s inside. Love comes from the inside. I’m almost 50 and just learned about that.
Thank you!!! I a m currently doing all of this. I happen to be with a guy who simply won't stay if I stopped ppl pleasing. Its all about him. Ive lost my identity. Plz make more videos with some pointers on how to stop doing all the things above. Identifying the problem is half the battle, and Ive realized I have absolutely no boundaries. I do everything I can for him and its never enuf.
I hope you can find your freedom. You may have to let your current partner go. Sending love and light.
Say yes to yourself stop abandoning yourself for the other… What a beautiful lesson to learn not so beautiful at the time though❤❤❤
Thank you so much, I have a Masculine polarity and this perfectly describes me my life is forever changed now
Yup. Parent pleaser right here. Only my way to recovery where some days are better than others
Validation Approval and Love-thats what the people pleasing wants.
I do understand what you are saying but please know we do need more nice guys in this world.
I please myself with my right hand.
Wow! Law of Attraction!! you just showed me my own awaking from this level of people pleasing. I didn’t know that was what this was, but yay!!! I have not jumped on the band wagon for a lot of things happening in the world because I know what I want. I am defining who I am and I am aligning for my own desires and that will benefit all. Really cool stuff!! Thanks bro! 😎
Wow! Aaron, this was absolutely fantastic! Thank you for this! “My value is innate” is my new affirmation!
Did anyone else notice the white lights behind Aaron at the 17:00 mark? They are going crazy behind him. 🤍🖤♥️ Great video Aaron! I appreciate you! 🙏🏼💕
Yes! Was like, whoa, why aren't there more comments about that lol
Good catch! I wonder if that was a spirit orb?
When you are lazy to clean dust...
But anyway it looks mystical :)
@consciousearthintuition I know right! 🥰
@yoginipatrice that’s what I was thinking! The way they moved are magical! 🤩🙌🏼
Yeah! You are talking about me! But now I’m COOL😎❗️
I’ve been feeling terrible about trying to accomplish the impossible task of pleasing everyone around me, as though it was “my” responsibility. Then bam- your video was uploaded. Thank you Aaron, I appreciate your channel very much. You’ve helped me a lot through all of the changes in my life in the past year. Hope to see you on a stage one day 💙
Totally agree Aaron. I used to be a people pleaser as well (I used to literally carry around lens wipes in my backpack even though I didn't even wear glasses just to please my friends who do wear glasses). It is so much better to just be myself and I have gained so many genuine friends by just being myself. It gives you so much of your power back. Thank you for your great content!!
I love the fact that you are such an important figure right now in this super important time in history, and your ego doesn’t give a flying f. You’re so genuine.
Hells yeah brother. Love your content. Been a subscriber from 25k ✌️
The greatest horror of a people pleaser is when his help is not needed.
Felt this to the core
That’s co dependency
You are so relatable, its like you are telling a part of my story but you are the male version. You're Awesome thanks so much.❤
My man, this is pure gold what you are speaking here. This hits home and I appreciate the openiss. Thank you for the information, it helps me to understand how people pleasing works. Much love my bro, greetings from The Netherlands.
Synchronicity at its finest. The timing of this video couldn't be better! My friend wants to make a youtube channel with me, and while he's enthusiastic about it, I'm not so keen and I didn't know how to tell him so I pretended to be enthusiastic. Now, I'm in this situation where I need to back-track and admit that my enthusiasm was a people-pleasing lie.
Love this video ! I used to people please a lot. In life I figured out how to use this "People Pleasing" as a tool. Being able to differentiate the ideas and actions and being able to use it only when necessary, but mostly around new people. Showing this way to lead by example with new people I meet and the younger kids. Thanks Aaron for your very helpful video. Much love, light and compassion. 💗👍
I am so grateful for your and your content. Every video you make applies to my life. Because of you, ive been able to detach myself from the toxic relationship ive been in for 6 years. Im so excited about my future more than ever! I cant thank you enough!
I don't know the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.....
-bill cosby
This is Awesome! I had worked on this in the past...apparwntly still have some more work to release this behavior. Yes~ please dive deeper on how to heal and release this unproductive behavior. Love and Light Blessings 💓💥
You are either letting the matrix drain your energy, or you are using that energy to create
Great vedio .....I'm sick n tired of people pleasing ....u really touch on topics which we need at d right time ..... awesome work 👏👏👏
I dealt with similar things in my childhood your helping people I'm trying to heal
I have been a people pleaser for my entire life. I have just started saying no. I was drained and depressed from always giving and not receiving.
When you say no to others, you say yes to you
I just wanna say your videos saved my life. Thanks 🙏🏼
Thank you for your service and value.
Your teachings are very useful for my work. I learned to stop pleasing with my Bosses. And my feelings are free and my work became very easy. Because I don’t care what they are I’m just doing my work not because of the bosses but for my own development. Thank you Aaron
Omg! Why am i only seeing this video now?!?! Thank you!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
This video is synchronized with what I wont allow, just today. It's a good conformation for me! Thank you Aaron 🙏
You seem so much different from when I first started watching your videos like 4/5 months ago, in like the best way. Thanks for another amazing video!
thankyou mr aaron i got to know the root cause of my pleasing behavior after this video just two hours ago i am stuck with this for past 4 years reason was
someone i loved dint love me back their rejection made me feel like im unworthy of love this made me please that person more...this is where my pleasing behavior started thankyou so much Mr Aaron doghty 😭😭🙏🙏
True for women too. Finally owning this as what it was. This coronavirus time has really helped because I literally could not please anyone in any way since I couldn’t visit anyone. Plenty of time to think. And finally saying almost loudly “I’m not going to be a puppet and you be the story teller. You can’t influence me to bend over backwards, listen to your abuse, keep to myself what I’ve known to be true-it’s all out now”.
I appreciate so much you sharing your story. So much of what you went through is what my sister and I did as well. It really gives me hope that I can one day be free of these chains. I watch your videos all the time and they help me so much.
So powerful Aaron thank you!! Allowing myself to feel the validation, not because of someone else. Golden ✊ taking my life back. Blessings!!
I think this is the most powerful video of yours I've seen 🔥🔥🔥🔥🙌🏽🥳 As a healer, you are speaking STRAIGHT UP FACTS!
Respect and gratitude love
Seriously!! Ya friggin nailed it! Great message thank you!!
Yeah your right stop pleasing people , an see where that takes you, matter of fact don’t even please yourself, that’s why we have so much to give , what else are we going to do with it
Perfect timing for this video. I've set a challenge for myself to go live daily on FB to pull myself out of my comfort zone and when I watch the videos myself, I end up feeling sick because of how I present myself. I'm too worried about what others will think. The lives have become a chore and I battle myself to do them. I'm people pleasing.
We appreciate your content
I didn't expect this to be relevant to me, but it was incredibly enlightening. Thank you
So glad I found him on tiktok, every time I watch his videos I feel like Im wakening up
I love this video. I am a recovering people pleaser. I didn't realize the shadow part until recently (from you dude!). Grateful to see your vids and that I'm able to learn from you. Namaste bro
"I love you if...." we spent a childhood learning it and our adulthood unlearning it.
Amazing and eye opening, I’m going through the process of only just now realising I’m a people pleaser at 30yrs old and I don’t want to be anymore. I’ve only recently learned that in any situation where someone basically says we’re all doing something, it not even being a question at times - I’ll ask myself if it’s something I actually want to do, and if not I won’t be doing it. For the first time I said no to camping with my husbands family because I was burned out from work already and needed me time. Funny enough my husband ended up not going either, after he felt I was ditching him a bit, even though I wasn’t, and then he realised he didn’t want to go either! I told him we’re not joined at the hip and if I need me time I’ll be saying no to something and saying yes to me. I felt authentic finally! I want to do this with work too but it’s a process. I appreciate your video! And will be saving it to watch it again 😊🙏🏻🙏🏻
If you are nice, you cause problems down thre road when you stand your ground. You shock people. Then, the people you thought were your friends you find are not. People who would have been your friend are gone because they thought you were wishy washy. JUST WHAT I've noticed. Finding balance is the 🔑. Hard after abuse.
Thnx Aaron for this! Showed it to my kids too, and now they know why they are always so nice to other people. Their father, my ex husband, is a narcist, and me and the kids all the time tried to please him. I stopped that years ago but still pleasing other people.
This was our wake-up call. So thnx for sharing 😍🙏
Nice head band Aaron !! Namaste 🙏🏽
That was my biggest problem being the nice guy is a cover to not get rejected and playing it safe but in reality it just makes your fear of rejection a reality. The sad thing is most people aren't aware they are people pleasing
Foraged magic mushrooms today and was discussing this for ages with a close friend I rarely see but we’re similar in this way, and then this pops up when I get home and check TH-cam. Amazing
I so needed this! done being people pleasing!
Very nice video. I absolutely agree. My parents raised me the same way. If you don´t obey... you are bad. If you brown-nose everyone... you are acceptable. I carried that emotional weight around for decades until I started realizing: I am ok the way I am. Manipulation is a very bad way to run this society. It starts with each one of us. We need to realize that we are ok the way we are. Love from Germany.
The best video I've seen on this topic 🙏🏻❤️ Thank you!
I don't know that I will get tired of hearing your back story. It has always been a part of what drew me to your channel. The "real talk"
that you share about what happened, how it affected you and what you have done to heal from it is authentic and it resonates.
Thank you
Growing up in my home and family of origin we where not allowed to talk about what really went down. Ever.
That was not safe for anyone.
I'm not alone in this dynamic, many endure it. Part of waking up for me is realizing it's ok be transparent no matter what the reaction from others people is, even if they are family.
Thank you for this video.
I appreciate the material. Especially now.
I'm setting emotional and financial boundaries with my young adult children for the 1st time and they are Freak-ing out. I get it. They aren't used to this. Guess what?
Me iether. Lol. 4realtho..
Today I was just thinking today...
If someone thinks that removing their approval of me from my life is supposed frighten me away from making my own independent decisions and choices?
Then they have largely underestimated the importance of thier opinion in my life.
It's okay not to approve of my choices, certainly !
But ultimately ?
I have to live with them and their consequences.
So you can certainly disagree but I won't allow you to hurt me just because you don't like my choices or perhaps you don't yet understand them.
I'm tired of saying yes when i want to say no.
They are adults and?
Moms tired.
Thanks again for the content. Timely as usual , when I pop in.
You are awesome! Thanks for sharing 🤗❤
I think I have kind of waffled between being a people pleaser and not in my life but more toward being not so much now. I look forward to watching more of your videos.
just found your account and you’re already helping me !
Set yourself some boundaries and stick to them!
Yo, I’ve had it up to here!! Thanks Aaron.
Aaron love it, i think feeling gratitude is key for succes. Uploaded today a new video😃❤
much love right back at ya !
Whoa tripping out Aaron has spied my whole life
Seriously, Aaron you make me happy and I like you! Busting a gut and going to People Pleasing Anonymous! ✌🏼🤟🏽🙏🏾🖖🏼👽
You are amazing I learn so much from your videos. Just thank you!