Living with Complex PTSD (CPTSD) RAW and un-edited rant
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ต.ค. 2024
- Just me raving on about the various struggles I face living with a diagnosis of CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and how my assistance dog helps me.
If you think you may be struggling with symptoms of CPTSD this video explains the symptoms really well:
• 12 signs you might be ...
#cptsd #complexptsd #ptsd #recluse
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Update to all of you who have been kind enough to comment on this video.
Thank you so much! 🙏
th-cam.com/video/l3UFoT6u5rY/w-d-xo.html
I’m so sorry to hear you feel sad a lot of the time. I’m a total stranger, and to me you are someone who is very interesting, an amazing independent kick-ass woman who is road tripping by herself and having incredible adventures with her fur kid, in one of the loveliest vintage caravans I’ve ever seen. I never would have guessed you were struggling, and I think you’re very courageous sharing your real truth. Thank you for doing so, I hope anyone else who watches this also feels that it’s ok to speak up about their mental health. I hope you’re ok Lisa. Xo
I feel you..so sorry
Wow I so relate to you. I hv had years of truma. Actually from very early childhood. I'm now 67 lady. Events hv happened over last couple years. So I also hv shut myself away from people. Absolutely no trust now. So I feel less guilty after listening to you. Please I send all my kind thoughts to you. My little dogs also give me comfort too.💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
Thank you for sharing your truth. I know it's not easy, but you are not alone.
Thank you Bobbi! 🤗
I had typed a longer comment to begin with. Your story resonates so deeply and my heart breaks with you as I listened. I'm not even 23 yet but feel as if I had endured a lifetime of pain and trauma to where it feels like I'm on autopilot it feels like. I wish you the best and thank you for sharing your story. Much love from an internet stranger 💚
Thank you so much for reaching out. I have also felt this way since my teens and yet somehow I’m still here! The best people I’ve ever known seem to be ones that have had the hardest path… hugs to you! 🤗
Sending you so much love ❤️ Thank you for being brave enough to tell your truth to the world. It means so much to me and I'm sure others who struggle living with C-PTSD. Stay strong 🤗
Thank you for your sweet comment and hugs to you! 💗
I can attest to this, coming across this video has been very healing.
This. As someone with this diagnosis, I can recognize how hard it must be to have made this video. We have such a fear of sharing what we need to share and explaining ourselves. Personally I have been more ok with someone thinking I’m a cold, standoffish asshole vs telling them ‘I just can’t handle conversations right now.’ I want to reach out to people but I’m so worried that they are busy, or I’m bothering them, or they all actually hate me for some unknown reason that doesn’t even make sense to me… and then I will be afraid of them because even though they have never once confirmed my thoughts, my brain assumes it’s true.
I’m working on explaining what goes on behind the mask with people I know. One day I’d like to make content because we have an understandable lack of lived experience content. Maybe if I can heal enough I will try my hand at it. But seriously, kudos to you for making this video. You did a great job wing informative and transparent about your issues.
@baileymoran8585 thank you for your beautiful comment. You too have described so much of how I often feel: That awful default setting of "I've done something wrong", the feeling that everybody hates you. I totally get it. Dropping the mask is hard. I'm thankful for my regular psychologist appointments so I can talk freely about my challenges. Having completely cut ties with my family of origin (AGAIN) has made a huge difference in my mental health! (Out of sight (and hearing= out of mind). I do hope you share your story. I'd watch for sure! Sending you big hugs 🤗
Same situation here, we want good things for ourselves like everyone else, but the trauma just makes it so difficult that it's easier to be alone. Given up a lot of things and left wandering what's the point. Just keep going I guess as things could change, otherwise I may end up like my friend who has the same situation and no longer on social media, suggesting he may not actually be alive anymore. Keep going is all I can say, giving up just means there's no possibility of better things. Even joining a meditation/yoga club, trauma support group helps.
Sending hugs 🤗
You know what I found beautiful about this clip and meeting you for the first time? Is that you were totally authentic. We're not robots and never will be, despite the powers that be and their best efforts.
You might have been struggling when you made this clip, but you were able to express yourself authenticly. Warts and all. I LOVED seeing you speak and own your truth. I feel like a mute now in my life.My cptsd has turned me into a scared, unexpresssive, unfeeling person by the age of 38.
I'm about to try and get some help from a therapist that knows about ptsd and cptsd (instead of useless cbt therapy), for the first time at 38 after being misdiagnosed for two decades. You're right; autism spectrum, cptsd etc overlap. This is why I won't get tested to see if I'm on the spectrum. Specialists actually don't recommend getting tested, if you've been diagnosed cptsd. Crazy stuff, I never knew they were so similar in symptoms. I wish the specialists and our society knew more about this diagnosis... and were more understanding and less cruel (some people are LOVELY though and they are a blessing to cross paths with). We're living in an era that just doesn't know enough about this diagnosis imho (certainly in how to "cure" it), and it is a really hard slog.
I respect you immensely for sharing your life and experiences with cptsd. I'm too ashamed of my life to do so, sorry. Keep being that truth seeker because it is YOU that will benefit the most, and yes you are totally worth it. Your beautiful doggo thinks as much as well☺️. You've got a new subscriber, and I look forward to seeing more of your content (only when you feel like it or ar up to it).
I couldn't afford a dog (I would've loved a service dog for my diagnosis), but I got a cat instead. She's an indoor cat but she's in tune with my struggles and is very loving to me. Especially first thing in the morning (my worst part of the day). She smothers me with face rubs with her face and kisses, lots of purrs and if I then don't make moves to get up, she will eventually start jumping all over me till I do 🤦♂️🤣.
I hear you, I'm living in a suburb, but I'm a square in a round hole. I feel separate to the community in which I live, due to how I think and feel. I'm extremely grateful for the DSP for this diagnosis, but as we know, the most valuable thing in life is connection. Something that I'm currently too affected by to be able to manage. I go bowling occasionally through a community program, or to coffee and cake with others with MH issues which is great, but I always feel alone lately. That "no one understands". Such is life. Here's to moments of happiness, coming our way fellow people with cptsd who read this comment, especially you OP.🤗🙏
Thank you so much for listening and commenting on this vlog. It's hard to be so raw in a world that celebrates fakery and perfection. It's like walking around without a layer of skin sometimes right? The invisible wounded we are... fighting battles in our mind that most people never see when all we truly need is TO BE SEEN, LOVED AND ACCEPTED for all that we are. Like flowers, who need sunshine, rain and tending to flourish...
I am here for you, you are here for me, there are lots of us feeling this way I've realised since posting this video and reading all the comments. I know it's not the same as real life love and support and a real hug, but here's a virtual one 🤗 in the hopes that you feel a bit more like someone cares 💗
@@lisawanderess your reply is spot on, and articulates why I'm frustrated with how our society operates and why people like us have the struggles that we do.
Just know that I saw beauty in your authenticity and that you have my admiration. Thank you for the virtual hug, I'm sending one to you as well if you don't mind 🤗 have a lovely day x
So few people are perfect, a lot of people just wear a mask to disguise what's going on inside, being yourself is really ok.
You said it"I don't fit in the reject box!" You are not a label. You are a human being. I loved hearing about your life. I have PTSD and CPTSD and it is difficult. I see you as brave and a fighter. People can be asses and ask stupid questions about service dogs.
i've given up on everything i'd wanted to do and i just try to get through each day as best i can after all the bad things i've been through. it's so frustrating. i'm 25 and have cptsd too, and i really relate. i'm sorry you're having trouble but i wanted to thank you for sharing your experience
Thank you, it’s a challenge every day but it’s good knowing we all have each other’s backs. Appreciate your comment very much. 🤗
I’m 30 and I also have given up. I give up on love because I keep attracting narcissist that worsen my CPTSD. Honestly I feel better alone and I really believe I meant to be alone. Absolutely no one. When you’ve spent your entire life being unseen, unheard, and ignored since childhood, it’s easy to be alone.
I agree. If we can’t find our “tribe” where we can feel appreciated, solitude is a lot less stressful. A lot of history’s greatest minds gained their wisdom and insights from their deliberately sought-out solitude. We can’t let it be yet another thing to beat ourselves up over! Sending hugs 🤗
Exactly like me learning guitar. I have concentration issues. And memory, I'll learn something and forget it very quickly. Yet I can play songs I learnt before my seizures . I blame the meds. It's Soo frustrating. But I preserver. I can relate to all you say. My best friend is my cat and dog. I have friends but I have issues where I feel people just use me , relationships come and go and are short lived which fuel depression. I'm now becoming withdrawn from people and that sort of scares me. I work part time for myself because I know I couldn't work for a company 40 hours a week. If I hadn't been able to buy and live in my small flat I would be in a caravan , reason being life has to be simple to cope .In a way I don't, but I do know exactly how you feel.
💯💗
As a 55 year old man with CPTSD... I have a home and feel homeless as well.... sending you much positive energy. We seem to be in a deep well just looking up at the light wishing for it but never able to get there.
Much love
I know exactly how you feel. You have almost described me right down to my age.
Yes, that's exactly how it is.
Same
Sending love and hope to all of you who can relate to these feelings that so many find “too much” to deal with. I appreciate you! 💗
I can relate.
Thanks for your raw honesty.
Sending hugs 🤗
Your video makes me sad, mostly because I know how you feel. Maybe I will tell you about me sometime.
From what you said in this video, you have been and done so much more than I can ever hope to do, you should be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished. I think you are brave for putting your life out there.
God be with you and watch over you, keep you safe and well always.
I will pray for you, God's word helps me, helps me feel better. 💖💖💖🙋♀️🐶
Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot. 🙏
I relate to what you have said here. I thought autism too while watching and then you disclosed it. I am autistic too and have been diagnosed with cptsd but I think it is more like repeated ptsd. I am sending love & solidarity ❤ I too am going through a withdrawal in social communications as a result of a traumatic event. I hope your saxophone course goes well, your masking in safe spaces and your beautiful dog is bringing much comfort & love.
Thank you for you loving message. I'm always so happy to hear from another of my "invisible tribe" 😍
As a twenty-something dealing with CPTSD myself, watching this video brought me to tears. I so completely relate to everything you said - even your reluctance to dive into music theory and the desire to just learn songs for the songs' sake. I don't like to read sheet music and prefer to do things by ear as well. There's also this pervading sense of inadequacy in feeling "behind" or that I won't be able to accomplish things in the traditional societal measures of success, and a perpetual frustration of trying (out of necessity) to fit into a world that just doesn't mesh with my personality. Also, the inability to talk about these things with most people because the people I've tried to talk about this with in the past have been either a. unavailable or b. unable or unwilling to hold space for the sadness. But I'd say the saddest thing to me is living in a world where I need to PAY someone to have a secure attachment (i.e. a therapist). It makes me wonder whether the therapist would even want to spend time listening to me if no money were involved.
Anyway, all this rambling aside, thank you so much for being so vulnerable. Sending lots of love 🤍
Hi Brett, I get what you're saying 100%
I often call myself an "alien" as I find it so challenging to deal with "normal" people and can only find connection with other's who feel this way too.
I'm glad this resonated with you and your story resonated with me too so I'm so thankful you reached out. Much love back at you! 💗
What a joy it is to listen to! Despite my joy I sobbed through your entire video because of how much it resonates with my entire life. I am looking forward to more... you help me to feel genuinely that I am not alone and I hope from this and other comments you find a glimmer of consolation. See you again soon. David
Wow David I am genuinely moved that this resonated with you so much. It is comforting to find others who feel the same. Thanks for watching and for your kind words. 😍
I really liked listening to you talk. It was so relaxing and calming. I wish the video would have lasted longer. :)
Gosh really? That’s so sweet to hear when all my life people have told me I “talk too much” 😂
Tears are running down my cheeks, everything that you shared felt like the perfect expression of how I've been feeling for my whole life, but especially in the last 12 years since I became disabled because of surgical malpraxis. You are such a sweet, tender, beautiful, delightful being, I am so grateful I found your video. Thank you so much for daring to be so vulnerable and thus caressing my wounds with your healing gentleness. I am sending you warm hugs and most beautiful soothing thoughts. With love, from the other part of the planet, from Romania. (See how strong we the mild ones are? :) We encompass the whole world with our hearts' beauty.)
Wow, such a sweet, lovely message to get today, thank you so much! 🥰
Hi Lisa, I too love with cPTSD. Please know that your videos are sooooo validating and helpful to the rest of us millions out here living with the same thing. I get you! I too go through the thoughts of “I used to be somebody and know now I’m on ODSP unable to engage in the word the way I used to.” A lot of the times I want to talk to friends to but it would be too overwhelming for them and I am afraid that it pushes them away. Afraid of being “too much!” I hear you and I get you. You are amazing, brave , beautiful intelligent and you help me get through my day so thank you!!!! Please know that when you need someone to speak with you can speak with us. We understand. We are living it too. Some days ore ok. Some days are challenging and I feel you so much when you speak of the sadness. I call it the tsunami of sadness because I rarely know when it will arrive. Sending you huge hugs and much love. You are making a difference EVERYDAY in the lives of so many. Thank you for making me feel less alone. 🤗🤗🤗
Gosh what a beautiful message thank you so much! Big hugs to you! 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
People only like to see me happy too I know that feeling. (Lam 3:28)
It sucks, right? Our social media world is full of toxic positivity and smoke and mirrors but it’s sad that real life has followed suit...
People call us negative just for complaining talking in riddles. We know folks can't help us sometimes we just want to be heard.
Most people these days are what I call fair weather friends. Those people in our lives that are really only there for the good times. Glad to know I'm not alone.
Yes, I know that "it's never good enough" feeling . Growing up in a home where faliure is met by punishment and ridicule rather than offer of help, it still gets to me even as a adult now in my 30s. My brain is full of bad things, bad thoughts, all entangled like a rats nest.
It’s hard work creating new tapes to play in your head to overcome those programmed ones I know! Sending you hugs 🤗
I'm sorry that you feel so sad/other assuredly complex emotions. I feel like I can relate. I think that its amazing that you have hobbies that you pursue, and that while you feel like you'll never be at the level of youtubers that you watch, the fact that you do things for their personal value is huge. I'm at the stage of wanting to do things, but being distracted by the internet because it feels simpler, while being unfulfilling. Good luck and I hope that you are well.
So sweet Julie thank you! It seems this video that I thought was one of the worst I’d done is actually resonating the most with others and that means so much to me to know that my “real” is acceptable! 💗
Music theory can be quite infuriating lol... Music without that all that is just as valid as music with it.
Same. Multi instrumentalist here.
Thank you for sharing! You are a beautiful Divine Being🌺💜🙏🏽
Thank you! And so are you! 💞
Lisa, Lisa!! We are with you!! So many had to change their life and CPTSD is probably the reason many neither figure out..
But the think is this, we can ameliorate if we build up a slow stability.
Example.. I had a work and I was doing my things to maintain it, than at work they had their plans to get rid of me and started acting that out, which destabilised me.. Well all the last month meanwhile I was figuring out how to go out of there without being tortured by them anylonger the brain fog that you say got me, and despite of the fact I did a lot of my own administrative stuff needed, I just realised this week coming back from 1 week break.. How much i left aside during this month. And I was tired overwhelmed by all the work situation and the things I had to do b4 the break..
Now wt I am trying to tell you is.. Lets leave the past behind. Lets just enjoy who we are now, with the skills acquired in that past if useful and enjoyable now..
So i was wondering if you could feel to register yourself when you enjoy playing your Sax and if you can sell that.. Cause I would love to hear you fully totally relaxed enjoying what you love to do, which is part of who you are! I will sign in to your channel as I hope you will reply to this my message.. And pls Lisa, you are not alone ! I would be really happy to connect even if via this virtuality... Real ppl are real ppl Lisa!
Bless you Sis, so I ask in Jesus Christ of Nazareth Name, Amein, Amein, Amein!!!
Thank you Stefani for your kind words and great advice and for subscribing to my channel. So sweet of you! 🤗
❤️ 🍓 ❤️ I have a tbi and cptsd and I relate. I admire you for posting this. I hear you. I see you.
Thank you! It's so nice to hear that! 🤗
Thank you for your video. I relate to feeling like calling someone, who said I could reach out if I need anything, would be burdensome to them.
I feel crazy too.
Alone. Unconnected. Blamed and resentful.
I thought about stopping working, but I’m back working full time. Every Monday I cry all morning. I know I won’t succeed. Soon the new employer will learn how messed up I am and let me go.
I don’t trust others or myself.
Not trusting I will ever be better has me suicidal.
Aw Desi, I hear you! It truly is a daily battle isn’t it? I try to approach it like they do in a 12-step program: ie: ONE DAY AT A TIME. Get through today. Some days it feels like groundhog day and some days, the sunset and trees and birds will make you smile and we live for those fleeting moments.
I think we just have to be our own best friends and be OK with the fact that we are human beings, not human doings.
You are not crazy, you are unique and we are all alone together. I’m here, and by the looks of it, there’s a lot of us feeling this way, so although we’re apart, we’re not really “alone”.
Sending you big hugs and thanks for reaching out! 🤗
I just realised that you are Australian. Which means I’ve been in Australia for so long that I’ve gotten used to the accent. I’m American living here and I have CPTSD.
I'm actually American & Australian. Whereabouts in Oz are you?
Fifty public housing disabled love my dog trauma depression chronic fatigue. No partner no wealth little hope
Oh I feel you! Depression and fatigue sucks doesn't it?
I've got no partner or wealth either but I think it's important not to lose all hope, even if it's just a faint candle light glimmer, hang on to that. I'm glad you're here and I'm thankful for your message. Life is hard for us but worse if we hold ourselves to some advertised standard of success as all that does is make us feel like a failure. The fact that you survived makes you a success in my eyes. And being solo with a dog is a heck of a lot less stressful than being in a relationship. So maybe try to focus less on what you haven't got and more on what you do? Strength, resilience, the love of a dog, a secure roof over your head, nature’s magnificent beauty always waiting for you somewhere to appreciate it, even if it's a simple roadside flower, and a reply from me! I hope something today makes you smile like hearing from you did for me. 😍
I've subscribed even though only so far listened to a little part of your video as my concentration poor tonight. I can see you are a lovely person. I came online to find some place to find somewhere anonymous to say where I am, to put my thoughts down. I have Cptsd, bipolar and eating disorder. I have an elderly narc mother. She recently told everyone she had terminal illness. I had been pointing out to her that it might not be and she was soooo nasty. Yet despite receiving the results of her scans she carried on with the sham. I've heard she's finally coming out saying she isn't dying anytime soon. I've been hooked into this woman's life all my sixty plus years and have much regret about that now yet so difficult to extricate oneself when the parent is very elderly. She makes me binge. I am not in control of my life yet I will be soon! I am determined to get there even if I'm feeling too tired to change things today. I often feel like dying. Life is very difficult and painful. I struggle with relationships too. I don't sleep well. I eat all day. I drive myself all day too, it was also this that proved my worth as a child. The more housework or cooking the more approval I had (little though that was). I have so many symptoms.
Sending hugs 🤗
I too can relate! I've never fit in. I have some of the same overlapping diagnosis.
I am an introvert. I have avoidant personality disorder, too.
Just saying you are not alone. I feel much the way you do.💗🙋
Just from this video and the comments it has received from lovely souls like you truly has made me realize I’m less alone than I actually feel. Thank you! 💗
@@lisawanderess I have Avoidant Personality Disorder and CPTSD, too. I’ve never met anyone like myself. I wonder how many of us there are?
Awe I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. I suffer similar mental and physical health problems. I know as a stranger it doesn’t mean much, but it’s my dream to be so independent. I think you are gorgeous and I hope you are feeling much better x
As a stranger your thoughtful words mean even more so thank you! 😍
Lisa, we're two of the same. Watched this video thru, and thought you could be my long lost twin. My tiny house does not have wheels, and yours' look very nice! Looking OK but being not. Also have dog who keeps me out of ruts, watcher dog, and general partner. Wishing you well.
Hugs back at ya! Thanks for reaching out! 🤗
I feel the same way. I have a string of who used to be best friends when younger and I'll text a news article with them, have a couple back and forths and that'll be it for a couple months.
It’s tough hey getting the feeling you need them more than they need you. The only solution I think is to stop needing anything from anyone and learn to be happiest on your own. 💗
@@lisawanderess You might be right. There is no worse feeling than you having to continually being the one to initiate a conversation or there would be none. I've told people this to their face. I'll just say, look... I am trying to surround myself with people who care and interact with me. If I didn't email/call you, would you reach out to me? Some say, you're right, probably not, and some you just see the guilt in their eyes. And I just say, ok. I'm sorry it doesn't work and try to move along.
You are a very Brave and Courageous Woman. Thank You for Sharing Your Story! You are a very caring and intellectual Person. I'm sure
a lot of people listening would be humbled and educated hearing You speak....! I Felt Sympathy and Empathy.
Thanks Dale, means a lot to me 💗
Wow… I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I’ll start with saying I don’t even know you personally but from watching this short video you are an amazing person, I can see how strong and brave you are and good on you for being true to yourself and not caring what others think. I came across your video because I have been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder, then emotional dysregulation, and now most recently autism but I stumbled across CPTSD and I’m surprised I haven’t heard of this because the criteria fits like a glove! Anyway I don’t normally comment on videos but I just had to because it was so inspiring to watch and I wanted to let you know that people do care and you’re not alone ❤
Thanks for reaching out...I appreciate that so much! I too have had other diagnoses and it's hard to know which best explains our individual experiences of life best as they can also all coexist with CPTSD. I think now that all so called mental health "disorders" sit on a spectrum too and it's pretty hard to get through life with any kind of unsupported neurodivergence and NOT end up suffering trauma!
Sending you big hugs 🤗
@@lisawanderess I agree, it’s so difficult and I feel like I’m the only one in the world that feels all this pain and detachment but it’s so good to know that there are other people out there going through similar experiences because the worst feeling for me is feeling alone and that I’m never going to be normal but seeing videos like yours is a huge comfort to know that I’m not alone and we’re not alone! I feel like I’m rambling now! Thank you for taking the time to read my comment and replying, you really are an inspiration to me and probably a lot of others to start being true to themselves and opening up about their struggles so thank you again for sharing 💕
GOOD morning,I'm so sorry U feel like this,we all have SHIT day's,some day's i feel like this some day's as well ,BUT i try to be strong for my 3 Daughter's,I wish the best for U,stay strong & safe & U B you & U are a special person from what I'v seen,all the best cheer's.
Well, you do have US, others with CPTSD. I relate COMPLETELY. I'm learning about Somatic Therapy, more focus on the trauma stored in our bodies. Check out, The body keeps the score. I live in an RV as well. Dad just passed, mom kicked me and my brother out, during the pandemic, so she could drink in peace. Blah blah... i don't like talking about it either. But i am REALLY STRUGGLING and the pandemic cracked me open. So much love from San Diego, California!😘
Thanks Desire, I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling and so glad you reached out.
I actually have read that book a few years ago and I really enjoyed it and another great book I found really helpful was “When the body says no” by Dr Gabor Mate he also has a film out at the moment called “The wisdom of trauma” that I highly recommend and there’s a link to download it and view it online on his Instagram account at the moment. Sending love and hope you find peace 💗
@@lisawanderess Aw, thanks for writing back!💛 It's amazing to me, that I am just now learning about Cptsd. My whole life, i thought i just couldn't let the past go....🙄 I mean, DUH...children that go through trauma in childhood, especially 0-5, end up with, let's say issues. I spent sooo much time in therapy, never being diagnosed with cptsd, so our work wasn't geared towards that. I had to research it myself, while desperately looking for answers. You are a brave soul, just talking openly about it, and YES, please be yourself, no acting parts required 😘. It helps US, know, we are NOT alone in this crazy world. My therapist just recommended, Transforming Living Legacy of Trauma, by Janina Fisher. It's on it's way to me, as we speak. Its so important for us to share what we've come across to help EACHOTHER 😘 Love and light🙏
It's like I'm looking at my own self. I still live with my family, and they still hurt me daily. And I feel as if I annoy people, cause I do talk about my problems to everyone I meet. I want to be a writer and illustrator, but I haven't even picked up a pencil or pen to do sometimes lately. I'm stuck in a boring and underpaid job, even though I finished 2 colleges with double specialisation and have a MA/MEd. I feel like a loser pretty much.
I can't imagine how hard it would be to be dealing with the family stuff everyday! I'm a writer too and my psychologist suggested setting aside at least an hour a day to just write... anything. Easier said than done. I've started working on my third book, but discipline and motivation can be challenging when you're dealing with trauma brain sometimes!
I'm glad you reached out, thank you! You're not a loser, you're a SURVIVOR! 🤗
Because I have CPTSD it made it extremely dangerous to work I tried working fast food and something triggered my anxiety from my childhood I kept dropping things and all I could do was stand there frozen just waiting to be yelled at and hit so my anxiety got so bad I hyperventilated and almost collapsed hitting my head on the fryer so I quit without notice because I was embarrassed because of my disability even though my boss was completely understanding so I’m trying to train my own service dog so I can get back into the working world because I would give anything just to not be on disability because it’s embarrassing. I want to work for my money instead of it just being handed to me every month
Sending hugs 🤗
Hey hope your doing well, Love your dog pixie, dogs are amazing! Thanks for being open about cptsd. It's really helpfull understanding people, sending love ❤
I hear you, I’ve got C-PTSD too. Cello is the thing that keeps me going. I hope you are getting by as best you can. It’s all we can do. :)
Thank you for sharing this so much. I also CPTSD from childhood as well and I feel so alone. And I have had 20 surgeries in the last 8 years and that will continue and i am just so exhausted. Music is my best friend through life as well.
We can be alone together. I think you’ll appreciate this song;
th-cam.com/video/jFU8Z2MtehU/w-d-xo.html
Thanks for reaching out 😘
☀️ Your Not alone
💚💚💚 I identify so much with what you're going through... I learned the basic, basic stuff about music theory in college and quickly forgot a lot of it including piano completely. It makes me feel so stupid when I try to create music that makes me so happy. I hope you know you are worth being heard and you are worth love and beauty and life and I feel so seen just listening to your story. Thank you so much for sharing a bit of what you're going through. You are not alone! It's okay to not be okay! 💚 I am glad YT pointed me to your video. Wish I could tell you I would listen any day but we are strangers online but truly I would be happy to listen.
That's so kind of you to say. I am so grateful, thank you! 🥰
same sister x
You are not alone, thank you for sharing 🤗
Thank you for watching and reaching out! 😘
I’m 28 and I feel the same way you do , the brain fog is so hindering, I guess a huge part of it is due to autoimmune diseases ( you mentioned rheumatoid arthritis) .. it was sad to hear how you view yourself as if you failed in life just because you don’t have what other people you age have .. I can tell you that I’ve seen a lot of rich people who have everything you could ever wish or view as success, but they are depressed and sad .. it’s not about what we own, it’s mostly about the environment we live in and who we are sharing this life with. We carry a lot of “limiting beliefs” from childhood that keep convincing us that we can’t make it, or we are not worth this or that.. etc. trust me, you have waaaaay much potential than what you think .. you have a beautiful emotional intelligence, you care about others feelings so much ( you said that you feel bad when you end up talking so much with a friend thinking they have other things to take care of) you have a kind heart, you are an amazing artist and you love what you do .. there is so much light and fun in this world ., it’s just that when we are trapped in our own thoughts, it gets harder for us to see them .. I only saw this video on this channel, I’m 10 minutes in and I can tell that you have a very light, fun, silly and adventurous personality in you that can enlighten a lot of people’s world.. don’t take life too seriously (I’m indirectly saying that to myself as well 🙈) .. I wish you a happy and light days 💜
Thank you Aya, that is such a sweet, thoughtful and kind message and yes, these are all reminders I try to focus on too, but you know what it’s like when you’re in that triggered state, the focus shifts so easily back to the negative. I find seeking out the beauty of nature helpful to bring me “back to earth” and have been trying to do that as often as possible and all the connections I’ve made from the totally unexpected inspiring comments such as yours on this particular video have been so uplifting for my self-confidence that I even mentioned it to my psychologist yesterday. I guess my main problem is that I lack those real life human connections that validate our worth and I sometimes struggle to find that same feeling on my own, but at the same time as knowing this, I still actively avoid people and tend to isolate to protect myself… the hidden price of complex trauma and yes, the limiting beliefs as you say. I do have better moments than this one though, I promise!
Thank you so much for reaching out! 💗
@@lisawanderess oh you have no idea how amazing it is to know how much awareness you have about yourself.. And I totally agree that real life human interactions are key, I’m exactly like you, I isolate and push people away to protect myself (even the good people that I can see the potential in them) it’s our Survival Mode working .. I’m so happy you have this level of connection and understanding with you thoughts and it’s always a work in progress for all of us to have a better life mentally and physically , so no matter how long it takes to reach our goals, it will be worth it💜 I wish you a life full of fulfillment and happy moments Lisa 🌸 and I’ll be following your journey here on TH-cam ✌🏻
I'm so pleased I made it to the end, Lisa. My heart goes out to you. I can see and hear your struggles. I share much. If only you could know how lovely and what a beautiful soul you are. Sending love and prayers.
Thank you! 🙏
Thank you for this i appreciate your video
Thank you for your willingness to share your trauma and it's effect on you. I suffer from many of the same things being an outlier in most things both physical and mental myself. Much love. ❤ You are in my prayers. 🙏 God bless
Thank you Carrie 💗
🙏❤️🙏
Thank you. It meant a lot to watch this when I did.
Thank you! I’m humbled that it helped you 💗
My world has spiraled out of control, I'm trying to fix it but I can't do it no more.. I try to make everyone proud and I've been offered a service dog from walking with the wounded but because I had a flashback I had to move back into my parents house.. I'm 38 and my daughters I've seen the for 30 hours roughly since February.. my parents say I need my own place to have a dog because they themselves want one as a pet.. the story of my life.. I just want to be normal I pray every day and no matter how much meditation I do or mindfulness exercises I can't stop the pain and raw emotions.. I've lived in denial from a young man to now and this is my 1st year trying therapy it helps talking but I hold my cards close to my chest, I can't put into words what it is I'm going through.. I served in Iraq, I joined the forces as a way of escape and my therapist says my childhood trauma and my military training conditioned me.. I don't want it anymore, I want to go back to work and my family so much.. I love my Mrs with every fibre in my soul, I love my daughters just as much, to be able to make them proud of my again and to here them say go be a hero daddy once more would mean the world to me.. my life is in tatters and its like I'm getting worse not better.. is there even a cure for us? I asked my therapist and she said yes but the more I read and look into it I'm in doubt. I'm inches away from pressing self destruction mode
Mark, I just have to reach out and tell you that the world NEEDS sensitive souls like you in it! Your story touched my heart and I feel your pain. Nobody else but other CPTSD warriors truly realise how debilitating this is to live with! I'd say get a service dog and explain to your parents that if you needed a wheelchair to live with a disability would they deny you that? Because a service dog is exactly as essential to functioning in the day to day world as a wheelchair is to someone who can't walk and has the same rights to access under the law. There is no doubt in my mind that my service dog is the only thing that kept me alive. As for the "cure", no I don't believe there is one either but we can learn to adjust our lives to cope with our special brand of challenges; seek out nature's beauty, spend all day in bed on those crappy days if you need to, try to be thankful as often as possible for the blessings in your life, and most of all, never forget that you ARE worthy, despite what those crappy tapes playing in your head say. Be well my friend, stay in touch. Get that dog! 🤗
I made my application yesterday, fingers crossed everything will work out. I stayed at a friend's last night and today I'm more grounded..
Thank you so much 💙
@@madmanc_angling you're welcome! How'd you go with your application?
@@lisawanderess I've been accepted, I need to wait now for 12 months while they select and train my dog. It's a long process, when I get him I do some training with a trainer and then go down for bond test and then an annual test. When we get our qualifications he gets his passport and working vest and harness so we can get on flights without any issues.
That's great news Mark! Something to look forward to. I've just made a video about my dog passing her big 3-yearly Public Access Test and will post it soon. So happy for you! 💗
I'm 21 and I feel exactly like you except I'm stuck at home :( I have no high school diploma or GED, and no drivers license. So I'm kind of stuck at home constantly reliving my trauma over and over again. I would go back to school but I'm so freaking tired and tbh I've kind of given up :')
Try just getting out in nature and focusing on its tenacity, beauty and resilience… sometimes it’s the only thing that seems right in the world. Sending hugs 🤗
@@lisawanderess update, I got my drivers license and a job! maybe in a few months I'll get my own car too :)
@@theekaa7705 well done you! That's awesome! 💗
Do you know what MBTI personality type you are?
INFJ
@@lisawanderess I knew it !!! I was guessing that.
Interesting that we are the same... I have met several people who have cptsd and are INFJ.
@@Daveinatl the future world will have many or most of them
@@Daveinatl INTJ, but am T over F by a fairly small amount.
sending u tremendous support and well wishes lisa...u have enduring strength getting up everyday and facing what cptsd can throw at you,similiar affliction fought daily by myself as well u seem very kind and soft hearted
I so appreciate your well wishes thank you, sending you strength, love and endurance too. 💗
Love you for you 💚🐦thank you for being 🙏and remaining through. :) you're beautifully magically wonderful and your spirit and light shine true and strong :)
Lots of heart squeezes and soul huggles ur way. 🌈🌸🍃
Just the sweetest message ever, gives me warm fuzzies, thank you so much! 🤗