my experience as a brown skin black gay men I've dealt with colorism when I came out in the late 2000s I experienced a lot of discrimination from darker skin black gay men and darker skin straight black men but I've overcome that now I look at people as individuals and as themselves I don't stereotype all dark skin black men as mean in the same because of what I went through with him but when I first came into the gay lifestyle I only liked it lighter skin black gay men because lighter skin black gay men embrace my brown skin they would always compliment me and say I was beautiful and they compare my brown skin to Whitney Houston Oprah Winfrey Michelle Obama Gabrielle Union I got that compliments from lighter skin black guys and darker skin black gay men and dark skin guys in general told me I was ugly but I forgave darker skin black men and I overcame my struggles with colorism so now I just judge people off how they treat me not so much of their skin color and second you are right black gay men do face the same oppression as black women iyanla VanZant said that in her book and I like your video and I can relate to your story
This is probably one of the very few videos I have seen on TH-cam that talks about colorism in the gay community and specifically from the experience of a dark skin male. It’s no surprise that anti-blackness is present in the gay community and there is a social hierarchy tied to skin tone along with all the other superficial stuff. I think people are unaware of it because of the hypersexualization of dark skin males. Add on machismo and typical beauty standards and u have a false sense of mobility.
I love me a extra extra extra chocolate brotha they just don't like me I love my brown skin brothas and light skin brothas do living in Losangeles colorism is bad brothas will call another brotha ugly out here just because he not light bright white
This is crazy. You are 100 percent right and that's sad that you are saying this because I noticed this in the early 90s and for you to still say this in 2023 is sad. I'm talking about here in Los Angeles. I have a friend who has traveled the the world and he says that Los Angeles has the most racist and colorist community that he knows. He says even in the south they aren't like that. Its bad for blacks period here in La, if your mixed or light to brown skin you may have a chance but being dark skinned you are pretty much invisible . You will have some one of another race approach you before another black person approaches you. If you go on line looking for some one they are going to ask for a million pictures to make sure that you are light enough for them. I'm not ugly but I had a lot of people not like me because I was too dark. This is before smart phones and before you could send a picture over the computer, I had people leave not because I was unattractive, see I looked like Baby face and they wanted me to look like Al B Sure. Well that wasn't going to happen so I just hung out and watched every one else get dates and drove them around. I was out there for years and never no dates. Dark skinned dudes do well in the straight world but in the lgbt world its another story. Run the other way if you live in la, or turn straight. That's my advice! I get it, a lot of those light skinned brothas do capture attention, shinny bright skin and pretty features. I'm not going to take away from them , Hey they have it, I just don't have it,
@@rondothard1698 not even us brown brothas are enought out here heck the lesbian Sistas having the same problem my friend she's beautiful brown and me and her was talking bout that Sunday how bad it is I love me some extra dark brothas but sadly I'm too dark for them your 100percent right I'm gonna go visit Ny or Texas North Carolina for few days I'm gonna start that because it's ridiculous.
@@timothyypearson dark skinned brothas have no problems in the straight world. The world is yours there but some how in the lgbt you’ve got problems. I don’t get it. Most lady’s love a chocolate brotha but the guys don’t?
My brother, I want to encourage you , and to let you know youre perfect just as you are with your God given heavily melananted black skin and features! The gay community and society in general can be VERY superficial and so caught up in appearances, and the outer shell or skin suit that we wear. That's why there is so much self hatred, mental health issues, loneliness and sadness, body image and skin color issues in the popular mainstream gay culture. You have to love and appreciate who you are no matter what, hold yourself and other brothers who look like us in high regard! Im damn tired of hearing or reading that black men are at the bottom of the list when it comes to dating and relationship preferences!! We must dive very deep into the heart, soul, and spirit of a person which is who you are actually getting involved with, not their outer appearance or social status . I'm not saying physical or sexual traits are not important, but we have to stop choosing mates primarily based on looks or what society says is a acceptable.
Thank you for your topic ! Very educational and insightful on your experience through colorism as a Black gay male. I’m on the “other side “ mixed, looser curls and tall…the desirability are only sexual and assume femme and stuck up. I wished to be brown skin so I don’t have to show my black card or mixed card out in the initial convo. I know the experience I am sharing may be parallel to yours but the point I am sharing is that you are totally right about the unrealistic and high expectation gay males have for companionship base on features than character.
I was talking to one of my buddies, he said its not about dark skinned or light skinned. the test is can you go to a pool party take of your shirt and have no belly or man boobs or saggy skin. Is your body tight. See you are comparing your self to fit light skinned people. Those are not you equals, you would have to compare your self to some one who has your same body shape same height and I will bet you that they are not going to be the most popular guy at the party. Being gay you have to always look like your going on to a tv set or a photo shoot. If you don't look good you will not get a date or at least not anyone that you would want. For a straight guy your look would be fine you could pull any king of girl you want, but in the gay world your look isn't going to work out to well. But don't say that dark skin is holding you back because there are tons of dark skinned black men on tv today like on the have and have nots and once again empire, and they are hooking up with hot guys too. its very unattractive for you to view your self as unattractive because you are dark. get rid of that thought. its not true, its you and your swag!
Ron Williams I think you’re missing this guy’s point... the thing about colorism is this: When you’re light, you don’t even need a good body.... you get extra “preference points”, just for your color. Quick story... I used to have a friend who was good looking, but light, and had that desirable hair texture the poster of this video mentioned. I’m about two shades darker than a paper bag..... we would workout together at the gym every day. I had a better body, and was stronger.... and I smelled better...( he didn’t shower regularly) with his B.O., coffee breath, flabby skinny-fat body, he could pull the attention of any and every gay black man in that gym, simply because of his “red-boned”, status. They all looked at my black ass like I was pure garbage.... Mind you, we’d switch gyms on occasions and the demographics would entirely change... when we’d switch to a gym full of white gay guys and straight women (of all races), they’d give me all of the attention and ignore him. That’s when my deductive reasoning told me that black gay men have a serious issue with colorism. And these experiences fucked with me for a long time. Made me bitter for a while.... but I had to get over it and rise above the ignorance and brainwashing. It’s hard to do, but it takes reprogramming.
@@TASconfidential another thing. When the dark skinned dude decides to come to the black club with his man from another race all of the blacks are jealous talkin shit saying that he isnt loyal to the race....but how many times did he come to the club and yall have him no love? Thats the kind of stuff we do to each other as black people. See every other race can go to a club and hook up with their own people and not think twice about it. Its sad to know that you can get with another race of people before your own especially when you were totally the norm and the norm means being dark skin
I don't see you doing better if you were light skinned. its the being short and over weight. . Take a look at a dark skinned fit man and you will see how great dark can be. if your light skinned and fat you still wont do good. Look at star and empire they always show really good looking gay dark skinned black men. Get your self in the gym and get the weight off and that will put you above the light skinned man. I have noticed that that black gay guys who always focus on the dark skinned light skinned deal are over weight and short and dark. its the weight not the color of your skin!
okay you can go on believing that myth if you want to . I'm telling you what it is. your color is fine, you are to hung on this color deal. I really want to know if you really don't see all these fine dark skin men killing it in the media. I'm really not trying to be disrespectful to you. I have never seen a chocolate fit guy go home alone. you can get what ever you want. light skinned folks and Latino folks love me. its like I said those are the first folks to come to hook up with me really it is other dark skinned folks that have more of an issue with me. I just don't get it. maybe its s self hate. I never felt that way. I think that saying its your complexion is an easy way out. I look average I look a lot like Kanye west I'm real dark skinned like him too that's nothing special and very average and I still do okay talking to folks. So tell me what you think I wanna know. I know that most women love a dark skinned man do your research!
Ron Williams You must be straight... and you are right, WOMEN do love a dark skinned man.... for sure... but this guy is gay, and he seemingly wants other black gay men to be attracted to him. Unfortunately, there is major colorism within the black gay community, and there are many chocolate gay men who do go home alone.
@@TASconfidential I never knew this. I always was liked pretty much by women of many colors and even by a lot of Latino men and white men with money, but I'm not into men but my son is gay, yes he's mixed light skinned but he loves dark chocolate men like crazy. If you aren't dark he will not be into you. So that made me think that dark men were popular every where. I know for women that if you aren't light skinned you have a harder time but for us guys its not really a big deal! how is this? You have Edris Elba as the sexiest man alive.
@@TASconfidential another thing to is the fact that if you have two very popular TV shows going on right now the have and the Have Nots and you also have Empire and the love interest on both of those shows like Jeffrey Harrington that's a dark skin guy and the one that plays the love interest of jussie Smollett is a dark skin guy
@DIMEPIECE ENTERTAINMENT ok so... In the regular world I know that dark skin men have the advantage he has a choice of a light skinned woman or dark skinned woman. He is seen as masculine chocolate sexy. Well since in the community every body is the same sex so how does that play out. I would guess maybe the dark skin dudes like the light skinned cats and the light skinned cats like the dark dudes. .. Is that how it goes?
Example do you think if Terry Cruz came into a club that he would go home alone. I think not, he is dark skinned and is not cute but he has swag and a hell of a body. I've seen people like him out do these light skinned dudes many time. its the short unfit out of shape guys that look like nothing that don't do well. Yes colorism does exist but you gotta be a black man that rocks. Ignore that and get some self confidence and make it rock. I do get what you are saying about colorism but its like racism let it go and rock on!
You can’t just let it go and rock on you missing the point it’s not the dark skinned person responsiblilty to change this stigma ... the society that discrimates against dark skinned people
If Terry Cruz were not famous and went to a typical gay black club, he would NOT get any action. However, if he went to a gay WHITE club, they’d be all over him. Ever notice that most “snow queens”, are dark skinned? It’s no coincidence. Many dark skinned dudes who are shaded by the black gay community, easily get their glory from other races.
@@TASconfidential what kind of guy would be popular in the black community? Give me an example....because it looks like the black community dont like anyone.
Ron Williams easy answer: Light skinned black guys with pink lips, curly textured hair, and Eurocentric facial features (sharp noses, sharp chins, sharp cheekbones), and is his eyes are hazel or green, that’s the “holy grail” for the black gays. Basically if your combined features makes you ethnically ambiguous, “bi-racial”, or what I call “beige”, then you’ll be considered “attractive”.
Ron Williams I also read your previous post and kinda get your point.... as your focus is on having a nice body.... this is how it goes.... With the black gays... if you’re darker than a paper bag, you have to be FINE, with a SPECTACULAR body. When you are lighter than a paper bag, you can be average in looks and body, and will still be considered “attractive”. The scales are skewed and tipped.
Don’t forget dark skinned black men have to be almost a perfect 10 to be on the same level as non black/light skin person that’s a 4 or 5.
All facts
Colorism is something we dealt with but did not know vocabulary.
It is so weird to me for black people not to be attracted to people with the same skin tone! Who makes you believe the crap?
Exactly 💯
my experience as a brown skin black gay men I've dealt with colorism when I came out in the late 2000s I experienced a lot of discrimination from darker skin black gay men and darker skin straight black men but I've overcome that now I look at people as individuals and as themselves I don't stereotype all dark skin black men as mean in the same because of what I went through with him but when I first came into the gay lifestyle I only liked it lighter skin black gay men because lighter skin black gay men embrace my brown skin they would always compliment me and say I was beautiful and they compare my brown skin to Whitney Houston Oprah Winfrey Michelle Obama Gabrielle Union I got that compliments from lighter skin black guys and darker skin black gay men and dark skin guys in general told me I was ugly but I forgave darker skin black men and I overcame my struggles with colorism so now I just judge people off how they treat me not so much of their skin color and second you are right black gay men do face the same oppression as black women iyanla VanZant said that in her book and I like your video and I can relate to your story
Glad you made it through those tough times.
This is probably one of the very few videos I have seen on TH-cam that talks about colorism in the gay community and specifically from the experience of a dark skin male. It’s no surprise that anti-blackness is present in the gay community and there is a social hierarchy tied to skin tone along with all the other superficial stuff.
I think people are unaware of it because of the hypersexualization of dark skin males. Add on machismo and typical beauty standards and u have a false sense of mobility.
Insightful commentary
Just saw a podcast on Vice where a gy bk guy said colorism doesn't exist in the gy community and darker is always preferred
I get it as a brown skin brotha it's ridiculous
I love me a extra extra extra chocolate brotha they just don't like me I love my brown skin brothas and light skin brothas do living in Losangeles colorism is bad brothas will call another brotha ugly out here just because he not light bright white
This is crazy. You are 100 percent right and that's sad that you are saying this because I noticed this in the early 90s and for you to still say this in 2023 is sad. I'm talking about here in Los Angeles. I have a friend who has traveled the the world and he says that Los Angeles has the most racist and colorist community that he knows. He says even in the south they aren't like that. Its bad for blacks period here in La, if your mixed or light to brown skin you may have a chance but being dark skinned you are pretty much invisible . You will have some one of another race approach you before another black person approaches you. If you go on line looking for some one they are going to ask for a million pictures to make sure that you are light enough for them. I'm not ugly but I had a lot of people not like me because I was too dark. This is before smart phones and before you could send a picture over the computer, I had people leave not because I was unattractive, see I looked like Baby face and they wanted me to look like Al B Sure. Well that wasn't going to happen so I just hung out and watched every one else get dates and drove them around. I was out there for years and never no dates. Dark skinned dudes do well in the straight world but in the lgbt world its another story. Run the other way if you live in la, or turn straight. That's my advice! I get it, a lot of those light skinned brothas do capture attention, shinny bright skin and pretty features. I'm not going to take away from them , Hey they have it, I just don't have it,
@@rondothard1698 not even us brown brothas are enought out here heck the lesbian Sistas having the same problem my friend she's beautiful brown and me and her was talking bout that Sunday how bad it is I love me some extra dark brothas but sadly I'm too dark for them your 100percent right I'm gonna go visit Ny or Texas North Carolina for few days I'm gonna start that because it's ridiculous.
@@timothyypearson dark skinned brothas have no problems in the straight world. The world is yours there but some how in the lgbt you’ve got problems. I don’t get it. Most lady’s love a chocolate brotha but the guys don’t?
this is too deep thanks for speaking up on the issue
Sending love and kindness
My brother, I want to encourage you , and to let you know youre perfect just as you are with your God given heavily melananted black skin and features! The gay community and society in general can be VERY superficial and so caught up in appearances, and the outer shell or skin suit that we wear. That's why there is so much self hatred, mental health issues, loneliness and sadness, body image and skin color issues in the popular mainstream gay culture. You have to love and appreciate who you are no matter what, hold yourself and other brothers who look like us in high regard! Im damn tired of hearing or reading that black men are at the bottom of the list when it comes to dating and relationship preferences!! We must dive very deep into the heart, soul, and spirit of a person which is who you are actually getting involved with, not their outer appearance or social status . I'm not saying physical or sexual traits are not important, but we have to stop choosing mates primarily based on looks or what society says is a acceptable.
So true preach brother preach
Thank you for your topic ! Very educational and insightful on your experience through colorism as a Black gay male. I’m on the “other side “ mixed, looser curls and tall…the desirability are only sexual and assume femme and stuck up. I wished to be brown skin so I don’t have to show my black card or mixed card out in the initial convo. I know the experience I am sharing may be parallel to yours but the point I am sharing is that you are totally right about the unrealistic and high expectation gay males have for companionship base on features than character.
Great video
His name was Vaughn tall light skin basketball player 🥰
I was talking to one of my buddies, he said its not about dark skinned or light skinned. the test is can you go to a pool party take of your shirt and have no belly or man boobs or saggy skin. Is your body tight. See you are comparing your self to fit light skinned people. Those are not you equals, you would have to compare your self to some one who has your same body shape same height and I will bet you that they are not going to be the most popular guy at the party. Being gay you have to always look like your going on to a tv set or a photo shoot. If you don't look good you will not get a date or at least not anyone that you would want. For a straight guy your look would be fine you could pull any king of girl you want, but in the gay world your look isn't going to work out to well. But don't say that dark skin is holding you back because there are tons of dark skinned black men on tv today like on the have and have nots and once again empire, and they are hooking up with hot guys too. its very unattractive for you to view your self as unattractive because you are dark. get rid of that thought. its not true, its you and your swag!
I think you really missed the point of my video and message. Colorism is very real. Your gaslighting isn't really appreciated.
Ron Williams I think you’re missing this guy’s point... the thing about colorism is this:
When you’re light, you don’t even need a good body.... you get extra “preference points”, just for your color.
Quick story... I used to have a friend who was good looking, but light, and had that desirable hair texture the poster of this video mentioned. I’m about two shades darker than a paper bag..... we would workout together at the gym every day. I had a better body, and was stronger.... and I smelled better...( he didn’t shower regularly) with his B.O., coffee breath, flabby skinny-fat body, he could pull the attention of any and every gay black man in that gym, simply because of his “red-boned”, status. They all looked at my black ass like I was pure garbage....
Mind you, we’d switch gyms on occasions and the demographics would entirely change... when we’d switch to a gym full of white gay guys and straight women (of all races), they’d give me all of the attention and ignore him.
That’s when my deductive reasoning told me that black gay men have a serious issue with colorism.
And these experiences fucked with me for a long time. Made me bitter for a while.... but I had to get over it and rise above the ignorance and brainwashing. It’s hard to do, but it takes reprogramming.
@@TASconfidential another thing. When the dark skinned dude decides to come to the black club with his man from another race all of the blacks are jealous talkin shit saying that he isnt loyal to the race....but how many times did he come to the club and yall have him no love? Thats the kind of stuff we do to each other as black people. See every other race can go to a club and hook up with their own people and not think twice about it. Its sad to know that you can get with another race of people before your own especially when you were totally the norm and the norm means being dark skin
Ron Williams we are in 100% agreement here!!!
Preach!!!🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
@@TASconfidential I guess they want people or every one to look like nasty ass jussie Smollett how sad:-(
I don't see you doing better if you were light skinned. its the being short and over weight. . Take a look at a dark skinned fit man and you will see how great dark can be. if your light skinned and fat you still wont do good. Look at star and empire they always show really good looking gay dark skinned black men. Get your self in the gym and get the weight off and that will put you above the light skinned man. I have noticed that that black gay guys who always focus on the dark skinned light skinned deal are over weight and short and dark. its the weight not the color of your skin!
It's the color of the skin really. People would prefer athletic light skin men over athletic dark skinned men anyways.
okay you can go on believing that myth if you want to . I'm telling you what it is. your color is fine, you are to hung on this color deal. I really want to know if you really don't see all these fine dark skin men killing it in the media. I'm really not trying to be disrespectful to you. I have never seen a chocolate fit guy go home alone. you can get what ever you want. light skinned folks and Latino folks love me. its like I said those are the first folks to come to hook up with me really it is other dark skinned folks that have more of an issue with me. I just don't get it. maybe its s self hate. I never felt that way. I think that saying its your complexion is an easy way out. I look average I look a lot like Kanye west I'm real dark skinned like him too that's nothing special and very average and I still do okay talking to folks. So tell me what you think I wanna know. I know that most women love a dark skinned man do your research!
Ron Williams You must be straight... and you are right, WOMEN do love a dark skinned man.... for sure... but this guy is gay, and he seemingly wants other black gay men to be attracted to him. Unfortunately, there is major colorism within the black gay community, and there are many chocolate gay men who do go home alone.
@@TASconfidential I never knew this. I always was liked pretty much by women of many colors and even by a lot of Latino men and white men with money, but I'm not into men but my son is gay, yes he's mixed light skinned but he loves dark chocolate men like crazy. If you aren't dark he will not be into you. So that made me think that dark men were popular every where. I know for women that if you aren't light skinned you have a harder time but for us guys its not really a big deal! how is this? You have Edris Elba as the sexiest man alive.
@@TASconfidential another thing to is the fact that if you have two very popular TV shows going on right now the have and the Have Nots and you also have Empire and the love interest on both of those shows like Jeffrey Harrington that's a dark skin guy and the one that plays the love interest of jussie Smollett is a dark skin guy
You missed the point
@DIMEPIECE ENTERTAINMENT ok so... In the regular world I know that dark skin men have the advantage he has a choice of a light skinned woman or dark skinned woman. He is seen as masculine chocolate sexy. Well since in the community every body is the same sex so how does that play out. I would guess maybe the dark skin dudes like the light skinned cats and the light skinned cats like the dark dudes. .. Is that how it goes?
Example do you think if Terry Cruz came into a club that he would go home alone. I think not, he is dark skinned and is not cute but he has swag and a hell of a body. I've seen people like him out do these light skinned dudes many time. its the short unfit out of shape guys that look like nothing that don't do well. Yes colorism does exist but you gotta be a black man that rocks. Ignore that and get some self confidence and make it rock. I do get what you are saying about colorism but its like racism let it go and rock on!
You can’t just let it go and rock on you missing the point it’s not the dark skinned person responsiblilty to change this stigma ... the society that discrimates against dark skinned people
If Terry Cruz were not famous and went to a typical gay black club, he would NOT get any action. However, if he went to a gay WHITE club, they’d be all over him.
Ever notice that most “snow queens”, are dark skinned? It’s no coincidence. Many dark skinned dudes who are shaded by the black gay community, easily get their glory from other races.
@@TASconfidential what kind of guy would be popular in the black community? Give me an example....because it looks like the black community dont like anyone.
Ron Williams easy answer:
Light skinned black guys with pink lips, curly textured hair, and Eurocentric facial features (sharp noses, sharp chins, sharp cheekbones), and is his eyes are hazel or green, that’s the “holy grail” for the black gays.
Basically if your combined features makes you ethnically ambiguous, “bi-racial”, or what I call “beige”, then you’ll be considered “attractive”.
Ron Williams I also read your previous post and kinda get your point.... as your focus is on having a nice body.... this is how it goes....
With the black gays... if you’re darker than a paper bag, you have to be FINE, with a SPECTACULAR body. When you are lighter than a paper bag, you can be average in looks and body, and will still be considered “attractive”. The scales are skewed and tipped.