the looking glass self concept is particularly useful for excluded individuals - positive feedback is a norm, negative is not a norm, as noted. thus, no feedback implies others have a negative view of us. really, there's a threshold of 'liking' and a person can be thought of neutrally or mildly positively and not cross the 'liking' threshold in the minds of others and thus never hear how others think of them. so what happens when someone actually does say something positive? it's disconcerting. there's a cognitive dissonance at play that can lead to mistrusting the positive comment - are they being snide, am I being mocked, are they seeking to get me on side or manipulate me perhaps? or alternatively, this is cool fresh water in a desert and the response is a bit too 'full on' for a casual 'hey that looks nice on you' or 'you're really smart, you know that?' and both these possibilities can generate exactly the kind of negative impression that was never there in the first place.
the looking glass self concept is particularly useful for excluded individuals - positive feedback is a norm, negative is not a norm, as noted. thus, no feedback implies others have a negative view of us. really, there's a threshold of 'liking' and a person can be thought of neutrally or mildly positively and not cross the 'liking' threshold in the minds of others and thus never hear how others think of them. so what happens when someone actually does say something positive? it's disconcerting. there's a cognitive dissonance at play that can lead to mistrusting the positive comment - are they being snide, am I being mocked, are they seeking to get me on side or manipulate me perhaps? or alternatively, this is cool fresh water in a desert and the response is a bit too 'full on' for a casual 'hey that looks nice on you' or 'you're really smart, you know that?' and both these possibilities can generate exactly the kind of negative impression that was never there in the first place.