Can you ever please a narcissist? (Parshas Vayeitzei)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 พ.ย. 2022
- How did our patriarch Yaakov finally separate himself from his abusive father-in-law Lavan? What can we learn from this story about how to deal with people whose fragile egos feel assaulted by our very existence?
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17:47 "God doesn't even have to grant us permission to exist, he's already granted it to us by making us exist, it's
implicit in our existence, we have inherent self-worth just from the fact that we exist." ... Wow! That just set me free right there and has given me a confidence boost. Thank you! 🙏🙏🙏
I'm not doing anything wrong by existing, why can I not utter those words without bawling? How does one ever heal from the fact, that they have been made to feel like they don't even deserve to be alive? Watching this I remembered some of the things my stepdad said to me when I was a kid, like not allowing me to speak my native language, because that was his house or the time when I was 10 years old and he came into my room and told me that everything in my room didn't belong to me, because it was his house. I'm starting to realize that the fact that most of my adult live I have been homeless, is the product of abuse and not because I don't even deserve to live...
You have already begun to heal because you now know that what he told you was the lie and what you were forcing yourself to suppress was the truth.
Thank You for Your speech! I am in trouble,because of these kind of individuals..trying to survive,but it is made so difficult for me,because some sick people think that I don't have the right to exist...this speech was terapy session for me.
Best of luck and strength to you. I also recommend Alice Miller’s books for some really good therapy.
You've more of a right to exist than
what any of them demons ever had.
Rise above and overcome them.
It's the most destructive behavior, where you are gaslight and start thinking you mad. I have done years of work on myself due to abuse, have written 2 books on it and rabbi your scapegoat podcast set me rocketing to freedom, I'm so grateful, blessings.
How are you going now? I pray your free and well!
I'm right in the start of cutting off toxic family and it hurts so much.
I really hope you are better than 5 months ago ❤
What an awesome teacher you are... you are a gift to you community! Although I am a Christian gentile, I love your teaching!
I come to perceive biblical knowledge as the highest form of knowledge, meaning, that it represents the code from which the universe is written.
When you mentioned that Laban asked "Why did you take my gods?" and Yaakov did not give an answer, because the answer to this is "to not answer" the penny dropped for me.
There is no higher, no more effective, strategy. I played this game a thousand times, varying a couple parameters. There's not other escape in the end but to leave the question unanswered!
Psychologists speak of abuser forcing the abused to participate in a "shared reality". It's "forced participation" and the way Laban lures Yaakov back in is, like you said, "questions" - because questions yearn and beg for answers.
You try to reach consensus
They try to force you back into participation
These two things cannot meet 😅
Thank you for your explanation
You actually said it better than I did. Thank you. Questions are so powerful. The allure of the unanswered question is so hard to escape. The ultimate humility (and freedom) is in letting go and allowing the nagging questions to go unanswered.
Thanks for your perspective. This goes very deep.
Great class!
People use the phrase "I'm sorry" to express empathy toward the other person's pain. In the scenario you mentioned, where someone else bumps into you, we say sorry, projecting empathy for the other individuals discomfort. ... sorry
You're correct. "I'm sorry" means "I have sorrow". "Pardon me" means "I have done something bad and I need to be pardoned for it".
To add to your lecture, it is interesting that the Sefer Hayashar addresses a question. How did Eisav know that Yaakov was coming, he wasn't a prophet? He says that Lavan sent his son together with a group of men to tell Eisav what Yaakov did. His recounting starts with, "Yaakov came to me with nothing, I brought him in to my house, gave him my daughters to marry...can you believe how he repayed me, he didn't even give me a chance to kiss my children goodbye." When Eisav heard this, it reawakened his hatred of Yaakov and he brought an army to confront him. -- Lavan had to spin the story so that he was a victim, and make sure that he would get his revenge.
This is absolutely brilliant, insightful. Such an articulate way to explain an all too familiar struggle. Thank you so much. Your sermons are so very appreciated.
Thank you Rabbi Taub for these life giving videos. You are helping to clarify so much of what I've been going through.
Same here. Literally the uncle I didn't know I needed.
Same!!!!
I loved the charachter building references and direction. Absolutely brilliant!
Thank you so much for this Shiur. Knowing why people/myself say sorry all the time when not really appropriate to the situation was very eye opening. I struggle with people pleasing. I grew up feeling like a puppet on a string, knew it, but didn't know how to cut them. It's been about 5 yrs of reading Torah and listening to hours upoin hours of videos and am in a different place now. The process continues. I also want to let you know that one of my huge turning points came because of something you said in another video. It was you explanation of neurosis vs. psychosis, 2+2=5 is psychosis and 2+2=4 but just can't accept it...I was the latter and because of being able to identify why I was having such a hard time REALLY helped me out of it. I am eternally grateful. I read Torah everyday and keep learning. Now I find myself trying to return the favor by being better, spreading the word and reaching out to others. Going from needy to needed and all because of you and Rabbi's like you. I'm Noahide, BTW.
I say sorry all the time. Do you remember which video explained neurosis vs psychosis? If you dont mind.
"Noahide Laws" are from satan, a cheap imitation of YHWH's 10 commandments.
We are to follow the full written 10 commandments.
Thank you Rabbi. 🎉 This is very helpful! 😊
Excellent teaching, thanks very much 🙏💜😅
Hi Rabbi, this is amazing, you're doing a great job. Can you please do this regularly (every week) it gives very good insight on the Parasha.
What a wording wow great great Shiur thank you Rabbi
A brilliant Shiur!!!!!!!!!!
I like your joke.
I appreciate this video so much thankyou for sharing it
Walk away quietly 👣✌️🕊️☮️🫶
What does Labans name for the boundary stones mean in English? Does it mean something different than what Yacov named the pile?
No it’s a direct translation. It means the same thing. He just had to have his own name for it.
The 3 questions is referred to as word salad, meant only to confuse you from your original question. A change in subject follows, why did you steal my gods?
First of all, great joke 🤣 and second of all, yes I too do struggle with ‘unconditional self-worth’. It is not something I learned (or at least realize) as a child (I was the family scapegoat) but it is something that God is teaching me. I remember He whispered to me “let me show you who you are without performance”, because my whole worth came out of how good I could perform which led to burnout and people-pleasing. I got sick of people-pleasing because it’s inhumane to play a game in which the rules are changed every second. I’m letting Him heal my very real ‘guilt’ that I experience whenever I am just existing.
By the way, I love your videos (I’m new to your channel). Your teachings and explanations are great. 🤍