After learning about the narcissitic pattern, the last time a narc tried to pull the love bomb on me, I shut him down by saying, "Flattery will get you no where." No twinkle in the eye... no flirtatious jesting... I said it direct, straight faced and serious. I never heard from that person again.
They can't stand to be called out,I've called out a couple of them just recently for talking bad about everyone,from family, friends,there own children, boyfriend,etc...they were devastated when I told them both I'm not your middle man,lol💕
Lovebombing makes my stomach turn because it is truly disingenuous. It’s even more sickening when you find out that your lovebombing narc talks smack about you behind your back to folks who know you to either discredit you or to make you look like the bad guy.
Yup! I love gifts and festivities but I have come to despise getting them from my narc mom and her side of the family because they are all her flying monkeys. Of course it doesn't matter that I've said I don't want presents for Christmas, my birthday, etc or want to do anything - my boundaries are irrelevant to them. They get very insulted and demand to know "Why?" with such urgency despite the fact that I have explained why a million times: basically I have endured a lot of disrespect etc and without trust and respect I am not interested in pleasantries. They call me everything from "difficult" to "negative" rather than listen
@@drebugsita I tell my NM that I don’t want gifts for my b-day or Christmas and she does not understand that I don’t need anything gift-wise from her. Sadly, I think she grew up thinking that in order for people to like her or to be happy with her that she needs to give them gifts during b-days/holidays, and that if for some reason she is not able to give people gifts (e.g. if she is not financially able to at that time) that they will be upset or angry with her. I have told her that is not the case and that the love people have for each other should never be based on gifts. Her value system is skewed because I believe that when she grew up, she was showered with “stuff” but never got what she truly wanted or needed, which was the grace, mercy, unconditional love, and sense of worth she should have gotten from her parents.
Yes, it’s like they’re overwhelmingly like kissing your butt and then they’re going behind you and saying truce along with the small little twisted lie through many many years they do this and the whole time you’re building and they’ve been drilling holes in the boat and you don’t find out till later oh, and then they have bank accounts you don’t know about girlfriend you don’t know about or boyfriends if it’s a girl!!! it’s crazy and traumatic when it hits you blind sign in as a psychology major they never taught us about narcissism or narcissistic type traits doesn’t matter what it is it’s toxic it’s abusive, and we never learned anything about this stuff in college as an undergraduate, and I would think they’d want to teach this but that’s more of like sociology cause you’re really dealing with con men and women!!! This man that has the TH-cam channel is exactly right when he said they’re Con men and women!!!
To the uninitiated, lovebombing is slightly disorienting and confusing while at the same time feeling almost unbelievably incredible. It ends up becoming a painful life lesson. One that shouldn't be ignored.
It happened to me. Once I gave them what they were after - $300 bucks, they ghosted me. I caught on. So when they tried to come back I was completely immune to them and their love bombing. I think she has finally left me alone.
I always thought that I am feeling insulted because I had a big ego, but now I see that I was right to be insulted, because I knew it was a bait. Simply put, thank you.
Next time I hear the fake love bombing bs, I’m just gonna say, I’m not a fish stop trying to bait me! I love this. I wonder what the response will be…..
Unfortunately i didnt know what this was till id married 3 narcs...all lazy w substance abuse probs w mommy issues....took me till i was 60 to realize i was raised in a dysfunctional hell hole by malignant narcs so this felt familiar...single 12 yrs now...much happier ☺
Same here, I married one narc, and kinda "dated" another. I say kinda because I never committed to her, even though I didn't have the vocabulary at the time, and wouldn't have been able to articulate exactly what was wrong with her. Now I've educated myself, taken the red pill, now I'm soooo content, happy. Wise up guys we're fighting a war some of us don't know exist.
Unfortunately we live in a culture now where people literally sell themselves for a compliment. People who offer compliments think they are doing you a favor. All is vainty.
Yes, that is especially insulting; the idea that someone thinks that flattering is somekind of a favor. It is the exact opposite. What feels good about being complimented is that it gives the illusion of connection, but if it is fake it is worse than no connection.
Gotta get past that pride and ego when you do get duped too. If youre a good and trusting person it can happen to you. It doesnt mean there’s something wrong with you. Theres something wrong with the dishonest who would do that to you.
@@DropsofJupiter1212 thinking you can change things can really keep you stuck. It just becomes another game for your narcissist as they waste your time and energy.
Thanks for this comment. I was struggling to get over my own stupidity for believing the lie cos I thought I had better discernment. But yeah, it's cos I treat people with honesty and respect so it didn't occur to me that was a one way street.
Hi Kevin ,I was that fish !,, Lured ,hooked , captured ,,, thinking back to all the years I spent brainwashed, hypnotized,,I’m so very blessed to free of that hell I went through,,,
Thank you! My ex never understood why id get so annoyed with his future faking & over the top love spiels. To me It's just so friggin corny, like cmon, don't insult my intelligence!
This!! My dad is a narc. It’s been a rough journey. Been on the emotional rollercoaster my whole life. Always made me feel small. I realize now that to him I really am just somebody to be used for his pleasure. Not only is he a narc but he’s a communal narc which means he is worshipped by the community he is helping. His whole program is dedicated to showing people how to garden, something he never taught his own daughter. He love bombs. I’ve learned to ignore them. I am insulted by them. He recently commented on a photo of mine on social media using flattery and all I see are empty words completely void of real love or future action.
Traveled by plane ✈️ for 24 hours to see my family. After 2 days of hovering, my bio narcissist mom asked me to drive her to the store. She shopped and asked me to start at the register, she was getting something. I did NOT start and waited for her. She was expecting me to pay for her groceries, she was gone for 30 minutes. But she could not get away with it. Not anymore dear mom 😂. I’m staying at a hotel to avoid complications. She hated that I’m staying at a hotel because she wants to have control over me, but doesn’t work anymore 😂
Right. When he said he loved me I was totally insulted like he even knows what it means. Copying me by moving in my neighborhood, joining a club I was a member of, buying an automobile similar to mine, I saw the jealousy and deceit. He was NEVER satisfied with the way he looked. Always pushing himself even to the point of pain. It became very unattractive. I saw a totally different person that I didn’t like anymore. He was a weirdo at that point to me. These people need help badly. Run from them they are dangerous.
It did feel a bit uncomfortable, overboard, exaggerated .... I remember thinking it was even a little weird. But because I didn’t understand it, I could only reason in my brain that it was love. I was fooled. I was bitten. I took the bait and it was a trap for sure. Glad he’s out of my life now. (Titus 1:15)
In the past, I wanted to give people the benefit of the doubt, but thinking about things clearer, I understand, this is part of the reason why I shut down and cut myself off from this type of behaviour. It does make me angry, but I’m thankful for being able to see through it now.
Sometimes people get angry at each other even if it is a healthy relationship!!! But the anger has not the evil intent of the narcissistic rage and it is maybe justified!! 👏👏👏
Some people actually a lot of people I’m finding out are narcissists and/or sociopaths & social media promotes it 😳inconsideration is rampant & empathy is dead & I don’t see things getting any better….sadly
when i get love bombed i actually feel frightened. It is like i see clearly what is going on and like that person is so into their aggressive agenda .. I feel like a victim and it is very uncomfortable. I usually block them . This a a very uncomfortable and rather traumatic for me emotional experience and it takes some time for me to get over it. It is like i was a pray chosen by a predator to attack. Yes, lovebombing feels like an aggressive attack. SCARY!
Such a wise point to be more insulted by their flattery than their insults. I remember finally waking up to that side of the coin several years ago. When things are going great and we are all getting along I know it isn't long before the pendulum swings the other way and we are in hot water. I grew up with a narc mom and it has taken me over 30 years to get to this place. Thank you for what you do.
Yes, one tell is that they get furious if you say, " No thank you". When they can't take a NO , when you try to even slow it down, you feel you are at their mercy. Giving to others is a very complex, thing. You need to understand it as best you can.
This is the weirdest thing . I haven’t seen any of your videos in forever! Last time I watched anything was about a year ago. You helped me so much brother. I pray Holy Spirit blesses you all through your life. Your a beautiful vessel brother! Thank You for being you!
I met someone at thanksgiving dinner who started by saying he wanted to take me on a date (but never asked for my contact info) then he progressively got more and more pushy, trying to get home to fool around. I kept telling him no so he’s like “I think I’m falling for you.” Lol. Like how can you “fall for” someone you literally met three hours ago?
Well said, no fluff, straight to the point. This is very true, I just wish it didn’t take 53 years to stop ignoring it..... I’m 61 now and life is great!
I find that the excessive compliments from my sibling narcs aren't so much for bait as they are wanting to put themselves in a superior position by: 1) enjoying making me uncomfortable with the gushing and excessive compliments, 2) appearing oh so nice, saying such positive things about me, 3) delivering the compliments in such a gushy way, as if I were a small child (which makes them the superior adult) 4) giving the impression that I need the compliments, as if I don't get positive comments from others in my life.
Yes! I definitely have been insulted more by the love bombing because I know my worth. I told him it was always breadcrumbing and I didn't need or want his scraps!
after all of those cruelty that i had endured, now comes her hoovering telling how she missed me? yes, it's an absolute insult. it's now going 2 years come february since i left and ignoring her the narc. now getting better each day since i left that delusional relationship. your beautiful , no sugar coating insights somewhat giving me the strength to move forward and heal. thank you kevin!
A narc offered to take me to lunch. I thought it was a get to know me kind of thing, and I suggested ChickFilA. It turned out that she was trying to convince me to do something that would benefit her. I had to laugh. I felt like a cheap date. I guess she thought she could have her way if she bought me a chicken sandwich. 🤣
It is the only way to describe it. My narc wants to have children with me, after 15 years of being together , but not married! 15 years of future faking! This is exactly what he is doing, which you describe. If someone is emotionally selfish, they are selfish in every other way, including financially. Don't let their cheap generosity ( buying you luxuries) make you think otherwise! I love your channel. I think it is why I am getting my power back. Thanks so much 💖
@@mangopuppybaby I'm learning how to react ( or should I say "respond") to a malignant narcissist. After so many years of being confused by his actions, I know who and what he is. I always thought he had multiple personality disorder, but it is actually NPD!
My grandmother did this to me. My heart thought wow second time to have a good day with her. Maybe she changed. My brain later said, no she trying to lower your guard down, get you to trust her, so you start sharing, finding ammunition to tease you, and triangulate you with your aunt. My heart hurt when she fights with my aunt. For some reason my aunt can't do the grey rock technique.
I was at a conference, standing outside for a break. A bus pulled up and 20 young men exited the bus. The middle aged woman standing next to me said:"You see those boys? I can get anyone of them that i want. All i have to do is tell them exactly what they want to hear." I broke out in hives, and never forgot that lesson.
Crazy week with my mother-in-law .... she was trying to pull me back into a toxic 'relationship' with her through my unsuspecting husband, but her mask slipped BIG time for my husband to see ....I went no contact with her in March and now she thinks I hate her, but my husband still talks to his mom; and last week she told him that she "wants to be close (to me) and be my friend", but I knew that this was a trick, so I told my husband NO WAY. At first he thought she was sincere until her mask slipped a few days ago when she spoke ill about me and he found out that she'd written me out of her will. He was shocked, and he said she spoke about me with such "contempt", but I wasn't surprised because of her narcissistic abuse towards me all these years. It's good that he saw this side of his mom, now he believes me and won't be pressuring me anymore to be "friends" with evil. A few days ago I even told him that to be her friend I would feel like I "sold my soul to the devil" and no way will I do that!
Why would you be in your MIL's will in the first place? In order for her to "write you out of her will" she would need to write your husband out since you will get whatever he gets. Maybe that's what she did.
Listening to you has finally conforms how insidious these beings are. Jezebel, working both side of the fences always trying to by in to both field camps. Favourite saying “I didn’t do anything””we’re still friends aren’t we” false friends, just another narcs trying to hoodwink you, scumbags. Keep up the good work! peace out
These Jezebel are like the other narcs, bluffers. It’s all one big bluff, try and message your ego positivity or negativity to get an reaction remember they feed on emotions. Scumbags 🫶🏽🙏🏽😁
It’s so gross tho isn’t it? Lol. They’re always sucking up when they want something. Users do this also. It’s pathetic. I started feeling this way (insulted) awhile back. Lol. Good to finally be on the other side of that, now knowing how disgusting it all is. Narcs try to buy you with gifts and money also, but it always comes with strings and a lot of other nasty stuff. This is the mode my fam is now in. 🙄🤮
@@user-ud4fs3vx8o Exactly. And as they say put your money where your mouth is. Promises won’t keep me warm at night or put food on my table or pay my bills. (I guess figuratively speaking in some cases). Or them telling me how “awesome” I am doesn’t mean much to me Bcuz tmrw ya know they’ll call me a B or a hoe or something else worse. 🙄 Also one scripture comes to mind (among many lol)....they’re like rain clouds without rain. It will always be a drought with them. And if you do manage to get anything out of it, it’s just a slim few peanuts. Totally not worth it. I guess also it’s like we grow. We get to where we don’t need so much validation from others. And we realize we are just human. As a fearful avoidant type, I automatically think right. What exactly are you trying to butter me up for tho? Bcuz you know they want something from us for selfish reasons and that’s about all their is to it. Either that or they’re just setting a honey trap for their own gratification or for revenge.
Hi Kevin From South Africa warm greetings Just want to applaud you for exposing these EVIL demonized enemies as good as you do That is exactly what I'm going to make my mission, to expose them for who and what they really are AND my friend, believe you me, so are their flying monkeys Be blessed Regards Joey
THANK YOU!!!! You’ve made me want to open a bible and read. I related to the story of David SO MUCH. I’m dealing with that now! I got invited to a birth party by people who HATE me. Who spent the last year bullying me in every way you can imagine. Trying to emotionally, and financially destroy me. I got invited as a “peace” offering… but, my gut was SCREAMING it was a set up some how. I turned it down. I’ve been in a weird back and forth since… One minute, I’m recieving HATEFUL and evillllll texts. The next, they’re sending Postmates to my house with food made specifically to my dietary preferences. It’s legit like whip lash. I needed this video. THANK YOU.
It's that mentality that being "family" should override all discernment and self respect that gets to me! I absolutely loathe the mentality that "family" gets a free pass to abuse, mistreat, hurt and exploit! Or even the thought that "they know what's best" for you and you should blindly agree and follow them.
Yep my narcissistic husband does the Mr Nice act that I call it after he has insulted me and raged at me and ranted then he turns into Mr Nice sometimes the next day! Of course I call him out on it for whatever good it does which is of course no good. He looks at me like I have two heads and he has complete amnesia!😢
it is no amnesia - narc wants to close the cycle - he wants you need to accept abuse as normal and narc gets his fix. You dont accept it - no fix and rage.
One of the most embarrassing dates I ever had was with a girl who was also a Marine brat so I thought we would have a lot in common. But she showed up to the movie theater drunk and proceeded to crawl all over me like an octopus even before the movie started. She couldn't handle a date without booze and couldn't control herself. My first thought was "damn I bet her Dad was a total shit." Anyway, I took her home and dropped her off and told her she needs to quit drinking. After that she was madder than hell about me, started spreading false rumors to my friends. Pathetic.
This happened to me, i was even nightmares after intacting with them, it was most of the confusing things. I had to block them, I almost felt like I had some sort of spell. But you can see these types of people, have this glossy looks in thier eyes when they are baiting, love bombing you like crazy.
Yup. Thats the feeling im left with a year out from this madness. Its effin insulting and thankfully I wont fall for any hoovers bc I see him for what he is.. it ALL makes sense and all I see is how disgusting this whole entanglement was. Gladdd Im awake! These folks are monsters in disguise
These days I've learnt not to take any form of negativity personally. Its just sad of them, and i genuinely wish them the best, aka guidance to see and beyond. I do remember this one person 6 years ago, i met at a friends house, and i knew they were a hurt person so i was trying to be extra nice to them and they kindly stopped me. I was confused and didnt understand entirely, I thought they were so hurt that they couldn't love normally but these days after experiences with love bombing narcs i totally understand why they were like that now. Ive even seen diagnosed narcs who cant accept love easily and i think that person wouldnt because an experienced narc doesnt fall for their own tricks either. This person had bpd amd npd and schizophrenia so there could be so many things to that case
Really interesting topic, today. It is insulting to be love bombed. You just confirmed what I believed. thank you for vid. Yea, that family thing, YOU ARE RIGHT ON WITH THAT.
I hope I can meet a man as honest, kind and deep as you Kevin.. you are a rare diamond and helping many people stand up against abuse. Breaking trauma bonds is not an easy thing but I am getting there finally.
One of my sisters is a narcissist I know it in my heart. The others I am not sure but this one I don’t talk to her for years. I don’t trust her. And yes, I am not arrogant, she is and an evil one. I agree with the story of Cain and Abel. Siblings can hate each other to death. I practically don’t trust no one right now, they have to gain my trust.
Most of my family members are narcissistic abusers and although my mom 'claimed' she wanted to do better she actually did worse than her own mom did with her. I'm still having to recover from the lovebombing, the constant slew of manipulation tactics and I'm preparing myself to have nothing to do with them ever again. Even on their death bed I'd still want nothing to do with them. My mom, dad, and siblings nearly drove me to suicide with their bullshit and left me for dead too many times. All I want now is for them to get what's coming to them no matter how harsh they have to suffer cor making my life a living hell for over 20 years.
Thank you for this video and explaining what exactly hoovering is, I have been hoovered recently and I felt for it, but I sobered, realized quickly what's happening and cut it out. Your videos are helping me so much, thank you
The last thing you could trust about a narc or listen to from them is their WORDS. A person who can infinitely act....and can twist anything 180 degrees the opposite...and has no conscience...and is a never-ending bully? NO, NO, NO full stop.
It is intoxicating. Sweeps you right off your feet. The strong emotions love bombing generates in you is meant to override your logical thinking and decision making. Thats the functionality behind it. It’s strategic.
Great video. You are surprisingly clued-in for someone who puts stock in ancient cult religious texts. -Given that most of the stuff in Bibles was written by men with Major Personality Disorders writing "How To" Guides for getting away with it.
The first time it happened to me, I bought in. The second time, I knew what was gong on and ultimately rejected it. For me it was a live and learn thing. If it is happening to you, run from it.
I was told this after 3 months of dating, " wonder why I ask you all the questions"? No, I said. " It is so I can better handle you". He delivered proudly. My blood went cold. I said, " I am not a horse being trained"! We Ended few months later. Oh, and it got worst. RUN RUN !!!!
It so totally was. It was so over-the top and out of character, my first thought was "EW!" and my second thought was, "how stupid do you really think I am?"
My father hates me even to this day. He spent my entire childhood berating me, humiliating me and neglecting. He love bombs when it’s convenient for him or to deflect from his cruel behavior. It used to be a maddening psy op. Now, it’s just a minor nuisance with distance as my buffer.
Thx Kevin for keeping it real and clean.Sendn this to my son who has become ALL narc hoover lovebombing my enabler mother who takn the bait.she learns the hard way that he too ,cant be trusted.
i roll my eyes and just go with it for the couple days i know it’ll last lol but i defff don’t get attached at all. only fell for that one time when i was young.
I am. A policeman warned me once that the only way I can help police catch the narcissists is for me to play dumb about that sort of thing unless I am cornered with no other option other than me being able to run away after fighting my way out while using only whatever force is necessary to get away soon enough. When I see someone else around doing the same while they are erring on the catious side then I know that they might be safe for me to be around.
After my dad demeaned and insulted me for the very last time, yelling that "I was spending too much time in his garden during lockdown, and should be spending all day sitting in front of a computer, like him", l went no contact for two years, spending that time in a mental wilderness, until l learnt about narc abuse, which gave me immeasurable strength. A few months ago he sent me an email (out of the blue) on cancel culture, comparing it with the exiled heretics of the 16th century church. He headlined it with, "I'm sharing this with all those closest to my heart." I immediately recognised that as a hoover/ lovebomb. Far from being offended l recognised the lie. One of many. If l was so "close to his heart", why would he always need to be so offensive? I wrote back, "It's called narcissistic abuse." I wasn't accusing him directly, as that would have given him substance to attack me, eg asking me what qualifications l have to judge him. At least he now knows l know. "So be it", was his reply. The shortest reply in history. That hoover was a godsend.
Yeah. The nausea is so strong in current love bombing. I just can't stand it. I'm grateful I'm not falling for it, but oh it is so disgusting. Barely managable.
After learning about the narcissitic pattern, the last time a narc tried to pull the love bomb on me, I shut him down by saying, "Flattery will get you no where." No twinkle in the eye... no flirtatious jesting... I said it direct, straight faced and serious. I never heard from that person again.
Great one!
Good !!!
They can't stand to be called out,I've called out a couple of them just recently for talking bad about everyone,from family, friends,there own children, boyfriend,etc...they were devastated when I told them both I'm not your middle man,lol💕
Lovebombing makes my stomach turn because it is truly disingenuous. It’s even more sickening when you find out that your lovebombing narc talks smack about you behind your back to folks who know you to either discredit you or to make you look like the bad guy.
Yea Lauren it is disgusting
Yup! I love gifts and festivities but I have come to despise getting them from my narc mom and her side of the family because they are all her flying monkeys. Of course it doesn't matter that I've said I don't want presents for Christmas, my birthday, etc or want to do anything - my boundaries are irrelevant to them. They get very insulted and demand to know "Why?" with such urgency despite the fact that I have explained why a million times: basically I have endured a lot of disrespect etc and without trust and respect I am not interested in pleasantries. They call me everything from "difficult" to "negative" rather than listen
@@drebugsita I tell my NM that I don’t want gifts for my b-day or Christmas and she does not understand that I don’t need anything gift-wise from her.
Sadly, I think she grew up thinking that in order for people to like her or to be happy with her that she needs to give them gifts during b-days/holidays, and that if for some reason she is not able to give people gifts (e.g. if she is not financially able to at that time) that they will be upset or angry with her. I have told her that is not the case and that the love people have for each other should never be based on gifts.
Her value system is skewed because I believe that when she grew up, she was showered with “stuff” but never got what she truly wanted or needed, which was the grace, mercy, unconditional love, and sense of worth she should have gotten from her parents.
Yes, it’s like they’re overwhelmingly like kissing your butt and then they’re going behind you and saying truce along with the small little twisted lie through many many years they do this and the whole time you’re building and they’ve been drilling holes in the boat and you don’t find out till later oh, and then they have bank accounts you don’t know about girlfriend you don’t know about or boyfriends if it’s a girl!!! it’s crazy and traumatic when it hits you blind sign in as a psychology major they never taught us about narcissism or narcissistic type traits doesn’t matter what it is it’s toxic it’s abusive, and we never learned anything about this stuff in college as an undergraduate, and I would think they’d want to teach this but that’s more of like sociology cause you’re really dealing with con men and women!!! This man that has the TH-cam channel is exactly right when he said they’re Con men and women!!!
To the uninitiated, lovebombing is slightly disorienting and confusing while at the same time feeling almost unbelievably incredible. It ends up becoming a painful life lesson. One that shouldn't be ignored.
Yes absolutely
so true
It happened to me. Once I gave them what they were after - $300 bucks, they ghosted me. I caught on. So when they tried to come back I was completely immune to them and their love bombing. I think she has finally left me alone.
It is wizardry. It is unclean energy. We should be very careful of who we have sex with.
Yes!! Thank you!! This is the exact situation I just lived through 😖
You're not a fish.... don't take bait, ever. EVER."
I LOVE THIS!!!!
They basically dont think you are very smart and easily tricked by lovebombing.
I always thought that I am feeling insulted because I had a big ego, but now I see that I was right to be insulted, because I knew it was a bait. Simply put, thank you.
There's nothing wrong with valuing yourself above where the narcissist perceives you.
Next time I hear the fake love bombing bs, I’m just gonna say, I’m not a fish stop trying to bait me! I love this. I wonder what the response will be…..
In the heart of these individuals is very evil! It’s hard to believe they have a pulse.
It's scary
"They are trying to pay you with words" damn I better than words
Unfortunately i didnt know what this was till id married 3 narcs...all lazy w substance abuse probs w mommy issues....took me till i was 60 to realize i was raised in a dysfunctional hell hole by malignant narcs so this felt familiar...single 12 yrs now...much happier ☺
Yes PJj i don't care what they call me or say about me. This is my life and if I don't want to talk to anyone I don't have to.
Well done PJj !
It happens because u are such an amazing person ❤️. Nameste everyone ❤️ 💖. I recommend peter sapper videos 📹 😊 ❤️ 😀.
I am happy for you and your 12 yrs of single hood.
Same here, I married one narc, and kinda "dated" another. I say kinda because I never committed to her, even though I didn't have the vocabulary at the time, and wouldn't have been able to articulate exactly what was wrong with her. Now I've educated myself, taken the red pill, now I'm soooo content, happy. Wise up guys we're fighting a war some of us don't know exist.
Unfortunately we live in a culture now where people literally sell themselves for a compliment. People who offer compliments think they are doing you a favor. All is vainty.
True
Sincere compliments are good. Flattery is demeaning
Yes, that is especially insulting; the idea that someone thinks that flattering is somekind of a favor. It is the exact opposite. What feels good about being complimented is that it gives the illusion of connection, but if it is fake it is worse than no connection.
We live in a world that rewards narcissistic evil. 😞
I can't stand compliments from the enemy,it's sickning
Gotta get past that pride and ego when you do get duped too. If youre a good and trusting person it can happen to you. It doesnt mean there’s something wrong with you. Theres something wrong with the dishonest who would do that to you.
Yes
Ohhhhh that pride and ego was what did it the most. Tricky tricky.
@@DropsofJupiter1212 thinking you can change things can really keep you stuck. It just becomes another game for your narcissist as they waste your time and energy.
Nailed it! Agreed!
Thanks for this comment. I was struggling to get over my own stupidity for believing the lie cos I thought I had better discernment. But yeah, it's cos I treat people with honesty and respect so it didn't occur to me that was a one way street.
The love bombing makes me sick. I don’t buy it anymore! Thank God!!
Hi Kevin ,I was that fish !,, Lured ,hooked , captured ,,, thinking back to all the years I spent brainwashed, hypnotized,,I’m so very blessed to free of that hell I went through,,,
No more
Being treated like a fish on the hook or like a monkey astronaut without a proper suit to wear for sure doesn't feel nice after the honeymoon is over.
Yes
Thank you! My ex never understood why id get so annoyed with his future faking & over the top love spiels. To me It's just so friggin corny, like cmon, don't insult my intelligence!
yeah, they just think you are too stupid and will fall for all that, yeah right..
Yup when I’ve shut down guys for doing this - I’ve gotten a lot of angry “no one treats me this way” responses.
I’ve turned down my ‘family’ Christmas get together because of this Kevin. You are spot on!
This!! My dad is a narc. It’s been a rough journey. Been on the emotional rollercoaster my whole life. Always made me feel small. I realize now that to him I really am just somebody to be used for his pleasure. Not only is he a narc but he’s a communal narc which means he is worshipped by the community he is helping. His whole program is dedicated to showing people how to garden, something he never taught his own daughter. He love bombs. I’ve learned to ignore them. I am insulted by them. He recently commented on a photo of mine on social media using flattery and all I see are empty words completely void of real love or future action.
Traveled by plane ✈️ for 24 hours to see my family. After 2 days of hovering, my bio narcissist mom asked me to drive her to the store. She shopped and asked me to start at the register, she was getting something. I did NOT start and waited for her. She was expecting me to pay for her groceries, she was gone for 30 minutes. But she could not get away with it. Not anymore dear mom 😂. I’m staying at a hotel to avoid complications. She hated that I’m staying at a hotel because she wants to have control over me, but doesn’t work anymore 😂
I keep having nightmares about my ex saying "I love you forever" the phrase feels like a disease, like a murderer waiting to corner thier victim
I know those nightmares.
😂😂😂
Right. When he said he loved me I was totally insulted like he even knows what it means. Copying me by moving in my neighborhood, joining a club I was a member of, buying an automobile similar to mine, I saw the jealousy and deceit. He was NEVER satisfied with the way he looked. Always pushing himself even to the point of pain. It became very unattractive. I saw a totally different person that I didn’t like anymore. He was a weirdo at that point to me. These people need help badly. Run from them they are dangerous.
It did feel a bit uncomfortable, overboard, exaggerated .... I remember thinking it was even a little weird. But because I didn’t understand it, I could only reason in my brain that it was love. I was fooled. I was bitten. I took the bait and it was a trap for sure. Glad he’s out of my life now.
(Titus 1:15)
Yes @lynb4043
In the past, I wanted to give people the benefit of the doubt, but thinking about things clearer, I understand, this is part of the reason why I shut down and cut myself off from this type of behaviour. It does make me angry, but I’m thankful for being able to see through it now.
Love 'In the past'. You are more aware now. Me too. YAY!!!
Jen P I've given people WAY too many chances, especially when I talk to them again after they've abused me, whereas others wouldn't allow it. 🙁
do not give them chances. they do not change. trust me on this. First sign of discomfort - block them and move on.
Too many narcissists on this planet. It’s exasperating.
Sometimes people get angry at each other even if it is a healthy relationship!!! But the anger has not the evil intent of the narcissistic rage and it is maybe justified!! 👏👏👏
Some people actually a lot of people I’m finding out are narcissists and/or sociopaths & social media promotes it 😳inconsideration is rampant & empathy is dead & I don’t see things getting any better….sadly
when i get love bombed i actually feel frightened. It is like i see clearly what is going on and like that person is so into their aggressive agenda .. I feel like a victim and it is very uncomfortable. I usually block them . This a a very uncomfortable and rather traumatic for me emotional experience and it takes some time for me to get over it. It is like i was a pray chosen by a predator to attack. Yes, lovebombing feels like an aggressive attack. SCARY!
Such a wise point to be more insulted by their flattery than their insults. I remember finally waking up to that side of the coin several years ago. When things are going great and we are all getting along I know it isn't long before the pendulum swings the other way and we are in hot water. I grew up with a narc mom and it has taken me over 30 years to get to this place. Thank you for what you do.
I recently learned this on my own. I can truly say it has changed my life for the better.
Yes, one tell is that they get furious if you say, " No thank you". When they can't take a NO , when you try to even slow it down, you feel you are at their mercy. Giving to others is a very complex, thing. You need to understand it as best you can.
This is the weirdest thing . I haven’t seen any of your videos in forever! Last time I watched anything was about a year ago. You helped me so much brother. I pray Holy Spirit blesses you all through your life. Your a beautiful vessel brother! Thank You for being you!
I met someone at thanksgiving dinner who started by saying he wanted to take me on a date (but never asked for my contact info) then he progressively got more and more pushy, trying to get home to fool around. I kept telling him no so he’s like “I think I’m falling for you.” Lol. Like how can you “fall for” someone you literally met three hours ago?
Sorry he has no boundaries
He's a bad bad person
He was horny,he's a nasty man,straight creep,he will most likely always be that way
That actually sounds terrifying! If there's a red flag for stalking behaviors, that must be it!
@@ellie_j. terrifying - it the right word here! I would be scared too! Too pushy too aggressive yikes
Well said, no fluff, straight to the point. This is very true, I just wish it didn’t take 53 years to stop ignoring it..... I’m 61 now and life is great!
I find that the excessive compliments from my sibling narcs aren't so much for bait as they are wanting to put themselves in a superior position by:
1) enjoying making me uncomfortable with the gushing and excessive compliments,
2) appearing oh so nice, saying such positive things about me,
3) delivering the compliments in such a gushy way, as if I were a small child (which makes them the superior adult)
4) giving the impression that I need the compliments, as if I don't get positive comments from others in my life.
I'm disgusted, I have nothing for past people or family. I'm not taking anyone's bait. I'm not scared or going to be forced into speaking to anyone.
Yes
I fully understand
Love bombing IS EMOTIONAL ABUSE ! You rock . I love all your videos .🔥
Yes! I definitely have been insulted more by the love bombing because I know my worth. I told him it was always breadcrumbing and I didn't need or want his scraps!
after all of those cruelty that i had endured, now comes her hoovering telling how she missed me? yes, it's an absolute insult.
it's now going 2 years come february since i left and ignoring her the narc. now getting better each day since i left that delusional relationship. your beautiful , no sugar coating insights somewhat giving me the strength to move forward and heal.
thank you kevin!
A narc offered to take me to lunch. I thought it was a get to know me kind of thing, and I suggested ChickFilA. It turned out that she was trying to convince me to do something that would benefit her. I had to laugh. I felt like a cheap date. I guess she thought she could have her way if she bought me a chicken sandwich. 🤣
Wow
That's what those crazzzys do
It is the only way to describe it. My narc wants to have children with me, after 15 years of being together , but not married! 15 years of future faking! This is exactly what he is doing, which you describe.
If someone is emotionally selfish, they are selfish in every other way, including financially. Don't let their cheap generosity ( buying you luxuries) make you think otherwise!
I love your channel. I think it is why I am getting my power back. Thanks so much 💖
Keep getting strong and break free!
@@mangopuppybaby I'm learning how to react ( or should I say "respond") to a malignant narcissist. After so many years of being confused by his actions, I know who and what he is. I always thought he had multiple personality disorder, but it is actually NPD!
My grandmother did this to me. My heart thought wow second time to have a good day with her. Maybe she changed. My brain later said, no she trying to lower your guard down, get you to trust her, so you start sharing, finding ammunition to tease you, and triangulate you with your aunt. My heart hurt when she fights with my aunt. For some reason my aunt can't do the grey rock technique.
I was at a conference, standing outside for a break. A bus pulled up and 20 young men exited the bus. The middle aged woman standing next to me said:"You see those boys? I can get anyone of them that i want. All i have to do is tell them exactly what they want to hear."
I broke out in hives, and never forgot that lesson.
Crazy week with my mother-in-law .... she was trying to pull me back into a toxic 'relationship' with her through my unsuspecting husband, but her mask slipped BIG time for my husband to see ....I went no contact with her in March and now she thinks I hate her, but my husband still talks to his mom; and last week she told him that she "wants to be close (to me) and be my friend", but I knew that this was a trick, so I told my husband NO WAY. At first he thought she was sincere until her mask slipped a few days ago when she spoke ill about me and he found out that she'd written me out of her will. He was shocked, and he said she spoke about me with such "contempt", but I wasn't surprised because of her narcissistic abuse towards me all these years. It's good that he saw this side of his mom, now he believes me and won't be pressuring me anymore to be "friends" with evil. A few days ago I even told him that to be her friend I would feel like I "sold my soul to the devil" and no way will I do that!
Yep my father is not welcome,nor his wife, nor anyone that abuses me. I'm no longer anyone's doormat.
@@joshuaanzalone2060 YOU ARE SMART TO ALWAYS PROTECT YOURSELF FROM TOXIC PEOPLE.
♥️
Why would you be in your MIL's will in the first place? In order for her to "write you out of her will" she would need to write your husband out since you will get whatever he gets. Maybe that's what she did.
You really know what you're talking about! No one else is able to describe these Narcissistic dynamics. Thank you for all the wisdom you share.
Listening to you has finally conforms how insidious these beings are. Jezebel, working both side of the fences always trying to by in to both field camps. Favourite saying “I didn’t do anything””we’re still friends aren’t we” false friends, just another narcs trying to hoodwink you, scumbags.
Keep up the good work!
peace out
These Jezebel are like the other narcs, bluffers. It’s all one big bluff, try and message your ego positivity or negativity to get an reaction remember they feed on emotions. Scumbags
🫶🏽🙏🏽😁
RIP Angie Atkinson a love and life coach who also taught us about narcissists.
Sandra DiBiaso It's lovely that you've mentioned the extremely sad news about beautiful Angie Atkinson! 😥
It’s so gross tho isn’t it? Lol. They’re always sucking up when they want something. Users do this also. It’s pathetic. I started feeling this way (insulted) awhile back. Lol. Good to finally be on the other side of that, now knowing how disgusting it all is. Narcs try to buy you with gifts and money also, but it always comes with strings and a lot of other nasty stuff. This is the mode my fam is now in. 🙄🤮
Yes pretty gross
the prize you pay for a little bit of "nice" is too high...
@@TheRoyalWe Yes. Funny not funny.
@@user-ud4fs3vx8o Exactly. And as they say put your money where your mouth is. Promises won’t keep me warm at night or put food on my table or pay my bills. (I guess figuratively speaking in some cases). Or them telling me how “awesome” I am doesn’t mean much to me Bcuz tmrw ya know they’ll call me a B or a hoe or something else worse. 🙄 Also one scripture comes to mind (among many lol)....they’re like rain clouds without rain. It will always be a drought with them. And if you do manage to get anything out of it, it’s just a slim few peanuts. Totally not worth it.
I guess also it’s like we grow. We get to where we don’t need so much validation from others. And we realize we are just human. As a fearful avoidant type, I automatically think right. What exactly are you trying to butter me up for tho? Bcuz you know they want something from us for selfish reasons and that’s about all their is to it. Either that or they’re just setting a honey trap for their own gratification or for revenge.
It is insulting. And amusing at the same time, when you know what’s happening
Hi Kevin
From South Africa warm greetings
Just want to applaud you for exposing these EVIL demonized enemies as good as you do
That is exactly what I'm going to make my mission, to expose them for who and what they really are AND my friend, believe you me, so are their flying monkeys
Be blessed
Regards
Joey
This is the stage when u think the narc is a kind loving person. Watch how they talk about others during this stage, especially ppl they discarded
Not only am I learning about toxic people. This also keeps me in check too.
So many of us are surrounded by Narcissist and not know it. I had 3 in my life and didn't know it until I got therapy. They gaslight all the time.
"Seven times a day do I praise Thee because of Thy righteous judgments" Psalms 119:164
THANK YOU!!!! You’ve made me want to open a bible and read. I related to the story of David SO MUCH. I’m dealing with that now! I got invited to a birth party by people who HATE me. Who spent the last year bullying me in every way you can imagine. Trying to emotionally, and financially destroy me.
I got invited as a “peace” offering… but, my gut was SCREAMING it was a set up some how. I turned it down. I’ve been in a weird back and forth since…
One minute, I’m recieving HATEFUL and evillllll texts. The next, they’re sending Postmates to my house with food made specifically to my dietary preferences. It’s legit like whip lash. I needed this video. THANK YOU.
Don't eat that food.
@@reesedaniel5835 I definitely didn’t. I chucked it in the trash
It's that mentality that being "family" should override all discernment and self respect that gets to me! I absolutely loathe the mentality that "family" gets a free pass to abuse, mistreat, hurt and exploit! Or even the thought that "they know what's best" for you and you should blindly agree and follow them.
Yep my narcissistic husband does the Mr Nice act that I call it after he has insulted me and raged at me and ranted then he turns into Mr Nice sometimes the next day! Of course I call him out on it for whatever good it does which is of course no good. He looks at me like I have two heads and he has complete amnesia!😢
it is no amnesia - narc wants to close the cycle - he wants you need to accept abuse as normal and narc gets his fix. You dont accept it - no fix and rage.
@@user-zy8gk2nn7d oh I know definitely it’s not amnesia! They absolutely don’t care about our feelings of course
Yep. As if it never happened.
Sounds like my dad
It's over for him. You should be over it too...IN HIS MIND!
Exactly what I feel when they try me with that BS,, I'm insulted that they think I'm a dummy
The predictability & transparency literally cracks me up.
Yep they all follow the exact same script.
One of the most embarrassing dates I ever had was with a girl who was also a Marine brat so I thought we would have a lot in common. But she showed up to the movie theater drunk and proceeded to crawl all over me like an octopus even before the movie started. She couldn't handle a date without booze and couldn't control herself. My first thought was "damn I bet her Dad was a total shit." Anyway, I took her home and dropped her off and told her she needs to quit drinking. After that she was madder than hell about me, started spreading false rumors to my friends. Pathetic.
Be glad she only did false rumors. She could have made false accusations to the police.
That's what evil people do,they love to defame people,she sounds yukky
This happened to me, i was even nightmares after intacting with them, it was most of the confusing things. I had to block them, I almost felt like I had some sort of spell. But you can see these types of people, have this glossy looks in thier eyes when they are baiting, love bombing you like crazy.
Holy crap.. This is what I have always needed to hear. I wish I had this perspective 30 years ago.
My mother hates me. She tried to kill me multiple times as a child. Family most definitely can hate you.
It IS insulting to be lovebombed! Thanks for this.
My niece called it "fake attention". I love your bible references.
i love it!
TREAT OTHERS HOW YOU WANT THEM TO TREAT UOU PERIOD. ,BUT GUARD YOUR HEART. SOMETIMES NO RESPONCE IS BEST
It's really disgusting, insulting, and humourous once you KNOW the TRUTH about these pathetic workers of inequity.
Yup. Thats the feeling im left with a year out from this madness. Its effin insulting and thankfully I wont fall for any hoovers bc I see him for what he is.. it ALL makes sense and all I see is how disgusting this whole entanglement was. Gladdd Im awake! These folks are monsters in disguise
These days I've learnt not to take any form of negativity personally. Its just sad of them, and i genuinely wish them the best, aka guidance to see and beyond.
I do remember this one person 6 years ago, i met at a friends house, and i knew they were a hurt person so i was trying to be extra nice to them and they kindly stopped me. I was confused and didnt understand entirely, I thought they were so hurt that they couldn't love normally but these days after experiences with love bombing narcs i totally understand why they were like that now.
Ive even seen diagnosed narcs who cant accept love easily and i think that person wouldnt because an experienced narc doesnt fall for their own tricks either. This person had bpd amd npd and schizophrenia so there could be so many things to that case
Really interesting topic, today. It is insulting to be love bombed. You just confirmed what I believed. thank you for vid. Yea, that family thing, YOU ARE RIGHT ON WITH THAT.
I actually do get a revulsion feeling now when a narc does this. That is an insulted feeling I guess.
Loved the video Thank You for the truth of how these people really are.
I hope I can meet a man as honest, kind and deep as you Kevin.. you are a rare diamond and helping many people stand up against abuse. Breaking trauma bonds is not an easy thing but I am getting there finally.
One of my sisters is a narcissist I know it in my heart. The others I am not sure but this one I don’t talk to her for years. I don’t trust her. And yes, I am not arrogant, she is and an evil one. I agree with the story of Cain and Abel. Siblings can hate each other to death. I practically don’t trust no one right now, they have to gain my trust.
Most of my family members are narcissistic abusers and although my mom 'claimed' she wanted to do better she actually did worse than her own mom did with her. I'm still having to recover from the lovebombing, the constant slew of manipulation tactics and I'm preparing myself to have nothing to do with them ever again. Even on their death bed I'd still want nothing to do with them. My mom, dad, and siblings nearly drove me to suicide with their bullshit and left me for dead too many times. All I want now is for them to get what's coming to them no matter how harsh they have to suffer cor making my life a living hell for over 20 years.
Thank you for this video and explaining what exactly hoovering is, I have been hoovered recently and I felt for it, but I sobered, realized quickly what's happening and cut it out. Your videos are helping me so much, thank you
Amen. You have nailed it Kevin. Absolutely the case. Thank you. God bless you.
Thank you
The last thing you could trust about a narc or listen to from them is their WORDS. A person who can infinitely act....and can twist anything 180 degrees the opposite...and has no conscience...and is a never-ending bully? NO, NO, NO full stop.
There sickning
“Flattery doesn’t charge these batteries!”-that tough chick from Wreck it Ralph
It is intoxicating. Sweeps you right off your feet. The strong emotions love bombing generates in you is meant to override your logical thinking and decision making. Thats the functionality behind it. It’s strategic.
Great video.
You are surprisingly clued-in for someone who puts stock in ancient cult religious texts. -Given that most of the stuff in Bibles was written by men with Major Personality Disorders writing "How To" Guides for getting away with it.
Thank you so much for including scripture! Didn’t look for it or expect it but my God is always moving 🙌
These people go through stages of this stuff. Bait and switch.
Yep! That's my family! But we are all about love! Lies.
I was so hooked it was crazy! I often even wondered if he were gay cause I knew too much was hidden
The first time it happened to me, I bought in. The second time, I knew what was gong on and ultimately rejected it. For me it was a live and learn thing. If it is happening to you, run from it.
I was told this after 3 months of dating, " wonder why I ask you all the questions"? No, I said. " It is so I can better handle you". He delivered proudly. My blood went cold. I said, " I am not a horse being trained"! We Ended few months later. Oh, and it got worst. RUN RUN !!!!
Keep up the great work, helping people to heal themselves from narcissistic abuse.
It so totally was.
It was so over-the top and out of character, my first thought was "EW!" and my second thought was, "how stupid do you really think I am?"
And don't forget about the timing!
And when I realized she was a narc, I did get insulted. If she ever tries to contact and hoover me, she'll regret it.
My father hates me even to this day. He spent my entire childhood berating me, humiliating me and neglecting. He love bombs when it’s convenient for him or to deflect from his cruel behavior. It used to be a maddening psy op. Now, it’s just a minor nuisance with distance as my buffer.
Love your work. l know now how to deal with these kinds of people
Yes they try and convince you that you're not you 😆 😂.Great Video Beloved Peace and blessings.
What an amazing perspective that you brought to this video! I'm going to carry it in my mind and heart!
Excellent podcast! Great analogies and examples. You turned love bombing on its heels. Best definition I’ve heard.
Thx Kevin for keeping it real and clean.Sendn this to my son who has become ALL narc hoover lovebombing my enabler mother who takn the bait.she learns the hard way that he too ,cant be trusted.
i roll my eyes and just go with it for the couple days i know it’ll last lol but i defff don’t get attached at all. only fell for that one time when i was young.
I am. A policeman warned me once that the only way I can help police catch the narcissists is for me to play dumb about that sort of thing unless I am cornered with no other option other than me being able to run away after fighting my way out while using only whatever force is necessary to get away soon enough. When I see someone else around doing the same while they are erring on the catious side then I know that they might be safe for me to be around.
Like always kevin you nailed it i really love your videos you are such a good person god bless you and thank you for all your great videos
After my dad demeaned and insulted me for the very last time, yelling that "I was spending too much time in his garden during lockdown, and should be spending all day sitting in front of a computer, like him", l went no contact for two years, spending that time in a mental wilderness, until l learnt about narc abuse, which gave me immeasurable strength. A few months ago he sent me an email (out of the blue) on cancel culture, comparing it with the exiled heretics of the 16th century church. He headlined it with, "I'm sharing this with all those closest to my heart."
I immediately recognised that as a hoover/ lovebomb. Far from being offended l recognised the lie. One of many. If l was so "close to his heart", why would he always need to be so offensive?
I wrote back, "It's called narcissistic abuse."
I wasn't accusing him directly, as that would have given him substance to attack me, eg asking me what qualifications l have to judge him.
At least he now knows l know.
"So be it", was his reply. The shortest reply in history.
That hoover was a godsend.
I've just discover this channel and you speak facts ! Damn so true, thanks for sharing 🙏🔥
My mom called me a prostitute when I was earning my Masters. My “dad” only comes around when he needs something.
Yeah. The nausea is so strong in current love bombing. I just can't stand it. I'm grateful I'm not falling for it, but oh it is so disgusting. Barely managable.