Tier Ranking The First Lines of My Novels (and yes, it's bad)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ย. 2022
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the best first line I ever read was by Miranda July, 'It was a quiet sound, but it woke me up because it was a human sound.'
My first line (from Wattpad, unsurprisingly) was: "I'm in a dark room and I cannot move." The first line I felt proud of was: "When my mother went to speak to the Neighbors, she never came back."
Yep. That second line ,I like it alot!
You can move your eyelids.
Both of those are somewhat intriguing, but the second is much better
My first first line was: "After a nine hour journey, the rocket landed on the moon"
And the first first line I like was: "Thodorious Ismak stood in the audience at his own execution."
I want to note that both are translated from german and that I think the first one sounds way more stupid and german while the second one sounds a bit better in german (but it has also gone through all kinds of iterations).
I actually really like the second line, I’m hooked!
Thodorious, standing at his own execution, piqued my interest. Is this his astral body he sees, which Kahil Gibran claimed he could activate?
*Henry VIII movie 2003 clip Catherine Howard is beheaded.* TH-cam. (Loving Romatic Movies.) A horrible bloody beheading !
There were historical inaccuracies in the TV miniseries *The Tudors* but it was compelling if only for the sword fights, castles and pretty girls.
Jonathan Rhys-Meyers played King Henry VIII reminding us that this Renaissance monarch was once young and cultured and dynamic.
I have not followed the career of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers but he was outstanding in the London Woody Allen murder mystery *Match Point*
TH-cam: *The Tudors 2x10 / Anne Boleyn's death part 2.* (Loving Romantic Movies.)
TH-cam: *The Tudors 4x05 execution of Catherine Howard February 13, 1542.* (Loving Romantic movies)
Anne Boleyn is played by Natalie Dormer who was quite brilliant in the television remake of *Picnic At Hanging Rock*.
Catherine Howard whose execution was messy is played by Tamzin Merchant - Georgiana Darcy in the film Pride and Prejudice.
Your second line is really cool! I'm curious to hear what it's in German?
the second line is awesome.
the first one gives you the specifics of what we're gearing up for, which is perfectly okay, as well. nothing wrong with it imo!
As a 39 year old attempting his first novel, these videos are inspiring. One of the main things I'm learning as I write and edit, is the elegance of simplicity. Or maybe paucity. That first line of Honey Vinegar is so perfect. Maximum impact from the minimum amount of words: conveys theme, intrigue and emotion all in one. Thank you for doing this.
Good luck.
I can go all the way back to the first story I've ever written (I was six years old, freshly introduced to writing in first grade). It was one page long and it started with the line "once upon a time there was a father who had ten sons"😂
i don't know if this is actually the oldest project i've written, but here's the first line: "The red creature scurried to the next bush with her belly rubbing the dry leaves and pine needles on the ground."
and as for favourites... i think this one from my novel Fantasybane: "My father removing butterflies from my teeth isn't the earliest memory I have, but it's the one I think of."
Removing butterflies from your teeth is wonderful : a dream, a false memory, real memory ? Who is the girl who is the father?
With that first line, I'd definitely buy the book! I'm kind of upset that I can't read it right now 😂
My favorite first line of yours is Someone Will Save You, that is the kind of book I would have picked up in a bookstore and read half of it by accident just sitting there in the store
*Breeze blew a mistral across Shaelin's Bishop's face as she stood alone on the Lairig Ghru mountain pass, south east of the craggy snow-dusted Rothiemurchus farmlands, tootling the first bars of Somewhere Over the Rainbow on her gob iron, while a red-footed falcon, gorged on his dinner of dragonflies, settled on a rocky outcrop, entranced by the song and the strange girl's beauty.*
You can see why I am not a writer only a reader.
Gob iron is a colloquial term for harmonica - watch Roly Platt the master harmonica artist playing Over the Rainbow: TH-cam.
Lairig Ghru is a mountain pass through the Cairngorms of Scotland, see Wikipedia.
Red-footed falcons love to eat dragonflies, we do not yet know how falcons would react to Shaelin's harmonica playing.
The only fanciful word is mistral simply because I could not resist it; bad writers like me possess this fatal weakness.
Hill walkers can now purchase a Mistral Rain Jacket from Macpac.
You can also purchase a Mistral Rain Shower for your bathroom.
Misty rain (the Scottish mizzle or drizzle or slow rain and what the Irish call a soft day) would mitigate the badness of the sentence but not much. Snow with rain (sleet) is what you are likely to feel on your face in the Lairig Ghru.
The mistral of northeastern France can bring rain & heavy snow if there is a low pressure in the Gulf of Genoa. I like to feel it,
A wonderfully expressive word for a mist almost as delicate as breath is HAAR, an East Coast of Scotland phenomenon.
When a haar descends down the south side of Edinburgh it erases Edinburgh Castle : this is sea fog and quite lovely.
You don't really get haars in Glasgow and the West where I live though our goustie winds & rains begin in mid-October November.
It's blowin' a hoolie, we say. *Land of westlin' winds : the best Scottish Poetry for Burns Night* Alison Flood The Guardian online.
*The Haar is Coming - Nikita Shackleton.* The Purple Hermit blog. Solitude Survival Poetry & Art in the Far North.
*Sea Buckthorn by Helen Cruikshank. Scottish Poetry Library.*
Cruikshank writes of the sea buckthorn, a deciduous shrub.
The poet notices the sea buckthorn on a night of haar and rain and it *lichts* (lights) *the grey o'life.*
Scottish poets to look out for ... Kathleen Jamie, Valerie Gillies, Jackie Kay, Liz Lochhead, Kate Clanchy, Alison Fell, Carol Anne Duffy, Hugh MacDiarmid, William Soutar, George Mackay Brown, Iain Crichton Smith, Norman MacCaig, Sorley MacLean, Edwin Morgan, Douglas Dunn, Angus Dunn, Don Paterson, Robin Robertson etc.
George Mackay Brown and Iain Crichton Smith wrote some of our very best short stories and novels.
Much more than the first lines (you’re very right about your ranking) what amazed me is how incredible your ideas were even as a teen… there’s like, themes of loss and nature in almost all of these and it’s interesting to see how this hasn’t really changed for you even though all of them have different and super interesting sounding plots
i’d love a tier ranking of your short stories!
I fell down a rabbit hole and read more of my first novel than anyone ever should. The first chapter is less than a page and absolutely horrific, so I think I'll just post the entire thing here so you all can suffer too.
I was sitting in class that day with Kailee. I was the first one finished with my worksheet, and we had the best seats in the house. I didn't even have to get up to turn in my work. I just turned around in my chair and tossed it in the basket. I turned back around and glanced over at Kailee’s paper. She was only on the 9th question. There are 27.
“There's only 5 more minutes in class and this is the only day we have to do this. Hurry Kailee!” I whispered.
“I know. I’m trying! This is so hard. I just don't understand math! Can you please help me?” she responded. She wrote something down. I could tell it was wrong even though I can barely read her handwriting anyway.
“No” I said. “You put the y in front of the number when you multiply it.”
“Ugh. I don't get how you’re not in honors classes.” She said,
“I mean, we were new only a couple years ago. Maybe they’re just waiting to see more from me.” I said. She looked frustrated.
“Sorry.”
“No, you’re right. You’ll probably be in algebra next year, or something like that.
“Paisley, I think that it’s great how supporting and helpful you are to your sister, but she needs to do some things on her own.” said Mrs. Xilianechena. We call her Mrs. X because no one actually knows how to pronounce her last name. I mean, it starts with an x!
“Ok Mrs. X”, I responded. “Sorry Kailee, you’re on your own.”
.... what is happening with the dialogue. Also, put the y in front of the number when you multiply it??? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. I THINK I'M STARTING TO LOSE IT
The fact you read this again…you are the bravest person on earth
@@ShaelinWrites thank you, I was truly in my struggle era
y why? That was puzzling to me. I wasn't bored. Needs something character challenging to happen within two pages maximum. IMHO.
I know The Dragon Tear isn't one of your favourites but you sharing your journey with it and shelving it really helped me learn that it's okay to let things go if they're not working. So even though it's not mine it's a little bit important to me.
okay that is so sweet
This is the first two lines of a book I wrote when I was eleven. ‘11-year-old Jack sat on his front steps watching cars go by. There weren’t many on the small island where he lived.’ It is both boring and weirdly contradictory.
This is a first line I love from a middle-grade sci-fi I'm writing. I'm still early in the process, but this line just popped into my head. ‘Nobody knows where the creatures came from.’
First book I ever wrote, when I was 7, started like this,
Once upon a time there was a little girl named Sally she was a very nice girl but also very shy she loved cereal and dresses and malls!
Current favorite opening line from my writing goes like this, (I am 14)
The apocalypse wasn't zombies. It wasn't natural disaster, global warming, plague, or the sun exploding.
It was butterflies.
This is the very first pass of the line though so accepting criticism haha
I think it's really not bad. If you want the first line to hit on it's own, I think you should consider to mention the butterflies in the first sentence somehow. (Because it's not that weird to imagine an apocalypse without zombies, but very interesting to imagine one with butterflies!)
I agree with what Jojk said to a certain extent but I would more just have something to ground the reader before that paragraph (which is so well said!) For instance giving some of the things that resulted from the cause before giving the cause itself. Like if I wanted to write an apocalyptic book about plants: “Fields of rotted green climb always. The apocalypse wasn’t zombies. It wasn’t natural disaster, global warming, plague, or the sun exploding.
It was a single glass seed.”
Now obviously this isn’t perfect, (I’m 17 and I have a lot to work on my own writing) but if you can give the reader something to look at while you are talking it can really help snatch them into the book 😊
.
Okay, interest piqued, I know this is an old comment. But please tell me, why butterflies?!
I would LOVE a video of you tier ranking all your short stories!
Ohhhh the first line for Winter Houses gave me chills. Well done.
My cringe tax.... I wrote this when I was like 8?? 9???? It's called "Best Freinds" (yes, Freinds) and it follows a little girl who runs away from an abusive foster family to an orphanage under a false identity. Once there, she realizes she accidentally left her brother behind. (She just *forgot* him???????) With the help of another girl from the orphanage, she goes back to get him, and bring him to the safety of the orphanage. I wrote it in a journal and lost most of it, but here's the first page of Chapter 5 (spelling corrected), which I somehow managed to preserve:
_Samantha was finally out of the care of the West family. She finally had a good home. But she felt as though she had forgotten something._
_"Roger!" fearfully squealed Samantha._
_"Who's Roger?" asked a 4-year-old named Catrina._
_"He's a kid, I need to get him," replied Samantha as she jumped out the window. Samantha sped down the street._
If you can't tell, we'd just had our "said is dead" lesson in Language Arts 🙃
A moment of silence for all those who were taught said is dead. 😔 Our writing may never recover.
my very first line is :"I walk in the house and throw my backpack on the floor next to the door and kick off my shoes, wiggling my toes in my gray socks." a terrible start to a terrible book that was essentially a fantasy au about me and all of my friends (including my VERY embarrassing middle-school crush)
This is epic. I think i'm going to have my creative writing class recreate this with their writing as part of their final portfolio assessment.
What's funny to me is that the first lines you put in the "burn it" tier were way better than the first lines that I came up with when I was at that age. Hell, I've read published books with worse opening lines. But it's inspiring to see how much you've improved as a writer.
The first line for Winter Houses absolutely deserves its place in the "Shakespeare is quaking" tier, it is just FANTASTIC, and I envy you.
Anyway the first line of the earliest story of mine that I can find : "The weather had been unpredictable for weeks, which wasn't favorable for those in the battlefield. "
I was thirteen when I wrote that, so I'm not going to be too harsh on myself. My prose has improved considerably since then, but I can't boast many great first lines. A recent one that I'm fairly happy with, from a fantasy flash fiction piece, is :
"As waves retreated, wetting the hem of the child's shirt, she wiggled her toes into the sand and listened to the sound of the sea. A fire died slowly behind her, a few feet from the island's treeline, while the sky soaked more ink. She fiddled with a fishbone."
Okay that's more than one line, but I couldn't help myself
I really like your prose!
I’ve just found you for the first time tonight and this video has definitely made me want to go read something you’ve written asap
Great video! Such a cool format and so relatable. The improvements are really noticeable.
Now I’m kinda self conscious about my first sentences though👀
hey shaelin, i read tabula rosa yesterday and really enjoyed it! I loved how blatantly terrible daphne was, and how the details about her past and personality unfolded as the story progressed. My favourite part by far was your use of mundane objects to tell the reader about a character, like all the little things in Louise's room.
great work, i'm definitely going to check out more of your stories! :>
ahh thank you so much!! So happy you enjoyed it
Omg I've been watching you for such a long time, and this video is such a throwback!! Love it ♥️
I am barely ever on this channel and only when TH-cam drops it in my feed, but I actually think I remember her being excited about "The Dragon's Tear"
Hi Shaelin! I just read Tabula Rasa - I saw it on your insta story, clicked the link to read the first paragraph, and ended up zipping through the whole thing! Your ability to describe in such specific detail without hurting the pacing is just 👌.
Oh god, my first one is straight out of year 8 description class:
*Dark shadows dance up the walls of the deathly silent church.*
And one that I'm proud of:
*I devised 'Ava Fern Firth' from a map and a postcard, and it was meant to be as inconspicuous as both.*
Ahh omg thank you so happy you enjoyed it
@@ShaelinWrites Thank you!
My favorite: "It wasn't uncommon for robots to break into my home and praise shaving cream." (It just so funny and attention grabbing - wrote it when I was in high school)
My least favorite: "I’d say that I lived in a horrible orphanage." (wrote it when I was 12)
Other lines I love: "It’s strange how a painting of an elephant could make me decide." (my character deciding to die - wrote this when I was 15)
"I left and they didn’t notice." (I was like 17 when I wrote this so this was 7 years ago)
"The child forgot what he was." (most recent line 2021)
I LOVED the first line at 23:40 I just know if I've read that I would just know I will be hooked on the book. I'm a big mystery gal so maybe that's why but it's so intriguing and like you said sets the stakes so high.
Alright brace yourselves guys my first ever line from when I was 12 was "Being a magical girl with strong powers isn't as easy as it seams." I misspelt seems and needed to keep it. You can't get more 12 year old girl writing than that.
The working first line of my current wip is "The raven basked in its dead glory, with its greying talons curled up and dusting feathers practically melting off its body." A little on the nose but introduces the recurring theme of the novel and concept mentioned in the title itself, death.
I’m SO HYPED FOR THIS!
I'm so glad you recreated Rachel's video, because this was HILARIOUS. The desperation at the start was pure comedy. You should definitely do more of these, I love the chaotic energy!
Kinda tempted to do this on my Tumblr (provided I find enough first lines material).
I have to ask: is the "Burn it" tier inspired by that Vampire Diaries audio going around on TikTok right now or is it just a happy coincidence?
Also, the first chapter of Salt Birds has big Count of Montecristo vibes, the drama is at the same level. And you're absolutely right, the first line and that of Honey Vinegar absolutely slap.
It's just coincidence!
Rose Bookblood sounds like the title of a vampire love story set in the lovely Odenwald region of Germany in the Thirties.
*The German War - A Nation Under Arms 1939-45* by Nicholas Stargardt, an Oxford Uni professor. Nazis make vampires look cuddly.
you should definitely do the tier ranking of your short stories !! id love to watch that
The first sentence in my first novel (I'm bringing it from the prelude because that's the first line the reader reads) is: "He was a person."
There was some more stuff after that that was kiiiiiinda interesting, but seriously, what kind of sentence is that?
Six years later, my favorite first line from my most recent first draft (also from a prelude) is, "I was never friends with him until he stopped talking."
I've gotten a lot of compliments on this line. I think it's really cool to see how we've grown as writers. Thank you for inspiring me to look at some old work and for having the courage to dig up your own!
Some interesting lines there, Shaelin. Fun vid. Thanks, and stay creative.
Every Shaelin upload is such a joy to me
Oooo I really liked this video!!
Oh my gosh, my first story: "The mist closed in around Ruby as she drew her cloak tighter around her shivering body, forcing her feet forward." I was 13 xD
Most recent original work: "Annik didn’t believe in holding grudges." MUCH less exciting than the first, but it's *followed* by some pretty good stuff. I really tried to make the first line as exciting as possible, but then it would've been like, "When her attempted murderer showed up on Annik's doorstep, she let him in to talk." And that never clicked for me -- it felt like it was trying way too hard, lol. Wrote this one when I was 17.
Most recent fanfiction work: " "So I was thinking, maybe we could set up a website," Arthur mused, fingers tapping away at his laptop. " I actually like this one, it piques interest, but not as much as I'd like it to! It more sets up the dynamic of the characters' friend group than the story itself. (18)
Most recent fanfiction draft: "The first thing you become aware of is a beam of golden light penetrating your eyelids, and a voice."
One more interesting one: "The Sky Arena was aglow underneath the light of the setting sun." (16)
Just working my way through your video backlist - I love how very specific and analytical they are! I'd be very interested to see you take a modern classic work and show how they are employing some element or other - concrete language, symbolism etc. Often I will read something excellent and know it is streets ahead of my own stumblings, but still not know how or why.
You should totally do one for your short stories
(I'm just going to go with the stuff I've written this year, instead of in total) My first line for my first wip this year was: "The screaming was all around him," which is Not Great, and when I rewrote it it became: "Screams pierced the warm seaside air," which is def better. My second project of the year was/is (I'm still working on revisions) a fantasy heist novella that starts with: "The good thing about robbing rich people is that their houses are so big they don't notice something is missing until it's too late," which is a bit wordy. My third project, which I've since put on hiatus about halfway through draft one because I need to seriously rework the tone, character arcs, worldbuilding, etc was a dark fantasy detective (the detective is also the killer) action that starts with: "The opera house was a home for the ancient arts, its skeletons-literal and figurative-running back to the early thirteenth century." It's not great for the story on it's own, but it's slightly better with the rest of the paragraph.
The stuff I wrote the beginning for include: a contemporary YA romcom that starts with "I've never had much luck with moving" (can you tell that I don't write non-crime related contemporaries) and a fantasy action/romance that starts with "Crown Prince Renaud Wilhelm Damien Nordberg IX of Godsland was bored." Idk how great it is, but it fits in with the tone of the project.
And finally (I write too much) is the project I'm currently working on, which is a personal project to help further my writing skills because I'm a pretty young writer, is a dark fantasy action/adventure that starts with: "She sprawled over the milky white chaise longue, her gun resting on her stomach and a bowl of cold grapes next to her elbow." Definitely could be better, in my opinion.
I hadn't realized how much I'd written this year until like right now lmao. Anyways, could you tell that I really needed to talk about my writing?
We appreciate your honesty! Makes improvement feel more achievable
I would love to see a tier ranking of short stories/their first lines!
SHAELIN i can’t stop thinking about Salt Birds
I hope you publish a book soon if you havent already your writing is fantastic.
This is not my *oldest* oldest first line, because so much of my writing from that time has been lost to the mists even though I posted it online where it could in principle have been archived forever by anyone who felt like it. But it's the oldest one I can find:
"The useless fable-type thing about cookies and cakes and other dessert and nightmares about pie and pi, except there are no nightmares in Dessert Land."
... I'm gonna say in my defense for the record that I was 13 and this story was definitely intended to be "lOlRaNdOm"-type humor.
As for my first first line that I *love* , I'll have to get back to you on that when I've got more time to dig through my many many drafts...
Cool tier idea. It also terrifies me.
So here we go...
I wrote (abt 2007) an opening to a horror short story: "The old and dirty, one-eyed, stuffed rabbit laid on the sidewalk and as the clouds gathered and the vicious cold wind blew, an arm reached out to grab it."
(Why did I make it so long? Smh.)
The newest one (2022) for a vampire novel I'm editing: "This sweet, oily-fresh blood on my hands must mean something."
(It does. It's a POV from the vampire. It gets weird.)
The oldest first line I can find is: "If you're reading this, just remember that there isn't such thing as happily-ever-afters."
A first line I like is: "It has been imagined a thousand different ways."
Hahaha this was ridiculously fun, and nostalgic. Also reading all these lines has made me empathize so much with the communal teenage self.
Mine:
Bad: “I thought we already hit this guy back in Cairo,” Jess said.
😂😂😂
First decent: It’s hard to be a vampire in a blueberry shortage
That second one really did pique my interest, I'd love to know where that story goes!
What a transparent video. Fascinating as well.
The first first line I could find: "The sun bled across the horizon, waving calmly as the colours of the sky went off to die."
My favourite first line: "Never before has a group of students at a boarding school been unlucky enough to die in a fire along with the rest of them, but at a place as peculiar as The Miller Boarding School, such an event was bound to happen someday."
That first one would be great as the start of a poem
@@thenightranger987 Thank you for sharing your opinion.
This is great. I would consider the "interest piqued" category to be really great opening lines. Loved them! The bad ones are also pretty funny! I enjoyed reading other commenter's first lines, so I'll post a few of my own:
My 'first book,' a Jurassic Park horror fanfiction: "The peaceful demeanor of the jungle betrayed the violence that occurred earlier in the day."
Science fiction mystery / thriller: "The Aurora never arrived."
Short story about a space mission: "Europa kinda looks like a big, cracked egg."
Historical fiction about pirates: "The salty spray of the sea could almost drown out the stench of London."
Talk about a reality check! Haha
my interest is sooo piqued hearing about winter houses, from both the concept and the first line. and i'd LOVE a video where you tierlist your short stories!
i've never been good at first lines, so i think the progress is minimal but---from the first short story i ever wrote: "There was a gray stain growing on the wall."
from my current wip: "The cars crawling like black beetles along the road beneath the Seaview Apartment Complex formed an unwitting funeral procession for the woman sprawled in her bed on the fourth floor." (i am not above using the classic someone-died tactic)
First lines matter most at the extremes: the intriguing and the dire encourage the reader to dive in or shy away, but the middling fade without harm. Only the bottom and top tier of your rankings are important. The rest honestly felt perfectly fine. Both Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre start with lines which strengthen with context, but are likely forgotten before they can be cherished. The End of the Affair (maybe my favourite novel) starts with an astonishingly overt acknowledgement about the conceits of storytelling, but which has no overall impact on the story.
I'm currently writing a novel with such an odd POV - one main character narrates everything in present tense to the other main character - that I've boxed myself in for the first line. It cannot happen before they are aware of each other but, because the story concerns their relationship, it has to directly address how that relationship began. Readers will simply have to like the opening line, "You kiss me." I'm not sure where else I can go.
Some writers try to get as much of the end into the beginning; The End of the Affair. I like your phrase, the conceits of storytelling.
I hope you do not feel boxed in for too long. Ford Madox Ford's The Good Soldier has one main character narrating to another.
Somehow the reader feels that she is present in the Good Soldier's sad tale. Ford's Parade's End and his essays are worth reading.
There is a critical study I recommend to novelists, Philip Weinstein's *Unknowing - The Work of Modernist Fiction* Cornell 2005.
*The work of Emmanuel Levinas provides a valuable lens on the collapse of selfhood in modernist,* he writes on Page 5.
On Page 174 he quotes Levinas again: *The more I return to myself, the more I divest myself ... *
One of those dense but essential studies like Harold Bloom's *The Anatomy of Influence.* We can never know too much about writing.
Correction: *the collapse of selfhood in modernist fiction.*
justice for silver bird !!!
I wrote a lot when I started (which was 6th grade) so I can't remember which was my first story so I'm giving all three (all equally terrible)
1. "My name is Satou, an average kid with average grades, average parents and an average life"
2. "I ran as my partner yelled at me."
3. "On the island of Indo lives an 8 year old boy named Ren."
Now for some lines I wrote just this year:
1: "Yeah, the looks were expected, I deserved em."
2. "'Chosen Few-', those are the first words to wake me."
3. "The charcoal walls cowl Bastrow's Capital, only reflected glimmers escaping its dark pull due to the moon's bright hue."
4. "The bright embers of a roaring fire glisten across the long desert plains."
I've come to notice I don't give very strong opening lines but opening paragraphs.
i think... opening lines are kind of like trying to say the best hello ever.
if i have to read anything that just skull drags me through the self indulgence of an author's ego, i will just skip a page. or a few pages. or even a chapter.
it's cool to see how you have evolved. you can tell the personality and sophistication in the later lines, as well as it trying to touch on bigger ideas.
@@uglystupidloser Maybe this is an area I just never bothered looking into. I know first lines are important but it seems others take them as a do or die moment. In this video I thought the "bad ones" were just fine. If I was a reader, it wouldn't change my thoughts on the book on its own.
I like the Winter Run line way more than you but I LOVE the Winter Houses one. I'd love to hear you talk about what makes you rewrite a whole book and a couple you've done so for!
I’m pausing the video at 19:38, just for a moment, because I have to say, the first line of “Holding a Ghost” belongs in the Shakespeare tear. You’re probably biased against yourself for various reasons, but for me, without any context, that’s my favorite so far. I’d be fairly hooked, at least for a few pages, from that one.
Also, I love this idea for a video! I had my horror novel, called The Family Condition, published recently, and I received a positive review from Kirkus, which has been the most surreal event in my life as a writer and aspiring author, and the book’s been done for over two years, with lots of polishing and sitting in between. And one thing that’s made me happy is how many compliments I’ve received on the first line. I’ve long been intrigued by opening lines, sometimes obsessing over them, studying them; often they’re more important to me than the description of the plot. It’s so much fun to look over and judge first lines, especially in your own work. Wonderful video. Gonna watch the rest of it now!
I don’t think I still have anything I did in school. The oldest thing I can find is from 2013 (I was 21) - “Four friends sat around the table in the large space between four whitewashed walls.” 😰 yikes
I don’t really *like* any of my first lines (I normally just write something just to get past it, and never go back to fix it…), that said:
“He found it at the bottom of the ocean, in a ravine deeper than any of the other divers dared to go.”
Best - Video - Ever.
It was new, fresh and funny to see how incredibly harsh with yourself you can be.
Don't get me wrong, though, I fully understand that and in fact, I don't have your courage. I started my life as a story teller with comic books (I'm good at drawing. so I first engaged with that form of art) and I litteraly can't rewatch what I did in the past. It was so cringy, I would die from gritting my teeth if I saw them. My mother keeps them somewhere at her home (I don't even want to know where) and I'm fine with that.
In fact, if she confesses to me that she had burned my old comic books and drawings I would hold her no grudge whatsoever...To the point where I secretly hope that she did.
It's so hard to like our old works because, as you rightfully mentioned, we all learn and grow which makes us better at what we do and more difficult to be pleased about our own selves.
So, when we look back at what we did in the past with all that experience imprinted into our brains, it quickly becomes embarrassing.
And it gets even worst when we remember how proud of ourselves we've been when we wrote those abominations.
Anyhow, that was a great video and I have to say, I genuinely love the first line of Honey vinegar too. When you read it, I was like "Okay if that one don't go into Shakespeare is quaking, I quit writing because, clearly, I understand nothing about it."
Congrats to 100K!!
LOL love this idea! Love you ❤️❤️
I liked The Chaos Theory's last clause (one-night stand) because the simple sentence starts out mundane, but ends with an unexpected event.
Here's the first story I ever wrote, when I was in first grade. I still have it saved on Google Docs, errors and all. "Joe was a boy and one night he went to bed and he heard a noise. 'I hope it is not a monster, ' said Joe. But it was. Later that night Ben the monster was starving so he crept out from under the bed. Suddenly Ben slammed the bed against the wall. Joe ran in his moms room and slept their quietly. The next day they called the zoo. The zoo wanted to keep the monster in a pen. Ben and Joe lived happily ever after." I was the coolest person in the first grade for writing that 🤣
I like Ben 😂 honestly, this could be interesting to revisit for a rewrite, depending on what you'd do with it!
@@billyjonson645 True!
my first line of something i'd consider my fiction writing was 'Stalking surreptitiously proved pointless, even if the glistening snow would’ve clearly outlined my bleak attempts at conducting my current endeavours…' which, given i was 13 then, proves i don't know how to do succinct
the first line i like is 'You shelter your face from the blinding morning light
peeking through.' as it fits my voice a bit and foreshadows some events, though the first line of the section after this one is 'The glaring yellow lights stab past the veil of the labourer’s concrete hairs as they lean a boulder of shoulder on your dim brick doorframe.' which i think exposits a lot, but in a way that the character would seem to just casually comment on things ...
my most recent first line is 'The sky had never seemed so green.' for something in third person, but this was for an assignment and written shortly after my writing class on beginnings so ... i think it was originally 'I had never seen a sky so green.' in my head before i made the decision to write in third person for this novel
My first first line (from when I was 9): "It was 10:00 am Bella told Ellie to wake up then Bella said the eggs are gone."
My current favourite first lines: "Zephyr stood, frozen, her mittened hand against the unfinished pine door." and "Do you remember the day you agreed to marry me? "
I'm going to post the whole prologue of my first ever book here because it's terrible and makes no sense :)
I am about to tell you the story of my life. The story that changed my life. The story of the winter of 6th grade. The story of my sister/best friend against Braydon Fresh. The story of dragging your family into your drama just to get back at someone else. The story of trying to win. Trying to keep everything in line. Trying to protect your friends. The story of stabbing your friends in the back. The story of the time that a battle between 12 year-olds went way too far. The story of the records.
????????? ONLY HALF OF THAT STUFF EVEN HAPPENED IN THIS BOOK. HALF OF THIS IS JUST STRAIGHT UP LYING??? I NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS OR I'LL SNAP
That is a bit of an incoherent shambles, which isn't necessarily bad if your unreliable narrator is the flake that they appear to be.
I am about to tell you the story of my life: the story of dragging my family into my drama just to get back at someone else, the story that defined my life.
First sentence & paragraph, as it is quite multilayered and benefits from typographical isolation to aid parsing and contemplation as a framing narrative to what follows.
It just needed a 2nd draft rewrite.
@@____uncompetative well thanks. you give it more credit than it deserves, but I suppose a book based on the good parts of this prologue could be pretty decent!
@@yohomie4098 There is definitely something there.
In my search for my favorite first line I came to the bitter realization that 99% of my stories begin with an action. I am not proud.
Woo! That first line from "Winter Houses" really got me! Definitely my favorite of the bunch.
Thank you!! it was a proud moment for me haha
I loveeeee the Winter Houses and Honey Vinegar first lines!
Loved Honey Vinegar's first line!🌻
Favorite first lines I've written (2020 and up):
1- *_"We sat inside a dumpster, you scavenging for cables and soda cans, and me chalking you on its jagged surface."_*
2- *_"A priest, a surgeon, and a girl in a mini peplum dress all wait at the nightclub's backstage."_*
3- *_"Mr. Kampbell announces his desire to purchase the town residents' shares of the sky."_* (Part of an ad from the local newspaper)
First lines that should burn in hell (before 2017):
1- *_"Remember, please try to remember."_*
2- *_"Something's wrong. I can tell."_*
3- *_"Here she comes, walking steadily towards the bench that's almost exclusively hers."_*
So generic it hurts 🥲
1, 2 and 3 tickle my fancy. Mr. Kampbell with a K could be as promising as Isherwood's Mr Norris.
Remember please try to remember & Something's wrong I can tell - they beg for a compelling second sentence follow-up.
The woman walking unsteadily towards the bench that's almost exclusively hers - I see that lady in the city where I live.
Writers must study how people walk. Walking involves a complex motor action of our bodies - ask any dancer.
Sir Alec Guinness thought his way into a character on stage or film by getting his walk right. He studied animals in the zoo.
@@jackhaggerty1066 Totally agree! Back then my idea of good writing was just good metaphors lol. Now I'm a big advocate for specificity.
@@baraqat You are a real working writer as are all the commenters here : I wish I could leave a thought on them all.
Shaelin talks about writing for yourself, a fun self-discovery game when you can learn who your writing selves are (always plural).
One suggestion is to write ridiculous, even pretentious sentences; Nabokov who wrote English like no one else, did this all the time.
A friend of mine said, 'Humbert Humbert in Lolita is depraved but not mad while the narrator of Pale Fire is hilariously potty.'
*The Gift* was Nabokov's last novel in Russian, translated by his son, and he turns pretentious sentences into pure gold.
Truman Capote said Updike's prose reminded him of liquid mercury in one's hand but early Updike *Pigeon Feathers* is very lucid.
Reading poets aloud (Denise Levertov, Plath, Heaney, Tennyson, GM Hopkins) is a great way of developing ear & rhythm.
*The Craft of Poetry* (2021) by Lucy Newlyn - she writes a witty verse to illustrate technique, form and concept.
Enjambment, chiasmus, prosopopoeia, catachresis, caesura, synonymy, terza rima, Ottava rima, free verse , hexameters ...
If you only wish to write an exciting thriller to make money (a worthy enough aim) knowing what words can do is essential.
P.S. I am still thinking about the priest, the surgeon and the girl in the peplum dress.
My cousin is a surgeon in London and told me his orthodox Jewish patients could not sign up to an organ donation scheme.
There's a story there. (I would love to think my eyes and internal organs could benefit a dying person, and I am a believer/)
i really really like the winter houses first line !!!!
My first opening line was "The great walls of Azos stood tall in the distance"
My favorite opening line was: "Her father wasn't like most Golds."
I really don't love (or even particularly like) any of my first lines, but I love some of my opening paragraphs.
Also I LOVE the first line of Honey Vinegar
"If one were to examine Lydia Morgan's life they would call it lonely."
I’m totally here for this video!!
Also you hit 100k?? 😭😭 been here since like 1k subs ❤️❤️
u should do another line edit video they are really helpful!!!!!
"Is that what it's about? Not really! But it makes it sound like an actual book!" 😂 I laughed so hard at this, that's actually amazing. Especially because I'm pretty sure I've read published books that get away with a little bit of that in their blurbs lol.
I was probably eight when I dictated this first line to my mother its the start of a 10 page short story with illustrations.
Once Upon time there was a person who lived in a little house out in the country, but he was pretty close to the town.
And then this is a first line I wrote recently it's the start of a 457 word short story.
Disturbing the murmur of water blown by the wind you ascend from the lake, alighting on the dock.
This first line is from when I was seventeen from a short story I called A Summer Kiss. “"Lizzy come down. You're gonna fall" I cried at the top of my lungs.” I hate it.
This one is from my current project called Dead Girls, “Before I start I need you to understand, it wasn’t my idea to move the body.”
This is also from a current project, it’s just project Ekoma right now. “The villagers called tete a witch, but Ano knew better.”
The first line to the first ever novel I wrote is: "As Alex strode across the bridge that spanned the river that ran around Darkwood Academy for the Arts, he was sure that his life was about to change, and hopefully for the better." I absolutely hate it.
A first line I like is from the book I'm currently reading, Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield. It's: "The deep sea is a haunted house: a place in which things that ought not to exist move about in the darkness." I'm only halfway done with the book but it's brilliant, and I quite like the first line (and the writing style overall).
*After the dog's cremation, I lie in my husband's bed and watch the Academy Awards for animals.*
Nashville Gone To Ashes. Amy Hempel. Collected Stories Introduction by Rick Moody.
*That Sunday when our butcher, Herr Netzer, has to take his daughter to the asylum - she'd tried to set fire to his shop - we all get up early and put cushions across the window ledge and lean far out.*
Moth. Balzac's Horse and Other Stories. Gert Hofmann.
How do these first lines sound? (It's a trilogy, so one for each book)
"Parties were never my choice in activities."
"Of course I would fall off the ladder on the day of my brother's coronation."
"As usual, I showed up late to my own assassination."
One of my recent first lines is, “The chain was tight around my ankle, though it held a tighter grasp around my heart.” I might change it in the future, I’m unsure of wether i should keep it or not.
the earliest first line i can find in my docs is "the tall, shadowy figure raced out of a building as the alarms set off."
very awkward very weird don't like very much ick
the first first line i like is "where we lived, people disappeared all the time."
concise! intriguing! not amazing but i do like it
Ignoring the scene setting top of the chapter page which I still like, my current shit draft manuscript has " the keys were covered, their casing dusty and untouched."
I gave up on rewriting the beginning again but it gets a lot better by the mid of the first chapter.
My first line is:
I’m in the dungeon. Five years ago, something terrible is happening.
Here is the first line of my most recent finished novel, called THE FAMILY CONDITION, a horror love story. I like this one-and if I may say, it was published recently and received a positive review from Kirkus, something that is so surreal to me:
The first time her mother tried to kill her, Elodie was only a few days old.
I would need to get into storage to find my real first line of the oldest thing I wrote. I do have two very old ones though… god they’re bad 😂
From a novel called STARLIGHT:
She was never sure where her curiosity came from, even as a little girl when her father’s obsession with the killer had first been born, but she would remember most of all the night that she crept into his office and, innocently, had asked him: Why do they call him Starlight?
I was such a wordy young writer, so unapologetic and unselfconscious 😅😭
Luckily another book of mine from around the same time had a much more concise first line, even though it… doesn’t really mean anything and just feels like a non-sequitur.
From a novel called CHARLIE LOUISE:
Of course the rain was falling
Great idea for a video! First lines are so important, and it was brave of you to share all of these. My favorite of yours was from Holding a Ghost. Should’ve put that in the Shakespeare tier!
Not a line but my first few sentences of the book
"Adrian?" She whispered. As a tear of agony trickled down her left cheek, leaving her in an inordinate amount of misery. "Am I..", "Am I still worthy of forgiveness? Do I still get to plead for a life? Or has this fiendish world already sentenced me to an existence of annihilation, away from my desire of tasting death?"
“Open?”
That. That was it. That was my first line.
congrats on 100k subs. Show us us play button in next video
Must you be so hash on young you as a writer? As a teacher, I'd say you were precocious. I would have loved having you in my class. Your work would have raised the level of fellow aspiring authors.
My first first line:
"I was sitting in class that day with Kailee."
1/10, boring, meaningless, but it sort of doesn't make me want to gouge my eyes out so that's good
I'm gonna be honest most of my first lines are just awful, but here's a decent one:
"She knocks on my door every Wednesday at 7:00 PM."
8/10, seems kinda pretty, intriguing, sets up the main plot well
First lines are murderously hard. Lot of my works have terrible ones. Only a few have good ones. I think, sometimes, that just writing the first line via intuition is best. If you don't aim the arrow it hits the target, that sort of thing.
My first try at a novel (Dystopian), THE STEPS THAT LED TO NOWHERE (“nowhere” was actually a metaphor for outer space). I never want to look at this novel again. So bad! I guess I tried….
That's too bad you don't want to look at this novel again, because it actually sounds like an interesting first line to me. I would keep reading.
Oldest line (at least I think this is the oldest)
He never forgot.
First first line I like
An endless stretch of road, somewhere in Montana.
First lines are not my strong suit.
My first (at age 14) was the highly melodramatic "Farewell, Father!"
My most recent is "By the time the landline started ringing, Izzi's mom had been dodging her upline for a week and a half" which at least implies some conflict and a few things about the setting.
I mean, I recently read some stuff I wrote a while ago and part of me just wants to just burn all of it. The angsty teen purple prose thing is just too much.
oh wow. this video made me go through my first lines and wow. it's bad.
my first first line : "She cried a lot"
(it was a prologue were the girl gets killed right after 💀)
my last first line : "Birth is a heavy weight to carry. It's no suprise Max ended his life when he remembered being born."
(ig it's at least better haha, please know that i write in french so if the translation is weird sorryy)
First line of the first book I ever wrote: Duane Blake wanted to rip up the letter.
Best first line might be: Mark Barrow school is a plot of land four miles from the nearest town, buried in the heart of the Yorkshire countryside.
I'm not very good at first lines lol
i think it's good. it's equivalent to "once upon a time, there was..." you set the stage for the audience, and, with that out of the way, you can jump into setting the tone.
i actually imagine the writing and reading of books to be setting up a stage play. if you take too much time and liberty with your "story" or prose... it's just going to lose the audience.
star wars. technical achievements which defines hollywood to this day aside... you get the feeling.
there is a little guy. chased by a big guy. a really big guy.
or indiana jones. going into a temple that could instantly kill him.
... if the audience doesn't understand what your story is... in the FIRST LINE, that's fine. but that first line better be setting your story up for the hook to get invested.
otherwise, it's just a first line.
a first line that is taking up space. basically, an author just showing off.
and the audience doesn't care about the author or whoever to be showing off. that first line should be serving your story, not the author's ego.
am i crazy? i feel like this is reasonable.
Tell us what your future plans are. As a fellow writer who's also almost done with her bachelors I wanna know if youre going to continue studying
this video is top tier lmao.
i would LOVE to share the first line of the oldest books ive written but they're on paper in storage (and hopefully have not been thrown away bc im so curious now 😭)
one memory just came to me and it is so very hazy but im pretty sure the "book" i wrote when i was like ten? the first line was just like "crash!!!" or "boom!!!" or something
and
...it was the earth exploding 😅
omggg the blurb was the best thing about that one tho. it was like "what is that? is that a ___?!" with the blank bit like a censor bar but made out of glitter glue. and this is because i wanted to make it clear that it was a mystery. but it was also a mystery to me when i wrote the blurb. it ended up being the most anticlimactic mystery in history
im so glad it was twenty years ago and i don't have to be embarrassed anymore. baby me was hilarious
oh god wait no all the other memories are flooding in what have you done shaelin 😭
omg starting a book with 'boom!!!' and it's the earth exploding...iconic and legendary
"Rita's mom died when she was very little."
Wrote that when I was 4.
We never hear about the mom again in the whole story! What an amateur.
The first line from my first attempted book: "Once their lived a man named Nathan, he was around 30 years, oh yes now I reminder he is 34." lol one can only do so much when they are ten. :P
A first line that I like: "Trinity slid to the edge of the alleyway and peered out at the street. Empty." so technically neither of them are very good but you can see progress. :P
First sentence...
The long grasses were slapped by gusts of wind as she struggled up the hill on her horse.
I don’t remember the first line of the first thing I wrote (4th grade) but the title was Arnold Gibson and the Five and a Half Senses.
The first opening line I wrote that I liked for a project that I lost (pre-cloud storage, lost cd backups, will never forgive myself) called The Points of Sail was, “The airplane was a chopjobbed MD-80 - the fore done up in the colors of the Brazilian flag, and the aft in once polished aluminum which, if we’re being honest, had seen better days.”
Your academia book turned TV pilot comes across as a very Breaking Bad / Mr. Robot thing, and I'm understanding pretty quick why you shelved it. Just my opinion but its opening line would've been more at home in the "you tried I guess" bracket. In contrast, perhaps you went too hard on the Dragon Tear opener based on its lack of plot significance. Perhaps its more thematic tie-in to the protagonist's hereditary position backfiring ('cause he's the same, yet not the same?) could've worked to your advantage. Then again you see the flaming-garbage signs that I'll never have true context for.
This will likely sound like a very random question, Shaelin ... but do you have any thoughts on Martin McDonagh?