ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ส.ค. 2024
- We live on a thumbnail
With no better charm
Smiles echo in my memory
Picture perfect anniversary
Nineteen years
Full of regrets
Your excuses bore me
It's not my fault I have my fathers eyes
The cradle rocks
The ground breaks beneath me as I fall
You're looking thin
Cuz you stopped giving
Look what I've done, I've done
I've done without you
Things will never be the same
I can't walk away
From who I am
I wont denounce my name
I've done all I can, all I can
No way home, no way home
Things will never be the same
I can't walk away
From who I am
I won't denounce my name
I've done all I can, all I can
I would literally do anything to see Pencey Prep live. I want to see them live more than I want MCR to get back together
bro I feel this so hard
I get what you mean 101%
ME TOO OH MY GOD
me too
Well one of those things happened
"Nineteen years
Full of regrets
Your excuses bore me
It's not my fault I have my fathers eyes"
This specific part made me think of some Frank's other songs. "Nineteen years" Pencey Prep has a song called 19 andhe might have actually been 19 when these two songs were written so thats cool. And then "It's not my fault I have my fathers eyes" There's a line in Stitches (frnkiero andthe cellabration) "I have my father's eyes" I don't know I just thought that was cool.
pencey has always been on my top 5 best bands. they're really raw but i mean- they're amazing.
hi
I put pencey prep's songs on repeat everyday when i was 14 years old and i was the emo girl of my class (to this day on the university I AM) omg the feels
I'm sorry for my bad english
Favorite song by them, and it's not on Heartbreak In Stereo
Love this song,when i was young i used to listen to this music because of my sister,she really loved bands like Them so i grew up with this music,now i love Pencey Prep,MCR,30STM,Nirvana,Green Day and so on...
They added Heartbreak in stereo on spotify, but this is my favorite Pencey Prep song and I want it on spotify so bad ☹ they said they might add more singles later to spotify so there is hope 🙏
Do you think we might get a release of a studio version of death of the lionheart?
really want attention reader on spotify D:
@@hibernianinitiate not possible, I speak with Alex saveendra it’s pretty much lost and destroyed scattered around eyeball records place.
Frankie has lots of talent.....such talented guy....btw I love this song
Pencey truly is a hidden gem
This is my favorite Pencey Prep song with no competition
this song reminds me of the smashing pumpkins
McDonald, McDon, McDonald, McDon, McDonald, McDon
This song feels oddly comforting
Probably my favorite song of theirs.
i cant with pencey prep, damn, i love it so much. it's awesome
Less than half these comments are about how amazing this song and band are/were. Mostly people arguing about Franks tattoos and how many times they go on his twitter page a day....
easily their best song after yesterday or 8th grade
reminds me a bit of Smashing Pumpkins
who disliked. i just wanna talk.
sometimes i imagine an alternative universe where pencey prep was just as big as my chemical romance and this was released on Spotify
@NamineTwilight1 Uh, no you don't... Frank said there's tattoos he has on the bottom of his feet or places where his clothes cover that no one's seen before...
oh,thanks!!!!
Is it strange that I know every single tatoo on Frankie's body?
Even the ones Frank has stated that nobody but his wife or tattooist has seen?
don’t be a perv
the best
@NamineTwilight1 yeah but i heard someone talking bout his tattoos on a forum and they said there may be one on the bottom of his foot......
I dunno, but if it is, I'm strange too! xD
OMG Frank
this is the same as brazil by declan mckenna
I thought I was the only one who recognized that little part!!
@MrCreamsicle1212 I did know the one on his thigh actually. XD
Did you know the one on the bottom of his foot? I bet not. XD
nooooooooooooooooo
i know that too and i downlaod the picture of that ......
@NamineTwilight1 haha ok :P im on his twitter atleast once a day :P
@MrCreamsicle1212 Haha. I'm on atleast 6 or 7 times a day. Dx
@MrCreamsicle1212 I stalk him, I think I would know.. xD
@NamineTwilight1 I know that its there but Ive never actually seen it.
@NamineTwilight1 no because so do i lol :)
@NamineTwilight1 Well yeah im on there more than that but im on there ATLEAST 1 a day XD
@NamineTwilight1 That depends. How do you know?
@NamineTwilight1 No.Do you know of the one on his thigh?Ive seen it.YEAH THATS RIGHT!IVE SEEN HIS THIGH!
No it isn't... that's absolutely normal... i guess :D
Even the ones on his legs?
im afraid so
no not at all
no. not at all
comfort song.
I feel weird and bad about venting in a TH-cam comments section, but here we are.
tw for mentions and talk about s3lf-h@rm, sewerslidal thoughts and tendencies, s3ggsual a$$ult, emotional @bu$e, throw up,
All names I use are fake names for them for privacy reasons.
I was stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship for about a year of my life from 2021-2022, and this is that story I guess.
Even at the beginning of our relationship, there were red flags. My ex, Jay, told me about how they craft ways to act around certain people and groups of people in order to get them to like them. They told me about how when they first even saw me, they knew they wanted to be with me. They said that they decided that they didn't care if I had a partner, they would end up with me either way because they always get what they want. I knew they were red flags, but I was in a mindset where I thought it was my job to fix people. I thought it wasn't that big of a deal because I'd be able to help them, but I was wrong because they really didn't want my help. They just wanted someone to use, wether they knew that or not.
We started dating in the late summer, early fall. Jay wasn't out to their family at the time, but they were out to all of our friends. Regardless, they didn't want anyone in our circle to know we were together. I had no problems with this, but I made the mistake of telling a friend I thought was far outside of our friend group. That friend did know someone from our friend group, Chloe.
Chloe told other people in our friend group. The first person they told was Harper. She asked me about it, and I denied it and asked who told her that.
I asked Chloe to not tell anyone else. She said she wouldn't.
She told everyone.
Apparently everyone bound together after school and found Jay to tell them that they knew and the whole "oh no we totally aren't together" thing was stupid. Jay was obviously overwhelmed, but the worst part is that it was right as their mom was picking them up. They all almost outed Jay to their parents.
I don't know exactly how this next part happened, but I know that Chloe ended up telling Jay that I was the one that told everyone.
Jay started avoiding me and ghosting me until I asked if I had done something wrong. When I did that, they blew up at me and told me the whole story I just told you.
I am a person who was taught by the authority figures around me that I should just take the blame even when it isn't my fault. So that's what I did.
I apologized for something I didn't do, and that's something I don't think I will ever let go. I hate that I did that.
Afterwards, I asked what I could do to make it up to them or if there was anything they needed, but they said they just wanted to forget about it. That was the first bad experience with them, and it might have been avoidable if I told them my side of the story, but I don't really know how that would have ended. Either way, I felt awful about the whole thing.
Eventually our relationship just got worse as their mental health declined. They would randomly talk about their s3lf-h@rm and sewerslidal thoughts in the middle of conversations and then just move on like nothing had happened. I tried to help and to listen and talk, but they seemed to only get defensive and angry about it. I should make it clear that I also did this. Because they were doing it, I thought it was how I was supposed to also act in the relationship. I didn't feel loved, and it was the only thing that seemed to get them to show any form of affection any of the time even though it obviously wasn't genuine. I say this to make it clear that I wasn't some perfect angel baby, neither of us were good for each other. That does not take away or invalidate my hurt though, and I know that now.
In about October they told me to stop caring about them, and that's something I just cant do. I told them that, and they got really pissed, so I hid it. It was easy to do, especially since we texted a lot more than we were really able to see each other, but then everything got really bad.
In December, they had a really bad night, I wasn't up. That morning, I woke up to them telling me about how they snuck out of the house, overworked their body by running, almost passed out, threw up, and was grabbed by some guy at a gas station.
I didn't know how they wanted me to respond, but lately I'd been giving very short and avoidant responses to their stuff which had kept them from getting angry at me for showing that I cared about them, so I responded like that.
They got really mad at me.
I apologized and said that I thought that I was doing what they wanted.
They said that they told me to stop acting like I didn't care about them (something I don't remember them actually doing).
I apologized again and said that I must have misunderstood something they said and that I would try harder to help.
They told me I didn't care and that I never did.
They told me I didn't want to help and never did.
I said I was sorry for making them feel that way and asked what I could do to help.
They told me to f off.
I was full of anxiety. I relapsed. I tried to go away forever.
The next morning they texted me asking if I was okay. I wanted to respond, but I was so anxious I would screw things up again that I didn't. I didn't want to make them upset again and for them to yell at me like that again.
The day after that, they texted again asking if I was okay.
I responded this time, lying and said I was okay. They apologized with excuses, I said it was okay. They said it wasn't (and excused theirself again from blame), which, it really wasn't, but I didn't want to hurt them more, so I insisted. They responded with "okay" and then changed the conversation topic to Christmas gifts.
My anxiety only worsened as we had more problems, all centered around me having done something wrong and following about the same pattern of them attacking and me apologizing.
I was anxious all of the time, it got worse when I thought about them more than I already constantly was or saw them in the halls at school.
They broke up with me in early January, only a few days before my birthday. That didn't stop us from talking.
I didn't do anything for my birthday. I stayed at home, either laying in bed or texting Jay. I had also practically shut everyone other than Jay out of my life. Yeah, I knew them, but we were distant.
They started to notice something was off. I was acting really off, spacing out a lot. It was caused by my previous attempt. They asked what was wrong, and I told them I didn't want to talk about it. They kept asking, pressing me to give them an answer and I said no again, promising that it wasn't about them or caused by them at all, but it didn't seem to satisfy them. I know it sounds like I said that with no reason, but I knew and know now that it was something they struggle with. They think everything is their fault even when it isn't, it was genuinely meant to calm them down, but they kept asking, this time they started threatening me in a way. I don't know how to properly explain it, but it felt like I had no choice but to tell them. I'm avoiding using the word manipulation because its often misused in situations with other people to just make the other person look bad, but that is what it is.
When I told them what happened, they got mad at me. They told me they couldn't believe I would try to leave them like that, that I was supposed to be the only person they could trust and that I was horrible for ever doing that. They knew I had mental health problems, though. It did not help to hear someone tell me that me not being in a good place and doing something bad to myself was a bad and selfish thing.
I was starting to realize they weren't good for me. I was starting to talk to new people, making friends. Me and Jay were texting less, seeing each other less.
But I still thought of them really often. I would still see them in the halls. My anxiety was still there. I thought, and still think they might want to hurt me.
One day they text me. We talked about a lot of things. They said something about how it felt good to talk to someone who didn't care about them. And that hurt a lot. I did still care about them. Part of me still thinks I might love them.
Later in the conversation they asked if there was anything I missed but didn't want back, and of course I thought of our relationship. I thought they were trying to talk about all of that without actually asking to talk about it, so I was honest. We started talking about it a lot and they made me feel like maybe it was safe for me to tell them all my feelings on the matter.
I had started doing research for a school project on emotional abuse and found lots of credible sources, such as the psychology today website. A lot of things they would say and do lined up with everything I was finding.
They kept asking about my feelings on things and I continued to be honest and I eventually told them about what I was finding and how it lined up with them and how hurt I felt. It was an obvious mistake looking back on it. Of course, they got really mad at me and told me I had no right to call them emotionally abusive, which was fair, but it got to personal attacks. I apologized. They said they didn't even want to talk about our previous relationship anyway when they asked the question that lead to this and that was the end of the conversation.
a few days later, they texted me again. I remember this vividly. I was watching adventure time, my mom was asleep next to me, my brother and dad were already asleep. I opened the texts and it was a barrage of "f you"s followed by things they were mad at me for.
These are the ones i remember best and with my thoughts on it now.
"f you for making me your therapist and making me think that's what love was"
Now, I see that it was complete bull. I spent our entire relationship trying to help them, listening to them, being used by them. They just wanted to hurt me, and in the moment it worked. I believed it when the said it.
"f you for promising to stay and then leaving" and there was "f you for being better. better for everyone else. like i didnt deserve it. f you for that. and you everything else."
I was trying to be better for them. Better in the way they wanted me to be. I was completely destroying myself trying to fix them, but once again I believed them because they were all I knew for a whole year.
I sent a message responding to each thing they sent me, apologizing for everything I didn't do but felt like I did.
I relapsed again that night. I was having a full panic attack, and I remember going over to my mom crying and woke her up. I couldn't handle it anymore. I showed her everything and she went and got my dad. I'm really lucky, I have good parents who care about me and my mental health and my dad is literally a licensed therapist, but I have trouble reaching out to them because of the neglect I experienced years prior. I thought I would always be bothering them because that's what I was treated like when I was younger. They helped me, though. My dad read through the texts, they read through everything and I didn't even care anymore. I just wanted a solution to the pain that wouldn't end, one that would work.
My dad told me that it was all emotional abuse from them. My mom and dad got me to block them.
I had them to talk to when I needed to, I started getting closer to the friends I started making but I stopped doing anything that would make it so I would see Jay.
I started getting panic attacks whenever I would see them or think of them.
I stopped going to lunch because we had the same lunch period. I would just sit in the office.
I remember one time it got so bad I tried to call my mom to pick me up and she wouldn't answer so I tried to walk home. Then, I walked back to my school when I was almost home because I didn't want to be a problem. I went back to my class breaking down and trying to hold it in, it was my favorite teachers class, ela. My mom had tried to pick me up while I was gone trying to walk home. It made me feel more anxious because I felt like I had done something wrong and she would get mad at me and blow up at me like Jay did. I was scared but i just wanted to go home. My teacher asked if I needed anything, what she could do and if I wanted to talk. I just asked if I could leave. It could have gotten her fired, but she said yes. I walked all the way home and found my mom and literally couldn't talk. I wasn't breathing well either, I was just apologizing over and over and she held me. I didn't go back to school or do any of my homework that day.
A different day one of my friends asked why I wasn't at lunch and I was obviously panicked and so I just told her. She decided she wanted to fix the whole thing by telling Jay how I felt even though I practically begged her not to. She came back to me and told me that Jay just felt unloved and also that I was blowing things out of proportion. It was not a good day.
Things got better, though. I got closer to my new friends and some of my old ones, close enough that I trusted them enough to tell them what was going on and they were there for me. They still are. I even met a boy I liked that I'm also still in contact with.
Then it was the end of school. Our school does and of year field trips and me and my friends were trying to avoid Jay, who was trying really hard to talk to me and some of them. They ended up being a part of our group that day. I was full of anxiety but we ended up talking like we used to. I hated feeling like maybe we could fix things and get back together. I hated that I wanted them back, but we kept talking and it was okay. When we were all going home, they told me that we should get back in contact. I apologized and said something like "I'm sorry, I don't remember your number and I kind of deleted your contact in my phone." They said it was ok and that we should figure out how to get back in contact and I agreed even though I didn't mean it. They had to go then because their ride was leaving, which I was grateful for.
I never tried to get back in contact with them.
This song is my healing song from all of that. I'm done trying to help them. I'm not sacrificing myself for them or anyone else ever again.
Thanks for reading this if you did. Truly.
I promise that if you try to get better, things eventually will. Its all about time. You're worth more than whoever tells you otherwise. No matter what, please don't give up on yourself.