There are documented cases of psychologists convincing women that their father has sexualy abused them when he has not. This is not such a simple issue, especially in this day and age where these same health professionals might convince a child they are of a different sex. I wish I knew the answer, but it is NOT in trusting the current health-care or legal system.
@meowy4720 Speaking from first-hand experience here. Then I watched the news, and both California and Washington passed a law that the school system can transition your kid in school and not tell the parent. Don't hide your head in the sand. It might be rare, but it is happening, and it is tragic for those involved.
Sadly, many never get caught! Especially ones in false religions like the Catholic church, Amish, Mormons. They protect pedos and rapist. One of the reason I call them false because they are not following God's truth by protecting these monsters.
She needs her dad to tell her she is so precious to their family that he feels rage that someone would do inappropriate things to her. He’s sorry that this happened to her. He is working at controlling his feelings, but his daughter can’t see all of that at her age. As someone once said, she is still the same wonderful, precious child that she was before this happened.
It depends. Seeing a parent very upset or angry can also be frightening, and some kids might feel like it's their fault he's angry or upset. Talk to her a bit and make sure she really understands that he's angry that someone hurt her and that _she_ didn't do anything wrong. And make sure that she can see that even though he's angry he's not out of control.
It depends. Many children say they terrified that their dad will do something bad that will result in him going to prison. The last thing a child needs is to lose their mom or dad at a time like this.
I’ve heard this before and it rings true. “When you give your child access to the internet, you are not giving your child access to the world. You are giving the world access to your child.”
That happens anyway without the internet? If they go out in public and to school, the world is still accessing your kid. If anything, the unmentioned access to the internet just allows your kid to access the world in the safety of your home.
@@Ashbrash1998 if your kid is getting inappropriate videos from men while accessing the internet, how would she get that if she wasn’t on the internet? Sometimes kids join chat rooms that are meant for kids and end up being victimized by people who aren’t kids. It’s not a child looking for inappropriate people to relate to.
I was personally targeted as a kid online, I was sent a young boy’s baseball photo. Naively I was infatuated, he was really cute, and I chatted online with this person for months. Only as an adult did I realize that I was being groomed and that I wasn’t talking to the boy in the photo. It literally ruined my childhood. I was alienated from family and friends and suffered in silence. I will never let my kids chat online. They can call their friends using my phone, old school is best.
I think a lot of daughters who experienced abuse would love to have a Dad that cared this much and was this angry. It feels actually really really good to hear that for a lot of us who were ignored dismissed or had a passive or complicit parent.
Completely agree. I know that some parents might think that letting their child see such extreme emotion wouldn't be healthy for them or would exacerbate the situation, but trust me, sometimes that has the opposite effect than the one intended and can come across as uncaring. Some situations call for the expression of rage, and this is one of them.
Absolutely. I love my dad, but I wish he had this reaction. Not that I would want him to suffer like this, but just to know it at least bothers him, you know? 😔
He probably thinks it's his fault and blames himself for not protecting her and it's not even his fault. Then his daughter probably thinks she did something wrong. These predators are so sick.
If you hurt him two things will happen. 1. You will go to jail. 2. Your daughter will forever believe it is her fault. Turn that rage into love for her, and focus on helping her heal.
I understand why my parents were very strict and cautious. No sleepovers no matter what. Not even in close family member's homes. Unfortunately perverted scumbags are everywhere.
This is exactly what I decided to do when I became a first time mom three years ago. There will be no sleepovers at our place or someone else’s place. We have decided that we will explain to our son when it’s age appropriate.
Same over here. No sleepovers even with family members. Rape in our family has occured and that was something I decided as a teenager aftet I found out.
My parents made the same rule. They paid us $20 every time we were invited to a sleepover. It was great! If it was a big birthday party, they let us go until it was about 9:30 then they’d come get me. It kept us from feeling like we had to miss out
My dad was my abuser between 3-5. Mo mom found out and we left and she divorced him. This father made my cry because I realized this is a father who loves his daughter and cares so much about the pain she suffered. 💜
God bless you sister. You're precious and made in the image of God. I pray you were able to heal as best you could and that God will do the rest. Thank you for sharing,
My father did the same to me. I was so young I don't even know when it started. But just like you as soon as my mother discovered it, she left immediately. People have no idea how common this is, especially amongst family members. I'm so sorry for your experience and I wish you nothing but healing and love ❤️
I cried when he talked about seeing the abuser life burn!! I felt him say that deep in my soul!! I wish that monster would burn..all child abusers should BURN!!
Thanks for saying this. It means you’re a good person. You don’t have to have kids to feel how horrible this is. You’re the kind of person that inspires hope in the human race and that’s what we need after listening to this.
I was 11 years old when it happened to me. It destroyed me. I told my mom, and she didn't want me to tell anybody. She didn't want any trouble. I never had therapy. I never married for a lack of being able to have a long-term relationship. My self-esteem is so low. I look forward to this life being over and heaven being the place where I am healed.
@Laura-qy7rc Somehow, talking or writing about it brings the vivid memories back and the tears. Afterward, I spent t time in prayer. Thank you, and your players are so appreciated.
Nope, the chance you daughters will be abused is low teach them about consent and privates from a young age. Not allowing sleepovers will do undue isolation to your kid
Get her offline ASAP. She needs time to recover and develop without perverts online getting at her. It is essential to do this. It is not a human right to be online. I cant imagine how you must feel. Sending love and healing ❤
I disagree. I totally get where you’re coming from however this could come off to her as a punishment. She’ll feel that even though she’s the victim she’s being punished for what a disgusting predator did.
@@tigernotwoods914 sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Let her feel like a punishment. Rather that than have her childhood destroyed further by sexual abuse.
@carriefinding40 All we'd be doing otherwise is feeding them to the wolves and blaming them for having to learn the hard way. She can watch DVD's in her room or something, computer games on a computer that can't access the internet, those handheld game things like Nintendo, the normal TV stations on a satellite TV. There's plenty of other options.
Talking to 2 coworkers about SA today, turns out both girls were assaulted as children and to my horror NEITHER girls parents BELIEVED them. The damage I see on these adults is staggering 💔 Disgrace isnt the word 😡
I will never be able to understand why parents do not believe their children. What does a child know about sex acts? How could they make that up? It’s mind boggling.
@meowy4720 that makes me incredibly sad. My parents loved me, they loved all their children. We were well cared for, and loved. Some people should never be parents.
@@meowy4720 I don't think that's how that works. Because if parents resent their daughters for being themselves, then that says a lot about them as people. Secondly, the good men who are fathers would be overly protective of their children, more so their daughters.
I found out my friend was “graped” and what haunts me is how her parents didn’t believe her.. i know she’s traumatized and me too.. as a mother.. im afraid
My parents never allowed me to sleepovers. I hated it, but now as an adult I am so thankful for that! No sleepovers for my kids either. They’ll be just fine.
And then the problem never gets solved, we don’t need more violence, we need men to wake up to the reality of the problems with their gender in society and hold each other accountable. But first, men need to accept that they are a problem!
I was sexually assaulted and molested at age 15 by a JROTC instructor and his wife. I was in an abusive home with mental and emotional abuse so I was an easy target because I wanted so badly for someone to rescue me. Over the years I was called a liar when I told someone because he was "such a good man to help the teens get some discipline in their lives." He and his wife are long dead, but even at my recent high school reunion someone bought it up and asked why I lied. I simply said it was the truth, my me too moment, and had to leave.
That's sad. I just saw a movie on Lifetime about that where a lady was being raped by her grandmother and her husband or son not sure who the guy was so she was not only dealing with that but some rapist saw her and held her captive. The ending was great though. It's a true story though. Watched the crime video and the Lifetime movie and both were so good they really give you hope. She said the same thing though, "He will show you how to be a real woman." So sick. And she also went through the "no one believes me" and it took one courageous cop to help her through it. Also it's rude for someone to bring up what happened to you how sad.
Problem is usually motive and physical evidence. Without 1 or the other, most assaults and murders go unsolved. The issue becomes that those you should deal with, you have motive to deal with. But a great friend with a righteous justification is hard to pin motive on. Especially a friend you aren't deeply connected with, maybe just a dude who shows up and spars from time to time. No text, no calls, can't even remember his last name, seemed like a great dude though, type of guy. 🤷♂️
This was a good father who truly cares so much about his daughters, how awesome to hear! My father was my molester, my own mother protected my dad my whole life, I’m 65, and haven’t been able to function well my whole life! Had 3 break downs. So hats off to this great father who truly loves his daughter.
Same here, Barbara. It's just astounding that family members will side with the abuser and blame the innocent children. I'm 56 and, like you, have struggled to function my entire life. This girl really lucked out to have a dad who cares about her.
Same and my grandmother (his mother) saw it happening and did nothing to help me. I even begged her to take me to my aunt's house because I didn't know how to get there and she would always say "next weekend" and never took me. I didn't realize until I was an adult that she knew and did nothing. I cut off contact with both of them over 30 years ago. It ruined my life or the life I should have had.
@@V.E.R.O. I really hate that people tend to have more anger toward women who don’t know how to deal with the situation than toward the man who is actually committing the abuse. Why are women held to a higher standard automatically?
Its something that alot of teens these days do understand, I think we have the mentality of 'if something bad finds a way why not live my life' my mom is strict, very strict. But my molester was her nephew, someone she practically raised. It opened a door to other times for me, it still just happened. I'm seventeen and as much as I'm paranoid, always on guard, and carrying self defense around I can never stop living my life how I want when I thought for so long it had already been taken from me.
Be careful though, because it's so easy for the kids of strict parents to get into danger due to being afraid they'll get in trouble for disobeying an adult, or be afraid to tell their parents about something that made them uncomfortable or unsafe because they think their parents will be mad at them for doing something wrong. Two of the most important things kids need to be safe are 1) knowing they're allowed to say no to an authority figure if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe and 2) being able to tell their parents about embarassing or confusing things, including if they're afraid they did something wrong.
His daughter is blessed to have a father like him, when I told my parents at 8 that someone had been sexually abusing me they let the person go unscathed and told me to forget about it and not speak a word of it. When your parents fail to defend you and protect you after the fact, it is waaay more traumatic because you’ll never feel safe again. You can do everything in your power to protect your kids from something like that but sometimes it is out of your hands, but what you can 100% control is how you react after it happens and how you protect your kid from the aftermath.
Everyone does, but I understand your sentiment. Forgiveness doesn't take away what happened. But Forgiveness is part of healing, part of moving forward, part of love
when i was younger i hated how strict my parents were and how they didn’t let me do anything without strict parameters but know as an adult i get it. I’m so grateful for this now.
Absolutely! Our now adult kids have thanked us for having boundaries, for not giving in & letting them have access to the things their peers had & got to do. They now recognize the safety we provided for them, & the situations they were able to avoid that have ensnared many of their peers. That was a sobering & gratifying moment as a mother. And they now have the desire to provide our grandchildren with the same safety. 🩵
I don't have kids, I'm only 18, but this was like a bullet to the chest. If someone did this to one of my little sisters I don't know if I could control myself. I want to keep becoming the kind of man this dad is. Me and my siblings are so lucky to have a dad like we do, just like this girl is lucky to have a dad like this guy, and I really want to be that kind of dad and person someday too. Why are some people so disgustingly evil?
Because life is a test that never stops. The insecure kid in class who now grows and realizes he can overpower children? That's a temptation he didn't have when he was younger. People choose evil when they feel they can get away with it. That's why it takes good, strong, moral men and women to fight and protect everyone and hold others accountable. Otherwise we'd be living just like human animals rather than socially disciplined people.
As a victim of child abuse. You can tell your daughter how angry you are, but be very careful, that you are not making your daughter feel guilty for what happened, making you feel sad and angry. Make her feel like she is not damaged or less than she was because of what happened. Your daughter probably feels shame, feels like this has destroyed her happy family. Your wife and you need to work together to ensure that this doesn't destroy the family. You all need councilling.
I was inappropriately touched at 11yrs old by my neighbor. I immediately ran home and told my mother and she said do NOT tell your father because he will kill him so just stay away from the man. I did as she said. As an adult now I wonder if that was the right thing to do. How many victims before and after my sa?
I'm sorry, Maggie. Me, too. I didn't tell my mom because I knew that she'd tell my dad. I knew that my dad would either have beat the sh*t out of, or killed the neighbor. The grooming and inappropriate behavior by this @-hole went on for over two years. His wife & my mom were friends and I had to babysit their kids. I was a pretty cagey kid, so the absolute worst never happened, but I also never felt safe at home or out in the world. If something scary happened out in the world, I couldn't share that with my parents because my dad's actions would have left us in a very insecure situation. The absolute best thing that parents can do is to make it safe for their kids to ask for help without fear, trusting that their parents will make good decisions to protect and to help them. I hope that you have been able to heal, sister. Be well.
I have 3 beautiful young daughters that are the love of my life. I don't know I could handle this, without them paying the price. To go thru a trial and see them get off on a technicality would kill me.
Just want to remind people of jury nullification. If youre on a jury of a case where a predator was attacked for what they did, and they are prosecuting the attacker, you can set them free, regardless of the law. The law wont give predators what they deserve like this dad could.
There is a wing of the maximum security jail that i worked that housed over 300 inmates convicted of sex crimes, mostly lewd and lascivious conduct against children. It pained me to know that for everyone of these pieces of garbage, there were children, parents and families that will be forever affected. 💔
My heart goes out to this man. When I told my older brother I had been molested at 11 (years later...I simply couldnt tell anyone), trying to explain anxieties Ive had, he cried his guts out and said he would have killed the guy. I felt so bad telling my brother bx he felt so helpless. This gentleman, needs to grieve and grieve hard. He needs a ton of support. Praying!!!
For legal sake… “‘cuz then my family loses me.” The wisdom is there with the rage. Thank God for the wisdom to turn from this understandable temptation.
Not only that, but he knew that he needed to find a way to balance his own emotions so they wouldn't make things harder on his family BUT without ignoring them. Mad props to this dad, that is ridiculously hard to do when you are having a visceral reaction to someone seriously harming your loved one(s). Incredibly hard.
This was a hard, hard call for so many obvious reasons. As a child who was molested as a young child by a neighbor and supposed friend of the family, pursuing this through the law and supporting your daughter has the potential to heal your daughter. My parents did the best they could but ultimately chose the friendship over taking action which created a lifetime of issues I only rooted out with the help of a therapist over 60 years later. Praying for your daughter and you and your wife. Stay strong together.
Julie, I'm so sorry. It's infuriating to read that your parents chose the friendship over their child. Respectfully, that is not the best they could do.
I was molested from 6-8. I wasn't given that help either, im 36 now and have been in thereapy the last 10 years and still am working through it. The molestation has impacted so many aspects of my life. I couldn't agree more with what you said Julie
I am so sorry. Recently I stopped a close friendship and protected my child for a similar reason. It was no question for me which side to chose. Your parents should have felt the same way. You're precious.
Wow. This was tough. I have a 13 year old daughter, terrifying. I am a police officer and have dealt with these matters many times. As horrible as this has been to listen to, it has been very useful to me so maybe now I can be better and help other officers to understand so we can help other parents. Also, I see how I can apply where the anger towards another comes from my own guilt and shame from a personal area of my own life. My heart goes out to this man and his family, this has been an amazing call. Dr D has earned his money in this one.
I suggest listening to the podcast "catfish cops." It's detectives talking about and catching online predators. Good podcast with a lot of scary info! All parents need to listen to it.
This happened to a family member of mine at a sleepover around age 7. I found out many years after the fact, and so much made sense. It makes me angry that a talkative positive little girl suddenly became shy and withdrawn, unwilling to go to friends' houses and with nightly night terrors. Idk how anyone makes peace with it. But you have to turn that anger into love for her.
He has every right to be outraged! I think he should get into some short-term therapy to give him the tools to get through this horrible time. His daughter is in therapy and he should get help too.
Dad of four daughters here (around her age)… this one really got me man. Just want you to know that my heart goes out to you brother and I don’t blame you in the slightest bit for what you’re feeling. May the Lord carry your daughter, your family… and bring justice 🙏🏽
Dr. Delony is a treasure. He is so logical and compassionate. This was probably the hardest call I’ve heard him take and everything he said was just perfect.
I agree. Dr. John Deloney is much more relatable and makes more sense and he comes off as just a real dude that happens to be a psychologist as opposed to Dr. Phil, which could be a bit arrogant and pompous and I only making this comparison because they’re only two famous psychologists, I know of, and yeah I don’t think Dr. Phil would’ve handled this nearly as well not even close
This call has me bawling, I am in tears right now. I have never cried this hard about a parent opening up. I feel the pain and anguish, but I can’t help but also feel admiration for this father being strong enough to get on. 😭💔 I only send my love and support to those affected.
This call reinforces my decision to not let my children participate in sleepovers or go to other kids' home without ME being at the house too. It's sad that I have to be this way, but I know firsthand how grown men prey on children. I may seem overprotective but I don't care because I don't want to ever feel the pain of this dear and loving father.
I agree but also be cautious as it can happen when you're there. Like another caller, the uncle did it while the parents in the house. And from people I know. It's happened in the next room, in the day time. It doesn't take long. It's horrible considering it's people we trust that do these things. It's not strangers.
I'm saying a prayer for God to give this man strength. This is so hard! I am carefully writing this comment because I don't want to encourage anything that would get him in trouble! Awful situation! Lord, please help this family, help them protect their child from further abuse too!
Seemed to be all fine and dandy to the lord while it was happening, if it wasn’t his plan then it wouldn’t have happened, or maybe it was just this “loving free will” I hear so much about, how loving to let a man do that, and to let a little girl experience that……
@@mangastachethat’s not how it works....a little girl getting molested wasn’t part of God’s plan. In the nicest way possible I ask this...who told you God’s ok with stuff like this? Because it’s not in the Bible
@@mangastache If You ever read the Bible, God gave free will to all of His children and gave the 10 commandments too. END OF STORY. EVIL did not come God, sin came from the SNAKE.
*CHILDREN DO NOT NEED SMART PHONES* *THEY DO NOT NEED OR SHOULD HAVE INTERNET ACCESS* *WAKE UP PARENTS* IF YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO CALL YOU GET THEM A *FLIP PHONE* STOP DOING THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN!!!!
@@jaxscales6158 No children dont need it. Maybe they can have some at an appropriate age around 15ish but even then the parents need to teach their children how to use it safely and limit access to it. No 15 year old needs a smart phone. Children DO NOT NEED THE INTERNET.
The profoundly negative ripple effect child sexual abuse has on everyone involved - the victims, their families, their future children, even the family members and friends of predators - it warrants way harsher punishment than what's currently being dished out. Child predators should get life imprisonment or worse.
I don't know if Dr. Delony or Mark will ever see this, but I was diagnosed with PTSD last year. I grew up in an abusive home. My flashbacks ambush me identically to how he described his anger. My flashbacks usually end in me having the same thoughts he has toward the abuser. So I can relate to his troubling thoughts and emotions very well. Yes, I am in therapy. I don't mean to make this about me, just want him and anyone else dealing with this to know you are not alone. Sending all my love to this family. 💜💙
Almost all instances of child molestation can be avoided by having a few rules: No sleepovers PERIOD. No kid ever died from not having or going to a sleepover. No males driving your kids alone anywhere for any reason. No playing over at friends home unless you know parents VERY WELL and mom must be home. No exceptions. We must protect our kids from predators. They are everywhere and respected members of the community. They are Sunday school teachers, priests, Boy Scout leaders, and your neighbors. I know I sound like an alarmist, but your kids are worth it. If someone gets incensed about your rules, there might be a more sinister reason.
Then because my mom knows her brothers “so well” 🙄 (they’re all druggie unemployable creeps) but mostly because I’d already learned to be quiet and dissociate, she sorta believed me but it was easier to not rock the boat, “it’ll kill grandma”, and kept them coming around staying at our house. When the wolf is in the henhouse, having people that close to you can be the thing that makes it impossible for someone to reconcile their network ties with the fact that someone molests kids. I was never safer than when I was far away from my family, physically or psychologically, being free from gaslighting. Parents, mind your siblings, and never think you know someone better than their victim does. That’s all I’m saying.
This smacks of victim blaming. Sure, there are ways you can limit your kid's access to "strangers" or the nebulous category of "men," but what about school? What about the doctor's office? What about kids who are assaulted by other kids? What about family members? I'm not saying that you should ignore a child's safety, but there are plenty of really good, really protective parents whose kids are assaulted.
@@sfgsfhsfh notice I said almost all, not all. Of course you can’t protect your kid every second of the day but my suggestions are a good start. Bottom line is, stop giving people you barely know access to your children.
As someone who was molested that kid is so lucky to have an adult support system my parents didn’t believe me the only person who believed me was my older brother he was 12 he did all he could do and no one faced any consequences for this
Vengeance is the Lord's. Don't do something that could take you out of the equation and leave your girls unprotected and without a defender. God bless your family as you heal through this and if possible to get the law involved do it, so it can be known he is an abuser and face charges.
wait... why are people sending your daughter inappropriate images. SHES ELEVEN. take her phone away. I'd be calling the police about it. going to my cellphone carrier and getting pictures blocked to her phone. WTF. this is why i tell my wife our kids will not have cell phones until they are old enough to drive... but all their friends will have them. great. they can use their phones to get ahold of us.
There's a book called The Shack. The father is dealing with a lot of rage, guilt and grief over losing his daughter to psychopath. There is help for parents to navigate through grief. I am praying for you all as you through this.
Respect to this father for holding the anger he had at bay. His daughter needs him there! I think a lot of fathers would have that abuser buried in their yard, but that could lead the daughter to losing her dad
I found out that this happened to me as a baby... Someone told me was violated before I could even sit up... I was 29, it put SO many of my dad's behaviors when I was growing up into perspective & I love him more for it❤
John is spot on. This man is stuck in shame. The lowest emotion on the vibrational scale. I’ve been there before. It’s a very painful place to be. There is a way to heal and he can get out of this viscous loop. This man is strong and he’s definitely got a big heart. ❤ We need more men like him.
I agree with Dr. John. This is a wonderful dad, his daughter is so blessed to have him. His daughter has someone to defend and protect her and that's so beautiful. There is hope in this situation but it will take time.
Dr John, you are so right advising this amazing Dad that his little girl is no longer hurting. My husband and I went through something similar when our son was only 8 years old. Years later when it was still so raw for me and I was still riddled with guilt that “it happened on my watch”, our son told us that he doesn’t even think about it anymore. Students often surpass their teachers. ❤
My daughter was SA' ed at a public pool by an older child. I had so much guilt about it bc i was there with my kids and i had noticed this older kid hanging around. But i demanded justice for her and we got it and i was the only one whi showed up at sentencing to give a victim impact statement on behalf of her. my ex husband couldnt be bothered with that. So this man's rage is refreshing.
Im obsessed mum who wont allow sleepovers ...for a reason. I work in therapy and i know how often this happens(( and their predators r roaming free ( we need to talk about this more.and put them all in jail.
A U.K. therapist called Sue Parker Hall teaches her theory on the difference between anger and rage. Anger is a response to boundaries being broken and rage is a response to deep trauma. They are different emotions when people think they are different scales of the same emotion. I am so so sorry for this guy and his daughter and their family. I understand totally. Sue Parker Hall was my therapist when I was going through rage trauma. Sue is a phenomenal therapist and has written a book on this topic. I hope this helps anyone experiencing rage 💜💕 This man CAN NOT forgive until he has processed the deep trauma. Please do not suggest someone forgives before they are ready. It could take a longtime for this man to forgive.
Sue also does online therapy, might be good for this guy! She is so so supportive of men too and will understand this man's pain and have very deep compassion for his rage.
Your comment was so interesting to read. Thanks for sharing. I agree about the forgiveness part. Some people are too quick to tell people that but people need time!
Mark as bad as this is,don’t forget to be greatful that you still have your daughter. This man is not yet a murderer. So many children don’t survive their predators.
As a survivor of SA at the hands of my father for 8 yrs of my childhood, sometimes I used to wish I hadn’t survived. I tried to unalive myself 3x in my 20’s, but was unsuccessful. I got therapy, and learned different ways to cope. I do have a great life now, happily married 23 yrs with two children, and would NVR try to unalive myself now. However, as a teenager and a young adult, there were many times I wished I’d nvr survived the abuse. Just being honest.
Your daughter needs to hear your anger. She needs to know that you can't stand what this man did to her and that you fight with wanting to hurt him. She needs to know how protective you feel about her regarding this. You don't need to do it a lot, just a couple of times, but she needs to hear it. It will be healing for her to know how much of a protector you are and how enraged you are that someone hurt her. I was raped when I was five by our next door neighbour but I repressed it and only remembered 50 years later. When I told people, most didn't believe me. No one held me. No one expressed any anger about what happened to me. And I desperately needed all that so much because I was feeling all the 5 year old's pain and need. Please don't tell your daughter you feel guilty - that doesn't help her at all because she will feel she needs to help you, be there for you, and she can't do that at all. Focus on getting the guy to jail and on helping your daughter heal. Get therapy if you need to, but don't talk with her about it. Just be her protector. You don't need to forgive that bastard. On occasions like this forgiveness is not necessary - only if the rage if hurting you. You can feel sorry for this bastard for being so sick, but you never have to forgive him for what he did.
no, the daughter doesn't need to see this anger, at least at this point in her life. It will make the girl feel bad, and that is one less thing she needs to deal with. Eve, Dr. D tells these parents that they need to keep their cool in front of the kids so the children don't assume guilt that isn't theirs to carry. I get that this comment is well intentioned, but it would do much more harm than good.
I was molested by a stranger when I was about age 9. This was about 1970. I told my mom and she called the police. I understand my dad just shut down and didn't discuss it or get involved. He couldn't deal with it I guess. Any way the police decided he was an old man (not that old, he still worked) and he was just "confused." They made him quit his job at the car wash across the street from our house where he molested me. Nothing happened to him. I had gone into the office to buy a candy from the candy machine. He put his hands down my pants. I ran away. It could have been a lot worse.
I'm sorry, I know it makes people feel better to believe in extrajudicial punishment, but it's largely a myth. Yes, no one thinks highly of "chomos" in prison. For that reason, practically all of them will be segregated, either in a single cell where they have zero contact with other inmates or in a special dorm filled with others like them. They're in NO danger. And even if they were put in gen pop, it should be obvious that most people in prison only care about themselves. Inmates are more likely to get violent over some perceived disrespect than have time added to their sentence for punishing another person just because of something they did on the outside. The reason I bring this up is because too many people are content to lie to themselves about karmic justice in prison. Instead, everyone should be protesting the lenient sentences handed to s-x offenders. And know this, considering that the vast majority of r-pes aren't even reported and they're notoriously difficult to prosecute, less than 1% end in a felony conviction. Don't expect any "justice" from the justice system. Period. If you have a young daughter, no man, no matter who he is, should have access to her alone. Ever. That's the best you can do, along with teaching her what to watch out for and how to say no. (Young boys can be at risk too.) I was 14, asleep on the couch, and he was my brother-in-law. It didn't matter that his wife and children were also in the house. It's not all men, but it could be any man. That's why the safest option is simply no men. And I hate that, because I cherish the memories of sleepovers with one of my friends. Her dad was a man I hold in the absolute highest esteem. But I'd never forgive myself if I didn't do absolutely everything within my power to protect my child from that kind of trauma.
Not true anymore. I have a close friend who is in prison here in Texas. He said about 70% of the inmates are pedos and sit around and talk about it. Also, they are protected by the prison system and you get punished severely if you hurt them. So sick.
I got rid of all my tablets and smart phones es for the kids they now have flip phones and use the pc computer on the living room if they need Internet access it makes me furious when I see 8-9 year old kids with iPhones that’s a huge responsibility for a kid
Nailed it, Dr. John. The rage will not protect your family, it will leave your family without it's protector. Whew. Tough. This is why we don't do sleepovers. Period.
Wow… this was powerful on so many levels. My heart goes out to this man. The amount of strength it’s taken to exercise restraint and reach out for help from someone he respects is absolutely incredible ❤
If you want to prevent abuse, have age appropriate and straightforward discussions with your children about body autonomy as early as possible. Don't shy away and shelter them, because it makes it harderI to recognize and go to another you or other trusted adults immediately.
Yup! My 2 young children are not old enough to start school yet and we already taught them the proper name of body parts. Very important! We are very strict and we are always around and present, especially in public and around gatherings.
How is that going to stop an adult from forcing a child. Better yet how is that going to stop a child from freezing if they find themself in this situation
Shrimps, it won't necessarily stop the abuse in all cases. But, if grooming was beginning to take place, it might cause some kids to be able to articulate what is happening. If a kid does get abused, it may at least make them realize they can come forward to their safe family members and say abuse happened
@Shrimps are sea roaches it can help stop it early on. Teaching that something that feels wrong or scary is wrong. Touching those areas are not ok under any circumstance by another adult unless it's supervised in a doctor's office for a procedure or medical reason. Secrets aren't ok, touching there isn't ok. That's a good start. Kids know to shy away from adults who are scary or upsetting. It's better than them being groomed by someone to think it's ok. No means no.
Between the twin tower analogy that hits close to home (narcissistic abuse) and telling this amazing father that his daughter hit the dad ‘jackpot’…😭😭💜
My heart is breaking for this man and his family. I can only imagine what that little girl has went through and continues to go through and as the father of a little girl, the white hot rage this man must be filled with. I hope he found peace, both for his sake and his little girl's. The predator will get his and the police are taking their time because they want to do it by the book and put this scumbag away for a long time, right where he belongs. Again I can't imagine going through this but it would give me a small amount of comfort knowing what child predators go through behind bars.
Man it’s sad how surprising it is to see a Father act the way that he should in this situation. I’m so sorry for any of you out there who went through something like this and didn’t have someone there who cared for you. It takes so much to get through that alone
A dad who is fully present, not at peace with what happened but at peace with what comes next ❤ My god, one of the toughest conversations I’ve ever witnessed. Good on you both. Mark you can do this! I grew to love my dad and be so so proud of him when he emerged from the most toxic rage I grew up with. You can be a hero for your daughters and wife, and I think you know how. All the best to you and your family from Australia.
This man is from Idaho, they just passed a law there that child molesters and rapist can have the death penalty in that state.
Firing squad too.
that and being torn apart by dogs@@ghostrideralex11
There are documented cases of psychologists convincing women that their father has sexualy abused them when he has not. This is not such a simple issue, especially in this day and age where these same health professionals might convince a child they are of a different sex.
I wish I knew the answer, but it is NOT in trusting the current health-care or legal system.
@@kellyinfanger9192I mean, that's extremely rare, assuming that it even still happens at all
@meowy4720 Speaking from first-hand experience here. Then I watched the news, and both California and Washington passed a law that the school system can transition your kid in school and not tell the parent.
Don't hide your head in the sand. It might be rare, but it is happening, and it is tragic for those involved.
Child predators deserve so much worse than what they get
Absolutely, you’re 1000% right.
Most of the time they were molested themselves. And so the cycle continous
Sadly, many never get caught! Especially ones in false religions like the Catholic church, Amish, Mormons. They protect pedos and rapist. One of the reason I call them false because they are not following God's truth by protecting these monsters.
Because the lawmakers and judges are pedos themselves.
Because they take a whole life that isn’t theirs and the child doesn’t die. The heart and soul are so damaged that… i can’t articulate it.
A Dad having righteous anger is what most little girls need to see to feel safe.
🤔🤔
She needs her dad to tell her she is so precious to their family that he feels rage that someone would do inappropriate things to her. He’s sorry that this happened to her. He is working at controlling his feelings, but his daughter can’t see all of that at her age. As someone once said, she is still the same wonderful, precious child that she was before this happened.
It depends. Seeing a parent very upset or angry can also be frightening, and some kids might feel like it's their fault he's angry or upset. Talk to her a bit and make sure she really understands that he's angry that someone hurt her and that _she_ didn't do anything wrong. And make sure that she can see that even though he's angry he's not out of control.
It depends. Many children say they terrified that their dad will do something bad that will result in him going to prison. The last thing a child needs is to lose their mom or dad at a time like this.
@@willieverusethis Exactly.😔
I’ve heard this before and it rings true. “When you give your child access to the internet, you are not giving your child access to the world. You are giving the world access to your child.”
That happens anyway without the internet? If they go out in public and to school, the world is still accessing your kid. If anything, the unmentioned access to the internet just allows your kid to access the world in the safety of your home.
@@Ashbrash1998yeah but there’s not thousands of pedos at school who want to do dirty things to your kids….
@@Ashbrash1998 if your kid is getting inappropriate videos from men while accessing the internet, how would she get that if she wasn’t on the internet? Sometimes kids join chat rooms that are meant for kids and end up being victimized by people who aren’t kids. It’s not a child looking for inappropriate people to relate to.
@@nancyst.john-smith3891That, or they go to adult forums, say they're 18, etc. In which case monitor EVERYTHING they do online if they're doing that.
I was personally targeted as a kid online, I was sent a young boy’s baseball photo. Naively I was infatuated, he was really cute, and I chatted online with this person for months. Only as an adult did I realize that I was being groomed and that I wasn’t talking to the boy in the photo. It literally ruined my childhood. I was alienated from family and friends and suffered in silence. I will never let my kids chat online. They can call their friends using my phone, old school is best.
I think a lot of daughters who experienced abuse would love to have a Dad that cared this much and was this angry. It feels actually really really good to hear that for a lot of us who were ignored dismissed or had a passive or complicit parent.
Completely agree. I know that some parents might think that letting their child see such extreme emotion wouldn't be healthy for them or would exacerbate the situation, but trust me, sometimes that has the opposite effect than the one intended and can come across as uncaring. Some situations call for the expression of rage, and this is one of them.
"For a lot of us...." I'm sorry for what happened. This shouldn't have to happen to anyone.
Sometimes the parent doesn’t know how to react or help
Absolutely. I love my dad, but I wish he had this reaction. Not that I would want him to suffer like this, but just to know it at least bothers him, you know? 😔
He probably thinks it's his fault and blames himself for not protecting her and it's not even his fault. Then his daughter probably thinks she did something wrong. These predators are so sick.
If you hurt him two things will happen. 1. You will go to jail. 2. Your daughter will forever believe it is her fault. Turn that rage into love for her, and focus on helping her heal.
If you actually think you always go to jail for hurting chomos you should think again
@@victorygarden556so true, zero percent chance of guilty verdict if I’m on that jury.
@@Eric-oj5sj Maybe the rage this dad feels (if he acts on it) is nature's way getting rid of the sick perverts out there....
@@5117danielle totally agree, and look at what just happened in Texas they didn’t even prosecute the dude who beat the chomo to death
@@5117danielle 100%
I understand why my parents were very strict and cautious. No sleepovers no matter what. Not even in close family member's homes. Unfortunately perverted scumbags are everywhere.
This is exactly what I decided to do when I became a first time mom three years ago. There will be no sleepovers at our place or someone else’s place. We have decided that we will explain to our son when it’s age appropriate.
And usually someone you know.
Same over here. No sleepovers even with family members. Rape in our family has occured and that was something I decided as a teenager aftet I found out.
This happened in my family sadly.
My parents made the same rule. They paid us $20 every time we were invited to a sleepover. It was great! If it was a big birthday party, they let us go until it was about 9:30 then they’d come get me. It kept us from feeling like we had to miss out
My dad was my abuser between 3-5. Mo mom found out and we left and she divorced him.
This father made my cry because I realized this is a father who loves his daughter and cares so much about the pain she suffered. 💜
God bless you sister. You're precious and made in the image of God. I pray you were able to heal as best you could and that God will do the rest. Thank you for sharing,
My father did the same to me. I was so young I don't even know when it started. But just like you as soon as my mother discovered it, she left immediately.
People have no idea how common this is, especially amongst family members. I'm so sorry for your experience and I wish you nothing but healing and love ❤️
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I hope you find healing from this trauma.
I am so sorry, Paula.
Psalm 27 v 10 ❤
I don't even have kids, and this was still the toughest call to listen to on this show. This man's anguish hits you like a ton of bricks.
I cried when he talked about seeing the abuser life burn!! I felt him say that deep in my soul!! I wish that monster would burn..all child abusers should BURN!!
Thanks for saying this. It means you’re a good person. You don’t have to have kids to feel how horrible this is. You’re the kind of person that inspires hope in the human race and that’s what we need after listening to this.
@@michellesimonds7723😊😊😊😊😊😊
@@michellesimonds7723I was going to say something along these lines. Shows he has empathy, which is a beautiful thing to have.
“She was 11 at a time”…….my heart breaks into million pieces…
I was 11 years old when it happened to me. It destroyed me. I told my mom, and she didn't want me to tell anybody. She didn't want any trouble. I never had therapy. I never married for a lack of being able to have a long-term relationship. My self-esteem is so low. I look forward to this life being over and heaven being the place where I am healed.
@@SUZANNECARPENTER-ou3je 😢 Praying for you
@@SUZANNECARPENTER-ou3je I am so sorry ❤ You deserve to find some healing and enjoy the rest of your life. Wishing you the best.
@Laura-qy7rc Somehow, talking or writing about it brings the vivid memories back and the tears. Afterward, I spent t time in prayer. Thank you, and your players are so appreciated.
@@SUZANNECARPENTER-ou3jesame story 🫂 I Hope you find the help you need
My daughters will just have to be mad at me when I say no sleepovers 🤷🏽♀️ I hear these stories waaay too much I just don't trust people
teach them very early that their bodies is their and theirs alone.
Nope, the chance you daughters will be abused is low teach them about consent and privates from a young age. Not allowing sleepovers will do undue isolation to your kid
@@Sebster-jg1bdThe child will not be isolated if they don't stay over.
Just explain it when they're 7,8,9 that some men are dangerous
I only have sons and same rule for them. Predators love boys just as much. It’s horrible
Get her offline ASAP. She needs time to recover and develop without perverts online getting at her. It is essential to do this. It is not a human right to be online. I cant imagine how you must feel. Sending love and healing ❤
Amen. Start to do things as a family to get you all offline and focused on the present.
Why is the daughter behaving like a thot online in the first place…
I disagree. I totally get where you’re coming from however this could come off to her as a punishment. She’ll feel that even though she’s the victim she’s being punished for what a disgusting predator did.
@@tigernotwoods914 sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Let her feel like a punishment. Rather that than have her childhood destroyed further by sexual abuse.
@carriefinding40 All we'd be doing otherwise is feeding them to the wolves and blaming them for having to learn the hard way.
She can watch DVD's in her room or something, computer games on a computer that can't access the internet, those handheld game things like Nintendo, the normal TV stations on a satellite TV. There's plenty of other options.
This father is not any more culpable than the girl who was molested. They are both victims.
Men have a responsibility to be cautious. It's something we bear whether we like it or not
Talking to 2 coworkers about SA today, turns out both girls were assaulted as children and to my horror NEITHER girls parents BELIEVED them. The damage I see on these adults is staggering 💔 Disgrace isnt the word 😡
I will never be able to understand why parents do not believe their children. What does a child know about sex acts? How could they make that up? It’s mind boggling.
@@Suzette-gb7ujA lot of parents actively hate and resent their daughters for existing as female.
@meowy4720 that makes me incredibly sad. My parents loved me, they loved all their children. We were well cared for, and loved. Some people should never be parents.
@@meowy4720 I don't think that's how that works. Because if parents resent their daughters for being themselves, then that says a lot about them as people. Secondly, the good men who are fathers would be overly protective of their children, more so their daughters.
I found out my friend was “graped” and what haunts me is how her parents didn’t believe her.. i know she’s traumatized and me too.. as a mother.. im afraid
My parents never allowed me to sleepovers. I hated it, but now as an adult I am so thankful for that! No sleepovers for my kids either. They’ll be just fine.
Mark's wife told at her telephone call that they didn't allow sleepovers also. :(
I started crying when you said "your daughter experienced evil." So simple put and so true.
we need to bring back Public punishing for these type of people who hurt kids
woodchippers
And then the problem never gets solved, we don’t need more violence, we need men to wake up to the reality of the problems with their gender in society and hold each other accountable. But first, men need to accept that they are a problem!
@@hotflapjacksmcboogle-jd7fractually though 👍
Yep
I love this poor caller. He’s hurting so deeply!😢
I was sexually assaulted and molested at age 15 by a JROTC instructor and his wife. I was in an abusive home with mental and emotional abuse so I was an easy target because I wanted so badly for someone to rescue me. Over the years I was called a liar when I told someone because he was "such a good man to help the teens get some discipline in their lives." He and his wife are long dead, but even at my recent high school reunion someone bought it up and asked why I lied. I simply said it was the truth, my me too moment, and had to leave.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I pray for your healing.
OMG. No. I'm truly sorry.
I’m sorry you went thought this 😔
That's sad. I just saw a movie on Lifetime about that where a lady was being raped by her grandmother and her husband or son not sure who the guy was so she was not only dealing with that but some rapist saw her and held her captive. The ending was great though. It's a true story though. Watched the crime video and the Lifetime movie and both were so good they really give you hope. She said the same thing though, "He will show you how to be a real woman." So sick. And she also went through the "no one believes me" and it took one courageous cop to help her through it. Also it's rude for someone to bring up what happened to you how sad.
I’m sorry 😢
I have no children. This makes me seethe with rage. Makes me want to offer to handle it for them.
Same. Hard to hear, even if you’re not a parent. So sad for this fallen world.
If only the world worked like that. I'd be right there with you
Problem is usually motive and physical evidence. Without 1 or the other, most assaults and murders go unsolved.
The issue becomes that those you should deal with, you have motive to deal with. But a great friend with a righteous justification is hard to pin motive on. Especially a friend you aren't deeply connected with, maybe just a dude who shows up and spars from time to time. No text, no calls, can't even remember his last name, seemed like a great dude though, type of guy. 🤷♂️
This was a good father who truly cares so much about his daughters, how awesome to hear! My father was my molester, my own mother protected my dad my whole life, I’m 65, and haven’t been able to function well my whole life! Had 3 break downs. So hats off to this great father who truly loves his daughter.
Same here, Barbara. It's just astounding that family members will side with the abuser and blame the innocent children. I'm 56 and, like you, have struggled to function my entire life. This girl really lucked out to have a dad who cares about her.
I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm sorry you had shi%&% parents . Stay strong
Same and my grandmother (his mother) saw it happening and did nothing to help me. I even begged her to take me to my aunt's house because I didn't know how to get there and she would always say "next weekend" and never took me. I didn't realize until I was an adult that she knew and did nothing. I cut off contact with both of them over 30 years ago. It ruined my life or the life I should have had.
@@V.E.R.O. I really hate that people tend to have more anger toward women who don’t know how to deal with the situation than toward the man who is actually committing the abuse. Why are women held to a higher standard automatically?
I’m so sorry, Ms. Barbara.
All the children should listen to this video to understand why parents are strict.
Its something that alot of teens these days do understand, I think we have the mentality of 'if something bad finds a way why not live my life' my mom is strict, very strict. But my molester was her nephew, someone she practically raised. It opened a door to other times for me, it still just happened. I'm seventeen and as much as I'm paranoid, always on guard, and carrying self defense around I can never stop living my life how I want when I thought for so long it had already been taken from me.
As a survivor I'm SO SORRY this happened to you 🙏🙏🙏💔🫂🫂
Be careful though, because it's so easy for the kids of strict parents to get into danger due to being afraid they'll get in trouble for disobeying an adult, or be afraid to tell their parents about something that made them uncomfortable or unsafe because they think their parents will be mad at them for doing something wrong.
Two of the most important things kids need to be safe are 1) knowing they're allowed to say no to an authority figure if they feel uncomfortable or unsafe and 2) being able to tell their parents about embarassing or confusing things, including if they're afraid they did something wrong.
His daughter is blessed to have a father like him, when I told my parents at 8 that someone had been sexually abusing me they let the person go unscathed and told me to forget about it and not speak a word of it. When your parents fail to defend you and protect you after the fact, it is waaay more traumatic because you’ll never feel safe again.
You can do everything in your power to protect your kids from something like that but sometimes it is out of your hands, but what you can 100% control is how you react after it happens and how you protect your kid from the aftermath.
Call the authorities and have that predator arrested
Not everyone needs to be forgiven.
I hear you. In this case the forgiveness is for the grieving father, it’ll help and heal him.
Everyone does, but I understand your sentiment. Forgiveness doesn't take away what happened. But Forgiveness is part of healing, part of moving forward, part of love
@@John.Christopher depends on what it is.
A person Forgives so THEY can let go and MOVE FORWARD; IT unburdens Your HEART and SOUL !!!
Rapists were stoned by the community in Bible times. This is why.
Ironic considering Christians would be most of the peoeple getting stoned these days.
how many of them do you think we're innocent? Grow up. There is a reason justice is blind.
They also stoned children who disobeyed their parents. When you’re trying to convey logic, don’t use the Bible.
only if the man didn't marry them.... and it was the GIRL who was stoned. Still is like that in the Islamic world.
Be very careful what you wish for,
SA was a property crime in those days. They took it seriously for that reason
You just saved this man’s life. Good job.
when i was younger i hated how strict my parents were and how they didn’t let me do anything without strict parameters but know as an adult i get it. I’m so grateful for this now.
Absolutely! Our now adult kids have thanked us for having boundaries, for not giving in & letting them have access to the things their peers had & got to do. They now recognize the safety we provided for them, & the situations they were able to avoid that have ensnared many of their peers.
That was a sobering & gratifying moment as a mother.
And they now have the desire to provide our grandchildren with the same safety. 🩵
I don't have kids, I'm only 18, but this was like a bullet to the chest. If someone did this to one of my little sisters I don't know if I could control myself. I want to keep becoming the kind of man this dad is. Me and my siblings are so lucky to have a dad like we do, just like this girl is lucky to have a dad like this guy, and I really want to be that kind of dad and person someday too. Why are some people so disgustingly evil?
Because life is a test that never stops. The insecure kid in class who now grows and realizes he can overpower children? That's a temptation he didn't have when he was younger. People choose evil when they feel they can get away with it. That's why it takes good, strong, moral men and women to fight and protect everyone and hold others accountable. Otherwise we'd be living just like human animals rather than socially disciplined people.
@@UndomaranelAs an insecure kid in class, from my perspective, you are worse than the child molester In this video with what you just said.
Sounds like you are a great young Man who was raised well!
So that you become the best Dad ever.
As a victim of child abuse.
You can tell your daughter how angry you are, but be very careful, that you are not making your daughter feel guilty for what happened, making you feel sad and angry.
Make her feel like she is not damaged or less than she was because of what happened.
Your daughter probably feels shame, feels like this has destroyed her happy family. Your wife and you need to work together to ensure that this doesn't destroy the family.
You all need councilling.
I was inappropriately touched at 11yrs old by my neighbor. I immediately ran home and told my mother and she said do NOT tell your father because he will kill him so just stay away from the man. I did as she said. As an adult now I wonder if that was the right thing to do. How many victims before and after my sa?
and how would you feel if you at that age lost your father since he went to jail and your family had to go to court etc? its a lose lose situation.
@dareal5401 this places blame on her. They should have spoken up..
I'm sorry, Maggie. Me, too.
I didn't tell my mom because I knew that she'd tell my dad. I knew that my dad would either have beat the sh*t out of, or killed the neighbor. The grooming and inappropriate behavior by this @-hole went on for over two years. His wife & my mom were friends and I had to babysit their kids. I was a pretty cagey kid, so the absolute worst never happened, but I also never felt safe at home or out in the world. If something scary happened out in the world, I couldn't share that with my parents because my dad's actions would have left us in a very insecure situation. The absolute best thing that parents can do is to make it safe for their kids to ask for help without fear, trusting that their parents will make good decisions to protect and to help them. I hope that you have been able to heal, sister. Be well.
Exactly!!!
@@dareal5401i hope you don't have kids
I have an 8 year old daughter and this is one of my biggest fears
I have 3 beautiful young daughters that are the love of my life. I don't know I could handle this, without them paying the price. To go thru a trial and see them get off on a technicality would kill me.
@@keithchamberlain880 You are an awsome father. I wish I could have had one like you.
Talk to her encourage her to listen to her instincts
Do not let her stop over without you xx. Keep safe xx
Mark, please remember, your daughter is safe with you. You have saved her and will continue to save her from years of future abuse. Well done.
Just want to remind people of jury nullification. If youre on a jury of a case where a predator was attacked for what they did, and they are prosecuting the attacker, you can set them free, regardless of the law. The law wont give predators what they deserve like this dad could.
This is why I don’t let my children go anywhere where I’m not right there with them. Not even to family’s homes.
100% some people think I'm weird for it bit it's reality.
There is a wing of the maximum security jail that i worked that housed over 300 inmates convicted of sex crimes, mostly lewd and lascivious conduct against children. It pained me to know that for everyone of these pieces of garbage, there were children, parents and families that will be forever affected. 💔
Imagine the many more that didn't come forward and press charges.
Listening to this father and looking at my baby girl sleeping made me cry. I can feel his rage and pain. I hope their family can heal from this.
My heart goes out to this man. When I told my older brother I had been molested at 11 (years later...I simply couldnt tell anyone), trying to explain anxieties Ive had, he cried his guts out and said he would have killed the guy. I felt so bad telling my brother bx he felt so helpless.
This gentleman, needs to grieve and grieve hard. He needs a ton of support. Praying!!!
For legal sake… “‘cuz then my family loses me.”
The wisdom is there with the rage. Thank God for the wisdom to turn from this understandable temptation.
Not only that, but he knew that he needed to find a way to balance his own emotions so they wouldn't make things harder on his family BUT without ignoring them. Mad props to this dad, that is ridiculously hard to do when you are having a visceral reaction to someone seriously harming your loved one(s). Incredibly hard.
John is a smart an sophisticated human
This was a hard, hard call for so many obvious reasons. As a child who was molested as a young child by a neighbor and supposed friend of the family, pursuing this through the law and supporting your daughter has the potential to heal your daughter. My parents did the best they could but ultimately chose the friendship over taking action which created a lifetime of issues I only rooted out with the help of a therapist over 60 years later. Praying for your daughter and you and your wife. Stay strong together.
I am so sorry that happened to you. You deserved guidance and justice.
Julie, I'm so sorry. It's infuriating to read that your parents chose the friendship over their child. Respectfully, that is not the best they could do.
I was molested from 6-8. I wasn't given that help either, im 36 now and have been in thereapy the last 10 years and still am working through it. The molestation has impacted so many aspects of my life. I couldn't agree more with what you said Julie
I am so sorry. Recently I stopped a close friendship and protected my child for a similar reason. It was no question for me which side to chose. Your parents should have felt the same way. You're precious.
I’m so sorry but your parents didn’t do their best if they chose that animal over you. You don’t need to try to rationalize their failures.
I hate this world for how unrare this situation is
This... 😢
I cannot stress enough how good Dr delony is. Thank you and I wish mark and his daughter will heal from this tragedy
Wow. This was tough.
I have a 13 year old daughter, terrifying.
I am a police officer and have dealt with these matters many times.
As horrible as this has been to listen to, it has been very useful to me so maybe now I can be better and help other officers to understand so we can help other parents.
Also, I see how I can apply where the anger towards another comes from my own guilt and shame from a personal area of my own life.
My heart goes out to this man and his family, this has been an amazing call. Dr D has earned his money in this one.
I suggest listening to the podcast "catfish cops." It's detectives talking about and catching online predators. Good podcast with a lot of scary info! All parents need to listen to it.
This one made me cry, hearing him tear up. I hope him and his family finds peace.
I don't think we've ever had a wife call, then the husband call. Hearing both sides is crazy!
I think more people should do this.
Next show we do it’s the womens husband struggling with suicide.
Do you have the link to the wife's call?
@@teekaybe4016 it won’t let me link it but it’s called my husband is suicidal how do I help him? It’s very recent on this channel like 4 days ago.
@@flashthecorgi2053 thank you
Wish I had a dad like that. Bless him
This happened to a family member of mine at a sleepover around age 7. I found out many years after the fact, and so much made sense. It makes me angry that a talkative positive little girl suddenly became shy and withdrawn, unwilling to go to friends' houses and with nightly night terrors. Idk how anyone makes peace with it. But you have to turn that anger into love for her.
He has every right to be outraged! I think he should get into some short-term therapy to give him the tools to get through this horrible time. His daughter is in therapy and he should get help too.
This is my single biggest fear as a father of a 6 yo daughter. I am scared of what I would do to anyone who ever hurt my daughter. Scary stuff
This dad is way stronger than I am, I would’ve went to prison….real quick
I can understand this man's rage against the predator who ruined his child's life. I would feel the same.
Dad of four daughters here (around her age)… this one really got me man. Just want you to know that my heart goes out to you brother and I don’t blame you in the slightest bit for what you’re feeling. May the Lord carry your daughter, your family… and bring justice 🙏🏽
“You’re trapped in an imaginary failure” strong stuff there
Dr. Delony is a treasure. He is so logical and compassionate. This was probably the hardest call I’ve heard him take and everything he said was just perfect.
I agree. Dr. John Deloney is much more relatable and makes more sense and he comes off as just a real dude that happens to be a psychologist as opposed to Dr. Phil, which could be a bit arrogant and pompous and I only making this comparison because they’re only two famous psychologists, I know of, and yeah I don’t think Dr. Phil would’ve handled this nearly as well not even close
This call has me bawling, I am in tears right now. I have never cried this hard about a parent opening up. I feel the pain and anguish, but I can’t help but also feel admiration for this father being strong enough to get on. 😭💔 I only send my love and support to those affected.
It happens more than anyone realizes.
Yes. Our society prefers to ignore this truth. Which only enables and perpetuates it.
TRUE !!!
I am confident this dad should report this to the police asap.
This call reinforces my decision to not let my children participate in sleepovers or go to other kids' home without ME being at the house too. It's sad that I have to be this way, but I know firsthand how grown men prey on children. I may seem overprotective but I don't care because I don't want to ever feel the pain of this dear and loving father.
Grown women can cause harm to our kids just as much as men. No one is to be trusted
I agree but also be cautious as it can happen when you're there. Like another caller, the uncle did it while the parents in the house. And from people I know. It's happened in the next room, in the day time. It doesn't take long. It's horrible considering it's people we trust that do these things. It's not strangers.
I'm saying a prayer for God to give this man strength. This is so hard! I am carefully writing this comment because I don't want to encourage anything that would get him in trouble! Awful situation! Lord, please help this family, help them protect their child from further abuse too!
Seemed to be all fine and dandy to the lord while it was happening, if it wasn’t his plan then it wouldn’t have happened, or maybe it was just this “loving free will” I hear so much about, how loving to let a man do that, and to let a little girl experience that……
@@mangastachethat’s not how it works....a little girl getting molested wasn’t part of God’s plan. In the nicest way possible I ask this...who told you God’s ok with stuff like this? Because it’s not in the Bible
@@mangastache If You ever read the Bible, God gave free will to all of His children and gave the 10 commandments too. END OF STORY. EVIL did not come God, sin came from the SNAKE.
@@robertameuchel4786 Isaiah 45:7
This is tough to watch. I’ll be praying for you and your family.
*CHILDREN DO NOT NEED SMART PHONES*
*THEY DO NOT NEED OR SHOULD HAVE INTERNET ACCESS*
*WAKE UP PARENTS*
IF YOUR CHILD NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO CALL YOU GET THEM A *FLIP PHONE*
STOP DOING THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN!!!!
There were child molesters way before the internet and phones.
Agree!!
They don’t need internet access? So you’d rather them be completely shut off from the world and never be allowed to use the internet? Wow
@@jaxscales6158 No children dont need it. Maybe they can have some at an appropriate age around 15ish but even then the parents need to teach their children how to use it safely and limit access to it. No 15 year old needs a smart phone.
Children DO NOT NEED THE INTERNET.
Supervised use of the computer only.
The profoundly negative ripple effect child sexual abuse has on everyone involved - the victims, their families, their future children, even the family members and friends of predators - it warrants way harsher punishment than what's currently being dished out. Child predators should get life imprisonment or worse.
Your family needs you. Do not let that anger and rage take you away from your family. Do not act on it.
Im listening to this crying because I can't imagine my parents taking up for me this way. This angry dad makes me feel protected.
So proud of the dad for calling in. This is extremely tough.
My heart goes out to this man's whole family. You can just hear the shear pain he's in.. I hope he and his family are doing better now.
I don't know if Dr. Delony or Mark will ever see this, but I was diagnosed with PTSD last year. I grew up in an abusive home. My flashbacks ambush me identically to how he described his anger. My flashbacks usually end in me having the same thoughts he has toward the abuser. So I can relate to his troubling thoughts and emotions very well. Yes, I am in therapy. I don't mean to make this about me, just want him and anyone else dealing with this to know you are not alone. Sending all my love to this family. 💜💙
as a father of 2 daughters, i feel for this dad. i don't know how i would react.
Almost all instances of child molestation can be avoided by having a few rules:
No sleepovers PERIOD. No kid ever died from not having or going to a sleepover.
No males driving your kids alone anywhere for any reason.
No playing over at friends home unless you know parents VERY WELL and mom must be home. No exceptions. We must protect our kids from predators. They are everywhere and respected members of the community. They are Sunday school teachers, priests, Boy Scout leaders, and your neighbors.
I know I sound like an alarmist, but your kids are worth it. If someone gets incensed about your rules, there might be a more sinister reason.
Then because my mom knows her brothers “so well” 🙄 (they’re all druggie unemployable creeps) but mostly because I’d already learned to be quiet and dissociate, she sorta believed me but it was easier to not rock the boat, “it’ll kill grandma”, and kept them coming around staying at our house.
When the wolf is in the henhouse, having people that close to you can be the thing that makes it impossible for someone to reconcile their network ties with the fact that someone molests kids.
I was never safer than when I was far away from my family, physically or psychologically, being free from gaslighting.
Parents, mind your siblings, and never think you know someone better than their victim does. That’s all I’m saying.
NO church camps!
This smacks of victim blaming. Sure, there are ways you can limit your kid's access to "strangers" or the nebulous category of "men," but what about school? What about the doctor's office? What about kids who are assaulted by other kids? What about family members? I'm not saying that you should ignore a child's safety, but there are plenty of really good, really protective parents whose kids are assaulted.
@@sfgsfhsfh notice I said almost all, not all. Of course you can’t protect your kid every second of the day but my suggestions are a good start. Bottom line is, stop giving people you barely know access to your children.
woah woah, mom? the mother could be the abuser and the dad could be the saving grace in some situations
As someone who was molested that kid is so lucky to have an adult support system my parents didn’t believe me the only person who believed me was my older brother he was 12 he did all he could do and no one faced any consequences for this
Thank God for your older brother. So sorry you Weren’t believed by your parents.
It astonishes me how perfect Dr. John deals with every call in, no matter who or what.
Vengeance is the Lord's. Don't do something that could take you out of the equation and leave your girls unprotected and without a defender. God bless your family as you heal through this and if possible to get the law involved do it, so it can be known he is an abuser and face charges.
wait... why are people sending your daughter inappropriate images. SHES ELEVEN. take her phone away. I'd be calling the police about it. going to my cellphone carrier and getting pictures blocked to her phone. WTF. this is why i tell my wife our kids will not have cell phones until they are old enough to drive...
but all their friends will have them. great. they can use their phones to get ahold of us.
Justice deferred is not justice denied! Praying for peace, wisdom, & healing for all of our families who suffer in silence.
There's a book called The Shack. The father is dealing with a lot of rage, guilt and grief over losing his daughter to psychopath. There is help for parents to navigate through grief. I am praying for you all as you through this.
Respect to this father for holding the anger he had at bay. His daughter needs him there! I think a lot of fathers would have that abuser buried in their yard, but that could lead the daughter to losing her dad
I found out that this happened to me as a baby... Someone told me was violated before I could even sit up... I was 29, it put SO many of my dad's behaviors when I was growing up into perspective & I love him more for it❤
John is spot on. This man is stuck in shame. The lowest emotion on the vibrational scale. I’ve been there before. It’s a very painful place to be. There is a way to heal and he can get out of this viscous loop. This man is strong and he’s definitely got a big heart. ❤ We need more men like him.
I agree with Dr. John. This is a wonderful dad, his daughter is so blessed to have him. His daughter has someone to defend and protect her and that's so beautiful. There is hope in this situation but it will take time.
Dr John, you are so right advising this amazing Dad that his little girl is no longer hurting. My husband and I went through something similar when our son was only 8 years old. Years later when it was still so raw for me and I was still riddled with guilt that “it happened on my watch”, our son told us that he doesn’t even think about it anymore. Students often surpass their teachers. ❤
My daughter was SA' ed at a public pool by an older child. I had so much guilt about it bc i was there with my kids and i had noticed this older kid hanging around. But i demanded justice for her and we got it and i was the only one whi showed up at sentencing to give a victim impact statement on behalf of her. my ex husband couldnt be bothered with that. So this man's rage is refreshing.
Im obsessed mum who wont allow sleepovers ...for a reason. I work in therapy and i know how often this happens(( and their predators r roaming free ( we need to talk about this more.and put them all in jail.
A U.K. therapist called Sue Parker Hall teaches her theory on the difference between anger and rage. Anger is a response to boundaries being broken and rage is a response to deep trauma. They are different emotions when people think they are different scales of the same emotion. I am so so sorry for this guy and his daughter and their family. I understand totally. Sue Parker Hall was my therapist when I was going through rage trauma. Sue is a phenomenal therapist and has written a book on this topic. I hope this helps anyone experiencing rage 💜💕
This man CAN NOT forgive until he has processed the deep trauma. Please do not suggest someone forgives before they are ready. It could take a longtime for this man to forgive.
Sue also does online therapy, might be good for this guy! She is so so supportive of men too and will understand this man's pain and have very deep compassion for his rage.
Your comment was so interesting to read. Thanks for sharing. I agree about the forgiveness part. Some people are too quick to tell people that but people need time!
Mark as bad as this is,don’t forget to be greatful that you still have your daughter. This man is not yet a murderer. So many children don’t survive their predators.
As a survivor of SA at the hands of my father for 8 yrs of my childhood, sometimes I used to wish I hadn’t survived. I tried to unalive myself 3x in my 20’s, but was unsuccessful. I got therapy, and learned different ways to cope. I do have a great life now, happily married 23 yrs with two children, and would NVR try to unalive myself now. However, as a teenager and a young adult, there were many times I wished I’d nvr survived the abuse. Just being honest.
Your daughter needs to hear your anger. She needs to know that you can't stand what this man did to her and that you fight with wanting to hurt him. She needs to know how protective you feel about her regarding this. You don't need to do it a lot, just a couple of times, but she needs to hear it. It will be healing for her to know how much of a protector you are and how enraged you are that someone hurt her. I was raped when I was five by our next door neighbour but I repressed it and only remembered 50 years later. When I told people, most didn't believe me. No one held me. No one expressed any anger about what happened to me. And I desperately needed all that so much because I was feeling all the 5 year old's pain and need. Please don't tell your daughter you feel guilty - that doesn't help her at all because she will feel she needs to help you, be there for you, and she can't do that at all. Focus on getting the guy to jail and on helping your daughter heal. Get therapy if you need to, but don't talk with her about it. Just be her protector. You don't need to forgive that bastard. On occasions like this forgiveness is not necessary - only if the rage if hurting you. You can feel sorry for this bastard for being so sick, but you never have to forgive him for what he did.
So true, man, so true. At least his daughter knows that her dad is in pain with her. He shares her pain. So she doesn’t feel alone.
no, the daughter doesn't need to see this anger, at least at this point in her life. It will make the girl feel bad, and that is one less thing she needs to deal with. Eve, Dr. D tells these parents that they need to keep their cool in front of the kids so the children don't assume guilt that isn't theirs to carry.
I get that this comment is well intentioned, but it would do much more harm than good.
I was molested by a stranger when I was about age 9. This was about 1970. I told my mom and she called the police. I understand my dad just shut down and didn't discuss it or get involved. He couldn't deal with it I guess. Any way the police decided he was an old man (not that old, he still worked) and he was just "confused." They made him quit his job at the car wash across the street from our house where he molested me. Nothing happened to him. I had gone into the office to buy a candy from the candy machine. He put his hands down my pants. I ran away. It could have been a lot worse.
He wasnt confused. Omg im so sorry xx
Once he’s in prison a tip to other inmates should take care of the problem (hypothetically speaking).
only thing i agree with in the prisoner justice system they HATE child abusers.
I'm sorry, I know it makes people feel better to believe in extrajudicial punishment, but it's largely a myth. Yes, no one thinks highly of "chomos" in prison. For that reason, practically all of them will be segregated, either in a single cell where they have zero contact with other inmates or in a special dorm filled with others like them. They're in NO danger. And even if they were put in gen pop, it should be obvious that most people in prison only care about themselves. Inmates are more likely to get violent over some perceived disrespect than have time added to their sentence for punishing another person just because of something they did on the outside.
The reason I bring this up is because too many people are content to lie to themselves about karmic justice in prison. Instead, everyone should be protesting the lenient sentences handed to s-x offenders. And know this, considering that the vast majority of r-pes aren't even reported and they're notoriously difficult to prosecute, less than 1% end in a felony conviction. Don't expect any "justice" from the justice system. Period. If you have a young daughter, no man, no matter who he is, should have access to her alone. Ever. That's the best you can do, along with teaching her what to watch out for and how to say no. (Young boys can be at risk too.)
I was 14, asleep on the couch, and he was my brother-in-law. It didn't matter that his wife and children were also in the house. It's not all men, but it could be any man. That's why the safest option is simply no men. And I hate that, because I cherish the memories of sleepovers with one of my friends. Her dad was a man I hold in the absolute highest esteem. But I'd never forgive myself if I didn't do absolutely everything within my power to protect my child from that kind of trauma.
Not true anymore. I have a close friend who is in prison here in Texas. He said about 70% of the inmates are pedos and sit around and talk about it. Also, they are protected by the prison system and you get punished severely if you hurt them. So sick.
So sorry my friend. You are a good daddy. And she will make it.
I got rid of all my tablets and smart phones es for the kids they now have flip phones and use the pc computer on the living room if they need Internet access it makes me furious when I see 8-9 year old kids with iPhones that’s a huge responsibility for a kid
Good for you! Even adults can't handle those dopamin delivery systems, what do we want from kids- their brain is immature
8-9 yr olds? How about babies I see with the parents’ cell phones. I don’t get it 🤦🏽♀️
@@ldv02 I talking about 8-9 year olds with thier own line and phone 24/7 access to bangbros and Pornhub or worse Facebook instagram and twitter
This is a fantastic idea.
I agree. It starts with babies. You see them in store on the parent's cellphone.
Nailed it, Dr. John. The rage will not protect your family, it will leave your family without it's protector. Whew.
Tough.
This is why we don't do sleepovers. Period.
I respect this caller so much and my heart goes out to him and his family. I really hope he knows his wife and daughters are so blessed to have him
Wow… this was powerful on so many levels. My heart goes out to this man. The amount of strength it’s taken to exercise restraint and reach out for help from someone he respects is absolutely incredible ❤
Yup, I would be in prison….real quick
This made me weep. Such a powerful conversation between two thoughtful men.
If you want to prevent abuse, have age appropriate and straightforward discussions with your children about body autonomy as early as possible. Don't shy away and shelter them, because it makes it harderI to recognize and go to another you or other trusted adults immediately.
Yup! My 2 young children are not old enough to start school yet and we already taught them the proper name of body parts. Very important! We are very strict and we are always around and present, especially in public and around gatherings.
Agree!
How is that going to stop an adult from forcing a child. Better yet how is that going to stop a child from freezing if they find themself in this situation
Shrimps, it won't necessarily stop the abuse in all cases. But, if grooming was beginning to take place, it might cause some kids to be able to articulate what is happening. If a kid does get abused, it may at least make them realize they can come forward to their safe family members and say abuse happened
@Shrimps are sea roaches it can help stop it early on. Teaching that something that feels wrong or scary is wrong. Touching those areas are not ok under any circumstance by another adult unless it's supervised in a doctor's office for a procedure or medical reason. Secrets aren't ok, touching there isn't ok. That's a good start. Kids know to shy away from adults who are scary or upsetting. It's better than them being groomed by someone to think it's ok. No means no.
Between the twin tower analogy that hits close to home (narcissistic abuse) and telling this amazing father that his daughter hit the dad ‘jackpot’…😭😭💜
My heart is breaking for this man and his family. I can only imagine what that little girl has went through and continues to go through and as the father of a little girl, the white hot rage this man must be filled with. I hope he found peace, both for his sake and his little girl's. The predator will get his and the police are taking their time because they want to do it by the book and put this scumbag away for a long time, right where he belongs. Again I can't imagine going through this but it would give me a small amount of comfort knowing what child predators go through behind bars.
Amazing response to such a hard call. Respect to the host and the father
Man it’s sad how surprising it is to see a Father act the way that he should in this situation. I’m so sorry for any of you out there who went through something like this and didn’t have someone there who cared for you. It takes so much to get through that alone
Hearing his voice break in the beginning just felt like a stab to the chest. I felt his pain and anger.
A dad who is fully present, not at peace with what happened but at peace with what comes next ❤
My god, one of the toughest conversations I’ve ever witnessed. Good on you both. Mark you can do this!
I grew to love my dad and be so so proud of him when he emerged from the most toxic rage I grew up with.
You can be a hero for your daughters and wife, and I think you know how. All the best to you and your family from Australia.
I can hear the crippling hate in his voice and I don’t blame him. It’s a kind of hate that’s more violent than the suns fusion.