My therapist said that kids don't want perfect parents, they want parents who own up to their mistakes and model healthy relationships. It made sense why my wonderful children say, "You're an awesome mom!" ❤️❤️❤️
Yes. My main issue/problem/resentment of my mom is that nothing she ever did was wrong. Plus she always turned it around to me for not forgiving her (but not admitting she was wrong, just that I need to let it go). A lot would change if she would just say I screwed up.
Yes! I'm 33 and only now is my mother starting to admit to her (quite dangerous) mistakes with raising me and my siblings. I don't resent her for those mistakes, I resent her for pretending that none of that shit ever happened.
@@alias201 I’m 47. And I’m at the point in my life where I’ve accepted that my mom will never fully understand my resentment about her lack of apologies. I’ve also been working on realizing that we both suffered from abusive childhoods. It’s been easier to see that my mom’s childhood was abusive than my own. It’s a work in progress.
Then there's my dad where if I mention even a little something he did I wasn't ok with, he storms off shouting that he's "not gonna stand there and be abused" :/
I am really impressed with Abby's emotional intelligence. No matter how much you think you might have erred in your previous parenting style, you clearly did more right than wrong, as she seems confident, kind, and well-adjusted.
YESSS. My parents sent me away to live in a type of institution when i was a teenager because i was doing dangerous and reckless stuff and hurting myself and almost ended my life a few times. But anyway the place was so bad i was physically attacked by other patients and no one did anything or stopped them. I had to live there for a year only seeing my family once a month and i have ptsd from that place. I resented my parents for so long for keepinf me there when they knew what was happening. But i realized they were doing what they thought was the best at the time to keep me safe. But 10 years later my dad shows great remorse when i bring it up but my mom will just justify it because she cant admit her own faults. My dad says she does feel terrible but if thats true it would mean alot if she could admit it an apologize. Sorry for the rant i just felt alot from what you said❤
My mom had me at 17, she was alone and she has a difficult time understanding emotions (ASPD) and was physically and emotionally unprepared for a child, resulting in me taking on a lot of her anger and anxiety. My stepsisters got a much different version of my mom and I know how insanely guilty she feels, she tells me all the time and even cries about it, which is a big deal for her. Here's the thing, having been a teenager myself, knowing how hard she must have had it and understanding her as a person have made me who I am today & I wouldn't trade any of it. Don't beat yourself up, all of your kids will have different relationships with you & Abby will probably be a bit more sarcastic but I promise she understands more than you know. The joys of being the oldest "experiment" kid do result in the best sense of humor.
I know how you feel. My mum had me a month after she turned 19 and she's mostly normal mentally I think but I'm not, I'm autistic, which she didn't know until I was 13 and I also became physically disabled age 7. She forced me to do and learn a lot of things she wouldn't have had she known and told me off for things I couldn't really help and she also didn't really know how to advocate for a disabled person with doctors or the school system and she feels very guilty for all those things and has asked me how I can ever forgive her for it, but it was never even a second thought for me. I told her she did the best she could with the information she had at the time, of course going back there are things that could have been done better but hindsight is always 20/20.
The fact that your eldest can genuinely say it's ok, and appreciate the progress you've made, shows that you've done a good job demonstrating to her that you're walking the walk 💜
This honesty is exactly why Abby is gonna be an awesome adult. You've taught her that owning up to one's mistakes, while not always comfy, is super important. Also, her empathy means that she'll have an easier time understanding the behavior of others, and addressing it with compassion; even when she's standing up for her boundaries. You're doing so great, momma. ❤️🔥💪
Damn I so NEEDED this gentle reminder... hey biggest little... freaking AMAZING. Not all heroes wear capes sometimes they are teens with wisdom... ahead of the game.
Goddamn. You are making me cry again. I am the eldest and my little sister gets away with literally everything while I did not even try to. My mum would never in a million years apologize to me for anything. Much less for treating me unfairly.
@@DiamondsTakingShape thank you! I don’t have kids. How did you open up that conversation with your mother? Mine always gets immediately defensive and aggressive.
Honestly, though, her response shows that you made the right choice. she is emotionally healthy enough to recognize the positive changes and put those feelings into words. she has also processed through any damage that may have been done when she was younger to be that healthy, happy person today. We can only do the best with the information we had at the time. Once you learned there was a better way, you acted on that and that fact says more about you than anything else.
As someone who is 28 and somehow has a 5 year old brother, it's so beautiful watching my parents raise him. My sister and I had a kind of rough childhood, my mom's control of her emotions wasn't what it should've been. It really soothes my soul watching them parent him. Exactly like Abbie said.... They had to be that way then to be the people they are now (my husband and Is best friends are my parents). Over 2 decades of parenting experience really made them much better and more relaxed parents.
I’m sure Abby’s ability to reflect so maturely and be so intentional with her words is a reflection of you modelling those exact behaviours. Imagine the head start she’ll have with her own children ❤
This applies to everything tbh. Every mistake you make is a learning experience and you had to be that person to be the better person you are now. It hard to accept that about yourself sometimes but it's true.
Owning your mistakes with your kids is everything! I cannot tell you how immediately the healing is for me when one of my parents admits that they did something wrong. It removes *my* guilt of thinking I did something to deserve it.
I think the big thing is she feels how you've grown too. You don't treat them different how you treat her. She gets the same gentle approach now the Littles get. That's what makes you a great mom ❤️ thank you for instilling emotional intelligence and the importance of that onto them ❤️
The fact the concept of a parent apologising for their mistakes and acknowledging the affect it had on their child literally made me well up with tears, hopefully goes to show how much that will mean to your kids. You are the first content creator I ever came across who discussed gentle parenting, and I really hope you know how much of a positive impact you're having - mistakes and all. You're human. You're an amazing mum, you're teaching other people how to be more communicative and compassionate parents, and you're helping a generation of kids process the relationship they wish they could have with their parents as well as showing what's possible for relationships they'll have with their potential future children. Thank you ❤
I have a 16 year old and surprise twins who are 6. How I was with my 16 year old vs how I am with the twins. So different. You're doing amazing. We are always learning.
For a mom to say you’re right, or I’m sorry, or even I apologize is far more than some of us got. I’m glad you are who you are, and I’m happy your kids get to have you as their mom. ❤
Having a kid tell you that really means you did something right, and even if you weren’t the best then as you were now. That was wonderfully beautiful of her.
As a child of a very disregulated parent, when I call them out on their disregulation they get defensive and deny it. You accepting what your daughter said, validating her feelings, and then apologizing is huge! You're doing it right momma! Thank you ❤
Sincere apologies when we adults are wrong, AND lots of laughter in the house: like you and your daughter have! That’s how to raise kids and ourselves. Your daughter is so great.
I wanted to say thank you. Im not a parent and never will be. My needs, personality, and baggage all preclude me from ever being a good parent. But this channel has given me insight on what a good parent is like. Growing up mine were, to put it nicely, deeply problematic. Im still in recovery as a 32 year old but without these i wouldn't have a baseline level of understanding about what should have been. You and the speech professor have been a godssend for me.
The way your oldest responded to you tells you all you need to know. You’re a good mama. I may not buy into “gentle parenting”, but you’re a darn good mama!
I’m not a parent, but I used to be a real ass, and I’ve felt really guilty regarding who I was the last couple of years. This made me feel a lot better. Thank you❤
When I apologize to my kids, the empathy and understanding they show me makes me realize that this is why I’m doing this. It’s so hard to be gentle sometimes but the payoff is exponentially better than I expected.
It's shocking how clearly they can see things and think them through sometimes, isn't it? Bless you and your family. It's been decades since I had young ones in the house, but I remember.
The fact Abby responded that way is proof even when you gave her what you feel was a lesser version of mom you-you were still a good mom, and the fact you’ve changed your parenting style and it’s still working just means you’ve continued to be a good mom.
Abby is so cool. I'm glad she calls you out, I'm glad you never fail to acknowledge your mistakes, and I'm glad that she visibly has made her peace with things!
My mom was a teen mom when she got me. Yesterday, 25 years later she apologized for making me into a picture perfect little human who struggles with authenticity now as an adult because she wanted to prove to everyone she could be a good mom. I told her its okay. She learned and did better with my sister. She was still an amzing, loving and supportive mother especially considering her age and insecurities. Your kids will forgive your mistake if you take responsibility. My dad never did and I still feel resentment.
It’s also very reassuring seeing how amazing Abby is that even if we don’t start gentle/responsive parenting from day 1, that they can still turn out to be good humans.
There’s also speaks volumes to how much you have shown her and communicated with her since you’ve changed your parenting style, the fact that she was able to have that level of compassion and understanding, for you shows that you have demonstrated that exceptionally well to her
Abbey seems absolutely awesome, which shows you did more right than wrong in the parenting game! Her analysis of you shows a remarkable level of success
It's a relief to hear how understanding Abby is and that wouldn't have been the case if she didn't have a good mom.
Absolutely
Yes!
This
Seriously made me tear up a bit.
This.
the fact that you responded with an apology instead of some variation of "that's tough" is in itself some top notch parenting
My therapist said that kids don't want perfect parents, they want parents who own up to their mistakes and model healthy relationships. It made sense why my wonderful children say, "You're an awesome mom!" ❤️❤️❤️
Yes. My main issue/problem/resentment of my mom is that nothing she ever did was wrong. Plus she always turned it around to me for not forgiving her (but not admitting she was wrong, just that I need to let it go). A lot would change if she would just say I screwed up.
It is so true. Children see that your intentions are good and they love u for it
Yes! I'm 33 and only now is my mother starting to admit to her (quite dangerous) mistakes with raising me and my siblings. I don't resent her for those mistakes, I resent her for pretending that none of that shit ever happened.
@@triciac.5078 Same! My dad's inability to admit to his mistakes grinds my gear till today.
@@alias201 I’m 47. And I’m at the point in my life where I’ve accepted that my mom will never fully understand my resentment about her lack of apologies. I’ve also been working on realizing that we both suffered from abusive childhoods. It’s been easier to see that my mom’s childhood was abusive than my own. It’s a work in progress.
"You had to be you then to be the you now" is something I feel like a therapist would say. That's going in my book of motivation
Great idea! Putting it on my vision board, too.
My therapist actually has sais something along these lines and it helped me a lot in recovery from an abusive relationship.
Abby is an absolute emotion bender with words. She knows exactly where to hit you to make you either flip her off or have an epiphany like this
Just like her mama ♡
THIS. 😂
Yes💞
If it turns out she's a Scorpio ill laugh
Sometimes both in the same conversation.
"You had to be her then, so you could be you, now" is such a powerful statement even outside of a parenting context. That's insane
Owning up to what happened and acknowledging/ validating your child instead of gaslighting them like older generations.
agreed. The important difference.
It's a hard cycle to break. 😓 But it's worth reprogramming one's self!
This!!
Then there's my dad where if I mention even a little something he did I wasn't ok with, he storms off shouting that he's "not gonna stand there and be abused" :/
@@justanothercomment I am so fed up with adults like that... it's all about their ego
I am really impressed with Abby's emotional intelligence. No matter how much you think you might have erred in your previous parenting style, you clearly did more right than wrong, as she seems confident, kind, and well-adjusted.
Her response of "you had to be her then to be you now."... The wisdom these beautiful beings have is immeasurable.
That spoke to my soul!
She could only have come to that conclusion, if she knew what it felt like to be supported. Well done Mom!
The fact that you acknowledged it, owned it, and didn’t try to minimize goes such a long way.
YESSS. My parents sent me away to live in a type of institution when i was a teenager because i was doing dangerous and reckless stuff and hurting myself and almost ended my life a few times. But anyway the place was so bad i was physically attacked by other patients and no one did anything or stopped them. I had to live there for a year only seeing my family once a month and i have ptsd from that place. I resented my parents for so long for keepinf me there when they knew what was happening. But i realized they were doing what they thought was the best at the time to keep me safe. But 10 years later my dad shows great remorse when i bring it up but my mom will just justify it because she cant admit her own faults. My dad says she does feel terrible but if thats true it would mean alot if she could admit it an apologize. Sorry for the rant i just felt alot from what you said❤
She freaking said the most impactful line ever and was just casually moved on 😂
My mom had me at 17, she was alone and she has a difficult time understanding emotions (ASPD) and was physically and emotionally unprepared for a child, resulting in me taking on a lot of her anger and anxiety. My stepsisters got a much different version of my mom and I know how insanely guilty she feels, she tells me all the time and even cries about it, which is a big deal for her.
Here's the thing, having been a teenager myself, knowing how hard she must have had it and understanding her as a person have made me who I am today & I wouldn't trade any of it. Don't beat yourself up, all of your kids will have different relationships with you & Abby will probably be a bit more sarcastic but I promise she understands more than you know. The joys of being the oldest "experiment" kid do result in the best sense of humor.
I know how you feel. My mum had me a month after she turned 19 and she's mostly normal mentally I think but I'm not, I'm autistic, which she didn't know until I was 13 and I also became physically disabled age 7. She forced me to do and learn a lot of things she wouldn't have had she known and told me off for things I couldn't really help and she also didn't really know how to advocate for a disabled person with doctors or the school system and she feels very guilty for all those things and has asked me how I can ever forgive her for it, but it was never even a second thought for me. I told her she did the best she could with the information she had at the time, of course going back there are things that could have been done better but hindsight is always 20/20.
@@violetskies14 now u both made me cry
@@melissaforemani9097same 😢
The fact that your eldest can genuinely say it's ok, and appreciate the progress you've made, shows that you've done a good job demonstrating to her that you're walking the walk 💜
This honesty is exactly why Abby is gonna be an awesome adult. You've taught her that owning up to one's mistakes, while not always comfy, is super important. Also, her empathy means that she'll have an easier time understanding the behavior of others, and addressing it with compassion; even when she's standing up for her boundaries. You're doing so great, momma. ❤️🔥💪
"you had to be her so you could be you now" 😭 so sweet, what a wonderful, understanding child you have!
Aww. "You had to be her to become you!!!"
So true...we learn and change...
Damn I so NEEDED this gentle reminder... hey biggest little... freaking AMAZING. Not all heroes wear capes sometimes they are teens with wisdom... ahead of the game.
Goddamn. You are making me cry again. I am the eldest and my little sister gets away with literally everything while I did not even try to. My mum would never in a million years apologize to me for anything. Much less for treating me unfairly.
@@DiamondsTakingShape thank you! I don’t have kids. How did you open up that conversation with your mother? Mine always gets immediately defensive and aggressive.
I ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴇxᴀᴄᴛʟʏ ʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ғᴇᴇʟ, I'ᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴇɴ ᴛʜɪʀᴅ ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ʏᴏᴜɴɢᴇʀ ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴏʀɪɢɪɴᴀʟʟʏ I ᴡᴀs ғɪɴᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɪᴛ ʙᴜᴛ ɴᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴀᴛ ɪᴛ, ᴍʏ ᴘᴀʀᴇɴᴛs ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴀᴘᴘʀᴇᴄɪᴀᴛɪᴀᴛᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ᴍᴜᴄʜ I ᴅᴏ sᴏ ʙᴇʟɪᴇᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴀʟʟ
Abby is such an empathetic and responsive teen. Kind of shows how much of your head you had on through other parts of her childhood
Honestly, though, her response shows that you made the right choice. she is emotionally healthy enough to recognize the positive changes and put those feelings into words. she has also processed through any damage that may have been done when she was younger to be that healthy, happy person today.
We can only do the best with the information we had at the time. Once you learned there was a better way, you acted on that and that fact says more about you than anything else.
As someone who is 28 and somehow has a 5 year old brother, it's so beautiful watching my parents raise him. My sister and I had a kind of rough childhood, my mom's control of her emotions wasn't what it should've been. It really soothes my soul watching them parent him. Exactly like Abbie said.... They had to be that way then to be the people they are now (my husband and Is best friends are my parents). Over 2 decades of parenting experience really made them much better and more relaxed parents.
Wow! 28 with a 5 year old brother. Incredible
And it's still okay for you to be jealous that your brother gets better parents. Especially since that better parenting was learned at your expense.
I’m sure Abby’s ability to reflect so maturely and be so intentional with her words is a reflection of you modelling those exact behaviours. Imagine the head start she’ll have with her own children ❤
Your phenomenally-aware and gracious eldest is one reason why you’re able to make this shift. Well done to both of you. 🎉💖💖
This applies to everything tbh. Every mistake you make is a learning experience and you had to be that person to be the better person you are now. It hard to accept that about yourself sometimes but it's true.
Owning your mistakes with your kids is everything! I cannot tell you how immediately the healing is for me when one of my parents admits that they did something wrong. It removes *my* guilt of thinking I did something to deserve it.
Damn. Abby is such a great kiddo.
Her response such a level of emotional maturity, is only a testament of who raised her. Way to go, mama. I adore you!!❤
I wish I had a parent that was this self aware… ever.
The older your kids get, the more they’re going to appreciate all of it too. Hang in there, parents!
I think the big thing is she feels how you've grown too. You don't treat them different how you treat her. She gets the same gentle approach now the Littles get. That's what makes you a great mom ❤️ thank you for instilling emotional intelligence and the importance of that onto them ❤️
It blows me away how often you pop up saying exactly what I needed to hear like exactly today this minute. Thank you so much for sharing your life.
i'm not even a parent and I cried, that's so wholesome
Abby is just making us all cry now. 😭💗
The fact the concept of a parent apologising for their mistakes and acknowledging the affect it had on their child literally made me well up with tears, hopefully goes to show how much that will mean to your kids. You are the first content creator I ever came across who discussed gentle parenting, and I really hope you know how much of a positive impact you're having - mistakes and all. You're human. You're an amazing mum, you're teaching other people how to be more communicative and compassionate parents, and you're helping a generation of kids process the relationship they wish they could have with their parents as well as showing what's possible for relationships they'll have with their potential future children. Thank you ❤
Oh my goodness... abbie is wise beyond her years...
I would've been bawling 🥺🥰
Yes, it’s amazing when our imperfections are forgiven after truly apologizing.
I have a 16 year old and surprise twins who are 6. How I was with my 16 year old vs how I am with the twins. So different. You're doing amazing. We are always learning.
When you do gentle parenting your child WILL give you advice and will thoroughly enjoy it
I needed to hear this so much. Our children are wise and I'm so happy you share your wisdom and theirs.
It's so refreshing to see a parent say "sorry" instead of "that didn't happen" or "tough shit" to that sort of statement.
You deserved to know, at that moment especially, what an incredible mother you are. ❤
For a mom to say you’re right, or I’m sorry, or even I apologize is far more than some of us got. I’m glad you are who you are, and I’m happy your kids get to have you as their mom. ❤
…and she gets to be her now, because you had to be you then. And I think she seems pretty freaking fantastic and so self aware 🫶
That shows that the eldest, was still raised pretty well even if it was a bit different. Shows that mama is doing a good job
Abby is already wise beyond her years. You're doing an awesome job raising a future adult!
Awww, that's her way of saying she loves you, and that she wouldnt want it any other way.
That is so endearing and sweet.
You raise your babies well.
I really loved that conversation
I would have bawled my eyes out if I heard that response. Shows its never “too late” to be a better person and parent.
I can’t thank you enough for your words of wisdom today. I really needed to hear this ❤️
I think that kid's pearl of wisdom extends beyond parenting
Having a kid tell you that really means you did something right, and even if you weren’t the best then as you were now.
That was wonderfully beautiful of her.
As a child of a very disregulated parent, when I call them out on their disregulation they get defensive and deny it. You accepting what your daughter said, validating her feelings, and then apologizing is huge! You're doing it right momma! Thank you ❤
You raised a responsive intentional young adult mom 💯 thats not a bad thing
I love it when a child shows old soul wisdom !
Sincere apologies when we adults are wrong, AND lots of laughter in the house: like you and your daughter have! That’s how to raise kids and ourselves. Your daughter is so great.
Abby is a real precious treasure. She is! Because she has you as a mom. And because she's her, of course.
What a mature thing to say!! She’s learning too as she observes how you’re parenting!! Way to go momma!
My favorite saying is. Once you know better you do better!
I wanted to say thank you. Im not a parent and never will be. My needs, personality, and baggage all preclude me from ever being a good parent. But this channel has given me insight on what a good parent is like. Growing up mine were, to put it nicely, deeply problematic. Im still in recovery as a 32 year old but without these i wouldn't have a baseline level of understanding about what should have been. You and the speech professor have been a godssend for me.
Abby is very wise. For her to be so understanding is fantastic.
Abby taking you on an emotional rollercoaster, what's new? 🤣 Straight from murder, to compassion, to a complete topic change.
As an adult with CPTSD triggered by yelling, and weirdly specifically sharp short extremely loud whistles, thank you for being open to change!
The way your oldest responded to you tells you all you need to know. You’re a good mama. I may not buy into “gentle parenting”, but you’re a darn good mama!
You really don’t hear much about the “before” gentle parenting. This was comforting and refreshing, thank you.
I just teared up just from Abbys words, wow.
It's exactly how I see my mom now after over 32 years of my existence.
"You had to be her then, so you could be you now." That's so understanding and loving. Abby is a great person, you're a great mom ❤
Wisdom comes with with experience and growth! Your daughter is wise beyond her years!
I’m not a parent, but I used to be a real ass, and I’ve felt really guilty regarding who I was the last couple of years. This made me feel a lot better. Thank you❤
When I apologize to my kids, the empathy and understanding they show me makes me realize that this is why I’m doing this. It’s so hard to be gentle sometimes but the payoff is exponentially better than I expected.
To quote MamaDoctorJones "we do the best we can, with the information we have."
Same goes for anything. Goes for anything you are trying to become. Not jus parenting. Thank u for this video!
Well you definetly did a good job w her as well because that was the most gentle and considerate response I've ever heard
Oh wow. You have no idea how much I needed to hear this...... I had no idea how much I needed to hear this...
Your daughter is SOOO insightful. She is a beautiful soul.
That moment when you teach your kids so well they end up teaching you
The eldest is so wise with her words. She learnt it from the best my dear. Hugs 🤗
I can relate. This made me bawl!😢 Abi, you're a gem!
Abby sounds like the coolest kid. Just make sure to give her plenty of hugs.
It's shocking how clearly they can see things and think them through sometimes, isn't it? Bless you and your family. It's been decades since I had young ones in the house, but I remember.
Kids who receive love are incredibly forgiving. ❤
The fact Abby responded that way is proof even when you gave her what you feel was a lesser version of mom you-you were still a good mom, and the fact you’ve changed your parenting style and it’s still working just means you’ve continued to be a good mom.
Abby is so cool. I'm glad she calls you out, I'm glad you never fail to acknowledge your mistakes, and I'm glad that she visibly has made her peace with things!
I think that’s a beautiful quote that applies to all regrets we have in life
My mom was a teen mom when she got me. Yesterday, 25 years later she apologized for making me into a picture perfect little human who struggles with authenticity now as an adult because she wanted to prove to everyone she could be a good mom.
I told her its okay. She learned and did better with my sister. She was still an amzing, loving and supportive mother especially considering her age and insecurities. Your kids will forgive your mistake if you take responsibility. My dad never did and I still feel resentment.
It’s also very reassuring seeing how amazing Abby is that even if we don’t start gentle/responsive parenting from day 1, that they can still turn out to be good humans.
There’s also speaks volumes to how much you have shown her and communicated with her since you’ve changed your parenting style, the fact that she was able to have that level of compassion and understanding, for you shows that you have demonstrated that exceptionally well to her
Abbey seems absolutely awesome, which shows you did more right than wrong in the parenting game! Her analysis of you shows a remarkable level of success
Dang, I needed to hear that. I have a 15 year old only child and I’m so embarrassed of some of the things I did when he was younger.
This was actually really great advice for someone who is reparenting themselves
Some kids never get that apology or accountability from their parents. You're doing amazing ❤️
abby is so wise, i love her response. good work momma
What a beautiful soul Abby is. God bless her always
Your child is an old soul and clearly very understanding. You raised her well❤
Guilt is the hardest part you are blessed to have your child expain it so simply and honesty great job mom totally refreshing to hear this❤❤❤🥰
I watch all of this woman's videos but this tiny node of wisdom here truly struck my core 💕
The wise thoughts that our children share will never stop amazing me.
One of the hardest journeys to stay on. One day at a time.
Had a similar convo with my mom. We are all human. We all grow and learn
Your eldest kid is blessed to see both yours and be able to know that growth is possible and changing is worth it.
Kudos mama.