Love it, going through exactly what you describe in your vlog. Thank god we live in the digital age and there is actually a large footprint of evidence. But it is absolutely tedious, costly and not in the best interest of the children to have to provide evidence for spurious claims
I went on a date with a woman who wasn’t allowed out of the home in her 30s. She said she wasn’t a victim of domestic abuse and had no intention of stopping children seeing their dad. I was in a physically abuse relationship in my 20s. Would I have stopped children seeing her? Absolutely not. People don’t know what domestic abuse anyone it’s been watered down beyond imagination
What's any of this got to do with care of the children? Or the wellbeing of the kids? Never say crap in front of the kids - out of order on both sides!
I'm at no 7/8 - so far, absolutely not coersive control. Stale marriage, incompatible partnership. Saddens me so much when the cases that are absolutely 100% true will suffer from these fabricated claims and spiteful parental conflict. I have been faced with exhausting challenges for four and a half years now, didn't even know or even think about my situation being domestic abuse but my solicitor obviously recognised behaviours and suggested I speak to people. I answered their questions and was told that I was a victim of DA. My first words of response were "Huh? But he didn't hit me" But now I understand lots more, things are very clear now. He didn't need too. I finally removed myself from the situation, and I knew I had to hurry up, do it and stick to it, for the sake of mine and my children's welfare as things had gotten far too out of hand, I knew it was such a mess. I knew who he was, but no one else did, and I tried to wait it out again and again believe me - I tried. But it was becoming very apparent that he was losing sight of who he was. And he ended up just wanting me to mess up, make a mistake, enticing situations, and then for me to feel so suffocated through guilt he'd be my hero as he'd forgive me and make damn sure everyone knew about it. Including our children. l was literally letting his desperation to keep me there at no matter what cost, get to me. I felt dead inside already and I wasn't ready to die, but by that point I was starting to lose sight of everything I had to live for. And that was not me. I couldn't see anymore didn't know who I was. I didn't regard myself as enough, for anyone, anything, and certainly not for my children. I was considerate to his feelings when I went to my sisters house, and never wanted any drama or for anyone to hurt, I hoped we could sort things and still be ok. I felt guilty for leaving but I knew I needed my family back, I knew I didn't have Bipolar, I knew his behaviour was unhealthy, I knew the kids were getting a bit older and feeling it, I knew I was doing the right thing for everyone. But I never knew or thought in a million years that when I went to work at the weekend he'd take all my babies and flee. My world shattered. My soul broke to f*****g pieces! He didn't listen to anything previous to this, about being ok and we'll sort stuff, and things will be better this way and that we can still have a friendship just not a relationship. We're still parents to our children and I'd never be the type to want to have rights to everything and cause bother etc etc etc... A fair split and simple... I didn't care about the house or money. He didn't listen to any of that. But he certainly listened when I said the only thing I care about is the kids. And then he took everything else anyway. And how on earth am I still dealing with this to this day? My health is on its ass, I've lost my career, I was homeless, he made my kids hate me, and I have been accused of every possible thing you can think of! And not one, person, within the system, has been a sprinkle of help. Thank you Family Law Court. You've only helped to encourage him by that lovely free reign you keep giving. And he still hasn't stopped. And you still cannot see? Better still, choose not too. You should be so very proud of yourselves. You are actually disgusting. God forbid it ever happens to one of you. And I honestly still hope that it doesn't.
You are an ex-copper. You talk so calmly and logically. However! In my personal experience, even showing attending officers video evidence of my wife hitting me, her accusation of coercion and control, resulted in ME in a cell for the night!...and I HAD VIDEO EVIDENCE! I was then released on bail and kept from my home for over a month until the NFA response. (Merseyside Police)
I get where you're coming from, Phil....but how do we know what Matthew Groves says is the true account? That's why there needs to be fact finding (although maybe not necessarily in the family court,...) I've used the wording of the new act, to help 2 women leave abusive relationships (one had young children) .... how can the truth be established without any sort of fact finding?
Hi Maz, Because even if her accounts are true what is the relevance? What are the risks? What Abigail is describing could be deemed as family events that happen in many families. What is to be achieved by a Fact-Finding, they are now separated? Secondly, how can the court realistically prove anything either way anyway? What is there to prove? Where is the coercive control? That's part of the point/problem. Are we not going down the road of pointless fact-findings based on nonsense? You be the Judge: What is the justification for a Fact-Finding given the allegations made? If all facts are found, what would you like to see happen to Mr Groves? What do you suggest should happen in relation to contact given that he is currently not seeing their children? What is your resolution? Regards Phil
A fact finding hearing is irrelevant especially when they have been separated for example for 24 months. They are in a child arrangements hearing and not a divorce court. Such excersise a Might have a purpose in a divorce court to terminate a marriage bjt have no business in child custody hearings when re the couple have split up and gone their separate ways. In order words they have their own agency from each other and for themselves.
The undertones of financial gain and support are there feeding the argument too. The carrot has been served ( to one parent only) Dynamics in family households change and are testing in these times. A sensible break/realistic options to help are needed in my humble opinion. Why don’t ladies go domestic violence courses ? It’s a sexist theme to this. It’s not easy to handle or expect though for both parties, but in the circumstances are very well inevitable. Not sure a magic pill from the doctor will help either. It’s just adds to formalities in courts but possibly no real results. More solutions and options are needed rather than the current system, which is draconian ( if that’s the right word !) Thanks for this video. It’s a really helpful/insightful for these things to put into perspective. Especially the tricks used in wordings 👍🏽 It’s not like court is worrying enough as it is. Stay calm/happy folks ! Make positive changes ! Walks/excerice and vitamins /drinking plenty of water are a start for anyone struggling in my opinion !
The tide has turned. How does this all play out in the family court? is it a case of whoever punches first wins?
Watch my next blogs!!!
Love it, going through exactly what you describe in your vlog. Thank god we live in the digital age and there is actually a large footprint of evidence. But it is absolutely tedious, costly and not in the best interest of the children to have to provide evidence for spurious claims
I understand the challenge, I really do.
Thanks
You're the best Phil. Well done!
I went on a date with a woman who wasn’t allowed out of the home in her 30s.
She said she wasn’t a victim of domestic abuse and had no intention of stopping children seeing their dad.
I was in a physically abuse relationship in my 20s. Would I have stopped children seeing her? Absolutely not.
People don’t know what domestic abuse anyone it’s been watered down beyond imagination
What's any of this got to do with care of the children? Or the wellbeing of the kids? Never say crap in front of the kids - out of order on both sides!
I'm at no 7/8 - so far, absolutely not coersive control. Stale marriage, incompatible partnership. Saddens me so much when the cases that are absolutely 100% true will suffer from these fabricated claims and spiteful parental conflict. I have been faced with exhausting challenges for four and a half years now, didn't even know or even think about my situation being domestic abuse but my solicitor obviously recognised behaviours and suggested I speak to people. I answered their questions and was told that I was a victim of DA. My first words of response were "Huh? But he didn't hit me" But now I understand lots more, things are very clear now. He didn't need too.
I finally removed myself from the situation, and I knew I had to hurry up, do it and stick to it, for the sake of mine and my children's welfare as things had gotten far too out of hand, I knew it was such a mess. I knew who he was, but no one else did, and I tried to wait it out again and again believe me - I tried. But it was becoming very apparent that he was losing sight of who he was. And he ended up just wanting me to mess up, make a mistake, enticing situations, and then for me to feel so suffocated through guilt he'd be my hero as he'd forgive me and make damn sure everyone knew about it. Including our children. l was literally letting his desperation to keep me there at no matter what cost, get to me. I felt dead inside already and I wasn't ready to die, but by that point I was starting to lose sight of everything I had to live for. And that was not me. I couldn't see anymore didn't know who I was. I didn't regard myself as enough, for anyone, anything, and certainly not for my children.
I was considerate to his feelings when I went to my sisters house, and never wanted any drama or for anyone to hurt, I hoped we could sort things and still be ok. I felt guilty for leaving but I knew I needed my family back, I knew I didn't have Bipolar, I knew his behaviour was unhealthy, I knew the kids were getting a bit older and feeling it, I knew I was doing the right thing for everyone. But I never knew or thought in a million years that when I went to work at the weekend he'd take all my babies and flee. My world shattered. My soul broke to f*****g pieces! He didn't listen to anything previous to this, about being ok and we'll sort stuff, and things will be better this way and that we can still have a friendship just not a relationship. We're still parents to our children and I'd never be the type to want to have rights to everything and cause bother etc etc etc... A fair split and simple... I didn't care about the house or money. He didn't listen to any of that. But he certainly listened when I said the only thing I care about is the kids. And then he took everything else anyway. And how on earth am I still dealing with this to this day? My health is on its ass, I've lost my career, I was homeless, he made my kids hate me, and I have been accused of every possible thing you can think of! And not one, person, within the system, has been a sprinkle of help. Thank you Family Law Court. You've only helped to encourage him by that lovely free reign you keep giving. And he still hasn't stopped. And you still cannot see?
Better still, choose not too.
You should be so very proud of yourselves.
You are actually disgusting. God forbid it ever happens to one of you. And I honestly still hope that it doesn't.
You are an ex-copper. You talk so calmly and logically. However! In my personal experience, even showing attending officers video evidence of my wife hitting me, her accusation of coercion and control, resulted in ME in a cell for the night!...and I HAD VIDEO EVIDENCE! I was then released on bail and kept from my home for over a month until the NFA response. (Merseyside Police)
Cohesive control is real and is real abuse, ask a survivor.
It's child abuse and should be recognised and taken into consideration in court!!
I get where you're coming from, Phil....but how do we know what Matthew Groves says is the true account? That's why there needs to be fact finding (although maybe not necessarily in the family court,...)
I've used the wording of the new act, to help 2 women leave abusive relationships (one had young children) .... how can the truth be established without any sort of fact finding?
Hi Maz, Because even if her accounts are true what is the relevance? What are the risks? What Abigail is describing could be deemed as family events that happen in many families. What is to be achieved by a Fact-Finding, they are now separated? Secondly, how can the court realistically prove anything either way anyway? What is there to prove? Where is the coercive control? That's part of the point/problem. Are we not going down the road of pointless fact-findings based on nonsense? You be the Judge: What is the justification for a Fact-Finding given the allegations made? If all facts are found, what would you like to see happen to Mr Groves? What do you suggest should happen in relation to contact given that he is currently not seeing their children? What is your resolution? Regards Phil
A fact finding hearing is irrelevant especially when they have been separated for example for 24 months. They are in a child arrangements hearing and not a divorce court. Such excersise a
Might have a purpose in a divorce court to terminate a marriage bjt have no business in child custody hearings when re the couple have split up and gone their separate ways. In order words they have their own agency from each other and for themselves.
The undertones of financial gain and support are there feeding the argument too. The carrot has been served ( to one parent only) Dynamics in family households change and are testing in these times. A sensible break/realistic options to help are needed in my humble opinion. Why don’t ladies go domestic violence courses ? It’s a sexist theme to this.
It’s not easy to handle or expect though for both parties, but in the circumstances are very well inevitable. Not sure a magic pill from the doctor will help either. It’s just adds to formalities in courts but possibly no real results.
More solutions and options are needed rather than the current system, which is draconian ( if that’s the right word !)
Thanks for this video. It’s a really helpful/insightful for these things to put into perspective. Especially the tricks used in wordings 👍🏽
It’s not like court is worrying enough as it is.
Stay calm/happy folks ! Make positive changes ! Walks/excerice and vitamins /drinking plenty of water are a start for anyone struggling in my opinion !
A load of bollocks 😅