This entire video I wanted to reach through my screen and give you a hug. I understand you, I know exactly how you feel, you're not alone and you will always get through these bad times
If we were on a train together, I'd be someone who thinks the same way. You are not as well as you will ever be - because we weren't born at this level of health. We were healthier. BPD & EDs etc are not part of the ageing process - they're not something we're supposed to go through because that's the way life goes. It's not. And I know how hard it is. *trigger warning* I attempted suicide four times in December last year. Nothing has changed since then. I'm still nobody. I'm still not pretty. I'm still not loved. I still don't have a job. I still hate who I am. I hate my voice. I hate every inch of my vile personality. The only thing is that...I'm still here. That's it. And when I stand here now, and when I think about how I messed up my four attempts, I'm so ashamed that I messed up. At the same time, I'm so shocked at how not worse it is right now. Like...it wasn't that hard to get to this point today...so I had tried to duck out of something that I managed to do much easier than I thought, back then, it would be (if that makes any sense). It is literally living one day at a time, and like I have recovered from my anorexia and that wasn't easy. it was four years, and now I suffer from bulimia. But I'm still four years down the line and I'm thinking 'that wasn't too hard because if it was I would;t have made it here.' It's cripplingly difficult in the moment, but thank goodness you didn't jump the other day, or today, or any other day and I'm going to keep hoping that you continue those baby steps of courage - because you've proven yourself strong enough by not jumping the other day, and strength doesn't go away. That's innate. It's there. You can't disprove that now. You are strong enough. Always remember that xxx
+C. A. DuBois (The Petite Britette) Thank you so very much for your comment. You are right, one day at a time. Remember our strength and praise it. It's funny how we can spend our days trying to help other people see themselves clearly and we don't see it ourselves. You are somebody as you have supported me with this comment - you didn't need to. You did it because you care and to care for a stranger is a beautiful and rare thing xxx
I also think about suicide .... About the worst way of torture thinking somehow ... If I endure that then I will be tough forever... But sometimes ... Just death nothin else
This is so well worded that I notice how I'm sitting here nodding at what you're saying. It's heartbreaking to see you hurting so much. I've been watching your videos for years now and they've helped me a lot. If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you, really. Sending love xx
Thanks for making this video. Im BPD sufferer and am currently feeling suicidal. What you are saying sounds a lot like how I think. Today I don’t wanna be here.
Thanks for sharing this video. I also suffer from an eating disorder and a borderline personality disorder so I have an idea of where you're coming from. Just a few days ago I was feeling really low, but I didn't give in and I'm still here trying to fight. I'm glad you're still with us. Things might seem bleak now but one day the sun will shine even though we'll have our dark periods sometimes. I'm here if you ever need to talk. I'll listen and I won't judge.
Hey dear I know this was awhile ago. Hope you're feeling better. I suffer from BPD as well and i was in your position a few years ago. Things do get better. ❤❤❤❤
I think I am like you. I find comfort in your words and that there is someone who lives like me. I find inspiration in how far you have come with this illness. What types of things help you?
The types of things that help me are yoga/meditation, keeping only people who understand in your life as otherwise it will be a real struggle, to eat healthy, be proactive and mainly to be self-aware. If things are hard, I let them be hard and I try my best but sometimes it is important to just feel and to accept that you can't always make it better. It can be shit, but it WILL pass. It has passed in the past, and it will pass now and it will pass in the future. When things are hard and no matter what we do it doesn't help, we can feel defeated or inferior or like a failure, so it is about being kind to yourself and patient
I felt this way for almost a month now. Last week and this Christmas was the worst. I've took a bunch of pills and drink alcohol a couple times this week
+54321Truth I have been very brutally sexually abused and also raped. I find every relationship hard to get over as I never fully give myself to someone and run before it's anything to cope with feeling something and feeling vulnerable. I think that, mixed with a life of an ED, have made it hard to regulate my emotions.
I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but I've been told I have traits consistent with it - I don't neccessarily agree with the concept of BPD tbh and I think it's a horribly sigmatising diagnosis, but I do identify with a lot of your words here. At the moment I go to work and I come home and I am constantly feeling empty and thinking about suicide. I identify this as a depression thing though. It's just not getting better and in large part I think that's because I'm not being offered the treatment I need. If the future is as bleak as I feel right now then I don't want it. I have tried so hard, but every day is still just painful, a chore to get through. Without enjoyment and satisfaction of life then why am I bothering?
this is me... but i can never express it. so i can never get the diagnosis, going to try and talk to my gp again(different gp) do you take any medication or anything or it?
My borderline s the quiet one. I have a question for you (and every bpd out there). How do you start dating? My love life is a dissaster. I guess I need advices, I've seen that most of you are able to have a partner. How do you do it?. Pls help me. Btw, I've been seing a DBT herapist since 6 months ago.
This entire video I wanted to reach through my screen and give you a hug. I understand you, I know exactly how you feel, you're not alone and you will always get through these bad times
+Nikki Forbes Thank you so much Nikki
If we were on a train together, I'd be someone who thinks the same way. You are not as well as you will ever be - because we weren't born at this level of health. We were healthier. BPD & EDs etc are not part of the ageing process - they're not something we're supposed to go through because that's the way life goes. It's not. And I know how hard it is. *trigger warning* I attempted suicide four times in December last year. Nothing has changed since then. I'm still nobody. I'm still not pretty. I'm still not loved. I still don't have a job. I still hate who I am. I hate my voice. I hate every inch of my vile personality. The only thing is that...I'm still here. That's it. And when I stand here now, and when I think about how I messed up my four attempts, I'm so ashamed that I messed up. At the same time, I'm so shocked at how not worse it is right now. Like...it wasn't that hard to get to this point today...so I had tried to duck out of something that I managed to do much easier than I thought, back then, it would be (if that makes any sense). It is literally living one day at a time, and like I have recovered from my anorexia and that wasn't easy. it was four years, and now I suffer from bulimia. But I'm still four years down the line and I'm thinking 'that wasn't too hard because if it was I would;t have made it here.'
It's cripplingly difficult in the moment, but thank goodness you didn't jump the other day, or today, or any other day and I'm going to keep hoping that you continue those baby steps of courage - because you've proven yourself strong enough by not jumping the other day, and strength doesn't go away. That's innate. It's there. You can't disprove that now. You are strong enough. Always remember that xxx
+C. A. DuBois (The Petite Britette) Thank you so very much for your comment. You are right, one day at a time. Remember our strength and praise it. It's funny how we can spend our days trying to help other people see themselves clearly and we don't see it ourselves. You are somebody as you have supported me with this comment - you didn't need to. You did it because you care and to care for a stranger is a beautiful and rare thing xxx
I also think about suicide .... About the worst way of torture thinking somehow ... If I endure that then I will be tough forever... But sometimes ... Just death nothin else
This is so well worded that I notice how I'm sitting here nodding at what you're saying. It's heartbreaking to see you hurting so much. I've been watching your videos for years now and they've helped me a lot.
If you ever want to talk, I'm here for you, really. Sending love xx
I wana give you a hug I have got BPD to I attempted suicide 3 times I bloody hate this illness it makes me hate everything
Thanks for making this video. Im BPD sufferer and am currently feeling suicidal. What you are saying sounds a lot like how I think. Today I don’t wanna be here.
Much love, keep fighting
Thanks for sharing this video. I also suffer from an eating disorder and a borderline personality disorder so I have an idea of where you're coming from. Just a few days ago I was feeling really low, but I didn't give in and I'm still here trying to fight.
I'm glad you're still with us. Things might seem bleak now but one day the sun will shine even though we'll have our dark periods sometimes. I'm here if you ever need to talk. I'll listen and I won't judge.
Hey dear I know this was awhile ago. Hope you're feeling better. I suffer from BPD as well and i was in your position a few years ago. Things do get better. ❤❤❤❤
Feeling the sqame way right now.
keep fighting xxxxxxxx
I think I am like you. I find comfort in your words and that there is someone who lives like me. I find inspiration in how far you have come with this illness. What types of things help you?
The types of things that help me are yoga/meditation, keeping only people who understand in your life as otherwise it will be a real struggle, to eat healthy, be proactive and mainly to be self-aware. If things are hard, I let them be hard and I try my best but sometimes it is important to just feel and to accept that you can't always make it better. It can be shit, but it WILL pass. It has passed in the past, and it will pass now and it will pass in the future. When things are hard and no matter what we do it doesn't help, we can feel defeated or inferior or like a failure, so it is about being kind to yourself and patient
I felt this way for almost a month now. Last week and this Christmas was the worst. I've took a bunch of pills and drink alcohol a couple times this week
Was there a particular relationship that you cannot get over or impacted you severely?
+54321Truth I have been very brutally sexually abused and also raped. I find every relationship hard to get over as I never fully give myself to someone and run before it's anything to cope with feeling something and feeling vulnerable. I think that, mixed with a life of an ED, have made it hard to regulate my emotions.
+AnorexiaRecovery
Understood. Thank you for responding. I am sorry for bringing up those memories. Breath in the future and breath out the past.
I personally think about worst ways to torment myself... Will we find salvation in anything besides death?
I haven't been diagnosed with BPD but I've been told I have traits consistent with it - I don't neccessarily agree with the concept of BPD tbh and I think it's a horribly sigmatising diagnosis, but I do identify with a lot of your words here. At the moment I go to work and I come home and I am constantly feeling empty and thinking about suicide. I identify this as a depression thing though. It's just not getting better and in large part I think that's because I'm not being offered the treatment I need. If the future is as bleak as I feel right now then I don't want it. I have tried so hard, but every day is still just painful, a chore to get through. Without enjoyment and satisfaction of life then why am I bothering?
this is me... but i can never express it. so i can never get the diagnosis, going to try and talk to my gp again(different gp) do you take any medication or anything or it?
My borderline s the quiet one. I have a question for you (and every bpd out there). How do you start dating? My love life is a dissaster. I guess I need advices, I've seen that most of you are able to have a partner. How do you do it?. Pls help me. Btw, I've been seing a DBT herapist since 6 months ago.
It's probably too late but please try Citalopram or Lexapro. It helps so much please just try. Life is now worth living.
Do u have an insta? :)
I do, it is kateandtheearth
Get better. Suicide is not the answer.