My Mom is 92 and has plenty of money to live on. My parents were never rich, but they saved. Dad passed last year, but Mom is doing great, living on her own. We thank God every day!!
My parents were the same thank God! They said they planned to never have to go to a nursing home and to be able to stay in their own home. That’s what they did. They wanted us to interview and hire sitters for them whenever they needed it and my sisters and I meal prepped for them and cleaned their house. But they both died at home ❤
I wholeheartedly agree; don’t do this to your children. My husband & I helped my mom, aunt, & dad for over 13 years till they all passed away & we’re blessed and grateful that we could financially afford to do so but the other costs was astronomical. Please don’t do this to your children.
I don't expect my son to take care of me when I get to that age. He has a life of his own and for me to put the burden on him to take care of me would be selfish unreasonable.
As a daughter, I'm really hurt that my parents aren't interested in me caring for them. Silly pride. I really hope that I'll have the privilege of helping them in their golden years.
I will take care of my mom when she is older, but not because she expects it or is entitled to, but because I want to. I think caring for others is ok, letting your life be a mess on purpose and not taking responsability cuz “oh somebody will come take care of me” is not.
I don’t expect my kids to take care of me. My mother takes care of herself with only social security. All of us kids give her a little each month, but she saves most of that to leave us! She is also a tither and a giver. God blesses her.
South Korea is a glimpse of the future, those that are not prepared will suffer the consequences. The working age and tax paying population is shrinking. That will crunch programs like social security. Over reliance on that program and similar will not be a winning strategy.
I like to make the distinction between an emergency and a known event such as retirement and aging AND how I personally handle each. I will go out of my way and put myself out (if necessary) to help someone I love in an emergency or bad circumstance that few can handle on their own. These include (but not limited to), major disease, injury, etc. These are circumstances that can ruin the best, most responsible of us including me!! But like it or not, we all get old and your irresponsibility and lack of planning for aging is on you!! As I commented below, I apply the Golden Rule. I am planning for retirement and old age, and I expect others to as well! And your lack of planning, does NOT become my problem.
Again Golden Rule that so many fail to apply. I am a son and a father. I wouldn't put my kid in this situation therefore I do not expect for either of my parents to put me in this situation. GOLDEN RULE and I apply it in my life!!
I feel this. I know my mother in law will need financial help when she retires, and I’m ok with it. I’m not ok with her having debt she took to renovate her house 10 years ago and still hasn’t payed off.
I hope you and your spouse have sat down and discussed finances with her. Like Dave said, if you’re responsible for her finances then you have to be involved and make sure things are done right. She needs to budget carefully and get her loans paid off!
@@girlygirl1890 the hard part is that she is absolutely sure she can pay it off in retirement and she thinks she will not need any money from us. She is to proud to accept the truth that her retirement will not be enough
I think that was the retirement plan in the days before Social Security, pensions, IRAs, and 401Ks. People saved what they could and then their kids took care of them after their savings ran out. Married women were likely at home back then also, so they could physically look after parents, in-laws, and unmarried elderly relatives. As I understand it, the youngest daughter would stay home and care for the parents in their old age.
It was okay for thousands of years. It's a modern convention that children don't support their elders I'm old age. There are reasons for this new convention but nonetheless it's new.
@@austinduke8876 In the days of antiquity, parents gave their sons a piece of land to cultivate - or a share of the family business. Generational wealth was distributed among the children, who in turn had the incentive to stick around, and the means to provide for parents when they got old. In modern America, grown children are saddled with college debt and got nothing from their parents expect a guilt trip. (ask me how I know)
I like how you pretend this is brand new whereas this was the normal, standard way of life for humans for hundreds of thousands of years up until a few decades ago.
I’m 41 & single again. I’m dating with intention & this is a MAJOR problem with partners. Finding someone who isn’t an ATM to their parents is a major issue. My parents made under 80k & they have a couple million going into retirement. Never took vacays or ate out. If mine budgeted yours should have too.
Maybe learn to enjoy the solitude and peace of singledom!! And that is NOT a knock on either gender because I don't know, nor do I care if you are a man or woman. I've met good men and women and bad men and women. But more people need to learn how to enjoy their own company!
I don’t expect my only child to take care me. Looking back back, I am so glad I made the decisions when I was younger, enlisted in and retired from the military. Because of that decision, I am set for life and will not have to depend on anyone financially. Add, I live on 30% of my retirement pay. It is heartbreaking to hear these stories.
@Iamkesha You are a very smart woman. So glad for you and your son that you have paved a good road for yourself. More people need to be like you. Smart woman who chose a stable career. Love that!
Mike, when her mother money runs out, she can go on Medicaid. She can then go on a Medicaid approved senior housing. Their business office can take over her financial affairs, they will feed her in their cafeteria and the government will allow her to keep $100 a month for toiletries.
Older parents who expect their children to "help them" when they haven't managed their own money are insane. Gen X kids are desperately trying to help their own kids to get out the door and into their adult lives. Boomer parents are thinking we have spare cash to give them because they didn't save anything?! Total garbage.
These two Boomer children helped our parents make smart financial decisions years before it was needed; worked out great for them. We have used our $$$ to smartly invest for our future, AND spent some of it while young enough to enjoy the benefits. The 4 "children" got all they're getting before each age 21. Estate sale after we pass; money goes to our choice of Pet Charity. Legally signed, notarized. AMF, YOYO's 🙂
@@Kathy-jh8he that's kind of harsh sorry. My dad left me something and now that I have cancer it's the difference between living in my apartment and living in the car
There's something wrong with all of this talk. Everything has been reduced into crunching numbers, no heart in it. My mother is living with us now. She's 83. She has been frugal all of her life. She collects soc sec and helps us out with groceries. Having a nest egg is not on the radar for us, but we have lacked nothing. All of our needs have been met. It doesn't sound like the young man's mom is living large. For now, she lives independently and is in relatively good health. No one can forsee the future. She might die and leave the 80 thousand dollars her son is after. She might outlive him, or she might use up her savings and live her last days in a nursing home.
It's amazing the amount of respect Dave has for Jade. Sure they go back and forth a little bit but he does let her make her points and then he agrees with her, other co-hosts he would just talk right over and bulldoze them out of his way.
Some parents can't help it. They had kids, were sick, stated home to take care of them, never got an education or work enough years to get retirement, what do you do then?
Yeah, i dont know how financially she can make it with how expensive Chicago area is. the worse thing is everything is going up even rent, regardless of how much you have and or make. All it takes is one accident and the 80,000 is gone.
Ok, since y’all bringing race in. I’m Chinese Singaporean. We absolutely have a history where they birthed children to support them in old age. HOWEVER, my parents never expected that of me or my brother. Treating your children like future bank accounts are ABSOLUTELY a choice. And it’s a choice of compassion and emotional maturity. Now, if me or my brother take care of them, buy them gifts, take them out to dinner they appreciate it so much more because they know it comes from a place of LOVE not OBLIGATION. Cultures and traditions need to check themselves because sometimes it’s not right and downright toxic.
I wonder if she even got the "half"....he said that they paid the sister her 50% but did not say that they paid his mother-in-law anything. Something wrong with this guy's story.
Situations like this are why I and money, I will do anything I can to not to put my son in this kind of situation where he feels a moral obligation to not let me be homeless or starving.
This saddens me. My mother is healthier than me, more active and has more energy. She is 65 but if I tell her to work, she flips the table. Yet she wants me and my brothers to cover her financially. We are from a Hispanic country and helping your parents is expected, but I should have know her intentions when she said sending me to college was an investment. They saw me as their retirement fund.
I am surprised how for so many people money matters more than their parents, i am in the camp of giving money to parents if you can afford. I have been taking care of my parents financially from past 10 years.
Do you have kids? Would you put your kids in that position when you are old? I am a son and a father. My mom passed a decade ago. But thankfully my dad planned properly to ensure I do not have to take care of him in old age. And I am planning properly so my daughter does not have to take care of me in old age. And I'm not talking about cancer, stroke, heart attack, etc. Things that can ruin the best of us. I am talking just about good old panning for retirement and old age! It is irresponsible and bad if you do not properly plan.
@@GAFB1122 only thing my mom & dad planned in their life is how can they raise me & my sister to be successful, everything they had invested in me & my sis, now we make sure they live life good.
@@3107karan I take that as a yes you would do and expect the same from your kids (if you have any). I would not expect that from mine as I plan for known events like old age and retirement. It is not like getting old is a surprise, lol. As Dave says, I can't plan for the 1 in a trillion chance that an asteroid will wipe out the country BUT I can plan for old age! Have a nice day!
It is a very North American attitude and they look down on old people who need help. I am North American, while I probably wouldn't 100% financially support my parents as I couldn't afford it (nor do they want it), we have come up with win-win scenarios when it comes to that time... where they can save money and it also helps my family out.
Man its like me listening to my life almost except my wife is on board with me of my parents have had no job for almost 20 years and my mother continued to smoke her entire life never held a job and I am like if I am to take care of you I will not buy you cigarettes EVER. They have no nest egg they are diving into the debt hole and I have been trying to give them the advice I learnt here to help them get on track and man you can bring the horse to water but can't make the stupid thing drink....
In my Asian culture we are expected to take care of our parents when they get old and I don’t see anything wrong with that bc they took care of me from birth until I started working with food, shelter and care. Thank goodness for me my mom has always been a saver and not high maintenance and doesn’t have any expensive lifestyle or addiction. But I would gladly take care of my mom when she can’t take care of herself. Of course I’d give her a budget of food and shelter and clothing. Our aging parents will one day need our help, physically, mentally rally and financially 😁
The problem is, our grandparents lived very simple and humble lives. Their cost of upkeep was very low compared to average salary. Our parents generation are more selfish, they live very expensive lifestyles and have credit, debts, cars, etc. They expect us to look after them more than they looked after their own parents. The cost of their upkeep is huge compared to average salary
It's a culture thing for sure. Personally I see it as my parents have 2+ decades of age ahead of me. That's two decades of working, earning, and investing. I'm going to have roughly the same advantage on my children. Why on planet Earth would I expect my child to take care of me, if I have that monumental time advantage when my kid is trying to build their own life with their own family? I personally view it as selfish. If I decided to not save and invest for retirement during my working years, then that's my own failure that I need to face the consequences of.
Dave is right, but for goodness sake, Dave would not let the caller get a word in halfway through the call. He doesn’t even know if the guy already agrees with him but hae another problem or if he needed help talking to his wife and was trying to ask for help to follow his advice 😂
Come to the point! This caller spent so much time hemming, hawing, and discussing irrelevancies: "Back in those days my sister-in-law owned part of the house..." "Does she still?" "No." "We were driving one day and I decided to ask her..."
Where's the daughter in all this? Did they pay the mother-in-law any $ for the house or was this why she was going to live with them? Who was behind her moving out? I don't trust this guy. Story is missing alot of facts.
Get her on a list to get low income housing. We don't know what she makes on SS but she probably can make it if she's in low income housing. We don't know her history, so we don't know what challenges she's had financially or if she's lived beyond her means, but I would never let my mother go homeless.
Outside of unexpected emergencies that can ruin the best of us including me, good responsible adults and parents will make sure they have planned properly to have a roof over their head and food to eat in old age!
@@palady1486 I guess you and I only see it that way, I not saying go buy her jewelry and fancy vacations, but lord Jesus, let's make sure she has food shelter, and a little love and respect. EVERYONE is big time HARD A$$.
@@palady1486 When boomers fail to down size when they are empty nesters, they are being selfish to then ask for help down the road. You don't need your family home meant for 3-5 for two people. Planning is apart of life. Once you retire, down sizing is key and people forego that with 100 excuses and then tell their children, "where's the love"...
Damn….WTH is wrong with our culture??? Is mom on drugs? Gambling? No? Was a she a good mom? Did she and her husband own a small business but couldn’t save but put their kids through. college? She hasn’t asked for a penny yet. So much not discussed or revealed - WTH? Was there a major health issue that wiped them out? Worst call and advice ever with ZERO backstory.
They say "only" because using the 4% rule from the trinity study $80,000 in investments can generate about $250 a month of income.... I don't know about you but for me that would not be able to support my bills. If $250 a month is a massive number for you, that's super exciting that you have your expenses so low!
@@RealWallyGator Right but if I say "only $100 for a car repair" plenty of people don't have a hundred, but given the context, since care repairs can rocket past a hundred, it's silly to be the grammar police over using "only". When on the scale of retirement, 80k is abysmal.
@@Nonsense116 “Only” implies not very much. A LOT more people have $100 than $80,000. You’re way over analyzing my comment. Disregarding the 4% rule, most people don’t have $80,000 in savings and would not refer to it as “only”.
Son in law was being nosy about her money and finances and now is assuming things. If she’s never came to you all and asked for any help- why stress on the what if….. sounds like they got a great deal on buying the family home- MIL needed a place to live while figuring out where to go - and now she’s gone. Let her be an adult and leave her alone. If she needs help- then go over your options - till then stay out of her financial business
So he only had to pay for half a house and he’s complaining? BUY MOM OUT buddy! Stop whining. Took the easy part when it suited ya. Now Dave is attempting to put the blame on the women in this instance. He’s wrong pointing the finger in one direction.
4:02 The issue here is he is the breadwinner. His wife makes less than than poverty levels. But he is expected to chip in “b/c it’s our money honey”. 😑 Very stupid. What about his family? He can’t be expected to give money to everyone. 😐
I see this with clarity. Nothing is going to change until one day MIL gets breast cancer diagnosis. Then the roof will cave in for husband. Wife will cause so much disorder for husband. My solution matches David’s. But going step further is to make the decision in writing and have MIL and wife sign that letter. At least it reduces the old wife excuse, “he never said that. “
Sad that this is the way things work in American culture, which Dave is such a great representative of. The Bible says honor your father and mother, your parents took care of you when you were a child (think about how terrible you or your wife’s lives might be had she not protected and cared for her as a child) so you have a responsibility to take care of them. Also, it doesn’t have to be that expensive. She can live with you and you basically just provide her with food….not that hard.
I don't think you followed the story. She was living with them before, when she had hundreds of thousands of dollars from the house they bought from her. Where did all that money go? Not to rent, because she was living with them. She spent it, all but 80K. And she spent it assuming they had more money yet and would just take care of her. You don't see anything wrong with a parent who does that? You think the kids should just accept that? The Bible says he who does not care for relatives denies the faith. It does not say, he who does not roll over like a chump for abusive relatives, just because they are his relatives, denies the faith.
Sadly only in western culture children don’t think they should take care of their parents. My mom sacrificed everything to raise my siblings and I to have a great life. She lived for us and gave up everything. She doesn’t have much for retirement but no matter what I’m taking care of my mom if she needs me!! And the same goes for my wife’s parents. Kicking out your 75 year old mom like this guy is truly disgusting.
@@DoobieKeebler-zz1mn who knows if this was every given to her? Dave did not ask the right questions. I wonder if they even paid her the share that was hers. Definitely need info from wife and mother-in-law.
@@BlessedOne_91 Yes, this is right! I helped, along with my brothers, my mother when she needed help and continued thru until she passed. I would give anything to have her back right now and I definitely would continue to take care of her. Thank you for being such a loving/caring person that you are....
I usually really like what Dave Ramsey brings to the table. I also think there are so many other situations that come up that he doesn’t even bother to ask and just assumes before he realizes all of the pieces. He’s been caught a couple of times at least what I have seen but for the most part it’s just… Sometimes it needs to be the case but and these types of situations it isn’t that black-and-white… Especially with an older woman who may have been in a situation where she had a husband who never gave her the option to work or ability to know what was going on though their finances. She came from a different generation… maybe have a little empathy dude. In my opinion, I’ve watched where he and his daughter are on live podcasts, and you can see where she is almost cringing with what he says. He just needs to retire and go away and let the younger people not change anything but have a little bit more of an open mind and knowledge of what today is versus 1987
The caller bought the family home where the mother was living! Why couldn't she have been given a bedroom and help with the chores? Sounds like the children bought the home where the mom was living and then kicked her out. Where is their compassion
Ramsey producers can you please get a message to Dave that Leonardo da Vinci did not have an involvement in the painting of the Sistine chapel. He's confusing it with Michelangelo. Sandro Botticelli started it and Michelangelo finished it.
My social security is enough to cover routine expenses since we paid off the house. I do part time work from home to cover a modest vacation and seasonal expenses. If i nreded a new roof it would have to come from savings but i make a few thousand a year that is adding to my nest egg and would cover things like a new water heater. She may get by fine with social security and medicad and small emergency money from nest egg earnings if she used proceeds from the house sale to buy a small condo in a cheaper outlying area. 80.000 is actually not that bad compared to most people. If she has to go into a nursing home hardly anybody can afford more than a few months. But most people die within a few months of going in. If its something like mental decline that can be longer. Get a retirement lawyer involved to know what you need to do for whatever assistance is available. If husband was a vet some help might be available through VA. For most of our lives $100.000 was a lot of money. When we were trying to start saving 10 percent CDs were a real thing. Great for my. Aunt. Terrible for people trying to grt started
They may never have to take care of their mother.. My best friend of mine 10 days ago started having Mini strokes and now she's in deep vascular dementia...in a brain fog and a nursing home.. His mother-in-law might die before this is even a question.
Right, he needs to do #1 and let it go! He might be the one that "leaves" early and then he won't have to be so overly concerned about it. He sounds like he is going to cause quite a problem between himself and his wife.
Please get a long term care insurance plan for her. My mom refused to get one, and being the daughter, I felt I couldn’t impose my opinion on her. We now pay over 6k a month to care for her. We would never not take care of our parents, but we were foolish not taking measures to help our future.
@@rebeccastora8398 I am one of the small % of Americans who chose to serve the country in the military. Should I need long term care, I'll go to a VA facility. I've used the VA for a severe motorcycle accident I had a few years, and they provided me great care, at no expense to me.
Helping is one thing. Supporting is different. We give my mother a little every month of which she normally saves. We do not support her. She enjoys being self sufficient except for trusting the Lord.
Wow! Amazing! What about her raising those kids when they were growing up, sleepless nights, feeding them, supporting them , giving them life. Does that deserve any help from children when mother gets old and helpless . Western society is appalling the way children treat their elderly parents.
It's nice to see someone that acknowledges and respects that. Your parents were blessed, I'm sure, to have you. This respect is rare to find in today's world.
I'm a dad. I chose to be one. Some people intentionally choose, some unintentionally. But it's still a choice. I'm not raising my kid for a transaction. I raise my kid because I love them and it's my responsibility. I'm not expecting a single thing in return. I think for parents to go up to their children and say "Hey, I didn't plan/save/invest for retirement. I spent every last penny I earned. I got to live my life and now you are going to foot all of my bills" is inSANELY selfish. My wife and I make sacrifices now to put aside for retirement so we don't have to be a burden on our children. Does that mean we miss out on things and live in not as a nice home? Sure. But missing out is so so so so much better than depending on a child to live. That's just horrible.
My pop is85 and I am 63, I would give my life for him at any moment. Please explain to me why I would not help him with stupid money. I will say next to My Savior Jesus Christ he is the best man I have ever known. I realize every parent is not that honorable but life is filled with less than perfect decisions on Everyone’s part.
If he is truly the best man that you have ever known, then he will have planned properly to ensure he does NOT have to put you in that situation!! Unexpected emergencies that only a 1%er like Elon Musk can handle do happen and I am ok with them and seeking help, but that is different from having to carry someone because of poor planning. To me, that would not be the "best man I have ever known". And I say that as a son and a father!!
@@GAFB1122Exactly! My parents saved for their senior care so we wouldn’t be burdened because they wanted to stay in their own home. We made arrangements for sitters when/if needed but they paid for it all. We meal prepped for them and cleaned their house on our own time and money but they funded everything else. Generational wealth should go forward not backward
Get an attorney in elder law get everything set up for him and wife (mom didn't mention anyone else) to have power of attorney over her care and financials for when her life takes a turn and unable to do for herself. If mom says no, she shouldn't expect him to do as she "expected ".
Taking care of elderly parents, and elderly parents not planning and saving for their old age, and just expecting their kids to do it for them are two very different things. It's about the attitude. "I don't have to save my money because my kids will just take care of me."
Aren't parents supposed to set aside money for retirement like the rest of us so they have an income after they are done working? I'm a dad, I can't even begin to imagine going up to my kid when they are a young adult and going "hey, I didn't do any planning for my retirement. I lived my life and spent every last penny I earned. Now instead of facing the consequences you are going to foot my bills." How insanely selfish.
No because that means you just had kids to take care of you not because you wanted to bring and raise a beautiful person. When I say my father in law literally said he had kids to take care of him when he’s old and not one of them wants to do it, and my mom and dad genuinely tell me don’t worry go live your life experience it we’ll find a way to make it happen it’s such a different feeling I have towards my parents and how I see my in laws relationship with their kids
@@carolinag8943Based on the Bible and forth commandment I was sure it was my responsibility to look after my parents, especially that I don't have a husband and children. Money has been always a problem in our family although both my parents worked hard and paid towards their pensions. Until recently I truly believed that if I give all extra money away (to people in need), after paying my bills and basic stuff, God will provide for me later on. Now I know I was wrong and it doesn't work this way. Neither my parents, my sisters nor myself had any savings and "investment" was a word identified with rich people. Generally, lack of knowledge and wrong beliefs. Currently I am trying to catch up after 30 years of having nothing. Literally nothing. These videos help me a lot.
Parents who expect their kids to help them were usually bad Parents....then feel like their kids owe them...eventhough they didnt ask to be here....pathetic parenting
He doesn’t know this yet but he kept the house in the family and he’ll be an outsider one day. M.I.L. will move back in (her house), their marriage will fall apart, he’ll have to pay alimony and Mom’s SSI will supplement the rest. **He trapped himself… clear as day now and he knows it!**
@@KnowledgeIsComfort Being a good stewart of your finances is one thing. Sadly, these days, there are many factors (circumstances) that threaten a comfortable future. In life, there are setbacks. 'crunching numbers' alone won't do it. Unexpected expenses such as medical bills can quickly eat up your nest egg.
Dave was being a bit rough on the MIL. Given she is a widow, and where has his biblical "look after the widows" thing gone, out the window? It could well be that MIL was a SAHM, did not have a career, and it was only what the FIL accumulated became her 'retirement' savings/equity in the house. Different era for women back then, don't judge by modern standards. Sure, the SIL could step in to manage the rest of her savings and invest it for her. They could even put a granny flat out the back for her if possible. This call, was not so cut and dried. A bit more compassion was required, not the judgement, not cutting her off.
This guy needs to get his head on straight for starters. This is a conversation they should have all had back when they bought the house. At that time, when it was suggested that the mother in law keep living in the house, they should have had everyone lay their cards on the table. They should have told mom to divulge everything - her social security income, her savings, etc. I wouldn’t let someone live in my house without me knowing all that. Then they should have all agreed on a plan, etc. Will mom live there temporarily until she gets own place, will it be permanent , etc.? This guy just sounds like he’s floating down the river of life in a canoe without a paddle. He has zero perspicacity.
when someone is straight forward and good at what she does best. People will always speak for them. For me I can would say give Mrs Sonia Duke of finance education a try and you be happy you did
If he is so worried about this why isn't he talking to his wife and then both of them talking to the MIL about investing some of that money? Even doing short term CD's right now would give her some extra money and just keep re-investing as long as she is able to.
It sounds like time for an overdue conversation with the MIL. Before that, husband and wife need to get on same page. Nothing wrong with helping MIL's future out by using all MIL resources available today. The big problem would come when MIL can no longer take care of herself, and expects daughter and SIL to bare the burden, and MIL has pilfered her assets away. That would be an extreme problem for me. I'm all for helping, but rescuing someone that put themselves in front of the approaching trainwreck is extremely challenging, and has been known to ruin marriages. My former inlaws were OK with asking for "loans", but when I offered financial advice they knew it all. Yeah I got divorced. Now I'm happy, debt free, and I don't "loan" anyone money.
"Lay it down & not worry about it." That is what you need to do. I hope your wife is on board. She won't be, so I think you will have #2 as you real option. Do what move will save your marriage. Pick the one where your wife won't hate you. Not fair, but that is who you married.
Medicare pays NOTHING towards a nursing home. If she is actually down to zero money possible Medicad might help. Alot depends on the date of the house being sold and how long ago it was...Medicad has a "look back" time period on all financial transactions.
Ever notice how so many of these weird situations involve in-laws or parents living with the caller? Granted, this particular in-law has moved out . . . but, still.
I just told my 13 year old son this tonight. Our kids are not responsible or obligated to take care of use in our elder years. This is horrible for ppl to do this.
My mama almost 60 and has no money saved at all. She won't take my advice at all. She said why don't ppl want to help their elderly parents it doesn't cost much to help feed them. What should I tell her?
I’ll be damned if I’m 75 years old and expect my kids to take care of me. My job in life is to take care of them, so later on, they can take care of my grandkids-not me.
@@desimo2686 but for lot of people like me parents are family unlike you and family always comes before anything. And just because parents doesn’t have money is a failure is stupid, i measure parents failure on how well did they raised their kids not by do they have money in the retirement account lol
Dave has been super cranky this week. This is the 3rd clip I’ve seen this week where he has just completely run the caller over or jumped to a conclusion.
Dave interrupted because Caller is Life Story Larry. Three minutes about who owned how much of a house that was only tangentially related to the question. A question should take 30 seconds, one minute tops, with additional details furnished as they are requested to flesh out the picture. Forest vs. trees, Larry. Forest vs. trees.
Jade: diligently taking notes. Dave: heard all this sh*t before.
She was also trying to say is 80k will NOT finance ailing health care ie nurses etc
Dave is right, if you want my money, you get my input 😊
She can baby sit.
If mom expects you to take care of her, then you absolutely have a right know her finances.
My Mom is 92 and has plenty of money to live on. My parents were never rich, but they saved. Dad passed last year, but Mom is doing great, living on her own. We thank God every day!!
My parents were the same thank God! They said they planned to never have to go to a nursing home and to be able to stay in their own home. That’s what they did. They wanted us to interview and hire sitters for them whenever they needed it and my sisters and I meal prepped for them and cleaned their house. But they both died at home ❤
I wholeheartedly agree; don’t do this to your children. My husband & I helped my mom, aunt, & dad for over 13 years till they all passed away & we’re blessed and grateful that we could financially afford to do so but the other costs was astronomical. Please don’t do this to your children.
I don't expect my son to take care of me when I get to that age. He has a life of his own and for me to put the burden on him to take care of me would be selfish unreasonable.
The sole purpose of the mother in law is to cause a divorce.
If he had anything about him he’d be happy to
As a daughter, I'm really hurt that my parents aren't interested in me caring for them. Silly pride. I really hope that I'll have the privilege of helping them in their golden years.
I will take care of my mom when she is older, but not because she expects it or is entitled to, but because I want to. I think caring for others is ok, letting your life be a mess on purpose and not taking responsability cuz “oh somebody will come take care of me” is not.
This is American thinking. Most cultures it's expected the younger generation will take care of elder generation.
I don’t expect my kids to take care of me. My mother takes care of herself with only social security. All of us kids give her a little each month, but she saves most of that to leave us! She is also a tither and a giver. God blesses her.
Responsibility without authority is an express ticket to a bad time
Exactly! He'll end up being the only stressed one if he agrees to mother in law's plan
George: PUT GRANMA TO WORK!
Lmao. Classic George.
😂😂
😂😂😂
That's exactly what he'd say if he were on this episode.
@@katyedwards3935 I say it. My aunt did it. 75 is the new 60
The dilemma for young people. Most old people are not prepared for long term care.
South Korea is a glimpse of the future, those that are not prepared will suffer the consequences.
The working age and tax paying population is shrinking. That will crunch programs like social security. Over reliance on that program and similar will not be a winning strategy.
The young people are having a hard time taking care of themselves as it is
@@TheFlowerQueen WOW! Excellent point. So true!
@@TheFlowerQueenBut a lot of them still say “spend your money because you can’t take it with you”. Those people will be this lady or worse
I like to make the distinction between an emergency and a known event such as retirement and aging AND how I personally handle each.
I will go out of my way and put myself out (if necessary) to help someone I love in an emergency or bad circumstance that few can handle on their own. These include (but not limited to), major disease, injury, etc. These are circumstances that can ruin the best, most responsible of us including me!!
But like it or not, we all get old and your irresponsibility and lack of planning for aging is on you!! As I commented below, I apply the Golden Rule. I am planning for retirement and old age, and I expect others to as well! And your lack of planning, does NOT become my problem.
THIS. YES AND YEEEEEES! 👏👏👏👏
Again Golden Rule that so many fail to apply.
I am a son and a father. I wouldn't put my kid in this situation therefore I do not expect for either of my parents to put me in this situation. GOLDEN RULE and I apply it in my life!!
I don't see this ending well for this gentleman. If the mother n law doesn't screw him, the soon to be ex-wife will.
I agree, coz her and her mother will obviously only have each others backs.
Adults take care of themselves. They dont put it off on their kids.
Noob from another culture: Well, in my culture, adult children take care of their parents blah blah.
@front331 like there's a difference between being too old to take care of yourself and spending a lifetime not planning for retirement.
@@blanketfortressofsolitude5270Exactly. Mine had saved up over a million to fund their senior care and be able to stay home
I feel this. I know my mother in law will need financial help when she retires, and I’m ok with it. I’m not ok with her having debt she took to renovate her house 10 years ago and still hasn’t payed off.
I hope you and your spouse have sat down and discussed finances with her. Like Dave said, if you’re responsible for her finances then you have to be involved and make sure things are done right. She needs to budget carefully and get her loans paid off!
She needs to pay off that loan for the renovation asap. or YOU will not be responsible for that. That was a CHOICE of hers.
@@girlygirl1890 the hard part is that she is absolutely sure she can pay it off in retirement and she thinks she will not need any money from us. She is to proud to accept the truth that her retirement will not be enough
There is an epidemic of elderly parent who see their grown children as a retirement plan - when did this become OK???
I think that was the retirement plan in the days before Social Security, pensions, IRAs, and 401Ks. People saved what they could and then their kids took care of them after their savings ran out. Married women were likely at home back then also, so they could physically look after parents, in-laws, and unmarried elderly relatives. As I understand it, the youngest daughter would stay home and care for the parents in their old age.
It was okay for thousands of years. It's a modern convention that children don't support their elders I'm old age. There are reasons for this new convention but nonetheless it's new.
@@austinduke8876 In the days of antiquity, parents gave their sons a piece of land to cultivate - or a share of the family business. Generational wealth was distributed among the children, who in turn had the incentive to stick around, and the means to provide for parents when they got old.
In modern America, grown children are saddled with college debt and got nothing from their parents expect a guilt trip. (ask me how I know)
I like how you pretend this is brand new whereas this was the normal, standard way of life for humans for hundreds of thousands of years up until a few decades ago.
@@TR0LLREIGN You literally just defined "brand new".
I’m 41 & single again. I’m dating with intention & this is a MAJOR problem with partners. Finding someone who isn’t an ATM to their parents is a major issue. My parents made under 80k & they have a couple million going into retirement. Never took vacays or ate out. If mine budgeted yours should have too.
Maybe learn to enjoy the solitude and peace of singledom!! And that is NOT a knock on either gender because I don't know, nor do I care if you are a man or woman. I've met good men and women and bad men and women. But more people need to learn how to enjoy their own company!
@@GAFB1122 Amen
You also come across folks in the dating market who are ATMs to their kids.
@@alberttang6955 Preach! Sooo true!
🎯🎯
I don’t expect my only child to take care me. Looking back back, I am so glad I made the decisions when I was younger, enlisted in and retired from the military. Because of that decision, I am set for life and will not have to depend on anyone financially. Add, I live on 30% of my retirement pay.
It is heartbreaking to hear these stories.
@Iamkesha You are a very smart woman. So glad for you and your son that you have paved a good road for yourself. More people need to be like you. Smart woman who chose a stable career. Love that!
Mike, when her mother money runs out, she can go on Medicaid.
She can then go on a Medicaid approved senior housing. Their business office can take over her financial affairs, they will feed her in their cafeteria and the government will allow her to keep $100 a month for toiletries.
I think that it is actually less than that per month...
"Children should not save for their, rather parents should save from their children"
Preach it Dave! Absolutely correct. On all accounts.
Agree with most of this. Years ago we helped out my mother-in-law before her passing but we knew what she had and what she spent.
Older parents who expect their children to "help them" when they haven't managed their own money are insane. Gen X kids are desperately trying to help their own kids to get out the door and into their adult lives. Boomer parents are thinking we have spare cash to give them because they didn't save anything?! Total garbage.
These two Boomer children helped our parents make smart financial decisions years before it was needed; worked out great for them. We have used our $$$ to smartly invest for our future, AND spent some of it while young enough to enjoy the benefits. The 4 "children" got all they're getting before each age 21. Estate sale after we pass; money goes to our choice of Pet Charity. Legally signed, notarized. AMF, YOYO's 🙂
@@Kathy-jh8he that's kind of harsh sorry. My dad left me something and now that I have cancer it's the difference between living in my apartment and living in the car
@@georgewagner7787 Lucky you! However, your situation arose due to choices you made years prior. Wish you all the best!
Depends upon the culture and family. You hate old people, it sounds like.
Gen X aren't going to have social security like these boomers that didn't plan...
"She could make it a decade" She could make it 2 decades, my grandma made it to 96.
Youth in Asia
My grandma just turned 102!
Thanks for giving us the house story background. We were wondering about that. 🥴
Right. Several minutes that none of will get back.
Why is 30k per year wife not handling giving Mom needed advice?
Good question!
There's something wrong with all of this talk. Everything has been reduced into crunching numbers, no heart in it.
My mother is living with us now. She's 83. She has been frugal all of her life. She collects soc sec and helps us out with groceries.
Having a nest egg is not on the radar for us, but we have lacked nothing. All of our needs have been met.
It doesn't sound like the young man's mom is living large. For now, she lives independently and is in relatively good health. No one can forsee the future. She might die and leave the 80 thousand dollars her son is after. She might outlive him, or she might use up her savings and live her last days in a nursing home.
It's amazing the amount of respect Dave has for Jade. Sure they go back and forth a little bit but he does let her make her points and then he agrees with her, other co-hosts he would just talk right over and bulldoze them out of his way.
Some parents can't help it. They had kids, were sick, stated home to take care of them, never got an education or work enough years to get retirement, what do you do then?
Really? Both parents had to stay home their entire lives and couldn’t save anything…..ever?
Presuming the mom is now paying rent to live somewhere. I'm pretty sure that eats up 100% of her SS check, especially in Chicago area.
I wish Dave had asked how much her SS check is.
@@Fishouta😅
Yeah, i dont know how financially she can make it with how expensive Chicago area is. the worse thing is everything is going up even rent, regardless of how much you have and or make. All it takes is one accident and the 80,000 is gone.
She needs to pre-pay her funeral arrangements
Ok, since y’all bringing race in. I’m Chinese Singaporean. We absolutely have a history where they birthed children to support them in old age. HOWEVER, my parents never expected that of me or my brother. Treating your children like future bank accounts are ABSOLUTELY a choice. And it’s a choice of compassion and emotional maturity.
Now, if me or my brother take care of them, buy them gifts, take them out to dinner they appreciate it so much more because they know it comes from a place of LOVE not OBLIGATION.
Cultures and traditions need to check themselves because sometimes it’s not right and downright toxic.
That sounds like a good and less stressful compromise.
What did she do with the money from the sale of her house?
I wonder if she even got the "half"....he said that they paid the sister her 50% but did not say that they paid his mother-in-law anything. Something wrong with this guy's story.
Situations like this are why I and money, I will do anything I can to not to put my son in this kind of situation where he feels a moral obligation to not let me be homeless or starving.
If shes healthy, PART TIME JOB. My aunt had debt and worked FT until 80 to stay in their house.
🎯
This saddens me. My mother is healthier than me, more active and has more energy. She is 65 but if I tell her to work, she flips the table. Yet she wants me and my brothers to cover her financially. We are from a Hispanic country and helping your parents is expected, but I should have know her intentions when she said sending me to college was an investment. They saw me as their retirement fund.
For all we know, grandma is racking up thousands in credit card debt
Exactly! My mother does that! She is so secretive about her messes!
Most people have little to nothing in their retirement. It’s a ticking time bomb
I am surprised how for so many people money matters more than their parents, i am in the camp of giving money to parents if you can afford. I have been taking care of my parents financially from past 10 years.
Do you have kids? Would you put your kids in that position when you are old?
I am a son and a father. My mom passed a decade ago. But thankfully my dad planned properly to ensure I do not have to take care of him in old age. And I am planning properly so my daughter does not have to take care of me in old age.
And I'm not talking about cancer, stroke, heart attack, etc. Things that can ruin the best of us. I am talking just about good old panning for retirement and old age! It is irresponsible and bad if you do not properly plan.
@@GAFB1122 only thing my mom & dad planned in their life is how can they raise me & my sister to be successful, everything they had invested in me & my sis, now we make sure they live life good.
@@3107karan I take that as a yes you would do and expect the same from your kids (if you have any). I would not expect that from mine as I plan for known events like old age and retirement. It is not like getting old is a surprise, lol. As Dave says, I can't plan for the 1 in a trillion chance that an asteroid will wipe out the country BUT I can plan for old age!
Have a nice day!
Good luck being enablers of fools.
It is a very North American attitude and they look down on old people who need help. I am North American, while I probably wouldn't 100% financially support my parents as I couldn't afford it (nor do they want it), we have come up with win-win scenarios when it comes to that time... where they can save money and it also helps my family out.
Man its like me listening to my life almost except my wife is on board with me of my parents have had no job for almost 20 years and my mother continued to smoke her entire life never held a job and I am like if I am to take care of you I will not buy you cigarettes EVER. They have no nest egg they are diving into the debt hole and I have been trying to give them the advice I learnt here to help them get on track and man you can bring the horse to water but can't make the stupid thing drink....
Wow! They just quit working and said “here we are son!”!?! So sorry
In my Asian culture we are expected to take care of our parents when they get old and I don’t see anything wrong with that bc they took care of me from birth until I started working with food, shelter and care. Thank goodness for me my mom has always been a saver and not high maintenance and doesn’t have any expensive lifestyle or addiction. But I would gladly take care of my mom when she can’t take care of herself. Of course I’d give her a budget of food and shelter and clothing. Our aging parents will one day need our help, physically, mentally rally and financially 😁
The problem is, our grandparents lived very simple and humble lives. Their cost of upkeep was very low compared to average salary. Our parents generation are more selfish, they live very expensive lifestyles and have credit, debts, cars, etc. They expect us to look after them more than they looked after their own parents. The cost of their upkeep is huge compared to average salary
Words of wisdom, in a ruthless world.
It's a culture thing for sure. Personally I see it as my parents have 2+ decades of age ahead of me. That's two decades of working, earning, and investing. I'm going to have roughly the same advantage on my children. Why on planet Earth would I expect my child to take care of me, if I have that monumental time advantage when my kid is trying to build their own life with their own family? I personally view it as selfish. If I decided to not save and invest for retirement during my working years, then that's my own failure that I need to face the consequences of.
@cindy2418 I think your culture and ideals are lovely. I wished more people felt like you do.
But caring for your kids is your job as a parent, it’s not anything special. Kids should never be a retirement plan
Dave is right, but for goodness sake, Dave would not let the caller get a word in halfway through the call. He doesn’t even know if the guy already agrees with him but hae another problem or if he needed help talking to his wife and was trying to ask for help to follow his advice 😂
The caller seems to have a serious problem coming to a point. I sympathize with Dave interrupting him.
No, the caller wouldn't listen and kept trying to interrupt. The caller had terrible input, he needed to listen.
Dave has heard everything he needs to hear, everything after this is just filler or excuses.
Come to the point! This caller spent so much time hemming, hawing, and discussing irrelevancies:
"Back in those days my sister-in-law owned part of the house..." "Does she still?" "No."
"We were driving one day and I decided to ask her..."
Yeah, I didn't have much patience for this caller.
Where's the daughter in all this? Did they pay the mother-in-law any $ for the house or was this why she was going to live with them? Who was behind her moving out? I don't trust this guy. Story is missing alot of facts.
@@palady1486 I hear you. Did they buy the other person out? It went from owning 50% to owning all the house. HUH??
I know, it sounded like a woman trying to tell the story….:and I’m a woman 😂
Get her on a list to get low income housing. We don't know what she makes on SS but she probably can make it if she's in low income housing. We don't know her history, so we don't know what challenges she's had financially or if she's lived beyond her means, but I would never let my mother go homeless.
LMAOOO CALLER TRIED MULTIPLE TIMES TO REPLY. IT'S HILARIOUS! "I MEA---" x34
They don’t need to cover her mistakes but children should make sure their parents have a roof over their head and food to eat in old age.
Outside of unexpected emergencies that can ruin the best of us including me, good responsible adults and parents will make sure they have planned properly to have a roof over their head and food to eat in old age!
Wow! what ever happened to family helping each other!
@@palady1486 I guess you and I only see it that way, I not saying go buy her jewelry and fancy vacations, but lord Jesus, let's make sure she has food shelter, and a little love and respect. EVERYONE is big time HARD A$$.
Only if the parents failed to prepare.
@@palady1486 When boomers fail to down size when they are empty nesters, they are being selfish to then ask for help down the road. You don't need your family home meant for 3-5 for two people. Planning is apart of life. Once you retire, down sizing is key and people forego that with 100 excuses and then tell their children, "where's the love"...
She’s a leech. She didn’t plan for her life. It’s on her.
I’m glad you’re perfect and planned your life perfectly and absolutely no faults at all.
@@HOLDXSTEEL yes me and my family planned ahead so this wouldn’t happen. It’s not rocket science. It’s discipline
@@HOLDXSTEELdumb comment
And, she smells like bad fish.
@@PepeToTheMooon oh good for you Mr perfect
If my "nest egg" was only 80 large, I would be scared to death.
@Kagnew TBH she is doing better than alot of people are with that little 80,000.00
@@girlygirl1890 You are correct, I'm sure. With today's prices, however, it sure wouldn't go far.
They got Dave out here cussin 🤣🤣🤣
You should look at how much money would it cost to put his mother-in-law in a nursing home?. Does she qualify for Medicaid if her health fails.?
I'm sure she would qualify. She has no assets after that small savings is gone.
She will only qualify for Medicaid when the 80k is gone.
Damn….WTH is wrong with our culture??? Is mom on drugs? Gambling? No? Was a she a good mom? Did she and her husband own a small business but couldn’t save but put their kids through. college? She hasn’t asked for a penny yet. So much not discussed or revealed - WTH? Was there a major health issue that wiped them out? Worst call and advice ever with ZERO backstory.
News flash: Most people don’t even have “Only $80,000”.
They say "only" because using the 4% rule from the trinity study $80,000 in investments can generate about $250 a month of income.... I don't know about you but for me that would not be able to support my bills. If $250 a month is a massive number for you, that's super exciting that you have your expenses so low!
@@Nonsense116 Again… Most people don’t even have that much.
@@RealWallyGator Right but if I say "only $100 for a car repair" plenty of people don't have a hundred, but given the context, since care repairs can rocket past a hundred, it's silly to be the grammar police over using "only". When on the scale of retirement, 80k is abysmal.
@@Nonsense116 “Only” implies not very much. A LOT more people have $100 than $80,000. You’re way over analyzing my comment. Disregarding the 4% rule, most people don’t have $80,000 in savings and would not refer to it as “only”.
Son in law was being nosy about her money and finances and now is assuming things. If she’s never came to you all and asked for any help- why stress on the what if…..
sounds like they got a great deal on buying the family home- MIL needed a place to live while figuring out where to go - and now she’s gone. Let her be an adult and leave her alone. If she needs help- then go over your options - till then stay out of her financial business
So he only had to pay for half a house and he’s complaining? BUY MOM OUT buddy! Stop whining. Took the easy part when it suited ya. Now Dave is attempting to put the blame on the women in this instance. He’s wrong pointing the finger in one direction.
4:02 The issue here is he is the breadwinner. His wife makes less than than poverty levels. But he is expected to chip in “b/c it’s our money honey”. 😑
Very stupid. What about his family? He can’t be expected to give money to everyone. 😐
I see this with clarity. Nothing is going to change until one day MIL gets breast cancer diagnosis. Then the roof will cave in for husband. Wife will cause so much disorder for husband. My solution matches David’s. But going step further is to make the decision in writing and have MIL and wife sign that letter. At least it reduces the old wife excuse, “he never said that. “
Sad that this is the way things work in American culture, which Dave is such a great representative of. The Bible says honor your father and mother, your parents took care of you when you were a child (think about how terrible you or your wife’s lives might be had she not protected and cared for her as a child) so you have a responsibility to take care of them. Also, it doesn’t have to be that expensive. She can live with you and you basically just provide her with food….not that hard.
I don't think you followed the story. She was living with them before, when she had hundreds of thousands of dollars from the house they bought from her. Where did all that money go? Not to rent, because she was living with them. She spent it, all but 80K. And she spent it assuming they had more money yet and would just take care of her. You don't see anything wrong with a parent who does that? You think the kids should just accept that?
The Bible says he who does not care for relatives denies the faith. It does not say, he who does not roll over like a chump for abusive relatives, just because they are his relatives, denies the faith.
Sadly only in western culture children don’t think they should take care of their parents. My mom sacrificed everything to raise my siblings and I to have a great life. She lived for us and gave up everything. She doesn’t have much for retirement but no matter what I’m taking care of my mom if she needs me!! And the same goes for my wife’s parents. Kicking out your 75 year old mom like this guy is truly disgusting.
@@DoobieKeebler-zz1mn who knows if this was every given to her? Dave did not ask the right questions. I wonder if they even paid her the share that was hers. Definitely need info from wife and mother-in-law.
@@BlessedOne_91 Yes, this is right! I helped, along with my brothers, my mother when she needed help and continued thru until she passed. I would give anything to have her back right now and I definitely would continue to take care of her. Thank you for being such a loving/caring person that you are....
They also have the responsibility over the course of their lifetime to save the funds necessary for their own care inold age.
Rent is probably eating up all of her Social Security benefit.
My parents will never go homeless as long as I have a roof over my head!
That’s exactly right!!!
At least we have a couch for them to sleep on.
I usually really like what Dave Ramsey brings to the table. I also think there are so many other situations that come up that he doesn’t even bother to ask and just assumes before he realizes all of the pieces. He’s been caught a couple of times at least what I have seen but for the most part it’s just… Sometimes it needs to be the case but and these types of situations it isn’t that black-and-white… Especially with an older woman who may have been in a situation where she had a husband who never gave her the option to work or ability to know what was going on though their finances. She came from a different generation… maybe have a little empathy dude. In my opinion, I’ve watched where he and his daughter are on live podcasts, and you can see where she is almost cringing with what he says. He just needs to retire and go away and let the younger people not change anything but have a little bit more of an open mind and knowledge of what today is versus 1987
The caller bought the family home where the mother was living! Why couldn't she have been given a bedroom and help with the chores? Sounds like the children bought the home where the mom was living and then kicked her out. Where is their compassion
How many times can a caller say, "like"?
Like, twenty.
Ramsey producers can you please get a message to Dave that Leonardo da Vinci did not have an involvement in the painting of the Sistine chapel. He's confusing it with Michelangelo. Sandro Botticelli started it and Michelangelo finished it.
Actually, I finished it. But no one ever talks about it. Lost history 😔
My social security is enough to cover routine expenses since we paid off the house. I do part time work from home to cover a modest vacation and seasonal expenses. If i nreded a new roof it would have to come from savings but i make a few thousand a year that is adding to my nest egg and would cover things like a new water heater. She may get by fine with social security and medicad and small emergency money from nest egg earnings if she used proceeds from the house sale to buy a small condo in a cheaper outlying area. 80.000 is actually not that bad compared to most people. If she has to go into a nursing home hardly anybody can afford more than a few months. But most people die within a few months of going in. If its something like mental decline that can be longer. Get a retirement lawyer involved to know what you need to do for whatever assistance is available. If husband was a vet some help might be available through VA. For most of our lives $100.000 was a lot of money. When we were trying to start saving 10 percent CDs were a real thing. Great for my. Aunt. Terrible for people trying to grt started
They may never have to take care of their mother.. My best friend of mine 10 days ago started having Mini strokes and now she's in deep vascular dementia...in a brain fog and a nursing home.. His mother-in-law might die before this is even a question.
Right, he needs to do #1 and let it go! He might be the one that "leaves" early and then he won't have to be so overly concerned about it. He sounds like he is going to cause quite a problem between himself and his wife.
No man can tell me not to help my mother financially, but then I'm Jamaican.
To what limit though? Can your husband not tell you he's uncomfortable giving your mom thousands......forever?
Please get a long term care insurance plan for her. My mom refused to get one, and being the daughter, I felt I couldn’t impose my opinion on her. We now pay over 6k a month to care for her. We would never not take care of our parents, but we were foolish not taking measures to help our future.
@@rebeccastora8398 I am one of the small % of Americans who chose to serve the country in the military. Should I need long term care, I'll go to a VA facility. I've used the VA for a severe motorcycle accident I had a few years, and they provided me great care, at no expense to me.
Helping is one thing. Supporting is different. We give my mother a little every month of which she normally saves. We do not support her. She enjoys being self sufficient except for trusting the Lord.
Then don't marry anyone until she dies.
Wow! Amazing! What about her raising those kids when they were growing up, sleepless nights, feeding them, supporting them , giving them life. Does that deserve any help from children when mother gets old and helpless . Western society is appalling the way children treat their elderly parents.
When you choose to have children, that is your responsibility.
It's nice to see someone that acknowledges and respects that. Your parents were blessed, I'm sure, to have you. This respect is rare to find in today's world.
I'm a dad. I chose to be one. Some people intentionally choose, some unintentionally. But it's still a choice. I'm not raising my kid for a transaction. I raise my kid because I love them and it's my responsibility. I'm not expecting a single thing in return. I think for parents to go up to their children and say "Hey, I didn't plan/save/invest for retirement. I spent every last penny I earned. I got to live my life and now you are going to foot all of my bills" is inSANELY selfish. My wife and I make sacrifices now to put aside for retirement so we don't have to be a burden on our children. Does that mean we miss out on things and live in not as a nice home? Sure. But missing out is so so so so much better than depending on a child to live. That's just horrible.
I do not qualify for Medicaid and all I have for income is social security.
My pop is85 and I am 63, I would give my life for him at any moment. Please explain to me why I would not help him with stupid money. I will say next to My Savior Jesus Christ he is the best man I have ever known. I realize every parent is not that honorable but life is filled with less than perfect decisions on Everyone’s part.
If he is truly the best man that you have ever known, then he will have planned properly to ensure he does NOT have to put you in that situation!! Unexpected emergencies that only a 1%er like Elon Musk can handle do happen and I am ok with them and seeking help, but that is different from having to carry someone because of poor planning. To me, that would not be the "best man I have ever known". And I say that as a son and a father!!
@@GAFB1122poor planning? You are a fool my friend.
@@georgeseymour7116 If someone has not saved enough money to finance their own care in old age THEY are the failed fool. They've had half a century!
@@georgeseymour7116 Friend, if you don't properly plan, you are the fool.
@@GAFB1122Exactly! My parents saved for their senior care so we wouldn’t be burdened because they wanted to stay in their own home. We made arrangements for sitters when/if needed but they paid for it all. We meal prepped for them and cleaned their house on our own time and money but they funded everything else. Generational wealth should go forward not backward
Get an attorney in elder law get everything set up for him and wife (mom didn't mention anyone else) to have power of attorney over her care and financials for when her life takes a turn and unable to do for herself. If mom says no, she shouldn't expect him to do as she "expected ".
Aren't children supposed to take care of their elderly parents?
The parents are also supposed to save up to fund their own care. You've got half a century to prepare!
Taking care of elderly parents, and elderly parents not planning and saving for their old age, and just expecting their kids to do it for them are two very different things. It's about the attitude. "I don't have to save my money because my kids will just take care of me."
Aren't parents supposed to set aside money for retirement like the rest of us so they have an income after they are done working? I'm a dad, I can't even begin to imagine going up to my kid when they are a young adult and going "hey, I didn't do any planning for my retirement. I lived my life and spent every last penny I earned. Now instead of facing the consequences you are going to foot my bills." How insanely selfish.
No because that means you just had kids to take care of you not because you wanted to bring and raise a beautiful person. When I say my father in law literally said he had kids to take care of him when he’s old and not one of them wants to do it, and my mom and dad genuinely tell me don’t worry go live your life experience it we’ll find a way to make it happen it’s such a different feeling I have towards my parents and how I see my in laws relationship with their kids
@@carolinag8943Based on the Bible and forth commandment I was sure it was my responsibility to look after my parents, especially that I don't have a husband and children. Money has been always a problem in our family although both my parents worked hard and paid towards their pensions. Until recently I truly believed that if I give all extra money away (to people in need), after paying my bills and basic stuff, God will provide for me later on. Now I know I was wrong and it doesn't work this way. Neither my parents, my sisters nor myself had any savings and "investment" was a word identified with rich people. Generally, lack of knowledge and wrong beliefs. Currently I am trying to catch up after 30 years of having nothing. Literally nothing. These videos help me a lot.
Dave gets scary when he cusses
Parents who expect their kids to help them were usually bad Parents....then feel like their kids owe them...eventhough they didnt ask to be here....pathetic parenting
I agree with them.
He doesn’t know this yet but he kept the house in the family and he’ll be an outsider one day.
M.I.L. will move back in (her house), their marriage will fall apart, he’ll have to pay alimony and Mom’s SSI will supplement the rest.
**He trapped himself… clear as day now and he knows it!**
Annuity with SSI, that can get her through.
All relationships have been reduced to crunching numbers. What a stinky world we have all created.
If mom had crunched the numbers when she was younger it wouldn’t have to be intertwined in their relationship now
@@KnowledgeIsComfort Being a good stewart of your finances is one thing. Sadly, these days, there are many factors (circumstances) that threaten a comfortable future. In life, there are setbacks. 'crunching numbers' alone won't do it. Unexpected expenses such as medical bills can quickly eat up your nest egg.
Dave was being a bit rough on the MIL. Given she is a widow, and where has his biblical "look after the widows" thing gone, out the window?
It could well be that MIL was a SAHM, did not have a career, and it was only what the FIL accumulated became her 'retirement' savings/equity in the house. Different era for women back then, don't judge by modern standards.
Sure, the SIL could step in to manage the rest of her savings and invest it for her. They could even put a granny flat out the back for her if possible.
This call, was not so cut and dried. A bit more compassion was required, not the judgement, not cutting her off.
This guy needs to get his head on straight for starters. This is a conversation they should have all had back when they bought the house. At that time, when it was suggested that the mother in law keep living in the house, they should have had everyone lay their cards on the table. They should have told mom to divulge everything - her social security income, her savings, etc. I wouldn’t let someone live in my house without me knowing all that. Then they should have all agreed on a plan, etc. Will mom live there temporarily until she gets own place, will it be permanent , etc.? This guy just sounds like he’s floating down the river of life in a canoe without a paddle. He has zero perspicacity.
How is a stay at home mum expected to have 401K?? Curious.
Perhaps she should have worked when the children reached middle school. That would have been plenty of time
I'm favoured, $30K every week! I can now give back to the locals in my community and also support God's work and the church. God bless America.
As a beginner what do I need to do? How can I invest, on which platform? If you know any please share.
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Stop posting this stupid comment on every post. Take your scam somewhere else
Started with 5,000$ and Withdrew profits
89,000$
wait.....where did mom move to...how much is mom soc sec monthly
Run buddy! R U N!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CarnivoreStork And if most of the seniors out there does this, how long will this be possible for this country?😮
80k not bad , better than nothing.
Yes, doable. E.g. if she pulls out $250 per month, that could last her until 100 years. She could get roommates or move in with one of the other kids.
If he is so worried about this why isn't he talking to his wife and then both of them talking to the MIL about investing some of that money? Even doing short term CD's right now would give her some extra money and just keep re-investing as long as she is able to.
It sounds like time for an overdue conversation with the MIL. Before that, husband and wife need to get on same page. Nothing wrong with helping MIL's future out by using all MIL resources available today. The big problem would come when MIL can no longer take care of herself, and expects daughter and SIL to bare the burden, and MIL has pilfered her assets away. That would be an extreme problem for me. I'm all for helping, but rescuing someone that put themselves in front of the approaching trainwreck is extremely challenging, and has been known to ruin marriages. My former inlaws were OK with asking for "loans", but when I offered financial advice they knew it all. Yeah I got divorced. Now I'm happy, debt free, and I don't "loan" anyone money.
I would have your wife tell her she’s on her own. She didn’t plan and that ain’t your problem.
"Lay it down & not worry about it." That is what you need to do. I hope your wife is on board. She won't be, so I think you will have #2 as you real option. Do what move will save your marriage. Pick the one where your wife won't hate you. Not fair, but that is who you married.
Social security for now. If she ends up in a nursing home, Medicare will pay after she spends down her assets. Pretty simple.
Medicare pays NOTHING towards a nursing home. If she is actually down to zero money possible Medicad might help. Alot depends on the date of the house being sold and how long ago it was...Medicad has a "look back" time period on all financial transactions.
That's all I was able to save due to poor health and no spouse. My parents left me something though
Ever notice how so many of these weird situations involve in-laws or parents living with the caller? Granted, this particular in-law has moved out . . . but, still.
I just told my 13 year old son this tonight. Our kids are not responsible or obligated to take care of use in our elder years. This is horrible for ppl to do this.
My mama almost 60 and has no money saved at all. She won't take my advice at all. She said why don't ppl want to help their elderly parents it doesn't cost much to help feed them. What should I tell her?
I’ll be damned if I’m 75 years old and expect my kids to take care of me.
My job in life is to take care of them, so later on, they can take care of my grandkids-not me.
Remember- only person who truly loves you in this world is your mother, and if you can’t even take care of her, you are a failure.
the mother is a failure for burdening her children
@@desimo2686 it’s just sad that you see your broke mother as a burden.
@@3107karan thats just a fact. dont burden your children with your failures. they have their own families to worry about
@@desimo2686 but for lot of people like me parents are family unlike you and family always comes before anything. And just because parents doesn’t have money is a failure is stupid, i measure parents failure on how well did they raised their kids not by do they have money in the retirement account lol
“Escape goat”
I wondered if that was what he said. Haha- I thought I might have misheard.
Call an elder law attorney and get her on Medicaid
Then YOU are paying for her.
Then YOU are paying for her. Unless you don't pay taxes.
If my taxes are going to help take care of my mother I’m ok with that.
She can be on Medicare but not Medicaid until her $80k is gone.
Why is this guy worried about this? She doesn’t live with them. It’s really none of his business.
Dave kept going off while the guy kept trying to respond lol smh
Dave has been super cranky this week. This is the 3rd clip I’ve seen this week where he has just completely run the caller over or jumped to a conclusion.
...it's kind of his MO...
...his "name is on the building" as he would say...
The guy called Dave. He can shut up and listen. 😂🤷🏻♂️
Dave interrupted because Caller is Life Story Larry. Three minutes about who owned how much of a house that was only tangentially related to the question. A question should take 30 seconds, one minute tops, with additional details furnished as they are requested to flesh out the picture. Forest vs. trees, Larry. Forest vs. trees.
@@cisium1184 Life Story Larry! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm using that.
They should see that their parents are taken care of, if possible.
Don't like Dave’s attitude-he is suppose to be a Christian.😢
Grown children are not responsible for financially supporting their parents, especially if the parents have been irresponsible.
Neither do I . Someday he will face his own harsh judgements.
Whoa 😮 first time I heard Dave say the B**** word. I thought this show was based off of Christian morals and ethics.
I for one, am shocked! Shocked I tell you! I can no longer look up to Dave as a role model. What a potty mouth!
NOPE! Not his mother, not his business. His wife needs to have this decision, not him!
Just simply build a better pen for the escape goat
That's a good start.