When I was dating my husband, he told me he had to get a second job because he wanted to make sure we were straight. I told him, "Let's work together and see what we can do with the money we already had." As of today, we are debt free and have built a good foundation for our family. My husband worked as a janitor, and I was a staff assistant. We made it work. Now, we are both retired and living well.
What is the major difference between your situation and black women of today? You were married and you're from a different generation. When we have black females telling other black females that they don't need a man, that they're fine by themselves, and that their children doesn't need a father these females have no foundation and they're instilling this dysfunctional behavior in their children. These sons are going up without a purpose. You and your husband had a purpose to go out and get another job to keep the family afloat. Black woman that have joined/wanted to be included in the white woman feminist movement that was created to go against her white men have destroyed the black household.
Disguised go read a book & get therapy. You sound like a broken, hurt man. You know what they say, broken people break people & hurt people hurt people
Thank you for being a man holding other men accountable 🤗My favorite quote from this episode, ‘if you can’t take care of your 4 walls, you have no business looking for a wife’. Powerful ‼️
If he can't pay his utility he shouldn't even be DATING. Dating is a luxury expense that will deplete your resources as you try to build your foundation. I am in that transition phase now and I am not even interested in dating right now. By abstaining I can focus on building my new career, saving money, and INVESTING money so I can be a much better resource for my future family.
I agree mentality problem not financial problem! Awesome point! I was able to afford an electric bill on my own at 18 years old 🥴 at 35 and all you can afford is an electric bill is wild. 😂
@taylorspastpresent1014 You are correct young Queen🤗, as a woman over 60 in years, married 33 yrs. What was not covered is many of those men especially other MD's as I'm a MD many of them are truly EMT EMOTIONAL MENTAL TERRORIST. As far as Tyler making a woman a baby mama ( could it be that he did a Michael Jackson ) there are many women that give that man a child and chooses not to be the physical and emotional primary to her child.
Right Anthony, Tyler should be giving these men advice about how to get to where he is. Men need to stop telling women what they should accept from men period. If a man loves you he is going to want to provide and protect you. Something’s are just unacceptable.
EXACTLY! It is so ironic for Tyler to not encourage the men to do more because Tyler himself went from being homeless living in his car to being a BILLIONAIRE owning a movie studio! He should've been sharing the blueprint for men
The way that Sarah Jakes Roberts is empowering 40K women, is the way that Tyler Perry and other Black men of high regard, should be motivating brothers to want more for themselves, mentally, physically, financially, and most importantly, spiritually. Why as Black women are we told to look at character and integrity, which in my opinion are very important attributes in a partner and even for yourself, but when it comes to the financial part of things, we have to be open to Black men who make less than us, are not as driven, and/or financially clueless and unprepared? No other cultures tell their women to do that and have lower expectations for their men when seeking a life partner. So why is it like that in the Black American culture?
When you get down to it, life is simple. The further you go back in time when we had less options; we were better people. Women are really holding having money in higher regards than being a wife and a good mother. How can you expect black men to be what our kids need (better fathers=more family time) and high earners. This expectation complicates the family dynamics and often ruins it. Y'all have more requirements than Jesus. If we are good enough for him, as we are then why not for you?
@@WanzaLeftwichOK. Everything cannot be on the BW's shoulders. BM NEED to be in the home to teach their son's what men are supposed to do and their role in society.
Yes, Tyler Perry you are in trouble.... for wanting BW to take care of a grown man. IF the man is only paying the light bill; then what happens if she gets sick or takes maternity leave?👀👀
Exactly. This is the primary reason that most nearly universally for thousands of years, men were the main financial providers. Interestingly enough, BW have the highest maternal mortality rates and America has the worst maternal leave policies of the developed and even much of developing world. It isn't okay to expect BW to head the financial weight of a household AND also head the carrying, birthing and rearing of the children
I thought Tyler Perry was referring to minor bills when he mentioned the "light bill". If a woman is making 6 figures and meets a man making 50k, her minor bills plus her car and house may be out of his budget. Would that make him unfit for relationship completely? Or just not a right fit for her?
There's no society in the world that expects a man not to take of his costs of living and his family's costs of living. My boyfriend is Scottish and I'm Nigerian and he described this situation as "horrific".
BW outnumber BM 2-1 so BW may as well get it together and understand that she's going to have to date out to get her Boaz. He dates out with no problem and is proud of it and he doesn't take TP's advice when he's with these non-black women.
I am a Nigeria fella we work multiple remote six figure jobs to provide for our families and take care of our parents living here in the states . This is not even a conversation In our circles smh
@@francisikwueme1688 I really think that black American men have something seriously wrong with them that they have no shame in fighting women to pay for them. Then they expect submissiveness and respect
There's a simple test - if God forbid something happens to one parent, would the other parent be able to financially and emotionally take care of the children? If you can only cover a light bill then the answer is no and you aren't ready yet for marriage and family.
If the parents are smart, they’ll get life insurance to supplement their income in their untimely demise and plan out how they want the widow(er) to carry out those wishes. Just my thought.
@@buiefamily5454if they were not financially responsible before the responsible spouse dies, what makes you think they would magically handle that life insurance money well? Plus I wouldn’t trust a man who doesn’t make any money but got a life insurance policy out on me. Sounds like the start of a true crime documentary lol
I asked my 10 year old daughter what would she do if her husband could only pay $200 of the bills and she payed the remaining $1,800 of the bills. She said “We would have to sit down and figure out what he is doing with his money because that is not fair.” She said “he might have to get a better job so that he can at least pay half of the bills”. I have been a STAHM for the last 7 years of her life. Her father/my husband pays all of our bills. She wants to be a STAHM once her and her future husband starts having kids but she will work in the beginning. So even my 10 year old daughter knows that a grown man should be able to pay more than a light bill.
Your daughter is right! However, you and your husband have trained her by her seeing this lifestyle for a decade. Every little girl is not being raised in this manner.
I think yall got stuck on his extreme analogy that yall failed to get his overall point... there is no man in the entire universe that will tell a woman to get with a man that can only afford the light bill...he probably shouldn't have used that analogy, however it wasn't the point...he was just saying good average women need to stop sticking their noses up at good average men
Tyler didn't mention men like your talking about. He said Black women should be okay with men who can only pay a utility bill. Which means they cannot take care themselves. And he specifically noted Black women. He knew better then to say that to women of other ethnic groups. How do you build generational wealth if you cannot keep a roof over your own head?
Really, that is not what I heard. Tyler, could not be in his right mind if he said that. A man should be able to take care of himself, find his purpose.
Anthony also made it clear that he does not agree that it should be acceptable for a man to only be able to pat a light bill. He said if a man does not have the basics for himself, then he should not be dating. He said a man must have a foundation at least and all men need to strive for at least 6 figures
Generational wealth is built through marriage which leads to families which builds communities. Generational wealth isn't built through single parent homes.
Why are women going to extremes? He didn’t say broke he said if the man just makes less😂. If the woman makes 80-90k and the man makes 50-60k they will be good even on their own as long as they do not live beyond there means and try to chase a certain lifestyle. And together u won’t struggle you’ll be fine, like if people are gonna measure a man’s masculinity based on his finances being higher than his woman’s then there’s no point in talking about equality anymore. Like why are people acting like he’s talking about a man that lives in a shoe box. It’s like when the man is making more than the woman it’s fine and he’ll take care of majority of the bills too, but in the reverse it’s bad. And yet we’re still talking about gender equality?
I definitely agree with you. A man should bring more to the table than paying the light bill. I’m glad to see men speaking against that nonsense. I’ve been happily married for 10 years and my husband is a provider. 🙌🏾
Well said! I'm also tired of the narrative pushed that BW are unrealistic in their expectations. Most of us are okay with partnering with people who are not millionaires.
I agree with this 100%! A man doesn't have to make six figures...as most people don't...a man with character also needs to demonstrate he's taking care of his business just like the women are taking care of their business. Then you come together as one to build from there.
@alonia849 This story has gone viral. If you do some research, you'll see that BP have one perspective, while non-black people have another. Everyone sees what's going on -- and who the problem is.
The internet has no shortage of relationship experts and people who have all the answers about successful relationships yet the status of successful relationships between men and women today is the worst it’s ever been.
I agree wholeheartedly with what you are saying. A man should have his foundation strong before he tries adding to his life. Trust me I had that type of man not financially well off and didnt want to grow. I gave him time but I continued to grow with or without him and he finally got the picture that I wasn't slowing down for him and he got on board and changed it around. Now he values hard work and is building his foundation the right way.😊
I completely agree with you. If a man can’t cover those four corners, he begins to not feel worthy and leans on the women around him. I saw this happen in my own family. With these type of men, you need to pray for them but they have to learn how to be on their own because it will force them to be better.
People from different communities are responding to this now. What I've noticed is that BM/BW have one perception (generally), while non-black men and women have another. BW are the only group of women encouraged to settle for less -- due to the BM's longstanding failure. BM don't know how to build, protect, or provide for themselves or their community -- and aren't trying to. So, instead of BM encouraging one another to be better men, they put the burden on BW.
As an east African person, the idea of family or community signing off to you being with a man who is not financially stable is absolutely ludicrous to me. Male parental figures would be even more outraged at the idea. Even extremely poor families still screen for this. You better be less poor than your female partner. It is the one key thing that everyone agrees on to screen for. So I don’t understand when this became a Blk people thing. It’s actually quite alarming.
First off, their is no community, it's just baby mama's. Yall did that to yourselves. 75% of children born out of wedlock are by 15% of black man. Why don't you all get married instead of having all these children out of wedlock by the same men??
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯 BEEN SAYING THIS SINCE FORVER. Black men advocate for 50/50 and for their women to settle for less because it’s all they can offer in majority. They aren’t getting degrees and they aren’t pulling out trades like Hispanic and white men. The black woman is the only woman who is EXPECTED to date down while white women date up!!! It’s pathetic.
Anthony worded it the right way! If you're going to give dating & financial suggestions to people it's best to think through how you deliver the message. This was well thought out, makes sense, & well received 👍🏾
I understood what HE WAS TRYING TO SAY but his delivery was all wrong and detrimental. If BM hear a Billionaire say women should accept a man paying only a light bill (and yes many will take it for face value), that just enforces their level of mediocrity. Not saying a school teacher, etc is mediocre but a mindset to not strive, save, invest and whatever your job is make it work the best you can for your family and hopefully the next generation. That matters. Seeing my grandfather go back to school after his retirement and get his degree, motivated his grandchildren and great grands to go for advance education. I graduated (Bachelor’s) with my Grandfather, my cousin got his Masters with my grandfather. That was priceless for our family! It set character in place for generations to come.
I totally agree with you. No adult should be content with only being able to afford paying the electricity bill. We should all strive to be the greatest we can be and no settling for just enough.
MOST single BW want a man that can take care of his own financial responsibilities, paying his own rent, his own bills, not living beyond his means, & understand financial literacy… MOST are not asking for a man to make X times more than they are…
Chile, if a man can only pay just the light bill in a relationship then he does not need to be in a relationship, he needs to work on himself and re-evaluate his life! Head to your mama’s house sir! Need to be more ambitious than that!
AR, I have 2 daughters both graduated from college and this is a very interesting discussion. I met my husband in my late 30’s. I made it very clear that our financial situation had to be together. Yes, we have had many challenges but my husband is a hard working man and he knows the importance of producing finances. I believe and hope my girls understand and make good decisions in this area🙏🙏🙏🙌❤️
I dated below my income bracket a few times and realized it did not work even though I was supportive. I wouldn't recommend to my daughters to date a man who's nice but struggling financially. I think he should get himself together first and then date for marriage.
A.O Big bro . I agree the basic necessities need to cover at least ! For years women have been killing it ! I’ve been in many online teaching programs , and conferences . And sadly I don’t see many men at these events ! As a young man , I made my choice to wake up and stop being distracted by everything else . We as the next Generation have to say “ Away with the distractions, we want to develop! We are called to have more than the bare minimum” And we gone be present in our families life! … I agree with on this one A.O .
I need the whole interview because I need to find balance in both your opinion and his. There are so many factors to be included in both opinions. Love the podcast❤
Tyler Perry is engaging in the further infantilizing of black American men. It is the same kind words that has been used to dress up lowered expectations and to further encourage learned helplessness in black men. He said it all so eloquently and with such charisma that you have to learn to see through the fluffiness and understand the perniciousness of the message. Black men can and do so much in their communities,
Exactly! We need to know what they were talking about first instead of this short clip. But also, Tyler Perry never said for black women to date a black man who is struggling to pay his bills. So I don't understand why he's creating a disagreement.
It is Chrystal Renee Hayslett’s channel and the title is “Higher with Tyler Perry”. He is telling black women to date someone who cannot pay bills. He starts out with telling women to choose a man with good character and who is loving. Then he goes into if he cannot pay the bills, that is ok. We are the only race of people who do not make being intelligent AND of good character the norm. You do not have to choose. This is a ridiculous notion. Again he is only addressing black women because he knows that every other race and ethnic group on the face of the planet has certain expectations of the men of their respective communities.
@@philw9787 i would become miserable too, if i would be with someone for 3 years and all they can do after 3 years is still pay nothing more than a lightbill... 😩 Even if he has his things together. He would go from having his own place where he was able to pay for it all to be someone who can now pay a lightbill... Do you think the "ego" would be ok?
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
I commend you Anthony because that is HOW Mr. Perry should have articulated what he said. Too often sisters overlook the good brother with a blue collar job. Good character is important but there would be so many other issues that could arise from the type of dynamic Tyler Perry described. A good work ethic is so important. For years my husband made less than me, but I took what he presented and multiplied it. He was a good man with a tremendous work ethic. When he died, he was making far more than me, but I always respected him and his contribution to our home because I knew his intention and the vision he had for his family.
Intention and vision that's it!!! That is true wealth right there. But often time the reason he isn't making the money is because he does not have these
"His grind needs to match mine." Exactly why black women are the most single and least married. Why are you not looking at those who "match your grind" instead of worrying about those who dont?? Yall are the ones picking the worst black males and reproducing with them.
I agree with you Anthony ..... women are coming to the table prepared but the men are not ... that's leads to a one sided relationship which can be toxic .... 👉
Exactly. This is the part many black males get upset about but nobody is going to build without a foundation. You have to already have something going for anyone to take you seriously
This is true what you say Anthony,especially for the men who's ego cannot handle a wife earning more than them. Some men are taught to believe they are supposed to be the head of the household,and when that is not the case,it can cause great strife in them and their homes. So yes its best for men and women who believe in this mindset to stick with what they believe for the best of both parties
Men are the head of the household, which is given by God. It has nothing to do with who makes the most money. Husbands and wives should work together. How can two walk together if they don’t agree? Amos 3: 3
@@shaunhenderson2071Nah. Telling people its a fact because of your own religion doesnt make sense. Thats YOUR perspective but there is nothing biological about this statement.
I'm just not sure Tyler was talking about the man who can only pay the electric bill. That clip of Tyler didn't have anything to do with the man who can only pay the electric bill ... he's just speaking on the women that say "I want at my level or higher"... it's okay to date and love a man that makes less than you, but "some" women put too much value on the dollar and not love and character anymore. As a high 6 figure earner, I stand by what Tyler said. I think "does what he can" is being taken out of proportion. Doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have a foundation.
He literally used being with someone who can only pay a light bill as an example of what you should be willing to settle for if he’s a “good” man. Why are you guys willing to jump out for someone like Tyler Perry who has made his fortune profiting off of movies of blk dysfunction and chaos. They do absolutely nothing to portray Blk people as positive. He made his partner into a baby mama.
You have a great point. When Tyler Perry said this, (based on the context of him speaking about women who make a lot more money than their men), I imagined he was specifically speaking about women who have an extremely high income and who meet potentially great partners that are able to take care of themselves, but only make a small fraction of what the woman makes. So when they combine incomes, in the context of the lifestyle of how the woman was living, he is now only able to pay a bill or two, but is still contributing and otherwise supportive. I dont believe he was speaking of the average woman. I listened to the whole interview, thats just how I heard it. 🤷🏾♀️
But he was talking about normal higher earning blk women and not millionaires/billionaires. Earning “more” than a blk man is still on average much less than higher earning for other ethic groups. We are talking about middle class to upper middle class. This light bills are hardly a struggle to pay.
That's exactly what I took from it. And if I can add, he also stated later in the their discussion that it's important to find someone "who can meet you at your worth". And he stated that worth is not about money. So Tyler was coming from a spiritual perspective and not a just purely a financial perspective. Hence the reason I say context is important.
@@MB-nr6bj the current condition in the black community is directly tied to the black males' refusal to actualize as men. The spiritual repercussion of this is unfolding in real-time. The light bill should be the least of your worries. Black males will have to evolve or go extinct. No black child needs to suffer another generation of poverty because the grown men in the community fail to uphold the mantle of manhood.
When he said "light bill" I thought it was in reference to minor bills in general. When all of that adds up, plus the LifeStyle the other partner wants, that can be high for average earners, right?
100k/year after taxes is 72k-6k/month 50k/year after taxes 39k-3.2k/month Average cost of a home is 430k right now Mortgage 8% rate 30 year mortgage/month Mortgage $3,250/month I would say dude needs to attempt to get a better paying job not argue with his girl over what bills he can cover.
I don't agree if two people work together they can accomplish things. If a man or a woman does not have ambition and want more for themselves leave because they will drag you down. I know it was happening to me.
Anthony, I agree with you. This is a conversation I’ve been wanting to have as a 29 y/o woman of color. I'm just trying to figure out who painted the picture that women (more over black women) are supposed to accept a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness. Why are we expected to settle? Instead of our black men putting in the work, they revert to “Oh you’re a strong, black, independent woman, you don’t need a man!” (No, not all men but the ones that haven’t reached that “level of success)
Life happens. Life changes. People are different. Too many variables to consider. Pray about your marriage and state it is currently in. That being said, women and men, let’s raise our children with good character and money skills so their partner won’t complain about them in the future. Furthermore, let’s help one another. If we didn’t learn what we needed to learn growing up, we can learn it now. No shame. No guilt. Everyone can make improvements.
@WanzaLeftwich People aren't that different, and life doesn't just happen. BM have been failing to do what you suggested for their community for CENTURIES -- and they aren't trying to do any better. This is why they've dedicated themselves to getting BW to lower their standards. This has gone so viral that even WP are responding to it. Even they recognize that BM are the problem.
@@WanzaLeftwichBW are FORCED to raise BM -- because BM abandon them. With this being said, this isn't just a BM-BW issue -- because BM abandon their kids, in general (even the ones they have with their non-black preferences). Lastly, all male groups (including BM) admit that it is a MAN'S job to teach boys how to be MEN. BM have been abandoning their families since they allowed themselves to be brought here. No one is making them do it. You sound like a BM worshiper. How does that benefit you when you get all of your resources from WM? Make it make sense.
THAAAANK YOOOOOU!!!! This is all that I have been saying. You don’t have to make 6 figures but if you can only pay ONE BILL, you obviously cannot accommodate a wife, a family, or even a girlfriend. We can build together but I’ll bring some bricks, you bring some bricks & we’ll build something NEW.💯
FACTS!! I totally agree with you Anthony...I know that a lot of women have (or will) view this video, but I wonder how many Brothas will and then examine themselves. You are not "bashing" them in any way, just speaking the truth.
I agree he might not make more than me...but we work together to accomplish our goals (this is what my parents did) but I wont be with a man who reckless with him money paid on Friday and broke by Monday and didn't handle his responsibilities...I can do bad by myself.
Great episode! I agree. Fellas need to be able to be self-sufficient. Take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of a family. It's our responsibility. I think when we're able to do that, we become more attractive to the right women.
I wholeheartedly agree with your take on the discussion. A man should be able to contribute to more than the utilities, be an asset and not a liability. How was he managing before if he cannot even contribute to the rent or mortgage? He does not have to be rich, but needs to be able to manage his earnings and strives to be financially stable.
You're not describing a man that's going to "pay the light bill"...because if he's investing and all the other fore mentioned he's not the man that's just paying the light bill Homie.
I totally agree with you Anthony regarding if a man does not have his foundation right than he should not be seeking any woman. He needs to focus on his foundation.
I just made this exact point. There’s a difference between a complacency mindset and a man with character, leadership, healthy financial habits. A woman who makes more is not only okay with it, but WELCOMES the latter. Odds are he won’t make the “$40k” for long; it’s not in him to be stagnant nor complacent.
I respected you before but now even more for how eloquently you put this!! Yes Sir that's how it should have been said. Thank you for being conscious of the power and responsibility of your platform.
This is concerning... I would recommend anyone who hadn't watched the entire interview with Crystal and Tyler Perry, please do so. I say this because context is everything. ❤
What you are saying is what Tyler meant. In trying to make a long story short he didn't say it like you said it. He was not talking about women should be okay with dating a man that can't take care of himself. He was really just talking about women not throwing away AMAZING men because they don't make six figures.
I don’t understand why Tyler Perry would tell a woman to settle for a man that only pays a light bill. I feel he’s so out of touch about the average American . He can’t be around an Oprah and Stedman and apply that to the everyday situation. It’s like asking a woman to be a provider AND Nurturer while the man does what?!?!? Love me? Oh ok Tyler, please hire the men to write and act at your studio instead of perpetuating the narrative he wrote and produce in films i.e, rich man=abusive and a cheater; poor man=good man and loves you
I dated a man that would say all the right things that I valued but his actions didn't match. His family background was great but him as the fruit of that soil... was not a man that could lead our family. I had to drop him. I was drowning financially more with him than after because he didn't know how to prioritize his money and that was costing me more money!
We should be able to cover the basics, have an emergency fund and work towards generational wealth. We can’t do that together, if the man is only bringing 5% of the bills.
I’ve been married successfully for 24 years …some may not find the perfect one for them due to so many requirements. You CAN grow together. Sometimes it depends on your upbringing and then trying to figure this thing out. Thank God for my marriage and growth.❤
Dang! So good. Sounds like my high standards 😂. It’s hard out there to find a man with all those qualities. At 41 going to 42 years old the fishing pool is small.
@jackieperez8983 not change gender you prefer. Change areas you spend leisure time. Think about your likes and go to places that match your interest. Or think of new and different interest. Take care and be focus on what you want and hopefully will also take care of your needs. Hope my knowledge helps. Live Positive
P.s. you don't have High standards, you have your invidual standards. That's all that matters, I believe everyone has different levels of standards. You look for what will make you happy & feel taken care of. Retirement from helping someone else's dreams come true, that would be nice. Pursue our own passions sounds good.
I agree with you sir. I have 3 sons: (32, 21, 19) And this is what I am drilling them to become this Learn early to be a good man in every area but be able to provide for you 1st. The younger of mine understand but have not figured it out.. Basic necessity are pertinent.
I agree. Money isn’t the most important thing but we do need to live and provide for ourselves and avoid debt. That requires money and that’s not our fault! Everyone can suffer temporary setbacks and your partner should support you in this instance but I don’t agree with saying “it’s ok” on a permanent basis.
This is all facts!! It’s definitely about mindset and mentality! And that person’s mentality can bring down yours, if you let it. I know firsthand. Off topic, but have you ever thought about mentioning? My son is only 4, so I’m not currently looking lol, but this is the kinds of things I want him to hear and think when he gets older (teens and up)
I love us but I don’t understand why we are making this rocket science. Grown folks: by a certain age you should have the basics and goals you are working to reach. It’s that simple. Dating and Marriage should NOT be on the list until after you get the basics. It is OKAY to reach goals, please don’t apologize for it.
This is why we are single. There are not enough of these type men to go around and after you reach a certain age the pickings are even slimmer. It is a bad time for women who desire a husband.
Anthony, when you said it I understand where you was coming from. When Tyler Perry explained it, it came across as just take that man if he can only pay the light bill. Also, let’s not forget Tyler Perry make his bread and butter as a character of a black woman, but that’s for another time and place. I totally agree regardless of gender you should have good character and can pay for the basics to live. If you can’t you should not be dating.
Tyler, is absolutely correct. Sometimes company down size or move overseas so a man or woman starts over and take a pay for even $15,000 less. Check out his work history,, check to see his savings and disciplined. That is how you know that man is serious about life. You have people who make a lot and only have $9000 save and think he needs a medal for that.
Hey, I am a 38 yr old man who is living in my car and divorced. Paying child support. I want to be married. But I have to start all over again. If I would have listened to wisdom. I would have bounced back quicker. But now I am changing my thinking. To be spiritually, mentally, and financially healthy. And so on. It's hard. But God created the place for Adam to live. Then, He created Adam. Them gave him work to do. Finally, he was ready for his good thing, Adams wife. I totally agree, Anthony.
In my belief, expenses should be shared according to each other's possibilities without having to make the other feel bad for not contributing as much and viceversa, not hilding it against the other for having a better posibility to contribute more. Understanding, loyalty, communication, and respect are key to a successful relationship.
I agree with everything you said.❤….. I do believe you are the first person (man) I heard talk so intelligent, honestly, clear thinking,and non-bashing. I’m impressed. I wish you all the best in finding your wife. 🙏🏾…She will be blessed to have you ❤😊. Thank you for showing all hope is not lost. God bless.
You females always blaming someone else for what you have done. Baby mama culture destroyed the black community. Once you females stop promoting and condoning baby mama culture and start pushing marriage, we will never have a community. Take some responsibility.
The reason that there is 50 plus percent of divorce rate, is because they not only not able to provide but they aren’t striving to do more and people like Tyler Perry are promoting struggle love..
As I’m healing myself through research and education I’ve learned that a lot of money struggles come from childhood, so alot of people with money troubles might want to start looking into the past to get to the root of the issue otherwise they’ll continue to put themselves in a hole.
Tyler Perry has not been a positive influence on our culture...He got rich off of mocking and making a caricature out of black women. Now, he turns around and tells those same black women to accept men that can't even take care of themselves. Someone that makes $40k can afford more than a light bill, so he's not talking about the AVG working man. Let's ask ourselves why he specifically called out black women and why he even chose to say this as a rich man. Could it be because that's the entire plot of his movies and if black women continue turning away from that mindset he will lose money?
Let me just say this. I was the man in my marriage long enough. Im never going back. Were going to take care of eachother. I bring a house a car and a career to the table from the get go. I pay my own bills and dont have my hand out. . I need him to bring the same if not more. I adore Tyler Perry but im not taking care of a grown man. If all he can afford is one bill im NOT the one for him. This man is correct.
I know a lady who was well to do. She married her first love , he lived in another state , was working and established. He left to come do life with her. He never found a substantial enough job, but he worked 2 jobs and paid his way. They were truly happy until she passed from Covid a few years ago. Her House was in her daughters name, it’s paid for and he still lives there and remains single. So I say do what works for you!!!!!❤❤
I’m sorry but I disagree with TP! There can only be ONE head of household. How is it that the man wants to HoH and he’s only paying the electric bill! If I am responsible for all of my bills, I want to attract a man that’s capable of the same thing. Once we are under the same roof, I will expect him to be able to afford to keep a roof over our heads and I’ll use my salary to take care of other household items and things. If my man gets laid off, then things will of course change UNTIL he’s able to get back on his feet!
I agree with you love don't pains bills and being good or have good personality isn't enough it Certainly, don't put food on the table. We lived in the real world where we need to eat real food.
![[UNCUT]"ตุลามรณะ"ย้อนฟังคำทำนาย หมอดูทุกสาย ดวงเมืองร้อน (หมอปลาย ฟองสนาน อ.โอเล่)I คนดังนั่งเคลียร์](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/lE5az5VvT9M/mqdefault.jpg)
When I was dating my husband, he told me he had to get a second job because he wanted to make sure we were straight. I told him, "Let's work together and see what we can do with the money we already had." As of today, we are debt free and have built a good foundation for our family. My husband worked as a janitor, and I was a staff assistant. We made it work. Now, we are both retired and living well.
Love this for your family ❤
His mentality is what we bw all need from a husband ❤️
What is the major difference between your situation and black women of today? You were married and you're from a different generation. When we have black females telling other black females that they don't need a man, that they're fine by themselves, and that their children doesn't need a father these females have no foundation and they're instilling this dysfunctional behavior in their children. These sons are going up without a purpose. You and your husband had a purpose to go out and get another job to keep the family afloat. Black woman that have joined/wanted to be included in the white woman feminist movement that was created to go against her white men have destroyed the black household.
That's a team 👏 many don't understand that.
Disguised go read a book & get therapy. You sound like a broken, hurt man. You know what they say, broken people break people & hurt people hurt people
Thank you for being a man holding other men accountable 🤗My favorite quote from this episode, ‘if you can’t take care of your 4 walls, you have no business looking for a wife’. Powerful ‼️
If he can't pay his utility he shouldn't even be DATING. Dating is a luxury expense that will deplete your resources as you try to build your foundation. I am in that transition phase now and I am not even interested in dating right now. By abstaining I can focus on building my new career, saving money, and INVESTING money so I can be a much better resource for my future family.
He is unmarried, made a woman a baby mom. Kanye is off these days but he once said “never take advice from people less successful [in love] than you”
I agree mentality problem not financial problem! Awesome point! I was able to afford an electric bill on my own at 18 years old 🥴 at 35 and all you can afford is an electric bill is wild. 😂
@taylorspastpresent1014 You are correct young Queen🤗, as a woman over 60 in years, married 33 yrs. What was not covered is many of those men especially other MD's as I'm a MD many of them are truly EMT EMOTIONAL MENTAL TERRORIST. As far as Tyler making a woman a baby mama ( could it be that he did a Michael Jackson ) there are many women that give that man a child and chooses not to be the physical and emotional primary to her child.
@@taylorspastpresent1014😂
So in other words we shouldn’t take advice from women with different baby daddies, so many kids, let along married them either!
If Tyler is right. Take it move forward
Right Anthony, Tyler should be giving these men advice about how to get to where he is. Men need to stop telling women what they should accept from men period. If a man loves you he is going to want to provide and protect you. Something’s are just unacceptable.
No lies detected.
Elc
EXACTLY! It is so ironic for Tyler to not encourage the men to do more because Tyler himself went from being homeless living in his car to being a BILLIONAIRE owning a movie studio! He should've been sharing the blueprint for men
This 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
He would have nothing 2 write about if he did.
The way that Sarah Jakes Roberts is empowering 40K women, is the way that Tyler Perry and other Black men of high regard, should be motivating brothers to want more for themselves, mentally, physically, financially, and most importantly, spiritually. Why as Black women are we told to look at character and integrity, which in my opinion are very important attributes in a partner and even for yourself, but when it comes to the financial part of things, we have to be open to Black men who make less than us, are not as driven, and/or financially clueless and unprepared? No other cultures tell their women to do that and have lower expectations for their men when seeking a life partner. So why is it like that in the Black American culture?
My prayer is that Black women are empowered to teach their sons how to be the Black men they need to be. This is the real issue.
You just missed Anthony's whole point
@@michaelneely7096
Regardless of Anthony’s point…she is correct and it’s a major concern that BW have!!!
So it should be addressed as well!
When you get down to it, life is simple. The further you go back in time when we had less options; we were better people. Women are really holding having money in higher regards than being a wife and a good mother. How can you expect black men to be what our kids need (better fathers=more family time) and high earners. This expectation complicates the family dynamics and often ruins it. Y'all have more requirements than Jesus. If we are good enough for him, as we are then why not for you?
@@WanzaLeftwichOK. Everything cannot be on the BW's shoulders. BM NEED to be in the home to teach their son's what men are supposed to do and their role in society.
If a man has honor and integrity he will provide more than a light bill.
Yes, Tyler Perry you are in trouble.... for wanting BW to take care of a grown man. IF the man is only paying the light bill; then what happens if she gets sick or takes maternity leave?👀👀
Exactly. This is the primary reason that most nearly universally for thousands of years, men were the main financial providers. Interestingly enough, BW have the highest maternal mortality rates and America has the worst maternal leave policies of the developed and even much of developing world. It isn't okay to expect BW to head the financial weight of a household AND also head the carrying, birthing and rearing of the children
You are missing the point. Listen to the entire interview and pick sense out of nonsense.
Exactly make it make sense
It’s obvious a lot of you didn’t ACTUALLY listen to the entire interview.
I thought Tyler Perry was referring to minor bills when he mentioned the "light bill". If a woman is making 6 figures and meets a man making 50k, her minor bills plus her car and house may be out of his budget. Would that make him unfit for relationship completely? Or just not a right fit for her?
There's no society in the world that expects a man not to take of his costs of living and his family's costs of living. My boyfriend is Scottish and I'm Nigerian and he described this situation as "horrific".
This is a conversation for people dating with in the race there’s plenty of wealthy blk individuals so just be happy with your Scottish choice
BW outnumber BM 2-1 so BW may as well get it together and understand that she's going to have to date out to get her Boaz. He dates out with no problem and is proud of it and he doesn't take TP's advice when he's with these non-black women.
I am a Nigeria fella we work multiple remote six figure jobs to provide for our families and take care of our parents living here in the states . This is not even a conversation In our circles smh
@@francisikwueme1688 I really think that black American men have something seriously wrong with them that they have no shame in fighting women to pay for them. Then they expect submissiveness and respect
@@earlinebeaman684Amen!
There's a simple test - if God forbid something happens to one parent, would the other parent be able to financially and emotionally take care of the children? If you can only cover a light bill then the answer is no and you aren't ready yet for marriage and family.
I love this.
Simple
If the parents are smart, they’ll get life insurance to supplement their income in their untimely demise and plan out how they want the widow(er) to carry out those wishes. Just my thought.
@@godivabaker6622 bingo. The premise of this argument is off since there is life insurance if the truly responsible one passes.
@@buiefamily5454if they were not financially responsible before the responsible spouse dies, what makes you think they would magically handle that life insurance money well? Plus I wouldn’t trust a man who doesn’t make any money but got a life insurance policy out on me. Sounds like the start of a true crime documentary lol
I asked my 10 year old daughter what would she do if her husband could only pay $200 of the bills and she payed the remaining $1,800 of the bills. She said “We would have to sit down and figure out what he is doing with his money because that is not fair.” She said “he might have to get a better job so that he can at least pay half of the bills”. I have been a STAHM for the last 7 years of her life. Her father/my husband pays all of our bills. She wants to be a STAHM once her and her future husband starts having kids but she will work in the beginning.
So even my 10 year old daughter knows that a grown man should be able to pay more than a light bill.
That’s a young woman with a bright future . You did well raising her 🙏🏿
Your daughter is right! However, you and your husband have trained her by her seeing this lifestyle for a decade. Every little girl is not being raised in this manner.
😂 this tickled thank you
Stay at home mom is not a job it’s a responsibility! I can’t stand it anymore you wonder 💭 why passport bros exist!
I think yall got stuck on his extreme analogy that yall failed to get his overall point... there is no man in the entire universe that will tell a woman to get with a man that can only afford the light bill...he probably shouldn't have used that analogy, however it wasn't the point...he was just saying good average women need to stop sticking their noses up at good average men
I agree with you! If he can only pay a light bill then you need to 🏃🏾♀️because it will NEVER work!
Tyler didn't mention men like your talking about. He said Black women should be okay with men who can only pay a utility bill. Which means they cannot take care themselves. And he specifically noted Black women. He knew better then to say that to women of other ethnic groups. How do you build generational wealth if you cannot keep a roof over your own head?
Really, that is not what I heard. Tyler, could not be in his right mind if he said that. A man should be able to take care of himself, find his purpose.
Anthony also made it clear that he does not agree that it should be acceptable for a man to only be able to pat a light bill. He said if a man does not have the basics for himself, then he should not be dating. He said a man must have a foundation at least and all men need to strive for at least 6 figures
Exactly he was not talking about a man who's a school teacher making 42k or even 36k a year, he was saying to date a bum!
Generational wealth is built through marriage which leads to families which builds communities. Generational wealth isn't built through single parent homes.
Why are women going to extremes? He didn’t say broke he said if the man just makes less😂.
If the woman makes 80-90k and the man makes 50-60k they will be good even on their own as long as they do not live beyond there means and try to chase a certain lifestyle.
And together u won’t struggle you’ll be fine, like if people are gonna measure a man’s masculinity based on his finances being higher than his woman’s then there’s no point in talking about equality anymore.
Like why are people acting like he’s talking about a man that lives in a shoe box.
It’s like when the man is making more than the woman it’s fine and he’ll take care of majority of the bills too, but in the reverse it’s bad. And yet we’re still talking about gender equality?
I definitely agree with you. A man should bring more to the table than paying the light bill. I’m glad to see men speaking against that nonsense.
I’ve been happily married for 10 years and my husband is a provider. 🙌🏾
Well said! I'm also tired of the narrative pushed that BW are unrealistic in their expectations. Most of us are okay with partnering with people who are not millionaires.
Exactly!! Always Black Women!!
You said
I agree with this 100%! A man doesn't have to make six figures...as most people don't...a man with character also needs to demonstrate he's taking care of his business just like the women are taking care of their business. Then you come together as one to build from there.
@alonia849 This story has gone viral. If you do some research, you'll see that BP have one perspective, while non-black people have another. Everyone sees what's going on -- and who the problem is.
Well said
@@chocolateangel8743which is what?
Who said anything about 6 figures...
😂😂😂😂 BMW WAKE UP!!!
The internet has no shortage of relationship experts and people who have all the answers about successful relationships yet the status of successful relationships between men and women today is the worst it’s ever been.
That part
I agree wholeheartedly with what you are saying. A man should have his foundation strong before he tries adding to his life. Trust me I had that type of man not financially well off and didnt want to grow. I gave him time but I continued to grow with or without him and he finally got the picture that I wasn't slowing down for him and he got on board and changed it around. Now he values hard work and is building his foundation the right way.😊
I completely agree with you. If a man can’t cover those four corners, he begins to not feel worthy and leans on the women around him. I saw this happen in my own family. With these type of men, you need to pray for them but they have to learn how to be on their own because it will force them to be better.
People from different communities are responding to this now. What I've noticed is that BM/BW have one perception (generally), while non-black men and women have another. BW are the only group of women encouraged to settle for less -- due to the BM's longstanding failure. BM don't know how to build, protect, or provide for themselves or their community -- and aren't trying to. So, instead of BM encouraging one another to be better men, they put the burden on BW.
As an east African person, the idea of family or community signing off to you being with a man who is not financially stable is absolutely ludicrous to me. Male parental figures would be even more outraged at the idea. Even extremely poor families still screen for this. You better be less poor than your female partner. It is the one key thing that everyone agrees on to screen for. So I don’t understand when this became a Blk people thing. It’s actually quite alarming.
First off, their is no community, it's just baby mama's. Yall did that to yourselves. 75% of children born out of wedlock are by 15% of black man. Why don't you all get married instead of having all these children out of wedlock by the same men??
@@thezu9250very alarming
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯 BEEN SAYING THIS SINCE FORVER. Black men advocate for 50/50 and for their women to settle for less because it’s all they can offer in majority. They aren’t getting degrees and they aren’t pulling out trades like Hispanic and white men. The black woman is the only woman who is EXPECTED to date down while white women date up!!! It’s pathetic.
Anthony worded it the right way! If you're going to give dating & financial suggestions to people it's best to think through how you deliver the message. This was well thought out, makes sense, & well received 👍🏾
I understood what HE WAS TRYING TO SAY but his delivery was all wrong and detrimental. If BM hear a Billionaire say women should accept a man paying only a light bill (and yes many will take it for face value), that just enforces their level of mediocrity. Not saying a school teacher, etc is mediocre but a mindset to not strive, save, invest and whatever your job is make it work the best you can for your family and hopefully the next generation. That matters. Seeing my grandfather go back to school after his retirement and get his degree, motivated his grandchildren and great grands to go for advance education. I graduated (Bachelor’s) with my Grandfather, my cousin got his Masters with my grandfather. That was priceless for our family! It set character in place for generations to come.
Advice with a C... Example: The advice given was warranted.
Advise with an S.... Example: He didn't advise her well.
The problem SIS is that Black Women took it at face value and got mad@@angeleyes3386
I agree 💯
@@peterpatton2867good to see you continuing to correct every advise and advice post on here 😂 you got extra time
One thing my father always says. Don't bring home no bum 🤷♀️
I totally agree with you. No adult should be content with only being able to afford paying the electricity bill. We should all strive to be the greatest we can be and no settling for just enough.
MOST single BW want a man that can take care of his own financial responsibilities, paying his own rent, his own bills, not living beyond his means, & understand financial literacy… MOST are not asking for a man to make X times more than they are…
Exactly!!
I agree! We need to have a balance approach in these conversations.
Chile, if a man can only pay just the light bill in a relationship then he does not need to be in a relationship, he needs to work on himself and re-evaluate his life! Head to your mama’s house sir! Need to be more ambitious than that!
Exactly. He is homeless and has bigger things to worry about
Just had a conversation with friends about this interview. Light bill only? No thanks…
AR, I have 2 daughters both graduated from college and this is a very interesting discussion. I met my husband in my late 30’s. I made it very clear that our financial situation had to be together. Yes, we have had many challenges but my husband is a hard working man and he knows the importance of producing finances. I believe and hope my girls understand and make good decisions in this area🙏🙏🙏🙌❤️
I thoroughly agree with you Anthony! As women , we are evolving …and we need our men to evolve too ‼️
I dated below my income bracket a few times and realized it did not work even though I was supportive. I wouldn't recommend to my daughters to date a man who's nice but struggling financially. I think he should get himself together first and then date for marriage.
It almost never works. This is why every woman divorces black men. Black or white.
A.O Big bro . I agree the basic necessities need to cover at least ! For years women have been killing it ! I’ve been in many online teaching programs , and conferences . And sadly I don’t see many men at these events ! As a young man , I made my choice to wake up and stop being distracted by everything else . We as the next Generation have to say “ Away with the distractions, we want to develop! We are called to have more than the bare minimum” And we gone be present in our families life! … I agree with on this one A.O .
May God bless you 🙏 and sustain you in this path
Every man should be striving period, and that's our issue/complaint.
I’m 47 years old, single and agree with you 100%.
I need the whole interview because I need to find balance in both your opinion and his. There are so many factors to be included in both opinions. Love the podcast❤
@Iamlonndanicole here you go
@@shennaw7 thanks I found it
Tyler Perry is engaging in the further infantilizing of black American men. It is the same kind words that has been used to dress up lowered expectations and to further encourage learned helplessness in black men. He said it all so eloquently and with such charisma that you have to learn to see through the fluffiness and understand the perniciousness of the message. Black men can and do so much in their communities,
Exactly! We need to know what they were talking about first instead of this short clip. But also, Tyler Perry never said for black women to date a black man who is struggling to pay his bills. So I don't understand why he's creating a disagreement.
It is Chrystal Renee Hayslett’s channel and the title is “Higher with Tyler Perry”. He is telling black women to date someone who cannot pay bills. He starts out with telling women to choose a man with good character and who is loving. Then he goes into if he cannot pay the bills, that is ok. We are the only race of people who do not make being intelligent AND of good character the norm. You do not have to choose. This is a ridiculous notion. Again he is only addressing black women because he knows that every other race and ethnic group on the face of the planet has certain expectations of the men of their respective communities.
I agree, should I choose to be miserable 😩 for the rest of my life. Tyler is asking to ruin your life for a man that doesn’t have his stuff together 😢
Tyler did not say that, man yall don't listen
@@philw9787 i would become miserable too, if i would be with someone for 3 years and all they can do after 3 years is still pay nothing more than a lightbill... 😩 Even if he has his things together.
He would go from having his own place where he was able to pay for it all to be someone who can now pay a lightbill... Do you think the "ego" would be ok?
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counsellor, and how do i reach her?
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
Money wasn't enough?
@@wonhur885you sound weak. Little simp
I commend you Anthony because that is HOW Mr. Perry should have articulated what he said. Too often sisters overlook the good brother with a blue collar job. Good character is important but there would be so many other issues that could arise from the type of dynamic Tyler Perry described. A good work ethic is so important. For years my husband made less than me, but I took what he presented and multiplied it. He was a good man with a tremendous work ethic. When he died, he was making far more than me, but I always respected him and his contribution to our home because I knew his intention and the vision he had for his family.
U got rich man, telling u money not everything. Take advice from person in those circles
@@philw9787 IKR
Intention and vision that's it!!! That is true wealth right there. But often time the reason he isn't making the money is because he does not have these
Teacher is one thing, dusty is another. His grind needs to match mine.
Exactly, a teacher can create a business to tutor online, publish books etc to generate more wealth.
"His grind needs to match mine."
Exactly why black women are the most single and least married. Why are you not looking at those who "match your grind" instead of worrying about those who dont?? Yall are the ones picking the worst black males and reproducing with them.
I agree with you Anthony ..... women are coming to the table prepared but the men are not ... that's leads to a one sided relationship which can be toxic .... 👉
Perfectly stated Anthony!!! This is the way my dad taught me and the way we’ll teach our daughter!
I agreed 100%.. I think it’s vice versa. It’s best if both people get their foundations strong and come together as a unit.
Exactly. This is the part many black males get upset about but nobody is going to build without a foundation. You have to already have something going for anyone to take you seriously
This is true what you say Anthony,especially for the men who's ego cannot handle a wife earning more than them. Some men are taught to believe they are supposed to be the head of the household,and when that is not the case,it can cause great strife in them and their homes. So yes its best for men and women who believe in this mindset to stick with what they believe for the best of both parties
This‼️ In a marriage it’s what works as a union. They are one! I also agree with Anthony.
Exactly, traditional men should marry traditional women. A modern man should marry a modern woman. Not a hard concept to understand.
Men are the head of the household, which is given by God. It has nothing to do with who makes the most money.
Husbands and wives should work together.
How can two walk together if they don’t agree? Amos 3: 3
@@shaunhenderson2071 All "men" aren't created equal.
@@shaunhenderson2071Nah. Telling people its a fact because of your own religion doesnt make sense. Thats YOUR perspective but there is nothing biological about this statement.
I'm just not sure Tyler was talking about the man who can only pay the electric bill. That clip of Tyler didn't have anything to do with the man who can only pay the electric bill ... he's just speaking on the women that say "I want at my level or higher"... it's okay to date and love a man that makes less than you, but "some" women put too much value on the dollar and not love and character anymore. As a high 6 figure earner, I stand by what Tyler said. I think "does what he can" is being taken out of proportion. Doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't have a foundation.
He literally used being with someone who can only pay a light bill as an example of what you should be willing to settle for if he’s a “good” man. Why are you guys willing to jump out for someone like Tyler Perry who has made his fortune profiting off of movies of blk dysfunction and chaos. They do absolutely nothing to portray Blk people as positive. He made his partner into a baby mama.
You said it right Anthony!
I listen to the original interview. It’s come down to Your purpose, Your Motive and Your Plan in any mature relationship.
Yes that's exactly what I took from it as well. You have to watch the entire interview to really understand what Tyler was saying.
You have a great point. When Tyler Perry said this, (based on the context of him speaking about women who make a lot more money than their men), I imagined he was specifically speaking about women who have an extremely high income and who meet potentially great partners that are able to take care of themselves, but only make a small fraction of what the woman makes. So when they combine incomes, in the context of the lifestyle of how the woman was living, he is now only able to pay a bill or two, but is still contributing and otherwise supportive. I dont believe he was speaking of the average woman. I listened to the whole interview, thats just how I heard it. 🤷🏾♀️
But he was talking about normal higher earning blk women and not millionaires/billionaires. Earning “more” than a blk man is still on average much less than higher earning for other ethic groups. We are talking about middle class to upper middle class. This light bills are hardly a struggle to pay.
That's exactly what I took from it. And if I can add, he also stated later in the their discussion that it's important to find someone "who can meet you at your worth". And he stated that worth is not about money. So Tyler was coming from a spiritual perspective and not a just purely a financial perspective. Hence the reason I say context is important.
@@MB-nr6bj the current condition in the black community is directly tied to the black males' refusal to actualize as men. The spiritual repercussion of this is unfolding in real-time. The light bill should be the least of your worries. Black males will have to evolve or go extinct. No black child needs to suffer another generation of poverty because the grown men in the community fail to uphold the mantle of manhood.
When he said "light bill" I thought it was in reference to minor bills in general. When all of that adds up, plus the LifeStyle the other partner wants, that can be high for average earners, right?
100k/year after taxes is 72k-6k/month
50k/year after taxes 39k-3.2k/month
Average cost of a home is 430k right now
Mortgage 8% rate
30 year mortgage/month
Mortgage $3,250/month
I would say dude needs to attempt to get a better paying job not argue with his girl over what bills he can cover.
I don't agree if two people work together they can accomplish things. If a man or a woman does not have ambition and want more for themselves leave because they will drag you down. I know it was happening to me.
He used the electric bill as an example. If a person can only pay the electric bill than he or she should not be in a relationship until they can.
Anthony, I agree with you.
This is a conversation I’ve been wanting to have as a 29 y/o woman of color.
I'm just trying to figure out who painted the picture that women (more over black women) are supposed to accept a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness.
Why are we expected to settle?
Instead of our black men putting in the work, they revert to “Oh you’re a strong, black, independent woman, you don’t need a man!” (No, not all men but the ones that haven’t reached that “level of success)
Life happens. Life changes. People are different. Too many variables to consider. Pray about your marriage and state it is currently in.
That being said, women and men, let’s raise our children with good character and money skills so their partner won’t complain about them in the future.
Furthermore, let’s help one another. If we didn’t learn what we needed to learn growing up, we can learn it now. No shame. No guilt. Everyone can make improvements.
True, everyone can make improvements. However, everyone don't want to make improvements.
@WanzaLeftwich People aren't that different, and life doesn't just happen. BM have been failing to do what you suggested for their community for CENTURIES -- and they aren't trying to do any better. This is why they've dedicated themselves to getting BW to lower their standards. This has gone so viral that even WP are responding to it. Even they recognize that BM are the problem.
@@chocolateangel8743 Who’s raising the BM? Women complain about their BM but raise their sons to emulate what they don’t like. Make it make sense.
@@VerleanHurd this is true.
@@WanzaLeftwichBW are FORCED to raise BM -- because BM abandon them. With this being said, this isn't just a BM-BW issue -- because BM abandon their kids, in general (even the ones they have with their non-black preferences). Lastly, all male groups (including BM) admit that it is a MAN'S job to teach boys how to be MEN. BM have been abandoning their families since they allowed themselves to be brought here. No one is making them do it. You sound like a BM worshiper. How does that benefit you when you get all of your resources from WM? Make it make sense.
Honestly, I’m tired of this conversation. MEN are here to PROVIDE, PRODUCE, and PROTECT! That’s why they’re here! Thassit!!!!
THAAAANK YOOOOOU!!!! This is all that I have been saying. You don’t have to make 6 figures but if you can only pay ONE BILL, you obviously cannot accommodate a wife, a family, or even a girlfriend. We can build together but I’ll bring some bricks, you bring some bricks & we’ll build something NEW.💯
FACTS!! I totally agree with you Anthony...I know that a lot of women have (or will) view this video, but I wonder how many Brothas will and then examine themselves. You are not "bashing" them in any way, just speaking the truth.
One thing I like about North America, you can find a job after your job in the evenings or on weekends.
Yes. It isn't like that everywhere. Unfortunately we can see America wealth but to reach it by hard work and saving is a whole other story.
I agree he might not make more than me...but we work together to accomplish our goals (this is what my parents did) but I wont be with a man who reckless with him money paid on Friday and broke by Monday and didn't handle his responsibilities...I can do bad by myself.
Great episode! I agree. Fellas need to be able to be self-sufficient. Take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of a family. It's our responsibility. I think when we're able to do that, we become more attractive to the right women.
I wholeheartedly agree with your take on the discussion. A man should be able to contribute to more than the utilities, be an asset and not a liability. How was he managing before if he cannot even contribute to the rent or mortgage? He does not have to be rich, but needs to be able to manage his earnings and strives to be financially stable.
Well spoken! Your favor is on the way Anthony and may she love you beyond your wildest dreams ❤!
You're not describing a man that's going to "pay the light bill"...because if he's investing and all the other fore mentioned he's not the man that's just paying the light bill Homie.
I totally agree with you Anthony regarding if a man does not have his foundation right than he should not be seeking any woman. He needs to focus on his foundation.
I just made this exact point. There’s a difference between a complacency mindset and a man with character, leadership, healthy financial habits.
A woman who makes more is not only okay with it, but WELCOMES the latter. Odds are he won’t make the “$40k” for long; it’s not in him to be stagnant nor complacent.
I respected you before but now even more for how eloquently you put this!! Yes Sir that's how it should have been said. Thank you for being conscious of the power and responsibility of your platform.
This is concerning... I would recommend anyone who hadn't watched the entire interview with Crystal and Tyler Perry, please do so. I say this because context is everything. ❤
What you are saying is what Tyler meant. In trying to make a long story short he didn't say it like you said it. He was not talking about women should be okay with dating a man that can't take care of himself. He was really just talking about women not throwing away AMAZING men because they don't make six figures.
I don’t understand why Tyler Perry would tell a woman to settle for a man that only pays a light bill. I feel he’s so out of touch about the average American . He can’t be around an Oprah and Stedman and apply that to the everyday situation. It’s like asking a woman to be a provider AND Nurturer while the man does what?!?!? Love me? Oh ok
Tyler, please hire the men to write and act at your studio instead of perpetuating the narrative he wrote and produce in films i.e, rich man=abusive and a cheater; poor man=good man and loves you
I think y’all should’ve watched the entire interview, instead of a 10 sec clip, to get clarity for yourself.
I dated a man that would say all the right things that I valued but his actions didn't match. His family background was great but him as the fruit of that soil... was not a man that could lead our family. I had to drop him. I was drowning financially more with him than after because he didn't know how to prioritize his money and that was costing me more money!
We should be able to cover the basics, have an emergency fund and work towards generational wealth. We can’t do that together, if the man is only bringing 5% of the bills.
Correct every man should be trying to improve himself not stay in a 50k/year position not offering growth when the average home is now cost 430k
I’ve been married successfully for 24 years …some may not find the perfect one for them due to so many requirements. You CAN grow together. Sometimes it depends on your upbringing and then trying to figure this thing out. Thank God for my marriage and growth.❤
Dang! So good. Sounds like my high standards 😂. It’s hard out there to find a man with all those qualities. At 41 going to 42 years old the fishing pool is small.
Change fishing pool
Changing fishing pool too? I’m not a lesbian and no one in the retirement pool either.
@jackieperez8983 not change gender you prefer. Change areas you spend leisure time. Think about your likes and go to places that match your interest. Or think of new and different interest. Take care and be focus on what you want and hopefully will also take care of your needs. Hope my knowledge helps. Live Positive
P.s. you don't have High standards, you have your invidual standards. That's all that matters, I believe everyone has different levels of standards. You look for what will make you happy & feel taken care of. Retirement from helping someone else's dreams come true, that would be nice. Pursue our own passions sounds good.
But how do you utilise this without seeming like a social climber
I agree with you sir.
I have 3 sons: (32, 21, 19)
And this is what I am drilling them to become this
Learn early to be a good man in every area but be able to provide for you 1st. The younger of mine understand but have not figured it out.. Basic necessity are pertinent.
I agree. Money isn’t the most important thing but we do need to live and provide for ourselves and avoid debt. That requires money and that’s not our fault!
Everyone can suffer temporary setbacks and your partner should support you in this instance but I don’t agree with saying “it’s ok” on a permanent basis.
Your response is right on! Good character ain't neva pay a bill!!
Again Alignment is key! If he/she doesn't have what you want during the dating phase (asking questions). Not for you...
This is all facts!! It’s definitely about mindset and mentality! And that person’s mentality can bring down yours, if you let it. I know firsthand.
Off topic, but have you ever thought about mentioning? My son is only 4, so I’m not currently looking lol, but this is the kinds of things I want him to hear and think when he gets older (teens and up)
I love us but I don’t understand why we are making this rocket science. Grown folks: by a certain age you should have the basics and goals you are working to reach. It’s that simple.
Dating and Marriage should NOT be on the list until after you get the basics. It is OKAY to reach goals, please don’t apologize for it.
This is why we are single. There are not enough of these type men to go around and after you reach a certain age the pickings are even slimmer. It is a bad time for women who desire a husband.
Anthony, when you said it I understand where you was coming from. When Tyler Perry explained it, it came across as just take that man if he can only pay the light bill. Also, let’s not forget Tyler Perry make his bread and butter as a character of a black woman, but that’s for another time and place.
I totally agree regardless of gender you should have good character and can pay for the basics to live. If you can’t you should not be dating.
Anthony I totally agree with you period
Tyler, is absolutely correct. Sometimes company down size or move overseas so a man or woman starts over and take a pay for even $15,000 less. Check out his work history,, check to see his savings and disciplined. That is how you know that man is serious about life. You have people who make a lot and only have $9000 save and think he needs a medal for that.
I agree with you. We all have to do better.
I agree with you Anthony 🫶🏾
Hey, I am a 38 yr old man who is living in my car and divorced. Paying child support. I want to be married. But I have to start all over again. If I would have listened to wisdom. I would have bounced back quicker. But now I am changing my thinking. To be spiritually, mentally, and financially healthy. And so on. It's hard.
But God created the place for Adam to live. Then, He created Adam. Them gave him work to do. Finally, he was ready for his good thing, Adams wife.
I totally agree, Anthony.
In my belief, expenses should be shared according to each other's possibilities without having to make the other feel bad for not contributing as much and viceversa, not hilding it against the other for having a better posibility to contribute more. Understanding, loyalty, communication, and respect are key to a successful relationship.
I agree with everything you said.❤….. I do believe you are the first person (man) I heard talk so intelligent, honestly, clear thinking,and non-bashing. I’m impressed. I wish you all the best in finding your wife. 🙏🏾…She will be blessed to have you ❤😊. Thank you for showing all hope is not lost. God bless.
But let’s first talk about how Tyler Perry actually IS DESTROYING THE Black community! ✌🏾
FACTS. Programming for low value struggle love
If anyone is seeing Tyler Perrys movies and plays for anything other than entertainment. Then, they clearly have bigger problems.
You females always blaming someone else for what you have done. Baby mama culture destroyed the black community. Once you females stop promoting and condoning baby mama culture and start pushing marriage, we will never have a community. Take some responsibility.
@@VerleanHurdthey will blame any and everything but themselves for the destruction.
I totally agree with you. You perspective was balanced
He wasn't saying it like that. If people actually watched the entire interview, they'd stop taking his words out of context.
The reason that there is 50 plus percent of divorce rate, is because they not only not able to provide but they aren’t striving to do more and people like Tyler Perry are promoting struggle love..
Promoting low expectations for black men
The divorce rate is not the problem with black people, it's the marriage rate.
As I’m healing myself through research and education I’ve learned that a lot of money struggles come from childhood, so alot of people with money troubles might want to start looking into the past to get to the root of the issue otherwise they’ll continue to put themselves in a hole.
Yes I see this on the show “I will teach you how to be rich” you are spot on!
Valid points Anthony
I agree with you completely. Thank you for your thoughts.
Case by case basis.
That part.
Based on the short versions of these clips there is enough room for both gentlemen to be correct.
Tyler Perry has not been a positive influence on our culture...He got rich off of mocking and making a caricature out of black women. Now, he turns around and tells those same black women to accept men that can't even take care of themselves. Someone that makes $40k can afford more than a light bill, so he's not talking about the AVG working man. Let's ask ourselves why he specifically called out black women and why he even chose to say this as a rich man. Could it be because that's the entire plot of his movies and if black women continue turning away from that mindset he will lose money?
Let me just say this. I was the man in my marriage long enough. Im never going back. Were going to take care of eachother. I bring a house a car and a career to the table from the get go. I pay my own bills and dont have my hand out. . I need him to bring the same if not more. I adore Tyler Perry but im not taking care of a grown man. If all he can afford is one bill im NOT the one for him. This man is correct.
I know a lady who was well to do. She married her first love , he lived in another state , was working and established. He left to come do life with her. He never found a substantial enough job, but he worked 2 jobs and paid his way. They were truly happy until she passed from Covid a few years ago. Her House was in her daughters name, it’s paid for and he still lives there and remains single.
So I say do what works for you!!!!!❤❤
I’m sorry but I disagree with TP! There can only be ONE head of household. How is it that the man wants to HoH and he’s only paying the electric bill! If I am responsible for all of my bills, I want to attract a man that’s capable of the same thing. Once we are under the same roof, I will expect him to be able to afford to keep a roof over our heads and I’ll use my salary to take care of other household items and things. If my man gets laid off, then things will of course change UNTIL he’s able to get back on his feet!
This is in marriage only. If a man can't take care of himself, he isn't ready for marriage at all.
I agree with you love don't pains bills and being good or have good personality isn't enough it Certainly, don't put food on the table. We lived in the real world where we need to eat real food.
A good man would never be comfortable paying just a light bill
Unfortunately too many black men sitting on Beyoncé's internet do not understand this.
Once again, black females resist the message and hear a single line and that's most important
I just love to hear you talk about your future. I pray u find someone as sweet as u are. Love u to