I was in a refuge for 6 months and it was horrible, I was constantly reminded that I didn't deserve to be there because my abusers were my parents. Your video makes me feel inspired to make a video about my experience.
😔😭💔 thanks for this comment lovely 😍 😊, you definitely didn't deserve to be in a refuge in the 1st place, and I thank God your not in there now. I would love to see your video whenever you decide to film, no pressure. I pray you are happier now you are away from the toxic rubbish you had to deal with. ❤❤❤❤
Omg I just saw this message 😭 thank you so much for taking the time to comment and thanks for thinking so 😊. My son is so hapoy and thats what matter xxx
Aww thanks I'm planning on doing another video soon that's a little more in depth. I would be lying if this new chapter will be easy especially with 3 children. But if their are ANY questions you have, or you just want to vent please contact me, as I know how you would be feeling xxx. ❤❤❤❤❤
I just wanted to update. I was at the refuge for about 6 months before moving to a hostel. We now are settled in our new location in a 3 bed house. Everyone is safe and happy. I also finished university and am about to start my new job next month. Thank you for the insight and encouragement xx
Zoe Dunn glad your settled hunny so happy for you that you finished university that’s so good of you ! Can I ask why it took you so long to stay at the refuge 6 months then get given a hostel is so long for a woman with kids xxx
@@arabchic7855 im sooooooooo sorry I have just seen this message 😟😪. The council i was registered with refused to rehouse me even though I was born and raised in the Borough. So I had to look for somewhere else, hence now living up north. Hope ur well xxx
am speechless your incredible and inspiring and beautiful god bless you darling I hope your life improves better and better each day truly inspirational your story ❤️❤️❤️
Also I am in social housing but the housing association I was given was 200 miles away from family, so for 2 years I was isolated from my friends and family which hurt, as I felt everything i was going through was punishment for being with a man that made me into someone I didn't recognize xx
Your my inspiration seriously I’ve been in doubt when I am an emotionally strong person but recently I’ve been nervous about my relocation next month but after hearing your story it has eased me a-bit thanks ❤️
Not a problem at all, I'm proud of you doing this for you and your children. It's going to be the most scariest thing u will probably ever do, but once u and the children are settled u will feel at peace xxx
Was reading the comment here and i seen your situation is kinda similar to mine . I want to go into a refuge but ive got so much questions so was wondering if u could give me some advice on it . Was thinking if u had an email or number I could talk about it ? X
Hello, I’m 18. And I really want to move out of my narcissistic mothers house because everything has gone down. And this seems like a refugee for women affected by their partners. I’ve not been able to cope well especially not being able to work (even before the coronavirus) and I’m not sure what to do. And I’m not sure if I’m just being a bit dramatic to want to move, but i do feel this will be the best choice
Hi hun, your not being dramatic, family members can also be abusive in a lot of ways too. I personally would still call women's aid and speak to them, even if its for advice on how they could help. Because I lived with a woman in there who was abused by her mum and brother. Please don't feel disheartened about how u feel and don't let anyone tell you u shouldn't feel this way, or to get over it. This is happening to u. Im here if u need to talk more xxx
@@shazsmall424 hi please can you tell me how long will be need to stay in refugee is it important to stay in refugee in fixed time how long it will be? Then when they send to council or a separate flat or something???
@@ansaazeem2945 hi ansa usually you stay in a refuge for up to a year, with a key worker helping u liaise with a council member, to help u find either a council property, a housing association property or a private property. If I'm honest there are a lot of stages to go through but it is worth it in the end x. Also I would say stick to your guns on things you would like, because sometimes eventhough the council know that you have a lot going on, with the fact that u are dealing with domestic abuse/violence etc the sometimes see you as weak, don't have it. Also stay on the key workers case, yes they have a lot to do but so do u x
@@shazsmall424 hi Shaz I’m going through domestic abuse to the point it’s lead to a gum disease because of the neglect. I want to go to a refuge badly I’m getting abused by my parents etc would they be able to give me a council property once I’ve reached the refuge? I’m very worried that I’m alone and have been disappointed by family and the Muslim community. Hence it’s made me have trust issues with everyone. It’s hard to trust people when you go through abuse. Or been let down constantly. I’m single no children so wondering if I would be eligible for a council property. I’m 19.
@@shazsmall424 also my question is are you allowed to work full time once ur at the refuge? I have pip that can pay off the rent etc? So I’m not worried about that it’s just I needed the work money for my gum treatments etc that’s not on nhs. Legit thinking to go to refuge but worried they won’t let me work and stuff
As a new volunteer at a refuge I’d love to hear your suggestions on how the service could be improved. I definitely see a need for more emotional support and am trying my best to facilitate. I also do energy healing and love empowering women. I’d really appreciate some suggestions on what you would have expected more by way of help through such a difficult transition. So sorry you had to go through such a difficult time. Thank you for making this video. You’re all so courageous. Love and light 💛
Hi Tracy thanks for the comment and wanting to know how to further help survivors like myself. To be honest i wasn't expecting the red carpet, but I was hoping for some understanding and navigation through the process, even if it is a short video or something. As EVERYTHING from the start is daunting. On my 1st morning I was in the office for over 2 hours baring in mind I have a 6 month old, and I was given so much information that I broke down and cried. I get the key workers have a mountain of work and they have to try and be there for each female. But it is also going to be a lot for the dv victim to deal with too. Maybe having an extra liaison around to answer questions or go to the appointments with and not just having the key workers to have that load on them on top on everything else. I know women's aid is under a load of pressure as I have seen it with my own eyes, but the fact that the women that come in these homes, are not allowed to have their family know there location and they possibly don't have friends even near by is a lot to deal with especially when you have children with you. X
@@shazsmall424 many thanks for your reply. Really appreciate it. It’s really useful to understand it from your perspective. We have a lovely manager who also sees the need to provide more support for the ladies. We’ve been having conversation about ways to facilitate better. Thanks again. Take care. X
Support should be trained well to support children and women. Refuge is horrible place to be , talking from experience, they are abusive, intimidation and a toucher here
@@ernestinaagyei5342 abusive really? That’s terrible. I must say, our staff love supporting women and are super kind. So sorry that you didn’t have a good experience. 💜
Hi thanks for commenting, if your daughter can somehow pluck up the confidence and courage to leave, i pray she does. Although super hard and very strange, she will gain the confidence and understand her self worth day by day. When she gets in contact with women's aid, and hopefully have space availability for her, the location will be anonymous and you will not be able to know where she will be, for safety for her and the other residents. A lot of the time the refuge will be a fair distance from the town/city from where she currently lives. I hope this helps and if you need anything else just message me 🤩🥰😘 sharlene
Hi I'm currently getting emotionally and mentally abused I'm about to make this decision the only thing that scares me is the refugee is religious Christian or Catholic I'm scared 😨 and I'm scared of people as well ever since the relationship I lost all my confidence to do anything I just stay home most of the time on my phone.he doesn't let me work he's afraid I leave him but I want to leave secretly because he's controlling.please pray for me🙏🏽
Hi lovely thanks for your message 😘, this whole situation is bound to be scary for you and daunting but please if possible leave safely. A Christian/religious refuge is going to be one of the safest places you can be right now, whether you believe or not. You have to think about where you are going to be safe and free from where you are now. It's time to think of what is going to give you peace and happiness all that you deserve 😌. Within this time you find out what your next steps will be x
Hi, I'm waiting for a space at a refuge, I am terrified, and I don't know if I'm making the right decision, I have 7 year old girl, I don't have friends or family here and I'm renting a room, basically I have only my clothes, and I don't know if the refugee will be worse than my current situation, I left my ex and father of my child 7 months ago, but he hasn't stop intimidating, following and harassing me, he found out where I was living because he asked my daughter, I'm terrified because as I said, I have no one else here to ask for help if anything goes wrong, my managers and colleagues have been giving me support which I appreciate.
Also my flatmates keep telling me is not a good place, they say i will have to pay rent and then move to my own place where i will have to pay i higher rent than im paying now, they say i will have to pay bills, council tax and that i wont be able to pay as im in a low income, is it that truth.. i dont want to make the wrong decision
Hi Gina your making the most scary but best decision for u and your child. When you move into a refuge you will get assistance with housing benefit and not have to pay council tax. You will have to pay a small contribution to the rent like £20 a week like I had to. With anywhere you have to pay bills so don't let anyone who haven't been through this process scare you. It will be daunting of course but hopefully the refuge case worker will help you every step of the way. Eventually you will have to speak to the council to get help with rehousing, where if a property is given to you, you will have to pay for rent and bills etc. Usually it wouldn't be overly expensive as it all depends on how much you can afford in general. Once you move into refuge though please make sure you let your child know that even though they are speaking to there dad that the location on the refuge you are staying in has to be kept secret, as it is not just you that is running from something or someone. The journey is not going to be always hard and you will hopefully makes friends for life within the refuge that completely understand what you are going through xx
Thank you for replying, another question, what if I’m working? I’m furloughed at the moment but I guess I’ll be back to work soon, also what about child school?
If your working I think as everything gets communicated via the council and depending on how much you can afford to pay that will all be worked out again with the refuge worker. But if there is something that you don't understand AT ALL make sure you let them know this and don't leave until you are confident and comfortable with the out come. Usually you should be near a school that your daughter can get a place to go and attend. It will be strange scary for her too so make sure that both of u stick together on this one. To be honest once you start to get settled you will find that the women there will be the biggest support system for you, which is what you need. Hopefully you won't be there linger than a year like I was, as you can only usually stay in a refuge for a year before you get rehoused x
Heyy I am going through the same thing right now and my therapist recommended I go to a refuge but I’m seeing so many bad reviews and I am so scared can you please give me advice on what I should do? I’d love to stay home until I get money to move but what would you suggest please get back to me
Hey lovely being scared is definitely normal. If u feel like this is the only way to be happy and safe, definitely do it. Its not.going to be easy and u might feel super alone at the beginning, but to be honest the journey and end result will be all worth it. Speak to women's aid and your local council for help and advice on the next steps, as councils in different areas do things differently. Please keep me updated 🙏🏾🙂☺😊💕
@@shazsmall424 heyyy thank you so much for your advice! I saw really bad reviews about how the people who work in the woman aids are really abusive and I am scared of being vulnerable.I decided to stay home but learn how to not let things get to me and build up and then move out.You are right it is so hard going down this path but like you said it’s for the best!
@@bahjaliyahh2136 hey lovely Ghana for the update, now I can't lie, some refuges aren't always the best, but it depends how and what u can handle. I'm glad you feel somewhat strong enough to stay and stand up for urself. But also protect your energy and space, even though u are at home and around family, boundaries have to be put in place for you to be able to at least cope, until you leave. I wish nothing but the absolute best for you boo xxxx
Sis would it be better to get emergency shelter from the council or go through this as a single woman? And what kind of council housing is there for single women? Really scared.
Hey luv, if you are trying to get away from whoever and haven't got any children, go to the council about emergency housing, and they SHOULD transfer you to women's aid ASAP. That's what happened with me and within 48-72 hours provided there is availability u can have a room. You can get a 1 bed or studio depending on the council. Alot of the time u would have to stay in the refuge minimum 3months, while the put ur case together to declare u as homeless. Then you can either start bidding for a home through the council or get a home through a housing association. Keep me updated or if u need to vent I'm here xxxx
Hi could u please help me,I'm going to make a decision to leave my won mortgage house with 4 children because of husband, but I'm very scare at the same time, i don't know how long do we need to stay temporary house for waiting permanent house
Hi thanks for getting in touch, ur making a decision that is definitely scary, but worth it for the safety of you and your children. Every temporary accommodation can be different, but the longest you can stay there is 1 year. Once you arrive your key worker should assist you on the next steps to getting a permanent home or somehow speaking with a solicitor to get your home back, and a restraining order. It may be a little more complex at the moment with a lot of councils closed due to the 🔐, but please don't let that make you feel like you can not proceed. My main advice is to be persistent with both your key worker and council. Hope this helps in some way, if you need any more I'm here xx
Basically i live in 2 bedroom house with 4 children n husband we don't have enough space my won morgage house, at the same time me and my children in mentally abuse by my husband, so that's why i made a decision to leave for my children better future, im not sure how long to go for getting 3 or 4 bedroom council house, my family and friends every supporting me for for divorce my husband but I'm very scare of every thing n very confused same time i already joined with women aid supporting, thank u for the advice it's very helpful for me
I'm so happy you took this step, as mental abuse takes its toll on you and your child, so I'm super happy for you. This journey is not going to be easy, and I'm so happy that you have your family and friends supporting you, because that is exactly what you need at this time. Xx
I know exactly, my hometown council told me about it because they didn't want to house me and they were dragging their feet. And I had to make a quick decision as I was getting kicked out of the refuge.
Hi, I have a few questions about refugee. I have not left yet but my case worker is very pushy and judgemental do you think it's best to get another one? What charity's would you advise using? Which area of London would you recommend going to? You said you had to do everything yourself, in what way? did you struggle with finances? Or do you get support for bills etc?
Hi JC thanks for the comment/questions. So if your current case worker is not helpful at all and making u feel uncomfortable, and its possible to change I definitely would. Because the last thing you need on top of what you are dealing with is someone who is not supportive 💯. Every charity is different, so I would research as much as possible, but you can look at the British heart foundation and go from there! When I said I did everything myself I meant from applying for properties, and sending in applications. Talking and hounding the council for any kind of help, sourcing the removal company to take my belongings to my now home. Sorting out my benefits when I needed them. Tbh the list is endless. I got housing benefit, and income support as I was and still am a single parent. So if you are not working please look into getting the benefits you need to survive. Personally I love East London. I lived there for over 9 years, its my second home. It also has easy access to anywhere you need. But make sure you are as direct as possible to the council of where you property is. Also once you move into a refuge if you haven't already, make sure they give you ALL the relevant information you need to understand and have a comfortable transition. Hope this helps, and if there is anything else I can try and help with let me know xxx
Is there anything I should know or prepare for before going into a refuge/ finding housing for myself? How long can you stay in a refuge, once you where looking for housing where you able to stay in a refuge or did you have to find temporary housing? Sorry for asking too many questions 😊.
@@JC-ce8uw hey, you can stay in most refuges for up to a year, and while there your key worker should help and prepare you for looking for permanent housing. Sometimes if there isn't any space in a refuge, they can offer you a temporary accommodation. Sometimes that could be for a number of years. Please make sure that u and your key worker is in constant communication with the council, to make the transition to permanent housing easier x
Hello, so could you please help me and my family out :(? I'm 13 years old And physically getting abused by my father and my mom is mentally getting abused by our father aswell, she wants to leave him but he keep saying "if you leave I'll take my children" and he physically abuses my siblings and me :c And my mom can't offered money for apartment or traveling And she doesn't want us with him. I want to help her so bad but I don't know where to start.. I searched and i searched and i want to leave my father and help my mother. We aren't in the uk but in another country we want to go to the uk but we can't offered the traveling money neither an apartment :( help please?
Hi royal this seems so sad, so as far as I know 1st things 1st tell the police, next call womens aid and explain what is going on , but baring in mind corona is around so, hopefully they will still have space somewhere for u, ur siblings and mum. Also go to ur local council once speaking to women's aid and they will hopefully tell u what the next step will be. I truly pray u get out of this ASAP. Also please keep me updated xx
That's true to a point, my abuser was my 'baby father' too and I had the get my dad to drop me too a station near to the refuge, and they paid for a taxi to the refuge, for me and my baby. I'm sorry your going through a massive stress right now, but don't give up on putting pressure on them too though. As you are in a situation that you need help in. Bug the closest local council for housing. And write to the MP, like I did hence why they moved a little quicker. Keep me updated hun xx
I was in a refuge for 6 months and it was horrible, I was constantly reminded that I didn't deserve to be there because my abusers were my parents. Your video makes me feel inspired to make a video about my experience.
😔😭💔 thanks for this comment lovely 😍 😊, you definitely didn't deserve to be in a refuge in the 1st place, and I thank God your not in there now. I would love to see your video whenever you decide to film, no pressure. I pray you are happier now you are away from the toxic rubbish you had to deal with. ❤❤❤❤
Is that how it is? How it will be?? I’m so sorry to hear you experienced that... my parents are also my parents. So worried 😣
What a hero . A remarkable woman. Thank you , I’m glad you left that mad environment. You deserve better in life.
Omg I just saw this message 😭 thank you so much for taking the time to comment and thanks for thinking so 😊. My son is so hapoy and thats what matter xxx
Good video. Lots of women will find this really helpful
Xx
Thank you for this. It helps knowing others personal experience. I'm due to go through the same with 3 kids soon.
Aww thanks I'm planning on doing another video soon that's a little more in depth. I would be lying if this new chapter will be easy especially with 3 children. But if their are ANY questions you have, or you just want to vent please contact me, as I know how you would be feeling xxx. ❤❤❤❤❤
Aww me too I have 3 kids stay strong we can get thro all this things will get better and each day 💕
I just wanted to update. I was at the refuge for about 6 months before moving to a hostel. We now are settled in our new location in a 3 bed house. Everyone is safe and happy. I also finished university and am about to start my new job next month. Thank you for the insight and encouragement xx
Zoe Dunn glad your settled hunny so happy for you that you finished university that’s so good of you !
Can I ask why it took you so long to stay at the refuge 6 months then get given a hostel is so long for a woman with kids xxx
@@arabchic7855 im sooooooooo sorry I have just seen this message 😟😪. The council i was registered with refused to rehouse me even though I was born and raised in the Borough. So I had to look for somewhere else, hence now living up north. Hope ur well xxx
Thanks for sharing x Very brave you our for making that step. I know it is very hard.
I totally understand everything you said. I am going through the same process. Thank you for sharing. I hope everything goes well with you!🌻
You got this! It was and to be honest still is hard even after all these years. But always take it a day at a time ❤❤❤
am speechless your incredible and inspiring and beautiful god bless you darling I hope your life improves better and better each day truly inspirational your story ❤️❤️❤️
Awww thank you so much, tbh it's only now beginning to look bright which is great, and I know that its going to keep getting better ❤❤❤
Also I am in social housing but the housing association I was given was 200 miles away from family, so for 2 years I was isolated from my friends and family which hurt, as I felt everything i was going through was punishment for being with a man that made me into someone I didn't recognize xx
Your my inspiration seriously I’ve been in doubt when I am an emotionally strong person but recently I’ve been nervous about my relocation next month but after hearing your story it has eased me a-bit thanks ❤️
Not a problem at all, I'm proud of you doing this for you and your children. It's going to be the most scariest thing u will probably ever do, but once u and the children are settled u will feel at peace xxx
Was reading the comment here and i seen your situation is kinda similar to mine . I want to go into a refuge but ive got so much questions so was wondering if u could give me some advice on it . Was thinking if u had an email or number I could talk about it ? X
Hello, I’m 18. And I really want to move out of my narcissistic mothers house because everything has gone down. And this seems like a refugee for women affected by their partners. I’ve not been able to cope well especially not being able to work (even before the coronavirus) and I’m not sure what to do. And I’m not sure if I’m just being a bit dramatic to want to move, but i do feel this will be the best choice
Hi hun, your not being dramatic, family members can also be abusive in a lot of ways too. I personally would still call women's aid and speak to them, even if its for advice on how they could help. Because I lived with a woman in there who was abused by her mum and brother. Please don't feel disheartened about how u feel and don't let anyone tell you u shouldn't feel this way, or to get over it. This is happening to u. Im here if u need to talk more xxx
@@shazsmall424 hi please can you tell me how long will be need to stay in refugee is it important to stay in refugee in fixed time how long it will be? Then when they send to council or a separate flat or something???
@@ansaazeem2945 hi ansa usually you stay in a refuge for up to a year, with a key worker helping u liaise with a council member, to help u find either a council property, a housing association property or a private property. If I'm honest there are a lot of stages to go through but it is worth it in the end x. Also I would say stick to your guns on things you would like, because sometimes eventhough the council know that you have a lot going on, with the fact that u are dealing with domestic abuse/violence etc the sometimes see you as weak, don't have it. Also stay on the key workers case, yes they have a lot to do but so do u x
@@shazsmall424 hi Shaz I’m going through domestic abuse to the point it’s lead to a gum disease because of the neglect. I want to go to a refuge badly I’m getting abused by my parents etc would they be able to give me a council property once I’ve reached the refuge? I’m very worried that I’m alone and have been disappointed by family and the Muslim community. Hence it’s made me have trust issues with everyone. It’s hard to trust people when you go through abuse. Or been let down constantly. I’m single no children so wondering if I would be eligible for a council property. I’m 19.
@@shazsmall424 also my question is are you allowed to work full time once ur at the refuge? I have pip that can pay off the rent etc? So I’m not worried about that it’s just I needed the work money for my gum treatments etc that’s not on nhs. Legit thinking to go to refuge but worried they won’t let me work and stuff
All the best, good luck with your future
Thanks for sharing 👍🏻
Hello sister you are so brave and good luck for new Start. I have one question that what proof we have to provide to prove dometic abuse ?
As a new volunteer at a refuge I’d love to hear your suggestions on how the service could be improved. I definitely see a need for more emotional support and am trying my best to facilitate. I also do energy healing and love empowering women. I’d really appreciate some suggestions on what you would have expected more by way of help through such a difficult transition. So sorry you had to go through such a difficult time. Thank you for making this video. You’re all so courageous. Love and light 💛
Hi Tracy thanks for the comment and wanting to know how to further help survivors like myself. To be honest i wasn't expecting the red carpet, but I was hoping for some understanding and navigation through the process, even if it is a short video or something. As EVERYTHING from the start is daunting. On my 1st morning I was in the office for over 2 hours baring in mind I have a 6 month old, and I was given so much information that I broke down and cried. I get the key workers have a mountain of work and they have to try and be there for each female. But it is also going to be a lot for the dv victim to deal with too. Maybe having an extra liaison around to answer questions or go to the appointments with and not just having the key workers to have that load on them on top on everything else.
I know women's aid is under a load of pressure as I have seen it with my own eyes, but the fact that the women that come in these homes, are not allowed to have their family know there location and they possibly don't have friends even near by is a lot to deal with especially when you have children with you. X
@@shazsmall424 many thanks for your reply. Really appreciate it. It’s really useful to understand it from your perspective. We have a lovely manager who also sees the need to provide more support for the ladies. We’ve been having conversation about ways to facilitate better. Thanks again. Take care. X
Support should be trained well to support children and women. Refuge is horrible place to be , talking from experience, they are abusive, intimidation and a toucher here
Am in refuge now , they Don't support in anyway. And are really abusive 😕.
@@ernestinaagyei5342 abusive really? That’s terrible. I must say, our staff love supporting women and are super kind. So sorry that you didn’t have a good experience. 💜
Thank you sharon,
Im trying to talk my daughter i to go there.
Can she asked to be put in a refuge near me, her mum ? In london?
Hi thanks for commenting, if your daughter can somehow pluck up the confidence and courage to leave, i pray she does. Although super hard and very strange, she will gain the confidence and understand her self worth day by day. When she gets in contact with women's aid, and hopefully have space availability for her, the location will be anonymous and you will not be able to know where she will be, for safety for her and the other residents. A lot of the time the refuge will be a fair distance from the town/city from where she currently lives. I hope this helps and if you need anything else just message me 🤩🥰😘 sharlene
Hi I'm currently getting emotionally and mentally abused I'm about to make this decision the only thing that scares me is the refugee is religious Christian or Catholic I'm scared 😨 and I'm scared of people as well ever since the relationship I lost all my confidence to do anything I just stay home most of the time on my phone.he doesn't let me work he's afraid I leave him but I want to leave secretly because he's controlling.please pray for me🙏🏽
Hi lovely thanks for your message 😘, this whole situation is bound to be scary for you and daunting but please if possible leave safely. A Christian/religious refuge is going to be one of the safest places you can be right now, whether you believe or not. You have to think about where you are going to be safe and free from where you are now. It's time to think of what is going to give you peace and happiness all that you deserve 😌. Within this time you find out what your next steps will be x
Hi, I'm waiting for a space at a refuge, I am terrified, and I don't know if I'm making the right decision, I have 7 year old girl, I don't have friends or family here and I'm renting a room, basically I have only my clothes, and I don't know if the refugee will be worse than my current situation, I left my ex and father of my child 7 months ago, but he hasn't stop intimidating, following and harassing me, he found out where I was living because he asked my daughter, I'm terrified because as I said, I have no one else here to ask for help if anything goes wrong, my managers and colleagues have been giving me support which I appreciate.
Also my flatmates keep telling me is not a good place, they say i will have to pay rent and then move to my own place where i will have to pay i higher rent than im paying now, they say i will have to pay bills, council tax and that i wont be able to pay as im in a low income, is it that truth.. i dont want to make the wrong decision
Hi Gina your making the most scary but best decision for u and your child. When you move into a refuge you will get assistance with housing benefit and not have to pay council tax. You will have to pay a small contribution to the rent like £20 a week like I had to. With anywhere you have to pay bills so don't let anyone who haven't been through this process scare you. It will be daunting of course but hopefully the refuge case worker will help you every step of the way. Eventually you will have to speak to the council to get help with rehousing, where if a property is given to you, you will have to pay for rent and bills etc. Usually it wouldn't be overly expensive as it all depends on how much you can afford in general.
Once you move into refuge though please make sure you let your child know that even though they are speaking to there dad that the location on the refuge you are staying in has to be kept secret, as it is not just you that is running from something or someone. The journey is not going to be always hard and you will hopefully makes friends for life within the refuge that completely understand what you are going through xx
Thank you for replying, another question, what if I’m working? I’m furloughed at the moment but I guess I’ll be back to work soon, also what about child school?
If your working I think as everything gets communicated via the council and depending on how much you can afford to pay that will all be worked out again with the refuge worker. But if there is something that you don't understand AT ALL make sure you let them know this and don't leave until you are confident and comfortable with the out come. Usually you should be near a school that your daughter can get a place to go and attend. It will be strange scary for her too so make sure that both of u stick together on this one.
To be honest once you start to get settled you will find that the women there will be the biggest support system for you, which is what you need. Hopefully you won't be there linger than a year like I was, as you can only usually stay in a refuge for a year before you get rehoused x
You do feel alone
Thanks for commenting, I did feel very alone and tbh I still do and it's been 2years since I left🤦🏾♀️. I guess time is a great healer xx
Heyy
I am going through the same thing right now and my therapist recommended I go to a refuge but I’m seeing so many bad reviews and I am so scared can you please give me advice on what I should do?
I’d love to stay home until I get money to move but what would you suggest please get back to me
Hey lovely being scared is definitely normal. If u feel like this is the only way to be happy and safe, definitely do it. Its not.going to be easy and u might feel super alone at the beginning, but to be honest the journey and end result will be all worth it. Speak to women's aid and your local council for help and advice on the next steps, as councils in different areas do things differently. Please keep me updated 🙏🏾🙂☺😊💕
@@shazsmall424 heyyy thank you so much for your advice!
I saw really bad reviews about how the people who work in the woman aids are really abusive and I am scared of being vulnerable.I decided to stay home but learn how to not let things get to me and build up and then move out.You are right it is so hard going down this path but like you said it’s for the best!
@@bahjaliyahh2136 hey lovely Ghana for the update, now I can't lie, some refuges aren't always the best, but it depends how and what u can handle. I'm glad you feel somewhat strong enough to stay and stand up for urself. But also protect your energy and space, even though u are at home and around family, boundaries have to be put in place for you to be able to at least cope, until you leave. I wish nothing but the absolute best for you boo xxxx
Sis would it be better to get emergency shelter from the council or go through this as a single woman? And what kind of council housing is there for single women? Really scared.
Hey luv, if you are trying to get away from whoever and haven't got any children, go to the council about emergency housing, and they SHOULD transfer you to women's aid ASAP. That's what happened with me and within 48-72 hours provided there is availability u can have a room. You can get a 1 bed or studio depending on the council. Alot of the time u would have to stay in the refuge minimum 3months, while the put ur case together to declare u as homeless. Then you can either start bidding for a home through the council or get a home through a housing association. Keep me updated or if u need to vent I'm here xxxx
I have a question for you Shaz what happens if you’re single would they give you council home etc?
Majority of women that go into the refuge needing to escape violence have to be rehoused, usually within the council or housing association.
Hi could u please help me,I'm going to make a decision to leave my won mortgage house with 4 children because of husband, but I'm very scare at the same time, i don't know how long do we need to stay temporary house for waiting permanent house
Hi thanks for getting in touch, ur making a decision that is definitely scary, but worth it for the safety of you and your children. Every temporary accommodation can be different, but the longest you can stay there is 1 year. Once you arrive your key worker should assist you on the next steps to getting a permanent home or somehow speaking with a solicitor to get your home back, and a restraining order.
It may be a little more complex at the moment with a lot of councils closed due to the 🔐, but please don't let that make you feel like you can not proceed.
My main advice is to be persistent with both your key worker and council.
Hope this helps in some way, if you need any more I'm here xx
Basically i live in 2 bedroom house with 4 children n husband we don't have enough space my won morgage house, at the same time me and my children in mentally abuse by my husband, so that's why i made a decision to leave for my children better future, im not sure how long to go for getting 3 or 4 bedroom council house, my family and friends every supporting me for for divorce my husband but I'm very scare of every thing n very confused same time i already joined with women aid supporting, thank u for the advice it's very helpful for me
@@shazsmall424 thank u so much for your advice
I'm so happy you took this step, as mental abuse takes its toll on you and your child, so I'm super happy for you. This journey is not going to be easy, and I'm so happy that you have your family and friends supporting you, because that is exactly what you need at this time. Xx
I thought that they would support more. So basically just giving you a shelter.. That is not good at all. Who told you about Homefinder
I know exactly, my hometown council told me about it because they didn't want to house me and they were dragging their feet. And I had to make a quick decision as I was getting kicked out of the refuge.
Shaz Small Jesus... they take you in, then kick you out? Even if it’s because of the council? That needs to effing change...
Your not being materialistic x
Aw thank you I still worry about that sometimes, but it's good to hear that I'm not too xx
Hi,
I have a few questions about refugee.
I have not left yet but my case worker is very pushy and judgemental do you think it's best to get another one?
What charity's would you advise using?
Which area of London would you recommend going to?
You said you had to do everything yourself, in what way?
did you struggle with finances? Or do you get support for bills etc?
Hi JC thanks for the comment/questions. So if your current case worker is not helpful at all and making u feel uncomfortable, and its possible to change I definitely would. Because the last thing you need on top of what you are dealing with is someone who is not supportive 💯.
Every charity is different, so I would research as much as possible, but you can look at the British heart foundation and go from there!
When I said I did everything myself I meant from applying for properties, and sending in applications. Talking and hounding the council for any kind of help, sourcing the removal company to take my belongings to my now home. Sorting out my benefits when I needed them. Tbh the list is endless.
I got housing benefit, and income support as I was and still am a single parent. So if you are not working please look into getting the benefits you need to survive.
Personally I love East London. I lived there for over 9 years, its my second home. It also has easy access to anywhere you need. But make sure you are as direct as possible to the council of where you property is.
Also once you move into a refuge if you haven't already, make sure they give you ALL the relevant information you need to understand and have a comfortable transition.
Hope this helps, and if there is anything else I can try and help with let me know xxx
@@shazsmall424 Thank you so much for sharing 😊.
Is there anything I should know or prepare for before going into a refuge/ finding housing for myself?
How long can you stay in a refuge, once you where looking for housing where you able to stay in a refuge or did you have to find temporary housing?
Sorry for asking too many questions 😊.
@@JC-ce8uw hey, you can stay in most refuges for up to a year, and while there your key worker should help and prepare you for looking for permanent housing. Sometimes if there isn't any space in a refuge, they can offer you a temporary accommodation. Sometimes that could be for a number of years. Please make sure that u and your key worker is in constant communication with the council, to make the transition to permanent housing easier x
@@shazsmall424 Thank you 😊
Hello, so could you please help me and my family out :(? I'm 13 years old And physically getting abused by my father and my mom is mentally getting abused by our father aswell, she wants to leave him but he keep saying "if you leave I'll take my children" and he physically abuses my siblings and me :c And my mom can't offered money for apartment or traveling And she doesn't want us with him. I want to help her so bad but I don't know where to start.. I searched and i searched and i want to leave my father and help my mother. We aren't in the uk but in another country we want to go to the uk but we can't offered the traveling money neither an apartment :( help please?
Hi royal this seems so sad, so as far as I know 1st things 1st tell the police, next call womens aid and explain what is going on , but baring in mind corona is around so, hopefully they will still have space somewhere for u, ur siblings and mum. Also go to ur local council once speaking to women's aid and they will hopefully tell u what the next step will be. I truly pray u get out of this ASAP. Also please keep me updated xx
@@shazsmall424 thank you for responding! I will try to do the steps and I will keep updates don't worry :D!
They don't help with transportation. Feel like jail. My abuser was my baby daddy. Have to live with fam till I get back on feet.
That's true to a point, my abuser was my 'baby father' too and I had the get my dad to drop me too a station near to the refuge, and they paid for a taxi to the refuge, for me and my baby. I'm sorry your going through a massive stress right now, but don't give up on putting pressure on them too though. As you are in a situation that you need help in. Bug the closest local council for housing. And write to the MP, like I did hence why they moved a little quicker. Keep me updated hun xx
Need to speak to you
What do you need lovely???
Hey I hope ur OK x
Jesus x cares
Thats definitely what he does ❤