"I'd rather fix what's in my head than fix what's on me" I am on the skinnier side, 183 cm/65 kg or around 6'0"/130 lbs. I used to hate my looks so much I wore hoodies in the middle of summer to make sure I never showed my skinny arms and drowned in sweat as a result of that. I remember deciding to go to the gym and trying to gain some weight, watching the calories, drinking protein shakes etc. I started at 61 kg and got up to 65 kg in a month, there was a visible improvement in both my muscle volume and the weights I could carry. But I felt I was looking worse than before. Then I gradually stopped going there because university work was killing me and I stopped having any motivation whatsoever. Then I went to therapy. And I got meds. Do I like the way that I look? No, but I don't feel disgusting anymore when I look at the mirror. And there are certainly people who are way more into that skinny look than me. Do I look better than I did when I was actively exercising? Definitely not, but probably not much worse since I took a gap year and I'm working a physical job rn Will I go back to the gym to get jacked? Maybe in the future, when (if?) I go back to uni and have more time and have the right frame of mind. My point is, a ton of people treat gym and fitness like a band-aid for their deep-rooted problems. And I did that as well. It made me so frustrated when the progress I was making at the gym didn't correlate with my mental well-being. And the message "fix what's in your head before you fix what's on you" is, in my opinion, a very important one. Life got so much better since I did that, I can't even explain it Everyone should be able to be at least comfortable in their own skin. Also, if someone looks like trash to you, they say one man's trash is another man's treasure. Thank you for this video, Adam. I think it sends a very important message.
Extremely valid and important to say. There's a whole lot of (REALLY good things) you could do for yourself that might turn self-destructive if you're doing them for the wrong reasons. There's a whole lot of people who do what seems like the healthy things, but for extremely harmful reasons. Get your mind right any time you're looking to get your body and health improved. Important note: If you get your head to a healthy place, your body will generally follow suit. Mandatory to work on the mind. There's plenty of horrifying examples (numerous celebrities come to mind) of people who seem to have *everything* in order, yet they're still so miserable they elect an early exit from existence. Or to poorly paraphrase the words of George Clinton: "free your mind - your ass will follow!"
As someone who’s also been struggling on the leaner end (125 pounds/57kg at 6’1/1.85m!) I feel you. People telling me that I should “eat more” (I eat a lot, I have a very fast metabolism) or that I should “workout”(I have been fit for most of my teenage life up until the pandemic, I’m 18 now and my body has had the same figure and weight) gets exhausting mentally. Thankfully despite this I’ve never had any dysphoria surrounding my current weight, but the comments do hurt overtime. Similarly to you, I have started going to the gym to get fit again. People keep asking me if I plan on bulking or ‘getting jacked’ but no, I too also get dysphoria if I look ‘jacked.’ I simply just want to be fit and have tone in my muscles. I’m glad I am content with how I look right now, and although the constant comments about my body don’t help, I’m glad I’m not as bothered as much as I could be by them.
@@KaufDirGeld I, respectfully, think this... > Going to the gym is way less risky then taking meds. I would always go that route again first. Those meds can fuck you up in ways you wouldnt believe. ...is the exact kind of Internet comment that Adam's video is speaking to, and I say that as someone who agrees with the general spirit of your comment when taken outside the context of Adam's video and this thread. OP shared that medication worked for them, it just doesn't need to be said. It would be much better to volunteer personal experience using "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, I saw how SSRIs negatively affected my family and friends so, when I eventually went to therapy for depression, I shared what I had seen and explained that I do not want medication, I want to explore all other available treatment routes and will only consider medication as a last resort. My psychologist explained it to me like this. Climbing out of a hole you've found yourself in is hard, the walls are steep and you are fighting an uphill battle. It requires putting the work in on a healthy diet, exercise, and therapy no matter what. Medication is not a solution in and of itself, it is just a tool that one can use to put the thumb on the scale and tilt the playing field somewhat more to your own advantage while you put the work in on those other things and get past the steepest part of that hill you have to climb. We worked together and I found a drug (lamotrigine) that is not in the SSRI class and does not have any of the risks I was concerned about associated with it, such as weight gain. I was willing to try, and it did make it somewhat easier for me to put in that work and climb that hill. When I was feeling better, had my diet under control, and was exercising a healthy amount, we weaned me off lamotrigine. I think the only thing that needs to be said is that no matter what you are working on, it is important to work with experts in the relevant fields such as a competent nutritionist for your diet, certified trainers and your general care practitioner for your exercise, or a psychiatrist for your drugs and therapy to make sure that your strategy is safe and effective for your unique circumstances and goals.
One of the problems here is that we aren't willing to enforce these norms when the comments target 'bad' people or target people on the other side of a political dispute. That undermines the norm and tells people it's ok to comment negatively when you think the target is bad. I mean I despise the Trumps and like Colbert but when he mocks how Eric Trump looks that implicitly gives people permission to mock looks as long as they feel the target is bad -- and that makes the norm unworkable. For people to invest in a norm they need to feel it's applied universally. The second people feel a norm won't protect them or those they affiliate with they won't abide by it themselves.
You're perfectly right, unfortunately. Self-proclaimed progressives sometimes comment on political issues in such a horrible style that they themselves would be right to protest about had self-proclaimed conservatives commented that.
@@erzsebetkovacs2527 Yes, because progressives are people with all the flaws of anyone else and as such are vulnerable to being petty, biased and apply stereotypes just like as anyone else. What's important is that we don't behave in such a tribal fashion that we can't call out people on our side for bad behavior. And I think part of doing that is not thinking in pure black and white terms (good people can do bad things) otherwise it's too hard to gently correct people.
I read a Tom Nichols piece in The Atlantic not too long ago about how, though he despises Trump, he would stop using any disrespectful nicknames for the man, and simply refer to him as Trump, Mr Trump, or Former President Trump. We need to treat everyone, including our political opponents, with respect. Fight them on adult levels, not by sounding like a 5 year old bully.
@@lizcademy4809 Thats good, I'll have to look for the piece. But that might be asking alot. I think we can distinguish just generic disrespect, eg calling Trump "that jerk Trump" or whatever and mocking him for his physical attributes or pronunciation of whatever. You don't have to accord someone respect to avoid being cruel about their shortcomings (eg discussion about his penis)
Yeah, but in this video, he also saying don't comment at all even if you think you're saying something good. I noticed it's very common for people who are attractive for people who know they're attractive to be uncomfortable receiving compliments about their appearance. Because they're just so tired of it.
I think an important aside to this conversation is that internet comments, as a kind of public forum, are not necessarily perceived as having different social norms whether they are attached to an individual creator or a faceless organization. If Warner Brothers drops a new movie trailer on TH-cam today, I'll feel pretty comfortable saying something harsh if I think it's crap. However, if someone with 200 subscribers posts a short film they made, I'm much more likely to treat my comments as a direct conversation with the creator, and be polite. A channel like Adam's can be a weird middle-ground, because he is an individual, but with 2.5 million subscribers, there are enough of us viewers that we have a reasonable expectation that he will not see every single comment... so arguably we're talking more to each other than to him- and we have no real way of knowing when he might be "within earshot."
I just had gastric sleeve surgery and I've been watching a bunch of testimonials about how people reacted to their bodies, the algorithm recommended this to me. Thanks, Adam. I feel genuinely a lot better with setting boundaries.
I have a history of body dysmorphia and disordered eating and exercise addiction. I am now in my 60's and overweight. I had heart surgery and was sedentary for years before it. I am exercising but not losing weight but i hardly care. Guess what? It's liberating to stop focusing on my body! It's the best thing about being older. Just wanted to share. There will come a day it doesn't matter and you will be healthier for having done this now. Much love to you on your journey. You look great! Enjoy while you're young.❤
As a fat person who’s usually perceived as a woman, it’s really meaningful to see someone people are currently perceiving as thin address this so frankly. I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time, I appreciate you using it to say what needed to be said.
Thanks for this video Adam. As you mentioned it's happened to you, and it's happened to all of us. We all have negative/questioning thoughts about others (referring specifically to your comment about the 2 intros to the guitar video.) We need to work at not expressing those thoughts publicly, it's just too easy now with the anonimity of the internet. I don't know if there's a solution, but by bringing the topic to the forefront like you have hopefully people will thing twice before commenting. I know I've caught myself several times before hitting the "save" or "comment" button and just deleted my comment, but I can guarantee you I've hit the save button in the past and left comments that I'd like to take back.
For most people it is not good to make private comments you would not do in public or to someone's face. The reason is that you are training that mindset. In a low point or say you are sick, you may not have your guards up. Practice in private what you would do in public. At least that's my take. Every situation is an opportunity to practice positivity. Doing it in private is a great way to train yourself up for every day interactions. It will also improve your private conversations as a bonus. 🙂
Good lord, imagine living like this. Being so adverse to voicing your observations of others because of the meer risk of offense. Hey Adam, If you want to have less social friction in your life maybe don't obsessively meditate on the minutia of social interaction until you reach a state of total neurotic paralysis And by the way, gossiping about someone when they cant hear you isn't considerate or tactful it's being a two faced passive aggressive coward who won't afford someone the dignity of saying it to their face.
That's not to say I hated them before, I am a long-time subscriber after all, I it's just the topics and how he tackles them are fantastically chosen, and the vibe is absolutely my thing.
I have similar issue with finding my old rude comments around the internet and removing them and feeling ashamed 😅 But I also hope that's the part of growing up.
I have severe fistulizing Crohn's disease. When I'm skinny I'm sick, when I'm fat I'm doing well. People are so weirded out when I declare with joy, "I'm fat and energetic!". I would be delighted to be slender and healthy but I've been dangerously and terrifyingly underweight for years and I'm convinced I'd be dead if I hadn't had resources to spare when I needed them. I suspect my body thinks so too. Exercise is so good for me, thinking about what my body can DO instead of what it looks like is mentally more nourishing. And right now it's capable of digestion! Not elegance. BFD. (Great video. Thanks)
I've got Crohn's disease too, and the things people say can be so baffling at times. Back in 2021, when my condition was at its worst, I lost around 15-20kg within just a few months. I couldn't eat anything without feeling like my entire digestive system was being purged immediately afterwards. I looked like a skeleton. As someone who had always been a fairly stocky guy throughout my teens and adult life, never tall but quite bulky, this rapid weight loss took a significant toll on me. What really confused (and hurt) me the most was my extended family's reaction - they praised me for my appearance. I couldn't wrap my head around why they would look at a visibly ill 17 year old, knowing full well about my condition, and tell me I looked better than ever. The same people would then go on to suggest that exercise and cutting out junk food would "cure" my Crohn's. It was so incredibly insensitive. Fast forward to now, I'm doing much better. Even though I'm in the "fat and healthy" phase, I've never been happier with my body. I'm the strongest and most capable I've ever been. Thank you for sharing your experience; it made me feel so much more understood. I hope you're doing well!
@@sinexusdisease sucks and it's hard for er... non-wisened... people to understand that there's a context to weight. That and the fact that fat and muscle have been signs of health for as long as humans have had such concepts. To have fat is to have security, energy, safety, ect. Of course being lean is good for many things but surviving until tomorrow when that is not guaranteed is not usually one of them. All of that being said I am very ignorant on Crohns. Hope you're well homie
I stopped commenting on changes in physique when I complimented a friend on slimming down only to find out it was bc they were obsessively running to keep their depression at bay
I had a friend like that. It is true, though, that part of the root cause of their depression was body dysmorphia, a firm conviction that they were just plain ugly and not performing their gender the way they wanted to.
So by doing that you provided them an opportunity to open themselves and tell you about their depression, to which you could respond with some comfort and understanding. Being on this depressed side, I think it's much better than just ignoring them or staying at small talk.
@@angrypotato_fz That’s assuming 1. We hadn’t previously discussed both their mental health and my own and 2. They wanted it brought up at the time it was. Neither of which are true.
a few years ago i started losing a significant amount of weight quite suddenly. The reason for that was because i had found myself in a profoundly abusive relationship and even though i was still eating normally, my body reacted to the 24/7 crippling anxiety by spontaneously losing weight. It was by no stretch of the imagination a good thing, or even something i wanted. Being complimented on it was weird. Although the complements did turn more towards concern after i fell below 60kg and started looking legitimately ill
An older person I had not seen in years exclaimed, “So, when’s the due date?” From her point of view, I understand. She feels positively towards me. She was happy for me when she heard I got married. She knew I really want to have kids. Plural. And she comes from an older generation where this kind of question is not only accepted but expected, I think. Now flip to my point of view. I’ve now had three miscarriages. One of them would have ended my life without medical intervention. And one of them resulted in weight gain which I haven’t been able to reverse. And I have my own back-history of being shamed for my weight…including an aunt who bought me a lovely leather jacket…sized XL…when I reached size 8 (while my cousins were size 2 and 0). So that question just hurt in so many ways, regardless of the positive intent. I had to vent to my husband and a good friend and do a lot of mental/emotional exercises before I could get back into a healthy place. I don’t blame her. I know she just doesn’t get it and I have no way of changing her behavior. But if just one person out there might spend an extra microsecond before pressing “send” or opening their mouth, then sharing this personal story is worth it.
I've had miscarriages too, but I take people as they are as we all tend to mirror those we're around anyway. They ask me what my due date is & I rub their belly & ask them what they're going to name this one. They usually replay with "pizza" or "beer" & we both get a laugh & move on.
@@MeanOldLady Username checks out lol Honestly though, even older generations have the saying: "Think before you speak". Just being a tiny bit more considerate before shooting your mouth off can make a big difference.
I'm a fat guy who's recently intentionally lost a bunch of weight via discipline, eating intentionally, habit forming, etc. And previously, the time when I've visibly lost a lot of weight was when I wasn't eating much at all due to stressful and traumatic events going on in my life, and the fact that the responses to these two events are indistinguishable illustrates that we really just shouldn't comment on people's bodies unless they're inviting it or we know their desires and intentions, and even then we should approach it cautiously. "hey, you look so great losing weight" feels really shitty when you're doing it because you're not sleeping and you're miserable all the time. Great discussion, Adam.
The time in my life when I lost the most weight was when I was scared I had cancer and was going back and forth with doctors and having tests done. I ended up being lucky and not having cancer. But being scared of it basically killed all of my appetite and I didn’t want to eat much.
Same experience for me: about 10 years ago i've lost so much weight due to stress and poverty but everybody was complimenting me. That time is stuck in my head when i workout and eat healthy but people insist that i'm not doing it "correctly" because i'm not losing enough weight
I’ve lost 90 lbs due to a medical condition that makes me puke constantly and unable to eat. The number of people who have said they wish they had this illness so they too can loose weight is insane. Like no, no you don’t and also thanks for minimizing my illness or whatever. It sucks
I use to know a girl who had a medical condition that made it hard for her body to absorb nurturance from the food she ate, she use to hate it with people commented that she looked good because she was so thin because to her her thinness was linked with her medical problems and constant fatigue. It also implied that when she found a treatment for her condition that she would no longer meet their standards of beauty.
A friend and i was talking to our former teacher when a guy came over and complimented her for loosing a lot of weight. We just had to stand there and hear her thanking him for the “compliment” even though we knew she lost the weight because her husband died. It still makes my stomach turn just thinking about it!
The pregnancy thing is 200% something people should hear. My partner put on a bit of weight due to significant health issues and multiple people asked if she was pregnant. She came home crying and it still makes her uncomfortable to think about years later.
@@grimoire2491 please consider rewatching the video you're commenting on if you're willing to say that to someone you don't know. it is a bad thing that jents' partner came home crying. there shouldn't be any argument about this. if you're so fixated on weight as a perceived signifier of someone's health and moralizing it to the point where it's ok to make someone cry over it, you missed the point of the video entirely.
@@grimoire2491Dude, she was most likely already aware of her health issues, and no, not every health issue can be quickly and aptly fixed by 'working out and eating well'. Most people don't need you, the Saviour who will remind them of their troubles. Like several people have already pointed out, it's almost hilarious how much Adam's point flew over your head.
"Daddy Ragusea" is no longer a meme. Adam has been a solid father figure this entire time 🫡 Seriously though, thanks for this vid dude. Even hearing some people comment positively on other people's bodies uninvited makes me uncomfortable. This helped me articulate why I have trouble around it.
Same, although not to that degree. I was asked "how'd you get so thin so quick?" so I, whose appendix burst at the time and was hospitalized on a liquid diet for 5 days, laid out the facts. She was visibly embarrassed and apologized quickly. Of course, anonymous TH-cam commentors from across the world might not share that empathy, but sometimes you just have to hope that they do.
Men in my family get fat faces as they age. It happened to my dad, it happened to me. But while he was wasting away with two different cancers, he lost so much weight that his face thinned down and looked young and very handsome, with great bone structure. He only weighed 70 pounds at that point, but his face was amazing. I would have loved to have seen his old fat healthy face, instead.
I follow a streamer who, a few years back, got sick and lost weight really fast. People kept coming into his stream commenting on how he looked "lean". He had to keep explaining that no, it wasn't due to his commitment to the peloton, it was because of the double food poisoning... This situation is rather amusing (he's fine now) but as you said, don't just assume all changes in appearance are intentional or welcomed.
sometimes, people lose weight because they intentionally changed their behaviors and environment. other times, a tapeworm called Lil’ Caesar gives you simultaneous salmonella and campylobacter infections and causes you to 💩 your brains out
@@Escher99I don't know this streamer but doesn't the fact his audience knows that he has an exercise machine presumably for fitness, down to the brand, no less invite comment on his physique assuming he's discussed exercising?
@@shawnsgIt's for sure an understandable mistake on the part of NL's audience considering how often cardio is a topic of conversation for him, and he mostly took it in stride, but it still illustrates the point pretty well here. There was absolutely no need for those people to *guess* that he'd be pleased with an unsolicited comment on his body. As Adam mentioned, we should really be considering these things with the same logic as congratulating a visibly pregnant woman. Even if it's a female friend you know has been trying for a baby, you're still way better off letting them bring it up than making a simple assumption that leaves you looking like a total douche if you're wrong
I quit smoking but I relapsed and I lost a lot of weight because i started again. I got a bunch of compliments and I got more social because i smoked with my colleagues. Clean for a year now and I feel way better despite higher body fat percentage.
I nearly died a while back and wound up in the hospital for over thirty days and after I got out I had lost eighty pounds due to dietary changes that were medically necessary and the not great hospital food. People kept commenting on how good I looked while I was unable to walk more than fifty feet without nearly passing out due to having a bum leg from surgery and deconditioning from having to lay in a hospital bed for over a month. Made me feel disgusting every time they did it, It really put into my mind that whatever I was going through, they just saw that I had lost weight and they considered that healthy. My health wasn't even secondary, it wasn't a part of the equation, they just wanted me thinner.
Something similar happened to me. You know in the society I live in (Cyprus) random strangers would comment on my weight. And then I lost some kilos and they assumed I dieted even though I got thinner because I was hospitalised. I felt weird about it.
@@PanagiotisPolitis-bl9xjExcept it’s been known for decades that dieting doesn’t work. They’re just totally misinformed and only care about how skinny someone is. Hence OP’s complaint
After I put on a bunch of weight in the bad times of 2020 and 2021 I worked hard and lost about 50 pounds, amongst all the people congratulating me I had one person pull me aside and make sure it was intentional good weight loss and not something medically wrong causing me to lose weight. Having known a few people who have had medical problems causing them to lose scary amounts of weight I really appreciated that. Sadly I since shattered my knee and put all the weight back on while I was having a painfully long recovery, but now that it's healed up I'm working on getting back in shape again
I'm glad they had good intentions and you took it as such. Personally I think inquiring about someone's medical status without them opening the conversation is crossing a far more serious boundary than good-natured (if ignorant) compliments.
thank you for this video. i've dealt with eating disorders for most of my life. at first it was binge eating disorder, which then morphed into bulimia. for a good chunk of that time, i was overweight. the way people treated me was horrible (viewing fat people as gluttonous, gross, undisciplined, whereas at the time i was trying to cope with trauma). then i began starving myself and had a whole onslaught of health issues. i began fainting, dealing with severe brain fog, and any exertion made me feel dizzy and ill... but everyone was quick to comment on how wonderful i looked, how much better and prettier, "healthier" even etc... it felt like a sick joke and also exasperated my illness. i'm now recovered but i'll never forget how awful people can be.
Yeah. I've always liked listening to intelligent people just 'pondering' some question or problem. Not even necessarily in the sense of offering a solution. It's just interesting and intellectually stimulating, to follow someone else's logic and arguments and see where they arrive at the end. Especially if it's not done in a hectic, 'sped up' way or with distracting music in the background (like many videos these days).
@@nicoskefalas Oh well, he has a background in journalism and even taught classes at a university at some point, if I remember correctly. So not your average dude, when it comes to presenting a complicated topic in a coherent fashion. But it never hurts to try and see how far you can improve at it!
Good for you for going sober man. I used to be a massive pothead for over 20 years. Then I hit 30 years old and added drinking to that, things all kinda came crashing down for me around 36. Now I've completely quit pot and I manage to only drink some wine on the weekends, I still want to quit completely but I'm not ready. I'm single though and don't have many friends or a social life so I'm trying to work on that side now. I'm glad you have your wife by your side to help you through this. I've learned a lot from you and you are a rare force for good in this world.
@@plat2716 I'm guessing you either have very little experience with pot or you do it all the time and are in denial about its negative effects. Pot can keep you "safe" by isolating yourself because it's not as much of a social drug as alcohol. Before you know it, you have no motivation for anything. When I added drinking to the mix, it all fell apart because at that point I was barely in control of my basic ability to function as a human. I'm very glad I quit pot. South Park said it best, "pot won't make you into a murderer or a terrorist, but if you keep smoking pot, one day you will wake up and realize you aren't good at anything".
I’m glad to hear you’ve been doing better now. Addiction is a tough struggle to drop and you should be proud that you overcame it. Occasionally drinking is perfectly healthy and it’s okay to take your time
Man talks about how he feels in an open and honest way. Still all too rare. Thanks for being a role model dude. Loved your video with Dr Mike btw, I seem to have fallen back into the the fitness bug at a very similar time as you. Any chance of a video on how you balance eating healthy with family life?
Telling people to not give compliment is a terrible advice, because you're making the argument that to not maybe hurt the feelings of a very small percentage of people you should instead say nothing and not reinforce positive change people go through. Most of the time is a lot better to compliment people than to say nothing. Should people also not tell you if you dressed well for an occasion because maybe you get hurt by that? Grow a thicker skin ffs and stop making general exceptions for exceptional people. If you compliment someone doing a good thing for bad reasons he'll continue to do that, but what are the chances that that person will destroy themselves doing that? Really low. What are the chances that that person is doing a good thing for a good reason and they won't destroy themselves if they continue on that path? Pretty high. So no, I'll continue to encourage good behavior when I see it.
Bro sees someone who's getting skinnier and immediately assumes that's good behavior. I'm sorry but your argument is hollow because you assume that people who have good reasons to be skinnier need validation to continue, which is obviously false, while also assuming people with eating disorders gaining validation for being skinnier isn't going to promote their harmful behavior, which is false if you've done any reading on this topic. Compliments are nice but stick to fashion or personality, not their bodies because it's weird, you don't know what they're going through, and it's a very vapid complement. Also the behavioral reinforcement vibes is really weird. The decision to be skinnier isn't up to you, it's up to the person and their doctor so quit being manipulative (not that compliments are manipulative but your reasoning clearly is).
@@dropyourself Considering most people are fat now days being skinnier IS GOOD. Being at a healthy BF% is literally the best thing you can do for your health. You are reinforcing his point becuase eating disorders are so exceedingly rare that you policing what can or cannot be complimented is silly. Compliments are not validation, its just a compliment, stop being so terminally online, not every little interaction has world ending consequences, 99% of the time the person says thanks and feels nice, this isn't twitter or reddit.
@@DogginsFroggins "9% of the U.S. population suffers from eating disorders. The percentage accounts for 28.8 million Americans. 6% of people with eating disorders are diagnosed with the status of being underweight by healthcare professionals." I love how "exceedingly rare" they are. Do you people not take a second to fact check yourself before commenting? Also have you talked to someone with a ED? Because validated/complementing them for their skinniness is literally the number 1 thing professionals suggest you shouldn't do, this should be common knowledge and is why this video is correct. I'm terminally online but I'm also educated on the topics I discuss and I suggest you do the same.
@@chippsdubbo89 accepting that real people go through weight gain/loss depending on their situations in life. He also shown me a way to confident in myself no matter what weight. Also he show me how to loose weight and many other things that range from masculinity and emotional intelligence.
So many people view weight change as a solely moral thing. As if they're saving your soul or something by giving unsolicited comments. I won't call it advice because it isn't helpful nor does it come from any genuine concern. While I can attest to how discipline and dedication have helped me get more fit and more towards what I would like my body to look like, the most most drastic changes in my weight were always due to extenuating mental circumstances. I was trying to stop binge drinking for a time, but I just replaced it with binge eating. That technically may have been better for my health, but seeing myself get more and more out of shape definitely sent me into a little spiral. Somewhat ironically, I recently lost like 15 pounds in like two weeks because I was massively, massively stressed to the point where I couldn't eat and couldn't sleep multiple nights in a row. My mom complimented how I was looking, but what was I gonna say to that? I wish it were enough to tell people that you end up being much more helpful when you're kind than when you're cruel, but I think the cruelty is the point for a lot of people. I have my own fatphobia that I have to deal with, but some of the things people feel free to say out loud is astonishing.
You know that even anthropologists have compared “healthy” eating and slimness to a religion. I wrote an entire PhD thesis on “Healthmania”. Fat did become a moral or intelligence “deficiency”.
People don't realise how much our eating habits are dictated by things like hormones, metabolism and childhood environment. No one chose to have any of these things, they were born with them. When that isn't taken into account, people justify shaming because they think the person isn't trying hard enough.
@@endofcentury7077 It makes more sense when you consider that every major religion has some version of the sins, and three major ones are all related to behaviors connected to weight and fitness. Gluttony, Greed, and Sloth. So yeah, a lot of people are going to have moral opinions on the subject.
@@OmniversalInsectThis is so true. I have struggled to get my weight to 70kg again as I am 182cm and keep falling down to 60kg, or even a kilo or two below. Started on HRT two months ago, suddenly I've gained most of that weight and I didn't change anything intent or method-wise (and I suspect there's more to come considering I need extra fat for tissue growth like boobs).
I'm someone whose weight can fluctuate by 100lbs, and this whole video resonated with me. I agree with everything you said, but I also wanted to thank you for sharing your experience. In general, I think men need to do that more often. Basically every guy I know is struggling somehow, and desperately needs to know they're not the only one, and more importantly, it's okay to ask for help when they need it.
A lot of it is culture, too. Growing up in Eastern Europe, my family members would be honest in telling each other, "Hey, you're looking a little chubby this week." It was never to put each other down or make people look at us and judge. It was to point out that maybe it was time cut back on the naughty stuff for a while out of a genuine concern for our health's sake. Then I came to the US, and man, is it considered such an insult to say anything about weight fluctuations. My impression is that it's because in my culture growing up, what is said is what is meant. If you mean to insult someone, you would outright say it. In the US, people seem to really get into "reading between the lines" in the words or phrases that are spoken, so something like, "You're looking pudgy" becomes "Oh, my God, what is wrong with you, you fat cow?" It's very, *very* bizarre to me. 😧 But, I live in the US, so I've adapted. I wonder if perhaps some of the people making those comments are not familiar with American culture like I am for having lived in it, and that's why they comment on someone's body? TH-cam is, after all, used *worldwide*, and English is taught as a second language in many countries because it's one of the most ubiquitous and useful ones to know.
There’s definitely ways to extend the “fitness kick” without it being in spite of pains or discomfort. It lets you preserve a lot of the self-compassion that comes from how you choose to keep yourself healthy/happy. Like running shoes, meditation, incorporating quality time with loved ones (check ✅), and many others! ❤
This is definitely a thing I've run into. I _like_ being a little overweight, it's a shape I've always found attractive and always wanted for myself. I worked really hard in my 20s to actually eat enough to put on some weight. It's less of a struggle now in my 30s, but back then if I wasn't putting effort into gaining, I was a twig. So after having an extended bout of depression and not eating very much, getting complimented on how "good" and "healthy" I was looking was kind of an oof moment. It wasn't intentional, it was the opposite of what I wanted, and it was implying that I don't look good normally.
I understand confiding 'catty remarks' to your special others but when people are overly-eager to shit talk others behind their back, I find that a big red flag. It speaks a lot of their own insecurities and what's worse, ends up trickling down to how they interact with others normally.
I hope this doesn’t come across mean, I know it’s hard to read tone in text. Good or bad the internet is gonna do what it’s gonna do, comment on things. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad, and we can all work on being a bit nicer to each other. But, I’m of the opinion that if something bothers me, then usually the problem is with me, and not with the people offending me. Sure people might be trying to offend me, or maybe they aren’t, but it’s up to me to decide whether to take it to heart or not. And yeah I know it’s hard, but you are a public figure on the internet, and you have a comment section specifically for people to comment about you and your video. People may not even be trying to say something to you directly, they may just enjoy your content and want to engage with other fans about what they’ve just watched. I know you said you are going through a bad time, and if that’s the case then maybe it would be a good idea to take a break from reading comments, or at least have someone you love screen them before you read them (not sure if that’s practical). I don’t know your situation, maybe you get great joy from reading the comments and don’t want to give that up. I’m just saying maybe there are healthier ways to handle this problem you are having with comments. Like you said in your video, “I’d rather fix what’s in my head than fix what’s on me.” Well I feel that way but about things that offend me. There’s always going to be offense, but it’s how you handle it that matters. Again I hope this doesn’t come across mean spirited, and I do recognize the irony of posting this comment on this video, but I just wanted to share my thoughts. Again I don’t know your situation and no one can tell YOU what’s best for YOU. P.s. Maybe I’ll follow in your footsteps and delete this comment when I rediscover it in a few years 😂
I won't say anything about anyone's weight loss, unless I know for sure that person is actively intending to lose weight. Having said that Adam, you HAVE posted - chose to share with complete strangers - a couple of videos illustrating you have fitness desires. I don't think it's out of line for some of your commentators to note you have trimmed down a bit given what you've shared in the recent past.
I don’t understand why a comment like the one Adam made about the video with the two introductions should be considered unacceptable or unwarranted in some way. It’s a sincere comment. It’s not coming from a place of malice. It’s coming from a sense of curiosity, and it could result in constructive feedback for the TH-camr. I don’t understand the reasoning behind some Adam’s perspective here.
I recognize your perspective and I acknowledge that you don't want comments on your body, but I respectively disagree with part of your premise. I have suffered from obesity my entire life and yo-yo'd through it. I've lost 100lbs, gained back 50, lost another 10, gained 50 more, and repeat through my late teens/adult life. This is all stemming from an ongoing eating disorder that I developed during childhood. It took a very long time to identified what happened, and is taking longer to fix. I suspect it will take a lifetime of discipline to be healthy. I am currently 100lbs heavier than I want to be. I feel horrible. My body constantly aches, my cardio is shot, and I have to catch my breath walking up the stairs. I don't wish this life on anyone. For these reasons, I can tell you "fat shaming" as a concept only exists as much as bullying exists. Obesity is not something to be proud of or comfortable with. It is something to be encouraged out of. There's being rude or outright abusive, and then there's encouraging to stop glorifying a harmful lifestyle. Someone being in-shape on social media, or indeed praising it, is not fat shaming. Full stop. I see you looking lean and I feel inspired. But on the same note, I'm not going to glorify whatever psychological conditions you're dealing with that are causing the weight loss. All that I know, with the anxiety, depression, OCD, etc. I've dealt with my entire life, nothing compares to the constant stress of obesity on my body and mind.
This is a topic that I've had to work with my mom over. I've battled body image issues for years, and my mom's comments weren't helpful. Case in point, the skinniest times in my life were NOT my healthiest either. The suggestion of "don't say anything unless it's necessary"? Yup, I finally had enough with my mom over a video call when she complained about some people she didn't think should've been wearing bathing suits and outright told her "you do that alot, and it's frustrating". Luckily, she took my critique seriously, and we're in a much better place because of it. All this to say thank you Adam for reminding us that sometimes the best thing we can do is zip it!
Two young relatives of a friend were talking about an old guy wearing a speedo at the beach, complaining that he looked gross, wasn't attractive, who did he think would like that, etc etc - I stopped them and pointed out that he was not at the beach to give them pleasure, he was at the beach to enjoy himself. They were so surprised at that idea! It hadn't occurred to them - they are always concerned with what other people think about them, so going to the beach in a speedo just to enjoy the sun and sea on your skin, purely for pleasure, astounded them. And, of course, since what people think is attractive varies so much, the old guy in the speedo was very probably being admired by some other people on the beach - people who weren't at all interested in the self absorbed young twits.
Even out of earshot I don't make catty comments about others, it's a bad habit that internalizes the worst in me. Instead, I think the comment thru and ask myself why I am thinking this and how it is my business to even say something out of earshot. I finish my thought process by imaging the other person as a wonderful soul who is dealing with life as best they can. The next time I see someone who I might make a snide or catty remark about I can quickly get to the wonderful soul. It's about me, when I can look at others and see just their soul, I am a better person and will treat others through my soul, and not my bigoted mind.
Adam, I’m with you for the most part, but did you not present your workout routine on previous posts? Isn’t food and our relationship with food central to our physical health? You are an attractive man. That is a significant aspect of your success. Truly not trying to judge your personal struggles, but it seems you want it both ways. You use your physical attractiveness to further your career, but take offense when your audience comments on the same. Again, I really enjoy the content you create, but isn’t (for better or worse) your personal appearance part of the equation?
I suspect the biggest reason your feet and ankles hurt is because your walking in flip flops. Good walking shoes with socks would probably work wonders there. I learned my lesson about inappropriate footwear when I had to visit a podiatrist for foot pain, and it was caused by shoes that were a little small. It took a long time to get better. Of course, thats just a constructive comment. Do what makes you happy!
Omg this is SOOOOO naggy and overwrought. Take the compliment. You look objectively better. You look objectively healthier. The “yeah but what if…” scenario can be extrapolated to the point where you can’t speak about anything with anyone ever again for an inane fear of offense.
Living in Japan people comment on me gaining and losing weight ALL THE TIME. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing, it does get you thinking about your overall health. I have to respectfully disagree with Adam here in that I think the American hypersensitivity to any mention of weight might be one of the most unhealthy and unhelpful ways to approach these issues which absolutely everyone will deal with. (In case you’re wondering I grew up always being the fattest kid in class so I’ve had more than my fair share of unpleasant comments directed towards my weight, but not every mention of weight is necessarily unpleasant, it’s possible to be thoughtful and caring when talking about this stuff..)
@@KazeNoTaniFarmHakuba Friends and family mentioning your weight in a considerate way when talking to you is not the same as the type of public shaming Adam highlights in this video. And even if words from friends and family genuinely mean well, the authority on whether you actually NEED to lose/gain weight should always be a medical professional. Some people just naturally shift in weight throughout their lives without ever going into truly unhealthy ranges (on either end of the spectrum). And if you want to lose/gain weight for aesthetics, that should come from intrinsic desire, not outside pressure for seemingly no reason other than conforming to arbitrary social norms. If it makes my argument more credible, you should know I'm also a former fat kid who's currently in amazing shape.
Yes and it still contributes to body dysmorphia. Working out is not as common in East asian countries. Imo the disordered eating is worst there bc of how blase it is to comment on weight.
If what you’re saying is true we should see significant effects by country but average BMI is relatively low in east asian countries even though Body dismorphia and eating disorder rates seem to be no greater than other similarly developed countries Do you have some evidence that I couldn’t find with a Google search?
American obesity has been out of control for years. The worst thing we can continue to do is to “politely” ignore it. Acknowledge the problem. Identify the causes. Enact and encourage the solution. It’s not hard or expensive to be a healthy weight. Or do people really think everyone pre-1960 were starving themselves to get their fit physique?
Ughh…. Nobody can share a thought any more. Nobody can compliment even. What a world to want to live in. It’s okay to offend. It’s okay to be offended. Who raised you to take everything personally? 👎👎
Accept yourself, your imperfections, your "intolerable existence" because this part of you needs peaceful coexistence and self love. You resist it and will be in this death spiral until you stop and learn to not just tolerate, but love the part(s) of you that you think is destroying your quality of life. It is you, you are running. You substitute one form of running with another. Soon enough these small remarks won't sting you enough to post this contained outrage that is feeding the void that is essentially your deep sense of shame. The universe will never stop providing various tools for you to utilize in hurting and resisting yourself.
It was weird realizing I would likely never think of myself as not-fat. I'm not really anymore, I'm pretty fit and strong, and can run multiple kilometers at a time. But it doesn't matter. People commenting on my weight in general is uncomfortable, I don't know how to receive it if it's good, and I just take it if it's bad. I still feel like I deserve to be mocked, to be informed, and I project that sometimes. I don't say anything, but I'm most assuredly thinking it. Being a fat kid really fucks you up in North America, most places really, I didn't even get mocked much when I was young, family didn't help, I did most of it by myself. Maybe that's worse. I don't know. I talk to a counselor about it but it's so deeply ingrained that I'm not attractive due to my weight that it's not a fact issue anymore, it's just an embedded reality. Anyways, staying healthy is good, and this video is good too. Thanks Adam.
I feel you. We live in a society that places way too much value on "attractiveness" and, by extension, weight. I used to (and still do sometimes) think the same things about myself and yeah, it definitely feels like something that's just inherent to how your brain works. I dont know if you need to hear this, but you are valuable and worth knowing regardless of who does or doesn't find you attractive. Also something that helped me was trying to see myself from a stranger's perspective. I started asking myself, "If I saw someone who looked like me out in public, what would I think about them?" I realized I probably wouldn't give their weight or body shape a second thought. I'm not saying this is a perfect solution, but it has helped me be less critical of myself. And if it helps, a stranger on the internet thinks you're doing a good job. Glad you're getting counseling. I hope it helps. Keep going 😊
"Who raised you??" Obese people who just let me get & stay obese, not caring about the massive negative effects it would have on parts of my life that I can never get back. I will never forgive them for that. I will also never forgive the diet industry that sold endless bullcrap to desperate people, while obfuscating & scaring people away from the simple advice that actually works. I will never forgive the fitness industry for selling similar BS advice whilst all of their influencers were really just on steroids. And I will not forgive anyone who thinks it is "okay" for a person's body to grow so debilitated with obesity that they cannot physically experience the world as humans were meant to. Obesity is a prison. No one should let the people they care about settle into it.
Some of y'all need to hear that message. It's not even about being nice to others, it's about being nice to yourself. Talking trash about people is a very negative way to use that brain of yours.
As someone that is on a large weight loss journey for physical and mental health reasons, you raise a fascinating point around resolving body image issues vs resolving body issues. When I get to the "end" of my journey I will be phyiscally healthier and feel great for sure... but there's more work to be done on the mental side. Body dysmorphia after coming down to a healthy wait is a real problem.
I've been dropping weight quite quickly, because I'm a diabetic struggling a LOT with food issues. (Not just that damn it I like bread, but because bread is CHEAP and my budget shrinks with every month.) And yes, yes, portion control, habit forming (in the good sense,) all those things. BUT if someone tried to tell me "gosh you look like you've lost weight!" ... I think I'd probably bite their heads off. What *I* care about is that the people around me are happy and doing okay emotionally, mentally, and only THEN do I maybe worry about their physical health. And absolutely NONE of it is something that I have a right to comment on in a way that shames or praises them. Ask me for an opinion, I'll give it, but like bowel movements, I'm not airing that opinion without that request.
I don't understand why the two introductions comment thing is bad? The assumption with no body comments is that people know what their body looks like, but people don't know what their art looks like. That's why we have editors.
Adam... you have millions of subscribers. Even more have watched your videos. Of course you're going to read negative comments. You'll feel like the negative comments make up most of the comments... which they don't. This exposure you're upset about is why you're wealthy. You cannot have the lifestyle you do without the eyes
Your honesty about your trials and tribulations, as well as your past internet comment malfeasance (great word!), is incredibly refreshing. Thanks for giving us the talking to we all needed. And congrats on your sobriety!
Society values behavior that benefits society, not an individual. That's why they shame people for being lazy, stingy, egotistical. Being "fit" means being better suitable, traditionally, to work in a productive manner plowing fields, building houses or doing something else that "serves" society better. Having children means you produce more "servants". When you check most cultural and religious values across the world you'll notice they all praise things that work against your own personal interest. Then, people are brainwashed into believing those values are somewhat imposable and they bully the ones that don't fit the bill as a method to force as many people as possible to comply. Other societies go as far as killing and torturing people for "not doing their part". Christians also killed many that didn't adhere to their values. We have an entire legal system that will destroy people for things like not paying taxes with more strength than they'll deal with someone that commits physical violence by stabbing someone in a subway car, for example. We go as far as punishing people for wanting to end their own lives on their own terms/schedule because society wants to force people to serve it and its values are as condescending as typical corporations when they push changes that make them profit more while saying it's "better for us" as customers or employees. Sadly, most people buy into it and the ones who don't are sometimes forced into a closet if they don't want to be punished by others or, even if they come to the light and do what they want, society has multiple mechanisms, moral, cultural and even legal to force most people to comply. In my perspective, if we're here "by design", life has to be punishment. There's no way around it, even if you have a great perfect life you'll face the fact your dream will be over sooner or later. If you have a less happy experience, well, you're probably in hell already, like the majority of people, even the ones unaware of it. Sorry if I sound crazy. Stay strong and do what makes you happy. At least good physical fitness means you can more more easily. I had bariatric and lost half of my original weight. No sacrifices. I eat whatever I want and I only walk for exercising. I like being thin not only because I am less noticed when outside but also because it's much easier to move. 🙂
This is disrespectful of you to comment on peoples comments. Making video about people's comments make the people who put the comment feel bad. Who raised you? If you don't want people to comment on you, don't make videos of yourself.
So now I'm having doubts about whether to suggest that when you take the dog for a walk that you need to remember that it's important to sniff all sorts of invisible things along the way. (I mean when you're not doing a video. When you're doing a video, the dog must just make do with the infinite joy of being out and about with both the most important beings in the universe, and there are other things for those beings to concentrate on. Stopping to smell things would break the flow. It's not an absolute requirement.) Sorry. It's just I kept seeing there were things to go and sniff, as you went, that you were pushing past, that's all. It distracted me. I sort of semi-agree with the courtesy issues you bring up (especially when people are just being outright crass), but even those need to be let be, often. If possible. It's still a good idea to make people consider considering others when they speak. And it was probably disrespectful of me to obsess about your dog. (And to make such a long stranger's observation, too.) I had an old blind dog who liked to eat human turds that field workers round the route would place in the bush. He was on his last legs, so I just let him. Made me sick to my guts, but I let it go. At least your dog is probably just "reading the newspaper" and not looking for delicious "bum chocolates" to eat. But that's irrelevant, isn't it?
oh adam, you gentle bastard it is a delight to watch such a normal man become shocked & appalled about how much of an abnormal place the internet is, even if its not a delight for you to live through that realization. this strange place somehow awakens a dark part of our psyche that is always there, and it is no doubt unpleasant, but its just the way of the world here and its simply never going to change.
Just saying, in every generation for all human history, people have been saying something equivalent to 'in these modern enlightened times'. While there is a difference between fat shaming and recognizing the reality that being over 25-30% in body fat is demonstrably unhealthy, sure the way you point that out indeed does matter and often doesn't need to be said. Just because the sky is blue, doesn't mean you're a genius for saying it. But saying fat is beautiful is similarly dangerous: being obese is dangerous. But the opposite end of the spectrum can also be unhealthy and dangerous: less than 5% is not sustainable. 10-15% for guys and 15-20% is perfectly fine for women. A lot of data shows this but there does seem to be a gradual curve off of health as you get more % above those then it really plummets the higher you go: greater cancer risk and greater risk of diabetes. And sure, you may not have the resources or metabolism to do much about that. Life is suffering, I don't mean that flippantly. No one lives to 200, no matter how healthy you are. But that doesn't mean you ought to just make people feel good about their bad habits to feel good about yourself. Who are you trying to please? On the other had, it isn't my responsibility to see to it that others take care of themselves.
*FALSE equivalency, even though well-meant.* Commenting positively on fitness is not even remotely comparable to commenting negatively on a fat person or, even worse, positively (for fat fetishism). The former is a good support for people to advance on their path to health. The suggestion to not comment at all, even positively, is harmful overall because the case of someone overdoing exercise because s/he was complimented too many time is an extremely marginal comparing all the people whose feelings and drive will be hurt by not getting positive feedback on their efforts to save themselves from horrible early death and years of disability and torment that obesity guarantees.
I feel like he is projecting his minor celebrity status to regular non-terminally online people. In his world saying something that has the chance to blow up in a negative way so he has to play it safe, or he just has such a high volume of comments he begins to over-analyze it
Hi Adam, I like the idea of talking directly to you as a commenter. Here is an issue for fans of any public figure. After watching hours upon hours of you in videos and listening to several podcasts, I feel like you, Adam Ragusea, are a close friend. I even commented in the past to a video of yours and signed it "Your unmet Friend". I think this might be where some of us as fans (not the trolls of the world) go wrong. As a friend, I have ask a buddy if he was dropping weight. He was and then I asked it it was on purpose. Turns out he had been incredibly ill and while he was better, that weight loss 'un'plan is one to be avoided. Of course, I did this in private and while I am alone while typing this comment, everyone can "overhear" it. Anyway, I still think of you as an unmet friend and will think about what I say and how I say it in the comments moving forward. Cameron
@@nicoskefalas I'm only commenting because it sounds like you want/wanted to lose weight. I hate keto, but lost a lot of weight doing intermittent fasting, 16/8. Did it religiously (At least 6 days/week) for over a year. Lost ~1lb/week, didn't feel like a diet, still ate junk, but less of it.
@@DiscoingGD1989 I have been intermittent fasting 16/8 since 2019. I lost some weight at first but gradually regained it. I think for me food is a proper addiction. Need to deal with underlying issues:/ Thanks for responding though! That’s very kind of you! 🙂
@@nicoskefalas failed in didn't lose weight? once you understand your body it's easier to lose weight, first understand the reason of metabolic disfunction which is most likely polyunsaturated fats. If I can give you one advice to start with, eat is much as you want but with as little carps as you can with considering the type of oil in the food, avoid vegetable oils, use coconut oil, evoo, and tallow. I lost my first 50lbs eating as much as I want of roasted chicken or steak. then limit your food intake to 6 hours a day preferably before sunset.
Disagree about walking on eggshells or outright lying to pander or cater to insecurities. As long as it's true, speak it, if you feel like it. Genuine interest and concern is valuable to me compared to my feelings. I use the same standard on others. I'd rather be hated for telling the truth than be loved for lying. I only want to be loved truly. Filter out all that's fake and those that are fake. I'm fat. Comment on my fatness. That's fine. I'll do the same. Let's align with reality and grow from there, instead of being misled to the wrong paths because of lies. It's something else to be mean, which happens when a description is no longer true because it's exaggerating and going beyond what is undeniably and observably true. But that's just the other side of the same coin as lying. The problem is that people lie, not that people are true.
Love your vids and I'm all for bettering mental health, but it kinda bums me out and gives me a lot of anxiety about my own mental health when you/others have these types of mental health discussion videos. I'm all for you still doing it, but anyway you could differentiate these types of videos from your educational content? I just want to hear about how your fish are doing and the history of Detroit style pizza
I feel like you took all the scrambled thoughts in my head and actually managed to organize them into something coherent. This was a great video and a good reminder! I hope your health journey goes well, even with any little hiccups and setbacks, and that you can feel good about yourself inside and out. That's what matters at the end of the day
The real problem is not what people say - it's what people think. So I am for bringing awareness to people about their f*cked-up thinking. But I prefer to live in a society where people say things to my face than having people say stuff behind my back - that's how we can keep people in check. I get that some people don't like confrontation [whatever that means]; but there are different ways of confronting people for saying sh*t.
Adam, i think you are forgetting why people watch you. the 2.450.000 people that are subscribed to you (me included) REALLY like to watch the italo-american dude cook, but suddenly you give me "someone was indirectly mean to me on the internet, let's talk about that." You have loved ones around you and they care how you feel. TELL THEM. NOT US.
I disagree. It perfectly fine to tell someone they look or they look lean if they lost some weight. It’s a compliment to the effort that they put in to either be healthy or look good naked. Which ever it is, it’s totally ok to encourage with a compliment. If someone else gets offended by that comment, it sounds like a personal problem. It’s not ok to call someone fat or point out there weight if they have gained, but that should not stop us from complementing someone who is working hard on their body. So yeah, you look lean AF Adam!! 🔥
I've never really thought of fasting vis-à-vis religion as being about making [the worshiper] feel better. I've always thought of it as something that induces intentional discomfort and displeasure. Because, you know... Guilt and sins. Then again, I was raised Jewish. Is it not the same with Christianity or Islam?
@marcberm You should check out the episode of his podcast where he discussed this topic. I believe the point he was directly referring to here was that after about a week or so of fasting the discomfort and pain goes away and you start to feel okay again, perhaps even better than okay, almost an 'enlightened' feeling or a bit of a buzz.
re. your leg pain, it seems you walk like a duck, with your toes pointing outwards a lot. it's most likely some muscular imbalance that's creating the pain. we're supposed to walk with our toes pretty much straight, especially when it comes to running. if you find the cause of that and do the right rehab, the pain will most likely go away.
I'm reminded of an incident with the youtuber Jacksfilms. He often makes fun of his own body and invites people to tease him (call him balding, ugly, etc). His wife often appeared on his channel, but she didn't for some time, and then mid-covid, she came on camera and had gained what I'd call a *very barely noticeable* amount of weight... And the fans thought that when they saw her, their "invitation" to rib on Jack's appearance extended to her, not realizing that she had pretty bad body dysmorphia. It was a real mess that led to the video being deleted, many apologies made from fans, and all of Jack's wife's subsequent channel appearances being while wearing a blow up purple poncho to hide her body (which was, in my eye, a perfectly valid way to handle the situation on her end 😂)
Yeah, you did invite those kinds of comments. You’ve sprinkled in fitness, health recipes and health updates throughout your content. So yeah, youll get those comments in places you weren’t intending. I think as we age, most of us become more considerate of what we post online. A lot of harsh comments come from edgy teenagers.
Couple of thoughts on this one. Firstly, to your point about people not speaking politely to you in the comments: I actually think there are those among us who forget that the comments section is visible to you. For most of the past 100 years, conversations about media with peers have not been visible to the media creators. If I talk to my friends about Jurassic Park, Steven Spielberg isn't generally within earshot. MOST of us understand that posting a comment is akin to sending you a message, but I suspect that some people really do forget that they are talking about a real person with emotions who will SEE the comment, and that they aren't simply discussing the video with other impartial viewers. (I think this goes double for the case of the RP gym video - that one isn't on your channel - it's not a stretch to imagine that you mightn't necessarily see the comments on that one). It doesn't excuse their behaviour, of course. Most of us wouldn't dream of being so rude. But it might explain it. And to your point about people giving you praise for being lean: I can't help but feel that what you're complaining about is being given compliments. Yes, those compliments may be presumptuous. But I don't feel as though you've really acknowledged that the intent in these situations is generally always positive, friendly, and supportive. People are just saying you look nice today, same as if you were wearing a nice shirt or had a fresh haircut. I don't think it's a heinous crime to say that you're looking good. "Praise" is kind of a weird way to put it. And saying that people shouldn't try to give you those compliments because it will make other people bad about not having those compliments is something of an odd take. For the record, I've never commented on your appearance either way because it honestly seems generally irrelevant to the subject at hand (I'm mostly here to learn how to cook a steak or whatever, I don't care what you look like). I'm not trying to advocate for my right to judge your body (I have none). I'm just saying this video seems to be essentially a lot of overthinking and handwringing about being given the wrong sort of compliments. It came across a little strange, especially coming from you, who I think of as a generally reasonable and sensible person. Perhaps you might take a compliment in the spirit it is given? Totally agree that not saying mean things unless you have a valid strategic reason and / or something constructive you are trying to accomplish is probably a good rule for life.
Pedantic and condescending too...If you are sensitive to every comment - good or bad then why not disable comments section, that seems like a healthy way to deal with this type of thing
Hey Adam! You should pay Pygmy Habour Farm a visit. They are right next to you in Knoxville. They have the most adorable pygmy goats also Great Pyrenees as livestock Guardians. They are open to public for visits. There should be plenty of materials to make videos on. If nothing else, you get to take the kids to see cute baby goats :)
Kudos to her for walking backwards and not falling over.
the whole video was filmed in reverse
Walking backwards is so healthy!
@@jehdbrbjeirodofjdjebeebbsnaka David Lynch directed it.
phone is taped to the back of her head
@@jehdbrbjeirodofjdjebeebbsnakathat’s not even hard to believe bc I feel like that’s something he’d do just to troll us
"I'd rather fix what's in my head than fix what's on me"
I am on the skinnier side, 183 cm/65 kg or around 6'0"/130 lbs. I used to hate my looks so much I wore hoodies in the middle of summer to make sure I never showed my skinny arms and drowned in sweat as a result of that. I remember deciding to go to the gym and trying to gain some weight, watching the calories, drinking protein shakes etc. I started at 61 kg and got up to 65 kg in a month, there was a visible improvement in both my muscle volume and the weights I could carry. But I felt I was looking worse than before. Then I gradually stopped going there because university work was killing me and I stopped having any motivation whatsoever.
Then I went to therapy. And I got meds.
Do I like the way that I look? No, but I don't feel disgusting anymore when I look at the mirror. And there are certainly people who are way more into that skinny look than me.
Do I look better than I did when I was actively exercising? Definitely not, but probably not much worse since I took a gap year and I'm working a physical job rn
Will I go back to the gym to get jacked? Maybe in the future, when (if?) I go back to uni and have more time and have the right frame of mind.
My point is, a ton of people treat gym and fitness like a band-aid for their deep-rooted problems. And I did that as well. It made me so frustrated when the progress I was making at the gym didn't correlate with my mental well-being.
And the message "fix what's in your head before you fix what's on you" is, in my opinion, a very important one. Life got so much better since I did that, I can't even explain it
Everyone should be able to be at least comfortable in their own skin. Also, if someone looks like trash to you, they say one man's trash is another man's treasure.
Thank you for this video, Adam. I think it sends a very important message.
You poor soul I just melted into lava hearing your struggle and I can barely stay solid at room temperature.......
Extremely valid and important to say. There's a whole lot of (REALLY good things) you could do for yourself that might turn self-destructive if you're doing them for the wrong reasons. There's a whole lot of people who do what seems like the healthy things, but for extremely harmful reasons. Get your mind right any time you're looking to get your body and health improved.
Important note: If you get your head to a healthy place, your body will generally follow suit. Mandatory to work on the mind. There's plenty of horrifying examples (numerous celebrities come to mind) of people who seem to have *everything* in order, yet they're still so miserable they elect an early exit from existence. Or to poorly paraphrase the words of George Clinton: "free your mind - your ass will follow!"
As someone who’s also been struggling on the leaner end (125 pounds/57kg at 6’1/1.85m!) I feel you. People telling me that I should “eat more” (I eat a lot, I have a very fast metabolism) or that I should “workout”(I have been fit for most of my teenage life up until the pandemic, I’m 18 now and my body has had the same figure and weight) gets exhausting mentally. Thankfully despite this I’ve never had any dysphoria surrounding my current weight, but the comments do hurt overtime. Similarly to you, I have started going to the gym to get fit again. People keep asking me if I plan on bulking or ‘getting jacked’ but no, I too also get dysphoria if I look ‘jacked.’ I simply just want to be fit and have tone in my muscles. I’m glad I am content with how I look right now, and although the constant comments about my body don’t help, I’m glad I’m not as bothered as much as I could be by them.
Going to the gym is way less risky then taking meds. I would always go that route again first. Those meds can fuck you up in ways you wouldnt believe.
@@KaufDirGeld I, respectfully, think this...
> Going to the gym is way less risky then taking meds. I would always go that route again first. Those meds can fuck you up in ways you wouldnt believe.
...is the exact kind of Internet comment that Adam's video is speaking to, and I say that as someone who agrees with the general spirit of your comment when taken outside the context of Adam's video and this thread. OP shared that medication worked for them, it just doesn't need to be said. It would be much better to volunteer personal experience using "I" statements instead of "you" statements.
For example, I saw how SSRIs negatively affected my family and friends so, when I eventually went to therapy for depression, I shared what I had seen and explained that I do not want medication, I want to explore all other available treatment routes and will only consider medication as a last resort. My psychologist explained it to me like this. Climbing out of a hole you've found yourself in is hard, the walls are steep and you are fighting an uphill battle. It requires putting the work in on a healthy diet, exercise, and therapy no matter what. Medication is not a solution in and of itself, it is just a tool that one can use to put the thumb on the scale and tilt the playing field somewhat more to your own advantage while you put the work in on those other things and get past the steepest part of that hill you have to climb. We worked together and I found a drug (lamotrigine) that is not in the SSRI class and does not have any of the risks I was concerned about associated with it, such as weight gain. I was willing to try, and it did make it somewhat easier for me to put in that work and climb that hill. When I was feeling better, had my diet under control, and was exercising a healthy amount, we weaned me off lamotrigine.
I think the only thing that needs to be said is that no matter what you are working on, it is important to work with experts in the relevant fields such as a competent nutritionist for your diet, certified trainers and your general care practitioner for your exercise, or a psychiatrist for your drugs and therapy to make sure that your strategy is safe and effective for your unique circumstances and goals.
One of the problems here is that we aren't willing to enforce these norms when the comments target 'bad' people or target people on the other side of a political dispute. That undermines the norm and tells people it's ok to comment negatively when you think the target is bad.
I mean I despise the Trumps and like Colbert but when he mocks how Eric Trump looks that implicitly gives people permission to mock looks as long as they feel the target is bad -- and that makes the norm unworkable.
For people to invest in a norm they need to feel it's applied universally. The second people feel a norm won't protect them or those they affiliate with they won't abide by it themselves.
You're perfectly right, unfortunately. Self-proclaimed progressives sometimes comment on political issues in such a horrible style that they themselves would be right to protest about had self-proclaimed conservatives commented that.
@@erzsebetkovacs2527 Yes, because progressives are people with all the flaws of anyone else and as such are vulnerable to being petty, biased and apply stereotypes just like as anyone else.
What's important is that we don't behave in such a tribal fashion that we can't call out people on our side for bad behavior.
And I think part of doing that is not thinking in pure black and white terms (good people can do bad things) otherwise it's too hard to gently correct people.
I read a Tom Nichols piece in The Atlantic not too long ago about how, though he despises Trump, he would stop using any disrespectful nicknames for the man, and simply refer to him as Trump, Mr Trump, or Former President Trump.
We need to treat everyone, including our political opponents, with respect. Fight them on adult levels, not by sounding like a 5 year old bully.
@@lizcademy4809 Thats good, I'll have to look for the piece. But that might be asking alot. I think we can distinguish just generic disrespect, eg calling Trump "that jerk Trump" or whatever and mocking him for his physical attributes or pronunciation of whatever.
You don't have to accord someone respect to avoid being cruel about their shortcomings (eg discussion about his penis)
Yeah, but in this video, he also saying don't comment at all even if you think you're saying something good. I noticed it's very common for people who are attractive for people who know they're attractive to be uncomfortable receiving compliments about their appearance. Because they're just so tired of it.
I think an important aside to this conversation is that internet comments, as a kind of public forum, are not necessarily perceived as having different social norms whether they are attached to an individual creator or a faceless organization. If Warner Brothers drops a new movie trailer on TH-cam today, I'll feel pretty comfortable saying something harsh if I think it's crap. However, if someone with 200 subscribers posts a short film they made, I'm much more likely to treat my comments as a direct conversation with the creator, and be polite. A channel like Adam's can be a weird middle-ground, because he is an individual, but with 2.5 million subscribers, there are enough of us viewers that we have a reasonable expectation that he will not see every single comment... so arguably we're talking more to each other than to him- and we have no real way of knowing when he might be "within earshot."
The way you're handling your "sarapocial relationships" is very healthy, good job.
Love the RP shirt! Two of my favorite channels, I hope you are doing great!
I just had gastric sleeve surgery and I've been watching a bunch of testimonials about how people reacted to their bodies, the algorithm recommended this to me. Thanks, Adam. I feel genuinely a lot better with setting boundaries.
I have a history of body dysmorphia and disordered eating and exercise addiction. I am now in my 60's and overweight. I had heart surgery and was sedentary for years before it. I am exercising but not losing weight but i hardly care. Guess what? It's liberating to stop focusing on my body! It's the best thing about being older. Just wanted to share. There will come a day it doesn't matter and you will be healthier for having done this now. Much love to you on your journey. You look great! Enjoy while you're young.❤
As a fat person who’s usually perceived as a woman, it’s really meaningful to see someone people are currently perceiving as thin address this so frankly. I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time, I appreciate you using it to say what needed to be said.
Thanks for this video Adam. As you mentioned it's happened to you, and it's happened to all of us. We all have negative/questioning thoughts about others (referring specifically to your comment about the 2 intros to the guitar video.) We need to work at not expressing those thoughts publicly, it's just too easy now with the anonimity of the internet. I don't know if there's a solution, but by bringing the topic to the forefront like you have hopefully people will thing twice before commenting. I know I've caught myself several times before hitting the "save" or "comment" button and just deleted my comment, but I can guarantee you I've hit the save button in the past and left comments that I'd like to take back.
Everyone feels entitled to talk about how Adam looks. Nobody wants to ask how Adam sees.
Adam looks insanely good in the thumbnail, congrats on your journey
For most people it is not good to make private comments you would not do in public or to someone's face. The reason is that you are training that mindset. In a low point or say you are sick, you may not have your guards up. Practice in private what you would do in public. At least that's my take. Every situation is an opportunity to practice positivity. Doing it in private is a great way to train yourself up for every day interactions. It will also improve your private conversations as a bonus. 🙂
Can we talk about the absolute killer dogwalking fit? Those shorts and that shirt, absolutely incredible
Good lord, imagine living like this. Being so adverse to voicing your observations of others because of the meer risk of offense.
Hey Adam, If you want to have less social friction in your life maybe don't obsessively meditate on the minutia of social interaction until you reach a state of total neurotic paralysis
And by the way, gossiping about someone when they cant hear you isn't considerate or tactful it's being a two faced passive aggressive coward who won't afford someone the dignity of saying it to their face.
Oh look, it’s someone who thinks cruelty is realness, what matters is how you make other people feel
I love semi-retired Adam's videos.
That's not to say I hated them before, I am a long-time subscriber after all, I it's just the topics and how he tackles them are fantastically chosen, and the vibe is absolutely my thing.
"Is it True? Is it Kind? Is it Necessary?"
Before speaking, make sure you have two and a half of these. Ideally, all three.
I have similar issue with finding my old rude comments around the internet and removing them and feeling ashamed 😅
But I also hope that's the part of growing up.
this feels like your dad taking you for a walk and talk because you said something he didn't vibe with
I want to be that kind of dad one day.
The shorts is the only thing throwing me off in that case but otherwise 100%
For me it feels like my dad talking to me about how other people act, and getting upset at me like I'm the one who acts that way lol
My own dad would have benefited greatly from getting a talking to like this one.
The dad energy here is so powerful. I'm getting a dadness sunburn just by watching this. 10/10 video, pls keep making them!
Even the "I'm not scolding you, it's a reminder for all of us". xD
By the end of his journey Adam is gonna start filming these in a speedo
never go full Jeremy...
One can only dream...
Those are definitely indoor shorts.
Thongs? Mankini? Maybe?
@@jacksunstone8771 I remember when that was normal outside exercise wear.
Wow, Adam's dog is looking fit!
Are you saying they are a hotdog?
How dare you comment on someone else body like that!
Not a hotdog, a taco.
Adam's dog is looking thick, solid, tight. I hope he keeps us posted on his dog's continued progress with any new progress pics or vid clips.
Is it ok to say he rambles on a lot...?
I have severe fistulizing Crohn's disease. When I'm skinny I'm sick, when I'm fat I'm doing well. People are so weirded out when I declare with joy, "I'm fat and energetic!". I would be delighted to be slender and healthy but I've been dangerously and terrifyingly underweight for years and I'm convinced I'd be dead if I hadn't had resources to spare when I needed them. I suspect my body thinks so too. Exercise is so good for me, thinking about what my body can DO instead of what it looks like is mentally more nourishing. And right now it's capable of digestion! Not elegance. BFD. (Great video. Thanks)
I've got Crohn's disease too, and the things people say can be so baffling at times. Back in 2021, when my condition was at its worst, I lost around 15-20kg within just a few months. I couldn't eat anything without feeling like my entire digestive system was being purged immediately afterwards. I looked like a skeleton. As someone who had always been a fairly stocky guy throughout my teens and adult life, never tall but quite bulky, this rapid weight loss took a significant toll on me.
What really confused (and hurt) me the most was my extended family's reaction - they praised me for my appearance. I couldn't wrap my head around why they would look at a visibly ill 17 year old, knowing full well about my condition, and tell me I looked better than ever. The same people would then go on to suggest that exercise and cutting out junk food would "cure" my Crohn's. It was so incredibly insensitive.
Fast forward to now, I'm doing much better. Even though I'm in the "fat and healthy" phase, I've never been happier with my body. I'm the strongest and most capable I've ever been.
Thank you for sharing your experience; it made me feel so much more understood. I hope you're doing well!
@@sinexusdisease sucks and it's hard for er... non-wisened... people to understand that there's a context to weight. That and the fact that fat and muscle have been signs of health for as long as humans have had such concepts. To have fat is to have security, energy, safety, ect. Of course being lean is good for many things but surviving until tomorrow when that is not guaranteed is not usually one of them. All of that being said I am very ignorant on Crohns. Hope you're well homie
I stopped commenting on changes in physique when I complimented a friend on slimming down only to find out it was bc they were obsessively running to keep their depression at bay
I had a friend like that. It is true, though, that part of the root cause of their depression was body dysmorphia, a firm conviction that they were just plain ugly and not performing their gender the way they wanted to.
So by doing that you provided them an opportunity to open themselves and tell you about their depression, to which you could respond with some comfort and understanding. Being on this depressed side, I think it's much better than just ignoring them or staying at small talk.
@@angrypotato_fz That’s assuming 1. We hadn’t previously discussed both their mental health and my own and 2. They wanted it brought up at the time it was. Neither of which are true.
@@crystallinecrisis3901 in case you need to hear it, now you know, and you know what not to do. which is the best that we can ask going forward.
a few years ago i started losing a significant amount of weight quite suddenly. The reason for that was because i had found myself in a profoundly abusive relationship and even though i was still eating normally, my body reacted to the 24/7 crippling anxiety by spontaneously losing weight. It was by no stretch of the imagination a good thing, or even something i wanted. Being complimented on it was weird. Although the complements did turn more towards concern after i fell below 60kg and started looking legitimately ill
An older person I had not seen in years exclaimed, “So, when’s the due date?” From her point of view, I understand. She feels positively towards me. She was happy for me when she heard I got married. She knew I really want to have kids. Plural. And she comes from an older generation where this kind of question is not only accepted but expected, I think.
Now flip to my point of view. I’ve now had three miscarriages. One of them would have ended my life without medical intervention. And one of them resulted in weight gain which I haven’t been able to reverse. And I have my own back-history of being shamed for my weight…including an aunt who bought me a lovely leather jacket…sized XL…when I reached size 8 (while my cousins were size 2 and 0).
So that question just hurt in so many ways, regardless of the positive intent.
I had to vent to my husband and a good friend and do a lot of mental/emotional exercises before I could get back into a healthy place.
I don’t blame her. I know she just doesn’t get it and I have no way of changing her behavior. But if just one person out there might spend an extra microsecond before pressing “send” or opening their mouth, then sharing this personal story is worth it.
I've had miscarriages too, but I take people as they are as we all tend to mirror those we're around anyway.
They ask me what my due date is & I rub their belly & ask them what they're going to name this one. They usually replay with "pizza" or "beer" & we both get a laugh & move on.
@@MeanOldLady Username checks out lol
Honestly though, even older generations have the saying: "Think before you speak". Just being a tiny bit more considerate before shooting your mouth off can make a big difference.
I just think Adam is cool, articulate and informative.
#lifegoals
i just think he's neat
if you love him so much why dont you marry him
@@rileymckenzie6276 Wait, can I?
@@rileymckenzie6276man im kinda late for that since he has an entire family 😂😂 like bro what are you sayin
The trick that I use is that I don't say anything to anyone about their bodies, works great, highly recommend. Thanks for this video.
I'm a fat guy who's recently intentionally lost a bunch of weight via discipline, eating intentionally, habit forming, etc.
And previously, the time when I've visibly lost a lot of weight was when I wasn't eating much at all due to stressful and traumatic events going on in my life, and the fact that the responses to these two events are indistinguishable illustrates that we really just shouldn't comment on people's bodies unless they're inviting it or we know their desires and intentions, and even then we should approach it cautiously. "hey, you look so great losing weight" feels really shitty when you're doing it because you're not sleeping and you're miserable all the time. Great discussion, Adam.
The time in my life when I lost the most weight was when I was scared I had cancer and was going back and forth with doctors and having tests done. I ended up being lucky and not having cancer. But being scared of it basically killed all of my appetite and I didn’t want to eat much.
Same experience for me: about 10 years ago i've lost so much weight due to stress and poverty but everybody was complimenting me. That time is stuck in my head when i workout and eat healthy but people insist that i'm not doing it "correctly" because i'm not losing enough weight
I’ve lost 90 lbs due to a medical condition that makes me puke constantly and unable to eat. The number of people who have said they wish they had this illness so they too can loose weight is insane. Like no, no you don’t and also thanks for minimizing my illness or whatever. It sucks
I use to know a girl who had a medical condition that made it hard for her body to absorb nurturance from the food she ate, she use to hate it with people commented that she looked good because she was so thin because to her her thinness was linked with her medical problems and constant fatigue. It also implied that when she found a treatment for her condition that she would no longer meet their standards of beauty.
Well said.
A friend and i was talking to our former teacher when a guy came over and complimented her for loosing a lot of weight. We just had to stand there and hear her thanking him for the “compliment” even though we knew she lost the weight because her husband died. It still makes my stomach turn just thinking about it!
The pregnancy thing is 200% something people should hear. My partner put on a bit of weight due to significant health issues and multiple people asked if she was pregnant. She came home crying and it still makes her uncomfortable to think about years later.
imho if she is trying to be more healthy after that comment - it was not a bad thing to do
@grimoire2491 then you missed the entire point of the video.
@@grimoire2491 please consider rewatching the video you're commenting on if you're willing to say that to someone you don't know. it is a bad thing that jents' partner came home crying. there shouldn't be any argument about this. if you're so fixated on weight as a perceived signifier of someone's health and moralizing it to the point where it's ok to make someone cry over it, you missed the point of the video entirely.
@@grimoire2491Dude, she was most likely already aware of her health issues, and no, not every health issue can be quickly and aptly fixed by 'working out and eating well'. Most people don't need you, the Saviour who will remind them of their troubles.
Like several people have already pointed out, it's almost hilarious how much Adam's point flew over your head.
@@grimoire2491 DUDE, she gained weight because she was SICK. Even if she gained weight because she was sad.... smh
"Daddy Ragusea" is no longer a meme. Adam has been a solid father figure this entire time 🫡
Seriously though, thanks for this vid dude. Even hearing some people comment positively on other people's bodies uninvited makes me uncomfortable. This helped me articulate why I have trouble around it.
I'm older than he is and he still feels like a father figure. 😊
I believe the official moniker is "Dadam Ragusea"
He’s like the Caucasian father I never had
"You look great! Have you lost weight?" "Yeah I have. Dying of cancer will do that."
Atleast you look great
Dropped three casket sizes! #GainsB4God
@@michaelgoldsmith3534😅
Same, although not to that degree. I was asked "how'd you get so thin so quick?" so I, whose appendix burst at the time and was hospitalized on a liquid diet for 5 days, laid out the facts. She was visibly embarrassed and apologized quickly.
Of course, anonymous TH-cam commentors from across the world might not share that empathy, but sometimes you just have to hope that they do.
Men in my family get fat faces as they age. It happened to my dad, it happened to me. But while he was wasting away with two different cancers, he lost so much weight that his face thinned down and looked young and very handsome, with great bone structure. He only weighed 70 pounds at that point, but his face was amazing. I would have loved to have seen his old fat healthy face, instead.
I follow a streamer who, a few years back, got sick and lost weight really fast. People kept coming into his stream commenting on how he looked "lean". He had to keep explaining that no, it wasn't due to his commitment to the peloton, it was because of the double food poisoning... This situation is rather amusing (he's fine now) but as you said, don't just assume all changes in appearance are intentional or welcomed.
NorthernLion? I don't remember seeing tons of comments about weight loss, but he also had double food poison a year or two ago
@@Thesparten45 yea he lost like 30 pounds in two weeks. There are a few clips of him explaining the weight loss to uninformed viewers.
sometimes, people lose weight because they intentionally changed their behaviors and environment. other times, a tapeworm called Lil’ Caesar gives you simultaneous salmonella and campylobacter infections and causes you to 💩 your brains out
@@Escher99I don't know this streamer but doesn't the fact his audience knows that he has an exercise machine presumably for fitness, down to the brand, no less invite comment on his physique assuming he's discussed exercising?
@@shawnsgIt's for sure an understandable mistake on the part of NL's audience considering how often cardio is a topic of conversation for him, and he mostly took it in stride, but it still illustrates the point pretty well here. There was absolutely no need for those people to *guess* that he'd be pleased with an unsolicited comment on his body. As Adam mentioned, we should really be considering these things with the same logic as congratulating a visibly pregnant woman. Even if it's a female friend you know has been trying for a baby, you're still way better off letting them bring it up than making a simple assumption that leaves you looking like a total douche if you're wrong
I quit smoking but I relapsed and I lost a lot of weight because i started again. I got a bunch of compliments and I got more social because i smoked with my colleagues. Clean for a year now and I feel way better despite higher body fat percentage.
I saw the thumbnail and thought this was going to be a video about spinal compression as we age.
Same! I would watch that video too but this one was definitely needed.
100% what i thought as well, weight never crossed my mind lol
I nearly died a while back and wound up in the hospital for over thirty days and after I got out I had lost eighty pounds due to dietary changes that were medically necessary and the not great hospital food.
People kept commenting on how good I looked while I was unable to walk more than fifty feet without nearly passing out due to having a bum leg from surgery and deconditioning from having to lay in a hospital bed for over a month. Made me feel disgusting every time they did it, It really put into my mind that whatever I was going through, they just saw that I had lost weight and they considered that healthy. My health wasn't even secondary, it wasn't a part of the equation, they just wanted me thinner.
Something similar happened to me. You know in the society I live in (Cyprus) random strangers would comment on my weight. And then I lost some kilos and they assumed I dieted even though I got thinner because I was hospitalised. I felt weird about it.
Totally understandable, most people who lose weight do it through dieting and dieting takes a lot of effort. They most likely assumed you dieted
I mean yeah that sucks but use ozempic or whatever it takes to keep weight off so you don’t die early again
@@PanagiotisPolitis-bl9xjExcept it’s been known for decades that dieting doesn’t work. They’re just totally misinformed and only care about how skinny someone is. Hence OP’s complaint
@@tophatv2902Bruh Ozempic is not good for you
After I put on a bunch of weight in the bad times of 2020 and 2021 I worked hard and lost about 50 pounds, amongst all the people congratulating me I had one person pull me aside and make sure it was intentional good weight loss and not something medically wrong causing me to lose weight. Having known a few people who have had medical problems causing them to lose scary amounts of weight I really appreciated that. Sadly I since shattered my knee and put all the weight back on while I was having a painfully long recovery, but now that it's healed up I'm working on getting back in shape again
I'm glad they had good intentions and you took it as such. Personally I think inquiring about someone's medical status without them opening the conversation is crossing a far more serious boundary than good-natured (if ignorant) compliments.
thank you for this video. i've dealt with eating disorders for most of my life. at first it was binge eating disorder, which then morphed into bulimia. for a good chunk of that time, i was overweight. the way people treated me was horrible (viewing fat people as gluttonous, gross, undisciplined, whereas at the time i was trying to cope with trauma). then i began starving myself and had a whole onslaught of health issues. i began fainting, dealing with severe brain fog, and any exertion made me feel dizzy and ill... but everyone was quick to comment on how wonderful i looked, how much better and prettier, "healthier" even etc... it felt like a sick joke and also exasperated my illness. i'm now recovered but i'll never forget how awful people can be.
I am enjoying Adams new style of videos, about random topics even more than the cooking ones at this point.
if he just werent a leftist.
Oh I am here for all of it! He is just a natural talent. I’d watch him do anything I think!
Yeah. I've always liked listening to intelligent people just 'pondering' some question or problem. Not even necessarily in the sense of offering a solution. It's just interesting and intellectually stimulating, to follow someone else's logic and arguments and see where they arrive at the end.
Especially if it's not done in a hectic, 'sped up' way or with distracting music in the background (like many videos these days).
@@raraavis7782 I wish I could pull off such a relaxed and what seems like effortless video!
@@nicoskefalas
Oh well, he has a background in journalism and even taught classes at a university at some point, if I remember correctly. So not your average dude, when it comes to presenting a complicated topic in a coherent fashion.
But it never hurts to try and see how far you can improve at it!
Good for you for going sober man. I used to be a massive pothead for over 20 years. Then I hit 30 years old and added drinking to that, things all kinda came crashing down for me around 36. Now I've completely quit pot and I manage to only drink some wine on the weekends, I still want to quit completely but I'm not ready. I'm single though and don't have many friends or a social life so I'm trying to work on that side now. I'm glad you have your wife by your side to help you through this. I've learned a lot from you and you are a rare force for good in this world.
"My life fell to shit after I started drinking but I was a pothead before that so that was the problem"
What?
@@plat2716 I'm guessing you either have very little experience with pot or you do it all the time and are in denial about its negative effects. Pot can keep you "safe" by isolating yourself because it's not as much of a social drug as alcohol. Before you know it, you have no motivation for anything. When I added drinking to the mix, it all fell apart because at that point I was barely in control of my basic ability to function as a human. I'm very glad I quit pot. South Park said it best, "pot won't make you into a murderer or a terrorist, but if you keep smoking pot, one day you will wake up and realize you aren't good at anything".
I’m glad to hear you’ve been doing better now. Addiction is a tough struggle to drop and you should be proud that you overcame it. Occasionally drinking is perfectly healthy and it’s okay to take your time
Man talks about how he feels in an open and honest way.
Still all too rare. Thanks for being a role model dude.
Loved your video with Dr Mike btw, I seem to have fallen back into the the fitness bug at a very similar time as you. Any chance of a video on how you balance eating healthy with family life?
Telling people to not give compliment is a terrible advice, because you're making the argument that to not maybe hurt the feelings of a very small percentage of people you should instead say nothing and not reinforce positive change people go through. Most of the time is a lot better to compliment people than to say nothing. Should people also not tell you if you dressed well for an occasion because maybe you get hurt by that? Grow a thicker skin ffs and stop making general exceptions for exceptional people.
If you compliment someone doing a good thing for bad reasons he'll continue to do that, but what are the chances that that person will destroy themselves doing that? Really low. What are the chances that that person is doing a good thing for a good reason and they won't destroy themselves if they continue on that path? Pretty high. So no, I'll continue to encourage good behavior when I see it.
Bro sees someone who's getting skinnier and immediately assumes that's good behavior. I'm sorry but your argument is hollow because you assume that people who have good reasons to be skinnier need validation to continue, which is obviously false, while also assuming people with eating disorders gaining validation for being skinnier isn't going to promote their harmful behavior, which is false if you've done any reading on this topic. Compliments are nice but stick to fashion or personality, not their bodies because it's weird, you don't know what they're going through, and it's a very vapid complement.
Also the behavioral reinforcement vibes is really weird. The decision to be skinnier isn't up to you, it's up to the person and their doctor so quit being manipulative (not that compliments are manipulative but your reasoning clearly is).
@@dropyourself Considering most people are fat now days being skinnier IS GOOD. Being at a healthy BF% is literally the best thing you can do for your health. You are reinforcing his point becuase eating disorders are so exceedingly rare that you policing what can or cannot be complimented is silly.
Compliments are not validation, its just a compliment, stop being so terminally online, not every little interaction has world ending consequences, 99% of the time the person says thanks and feels nice, this isn't twitter or reddit.
@@DogginsFroggins "9% of the U.S. population suffers from eating disorders. The percentage accounts for 28.8 million Americans. 6% of people with eating disorders are diagnosed with the status of being underweight by healthcare professionals."
I love how "exceedingly rare" they are. Do you people not take a second to fact check yourself before commenting? Also have you talked to someone with a ED? Because validated/complementing them for their skinniness is literally the number 1 thing professionals suggest you shouldn't do, this should be common knowledge and is why this video is correct. I'm terminally online but I'm also educated on the topics I discuss and I suggest you do the same.
adam, hearing an adult male say that you don't know why you want to be thin is so so SO healing
That's so fucking cringe.
“What happened to your basic sense of social propriety?” should be an auto-reply to just about every tweet out there.
I'm one of those naturally skinny folk and people have felt very comfortable remarking on my body in a hurtful way my whole life. Awesome video!
Feel ya
Adam talking about his internal feelings over these last few months has helped me grow internally in many ways
In what ways?
@@chippsdubbo89 accepting that real people go through weight gain/loss depending on their situations in life. He also shown me a way to confident in myself no matter what weight. Also he show me how to loose weight and many other things that range from masculinity and emotional intelligence.
@@isaa7425 Thanks for sharing
@@isaa7425 has helped who grow internally? There's something missing in your comment.
@@itsgonnabeanaurfrommeEveryone else here seemed to understand it. Perhaps a skill issue?
"My existence being, kinda intolerable" - Ditto. Liked the video.
So many people view weight change as a solely moral thing. As if they're saving your soul or something by giving unsolicited comments. I won't call it advice because it isn't helpful nor does it come from any genuine concern. While I can attest to how discipline and dedication have helped me get more fit and more towards what I would like my body to look like, the most most drastic changes in my weight were always due to extenuating mental circumstances. I was trying to stop binge drinking for a time, but I just replaced it with binge eating. That technically may have been better for my health, but seeing myself get more and more out of shape definitely sent me into a little spiral. Somewhat ironically, I recently lost like 15 pounds in like two weeks because I was massively, massively stressed to the point where I couldn't eat and couldn't sleep multiple nights in a row. My mom complimented how I was looking, but what was I gonna say to that? I wish it were enough to tell people that you end up being much more helpful when you're kind than when you're cruel, but I think the cruelty is the point for a lot of people. I have my own fatphobia that I have to deal with, but some of the things people feel free to say out loud is astonishing.
It's actually insane how much weight is moralized in American and net culture. When you actually think about it, it makes zero sense.
You know that even anthropologists have compared “healthy” eating and slimness to a religion. I wrote an entire PhD thesis on “Healthmania”. Fat did become a moral or intelligence “deficiency”.
People don't realise how much our eating habits are dictated by things like hormones, metabolism and childhood environment. No one chose to have any of these things, they were born with them. When that isn't taken into account, people justify shaming because they think the person isn't trying hard enough.
@@endofcentury7077 It makes more sense when you consider that every major religion has some version of the sins, and three major ones are all related to behaviors connected to weight and fitness. Gluttony, Greed, and Sloth.
So yeah, a lot of people are going to have moral opinions on the subject.
@@OmniversalInsectThis is so true. I have struggled to get my weight to 70kg again as I am 182cm and keep falling down to 60kg, or even a kilo or two below. Started on HRT two months ago, suddenly I've gained most of that weight and I didn't change anything intent or method-wise (and I suspect there's more to come considering I need extra fat for tissue growth like boobs).
I'm someone whose weight can fluctuate by 100lbs, and this whole video resonated with me. I agree with everything you said, but I also wanted to thank you for sharing your experience. In general, I think men need to do that more often. Basically every guy I know is struggling somehow, and desperately needs to know they're not the only one, and more importantly, it's okay to ask for help when they need it.
A lot of it is culture, too. Growing up in Eastern Europe, my family members would be honest in telling each other, "Hey, you're looking a little chubby this week." It was never to put each other down or make people look at us and judge. It was to point out that maybe it was time cut back on the naughty stuff for a while out of a genuine concern for our health's sake. Then I came to the US, and man, is it considered such an insult to say anything about weight fluctuations. My impression is that it's because in my culture growing up, what is said is what is meant. If you mean to insult someone, you would outright say it. In the US, people seem to really get into "reading between the lines" in the words or phrases that are spoken, so something like, "You're looking pudgy" becomes "Oh, my God, what is wrong with you, you fat cow?" It's very, *very* bizarre to me. 😧 But, I live in the US, so I've adapted. I wonder if perhaps some of the people making those comments are not familiar with American culture like I am for having lived in it, and that's why they comment on someone's body? TH-cam is, after all, used *worldwide*, and English is taught as a second language in many countries because it's one of the most ubiquitous and useful ones to know.
There’s definitely ways to extend the “fitness kick” without it being in spite of pains or discomfort. It lets you preserve a lot of the self-compassion that comes from how you choose to keep yourself healthy/happy. Like running shoes, meditation, incorporating quality time with loved ones (check ✅), and many others! ❤
This is definitely a thing I've run into. I _like_ being a little overweight, it's a shape I've always found attractive and always wanted for myself. I worked really hard in my 20s to actually eat enough to put on some weight. It's less of a struggle now in my 30s, but back then if I wasn't putting effort into gaining, I was a twig.
So after having an extended bout of depression and not eating very much, getting complimented on how "good" and "healthy" I was looking was kind of an oof moment. It wasn't intentional, it was the opposite of what I wanted, and it was implying that I don't look good normally.
Exactly this. Especially because unintentional weight loss is almost always a health problem, not a sign of being healthier.
I understand confiding 'catty remarks' to your special others but when people are overly-eager to shit talk others behind their back, I find that a big red flag. It speaks a lot of their own insecurities and what's worse, ends up trickling down to how they interact with others normally.
I hope this doesn’t come across mean, I know it’s hard to read tone in text.
Good or bad the internet is gonna do what it’s gonna do, comment on things. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad, and we can all work on being a bit nicer to each other. But, I’m of the opinion that if something bothers me, then usually the problem is with me, and not with the people offending me. Sure people might be trying to offend me, or maybe they aren’t, but it’s up to me to decide whether to take it to heart or not. And yeah I know it’s hard, but you are a public figure on the internet, and you have a comment section specifically for people to comment about you and your video. People may not even be trying to say something to you directly, they may just enjoy your content and want to engage with other fans about what they’ve just watched.
I know you said you are going through a bad time, and if that’s the case then maybe it would be a good idea to take a break from reading comments, or at least have someone you love screen them before you read them (not sure if that’s practical). I don’t know your situation, maybe you get great joy from reading the comments and don’t want to give that up. I’m just saying maybe there are healthier ways to handle this problem you are having with comments. Like you said in your video, “I’d rather fix what’s in my head than fix what’s on me.” Well I feel that way but about things that offend me. There’s always going to be offense, but it’s how you handle it that matters.
Again I hope this doesn’t come across mean spirited, and I do recognize the irony of posting this comment on this video, but I just wanted to share my thoughts. Again I don’t know your situation and no one can tell YOU what’s best for YOU.
P.s. Maybe I’ll follow in your footsteps and delete this comment when I rediscover it in a few years 😂
I won't say anything about anyone's weight loss, unless I know for sure that person is actively intending to lose weight.
Having said that Adam, you HAVE posted - chose to share with complete strangers - a couple of videos illustrating you have fitness desires.
I don't think it's out of line for some of your commentators to note you have trimmed down a bit given what you've shared in the recent past.
I don’t understand why a comment like the one Adam made about the video with the two introductions should be considered unacceptable or unwarranted in some way. It’s a sincere comment. It’s not coming from a place of malice. It’s coming from a sense of curiosity, and it could result in constructive feedback for the TH-camr. I don’t understand the reasoning behind some Adam’s perspective here.
I recognize your perspective and I acknowledge that you don't want comments on your body, but I respectively disagree with part of your premise.
I have suffered from obesity my entire life and yo-yo'd through it. I've lost 100lbs, gained back 50, lost another 10, gained 50 more, and repeat through my late teens/adult life. This is all stemming from an ongoing eating disorder that I developed during childhood. It took a very long time to identified what happened, and is taking longer to fix. I suspect it will take a lifetime of discipline to be healthy. I am currently 100lbs heavier than I want to be. I feel horrible. My body constantly aches, my cardio is shot, and I have to catch my breath walking up the stairs. I don't wish this life on anyone.
For these reasons, I can tell you "fat shaming" as a concept only exists as much as bullying exists. Obesity is not something to be proud of or comfortable with. It is something to be encouraged out of. There's being rude or outright abusive, and then there's encouraging to stop glorifying a harmful lifestyle. Someone being in-shape on social media, or indeed praising it, is not fat shaming. Full stop. I see you looking lean and I feel inspired. But on the same note, I'm not going to glorify whatever psychological conditions you're dealing with that are causing the weight loss.
All that I know, with the anxiety, depression, OCD, etc. I've dealt with my entire life, nothing compares to the constant stress of obesity on my body and mind.
This is a topic that I've had to work with my mom over. I've battled body image issues for years, and my mom's comments weren't helpful. Case in point, the skinniest times in my life were NOT my healthiest either. The suggestion of "don't say anything unless it's necessary"? Yup, I finally had enough with my mom over a video call when she complained about some people she didn't think should've been wearing bathing suits and outright told her "you do that alot, and it's frustrating". Luckily, she took my critique seriously, and we're in a much better place because of it. All this to say thank you Adam for reminding us that sometimes the best thing we can do is zip it!
Two young relatives of a friend were talking about an old guy wearing a speedo at the beach, complaining that he looked gross, wasn't attractive, who did he think would like that, etc etc - I stopped them and pointed out that he was not at the beach to give them pleasure, he was at the beach to enjoy himself. They were so surprised at that idea! It hadn't occurred to them - they are always concerned with what other people think about them, so going to the beach in a speedo just to enjoy the sun and sea on your skin, purely for pleasure, astounded them.
And, of course, since what people think is attractive varies so much, the old guy in the speedo was very probably being admired by some other people on the beach - people who weren't at all interested in the self absorbed young twits.
I disagree with almost everything in this video.
now is my comment an invitation to a discussion on what is wrong with me? you tell me
Even out of earshot I don't make catty comments about others, it's a bad habit that internalizes the worst in me. Instead, I think the comment thru and ask myself why I am thinking this and how it is my business to even say something out of earshot. I finish my thought process by imaging the other person as a wonderful soul who is dealing with life as best they can. The next time I see someone who I might make a snide or catty remark about I can quickly get to the wonderful soul. It's about me, when I can look at others and see just their soul, I am a better person and will treat others through my soul, and not my bigoted mind.
What a beautiful way to behave.
gayest adam video ever take that as you will
Adam, I’m with you for the most part, but did you not present your workout routine on previous posts? Isn’t food and our relationship with food central to our physical health? You are an attractive man. That is a significant aspect of your success. Truly not trying to judge your personal struggles, but it seems you want it both ways. You use your physical attractiveness to further your career, but take offense when your audience comments on the same. Again, I really enjoy the content you create, but isn’t (for better or worse) your personal appearance part of the equation?
The man openly talks about himself all the time, he's going insane, essentially.
@@chadmann132bro your comments are literally all just calling him fat.
@@dropyourself
I gotta keep the man on his toes, that is if he actually reads them.
@@chadmann132 you're just a s it head, quit acting like you're doing this for some altruistic reason.
I suspect the biggest reason your feet and ankles hurt is because your walking in flip flops. Good walking shoes with socks would probably work wonders there. I learned my lesson about inappropriate footwear when I had to visit a podiatrist for foot pain, and it was caused by shoes that were a little small. It took a long time to get better. Of course, thats just a constructive comment. Do what makes you happy!
Omg this is SOOOOO naggy and overwrought. Take the compliment. You look objectively better. You look objectively healthier.
The “yeah but what if…” scenario can be extrapolated to the point where you can’t speak about anything with anyone ever again for an inane fear of offense.
just so you know "hey you've gained some weight" and "hey you've lost some weight" are amongst the most typical greetings in many Asian countries.
Living in Japan people comment on me gaining and losing weight ALL THE TIME.
I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing, it does get you thinking about your overall health.
I have to respectfully disagree with Adam here in that I think the American hypersensitivity to any mention of weight might be one of the most unhealthy and unhelpful ways to approach these issues which absolutely everyone will deal with.
(In case you’re wondering I grew up always being the fattest kid in class so I’ve had more than my fair share of unpleasant comments directed towards my weight, but not every mention of weight is necessarily unpleasant, it’s possible to be thoughtful and caring when talking about this stuff..)
@@KazeNoTaniFarmHakuba Friends and family mentioning your weight in a considerate way when talking to you is not the same as the type of public shaming Adam highlights in this video. And even if words from friends and family genuinely mean well, the authority on whether you actually NEED to lose/gain weight should always be a medical professional. Some people just naturally shift in weight throughout their lives without ever going into truly unhealthy ranges (on either end of the spectrum). And if you want to lose/gain weight for aesthetics, that should come from intrinsic desire, not outside pressure for seemingly no reason other than conforming to arbitrary social norms. If it makes my argument more credible, you should know I'm also a former fat kid who's currently in amazing shape.
Yes and it still contributes to body dysmorphia. Working out is not as common in East asian countries. Imo the disordered eating is worst there bc of how blase it is to comment on weight.
If what you’re saying is true we should see significant effects by country but average BMI is relatively low in east asian countries even though Body dismorphia and eating disorder rates seem to be no greater than other similarly developed countries
Do you have some evidence that I couldn’t find with a Google search?
American obesity has been out of control for years. The worst thing we can continue to do is to “politely” ignore it. Acknowledge the problem. Identify the causes. Enact and encourage the solution. It’s not hard or expensive to be a healthy weight. Or do people really think everyone pre-1960 were starving themselves to get their fit physique?
Ughh…. Nobody can share a thought any more. Nobody can compliment even. What a world to want to live in. It’s okay to offend. It’s okay to be offended. Who raised you to take everything personally?
👎👎
Why do you feel so compelled to share your thoughts about strangers bodies? Isn’t it strange that you’d care?
"Dutch people raised me"
NOOOOOO
its over
Theres only two kinds of people I can't stand. Those intolerant of other peoples' cultures, and the Dutch.
Accept yourself, your imperfections, your "intolerable existence" because this part of you needs peaceful coexistence and self love. You resist it and will be in this death spiral until you stop and learn to not just tolerate, but love the part(s) of you that you think is destroying your quality of life. It is you, you are running. You substitute one form of running with another. Soon enough these small remarks won't sting you enough to post this contained outrage that is feeding the void that is essentially your deep sense of shame. The universe will never stop providing various tools for you to utilize in hurting and resisting yourself.
This is all that helped me escape a premature departure from this wonderful and mesmerizing blip of existence. This comment came out of my diary.
It was weird realizing I would likely never think of myself as not-fat. I'm not really anymore, I'm pretty fit and strong, and can run multiple kilometers at a time. But it doesn't matter. People commenting on my weight in general is uncomfortable, I don't know how to receive it if it's good, and I just take it if it's bad. I still feel like I deserve to be mocked, to be informed, and I project that sometimes. I don't say anything, but I'm most assuredly thinking it.
Being a fat kid really fucks you up in North America, most places really, I didn't even get mocked much when I was young, family didn't help, I did most of it by myself.
Maybe that's worse. I don't know. I talk to a counselor about it but it's so deeply ingrained that I'm not attractive due to my weight that it's not a fact issue anymore, it's just an embedded reality.
Anyways, staying healthy is good, and this video is good too. Thanks Adam.
I feel you. We live in a society that places way too much value on "attractiveness" and, by extension, weight. I used to (and still do sometimes) think the same things about myself and yeah, it definitely feels like something that's just inherent to how your brain works. I dont know if you need to hear this, but you are valuable and worth knowing regardless of who does or doesn't find you attractive. Also something that helped me was trying to see myself from a stranger's perspective. I started asking myself, "If I saw someone who looked like me out in public, what would I think about them?" I realized I probably wouldn't give their weight or body shape a second thought. I'm not saying this is a perfect solution, but it has helped me be less critical of myself. And if it helps, a stranger on the internet thinks you're doing a good job. Glad you're getting counseling. I hope it helps. Keep going 😊
@@kianadavisrodell3300 Cheers bud, appreciate it.
"Who raised you??" Obese people who just let me get & stay obese, not caring about the massive negative effects it would have on parts of my life that I can never get back. I will never forgive them for that. I will also never forgive the diet industry that sold endless bullcrap to desperate people, while obfuscating & scaring people away from the simple advice that actually works. I will never forgive the fitness industry for selling similar BS advice whilst all of their influencers were really just on steroids.
And I will not forgive anyone who thinks it is "okay" for a person's body to grow so debilitated with obesity that they cannot physically experience the world as humans were meant to. Obesity is a prison. No one should let the people they care about settle into it.
Great post.
Adam. I am so amazed at your thoughtfulness and your openness to talk openly about personal issues. I am sorry for the jerk comments I see below.
Just don't comment on this guy's videos..good things or bad things
Adam Ragusea: the internets grandpa tells us we need to be nice to each other
Although my grandpa wouldn't have taken 16 minutes to make a point...guess it's a generational thing.
GRANDPA????
@@samranda I think he's referring to the energy, not the age.
Some of y'all need to hear that message. It's not even about being nice to others, it's about being nice to yourself. Talking trash about people is a very negative way to use that brain of yours.
Love this video. Just a genuine question, why did you feel bad about asking why the video had two intros?
As someone that is on a large weight loss journey for physical and mental health reasons, you raise a fascinating point around resolving body image issues vs resolving body issues. When I get to the "end" of my journey I will be phyiscally healthier and feel great for sure... but there's more work to be done on the mental side. Body dysmorphia after coming down to a healthy wait is a real problem.
I've been dropping weight quite quickly, because I'm a diabetic struggling a LOT with food issues. (Not just that damn it I like bread, but because bread is CHEAP and my budget shrinks with every month.)
And yes, yes, portion control, habit forming (in the good sense,) all those things. BUT if someone tried to tell me "gosh you look like you've lost weight!" ... I think I'd probably bite their heads off.
What *I* care about is that the people around me are happy and doing okay emotionally, mentally, and only THEN do I maybe worry about their physical health. And absolutely NONE of it is something that I have a right to comment on in a way that shames or praises them.
Ask me for an opinion, I'll give it, but like bowel movements, I'm not airing that opinion without that request.
I don't understand why the two introductions comment thing is bad? The assumption with no body comments is that people know what their body looks like, but people don't know what their art looks like. That's why we have editors.
Adam... you have millions of subscribers. Even more have watched your videos. Of course you're going to read negative comments. You'll feel like the negative comments make up most of the comments... which they don't. This exposure you're upset about is why you're wealthy. You cannot have the lifestyle you do without the eyes
Your honesty about your trials and tribulations, as well as your past internet comment malfeasance (great word!), is incredibly refreshing. Thanks for giving us the talking to we all needed. And congrats on your sobriety!
Society values behavior that benefits society, not an individual. That's why they shame people for being lazy, stingy, egotistical.
Being "fit" means being better suitable, traditionally, to work in a productive manner plowing fields, building houses or doing something else that "serves" society better.
Having children means you produce more "servants".
When you check most cultural and religious values across the world you'll notice they all praise things that work against your own personal interest. Then, people are brainwashed into believing those values are somewhat imposable and they bully the ones that don't fit the bill as a method to force as many people as possible to comply.
Other societies go as far as killing and torturing people for "not doing their part". Christians also killed many that didn't adhere to their values. We have an entire legal system that will destroy people for things like not paying taxes with more strength than they'll deal with someone that commits physical violence by stabbing someone in a subway car, for example.
We go as far as punishing people for wanting to end their own lives on their own terms/schedule because society wants to force people to serve it and its values are as condescending as typical corporations when they push changes that make them profit more while saying it's "better for us" as customers or employees. Sadly, most people buy into it and the ones who don't are sometimes forced into a closet if they don't want to be punished by others or, even if they come to the light and do what they want, society has multiple mechanisms, moral, cultural and even legal to force most people to comply.
In my perspective, if we're here "by design", life has to be punishment. There's no way around it, even if you have a great perfect life you'll face the fact your dream will be over sooner or later. If you have a less happy experience, well, you're probably in hell already, like the majority of people, even the ones unaware of it.
Sorry if I sound crazy. Stay strong and do what makes you happy. At least good physical fitness means you can more more easily. I had bariatric and lost half of my original weight. No sacrifices. I eat whatever I want and I only walk for exercising. I like being thin not only because I am less noticed when outside but also because it's much easier to move. 🙂
This is disrespectful of you to comment on peoples comments. Making video about people's comments make the people who put the comment feel bad. Who raised you? If you don't want people to comment on you, don't make videos of yourself.
So now I'm having doubts about whether to suggest that when you take the dog for a walk that you need to remember that it's important to sniff all sorts of invisible things along the way. (I mean when you're not doing a video. When you're doing a video, the dog must just make do with the infinite joy of being out and about with both the most important beings in the universe, and there are other things for those beings to concentrate on. Stopping to smell things would break the flow. It's not an absolute requirement.)
Sorry.
It's just I kept seeing there were things to go and sniff, as you went, that you were pushing past, that's all. It distracted me. I sort of semi-agree with the courtesy issues you bring up (especially when people are just being outright crass), but even those need to be let be, often. If possible. It's still a good idea to make people consider considering others when they speak.
And it was probably disrespectful of me to obsess about your dog. (And to make such a long stranger's observation, too.)
I had an old blind dog who liked to eat human turds that field workers round the route would place in the bush. He was on his last legs, so I just let him. Made me sick to my guts, but I let it go. At least your dog is probably just "reading the newspaper" and not looking for delicious "bum chocolates" to eat. But that's irrelevant, isn't it?
oh adam, you gentle bastard
it is a delight to watch such a normal man become shocked & appalled about how much of an abnormal place the internet is, even if its not a delight for you to live through that realization. this strange place somehow awakens a dark part of our psyche that is always there, and it is no doubt unpleasant, but its just the way of the world here and its simply never going to change.
You know, this is awfully pessimistic. You don’t have to live this way. I certainly don’t, and wouldn’t want to.
Just saying, in every generation for all human history, people have been saying something equivalent to 'in these modern enlightened times'.
While there is a difference between fat shaming and recognizing the reality that being over 25-30% in body fat is demonstrably unhealthy, sure the way you point that out indeed does matter and often doesn't need to be said. Just because the sky is blue, doesn't mean you're a genius for saying it. But saying fat is beautiful is similarly dangerous: being obese is dangerous. But the opposite end of the spectrum can also be unhealthy and dangerous: less than 5% is not sustainable. 10-15% for guys and 15-20% is perfectly fine for women. A lot of data shows this but there does seem to be a gradual curve off of health as you get more % above those then it really plummets the higher you go: greater cancer risk and greater risk of diabetes.
And sure, you may not have the resources or metabolism to do much about that. Life is suffering, I don't mean that flippantly. No one lives to 200, no matter how healthy you are. But that doesn't mean you ought to just make people feel good about their bad habits to feel good about yourself. Who are you trying to please? On the other had, it isn't my responsibility to see to it that others take care of themselves.
*FALSE equivalency, even though well-meant.*
Commenting positively on fitness is not even remotely comparable to commenting negatively on a fat person or, even worse, positively (for fat fetishism). The former is a good support for people to advance on their path to health.
The suggestion to not comment at all, even positively, is harmful overall because the case of someone overdoing exercise because s/he was complimented too many time is an extremely marginal comparing all the people whose feelings and drive will be hurt by not getting positive feedback on their efforts to save themselves from horrible early death and years of disability and torment that obesity guarantees.
I feel like he is projecting his minor celebrity status to regular non-terminally online people. In his world saying something that has the chance to blow up in a negative way so he has to play it safe, or he just has such a high volume of comments he begins to over-analyze it
agreed
Hi Adam,
I like the idea of talking directly to you as a commenter. Here is an issue for fans of any public figure. After watching hours upon hours of you in videos and listening to several podcasts, I feel like you, Adam Ragusea, are a close friend. I even commented in the past to a video of yours and signed it "Your unmet Friend". I think this might be where some of us as fans (not the trolls of the world) go wrong. As a friend, I have ask a buddy if he was dropping weight. He was and then I asked it it was on purpose. Turns out he had been incredibly ill and while he was better, that weight loss 'un'plan is one to be avoided.
Of course, I did this in private and while I am alone while typing this comment, everyone can "overhear" it.
Anyway, I still think of you as an unmet friend and will think about what I say and how I say it in the comments moving forward.
Cameron
As a bigger dude, I agree! This video hits so close to home Adam. Thank you for making it!
Hey buddy, try keto.
@@balarab1 Thank you! I have and failed.
@@nicoskefalas I'm only commenting because it sounds like you want/wanted to lose weight. I hate keto, but lost a lot of weight doing intermittent fasting, 16/8. Did it religiously (At least 6 days/week) for over a year. Lost ~1lb/week, didn't feel like a diet, still ate junk, but less of it.
@@DiscoingGD1989 I have been intermittent fasting 16/8 since 2019. I lost some weight at first but gradually regained it. I think for me food is a proper addiction. Need to deal with underlying issues:/ Thanks for responding though! That’s very kind of you! 🙂
@@nicoskefalas failed in didn't lose weight? once you understand your body it's easier to lose weight, first understand the reason of metabolic disfunction which is most likely polyunsaturated fats.
If I can give you one advice to start with, eat is much as you want but with as little carps as you can with considering the type of oil in the food, avoid vegetable oils, use coconut oil, evoo, and tallow. I lost my first 50lbs eating as much as I want of roasted chicken or steak. then limit your food intake to 6 hours a day preferably before sunset.
Disagree about walking on eggshells or outright lying to pander or cater to insecurities. As long as it's true, speak it, if you feel like it. Genuine interest and concern is valuable to me compared to my feelings. I use the same standard on others. I'd rather be hated for telling the truth than be loved for lying. I only want to be loved truly. Filter out all that's fake and those that are fake.
I'm fat. Comment on my fatness. That's fine. I'll do the same. Let's align with reality and grow from there, instead of being misled to the wrong paths because of lies.
It's something else to be mean, which happens when a description is no longer true because it's exaggerating and going beyond what is undeniably and observably true. But that's just the other side of the same coin as lying. The problem is that people lie, not that people are true.
why are you wearing womens shorts
Love your vids and I'm all for bettering mental health, but it kinda bums me out and gives me a lot of anxiety about my own mental health when you/others have these types of mental health discussion videos. I'm all for you still doing it, but anyway you could differentiate these types of videos from your educational content? I just want to hear about how your fish are doing and the history of Detroit style pizza
I feel like you took all the scrambled thoughts in my head and actually managed to organize them into something coherent. This was a great video and a good reminder! I hope your health journey goes well, even with any little hiccups and setbacks, and that you can feel good about yourself inside and out. That's what matters at the end of the day
The real problem is not what people say - it's what people think. So I am for bringing awareness to people about their f*cked-up thinking. But I prefer to live in a society where people say things to my face than having people say stuff behind my back - that's how we can keep people in check. I get that some people don't like confrontation [whatever that means]; but there are different ways of confronting people for saying sh*t.
Adam, i think you are forgetting why people watch you.
the 2.450.000 people that are subscribed to you (me included) REALLY like to watch the italo-american dude cook, but suddenly you give me
"someone was indirectly mean to me on the internet, let's talk about that."
You have loved ones around you and they care how you feel. TELL THEM. NOT US.
Typical Enclave.
But views...
@@Ultramarine-w6p very good point.
I disagree. It perfectly fine to tell someone they look or they look lean if they lost some weight. It’s a compliment to the effort that they put in to either be healthy or look good naked. Which ever it is, it’s totally ok to encourage with a compliment. If someone else gets offended by that comment, it sounds like a personal problem. It’s not ok to call someone fat or point out there weight if they have gained, but that should not stop us from complementing someone who is working hard on their body. So yeah, you look lean AF Adam!! 🔥
I've never really thought of fasting vis-à-vis religion as being about making [the worshiper] feel better. I've always thought of it as something that induces intentional discomfort and displeasure. Because, you know... Guilt and sins. Then again, I was raised Jewish. Is it not the same with Christianity or Islam?
@marcberm You should check out the episode of his podcast where he discussed this topic. I believe the point he was directly referring to here was that after about a week or so of fasting the discomfort and pain goes away and you start to feel okay again, perhaps even better than okay, almost an 'enlightened' feeling or a bit of a buzz.
re. your leg pain, it seems you walk like a duck, with your toes pointing outwards a lot. it's most likely some muscular imbalance that's creating the pain. we're supposed to walk with our toes pretty much straight, especially when it comes to running. if you find the cause of that and do the right rehab, the pain will most likely go away.
I'm reminded of an incident with the youtuber Jacksfilms. He often makes fun of his own body and invites people to tease him (call him balding, ugly, etc). His wife often appeared on his channel, but she didn't for some time, and then mid-covid, she came on camera and had gained what I'd call a *very barely noticeable* amount of weight... And the fans thought that when they saw her, their "invitation" to rib on Jack's appearance extended to her, not realizing that she had pretty bad body dysmorphia. It was a real mess that led to the video being deleted, many apologies made from fans, and all of Jack's wife's subsequent channel appearances being while wearing a blow up purple poncho to hide her body (which was, in my eye, a perfectly valid way to handle the situation on her end 😂)
Yeah, you did invite those kinds of comments. You’ve sprinkled in fitness, health recipes and health updates throughout your content. So yeah, youll get those comments in places you weren’t intending.
I think as we age, most of us become more considerate of what we post online. A lot of harsh comments come from edgy teenagers.
Couple of thoughts on this one.
Firstly, to your point about people not speaking politely to you in the comments: I actually think there are those among us who forget that the comments section is visible to you. For most of the past 100 years, conversations about media with peers have not been visible to the media creators. If I talk to my friends about Jurassic Park, Steven Spielberg isn't generally within earshot. MOST of us understand that posting a comment is akin to sending you a message, but I suspect that some people really do forget that they are talking about a real person with emotions who will SEE the comment, and that they aren't simply discussing the video with other impartial viewers. (I think this goes double for the case of the RP gym video - that one isn't on your channel - it's not a stretch to imagine that you mightn't necessarily see the comments on that one). It doesn't excuse their behaviour, of course. Most of us wouldn't dream of being so rude. But it might explain it.
And to your point about people giving you praise for being lean: I can't help but feel that what you're complaining about is being given compliments. Yes, those compliments may be presumptuous. But I don't feel as though you've really acknowledged that the intent in these situations is generally always positive, friendly, and supportive. People are just saying you look nice today, same as if you were wearing a nice shirt or had a fresh haircut. I don't think it's a heinous crime to say that you're looking good. "Praise" is kind of a weird way to put it. And saying that people shouldn't try to give you those compliments because it will make other people bad about not having those compliments is something of an odd take.
For the record, I've never commented on your appearance either way because it honestly seems generally irrelevant to the subject at hand (I'm mostly here to learn how to cook a steak or whatever, I don't care what you look like). I'm not trying to advocate for my right to judge your body (I have none).
I'm just saying this video seems to be essentially a lot of overthinking and handwringing about being given the wrong sort of compliments. It came across a little strange, especially coming from you, who I think of as a generally reasonable and sensible person.
Perhaps you might take a compliment in the spirit it is given?
Totally agree that not saying mean things unless you have a valid strategic reason and / or something constructive you are trying to accomplish is probably a good rule for life.
These were exactly my thoughts expressed in a far better way than I ever could
Pedantic and condescending too...If you are sensitive to every comment - good or bad then why not disable comments section, that seems like a healthy way to deal with this type of thing
Hey Adam! You should pay Pygmy Habour Farm a visit. They are right next to you in Knoxville. They have the most adorable pygmy goats also Great Pyrenees as livestock Guardians. They are open to public for visits. There should be plenty of materials to make videos on. If nothing else, you get to take the kids to see cute baby goats :)